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moody-alcoholic · 4 months ago

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Chapter 6 - The New Role

Name used for reader Dani, It's just personal preference I don't like using Y/N.

Summary: Simon x reader. 5.3k words. You want to be more involved with the more dangerous side of the job. Which means you and Simon are forced to talk about your feelings and what this means for you both.

CW: smoking, alcohol, vomit, mentions of past abusive relationship, implied SA (not 141), hurt/comfort, feeeelings.

AN: Don't be too put off by the content warnings this chapter is VERY fluffy, a lot of fluff and people being bad at feelings.

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AO3

Enjoy <3

1 Month later.

You’re sat in John’s office. He’s looking over papers, like it’s a real performance review, for a real job you’ve been doing for the past month. He hums looking back over at you.

“So how’s it been?” He asks putting the papers down. You look at him, it’s almost like what happened a month ago was just a one time thing. You haven’t even been in the storeroom since. They still talk around jobs like it’s a real company. There was something burning inside you now. You wanted more. You wanted to be part of their world.

“You know, good,” you say shrugging. He presses his lips together waiting for you to say more.

“Something wrong?” He asks after a few more seconds of silence. You shake your head. How would you even ask? Maybe you could ask for another ride along.

“The job is very easy, I could easily continue to do it no problem..” You trail off you’re not sure how to word it.

“But?” He asks leaning forward on his desk.

“I want to be more involved, I want to help with the special cases.” You say. He takes a big breath.

“I know what you’re going to say. I’m not a soldier, and I’m not a ‘professional’ like you guys. But I’m discrete and loyal, and I’m good a keeping secrets.” You stop yourself realising you’re not really saying much of anything. John frowns his gaze turning serious.

“You don’t want to get yourself involved in this, it’s messy work.” John says, it’s almost like a warning.

“I do I want to. I want to help people the way you helped me.” You reply quickly.

“It’s not always that simple we can’t always help everyone.” He says leaning back in the chair.

“Well I’d like to try at least.” You say, it sounds like a plea but you mean it. He lets out a big sigh.

“It can be dangerous you could get hurt.” You feel a pit forming in your stomach. He’s not wrong. Is it worth the risk?

“I know.” You say keeping eye contact with him.

“You can’t tell anyone what you do.” You nod, you haven’t been telling anyone anyway.

“You might see and hear things you don’t like.” He says sitting up straight. You nod. The pit is not going away. You know he’s trying to get you to back down but you’re not going to.

“I want to be involved John.” You say mustering up all the courage you have. He sighs.

“Fine, I’ll talk to the others see what jobs are lined up.” He says closing the folder on the table.

“Thank you I won’t let you down.” You say getting up.

“Oh by the way, we didn’t see you for drinks last time are you coming tomorrow?” He asks. You feel like you have to make it now.

“Yeah I’ll be there.” You say turning to walk out the door. You close it behind you giddy as you see Johnny sat over on the sofa looking at a tablet.

“How’d it go we got you fer another month?” He asks smiling as you walk over to him.

“Of course what would you do without me.” You joke. Sitting down next to him. He closes the tablet down.

“Johnny where’s LT he was supposed to be back 15 minutes ago?” Kyle says from the top of the stairs. Johnny shrugs.

“Have you tried calling him?” Johnny suggests.

“He never picks up when I call.” Kyle says coming over to sit in the recliner.

“Here use my phone.” Johnny says throwing his phone to Kyle.

“Why do you call Simon LT? I thought is nickname was Ghost?” You ask, Johnny chuckles.

“It is. Simon used to be a lieutenant so sometimes we still call him LT.” Johnny explains.

“What does that mean was he like a high rank or something?” You ask. You see Kyle smile.

“Kind of, he was a rank below Price, so he was the second in command.” Johnny explained.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t talked about it before.” Kyle says pressing Johnny’s phone up to his ear.

“Si’s not one to boast, you know that Gaz.” Johnny says nudging you. You don’t talk much about his military past, he tends to stay away from it. Maybe now would be a good time to get some stories though. Your head looks up as John comes out his office.

“Where’s Simon he was supposed to be back 20 minutes ago?” John asks.

“Have you tried calling him?” Johnny says, you can’t help but chuckle. John mutters something under his breath and goes back into his office. Gaz hangs up the phone.

“Try again he never picks up the first time.” Johnny says winking at Kyle.

“I miss the days we could just radio each other and we would have to answer.” Kyle says sighing.

“Ah yes Price yelling ‘how copy’ in my ear every 3 seconds is definitely something I miss.” Johnny says sarcastically.

“So how come John doesn’t have a nickname? You just call him Price.” You ask Johnny. Kyle moves seems like Simon has picked up the phone.

“Don’t know, he’s always just been Price, or captain. Maybe you should ask him, tomorrow after a few drinks.” Johnny winks at you. You sit back on the sofa as Gaz comes back.

“He hung up on me said Price was calling him.” Kyle says as he sits down handing the phone back to Johnny. You smile.

“What do you need him for anyway?” Johnny asks. Kyle sighs. You know that sigh its the ‘special job’ sigh. The one they think they’re so good at hiding but you’re picking up on it, on all the little mannerisms.

How Simon only picks the phone up first time if it’s John, how Johnny always asks Simon for help before Kyle, if only just to piss Simon off. Kyle and Johnny tell each other literally anything and everything unless you’ve explicitly told them not to say anything. John’s nickname might as well be dad with the amount of times they run to him with silly little problems.

You see Simon pull his van into the building. Johnny gets up going to the balcony looking down.

“Welcome home honey, I’ve missed you so much.” Johnny coos with a high pitched voice as Simon gets out the van. You smile, Johnny will take any opportunity to wind up Simon. John walks out his office, Simon looks up at him.

“Oh honey, I can explain! He’s no one I love you baby.” Johnny says walking over to John. Gaz starts laughing. You watch as John shakes his head and Simon heads up the steps.

“Come on we need to have a chat, all of you.” John says looking over at you. You nod getting up as everyone piles into his office. Price leans up against his desk looking at us all.

“So Dani and I had a chat and she asked to be involved more with some of the other jobs we do.” Price says, everyone turns to look at you. The only person you want to see is Simon. Half of his face is covered by a mask so you can’t read his expression as easy. No one says anything as you feel yourself blushing.

“We’ll take it slow, she’ll follow you around see if it’s definitely something she wants to get involved in.” John explains, you smile at him as everyone turns back to look at him.

“Simon, you’ve got the easier jobs next week. She’ll follow you till Wednesday. Until I can find a replacement you’ll have to spend Thursdays and Fridays catching up with the work you’ve missed.” You nod. Simon sighs, it’s a long sigh almost a huff almost like he’s annoyed or something.

“Problem?” John asks looking at him.

“No.” He replies. John nods.

“Good okay, it’s been a good week. Don’t forget to empty the vans before you leave.” He says standing up and going round to the other side of his desk to sit down. Everyone starts getting up to leave. Simon’s eyes catch yours as he turns. You can see something in them. Is he upset? Angry? Johnny throws his arm round your shoulders.

“Joining the big boys club now!” He says cheerfully as he leads you out. Simon heads straight down the steps your head snaps to him following him as Johnny leads you back over to the sofas.

