#i dont need to forgive ANYONE if i dont want to. the ppl telling me that dont even know All of what happened to begin with.

[truckstoptigers]

i hold so much more anger than anyone around me realizes

[salstini]

so i told le bf about feeling a lack of reciprocity in our relationship (thanks Liz for the expression heheh), I really tried to be as kind and neutral in my message despite my anger at the time, just stating what I feel and what i would like without criticizing him and like giving him options and stuff.

he hasn’t responded yet and i kinda feel like he’ll still take it the wrong way, get defensive and not listen to what i said at all, but we’ll wait and see… part of me wants to resort to the quickest resolution method aka “saying i’m the one who was wrong for everything, letting my guilt overwhelm me, cry from the pain and promise i’ll learn to control my emotions”

but this time I’m just gonna try sitting with the discomfort and not tell myself I’m wrong for asking for reciprocity. i’m not guilty of anything, I didn’t do anything bad, maybe I’m not perfect and maybe i am a needy and selfish and dysfunctional but it doesn’t make me a bad person. at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself as i resist the urge to send him sthg like “im sorry… sorry that i’m the way i am” which is how most of our conflicts have been resolved i feel LMAO

maybe if this doesn’t go well then we’ll have to break up because i can’t continue processing his emotions for him … like every time i bring sthg up and feel genuinely sad or sthg, he’s often defensive and expresses anger instead of comforting me or trying to understand me… i dont necessarily want to depend solely on him for emotional support but being met with anger everytime i express dissatisfaction (even in the nicest way) is just not it for me

Who knows maybe I am the irrational one and he’s right and i’m asking for too much, but still there must be some ways we can discuss it and find solutions together right? if he can’t give me what i need, which i get is not sthg i should expect of anyone (as in like, can’t expect ppl to cover my needs at all times), at least can he give me some patience, forgiveness, understanding? i know it’s hard being with me but still 😭

[nahalism]

What do you think of therapy, personally? If you are comfortable w answering: did you ever have one yourself and how was the experience of it? x

(sorry in advance cause this will be long)

cool so, i was made to go for the first time at around 12/13, and the experience was damaging. so every other time they tried to get me to talk to someone, go to school counselling or seek help not only did i not trust the therapist, i literally wouldnt speak or would try flip the questions on them. HOWEVER, since september 2022 - this march/april i went to a therapist voluntarily just to see if i was wrong, if i could make quicker progress with someones help, or if by having a non biased person to soundboard my thoughts against id find it helpful. heres what i found (:

what i liked:

- i wanted a therapist because i wanted a second opinion. i was around ppl making me think i was some kind of villain or person that i didnt feel i was, and so instead of cutting people out & spiralling or forgiving & overcompensating like i have a tendency to do, i went to someone unbiased to g check me. my therapist did end up giving me that assurance that i wasnt crazy, but also helped me recognise how much i doubt myself, accept bare minimum, or talk myself out of what i feel/want to accommodate/enable others. i knew i had those patterns, but i didnt know to what extent, so for people being gaslit or for those who are prone to abusers / having a warped sense of reality, therapists can really offer that objective, external reassurance that grounds you back into reality without you having to survive a nervous breakdown.

- going also checked my arrogance in thinking i was my one and only saviour. practicing leaning on someone other than me was cool and it was nice to see what that can look like. it also affirmed that i know how to communicate and share (something people at the time were trying to convince me i am not capable of doing)

what i liked less:

- a therapist is not your friend or a replacement for friendship. there were times my therapist would say shit like 'if you ever need someone to talk to im always available' cause i didnt have anyone to talk to. & dont get me wrong, it was super sweet! but .. ultimately, if there was no financial incentive that wouldnt be the case. so i feel like someone more vulnerable or less clued in than me would have heard that and got drawn in, when no matter how cool your therapist is, ultimately the relationship is a business transaction.

- from a spiritual perspective, i feel like therapists know what to tell you according to logic and science, but very few therapists are skilled healers. i dont want to go to someone who helps me rationalise what i think and feel so i can show up as a productive member of this society we live in. i want someone who challenges me to see the truth where id rather buy into soft illusions, and as such helps me show up as an authentic, elevated, expression of me. there were times i was in a session being told something that applied and was smart, but i could tell the therapist didnt even embody that themselves & forgive me for being judgemental, but because they didnt embody it, they couldnt fully understand the consequence of being about the shit they talk about. in that circumstance id rather find an elder whos embodied the lessons their trying to pass on, than someone who only feels comfortable telling me to do what society, their parents, or modern science has understood and approved. sometimes the answer thats right for you isnt a path someone can encourage you toward, you have to find it for yourself. and sometimes, the answer isnt 'self love', 'self work', or gaining a sense of individuality, which is what therapy usually points people toward. sometimes its being in nature, quitting your job, giving service to community, service to nature, service to strangers. healing can mean going off of the beaten oath and therapy doesnt always advocate for that.

- 2 be blunt as fuck, there were times i was simply spending £50 to chat to someone for an hour which is why i no longer go. :/. i personally wanted a therapist so i could gain !!strategies!! that would help me with actually asserting boundaries, & dealing with people who try to violate, in a healthy way. instead i felt like i got an hour session of me talking. maybe that works for some people, but personally i didnt need someone to talk to, vent to, confide in... so it just felt like picking scabs off of closed wounds, whilst someone nods and empathises, but cant give any real indication of how i can change my circumstances or show up differently. then after an hour of bringing up shit you've given me no indication of how to fix, i have to go back into the environment that caused the stress and try not to be triggered or pop off on people. long dayyy

sooo thats how i feel. bare in mind, i am me and i sought out therapy for very specific reasons that may not be your reasons. if you need therapy and thats your path, you need to do whats right for you. however for my needs and where im at right now, i dont feel the need for a therapist. if i came out of processing some heavy shit or was in a place where i needed help or an unbiased voice to check me or reassure me i wouldnt write it off. however i just feel like people need to be self willed and self governed in this life, & the more we tap into what we feel & follow what feels good, the more we know, understand & can walk in wisdomm

hope this wasnt offputtingly long <3 blessings

[linawritestwst]

hiiii congrats on 1k! i'd like to request a matchup please~

i go by she/they pronouns. aside from playing games and watching anime, i like reading books, specifically YA romance novels since im basic XD one of my main hobbies include experimenting w coffee beans too. (i've been obsessed with them since the pandemic started that i can probably make a 2 hr presentation on the history of coffee lmao jk) ANYWAY, i dont really know much abt my personality outside of personality types: i'm an infp, type 9w1 enneagram which is like being the peacemaker in a friend group bc i dont like confrontation lol. with that, i usually look assertiveness and decisiveness for a partner bc i cant have someone whos passive and agreeable as me HSHDHDHSJ but ofc, them being selfish is a whole diff thing. im usually the listener since im not good at making conversations and ppl find it easy to open up to me (prob bc i dont talk in the first place AHDHSHDHHS). but it would be good if my partner can hold up a conversation for us or at least let me feel comfortable to them that i can actually ramble and talk a lot :) my love language is giving gifts bc i think its nice to see something and immediately think of ur loved one like thats so cute!!

also, im okay with anyone from any dorm aside from the first years since theyre still a bit young~ i hope this is not too vague and too long. thank you so much and i hope more readers can find your writings!

hi, thank you so much for your kind words and i hope you like your matchup!!

also i'm so sorry for being so slow with matchups, i have exams coming up and i have to study a lot 😔😔

the character that i think would be a good partner for you is..

