#give me a really long hug or something
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i think next semester is finally going to be the one that gives me a heart attack and kills me 💞
#vent#let's see#i am:#-doing my normal job stuff at the theater plus some additional grant work#-helping with a children's book that the theater is making which includes not only writing some of it but marketing it#-doing my first big boy serious puppet show that we might submit to the national slam if it's actually good#-writing and acting for a live sci-fi audio drama that has shows every month#-taking on a second job as a part time grader for fms 100 which includes attending one class per week and grading assignments for 100+ ppl#-taking 15 credit hours that are all upper division semester long classes and have me on campus from 9am-4:15pm tues and thurs#-finishing two (2) portfolios to apply for both concentrations in my major program (because i'm insane. i guess)#-probably should start worrying about my lgbtq certificate capstone oh yeah btw i think i have to do two capstones my senior year isnt that#something#-also im moving out of my parents' house next month so it'll be my first time living on my own#(so my winter break isn't even a break really bc i have to pack everything and move)#can someone just like. idk#give me a really long hug or something#i don't know what to do like. genuinely#barely even surviving school right now bc it's finals
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Hey, look guys, more art-
HOPE.
I’ve been wanting to draw him like this ever since I first saw him smile, but my will to draw eluded me until now! This started off as a doodle, so, please excuse the messiness. I drew this to de-stress.
“Fire” Red belongs to @creatively-cosmic. They have a blog called @themissingnumbers, which is really good! Go check it out if you want to see more.
[Sketch + Colored Version below the cut!]
#Not my greatest work but it’s what I made :)#Hope you don’t mind the lack in quality- haha#I’ve made better pieces#but I still like this one!#I feel like I’m getting better at drawing his hair lmao-#I just kinda messed around with this one but I really wanted to draw him smiling#Fire smiling makes me happy :)#He deserves to be happy#and I hope I can help him attain that happiness.#Even if my help is the equivalent of Baby Steps lmao#Gotta start somewhere!#I could not find the font used for the hidden text for the life of me#but I found a similar one!#Hope Starry and the Mods are doing well!#And I hope we get to see more Happy/Hopeful Fire in the future :)#His smile is precious-#(Bonus!: Y’know what I really wanna see? Red smiling. And not the creepy wide/crazy/manic smiles he usually has.#I mean a true honest-to-god genuine smile. Now THAT would be a sight for the history books. Red deserves to smile too.#Just like everyone else does.#That might be my next goal aside from befriending Leaf—getting Red to smile.#Is that probably going to be extremely difficult? Oh most definitely! But I think he’s worth the effort.)#(Bonus-Bonus!: I wanna give Red a hug so bad-#but I also feel like he’d bite me or something if I tried :(#Maybe he’d just let it happen? Or cry. Or both—who knows?#Red deserves some gentle treatment. He’s been through a lot too.)#I wonder who I’ll get the will to draw next? Hopefully I’ll do them justice!#Long ahh tags Jesus Christ- Didn’t know I could max them out.#Missing Numbers#Fire Red Yuuji#My Art
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I've been thinking a lot about how Rook's reunion with his former mentor, Zara, is going to go, and since I can't predict what the DM is going to have her do or say, I can only dwell on what I know is going to happen. Which happens to include taking off the illusion ring that's been hiding his injuries from her. So have a snippet of the description I have planned for that moment:
tw for description of (mostly healed) injuries
He hesitates, twisting a ring on his finger. Looking at it more closely, she can tell it’s very finely crafted, and must have been very expensive. A large emerald is set into the band. Rook sighs, and pulls the ring off his finger in one quick motion. Immediately she’s struck by the difference in his appearance as the illusion melts away. He looks awful. His warm, healthy skin fades to a dull and sickly grey. There’s huge bags under his deeply sunken eyes, and his cheeks are hollowed, as though they have been carved out by an overeager sculptor. He looks like he’s recently risen from the grave. While he was thin before, now she can see his ribs under the skin, and his collarbones are exaggeratedly pronounce. Thin white lines left by dozens upon dozens of recently healed cuts are scattered across his body. On top of that, faded bruises cover most of his visible skin, a mottled mosaic of purple and yellow. They’re clearly days, maybe weeks old, and she can only begin to imagine what they must have looked like when fresh. Bandages are barely visible under his shirt, wrapping around his back, hinting at even more injuries.
