#but it hurts so bad knowing she chose someone i despised for years instead of me :<< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[yoichls]

siiigh . . .

[momsopposed2theoccult]

It’s come to my attention that a good majority of people on this website have a really poor understanding of the conflict between Toph and Katara in “The Chase.” As somebody who loves both characters and their friendship, this irritates me. Without further ado, let’s unpack that in what is in theory supposed to be a meta but turned out more like a rant. 

“Katara was hostile towards Toph because the fact that she’s a gender non-conforming girl made Katara uncomfortable because Katara is obsessed with gender roles.”

Alright, so right off the bat this is just... completely idiotic and clearly fuelled by an agenda (and likely also a lot of projection). First of all, how is Katara of “I don’t want to heal, I want to fight!” fame “obsessed with gender roles?” There’s an entire episode in Book One dedicated to Katara refusing to conform to societal norms for women in the Northern Water Tribe! Katara routinely calls Sokka out on his misogynistic bullshit! (Mind you I adore Sokka but he could be a little twerp at times and Katara was 100% right to challenge him on it) Katara is the feminist icon of ATLA! The fact that people act like Katara is some sort of conservative tradwife who loves gender roles instead of the outspoken feminist and political activist she is makes me incredibly angry.

Second of all, Katara was extremely kind and welcoming towards Toph at first. She gently encouraged her to join in with the group as they all set up camp together as opposed to setting up her own private camp. It’s only when Toph refuses to comply with her that Katara begins to get irritated. Mind you, Toph has her reasons for this, something I’ll get to in a minute, but from Katara’s perspective (key word here is perspective) she’s just being an annoying little stubborn, selfish, lazy, anti-social, entitled brat. Of course we the audience find out later that this isn’t the case at all (or at least in theory we should find out later but apparently some people on here skipped that part), but for all her many talents Katara is not a mind reader and has no way of knowing what’s going on inside Toph’s head, nor does she know her well enough yet to fully grasp the context behind why Toph acts the way she does. Katara is somebody who greatly values community and believes in teamwork, so Toph turning down her warm welcome in favour of “carrying her own weight” likely felt like a slap in the face. Not to mention that she’s already emotionally exhausted from having to constantly mother Aang and Sokka. If I were Katara, I likely would have reacted the same way. 

Oh and I agree that the “the stars look beautiful tonight, too bad you can’t see them, Toph” comment was out of line, but it doesn’t make her a horrible person. It makes her a 14 year old, and 14 year olds can be nasty, especially sleep deprived 14 year olds. Katara is otherwise a very kind and compassionate person. Other characters have said worse than that. Hell, Toph herself has said worse than that. That being said, it was a deeply hurtful comment and I do like to imagine that she apologized for it off-screen. 

“Toph is a lazy, entitled, and classist spoiled rich brat who just didn’t want to do chores and expected other people to wait on her.” 

This is another one that makes me roll my eyes and ask if they even watched the show. First of all, the presumption that Toph is a lazy or entitled person is just... laughable. I feel like people forget that Toph isn’t actually an earthbending prodigy in the way that Azula is a firebending prodigy (I could say more about Azula and how her belief that she was the unshakeable prodigal daughter ultimately caused her downfall and how by the end of the series Zuko is arguably a better firebender than her but this isn’t a meta about Azula and Zuko, now is it?). Nah. Toph was a sheltered kid who discovered she had the ability to earthbend, was told that she could never become great at it because she was blind, and in response said FUCK THAT and decided to work her ass off until she was not only great but the very greatest all thanks to her crazy, stupid, off-the-charts nerve, drive, grit, ambition, and desire to prove people wrong about her. Does that sound like a lazy person to you? Believe me when I say that you do not achieve that kind of skill level by sitting around on your ass and expecting to have things handed to you. And entitled? Don’t make me laugh. Toph hates having things handed to her, that’s one of her defining characteristics. 

As for the implication that she’s classist and enjoys basking in her family’s wealth and being waited on...... are you stupid? Did you even watch the show? Toph absolutely despises everything about her parents’ lifestyle. Growing up like that was traumatizing and restrictive for her. We’re talking about a girl who likes to play around in the mud for fuck’s sake. Toph does not care how much money you have. She never wanted any to begin with. She even says it herself; “I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. They gave me everything I could have wanted. But they never gave me what I actually needed - their love.” Not to mention that she easily could have continued to freeload off her parents wealth but instead chose to sneak out of the house and make her own money doing what she did best; disproving people’s assumptions about her earthbending. Oh and I’ve seen someone point this out before but WWE is generally considered a “low brow” activity that “proper” people frown upon and shouldn’t associate themselves with. Toph fucking loved it. I don’t know how seriously people take the comics, as they often miss the mark when it comes to characterization (Toph’s, however, was generally pretty accurate), but there’s a part in The Rift where Sokka asks her when she’s going to start charging people to learn metalbending and she gets all serious and flat out tells him that she will never do such a thing, because money doesn’t matter to her. Sharing her one true passion with the world is what matters to her. Oh and the part where she basically tells a bunch of rich and sleazy businessmen to fuck off and “stop thinking about money and start thinking about people’s lives” is just... *chef’s kiss* Sorry my thoughts here are so incoherent but this take is so piss poor and makes me so angry that I don’t even know where to start. As for “Toph enjoys being waited on” I just- *sigh* Toph has such a visceral and defensive reaction to any implication that she is unable to take care of herself. Like I said earlier, that’s one of her defining characteristics as well as the reason for her behaviour in “The Chase.” Where are people getting these takes?

You wanna know why Toph acted the way she did in The Chase? Well, first let’s recap her life up to this point. Toph was born the blind daughter of one of the wealthiest families in the Earth Kingdom. From day one her parents treated her like glass due to her disability. She was not allowed to leave her house unsupervised, and even then she was only permitted to walk around the gardens of her home. Every day of her life she was pitied, gaslit, babied, ignored, emotionally neglected, and made to feel ashamed of herself. She was not allowed to make any decisions for herself. She was not allowed to do anything for herself. She was not allowed to talk to other children. She had no friends. Other people didn’t even know she existed on account that her parents kept her locked up in her own home and didn’t tell anybody about her because they were so ashamed to have a blind daughter. Flash forward to “The Chase.” Toph begins to set up her own camp separate from the rest of the Gaang. Considering that she flat out was not socialized as a child and hadn’t even interacted with anybody her own age prior to a few days ago, this is understandable. So then Katara comes up to her and asks her why she isn’t setting up camp with the others as if she’s somehow incapable of taking care of herself (again, this is just what happened from her perspective) like she’s her mom or something and it just angers her because she thought she joined this group to get away from all that and she doesn’t understand how friends work because she’s never had one, all she knows is that apparently this girl thinks she isn’t capable of taking care of herself, and that infuriates her because it’s the exact same bullshit she thought she was running away from.

There’s a lot more I could say about this but I’m sick of typing so yeah in conclusion both of these takes are piss poor and I’m sick of having to read them. Stan Toph, Katara, and their friendship. 

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi, I’m not really sure what I’m going for here, I just kind of want advice about something hope that’s alright. I have a friend, we’d be classified as best friends I suppose - if I’m giving myself that lenience. We’ve known each other since we were really young, been through our worst times together etc etc. I always have this fear that deep down inside she doesn’t actually like me anymore and only keeps me around because she’s too nice and is worried she’d be inadvertently responsible for anything I would do after revealing this (which would be nothing, but still). I’m not sure if it’s just because I’m that full to the brim with self hatred and not capable of understanding why anyone would want to stay because I’m no fun to be around and more of a burden then what I’m worth. I’m always just sad, though I do usually hide it pretty well, I’m sure I’m not as fun to be around as someone who’s genuinely happy or has their shit together majority of the time. We never really hang out anymore, which is in part down to work schedules conflicting, but also she never really asks to - and when she does it always feels like it’s when I’m in a noticeably distressed state. She usually takes days/weeks/sometimes months to respond to my texts, which isn’t exclusive to just me and I’ve let her know I don’t mind the delays cause usually it’s mental health related and I feel that, but the seed of doubt is always there and just seems to grow more and more over time.

