#holy fuck this hit 50k are we all. doing okay.

[myclericalromance]

i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said "we're not catholic here". now every time i'm doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.

[acesofspadess]

Live

pairing; Niall Horan x black!OC/reader (reader has a name, but read in second person)

summary: after a silly little comment on Niall's live, who would've thought it bring you...well here....

a/n: and she baaack!!! another Niall fix because we can NEVER get enough Niall. Share your thoughts below and comment if you want to be added to the taglist. Happy Reading

You laughed shyly again and decided you should take off the bonnet holding your braids if you were gonna do this. “Cmon, Maia. Cmon.” he cheered you on. “There's 42 thousand people who want to see your face.” that scared you shitless. “Oi, don't say that.” you scolded jokingly and you picked the phone up from the bed. “What are you some sort of model?” he spoke when your face was in full frame. You heard Atticus laugh as you slapped a hand against your face. “Eff off.” you told both of them.

May 2020

The live was pretty silent when it first started. Just the sounds of Niall strumming the guiatar. He started talking about the future of music and that's when you decided to comment.

“I think you should listen to my cover of Still” Niall read aloud and you panicked. In what world would he have seen your comment? “Well let's bring you on then. Gonna bring in Maia” you were sure you were dreaming. “Did he just-” your best friend Atticus snapped his head towards you. “Holy fuck,” you said as you accepted it with the phone turned towards the ceiling.

“I heard that.” he scolded and you laughed nervously, “ ‘ello.” you spoke softly. “Do we not get to see your face?” he spoke confused, “just a hidden person.”

“I don't know about that, I didn't think you were gonna ring me in.” you laughed and at him, “well i did so,”he shrugged with a smile. “Show yourself.” Atticus laughed as you hid yourself in your hands with laughter. “I know I look a right mess right now, I'm still in bed.” you spoke shyly, realising the magnitude of this conversation. “No you don't, your only telling yourself that.”

“Are you Irish?” Niall finally picked up. “And scottish. But funny story really.’ you spoke sarcastically. “I was born in Dublin then when you went all hollywood on us, my parents decided to move to Mullingar, never told me why.” he laughed at the story and while it wasn't funny it was the way you delivered it. You laughed shyly again and decided you should take off the bonnet holding your braids if you were gonna do this. “Cmon, Maia. Cmon.” he cheered you on. “There's 42 thousand people who want to see your face.” that scared you shitless. “Oi, don't say that.” you scolded jokingly and you picked the phone up from the bed. “What are you some sort of model?” he spoke when your face was in full frame. You heard Atticus laugh as you slapped a hand against your face. “Eff off.” you told both of them.

“Well how old were you?”

“I was only 5.” you watched him do the maths in his head for a few seconds, “so you're 20 now?” you shook your head. “19, I turn 20 in december.” he nodded his head in understanding as he spoke, “you live there now? Or have you moved?” he asked as flipped to show him the window. “Does that answer your question?” it was the mural of him across the street and he laughed. “A real fan I see.” and you laughed. “It was the only place i could move into at the time.” he laughed at you and you shook your head.

“Niall you should make her perform for all these people.” Atticus spoke up from next to you. “You have someone with you.” his voice was tight and you didn't know why. “That's my best friend Atticus. He just wants to embarrass me so he has something funny to tell his boyfriend.” you shot back at him. “He is not my boyfriend… yet. And if i wanted to embarrass you id just tell them that you're a raging One Direction fan” Niall and 50k people watched as you hit his shoulder causing him to nudge off the bed and almost fall. You laughed throwing your head back and Niall did too. 

“Okay let's not get hurt on my live. I don't want any legal action.” you laughed as you situated the phone in your hand again. “I do want to hear you though. That is why I brought you on.” you shook your head. “Alright hang on.” 

You got up from the bed and went your ‘music room’ which was the guest bedroom and picked up your acoustic guitar setting the phone on the sheet stand and popping on your headphones so the audio wouldn't be scratchy. “Very professional.” niall commented as fiddled with his guitar. “Take it away.” you cringed tuning your guitar to the right keys. “I'm gonna make a complete haymes of myself.” Niall shook his head letting go of the guitar strings. “You won’t. Now play.”  

You started with the familiar strums of guitar as you did your best not to look at the phone in front of you. 

My mind is complicated

Find it hard to rearrange it

But I'll have to find a way somehow

Overreacting lately

Find it hard to say I'm sorry

But I'll make it up to you somehow

Niall had his eyes closed his head swaying slightly with a small smile

And I just don't know why

The stars won't shine at night

Tell me you want it

If you were watching the phone you would have seen Niall open his eyes in positive shock at how breathy you hit the note.

A thousand miles away from the day that we started

But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest

If honesty means telling you the truth

Well, I'm still in love with you

You played a little bit more of guitar before stopping and looked at the phone to see Niall looking at you bewildered. “Why did you stop?” you shrugged shyly. “I didn't know you wanted me to sing the whole song.” you shot back with a laugh. “What got you into music?” he asked as you played with the strings of the guitar softly. “I don't know, I've always been into it but right now- I mean the whole world has become a creative.” you watched his eyes light up as you said it. “You have to to let it come to you, you know.” you shrugged.

“That was truly amazing. Anytime i hear covers i'm scared because what if i don't like it you know. But that was amazing. You should definitely pursue a career in music. I would love to hear your voice on a stage.”

And that he would...

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive @maeflowers653

[thefreakandthehair]

✨ 2022 ao3 wrapped ✨

thank you for the tag, @pizzaqueen @hexmionegranger @flashyysins @unclewaynemunson! I adore all of you :')

Works Published: 14

Word Count: 78,639 [not including the roughly 50k currently unpublished until January!]

Hits: 52,347 [holy fuCK you guys?!!?!]

Bookmarks: 1,944

Most popular by kudos: and if I get burned, at least we were electrified. explicit, 9.2k. [I loved writing that one so much, I think I was possessed but the response to it was beyond anything I could've imagined for a little Halloween oneshot!]

Most hits: livin' on a prayer, explicit. 17.9k. [totally makes sense because that was my first steddie fic back in August! also my first piece of writing since literally 2013 so again, I'm shocked and awed that it garnered any kinda audience.]

Longest: kind of cheating here because the longest published is also livin' on a prayer, but over the hills and far away is the longest thing I've ever written at 75% done and 50k.

Shortest: hush when no one is around, my dear. teen and up, 1.1k! [a request based on a prompt from @corrodedcoughin where Dustin finds a cute note from Steve to Eddie in a DnD manual.]

Most comments: once again, and if I get burned, at least we were electrified. [but funny enough, a cute fluffy oneshot I wrote isn't it obvious? is very close!]

Fic that made me cry: counting stars (when I look in your eyes), teen and up, 6.3k. [this was my christmas fic for the spicy six challenge and for several reasons, I cried writing it. I really do project onto Eddie so fuckin' much.]

Fic that made me smile: i made this mess with love., explicit, 3.9k. [this was a steddie+ bar fight request from my bestie @bayouteche and I may or may not have included us as little side characters because why the fuck not? writing us into that very small scene really made me laugh!]

