#fuck you mate

[vintage-tigre]

[mutualcombat]

*bites ur scruff*

[full on twitter]

[miawritessometimes]

whatever chucklefuck decided to gatekeep a whole bunch of content to only the Chinese version of pvz2 needs to be hung upside down after their neck is slit in front of a crowd so the blood runs down their face and goes into their eyes as the crowd applauds

[bedforddanes75]

im not american but some of you guys are just fucking stupid ong what do you MEAN youre not gna vote because you disagree with like one part of what youre voting for. like okay me when im fucking thick

[krysmcscience]

Narilambs your goat

Get adopted, idiot

[d-emeter]

Simon Riley who loves to watch you shower (though not in the way you think). — plus-size!fem!reader x Simon 'Ghost' Riley

CW: plus-sized reader but can be read as body neutral, non-sexual nudity, simon being smitten

You're not sure when it became a habit, but you remember the first time it happened. You had announced you were going to take a shower, and Simon had sprung up, asking if he could quickly brush his teeth before you went in there. You snorted a little at that, telling him he could do it while you were showering — he'd seen you naked plenty of times before, you didn't even think twice about it. And always one to follow an order, he did as he was told.

It took you a second to notice how he had stilled his movements, toothbrush still hanging from his mouth and his eyes focused on you through the mirror as it slowly fogged up.

"Something wrong, Si?"

"N'thin, baby, jus' do y'r thing."

It became almost ritual not long after that. If Simon spotted you with a fresh set of clothes in your arms, he padded over to the bathroom behind you, not a word exchanged. He'd sit on the closed toilet seat, insisting you left the shower door open.

"Si, the whole bathroom's gonna get wet..."

"Don't matter. I'll dry it after."

And then he just... watches. In complete silence, he just gazes at you. Watching how you wash your hair (doing it twice, because someone on social media told you it was better for your hair), inhaling deeply as the scent of your shampoo fills the air. He watches how you work the conditioner in, letting it sit while you continue with the next step of your routine. He watches you scrub away with a washcloth, suds covering your skin before rinsing it all off under the hot water. He particularly enjoys what you call your 'everything showers'. If you're in the mood to shave, he wants you to put your foot up on the toilet seat, right between his thighs — he'll handle the hard to see parts, lovie, don't worry about it. He's a little confused about the concept of scrub, but you have no problem babbling an explanation as you rub it all over your body (you find a whole array of newly acquired shower products the day after — scrubs included). He's still watching when you get out, how you dab yourself dry instead of rubbing, almost hypnotized as you smear serum after serum and layer cream after cream on your face and body.

"No fuckin' wonder your skin is so soft- Y'got a whole apothecary in here."

"What, you think this happens naturally?"

—

The first time he actually joins you, he doesn't really know how to get the question out. It's a day and a half after he came back from deployment, and as much as you would have loved to smother him in affection, you knew he needed time. Time to ground himself, to stop seeing the blood on his hands even after scrubbing them raw, to go from being Ghost to being Simon. He's been holed up in the bedroom since he came home, and only moves to leave once he hears the bathroom door open. You only smile at him when he appears in the doorway, assuming he'd take his usual seat. He doesn't. Instead, he's gesturing awkwardly to the shower. You know what he means.

"Can I- D'you mind if-"

"Of course you can, Si."

You're gentle with him; coaxing him out of his clothes and mask, turning the shower on and letting it get to temperature before guiding him in with you. He's stiff as a board still, but you see the small exhale at the hot water hitting his skin. You reach for his shampoo (the one you picked out for him — you nearly broke up with him when you first saw the single 5-in-1 bottle he had in his bathroom), but he's faster, grabbing your own and handing it to you, and you know what he wants. You don't say a word as you squeeze some onto your palm, and go to reach up when you realize-

"Simon, baby, could you bend down a little? I can't reach..."

He's on his knees before you know it. His eyes close when your hands start working through his hair — it's longer than when he left. His hands find their way to your thighs. You know he doesn't need it for balance. His forehead rests against the pudge of your stomach as you rinse him out. You can still see the remnants of his eyeblack when you tilt his head up.

You take him through your whole routine. He lets you wash him before you take care of yourself — he just watches, like second nature.

You know you have your Simon back once you turn the water off.