I love her very much, and I wouldn’t want to feel like she’s dragging this out for herself just to spare my feelings - I’ve spoken to her about it before and told her it’d be fine if she wanted to leave and that I understand, but she always reaffirms that she does like me and isn’t just putting up with me - I just don’t feel like I ever fully believe it. It’s not a matter of not trusting her to be honest with me, I’m just not used to having good people in my life who actually want to be around or love me and I’m kinda conditioned to believe I’m not worth shit (kuddos to parental emotional neglect, childhood ptsd and past abusive relationships 🤌). I also know her too well to realise even if she did absolutely despise me she would never say it and still treat me like her friend, hence why I’m conflicted between if it’s just me overreacting, or if it is the case she’s tired of me.

Idk, am I just having a really bad bout of self hatred or is she too nice for her own good? Cause I’m not sure anymore. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever you can give

Hey, nonnie ❤️ I'm sorry this has been going on. For what it's worth, I can tell you childhood ptsd and neglect have also made me feel this way about friends before, so I hope you know you're not alone. It's true that these life experiences can make you feel worthless of love, affection, care and genuine human connection.

Something my therapist said a few years ago regarding the feeling that your friends secretly hate you, and that helped to hear, was that it's not your responsibility to tell when others are lying to you. Once you ask them to be honest with you about how they feel about you, what they reply is their choice and their responsibility, and not yours. Even if they are lying, they're the ones who have to work through their issue of being unable to let go of people—it's not you who gets to decide that they do indeed hate you and act accordingly so as not to hurt them. The best thing you can do is respect their choice, and trust that if they chose to tell you they want you in their life it's because they genuinely wanted to say that. And if they didn't... again, that's their issue to worry about, not yours.

This helped me personally because it helped me change the focus of my thoughts, so instead of trying to read other people's minds and overanalyse every single interaction in search for clues that proved my fears right (like my ptsd had trained me to do), I found myself focusing on communication, on asking honest questions, and then on accepting what they communicated to me as the only thing that's my responsibility to take into account moving forward. My therapist called this "drawing the responsibility line".

I also had a conversation about this with my new therapist and what she said was slightly different, but also helpful to me: she said that when we decide for others what they really think about us, we're taking away their agency to decide what they think about us for themselves. And don't our friends deserve to make their own choices about how they feel about us? Why are we trying to make that choice for them?

I know I'm not explaining it as well as either of them did, but I hope some of this still helps to hear. Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[megumis-lashes]

Hi can I request Megumi with a very touchy crush

Megumi with a touchy crush HCs!

Fushiguro Megumi x Reader ^^

An: Hello! Sorry for the late response but I hope you can enjoy this anyways! Since it’s not specified I made this headcannons since that was easier! If you want anything different in future requests please specify at least: format, POV and gender! If you don’t I’ll just do whatever ^^

Contains: Touchy reader/physical contact, Megumi x reader, written with a female reader in mind but generally left as gn!, angst if you squint lol, possibly mistakes as my genius self is writing this at like 12am, just fluffff :) oh and you’re shorter than Megumi lol. (Oh and sorry if Megumi is a tad OOC in the drabble cuz his reactions can be tricky to write for 😅)

Word Count: 1.7k (I got carried away once again lol)

Soooo.... Megumi with a touchy crush? Sign me up!

Now we all know that Megumi is rather reserved and pretty straight forward so I think at first his reaction to your touchiness may be a bit awkward

Not awkward in the sense that he’s uncomfortable being around you but more as in he’s a bit.... shy

He’s not adjusted to receiving a lot of physical contacts so initially, he wasn't quite sure how to react 

His overall awkwardness really depends on how long he’s known you 

If he just met you during high school he would probably be a bit shocked at how comfortable you were with casual physical affection

While you would think nothing of it and treated practically everyone you knew (and were comfortable with) like this, Megumi would still be surprised 

While Yuuji and Nobara would adjust to your touchiness quite quickly, Megumi would probably stay blushy about it for a month or so until he wouldn't think much about it anymore 

it’d be a bit different if he knew you for a while or even knew you as childhood friends

Typically being touchy doesn't become a habit overnight sooo he’d be a lot more used to it and barely think about it 

I don’t see him as one to openly accept or adjust to physical affection without being a bit shy 

He’d probably tease you or question you about it from time to time and be one to begrudgingly accept affection 

Totally be one to act really annoyed by your touchiness but in reality, he treasures the soft moments away from danger 

All of this would change when he realizes he has a crush on you though :0

Cue blushy, awkward Megumi and oblivious you featuring another oblivious idiot, Yuuji, and an all-knowing Nobara 

Megumi isn’t one to develop crushes immediately or overnight since he must value that person’s personality most of all 

He thought of you as purely platonically within these first few months of knowing you untilllll his brain just clicked 

He was like.... ‘Oh shoot... I have a crush....”

Having a crush is refreshing for Megumi but also quite distracting with how touchy you are

Instead of just ignoring the affection or casually playing it off, Megumi forgets how to react 

Now he knows that deep down he really likes receiving affection from you cuz he realized how he likes you more than just a companion or classmate  

Cue Megumi being 10 times more awkward than usual 

Normally if you were to walk up to him and throw your arm over his shoulder playfully or something like that he’d either ignore it, pretend it's not happening or just playfully shove your arm off his shoulder 

Now he just freezes and is like ‘oh what to do’

Would be that person who googles ‘how to act normally around your crush’ but at the same time think its stupid and stop reading the article like five minutes in lol

He’d probably have one of two reactions: 

Cease to function and just stand awkwardly still or

Awkwardly pull away 

...

Now as much as Megumi pretends to hate your touchiness, you do know that he’s okay with you playing around so this reaction is pretty unusual

You probably are a little confused as to why he’s acting like this 

Like huhh????? I thought we were good?????

Cue Megumi continuing to be awkward for a while 

Everyone became more awkward than usual since that day because the friendly atmosphere was put off due to Megumi being even more closed off than usual

He practically avoids you at this point

Ofc you start to feel bad about it

Like did you do something wrong??? Take it too far?? 

Touchiness has always been in your nature and seeing someone react so sharply to it makes you feel insecure about your habits so you lessen the touchiness within the friend group

and everyone notices

Yuuji misses your playfulness and Megumi is simply overwhelmed and lost within his own thoughts and emotions 

Nobara is the most.... suspicious 

While examining Megumi lately (not in a weird way she swears) she noticed the sudden change in behavior 

That’s when she realized ‘Does the Fushiguro Megumi have a crush????’ 

Ofc her curiosity gets the best of her so she just has to question Megumi 

So she does

After a small mission the team had gone on, she asked Megumi to talk 

‘So promise to answer truthfully.’

‘Yes I promise” 

‘Do you have a crush on Y/N?’

“Huh’ Megumi deadpans. This came out of nowhere 

As much as he wishes to play it cool and dismiss the girl’s thoughts, he physically cannot and instead goes into blushy cannot function mode

Nobara takes notice to this immediately

‘Aha! So I was correct! Take that Yuuji!’