rook hunt!

i'll explain why i chose him:

this guy wouldn't think you're basic at all! everything about you is special to him and even if most people think your interests are "boring", he says that there's something beautiful about you liking popular things. come on, you like romance novels, that's so cute! he would be very curious to hear about your experiments with coffee beans as well and you can tell him everything you know about them, he will listen and he will genuinely find it extremely interesting. and your passion about this topic makes it even more beautiful for him.

rook would admire you being the peacemaker, because it means that you're a kind and caring person and it makes you even more beautiful in his eyes. you're already perfect to him, but if you want to become more confident, he would be glad to help! though he can also just be there in case you need someone to make a decision for you or someone who's not as passive.. but this man also can easily go "all of these look/sound nice <3" when you have to choose something, so.. good luck with that.

rook doesn't mind doing all the talking, since.. you know. he talks a lot. however, he would love to hear your thoughts and opinions more often, so in case you need to talk to him about something, he's all ears! he will react to everything you say and he will express his own thoughts about these topics as well, but he will try his best not to interrupt you and if he does, please forgive him, he gets very excited when he's able to spend time with you like this and get to know you better. he would love the gifts you give him too, the fact that you saw something and it reminded you of him warms his heart and makes him so happy!

[nightmare8-420]

tw sh

yagggvbbfdjsn ive really noticed that i really will do just abt anythung for them, for the time being ive completely stopped smoking nicotine, i eat more consistently (even if i dont want to) aaaaand i havent sh’ed in hot bit.

(oh yea and drinking oops), now this is great yes, but it sucks because i want to do everything on this list besides maybe smoking! hgghbtbf for like several weeks now ive wanted to sh but just haven’t bc ik ill have so much fucking guilt

/we had a conversation, i asked them if they would forgive me if i did smth bad that only hurt myself, they said that they wouldnt, but that they didnt think what would be needed was forgiveness, rather a hug in their words, still trying to figure out if theyd be mad at me if i did from this response/

ive thought abt just doing it already and telling them how sorry i am afterwards, but im like fucjinf mortified that itll come off as attention seek-y (tbh the reason why ive cut down on venting in gen is mostly bc im worried ppl will think that immattention seeking, hhhhhbnff idk its a worry of mine tho)

so the best bet i got is brining it up when i greet them in the morning (dont ask, its nearly impossible to explain shortly), buuuut even then i apologize quite literally everynight for extremly small things so itll still feel like im lying to them

(bc itll feel like im essentially tellinng them that my cat scratched me 💀)

hggbbdhdbtbg jeeze uh, its actually been a bit since i rambled, yhghfndndn dows anyone actually read these? fuck if i know! fuck if i care!

anyyywaysssss im gonna go take allegra and yell about jounos dead ass body

[vaguely-yandere]

ohohoho chami dearest…. you spoil me so… <3333 (๑´• ₃ •̀๑) <333 one thing i really really appreciate about ur blog is! actually everything. LOL i truly love it here i think(?) your blog is relatively new but as you might know, dom reader/sub love interest blogs and fics are already SO hard to find as is; subby yandere centered blogs are even HARDER to come by!! i get theres a certain charm in being dominated (i guess) but seeing a little cutie on their knees in front of you, all panty and blushy and eager….. i need more of that…! and you have delivered in all ways possible <333 lysm !! i really really appreciate u!!! <333 i feel like now IM the one sounding all obsessive ehehehe

speaking of which…. whats your love language? im curious! you can easily take a quiz by searching ‘lovelanguage quiz’ online, idk if youve ever taken one before!! you might have already, i dont know :0 i just think it would be so cute if yans found out about their darlings love language and did their best to give them affection in that way!! even if it didnt exavtly match up with THEIR love language…

that being said, their love language is well, you! so theyll do their best to cater to your needs!! words of affirmation? theyll tell you what they love about you EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. all the time. (its a bit excessive, really, but you canr bring yourself to cut off their ranting about you, even if its been going on for hours…) physical touch? well, theyll do their best to hold your hand without throwing up or shaking or sweating or passing out. quality time? they’ve already got that down! (idk if stalking can be counted as quality time, though…)

so happy you like attention bc i’ll shower you w it!! i honestly don’t keep up w many blogs (in terms of interacting w them) but id like to be friends w you if you’d allow it!! chami <333 chami <33 im p sure you’ll be able to recognize my actual user @ atp, but we can just pretend you dont <33

yes yes!!! ive always been a bit.. picky with my dom yanderes due to various reasons and i always felt bored when reading strictly dominant yanderes who just degrade you and tend to be rly rly mean or having the dom reader be so... unnatural? i don't wanna be mean to anyone, i also do enjoy a few more dominant yanderes and i love others writings but they don't rly fit what im looking for!! and i wanna encourage ppl to seek out content they like AND i wanna encourage other writers to try and write different dynamics !!! a submissive top, a dominant bottom, service tops, just write some niche stuff!!

ive always been a very dominant person and ive never enjoyed having to read about yanderes who beat the reader (literally or figuratively) into submission cause, well. that's not me! i want me a classic yandere who squeals when i yell at them, who sees me hitting them or hugging them as the same thing!!! but i do also enjoy a good service top (i always imagine them holding silver platters, wearing nothing but a bowtie, a funny top hat and a black thong and doing the classic butler pose) but a service top also ties into the weird need to step on a yanderes thigh while they're kneeling and have them smile up at me through the pain or moan when they accidentally bump their hip into a sharp corner cause theyve been pavlov'd to always associate pain with pleasure (and me! <3 in a very consensual and non toxic way. i don't wanna just spend my time beating my poor yandere :()

which i guess makes sense because my love language is acts of service! i love going things for people and i love having people do things for me!!! a close second would be gift giving but that's just because im greedy lol. i can already see a yandere taking this to the extreme and coddling me (something i hate) by always doing everything for me until i eventually snap at them and then they spend the next few hours begging for forgiveness

which is weird! because i really don't like needy ppl who need my attention on the 24/7 or else they'll spend hours whining and asking for reassurance (this is fantasy why am I taking this so seriously) which is. kinda stupid because the base layer of being a yandere is being needy??? but i think that also just ties into why i like sub yanderes! i have control most of the time! i want alone time? they'll stalk me from a distance! i don't want them putting cameras in the bathroom (i never liked this idea as someone with stomach issues. somethings not even my fantasy yandere needs to know about) fine! they'll just make it suicide proof which is fair and they also demand having walkie talkies in there so they can check in when their anxiety is too high. they physically can't handle leaving me alone? they'll let me tie them up for a while and leave em at home while i do stuff. they wanna kill all of my friends? no. bad yandere. ive had enough bad relationships in my life and i can excuse the stalking, taking of undergarments (but at least replace the expensive ones, damn), possible killing of my enemies, etc etc but i draw the line at being a dick! (again, please know i don't encourage this kind of behavior irl. for roleplay purposes and fantasy purposes ONLY.)

plus, something just gets my heart racing when some pathetic lil cutie is desperately trying to hide how desperate they are for me! again, im an attention whore at heart and i desperately need some obsessive lil nerd (think discord mod oc but cute!) to give me the attention and love i deserve! feed my ego! i refuse to be humbled by a dom yandere >:(

and subby yanderes are so cute and can fit into any category! you want it rough? a yandere with a knife obsession (rival yan is perfect for this) or maybe you wanna be spoilt? CEO yandere who'll let you spit in their face, call them an idiot and then let you drain their bank account while thanking you! (just don't hit them too hard, they're very sensitive:() or maybe you're more of a sadist? rival yandere is there for you! enjoy bottoming but don't like getting dommed? submissive service top! (again, CEO yandere!) or maybe you just adore babying and humiliating your yandere! sensitive yandere will let you call them a filthy whore all day long!

