theanglophileofbakerstreet

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

Hi friends! I’m back! I took a looong time away from tumblr and writing, but I’m back and publishing my new fic again. It’s a post-HLV establishing Johnlock. Full of angst, healing, and eventually romance.

I'm really rather proud of this fic. It's been in the works for six months and I think it's a big improvement in my writing from the Never Once Failed series. I wanted John and Sherlock to have to deal with normal, human problems - for too long they've been dealing with nothing but psychopaths and murderers. Real life has to catch up with them at some point, and it's time they dealt with it. 

Three million thanks to the amazing Shirley Carlton @prettyrealisticjohnlockfanart for betaing this work and all your wonderful advice. You're a star-and-a-half.

Please check it out! Hope you’re all really well!

Dylann xx

Chapter One: Tobacco and Melancholia

February

"The birth clinic have said they want to induce labour, as she's a week over. Going in to hospital now. I'll let you know when you can come visit. Mary said her mother took sixteen hours with her - don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while. J"

Sherlock, for once, didn't know how to reply. He lowered the phone from in front of his face and frowned at John's armchair opposite him, as though a suitable response might reveal itself if he stared at the plaid pattern for long enough. However, the armchair remained silent and offered no ideas.

Ought he wish them luck? Ugh. Feeble. Predictable. He scorned himself for even considering it. So, what ought he say? 'Have fun'? Well, that seemed unlikely, if the numerous birth documentaries he had been watching recently were anything to go by. 'Call if you need me'? Offering support was infinitely preferable to a generic 'Good luck'. He typed that one out, but deleted it almost immediately.

They wouldn't need him.

That thought stung, as always. He cursed himself. Mycroft had been right. Don't get involved.

He was far, far too involved. Christmas had been a disaster, and one that had nearly cost him everything. You always were so stupid. That's your weakness, you always want things to be clever. He had gone after a dragon far larger than he could tackle, to protect Mary. To protect John. He had almost been glad to get on that plane, and almost resentful of the hacker that had caused it to be turned around. Almost glad. Almost resentful. Because he couldn't bear to say goodbye.

Once they had tracked the hacker down (and it had turned out not only not to be Moriarty (somewhat disappointing), but not a criminal of any great threat (very disappointing)), Mycroft had convinced the powers-on-high that had originally sentenced him for Magnussen's murder to revoke his punishment. 'Service to Queen and country at great personal risk' and 'honourable character in a national time of need' and all that drivel.

So now, here he was. Alone in the flat with too many armchairs.

He didn't reply.

Thirty-two hours and two packs of cigarettes later, Sherlock was jolted back to reality by the realisation that he really ought to have received a text from John by now. Thirty-two hours was a very long time to be giving birth. Had John forgotten to text him? Had he been offended at Sherlock's lack of well-wishes? Unlikely; it took more than a lack of a reply to offend John Watson. He checked John's blog. No announcement. He sent John a text asking if all was well, but after twenty minutes he had received no reply. Eventually deciding to summon Mrs Hudson, he yelled her name in the direction of 221A. Eight seconds passed before he heard the click-clack of kitten heels on the staircase.

"Sherlock, dear, you could just-" When she was hit by the thin haze permeating the room, she coughed and tried to fan it out with her hands. "Sherlock Holmes, what have I said about smoking in this flat? Have you even moved from that chair since I came to see you yesterday?" Her glare was uncharacteristically stern.

"Have you heard from John in the last day?"

The stern expression slipped from her face in an instant, replaced by one of excitement.

"Oh, no I haven't, have they had the baby?"

Something turned in Sherlock's stomach. A small inkling of concern. John surely wouldn't neglect to text Mrs Hudson if the child had been born by now.

Ignoring Mrs Hudson's questions, he stood, scattering the babywear catalogues he had been perusing for Mary, and made for his bedroom to find a set of clothes untainted by the smell of burning tobacco and melancholia.

