#fuck this i wanna drop out so bad
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Premium Tumblr themes are available from anywhere between $9 to $49.
Text
Tw vent in tags
#i csnt do this anymore#seriously considering dropping out again#i can't keep up and always end up in shitty situations bc i never follow my schedule properly 😩#i hate the way i keep repeating the same cycle#I don't see the point in trying anymore#i AM trying no matter what i say but I'm just... idk#im starting to emotionally shut down#just told Taylor i didnt have time for eddie like???? i always have time for eddie#i think fi i stay up all night i can save this#fix the beinf so far behind its almost impossible to cstcj up#im either gonna lose my shit and break stuff#or keep goinf bc like ozzy says#kickinf back dont make it#i csnt do this im sorry Uncle Wayne 💔#im gonna cry just thinking abt how disapproving and disappointed in me he would be rn#im 2 weeks behind on uni#1 week is last semester one week is this semester#still catching up on last semester before i can start the assignment due in 4 days and its a big one#and ehile this frantic catch-up is going on the new semester is ongoing so im behind there too#fuck this i wanna drop out so bad#sorry eddie and uncle wayne for disappointing you#im so angry at myself i could vomit#stupid fucking lazy bitch#this happened bc pulling too mzny hours at work#but i need the money to support my parents#this is all for a future i dont even believe in so whats the point???#im never gonna achieve my dream of beinf a neuropsychologist#im not a natural hardworker snd i always do thus and i hate myself
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
606 notes
·
View notes
Text
🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here's Fuelcas from the mod! Im old and tired but miss them terribly. Some of these have been stuffed away in a closet for YEARS now. Please enjoy them.
#fuel#lucas#fuelcas#mother 3#mod post#IM SO TIRED I NEVER DRAW LIKE AT ALL#maybe when i go back to uni i'll try to open the box again if it means fucking off from schoolwork.#it'll just be like college again.#i dropped out years ago btw.#im gonna be a law student starting in january!#implying i'll actually go into the field!#i love my current job as a blackjack/poker dealer tho.#lucas cheats the rest out of them out of their money in poker.#a concept from 5 years ago i wanna revisit so bad#fuelcas real for almost 6 years now??? im SO OLDDDD
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
As a show of good faith toward the remaining Decepticons at the beginning of a new, united Cybertron, newly appointed Senators Bumblebee and Soundwave allowed Shatter and Dropkick to enlist into Autobot City's Defense Team.
These two turned out to be... not the best choices.
The city may have fallen to Insurgent Decepticon occupation had it not been for young recruits Hot Rod and Arcee's accidental interception of Shatter's communication with the fugitive Starscream.
To replace the errant Defense Team members, Springer and Blurr were reassigned from Iacon to Autobot City in their stead.
#my art#tf reconstruction#transformers#bumblebee movie#tf shatter#tf dropkick#maccadam#transformers au#semi-introduction to my idea for antagonists in tf:r - specifically being movie villains slotted into my au#bc if the main crux of the main reconstruction story in autobot city is about hot rod and her rise to becoming rodimus prime#which comes from the First movie - why not loosely adapt other movies too??#ive got ideas for most of them already - kinda jumping back and forth between the modern day story and my pre-war ''downfall'' story#which gives my brain a break from thinking about one to think about another#anyway - i imagine the first ''episode'' of tf:r would be like. hot rod shows up in autobot city on her first day > meets the team#> gets assigned arcee as her partner > arcee hates it > they over hear shatter talking to someone they don't recognise because rod's nosey#> huh that's weird > they intercept it next time by accident > its a communication to starscream about the city's defenses#> they take it to ultra magnus but they break the pad on the way because they were arguing about it#> ''hot rod i know you're new here. and you're intrigued about the war and everything. but we shouldn't be suspicious of everyone wearing a#purple badge. give them a chance.'' > arcee drops it bc she doesn't wanna start trouble + ''magnus will handle it. he always does somehow.'