Gifts: simple twist of fate. teen and up, 3.3k. [this was for the fruity four halloween gift exchange with the prompt of Steve/Eddie and Robin/Nancy coparenting the party.] also special shoutouts to gifts I've received because they've been INCREDIBLE: Adventures in Flirting by @misspanicdead and boston cream by @fruityfourgalore <3333

Events: other than the spicy six winter fic challenge [which BY THE WAY holy SHIT I'm gonna compile everything into a masterlist at some point soon but you all fuckin' rock, seriously. I didn't think it was gonna take off the way it did and I love every single one of you for making it a thing that made it all the way to TikTok!], I also participated in the fruity four halloween gift exchange [simple twist of fate], @eddieismissing's halloween challenge [requiem for a nightmare.], and the @strangerthingsbigbang which okay, technically not completed until january but whatever, I'm counting it for this year too.

tagging: (I know this has been going around so if you were already tagged or already did it, ignore me &lt;3) @bayouteche @sharpbutsoft @henrystars @kkpwnall @flowercrowngods @withacapitalp @hotcocoaharrington @stevieclaus @solosnail @strawberryspence and literally anyone else, this is me tagging everyone who wants to get in on this :')

[akechi-stole-my-heart]

it's been a year since i first completed persona 5 royal, and since then i've read quite a bit of akeshu fic. i went through my bookmarks to find my favorites to rec them to you all here in a kind of masterpost. i'll be giving a short summary as well as my thoughts on them. this is going to end up being a very long post, so the rest will be under a readmore.

so, first off we have my favorite oneshots that I've read this year. listed in the order i read them.

you've got me seeing through different eyes by futuresoon

a bad ending p5r fic where maruki gives akira the ability to actualize akechi according to his wants. really fucked up with a lot of psychological horror, and while i don't necessarily think this is what would have happened in canonverse, its a terrifying thought experiment and exactly what i'm looking for in a p5r bad ending akeshu fic.

Fools Rush In by Atalan

akira speedruns his confidant with akechi in a single day and things end up happening a little bit differently. it absolutely nails their dynamic and there is A Moment in this fic that will forever live rent free in my mind.

never a wish better than this by shouldbeworking

2/2 but its groundhog day (which is fitting, since 2/2 literally IS groundhog day). this made me hurt in a very unique way only a fic like this could. god. hhh. pain. just thinking about it. fuck

When it's over, you're the start by thenotwriter

the phantom thieves slowly start to forget everything that happened in the metaverse, including akechi, but akira doesn't want to forget. there's a moment in this fic that made me cry but don't worry it has a happy ending.

why don't we spin the wheel by futuresoon

what if there was a cognitive akechi in sae's palace. this one has some pretty fucked up stuff in it so read the tags but damn is it good holy shit.

With Mournful Tread by Yustiel

ng+ time loop but its a little bit ethereal and you have to read it multiple times to really get it. that ending though. it always gets me. its the kind of thing you have to stare into space for a while after reading it.

Falling Up by KivaEmber

akechi has Angst about killing akira during the third semester. it's short and simple but it hits extremely hard.

fallen angel by cruellae

after killing akira, akechi descends through one last palace. one final mental shutdown to induce in a target whose distortion is dante's inferno--a hell covering all of tokyo. impeccable symbolism and several moments that make me Emotional.

next we have some shorter longfics, aka anything with multiple chapters that's under 50k words. once again laid out in the order i read them.

Lions Share by Turandot

akira and akechi are both hit with a status effect that compels them to snuggle with sumire that sustains even after they leave the metaverse. very royal trio-centric but not necessarily romantic. this was the first p5 fic i read so my memory of it is a bit hazy, but i do think i had a couple minor gripes with akechi's character, but on the whole it is very very good.

Pleasant Boy by ez_cookie

okay. this is my second favorite p5 fic of all time. GO READ IT.

ah shit. i forgot to tell you what it's about. maruki actualizes goro during the third semester and turns him into the detective prince but Genuine. this fic is so so so good and has my favorite moment in any fic ever. i have fully sobbed both times i have read it, and i do not easily cry. (it has a happy ending.) go read it!!!!! now!!!!!

gravitational reset by chashmish

the third semester if maruki accidentally created a bond between akira and akechi that forced them to be near each other at all times. lots of akeshu fluff as they try to deal with this 'problem' with some amazing moments near the end.

Kintsugi by cryptisPrince and Ethereally

this starts out as a velvet room attendant akechi fic and ends with an akechi palace. the beginning is good but the ending is goddamn AMAZING.

killed with kindness by veterization

(this one is technically JUST over 50k words buuut i decided to put it in this category anyway.) the phantom thieves forcibly befriend akechi starting early on in the game. the pt befriending akechi is literally my favorite thing ever and this fic does it very well. its super sweet.

Press To Give Gold by Erina

persona 5 but the characters use reddit. this one is fricking hilarious and mostly lighthearted fun until it suddenly punches you in the gut. and then its lighthearted fun again.

take me to church by cruellae

akira has a palace post-royal. the symbolism/imagery in this one is what really elevates it for me.

Trickster's Maze by TwilightKnight17

another akira has a palace post-royal. its a tad mean to the thieves but the symbolism and catharsis is worth it. joker's shadows (there are several) are literally the best things ever i love them a lot.

Flight through fall by Tayani

a summary would require several trigger warnings, so. post-royal, very sad and dark, but it has a hopeful ending and i found it to be very cathartic. i've already read it twice and i only found it a couple months ago.

Love, Ren by Tayani

akira (okay, its obviously ren in this fic, but i always call him akira bc ren just does not fit him and i will die on this hill) writes a series of letters to akechi over the course of the game. the characterization is wonderful and the ending beautiful.

finally, we have the longer longfics, aka everything over 50k words. its the shortest list but some of my absolute favorites are here.

the first step to find your way is to mark where you have been by futuresoon

akechi palace fic post-royal. akira and akechi make their way through akechi's palace every night so akechi can return to the living world and the metaverse can finally be completely destroyed. there is a ton of amazing character development for akechi and it gets deep into his backstory. this fic also heavily influenced my own akechi palace au, which you'll probably be able to tell once its out. this is one of my absolute favorite akechi-centric fics. there is some darker stuff though so mind the tags.

it takes a village by shouldbeworking

AND HERE WE HAVE MY #1 AKECHI FIC OF ALL TIME. its a ng+ from akechi's perspective and everyone remembers the original timeline except for goro. i read this fic three times in a fucking row despite it being the longest fic on this list it is THAT good. and i am currently (slowly) making my way through it a fourth time and highlighting all the best beautiful passages which is honestly a majority of the fic. the whole thing is just, absolutely gorgeous in every single way and has everything you could ask for in an akechi redemption fic. i cannot rave enough about this one just go read it and pleasant boy and i will die happy. wow. just. wow.

hiraeth by atomjenkins

akechi spends time with each of the phantom thieves one on one during the third semester. (almost) every chapter is beautiful and explores their parallels with akechi. i have a couple minor complaints about how it deals with akechi's feelings about killing people, and one major complaint about makoto's chapter (the author doesn't like makoto and it shows), but other than that. very solid, highly recommend.

Once More, With Feeling by beesandtoes

akira and akechi get stuck in a time loop on the day akechi dies. this starts out great and slowly gets better and better and then the twist hits and it becomes absolutely fucking amazing. definitely somewhere in my top five.

the uprooting of the universe by akc

taking place five years after the end of persona 5 royal, akira and akechi meet by happenstance and reconnect. both akechi and akira have changed a lot in the past 5 years and while akechi's life is now relatively stable, it's still not happy. basically a slow burn of akechi learning how to let himself become happy and finally make some real friends. the akeshu is extremely wholesome and adorable. also this fic made me kin akechi even harder, lets just leave it at that.

and you know what? lets include some bonus ichinose-centric fics i read bc i went through her whole tag on ao3 and these two were the highlights. ichinose deserves so much better. c'mon you guys lets write more about her please i am begging

A God As Lost As You And Blind by Fuchi

multichapter fic where ichinose and maruki have a long conversation in his taxi and do some soul searching together. there were a few (many) moments where i was like 'do people really talk like this?' but then again this is ichinose and maruki we're talking about.

Do AIs Dream of Past Mistakes? by presidenthomemaker

oneshot where ichinose has a touching moment where she reconnects with her emotions while on a road trip with sophia. nitpick that its a little repetitive of their moment together in p5s but i liked this fic a lot regardless.

[bottomlouisficfest]

We hope you’ve enjoyed the eighth week of fics from the Bottom Louis Fic Fest! Every weekend, we’re compiling all of the fics from that week into one roundup post so they’re easy to find for anyone looking to catch up on fics they missed. Enjoy these amazing fics and give them the love they deserve!

