#fuck that rn its time for being angry
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sorry still mad at that allura post. fandom will really bring out the racism in people like nothing else will. we need to start putting bitches on blast actually. block button isn't enough I need a Monetary Compensation For Having To See That Post button
"she's fictional" yeah but your attitudes to black/brown people in media will 99.999% of the time mirror your attitudes toward black/brown people irl. without fair when I've given vehement allura/katara/korra haters a chance they have been aggressive and racist to me and my friends.
it's just. god it's so tiring to see racism fucking everywhere. and every bitch is an anti-racist advocate until they're confronted and suddenly brown people are just too much to handle. I get so fucking tired.
#'jet youre so upset about this' I WAS THE 'ANNOYING' WEIRD BLACK GIRL. im so sick and tired.#anway ill probably delete this later bc its honestly incoherent and doesnt actually make any good points but like#fuck that rn its time for being angry#sigh. ANYWAY.#shoutout to all the weird magical black girls i love you all please never lose yourself#you are so important to me and im so sorry we have to be so constantly reminded that this is the view of much of the world#ugh. i need to kill someone.#allura#vld#fandom crit#jet's talking again#actualy more like jet is tearing his hair out but.
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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I'm so mad that so far the only good robin!jason content i've ever found is his original run. Everything i've seen since has just been making him out to be the Angry Bad Problem Child and victim blaming him for dying. How is it that the only fucking good characterization of him is 20 issues from the 1980s
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#jaybin#robin jason todd#i love jaybin so much but by god there is no fucking content#ppl are just obsessed w making him out to be Bad and Angry to make him becoming red hood make more sense in their heads#look thats what he was always going to be. that what he was always on the track for. look at how angry and unstable he was#SHUT UPPP#from comics anything told to me abt his time as robin after his death means nothing to me#everyone has a different version of canon in their mind and mine will never include a single bit of info abt jaybin said after his death#i have the most horrible brainrotting ''he would not fucking say that'' abt jaybin. nobody gets him like i dooo#<- said as someone who has been angry and problematic and difficult since a young age bc of trauma and mental illness and shit#AND JASON WASNT EVEN HALF AS BAD AS ME#im gonna go reread his og robin run. my safe space#sorry im being soooo annoying abt jaybin rn i just. i love him#i feel like most people only see jaybin as the precursor to red hood#jaybin is only worth something as the backstory of red hood#which like. its fine to like the red hood version of him most#but i like jaybin :( he's my robin. like if there's a robin in a story i'd want it to be jason#so many fics would be sooo good to me if they did not unnecessarily have jason arguing with bruce abt the no-kill thing while STILL ROBIN??#like what are we doing thereeee#ok sorry im done being annoying and venty and whiny now
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im so infinitely stressed rn i need to get off here
#camera talks#fuckkk#sighhhghsghg#sorry yall im like. on the verge of tears#this is genuinely like. the start of like 'the rest of my life' year and its. not looking like a good 4 years at all#i have to change my gender marker on my license back (safety. my states not red but its not Good either) and like.#i was already planning to at this point but its hitting me how much it meant to me to have that piece of me be like. known ? ig??#and i feel lucky that my name is already legally changed and its a fairly neutral to masc name so i think im fine#but like. do i really have to go into my job field like this? will i have to not be trans for the first 'real' steps of my life?#im fucking. upset#and im so so angry#i dont feel like i can look to HRT or surgery in my future rn#and i Know we're going to get through this#but like. im so tired of being unknown and hidden but its not like i can do anything about it now or ever anyways#like im already misgendered all the time so it doesn't Matter i guess#and very little people know of my relationships in the grand scheme of things so i guess im just going to keep keeping those hidden ish#but i dont Want to ! i want to be proudly queer and in love because i Am !! so like augh i dont know#im just so so upset#being queer is Me and i hate having to hide this part of myself for so fucking long#no wonder i related to old queers writing and stuff. augh. im thinking about them a lot. lots of them got through this#lots of them had lives they were proud of for the most part and i just hope i get that too#and im not even good at passing as cis or straight i dont think#like. im not going to try to that badly but as much as i dont pass for transsexual im easy to clock as weird gender#and fucked up mentally ill and aughghh#i dont even want to think about not getting mental health and disability resources#okay whatever im logging off or at least shutting down tumblr now#im just scared and worried i guess. i dont know#fuck
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Sylus saying "...don't run" to MC when they're finally being openly honest about their desire for one another and their trust and shared spaces.
