#go ahead call the cops
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Do you have the doge pic that says something like "Go ahead, call the cops. They can't revirgin your olive oil."?
There are so many in that format, lol. Lot of Jim showing up since he's the one that does that kind of thing.
Let's go ahead and add some from the collection, but none of the exceedingly objectionable ones tho.
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guess what card I stole from specter knight?
Go ahead call me all the names you want, I'd do it again 😈
#shovel knight#Shovel knight luan#specter knight#Shovel knight specter knight#am i the asshole?#am i the asshole#Go ahead call the cops#Shovel knight specter of torment
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The Nurse's obvious fear was slowly converting into a sense of bravery. His brow furrowed slightly, and his hands balled into tight fists.
There wasn't much Kelly could do about the Spy circling him. He was wearing only pajamas and had nothing at his disposal to use as a weapon. He figured he could call out for help or sound an alarm, but he feared he wouldn't be able to do so without facing some serious harm.
After all, using respawn after hours meant a slight dock in pay.
"It is my business. You're in my base." The way the Nurse spoke still expressed some fear, but suddenly took on a rather brave tone. "What exactly are you looking for? What suspicions?" He interrogated further, now turning his body so that he would face the Spy as he circled.
"Stay."
The abrupt request was heart-stopping. His feet stopped in their tracks, slowly pivoting on his heels to the source of the voice. He thought he might be able to leave without detection, but apparently not.
"S-... Stay..." He parroted nervously, eyes darting around to find the source of the voice.
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1.04 || 2.14 || 3.04
#Gotta love how Star doesn't see them calling the cops as a threat.#She just challenges it.#Go right da fuck ahead.#star davis#otis leecan#tammi#maurice jetter#star#star on fox#staredit#season 1#1x04#season 2#2x14#season 3#3x04#parallels#star parallels#television#foxtv#foxedit#color#gifs#mine#**
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serial killer fans: but jeffrey dahmer derived no pleasure from his killings!!!!! 😭😤🥺
literally anyone with a pulse and a brain who knows that dahmer was trying to create sex slaves:
#y’all sound like people who defend killer cops tbh#if you want to stan people like jeffrey dahmer and david parker ray go right ahead but don’t expect everyone to support you#you can keep playing the victim i’ll keep holding you accountable#as a family member of a murder victim i will never allow you peace 🫶🏻#i keep telling y’all that you’re contributing to the trauma and you’re like “oh me? i’m just a harmless sweetheart!!”#i wonder how you’d feel if you were actually inside his apartment#i wonder if your attitude would change if one of your loved ones was murdered#you’re making playlists for serial killers and then pretending to care about the victims’ families#you’re defending their actions and acting like victims of harassment when people call you out#“i didn’t commit the murders leave me alone!!!” you are glorifying & embellishing the murderers. get your head out of your ass#the hypocrisy#fucking hypocrites#you astound me#you disgust me#true crime#true crime fans#true crime commentary#jeffrey dahmer#serial killers#serial killer fans#unacceptable#anyway 🤡
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This connection is supposed to be symmetrical.
#ineffablefool original post#not good omens#it's been like this for over a day now and customer support has no ETAs no explanation#although if you keep escalating up their chain then you'll keep getting completely different mutually contradictory details!#pretty cool how they're one of exactly two options for broadband in this very much not rural area#and the other option is the one where we tried to switch to them once but their installer guy was 100% incompetent#and responded to our saying 'do not go in this one room' by going 'nah it's fine' and strolling on in there anyway#(he left the room eventually but it was definitely not until he was good and ready)#(imagine letting a service person into your house and then they decide to wander around in an off-limits room for a couple minutes#while you are standing there insisting firmly that they Do Not#it is *so awkward*#and what do you do like?? call the cops??? dude will just leave the room before they show up and then you look like a weirdo)#he also promised to not knock an access hole in a specific area of wall but then when he got outside he just went ahead and did it anyway#and just left it there for us to find when we went outside after he'd gone#i seldom hope people get fired but gosh i hope that at some point he got fired#ANYWAY i guess what i'm saying is that i would like a pretty angel to give me hot chocolate + listen to my woes + miracle them all better#but who doesn't amirite?