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#Poor Zara.#she's gonna feel so fucking guilty about everything that's happened to him in the last 3 years even though it's not her fault.#yes she pissed off Wolf but she had no way of knowing Wolf would go after Rook instead of her.#(I don't even know what she did to piss off Wolf. That's the Big Reveal that's going to happen when Rook sees her again.)#but yeah. Seeing him like this and knowing/thinking that it's because of her actions... it's going to destroy her and that kills me.#I don't know what she did but I *do* know that she never intended for Rook to get hurt. She loves him too much for that.#but Rook could never blame her for anything. He'd forgive her just about anything. And that will probably only make her feel worse.#Rook and his mentors will never ever fail to fuck me up big time.#his undying devotion and naive faith in them which is such a stark contrast to his usual distrust of people.#and it gets him hurt every time even though the don't *mean* to hurt him. But Sigmar's case was definitely much more malicious than Zara's.#this reunion is going to be such a huge turning point for Rook's character and his personal development as a character.#well really it's a combination of things all happening at once that are going to be the turning point.#1) the fact that the party rescued him from Wolf which has literally no other explanation than that they love him and care about him.#2) seeing Zara again and finally getting that closure that he never got three years ago plus being to reestablish the most important#relationship in his entire life. Plus she's just a good influence on him all-around a much-needed source of support after Sigmar's betrayal#3) getting gifted the Tide Breaker (Zara's old ship) and having to learn some responsibility for once in his life will be very good for him#and I guess you could also say that 4) my temporary character Val talking some sense into him has something to do with it lmao.#but we'll see how this all plays out bc while I know these things are going to happen they technically haven't happened yet.#I'm not gonna RP the conversation between Rook and Val bc it would just be me talking to myself for a long time but I am gonna write it up#when we get to that point so I can show it to the DM so he knows what they talked about. Plus it will be a very fun exercise bc Val was#literally designed to be Rook's opposite in just about every way. They're very wise and responsible and Rook is a reckless idiot.#(but I love him anyways.)#So it's gonna be fun to balance writing both of them in the same conversation.#anyways. these tags are SO FUCKING LONG already. If you read this far I'm giving you your favorite dessert and a hug if you want it.#and also pledging you my undying allegiance for life. <3
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for the love of god someone convince me from texting my ex, i daydreamed too closr to the sun and now i want attention😭
#its not a door i should open#but idk if im crazy and i need to drop my suspicions and try again or if im really going to be right some day#and we get involved again then that person comes along and its a messy awful breakup and i just cant do that to them#but fuck i wish i could be with them#i would love them but the problem is (aside from their drinking) it would be so easy to fall in love with them#but they want long term and aside from me knowing im leaving the province soon i dont think wish how i am now id be okay with pretending#its not fair#i want to see them again#im jealous of attention they probably get and that theyve probably given#and i really hate how i was made and that i cant just go with the flow#but again drinking and dark eyes aside theyre practically perfect#i miss them so much sometimes that im actually posting more on instagram in the hopes theyll notice me again#i wonder if they think about me or if theyre too busy getting laid#cause theyre in a band so duh obviously theyre getting laid#I FUCKING HATE MY INABILITY TO BE ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE#ITS NOT FAIR#I HATE MY SUPERSTITIONS SO DAMN MUCH I WANT TO LET THEM GO AND BE HAPPY BUT I CANT#I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PERSON I WANT TO BE WITH WITH PRETTY BLUE EYES AND BIG HANDS#fuck nate was so close to perfect and i love that theyre so interesting and fuck i think id just give in if they had blue eyes#i could ignore the other problems and feel better about trying to be with them#mostly i just want them to kiss me and hug me again#they were so gentle about it and it felt so safe and i wanna cry cause i know its not fair to contact them#but fuck i wish i could#i dont want to be alone anymore and they made me laugh#i dont know what to do but i wish it was easier to at least meet people if not date them#i just want to feel something for someone new so i can feel like im over them#but sadly they work at ikea and its not even the closest one to me but i have to go there for a new mattress topper and jars#and i keep imagining running into them AND ITS FUCKING ME UP i want to talk to them but i cant do that
