#bc everyone expects a story where someone sits me down and like. threatens to beat me if im gay or whatever

[silverislander]

rereading a book i loved in high school to annotate a copy. remembering why it connected w me so much

[koganegawasimp]

Aone x Reader

Quiet in the Library

previous > chapter 2 > next

Requests: open!

Matchups: open!

Word Count: 1151

Warnings: a lot of swearing, someone is mean to Aone, secondhand embarrassment?

This is definitely more dramatic than the first chapter lmao, I’m a little iffy on the dialogue so I hope it’s not too awkward bfbdbfs can you tell that I am a huge Aone simp? Bc I am a huge Aone simp. Future chapters will definitely be a lot more fluffy and focused on developing the relationship (this is absolutely not a slowburn) so this is going to be one of the most “dramatic” bits of this whole story. I hope you all enjoy!

The weather is definitely more pleasant the next day once you’re done with your shift. You hope that he’s at the library, you don’t know what you’ll do if he’s not there. You practically fly back to the library, throwing the door open with enough force to catch the attention of everyone inside, as well as the clearly grumpy librarian. You grimace sheepishly and quickly apologize before rushing rushing directly to the table you and the stranger were reading at. Unfortunately, there was no sign of him anywhere, it looks like no one had even used the table since the day before. You pull out a seat anyway and sit down.

“Hey, I wouldn’t sit there if I were you,” a nearby patron whispers.

“Why not?”

“There’s this really scary dude who sits there every day, I’d hate to see what he’d do to someone who took his spot,” and at that they go back to doing their homework. It doesn’t take much brainpower to figure out that they’re clearly talking about the man you met yesterday. You’re not as confident anymore, worrying that he might be annoyed to see you again, and maybe he was just being polite before. Before you can stand up to leave, a familiar voice speaks behind you.

“...You’re back again,” he seems surprised, but you can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. “I wasn’t expecting you to come back,” he smiles gently and gestures to your seat from the night before. “Did you come to read with me again?”

“Oh, no, sorry. I just came to return your charger, I didn’t realize I took it!” You hand it to him and he nods his thanks.

“Well. It was nice meeting you,” he seems to force the words out through his obviously tense smile.

“Likewise,” you say, before awkwardly shuffling past him and leaving the library.

You only make it halfway up the block before stopping. For some reason, you want to go back there, and you want to spend more time with him. He has no one else to read with, you reason to yourself, and he looked so happy when he saw me. Making up your mind, you run back to the library and back to the tall man. The stranger looks at you as you approach his table again.

“Are you ok?” he asks

“I want to read with you again,” you say, out of breath. He looks surprised, before pulling your chair back out for you. Over the next hour, you fall back into the same actions as the night before. He holds the book and turns the pages, you make comments under your breath to make him smile. At one point you say something that has him letting out a deep chuckle, and you can suddenly feel your heart beating quickly in your chest. You feel your cheeks heat up and your eyes grow wide. You can’t explain why, but you just know that you want to hear that sound again. You want to hear him happy and laughing. Has he always been this close? You think to yourself, noticing your arms are nearly touching, unlike the night before where he was almost a foot away. You can almost feel the warmth coming off of him and smell his earthy cologne. He continues turning the pages, oblivious to your struggles. You start to zone out, eyes barely scanning the page as you got lost in his warmth. He looked at you questioningly.

“Are you finished with this page?” he asks. You’re snapped out of your trance as he reminds you that you haven’t been reading at all. You nod quickly.

“Actually I think I need to use the restroom, I’ll be right back!” you say before awkwardly rushing to splash some water on your face. You’re not stupid, you can tell that you’re developing some silly schoolgirl crush on this complete stranger. You don’t know anything about him, besides the fact that he likes to read. You don’t even know his name, but you’re already falling for his smile and his hands and his laugh. You look in the mirror and take a few breaths to compose yourself before heading back out. As soon as you open the door, you notice the weird guy who “warned” you about the tall man on his way to your table.

“Did you threaten them to get them to sit here? Are you that fucking desperate?” he mocks the large man. “There’s no way they’d choose to, have you seen yourself?” The asshole gets in his face even more. “Didn’t you see them when they got up? They looked fucking terrified!” At that you see red and storm over to them.

“What the fuck is your problem?” you ask incredulously, perhaps a little too loud for the library. “I chose to sit here, and my reasons for doing that are none of your fucking business.” He looks like he’s about to respond, but stops at the sight of the librarian and leisurely strolls (read: walks like a douchebag) back to his seat. After some angry words from the librarian, you sit back down with the stranger.

“Are you alright?” you ask each other at the same time, causing you both to chuckle softly.

“I’m fine, but I’m sorry he said those things to you,” you reassure him.

“No, no, I’m sorry that you got dragged into that. It was kind of you to stand up for a complete stranger,” he says. You brighten up and hold out your hand.

“Y/N L/N,” you state. He looks confused. “My name is Y/N L/N.”

“Takanobu Aone,” he says, smiling and shaking your hand gently. You shiver a little at the warmth of his hand.

“We’re not strangers anymore,” you say. He nods. There’s a moment of awkward silence before he gestures to the book, and continues reading.

Another hour later, people are getting up and going home for dinner. Aone closes the book and turns to you.

“I’m busy for the next week, but I was wondering if you would like to read together again next Saturday, in the morning?” he asks.

“Of course! I’d love to!” you respond. He nods and writes something down in a little planner he pulls out of his bag.

“It was nice meeting you, Aone,” you say as you get up from the table.

“And you as well, Y/N.” You leave quickly before you have the chance to embarrass yourself. The whole way home, you keep thinking about the way he said your name in his deep voice. You get home and shut your door, taking a deep breath. Takanobu Aone, you think, smiling giddily. What a sweetheart. You try to get him off of your mind, but as you climb into bed you can’t help but wish to feel his warmth again.

