#friend literally told me they will hurt someone for me
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Stuck inside
Riley starts the next tape with a lump in their throat. The tape was labeled Let’s Run Some Errands! The episode begins in Amanda’s room.
“Hi again, I’m Amanda!” Amanda smiles. She looks around, and Riley quickly realizes Wooly isn’t there. “Hmm… someone's missing. Do you know where I can find my best friend?”
“I'm right here.” Riley jokes. Amanda smiles and rolls her eyes.
“I meant my other best friend.” She chuckles. she looks pretty happy… content… at peace for once. Riley realizes. “Can you help me?” Should I tell her? Riley wonders. Or should I wait till they’re both here? Or should I wait for Sophie to come back? Should I say anything to them at all? The tape glitches to the kitchen.
“Do you see Wooly in here?” Amanda asks. Riley types in no. “Hmm.” She peaks around the corner in the living room. A sly smile creeps across her face. She looks at Riley and puts her finger to her lips, telling them to shush. The tape changes to show the living room, where Wooly is lying down on the couch staring at the ceiling. Riley watches Amanda creep behind the couch and slowly sneak up on Wooly. She jumps up in front of Wooly’s face from over the couch’s arm shouting “BOO!” Wooly screams and immediately sits up in shock and the two heads collide. The tape immediately glitches over with a bunch of static.
“Owwwwww…” Amanda shouts. When the static clears we see Amanda holding her forehead in pain as she stumbles back a bit.
“Ah! I’m sorry!” Wooly gasps.
“No, no… I shouldn’t have startled you like that. It’s fine… I’m fine…” Amanda chuckles, while clearly sounding in pain.
“I think we should get a…” Wooly prompts Riley, they type in ice pack. The pair appear in the kitchen. “Where do we find ice packs?” Riley clicks on the fridge. “Right!” Wooly grabs them some ice packs. The tape glitches and they are both sitting on the couch.
“Why did I do that…” Amanda mumbles to herself.
“Does it really hurt that much?” Wooly asks.
“I feel a headache coming on…”
“Really?”
“You don’t feel a thing, Wooly?” Amanda asks. Wooly shakes his head. “You must have a skull of steel…” she groans. Flopping back down on the couch.
“Um… sorry… so uh… what are we doing today?”
“We gotta go outside and run some errands!” Amanda announces. The tape glitches to the two of them standing outside the house. It is plain to see that there is a literal hurricane going on outside. “What the fu-”
“Amanda watch out!” Wooly shouts pushing her out of the way as a garbage can hits him right in the face. “Ow…”
“Our heads are not doing good today huh?” Amanda mumbles. Wooly looks at her with a bit of annoyance. “Let’s go back inside.” they appear back in the living room.
“Wooly, are you sure your head doesn’t hurt after that?”
“I told you I feel fine… I feel… nothing…” he sounds almost a little scared to say it.
“Nothing? Like… nothing nothing?” Amanda immediately sounds concerned. Wooly nods. “Not even-”
“Don’t say it!” Wooly shouts the tape glitches red. He pauses and takes a deep breath. Amanda looks on inquisitively. He shakes his head. Amanda has a look on her face that says nothing but oh **** and the pair remain dead silent for a bit. “Lo-look it’s probably nothing… nothing serious anyway…” Wooly laughs nervously. Amanda still looks extremely shaken. “Look, forget I said anything. I swear it’s probably just in my head… please?”
“Okay. We’re going to talk about that later though.” Amanda says seriously.
“So… we can’t run errands… what are we gonna do?”
“Let’s play a board game!” Amanda beams. The tape glitches to a cabinet in the hallway.
“Ooooh, which one are we gonna play?” Wooly says with some fake excitement.
“Let’s allow our friend to pick!” Amanda suggests. All the games are based on books mentioned in the show previously. But one in particular catches Riley’s eye. Pied Piper. Riley clicks on that one. Amanda and Wooly look very disturbed by this. “Let’s pick something else…” suddenly everything gets dark and only Amanda and Wooly’s eyes can be seen. Riley could’ve sworn they saw human eyes for at least a split second. “... else… Um… ummm…”
“Oh… looks like the power is out. Hold on I could’ve sworn I left the flashlight somewhere in… aha! I knew it was here!” Wooly pulls out a flashlight and turns it on. He turns it to Amanda who looks… really scared. “Amanda… wha-what’s wrong?”
“I don’t like the dark…” Amanda whimpers. Wooly’s eyes widen.
“It’s fine, there’s a flashlight now.” Suddenly the flashlight flicks out, Riley can hear Wooly slamming it against the wall. It turns back on.
“Wooly… you could’ve just lightly tapped it against your arm.”
“Oh. Alright… So what do we do during a pow-” the flashlight goes out again. Riley can hear Wooly lightly tapping it this time. “Come on… come on…” then he’s slamming it against the wall again. But this time the flashlight will not come back on. “D*** it.” Wooly does it five more times.
“At this point it seems like you’re just taking out a bunch of bottled up rage on that poor flashlight.” Amanda concludes. Wooly chucks the flashlight at the wall as hard as he can. The sound that was probably the flashlight breaking could be heard. “OW MY ARM! Wooly!” “Whoops.” Wooly whispers. “Got a little carried away.”