Floating

A fic by littleLouve on AO3 | @larents on Tumblr | louvees on Twitter

10k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

The one where Louis has control over water in every form but he doesn't know what to do with it. Harry is here to guide him.

don't want no other shade of blue

A fic by padfootyoudog on AO3 | @louisisworthit on Tumblr

43k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“I know you’re putting on an act,” says Harry after a moment, and Louis scowls when he realises the prince is actually amused.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Louis.

“All I’ve heard over the past couple of years are rumours of Prince Louis’ kindness, and generosity, and oh, he’s so handsome I can barely pour his tea without shaking!” says Harry, putting on a silly, high-pitched voice for the last bit. Louis’ scowl deepens. “I would already know if you were just another selfish, bratty omega prince. You can’t fool me, darling, but I admire your efforts.”

“As you said,” Louis grits out, “those are only rumours. I assure you, I’m a terrible person.”

—

prompt 339: it was foretold that Alpha Prince Harry would be mated to a beautiful male omega with eyes that could rival the stone amethyst, but Omega Prince Louis refuses to believe it.

Loving You's the Antidote

A fic by neverheartbroken on AO3 | @neverheartbroken on Tumblr

5k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Prompt 302: Alpha Harry & Omega Louis are divorced but still spend each other’s heat/rut together because they only really trust each other but things get complicated when Louis (or Harry, author’s choice) spend it with someone else. Cue angst with a happy ending. (Prompt Inspiration: Prompt 98 from the 2019 BLFF)

dirty laundry looks good on you

A fic by tomlinvelvet on AO3 | @tomlinvelvetfics on Tumblr

50k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

When Louis Tomlinson finds his clothes lying in a sad soapy mess on top of the washing machine in which they are supposed to be, he acts upon his anger and retaliates. What he doesn’t expect is having to deal with a six-feet tall, curly-haired and dimpled man in return, who seems to arouse confusing feelings within him and to make his life take an unexpected turn for the better (or worse?).

OR; the utility room is a great place to fall in love.

no good unless it's real

A fic by fackinglouis on AO3 | @fackinglouis on Tumblr

17k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Here,” Harry says, pulling a strap off his shoulder so he can dig his phone out of his bag. “We can get each other’s numbers.”

 Louis shakes his head. “I have the practice’s number already,” he tells him. “And my number is definitely on file somewhere.”

Harry pauses, smile quirking a bit as he stares at Louis. The sun is still in his eyes, though, with his sunglasses pushed up onto his head still, so Louis credits his funny face to that.

“I’m trying to give you my number, Louis,” Harry explains around a breathy laugh.

“Oh,” Louis blinks, processing that. He scratches his temple, moves a piece of longer fringe back behind his ear, and then nods. “Okay.”

Or: Louis is a very busy farmer who’s just trying to make it to his next nap and Harry’s the new hot vet that’s determined to infiltrate every area of his life.

Since the Future

A fic by bluestarwitch on AO3 | @loustarlight on Tumblr | IwtstarIight on Twitter

44k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

"It's done."

The words were barely above a whisper when they left Harry's mouth, but they hit Louis with the force of a freight train. It was done. Holy fuck. They had created a time machine. And tomorrow, they were travelling to the future.

To Love without Reason

A fic by MuggleMirror on AO3 | @mugglemirror on Tumblr | mugglemirror on Twitter

8k | Not Rated | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

“Come on in, soldier,” Louis pats Harry’s chest and walks away, leaving Harry to follow behind.

Harry stands in the living room, looking around at Louis’ dwelling. Family pictures placed high on a shelf, certificates of Louis’ practice, and other trinkets that make Harry entirely too nostalgic.

“I have to warn you,” Louis says as he puts the kettle on, the water droplets from his hair trickling down the golden skin of his back. “The door jams if you lock it so you'll have to leave it ajar.”

Harry acknowledges with a soft hum, too entranced by Louis’ glistening skin to form a coherent reply.

Sedative Duty.

A fic by daddyharrie on AO3 | @daddyharrie on Tumblr | daddyharrie on Twitter

46k | Explicit | Louis/Harry | Tumblr post | Twitter post

Pop-star of the moment Louis Tomlinson is on his third-world tour. He decides to hire renowned professional dominant Harry Styles to unwind while on the road. In an effort not to raise suspicion by the crew, fans, and press,  Harry pretends to be his bodyguard. He ends up being far more than that.

–

View the other roundup posts here:

Week #1 Fic Roundup

Week #2 Fic Roundup

Week #3 Fic Roundup

Week #4 Fic Roundup

Week #5 Fic Roundup

Week #6 Fic Roundup

Week #7 Fic Roundup

[sierraraeck]

Cleansing (Pt.1)

Spencer x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

If you are triggered by talk of sexual abuse and have not read how I have set up this fic, please do so. You can still read it without that content, just click here.

(This is my gif so please give credit if used)

Summary: Spencer needs help dealing with his dealer. Both of them are required to take two weeks off and they decide to spend those two weeks together. Things get hot and messy and emotional. There’s a lot going on. Story nine.

Category: Some angst, some fluff, some steam, some smut.

Warnings: Cussing. Drugs. Mentions of drug abuse. Shots fired. Discussion of prior sexual abuse. Oral (both receiving), penetrative (unprotected), fingering, creampie.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: This is my first time writing smut. Forgive me if it’s bad and I’d love to hear your feedback. Also, I know injuries don’t heal that fast but we are just going to ignore it.

Side note: Somewhere in here I hit 50k words of fanfic.

About a week or so after Spencer and I talked about our problems, the rest of the team figured it out. Or at least I assumed the rest of the team figured it out because Hotch figured it out. Well, all of it except the kiss. That no one knew about. And things would have been fine and we would have continued going to work as usual if Reid had just listened to me. But no, instead, he made a poor decision that led to us both taking a required two weeks off.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

A knock sounded at my door. I got up to check who it was through the peephole and saw that it was none other than Spencer Reid.

“Hey Doctor Genius,” I said as I opened the door to let him in. It had been two days since he’d confronted me and slept over. “What’s up?”

There was terror in his eyes, “I need your help.”

“Of course. What’s going on?” My own eyes got wider at his apparent panic.

“The guy I’m getting the drugs from. He’s threatening me,” he said. I slowly nodded.

“Threatening to what? It’s very common for dealers to threaten certain things, especially if you are late on payment. Are you in debt?” I asked.

“No, no, nothing like that.”

“Then what?”

He hesitated.

“Spencer, what?”

“I’m friends with someone who lives in the apartment complex he makes me meet him at. He’s telling me that if I don’t pay him extra, or get him information on the bureau, he is going to go in there and kill them, then expose me to the FBI,” his voice had dropped to a whisper and he sounded out of breath.

“Holy shit. How’d he find this out? Do you visit this friend often?”

“No. I’ve actually never been to the apartment complex until he made me meet him there,” Spencer said.

“What? So how does he know they live there if you’ve never visited them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think he could be bluffing?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think I can take that chance.”

I let out a huge sigh, realizing that I hadn’t exactly been breathing for the past couple of minutes. “Who’s your dealer?”

“He calls himself Koda.”

“Koda?” I confirmed, “As in, Dakoda?”

“I’d assume so,” Reid said, nodding.

“Shit!” Koda was one of the old Cloak members that I cut when making the switch to my underground ring. He didn’t go easily, and vowed that I would regret that decision. I’d caught wind that he was doing pretty well for himself right before I went to prison, and by now he was one of the most well known drug runners in the northeast.

“What? Why is that a problem?” the panic was rising in his voice.

“It’s nothing. I’ll handle it,” I said, already heading toward the door.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that this is bad, but I’m going to handle it,” I hissed.

“I’m coming with you.”

I rapidly turned to face him. “No. You’re not.”

“Yes I am. And you can’t stop me.”

“You wanna bet?” This was a situation Reid was way too close to and way too underprepared for, and I couldn’t afford having him get in more trouble than he already was. He needed to stay behind.

“Please. I got myself and my friend into this mess. Let me help get us out,” his eyes were pleading.