“We’ve got to have a celebration drink!” Johnny exclaims going over to the kitchenette.

“We’re already going out tomorrow, besides I have to drive home.” Kyle says.

“I’ll have to pass too.” You say. You want to speak to Simon, you want to go home.

“Party poppers the both of ya’s.” Johnny says putting the scotch back in the cupboard.

You look down as you hear the storeroom door slam closed.

——————————

Simon doesn’t come over Friday night, and you don’t hear from him all day Saturday. You don’t know why he’s been avoiding you but you confirm with Johnny that he’s coming for drinks tonight. Maybe he’ll open up after a pint or two. You spend the day distracted, you try to convince yourself it’s not that bad.

You spent such an amazing month together and now he’s basically giving you the cold shoulder. You thought you had something special. He’s so caring, gentle, nothing like the Simon you know at work who hides his face. He’s been helping you recover, if you can even call it that. He’s there when you wake from nightmares, careful not to step out your comfort zone without asking. He understands you.

You love him.

You didn’t want to admit it, scared it would drive him away.

You realised it a few nights ago while you were curled up on the sofa watching some cheesy romantic comedy. He laughed at some stupid joke. It was the first time you’d seen him laugh, properly laugh. It made your heart flutter, you looked up at him as he stroked your arm, massive grin on his face. You almost just blurted it out right there and then.

You’re not the type of person to move on so quickly. Two months after your ex and you’re already sticking your tongue down another mans throat. At least you haven’t fucked him yet. The thought makes you shiver. Not because you don’t want to, you do. You just can’t.

When he’s around though you can’t help it, your eyes soaking up every part of him. Sometimes he sleep’s topless, you just lay there watching his chest rise and fall. You’ve made a mental note of each scar he has making up stories in your head about how he got them.

You move from the bedroom to thumb through the stack of mail that has been gathering dust over the past few days. Water bill, spam mail mostly trash. Then you see a hand written letter, the address is handwritten in beautiful calligraphy and the paper is almost shiny. You open it it’s an invitation, to Joe’s funeral. You feel sick reading over the contents of the letter.

You remember the officers coming the day you found out about his suicide. You grilled Simon about it but he wouldn’t go into details, kept telling you they just ‘ruffed him up a bit’ whatever that meant. You slide the invite back in the envelope almost wanting to will it to go away. You want to hide it, you’re not sure why, you pick your sock drawer shoving it down and to the back between your fluffy winter socks. You feel sick, now you want to get out the flat you look at the clock it’s only 6. You pull out your phone and text Johnny.

Wanna meet for that celebration drink before 7?

You don’t have to wait long.

Sure thing usual place? I’ll be there in 15.

You smile, you really need to get out of this flat.

——————————

“So Simon talked to you yet?” Johnny asks winking. You and Simon haven’t really spoken about what this means, you and him, where you stand. You definitely haven’t been telling anyone.

Johnny acts like he knows, maybe he does or maybe he thinks he knows. Whatever the case whenever you two are alone he always asks about Simon and winks like you’re about to spill the dirtiest secret.

“Why? I talk to him at work.” You say taking a big gulp of your second cider, you were drinking it like water. Anything to quell the nerves, stop your mind from racing and your hands shaking. The cigarettes you’d smoked on the walk here weren't cutting it.

“Don’t worry ‘bout his reaction lass. He’s a grumpy sod when he want’s to be.” Johnny says sipping his beer.

“It’s alright.” You say sighing. It’s not you miss him.

“He’ll be over it in a week just you watch.” Johnny says. You want to believe him you want to think it’s all going to be okay. Simon does this, when he’s mad or upset about something, it’s like he reverts inwards. Doesn’t want to talk or even look at you.

There had been a few days like that over the past month. He usually just mopes around the flat limiting contact until he feels better. Or worst case he messages you to say he’s staying home. You had never been to his place you didn’t even know where he lived.

You don’t know how you would feel being in another mans flat. Maybe it was better you were always at your place. You let Johnny talk only half paying attention to what he was saying while you finished your drink. You offer to get the next round taking the empty glasses to the bar. You’re waiting for the order when you feel someone place a hand on your back. You freeze.

“Hey,” It’s Simon you relax, letting your shoulders drop.

“Where have you been?” You ask trying not to sound mad at him. It’s nice to feel him near you again.

“Had some thinking to do.” He says, you scoff.

“You mad at me?” You ask as the drinks are put in front of you, you smile at the bartender paying.

“No ‘course not.” He says. You pick the drinks up. You turn to look at him. He seems distracted about something, his eyes are soft, his expression warm in the pubs glow. It’s almost like he think’s nothing has changed over the last 48 hours and he hasn’t just been ignoring you.

You walk past him going to the table sitting down. John and Kyle are here now too taking their coats off and scooting into the booth next to Johnny. You put the drink down in front of Johnny taking a big gulp of yours. You listen to John talk as he explains something about an old General getting in contact with him about something. Simon comes back with the drinks and sits next to you.

You try to relax, you want to talk to Simon. Not here though, maybe if he could come back to yours tonight. You should have asked him at the bar. When you’re halfway finished with your cider you take your coat going out for a smoke.

You don’t know if Simon will join you but you hope he could take the hint. You’re stood off the path inhaling the smoke letting it warm your lungs. The nights are getting colder, summers coming to an end.

“Johnny said I’ve pissed you off.” Simon says, you look over to see him lighting his cigarette. You chuckle shaking your head.

“You haven’t pissed me off.” You say even though it comes across a little more hostile then you expected. Simon takes another step to be beside you.

“Sorry I haven’t been round.” He says. You shake your head.

“It’s okay, I missed you.” You say nudging him. His hand wraps his hand round your waist.

“You seemed mad about me wanting to help out with the special jobs.” You say looking up at him, he blows out a mouthful of smoke looking down at you.

“Not mad just worried.” He says looking away.

“I’ll be fine.” You say not really knowing what to say. You’d had a month to think about this. You’d spent all that time trying to get as much information from Simon, Johnny and Kyle. They hadn’t given you much, talking around the jobs like it’s no big deal. John said you could get hurt, but so could Johnny, or Kyle, or Simon. The thought of Simon getting hurt made your stomach knot, you didn’t want to imagine him being hurt.

“Besides, you could get hurt as much as I could.” You say. It’s mostly a mumble, your head spinning with the alcohol. He sighs.

“I’m trained to deal with the worse possible things. You’re not you’re just..You’re just.” He stops he’s trying to think of the words.

“What I’m just a woman? Not a soldier? Not strong enough?” You spit out. He shakes his head dropping his hand from your waist.

“You’re safe. This isn’t your life, you don’t have to worry about the bad shit we do. It’s not always easy shit like stalkers or surveillance. Sometimes-” He stops himself. Like he doesn’t want to say whats next. He steps closer to you and you turn your body so his back is facing the street.

“Sometimes we have to get our hands dirty.” He says quietly.

“You said you don’t kill people anymore.” You grit through your teeth, keeping your voice down. He sighs.

“Sometimes things happen, situations can change in an instant. Look what happened to Johnny when you first started. He got shot could have died.” He says. His hand moves to grip your arm like he wants to shake you and get you to listen to him.

“What do you think happened to the people shooting at him?” He asks. You hadn’t thought about it, or maybe you just didn’t want to think about it.