“Wooly… it just needed batteries, you didn’t need to break it.” Amanda hisses, sounding a little frightened.
“I… um… oops.” “Riley can find us a new flashlight?” Amanda prompts. Riley turns around and looks about the room. Eventually they find one and give it to Amanda. “Thanks.” She turns it on and looks at Wooly. “I’m not giving you this one.”
“So um… What do we do during a power outage?” Wooly asks.
“I don’t know…” Amanda mumbles, “this has never happened before…”
“Let’s just go back to the living room then?” Wooly offers. Amanda nods. The tape glitches back to the living room. It gets stuck for a couple seconds though.
“Hey Wooly… have you noticed that this place seems more unstable lately?” Amanda asks
“As in…?”
“The weather is all over the place. The trees and background stuff is all glitchy and like… then there’s you.”
“Me?”
“The point is… I think something is up…”
“Like?” “It’s like no one’s been taking care of this place anymore.” Amanda suggests. Wooly looks… mortified. “I mean… I had my suspicions for a while now… I mean, think about it. Isn’t it strange that we can do whatever we want… and Hameln is doing absolutely nothing about it?”
“Well we aren’t even on air anymore… maybe they don’t know?”
“Or they don’t care.” Amanda elaborated. Wooly freezes. “I suspect this has happened before?”
“But if the show is over why aren’t they coming to get us?”
“Have they done that before?” Amanda inquires, raising an eyebrow. Wooly falls silent. “But why now? I mean… they still cared when Kate was around.”
“I… saw this thing…” Riley chimes in. Amanda’s head turns so fast it’s almost scary. “Apparently… Hameln has begun working on a new show…”
“No…” Wooly whimpers. “No no no!” he curls up into a little ball and starts rocking a little.
“Heh… that explains a lot…” Amanda mumbles, sounding defeated. Wooly looks back and forth nervously.
“Amanda… what should we do?” Wooly asks, his voice trembling a bit, “We are going to do something about this… right?” Amanda stays silent. He continues to look between Amanda and Riley. “Riley… What are we going to do?” he pleads.
“I don’t know…” Riley says softly. I don’t know how much more of this conversation I can take.
“Hey everybody I’m baaaaack! And guess what I got some good good news!” Sophie cheers. Everyone looks back at her sadly. “Whoa… what happened here? Why is it so dark in here?” Riley hadn’t realized the lights went out when they went out in Amanda’s world. Sophie flicks on the switch. “Quit looking mopey everybody I have the absolute BEST news!”
“I don’t know if that’s possible.” Amanda grumbles.
“Did you find out how Kate almost got them out? Like into the real world.”
“Ah- No. That’s um… impossible.” Amanda doesn’t even seem shocked by this, but Wooly looks heartbroken, “I have a good alternative though. I found something really good in Kate’s old notes… and I also managed to connect with a certain someone who may be able to help! See there was this former Hameln employee spoke out against Hameln in a 3600 seconds interview! I managed to find him and get him to agree to tell us EVERYTHING HE KNOWS!”
“How did you do that?” Wooly asks.
“Oh nothing much. I just threatned to turn him and his family in to Hameln.” Sophie giggles menacingly.
“If that doesn’t work I can just call on a friend of mine to make him talk.” Amanda suggests threateningly.
“So wait… who is it?” Wooly inquires.
“Carl Daniels… ring a bell?”
“Oh yeah! That’s the guy that always snuck us extra cookies during break time!” Wooly says, snapping his fingers, “But he also said absolutely nothing when those same kids started to disappear so… I don’t know how much I’d trust him..”
“I wouldn’t trust anyone from Hameln.” Amanda adds.
“So what did I miss?”
[Insert a summarized version of the previous fics events]
“So Hameln has a new show and they’re getting rid of Amanda the Adventurer entirely? Well gee that almost makes my good news even better!”
“I don’t know how that could make things any better.” Amanda groans.
“Well if Hameln doesn’t want you guys anymore they could just give you to us!” she beams.
“That’s unlikely.” Wooly grumbles rolling his eyes.
“Yeah that’s why we’re gonna kidnap you two instead.”
“Oh my gosh yesssss!” Amanda grins.
“I don’t know how we can get you into the real world somehow… yet. There might be some way that we just haven’t found yet. Until then maybe we could get you out of that s***hole and into someplace nicer?”
“That’s sounds… nice…”
“I think the most important thing is trying to find how they trapped you in there! If we do that, we can figure out how to get you out!”
“So this is just a bandaid to the current issue?” Amanda asks.
“Pretty much… yeah… heh heh…” “And what are we gonna do about the new show? We’re gonna stop them right?” Wooly inquires. Riley and Sophie exchange a worried look.
“Ye-yeah Wooly… we’ll find a way.” Sophie lies. Wooly’s face lights up. But one look at Amanda’s face and Riley knew she saw right through it.
“Do what you can… but stay safe okay?” Amanda sighs. The lights in Amanda and Wooly’s house flicker on but now it’s nighttime.
“Well if we’re going to do something we better do it fast.” Riley concludes.
“And um… Hey… Sophie I wouldn’t trust that Carl guy if I were you.” Wooly warns.
“Don’t worry Wooly… I know what I’m doing.” Sophie says reusseringly. But Wooly looks… incredibly uncertain. Do you? Do you know what you're doing? Riley wonders.