“Who is this friend anyway?” He just looked at me, mouth agape. He was struggling to find the right words. “Forget it. But if I’m going to be sticking my neck out for this person, they better be worth it.” I shot my eyebrows up at him.

“They are,” he quickly confirmed.

I exited my apartement, Spencer on my heels. I shut and locked my door and turned to head down the stairs. When we reached the bottom I turned to him.

“I have one rule. You let me handle this my way, and when I tell you to do something, you do it. Got it?”

“Got it.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

We reached a payphone, one that Spencer directed me to, and I unlocked the car doors to let him out.

“You make the call like you would any other. You need to meet at the usual spot and act as natural as possible,” I reminded him. He nodded and got out of the car, half speed walking, half jogging to the phone. The call only took a minute or so, and he bounced back into the passenger seat.

“How long?”

“20 minutes.” I nodded. I drove us over to the apartment complex, paying more attention now that I knew there was someone he cared about inside. Or at least he thought lived inside. We sat in the parking lot in silence, waiting for the 20 minutes to be over.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head, “I’m so stupid.”

“Reid, this isn’t your fault. You didn’t know any better. I’m just glad you came to me when you did,” I said. Yes, I was pissed that this was happening but he wasn’t to blame. He didn’t know the ins and outs of how these things worked in real time, and when it got too hard he was smart enough to ask for help instead of letting it get even messier.

The 20 minutes were up. I saw Koda peek his head out from behind the building, but no new cars had shown up. Good. He’s on foot. Which also probably means he’s alone.

“Stay here,” I said, leaving the car before Reid could protest. I reached a hand behind me, just to make sure I still had my gun, then walked confidently to the back of the complex.

When I turned the corner, Koda was grinning at me.

“Ah, Aundreya! It’s about time you showed up!”

“How’ve you been, Koda?” I indulged him.

“Oh, don’t pretend you care. We both know you’re only here to save your little pet,” he said, eyes getting bigger in excitement.

“So, how’d you know I was going to be here?”

“Please, you’re fucking everywhere! I knew you’d show up eventually. You always do.” His face looked sour.

“True. You know how much I enjoy raining on your pity parades,” I taunted.

“I do. It must hurt no longer having that amusement.”

“Not really. I, too, have moved on to bigger and better things. I don’t care if you're some hot-shot runner. You’re still just a runner,” I said, clicking my tongue and shaking my head.

“Yeah, and you of all people, are now just another one of the government’s bitches,” he said, mirroring my gestures.

“Look, I’m not here to talk about our differences in life choices. I’m just here so you know to stay the hell away from my … pet, as you so graciously put it.”

“Yeah, pass. He owes me, and I’m going to get as much bang for my buck outta this one. You understand,” he said with a wink.

I scowled and cocked my head to the side. “See, that’s the thing. I wasn’t asking.”

“You don’t control me. If you wanted to, you should have thought about that six years ago.”

I rolled my eyes and my tone was demeaning. “Still on that, huh? You have got to get over it. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but you just weren’t good enough back then.”

“Yeah, back then. I’m definitely good enough now. Your loss.”

“If that’s what you need to hear,” I said. We stared each other down.

“But to get back to the point, I’m not going to leave your boy alone.”

“Yes. You are.”

“Or what?”

I smiled. I was hoping he would ask that. Before he could blink, I had his right forearm in my left hand, stepping my right leg behind his back. With my right hand on his side, I swiftly threw his entire body weight over my hip, and he hit the pavement with a thud, knocking the wind out of him. I held onto his right arm, now taking it in both hands, and put my foot down on his shoulder. I yanked his arm as hard as I could away from his body and he let out a screech.

I bent over so I was closer to his face. “Or next time, I won’t stop here.”

I released his arm and watched it drop right next to his scrunched up face. When I turned around, Spencer’s jaw was on the ground.

He wasn’t supposed to see that.

“What the hell!” I snarled. “I had one rule!”

He was stunned, his eyes glued to Koda, so I just grabbed his arm and yanked him down the alley that led back to my car.

“Hey, Aundreya!” I turned around to face the direction of the voice. Time moved in slow motion as I comprehended Koda aiming his gun at us. With my left hand, I went to pull Spencer behind me and with my right, I reached behind me to pull out my own gun.

Two shots rang out, one quickly followed by the other, as both men collapsed.

“Spencer!” I yelled, turning to him. He was on his knees and I sunk to mine. Both of his hands were clutching his right side, just under his ribcage.

“I’m okay,” he got out between shaky breaths. I called 911.

“Spencer, you’re going to be fine, the paramedics are on their way,” I assured.

He nodded his head in Koda’s direction. “What about him?”

Only then did I remember that there was someone else in the equation. I didn’t have to look to know that he was dead, but I checked anyway. I’d hit him right between the eyes. “He’s gone.”

I rushed back to Spencer and I cradled his head as more and more blood soaked his shirt. It started to seep through his hands so I placed one of mine on top, trying to apply as much pressure as I could.

“Where are they, dammit!” How could the ambulance be so slow?

“You know … the average ambulance response time … is approximately … nine minutes … and twenty-four seconds…” he tried through labored breaths.

“Shh. Don’t talk. I’ve got you,” I said. The blood flow wasn’t slowing down any time soon, so I removed my hands from him momentarily to take off my jacket, followed by my t-shirt.

“What are you-”

“Sh. I said no talking.” I ripped my shirt into strips, trying to make as many as possible that would also get the job done. “Move your hands.”

He obeyed and I quickly wrapped each one around his body, tying knots above and on top of his wound. I ended up getting five strips out of my t-shirt which wasn’t bad. I shuffled behind him and wrapped my arms around him like a sixth layer, pressing both of my hands on his side. I helped him lean back so that his head was resting on my shoulder. Shortly after, he added his hands on top of mine, both of us working hard to preserve as much blood as we could. We were frozen together, completely unmoving, both of us focused on his breathing.

Seven minutes later, the paramedics finally arrived.

“Miss, we are going to have to ask you to move aside,” they told me. But I couldn’t. I was firmly planted where I was, unable to force myself out of the way. “Miss?”

Spencer tilted his head slightly to look up at me. He attempted a small smile and nodded. “It’s okay. They’ve got me.”

I nodded at him, then the paramedics, and reluctantly gave up my spot behind him so they could help him. I winced when I saw them hoist him onto a stretcher and load him into the ambulance.

I had tunnel vision focused on Reid.

“Miss?” I jumped. “Is this yours?”

A young, blonde haired man was holding up my jacket. “Oh, uh, yeah. Thanks.”

“You did a great job. Those knots saved him a lot of blood.”

“Thanks,” I repeated. He smiled at me and placed a quick hand on my shoulder before getting into the other ambulance that had Koda’s body covered with a white sheet.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

When I arrived at the hospital, the rest of the team had beat me there. I called them before I got into the car, following the second ambulance.

“Oh my god! What happened?” Penelope asked. She already had tears in her eyes.

“This guy was threatening Reid, so I went to talk to him about it, and he pulled his gun on us,” I quickly explained. They didn’t have to know about the drugs.

“Jeez,” JJ said, putting her hands on her head in distress. “Threatening him with what?”

“I don’t know, exactly. Just asking for information about the FBI or something.” It wasn’t my place to answer questions regarding Reid’s friend. I wasn’t 100% sure what he did and didn’t want them to know, so I tried to be as vague as possible, while also providing bits of the truth.

“How about you? Are you okay?” Emily asked. I surveyed myself and realized I looked a lot worse than I’d thought. I had slipped on my jacket before entering the hospital, but I neglected to zip it up because everything was so frantic. I had blood all over my jacket and my exposed stomach and bra. I had a few stains on my pants as well, but the worst of it was on my hands. I could tell my hair was ratted because I kept pushing it out of my face as a nervous habit. Which meant there was most likely blood in it as well.

“Uh, yeah. I’m better than I look,” I lied. I wasn’t injured, but I definitely felt like shit.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Emily said, placing a soft hand on my back, guiding me toward the bathroom.

I nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

I was able to wash off the blood on my hands and stomach, I even put my head under the faucet to clean my hair, but my clothes were a totally different story. I didn’t have any extras, so I was forced to stay in them. I returned to the waiting area with wet hair, clean skin, and my bloodied jacket, now zipped up over my bloody bra. I sat down next to Derek and across from Aaron, Emily opting to stand behind me.

“Do you think you can answer some questions?” Hotch asked.

“Yeah. For sure.”

“Where did this happen?”

“It was behind an old apartment complex off of Revered.”

“Who were you meeting?”

“Some guy, he called himself Koda.”

“Why were you going to meet him?”

“All Reid told me was that this guy was threatening him and he needed my help. I went to talk to him, just to scare him a little. He was clearly a street rat so I knew he’d know who I am.”

“Did he show up alone?”

“Yes.”

“Did you show up alone?”

“Yes. I told Spencer to stay in the car.”

“What did you say to Koda?”

“I told him to back off, he challenged that, so I tossed him on the ground, dislocated his shoulder, and told him that if he didn’t quit messing with Reid, I wouldn’t stop next time.”

Everyone on the team knew that I could be ruthless, but each time it got explicitly pointed out, I could feel the slight tension radiating from them. I learned that part of that was rage in support of me and part of that was some other mixture of emotions against me.

“Then what?”

“Then I turned around and Reid was standing there. He wasn’t supposed to be there. I’d told him to stay in the car, I made him promise me to stay in the car. But he was there, so I tried to get us both back to the car quickly. Koda said something so I turned around, and he had drawn his gun. I reached for mine as I pulled Reid behind me. I shot Koda but not quickly enough because the next thing I knew, Reid was collapsing behind me.” Tears started welling up in my eyes at the vivid memory, the gut-wrenching feeling of panic, but I willed them not to spill over.

“What did you do then?”

“I saw that the bullet had hit him in the side and called 911. Spencer asked me about Koda, so I checked to see if he was dead and he was. I tried to apply pressure to his wound with my hands, and that’s when he informed me that it would probably take the ambulance ten minutes to arrive so I knew I had to do something else. I ripped my shirt into strips and knotted them around him, trying to stop the bleeding. It helped, but he started to bleed through onto our hands. That’s when the paramedics showed up and then we were here,” I concluded. They were all nodding at my words, gentleness in their eyes.

The doctor came out, so we all stood up, practically swarming her. “Doctor Reid is going to be fine,” we all let out a collective sigh of relief, “The bullet grazed his right side and slightly fractured his lower rib. He lost a lot of blood and we had to give him pretty extensive stitches, but he is going to be fine. He will need to be hooked up to his IV over night and put in a brace for the next couple of weeks. You can see him if you want.”

We all pushed by her, nearly tripping over each other, in order to get to his room as fast as we could. He was laying down in the hospital bed, an IV attached to his arm. He smiled at us.

“Hey guys,” he croaked. He tried to sit up but winced and laid back down.

“Hey pretty boy,” Morgan said. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrible actually. How are you?” he asked, directing his attention at me.

“Well, I’m not the one in the hospital bed,” I countered.

“You always say things like that. For real,” he pleaded.

“I’m fine, rattled at most. Doing a lot better now that I know your dumbass is okay,” I said raising my eyebrows. “Why’d you do that?”

“I was worried when you hadn’t come back after a few minutes. Then I heard screaming and I had to come check on you,” he replied.

“You should have listened to me, I would have been fine. Your first instinct needs to be self preservation.”

“That’s not your first instinct,” he accused.

“Yes it is,” I defended.

“It may have been at one point, but it isn’t any more. Otherwise you wouldn’t have helped me to begin with,” he argued.

“Well there are more important people in my life now than just myself.” I looked around at the people standing in that room with me, and I was glad, and honestly relieved, that it was true.

“Aww, how sweet of you! I knew you secretly cared about me!” Morgan teased, giving me a gentle nudge.

“Oh get over yourself,” I rolled my eyes, nudging him back. I looked back at Spencer who was giving me those doe eyes. “Please, just never do that again. That goes for all of you. I don’t ever wanna see anyone else in a hospital bed.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Prentiss said with a smile.

“Agreed,” Spencer said.

“I hate to break this up, but Aundreya, can I talk to you for a moment?” Hotch asked.

“Sure.” I followed him out into the hallway. “What’s going on?”

“I told the police the events you recounted to me and because it was self-defense, they are going to let you off. Of course, they are required to ask Reid a series of similar questions, corroborating your story, but you should be in the clear.” I nodded. That was good news, but there was something else. “However, because this wasn’t related to a case we were working on, I’m going to suspend you for two weeks.” There it was.

“Why?”

“A few reasons. What you went through is traumatic, you’ve been working really hard lately, and it would be good for Reid to have someone with him while he recovers. It would be good for both of you. So take the full two weeks and I don’t want to see you back before then,” he gave me a stern look that asked if I understood.

“Okay.”

He turned to walk back into Spencer’s room but quickly added, “And do everyone a favor by getting yourself and Reid clean during this time off.”

Part 2

Taglist (open)

@justanothetfangirl

[lovelyparkers]

hard as nails (2)

summary: the second and final part to hard as nails! my 50k special!!! warnings: VIOLENCE!, a gross teenager, angst and fluff, um spiciness and swearing 2.5k words

peter parker left school that day with a hunch. he thought of the note, the knowledge that you attended the same school, the flirting, your voice...

and especially those red nails.

the same nails that belonged to you. the same ones that would pin his wrists down in several different places during fights. the same ones that stroked his cheek. it had to be you i mean, he had chills along with his spider sense. he knew it was you. and it kinda sucked. he liked you in school. he thought you were so cute and smart and sweet. and in the hero vs villain world? he thought you were mysterious and funny and...maybe a little sexy. your villain name, violet, flowed off his tongue so nicely and your hair when it blew in the wind on rooftops and your eyes that glistened under the moonlight. your signature red nails that could kill (my gosh) and your fucking party city mask.

it was y/n. it was you.

he bolted down the busy sidewalks of queens and changed into his spidey suit. his main and only focus was to track you down and find out what the fuck is going on. the only criminal he would catch tonight was you, no matter what.

you usually showed up in peter's path at some point every night, sharing some banter and flirting and the occasional play fight. but today was different. he couldn't find you. and sure it was new york but still, you always showed up and he started to worry. he swung around and around the proximity of queens several times for fun and on the lookout for you for hours.

meanwhile, you were at home doing some homework. sitting on your bed in your empty apartment writing down some notes and studying for tests. point being, you were trying to keep your mind off of daria at all costs even though she would probably find you and kill you if you didn't bring her peter. but you wanted to have a relaxing evening off your feet. maybe you would go out, maybe, you doubt it.

but you got bored, figured you'd head out on the town, steal some cash, buy yourself some treats before you get brutally murdered by a frightening middle aged woman. your victim was a kid from your school, total idiot who lived in your neighborhood and still went to midtown. you walked behind him on the sidewalk for awhile before grabbing his backpack and pulling him back into your arms.

"hey kid."

"oh my god," the kid hyperventilated, "you're that- you're that girl."

"mhm yeah i am. now give me your wallet and we won't have any trouble sweetie."

"okay," he stuttered our before reaching into his bag to pull out a wallet and hand it to you.

you dumped the contents onto the sidewalk, one hand still holding him in your grip. you fished through the items. there was loose change, a few twenty dollar bills, school id and a condom.

you held it up in his face, "really? you're that guy? you disgust me."

"i'm sorry!" he yelled.

"okay move along and get a life buddy."

you pushed him out of your path and headed down the street to a corner store which sold the greasiest funnel cake on planet earth that seemed to always be opened. you got the biggest order topped with literally everything they had and tossed a twenty on the counter pocketing the rest of your, well that kid's, cash.

you held your foam take out box filled with an enormous funnel cake and happily climbed you way up the fire escape to the nearest building. you were a little shocked you hadn't seen peter yet tonight but hey, maybe you scared him off. you sat down and enjoyed your funnel cake and watched the sunset over queens. what a nice night to be murdered.

you could still give peter up and save your own life but, deep down you couldn't. you had so much fun with him over the time you've been here and he never turned you in. he never hurt you. and you made a promise to him. he knew who you really were, a damaged kid who got caught up in the wrong crowd. but you were a shit head and peter was a hero. you stole stuff and he stopped the people who stole stuff. you couldn't risk his life for your own actions. it wasn't fair, and you realized that. now, it was time to be the good guy.