Yes they totally made bets on this 

Once again Megumi is lost 

‘Huh? Bets on what?”

‘Bets on what?”Are you seriously that oblivious? On your crush! It’s so obvious it’s painful!” She sighed dramatically

Now Megumi is even more lost 

Like sure he was confused about where his crush stands but he wasn’t aware that he was obvious????

Nobara goes on to explain how stiffly he reacts to your touches and how his blush doesn’t really go unnoticed 

She also explains how you were moping around lately cuz you thought you made him uncomfortable

Shocked at this new found information he rushed out of their real quick to go... idk possibly confess but be more focused on apologizing 

AN: Here’s a quick scenario in first person of how that would go since I have zero self-control :0 

I was settled on the small bed in my school dorm room. Placed upon a stack of pillows was my laptop, through which played whatever random Netflix show I chose. It didn’t really matter what it was as the media was quickly discarded by my mind and treated as background noise. My mind was swimming with rather..intrusive thoughts. As much as I wanted to relax and shut off my mind for the night I simply couldn’t. My thoughts continued to drift back to a certain ravenette and the issues that had circled around him for a while now. Fushiguro Megumi, a boy I met a few years back when beginning jujutsu. We were friends... or at least I considered us friends and I had taken quite a liking to the boy. Despite his distant and rather closed off personality, I had developed a casual and comfortable bond with the male... or so I thought. All changed when he started acting strangely, almost as if I had hurt him or bothered him a little too much with my habits. Admittedly I was a bit hurt over Megumi’s actions but I was more confused. I had always been touchy, so why the sudden reaction to it? 

As if the world was messing with me, a knock sounding from my dorm room door shook me from my train of thought. 

“Coming!” I quickly pushed the blankets and began walking towards the door. The person behind that door was definitely not who I was expecting. Behind the door stood Megumi Fushiguro, pacing lightly as his hand slightly ruffled his hair.

“Megumi?! Did you need something?” It was strange to see Megumi at my door as it was nearing 9 PM and he was usually one to avoid unnecessary intrusions. 

“Oh hi Y/N. Sorry to bother you so late but I’ve come to apologize..” He explained, carding his hand through his hair nervously.

“Apologize for what exactly?” I questioned.

“For how I’ve been acting lately..” He stated. I shook my head. 

“Ahh about that... I’ve been meaning to ask you something..” I mumbled. “Megumi.. do I uhh.. make you uncomfortable? I mean I know I’m kinda touchy and I’ve noticed that you uh don’t-”

“No no no! That's what I’m here to clear up about... Look it's not what you think! You don’t make me uncomfortable I’ve just been too focused on my own thoughts to realize why you may think that...’ We’re both way too oblivious’ or at least that’s what Nobara says..” He trailed off. I sighed in relief. I was happy, albeit a bit confused but still happy that he didn’t despise me. 

“Ok ok.. I’m glad you don’t hate me at least!” I smiled, throwing my arm around his shoulder as I did in the past. “I do have one question though!”

“Ask away.” He quietly chuckled, finally at ease in my touches. 

“What do you mean ‘we’re both oblivious’? And what does Nobara have to do with this?” I questioned, leaning my head onto the taller male’s shoulder. His eyes widened a bit as he glanced away awkwardly. 

“Well, you see... I don’t really know how to say this but..” 

“Just spit it out already!” I playfully slapped his back. 

“I have a crush on you...” He mumbled looking away. 

“....huh” I deadpanned. “That’s why you were awkward all of a sudden? All because you like me? Wait you like me?!” I shook my head, leaving the casual embrace we had settled into. 

“Yeah... that’s not a bad thing is it?” He questioned, once again rubbing at his neck nervously.

“No no of course not!” I waved dramatically. “I’ll let you know that I like you too! Quite a lot actually!” I chuckled thinking of Nobara’s words. “Now I understand what she was saying about obliviousness... Now that I think about it you were sooo obvious! I'm ashamed that I didn’t notice sooner.” I sighed, coming down from my small laughing fit. 

“ Hey well, I didn’t know how to act! I was trying my best ok....” He mumbled. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his left cheek, chuckling at his blushy reaction. 

“Don’t worry about it! I mean we cleared everything up didn’t we?” I pondered.

“So uhh.. do you wanna be my girlfriend then?” He questioned, looking as flustered as ever. 

“I’d love that!” I smiled. Glancing at my watch my eyes widened. 

“Hey, it's getting late! Why don’t you come watch Netflix with me yeah?!” I pulled the ravenette into my dorm, leaving him little time to respond.  That night we drifted off together surrounded by the noise of old Netflix movies and warmed by the feeling of love. 

[fandomlovingfreak]

Healing His Heart (13/?)

Young Remus Lupin/Reader

Rating: E for Everyone

Word Count: 1705

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link I Tiktok Link

Summary: (y/n) is two years younger than him, a popular Slytherin, and Regulus Black’s best friend. Yet he can’t help but be attracted to her bewitching personality and sweet smile. Unfortunately, his er–problem makes it harder to get close to others. Despite his attempts to push her away (for her own good) she seems determined to worm her way into his life.

Enjoy

Remus tries to catch her at breakfast the next morning, but none of her friends acknowledge his presence, and she's not even in the Great Hall. The library is his next guess as to where his girlfriend-- hopefully still his girlfriend— is.

Trying not to run and make an even bigger fool out of himself, he makes his way towards the place they spent most of their free time. He's pleasantly surprised to find (y/n) sitting at one of the tables. It's not their table, and he can't decide if that's a slight or just a coincidence.

"(Y/n)..." he approaches her carefully, unsure how she'll react to his sudden appearance.

"Leave me alone, Moony." Ouch. She hasn't used his nickname since before they started dating.

"(Y/n), please. Let me apologize—"

"There shouldn't be a reason to apologize in the first place. You had plenty of time to realize how-- how terrible it was and yet you still went along with that--" He notices the clench of her jaw as she continues to frantically scribble on the piece of parchment in front of her.

"I know. I know that. It was an awful prank. But you know how James and Sirius are. We just—"

"But I thought you were better than them, Remus. You're just as childish and immature as those two!" Her eyes burn as she glares at him. Remus shrinks away slightly, never wanting to be on the receiving end of that glare ever again.

"If it makes you feel any better, we've got detention every Sunday for the rest of the month—"

"Makes me feel better? Are you joking? Why would that make me feel any better? It resolves nothing. It doesn't erase any of it."

"I know—" he answers weakly, "I know it doesn't. But I can't reverse it, (y/n)..."

(y/n) sets her quill down, "What if I had been over there? Would you have talked them out of it? Maybe not even have suggested it in the first place?"

"That's why I had you sit with us..." he answers weakly. Remus finally sits down, keeping a chair between them.

"Well, you shouldn't have. They're so angry at me too, you ass. Think I had something to do with it because I was sitting with you."

Cold dread comes over him, "Are you—are you going to break up with me?"

Her eyes go softer at his words, "no. Of course not. I just— I just need to be by myself for a moment to cool off." She does reach out for him then, caressing his cheek. "No of course not, never."

He nuzzles into the touch of her hand, so afraid all last night that he'd never feel it again. "Thank Merlin. I was so— afraid you wouldn't forgive me—"

"I haven't yet."

He exhaled, "what do I have to do—"

"I'm afraid there is nothing you can do," (y/n) sighs, picking her quill up once more, "I just need time."

**

"I'm not doing anymore!" Remus glares at Sirius.

"What do you mean you're not doing anymore?"

"No more of those pranks, Sirius. I'm not risking losing (y/n) over some prank! She has every right to despise me after that one, and I'm not giving her any new reasons."