[leavemealonetoread]

mind sharing your riverdale top 5 ships and top 5 characters?

Ok this was hard! Sorry for the delay, anonymous friend. Also, I haven't seen season 4 though I'm aware of spoilers. So:

Ships, in no particular order:

Jughead x Sweet Pea - unsure if this is just a rarepair or what people used to call a crackship, idk. Anyway after they got off on the wrong foot in early s2, I was hoping to see them get closer, at least become better friends, but this show forgets about my son Sweet Pea!!! I also enjoyed their clashes over Serpent stuff and was hoping to see more of them (+ Toni) making decisions together

FP x Alice early on in the show, when it was hinted that they had a history and season 1 kept using FP's appearances to surprise us (first he's Jughead's dad, now he's a figure from Alice's past? Alice???). I loved the mystery there! Everyone in this town has secrets!

Reggie × Veronica in season 3, I was rooting for them even though I knew the show wouldn't make it long term because Reggie isn't a ~core four~

Toni x Jughead because I liked their dynamic when they first met, and because if Serpent leadership HAS to be a monarchy, wtf? Toni is right there? Yes it's weird that Jughead the new kid got named leader at the end of the season, but someone young and brand new won't be stubborn when co-leader Toni wants to get rid of ingrained traditions like that silly dance. 2x11 also shows that Jughead can screw up but listen to Toni's criticism eventually

Betty x Veronica because Veronica was SO COMMITTED to Betty immediately. In episode 1, I kind of hoped when Betty moved on from Archie she might be into Veronica. She was so hurt and angry when Archie and Veronica kissed! Veronica was so desperate to fix their friendship which was 5 minutes old! This could have been such a great slow-ish burn!

(Speaking of slow burns, is it just me or should Toni and Cheryl have gotten more time to have that? S2 had 22 episodes, they could have spent a few more scenes on the getting-together part. Right?)

Honorable mention to Sweet Pea & Josie because I thought they were cute and hoped their fling would stick, but I respect a girl who knows her priorities + a boy who knows his emotional needs and sets boundaries. Also to Joaquín & Kevin because they were cute and my heart broke for Joaquín during his conversation with FP (another FP surprise, at least for me, because I didn't suspect Joaquín of being a spy when he seemed so genuinely into Kevin). Finally, Betty & Jughead because I found their getting-together arc in s1 sweet even though I kind of? Wasn't expecting it? I thought you guys were bros? Oh well. The show spent a lot of time on them and I ended up caring a lot.

Characters:

Toni: loved her immediately and was kind of disappointed that she and Jughead weren't able to restart the Red & Black because the teacher got arrested then their school got shut down. That would have been great for college applications lol but I also would have liked to see the paper come back as season 2 unfolded (how would their stories compare with Blue & Gold articles?).

Her being into true crime is something that I wish had come up more, instead of a thing she and Jughead bonded over for 5 minutes while it was relevant to the Black Hood plot and then???? Then what?

This show makes me worry about Toni so much! In s3 when she was living with Cheryl and they argued? And Cheryl threatened to kick her out? No!

Sweet Pea: a couple of times in s2 it was implied he was a hothead who always wanted to fight, but these are kids. Most of them are ready to fight someone. And I wouldn't have minded in season 2. Sweet Pea can stab a Northsider, as a treat.

Anyway, he was interesting as one of the main teen Serpents, bc he had enough influence to confidently say things like, "you're not getting the Serpent vote." Despite how inconvenient his anger was for the lead characters, he was looking out for his friends and tbh, he was right. (He was also kind of right about Jughead using them for information but holding himself separately. Jughead wasn't obligated to hang out with and like everyone, but he made friends quickly w Toni and this was her main friend group; he was going to be required to meet them sooner or later.)

Despite being the first person to WANT to fight, he mostly listens when his friends try to stop him. His friend-telepathy with Fangs is the best.

I LOVED his conversation with Josie, when he said he liked her and couldn't be casual with her anymore. That's so healthy and honest! I love him

I'm sad he disappeared, but at least I can't complain about how people treat him.

Jughead: his narration is occasionally a but much for me but that's the show, right? I loved his little aside/daydream in 1x04 about how maybe the town would rebuild the old drive-in in 100 years and wonder about them. And his narration about there being only 3 teens sitting in the booth at Pop's, the first time the main 4 all sit together.

I ID'ed so hard with him being technically part of a larger friend group even though he really only considers 2 of them his friends, also that bit early on in s1 where he's sitting in the bleachers w his laptop, alone in a crowd and unimpressed? Lol

He seems like a kid who holds a lot back to protect himself, but he keeps forgiving his dad and he was initially happy that his mom and JB came back to Riverdale. Like, he's so cynical but he just wants to belong somewhere and be accepted!

Anyway once he decides you're his people this kid does shit like: Have meals with Alice. Help set up baby showers and school dances. Get blackmailed into delivering a mysterious box for a shady lawyer. Meet with a rival gang so they can beat him to death

[whx-m]

sometimes theres an awkward beat in a conversation when i reference the few years of my life when i was homeless. sometimes its just bc ppl are surprised, or they ever expected someone like me to have been “like that” (aka their perception of a homeless person) but other times i get the impression that im not supposed to talk about it, that its a crude TMI topic.. like im totally shameless for it, it’s not something you’re supposed to admit. its something to lock away and throw away with the past, “move on” and forget.

honestly? im not ashamed at all. i’m truly not, i have no shame in my heart for being on the street and treated like scum. i didn’t allow myself to feel ashamed then when they spit at ground in front of me, i won’t allow anyone to shame me now. i had my moments of feeling totally worthless to the ones i loved and i had my spirals into depression for my situation, but not once would i let anyone make me feel like i was less than human. the beautiful people i met only cemented that in my soul- we were a pure force of energy, human beings pushing their will to live and experience life to the limit of what’s possible. i would never be ashamed of them, or myself by extension.