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry
#idfk#im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know#im a failure#i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to#im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes#idk. i was so chipper last week#i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him#i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words#i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid#but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months#im so like. i feel like such a failure#likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real#pinocchioesque maybe#ughhh#im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys#im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but#every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie#like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever#i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me#why#i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young#and full of hope#i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to#be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me#and he didnt back then either idk#i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself#if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out#haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna#draw my teddy bear giving me a hug
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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💔💔💔😢😢😢
#our poor smol president looked so exhausted in the last days#also so stressed and awful 💔💔💔#god knows how exhausting and horrible the current time must be#with the front and the war#the missile attacks#still securing support from countries in times were prorussian idiots are really loud and try to disturb or end the help#preparing the country for winter#and watching all the elections taking place right now and hoping for the best#poor vova#hopefully the kids and olena and andriy can give him long nice hugs ♥♥♥#the picture broke something in me when i saw it today#he looks so utterly sad#if not to say devastated#not sure if this was before or after the missile attack#maybe he learned about it just before meeting the press#pictures like that show the brutality of war and the toll it has on him#and how much it breaks and slowly destroys parts of him while hes fighting with every little bit he is and has for his country and people#a servant of his people in every possible way#hes really giving everything he has and doesn't has for them no matter what that means for him
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@gamenu from [HERE]
As soon as she pressed her face into Nicole's stomach Opacho curled up tightly on the older girl's lap and stayed like that as she was held and rocked and her hair was stroked. She keeps still and quiet, staring out blankly at nothing, with only the sounds of her short sniffling to fill the silence.
Opacho's not even sure why she started feeling sad all of a sudden, and why the overwhelming need to cry just hit her like a ton of bricks. Everything was fine several moments ago! She had been playing out on the porch, absently bouncing a rubber ball in her hands when she noticed a small family across the street. Siblings perhaps? It was an older boy and his younger brother, they looked to be her age.
She had watched curiously as the pair walked hand in hand, with the younger sibling tugging at the older one. Something was said between the two and the older of the siblings had laughed, then bent down to pick the younger brother up and place him on his shoulders. Even from her spot across the street, she could hear the child's delighted laughter and suddenly she remembers a time where she had gotten lost and separated Hao and the rest of their group during the Shaman Fight, with Hao managing to find her of course. He appeared from behind and picked her up, much like the brother had done, and settled her right on his shoulders.
It was such a small, insignificant moment. Hao picked her up and bought her back to the group and yet, right now she was suddenly reminded of it. Then her chest started getting tight, like someone was hugging her too hard. Opacho had turned away immediately, ball dropped and forgotten, and feeling alarmed by the sudden tightness in her chest she began making her way back inside so she could tell Nicole but then--
Something bites her! Right on the neck! Opacho yelped and reflexively slapped it. When she pulled her hand away it revealed a now dead wasp. An odd feeling of frustration bubbled within her, then the tears just started falling and they wouldn't stop, so she came inside.
The soft patting on her back helps her calm down a little, but not much. She doesn't move right away when Nicole asks what's wrong, she just sniffs again, then after another moment of silence, turns her head up slightly so she can make eye contact. The tightness in her chest still lingered as tears streamed down her face in big wet globs of moisture.