"My god—" Sirius dramatically tosses his head.

"C'mon Sirius— it's not irrational to not piss off one's girlfriend—" James tries to reason with Sirius. He, too, can feel the fight that is brewing between the friends.

"She's a kid, Remus! We have these last few months—"

"No no no. You're a child, Sirius. You have what planned after graduation? What? (Y/n) has her entire career planned out. Has gotten top marks since she was eleven. Don't project your issues onto my girlfriend."

Silence fills the room as tensions rise between the two. Sirius's face is unreadable as he stares back at Remus. Maybe he went a bit too far--

"Fuck you, Moony." Sirius knocks his shoulder against Remus's hard as he storms out of the dorm.

James looks over at Remus, "You know the futures touchy for him, Moons—"

All of Remus's regret is shattered instantly, "I don't care, James! He has no right attacking (y/n)! Maybe if he attempted with someone instead of playing any girl or guy who'll give him half a second—"

"Cmon moons— you know Sirius. It's hard for him—"

"It's hard for him? Really? I have it hard as well! But I—" Yeah, okay, so maybe Sirius does have it bad too, but--? How can they excuse him for being such a jerk all the time?

"I get it. Lily was pissed, not as pissed as (y/n)... I got an earful from her as well and we're not even dating-- I'll admit that Sirius doesn't get the whole girlfriend thing, but he didn't mean anything by calling her a kid. You know that. He cares for her like she's his own blood. You didn't have to take a dig at--"

"I know!" Remus storms out of the dorm. He can't handle James when he's right.

Fuck, how much messier can this get?

**

"(Y/n)! Please, darling. I need to talk to you." He stands outside the Slytherin dorms, hoping she'll make an appearance. She hadn't been in any of the places he'd normally find her, and so logically, he believed she must be in the Slytherin dorms.

"Get lost," a Slytherin boy pushes him aside, making his way into the common room.

"Please—can you—?"

"No." The door closes in his face.

Remus huffs, turning around before he hears his last name.

"Daphne?" He turns back towards the girl.

"I'll get her for her. I'm pissed at you, don't forget that, but I'll find (y/n)."

"Thank you! And I'm sorry Daphne...really."

"Yeah whatever, Lupin." Daphne disappears through the door.

He paces the hall for a few minutes before sliding down the stone wall till he's sitting on the ground.

"Remus?" (Y/n) steps out of the door. She's wearing jeans and, more importantly, one of his jumpers.

"(Y/n)!" He pulls her into his arms, "sweetheart—"

"What's wrong, Remus?" She doesn't hug him back.

"Please, how can I make it up to you? Anything, darling."

"Remus—"

"I know you said time, space... but I can't do that. I can't live like this... knowing you're upset and it's killing me."

finally, her arms wrap around him, rubbing a soothing circle between his shoulder blade. "I— I don't know..."

"Anything. I've already told the guys I won't be involved in their pranks. I don't want to lose you—"

Her hug tightens, "you won't lose me, Remus."

"I already feel like I have..."

"No. No, you haven't. Stop saying that. I love you, remember?"

"I love you too," he pulls back to kiss her.

(Y/n) laughs, "Remus!"

"I've missed you so much, and I'm pretty sure Sirius hates me now."

"Hates you? Why?" She reaches up to move a piece of stray hair from his eyes.

"Well— he was pretty upset about the... the incident in the great hall and the detentions... and he said some things, I swear he didn't mean them though. He was angry and you know Sirius when he's angry... but I basically possibly told him you were more mature than him and a better student—"

(Y/n) laughs, "you told him I'm a better student than him?"

"It's not wrong. You're so driven, darling. So smart. You take everything so seriously and Sirius ... well never does."

Before (y/n) can comment back, Regulus pops out of the door, "(y/n)? Oh, you're here." He glares at Remus.

"Reg," (y/n) rolls her eyes, "I promise you for the one-thousandth time that Remus and the rest of them are sorry."

"I really am, Regulus. It was ... childish and mean-spirited. I shouldn't have suggested it..."

"Have Sirius and James apologize for themselves." He disappears back through the door.

"He's never going to forgive me."

"He will. Eventually, not as fast as me, but eventually."

"Do you?"

"Do I—?"

"Do you forgive me?" He cups her jaw in his hands. She's still got her arms wrapped around his waist.

(Y/n) hesitates before nodding, "I do, Remus. I forgive you. Just for the love of god Remus... please consider the consequences of the prank before you do it."

He grins, "I will."

"And I don't mean, stop hanging out with your friends or stop doing harmless little pranks. Don't get Sirius angry at me, you can still—"

"He's not mad at you. He's mad at me."

"I highly doubt he's only mad at you. I know Sirius just as well as you do, you know."

***

Y/n POV

"Sirius?" He continues walking, acting like he didn't hear her. "Sirius please—"

"What is it (y/n)?" Sirius stops, turning slowly towards her. His eyebrows are pulled together, making his face looked pinched as he stares at her.

"Sirius... don't blame Remus--"

"I blame the both of you! You for having my Sunday's wasted for the foreseeable future and Remus for taking your side."

"C'mon Sirius. You have to admit it was too far. You hurt my friends and—and your brother! Don't you care about Reg and how you hurt him?"

"Of course I feel bad about Reg— but the rest of Slytherin—"

"But the rest of Slytherin? Is it always about houses for you?"

"Of course it is—"

"You're pathetic, Sirius Black! Absolutely pathetic. I thought we were friends but I'm a bloody Slytherin, right? Ya know never mind Sirius—"

"Wait, c'mon (y/n), don't be like that!" He reaches out to grab her, "I'm sorry. For everything. I really am; I just didn't think Moony would ever choose-- well, choose anyone else over us. We've all been friends for so long now..."

I look at him, "You're telling me... you were upset because he-- chose me?"

Sirius bites the inside of his cheek, looking away from her, "It's not like I'm not happy for you guys, because I am. But it has always been just the four of us, you know?"

"I'm not trying to break up the group. I promise you that Remus is not going to abandon any of you."

"How can you make that promise?"

(y/n) sighs, "just trust me on this one."

[feastfic]

On my computer right now and I just spent like, I think maybe only an hour on this??? 

But hi!!! I wrote a thing! And I really want to say things about what inspired me to do this and why I thought of this, so if you wanna know please lmk! (Please I really wanna talk about this AU digjasobjn)

So since this took less than an hour and it’s currently almost two in the morning for me (and I took my sleeping meds) this is probably rushed and doesn’t have as much going for it as I wanted, so please keep that in mind!

This will be under the cut for spoilers, and tw in advance for implied/mentioned murder. Also wildly out of character behavior but it makes sense in the context of the AU I promise; but enough of me going on. Here it is!

He was just… mad these days. Well, not mad. But certainly unhappy. Upset, maybe, was the best word to use.

Ever since he and the rest of Team Snakemouth left the Swamps, he seemed a different bug. Ever since he’d killed The Beast- a rightful act of revenge, of vengeance for his previous friends- he was bitter.

He didn’t even quite know why he felt this way. Kabbu couldn’t tell if it was a new onset grief for losing his team, rage at The Beast, fear of losing the people he currently cared about. There was so much to feel about, and not enough of him to contain all of these feelings.

So he just decided not to contain it. Not around Leif or Vi, of course. There was no way he’d expressly show them how he felt. Not when these feelings were so destructive, so unlike how he normally was. Kabbu was not a bug to hate easily or quickly. But he had a feeling that that was what was going on. He hated- no, loathed; utterly despised this feeling. He wanted, needed to take it out somehow.