[tojisun]

johnny breaking in your pussy to prepare it for a bigger cock (simon’s) :(

[moominsuki]

telling katsuki you’ve never had a g-spot orgasm before and suddenly you’re back is pressed to his chest as you’re both sat in front of your bedroom mirror and he’s stroking the inside of you walls, making it his mission to make you cream all over his fingers

[bruciemilf]

Kinda really want an AU where Krypton survived and Clark still came to Earth, and the Justice League is established.

Naturally, everyone wants a smiling, helpful, God Made Man on their team. But it's safe to say Batman isn't everyone. Not when he knows sunshine both burns and heals.

Regardless, he can't deny Clark is a huge help (literally. The guy always has to slightly bend down when talking to him, and that beard frames a starshine smile too well, and why is he smiling around Bruce for? No one's happy around Batman)

"Thank you for your help. But we're not looking to expand the team at this time, --"

Surprise is clear and concise on those baby blue eyes. It makes Bruce bite the inside of his cheek. " Team? Oh no no, I'm trying to court you! Do they not have mating rituals on earth?"

Bruce does the mature thing and vanishes with a smoke bomb. Only slighting tripping over his cape.

[somerandomdudelmao]

@tapakah0

This little bunny means the world to me

[ratatatastic]

maffhew who refuses to say runebergin torttu because he knows hes gonna butcher it so bad he might be kicked out of the country the second he tries and staunchly avoids that by going "the one dessert that barky is going to have to explain 😃"

sasha who gets faced with the most generic description of everything hes ever eaten in his life so far because of maffhew and going "???... oh you mean runebergin torttu!"

"he did good he liked the food and he likes the finland so far so its good" sasha says with so much pride now that all the anxiety has left his system that his husband teammate is enjoying his country and doesnt hate it

media availability | 10.29.24 (x)(x)

the smile of a man who knowlingly doomed his husband and said husband using all his brain power to context clues his way to whatever the fuck he just got asked that his brain is running hotter than a mid 2012 macbook air thats somehow still alive in the year of the lord 2024 but girl does she chug along shes louder than a fighter jet

[beanghostprincess]

Demiaroace Luffy is my favorite thing because one day he's not giving a single fuck about sex and the other he wants to do all sorts of viscerally, grotesque, disgusting sexual atrocities with Zoro because he looked "really pretty after slicing someone in half" and he doesn't know where the hell those feelings came from but he needs Zoro right the fuck now. But also Zoro smiles and the sun shines just perfectly on him and it makes his heart act silly and now he's blushing and covering his face with the straw hat and he would rather jump overboard to the sea than experience that again because what the fuck Nami fix this please-

[lebada]

not to be on my dnp bullshit again but im just thinking of how the obvious conclusion everyone's drawn is that they're still together but some ppl say it'd be very funny if they like fully lived in a house together as exes... i think we're all ignoring the funniest option yet which is that dan and phil are experiencing the world's longest situationship

[romanticatheartt]

So unhinged and horny😭💀

Feyre:

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

HOFAS SPOILERS! LOOK AWAY PLS

i can feel my fucking blood pressure rising from this. for context, rhys is mad at nesta cuz she took the trove and bryce was able to use it and leave her parents in the how i think? anyways, sarah what the fuck is this. what was the point of acosf’s ending with that nauseating “he’s my brother” bullshit. WHAT WAS THE POINT IF HE’S STILL GONNA TREAT HER HORRIBLY😐 and like further proving that the flying rat doesn’t still does not respect his wife. he did bring nesta back to lecture her behind feyre’s back, because he’s an incompetent dick that needs an ego boost every five fucking seconds. and god it’s so fucking heartbreaking how nonchalant nesta is about her treatment like. she doesn’t think they would kill her. that means despite being cassian’s mate or feyre’s sister, even though she may know they don’t like her as a person, she’s not 100% sure that her connection to them would still keep her safe from rhysand. and how fucking often has he blown up at her that she diverts to gallow’s humor when someone else who is completely unaware of the dynamics, brings up how shitty she is being treated.

and like this part. CASSIAN YOU’RE FUCKING USELESS. DIE!

[backpackingspace]

Consider young odysseus and Penelope courting by going on adventures together (committing crimes)