#their stupid connection was made in a lab to torment me I can't BELIEVE I want to write fic for them#the fact that her desires are essentially laid bare for him but that he still verifies#that he knows her SO well... her tendency for avoidance that both hinders and benefits their situation#her own underlying possessiveness of Sylus and need to be his equal. on his side.#Sylus trying to be patient and playing whatever role she needs until she's ready to accept that place. accept their mutual connection#MC seeing no other option but to embed herself in his life and his problems even though he's a risk to her career and life in Linkon#the fact that she meets him after she loses the people she considered a family... when their background brings up the concept of Home#I actually love when MC is petty and jealous and Sylus just accepts it and finds it insanely charming like.#the way he obviously Sees her pain and anger and need to protect him over seeing his old scars. angry that he or another didnt properly care#and then with knowledge from their myth origin its like...#the idea that theyre essentially mirrors containing eachother in equal capacity. the allusions to the threshold of light and shadow#the whole aspect of freedom from restraint and captivity. the mirror of her past being raised as a weapon and his nature. l#the little dragon statue she coveted and kept as a secret confidant...#and then like their shared capacity for indulgence. Sylus preparing all that food for her even when he was willing playing her villain.#his tendency to replicate his memories of the past to stir her own#im so obsessed and its been a week. help.#he always gives her space to retreat. and in the newest content now he's revealing his own desperation. dont run this time#dont retreat into yourself or into your role as a hunter or a lawful citizen#I just love that he also adores everything about her even her darker aspects that echo in himself#and the whole who will ''win'' in the end. will she make him more human or will they both embrace their predatory nature in the Fiend#them being the lovers and the devil simultaneously. sylus as death and mc as temperance. idk idk im insane rn#i literally made a sideblog for these posts apologies all 😂#personal tag#they have so many callbacks its crazy. the stupid territory thing is so cute like he'll play into anything for her and just be delighted#i need more main story so bad like. Sylus talks to MCs boss in one of the memories or something.#what the fuck is he doing there?? one assumes he's covering their asses and cooperating in some manner so that MCs career isnt at risk#since he knows she loves hunting#and with the whole mutual enemy in Ever... lets not forget that also Sylus might be the head of a crime syndicate or whatever but what#i just need to know when he became aware of MC in her current life.#I have no one to talk about this game to can you tell
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ok fine im a bit pissy
I did not spend HOURS of EVERY DAY this week, most often WELL AFTER MIDNIGHT
doing things for certain types of encampment that I CANT TALK ABT ON SOCIAL MEDIA ON RISK OF SELF-INCRIMINATION
to be palestine-guilted over MEMEING ABOUT MISHA COLLINS
I did not WORK MYSELF TO EXHAUSTION
face *REDACTED* and *REDACTED*
to be told that my HAPPY LITTLE FANDOM POSTING on a site with NO FINANICAL OR ALGORITHMIC SIGNIFICANCE TO CELEBRITIES somehow undoes alllll of that.
is this a good post? no. does it apply to a lot of ppl? prolly not. could I lose followers/moots for this? yeah.
but its what I'm feeling rn.
#literally the only reason im not holding the line rn is bc im actively physically ill#gods forbid that when im miserable abt not being able to help. some fantastic tumblr bs occurs to cheer me up#misha collins#misha fucking collins#like i dont even support him! why do ppl think memes = “i support this person and all their beliefs”#also its fucked up that “palestine-guilted” is even a THING. either say shit that contributes to real information spreading/activism/etc#or gtfo the movement. like this is so unserious in the worst possible way#sorry im probably going to get so much hate on this post I'm just. tired. and angry.#i keep saying this but every time you want to make a post shaming ppl on tumblr for supporting a celeb/public figure over this issue....#ask yourself why you aren't using that time and energy to make change in a way that matters.#yall clearly are angry for the right reasons and have really good hearts. but this aint it. ppl online arent gonna care and these actors+#dont know you exist and likely never will.