He didn’t seem to care about much anymore. His fighting skill wasn’t any better or worse off, but both Leif and Vi knew something was up. Other bugs that the team had previously encountered also could tell very easily that something was up with the typically gentle beetle.

Where he was once careful in battle, he was no longer. His caution was thrown to the wind, it felt like. More nicks and scratches collected themselves on his body, not out of the battles he’d won, but just out of his lack of self-preservation.

“What is up with you lately?” Vi popped the question as they took residence in the hotel underneath the termites’ dome. “Ever since we left that swamp you’ve been acting all weird.” Even her normally sarcastic tone was tinged with real and genuine concern. Not that she’d ever say that she cared any time soon, of course.

Kabbu gave her a side-eyed look, his arms held crossed as he leaned forward on the leaf bed he got when the room was rented out. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stated bluntly, his gaze focusing on the bee on the bed right across from him. Behind her was Leif, silently watching the two of them talk. The moth had gotten quieter since the swamps, too.

“You’ve been all… all- I don’t know! You just haven’t been yourself and there’s no reason for it, Kabbu!”

“We agree with Vi. You’ve had a big change in character.” Leif said, quiet but as direct as ever.

With both of them on his case, there wasn’t a lot that Kabbu could say. He didn’t want their sympathy, he didn’t want them worrying about him. How could he ever tell them that he didn’t know if he even wanted to be part of the team anymore? Well, he didn’t have to. And, well… he could always just leave out of nowhere. Not that he was thinking of doing that.

He waited until the lights of the dome dimmed- the termites were going to rest as well now. To his side, he heard Vi’s soft snoring, but had to sit to make sure Leif was asleep too. It was a good thing he was, or else this would get awkward and stressful fast. 

There was nothing he chose to bring along. Except for the explorer badge that he and Vi got on their first day as an official team. It’d be only Vi now, but she had Leif. They’d be like every other team- a party of two, instead of their devious three. And that was it- he was never the item carrier; the bag with all of their things always went to Vi, where she’d protect their belongings as valiantly as she could. So the badge was just another thing that she’d keep.

Well, that was basically it now. Bringing along nothing with his person, Kabbu slipped out of the room in silence. He took the elevator back down to the ground floor, leaving for the great doors that had welcomed him into the dome just yesterday. The guards there of course asked him about his intentions and why he was leaving- alone especially- but he just coated his answer with a white lie.

“I’m only going to take the ant tunnel. It isn’t far from these gates.”

The two termites glanced at each other, their antennae twitching between one another like they were exchanging a telepathic message.

“Well,” one began, before letting out a sigh; “alright, but just go to that tunnel, alright? We don’t need any of those Farland beasts coming through. I’m sure you understand.”

“I do; don’t you worry.” 

The other guard worked the mechanism that opened the gate. Not all the way, only just enough to let Kabbu step through. When he entered the foggy abyss of the Forsaken Lands, the gate clanked shut behind him not long after. He nearly disappeared into the pressing grey surrounding him, so much so that he could barely even see the two termites standing watch outside their kingdom. That was certainly a good thing for him, at least.

He wasn’t going to the tunnels. What he needed was time to himself. Figure out what he was going to do now. Because leaving the team was sort of a big deal, even if he’d been considering it for a while. 

In theory he could join something like the bandits, or stake off for himself somewhere out in the wilds. No, the bandit idea wouldn’t work- they’d recognize him, even if that Astotheles character gave them heed about his defeat to Team Snakemouth before his disappearance. And while he could just live off in nowhere, that wasn’t the life he wanted to live now.

What he wanted was to make a big change. Something that’d get the attention of everyone. With the Wasp King being under high pursuits and being a bigger threat, he could get away with many more things. But what? What was there that he could do? He just wanted to break something, really. He wanted to do something to take out the way he felt so crushed about everything that happened in the swampy grasslands. Let everyone know what The Beast did to him.

By doing the same thing to everyone else. 

He looked down at his carapace in the deep fog, turning over his arms to look at all of the scratches that would remain on him either until he died, or until his next molt. But he was an aged man- he hadn’t molted in forever; not since he was much younger. These scars might as well be permanent, then. All of these would bear witness to whatever he decided on doing.

Oh, did he know it was wrong. He hated himself for it. Hurting innocent bugs was still something he didn’t want to do from the bottom of his heart. It wasn’t that he felt that it was all he could do though, but it was the thing he wanted to do most. He was scared. Both of the possibility of his actions, himself, and if he’d be caught. 

Fear. 

It was what he was going to make everyone else feel.

The same suffocating, horrible, gut-wrenching fear he once felt.

If he couldn’t bring himself to be the grand hero that everyone held Team Snakemouth up to be, then he simply wouldn’t. He was no team leader, he was no Green Ranger. He was Kabbu, damned.

If he was so sure of this course of action, he’d become someone like who he was once fighting against. 

The wasps were the enemy, or perhaps once were. He’d start there. Keep the pretense of doing good.

Those troopers wouldn’t know what hit them, or any of the other damned… things he’d sparred with. 

Oh, no. He wasn’t going to stop there. He just needed a gateway. Surely he wouldn’t feel bad about hurting a few of those folk. He’d work his way up; he just needed a way to get his initial anger out is all. It just so happened that a certain kingdom worked in his favor as a target.

He’d go from revered to hated, to where bugs would fear to speak his name for the things he’d done. Where exterminating a few wasps would first be looked up upon by other kingdoms, when the numbers began stacking higher and higher concerns would rise. Nobody would know it was him, not for a very, very long time.

From hero, to anti-hero, to villain.

He’d be a bad guy if it meant he didn’t have to live in guilt and sorrow for his own past. 

Only he mattered to himself now, and he was going to make sure that nobody got in his way or tried to change this path he was choosing. 

He walked further in the fog, until all he could make out of his surroundings were the cracks in the rock beneath his feet. This would be a long path for himself. 

Many countless nights full of himself hating himself, nights where he thought this was the best idea he’d ever had. Nights where he cried, where he laughed to himself. Going from his past self to whatever he’d be called was nothing easy.

But time passed. Days turned to weeks, which turned to months. He was only a fraction of his former self. Down the line he’d forgotten most of what inspired him to go on this outburst, but there was no turning back now. He’d abandoned his humanity just a month ago- these past thirty days were the easiest he’d had in what felt like years. 

And there was no telltale signs about Leif or Vi ever since he left. He’d heard of the talk when he first left; he entered towns from time to time cloaked in leaves and scraps of fabric bugs left about, shielding himself from observant eyes. People wondered what could’ve possibly happened.

They weren’t finding out any time soon.

At least, not from him. He was a little busy with… other things.

Which reminded him, as he sat alone in a small pub off the center of Defiant Root. The bar was a common ground for other bugs in shady business, so Kabbu fit right in. Ironic. But that was besides the point.

He didn’t like calling his craft murder. Nor assassination, or anything like that. But terms meant nothing when anyone else would know what it was called. What he was doing was never anything he’d thought he’d be able to do, but as it turned out, dealing with crippling survivor’s guilt and other feelings for so long made you numbed out to such things like death.

There was no joy out of it, but he didn’t do it just to do it. There was still the motive of fearmongering. He just didn’t know how far he’d take it.

Well, he’d find out in a week.

Because on his marks right now was a certain general. That’d surely get people to talk.

[twisted-tales-of-all]

Stuck in the Game

Mafia!Dad!Yunhyeong x Mom!Reader ft. Mafia!ATEEZ, Mafia!iKON, Mafia!BTS

Summary: When your daughter, Soojin, finally finds someone she likes, her father freaks out because, despite his best efforts to keep her out of that life, the boy in question is also a mafia member. A rival group finds the couple and uses the relationship as blackmail.