maybe you enjoy platonic yanderes who are more submissive as well (but not in a sexual way) then the girly yandere is for you! sure, they were written romantically but any character can be written as platonic! (except maybe rival yandere or sensitive yandere. they both have issues some serious issues- well, maybe sensitive yandere could be more platonic, who knows!) or maybe a doting parental figure? CEO yan will happily take you in! anyone who crosses your path will be begging for forgiveness in no time! submissive yandere can also be p platonic, maybe they're your big sibling (it's weird using traditionally sexual rhetoric to describe a familial role uegh there has to be a better word for it) who always gives you what you want! gifts? candy? games? a ride somewhere? help beating the shit out of a friend who hurt you? they'll do it all! (i always imagine Tanjiro from Demon Slayer like this.. except he has more morals than a yandere but only slightly lol)

there's just so much potential!!!! <33 and id love to be friends with you sunny darling but i have a confession... i try not to pay attention to who likes what or who doesn't like what! despite being an attention whore, it's so tiring feeling my hopes sink when someone who likes EVERYTHING doesn't like something :( so i just don't pay attention to it! but i love making friends!! EVERYONE should feel free to dm me!! all i ask is to please respect my boundaries (in my pinned post) and to pls be patient with me (im very autistic and socially underdeveloped so chatting is hard sometimes) and don't worry about "coming on too strong" or smthin like that! the entire reason i made this blog is for more dominant ppl (and again! love submissive ppl as well and also welcome them here!) who are okay with setting boundaries! which means i like setting boundaries! and i enjoy practicing setting them! and i think it'd be good for other ppl (esp you sunny :3) to maybe practice taking up space! talking a lot, being loud, or just fairly dominant when traditionally you aren't supposed to be isn't a bad thing! and if someone has an issue with it, trust them to tell you and talk it out like mature adults (cause this is an 18+ blog!) and if they don't wanna talk it out or just don't tell you why they have an issue with you, you don't need them in your life. you have too much shit to deal with to add someone being an asshole on top of that!

[cartoonemotion]

after a million years plus an addition million years post the show ending i am finally just now scribbling out my takes and stuff on fethry's immediate family a la how they would fit into dt17 canon

the breakdown in my mind is that all 3 of eider and lulubelle's children are Strange and Ambiguously Disordered (fethry taking the most after his mother) and also to some degree have inherited eider's legendary strength (abner being basically on par with his father and fethry as the baby and the runt of the three being much more close to just having normal person strength, though still a bit surprising for how noodly he is)

more specific points abt the family under the cut bc i dont want the post to be too long @_@

abner

definitely autistic (as 3 and also lulu are) but its like in that. i dont have healthy coping mechanisms to deal with how alienated from ppl i feel so im just gonna fish and carve wood and if anyone enters my space i will burn it down with both of us still inside it. way

that being said abner’s still plenty capable of being a compassionate guy deep down. he cares a lot about his family and takes whatever responsibility u entrust him with extremely seriously

comes off as emotionally stunted bc he doesnt really show affection in the “normal” way, including and especially physical affection and also. saying shit  out loud. he has his own love language its called * noncommittal groan of acceptance as you enter his house *

in my brain i know he should have a job but all i can think about is him fucking off in the woods so he doesnt have to talk with people. maybe one of those people who sit in towers all day to make sure forests dont burn down. i dunno

mary

loves acting and wants to be a professional stage/screen actor so bad but is unfortunately terrible at acting. probably been in like a few commercials or something

very very dramatic, im talking full comedy sketch of a julliard actor levels of melodrama and stage fainting, whether onstage or not. this makes it hard to tell if her reactions to things are genuine or not unless u are her brothers or parents who have been dealing with this forever

since the acting career is not really taking off Yet she has maybe ripped off 1 or 2 or 20 or so people maybe more just to keep the lights on. ironically when shes conning people she can actually act convincingly (my leverage fans out there. you know)

some of you will probably ask about dugan and while i do absolutely love dugan personally in my mind marys not ready nor interested in motherhood. so. maybe some day i will reveal my own dt17 dugan origin concept idk

eider

something of a local folk hero due to both his truly legendary strength and his equally strong inclination to lend his neighbors a hand, or really anyone else who may need a little help for that matter

as exceptionally goofy and loving as you could want any dad to be, though he can also be a bit stern when he needs to be, and a little prideful

in my mind i think it would be very cool if he had moved his family into granny elvira’s farm to give her a hand bc while shes a tough old woman everyone still needs a hand from time to time but i dont know if this contradicts any serious duck lore so forgive me

lulubelle

full loon baby ! none of this “looks like every other member of clan mcduck” shit !!! yes this includes the blood red eyes #epicloonwin

many make the mistake to count her as an absent minded spooky insane woman but this could not be further from the truth. she is very sharp-witted, observant, and is only spooky simply because its pretty near impossible to creep or gross her out, and even harder to full-on scare. and also because she makes long uninterrupted eye contact all the time

fethry definitely inherited a lot from her, but one of the main things they share is the tendency to cycle through all kinds of seemingly unrelated hobbies and interests; but much like fethry’s chief passion seems to be marine biology, lulu greatly enjoys botany and all it’s practical applications, as well as music

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

Hi! I am starting to get into the figure skating fandom and i just read something about Shoma being a misogynist and saying he hates women... so can you please explain me 😳 i really like his programs and musicality so it would be really disappointing

Sorry if there's any mistake, english is not my first languaje

And of course you don't have to answer if you dont want c:

Puh...well...yeah I don't want to answer, but I do. I have talked about that many times in the past, you can also look that up if you want to.

In short:

There was a gaming stream back in September 2019 - translations turned up much later in November 2019 - where Shoma said: "he hates girls his age as he sees them to hard to impress boys" This is literally the gist of it all. Is that sentence ok? No. Can it be seen as offensive? Yes. Is he a mysogynist because of it? No.

The gaming stream was more than 4 hours long and he was asked about dating and girls via the stream ask box.

Also let's not forget that this gaming channel, while it sounds like his voice, was never officially tied to his name. So there is no proof it was him at all.

Some backgrounds story:

September 2019 was a time when Shoma was without a coach. He was without any doubt depressed. Nothing in his skating worked. As we know from official interviews he was close to quit skating but also didn't know what else to do.

Now some background story to when it has been brought to attention to English Twitter:

It's been known for two months already. IdF 2019 was a complete disaster for Shoma as he only placed 8th in a GP where he usually would medal. There was a huge wave of support for him on any social media platform even ppl who weren't his fans showed worry about his state of skating. Suddenly that bomb dropped. Co-incidence?

The translation of this sentence vary a lot. Some insist he said "hate" some other translators say it's "dislike". If not even Japanese speaking ppl are sure of what was meant? How can we be?

The Japanese speaking fandom never gave that whole thing much attention. There must be a thing we miss in the conversation. Maybe it's a cultural difference.

Here is my opinion:

Imo the Twitter translations blew it up. It was one sentence! I mean do ppl even know how a real mysogynists talk? It's trivializing real problems. Also never said something in a heated moment you didn't mean?