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@goodjobsport said: "look at us, back where we started."
a sad, crooked smile crosses emily's lips. "we don't have to go in if you don't want to." the pizzeria looms over them, holding a different meaning to her now than she ever could have imagined. it had once been an oasis, then a place of decrepit memories, of fear and family and wistfulness and guilt. but now this is the place that she died. the place where her father killed her. she's alive, sure, but she hadn't been, for a few moments. that counts, she thinks. horribly, it makes her feel better. makes her one of his victims in a way that feels more real. like dying is a rite of passage, like she owes it to the kids, the other victims. and she does. when emily looks inside herself, she knows she does. "i just don't want to bring abby there if..." a deep breath shudders out of her. "if the kids are gone. and if--" she chokes back a wounded sound. when she speaks again, her voice is impossibly small. "if he's there."
it's a fear she rarely acknowledges. with the kids, it's a little easier. the thought of losing them had been painful, but with the pizzeria so completely out of reach, she'd had no hope of seeing them. emily has elected to believe they've been able to move on, to rest. she hopes so dearly that that's true, that they haven't had to be without her, that they aren't in pain. but if her father is there... her only hope is that he went with the suit. that his unfinished business is died to that damned thing and not the place itself.
the police–– the real police–– had been involved while she was comatose. mike had been the one to explain most of it to her; how with the revelations she'd provided about afton's crimes, a more thorough investigation had been carried out. the place was mostly cleared out, but the building still stood and technically belonged to her now. it's been months since the trial, all of which is a blur. it almost feels like everything must have happened to someone else–– not her, not emily, but vanessa. like someone she was in a past life.
standing here, though, it's all too real. back where we started. he isn't kidding.
#for reference! vanessa starts going by emily Officially once she's awake from the coma#she's been kind of crafting the identity around emily for a long time? like it's just her#but it started when she was like in her teens/tweens as like a way to be like this is who i am without my father#if that makes sense? but she will still be okay with mike and abby calling her vanessa#tho they will be among a privileged few#oh god and also rebgurb vanessa is not a real cop in my canon#i just... do not think it scans lmao!#im also just gonna uh. skate over her criminal involvement regbuire. based on some googling im gonna go ahead and say she like? was? let of#which realistically would i think never ever happen bc of the severity of the crimes? but idk idk#this is also tumblr rp so we're just gonna run with it#also im sorry for all this shit in the tags i just feel like its helpful context!#child abuse /#abuse /#dissociation /#just to cover my bases#child death mention /#child death ment /#god sorry for this NOVEL rip#ptsd /#goodjobsport
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Pics that will apparently get a ceo to call the cops on me. No way he'd do that to a cis woman. No way. This whole things utterly insane get your shit together musk junior.
#my posts#transmisogyny#transphobia#tumblr truly the most website of all time#go ahead call the cops on leons shlong too while ur at it if u had any kind of integrity
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"What you consume in fiction defines who you are"
Some of you consume shows with moral lessons but you guys always turn up to be the most horrible human beings that walked the earth. What you consume in fiction doesn't define who you are but it's how you treat other people. Fiction does affect reality but it's not on a 1:1 basis. Reading non-con won't turn you into a rapist and if you think that a drawing or fanfic will turn you into a criminal then it's either you're too young to be consuming it or you need to seek professional help. All this screaming about "illegal ships" and none of you have done anything about it. If you think a fictional ship is "illegal" then why not try calling the police and see where it'll get you. You don't have to agree with me on this, go believe whatever you want, that's fine, but don't ever talk to me about morals and then tell people to off themselves or that they deserve the abuse they got when they were younger just because you're too concerned for a bug eyed, neon haired anime character. You're just doing more harm than good here.