“No Sophie I don’t think you do.” Amanda argues, “Former employee or not… he still worked for Hamlen. He’s still dangerous. What if he tricks you-”
“That won’t happen. Don’t worry.” she smiles.
“How can you be so sure?” Wooly questions worriedly.
“You think I went into this unprepared?” She says confidently, “I have a plan.”
“I don’t want any more sacrifices to be made for us-”
“Amanda. This is not just for you. My family… has been tracking down this cult for generations, remember? I intend for this to be the last generation that hunts them… because I am going to rip them apart so thoroughly… they won’t be able to hurt anyone again…”
“But you can’t! They’re unbeatable!” Wooly argues.
“I’ll find a way… I’ll find a way for all of us to get our happy ending… I swear it.”
“Okay… I think I trust you…” Amanda mumbles, “just… be careful. Okay?”
“Okay, I will.”
Amanda nods and the tape turns dark. Sophie immediately falls to her knees and starts crying.
“Whoa! Sophie?!”
“I couldn’t do it… I couldn’t tell them the truth…” she sobs.
“What… truth?”
“I… don’t think they will ever get out into the real world alive again…” she explains, “because their physical bodies are practically dead… Hameln might have been keeping them alive for some time… but… I don’t think they are anymore…”
“But we can get them out right? They aren’t trapped there forever are they?” Riley questions.
“I don’t know Riley… I don’t know…”
“Come here…” Riley sighs, pulling her in close.
“I have more information-” “Tomorrow… let’s just put this away for tonight okay?” Riley suggests, Sophie nods and they walk back upstairs. As soon as they are gone the tv flickers back on.
“I knew they weren’t telling us something.” Amanda mumbles. Wooly looks like he’s about to cry. “Come on Wooly, don't look at me like that. We knew.”
“I still wanted to believe…”
“At some point you gotta stop wearing those rose-tinted glasses Wooly…” Amanda sighs.
“So… what now…?”
“One way… or another… we’re ending this.” Amanda says. The tape ends and falls out of the machine.
Authors Note: Yeah... I think I'm heading towards a sad/bittersweet ending for Amanda and Wooly. As for this new show... who knows?
The Hameln Employee name was given by my younger sister.
#amanda the adventurer#amanda the adventurer 2#wooly the sheep#ata 2#maddykpost#amanda the adventurer wooly#fanfic#fanfiction#maddykwrites
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It’s my Twitter handle. It’s my website. And now I’ve named my publishing company after this simple phrase from Luke 10. But why? For me, the phrase grabbed hold of me in high school and I’ve never been able to shake it. The parable of the Good Samaritan is intriguing even to non-Christians as it shows us what it means to truly love our neighbor. It didn’t come from the people who were paid to do it. It didn’t come from the respected religious leaders of the day. In fact, those people had no time for the man laying on the side of the road dying. And then “a despised Samaritan came along”. By all expectations of those times, such a man was more likely to simply finish the Jew off than do anything to help him. Half-breeds, a mixture of Jew and Gentile, they were loathed for their blend of pure and imperfect DNA. Incorrect in their places and efforts of worship, the Jews and Samaritans had literally fought and desecrated each others’ temples at times. To the Jews, the Samaritans were nothing more than a reminder of what happens when your ancestors stop doing what they were told to do and try it their own way. The northern kingdom of Israel was carried off, wiped out, and intermarried until there was nothing left of it but a sad reminder of disobedience and a people who felt unloved, unworthy, and forgotten.
"Jesus is all about love" no my friend, Jesus is all about loving your neighbor more than yourself (Luke 10:25-42).
The despised samaritan.
The teachers (governors) of law and oppression, biblical and secular, wanted to justify their actions (justify why they should put themselves ahead of anybody) and be selfish first. They wanted to justify letting their brothers die while justifying that they aren't "his keeper" (Cain and Abel, Genesis 4).
Jesus said to love your neighbor as your yourself because when you reject someone who has hurt you, and you don't forgive them after they have come to you with true and honest repentance then Jesus says to remember that as you wish him to judge them so he too will judge you. That's what "eye for an eye" means.
People are shocked when they read the Bible but humanity wasn't always "civilized" there was a period where God had to make this law literal to get peoples attention on how lawless some "societies" can get.
Jesus warns us that people can be this barbaric, we see this in things like cults and street gangs and the mafia and the cartel and human trafficking (these people have the mark of Cain [the "mark" is the energy they try to replicate but can't genuinely give like friendship and comfort, but God is with you in your "gut feeling" when you know something is wrong and you know you can only trust them as far as you can throw them] by the way) and those are the kind of "tribes" God had killed in his "anger" by the way. I'm not sure what it is people are mad about when they try to say that the "old testament God is cruel." The Bible traces these "genealogies" and these "tribes" to show that what a "family" reaps so it will sow (Psalms 37:13).
Jesus pointed to and used himself as the prime example of someone who preached nothing but love and was murdered for it.
Jesus doesn't want to build a family that is based on what it wants to do, what it thinks is best for itself in the name of everyone (their tribe/belief system), but on what he knows is best for everyone.
"so you're the 'king' of the Jews are you?" Pilate asks him, (John 18:37-38).