He surely shouldn't have said that and I see why ppl can be disappointed in that sentence. All feelings are valid. If you don't want to support Shoma any longer I can understand that. What I don't understand is the vitriol and hatred. Name calling is not ok. No one knows Shoma in person, so how can anyone claim to know how he is? I for one am on the side of forgiveness. I still support Shoma!

For all we know that is true about Shoma is, that he is close to Satoko and Marin (if dating or not), he dressed as a girl in The Ice shows with a lot of effort (he even let the girls make his make- up), he is polite and humble towards any female fan or fans in general (I can tell from my own experience - he even kneeled on the floor to sign autographs when surrounded by a group of female fans!), there has never been any bad word about him from any skater in the world, Marin was introduced in his YouTube channel, he made countless compliments about the other female skaters (like how they are better at steps, how admirable the quads of the Tutberidze girls are, the one he had in mind doing his guts pose at Worlds 2017 was Satoko who was injured at the time). Ask yourself if this is the behavior of a mysogynist?

Also if any of you need multiple translations with context, you can dm me. I have collected that at the time back then. And like I said in other posts before it matters who translated it as it reads differently from everyone especially if you're a native speaker or not. I always wonder why someone would translate something about someone they never liked.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[palmett-hoes]

per your post "every single one of the monsters is autistic and/or adhd" will you elaborate on that?, if you do i will love you forever (not that i wont if you dont do it)

oh boy i would love to!!! unironically nothing brings me more joy than writing long, convoluted character analysis posts

---

okay so i’ve written several posts before about why andrew is autistic. his moral code, the roundabout way he communicates, his body language, his stimulation-seeking behavior, his strict adherence to transactional deals, the emphasis on honesty, and a dozen other details. at this point i just take andrew being autistic as fact, not just an interpretation

h o w e v e r  i also hc that andrew is dyslexic, which is also a neurodiverse condition

- - -

similarly, i’ve seen more than one person interpret kevin as autistic, and i absolutely agree that it fits. not just the hyperfocus on exy but mostly the way he communicates. he’s very indirect, especially in his affection but very direct with his opinions. he tries to be helpful in a material way to the people he cares about, even if he comes off as negative. he wants the people he cares about to be safe and successful so he pushes them to work hard and reminds them in measurable ways how to stay healthy. he doesn’t factor in a lot of room for emotions, so instead he focuses on quantifiable things that he can improve. i personally act very similarly. approaching someone emotionally is hard for me, so when the people i care about have problems all i can think to do is try offering solutions, check up on their well-being, etc. practicality instead of conventional sentiment is extremely common with asd

- - -

so now let’s talk about neil. i had to think on this one for a WHILE but ultimately came to the conclusion that neil is adhd, probably hyperactive type. 

like obviously neil is high energy. i would say he probably does the most exercise of anyone on the team. morning run, morning practice, afternoon practice, night practice with kevin and andrew, plus he doesn’t have a car so he runs to class (on a BIG ass campus), and goes for an extra run when he feels stressed. that’s... insane, honestly.

neil reminds me SO MUCH of this post that goes:

“Was just informed by my mom that I do in fact have ADHD and the reason I thought I didn’t was because ever since I was seven whenever I got super energetic my mom would have me go chop wood so now when I’m feeling The ADHD I go chop wood”

(phenomenal post) and that’s neil to a t. tell me this isn’t exactly how neil handles his problems and also exactly what mary would have had to do to keep her unmedicated and very energetic son focused on the task of staying alive

neil also definitely has that ADHD on/off switch with his interest. the obvious being exy which is like the definition of a hyperfixation, but you can see it in other things: the way he runs totally hot or totally cold with people, his complete disinterest in his schoolwork, the way he can’t seem to sit still long enough to follow movies. but then there’s also the hyperfocus. doing the same drill for hours on end. watching exy game after exy game. staring at andrew until time falls away

what’s more, neil on many occasions shows racing thoughts, both in an anxiety way (and anxiety often goes hand-and-hand with adhd) but also as a way to quickly and accurately take in details about people to build a character profile of them. this is what allows him to connect with the foxes, how he manages to get through andrew’s puzzles, and even how he knows what to say in order to knock riko down a peg. his brain just works so fast and it takes in a lot of very specific details and disparate information to make connections.

but also like,, neil has a HUGE problem with time blindness. like the instant he didn’t have his mother around to manage and direct him anymore he lost all sense of time. he stayed in Millport for a YEAR. and what did he keep telling himself during that time? basically “i really need to move on, but not just yet.” for a YEAR! then he gets to palmetto and he’s like “i’ll cut and run in a month or two” then he doesn’t “i’ll be gone by halloween” wrong again “i’ll leave by the raven’s game” nope. like,, the boy just has NO sense of time and he can’t seem to make himself DO anything outside of an externally enforced schedule. and even then,,, HE HAD 48 FUCKING DAYS TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT GET MURDERED! 48 WHOLE DAYS. he didn’t make a plan, he didn’t write down any letters with goodbyes, he didn’t GO TO THE FBI LIKE HE’D INTENDED TO THE WHOLE TIME! nah he just made out with andrew and when he finally got to zero he was just like “ah shit, that was fast. oh well guess i’ll die” and that’s time blindness, babey!

---

let’s move on to nicky. 

now i think it would be really easy to say nicky is just adhd because he’s high energy and forgetful but tbh,, i don’t think that’s all of it. like if you really look at nicky’s character and especially at his problems, he has asd problems just as much as he has adhd problems.

so nicky is dual diagnosis asd and adhd. also nicky reminds me a lot of a girl i used to know who was autistic/adhd

so, adhd:

very generally speaking, ppl with adhd will struggle with sitting still, listening to and following instructions, planning/organization, following a schedule, and some social boundaries like “appropriate” times and topics of conversation

i would say you see hints of this with nicky. he’s definitely a rambunctious personality, constantly on the move, constantly stimulation seeking. he’s very tactile. he likes to dance, he likes to party, he complains about it but he’s an elite-level athlete. he’s also decidedly very chatty, and doesn’t seem to really pay attention to what he’s saying. he distracts himself and the people around him have to keep him on track. he has some trouble with boundaries. he’s a little all over the place. he’s almost a bit of an adhd stereotype

also one thing i find interesting is that when neil sees him in the library doing work neil is surprised to see he’s capable of that, especially bc when we see the upperclassmen doing work they generally do it in their dorms or on the bus and/or with other people around. that hyper-social nicky would be alone in a quiet place is weird. but this is like the most common tip for dealing with adhd. don’t do it in a familiar space. have a designated space and time to do work. limit distractions. just a lil detail

so now, asd:

in all honesty, most of nicky’s actual problems in the narrative could be viewed as stemming from asd symptoms. his number one issue being that he has a lot of trouble with nonverbal cues (and tbh, verbal ones too). the twins are mostly quiet. andrew especially (when he’s sober) communicates primarily nonverbally, and nicky seems to have a lot of trouble with this. despite knowing them for the longest on the team, nicky honestly seems to have the least insight into the way either of the twins actually thinks or processes things. he loves them, and he’s very forgiving of them, but he fundamentally doesn’t understand them. 