#anti harassment#proshipper safe space#antis are not good people actually#if anything they're far away from normal#If you think that creating and consuming problematic content in fiction makes one a criminal then go ahead and call the cops.#we're not the ones going to be charged for false accusations over a drawing but go ahead. “Fuck around and find out” just like what they sa
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would have too much to say that inevitably repeatedly breaking things up into tweets wouldn't be a pain but already going back like, lets check out andor episode one again in full true connoisseur mode and i'm not pressed if i make it into a proper in order rewatch, also when the bonus for me is that i'm always more likely to better keep track of names or faces or pick up on something that was supposed to be like a straightforward plot moment or whatever else, right, though i didn't have any especial problem with that. anyways i'm just already like oh this entire first sequence fucks, and i didn't really go into this that skeptically but do remember like yeah first time around it was like with this intro premise alone like ah i see this fucks then
like first of all an initial shot choice that is stylish, which tells us that there will be stylishness. fun that the couple evil [police procedural] characters are great at being pathetic zero charisma soaking creepy & wet disgusting in their own special ways, but cassian is getting rained on all the time he's cutting the plumbing line he swam here soaking wet literal treatment
things feeling figuratively and literally grounded (walking, only seeing that walkway, streetview, no soaring establishing shot to show This Isn't Your Ordinary City (scifi edition)) like, also still clear enough it's scifi but really with the Magical Realism type of approach, which i do imagine i enjoy more
the scoring is so good. BANGER of a track used when walking into the bar, also used later when dropped into the introduction of his beach getaway new life scene, brief as it is. the sexy edm style track, and it Is also like "well i mean. sure then" getting so far into this scene before it's evident like oh you're not actually here to have sex. pretty flirtatious w/this proprieter but it's like, maybe discreetly acting natural, maybe just acting naturally for real and it's just like that, we've all been there re Blend In, Follow Their Lead as a rule for operating anywhere ever, presumably relevant here, the Everyone's Wary nature of the whole series....tbt talking about jyn like yeah idk maybe her brand of wariness that's not charismaticly intense enough nor closed offedly intense enough is like, itself confusing or whatever but absolute "what's not to get or like" sense from me, and naturally cassian cropping up like it's your wary kindred spirit
anyways then having fun in there. looking at the required sexy hologram dancer like hmm they're a little space androgynous. a little space gnc af. the guys who are just immediately pissed off b/c the supposed new customer is getting preference. the delay after the proprieter lady is like Behave to them and cassian looks at her, then them. his immediate brooking no nonsense w/the two as soon as they're all hostile mode at him about all of it, at least in terms of like, not playing it utterly neutral. the It's Political times of him asking about a woman from kenari, proprieter lady going for both a) how about this other planet of origin and [names an inferred similar feature] as well as this kind of establishes already that [from kenari] can be space racially profiled, since cassian doesn't have to explicitly confirm that's where he's from too, and her inferring this is a Preference that can be catered to around physical features, and certainly once cassian's Wanted about this, the urgency around maarva & co asking who they've ever told that cassian's from kenari is sure like ah, space borders, space immigration, space [indeed the racial profiling when the soaking is he creepy or wet pathetic heinous cop pulls up an Image], the repeated like space colonialism and space indigeneity and space resource extraction that gets to come up more with [i've been in this fight since i was six years old] flashbacks....it's great like, the magical realism aspect where it's like [yeah Real Life but slight au] feeling immediately relevantly recognizable and as viscerally dramatic as you'd want, like, everyone's daily lives involving this inherent lack of safety that can turn into the stress of imminent danger on a dime. also the eventual b) asking if he's a Boyfriend or Husband like, space gender, magical realism style where it's like of course the space misogyny power disparity they'd be on the lookout for, might be vulnerable to a partner who is a space man. oh and then also the shift when he says it's his sister he's looking for, from more guarded to sympathetic when it's like, the context then isn't the woman's vulnerability being heightened if this is someone here out of like, a possessive angle, and rather that he's now not only presumably sympathetic to her as well, but potentially some of that vulnerability being extrapolated to him as well. which is not inaccurate