“You said he was shot for being stupid.”

“He was but he was still shot. He survived because he has years of training.” Simon says. His eyes are burning into you.

“It’s not going to change my mind I already had the speech from John.” You say. Simon sighs dropping his hand from your arm.

“What did he say. It’s dangerous? You could get hurt? Clearly he didn’t try that hard.” Simon scoffs, you don’t know why you feel insulted by that.

“I just won’t get shot at.” You say holding your hands up, you don’t know what to say to him. You know you can do this you want to try at least. Your cigarette is almost completely gone now as you flick the ash away.

“No one goes on a job planning on being shot at.” He says. “That’s not the point I don’t want you getting hurt.” You stand there looking at him as he hangs his head letting out a big sigh.

“I don’t want you getting hurt. I can’t see you hurt…I love you too much.” You gasp, you don’t mean to you just weren't expecting that. For a second you think you’ve misheard him you’re just stood there with your mouth hung open. You had no idea he felt that way.

“Simon.” Your voice catches in your throat. You flick the cigarette butt on the floor. He shakes his head. You reach up and squeeze his arm. You want to say it too. Tell him how you really feel. You swallow getting the lump out your throat.

“I don’t know what love feels like it’s been…Years. Whatever this is what we have, whether it’s love, I don’t know. I just, I want you so bad.” He flicks the rest of his cigarette away putting his hands on your shoulders. You look him in the eyes, they’re wide looking into you like he’s trying so hard to tell you something he cant put into words.

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in years. I need to be around you, have you in my life. If you do this, I could lose you.” He stops it almost sounds like he’s pleading. You don’t know what to say. You feel guilty, you didn’t know how he felt maybe you should have spoken to him first. You thought if you did it could start an argument, or he would try to put you off maybe even try to get you fired. Your brain is still used to your ex, not Simon.

Simon who’s spent the last month practically living at your place, who spends as much time as possible with you and still respects your boundaries. He’s never so much as raised his voice at you for any reason, he still sleeps on the sofa when you’re having bad nights. He’s patient and kind nothing like your ex.

“I’m sorry.” You say hanging your head. You are sorry, you mean it. He pulls you into his arms.

“It’s okay I should have been honest, told you how I feel.” He says kissing the top of your head. You can do it you can tell him.

“Simon.” You grip your arms round him tight, bunching his shirt up in your hands. “I think I love you too.” You feel his hands loosen on you like he wants to pull away to look at you. You grip him tight not moving.

“Just hold me for a second.” You say into his chest.

“Okay, I got you.” He says going back to squeezing you in his arms. It’s almost like you can feel your heartbeat in your ears thumping away from the adrenaline of telling him how you feel. It shouldn’t be this hard. You think to yourself. Maybe if he knew how fucked up you really were he wouldn’t feel this way. You close your eyes for a second breathing him in. All you can smell is cigarette smoke, you don’t care though his warmth is enough.

“Let’s go back inside.” He says after a few more seconds. You nod even though your head is still buried in his chest. Reluctantly letting him go so you can break apart.

“Will you stay at mine tonight?” You ask before he leads you away.

“‘Course.” He smiles.

——————————

You stay out later then you expected. Feeling like a weight has been lifted off you enjoying your time with everyone. You’re quite drunk when John finally calls it quits and everyone takes that as the cue to leave. Johnny is also pretty inebriated when he goes to get up, having to lean on Kyle for support. He’s even more unsteady on his feet then usual, hobbling around winking at everyone he bumps into. It makes you laugh, not that you’re any better having to rely on Simon to hold you up as you stumble your way out the pub.

“You get her home and I’ll make sure, these two make it back safe.” You hear Price sigh as Simon’s hand finds your waist pulling you up against him.

“Price, Si!” You hear Johnny shout, Simon turns and you turn with him to see Kyle doubled over vomiting into a drain.

“It’s like Spain all over again!” Johnny rubs Kyle’s back. You feel Simon chuckle, John shakes his head going over to Johnny and Kyle.

“What happened in Spain?” You ask as you watch John help Kyle stand back up straight.

“Johnny and Gaz went out and got drunk with some marines. They came back to the base so drunk they woke up the base commander. He was so mad he had them running laps until sunrise. Kyle must have stopped every few hundred meters to chuck his guts up.” Simon says as you turn to walk away.

“What about you?” You ask.

“I was sleeping, peacefully I may add until Price woke me up to keep an eye on them while he got his ass handed to him by the base commander.” He chuckles and you reach your arm round his back.

“Sounds like you had a lot of fun.” You say smiling.

“Yeah well, there were some fun moments between missions.” He says sighing.

“Do you miss it?” You ask.

“Sometimes, the good doesn't always out way the bad though.” You hear him sigh again. You keep a tight hold of him as you walk back to your flat. It’s cool and the breeze makes you feel light headed. You’re stumbling over your own feet as you walk up to the first floor where your flat is. You pull your key out your pocket. Simon takes it out your hands opening the door and guiding you inside. You both kick your shoes of at the door then he sets you down on the sofa, as you hear him going into the kitchen.

“Hey Simon?” You say leaning back.

“Yeah?”

“Did you really mean it? When you said you loved me.” You wait for a response not hearing anything. You don’t even hear him walk beside you as he hands you a glass of water. For how big he is he really is quiet on his feet. You take the glass sipping it as he sits down next to you.

“‘Course I meant it.” His hand rests on your thigh. It makes you pause. You don’t remember the last time you’ve been drunk, at least this drunk. Let alone around a guy. Your ex loved you being drunk, said he made things easier. It did make things easier, it was better then being sober.

“I meant it too.” You say to him. He smiles taking the glass from your hand and placing it on the table before you spill it.

“I know you did.” He says squeezing your thigh. It makes you swallow hard. As you do you feel bile rising in your stomach. You don’t have much time to react as your hand slaps over your mouth. You don’t want to throw up but you can’t stop yourself rushing into the bathroom and heaving into the toilet bowl. You feel Simon’s hand on your back pulling your hair out the way into his hand. You keep throwing up in the toilet until you’re dry heaving.

You reach up pulling the flush. Simon lets go of your hair bending down in front of you passing you the glass of water. You take little sips cleaning your mouth out before gulping the rest down. You look up at him through hazy eyes as you brush your hair out your face.

“Sorry, I haven’t drank this much in a while.” You say your throat still raw.

“It’s okay.” He says taking the glass out your hand as you reach it out for him. He helps you to your feet as you wobble in his arms.

“Lets get you to bed.” He says. You nod blindly following him across the living room, almost tripping over the carpet.

“You’re so drunk.” He says guiding you over the bed. You flop down not quite understanding what’s going on. You remember the vomiting, that was real, you can still taste it in your mouth.

“Simon,” you call as you feel his hands leave your body.

“Yeah?” he calls back.

“Don’t sleep on the sofa it’s bad for your back.” You say. You reach under your shirt pulling off your bra flinging it across the room.

“I won’t sleep on the sofa.” He says pulling the duvet over you.

“Good, it’s not good for your back.” You murmur. You hear him mumble something as you grip the duvet settling down into bed. You think you hear a light switch you’re not sure, you don’t even remember falling asleep.