"violet," peter said, grunting as he hit the rooftop.

you turned your head to face him, "oh hey babe, want some funnel cake? i stole it sorta."

"no, i don't want stolen funnel cake. i wanna talk."

"about what," you said with a full mouth.

"about you."

"hey dude, you do this every night! i'm a bad person about to get beat and i'm trying to have a wonderful last meal."

"i'm not gonna beat you up."

"not what i meant."

"why?"

"why what?"

"why are you doing this? why are you protecting me?"

you paused, chewing and some powdered sugar fell on your leather pants, "because i know you're a good person. and i'm a shit head. and i realize that now. i just- i don't know if i can stop but anyways it will all be over tonight."

"what are you talking about," peter asked ripping off his mask.

you still faced away from him, eating, "she's gonna kill me."

"who?"

"daria. my mentor as one might say. she's gonna kill me since i didn't turn you in."

"i'm sorry what?"

"daria—"

"no i heard you just what the hell y/n, do you—" peter realized his mistake and covered his mouth with his gloved hands.

you groaned and chucked the rest of your funnel cake off the roof, "damn it man! how the fuck do you know?"

peter pulled his hands away, "the red nail polish, you should really be more careful."

you smirked, impressed, "says you."

"i'm learning," he said walking closer to you, "now whats this about getting killed."

you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in close to his face, "it doesn't concern you babe."

"seems like it does," he began, resting his hands on your waist, "since it's either me or you."

"don't worry, i'm doing you a favor," you laughed.

"yeah, that's your life. i'm not asking you to do this."

you stroked his hair, "i know. but i'm gonna."

"stop. i'll help you."

"no no no. look. i'll be at that run down place of 75th street. in two hours come and pick up my body. daria will be gone by then."

"violet- i mean, y/n, stop. i'm gonna help you."

"i don't need you to save me, hero. people need you more than they need me."

you squeezed yourself out of his arms and headed to the edge. you were about to get down to head to daria's when peter shot you with a web and pulled you toward him.

"woah there spidey, tying me up already? who know you were so kinky."

peter blushed, "listen to me. y/n i need you. i need you so so bad. you keep me grounded, i'm serious. you're a real pain in the ass sometimes but i love it. you're funny. and really really sexy might i add."

"ooh look who's flirting now."

"shut up," he laughed, "but i really need you. i'm not gonna let some middle aged woman kill you. that's not how you should go. i wanna get to know you. i can tell you don't like being a 'shit head' as you called it and i'll help you. i'll show you how to use your powers for good. we can be partners."

you smiled, thinking for a second, "i appreciate the offer but, you should just let me go."

"well these webs take two hours to dissolve."

"damn can you even last that long?"

"stop," he blushed, "i'm serious. i'm gonna help you. if you'll let me?"

you looked into his brown eyes filled with hope and slowly nodded, "okay."

"okay."

you both stood there on the roof, "so now what?"

"um we wait till my webs dissolve off you?"

"so what are you gonna do with me for the next two hours?" you smirked.

peter laughed, still blushing, "see this is what i'm talking about, a pain in the ass."

"but you love it," you laughed.

he did.

—————————

two hours later you were able to pull the webs off with the aid of peter. during those two hours you talked about all sorts of things. and you really wanted to change. you wanted to be good. and you devised a plan to take out daria.

peter swung the two of you over to daria's place and of course being you, you made several cheeky remarks which made peter almost drop you one or six times.

when you arrived, your body was almost shaking. you were actually terrified. peter put a hand on your back to calm you down and it helped a little.

"okay y/n are you ready? you go in first then i go in then we both kick her ass."

you nodded slowly.

"spidey?"

"violet?"

you grabbed his cheeks in both your hands and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, "see you on the other side."

you ran off, entering daria's apartment, leaving a blushing peter behind.

"holy shit."

you quietly entered daria's kitchen and called out for her.

peter came up to stand just outside the door to listen and be ready. he didn't doubt you, he just wanted to protect you. and goddamn he wanted to kiss you again.

"daria?" you asked into the empty kitchen.

"you're late," she said, "where is he?"

you said nothing.

"that's what i thought. i knew you could never do it deep down you bitch. it's almost midnight and no spider-man. you know what i said. you're going to suffer."

"what's your deal with him anyways?" you asked, steering away from the plan, "you're too lazy and fucking stupid to do anything yourself so you make me do dirty work. and you want me to rid off an innocent hero. fuck you."

shit. peter thought. this was gonna get real fighty real fast. but he nodded, it was kinda hot hearing you curse.

"don't play with me sweetheart, i protect you."

"i can protect myself. i'm done with you."

daria walked forward to you and slapped you across the face and kneed you in the stomach. you grabbed the side of your face.

"jesus what is it with you and slapping me?"

once peter heard the smack and busted right in the door and kicked daria square in the stomach. he ran to you in the kitchen to help you up.

"you okay?"

"yeah i will be babe, thanks."

daria got back up and tried the punch peter behind him but you swept her legs out causing her to pummel to the ground. she was too easy to beat. peter webbed her feet to the ground. and her hands together.

"oh c'mon taser web this bitch."

"no!"

you scoffed and walked to her side, "you're too easy to beat."

"so what, you're the good guy now?" she spat.

you looked to peter then back to daria, "yeah maybe. maybe i am."

then you pulled back your own hand and slapped her in the face.

"that's what you get bitch! you're done!"

peter grabbed your waist to prevent you from doing anything else and carried you out to the parking lot. he also called the police to get rid of that horrid woman.

"so now what?" peter asked.

"go to a rooftop? we have lots to talk about."

"you got it violet," peter winked, grabbing you again and webbing around to find a nice desolate roof.

he gently placed you down and sat next to you, taking off his mask.

"so," peter began, "what's up?"

"i'm sorry i kissed you."

"don't be. i...i liked it."

"really?"

"yeah. really. i like you, and not just violet, i like y/n, i like all of you."

you smiled, "i like you peter spider-man parker."

"good," he smiled.

there was a small moment of silence, both of you smiling over each other. and then you leaned into his side and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him in for a passionate, well deserved kiss. it was long lasting and felt so good until peter pushed back your shoulder.

"so if i'm gonna teach you how to be good," he said licking his lips, "you have to know that i'm in charge."

"oh are you now, pretty boy?"

"mhm. now take off that mask."

you obliged, taking off your party city mask and throwing it on the roof, "there, how do i look?"

"hot as hell, babe."

"that's my thing," you reprimanded.

"hmmm i don't know."

you quickly swung a leg over peter's hips, straddling him tightly, and pushed on his chest till his back hit the roof and once again pinned his wrists down.

"babe, i think we all know who's in charge here," you whispered. peter left out a soft breath with his eyes closed, feeling you on top of him.

peter quickly brought his legs up and out pulling you up and then turning you so now your back was on the roof and he was straddling your waist.

"do we?" he asked, "because wow..."

he leaned in so close to your face that his messy brown curls were toxic hung your forehead.

"...you look even prettier underneath me."

you smirked, biting your lip, "you know, you don't look so bad on top. but if you're gonna teach me to be good, i'm gonna teach you to be bad."

"what no! i'm a hero!"

"no," you laughed, "like...dirty stuff."

"oh," he blushed.

"i can teach you so many things."

"can you now?"

"oh i sure can. i can show you a whole lot you've never seen before," you said.

peter's breath started to quicken and he just wanted to get at you right there.

"and you know, we're both pretty flexible," you joked.