the twins, andrew especially, put up a LOT of nonverbal boundaries, and nicky sort of inadvertently keeps trampling all over them. he’s touchy in a way they don’t like. he talks a lot about their personal lives to other people. he treats them like they’re joking when they’re serious. etc. and like,,, you kind of get the sense that the upperclassmen feel similarly about him. beyond the homophobia, beyond the fact that he’s loyal to andrew, the upperclassmen still treat him with this sense of,, bafflement, i suppose? it’s clear that they don’t really understand him and he doesn’t really understand them. although, nicky IS curious about the upperclassmen, while the upperclassmen are pretty dismissive of him. it reminds me of when my sweet, floppy dog tries to play with my cat. their body language is different; they’re each receiving different signals than they believe they’re sending out

only,, nicky loves people!! he likes being around them, he likes talking to them. he’s interested in their lives and stories, but it’s very clear that he can’t read between the lines on people. he has an incredibly hard time with people who expect their actions to speak for them, which is most people, but is especially his cousins.

actually this is very much also an issue that i have: things need to be spelled out for me. the way i deal with it is i ask a lot of questions. ‘how do you want me to react to this potential situation?’ ‘what are specific things that make you most comfortable?’ ‘please explain to me exactly how you feel and what has prompted those feelings?’ and i’m always communicating vice versa like that with other people. a lot of specifics in both questions and answers

and the interesting thing is, when i was skimming through the books reviewing dialogue styles for another ask, i noticed that, actually, nicky DOES do this. with neil and the upperclassmen, nicky asks a LOT of quick, clarifying questions. things that ask after tone, that ask after intent. it’s kinda sad that he does this for communicating with acquaintances, but with the twins, the people he’s closest to, he makes a lot more assumptions. and i’m really proud of nicky for having this coping skill, because i can’t imagine it’s something he grew up doing. there’s no way he was raised in an environment that fostered this kind of open communication so it must have been something he learned about much later, probably in germany with the kloses, which would also explain why he’s a lil imperfect about it

---

now last but not least, aaron

this is another one i had to think through for a long time before it felt like it fit

much like how i felt that it would be easy to read nicky as simply adhd rather than also asd, i think it would be easy to say aaron is autistic simply because he is quieter, less rambunctious. however, i actually think he’s adhd, likely primarily inattentive type

in all honesty, aaron’s #1 character trait for the first two books is basically that he’s disconnected. detached. separated both from his family and his team. not in the same forcefully apathetic way that andrew is, more,, spaced out. he’s just kind,, there. not really paying attention to what’s going on, tuning in every once in a while only if something really catches his eye/ear then tuning right back out again. just sits in his corner and plays on his phone. and the thing is, from the moments when he does tune in, you can tell that he actually does care. he backs nicky when seth insults him in tfc, and we know he cares deeply about andrew even if he’s become disillusioned with their fraught relationship. he even hangs with his family, doesn’t seem to really try and slip away to other friends besides katelyn, he’s fine spending his leisure time with the monsters. so it’s not totally apathy, he’s just,,, tuned out most of the time

and, yea, that sounds like adhd. it’s not the type that most people are familiar with, and for a lot of people this causes it to slip under the radar. it can make it hard to get help or a dx because it doesn’t fit with how adhd “should” look or how someone “should” act, but difficulty focusing your thoughts and staying in tune with the current moment is absolutely part of adhd

addiction is also a huge problem for people with adhd. a lot of stimulants affect people with adhd very differently than neurotypicals, especially in small doses, and an adhd kid who’s struggled their whole lives with the disorder might try speed or god-forbid meth or fuck even coffee and suddenly find that things are a lot easier for them. they start to self-medicate, they don’t actually know what they’re doing, and then they’re addicted, and everything spirals out of control. we don’t know too many details about aaron’s addiction other than that his mother enabled him, but wouldn’t this fit? it’s also an explanation for aaron still taking drugs at eden’s, given that cracker dust seems to be a mild amphetamine. (aaron talk to betsy about the neurocog and get an actual prescription please)

(total throw away but aaron plays videogames and videogames are like,, adhd culture)

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep7 (part 2)

Toxic kindness (Kureno):

I’ve touched upon this in se02 finale, but kureno’s toxic kindness mirrors the foolish traveler story. The foolish traveler says “ thank you” as he dies. Kureno ignores the knife in the hands of a person whom he saw with his own eyes abuse a number of children repeatedly. Kisa, Isuzu, hatori & yuki bodies testify of being beaten, cut, & bruised. Kyo’s psychological abuse was announced in front of kureno himself before akito summoned him in the beach arc. Akito has strangled her mom & screamed, cried & went manic in front of him. Yet, kureno walks toward her ignoring the knife, hugs her & tells her to press the button of change. Easy, right?

I highly respect the author that Akito didn’t respond positively. I don’t want kureno to be stabbed or want akito to run away & hurt the others.  Also, I hate cheap drama. So, I’ll never support dramatic confrontations just for the sake of it. I want a realistic depiction of trauma & mental illness. The person who lived her entire life entitled to be obeyed, feared & having extreme authority, won’t just change cuz a foolish guy told her to.

-The responsibility of Nurturing children:

Akito’s outburst represent the author’s view on the role of nurturing children properly to teach them to be decent human beings. Akito was raised with extreme views neglect & narcissism. You’re special & must be loved (said her dad), Others MUST obey you (said the old maid), No one truly loves you (said her mom). So, her entire life she craved showcasing her power over these unfortunate zodiacs as it stems from the notion that they live for her sake.

Tohru on the other hand was raised with compassion, love & appreciation of other ppl. Tohru being timid, shy or unable to stand for her self are personal struggles that tohru deals with & not related to nurturing , While her trauma might be caused by a parent, it didn’t prevent tohru from being a kind & compassionate person because she was raised & taught abt these things.

The faults of abusing a child might lead to create faulty mentality & social issues. these kids might even grow to implement similar abuse onto others, while all that is understandable, it will never excuse their behavior. A lot cases of real life abusers were once kids who were abused. It is tragic. It explains why they become the horrible person they are today, but it never excuses the harm of others. The victim is not responsible of your screwed upbringing. Kisa, kyo, yuki, & Isuzu have nothing to do with Akira, Ren or akito’s troubles. They are victims themselves but they didn’t go & inflect harm upon others. Yes, they each developed a faulty coping mechanism &  showed tendencies of rage, withdrawal, misplaced pain, but they were never a harm towards the society, & their peers.

Akito’s outburst paves the path for her redemption. How it will happen? I duno. Will someone once again holds her cheeks, talks her into bettering herself? I duno. She will atone. I can guess that based on the ED. but Will she be rightfully punished for her crimes? I duno. I hope so. Forgiveness is different from punishment. Thus, a type of punishment should be implemented. Abusers, whether victims or not, or atoned or not, must receive it. It is only fair.

- What will happen with tohru/ kyo’s confession/ confrontation? What is the exit from kyoko’s harsh last words! How can Furuba’s best mom hates kyo! My mind goes crazy!