obsessed w/the Long Shot where cassian's getting held up by the two company sentry guys and it's him close up center frame slightly from above and just tearing it up acting while we only hear the other two for a good while until they wander in out of focus, that at first we also can't see and thus can't immediately Know they're talking to him....as well as again establishing like, yeah this is a prequel where we know our protagonist won't die no matter how [people are definitely dying] the situations are, yeah we know he's cool action guy even, but he's not operating in a story here where it's all about his protracted solo epic action sequences, he wants to avoid those, other people want to avoid those, everyone's better off operating more stealth mode if they can help it, but also that it doesn't matter to him that We know he's not gonna die, he doesn't know it, and Everyone knowing those stakes and reacting to the stress rather than being like stoic too epic to be at all fazed badasses. d luna crushing it, everyone's great but yeah sure acting as hell huh
also this time around i was just so much more noticeably affected by like oh i feel bad for this guy who's realizing his buddy who also sucks is dead and now that he's in over his head majorly life and death....everyone acting in every part is just going ham like bevy of these varied performances in varied roles and nobody dropping the ball in the least. while it's obvious too that like, feels bad for the panicky source in rogue one intro as well but cassian can't give much away then b/c he's not the protagonist and it's all very mysterious at this point. and that in addition to upping the surprise, it's presumably nonzero meant to be a kindness from him to take the time to comfort the guy before then blowing him away. whereas here the guy sees it coming and like, really brought this upon yourselves and you made this potentially life or death for cassian from the start, as he was aware, but this time it's like yeah cassian wasn't expecting that to turn into [bad luck, that headbutt killed you. and/or also the fall] and is Not so mysterious to us so can be clearly surprised and less than thrilled about things as well....but feels apropos that also w/ this intro of these two rando sentry guys from the bar who the proprietor was like yeah they're not really cops but they annoyingly like to act like it, it can be a bit more genuinely pathetic vs the Pathetic(tm) quality of the like imperial space feds characters. like oh i do feel bad for this guy and all the time he has here to plead for his life :( but doesn't feel like it's meant to be some [dun dunnn?] moment re cassian b/c it's like, tells us the stakes, tells us he's not fucking around and Will shoot someone but we've also been told he's not like here to be, or feel, badass invincible, is not unaffected by fear of death nor of having killed someone / death in general, but also Will be blowing you away if need be, also speaking to like, he's run calculations before abt like, whaddaya gonna do, what are the risks and which are you willing to take, and obviously has fought before and if he's ever killed someone before it wouldn't be surprising, some like "my god i've never done that before / now i'm out for blood, never look back" factor does not seem to be relevant. but fr was fun to be surprised by like oh i feel bad for this guy this time around lol noticeably much more than affected me the first time around. true [oops in over your head] vibes but which also then speak to like, yeah probably would've stopped pretending to be cops, just feels like yeah he's more distant from [uh oh, attention from Empire cops now] figures so it's like, ah, you bring it upon yourself but. i'm not quite sure what got me this time around lol, again i guess just more ability to focus on details and thee moment b/c i'm not like, needing to intently devote my attention to potentially following names and faces and plotlines b/c it's the opening scene here and don't get lost before things even happen. maybe it's having subtitles on where i'm all the more sure of the dialogue and him talking about "we'll go in together" has me like "there but for your fucking around, no need for this, i remember the vaguely friendly acknowledgment before your egos were bruised and you got hostile about it and escalated it to This" maybe it's even him offering a story and phrasing it like "we played too hard in hitting" when i have this like, vulnerable association lol like if anyone's upset / distressed enough And there's the immediate proximity / presence of something meant to be like, purely fun, where even talking about Playing may be enough to be like oh no lol, even when that's not really what happened. again, the acting from everyone, maybe it's just focusing all the more on that, wherein truly epic seeming distressed and miserable, maybe it also helps that we also get shots of more diego luna acting which is also to the effect of: pretty distressed and miserable, soaking wet. i dunno but i'm like hell yeah being all the more caught up in whatever.