#> rod does not drop it and makes blaster monitor shatter's messages for anything unusual > blaster indulges her bc he's endeared to her#> he does end up intercepting an encrypted message > rod immediately acts and chases after shatter and dropkick on an outside-city mission#> arcee goes after her to stop her from fucking up really bad > blaster unencrypts the message. it's a rendezvous point to start an invasio#> magnus kup blaster and perceptor all head out to help the two young'uns before they get in over their heads#> rod and arcee meet and fight starscream and barely make it out by the skin of the teeth thanks to the more experienced autobots arrival#> starscream shatter dropkick and whoever else is there are driven off#> day is saved - magnus commends rod's gut instincts but rod goes back to what magnus said about not trusting bots with purple badges#> she was right this time but its an exception not a rule and most other decepticons in the city want to live in peace#> magnus also commends that attitude and the team head back > starscream starts plotting his Next Big Plan#''post credits'' scene of magnus putting the request in for springer and blurr + robot dinosaur opening its eye in the dark👀👀#longwinded but ya thats like the Clearest idea for Specific Events so far other things are Stuff I Want To Happen
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
Got to season 7 on my CSI rewatch and I need to talk about the final scene in s07e11, where Grissom is saying goodbye to Sara before leaving to go on his sabbatical. I mean, look at him. Look at what he does with his hands. *Agressively* Look at himmmmm. He's just a little puppy in love. And he does this right before whispering, "I'll miss you". I'm afraid I'm not gonna make it y'all
#sadly he whispered the last line so quiet and gently the captions didn't catch it but i'm glad i did#he's SO FUCKING SWEET#can't believe i'm bawling my eyes out over a middle aged man doing cute kawaii hand thingy#i wanna marry him so bad#like i wanna put a ring on his finger and i want to have meals with him and do house chores with him#and watch tv on the couch with him until we both fall asleep but i wake up and put a blanket over him#i want to make him hot chocolate#i want to listen to him talk about bugs even though most of them gross me out#i will literally DIE if i don't marry gil grissom#“oh but he's fictional” LIKE THAT WILL STOP ME#i will be thinking about this scene for the rest of my life#how sara didn't drop everything and made out with him right then and there is beyond me#i mean they could've closed the door right. ever heard of making out at work? fuck the rules#you're already breaking one by dating in the first place#csi#gsr#please someone talk to me about the hand thingy please it's been hours i have not recovered
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
emo vi has actually rewritten my brain chemistry like i’m not a very impulsive person but they have me sitting here like what if i shaved half my head 🤔 what if i got cartilage piercings 🤔 what if i got super duper buff and wore crop tops and leather jackets 🤔🤔🤔🤔
#their style is like the exact opposite of my usual aesthetic but god i wanna try it so bad#i think i actually will experiment with vi’s hairstyle for now bc i do think i could pull it off#and i kid you not since the pitfighter clip dropped all those months ago#i’ve been trying to be more diligent with working out#the shot of vi’s back just looked SO good i’ve never felt so much gender envy in my life#but jeez like i kinda wanna just jump off the deep end and rework my whole aesthetic bc holy fuck man#vi#personal
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Back at uni tomorrow doom is impending
#i fucking hate higher education man im so done i wanna drop out so bad#art tag#oc tag#i can SMELL class tomorrow and im already peaking stress levels again#i only just exited burnout but im ready to return to the depths babeyyyyyyy
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
remembered that friend again I wanna kms
#very funny. very tragic. i wanna see how shes doing. im scared. i found her LinkedIn. shes went to prestigious schools in the us.#im almost dropping out. if i dont drop out i probably wont even be able to graduate bc not enough credits. fuck my life. i wanna see her#i miss her so much. reaching out would not benefit either of us. i can barely talk to ppl outside my family. i can barely talk to ppl IN#my family. i miss her so much. working at bb the school we went to just keeps reminding me of her#just this year i think i had at least 2 dreams w her in them.#nothing good will come out of me reaching out...im too messed up to keep up w it. to own it.#fuck.#delete#also something something high school ppl messaging me and i cant. cant do it. but i truly truly miss HER. and i think only her.#andni feel bad about it.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Unfortunately, I'm a jealous person (i should prolly work on that tho), so if I apologized to you three fucking times, you said it's okay, but still don't talk to me and then i see you talking to someone else five fucking feet away from me AND say an inside joke that you have with me, I'm gonna be livid