Perhaps the following will happen:

(a) Kyo will confess the past, tohru forgive, kyo relieved, they kiss or whatever (happy ending). This could happen but while I would be happy for them, I’d hate that kyo’s entire trauma goes away with a simple “ I forgive you/ I love you”. Trauma doesn’t have a button you magically shut down. Kyo must unload his burden first! open his lid, then deal with it. Also, How will kyoko’s last words fit here? Are they just kyo’s imagination? really? it seems so anti-climatic. Imagine living with kyoko’s words for two seasons only for it to be in kyo’s mind! I really need kyoko to have bigger role than simple imagination. She’s either a haunting ghost or a holy perfect mother, rarely a real human character. Also, I need to include Akito. In this happy version, Akito gets stopped by shigure or even yuki! .. possible but too light for all the buildup drama & endless cliffhangers! lol

(b) Kyo will confess the past, tohru won’t forgive, kyo hurts himself as he sees her pain (dark ending). This ending is too dark for both. kyo hearing tohru’s words of un-forgivness will echo what he himself believe in he should be. Then where is hope for him? T_T Tohru not being able to forgive is logical since her mom is her world, but it also further ties tohru to her mom. She’ll be stuck again remembering her mom’s tragic words & last moment. Also, tohru will loose another person she loves even more than her mom. Here Akito will interfere somehow. Perhaps tries to kill tohru, then kyo sacrifices himself saving her. I duno.. too dark for furuba! lol

Ok. I give up. Anything I think gets stopped by kyoko’s words. I need kyo to push tohru away cuz this is the only logical progression for his trauma! I refuse to believe that kyo’s trauma was pushed into the climax & was written to embody furuba’s most mature themes of guilt, self-forgiveness, repeated mistakes, depression & others only to be quickly solved. But, tohru’s own issues were quickly presented & addressed in one short ep so..... augh! I want to hope for more from tohru, but I duno.. her growth has been so inconsistent, & I’m tired of being disappointed.

Next ep could either become furuba’s best ep or the worst ever!!! & this scares me so much. 

Side Notes:

Kyo was repeatedly punished for his mistakes & faulty coping mechanism throughout the series, He is yet to be forgiven by someone or forgive himself. But he has been living the punishment of his own trauma.

Why is momiji still speaking German in the dub? I know his curse break is a secret, but He’s still holding on the facade of identifying with a rabbit in his burger, imitating his mom’s accent as he’s still so attached to her. I thought he let go of the past while bravery acknowledging it & moved on. Starting brighter, happier & with more hope. He isn’t still holding on to pain. He is looking forward now. =/

At first, i didnt recognize the room tohru & kyo are eating in! XD. It’s their living room, right? first time seeing it with all doors closed. weird.XD

Seeing Hiro’s curse break further reinforces that there is no logic on its breaking order. It just breaks. that’s all. If there is any reason behind it, then, momoji should be the first. He had always developed outside relationships with others way before tohru & not exclusive to her. Seeing as he has lots of friends playing with him. Also, he has always dealt with his own issues with level headed perspective, never too absorbed in sadness, never too self-focused, he never withdrew or lashed out. He never looked down on kyo, heck! I’ll argue that he even looked up to him!. hiro could've happened earlier too, as he was always protected from trauma & in a loving home, then yuki as he not only opened his lid but told akito in her face that he will forgive her & decided to never be by her side. His curse should have broken right on se02, ep25. You can place anyone afterwards. So, yeah, the curse just breaks, perhaps akito herself has a role as her insecurities increases. duno.

I dont care for the curse itself at all. As far as I’m concerned it is (a) fun gimmick, (b) analogy for abuse & trauma. The later is the core of furuba.

plz let next ep be well-done, well-written & well-direct. plz! T_T

[fxndom-hoe]

Ok I’m about to go on another late night/early morning (cuz it’s 6am and I still haven’t slept) Merlin rant because this thought has been in my head for about an hour.

I’m super tired of reading magic reveal fics where when Arthur banishes Merlin, everyone starts acting poorly towards Arthur. Like gwaine will either straight up leave with Merlin or start acting petty towards Arthur and all the knights will try to avoid Arthur as much as possible and Gwen and gaius will start acting cold towards him all until arthur decided to unbanish merlin and then they all act like his friend again. And I just... need that to stop. And not only bc it’s super ooc for most of them, but also, think about how damaging this would be to Arthur’s mental health.

Like Arthur’s already insecure and lonely, yknow, his father raised him to be king and in uthers mind that means having no friends and that his worth comes from being royal and not really anything else. Like Arthur wasn’t raised to live himself, he was raised to rule a kingdom and that the kingdom matters more than him. And uthers been shown on multiple occasions to not really care about Arthur’s safety when it comes to making Camelot greater or like only cares about his safety bc he’s the only heir to the throne and yknow Arthur can’t die cuz then camelot wouldn’t have a king after uther dies. And so Arthur’s never really felt any self worth. He’s never had friends before merlin and nobody seemed to really care about Arthur the person instead of Arthur the prince until merlin came along. And through Merlin, Arthur finally gains some friends (or for the sake of this post, people he considers friends)

So how must it feel for Arthur, who’s already insecure and lonely, to start having his only friends STOP being his friends after he just had to get rid of his best friend. (And I don’t want anyone to come @ me saying he doesn’t have to banish Merlin and blah blah blah bc I know that! This post is about if he does bc the law is to execute anyone who uses magic and yknow Arthur’s been betrayed by the people he’s cared about with magic so it wouldn’t be easy for to accept Merlin immediately yknow like it would take some time.) Imagine how betrayed arthur would feel. Bc these people are supposed to be his friends too just proving what his fathers always taught him. Kings don’t have friends. Kings can’t trust ANYONE. These were people that he cared about who just showed him that the only reason he has for people to care about him is apparently Merlin.

And yes he can unbanish Merlin to make everything better. And everyone will start treating him better and treating him like a friend and all that, but then he would always know. He would know, not even just think, but KNOW that all his “friends” would just leave him if he ever tried to get rid of Merlin, that his own fucking wife would give him the cold shoulder if he were to banish Merlin, and GOD how devastating for him. To have the evidence shoved in his face that he’s only worth keeping around if he had his manservant with him. That no one actually cares about him, even if they claim to. Imagine being forced to live like that. Cuz we know that Arthur wouldn’t be able to let that go. He would never mention it to anyone, not even Merlin. He would just suffer all alone.

And it would bring a whole new meaning to his “you’re my only friend” quote bc instead of it being like a light feeling of “oh I just kinda feel like the rest of them aren’t as close a friend to me as you are, you know everything about me” to “you’re the only person in my life who would stuck by me no matter what. You stuck by me when I banished your friend (Gwen) and nobody has ever done the same. Nobody else WILL ever do the same.” And that’s even more heartbreaking. But like also! What if he starts feeling resentment towards Merlin. Cuz he has magic and has kept a secret for as king as they’d known each other. Arthur would’ve brought Merlin back before he was actually ready to forgive him bc he was losing everyone dearest to him, so he wouldn’t have time to really accept his magic. But also, now arthur knows that everyone he cares about cares more about Merlin than they do about him. Bc of Merlin, Arthur’s second best and that would clearly never change. Arthur would feel lonelier than ever bc there’s no way he could mention it to Merlin, and he can’t mention it to his fucking wife and he can’t even talk to his friends because THEYRE ALL THE PROBLEM! No one would understand. If he were to tell any of his friends that he feels worthless to them compared to merlin they would be like fucking ✨obviously✨ like they wouldn’t ACTUALLY say it but their actions have proven that that’s how they feel.

(TW FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION IN THIS NEXT PART!! I WILL MARK WHEN IT IS OVER)

Like maybe I’m self projecting bc it’s how I would feel if I were Arthur but I can imagine him becoming suicidal over this. Like he would just feel so worthless after this. Like this is worse than his father prepared him for. Like he can’t even trust his own queen! And he still feels betrayed by Merlin bc he didn’t have enough time to process what happened and forgive him. He was forced to bring Merlin back to stop everyone from treating him so horribly. And the only reason he wouldn’t actually kill himself would be bc Camelot needs a king. He doesn’t have an heir yet, so he couldn’t really leave camelot like that. AND HE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO TALK OUT THESE FEELINGS WITH ANYKNE BC EVERYONE BETRAYED HIM!!!