Anon Request: a long and specific request that started with dad!Wonwoo but was changed to Yunhyeong and we edited the specifics together so idk what to put here anymore lol 

Word Count: 3.3-3.4K

Contains: mafia!AU, violence, guns, kidnapping, blackmail, reunion of old friends-turned-rivals, forced cooperation, fluff, angst

A/N: This took forever for me to get the energy to type out and format, I’m sorry, but I’m proud that I implemented all the aspects I wanted to in this.

If 17-year-old you could see yourself now, you don't know whether the reaction would be amazement or fear. At age 23, you were a performer and bartender for a high-end bar famous for its mafia visitors. You'd often listen to their meetings whenever they requested "beautiful company," and that made you a very valuable person in the business, even without you trying to be.

When the day you feared finally came, your kidnappers wanted all the information you had from other mafia groups. They were very kind to you, treating you like a valuable treasure. They called themselves iKON, and the moniker was written in numerous places in the house. Their leader, B.I., insisted you be treated like royalty, but one of the boys enjoyed the chaos of going against the leader's requests. He was a charmer, and you fell for him quickly. Gradually, the romantic encounters turned into sexual encounters, and you found out that you were pregnant with his child shortly after.

Until the day you told him of the pregnancy, you only knew him by his mafia name, Song. When you revealed your secret, however, he happily disclosed that "Yunhyeong will be a good father. Don't worry." It was his way of disconnecting his mafia status from his child. You figured this out as he moved you out of the mafia base with B.I.'s approval and bought a good home for you both to stay.

You remember the day you gave birth as if it was yesterday. You remember the joy that swept away all the pain as you held your newborn daughter. You remember all the boys visiting you at different times, and you'll never forget how proud Yunhyeong looked as he introduced his squad to his daughter.

Soojin. You remember her baby face without issue, even though it was 17 years ago. Your daughter grew up so fast - as you're told they all do.

Soojin and her father get along so well. Both of them are trouble makers, so you always see them planning chaos or laughing about something together. You and your daughter talk about deeper subjects more often than not, so seeing her being carefree and enjoying life with Yunhyeong brings so much joy to your heart.

Today, however, you catch them fighting. You don't hear the topic, only Soojin storming out after her final jab at her father, "You don't understand me at all!"

Seeing the pain on Yunhyeong's face hurts, but you decide to check in with your daughter instead, knowing that Yunhyeong can handle himself. Following Soojin, you find her on the front porch, sitting with her arms wrapped around her legs and her head buried in her knees. You sit down next to her, the wooden patio revealing your presence with a creak. You don't say anything before she immediately begins ranting about her father.

"Why doesn't he understand? Why can't he just be happy that I found someone that makes me happy?"

This is the first time your daughter has ever mentioned anything along the lines of having a crush, so you know it must be important to her, "Soojin, you've found someone?" You try approaching the situation softly, opting to learn about her partner before thinking about why her father would be upset.

"Mom, he's amazing. He's really sweet and caring. He takes me to nice parks, and we message every single day. He's pretty tall and really cute, too."

"So, what's this boy's name?"

"Hyunwoo. Jeong Hyunwoo. He's a year older than I am, and he's technically in the mafia - he was born into it just like me - but he treats me so well."

Suddenly, you understand why Yunhyeong freaked out over Soojin's boyfriend, but you don't bring it up just yet, "Jeong Hyunwoo. He sounds nice. Have you met his family?"

"Yup! We hang out with his dad a lot. He's super cool. Makes lots of jokes. His mom died when he was younger, and he's an only child, so it's just the two of them. For some reason, though, dad freaked out on me when I told him. Something about dangerous relationships and hoping I'd never have to deal with this stuff. I have no idea what he's talking about. Ugh, it's not fair. Why can't he be cool about it like Hyunwoo's dad?"

"Honey, your father just wants to protect you. He'll come around. He just knows someone he has bad blood with that has the same last name. They used to be friends but the friend was recruited into a mafia group, which meant he never even said his goodbyes to your father."

"But dad's in the mafia, so what's the big deal?"

With a sigh, you reveal some of your husband's past, "Your dad didn't choose to join. He had to join or they would've killed him for the damages he caused as a teenager. He despises the lifestyle, but there's no way to leave once you become part of it. Your father accepted the life he was forced into and did his best with what was given to him. His friend, Yunho, on the other hand, was invited and willingly chose to join. He does want you to be happy, but he's worried about your life if you date a mafia member."

"Well, what about you? Why'd he date you if that was the case? He was okay involving you?"

You laugh and shake your head. You think back on the unconventional relationship you and your now-husband had before the marriage, but decide not to explain that quite yet, "That's a very long and complicated story for another day. Just know that your situation is extremely different from mine. If you truly love Hyunwoo, don't let your father's attitude affect the relationship. When he sees you truly happy, he'll support you. Believe me."

You could tell that Soojin wasn't quite convinced, but she was always head-strong, so you also know that she will continue her relationship. So, you weren't surprised when she came to you a few days after and announced that she had a date with Hyunwoo. Watching her walk out in her cute date outfit, you can't help but feel proud of her for following her heart.

During the date, you finally confront Yunhyeong, "She'll be okay, y'know? She's the daughter of two very strong people, and we've raised her well."

"I tried so hard to keep her out of the mafia life. And a Jeong of all people could ruin all of that."

You place a hand on his back, "Yunhyeong, you can't use your past against her future. Aren't you happy Soojin finally found her first love?"

"Well, yeah, but..." He sighs, deciding not to finish his complaint.

"She'll be fine."

---

Soojin meets with Hyunwoo at the coffee shop down the street. When he sees her, the smile shows on his whole face.

"You look so beautiful." He places a kiss on her head and takes the seat across from her.

"Thanks, Hyunwoo. My mom helped choose my outfit and styled my hair for me."

Unknown to the couple basking in their puppy love, a low-ranking member of another mafia group sits at the next table and recognizes Hyunwoo's name. To confirm that he's the right person, the member listens in on their conversation.

"How's training? Is your dad being hard on you?"

"Naw, it's pretty smooth. What about you, though? How'd your parents react when you told them?"

"My mom is understanding. She fell for a member, too, after all, so she can relate. My dad, on the other hand... Ugh, he's so difficult!"

At this point, the stranger decides to alert his higher-ups of this potential Achilles' heel for the ATEEZ mafia team.

"He doesn't approve?"

"He hates that I'm becoming part of a lifestyle he tried so hard to keep me out of. My mom said it has to do with your name, too. Apparently, my dad's childhood friend ended up willingly joining the mafia without saying goodbye, and his last name was Jeong."

No longer paying attention, the stranger has been communicating with other members about following the couple around for a kidnapping so they can blackmail their rival mafia group. When the couple leaves the cafe, he follows them to a nearby park, his last-second assignment to find her house underway.

At the end of the date, Hyunwoo walks Soojin back home, finding you sitting out on the porch, reading under the warm light.

"Hey. mom! I'm back!"

As you look up from the book, you find your daughter waving at you with one hand as her other arm links with a nervous-looking boy. You stand up to greet them, and you notice Hyunwoo relax a bit when he realizes how nice you are. You have a short chat before Hyunwoo claims he should get home before his father worries.

"Thank you for walking Soojin home. Get home safely."

You and your daughter watch as he leaves, then she enthusiastically recounts the events of the date. Seeing her this happy makes you smile, as she hasn't smiled this brightly since she was a young child. When the two of you head inside, she falls asleep the moment she lays down. You meet with your husband in your shared bedroom.

