#ugh. i need to kill someone.
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sorry still mad at that allura post. fandom will really bring out the racism in people like nothing else will. we need to start putting bitches on blast actually. block button isn't enough I need a Monetary Compensation For Having To See That Post button
"she's fictional" yeah but your attitudes to black/brown people in media will 99.999% of the time mirror your attitudes toward black/brown people irl. without fair when I've given vehement allura/katara/korra haters a chance they have been aggressive and racist to me and my friends.
it's just. god it's so tiring to see racism fucking everywhere. and every bitch is an anti-racist advocate until they're confronted and suddenly brown people are just too much to handle. I get so fucking tired.
#'jet youre so upset about this' I WAS THE 'ANNOYING' WEIRD BLACK GIRL. im so sick and tired.#anway ill probably delete this later bc its honestly incoherent and doesnt actually make any good points but like#fuck that rn its time for being angry#sigh. ANYWAY.#shoutout to all the weird magical black girls i love you all please never lose yourself#you are so important to me and im so sorry we have to be so constantly reminded that this is the view of much of the world#ugh. i need to kill someone.#allura#vld#fandom crit#jet's talking again#actualy more like jet is tearing his hair out but.
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Ui idea tests, thrown together bc im eepy. Was planning on doing more but I spent all my days energy on the second one oops
#Danny phantom#I need to draw more or I’ll die <- guy who’s meds exhaust them#writing is so hard how do u not make everyone sound like you through a bad filter#Ik that’s unavoidable in some ways (like how art style will always look like u did it+not someone else)#but ugh. I’ll figure it out eventually takes practice+learning+all that#was planning on writing today but then I though ‘huh it might b fun to make some fake ‘’screenshot’’ concepts#also the portal basement has a more complex design but again#eepy#I think the gimmicky MySpace-inspired boxes r fun but idk how well I could keep that theme going w/ some characters#I also never used MySpace so that’s maybe just a kill issue#*skill lol#the command prompt one would basically just be for the portal#I keep saying that this project isn’t feasible buy my hyperfixated ass keeps trying anyways
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i desperately need a pretty boy to cradle me in his arms and hug me in close to his chest, rubbing my back and combing his hand thru my hair as he just helps me calm down. he's patient and he's kind and he understands that sometimes i just need a moment to shut down and restart. i need to just have a moment with someone who gets me, someone who lets me be upset and doesn't get angry with me. i need someone to just. take care of me. im so incredibly tired and im overwhelmed and stressed out and god please just hold me and let me know i can be safe with u.
#im overstimulated and when i get overstimulated i get very sensitive and sleepy and i wanna cry and just be held#god i fuckin. ugh. im.#im so. so sensitive. and its coming back to kill me.#im just gonna think abt being in love with someone willing to take care of me when i need it#mlm#mlm yearning#mlm post#mlm love#gay mlm#trans mlm#mlm blog#t4t#mlm thoughts#t4t yearning
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Buffy has totally ruined me for any other show. Because in Buffy there are consequences to things. And I feel like few shows actually give the characters lasting, realistic consequences to things that they have to deal with. It's all a rush to solve everything before they have to move on to the next season's plot.
In Buffy, for example, when Willow went Dark Witch and almost killed everyone and destroyed everything, she had to deal with the consequences next season. Her character is affected in a very tangible way by what happened. And so are all the other characters around her, with regards to her. And they all have to get used to each other again and work through it. The show dedicates time to deal with what happened and for the characters to get through it. Because it matters! It matters to the character arcs, to the story, and to the viewers! We WANT to see the consequences and the aftermath and how characters are dealing with things! Not only because that's where the "juice" is in the show, but also because it helps us deal with our own shit in some way. Like, it's cathartic, I guess.
We want to see the aftermath, because it was a very dramatic, huge thing that happened and we want to see the characters recovering from it; we don't want the show to skip over it.
Then there are other shows where the characters deal with massive, insanely dark things, and then next season they're totally over it because that's last season's plot... It's like they can't "dwell" on last season's plot except for a throwaway line or two because they have to move on to the next big bad...
No! I want to see how it affected the characters!! Don't you see that's where the juice is?? I WANT to see how the characters are dealing and getting through what happened! I want to see consequences and how characters heal!! I want to see them changed by their experiences for better or worse.
Yeah. Buffy totally made me expect other shows to give that kind of attention to detail to their characters and their personal arcs.