sometimes people make me feel like im too aggressive about my beliefs- my family likes to think of me as endearingly stubborn and headstrong about my opinions. i’ve had plenty of arguments with my conservative older siblings about gender, military/police brutality, social issues. its hard to make friends, its hard to open up to people- sometimes i feel like my presence is almost threatening to some, or maybe arrogantly direct. people shy away from me. i look people in the eye without any doubts behind mine that i know who i am and what i stand for. i think people take that kind of vibration differently... some are drawn to it and some are repelled. 

but there’s this loneliness almost, that elevates everything that happened to me beyond shame. it’s the only time in my life i’ve known many, many others who struggled with that soul-crushing depth of will and claimed their lives for their own. waking up and thinking, how will i survive today? where should i point my feet and walk? and over and over, every moment of the day, every conversation or eye contact, who can i trust? who can i trust? who can i trust? what do they want from me? who are you? constantly measuring and analyzing risks. setting a goal can save your life, hesitation and being idle or passive could kill you.

i’ve never met so many clear, innocent eyes. i’ve never seen such pure kindness in other human beings. people who spread their arms and welcomed me into their world, the one they pieced together with what they could achieve. we all ate, we all survived together again and again, different groups, different towns. people come and going in the process, either to be fed and comforted with love or people returning with even more excess and blessings to share. have you eaten? where are you sleeping tonight? do you know where to go for this? do you know where the nearest bathroom is? do you have anything to trade? here, i know you needed a good pack because your overloaded jansport backpack is killing your back. i traded a map i didn’t need for this old military metal frame pack, take it. it’s not the best, you’ll have to sew this spot up with dental floss, but it’s a start. nah i don’t need anything for it, just kick it down to someone who needs it when you get a better one. have you eaten? it’s going to rain soon, do you have a tarp? hey there’s a feed at the chruch today, do you need directions?

one time, i bought a bunch of hot dogs and bratwurst with my food stamps and took them to the park where everyone else would pass through in the morning and afternoon, usually for the public bathrooms. i started a fire and we cooked them up on the park grills, more people showed up and started sharing their food. a pregnant mom shows up and was so happy to be getting some meat, i cooked up the last of the brats for her and took a walk to the middle of the giant field of grass to sit and get some sun. a little while later she padded out to me with bare feet and sat next to me, telling me how badly she needed some meat and how grateful she was i had shown up to share some, it was just what she needed. i told her that made me happy, im so glad we crossed paths when i had something to give. she handed me a bright turquoise piece of calcite, a mix of blue and green calcite. i’ve never seen such a beautiful color, and i’ve never seen calcite just the same shade no matter how many mineral shows i attend. it was breathtaking in the sun, ill never forget it. she said i couldnt refuse it, to her its a token of friendship. even though we didnt exchange names and i’d never seen her before, or since- she just gave me the stone and told me she hoped it would bring me blessings and left. but it was such a pure gesture, neither of us felt shame in needing food or receiving a beautiful gift. i still treasure this stone.

and thats just a moment in a cascade of kindness and human moments- people who wanted nothing but to build each other and themselves up. we’ll survive this! don’t lose yourself, be smart, be wise about slipping into the comfort of drowning your life out with the vices you can attain. stay alert, stay alive. stay laughing and smiling, show them all how human you still are. look into your heart for what you know you can do, what you can still give. the will it takes to show people love when the entire world wants you out of their sight. these people taught me so much and did so much for each other, an almost overwhelmingly genuine compassion. 

i’ll die before i feel a drop of shame for being a part of and witnessing that, that was the closest i ever felt to god. like being on the front lines of a spiritual war- like meeting angels and demons and living among them with nothing but my human will to protect me. being ashamed of that is a joke, what i’m ashamed of is how i now feel like a fat king of my castle, sitting around sort of bored and directionless, isolated and insulated from the war that’s only raging harder outside. trying to spend all this time and energy figuring myself and my life out- time spent on art, stories, fantasies, trying to generate some meaning to my life now. put that tested will to work with what resources i have. but it’s just not as effortless, that will doesn’t flood out of me anymore. how could i be so brave and bright then but so paralyzed and dull now? what’s a shame is that i did more for the world with nothing but my life on my back. it’s hard to feel like i didn’t just spiritually peak early, like my magnum opus already happened privately and now nothing i create will ever be able to compare. maybe to others, but never to me.

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 8 - “Save Our Advantages For A Rainy Day” - JARED

https://youtu.be/lDQPmrzOKKw

Hey! So! Fuck Regan and JG! Honestly Jared and I were set up PRIME FUCKIN TIME for Merge, and so was Regan. So I’m kind of majorly pissed that she had to be such a unloyal bag of ....dice. So anyway, where do I go from here? Who knows. I sure don’t. Okay here’s the sitch. Immunity is essential. Regan has a dumbass idol. They essentially voted out the one person who would not.....have an advantage. Idiots. Idiots. I mean I’m sure I’m biased because Alex deserved to be here AND I LITERALLY TOLD ROXY I WOULDNT LIE TO HER AGAIN AND WHEN SHE WAKES UP SHES GONNA YELL AT ME which should be fun. But anyways. Besides that. I’m....swell. Had a nice rice and chicken dinner. Still have cute tricks up my sleeve. Jared pointed out Regan’s tell is when she says Ugh so I’ve been responding to everything she says with Ugh. That’s how this night is set to be ending. Honestly.....we’re fucked. But on the bright side....beat two of my placements.