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i hold so much more anger than anyone around me realizes
#like id beat my father to death with my bare hands if given the chance#and all those men for what they did to me#im so sick of ppl saying i need to forgive people who are not and never will be sorry. why should it be on ME to be the 'bigger person'#I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD WHEN IT STARTED.#im angry i never got to be a child and now its too late. now im 22 and just as fucked up as i was when it was still happening#i do not consider myself a violent person but thinking of what my abusers did all the time makes me so fucking mad#how can you do those things to a child & live with yourself. i dont fucking get it#i dont need to forgive ANYONE if i dont want to. the ppl telling me that dont even know All of what happened to begin with.#milo murmurs#csa vent#tw csa vent#csa tw#add that to being easily irritated due to ptsd and weve got a lovely mess here lol#im so tired of feeling like shit all the time but idk how not to rn#also. OBVIOUSLY i do not desire to commit murder. im just sad & pissed off that they got away w everything & i have to deal w it
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Im going to kill like 10 different people if i hear another peep about payjay because oj ans paper interact in the trailoR IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT IM GONNA GO FERAL STOPPPPPPPP
#ii neg#payjay neg#URGHHHHH FUCK I HATE PAYJAY SO MUCHHHHHHHH#sorry mooties who love payjay.... but like.... i fucking hate it with my entire being..... block me unfollow me do whatever#idm#its just i am SICK and TIRED of everyone saying payjay or thinking payjay because THEY INTERACT LIKE TWICE IN THE TRAILOR#i am gonna CRY#love what you love it just makes me mad and angry and i just . i cant stand payjay rn. it infuriates me that it is THE MOST POPULAR SHIP#IT WOULD NOT WORK IN CANON!!!! OJ HAS LITERALLY USED PAPER MULTIPLE TIMES FOR HIS OWN GAIN#he also left him on that cactus in s1ep10 [even if he told him to.. wtf at least try to take him with you????]#dude paper did EVERYTHING for oj and what did oj do? give him some hugs and be like “thanks paper! i forgive you!!” and then go be ableist??#dude. bro.#oj triggered paper multiple times [s1ep11. s1ep13 [TWICE].]#he LITERALLY used him to win in the penultimate poll [even if paper said “nice idea!” how could he have known that he would be ok with it??]#dude. ok. i need to sit down.#i am geeking out#i am NOT ok rn i need to. i need to go do stuff.#ughhhh im sorry for the rantttt i just. i am VERY passionate about this#tldr fuck you oj and if i see payjay i will kill myself 40 times in my head over it#ghhhhgh
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Okay small rant time !!!!
#im literally losing my god damn mind#i went to get gas#and im pretty sure they have a card skimmer#it asked me for me pin twice and looked weird and inwas like huh#thats really weird#but was like eh whatever and then like 10 minutes later#i start getting attempted charges to my card for 175 dollars from the gas station#this is a gas station ive been using for a very long time and they never have beenna gas station to do holds on your card before#and also my actual gas purchase went through normally !#anyway i was already gone from the gas station at this point (and the inside would have been closed before i could get back anyway)#so i was like okay first im going to post to the group to warn people not to go there rn#then contact the appropriate people#so anyway i posted to the facebook group and it somehow seems like ive done something wrong !!#everyone is so angry!!#literally being like well did you try to fucking remove the device#and why arent you on the phone with the police RIGHT NOW#telling me that its probably juat a hold#and telling me not to say bad things about a business#when literally all i said was you might want to avoid going to this gas station right now because i think they have a skimmer#and stated exactly what happened to me to make me feel that way#anyway ive literally had to edit my post 5 times because people keep getting mad about different things#im so done !!!#never again !!!