#I am specifically looking at Teen Wolf with Stiles and the Nogitsune aka Void Stiles arc#PLease let me see the juice of how that affected him!!!#He's totally over it on season 4 like it didn't freaking happen lol#then season 5 he accidentally kills someone on self-defense and sort of spirals but... it's all ok???#And so he spiraled with killing one man accidentally but didn't spiral in season 4 with the memory of all the people the Nogitsune killed#using his body?#which Stiles must remember doing with his hands because he admitted remembering twisting the sword into Scott#I needed MORE of that storyline#please tell me season 6 will briefly touch on it... ugh#btvs#shows#writing
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dust should have one of those mini zen gardens with all the sand and the little rake you use to make patterns but instead of sand its monster dust. specifically dust of people he doesnt like. how calming and tranquil this is as he puts a mini bridge and rocks and tiny tree into the garden filled with what's basically the human equivalent of blood!
#sand pit would also be funny. anything sand related can immediately be twisted#i WAS gonna say killer for this hc instead of dust but like....... idk#i just wanted dust to be a bit silly anyways. its his namesake he should get to play with it#it could also be a guilt thing. or self reflection. dust's time to mourn and judge himself. zen gardens ARE for inner reflection after all.#its like making a baby sensory experience with red paint except the paint is actually blood#horror is in disbelief and disgust once he figures out that shit is monster dust#how quaint! how sweet! how morbid#this is dust's version of an urn#urn sales in the utmv must be proportionally higher than here in our world#my favorite genre of utmv world building is figuring out what dust related products would be more highly valued#urns. dusters. vaccums. lint rollers (could that pick up dust?). what else#papyrus is like that pointing monkey with the rocks for the garden#yes yes brother place that rock right there.... and then the tree goes to the left. and now use the rake#its so silly so funny! the dust could be the dust of a previous killer and horror dust killed#he mustve REALLY not liked them. but also liked them enough to keep their dust. or maybe this is his way of taunting them after death? idk#mtt in a constant cycle of killing eachother/themselves/dying some other way and then replacing the dead with another version#anyways if all the mtt die i think someone (me) should mix their dust together#theyll never be apart now :333 forever trapped together and unable to distinguish what is themself and what is the other 2 :33 so kyute :3#today im gonna get my friend to watch underverse praying that she gets into utmv#i already showed her ink and she likes ink. i need her to like the rest of them. specifically a certain murderous trio#is this a rant of hc???? UGH!!!! i really need to figure out my own head. hc because its short#tricule hc#dust sans#should i tag the rest of the trio. i mention horrorkiller in tags.......... sure! it wouldn't hurt#i say as the bullet shoots through my skull and scrambles my brain#killer sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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I've been thinking about why Natsume Takashi's family called "Natsume" his mother and grandmother family name and not his father which normally should've been ??
We've always took this name for granted so we never question it even when we know about his family's history. I speak of myself that I never question it or find it weird till now ><
I feel it was something that triggered this idea suddenly but can't remember which event or scene did, or was it a late realization on my part or was it Seiji's remark in that scene hmmmm
I believe I find it weird because he had the same family name as Reiko herself .. since if Reiko was married then she too would go by her husband family's name thus her daughter too .. but Natsume had the same family as his grandmother not his mother which led to many questions in my mind either about him or Reiko but let's focus on Natsume for now …
It's weird, isn't it ?? or am I the only one that think that ??
It's known that the wife takes her husband's family name after getting married. also, his father is known unlike his mother's mysterious father so there's no reason to use his mother's family name. plus, his mother was the first to die too and he mostly was raised by his father, so it wasn't the other way around for him to maybe had his mother's family name.
Why give him his mother's family name then ?
his name "Natsume" Takashi wasn't passed down by only the yokai to link him to Reiko. I mean this name isn't exclusive in the yokai side of the world for it to make sense why he had this family name, even in the human world he's known as "Natsume".
Then I remember the orphanage incident that Seiji mentioned … how his relative never put him in one again in fear he might ruin their family image in society given how weird he is that he was kicked out of the orphanage .. "let's keep this disgrace within the family" they said (I so wanna kill them for this remark)
Do you think that's why they changed his family's name after his father's death ? So, they can blame it all on the other family "he's crazy like his grandmother, our family has no such weirdo" or to have an escape route by saying "he's not from the family" .. thus if he did another problem …. oooooooh wait … what if they changed his family name AFTER the orphanage incident ??? so that if he did another big incident or his name get to be known publicly then this name won't trace back to their family or image ?? ( this idea just clicked right now and .. I .. it make sense that I hate it ugh)
I'll stop here, I feel more damaged the more I think or talk about this and sure hope this whole idea in unfounded > - >
can someone tell me it makes no sense and nothing is weird in him going by his grandmother's family ?? T^T
this idea is painful if it's true >-<
NATSUME DOESN'T DERSERVE ALL OF THIS !!!
