#fucking hit me

[chevvy-yates]

Long post. thoughts post.

So, yesterday I went to a goodbye party my neighbor (also former colleague) gave bc she moves into another city.

I knew from the beginning I'll be probably the person that stands out the most just by my hair and clothing style (as I always wear something not causal when I get out and it's not for biking/groceries) but also be the one who knows only my neighbor and some faces I remembered from a past party she gave years ago.

It was a nice evening but still I wasn't able to shake the feeling that I felt alien there. I mean I talked with maybe 12 out of the 20 people there, the music was relatively okay for my taste as it had techno (but the more funny ones).

With two or three I had maybe a chatter lasting even 20 minutes? But idk I just think it happened because 1-2 of them were just curious who I am. Like my neighbors new boyfrined only knew me by name before and he said something like "So you are that phantom she always talked about" – yes I am that. Exactly right. Look at me Brudi, I wear black, I look different, I'm the overdressed phantom hiiiii! I even said to him, I like the description bc it truly is how I must appear to a lot of people. Anyway and whenever I come up with the topic Japan they want to hear something. It's lways like that. But after that? nothing.

However most time I noticed I spent with rather listening to chatter around me and watching them play beer pong. The version they played was named rage cage and way too stressful for me to try it myself – beside that I didn't want to be the one who has to constantly drink bc I fail at this and I don't enjoy to get myself drunk anymore. Or at least not with people around me I don't really know (besides I dislike the feeling next morning so yeah).

Let's circle back to just watching and listening: Around 1am I felt like, okay no one is actually making a move to talk with me anymore and I cannot find a gap to integrate myself into it somehow. So I just sat around "wie bestellt und nicht abgeholt" and the flat was empty except a beer bank and I was getting tired too (didn't really slept the night before either) so I decided to go home.

I keep telling myself that this evening was alright and I think it really was – after all my neighbor was truly happy I came. But I knew it would turn out for me like that even if I tried talking with people. And here is now me again thinking if I'm just too weird for people just by my looks alone.

Also a very German thing is, that if you have your little-big friend circle and go to parties or bigger meet-ups you tend to stay in that circle and others who do not belong to it usually don't get in. And I as a German srsly do not like that. I witnessed this at the techno event I went to with Glory. Almost no one opens up for getting to know new people. You come as a group, party as a group, go home as a group. I don't say that all Germans are like that but majority definitely is.

And here is me wanting to connect as I am tired of sitting around at home nearly every weekend but how shall I connect with people if it is so hard to get them into a chatter? I cannot say from myself I'm someone who just gos and says hello I want to talk to you. I have no problem talking with strangers but I don't want to be annoying is all so I prefer if others make the first approach if I cannot make out it's okay to approach them but fucking Germans aren't as open as eg. Americans (the amount of people talking with me while my 12-days US vacation was the entire opposite.)

See I don't need to get to be friends with you in the end, I just want to like to fucking talk with someone and not just sit around like a douchbag on a private party like that. bc then I can spent my time with better things instead. The techno event a bunch of weeks back was different, I came there not to talk but to dance, if chatter would happen no problem with that. But I paid for listening djs playing sick beats live so I prefer to dance instead of talking.

I don't really know how to make friends around here to be honest. Sometimes I feel so alien I wish myself I would just be the standard normal type of human being with a causal style, preferably one human type that doesn't have 12343 thoughts and overthinks everything as I've learned those people exist and I envy them. They must walk around so carefree.

[badolmen]

People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.

For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.

The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.

So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.

Edit: if you are able, use $5 you would otherwise use for a streaming subscription to donate to a GazaFunds campaign.

[valtsv]

"objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz" is one of my favorite character concepts. i think it's so great when there's an absurdly hot person who's just a complete fucking loser. the mood is unsalvageable the moment they open their mouth kind of deal. you get no bitches because you're so sucks.

[myclericalromance]

i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said "we're not catholic here". now every time i'm doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[notesbynor]

neurodivergent and queer people how are we feeling?

[keymintt]

a comic/zine about coyotes

[idnwtdta]

I literally feel dead in a living body

[seven-tastic]

that one silly pijama thingy but its aventiopaz

[lmaowh-at]

Catelyn heard someone snigger behind her. She loves him, poor thing, she thought sadly. She'd play his squire just to touch him, and never care how great a fool they think her... (and some other things)

[parasitoidism]

80s anime dubbing is truly a lost art form

[weirdglassthing]

Don’t give a mouse a cookie but it’s don’t give an artist a canon detail about a character anyways torbeks favorite movie!!

Sorry for inactivity but I’ve got some FIRE things coming up 🫡

[sandflakedraws]

re : how each brother reacts learning that they can't go back

you'll have to pry the "all the Brozone Bros knew what happened at the tree" headcanon outta my cold, dead dead dead hands.

[giselles-dumping-hat]

So Act 3 is going great,

[div1n309]

me at the sleepover after saying i'm not tired

[gascreates]

a new star