also that this was like, oh a seeming potential thread establishment? and of course "whoops killed two guys" is indeed an established thread, the [looking for his sister] remaining latent as the setup to that inciting event and otherwise like, just something he does, characterization and [backstory thread] relevant, but only that. and yet, the way that opening scenes are generally meant to do, this whole sequence conveying plenty about how things are going to be, establishing overall contexts, thee vibe, that the soundtrack fucks, that nobody's messing around here in the least like. just as these first minutes didn't have to go so hard, so neither will the rest of the series have had to. i also didn't have to say all this or post at all but i get hype and when i have anything to say i really do. no concision. oh shit and we end with like the directional reverse of the first opening stylish shot but w/cassian in frame as well yeahh boyyee
#oh word? concision Is a word?#i know twitter is more so the place to talk about Your Damn Shows but i don't exactly do it correctly even there lmfao#like i said abt the fact having to make this some unwieldy thread over there is more so an inconvenience for Me lmao#if i said shit only b/c i thought it would be relevant to absolutely anyone. like i know ppl righteously Know this series fucks lol but#posting is about following your heart. what tf else am i about to do on my soshe accounts; or Have i been doing#so fun to have stumbled into the path of ''so true? this fucks?'' in that it sure wasn't a guarantee i went & saw rogue one. then rogue 986#(the 985th viewing or what have you lol) then going I See re being aware this series exists; marinating; being readily talked into it if#like months later. somehow i didn't realize it came out...end of last summer??? early last fall??? not like i knew abt it ahead of time tho#thought i was a couple months behind lol but....anyways. love when either media is like oh nice i loved Or hated that in such a way that it#is then the enrichment of ''i could be giving a running [emphatic pointing at laptop continuous talking] commentary constantly here'' lol#anyways when the post exists already like aaaand send. what with it being me i'm certain i could've finished the ep while writing this lmao#the path of A Lot To Say The Hype Drive To Say It The Concision That's Not An Option the Posts Were Always Gonna Be Talking To Yourself And#If That's Relevant To Anyone As Collateral Bennies Then That's Fun But If It's Irrelevant To Everyone Then That Is Life#cinema!!! and it's tv. i'm just so like Yeah the ''this is going to fuck'' is really successfully contained in these initial scenes huh.#i keep calling it a bar(tm) but it's not pretending to not obv be a brothel that also technically sure is a bar#but it just feels kind of either awkwardly technical or [ofc the cops are the ones adding more confirmation calling it a Brothel] lol like.#andor
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SHIT WENT DOWN AND ITS LEAVING RIGHT NOW LMFAOOOO GET OUT SHAWTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GTFO!!!!! BYE!!!!!!!!! SEE YA SMELL YA LATERRRRR 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻
#PRO TIP DONT GET AN ACAB TATTOO AND TURN AROUND AND THREATEN TO CALL THE COPS ON YOUR ROOMMATE FOR YELLING AT YOU AFTER YOU SAT IN YOUR ROOM#FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES TALKING MAD SHIT ABOUT THEM LMAOOO#SHES A BITCH SHE THIS SHE THAT SHE SAID THIS SHE SAID#I SAID U A LITTLE BITCH!!!!!!!!! GO AHEAD CALL THE COPS ACAB ANDY LMAOO#one of the funniest things that’s happened to me ina while lmfaooooooooo
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i asked my manager if we started a fight club who he'd fight first and he said he'd fight all of us and win
#and before my butch manager went on vacation someone joked about fighting and she was like#'go ahead call the cops they wont help when im done with you' or sthn to that effect#most well adjusted retail middle managers#dfgjhsdfkjd
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this summer has been brutally hot. while you're trying to stay cool, please consider giving cups or bottles of water to any homeless people you see. i honestly don't care what your stance on homelessness is: just do it. if you've never had heat exhaustion or heat stroke, you have no idea how utterly miserable overheating is, and it gets worse when you're dehydrated. now consider how much worse it gets when you don't have a consistent source of shade to lower your body temperature. nobody "Deserves" heat exhaustion or heat stroke, leave your "they have to earn shelter" shit at the door. no one's listening.
i live in what's regarded as the worst part of town, dubbed "the war zone". i have countless homeless people walking by my apartment daily, and whenever i'm on the porch, I do my best to offer what I can. some folks turn me down for food, not every person who comes across my block needs narcan, but water is always gratefully accepted. please try to give water instead of sugary drinks if possible and avoid caffeine, as that is a diuretic and can cause people to dehydrate faster. if all you have is juice or soda, go ahead, but please give water when and where possible.
i have never had anyone get belligerent with me even despite the awful nickname this part of town has gained. if someone seems like they are in the middle of a psychotic episode (speaking to someone you can't see, irritable outbursts, confusion, reacting to cues you can't see, and so on) and are visibly agitated or angry, give them space and don't force them into anything. DO NOT CALL THE COPS ON THEM. don't call the cops on ANY homeless people. when a psychotic person is in the middle of an episode, what they are seeing, hearing and feeling are real to them, and can be perceived as life-threatening. sometimes someone in the middle of a psychotic episode cannot parse that you are not a threat, especially if they are in the middle of a particularly paranoid episode, which happens extremely easily when you have nowhere safe to rest your head at night. constantly having to watch over your own shoulder can easily lead to someone feeling constantly persecuted.
my neighbors have been handing out food, water, and cigarettes too, without any provocation from me. now that I've moved in, we have someone to hand out narcan, too. we can build a more compassionate world. if everyone on my block wordlessly helps the homeless folk who walk past without any provocation from someone else, the whole world can be this kind. i promise it can. you can possibly save a life just by reaching out. we all have the power to make a change for the better. a simple glass of water can literally save a life. your unsheltered neighbors are still your neighbors.