Okay honestly...... all im saying is that I KNEW we weren't merging, but I'm also really really sad that Alex is out of the game and im PISSED that people wouldn't let him do well. I feel he's so nice and does a lot for the community that he's the kinda guy who deserves to make the jury, and considering it sounds like ruben and roxy are inactive now (which i believe) alex just shouldn't have gone, but some people decided to be SHADY *eyes regan and jg* The only good think about this is that we didn't merge, and I know my position in this tribe is beyond incredible, and if we lose immunity, I'm going to be fine. I'm in an alliance with literally everyone (oops) and I know that Augusto and Ricky would go after each other if we were to lose ANYWAYS!! But I also really wanna win immunity so I can potentially go to ghost island bc I think that'd be epic. I'm also surprised at who keeps going home from that tribe, but next time i'm fairly confident it'd be ruben and roxy......................... unless regan gets more power hungry and tries to split up the couple. i'd actually piss myself I want Regan to win so badly right in this very moment this isn't a joke like  lol

Soooo JG leaving is really sad just because no one should have to go through personal life stuff it sucks ): Selfishly I’m happy and sad tho. I’m sad bc that’s another original Malabar gone. Like FUCKKK. But I’m happy because that means my current tribe didn’t have to go to tribal which means I wasn’t #exposed yet for playing all sides. It also means that my current tribe has numbers going into merge. But unfortunately I’m almost sure someone on the other side has an idol or two especially bc all the people who have gone to ghost island are on that tribe. I am just happy that I’ve hopefully made it almost made jury. That’s an accomplishment that I have not had yet in my ts career. As long as I make jury my unfinished business is finished and I can start being a literal crack head in this game again. I’m so pumped hehe :~)

https://youtu.be/g6stw70lF9w come join ur favorite drunk dad in the bath

Feels good to be back! I want it to be for the long haul though, so I'm not wasting anytime. Quickly fired up all the old convos and touched base with people. I don't think I can get the outcast vote, so I'm trying to make a deal with Drake where we get him into the game from our side, and the merge tribe votes me in. I think the old alliances will help me out, and I might have a shot with Regan. It'll be tricky. Alex seems to think he has it, but I'm not sure. I'll keep playing until the end though.

https://youtu.be/2-ZNQ5KNc-8

So am I like aligned with everyone left????? Hahahahahahaha I’m literally laughing. Johnny is still my number one so he OBVIOUSLY found out about this alliance that was made with me, Nicole, Jared, Regan, and Augusto. He wasn’t shocked, which I expected he wouldn’t be. This means that I now have 3 big alliances lmao Me, Ricky, and Johnny Me, Vilma, Johnny, and Augusto Me, Nicole, Jared, Regan, and Augusto This is a mess!!! Another mess? Me about to vote Alex Crooks back into the game lmao. What a fucking mood hahahahaha. We talked and he’s actually nice? This story arc is unreal. But I feel like I’m sitting kinda pretty rn so that’s pretty hot. I guess good things do come to the pretty ones! :~)

Ok. If Reagan wanted Drake back in the game so badly she should have just fucking voted for him. God damn everyone is so fucking dramatic.

Okay first off woooooo we merged...... we love expectations Anywho, I'll make a merge confessional later, this is about y'alls bitch ass twist that you threw in that is TAKING AWAY the fact that I was two tribals from single digits again....... now i'm four                                                                         uwu Honestly, when I saw the returning players come back, my initial reaction was that I wanted Zach or Alex to come back, and it would've been nice to have both of them, but then lowkey I got ANNOYED because I got seen as the person in the middle (along with Augusto, Dan and Vilma...... ironic right #goldengirls), and I kept getting messaged the whole day about saving Alex vs Zach, and it was getting annoying because, even though I was in a physical alliance with Zach, I know that he had chats with literally everyone in the game, and I know he had two with me, and was really not even selling himself that well. Zach coming back would've been a mess because I'm trying to build more bonds with the people who want to vote Alex back in, and I'm not worried about people like Ruben and Roxy wanting me out because I think that I have a good relationship with both of them.... Now this just comes down to how good of a job I can do at saving them? eep                                uwu anywhom. the part that REALLY got fun for me yesterday was when I lowkey finessed my way into the outcast vote to try to make sure that Drake didn't get back in....                                                              uwu T B Q H. I like Drake a lot, but he is from this other community we're both from, where he acknowledges me as this character of johnnyscott1127, and wouldn't probably want to get to know ME in the realm of the game, and he'd start calling me a target and a big player, when in these games I try to keep a really low profile until it's time to strike, so Drake coming back wouldn't have been great for my game.                         THE HOUSE BURNS IN THE MEADOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I spoke to Crooks, let him know all the work I was doing to get back into the game, and I sold to him as to why Frankie was way less threatening to come back into the game. The other tribe all had alliances with Drake when he was in the game apparently (I didn't specify this to Crooks, but I heard this from Augusto), and I kept selling the fact that Drake would be the kind of player to be gung ho on getting out anyone from OG Lazare, and he just had to go because of that.............. THEN I started talking to Frankie, and it all made sense to try to push bringing Frankie back into the game, so then when Frankie returned I got psyched. I'm not too sure what Frankie is going to do, and if he'd even work with me or not, but I'm going to try really hard with my social game to try to get Frankie on my good side. I've got a good feeling about the two people that returned, and I genuinely think that it was acredited a bit to myself.                         sometimes I sleep on my face, and only my face. Now I have to get back to a real merge round....... oye vey. god speed to me :)

me: just a quick confessional me: talks for 7 minutes https://youtu.be/G-SSmhcWQmA

(A LITTLE LATER)

https://youtu.be/clUNEh2XzoU

I went from feeling so confident going into this group of 13 and now I’m worried??? Idk I feel like bringing Alex back wasn’t great now? If he’s still connected to Nicole and Jared, and everyone else is too I might be fucked??? Idk I’m trying not to be crazy and work on just getting to jury bc I’ll be damned if these fuckers take that away from me. Everyone seems set on Ruben or Roxy this round which is fine, but also like they’re so inconsequential to this game imo. I barely talk to them, but they have approached me with concerns about a big alliance on the other side? The issue is, me, Johnny, and Augusto are so in the middle at this point that it might be stupid to try to make a big move at this point. We just need to really figure out where Asya and Ricky’s heads are at. I wanna talk one on one with Vilma too and maybe expose some stuff to her to bring us closer together.