"oh man y/n. you're gonna be the death of me."

it was his turn to kiss you. his lips moved against yours in a fiery passion, whilst still having you pinned down. it was the kiss of your dreams. he would groan into your lips every so often causing you to melt and when you hit his lip and just about lost it, letting go of your wrists and you took over the kiss.

who knew, a hero and an ex villain making out would ever be a thing?

[destielmixtape]

What I’m working on

@winchester-reload tagged me to talk about any WIP I have going on. Currently, I’m putting all of my focus into my third long fic, the last in a Destiel trilogy I’ve been working on since October. They average about 50k apiece. I’m 26k into the third one.

Rules Do Dis: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

What I’m working on:

Journeys (part of the Wake Up series): Journeys is canon compliant through today with the exception of Castiel losing his wings in the fall and the arrival of Mary.

I’ve been struggling a bit with this one. So far I think it’s the strongest of the three. The first story was mostly fluff and smut. The second was more action and angst. This third one has more of an angst/mystery plot. 

One thing about this series that people either love or hate is that there is a major OC that becomes a love interest for Sam. It’s her presence that really drives the plot of the second two stories. 

The series focuses heavily on music for thematic guidance. 

Excerpt from Chapter (7): “Whisper Tales of Gore”

Castiel sat on the edge of Charlene’s bed, next to the pile of her belongings they had somewhat successfully brought back from her apartment. He had removed his jacket and rolled his sleeves up like he’d seen Dean do countless times. He watched as Charlene paced back and forth, drink in hand, the now nearly empty can of taurine-infused yellow-flavored energy beverage flashing in the dim room lighting.

“I think the first thing we need,” she said seemingly to herself, “is a list of the major life events that have occurred since meeting Dean. Like, the big stuff.” She pivoted and headed the other direction. “Things that changed you. Him. Both of you.”

“Could you further define ‘change’?” Castiel asked, nervousness taking a backseat to amusement. Charlene was excited, focused. Any self-consciousness he felt earlier had been obliterated by the woman’s endearing self-possession.

“Well, deaths are a good start; I’m guessing you’ve both had your fair share of those.”

The angel laughed bleakly. “I think I could make a whole tape just about the deaths. There have been more than enough.”

“Well, the deathiest deaths, then?” She turned to him and grimaced. “Your deaths, at least the ones that directly pertain to Dean?”

“Wow, this is angsty.”

She clanked the can down on the nightstand and turned toward him, clasping his shoulder with one hand. “You need the dark,” she said with emphasis. “You can’t have the light without it.”

He nodded solemnly. “I understand.” 

She released him and smiled. “I told you Sam exposition-dumped all over me before, but that was his perspective of his life. I need something similar from you.”

Castiel carefully scrutinized his lap. “I am not sure how to even begin. No one has asked me about my life before. My journey.”

Charlene exhaled softly with a visible slump. Castiel looked up to see the corners of her mouth downturned in a way that looked unnatural on her face, as if she’d never done it before. “Their loss,” she said softly. Suddenly, she straightened up and leaned past Castiel to retrieve the quad ruled notebook and a pen from the bed. She flipped it open to the first page and began scrawling with a precise, slicing script. For Dean.

She leaned up against the dresser and put the pen to her chin. “Okay, Cas, let’s begin at the beginning. How did you meet?”

He blinked slowly at her and didn’t speak for a moment. Then he began, voice low, purposeful, almost proud. “It was commanded of me. Heaven needed Dean. He broke the first seal of Lucifer’s cage, and he was the only one could prevent the Apocalypse. I was sent into hostile territory as a Warrior of God. I flew through hell fire and the sound of millions of souls screaming in agony. I wrestled a knife from his hands, wrapped my grace around his soul, and dragged him from Perdition.”

Charlene’s mouth hung open as she stared at Castiel through dark lashes. “Holy shit.”

His eyes were a clear, ponderous blue, salt spray on the wind. “That’s why my wings are black,” he added softly. “Scorched by the fires of Hell.”

Her breath caught in her chest and ached for the angel. She blinked rapidly and shook her head, cheeks flushed, then scratched something down in the notebook. Complete and total badass.

“Just so you know, you’re going to have to go into great detail later regarding the fact that you have actual fucking wings, okay?,” she said, voice edged with something he could not place. She stuck the pen in the book and tossed it on the dresser, then dug into her pockets to produce a white and blue packet of cigarettes and a lighter with a picture of a groundhog on it. She slid one out with practiced fingers and brought it to her lips. Castiel tilted his head curiously at her and furrowed his brow.

“I was not aware that you smoked,” he said, rough voice taking on a tone of paternal disappointment.

She chuckled, taking the unlit cigarette away from her lips to respond. “I don’t, really. I save it in case of emergency creative endeavors regarding angels and true love and the fucking apocalypse.”

The angel’s soft lips twitched into a smile and he gave a shy shrug.

“Do you mind?”

“No, I suppose not.”

With that, she slotted the cigarette between her lips and lit it, shielding it from the wind out of habit. She took a deep drag, then pulled it away between two fingers. She leaned back into the dresser and exhaled upward, blowing a perfect and practiced smoke ring. Tendrils of white climbed upwards from her fingertips as a lazy smile opened across her face. She rolled her head back toward Castiel, who smiled.

“You ever smoke, Cas?”

“No.”

“Never? Why not? And don’t start rattling off health concerns, because I’m pretty sure they don’t apply to you.”

“It has never… come up. I do not eat or drink.”

“You’ve never drank? Alcohol?”

“I have had alcohol. But it takes quite a bit to have any effect on me.”

“How much is quite a bit?” she asked as she took another drag, this time exhaling normally.

“I drank a liquor store once,” he mused.

She raised an eyebrow.

“To be fair, I thought the world was ending,” he said, monotone betrayed by a hint of wry amusement.

Charlene walked to the nightstand and ashed into the empty drink can, then crossed her other arm over her stomach. “You wanna try it?”

He eyed the cigarette warily. “I believe this is what the public service announcements refer to as ‘peer pressure’.”

“That is exactly what this is,” she said, extending the cigarette toward the angel.

Castiel reached up hesitantly from his seat on the bed and took the cigarette awkwardly, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. He haltingly brought it up to his lips but she stopped him.

“No, no, Castiel, not like that. You’re not Ernest fucking Hemingway at his typewriter. Here,” she said, sliding another cigarette out of her pack. “Hold it between two fingers, like this,” she demonstrated, holding it between her index and middle finger. “Like you’re gonna stab a dude in the eyes.”

“Do I want to know why you know how to stab someone in their eyes?” he said with a raised eyebrow.

“No, you do not.”

“Very well.” He repositioned the cigarette to Charlene’s specifications, brought it to his mouth again, and then stopped. He looked up at her with lost eyes.

“Oh for the love of Pete,” she grumbled good naturedly. “Like this,” she brought her new cigarette to her mouth and lit it. “You stick it in your mouth, then pull on it like you were sucking through a straw. Do not swallow it. Once it’s in your mouth, then you inhale.” She demonstrated, and then continued on the exhale, “you inhale for about three seconds, hold it for about three seconds, and then gently blow it out. Most people cough at first, but I doubt you will.”

He nodded, took a deep breath and on the exhale brought the cigarette to his unsure lips. They pursed around the end, and he did as Charlene instructed. The sensation was strange. A slight burning, more like a tickle but inside of him. He pulled it away and held his breath under Charlene’s watchful eye. He exhaled through his nose, and then suddenly it hit him; he felt a mild yet dizzying wave of euphoria roll through his body and dissipate into the air. He scrutinized the cigarette between his fingers curiously before repeating the procedure, and was pleasantly surprised by a second wave of dizziness.

“Curious,” he muttered, eyeing the cigarette suspiciously.

“Wait, do you feel something?”  she asked, leaning down to examine Castiel’s face.

“I feel… dizzy. In a pleasant way.” He made a motion to take another drag and Charlene stopped him.

“Whoa, whoa, pal. Wait a second.” She grabbed the can and brought it to him. “You have to ash that puppy, like this,” she took another drag from her cigarette and then tapped it into the can. “Your turn.”