Unfortunately, I'm also nonconfrontational, so I'm not going to say anything about it, but I'm also not pathetic enough to apologize a fourth time, so I'm just gonna wait for you to get some sense into your head and stop being mad over a petty argument, for fuck's sake
#before you ask#I didn't say something bad or anything#she was saying how she ghosted another friend lf hers#and i told her that it's not nice to ghost people#cuz the other girl didn't do anything#but she still left her on seen#and she told me it's none of my business#so i dropped it#but she didn't and started arguing and here we are#the same girl told me after another argument#that she was having dinner out with her parents#and twenty minutes later#she posted thag she's out with a mutual friend#i get that im a jealous person but 1) ive never been jealous with her#at least never showed that i was#and 2) if you don't wanna talk to me and want to be out with someone else just say it#why would you fucking lie#im more mad now that you lied to me#this applies for chats too like#telling me you're sleeping and then a mutual friend sends me a screenshot from a time you were supposed to be sleeping#and it's worse when you're extremely awkward with me but absolutely normal woth everyone else#if you're mad at me just fucking tell me
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
#Moon posting#There's a lot to be said about FF7's themes and Cloud's character arc and how a lot of it ties into toxic masculinity#And like. The scene in VIIR where you play as Aerith when Cloud comes out of the bar in a dress and he's absolutely MORTIFIED by his get up#That fucking out-of-body horror and distress Cloud is going through even though there isn't anything for him to be ashamed of?#How humiliated he felt and how the compliments on how he was looking didn't make him feel any better?#That was me when my mom forced me to wear a skirt to my grandma's funeral back when I was in high school#(The last god forsaken time I wore a fucking skirt) (And even at that point I hadn't worn those things for YEARS)#That scene with Cloud? Yeah. Big ''I'm in this picture and I don't like it''-energy.#So this whole thing of Cloud wanting to live up to a horrible twisted idea of masculinity (a Shinra Soldier(/Sephiroth))#And realizing that he never can but(/and?) doesn't have to. That his masculinity is already good enough. That's wonderful.#Also Cloud is just kinda gender leave me alone#Sure wish I had a PS5 because I sure would like to play Rebirth but I am not dropping 700€ to play a single fucking game#Already feel bad enough about getting a Switch last year just for TOTK#Can't even watch my fave Tubers play it because I wanna experience it on my own too#Woe is me
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
x
#tw bad mental health and suicidal ideation#i wanna bash my head into a wall#i just got a new debit card last week and i already have to get a new one bc someone hacked me#i have to file for bankruptcy bc my health has made my finances so beyond fucked#nobody will give me a debt consolidation loan so i could try and survive#i feel like i have to drop out of college bc i can’t take another semester off and have my health fuck it all up#i wanna get my degree but at this rate i don’t think i will be able to#im worried ill need surgery on my left arm and i financially will not fucking get through that if i do#i already feel so much guilt for fucking my mom’s finances up#my sister won’t help my dad’s a POS and i’m NC with him#i feel like dying would be more beneficial than anything at this point#like i’m in pain all the time and nothing helps#i can’t fucking deal with this anymore#i can’t my body isn’t made for this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I really need to stop reading my therapist's session notes given the psychic whiplash I experience half the time I read them, especially since im like 99% sure I shouldn't be able to see them in the first place, but like.... im so curious. I want to knowwwww
#at this point idk how to tell my therapist I can see them without going mask off and exposing myself for reading them like a fucking novel#like as soon as they are posted I am THERE its like buddy. chill tf out. you were there in the session. you know what happened.#you dont need a fucking play by play. but apparently I do#it helps me process stuff seeing the little extra tidbits of shit that gets dropped but also sometimes feels like a smack in the face.#It's mostly been validating and feeds my curiosity and better sense of self understanding though#also tonight I was like homie. girlie. buddy. we had our session last week why you only getting to the notes today? you doing ok?#I also feel bad cause the therapy is like. workin but also making my symptoms worse cause im in a bad place cause I dont wanna process shit#and therapy maakes me process shit. so like. that makes my brain both worse and better woooooo#we out here#googoogajoob
4 notes
·
View notes