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(not hornyposting just musing lol) so i’m a singer-songwriter and performer irl and i’m thinking about the fact that i go around on a day to day basis singing serious, professional songs that use dogs and brainwashing and cannibalism as painful heartbroken metaphors. and i’ve been doing this for years but little by little all these things i process my anguish through in songwriting, have also become how i satisfy my sex drive. and i don’t know what to do with that information i just think it’s wild!! fun fact abt me i guess. i go out there in public singing about how service is my fulfillment and calling myself a good boy and i sing about wanting to be violently torn apart and eaten and i’m like. yeah it’s a metaphor. yeah dw i’m really normal. i don’t fantasize about having my humanity stripped from me and being treated like a stupid sweet puppy barking and whining for my lovers sick and twisted pleasure what are you TALKING about. i just like the poetic imagery of it. i SWEAR.
#i just think it’s silly….#like no joke i’ve written five songs this school year and lets see#there’s one about being a ‘‘silly stupid angel’’ who’s degraded and abused and idealized and stripped of all dignity#(yes it’s a commentary on the patriarchy. yes it’s about the toxic relationship i was in at the time. it’s also several of my kinks in one)#there’s one called GOOD BOY about being a dog. whining and kicking up the dirt. growling and whimpering. being taken advantage of#ITS JUST A METAPHOR. obviously. i actually wasn’t into puppy play yet when i wrote that song iirc. guess it got to me….#then there’s the cannibalism one. i gave my soul up you can eat me raw diced up and vulnerable i’m yours to try#it’s a ummmm it’s just a commentary. (also about my toxic relationship. he didn’t want to fuck OR eat me. but somehow still used me)#anyway the other two are just normal one is about filtering myself for him and the other is about being oppressed and poor and angry lol#still though. the fact that over half my songs are literally my kinks turned into poetry. and NOBODY KNOWS#it’s not my fault that those things are on my mind ALL THE TIME. what am i supposed to write songs about if not being a stupid puppy??#i don’t think anyone on my kink blog ACTUALLY wants to hear about this but my kinks are secret so this is the only place i can post about i#hope u can get some sort of psychological insight about me?? or idk stalk me?? show up 2 my shows and kidnap and use me?? who said that#i’m not even like. wet rn i’m just on here as reflex. and i’m THINKING. abt my TWISTED MIND and the weird shit i write about#in an intellectual way. cause i’m not USING my KINK BLOG this week. cause i SAID SO cause i need to KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME#so i’m gonna be so normal. and not touch myself even a little bit cause i need to sleep and i need to move house and i need to be so normal#unrelatedly: tomorrow i’ll be one month on testosterone!! definitely hasn’t awakened anything in me….#anyway. anyway. i’m going to try to go to bed. probably going to end up edging myself stupid instead though#will just have 2 see what happens…. god it would be a shame if someone came in and used my sleeping body. who said that
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I sure love when im making vent art but get frustrated cause im not in the good head space or skill level to make it look good >:[[[[[
#anyway im not fineeee#i hate school i am overwhealmwd overstimulated angry and mean#everything is wrong and it sucks and no one gets me gets me#also having feels about being trans and queer and a teen and losing intrest in a thing i live#and i was forced to clean my room and do homework and it fucking sucks#so...yeah im not well rn#gonna get some sleep and get better but its not awesome rn#oh also existential dread of a world where i will have to work till i die or close to it with basiclly no breaks and im already exhausted rn#so it feels like its only gonna get worse with time
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ive learned to kind of. accept my sickness a lot more this year but some days ET is just so fucking miserable :(
#taking meds every single day to fix me but they DONT fix me its just slightly less bad#if i dont take them at the perfect time at night i will get so dizzy i cant even move (but irregardless i will get sick and dizzy anyways!)#sometimes im like idk do i even NEED meds bc its still awful with them but its so much worse if i ever go without#and i really havent been sleeping well for the last month or so which ALSO does not help at all........#but i knoww my tremors are only going to get worse bc ive ALREADY declined a Lot since my dx#being this young with a disease common in middle aged + other adults is weird as fuck too like i've only been diagnosed for three years#i dont WANT it to keep getting worse for the rest of my life. i've hardly even LIVED any life. god#it makes me angry and i feel a bit bad for that but. nobody irl GETS IT#i literally cant do anything!!!!!! my eyes are shaking i cant read and w my hands i cant write rn. i dont have my guitar so i cant play tha