"That's what you (guys) say, I'm just here preaching the truth (that you should love me as you would love yourself in this and in every situation)"
Pilate says "well what is truth? Who are you to say there's an objective truth? Why should I help you? What you ever done for me? In fact, your causing trouble and annoying me. You're not my brother, you're a jew (a Christian, a left, a right, Muslim, red, blue, A team, B team, this race, that race, [Luke 38-42] getting caught up in "details" aka religion race and creed). I'm not your keeper (Genesis 4:9). I just keep the peace. I need to appease the crowd. Keep it happy."
But his promise is that the world can only kill your body(he is the prime example of this), but it cannot have your spirit. He promised us that those who remained faithful till the end would be with him in paradise on their day of judgement (death) Psalms 119:50.
Remember, there were three of them on the Cross (Luke23:,39-41). The one on his one side said "if you're really God then prove it. Show me a miracle. Save me from my judgement. "Save me from my sins." Save me right now, let me live now and then I'll believe. The other said "sir, if you're really going to heaven then please take me with you because I know where I'm going when I die, I know what I've done. I know why I'm up here." And Jesus promised him that together, simply because he believed (believed that someone could actually love him despite the worst thing he's ever done) then they would both be in paradise.
Luke chapter 10 is arguably the best chapter in the Bible and I know it's my favorite because MANY people use it to justify their actions and their beliefs and their lives but IF you read the whole chapter Jesus is really only speaking to his children. He's speaking to the 72 other disciples he had just sent out to preach in his name and I love it because it's a beautiful reminder that in this chapter he reminds his children that compassion is the answer to every concern, decision, opportunity and choice in life.
So, why Despised Samaritan?
Because I’ve made enough mistakes in my life to warrant being “despised”.
Because I know it’s rare to fully “fit in” and what it means to sit firmly between two opposing worlds.
Because I have a heart for the outcasts among us.
Because so many of us feel the rejection from popular society.
Because too many people are judged by the mistakes of their ancestors.
Because we can break the cycle of hate, rejection, and apathy.
Because at the end of the day, the one who was truly a neighbor was the one no one expected.
Because despite our flaws and cracks, we are still loved by the One who knows us best.
Because Jesus said to go and do the same.
1 Corinthians 6:20 NLT
[20] for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
Everyone wants the goodness and glory that Jesus has to offer but the Bible reminds us that sometimes to be exalted in heaven you have to be humiliated on Earth. Sometimes you have to be willing to do the thing that's unpopular for the good of everyone over the good and safety of yourself because truth speaks louder than words (1 John 3:18).
God/Jesus died to himself so that he could take all your pain and hate and still say that you're enough and he still wants a relationship with you. Are you willing to do the same?
Thinking: Christianity should not "align itself with progressive movements", but rather, when the Church is being Christ-like, it will be at the head of progressive movements because that is where Christ is. The Scriptures are all about the progression from a state of darkness and chaos and death into a state of goodness and beauty and life. Whether they are the laws from Sinai of Ancient Israel or the Sermon on the Mount of the Early Jesus Movement, progressive revolutions are inherent to the faith.
If something is anti-Christ, against the Anointed One, it is not pro-gressive it is re-gressive.
#amen#truth#the despised samaritan#despised samaritan#something to meditate on#jesus christ#christian#bible#keep the faith#jesus#christianity#faith#faith in jesus#christblr#christian faith#christian blog#christian tumblr#bible verse#bible study#bible scripture#progressive christian#queer christianity#queer christian#lgbt christian#progressive christianity#religion#hate#hurt#politics#follow jesus
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Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.
Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!
It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.
#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand.#i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed.#so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING.#she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone.#and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do#she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself#her worth isn't decided by her power yk??#i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be#or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!!#i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone.#anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug#and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better#4.2 spoilers#genshin impact#furina
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WATER SEVEN BABYYYYY
Look at robin reacting when luffy says he wont give her up.... 🥺🥺
This is a joke right now but its actually a one piece tenet aldjsisjka
Usopp aksbaksjakqk the foreshadow is foreshadowing... Also Robin being happy with the crew after the Aokiji incident... Fuck!!!!
Sanji thinking robin just vanished or flew away and suddenly usopp is soaring thru the skies... imagine
AAAAARGGGGHHHH YOU CAN SEE THE GEARS TURNING
Zoro talking to merry..... only while he is alone of course
Why are nami and sanji matching ajdhakjsk look at the citrus sisters
Carpenter: maybe it was the government
Gov agent: I don't think so, also don't say that they are everywhere
LUFFY SUPPORTS WOMEN'S WRONGS!!!
Don't scream att chopper like that!!! Look at him... So small....
Imu tease???? (No) (Also I've changed websites again bc the translation is kinda off , I can't find a good quality b&w spanish translation and the colors scare me (i want the real manga experience))
GET HIM ICEBURG!!!!
I truly forgor if this is just a lie about her wanting to find the rio poneglyphs or genuine because she wants to die and will do it for them... because in skypiea she says she is not interested in the weapons so maybe if the gov pardons her but considering what she wants is illegal then idk abdjabjs this is such a dumb thing to forget... like thats important girl where did it go (reading this after remembering and it's kinda funny... i will make any sacrifice to kill myself (and keep you safe)... she goes HARD)
Little paulie and mozu and kiwi.... omg hello (the SBS says the twins wanted to be shipwrights too omg)
Franky's backstory is small but it does so much for me like it is so central to the themes... boats and people...