Okay so like honestly..... I kinda wanna do a whole merge confessional, and just go over the entire merge, now that we're officially merged as a group of 13 people, but I'm really not sure if I even want to do that officially just because #laziness This is where we're at. Ruben has apparently been inactive for far too long, he's been to like..... one tribal all game? and he just isn't active, and since we've been back I haven't gotten too deep into a conversation with him. I have tried to fight for him, to a few people today, but apparently this is the case of a big name player from another community coming in and not trying that hard. I am sad about it because I really trusted Ruben and thought we'd be able to actually make it pretty deep this time, but it just seems like literally everyone wants him out and idk what to do about it EYE (emphasis on the ME ME ME) wanted to get out Roxy. She has relationships with everyone, and is being grouped in with Ruben, and also she has backstabbed me in TWO games without me even coming close to seeing it coming. Like she would talk to me the same way she is right now, but then she'd just snake me when it's time to go, and I'm really not about that life OR her being here, much longer, but I don't think she's going anywhere today, or potentially for awhile. I spoke to Regan, Augusto and Dan about the pros of getting rid of Roxy over Ruben, but I got shut down, and it seems like everyone wants Roxy, so it is what it is IN OTHER NEWS, i went on a call with Alex last night to confirm that we were going to ride out this entire game together (this was more him confirming with me, but ofc im going to treat him like my #1), and I openly told him that I had another person already that I was REALLY gung ho about, and that I am dedicated to him, but he just has to know I am just as dedicated to one other person........... and then he tried to GUESS who that person was, and I just knew I had to deter all attention away from Augusto, so when Alex guessed, he guessed Vilma and I said no, and then he guessed Dan and I decided that was the right time to remain silent, and he just figured it was Dan (I kinda confirmed it verbally). I told Crooks I would watch out for Dan, making sure that Dan wouldn't go after Alex, but the thing is, is that Dan thinks that we've got a really tight one on one relationship as well, so it even more masks my relationship with Augusto if I really was trying to do so. I've got Augusto as my obvious #1. I am intending on telling him nearly everything this game, with caution ofc, and then I've got Dan and Alex, and lowkey Vilma, who also think they have that like "rock solid" #1 relationship with me, so I'm getting nervous about the amount of relationships that I've got in the game, and I'm nervous that it may come back to bite me SOOON!!!! I've got: Finnanut - nicole/jared Golden girls - dan/augusto/Vilma Power bottoms - Asya/Vilma Jeopardy stars - Ricky/dan Flops icons - Regan/augusto OG jerzy crew - Ruben/Roxy F2 with alex F2 with dan F2 with augusto yea I need help................. I have too many relationships and this is not good at all. I don't really know what to do about it, BUT I do think a lot of people in the cast are just so intertwined with one another, and so many alliances have been made that it's kinda crazy to think about The only people I really don't have any alliance or relationship with are........................ Frankie? Yea this is bad. I've fucked myself big time haha. Ready for another bitter jury szn

I don't understand why the HELL Ruben, Roxy, Dan, Augusto, and Regan voted me back into the game. I'm not complaining though. I am complaining about Zach though. Because he literally threw me under the HARD in an attempt to get back into the game. He told everyone that Asya/Ricky/Me/Jared/Nicole were in a five person alliance. Which... we are. But he didn't actually know that. He just happened to guess it. A lot of people kinda assumed it to because of how much they wanted me back in. I talked to Johnny last night and I had a fever/sick dream about turning everything on its head this tribal. A ton of folks are gun ho on getting Roxy and Ruben out first. And while that is fine and dandy, that’s too easy. Johnny mentioned it’ll get messy once they’re gone because the two easy ones will be gone plus Frankie. That puts us at final ten which makes it risky for rocks. And if they try to break up the supposed five that Zach leaked they’ll try and make a mark against one of me Asya Ricky nicole and jared. And in hopes of trying to keep everyone happy and not leave an angered soul I could easily get out at 11. So like... Why am I agreeing to get out ruben and Roxy first. I'm agreeing to get Ruben out first because he annoys me. But after that? We'll see.

I'm going UTR on this vote, not doing too much swaying of anything. I have the people I trust the least being targeted, and that is all that matters. Roxy and Ruben. Nicole and I an save our advantages for a rainy day. We have strong relationships out the HOOHA!

Ashen went home in a unanimous vote, which is more than I can say for Malabar cause their tribal is deadass a yikes on bikes. I’m over here having been to 5 out of 7 tribals yet all of them have been unanimous and they are like PLAYING the game. It’s interesting to say the least because those very game players are people I will face (hopefully sooner rather than later). Also, the fact that we did not merge directly into 12 is TRASH like waiting another round sounds awful plus like…. I’m worried for my future in a sense? Don’t know how to explain it, but I’d love to merge so I can hide behind certain people. All in due time, I hope.