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

ARE YOU FIVE OR WHAT

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

well fuck

you're not going to make the wt blog end sadly are you please you can't do that to me

1) there is probably at least another year before i finally end the wt blog

2) lol i will crush your soul with the ending even if it is happy because i already know exactly how it is going to end and the people who i’ve talked to about it have all yelled at me

3) i mean but i can’t do sad endings, so it won’t be but i also like to Fuck Shit Up

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

FABULOUS

GOSHDUCH IM

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

tbh i don’t even care if there’s never a johnlock kiss

i don’t care if they never share a bedroom or have sex or hold hands or say it out loud

all i want is for john to return to 221b

and they’ll meet each other’s gaze

and they’ll know

and they’ll stop pretending

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

tonight was very good I went to quidditch training for the first time since i got very sick over a month ago, and had fun (i will have to do much work to get my fitness up again), and then we had a team dinner at a burger place and i got to know people better (they’re a nice bunch with a very me sense of humour which is lovely) and had a vegan portobello mushroom burger with extra pineapple and avocado and it was sooo yummy and i am going to sleep much happier than i did last night ❤💛💙💚💜

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

this is not a positive post and j, if you see this, please do not read this.

i am feeling very lonely and very inadequate

i am happy when i am at home on my own, and i enjoy my own company

but when i am going to uni there is something so sad and damaging to my self-worth about not having anyone that will ask me out to coffee or will tell me something personal

there are so many people i know and that i reach out to but i don’t seem to be somebody that anybody really wants to be friends with

being forced into an environment where social interaction is considered vital is very demoralising as I’m someone who doesn’t usually want or need many close friends outside my very small close circle, none of which go to my university

i know this is a problem of my own creation because i am determined not to have shallow friends that i don’t actually care about, and i alienate a lot of people with my posts about animal rights on my facebook, and i have trouble talking to new people and making a proper or meaningful connection because even though i try i just don’t seem to be able to do it

i despair that i can’t go to a cafe and drink a hot chocolate on my own without feeling like a failure because i have nobody to drink it with

i also feel very slow and dense and stupid because i’m really struggling with grasping this chemistry unit and i definitely need a tutor and i don’t know what i’m doing here if i have to be spoon-fed every single thing

i don’t know if i can make a useful career out of this because i don’t think i have the brain for it but i don’t know what else i can do that would be of any worth

and tonight i was talking to j on the phone and telling him that he can’t use me in place of a psychologist because i’m not one and he said ‘i don’t want you to be the girlfriend who only wants me when i’m happy’ and that just hurt so much and as soon as the words left his mouth he retracted it and said that that wasn’t the way that he’d meant to say what he was feeling and i know what he means but it still just hurt so much that those were the words that came out first because i have been trying so hard for six months and i have kept a smile plastered on my face in the worst of times and told him that it’s okay that i’ve taken him out to dinner for his birthday and he eats one spoon of food and can’t eat any more and looks like he’s about to cry and i’ve told him that i understand that he’s not always okay and that he doesn’t have to pretend to be happy to please me and i’ve gone home and cried myself out so that i can be strong for him the next day and i’ve been suppressing all my distress and all my worries about myself and i have gone to every length i can to help him and nothing works and i don’t know what to do anymore and then he said that and i have never felt so alone

and i’m really sorry i know this is a positivity blog and this has no place here but i think i just needed a place to put these things so that i can let them go and stop them from swirling around in my head and making me feel terrible because i really am trying my hardest to be positive and productive at the moment and these thoughts get in the way of more important things

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

a bumblebee bumped into my window this morning

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

Aight: new ep of doctor who: worth watching? Or overly dramatic and not very good plot and will make me cry?

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

today i shaved my head because i’m done with narcissism and vanity and i don’t want to try to be attractive any more

i only channelled so much care and effort into my appearance for most of this year because i wanted to have control over something

i missed the feeling of my head feeling like a peach

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

Can we please not call the loveliest person on the interwebs names when she is clearly fucking distressed and doing everything she can to save her friend

Because if I knew the blog or the users url, I would've fucking told you. So rude, just save your friend you picky bitch.

i am literally doing everything i can, but please keep slinging pejoratives at me, that helps

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

bye for a little while maybe a long while

hey lovely folks so some shit has been happening recently and i’m gonna take some time away from tumblr to look after myself and stop using fandom escapism as my main method of keeping myself sane because it’s really not working

i’ll still be a little bit active on my personal blog i-gotsunshine but I probably won’t be here a lot

if ye wanna send me a message it might take me a few days to get back to you 

seeya later x

[theanglophileofbakerstreet]

bye for a little while maybe a long while

hey lovely folks so some shit has been happening recently and i’m gonna take some time away from tumblr to look after myself and stop using fandom escapism as my main method of keeping myself sane because it’s really not working

i’ll still be a little bit active on my personal blog i-gotsunshine but I probably won’t be here a lot

if ye wanna send me a message it might take me a few days to get back to you 

seeya later x