——————————

You wake the next morning with a ringing in your head. The bedroom blinds are wide open. You don’t remember making it home, you turn over in the bed it’s empty. You’re pretty sure you remember Simon walking you home. Did he not stay the night? You get out of bed pressing on the bridge of your nose trying to get the ringing to stop.

As you walk into the living room you see Simon spread out on the couch. He’s far too big for it but you can’t help but smile as the sheet he grabbed out the wardrobe barely covers him, not leaving much to the imagination. You see his jeans bunched up on the floor and you reach down picking them up and laying them over the back of your armchair. He’s snoring softly as you make it into the kitchen.

You try to be as quiet as possible pouring yourself a glass of water and gulping it down as you take some mugs out to make tea. You try to think back to last night. You remember Simon saying he thinks he loves you. That made you smile. You remember telling him you think you love him.

It feels like you’re back in primary school when you didn’t know what love was but you had a crush on some random boy. Do you even remember what love is? Your ex said he loved you and you loved him at some point, before he moved in at least. You don’t even hear Simon coming up behind you just his hands round your waist. You reach forward and click the kettle on taking a box of teabags out.

“You shouldn’t sleep on the sofa it’s bad for your back.” You say as he nuzzles his face into your neck.

“You got so drunk last night.” He chuckles as he watches you spoon sugar into the mugs.

“Yeah,” you say feeling embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I guess I just. I don’t know. I should have been more careful.” He breathes into your neck grabbing your waist and pulling you round to face him.

“You don’t have to apologise. It was nice to see you let your hair down and relax.” He says his thumb stroking your cheek. You don’t have to apologise, even after a month you’re still reverting back to old habits. You look at him until the kettle clicks, he reaches down kissing you on the forehead.

“You’re not still mad at me for asking to join you guys on the special jobs.” He sighs letting go of your waist siting down at the kitchen table.

“I was never mad. Just worried.” He says. You pour the water then bring the mugs over.

“Yeah, I know. I want to help people though, the way you guys helped me.” You say taking the milk out the fridge then going to sit opposite him.

“I know you do. I just wish there was a safer way for you to do it then getting involved with this stuff.” He takes the milk pouring it in his cup. You sigh waiting for him to finish. You remember the conversation yesterday, with Simon and the one with John. You still wanted to do this nothing has changed.

“We get to work together, at least we’ll always be close.” You say smiling at him. He hums blowing on his tea.

“Let’s not think about work at least not today. Let’s spend the day together we’ll do what ever you want.” You say as you watch his hand reach across the table for yours. You slip your fingers between his.

“I love you.” He says squeezing your hand. Hearing him say it makes you smile before you even realise it. You squeeze his hand back looking into his chocolate eyes, being lit up by the morning sun.

“I love you too.” You reply. It felt real.

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littlebeedreamer · 5 months ago

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I have a special bag that I take with me, everywhere I go! Sometimes it's my purse, but I also have a mini backpack!

So what do I put in this bag?

❀ In the biggest pocket, I have...

𖹭 my clipboard!

-it has storage for paper and such!

𖹭 my headphones!

-for my music!

𖹭 my tablet!

-i don't always have it but it fits!

𖹭 my folder!

-for journaling!

𖹭 stickers!!!

-There's also some secret zippers within the big pocket :3

❀ In the middle pocket there's...

𖹭 my pencil box!

-with markers, pencils, and straws!

𖹭 my charger!

-just in case!

❀ In the smallest pocket...

𖹭 my Nintendo switch case!

-if I'm in a gaming mood :3

𖹭❀𖹭❀𖹭❀𖹭❀

I'd love to hear what's in your bag!

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cyberphuck · 1 year ago

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The Human Voices Project

So I have a very very dear friend who has been blind since birth. They're actually pretty good at being blind-- they have a Masters in Eyeball Science, live independently, and make amazing art (by pressing their face so hard against the drawing surface to see it that they used to get sores on their cheeks!). They have also gone through a lot of shit-- some of it, but not all, due to being a disabled trans person-- and though they have been trying their hardest to keep a smile on their face, they live in a place where they have few in-person friends, accessible social spaces are hard to get to (or don't exist, or cost too much), and sometimes they don't have the energy to go out at all. They use a screen reader to hang out on tumblr and on discord etc, but one time, after a DnD session over voice chat, they told me that it was always so quiet in their apartment after the session was over, and that it was nice to hear real people talking. That stuck with me. Last week I started asking friends and family to record themselves talking-- about anything. My older brother and his wife told funny stories about crazy things they'd done. My friend who loves the circus arts described a particular act that they loved. Dad told a story of his own, and Seb and I recorded ourselves trading banter while he played Mario Kart. People read stories, read poems, described what they saw while on a jog through their neighborhood. A whole bunch of people, just talking, so that my blind friend could listen to a real human voice whenever they wanted-- not a polished podcast, not a sponsored youtube video, but a regular person.

I uploaded this first batch of audio files to a google drive folder and sent it over to my buddy. They loved it! They downloaded all the files to their phone so they could listen whenever they wanted. And I thought, there must be more people who want to tell stories about their lives, or talk about their favorite subject, or read poems that mean something to them.

If you have a way to record a digital audio file (most smartphones and tablets have a native recording app) and would like to participate in the Human Voices Project, you can send an audio file to thehumanvoicesproject (at) gmail [dot] com.

Guidelines: mp3 is the *preferred* format because it'll play on most devices without having to have a special app. If you send me something other than an mp3 I can convert it, but I would appreciate it if you converted it on your own.

most subjects are okay; the only thing that's absolutely a no is talking about or describing guts, innards, or viscera. Try to *avoid* explicitly describing abuse (of anyone, including animals), and if you're reading a story or poem, let me know if it's in the public domain or not so I can make sure to put those in a different folder.

you can introduce yourself if you want but you don't have to.

the recordings I've gotten are usually between 3 and 5 minutes long, but I also recorded myself reading a short story at 20 mins, and a friend talked about not knowing how to swim for 90 seconds, so any length is fine.

Right now the google drive folder containing the audio files is private. I might make it a public thing someday, but as for right now it's still a thing for my friend, to fill up the silence and brighten their day. Thank you so much to the people who've already contributed, and thanks also to all those who'll contribute in the future!

#human voices project

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thedivinefish · 3 months ago

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TGIWednesday: What the leak are you talking about?

TGIWednesday News 📰

In Florida our summers are something you just endure. 🌡️ Never had an issue with the water bill before. I cringed when I watched my little girlfriend spray the hose in the air while the birds flew through the mist. Sure enough, it nearly doubled! I called the lovely folks at the water company that said they would re-read the meter. 🚰 The man came out, glanced at the meter and left a tag on our front door that the meter was moving and concluded that we had a leak. Thank God for video cameras everywhere 📷 because we could see how fast he haphazardly decided that. I spoke with a fast talking know-it-all at the utility that said, "You probably have a leak somewhere for it to do that." We checked every toilet, sink and shower - all of which were bone dry. I went out to check the meter myself and chuckled when I had to dust off the cover just to even read any numbers at all!!! 🔢 Wowza, what a joke! Will I be raising cane again tomorrow? Of course. 😒 When dealing with relationships with folks like these you have to document things like you're registering for a patent, remain calm and persistent! At some point it is no longer about the money, but about principle! Join us this month for our monthly Zoom as we clear off the dust, cobwebs and regret of your relationships! Oh and some of you have reported issues with paying and scheduling sessions. Calendly, Stripe, PayPal and Shopify are the systems we use and all are ultra-reliable companies with zero down time disruption issues in the last 3 months.We ask that you check ALL your email addresses and spam folders for confirmations - and also please try your transactions from multiple devices and browsers that can do the trick and get you there faster. We all know it's Mercury Retrograde and that's a possibility too. The most IT help I can give you is to shut everything down and reboot your phone, laptop or tablet and try again, and if all else fails please write in to [email protected].