(A LITTLE LATER)

So JG just left the game due to an emergency and that makes me super sad like JG doesn’t deserve any of that plus I feel like I’ve been giving him a bad rep as this super inactive person that he doesn’t deserve, so that sucks. I hope this puts into perspective that the game is supposed to be this fun little escape from reality cause it can be quite harsh for some people like JG. I don’t know, I just wanted to say that. On a more sadly selfish note, we’re now down to eleven people in the game and this means a merge will be coming and that a new chapter will begin and change isn’t SUPER fun but I’m oddly excited to kick the game into a higher gear and just have a blast.

(THE CAMERA HE STOLE HAS TO RUN OUT OF BATTERIES SOON)

The merge IS HERE AND QUEER! Okay Seychelles, let’s get sickening! Seriously though, I’m just super proud of myself for making it to the merge like I wouldn’t have been shocked if I had left early, but I’m here! <3 I also get to reunite with allies like Regan, Jared, Nicole, and see new people such as Ruben. My approach to this stage of the game is to be wildly calculated if that makes sense. I wanna play the middle, I wanna be social, and I want to play a crazy game because if my unfinished business needs finishing, I’m here to do it in any way I can. I have the tools to do so since I have a final two with Johnny, a close duo-type relationship with Jared, a duo-like relationship with Regan, close to Dan, have The Golden Girls with Johnny/Dan/Vilma, have that Great Lakes connection with Roxy, was super close to Nicole on NuLazare, and then I’m starting to talk to Ricky and Asya more. Ruben is really the only person who doesn’t fit the equation but I gotta talk to him more to see what I can work with.

(I MEAN THOSE ARE SOME DAMN GOOD BATTERIES)

Fuck my drag and my chances to win right? Okay so the host decide to shake things up with a little #TwistosTwist and now there’s a group of Outcasts who can come back into the game. So I think this is awesome that the pre-mergers get another chance in a season all about redemption and finishing what you started, BUT it does not help that I’ve voted out 5 of the 7 people who can return. Those votes were all unanimous, but I was still a part of them leaving so it’s not too exciting. It is a cute little throwback to Bhutan though since I was in the position of the Outcasts and had to beg to return to the game, which didn’t exactly pan out but hey I’m here so I’ve been doing something right. My gut tells me that Drake should return to the game since I never voted him out and we were working together on OG Malabar, but there’s also another person returning so I’m not sure where to really go with that vote.

i hope i don’t go home haha

I totally forgot to finish the confessional before I sent it lol I hate myself ANYWAY I think Ruben should be the vote tonight but I'm counting on him pulling out some weird ass advantage and one of us getting rocked out, or voted out. Like... that dumb man aint gonna go down that easy. He's been a thorn in my side since DAY ONE, and I will not miss him if he leaves. Also, Alex, Asya and Ricky are proving to be great allies so I kind of feel bad for being so hesitant in the beginning. At this point I have done a lot better than I did the last two times I've played and had more fun, so really if I go I go. But, it's been super fun so far and I feel like although I'm struggling making individual connections, I can stand a good 90% of this group and that's honestly a plus.

Call me the bank because people stay depositing their information to me and like no worries for them cause I’m keeping it locked up in the safe. So Regan and I were on call and the good sis gave me a rundown of the NuNuMalabar dynamics and also the fact that she has an IDOL. I now know where all 3 Hidden Immunity Idols are located and that’s insane to me. If I can’t have an idol, at least I know who does! Zach and Ruben also gave me a rundown of all sorts of information despite me just barely meeting them, which is pretty awesome. I caught up with Jared as well and then Johnny always has a bit of tea for me, so I’m happy in that sense! Also an alliance was created between Jared, Nicole, Regan, Dan, and myself which is a solid group that I could work with for a bit. This also pulls me a bit closer to Dan, which is never a bad thing. My only worry is how I can play the middle since the merge again might be a Jared/Nicole versus The World situation, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. In terms of the Outcast vote, it’s looking to be Alex and potentially Drake. While Zach and Ruben want me to vote in Zach, I feel like I can protect my position by voting in Alex as Zach is so gung-ho to target the couple. I also talked to Ashen about everything that happened when they left, which was nice. I also reconnected with Samantha which is always fun (she was super robbed). I do hope that like things seem this natural (?) for the long haul.

Well idk what's going on My main two allies are Jared and nicole Then I have an alliance with Johnny and Augusto Then an alliance with Jared, Nicole, Augusto and Dan called the Malabars and Nicole And Ruben is going and I feel bad but like he doesn't come online

Color me shook cause I did not expect this to happen in the slightest. Alex returning 11-0 was a given but Frankie returning was a surprise especially since I was so sure it would be Drake. Frankie returning is…. Interesting because I feel as though Ashen could’ve potentially ruined my future in the game with Frankie since Ashen wanted Regan out when Frankie left but Drake and I suggested not to. Plus, Frankie and I were actually somewhat close before he went home but it kinda feels off this time around. Drake really deserved to come back after how swap fucked he was, but you can’t win them all. Regan exploding at Frankie is a major yikes though since I want Regan to get as far as she can and THIS is not the way to do it. Also, Alex returning is a question mark since I feel as though he does have options and it’s unclear if I’m one of em, ya feel? We’ll see in due time because both him and Frankie are immune for this first tribal.

https://youtu.be/oZSe415LhOo

Ruben is back tribal is in 21 minutes i feel the angina creeping through my veins