#anticapitalist#anticapitalism#anti capitalism#anticap#trans punx#trans punks#punk#queer punks#queer punx#homelessness#homeless#humanitarianism#humanitarian#our writing
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Ignorance by infatuation
synopsis A detective behaves lewdly with you. Aaron Hotchner gets uncharacteristically jealous.
wc 1.7k
a/n omg my first Hotch fic ever hehe 🤭 feedback and love always appreciated, still trying to find my Crim Minds voice!
It’s 8 o’clock in the morning, the air sultry and verdant, rain soaked leaves underfoot. 
Aaron Hotchner frowns. Petrichor and dew mean evidence awash. He pauses to squint up at the sky, muddy grey with isolated streaks of yellow dawn.
You’re acutely aware of Spencer’s eyes on you as you walk past Hotch, and give yourself a mild headache by focussing too hard on the commotion ahead. The rest of the team don’t seem to notice the tension between you and SSA Hotchner. Or perhaps they do, and the pair of you are just too stubborn to admit it.
It’s been lurking under the surface for a while now, this perplexing pull between you. Lingering glances, raised eyebrows, irises spooled with tendrils of static. A hand pressed against your back every time he scoots behind you, like an excuse. He doesn’t do that with Emily. None of the other agents. A frown that tends to yield when your gaze catches his.
Or hardens when someone acts a little lewder than is appropriate.
Like the other day, for example, when he’d overheard you on the phone with some deadbeat cop in the Dallas area. (He’s probably being unfair. He probably isn’t even a deadbeat. It’s just that anyone that flirts with the idea of your favour is going to be unworthy in comparison, even Agent Hotchner.)
The phone had rung in the middle of your exchange, and you’d answered it immediately, mouthing apologies in its place. Aaron Hotchner remembers the shine of gloss on your lips, the ways your fingers clasped the phone to your ear, gentle but firm. Remnants of peach coloured polish on your nails.
“Yes, this is she,” you’d answered, mouthing another apology to him. “How can I help you?”
You’d come into his office a few minutes prior to discuss something media strategy; Hotch didn’t have a mind for it, he much preferred giving you all the reins. He recognised how strange this was for a control freak as prolific as him. You were different though, he’d attest. It was a sentiment as dangerous, as non-platonic, as the feelings making home in his ribcage.
“Right,” you’d said, pulling your spiral-bound notebook out of your pocket. You’d wedged your phone between your ear and shoulder, slipping your pen out of your breast pocket and clicking it against it. Hotch felt unseasonably hot at such attention to your chest. He raised his eyebrows inquisitively, trying to catch your gaze.
“Ah, I see, yes that does sound like our area of expertise,” you’d continued, and then a pause, an awkward, unwieldy laugh. Still beautiful. “No, yes, our is correct — I am in fact part of the team.” Another pause; this time, you’d rolled your eyes when your laugh spooled out of your pretty mouth. He didn’t recognise it. “I don’t know about that. Should we get back to the case at hand? Great.”
Hotchner’s eyebrows had lowered then, furrowing into an expression of concern, flailing interest. Not jealousy. He was pretty certain he knew all your laughs, the cadence of them, the syrupy timbre. This one was new. You sounded uncomfortable, as though something said over the phone had abraded you somehow. As his eyebrows had, his heart had sunk into his stomach. He remembers the strain of his forearm muscles against his clenched knuckles.
“Sure. Yes. As soon as I have all the details I’ll be able to distribute them. Great, yes, we’ll see you soon, I’m sure. Thank you. Goodbye.”
And that had been that. Hotch hadn’t had the stomach to ask after the details, especially not when you’d seemed so eager to put it behind you.
After ending the call, you’d shaken your head and proclaimed, “Don’t ask,” launching back into your spiel about media strategy like it hadn’t happened. Hotch wasn’t in the business of disagreeing with you; pressing things. Saying no. It wasn’t lost on him that he used the word liberally with everyone else he knew.