#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#natsume takashi#about Reiko ...#we know the father of Natsume's mother is unknown so maybe that why her daughter goes by her mother's family#I believe the father is known yet Reiko didn't give her daughter her father name .. so why ?#after he died ? to protect her daughter from her husband's family ?#or she didn't get married in the first place ??#he's an exorcist .. so if his family is well-known then I can see her maybe not wanting to link her daughter to them for reasons#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'M LOSING MY MIND HERE#I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS AND IDEAS !!!#WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU REIKO ???!!!!!#IS HER HUSBAND'S FAMILY THE ONE THAT KILLED HER ???#THAT 'S WHY AFTER HER HUSBAND DEATH ....#STOP ME !!! JUST STOP THINKING TOO MUCH FOR THIS !!!!#ugh ... the more I think the more I lose my mind ...#when are we getting some kind of answers ??#any kind pleaase !!!!!#I'll go and lie down ... I need a rest#I wonder if someone gonna find those thought of mine making any sense at all#or maybe I'm over thinking things again ....#ugh
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I think it’s so interesting how you can go into a show and be like “eh” for so many episodes and then seasons later cry about how much you love a character and have no idea where to put it and you’re crying because you have no outlet for the love you feel for that character. Like the show is okay but THAT CHARACTER(s)?!?!? I’ll die for them.
#This is specifically about how kny is okay but I’d kill someone if they hurt inosuke or genya (DO NOT SPEAK TO ME ABOUT THIS) but then a…#show like mp100 is overall a fantastic show and I love all the characters in it but I don’t have one I specifically have strong feelings…#For over another.#I already hate kny cause I read spoilers and I won’t say anything else in worry of spoiling ppl#Ugh Genya my little baby boy Genya. I need fanfiction. I need more Genya and Inosuke content I am suffering. They are my babies in…#…Different ways
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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One better (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Blood#I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0#Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread#Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers#Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha#The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax!#Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!!#It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!!#Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u;#Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to -#Until it comes to his eye#Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/#It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh#For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear#It's so sad ;; And so well done <3#And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl#Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :')#Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it#Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone?#''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really#Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔#That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :)#I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol)#I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers!#Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally#Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose
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So hypothetically how does one convince themselves to book a therapy appointment that they are desperately in need of?
#personal#therapy#mental health#like I’m not gonna kill myself but I’m just rotting away#I know I need therapy but like#the act of booking an appointment?#speaking to someone?#ugh no
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ok the line is done. i can sleep now
#if i need to draw even a single flower after that i will kill someone#i think they look a lil weird but that's because they have too much detail compared to the rest of the drawing#cant help it though theyre very tiny flowers#my art#art#ugh#Sainte-marie des ancolies
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i've been thinking about how uncanny by ghost fits kieran hinoki so well again... like
these lyrics are driving me up the fucking wall rn.
#i've mentioned it once before but depersonalization and not feeling truly human is a huge thing for my interpretation of kieran#and this song fits so freaking well for that ugh#the ''i need to feel like i'm human through you'' line especially kills me#is the you referring to florian or ogerpon? both it's referring to both#i'll also say that hinoki struggling with feeling othered and nonhuman definitely goes hand-in-hand with him having undiagnosed autism#( speaking from personal experience as someone who struggled a lot w/ depersonalization b4 i found out i was autistic )#anyways i'm still sitting on my kieran fanmix but once i can play the dlc epilogue i'll probably drop it#there's a lot of vocal synth stuff on it. surprisingly no crane wives but that's only bc it doesn't fit the vibes#wait. could i put take me to war on there..... 🤔 we'll see#chara : kieran hinoki#mj.txt
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putting on mtt offical themes and fanmade theme songs and group songs when i sleep all so when i fall asleep and dream i can see them and see what theyll be like and then i wont have to think of them 24/7 through my day when i can just think of them during night. this possibility could either end up in me getting killed by them so gruesomely that i wake up traumatized or i wake up happy and satisfied from a restful night of trio dream time
