#and now all this shit with the country
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this time around i don't have anyone to just hug and collapse against. it's eating me alive. last time i got through it with him and he's further away than ever. it's getting really hard to keep going
#my post#not to doom post but im so exhausted#like genuinely im so fucking exhausted#i am not going to lie the only reason i've stuck it out since may 10th is his promises to come back which feel less and less true#he won't even give me a simple assurance even if it's a lie but he'll say i love you and that he's happy to see me doing stuff on my own#which feels so underhanded. i just want fucking honesty. if he moved on with rooke and is staying in california#just let me move on if you've made up your mind i want to stop suffering so fucking much for nothing!!!!!!#the thing is that i am bearing it because the promise he'll come back is worth it!! but if he doesn't then!!!!#the only thing holding me back is my pets. that's about it#really truly. with him or with anyone i feel i have a purpose and a goal and something to strive for and a reason to carry on#but in my heart he was the last one. my soulmate honest to god i feel this strongly half a year later#im not strong like my parents carrying unrequited love like this. i don't think im cut out for it#and now all this shit with the country#im so tired#im not going to do anything#i don't think i am. i don't know anymore. i haven't felt this lost and despondent in a long time#i lost the one thing that really truly mattered and made me the happiest in the world and he won't give me a simple assurance#about the promises he made#i don't have parents. brothers don't speak to me unless i pull teeth#it's all getting to me now#i've beared it for so long and thought i was through with loss and grief and having my heart mishandled#im so tired of losing the ones i love and need most#and now all this shit#im so fucking tired and i just want a hug that won't make me feel gross
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
#shut up nerd#anders#I’m sorry it’s just. really hard to not be bitter tbh#like the shit we as fans went through#just for liking a damn character#tbf I do actually think if the game came out today perceptions would be different#I think people would be more comfortable with revolutionary action now than they were then#but even still#it’s not even about that you know#it’s about people (both fans and at times the actual devs) being mean when they really didn’t need to be#and the DA trenches are probably why literally no harassment phases me anymore lmao but#that’s not a good thing slskd it’s just a useful consequence I guess#so yeah idk#am I jealous that Solas fans get to have a better experience?#yeah I can’t deny I feel a bit of that#but I’m also just. idk tired and sad for what that time was. and also glad that it seems to be over#but also a little bitter that I had to go through it when it didn’t need to happen at all#idk just feeling a lot here in this chili’s tonight lmao#(why do I say that I don’t think my country even has chili’s)#ANYWAY#dragon age#veilguard spoilers
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I find it ironic that western leftists demand israelis leave israel because we're all white colonizers in their eyes (regardless of the fact that even if jews really weren't indigenous to the levant, which we are, over half the population is middle eastern anyway), but when we do leave israel for other countries we get hatecrimed. it would be bad enough if we had people telling us "good on you for going back to where you came from" or some shit but no they really just view us as inherently irredeemable and evil no matter where we are. almost feels like they're trying to lure us into being harassed overseas.
#before the war started i was planning to move to canada when i get older#now i'm terrified to fly to any other country for any reason whatsoever#a bit unrelated but i wanna vent that when the starkid innit concert was announced#i was like “omg finally a starkid thing i can go to britain is way closer to israel than the usa”#but then realised i'd have to deal with seeing antisemitic shit all over the place#and knowing my ass i wouldn't be able to lie about where i'm from when asked#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#israel#jumblr#hila has spoken
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#no home#haejoon in college like sorry hangon i have a call to take#my unstable friend is calling me#i have to make sure hes not like in a ditch somewhere#eunyung: yeah i quit my job and became a ranch hand at this farm and i think ive really found myself except my coworkers are cunts#but one of them lets me hit her vape pen which is cool oh but yeah i live in the country now and theres like jackshit to do#so ive gotten really into urban exploration except i think i inhaled spores or something in one my throats been scratchy all week#but i get paid under the table so i dont have health insurance right now but its whatever i got those fancy cough drops for it#haejoon: thats nice. i went for a walk yesterday#i think they go like 3 months without talking until either haejoon goes hey man whats up <- concerned or eunyung sends him a 10 minute long#voice memo about all the shit hes been up to
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can’t believe glen powell got me out here enjoying country music. someone needs to stop him before he becomes too powerful.
#like i was raised on country and it’s so trauma to me because shit family#so now i hate it#but after twisters??#yee haw bitch#all because of one blonde man smh#yee haw#here laur goes again..