DID SOMEBODY ORDER MORE TRAGIC BROTHERS?
The fact that franky needs to learn this lesson to pass it on to robin.... do you understand how big this is.... also Tom does exactly as he says and takes responsibility for franky and what he has done... because he has done nothing wrong AND THAT'S HIS SON and he just punched spandam bc he wanta him to feel the pain franky feels... Tom is such a man..... proud of having built eater 7 up with the sea train.... goes out with a boom.... should we all kill ourselves....
I am crying again................... franky my god.... and the fucking frog!!! And of course franky can't stop Tom's hope for his island... of course he can't.... he hasnt learnt the lesson yet but this guy isn't over yet!! He has a life of being a pervert cyborg ahead!!! Iceburg following Tom's footsteps but franky not being able to do that bc of his guilt....
This is one of the coolest things chopper has done btw...
NAMII 😭😭😭
Robin damning the world for her crew when all she has ever done is damn her companions for her own sake.... how big is this...
I can't take this...... it's always nami in these positions... it happens AGAIN in Zou with Sanji... there is no way
The love letter gag is too good like damn that's so funny
AND IT'S NAMI GOING THROUGH IT AGAIN!!!! SHE LOVES ROBIN SO MUCH!!!!
#OOOH GRANDPA TEASE!!! he wanted to see luffy too?? omg and he owes garp a favor so he is going to kill him... alright then....#robin attacking FIRST and ZORO coming to her defense!!! CHEFS KISS!!! INCREDIBLE#my GOD!!! ROBIN WANTING TO LEAVE HER PAST BEHIND BC SHE TRULY HAS BEEN CHANGED BY THEM AAAAHHHH#this is so good... aokiji had to end crocodile and he still has a debt to someone (garp?) AND smoker told him stuff about luffy too#kokoro is such an mvp... be careful with the government agents she says.... hell yeah they should do that#the people in water 7 just giving advice to the pirates akdhaksjak sure go fix your boat but down there#robin laughing like ufufufu is so cute... also kalifa knowing everything bc she is literally a gov agent 💀 ICEBURG WAKE UP!!!#lucci pulling out the ship of theseus response akdhakaj conundrum solved everyone!!!#usopp is so heartbreaking already... beaten he goes to franky to get his money back knowing he will lose bc he wants to fix the merry... go#zoro cutting steel like its nothing... yeahhhhh also does luffy think the ship and usopp are like sanji and the baratie??#he wants to sacrifice himself for it but doesn't realize his life is the treasure and not the thing... luffy realizing this is not worth it#the fight was insane.... usopp feels useless and is enmeshed with the merry so he won't let it go and tells luffy does not care when he doe#so luffy gets mad at usopp for lying and not understanding what is going on and says he is not a carpenter (true but hurts) so he is nothin#god it is so bad... sanji breaking p the fight is so important AFTER zoro says to calm down and talk but they rile each other up...#THE DIALOGUE IS INSANE!!!! USOPP IN DENIAL AND LUFFY TAKES ALL OF HIS BAIT IT'S JUST SO AJDBAKSNSKN AND THE ONLY LIES ARE WHAT USOPP THINKS#ABOUT LUFFY!!!! BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND!! HE JUST FEELS!! HE SAW MERRY!! THE ONLY ONE!!!#luffy just laying on the hammock for hours... telling nami usopp wouldnt give up his life for an argument... then he only needs to fight...#is luffy fighting usopp just so he can de stress kind of??? like he is letting him get his punches in and then he will come back#once he thinks things through... like nami did... and what sanji ends up doing too... like just give him what he wants#luffy likes fighting friends even and this is the only fight he doesn't want.... the merry crying GOD!!!!#the impact dial... it hurts them both.... jesus.... luffy got two hits in but those were enough.... they are making nami cry SANJI KILL THE#everyone is crying but sanji and zoro akdjsks yeah luffy got him what he wanted... he can keep the ship but he can't beat him#and after all if strength is made by conviction luffy knows he is right and usopp is just in denial... so of course he would lose#franky reveal and Robin assassin reveal at the same time.... just remembered when usopp asked her specialty and robin said assassinations 😭#luffy nami adventures hell yeah.... and theres even more after the aqua laguna... LETSGOOOOO#goddamn you can see the thread of kuzan finding robin with the strawhats to then cp9 forcing her to act in water seven....#franky acting weird because he is worried about iceburg... i know it...#iceburg: its weird youre working for the government... but thats for the audience to worry about. not for me#pluton was built on water seven ✍️✍️✍️ also iceburg saying weapons are bad no matter who holds them... yeah franky would agree#reading one piece
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more happy points
my friends are the best (all of them)
happy points cuz im feeling like shit
made french toast this morning
im making a workout plan, v excited for gym
my cat is cute