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Pink sunset last night :)
#venting in the tags of my generic but pretty photo: holy fuck i need to quit my job#like i genuinely feel unsafe and its been hinted Several Times that my position may be terminated soon#so im just being like. dangled on a string and it SUCKS#but i am the only source of stability in my household and so i literally cannot#im just fuxking trspped like a rat#and im constantly having thoughts of like.. giving 30 days notice on my apartment breaking up and driving to like wyoming.. living in my car#but i have to be the responsoble one!! like always!!!#and no one else is looking out for me or able to catch me if i fall!!!#grrrrrrrrrr#its making me like angry at everyone in my life#i just wany to be left alone to do what i like and not have to worry about taking care of everybody else#and like. i cant even afford mental therapy or physical therapy or my meds rn and i dont think people realize how much i#am fucking sacrificing all the god damn time#jesus christ#i sound like the male lead in any mid century play#brechtian ass#anyways#im normal now#back to work 🙃
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like how do you start dealing with the reality of your situation when you realize that actually it isn't getting better and you're getting sick all the time and nobody cares/the best you get out of conversations w people is another crack, expensive, hokey "solution" to boost your immune system
#txt#op#i am having a really hard time staring down the barrel of the reality of my situation#nobody seems to care all that much#it was really frustrating calling my dad and telling him i have bronchitis rn and his first reaction was telling mw#“youre sick again? you've been hanging out w the wrong crowd”#like no actually i got this one from my fucking job#i cant do anything without getting sick#i cant remember the last time i wasnt worries about getting sick again. or being sick and wishing i was dead because its so miserable#how do you deal with this reality. i got covid in september 2022 and it changed my life extremely suddenly for the worse#and i just cant accept my new reality. i keep thinking this will finally be the last time i get sick#and then inevitably it happens again sooner than later. im so sad. and angry
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My ex’s birthday gifts arrived
So now, its time for drama
I am so ready to fight cry & fuck
#no sense having anxiety & being sad#this is the time for action#im so angry rn i wanna cry#& im so far for home too im fucked idw to b here anymore#its just embarrassing to cry in someone else’s bed
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i have fucking covid again :) so glad that covid was dealt w in the past and that the only ppl that need to worry about it are disabled ppl :) so glad that someone as young and healthy as me doesnt have to worry for more than a few days :)
#im not doing as bad as i was last time but i have fears!#currently high risk for aspirating rn :D#but surely someone as young and spry as me can get thru pneumonia no problem :)#i wanna rip the world into pieces like eagles tear apart their meals into fleshy strips and eat every piece whole#i want to pierce my talons into the face of the every asshole whos responsible to letting this deadly illness to continue to fester w/o car#i want to make every one of them feel the pain i and millions of others feel all at once and forever#i swear that if i fall back after all of this fucking progress i had to fight for bc fucking stupid poisoned america treats this virus like#like its just decongestion#im so fucking powerless even when i make daily fucking messages and whatnot to my government and try to explain to detached xtians why#why fucking genocide is evil and that kids need to be able to learn w their peers and have books#and that queer ppl fucking deserve to have fucking rights#and fucking all of it and everyday all i receive are fucking brick walls to the face#yes rachel i actually deeply care about not letting my snotty hand touch bc if i have fucking covid and u dont i dont want u to get fucking#covid AGAIN bc i like to make decisions that dont negatively impact someones health!!!!!!!#okay im done. not done being angry. but done ranting. for now.#WEAR UFKCING MASKS ISTG
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