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matthew cant stop touching sasha?
yeah now look at him continue to keep his arm around sasha while he tries to adjust his knee like he accidentally got superglue all over his hands and his skin is gonna get ripped off if he so much as tries to remove his hand from sashas shoulder
2024 nhl global series finland practise | 10.31.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#utter clownshow#i really wish maffhew wouldve eaten shit for trying to be grossly in love#bond sickness is a serious thing and after the ir shenanigans that man is taking NO CHANCES#lundy shuffling away from the two man unit to give maffhew more space to fix his shinpad sock situation#and maffhew does the sensible thing and not you know detach himself from sasha to attend to it but actually makes it even harder on himself#what being taken to your husbands home country and romanced off the getgo does to a man#sashas always like catnip to him but now he cant get enough huh#gross! and in love! keep it to yourselves!#sasha barely paying attention to his dumb husband with attachment issues#this is what love looks like fucking dork#when i said he was a loverboy that also means all the cringefail loser sides of being a loverboy
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After Cyn's done tryna kill him, she'll eventually relent and they can get to work... whatever that is. I didn't do the outfit any justice, but the second i saw the Cowboy!Curt mega @ricky-mortis made i was literally like, "yes, that is IT."
This is, in my heart, a cannon fit for this au
#And if you disagree... well i cant hear you#K but i really am bad at clothes lol! and this weird pose kinda threw me off pretty hard so i will also blame that...#but i will do better next time#I am again letting people know his horse is 100% named after Cynthia because of the occasional attempts on his life 👍#I think i'll dub this a Try hard Doodle because thats what it is actually#and now for me talking way to much in that tags because i'm a terror:#I was going to pair this with another drawing that actually features curtwen btw#but my wrist said “No”#so maybe tomorrow?#(also... i have never actually drawn a person ON a horse before so this was really weird to do#this was actually a full body image... and then i halved it but then i couldn't do his foot? so i halved it again!)#Saf#spies are forever#cowboys are forever#<- WOULD watch the shit outta that [laughing at the idea of all the songs made really really country]#Cowboys your spies#Also some fun but also pretty dumb Au stuff: my vers of this au has always taken place in the wildwest in my head#so around 1865 to 1895#Art#and finally... OTL when the horse is better then the human#is the fact i drew animals for a majority of my life really obvious yet
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hulu was doing live coverage of the election until 2:00am, at which point my power randomly went out and when I reopened the hulu app on my tv the election coverage was replaced with
#us politics#I don't care if it was intentional or a coincidence or what that shit is funny as hell#I got like 3 hours of sleep in the past 48 hours#my closest friends are sleeping and don't know yet#we're going to dc a month from now on vacation and none of us expected this#I've been on twitter and it's crushing I see my friends in fear for their lives#I see the worst people in the world cheering for their own downfall because all they care about is someone else having it worse#like they'll douse the vulnerable among us with gasoline and pray for hellfire thinking they'll be safe#but the flames don't discriminate like they do and we're all going to burn#except for the wealthy and powerful of course they'll be polluting the solar system or dead from old age#and the only hell they'll ever know is the one millions upon millions of people eagerly built in their names#in the name of 'greatness'#(man I get really melodramatic when I haven't slept)#and I'm scared too I didn't think this was going to happen and I have no idea what the future holds anymore#and I know I'm privileged to be able to say this when people's lives are about to be destroyed but I think I'm more sad than anything#so disappointed that 70 million people voted for *that*#because it's completely unconscionable to anyone with a soul but somehow he's winning the popular vote for the first time???#what do you mean more people like him now than they did in 2016 and 2020#this genuinely feels like a nightmare are we really so far gone as a country??? as a society?????#that we would not only let a convicted felon (who was served a lawsuit ON ELECTION DAY) on the ballot#but that SEVENTY. MILLION. PEOPLE. would vote for him? to run the country??? to represent us on a global stage?????#*THAT'S* what we as a nation have chosen??? what the fuck is wrong with this country?????#why him indeed#and yet I still have hope#inexplicably
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he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care