(TW OVER!!!!!!)

And also! Imagine the trust issues he must have now. Like he’d already had trust issues bc of morgana and agrivaine but now it’s like 10x worse. Like at first he used to think that he could trust very few people, but now he would feel like he couldn’t trust ANYONE, not even Merlin. Not anymore. Like it’s over. He really can’t trust anyone in his life anymore. They’ve all betrayed him. And not as an over exaggerating “hmf I can’t trust people, people are mean” way but like they’ve all actually betrayed him. Merlin has magic, his knights were just about ready to leave camelot bc of his decision, his wife withdrew from him. Like, he’d have no one.

And don’t tell me that the others, at least merlin and Gwen, wouldn’t notice Arthur’s while change in mood. Except now, he would never even CONSIDER opening up to them about how he’s feeling bc HOW CAN HE?? He’d revert back to S1 Arthur but quieter. Like any character development he’d have had at that point, down the drain (but the writers didn’t really need a magic reveal to do this oop—👀🤭)(and yes I needed that joke I’m crying while writing this leave me alone)

But seriously, Arthur would feel like he had no one. And even if he could eventually find it in himself to forgive Merlin having magic/lying about it (bc we know he will) he could NEVER trust the rest of them again. They’ve all proven to him that they DONT CARE ABOUT HIM. They don’t.

And yknow I wanted to get into this earlier BUT!!! It’s all very ooc for them to do that. Even gwaine. Like they all kept quiet when he banished Gwen, and she was going to be queen! And I don’t want to hear anyone say it’s bc Gwen wasn’t as important as Merlin bc a) fuck you and b) shut up yes she is and c))) she was GOING TO BE QUEEN!! OBVIOUSLY SHES MORE IMPORTANT THAN MERLIN (for Camelot and Arthur at least). Merlin is being promoted to anything, Gwen is clearly the more important one in this subject of banishing ppl alr??? And let’s say alr! For the sake of argument Merlin is more important than Gwen in camelot. Elyan was her brother! Do you think he would sit silently back while Gwen got banished but give Arthur the cold shoulder when Merlin gets banished?? No! So fuck off! This behavior is ooc for all of them.

Anyway!!

TL;DR stop writing magic reveal fics where everyone turns against Arthur for banishing Merlin. It’s damaging to his mental health and MY mental health. Goodnight.

[fridgeful-o-help]

thank you if you can answer my questions, hopefully all 5 parts went through, and sorry that it ended up being kind of long and rambly. i really appreciate the way you answer people and thought you'd be able to provide some good insight which is why i wanted to hear your opinions if that's okay. thanks so much again, i really do appreciate any advice, and i hope you're doing well and having a good day or night. take care for now!

HI NONNIE! I GOT ALL YOUR ASKS AND ILL DO MY BEST TO AWNSER EVERYTHING I CAN. I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE HELPFUL, AND IM GLAD YOU THINK IM GOOD AT IT.

I HOPE THIS HELPS BUT IM VERY LONG-WINDED TODAY APPERENTLY

NOW, TO BEGIN. TYPICALLY WHEN ARGUING FOR NEOPRONOUNS AGAINST THE ARGUMENT YOU HAVE BEEN PRESENTED YOU HAVE TO GO FOR MORE... WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IS BETWEEN ASKING PEOPLE TO CALL YOU A SLUR OR WITH "BLMSELF" IS THAT THOSE THINGS CAUSE ACTUAL HARM TO OTHER PEOPLE. THERES ALSO THAT THERE ISNT ANYTHING WRONG WITH PIZZASELF, IT JUST SORT OF? SOUNDS SILLY? ITS NOT HURTING ANYONE, AND THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A LITTLE SILLY IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE. A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HATE NOUNSELF ARE GOING OFF THE BASE REACTION THAT ITS SILLY/DUMB SO ID KEEP THAT IN MIND. (FYI IF YOU GO BY PIZZASELF YOURE AWESOME. YOU DONT DESERVE ANY FLACK YOU GET FOR DOING SO AND KEEP BEING YOU BECAUSE YOURE COOL! 8}) BUT YES I AGREE, MOST IF NOT ALL PEOPLE WITH THAT ARGUMENT DO NOT USE NEOPRONOUNS THEMSELVES.

PLEASE REMEMBER THOUGH THAT IF IT WAS UNINETIONAL WHEN YOU INVALIDATE SOMEONE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND MISTAKE, AND YOU WILL MOST LIKELY BE FORGIVEN. WE ALL DO AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER AND I PROMISE IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

COMING FROM THAT, THERE IS A VERY SIZABLE CHUNK OF NOUNSELF USERS WHO ARE LEGITAMATE AT LEAST THE LEAST, FROM MY PERSONAL OBSERVATION. A PATTERN I THINK IVE NOTICED IN (A PORTION OF) THE PEOPLE WHO I KNOW 100% ARE SINCERE IS USUALLY PEOPLE WILL SELECT NOUN PRONOUNS BASED ON HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES? FOR THEM ITS DONE AS PART OF GENDER PERFORMANCE TO INVOKE A CERTAIN FEELING, LIKE SOMEONE WHO FEELS VERY CUTESY MIGHT GO FOR BUN/BUNS FOR EXAMPLE. ITS NOT ALWAYS THAT WAY THOUGH.

SORRY I GOT OFF TRACK. ANYWAYS, NOUNSELF TROLLS ARE SOMEWHAT DIFFICULT TO SPOT DUE TO IT BEING WELL. HARD TO MAKE A "PARODY" OF, REALLY. WITH NON-NOUNSELF ID JUST CHECK PRONOUNCIATIONS AND SUCH BEFORE PROCEEDING. FOR THE MOST PART THOUGH I WOULD TRY TO HANDLE YOUR FEARS AS BEST AS POSSIBLE? INSTANCES OF TROLLING LIKE THAT BLOW UP BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARY AND GENERATE CLICKS, THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT THEYRE COMMON NOR UNIVERSAL. IF IT CONTINUES TO BOTHER YOU ID SUGGEST DOING SOMETHING I LEARNED IN THERAPY CALLED A BELIEF EXPERIMENT (DOING A SMALLER, ACHIVABLE ACTION TO ATTEMPT TO PROVE OR DISPROVE WORRIED/ANXIOUS THOUGHTS. ID USUALLY DO THIS WITH A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND TO HAVE YOUR BACK OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT)

GENERALLY IF YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS WOULD FIND IT ODD BUT WOULD STILL BE RELITIVELY ACCEPTING ID TREAT IT LIKE A NORMAL COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET WITH A FEW EXTRA STEPS. ID USUALLY SUGGEST TELLING YOUR FRIENDS PERSONALLY BEFORE UPDATING YOUR SOCIALS, BUT THATS UP TO YOU. ID ALSO GO WITH ANY TRANS FRIENDS YOU HAVE FIRST IF THATS AN OPTION, BECAUSE USUALLY ITS EASIER TO EXPLAIN HOW YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE WITH NEOS IN THAT SITUATION. IT MIGHT SUCK BUT ID SUGGEST THAT WHEN/IF THEY ARE MILDLY INSENSITIVE JUST EXPLAIN THAT IT BOTHERED YOU AND WHY, HOPEFULLY THEYLL GET IT.