“Opacho chest and neck hurt," she whines, craning her neck carefully to show off the rapidly welting and irritated area on her dark skin. It was starting to feel itchy too, so she immediately reached up to scratch it. "And, Opacho miss Hao-sama…”
#opacho || [threads] || oversoul! hair in!#Opacho's got a bad case of feeling really overwhelmed by her emotions and missing Hao.#just give her some juice and a hug or something she'll be alright#oh and some bug bite ointment... or a bath#chile & it was Hao & Yoh's birthday yesterday I'm a sham#this is so long and really got away from me I'm so sorry
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why is Changmin trying to make me cry i didn't come for this why is he doing that
#tvxq#dbsk#tvxq changmin#changmin#max changmin#shim changmin#there's a little section after he finishes recording his parts for Rebel where he says he really wants this comeback to go well#bc they've been in the business for so long and it's important to him that he tries his best so he's trying even harder this time.#mentioned something about numbers too (i'm assuming streaming???? revenue???? something related to our capitalistic#society but could also easily be in ref to their 20th anniversary????) but i didn't catch it bc i was tearing up#omw to Korea to give him a hug rn no one touch me
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i wanna play animal crossing but i get really stressed about the amount of stuff i can do and how i dont know what i should do and it always reminds me that i should be working on shit :(
#its sad that such a calming game stresses me out#i just want animal crossing to be my real life#where i can just feel free#where i have no deadlines and i can just do things at my own pace however i want to#ngl i would do anything for a hug from Isabelle#idfk im just so tired of the real world...i just wanna be free to live how i want to#idfk anymore i just want a damn break from the real world...i want a world where i dont dread waking up every morning#one where i feel welcome and not like im shut out and shivering in the rain#it feels like everybody knows something i dont...something thats vital...it feels like everybody was taught how to be happy and i wasnt#i feel like an outsider in my own life...like im a side character and i only exist happily when someone else needs me#i feel like a doll who is forgotten about until they need a filler character#i feel like i only exist to give others a reason to be like they are...like im only alive to be the person who is a memory#idfk i just havent been wanted in a long time...and i know that you guys care and whatever but i just want someone irl to want me...#i want a reason to get out of bed in the morning...is that too much to ask for?#idfk im just gonna try and sleep#sorry for being a pathetic little shit#idfk im just really sorry about this#i feel bad for existing at all ngl#anyways sleep time for me...and by that i mean im gonna play games on my phone until i fall asleep
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#this is kinda random but trying to hold onto the bits of happiness i can find#but like#my friends here and i hug each other goodbye#which might seem totally arbitrary#but i have such a hard time expressing physical affection of any kind bc of how i grew up and everything that happened etc#like literally my mom was the only person i hugged regularly#and sometimes my grandma#but my friends here like to hug goodbye so i was just kinda like... ok... & did it even tho i was kinda like 😵💫 & it got easier with time#and it turns out i actually really like getting/giving hugs 😭#and every time we say goodbye and they hug me it makes me feel good because i'm like it's actually really nice to hug the people u love 🥺#and now sometimes i even lean on them or hug them for no reason which is something i used to never be able to do#i don't know it just makes me happy i guess#at the same time sad because i was unable to do it for so long#but mostly happy#i don't know#delete l8r#jd's wv
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Okay y’all hold me to this I’m staying away tomorrow
#squiggles rambles#If I show up just fricken#beat me over the head and tell me to get lost#I will check asks but probably won’t answer until Wednesday or something#They should invent a thing where you can pay someone to give you a hug#Idk that’s a random thing and doesn’t belong here#But I want someone to absolutely crush me and just stay that way for a really long time#I want to be squished by a hug#Anyway#Yeah#Imma try and peace out for a bit#Sorry for being here and sorry for leaving and idk guys just sorry in general idk what the right move is
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(*.*)