#sorry this is fucking UNINTELLIGIBLE but unfortunately i’m still on my bullshit about dr. daddyissues. yeah it’s gonna be all month#i am rotating episode 2.8 ‘the mistake’ in my head at breakneck speed. i am gnawing on it i want to swallow it#oh he’s such a lying liar who lies. charming little bastard. would rather die/lose his license than express one wholly unaffected emotion#‘he thinks not giving a crap makes him like house. like it’s something to aspire to’ quick question HOW serious do the daddy issues have to#be before you start latching on to fucking GREGORY HOUSE as a paternal figure and role model. really#even cameron is not down this bad. even WILSON is not down this bad.#the daddy issues of it all are very understandable though because even setting aside whatever went down back in childhood that shit his#father did to him in seasons 1-2 is SO messed up. jesus#imagine traveling all the way across the world to the hospital your son works in for a consult which confirms what you already knew: you’re#going to die of cancer in like 2 months. making a whole point out of stopping by to visit your son. not telling him what’s going on.#letting him spend a whole episode’s worth of time gradually coming to terms with his complicated feelings towards you (complicated on#account of a whole childhood of objectively awful parenting). the kid finally is able to try reaching back out to you. after YOU initiated#the contact in the first place. how do you react? well obviously by telling him ‘oh sorry i actually have to get in a taxi right now’ and#fucking back off to the other side of the world without giving him a chance to actually talk to you at all and resolve any of the emotions#you just dredged up. oh by the way you still haven’t fucking told him you’re about to die and in fact actively mislead him into thinking#he’s going to have the chance to try meeting with you again next time he visits your home country.#especially fucked up given that the whole reason it DID take your son so long to come around THIS time is that he feels like every time#he’s tried reaching out to you in the past you’ve just disappointed him by refusing to put in the effort to meet him there.#And Now Here We Are Again.#rowan what the FUCK is wrong with you. i want to dig you up and kill you again#house md#robert chase#caseyposting
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isat oc ref sheet! i ripped the profile page off mirabelle's and just edited it a bit, worked out well since she already had immune to time craft on hers
they keep to themself mostly, only coming out of their study to stargaze or run social experiments about the isla- hey wait what's happening to my ref what are you-
SECRET SECOND REF SHEET!
you thought this was a new oc, but it was the realmleaper, existing oc, the whole time!!
technically this particular one is for a noncanon timeline (aka i wanted to throw foxglove at them and see what happens) but i like this design so much i might readjust one of their stops to be similar enough this works again
why the type switch? it's more for full dragon form tbh, hard to fight holding a tiny book when you're bigger than a horse, much easier to use claws instead. it also brings over a mechanic from SASASAAP, typeless attacks! aka blast of fire directly to face
this post is long enough but send asks about them if you would like and i will happily talk about them/ their story/ their story in terms of isat specifically
#i am working on a comic for this timeline but idk if i'll finish it tbh#first page is done tho#lucasssss lucas ily forever never change#your honour yes they did all those things but look at them. they're baby.#tfw you don't hunt down the supervillain going to attack a whole country because it's good character development for your blorbos#(and that's exactly why foxglove is there. to yell at them for that)#(but foxglove doesn't know shit about isat so they're fucked unless lucas decides to tell them anything)#anyway that's enough rambling for now PLS SEND ASKS I WILL GIVE U MY FIRSTBORN#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#(spoiler tags are for wishcraft)#my art#art#nach0 art#oc: lucas#oc#the realmleaper#that's not the final atlas design as well i just didn't wanna properly figure it out#i should though it's a very important prop haha
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This whole election just got flipped upside down, and I know that’s scary. But I also hope that this MOBILIZES people. We don’t have to have a geriatric president anymore. We have an obvious replacement for Biden in the race. Like… I know she’s not perfect. Everybody sucks I know I know I know. But I feel a tiny bit of…. Hope? I mean in a choice between Kamala and Trump the answer is So. Fucking. Obvious.
GO VOTE.
#anyways don’t like. kill me for this#but nobody really wanted to vote for Biden and now NOBODY HAS TO#go vote#vote blue#And tbh I hope we get to see her tear him to shreds in a debate#kamala harris#us politics#listen guys I’m so fucking tired ok all politicians are corrupt the country is corrupt shit fucking sucks#but at least she’s young enough to type her own Instagram posts#Donald Trump#joe biden#usa politics#I’ll probably lose followers for this but I’m exhausted of the rhetoric on here
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sure do love reading posts about how zionism is a special, different kind of colonization that makes it actually fine and okay :)
like there were a LOT of antizionist jews in the early 20th century. there are a lot of us now. and it’s not because we just don’t Understand the Complexities of the israeli political situation. it’s because all forms of zionism, from their inception and to this day, have all always been morally wrong. israel was founded with a massive act of ethnic cleansing and murder because there is no other possible way to move large amounts of people into a place where other people already live that ensures the people arriving have all the political power. there was never a Good israel and there was never a Good zionism. it was rotten from its inception and it cannot be fixed or repaired or cleansed of the blood it demands.