#mine#happy points#yes including them obvi#we might have a karaoke day again yay#and a clown presentation party which is going to be very fun#am just rlly happy they all like me and are okay with me#i still sorta wanna cry cuz im not very used to feeling safe in friendships#so as much as i care im not very secure#bros literally organized a whole ass picnic for my bday#friend literally told me they will hurt someone for me#they offered me to live with them rent free once i get out of my living situation in case i need it#theyve said they wont go anywhere#my two other besties literally love me#one also assures me whenever i need to crash at their place just to tell them and im always welcome#theyve been here through thick and thin with me ive known them for years#the other bestie is just the cutiest person on the planet#and yet im still like but what if they all just#yk. dont rlly like me#WHICH IS WILD CUZ PRAGMATICALLY WHY WOULDNT THEY#but also aaaaa why would they amirite#anyway
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I might actually open my inbox for the first time in [undetermined specific amount of months] there’s over 500 unread asks in there ;-; I’m rly touched so many people have been reaching out to me even when I haven’t been here
#I was thinking today how it always used to help me when I’d ask for F/O reassurance and I’d get a flood of nice asks#an anon told me Luke would carry his butterfly knife on him to make me feel safe. and I never forgot that#that sticks with me dude I think about that EVERY TIME I see Luke#it makes me feel so safe with him in a way that I felt incapable of feeling safe with him before#another anon said Colt’s lovestruck expression towards Jody is how he’d look at me. and it helps me feel better 🥺😭#and I think about my signature anons and all of my friends and just generally really nice bloggers who follow and send support#and I miss that. receiving nice asks genuinely always helped me feel so much calmer during the storm#or turtle anon and clover anon going into depth about how Ken is built for love and not violence. and all the stuff they said based on that#it helps! everything people say to me helps me feel so much better with my F/Os#fic anon my beloved guardian angel in my inbox literally writing whole entire stories for me#<- btw fic anon if you’re reading this. I didn’t forget about my promise! I’m gonna doodle you something special#idk if you’ve sent anything recently I haven’t opened my inbox in a few months#but yeah anyone out there who’s ever sent me a nice ask. thank you so much#it helps me hold on a little longer if I think about all the nice things ppl say to me#orange heart anon and maple leaf anon my beloveds#sunflower anon the literal ray of sunshine that you are#anyone who’s ever left me nice messages I always remember and look back on them#esp because I spent SO LONG trapped with someone who would tell me how my F/Os would find enjoyment in hurting me solely bc they love me#and I learned that I’m only loved thru violence. and it’s so. hard. to try to unlearn that#but reading people telling me otherwise helps me a lot. and I need to get back into that#woof
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I love trauma! I love being traumatized!
#sepiasys.txt#I love that B has basically just reconfirmed(?) that he has made himself a father figure to me!!#(is tired and annoyed/pissed off)#Things were fine when we went out but then it came time to get stuff to buy from target and yeah that was a trigger ig idfk#fucking awful experience. tempting to never go outside again despite knowing WE DO LIKE OUTSIDE!!#Motherfucker says he's responsible for us; not the first time.#coming to the conclusion that he basically acts like a parent to me felt like it was a completely new realization; but also like I should've#already come to this realization? Completely unfamiliar but logically makes sense enough that I should've already known.#So anyways I DON'T WANT A PARENT I WANT A FRIEND??#Specifically I want someone who is fine with us going in two different directions and meeting back up. He doesn't like when I'm separated :/#Bro got me feeling like a little kid again which was so fucking unpleasant. I felt too tall in the store.#On the walk home in familiar territory was fine ig. I want to punch him. but I've already fucking hurt him enough. whatever.#He told me that my saying this felt similar to back home hurt him. like it was rude/mean. That pissed me off more.#Like yeah I'm not considerate half the time of how others might feel; I dont think about it. BUT DUDE I AM/WAS LITERALLY HAVING AN AWFUL#TIME HERE AND YOU INTERPRET ME EXPRESSING MY PAIN AS BEING RUDE TO YOU!?#Like fuck I get you are the reason I'm here and I'm grateful for it; still rather be here than home; BUT ARE YOU FUCKING FR? ARE YOU KIDDING#Motherfucker saying he just wants to protect me and shit and thats not the first time either but THAT FEELS OVERPROTECTIVE AT A POINT DUDE#I know I'm traumatized and ik you are too but like fuck dude my needs and your needs do not fucking align if thats the case FUCK#I'm so pissed off and yet I can only express it as if lukewarm instead of fuming. Whatever. fuck this shit. fuck everything. 19 pizza rolls.
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you know until relatively recently i thought i'm at least like.. noticeably above average appearance-wise, i took it basically as a given since i was a little kid. but then i realized i'm actually ugly as fuck and nobody would ever pay any attention to me or find me good-looking or hot or whatever and i will be alone forever and die alone. so.