ON DECK 🚢 🎂 Monday August 19th - Jimmy Mack's Annual Birthday SALE begins in the shop with a special 19% OFF all digital download products. Thursday August 29th - Join us for our Monthly Zoom all about Relationships! Limited seating, sign up here.!

September Aligning With Your Cosmic Financing Flow. An astounding new Audio MP3 due out in the Fall, different from the others.. we're calling it "a spiritual re-alignment". And just like it sounds, it can transform and reinvigorate your current financial status, and perhaps catapult you into the wave and frequency of wealth, abundance for good!

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~ BEING PATIENT WITH OTHERS ~ I believe think, know and feel that I will be patient when dealing with others and how I relate to them. I am ready, willing and able to let go of limiting beliefs and remain in allowance and acceptance of infinite possibilities. I know when, where, how and why to let go of expectations of outcomes and remember that Spirit has the wheel. I am asking in all languages and throughout all time lines and so it is. Remember that making a little daily progress can allow the rest of your life to be the best of your life! ▶️ Watch here on YouTube - Please Like 👍 and Subscribe 🔔

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THURSDAY AUGUST 29, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-relationships

Call #4 Theme: Relationship Clearings: Past/Present/Future We're basically house plants requiring air and water just with more complicated feelings and relationships! Even if you consider yourself a loner type, human beings are all about relationships, family and we're part of the fishing tribe. Often relationships from our family and loved ones from our past haunt us and negatively affect our current ones, so it is vital to clear and recalibrate ourselves.

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 28th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

1) Clearing out past relationships ie: Release me from past relationships and their negative, lingering, traumatic effects that haunt me like:______ (poor treatment from mom or dad, siblings, teacher, authorities, friends - including abuse, mistreatment, injustice, betrayal, gaslighting, and narcissism)

2) Clearing out present relationships ie: Release me from the ill effects of ______ (a horrible/unfair boss, fair weather friends, a cheating spouse, children who are acting out, parents' disappointment, relationship burdens, addictions)

3) Clearing the energy of future relationships ie: Release me from the fear of/or help me create ___ (I'll never find great love, that I'll get hurt by love, future pain of losing loved ones/a child, create a greater relationship with money, with nature, create a space for humans to live in harmony and care for the planet and future generations.)

During this call #4, we'll clear relationships off all kinds ...and if your relationship with family, children, pets, work/job/career and your past are flawless, that is wonderful! Please write to me, I'd love to hear about that too. For the rest of us you'll want to join our gathering and let's co-create some profound changes together!

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Thank you for fitting me in earlier this week! It was probably one of the best calls I’ve had with you (but of course they're all great!) Will update you as the magic happens:) Thank you - Megan / Florida

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Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you. Looking for a new job? Going through a court proceeding? Upcoming surgery scheduled for you or a loved one? Need help selling or buying a property? Troubled times in your relationship? These are just some of the life at the crossroads events that are ideal for My Daily Prayer program.

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All are welcome to CREATE A FREE ACCOUNT to access the NEW and IMPROVED My Liquid Fish Change Made Simple Basic Training Course. Anchors Away Masterclass: Sustain and clear and sovereign energetic field of dark energies and anomalies. Life Force Energy Masterclass: Enhance your fishing practice by approaching from a deeper, numeric level. MLF Mastery & Advanced Practitioner Certification Courses

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divinefishingtips · 3 months ago

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TGIWednesday: What the leak are you talking about?

TGIWednesday News 📰

Get on my schedule today and let's get you back on course! 🧭 🎣 View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

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Next LIVE Zoom Event 💻

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SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 28th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

From the Fish Box 📧

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

💸 The Prosperity Collection 🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

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*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

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365dailyaffirmations · 3 months ago

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TGIWednesday: What the leak are you talking about?

TGIWednesday News 📰

Get on my schedule today and let's get you back on course! 🧭 🎣 View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

TGIWednesday Video Download ▶️

Next LIVE Zoom Event 💻

THURSDAY AUGUST 29, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-relationships

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 28th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

From the Fish Box 📧

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

💸 The Prosperity Collection 🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

Visit now, Click Here!

TGIFunny🤣

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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advancedthetapractitioner · 3 months ago

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TGIWednesday: What the leak are you talking about?

TGIWednesday News 📰

Get on my schedule today and let's get you back on course! 🧭 🎣 View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

TGIWednesday Video Download ▶️

Next LIVE Zoom Event 💻

THURSDAY AUGUST 29, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-relationships

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 28th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

From the Fish Box 📧

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

💸 The Prosperity Collection 🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

Visit now, Click Here!

TGIFunny🤣

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.sandybidinger.com

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winxwiki · 1 year ago

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@songbird-and-her-fos replied to your post “Graphic Tablet + Winx Studio Game - 2006?”:

I have the game but it sadly doesn't work on my pc

You need to use a special dgvodoo wrapper put inside the game's installation folder

Here

Originally from here

#reply

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zainabk-grad604-51 · 1 year ago

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Week 6: 20 Objects (Photos)

For the summative assignment, I found 20 objects that are constantly present and used on my daily life, also contributing to me as a creative.

1. Necklace - This necklace is special to me because it was passed down to me by my mum, as she once used to wear it. My mum has always been one of my biggest supporters of my work and career path, which has allowed me to become the creative I am today.

2. Art folder - This folder contains 8 years of art work that has shaped my art style, media choices, and subject matter I like to work with, from childhood to adulthood.

3. Laptop - I use my laptop to constantly research, design, and compile work.

4. Pens - These are my favourite pens to use when sketching, which I do a lot.

5. Earrings - I enjoy wearing jewellery because it makes me feel more creative in a way that isn't related directly to my design and art work.

6. Sketchbooks - I included some older sketchbooks as I enjoy drawing and sketching.

7. Rings - I enjoy wearing jewellery because it makes me feel more creative in a way that isn't related directly to my design and art work. (2)

8. Drawing tablet - I use my drawing tablet for digital art and design work, and have been using this for 6 years as it got me into digital art.

9. Makeup box - Similar to jewellery, makeup is an art form that I find interesting, as it also makes me feel creative.

10. Shoes - These are the shoes I wear the most, so I value them.

11. Desk - I do the vast majority of creative work at my desk, and it is my main workspace.

12. Paint palette - During highschool I used to paint a lot with this palette.

13. Notebook - I note down a lot of creative ideas in my notebook, and this helps me develop ideas.

14. Handbag - This is my favourite bag that I take everywhere, so I value it.

15. Desk chair - This chair is also a part of my workspace, accompanying my desk.

16. Paintbrushes - I have built up a collection of paintbrushes over the years, as I used to paint a lot.

17. Glasses - I wear these glasses most of the time because they help me see clearly, which makes creating work much more comfortable.