#least deranged murder time trio fan#everyday i whisper to the world. make the murder time trio real please#it would absolutely be terrible for me. it would be bad for EVERYONE#but i just NEED to see them#i NEED to see what they would look like. sound like. interact with eachother#i unironically do this like every other night accidentally. bc i listen to their themes a lot#so when i put on loop and then get eepy i dont have energy to turn loop off. and its lowkey relaxing#you wouldnt expect someone to fall asleep to fucking red megalovania but I DO. I DO.#it hasnt worked yet to my disarray. i dream almost every night and not once has the mtt appeared in my sleep#CMON NIGHTMARE PUT THEM IN MY WILLING MIND. IDC IF YOU MAKE THE DREAM NEGATIVE#lowkey questionnaire is genuinely so peaceful to sleep to. its nice and quiet so you get the comfort of horror sans but also can sleep#makes me feel like im right there man.... dressed in a ragged purple dress and a missing arm..... looking at the axe about to kill me#anyways UGH i say this every othe week but i need the mtt to kill me. i know theyd do it quickly too#they wouldnt care enough about me to put me through torture and suffering thankfully. so they could be the angels i already praise them as#also if i have one wish in life its to see the trio bickering and laughing over my dead body as i bleed out#or is that my death wish. either one man i just really like them a tad#my friend and i have watched up to 0.3 pt 2 of underverse ‼️‼️‼️ shes about to get to 0.4#i cant WAIT to see her reaction when ink betrays everyone. she really likes ink so far. shes an ink fan#it KILLS me (haha PUN) to try and hold back on spoilers but i must#anyways soon shell get to see killer's first appearance in underverse im gonna hype him up so much#she also hates nightmare. probably because i told her once that i wrote him killing a cat. but also she just thinks hes an ass#i was like hes serving his purpose thats exactly what he wants. he WANTS you to hate him..... youre just feeding him your negative energy#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#eepy.... feel eepy...... its late. spent time outside today surprisingly
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now that my PI is like hey you should actually be sitting in the lab to write instead of doing it at home im shooting one million lasers at his head in my mind. fuck off
#exploding and killing even. WHO GIVE A WHOLE FUCKING SHIT MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!#ESPECIALLY since our AC is fucked up rn and my office is the only fucking one thats still hot#hes like oh you can work in [other girls] office shes out this week!!! like omg thank youuuuu thats a perfect setup for me 🥰🙏🏻#working in someone elses office doing work i can do exclusively at home because you think i should be in here even when you and nobody else#is. or you are but its not like we’re even seeing each other. awesome!!! 😁😁😁😁😁❣️#i dont know why hes doing this now. he literally hasnt given a shit before like he said verbatim when i joined the lab a YEAR AGO that he#doesnt need us to be in here all the time if we dont have anything in-person that we have to do. as long as we’re getting our work done.#AND I AM BITCH. SO WHY. THE FUCK. ARE YOU THROWING A LITTLE PISSY FIT ABOUT IT NOW. KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#okay whatever. i really like him and hes a lot better than some other PIs that have their students coming like 8-5 even if they have nothing#to do. like literally to the point where theyre playing cards and watching movies and shit. so it could be worse#but i dont know why he is MAKING it worse. when we literally had a perfectly fine lab dynamic going on. WHATS YOUR DEAL!!!!!#ugh whatever. its probably just bc its summer and hes like why the hell am i in the lab if nobody else is!!!!!#well man sorry to say it but you have kids. so im sure if you need work done you have to come here. but i dont have shit so i CAN work from#home with no problem. okay whatever rant done im not even that upset im just annoyed as fuck and idgaf if he said we should be here usually#9-4 my ass is leaving at 2:30 today to grocery shop and go the fuck home so i can actually get work done KILLS PEOPLE
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i found five places atm that i can apply for
the thing is. realistically i cant get three of them. one hasnt hired me either of the two times ive applied for them before. and the last one is technically possible, but im also not sure how much i want it cause i dont know shit about sports wear or shoes but. ough
#im in pain i fucking hate this#im just gonna send these applications and hope something better pops up during the week#at least i will have the quota met so thats taking some stress off but also fucking hell#applying to places i have no actual chances of getting just sucks so much. it makes me physically ill wasting everyones time#and my spoons and their resources and ughhh#someone kill me#cant even make bracelets today to calm down since the mail service wont deliver my packages. im angy#maybe i need a nap ugh#night is an absolute mess on main
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LION I LOVW THAT YOU LISTENED TO MEAN GIRLS ITS SO FUN
when the obc first came out my sister and i listened to it so much in the car that our dad started knowing the songs 😂😂
i'm gonna be real i'd risk it all for her
#I KNOW THIS IS FROM THE MOVIE I'M SORRY THIS IS ABOUT RENEE RAPP SPECIFICALLY#ok but the obc. holy fuckgin shit. erika henningsen my BELOVED#i love love LOVE her cady so much ohhh my god#also i love the belting in this musical but it absolutely killed any chances i had of singing along with it in my car aldskfjalfsd#favourite songs have got to be sexy apex predator and someone gets hurt#wHICH SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING BOND SONG BY THE WAY#ugh i need to sit down and properly formulate my thoughts on this musical i'm genuinely obsessed#answered#summercohenroberts#mean girls the musical#i give you sexy corn
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