I love somehow being decent in a challenge! Vilma winning immunity was dope since I’m in an alliance with her, plus it means it isn’t any of Jared/Nicole/Ricky/Asya/Ruben/Roxy who are all likely candidates for the boot this round. I mean, I say that only because they are somehow prominent pairs in the game and have all been part of moves in the game (less Ricky/Asya), so it’s a no brainer. I’m leaning towards Ruben just because I haven’t played with him at all whatsoever yet and I have no previous connection like being on a tribe with him to default to. Although, jury management on my end would be kinda bad but it’s just the beginning of the merge so who knows. Again, I need to save face with certain people to gain trust so that when I do kind of swing back and forth, I have more footing to work with. Roxy and I also reconnected which was cute, I did express to her how she is being perceived (inactive, in a tight alliance with Ruben) just to be honest but to also gain her trust a bit since we haven’t been able to play the game together. She was really receptive to that and dismissed the fact that her and Ruben were a tight duo but rather that they sort of got lumped together, which I can believe. With her and Ruben likely being on the chopping block, I hope Roxy can stay out of danger since she’s more beneficial to me than Ruben. Although, Johnny disagrees as he stated in the newly made Iconic Flops alliance with Regan, Johnny, and myself. I don’t really agree with him but hey, as long as it isn’t me hgjfdks

GUYYYYSSS WHYYYY I CAN'T KEEP UP TALKING TO 18 PEOPLE AT ONCE THIS IS A NIGHTMARE First of all I woke up to approximately 19827961487 messages And they were mostly from people who had already been voted out I was like Did I get eliminated while I was asleep??????? I don't know which is worse This or surprise elimination It's almost tribal time and I'm kinda busy and don't remember what I wrote last time but there was a twist and two people re-entered the game and I obviously wasn't a fan of that. The remaining players voted in Alex and outcasts voted in Frankie which I was shocked about because Drake was pretty much convinced it was going to be him. Then I accidentally won immunity: I hate that thing how did it win I think Alyssa summed it up perfectly It's just a mess I definitely prefer Asya and Nicole's I think I have to throw the next challenge I hope it sucks I just realised the same thing happened my original season I accidentally won the merge immunity Last time it was the hex challenge This probably means I'll last a couple more rounds max until I become a target and die I'm happy because merge boots are usually intense but on the other hand it looks like this vote isn't going to be that intense after all, everyone has kinda just agreed to vote out Ruben due to inactivity. I guess I'm okay with that but I definitely don't think it would be my best interest to get out both Roxy and Ruben in a row. We're entering the point of the game where I have to start considering who I'd like to take to the end with me and so far I definitely haven't played a winning game because my social game SUCKS. I'm just so bad at starting conversations it's sad really. I don't think I'd win against most of the people who are left so I definitely need to start spotting the goat-y people and try to keep at least some of them around... I'm kinda concerned about the whole Jared/Nicole/Alex/Asya/Ricky group because I don't feel especially close to any of them and hope at least one of the group would get voted out soon so they wouldn't get too much power. Sorry about the messy confessional I'm in a hurry because tribal starts in 3 minutes I hope I can write something more insightful soon.

[survivordivergent]

GEO’S JURY SPEECH

Hello final three! Congrats on making it this far. I’m super jealous of you guys, my main goal was to sit in your seats this week, but you guys were able to accomplish that instead. The three of you have been able to work together, I’m assuming, to win challenges, manipulate people, and remove the biggest threats, I applaud you three. I am currently uncertain on who I’m voting for, cause you guys have to kill these speeches and convince me and the rest of the jury that you earn this win.

MELISSA

We started the game together and I feel that in the beginning we bonded with each other. We were split up, and when we did reunite, there wasn’t that connection anymore. Your opening speech was great, and you have convinced me that I might’ve underestimated your gameplay. I’ve always respected you as a player, and as a person, but with our lack of communication, I just couldn’t tell what moves you caused. However, I am still slightly bothered by the fact that you were voted out, even if it was negated by the reset.

How were you able to change your position after the reset? Do you think your game improved afterwards? What mistakes have you made in the game that does not involve the reset? Why was Kyle voted out when you were aligned with him in the Ugly Fruti alliance?

LAKE

I feel like our relationship was similar to me and Melissa’s, except it took a dark turn. After the Percy vote, I believe we couldn’t trust each other and repair our bond. And then, you started rubbing me the wrong way with your interactions with people. My thoughts on you have obviously been clear for a long time, but I do think we played similar under the radar games, and you were able to come out on top. Your opening speech was good, which I liked, and honestly did not expect. Unlike others (maybe it could happen I’m not positive), I’m not going to bash you, I want you to earn my vote, and the juries, just like the other two.

Which survivor do you compare your game to? Please explain and don’t say nobody! What would you consider to be your biggest mistake?

JILL

Jill, you’re my favorite out of the three. Coming into here, I thought you deserved to win hands down, and I’ve been rooting for you this whole time. However, your opening was lackluster, especially compared to the other two, and I didn’t feel that drive to win. Show me that I wasn’t wrong, that I wasn’t blinded by the CALSS, cause I do think you played the best social and strategic game. Prove it to me. I still love you no matter how this turns out.

Please give a short run through your entire gameplans. Why are cucumbers the best?

EVERYONE

Explain how you were able to best exemplify your attribute in comparison to everyone else in this game. (Abnegation for Melissa and Lake, Candor for Jill) I believe that a theme of the season has been about new life: being aliases, being brought back after being voted out, children, making new connections. I want you guys to explain how this theme played a part in your story, whether you actually believe it did or not.

Don’t be upset about what anybody tells you guys, be happy that you were able to make it here.

JILL

I don’t know if you want my excuse for my lackluster opening statement but I highkey have bad time management skills (I am trying to answer all these the last hour they are due) and I had class and work until 9PM (the time it was due) and I had to try and get my speech done at work of mobile during my spare moments and I know it was shit. 

As I have stated in other responses, my gameplay was mostly focused on the social aspect. Our first tribes of 4 people were scary. Small tribes are no Bueno. Luckily Peter was the most inactive and with Eliza and Payton I tried to build relationships best I could just in case we went to tribal first I did not want the be out that early. During the swap I became part of a majority alliance, Big Hero 5, which lasted through a few rounds of merge. I tried to keep my social game pretty strong as you probably personally know. I waited a bit for the actual moves such as getting Eliza out and with the connections I made, it produced an immunity win for me when Lake gave it to me. I am sure it will get annoying to read, I am annoyed with saying it, but my social game is really what I relied on here. And it helped me out quite a bit. 