you can dress up your explanations in lots of long paragraphs but the actual definition of all zionism is simply “we get to force everyone who was already living in this place to leave or be subservient to us or simply be killed.” there is nothing more or else to it, and there never has been, in any place or time.
#palestine#zionism#i also love israelis lecturing me about how jews needed israel to be safe after the holocaust#y’all’s country has ALWAYS been openly contemptuous of holocaust survivors. your founders loathed them.#israel was founded to give the west more control in the middle east and secondarily as a white supremacist project#that’s IT that’s ALL#israel has exactly as much legitimacy as white rule in south africa did#god it drives me absolutely batshit when israeli zionists make long posts ‘explaining’ the details of the different factions#you are either against apartheid or for it. you either support the murder and displacement of indigenous people or you oppose it.#nobody gives a shit about the minute details of your political spectrum because every point on the spectrum is ‘well it’s ours now :)’#like oh some of us think it’s all ours except these small areas so we’re more reasonable than the ones who think it’s ALL ours period#THOSE ARE THE SAME.#‘oh well this survey says 20% of people lean left’ THERE IS AN ACTIVE GENOCIDE#why the FUCK do you care about ANYTHING except making it stop???
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This is such a tangent btw but on the topic of guilt tripping and reblogs... I remember a few years back there were some terrible fires in Greece (and again this year, entire island villages are gone now) and at that time I had family who were caught in them. I can't describe the desperation I felt with these horrible things happening to my family and loved ones in my country. And I remember being frustrated and desperate with how no one around me in America really seemed to give a shit. I remember blogging asking people to PLEASE care please share something please reblog this link for mutual aid please think about the stories and fires etc etc etc. And the thing is I was very much in a state of grief myself, maybe not every word or action was perfectly reasonable, because I don't realistically expect everyone everywhere to care about every tragedy in the world. You can't. Emotionally it's just not possible, especially with all the stuff going on in the states rn too. Yeah it's a lot. It's not like I blog about every tragedy that ever happens either. I understand.
HOWEVER what I also remember was at this time there were a couple mutuals very clearly making vagueposts along the lines of "remember not everyone has the energy to care about everything in the world uwu" while I was posting about family who died and family who were drifting in the ocean for hours as their homes and loved ones burned. Listen. You have to understand sometimes that when a person in grief and frustration with things going on in their countries and communities impacts them very personally beg you to care... It's coming from a place of needing to see that care in the world in general. They're not holding a gun to your head Specifically saying you have to reblog the posts, if you don't have the energy just ignore it.
You don't have to go out of your way saying "um actually I can't care about the horrible stuff you and your family and your country are experiencing rn. I'm too busy focusing on my own stuff so can you be quiet or more reasonable with your grief thanks." Like. Just keep it to yourself then??? Have some fucking sympathy for other people and understand that maybe it's not always logical. The same way you don't have the emotional energy to think about every tragedy in the world, people who've been impacted by them often don't have the emotional energy to handle that alone and may seek somekinda community or solidarity. Idk. It's not about forcing shit on you sometimes it's not about you
#part of me thinks the 'we don't have time to care about everything all the time' has set us back a bit because it gets used as an excuse#bc most of the time no one is like asking you to become a hardcore advocate for every cause ever they're just saying like#hey reblog this donation post. and like I'm going to be real how much possible emotional energy is that really taking from you#compared to the actual activism the statement was meant for and such. like come on#surely less than complaining about people having the gull to ask you to give a shit right?#you can still have sympathy for multiple things without necessarily devoting a lot of your energy to said things you know?#doesn't mean you have to surround yourself with them to become the perfect most progressive activist or whatever#but you can like. idk. express sympathy or condolences in passing every now and then. like people normally do. idk#instead of being like 'how dare you ask me to care! there's issues in my own country i have to blog about!' are you for fucking real#but yeah enough time has passed that i can think more rationally about this and now know that that was a careless response#exactly the type of people you were afraid of being the representatives of the worlds apathy in your greif etc#but there are also people who do care is the thing#and obviously for the record I'm not mutuals w the former anymore bc like Christ
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The thing that kills me is that all of it really didn't matter. The impeachment, the bigotry, the national security risk, the tearing down regulations resulting in recalls and outbreaks, January fucking 6th. None of it mattered because "well the democrats are gonna raise taxes"
#like i know there are a lot of people who are wholeheartedly for trump#but also so many people ive talked to just dont like harris bc 'i cant see my taxes get any higher'#like not to be the 'you draw the line at' meme but thats where you draw the fucking line???#you watched all this shit happen and you draw the line at some theoretical raising of taxes??#i hate this country#'smooth and i still had money in my pocket' it was not fucking smooth!#how quickly people forget the past#2024 us election#i dont care really about the people who voted third party - at least right now there werent enough to make a difference#over half the people who voted voted for trump tho and thats a problem
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It's fucking weird how rude people are about immigration sometimes. And I don't just mean bigots being biased and stuff. I mean that, on a REGULAR basis, people ask me if I'm thinking about "going back to the US". And I'm just like... no? What do you mean "back to the US"? I live in Germany. I LIVE IN GERMANY.