#iso.txt#vent post#obviously not posting a picture of myself so this is a pointless post. but it's better this way#i like the fact that lots of people here pay attention to me and it's because i'm smart and funny and say interesting things#every few days i realize this and start crying about it like some kind of idiot. i should get plastic surgery to fix all this but idek what#i told two of my friends about this and they gave me some nonsense about society and so on so thats basically confirmation lmfao#like if someone who is conventionally attractive asked you that you would Not fucking say that.#also some bs about how maybe nobody ever expressed any interest in me bc they don't think they'd have a chance. riiiiight lmfao#ik it's so superficial but i hate all of my features so much me being born was a mistake#i know that the fact that BASICALLY NOBODY EVER TRIES TO TALK TO ME is an indicator of that anyway#it just actually hurts like. i hope it's just bc where i live i'm not good at the language but maybe that's just cope#i just don't get it. i'm always better dressed than the majority of people in my classes. in my opinion.#like being presentable and shit matters doesn't it#maybe it's just that i sit in the front row and nobody there talks to anyone bc we actually want to take notes#i do have 'friends' but i don't get it. i don't get it how do you just 'meet people' who would ever pay attention to me.#the number of times i talked to someone who i wasn't introduced to by someone else is TINY#it's so unfair bc i'm like smart and funny and so on#sometimes if i squint im like well *i* think i'm kind of good looking. but LITERALLY NOBODY ELSE does#people only say that when they're trying to be nice.#now i'm thinking this type of post is going to make ppl think i post like a girl again and it's making me more upset but whatever idc idc#at best i'm 'cute.' people call me that a lot. i'm cute like a little kid is cute. i'd never be anything else to them.#i know it 'doesn't actually matter' but maybe it matters TO ME#basically any time i look in the mirror im reminded of all the reasons i ever wanted to kms
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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(muth being music theory!)
#FUCK IT MY OWN EDITION OF THE ODDLY SPECIFIC POLLS BC THESE ARE FUN#me when i've been obsessed with space/time stuff since i was a KID its more an interest than hyperfixation rn but man.#media with any of those?? i am OBSESSED (star wars rottmnt movie etc etc) like i hyperfixated on dr who for a year in middle school#the skateboard one is so funny. in high school my guard instructor saw me with a friend's pennyboard & immediately said no.#me when i was notoriously clumsy in middle + high school so everyone i knew was like. “this is a bad idea” when i did anything#my first semester of college i bought a longboard off someone then 5months later i turned around & ate SHIT it was so funny in retrospect#anyway fun sage lore i have only ever heavily injured the left side of my body. my knee + elbow and the SAME FUCKING TOOTH. TWICE.#also i have a high pain tolerance. like idk how or when but in middle school it just got Really Strong. me when i injure myself and just#live with it for a year before it becomes a concern and i get told to get an xray (i will live with a fractured knee the rest of my life)#also when i fell off my skateboard and ate shit my first concern was “ah fuck my glasses did i break my nose” and#“nah my elbow isnt broken! my arm is just rly sore from how i landed on it” (readers. it was in fact fractured.)#like i literally went “no im fine we dont need to tell my mom or go to the er” and my friends said “call your mom and go to the er”#me spitting out my tooth and blood bc i also busted my lip: that hurt. time to hobble back to my dorm.#anyway hiding this one in the tags bc i will never not just ignore my issues LMAO did it with my ptsd dx and i will continue to do it#another incredibly hyperspecific thing: oh this doesnt seem normal! im gonna ignore it and hope it goes away#these symptoms match up to something? nah i'm sure it's not that! (proceeds to get dx'd with ptsd five months later)
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I look at you and it hurts My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day hoping for more time to be with you To be in your presence, to feel the warmth of your body when we're close, to gently brush up against one another unexpectedly.
My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day imagining a future with you To be held, and loved, and cherished, to know what safety truly is when we're alone, to be intertwined - not just with our bodies, but our souls.
My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day replaying conversations with you To be told you'd be lost without me, to hear such soft and sincere praise when we're laughing, to wish you'd say more, mean more.
My bones are tender, my heart is raw, my soul aches I waste the day breaking my own heart, because I'm in love with you. To be alone, and hopeless, and scared, to realize this is all one sided after all, to lose the last bit of hope I held onto and to finally fall apart.
#personal#text#the void#my poetry#i'm feeling lost and vulnerable right now#everyone thinks we're good together except for you#and i know that i'm not good enough#and i try really hard to make you seem bad#but you're not#you literally told me 'you could be thinner' and everything else you've done more than makes up for it#you're so kind to me and you don't have to be#you're so patient with me and you don't have to be#i don't feel like i deserve even an ounce of the kindness and grace you show me because i don't even show myself that much#you mean so much to me and i mean? nothing to you in return#i'm a good friend and a good coworker#you tell me all the time that you don't know what you'd do without me and that i've made the last year better than the last 4 put together#and yet i still don't feel like i mean anything to you other than being an ear to listen and a seat filler to be at work#i don't know what to do or how to feel#i want to tell you i love you and tell you that i mean it and tell you i would never hurt you on purpose and tell you that i know#i want to tell you id do anything for you and i want you to take me up on the offer#i want to take care of you and love you and hold you#and you...you want someone to? to what?#i'm wasting the last year of my 20s in love with someone who doesn't and will never be attracted to me or love me back#well anyway
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siiigh . . .