"How is he?"

"He seems sweet. He was clearly nervous when he saw me, and he genuinely seems to love her and wants to keep her safe."

"That's good." His robotic response ends the conversation, so you both get into bed.

A few weeks pass before Soojin and Hyunwoo have time for another date. You offer to drive her to the arcade, but she insists on walking to enjoy the nice weather. You kiss her forehead as you tell her to be safe, then watch her until she leaves your view.

Maybe an hour later, an exhausted Hyunwoo comes banging on your front door.

Between moments to catch his breath, he pleads, "Please... tell me Soojin is here... She never came..."

Even though you answered the door, Yunhyeong hears and freaks out. "I told you, Y/N! It's too dangerous for her! She might've been kidnapped!"

You quickly bring Hyunwoo inside, looking up and down the street before closing and locking the door. Once both boys have calmed down a bit, you try calling your daughter, but you're immediately sent to the voicemail. Moments later, Hyunwoo gets a call from his father, who sounds very confused but speaks urgently without revealing details. When Hyunwoo tells him where he is, his father hangs up. Ten minutes later, Yunho pulls up with his leader in the passenger seat. You let them in quickly, only for chaos to ensue the moment Yunhyeong sees Yunho.

He abruptly stands, the chair falling behind him, "Get out of my house."

"Babe, we both want the same things right now. Put the rivalry aside." You try.

"It's him, Y/N. This is the bastard who left without so much as a goodbye."

Time feels frozen as everyone's eyes go wide. Yunho sighs, breaking the silence.

"Hello, Song. It's been a while. You may hate me for the past, but your daughter has been kidnapped. She's being held as blackmail against my group. So, unless you want her to die there, I suggest you put that hatred aside so we can save her."

"Dad?"

"I don't know what you've learned, Hyunwoo, but Song and I were best friends until I chose to join the group, which forced us to cut ties. Their group is a rival; there wasn't much choice in the matter." Yunho says it as if it was rehearsed for years, his eyes still transfixed on Yunhyeong's.

The ATEEZ leader clears his throat before moving forward with the information he has, "I'm HJ, and I received a link to this video earlier." He hits play on his tablet and talks over the soundless visual of your daughter tied down to a chair, "This was accompanied by a message demanding that we give up some of our fronts to them or she dies. I don't think they realize she's your daughter, or else they'd be blackmailing your group as well."

The four boys discuss further action while you listen, quietly analyzing the options. Hours pass without much progress being made. When you finally try to chime in about going to get her yourself, using the same tactics you used as a dancer, there's another knock on the door. The room instantly falls silent as Yunhyeong slinks toward the door, a hand on his gun. As he looks through the peephole, his body relaxes. Keeping his hand on the gun in case of ambush, he opens the door for B.I., who gives him a pitiful look before stepping inside.

"This doesn't look good, Song." The leader states as he pulls out an envelope addressed to iKON.

Opening it, Yunhyeong finds a lock of hair and a handwritten note:

iKON, we have one of your members. This member is a daughter of one of your high ranks. We suggest you follow the instructions on the back of this message if you want to see her ever again.

On the back, the instructions simply list a date, time, and place to meet, followed by their demands of a certain area under iKON's control. From the handwritten element, Yunhyeong quickly narrows down the suspects to two cocky newer groups: Bangtan or The Strays.

"Why is ATEEZ here?" B.I. asks when he reaches the others.

"Soojin is my girlfriend."

"And Hyunwoo is my son. It was easy blackmail for them."

HJ stands and holds out a hand to B.I., "Looks like we have to work together this time."

He reluctantly shakes his hand, gripping tightly, "Only this once. I don't want to lose that zone, but I can't risk Song going insane over his daughter's death either."

The debating and planning continue with more force, as the deadline doesn't give much time. Now that they can narrow down the subjects, they can plan in more depth. The two groups in question are much cockier, so they'll expect the ultimatum to be enough for cooperation. However, they're both smart enough to plan defenses in case of an ambush, and they have the numbers on their side. You're quick to point out that Bangtan's numbers don't show for power, as the top seven do everything themselves rather than relying on others, protective of everything they started together. Hyunwoo adds that The Strays don't have the same numbers as Bangtan, but that power is much more balanced, with each of the top members taking assistants by their side.

"We have to assume this is Bangtan. I don't think The Strays would be this aggressive. They'd take their sweet time with their attack. They'd probably kidnap Soojin and Hyunwoo together so that they have a larger upperhand." B.I. declares, repeating for clarity, "Bangtan do things on impulse like this. The Strays think too much."

Agreeing, you all begin fully planning the attack. Ultimately, Hyunwoo and Yunhyeong will attend the meeting, since they're the clear emotional targets in this scheme. You will infiltrate enemy lines if at all possible, with the support of the ATEEZ elite hacker, Yeosang. B.I. and HJ will join each group's top sniper, aiming at whoever joins the meeting on the opposite side, as well as keeping eye on anyone who comes into contact with you. Everyone wants this done as quickly and quietly as possible.

After two agonizingly-long days, the plans are put into action. Yeosang finds you an entrance around the side of the building, disabling its alarm long enough for you to get inside. You quickly find yourself in a group of other girls who are being given simple equipment. As you approach, the person hanging out guns asks for your member number. Without fail, iKON's intel expert spits out a number that you repeat with confidence.

"Name?"

"Kim Eunsoo." You relay the information you're given and receive a small handgun.

You follow the others, blindly acting like the rest of the pack. You don't have sight on the meeting, but you find yourself face-to-face with one of Bangtan's top members. He gives you a once-over before giving you the 'follow me' gesture with his fingers. Although you're scared, remembering rumors of him being the harshest of the members despite his sweet-sounding name.

When Suga finally leads you far enough from the others, he throws a hand around your throat and leans in close, "Do you think we're that dumb?"

He pulls your earpiece from your ear and breaks it under his foot before moving his hand to your hair, dragging you to the meeting. He cuffs your wrists behind your back before pushing you to the floor next to your daughter.

"Well, well, well. You actually did try some tricks. Good for you. Now, we have both of your girls, Song. You better give us what we want." RM, Bangtan's leader claims, a smirk plastered on his face the whole time.

He clearly sounds victorious, so you refuse to look up, hiding your proud smile since they're falling so easily into the trap everyone set. There were no disguises; you meant to get caught. As he continues his victory monologue, you fidget with the handcuffs, slipping out easily without letting them see. You press a button planted in the fake wedding ring you're wearing, alerting everyone that you've freed yourself and can continue the plan.

See, they neglected to take the loaded gun back, believing you wouldn't be able to use it anyway due to the constraints.

"RM, tell me. You think we're idiots for trying to beat you this time, right?" Hyunwoo mocks, cutting off the mafia boss mid-sentence, "You think we'd send Y/N in without a disguise and expect to get a win like that. Isn't that right, buddy?"

Right on queue, you point your gun at RM, and the snipers turn the scope lights on, revealing that the other members have targets on their chests. The leader chuckles and raises his hands.

"Oh no! They have us surrounded! Can you believe this, Jin?" Sarcasm flowing from every word, you realize he's planned for far more than you expected.

Understanding RM's plans at the same time, Hyunwoo lunges toward his girlfriend, shielding her body with his. Shots sound. Groans echo through the building as bullets pierce skin, followed quickly by shuffling feet to get the wounded out of harm's way.

When the dust settles, Yunho and B.I. quickly work to treat the wounded. As B.I. removes a bullet from your right shoulder, you tell him that you hit RM clean in the leg.