I literally fucking started learning German and obsessing on German culture in high school, then I went to college in the US and majored in German Studies, including two study-abroad programs in Germany, then I moved to Germany for grad school and lived there for three years and worked in various German-speaking jobs while studying, then I had to temporarily return to the US but found a German-translation-based job at the US branch of a German company, and made a bunch of German or at least German-speaking friends in my new US city, and then a few years later I was able to move back to Germany, where I got a work visa sponsored by my employer and a full-time salaried job, and after a few more years I acquired my permanent residency, and soon I'll be applying for citizenship.
And people still sometimes ask me whether I'm considering "going back to the US". Like... dude? Would you ask a Mexican living in the US about their plans for "going back to Mexico"? That is rude as fuck.
Immigration is fucking hard. Why on earth would I have gone through all this shit just to throw it up in the air like "Oh well, never mind!"
#i'm sorry but this honestly makes me rage#why do so many people take my commitment to this country and culture so unseriously?#i have learned the language#i have worked here in the same full-time job for six years now#ffs my number-one most played musical artist on last.fm of ALL TIME is a german-language band#(four of my top ten most-played artists are german-language musicians for that matter)#is it because i'm white and upper-middle-class#so i come across as one of those irritating globe-hopping laptop-working culturally oblivious 'expat' types?#I AM NOT A FUCKING EXPAT#I AM AN IMMIGRANT#i have moved to a different country and i am not very financially well off and i am humbly grateful to live here#and i have learned the damn language (yes that's worth repeating) and am not interested in jumping from brazil to thailand to spain to etc.#cosmo gyres#tag rant#grump grump#god this shit drives me up the wall
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Why are jeans so expensive and why does caterpillar no longer make the same ones I have and love but have a growing crotch hole and why is the most similar type they have very different and also not made in denim
#i want love and need my 7 pockets and 2.5 loops#my front pockets can fit a field guide. easily.#im open to the knee area trio of pockets being just two and different but they STILL MUST EXIST#and i very much like having my dual tool loops and the extra lil mini loop one of my belt loops has#got these jeans at costco like. 3ish years ago. didnt expect theyd already be impossible to find again#im mad and frustrated#i love having all my shit on me without needing a backpack if im not going far/long enough#or just if i want all my shit easily accessible without removing my backpack!!! and that can just house Things I Stop To Get#right now i can have keys/knife/light; phone; treats; garmin [#on my waist bam bam bam bam#and then torchs leash; poop bags; AND A BONUS FREE POCJET STILL#torchs collar i clip onto my belt via caribiner lol#i love that hiking build!!!!!!!#backpack is for LAYERS and WATER and BOOKS and OTHER ITEMS THAT STRIKE MY FANCY and CAMPING/DAY VISIT GEAR#nothing on my upper body so i can shed layers as much as needed up top and not accidentally stuff the poop bags and his leash#into the backpack where theyre less accessible#i do not wish to negotiate pocket size number OR placement#if this journey leads to me buying a sewing machine and denim to make my own damned pair of jeans then#nobody be surprised except if it happens before i move#i dont want to lug a sewing machine across the country#maybe a local friend has one i can use#i need to go to bed
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