TYPICALLY MY RESPONSE TO SOMEONE BEING RUDE TO ME IS NOT... IDEAL SO I DONT KNOW HOW TO ADVISE YOU ON THAT, BUT GENERALLY YOU DONT HAVE TO DEFEND THE FACT YOU EXIST IF YOURE NOT UP FOR IT. USE THE BLOCK BUTTON AS LIBERALLY AS YOU LIKE, ITS A DEFENCE IN ITS OWN RIGHT.

THATS ALL, I THINK. YOUR MESSAGES COPY-PASTED WILL BE UNDER THE CUT, FORGIVE ME IF I MISSED SOMETHING, I DO HAVE A DISORDER THAT MAKES IT SLIGHTLY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO READ. FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS, COMMENTS ETC AND DO TELL ME IF I DID MISS SOMETHING YOU STILL NEED HELP WITH .

MESSAGES AS FOLLOWS, WITH SEPERATIONS REMOVED:

so i've been using neopronouns for less than a week and every day since i started, i've been getting negative reactions. the negativity comes from strangers, so it doesn't hurt me as personally as if friends were doing this (i actually haven't said anything to my friends about my neopronouns yet). anyhow, when people try to argue with me, i tell them that i don't see why they can't be respectful and call someone whatever makes them feel happy and comfortable. one reaction i got was "just because something makes someone happy doesn't make it valid" and compared it to letting someone drink poison if drinking poison is what makes them happy. then i get a lot of people who bring up stuff like "but what if the pronouns that make me feel valid contain a slur? / what if i use pizzaself? / what if i only go by BLMself pronouns? you'd be invalidating me!!!" and they try to use my own words against me since i've previously said "even if you don't understand it you should call people by what makes them feel valid." i know these people don't even use neopronouns to begin with but tbh it still does start to make me feel guilty? i'm nd and i can't always pick up social cues or sarcasm so i would feel horrible if i did unwillingly invalidate someone. but i'm also kind of paranoid because so much trolling has been going around recently like one video where someone tricked another person into using neopronouns that sounded like a slur when said out loud, recorded it, and put it online. i don't always know who is being sincere and who wants to trick people, particularly with nounself pronouns, like the pizzaself thing. finally, i wanted to go back to the topic of not telling my friends about my neopronouns yet. i feel like if i just start to put my neopronouns on profiles that my friends can view, it'll seem odd to them that i never said anything before, but i also don't know how to bring up in a personal conversation "i found out about some neopronouns i like and i've started using them" without it being awkward. i don't think my friends would make fun of me but i do think they'd find neopronouns 'weird' in general and maybe act kind of insensitive without meaning to, like not getting it. how would you react to the rude ppl? i know i could ignore them but i feel like they take that as them 'winning' or me running out of ways to defend my point of view. and how would you have your friends find out about about you wanting to use neopronouns?

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[moonlightjeno]

college!jeno

a/n : it has been a long ass time. but hey i’m back if anyone cared lol. enjoy this bullet point scenario about this precious boy. also peep his blue hair, we young was his bitch. 

genre : fluff 

pairing : jeno x reader

request : open !!

word count : 1.07 k

oml okay im rlly excited for this but if its ok i might just do jeno as a high school au bc bb boy is 18

warning this is all over the place and v long have fun

k so jeno just moved to this new high school called zuhos uni, but i mean boy is takin the highschool courses that are specialized in science bc hes a geek

a v cute one but ya know

so hes bew and hes transfered like one quarter through the year,,

bc jeno is a v shy shy boy he doesnt have many friends the first week until he joins the music club every friday after school

there he makes friends woo, shy bb opens up to haechan, jaemin and renjun even if renjun isn’t really part od the music club and more of the art club

oof details

k so this bb is rlly rlly bloody smart and hes rlly good at biology and physics but he struggles at chemistry

hes like wtf,, this doesnt make any sense one lement another makes a new one withh a different number ?? heLP

its comPLICATED

thats is until he finally asked for help

he has seen you around school, always next to your locker, head in the books, but he hd seen you around music club

you tended to stay by yourself, strumming your guitar and always writing this in your notebook

but he also knew that you were rlly good at chemistry

he didnt ask you for help perse

more like jeno asked his best friend jaemin who was one a close friend of one of your friends and who he also had a crush on to ask you if you fould help jeno

protect this bb he’s shy

you where like “huh? me? jeno wants my help? pretty boy?”

your friend was like “omg yes noe go talk to him and tell him youll help. k? k.”

so you go “talk” *cough* hyuck sets you tf up *cough* and you guys meet at the library??

at least you thought so?? but he didnt get the memo so he showed up like 30 mins lates so it wasnt that bad but like bruh??

so u were a lil annoyed bc boy asked for your help and showed up late, and jeno was a nervous mess when he finally arrived and kept apologizing seeing you with a frown

he kept saying how sorry he was and that he would make to you,, poor bb

and seeing him be a shy and nervous mess made you forget so obviously it was easy to forgive and you guys tried to start your study session

hmmm “tried” is the key word

bc everytime you guys would start their would be noises and other ppl talking so yall gave up and jeno was like “oh we could go over to my place bc my parents r out and it should be quite?? i- ii could h-hhelp youu wwith ph-ysics??,, if you want??”

akdhaj precious shy bundle nervouse mess

ofcourse you said yesss bc physics is like wtf is this ?? no one understands and i neED HELP

and you liked jeno like had a major crush on him and yku needed to help the poor boy out with chem chem

k. so yall walk home and you get to know each other and jeno starts to fall harder for you bc your so cute, the way you keep tucking your hair behind your ear

and biting your lip when your nervouse and just silent

he found it rlly cute aight

so yall finally arrived to his home, and hes a bit messy but thank GOD HIS MOM MADE HIM clean up the day before

wooo

so yall go through w your study session that lasts like an hour and a half and jenos like dam you make everything make sense

poor boy didn’t actually say that but he thought it and how you looked really pretty

but thats another time

and he explains physics to u and your like oh gotchu gravity makes sm more bloody sense

so after studying you guys go get ice cream bc he had to “make it up to you”

when he offered to lay you where a blushing red mess bc you rlly like him and ut feels like a date but he could never like u back

hes so smart and talented

but jeno just kept thinking your looked adorable with your blush and whenever you spoke to him about chemistry and biology your eyes would light up

yoy noticed though that jeno would smile *that eye smile that cures cancer* whenver he spoke and talketed about music and his friends

and it got late real quick so yall had to say hoodbye but you were rlly sad

bc he got you and you got him ??

perfect chemistry ,, mi dudes

k so like right before you left hes like “umm umm so you— want to like,, meet again??” silence “like as a date ?? — i mean if u dont want to its all— good”

and you were just like dumbfounded??

like what?? he lee jeno the most adorable smartest talented perfect boy in school just aksed you out??

you kinda justs tood there and then slowy noded

and he gave you that eye smile,, precious boy was so happy omg omg omg

so yall meet again and again and again for study sessions and a couple of dates

jamein and your friend had been a couple for a couple of weeks and hyuck just wanted jeno to shut up about you

bc bb boy was falling in love

so in one of your study sessions it was late and you guys had order dominos and were just hangin on the couch when he kept lookin over and just kissed you

boy was scared but you kissed him back bc akgshags

best day

when you broke the kiss you bith had the biggest goofiest smiles on your face ,, like how did i end up with this beautiful person right in front of me

he gave you a lil kiss in the forhead that melted your heart and you bith smiles like idiots

the end ,, jk i just have no idea how to end this

ajdha and yall just cuddled it was great

a bish is really bloody soft for jeno

i hope y’all enjoyed this mess lol. peace.