#not that anyone is actively incredibly invested#but this blog is my diary so I’ll post what I want#but also I didn’t wanna make like an actual post post so I’m ranting in the tags#so no Stick Season update today bc I don’t have it in me!! and I’m opting to force myself to relax!!!#bc it has been A Day#and for no reason really????? like I was having a great day!!!#and then fifth period started#WHICH IS TRUTHFULLY MY BEST CLASS#like oh my god SUCH good fuckin kids in that class#and yeah my altos are incidentally the weaker section this year#but today it felt like they were doing it so APATHETICALLY and PURPOSEFULLY that I stopped rehearsal#and I was like ‘hey. sopranos are giving 100% and altos I think like maybe half of you are giving 50.’#and I was like if you don’t want to go to UIL let me know AND SOME LITTLE SHIT RAISED HER HAND but I stayed calm!!#and she’s getting an alternate assignment!! bc I understand Choir isn’t for everyone but also LIKE WHAT ARE U DOIN IN THIS CLASS THEN#but then some other altos were like ‘no we wanna go’#and I said something along the lines of ‘great but it’s gonna require more effort than what I’m getting right now’#‘and that sucks because you guys could be REALLY good if you wanted to’#AND THEN I JUST STARTED FUCKING CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH#like not ugly crying I held it together long enough to tell them to pack up their stuff lmao#But then they lined up and one girl came back to hug me and ask if I was okay and THEN I lost it#like I’m actually laughing now bc ITS SO RIDICULOUS SNDBAJDNSJ LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????#and then three more girls came back when the bell rang and they were all telling me how much they love my class#and I started crying harder#and I had my tenor bass class next (boys. rowdy AS FUCK) and from outside my portable I hear the girls say:#‘BE GOOD TODAY AND DONT TO ANYTHING TO MAKE HER UPSET!’#and I’m very emo about it#and two altos came to apologize me and asked to ‘please not go all emo on us again we’ll try harder’#and honestly I’m laughing my ass off I’m such a weak educator but I love my kids jajshsjsj#ANYWAY so I need some fluff and laughs this fine afternoon and do not wish to write today so SORRY#blurgleshutthefuckup
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#i wouldn't go so far to say that i have a particularly self-depricating image of myself#but let's just say that far too many times in the past i've been treated as the disposable one in the relationship#or just.....what i give isn't returned like maybe it should be#so it's just automatic for me to not....have the highest image of myself#so like I said not exactly self-depricating but not exactly the highest either#point with this being that in the situation where in a situation where concern from others is appropriate and warranted for myself#and it is suddenly in my face from very well-meaning friends who are really good friends#i don't know what to do and find the question popping in my head of#why am i suddenly on the receiving end of care and concern like this#it should be me worrying about you guys not the other way around#lasdfjlkslkfjkd#it's hard to explain something like this because logically i know that things are a two way street but i also thing that maybe i don't know#cause sometimes i feel like i get stuck in this scene in my head that goes something like#a warm melancholy of loving others and being loved back but maybe not quite enough#and not being seen quite enough and feeling like sometimes it's too much of a thing to ask for more or for a hug#where everyone is piled on the couch and i'm sitting in the armchair nearby but i don't know how to ask to join in on the couch#even though i really want to#but i don't want to be a hassle or a nuisance so i won't be and remain quiet#i'll watch from afar and long for more and know that one day forever will arrive and this will end and they'll move on without me#because it always happens#and the day someone reaches out or asks for me to stay or tells me i'm not greedy or i'm not too much will never happen#heh
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this time around i don't have anyone to just hug and collapse against. it's eating me alive. last time i got through it with him and he's further away than ever. it's getting really hard to keep going
#my post#not to doom post but im so exhausted#like genuinely im so fucking exhausted#i am not going to lie the only reason i've stuck it out since may 10th is his promises to come back which feel less and less true#he won't even give me a simple assurance even if it's a lie but he'll say i love you and that he's happy to see me doing stuff on my own#which feels so underhanded. i just want fucking honesty. if he moved on with rooke and is staying in california#just let me move on if you've made up your mind i want to stop suffering so fucking much for nothing!!!!!!#the thing is that i am bearing it because the promise he'll come back is worth it!! but if he doesn't then!!!!#the only thing holding me back is my pets. that's about it#really truly. with him or with anyone i feel i have a purpose and a goal and something to strive for and a reason to carry on#but in my heart he was the last one. my soulmate honest to god i feel this strongly half a year later#im not strong like my parents carrying unrequited love like this. i don't think im cut out for it#and now all this shit with the country#im so tired#im not going to do anything#i don't think i am. i don't know anymore. i haven't felt this lost and despondent in a long time#i lost the one thing that really truly mattered and made me the happiest in the world and he won't give me a simple assurance#about the promises he made#i don't have parents. brothers don't speak to me unless i pull teeth#it's all getting to me now#i've beared it for so long and thought i was through with loss and grief and having my heart mishandled#im so tired of losing the ones i love and need most#and now all this shit#im so fucking tired and i just want a hug that won't make me feel gross
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