#gif fatigue

[contac]

[alwaysbewoke]

[jenthebug]

Oncologist is ditching our “wait and see” approach for something more aggro: scans, then a possible surgery to remove the breast mass and get me to No Evidence of Disease (NED). She also wants me to go to oncology rehab because she believes my fatigue is due to deconditioning.

Scans. 😒 this means a breast MRI, which are the worst.

Surgery.

NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE.

Rehab 😒 and a possible return of all my energy.

I am having so many feelings right now it’s unreal.

I could have to have another surgery.

I could get back to almost normal. Not normal enough to dispatch again, but normal enough to be thrown back to the rat race.

But I could get back to normal enough to go hiking again, too. And keep up with my companions on vacation.

I could start making plans for the future. But I could have to start making plans for the future. I could get more years, but again, nobody knows how many.

This is a LOT and my therapist better bring her A game next time we talk, because she’s getting the dark and depressed version of this entry.

[den-stims]

Fatigue Stimboard ⭐️ 🩵

pt: fatigue stimboard

-> just how i feel when im experiencing fatigue. been experiencing it pretty badly these last few days. 🌑🦕

🌑 🦕 🪻

🪻 🌑 🦕

🦕 🪻 🌑

[praline1968]

Fatiguée …

[glittergroovy]

[spooniestrong]

[whumpygifs]

[choasblast03]

I just learned my Milk's named

And suddenly I see how wonderful a font can be~

Maria

I just thought my milk said Maria.

And suddenly I learn

How bad my eyes are on fatigue~~

MARIA!

Say it loud

and I may sound crazy.

Giggle softly

and that's still a maybe

Maria~

This milk must be sold by Maria~~~

[matchakuracat]

when you just had a shower this morning and already feel like you need another one

[a-room-of-my-own]

J’ai toujours trouvé Lordon profondément antipathique mais maintenant je sais pourquoi :

Le bourgeois est le juif, le juif est le bourgeois, comme quoi faut pas gratter longtemps pour voir que les intellectuels estampillés LFI sont surtout d’énormes antisémites.

À ce stade de l’article j’ai commencé à rigoler tant il est décomplexé. Le 7 octobre aura vraiment ouvert les vannes.

[jenthebug]

Next time I think I have enough energy to do the big weekly grocery shop inside the store instead of pickup, remind me that no I don’t. Forcefully, if necessary.

Holy shitballs I’m exhausted.

On the plus side, I did get out to the library today too, and checked out a book that I’d been wanting, and made a 2024 aspirations bingo card. So that’s cool.

[tears-that-heal]

I believe it's been about a week since Philomena last visited, now she's already back! T-T My PMDD (a.k.a Philomena) creates drama for me and my loved ones. I feel almost helpless to counter or prevent it from happening. I'm just not fully Elena, when she's around. These crazy female hormones inside of this body are just big burden. Most of the time, it takes a loved one to point out the presents of Philomena. It's not often that I spot her behavior in me, first. This time I caught her first! I recognized her obsecive behavior from last summer's metal crisis. I've been obsessing over getting a rescued lap-dog of my own. Online searching at local rescues and shelters, plus online searching for pet supplies and etc. Just today I went to our county humane society and put down a deposit for a young chihuahua mix doggie. Even now, I'm telling myself that I'm crazy for being so emotional and impulsive, but Philomena is more than happy to have secured getting a new, cute dog.....just for me. I'm still kinda at odds with myself cause my logic says the money can easily go to something way more important then another dog. *sigh* Jesus, please save me from myself and stop me from doing anymore silly emotional things! T-T

[nopressurenostress]

Crashing: back to work

I’ve been at work for a week and the fatigue has hit quite hard. I’ve been showing a new colleague the ropes and pushed too hard. I wasn’t getting any warning signs until the last moment and then down I went on the familiar downward cycle. I want to go to the gym today but I know I need to slow down so I don’t enter burn out. Things I have learnt.

🥀I notice my warning signs better these days

🥀6 weeks off is enough to forget how to pace! I work in a school so it’s a massive change to routine!

🥀 accepting help is getting a little easier

🥀 taking responsibility and stepping in to call the shots of when to go home is getting a bit easier

🥀 the shame is lessening

The smaller warning signs that a fatigue attack (or whatever I’m meant to call it) that I don’t ignore now are :

🍄 feeling dizzy even though I’m hydrated and have eaten

🍄 waking up more tired than I usually do (I find it hard to remember to compare)

🍄 working out how physically far away things are comes to the top of my priorities

🍄 it is harder to concentrate, sit up and I walk slower and stay closer to the walls

🍄 things start to feel a lot heavier that I can normally lift with ease

🍄 I start to count the hours left in the day

🍄 I start to feel nauseous and achey - general malaise when I know I am not going down with something

Things I do to start helping myself out:

🍇 sit the fuck down when I can

🍇 not feel bad for asking people to carry stuff and open things for me (honestly all the doors are fire doors at work and it’s not great)

🍇 prioritise everything: decide what’s urgent to do and what can be delegated and what can wait - better one day now than a week because I pushed from fatigue into pain

🍇 whack out the stick - deal with the comments by just steamrollering them with other stuff or jokes or if it’s the kids and/or I cba to explain I normally say something like ��my body gets more tired than my brain so I need help” - kids are actually better at taking an answer tbh

🍇 decide when I will probably be done and organise the “exit plan” - I used to push past the exhaustion point and learn the hard way and also it ended up creating more of an issue tbh. The illness being the issue - I was trying my best and was not intending to “cause” more issues by overstaying my fatigue - but I know it better now. People know what happens if I stick about - they don’t need to for it to be ok I am going. It helps somewhat. But I didn’t need to “show them proof” for it to be valid. This is a hard point.

🍇 nibble food. Drink Diet Coke for the nausea (should probs be peppermint tea but I don’t like it). Hydrate.

When I get in from a lift home I :

🎒dump everything. Do it another time - not important right now

🥤drink and snack integral - probably leave a wake of chaos but it is so much better to wake up to than hunger and thirst. Bedside table

🚰 wash face if the spoons are available

🛏️ Collapse in bed and try again another day

That’s the routine for now. Maybe one day it’ll be better - I hope so. It’s a hard job to do without fatigue. So I hope for a less demanding job one day that still gives me fulfilment. But I am so thankful for my patient coworkers who give me a lift home and keep an eye on me on the bad days. I do the best I can. I hope it shows. I hope my presence helps even on these days. Also I hope this is not a crash and I can be back up and running by the weekend. We’ll have to see.

[ouchiemyspine]

thought I had more energy . was wrong . in the middle of bike ride and want to lay down and never get up

[glittergroovy]