Castiel gingerly tapped the cigarette over the can to relieve it of its half-inch head of ash. Charlene crouched into a squat, dangling both the can and her cigarette in between her knees as she stared at Castiel in fascination.

The angel was miles away as he took another drag off the cigarette. He was mildly aware that as an angel smoking should really have no effect on him whatsoever, at least in theory. The truth of the matter was that he didn’t know any angels who smoked, so he had no point of reference. This was virgin territory. He smiled at that thought, and then let himself slowly fall back onto the bed with a soft and pleasant whumph. He held the cigarette up above his head like a brass ring.

///

If this piques your interest and you want to read more, my Ao3 works page is here.

Tagging: @malicezero, @compulsive-baker, @crossroadsangelcastiel, @emptywithout and anyone else who wants to do the thing!

[sanguinarysanguinity]

2016 “Writing” Year Review

(I make other kinds of things, too!) gakked from @ecouter-bien

Total Number of Things Completed: 22 finished stories, 10 of which were 60-word stories for Sherlock60. (I stopped doing those, because the effort to fit a complete story into precisely sixty words was consuming half or more of my writing time in a week, which was making it difficult to finish other things. It’s a lovely exercise, and I’m proud of some of them, but it was sucking my creative time like no one’s business.)

I also published two vids and two podfic. (Podfic are new-to-me this year! Hooray, I learned stuff!)

Also-also, I co-founded AO3′s More Holmes collection and co-modded two rounds of Holmestice. I choose to count that time as making things, too, even if the thing made is “only” a shared creative space.

Total Word Count: Approx. 55K words of fiction, plus another 10K word of commentary for that one vid. Plus 30 minutes of podfic and 6 minutes of vids.

Fandoms Created In: Star Wars, Supergirl, Mad Max, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Strange Empire, Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries, and fifty-some Holmesian fandoms, heh.

Looking Back, Did You Expect To Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? I expected to finish more, actually. I hoped to finish at least one of the two WIP stories on my hard-drive that have been sliding toward 50K each, but I eventually jettisoned the effort and wrote 30K of new stories, instead. I also trunked 10K of my ill-fated Holmestice story. :-(

But even though my raw word count feels low (for me), that was one humdinger of a vid project, plus I learned to make a new kind of fanwork, plus I modded three things. So, you know.

What’s Your Own Favorite Creation Of The Year? Well, it would have to be Something Good (Will Come From That), wouldn’t it? Every minute of working with @language-escapes was a joy, and it was well-received, too, widely rec’d outside of media fandom and in a bunch of languages I don’t speak. Too, it was almost exactly the thing I had initially set out to make: I wanted to show off Holmesiana the way I see Holmesiana -- as a great, tumultuous, heartfelt, joyous, and much-contested sea of ideas -- and I honestly think a lot of viewers got that from it.

But it was also very difficult to come back from, creatively. All summer long and into the fall, there was the definite sensation that I’d just published the best thing that I would ever make, and what was the point of trying to make other things? It took months to shake that. In the end, I didn’t so much shake it as decide that I might as well kill some time by making some shit.

Did You Take Any Creative Risks This Year? Mm, yes. I have long had a crushing fear of writing sex scenes, and it was limiting what kinds of stories I could tell. With @phoenixfalls​’s encouragement, I screwed up my courage and made myself write some smut. And it went okay! I didn’t die, and some people enjoyed the stories!

Do You Have Any Creative Goals For The New Year? I’d be nice to finish up THE BEST BEE FIC ON MARS, because that’s been bugging me. It’d also be nice to finish up one of those monster WIPs on my hard-drive, and to un-trunk one of the trunked things. Also, I promised a bunch of treat-vids to people last summer; it’d be nice to get those finished up.

Best Creative Work Of The Year? Something Good (Will Come From That), obviously. Which was a double-edged sword: like I said, I spent months afterward paralyzed by the feeling that I’d done the best work I’ll ever do. :-/

Most Popular Work Of The Year? Hahahaha, Something Good (Will Come From That), of course. It was a bit, um, unnerving, actually. The streaming file has had 6.5K plays, it’s been rec’d in non-fannish venues from facebook to gizmodo, and even the grumpy old-guard Holmesians who hate everything I love have said some nice things about it.

In fact, for a while there, I thought I was going to open my email to find that my mom had forwarded it to me, all “I saw this and thought you might like it, I know you’re into Sherlock Holmes.”

Work of Mine Most Under-appreciated By The Universe, IMO: Desperate Men and Fools was never going to have a large readership (because ampersand, because American AU, because crossover with a rare fandom), but c’mon, I had hoped for a little more readership than it got?

That said, the readership it did get was as appreciative as I could want. I’ve been very lucky that way.

Work Most Fun To Make: Baker Street Papas. Yeah, so, the vid’s success was fucking with my head, so I holed up and wrote 18K of fluffy kidfic in an incredibly obscure fandom, just for me and @language-escapes, it didn’t matter if anyone else liked it or even read it. Writing it was a lot like writing THE BEST BEE FIC EVER, all self-indulgence and not much critical anything, just putting down shit what amused me and not much caring whether you’d still respect me in the morning. Weirdly, it got a lot more readership than I thought it was going to? (Is that the dudeslash effect? It’s been fun that people like it, anyway.)

Story With The Single Sexiest Moment: HahahahaNOPE. I write smut by not letting myself think about what I’m doing, and I avoid re-reading it after. If you want to identify a sexiest moment you can go read them and tell me.

Sweetest Story: Welcome Home, maybe? It’s all about hugs, anyhow, and people finally getting them.

“Holy Crap, That’s Wrong, Even For You!” Work: Huh, lookit that, I didn’t unleash any of my crack-not!crack monstrosities on the world last year. Sorry, I’ll try to do better.

Work That Shifted My Own Perceptions Of The Characters: Saved the World Today gave me a horrendous case of feelings about Alex Danvers -- until then, I did not know I had Alex feelings! Some of those feelings spilled over into Terrible Sisters, but most of them ended up in tagspams.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Eh, you can find deeply-held parts of me throughout all of my stories. It’s the only reason they speak to people, I would have thought.

Hardest Story To Write: Desperate Men and Fools. First, the crossover is a fundamental genre mismatch: @gardnerhill’s “Welcome to Bakerstown” is rooted in the mythic, legendary, larger-than-life Old West, while Strange Empire stands stands in stark opposition to that kind of Old West story. Second, I was writing about Native genocide from a white pov, fuck my life. Third, I was attempting to write a classic Western, which is a genre that I deliberately avoid -- I cobbled that thing together from half-remembered Marlboro Man commercials and shit. It doesn’t usually take me a year to write an 11K story, but it took me a year to thread my way through that 11K story.

Biggest Disappointment: Having to trunk my Holmestice story this last round. Trunking it was a good decision, but damn but it hurt to have to do it.

Biggest Surprise: That Something Good turned out to be a smash hit, actually. Honestly, between the unfashionable song choice and the fact that we were aggressively selecting commonly-maligned sources, I thought it’d just be another one of Those Weird Things That Sang Makes, passionately loved by a few and ignored by most. And then when it went live mere hours after the Pulse nightclub shooting... I was 100% resigned to it being perceived as the most irrelevant kind of trivia. (Which was certainly how I was feeling about it, that horrible day.)

But then the comments started coming in, and it turned out that people got it, that it clicked for them. That it made them happy. And not just my weird little corner of Holmesiana, either, but that it was being received as a love letter to the fandom at large, and that the fandom-at-large was responding in kind...

I, um, hadn’t expected that. It was a silly little song about how pretty the dragon is; it was the shock of my life when the dragon sat up and listened to it.

[angstandhappiness]

INTERESTING

i went to a tiny counterserve diner once and accidentally poured sugar instead of salt all over my hashbrowns and was eating them sadly anyways. the waitress took them away and started making me another one and I tried to protest, but she just snorted and said "we're not catholic here". now every time i'm doing something painful out of obligation i think about how that is not repenting, this body is not a catholic establishment, there is no nobility in suffering.