18. Phone - I use my phone to take photos and scroll through social media for inspiration.

19. Art case - I've had this art case for many years and now use it to hold not only artwork, but paper and sketchbooks.

20. Paint - Acrylic paint is one of my favourite mediums to create with.

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colossalcriminal · 3 years ago

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Fraternization At Its Worst - j.b

Pairing: James Bond x Fem!Reader, M x Fem!Granddaughter!Reader

Summary: Workplace romance is never a good thing, especially for agents 007 and 003.

Content warnings: Swearing, making out? Slight 'exhibitionism' without the sex. Innuendos.

A special gift for @jiejie-eonni-onee-sama :)

Skillfully sauntering into her office undetected and closing the blinds that shielded the glass panes that surrounded them, James instantly pulled his lover in for a starved kiss, only parting on her accord.

"I'm being sent out tomorrow." Y/N tells him through heavy breaths, lips just about brushing against each other.

He nodded, almost sorrowful. "Where?"

"Berlin."

She pulled him back in hungrily, squealing when the back of her thighs hit the edge of her desk, sleek pencil skirt cushioning the impact. Hopping onto the desk, she let out a sigh of relief at the feeling of his tongue massaging the sensitive spots of her neck and collarbones, soon to be covered by her blouse as he slowly undid the silk shirt, button on button.

Quickies had become a usual occurrence during the last six months of their relationship. What started off as small pecks during free periods and lovesick stares during briefings had turned into ravenous sessions in her office and teasing messages sent during the worst of times, the honeymoon phase had never really died down.

Y/N slipped off his suit jacket, clutching the fabric, biting into it slightly as his hands travelled down between her legs, fingers teasing her inner thighs.

"Sorry, 003, but plans have changed and you're being sent out today. We've got your brief- Oh, my god!"

James stepped away from her quickly as 003 shielded herself with his jacket, looking equally as mortified as Q and Tanner, who shielded their own eyes with a folder and a tablet. "Jesus, Fuck! Knock!"

"I'm sorry!"

"We didn't know you were about to have sex on your desk!"

Q's retaliation was a tad bit too loud, even for a half empty office on a Friday evening, but it had attracted the worst of the worst. M herself. "What's going on?" The older woman marched in to the much too crowded office. It didn't take her long for her to piece together the situation. From Bond who had no jacket and a loosened tie, Y/N who's neatly set hair had turned into a mess of flyaways and knots and the other agent's said jacket wrapped around her so tightly as if it were a lifeline. "Right. 007, out. I will speak to you tomorrow morning. Tanner, Q, please take 003 for her briefing and prep her for her flight."

With a firm nod, and a sly wink to the young woman, James began fixing his tie.

"And I'm calling your father." She scolded her granddaughter, not bothered by her slight frown and the urge to stomp her foot like a child. "Wait for her outside." The two men followed in suit, heads hung low in embarrassment for the couple.

The pair were left alone once again, straightening their appearances the best they could. "God, come here." Y/N beckoned, shaking her head comically as she worked on the tie he had done so atrociously.

"She's calling your dad." He teased.

"Shut up." She pecked his lips, declining his attempt to finish their earlier affair. "I'll see you soon, yeah?"

He caught her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm. "Yeah. Love you."

"Love you, too."

James left the room, stifling a chuckle at Q and Tanner who stood outside, rigid.

#James Bond #James Bond x reader #James Bond x you #James Bond x y/n #007 #bond #bond x reader #Daniel craig #007 x reader #007 x you #007 x y/n #bond x you #bond x y/n

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fereldanwench · 3 years ago

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This pose pack can obviously be used for whatever anyone wants, but I made it specifically with creating corpo!V photos in mind, so there's a lot of emphasis on holding tablets, phones, and drinks as well as different standing poses for a range of body language.

About the Poses:

You will need Appearance Mod Menu (AMM) to fully utilize the poses and add props, like the tablet.

The first nine poses are in the Look at Camera positions (provided V isn't wearing a high-collar jacket/coat).

I Know Kung-Fu is a long animated pose that can be frozen using AMM.

Knuckle Sandwich (and most idle weapons poses) is "open" so it can be used in conjunction with a photomode fem!V animation.

This is only for fem!V in photomode; the poses won't work for a male!V or a spawned fem!V.

What's Included:

1 .archive file to drop into your mod folder

1 list with info on where I pulled the poses [Note: At the time of posting this, I don't have one definitive, step-by-step tutorial to provide for anyone who wants to learn how to do this, so this is intended more for folks with some modding experience. But stay tuned, because I plan on putting together a beginner-friendly guide for anyone interested in making their own sets.]

1 list with info on other mods featured in the screenshots

32 reference images (1 for each pose)

Special Thanks

Huge thank you to @wanderingaldecaldo for being my modding buddy over the past few weeks! I'm having a great time learning all of this with you! ♥

>>>>>>>>>>>DOWNLOAD HERE<<<<<<<<<<<

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp77 modding #g: cyberpunk 2077 #res: mods #mods: cyberpunk 2077 #mine: mods #mine: resources

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izzyizumi · 3 years ago

Photo

{Pretends to be Shocked TM at how close it sounds.}

From the official (U.S. dub based/produced) {NOT written by Jeff Nimoy, FYI, And Yet} [still-official] guidebook: [Note: It’s written from “Tai”’s point of view!]:

“Izzy might be the smartest kid I know. And there’s really only one way to describe him - Izzy’s a computer nerd. One of the first questions I ever heard him ask about {the} DigiWorld was, {Dub version}: “Do you have Internet access?” He carries his laptop computer with him everywhere he goes.”

{Digimon P.S.P Game}:

{Sub version[s]}: (Huh, what a strange coincidence):

“{Dub version-implied} CDs make him think about information storage, not his favorite rock band. But I have to give the little runt a hand - he’s pretty brave, and his understanding of computers sure has come in handy in this digital world.”

{Sub version} [+02 Epilogue!]:

[from the Digimon Adventure official novels] (written by Adventure+02 head director/writer Hiroyuki Kakudou; Hiro Masaki, Koushiro’s main writer, also contributed about 1/3rd due to having experience in writing screenplays, thus, Kakudou asked him for help on it):

(Pictured Above: the one part of my diagnosis I’m actually comfortable sharing. That’s because other parts of it are private medical info y’know.): [Pictured below: my original Digi-T.C.G. collection. [Most still on hand] Still in original folder from childhood at time were my V.H.S. tape Bonus cards with the 1st 7 Chosen, as Kari was not included]: (Do you see some of the wear on the folder?)

“{Name} spent the entire time closed up in {their} room on the computer. Digimon and P.O.K.E.M.O.N are {their} passion. {They} spend countless hours on the computer writing stories about the Digimon characters. {They} have encyclopedia knowledge regarding these characters,”

[2020 reboot!Koushiro {even} knowing completely Unnecessary TM encyclopedia-like knowledge about WALTZING!!! of all things]

[“Your valued possessions”] {See: Autistic Koushiro series} [SPECIAL Interests + {Possible} Protectiveness over them]

(Multiple times, even in the 2020 version; Koushiro acting possessive over computers/tech and/or tablet):

“...has collected all the cards, and could talk incessantly about Digimon if a listener allowed. {Blanked out for private medical info reasons} most children are...”