Back at the scene, Hotch stays a few steps behind the team. He knows that Spencer’s assessing eyes will see right through his faux contemplation; Hotchner knows, from the many frowns Spencer’s eidetic memory has learned, that the expression on his face will be recognised as distraction.
He needs to focus. He needs you near. He needs to keep his eye on the ball. He needs deadbeat detective far away from here.
As you and the BAU team near the crime scene, a rugged looking cop pulls away from his colleagues. He has eyes like treacle tart and a grin that borders on a smirk. A toothpick hangs from his mouth like something out of a Western.
“Detective Landon?” You say, extending a hand in acknowledgement. “Hello, we spoke on the phone yesterday morning.”
Detective Landon spits the toothpick out of his mouth, maintaining eye contact as he does so. But it isn’t the depth of his gaze that drops yours. You can feel someone else’s eyes searing holes through your skull.
“Well I’ll be,” he drawls, taking your hand and pressing it to his mouth. “Your voice doesn’t do you justice, darling.”
You resist the urge to make a face. It’s awful, unfortunate, but you’re far too used to this. Behind you, Derek raises his eyebrows, sharing an amused look with Emily beside him. Rossi looks exasperated. Spencer’s expression remains unchanged, though he does steal a glance at Hotchner. You smile, the way you always do, refusing to be thrown off by his candour.
“That’s a shame,” you reply breezily, turning to introduce your team. “Detective, this is SSA Morgan, SSA Prentiss, Dr Spencer Reid, and —”
“I’m the unit chief, Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner,” Hotch interrupts, a menacing gravel to his timbre. He doesn’t shake the hand Detective Landon extends to him. The detective draws it back with a gauche bark of laughter, turning his attention to the rest of the BAU.
“My my,” he says, his drawl returning as his eyes meet Emily’s. “What do I gotta do to get in on this team of yours?”
“A formal education would be helpful,” Spencer supplies, squinting at him through his glasses.
Detective Landon turns to him then, raising his eyebrows. “Doctor Reid, was it?”
“It is, but no need to aim that high, buddy,” Morgan says then, stepping forward and patting him on the shoulder. Landon winces. “Now. You going to talk us through what you guys got so far or what?”
“Damn, y’all are a feisty bunch, huh?” He replies, pulling another toothpick out of his breast-pocket. He sends you a wink that makes Hotch’s insides turn, adding, “Don’t mind it on you, sweetheart, but maybe the rest of the BAU ‘oughta play nice.”
Aaron Hotchner would normally agree with his sentiment. He’s been a long time advocate of working alongside the local police in investigations; he recognises that collaboration is far more productive than condescension.
Unfortunately for him, this isn’t quite a normal situation.
Things to do with you and other men rarely are. An ugly green emotion eases his heart right into his throat.
“Or maybe,” Hotchner says crisply, his steely gaze pinning Landon to the spot, “I should have a chat with your Captain and take you off this case.”
Landon balks. “Sir —”
“You’re dismissed,” Hotchner interrupts, not wanting to hear it. He’s unaware of the amused look Emily and Morgan share behind him.
“You…” Landon trails off exasperatedly, shaking his head, “…you can’t dismiss me. This is my case.”
“Actually, it’s the BAU’s case now.” He turns to you expectantly. You think you catch his gaze soften as it falls over your face in paces. Trick of the light, you suppose. “Right?”
“Sure,” you say weakly.
“Right then. Rossi?” Hotch says then, turning to David Rossi autocratically. “Why don’t you and the team go ahead and assess the scene while I head to base and sort out a reassignment.”
“Not you, Reid,” he adds, keeping Spencer in place. “You can come to the station with me, get our replacement up to speed. Sound good?”
Morgan’s trying hard to hide his knowing grin, one side of his mouth upturned with mirth. Emily isn’t bothering to pretend she doesn’t know what’s going on, her pretty features lit up with amusement. Detective Landon looks mortified. Your cheeks feel on fire.
“Alright,” Rossi says after pause, glancing between you and Hotchner. He’s been in the FBI for long enough now that he’s learnt to pick his battles.
He turns around and begins walking toward the crime scene, the three of you trailing behind him with less purposeful strides.
“Huh,” Derek says, faux-thoughtful. You’re wedged between him and Emily, much to your chagrin. “Wonder what that was about. Any ideas, SSA Prentiss?”