#༒ milena zip#cw vent#mooties . . . i’m verie sorrie you’re gonna see dis . ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა huhu . .#i’m so tired . . . huhu#૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა i’m gonna sob. i hate dis so much ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა#i hate how one of my friends unfollowed me :<#like she was saying how i’m too negative ? ? when she literally talked crap about my two other friends . . .#how are you going to say that but also do the same . . . it’s so . . sad :<#this is so tiring . . . i’m gettin’ so fed up w/ all of dis . .#‘m tryin’ so hard to distract myself w/ my interests . . . and going on tumblr more#but it hurts so bad knowing she chose someone i despised for years instead of me :<#i even told her some of my concerns and feelings . . . it didn’t mean anything to her#this is why i prefer making friends online. sniffsniff#<< ‘s less stressful & i can handle being hurt . . but irl ? ? i can’t.#i should’ve known that makin’ friends and keepin’ friendships is as hard as anything else . . .#i’m just glad i graduated . . & i don’t have to see her but it stills hurts a lot to see her become so cold . . . ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა#sigh. oh well . . sniffsniff ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა#she wasted an entire friendship all because of somethin’ SHE was doin’ . . . she confuses me. ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა
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):
#personal#ugh#not a day goes by where i dont think of her /:#we were such good friends /:#and like admittedly i needed to take space after all that i don't regret it#but i h8 that she prematurely apologized b4 even hearing my frustrations or why i was hurt#bc she apologized for what she THOUGHT i wanted to hear#and it sucks /: cause i really hope she's doing better#i hope shes ok#and i miss her#but i cannot bring myself to message her bc like......#i just don't understand how you hear your friends say something shitty happened with someone ur involved with#and blow up at them and demand proof of it#like i dont care how stressed you are with other stuff .......... who does that??????#nvm the fact that like. majority of the stress she had expressed to me then was literally about...... the ppl who did the fucked shit.......#idk. im just sad#she made me feel so seen and held and heard and we were just friends but like..... i cherished her so much ):#ALSO NVM THE FACT THE DAY BEFORE SHE DID THIS I LITERALLY TOLD HER (after talking to her abt smthn separate) tht#the only way we'd stop being friends is if she did LITERALLY exactly what she did#and yeah she sent it to my Wife's DMs#but honestly that makes it worse cause she knew i was there#nd treated my wife after all that like she was an evil meanie while she apologized to me#(which imo idc it reads and transmisogyny)#and she just like. up and left Everything b4 realizing she fucked up#like she did choose this#and im respecting that and respecting myself enough not to try running and begging her to be friends again#i just. idk man. it sucks
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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rereading a book i loved in high school to annotate a copy. remembering why it connected w me so much
#its the miseducation of cameron post btw#i read it literally 3 times in the space of 2mos almost back to back#i brought it on two trips- that was the year we went to austria and the year i went to national music camp#and like. yeah. yeah i guess that was why#smth abt that book just really cuts to the heart of what it was like for me growing up in the church#my church wasnt the wbc or anything ofc but like. they also werent/arent queer affirming and its hard to explain how it hurt me#bc everyone expects a story where someone sits me down and like. threatens to beat me if im gay or whatever#that didnt happen. its just that i figured out by osmosis from this environment that i was wrong and that i should be ashamed#and nobody ever challenged that assertion so it stuck for years afterwards#its like growing up in a house w mold in it youll never really know that its there until youre told but you know smth is hurting you#and by the time you realize what it is its gonna take fucking forever to remove#and thats how it is w cameron! she knows long before shes sent to the camp#i just keep coming back to how everyone who went to nationals w me came back talking abt this amazing spiritual experience they had#and how much it meant to them to be able to go#and all i was thinking was that i didnt make even 1 friend and everyone treated me like i was fucking diseased the entire time#the guys didnt want me around bc i was a girl and the girls didnt want me around bc i wasnt a girl to them#my roommate acted scared of me from day fucking one and i still dont really know why. wouldnt stay in the room w me#i would sit down somewhere in the common area and people physically turned away from me to have their own conversations#i think they knew. i wasnt out at camp ofc but im p sure they knew smth was up w me#levi.txt#idk. i dont have a Trauma to point to but i feel like calling the effects of what the church did to me religious trauma is appropriate#it fucked me up so so bad. i had to work through so much shit and im still not out of it#today im not ashamed of being queer but im still discovering new issues that living like that gave me all the time#ultimately. im ok rn dw just thinking a lot. its a great book im glad to reread it and really analyze it! its fun
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People honestly need to break up with me when they realize they can’t put in effort into a relationship with me anymore. Or communicate things they used to do that they’re not doing anymore. Or maybe how they don’t believe I’m X heath condition instead of playing stupid-ass semantics games (besides, if that’s really how hard you “believe” me - then it’s just unacceptable).
#polyamory#relationship affirmations#heartbreak posting#heartbreak#they didn’t think/feel I was X but believed I was#and then went ahead to not tell their other partner#then went ahead and kept trying to get their best friend pregnant and quite possibly lied to tell her and not told her about me#then went ahead and made out with someone from my friend community with no prior or even post informing me of that#then went ahead and got mad at me when their partner guessed my X health condition#then went ahead and completely closed off their relationship with their partner upon their partner’s request and expected me to just be okay#then went ahead and had the fucking audacity to tell me that they were doing more labor in the relationship#then went ahead and told me all this ableist bullshit about how I don’t do enough when I’m literally losing sleep and sanity#I’m falling behind at work and in life because I’ve been so sick#what absolute bullshit#I don’t even care if a partner dates the entire fucking city but the keeping of information is what hurts the most#THAT HURTS AND NOT REALLY SUPPORTING ME THROUGH A POTENTIALLY LIFE CHANGING EVENT THAT AFFECTS THEM AND THEIR PARTNER#I hate everything
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