{See: Posts relevant to formal speech patterns} [x] [x] [x] [Koushiro in the original version is also implied to speak using ‘formal’-esque Japanese speech.]

(Sora: “What about you, Koushiro-kun?” Koushiro: “Y-Yes!” [“H-Hai!”] {only light stammer being suddenly addressed, then firm): “I’ve always believed in Taichi-san before this, in any case.”)

“...over, never talks on the phone and is difficult to even take to the shopping mall unless {they} are going to purchase a Digimon item. If {they} are allowed to, {they} would spend the whole weekend watching taped Digimon and {PKMN} shows, and writing stories on the computer.”

“{Name} is perfectly content not having to interact with the outside world.”

SO YEAH. IF IZZY - or (Sub version TOO) Koushiro - was ever a character you HEAVILY (in any series!!) RELATED to - you might want to look into (if wanted!) an Autism diagnosis, because they sure thought I WAS. (The above was my middle school ‘evaluation’ that led to my eventual re-confirmed/re-evaluated diagnosis.) Thank you for your time!! Hope this can help someone / any Digimon fans!!!! (You’re welcome)

{Some Digi-Fans @ Me: ‘Explain Koushiro Izumi!!!1!’ mE: “ YOU ASKED!!!1! ”}

{ALL GIFS/PICS BY ME} {DO NOT re-post} [DO NOT re-post my diagnosis copies outside of this post] [I. WILL. KNOW] {PLEASE ASK TO USE, I spent some 5~+ years compiling them all!}

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theji · 3 years ago

Text

Things Yizhan Made Me Do

It's BXG Day today! 🐢💛

To commemorate the occasion, I thought of making a list of 13 out-of-character things that I've done since falling into the fandom. (OK I'm a bit late I meant to do this sooner, the day is ending soon in a couple of hours).

1. Start a blog

And a public one, no less. I had a blog when I was in my teens but that was private, like a personal diary. My day job already involves writing so off-work I would usually like to indulge in mindless activities. Now, here I am, maintaining a Yizhan blog. I have not even used Tumblr prior to this but I'm enjoying it now, rambling about our fav boys. Writing is not a chore if it's about them.

2. Join a fandom

I joined a boy band fan club once upon a time, some 15 years ago, but I was never as invested in it as I am now with Yizhan. Back then it was just buying some merch, attending their concert/autograph sessions, listening to their songs. Apart from work, dog mum duties, personal relationships, other hobbies like kombucha brewing, most of my free time is now spent on the fandom. My Netflix account is crying. There is just so much to do and catch up on (I'm not complaining). I also enjoy interacting with and learning from other bloggers here. Antis are no fun and some industry news/developments/hate messages are upsetting but ultimately, you curate your own fandom experience. And I choose positivity and rationality.

3. Indulge in RPS

I don't ever 'ship'. What is 'ship'? 😆 I was always a dutiful audience, just enjoying whatever drama series and moving on after that. I started with CQL like most people and I didn't even notice/like GGDD until much later. Didn't even set out to 'ship' anyone but now I'm a self-professed turtle. SZD is SZD, and anyone can see something special between them if you keep an open mind. I wrote about my SZD reasons here previously. That said, GG & DD are individuals, each with their own successful careers. They come first, the ship comes second. That I'm very clear of.

4. Use Chinese apps

Gosh, my phone and tablet are now full of Chinese apps. I used to have only WeChat cos I needed it for work but now I have Weibo, Oasis, Douyin, WeTV, MangoTV, Youku, etc. Some of them are not even available in the app store so I had to find alternative sources to download them. haha..I even have paid membership for some of these apps. And now, browsing Weibo daily becomes a routine. If you wish, you can just get stuck browsing Weibo for a long long time. It's entertaining.

5. Read fan fic

I only started about 6 months ago but now I'm hooked and fics are largely the only thing I read these days, apart from news. But I only read Yizhan or WangXian fics (p.s. calling for fic recs of other pairings!) I know some might have different feelings about fan fics but to me, I really just see them as fiction, with characters (and sometimes traits) bearing similarities to GGDD. Similarly, I separate the platform from the incident so I have no problems going to A03 despite GG's incident. I just enjoy seeing the characters named XZ/WYB having happy endings in many different timelines and universes. While most of the fics I read are explicit (by design), I don't use them as tools to play out certain fantasies or to think of GGDD in a sexual manner. In fact, I really hate fics that have little substance and just go into the explicit parts without plot development. I like those with interesting premises too, like one I read recently where XZ is a serial killer and WYB is a police officer investigating the case but also in love with him. I do have plans to share my list of fav fan fics some time down the road so keep an eye out for it!

6. Willingly read Chinese

Yes, Chinese may be my mother tongue but I don't use it much in daily living unless I have to. I also find it tedious to read Chinese cos the characters are just so squashed together. If I have a choice, I will always pick English. But now, I read so much Chinese from my daily weibo browsing. I even read fan fics in Chinese! Who am I? On the plus side, I think my Chinese comprehension and translation skills improved. I also picked up some internet lingo used by Chinese netizens, which are pretty interesting like doi, 🐮🍺, 🖍. My all-time fav is yyds.

7. Act like a cougar

In real life, I have always maintained that younger men are childish. At least those I have encountered. But look at me now, fangirling over two younger men (I am closer in age to GG, but still..). I even jokingly call them my 'China Boyfriends'. I look at them very respectfully most of the time.

8. Buy merch

Seriously, once you start, you can't stop. At least that was what happened to me, although I'm still quite selective when it comes to supporting their endorsements. I usually go for consumables like food, cosmetics vs collectibles cos I'm more practical. Also, GG says to support their merch within reasonable means so that's what I'm doing. Just buying things that I'm interested to try and not because it has their faces or names slapped on it. In a way, this suits me cos I like trying new brands and stuff anyway.

9. Keeping a Yizhan archive

Photos, weblinks, videos, songs, fan fics list..my phone is full of these things now. I think my Yizhan photo gallery is only second to the folder with my dogs' pictures. But how can you resist when we are blessed with new pics of them almost every week?

10. Camp for livestreams

I'm lucky I live in the same time zone as the boys so I don't have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to watch something. But that's the thing, being in the same time zone sometimes make me feel like I HAVE to watch that thing live because, why not? Why wait? Not shy to admit that I once watched a live programme in the middle of work but I made sure I finished what needed to be done. I think so long as we don't let these livestream schedules run our lives, there's no harm in camping for them.

11. Watch c entertainment

I am one of those who used to pass over Chinese productions, simply because it's a Chinese production. Not in a scoffing manner but I'm just genuinely not interested in them nor the celebs. I was more of a US/UK production kind of person, occasionally Korean/Japanese. Now, I'm learning to enjoy them although I just watch those with GGDD in them. No energy to follow other Chinese celebs anyway. The other programme I'm contemplating watching even if it doesn't have them in it is Who's the Murderer (GG was only in one of the cases) cos I like the premise. On the flip side, now my sis and partner keep making fun of me cos to them, all I do now is "watch China shows". That is so not true. Or is it?