“Well, SSA Morgan,” Emily replies, her smile audible. “I’m afraid that our dear old unit chief has a bit of a soft spot.”
“A soft spot?” Derek echoes, letting out a dramatic gasp. “That’s dangerous in our line of work, wouldn’t you say?”
“I would say,” Emily responds sagely.
“Oh shut up, you two,” you mutter, crossing your arms over your chest. “That wasn’t just about me. He made a pass on Emily too.”
Emily snorts, shaking her head exasperatedly. “Hey Rossi, you got a name for this phenomenon?”
“Oh yeah,” Rossi replies without hesitation, his gaze trained ahead of him. “Ignorance by infatuation.”
Out of earshot, Spencer and Hotchner are having a similarly painful conversation.
“Strange,” Spencer decides, breaking the silence with his candour.
Aaron knows what he’s insinuating. He resists the urge to turn around and steal another glance at your pretty silhouette. “He was behaving inappropriately. There’s nothing strange about it, Spencer. I was protecting my team.”
“The whole team?”
“Yes.”
“Including me?”
“Yes.”
“But I liked him.”
Hotchner sends him an incredulous look. “And what exactly was there to like?”
“He was entertaining, I think,” Spencer replies casually, shrugging. “In a cop way, you know? Plus, I love listening to Y/N reject men. It’s fascinating.”
Hotchner swallows. “Fascinating?”
“She always does it in this way where they don’t even realise what exactly’s happening,” Spencer explains matter-of-factly. He turns to Aaron Hotchner then. “Don’t worry, though, she’d never do that to you.”
Hotchner’s traitorous heart leaps, his mouth pulling into a paradoxical frown. “Spencer,” he warns.
“Just saying,” Spencer replies, raising his arms in surrender.
“Well,” Hotch says grumpily, “don’t.”
“Alright. Noted.”
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x y/n#hotchner x reader#Hotchner x you#aaron hotchner fic#aaron hotchner blurb#criminal minds#aaron hotchner fluff
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Go ahead call the demons I'll have sex with them
I made two of these. This is the second one. Enjoy
[Video description: The "Disco Tony" scene from Good Omens of Crowley, Hastur, and Ligur dancing poorly. The music has been replaced by Two Trucks by Lemon Demon. End description.]
#alternate jokes: 'they hated jesus because he told them the truth' and 'you know van gogh was underappreciated in his time too'#but no we're going with 'go ahead call the cops i'll have sex with them'. i'll never make anything funnier than this fucking video#open mick night
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#I’m gonna be honest. Today has fuckin drained me#vent ahead somehow containing gun violence AGAIN I don’t even know anymore guys#So today someone called the police and threatened to shoot up my school!#my friends and I were eating outside when the police pulled up and they announced a lockout over the intercom#so obviously we immediately got the hell out of there and went back to my house#and as we were driving away we saw SO many cop cars pulling up and blockading the road#there was one cop putting on military gear like straight up a Kevlar vest and a couple other cops were openly carrying guns#so of course we were freaking the fuck out bc nobody knew what was going on#five of us ended up at my house and two other friends were at a different house and everybody else was at school#including my sister which was the worst part#but everyone who was at school wasn’t very worried about it apparently they were goofing around and playing board games and stuff#which is good because in that situation as a teacher you’d definitely want everyone to stay calm#but it was scary as hell sitting at home knowing people you care about could die at any moment#even though we were all texting constantly of course#and some crazy rumors were flying around too#like that it was a drug bust or a suicide#and the other schools in the district all went into lockout too but eventually the police said they hadn’t found any credible threats#so they ended the lockout and it was all good#and everyone’s safe and okay!#but like. exhausting to go through#and to top things off this guy I was talking to on a stupid dating app said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore for valid reasons#and it’s not like I really knew him and I’m not heartbroken or anything#I downloaded the app as a joke with my friends#but we actually really surprisingly clicked and I liked talking to him :/#oh well. It’s not as serious but for some reason that was just kinda the last straw for me#but today really hammered home the lesson that I should always trust my gut when it’s time to get the hell out#like not even stop to worry about it just run#cause this is now the second time that doing that has gotten me out of an extremely dangerous situation#and once is a wild story but#twice is a fucking pattern
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