Cucumbers are the best because 1) They can be turned into pickles which are pretty great 2) They are crunchy and delicious and taste great if you put salt and pepper on them 3) Cucumbers are just cool – hence the saying “cool as a cucumber”

So my attribute in this game was kind of a joke. This is a game about playing as an alias, lying about your identity, and survivor often times requires lies. I started as a Candor, the faction that holds the truth above all else. Being able to embody that in this season was near impossible. I had talked with multiple people (you, Eliza, Ed, and Lake) about coming here to final 3 with Melissa and to 3 of you it was not the truth. The attribute to be bold and put myself out there I think would more describe my approach to this game, but the Candor tribe as a whole was just a big fat joke in this game. Which is why for the first challenge our Faction we made up was based on authenticity because it was just hilariously ironic. And I am still obsessed with the alias aspect of this game in general. It was fun and different and I believe this game would have been WAY different if we were our actual selves.

LAKE

Hi Geo! Thank you for not beating me like the dead horse I appear to be, I appreciate it.  You're right in saying we played similar games and I felt like if I wasn't here then you would be sitting in my place. Which gave me all the more reason to make sure you were voted out, because only one of us could survive.

The player I would most compare my game to, and I hate to say this, is probably Tai.  I wasn't very strategic but I made a couple friends and was social with them and tried to make some big moves towards the end. Now here I am sitting in the final 3 with a good chance that the jury won't like how I played and vote for one of the two lovely ladies beside me.

My biggest mistake in the game is not being more active premerge and at the beginning of the merge.  Ideally I would have liked to be around more and been able to do better in challenges.  There's a good chance by playing that way that I wouldn't be where I am today but I think I would feel better about how I played overall.

I think I really do exemplify the Abnegation attribute of selflessness considering I usually made moves to protect my allies more than to protect myself. For example giving the sim reset to Eliza and allowing Jill to win immunity at Final 6.  Although there was a little selfishness involved in that too as I knew if You, Ed, or Lucy didn't win immunity then I would have a better chance of staying.

I think the theme of new life played a part in my story as it allowed me to play a different way that I don't think I would be capable of playing as my true self.  I'm an all out kind of person when it comes to Survivor and it was a nice change to not be seen as a threat but I would much rather be in a position where I have more control.

MELISSA

1. I don’t really feel like I needed to DRASTICALLY improve my situation within the game after the reset because I was in the majority at that point, I was idol’d out. So the thing that I needed to do with my second chance was gather as much information as I could as to why I was the target of the idol play, where the pieces of the idol were, and how I could stop it from happening again. We all laughed through the week that everything was going in the same direction as far as the competitions but that didn’t end so well for me so I felt I had to fight in order to come out on top and to never be in that position again. That near-elimination lit a fire under my ass and I was ready to go, and I do think it improved my game dramatically, it put me more out in front and willing to make decisions that were going to suck but get me here with a story to tell.

2. This has a little to do with the reset so I’m sorry but mostly it’s about the weeks leading up to it. Right after the reset happened and I was asking Payton why I had become her target, her response to me was “Because you're the least threat except now if you make ftc youre gonna win because you survived this mess so congrats.” Obviously I’m not expecting to win just bc I made it here but I think my big mistake was in becoming the least threatening member of the group Payton was looking to flip on. I let myself get a little too complacent at the merge and found myself in a group with 2.5 idols between us and I’m not holding one, with people outside the alliance of five trying to build relationships with the people in it and I’m not one of them, I became the blindside that would cause the least amount of waves. And that’s on me. That I was willing to lay back in the reward challenges and not get an idol for myself, that I didn’t try harder to build social bonds outside of alliances, for options down the line or just for fun. And I fought like hell to bounce back from it and I believe I did that but yeah, my biggest mistake is in those first nine days of merge, that I was still playing to survive and not playing to win. Obviously the social aspect was the weaker point of my game and that is a mistake as well but strategically, I don’t feel like I made a mistake after the reset, I think I controlled what I needed to and handled it well.

3. Kyle was voted out because he was good. He was someone that put in a lot of effort to the game at the merge phase and was a likable guy. Right before merge, we did an informal assessment of the people coming over from Six, based on the little we knew about them. Dani was looked at as the most dangerous because of her move to idol out Ed in the first place, and Kyle was up there too because we knew how likable he was and didn’t know what kind of bonds he’d made in his ability to survive that first swapped vote when Percy left. I think the best alliances work when you have common goals that look the same, at least in the short term, and we didn’t know what kind of deals had been made to survive and what his goals looked like anymore. Not everyone you align with in the tribal phase is someone you’re going to be with at merge, and Kyle was one thread that didn’t get picked back up.

4. I think I represented my Abnegation faction by really letting the active decisions of the early game be dictated by those around me. There’s a lack of self-interest that comes from the Abnegation faction which is why they get put in charge of the government, and I think that from the outside, the early part of my game was played very selflessly, I was all about the group, from our original faction to Four to NuFour, I just wanted to do everything I could to make sure it was the best group we could be.

5. I mean fuck, being the one of the three of us that truly did come back from the dead, yeah that theme applies to me pretty specifically. My rebirth had to be spectacular and take total control of the game in order to get here with a story to tell, because you’re right, Jill and Lake didn’t need two chances to get here, they didn’t need a redo week and a chance to change their fate. I hope that I did enough with my second life to justify it, I do believe I did more to shape the last five weeks after the reset than anyone else and really took advantage of having a second life to compete with.