12. Write fan mail

I wrote a letter to GG once. A long-ass letter. I hope he read it. That's all I'm gonna say. 🙈 hahahahaha

13. Desire to visit China

China was never on my list of to-visit places. Just wasn't interested. I have been to Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou a few times in the past for work but even then, I never felt the urge to revisit for leisure. Now, I wanna visit GG and DD's home town, visit Chongqing to see the graffiti wall with Bobii Zanbii on it, eat mala hotpot and try out their sauce recipe, attend BXG events, dine at the CQL restaurant... Watching TTXS also made me realise that there are many beautiful places in China with natural landscapes and all that. I used to be clouded by my disdain for the regime and some behaviour of its citizens but now, I recognise that the country is separate from the regime or a smaller group of poorly behaved citizens. China is a beautiful country and I would love to visit some day. I will fly over immediately on my own if someone gives me tix to ADLAD!!

Well, I hope some of these things resonate with you. Feel free to share the OOC things that Yizhan made you do.

Once again, Happy BXG Day! 🐢💛🐆🐇🐷🌶🦁🍑🐶🍍🛹🎋

#yizhan #bjyx #things yizhan made me do

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pseudofaux · 4 years ago

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Howdy gorgeous 🥺

I was wondering if you could do a thigh riding or c*ck warming with Lucien? Totally fine if you can't, I understand <3

Hey, pretty! 🥰😚 OHOHOHOHOOOO, YES!

I went with warming because he just! needs some warmth!!!

(Requests are open until May 1, dear reader, if you’d like to make one!)

It had been a very long day, so long it was hard to believe the clock which insisted it was midafternoon and no later. He had endured the worst kind of morning: meetings with useless faculty and undertrained assistants, followed by a lunch so unappetizing that when he entered the hall for his midday lecture his stomach audibly rumbled. He kept further betrayals of his condition at bay by pure force of will and sips of water, and planned to eat a protein bar when he was back in his office.

But there had been no more bars in his desk drawer. Damnation. It was only her unscheduled arrival with a boxed sandwich and a little container of fruit that saved him (and his assistants, from his temper). “I was just thinking of you, and wanted to make sure you were eating,” she said. And she sat herself down at the other side of his desk and primly ate a snack of her own while she looked over a file folder, then her tablet. He marveled at her the whole time.

“Thank you,” he says earnestly when he is done eating. “You are an angel.”

“You look like you’ve had a rough day,” she says, gentle as she always is when she must say something unpleasant. It is adorable, and the sandwich is already restoring him. Just being near her sets an undeniable buzz into the lowest layer of his skin.

“Not my best,” he confesses. “But your coming here has improved it considerably.” He enjoys the way she tucks her head down, pleased and shy about it.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Oh, what a question. She’s looking at him with those brave, clear eyes now, so wide and trusting, and he is not sure he has it in him to resist. It’s been a difficult day. He’s already locked his office door, unwilling to have his time with her interrupted by anything he can’t ignore so easily as a knock. The only person he wants to let in is already here.

He makes a show of glancing at her eyes, then back down, as though he is ashamed of what he wants to say. She takes the bait with all her usual kindness. “What, what is it? What can I do?”

“Would you... no, we don’t have time. When do you need to get back to your office? Thank you very much for coming,” he says, standing. She is already standing, too, her fine little eyebrows drawn down. She is the picture of consternation and it is very hard not to laugh. So very, very dear to him, she is.

She steps so quickly around his desk he is not sure her feet touch the carpet. “Don’t be like that,” she demands. “Tell me! I love you.”

He’ll never understand but forever appreciate her free use of that phrase. It softens him and the way he melts for her is real. Planned, but real.

“I was thinking,” he is careful to confess and make it sound like a confession, “That it would be nice to do the rest of my work with you sitting in my lap.” He holds out his hands to say There, that’s it, that’s all.

She looks a bit surprised but she smiles and takes another step closer. “I can do that,” she tells him. “I brought my tablet to work on. I just need to make notes on some scripts. So long as I won’t be in your way...” She looks both ways as though someone is going to overhear and he has to bite his tongue, safely hidden by the placidity of his smile, to keep his joy at her stupid, adorable nature from being found out, “I can stay until it’s time to go home,” she finishes.

“And what do you want to do at home?” he asks, pleasantly enough but looking at her so directly she goes still, then squirms.

“Just the usual stuff,” she says softly. He loves to make her droop but can’t stand to watch it for long, so perhaps it’s only a second or two that he lets her stand there before he takes his own step toward her and pulls her into his arms.

“The usual stuff is very nice,” he assures her. His voice is a purr, and she squirms for a different reason, and his body is already responding. He could have made her a script of how this would go, but he doesn’t mind. He wonders if she would make any notes on it. Camera should face south to avoid window glare. Make sure he doesn’t say that like a bastard.

He walks backwards to his chair and pulls her with him, but sits down by himself and holds out a hand. She puts her hand in it and he can’t quite hold back his laugh, but he tries to smother it kissing the back of her hand. “Panties, please,” he says when knows he can talk without laughing.

“Oh! Umm. That kind of sitting in your lap. Yes!” She yanks her hand back and gracefully bends forward, so close he can feel the heat of her face on his knee. It feels like kingship. He catches her you should have just said under her breath and has to bite his tongue again, this time behind a less placid smile.

The fabric she hands him is palest lilac with white eyelet lace. He takes a deep, appreciative sniff and uses them to muffle his groan before he tucks the little piece into his shirt pocket and then unbuckles, then unzips. He doesn’t press her to watch as he extricates himself because he knows she is watching, knows the exact expression of interest on her face. She loves to watch, she’s a curious being. He likes that about her.

It’s quick work for him to be hard enough for what he wants. He takes her hand this time, to apologize for being a little mean earlier, and gently guides her to turn around. “Hold your skirt, my dear,” he tells her kindly, and when she does he tries to be just as kind when he picks her up by the waist and brings her to his lap.

He has excellent spatial awareness. He knows just where to put her, and he worked himself until there was a generous bead of precum on his tip. He did not plan for her to be so wet but is not shocked, only delighted. “You could have just said,” he whispers thickly as he pulls her down onto him. The glide is exquisite, her snug warmth unparalleled. She is perfect.

Her tiny squeak is perfect, too. He likes to imagine he pushed air out of her hidden spaces and it escaped through her mouth. That’s not how bodies work, but she’s very, very special.

He flexes himself inside her as she settles her skirt, then rolls the chair back to his desk and savors her breathing as he leans forward to retrieve her tablet and stylus so he can hand them to her. “Here you are,” he says, full of warmth even though she is the one who is full.

Her hands shake but she takes the tools, and works. He does, too, his desk is still littered with files and research documents he needs to annotate. Her fit around him is so warm it is comforting even as it is arousing, and he stays hard in her for the few hours they work in his office without even needing to move in her or tease her. He actually has a very productive afternoon, and from his glimpses at her work he is proud to see she is working, too.

(The devil is in him, though, so he gives her a fifteen minute warning when he is nearly done with his papers and when the clock strikes five he presses her onto his desk, goes to his feet without letting her off his lap, and then fucks into her magnificent warmth until she shudders, careful to be silent all along.)

#mlqc fanfiction #mlqc #mr love queen's choice #mlqc lucien #mr love xu mo #love and producer #pseu slings #dummys-fics

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