"It seemed like slow motion. I watched the bullet break his skin right before the pain hit my back."

"If you're such a good shot, we should train you properly. Dunno if your husband would approve, though."

Everyone made it back safely, so you're all exceptionally happy about how smooth it went. Only you and Hyunwoo actually got hit, and, luckily, neither shot hit anything vital. You also know Bangtan didn't suffer many injuries either, which gives you peace of mind.

Once B.I. finishes dressing the wound, you meet with Yunhyeong, who won't stop thanking Hyunwoo for jumping on top of Soojin and taking the bullet. You drag him away and have him meet with Yunho, who sits on the roof with a celebratory bottle of beer.

"Hey... Thanks for helping save our daughter." Yunhyeong nervously starts, sitting in between the two of you.

"Now, Yunho, so you want to tell Yunhyeong what you told me?"

Silence falls over the group momentarily.

"Nah, I think this speaks enough." Stubbornly, he takes another swig of his drink before laying back, "I'll help my friends, even if the companies we work for are rivals."

As silence creeps in again, you decide not to push for it anymore tonight. You already have a nice victory to sit on, so you feel no need to try for another. You lay down and let your mind drift as you stare up at the stars, knowing full well that Yunhyeong will accept Hyunwoo as family, meaning Yunho will slowly become part of the family as well.

[ac3id]

Impius

pairings: yandere!demon!namjoon  x  student!reader

summary: you are a rebel in your school. your teachers, parents, and even friends are fed up of you tactics. but your mysterious English teacher has taken an unusual interest you and promises to you show you a new world. a world better than the one you live in. how can you say no?

warnings: gender neutral reader, oral sex(m receiving),reader is also a virgin, age-gap kinda cus like namjoon is a demon whos 83756834758 years old n reader is a senior in highschool lmaooo

word count: 2.7k

masterlist

Like any other demon, Kim Namjoon needed to feed on human souls to exist. He hit the jackpot when he started as a teacher in Borealis Convent private boarding school. An endless supply of pure, untainted souls awaited him.

In a school that taught faith and hope, a demon lurked and controlled it from its shadow. He charmed everyone he met, his attractiveness added to his strengths, he was invincible. He had everyone in the school bent to his will, he was the ruler and no one questioned him.

Students often went missing which caused worries among school but as the principal magnificently covered up the disappearance, no one ever asked. The principal was a greedy pig. He had formed a contract with Namjoon- money exchange of his soul--How ironic.

They all blindly followed him not knowing he is the vicious monster they feared so much.

He lived peacefully- everything he needed was presented to him, he had no fear of losing anything. Everything fit perfectly under his fist and honestly, it bored him. But just then, you came along.

You were different from the others and, you knew it. Even though you knew that your parents and peers despised you for you being yourself, living life the way you wanted, you never gave into their greedy demands. You chose to stay true to yourself, fighting for your way, refusing to turn into another mindless robot who lived to satisfy the monstrous society. You felt bad for the others who could not see the world in your perspective- you, really did but the others didn't even try to give sympathy to you, they labeled you as a disgrace, a disappointment, anything vile so it could break your spirit and turn you into a follower whose only purpose is to serve money-hungry demons.

That was the reason he took a liking you. You shined like a diamond. No matter how hard they pushed you into the ground you never broke. You always got right back up, walking past the others- you were amazing. He couldn't wait to devour your soul.

Your soul was pure, unstained with the hunger of ambition he thought you would be his best meal but soon that hunger grew into something darker. Soon, he found himself obsessed with you- he wanted you all to himself, away from the rest of the world where no one could hurt you.

You and Namjoon grew close, he understood you like no one else. He was kind, gentle, caring, and oh so hot. You often found yourself thinking about him before you drifted off to sleep and it didn't take long for you to realize you were harboring a crush on your English teacher.The thought of Namjoon dominating you tantalizing and appealing in all the ways it made your insides twist with pleasure.

The thought that he would never be yours often sent you into a frenzy, some so many people suited him better than you did and it drove you mad. You wanted to be with him but you knew it would never be possible. So, you concealed your feelings deep in your heart for no one else other than yourself to bear with the pain of one-sided love.

You sat on the concrete floor skipping through the pages of your novel humming to yourself. Absorbed in the world of fiction, you did not hear the swift angry clicking of heels behind you until you felt your book being grabbed out of your hands by force.

You turned around to see who had interrupted you from your peaceful endeavor. Turning around, you immediately regretted it. Looking down at you was Mrs.Lee, her face scrunched as radiated murderous rage. She pulled you up from your elbow steadying you straight as she glared at you,

"What are you doing here, L/N?" she snarled at you her teeth clenched and arms crossed. You internally rolled your eyes, "I was reading a book." sarcasm settled heavily on your tongue as you mocked her and it drove even madder.

"During my class?"

"Yes."

There was silence followed by Mrs.Lee skimming through the pages if your novel. "This book is banned from the campus, how did you get it?" she asked with repressed anger in her voice, you shrugged your shoulders and answered, " I don't know" Mrs.Lee pulled your hand and started dragging you towards the exit, she murmured how it was 'over for you' but as both of you were about to exit a familiar face appeared in front of you.

"Mrs.Lee," Namjoon greeted, you sighed internally feeling relieved since you knew he would save you from three months of detention.

"Mr.Kim! How nice to see you and would you look at this, L/N is skipping classes again." She pushed you in front of him, you looked down at the floor avoiding eye contact with the tall man as you tried not to burst in a fit of laughter. Namjoon smirked at the down at you as he saw you struggle. He sighed and turned back to Mrs.Lee, with faux disappointment in his eyes he spoke, "I see, L/N is troubling you again. They are indeed the problem child aren't they?"

"They are always skipping class and causing trouble and look at what they were reading here!" She handed the scandalous novel to him. He looked over the hard copy, immediately recognizing the genre.

"Erotica on school grounds? Seriously L/N?" He questioned, his voice sent shivers down your spine as he spoke with a grimace in his tone.

You don't look up from the floor as you feel his gaze linger on you. The urge to laugh which floated your mind minutes ago dies down when you recognize his disappointment in you.

"Mrs.Lee, please don't waste your time on them. You head back to your class, I'll deal with L/N."

Mrs.Lee hesitates for a second but obliges when she feels Namjoon's demonic stare burn her soul. She leaves you alone with Namjoon and takes her exit.

You still look down on the floor, unable to look up at the dark-haired man in front of you.

"Y/N," he starts. A hand comes down on your shoulder and you finally look up at. He's smirking down at you, the book next to his face, "Do you, actually understand this book?" He asks. You feel your face flush at his implications as you stare off into the distance, "Yes, I do." you answer sheepishly.

You hear him laugh, his finger falls beneath your chin as he pulls your face up forcing you to look at him. "Are you a virgin, Y/N?" He asks his eyes staring deep into your soul, searching for something. You flush harder, your mouth agape, you blurt out a response, "That's inappropriate!!" Namjoon's smirk returns slowly casting into a sinister grin.

"What's inappropriate, Y/N? I simply asked you a question."

The longer you stared into his beautiful brown eyes, the more you felt yourself get riled up.

"So will you answer my question?" He asks- no demands.

"Yes." You meekly whisper. "Follow me."

You feel your heart hammer against your chest as he leads you to his office. He sits you down on the sofa while taking a seat opposite to you.

"Where did you find this book, Y/N," He begins, he sits with his leg spread as he leans forward moving closer to you his elbows rests on his knees. The book was placed on the small coffee table between the two sofas.

"My senior lend it to me," you look down at the book to avoid meeting at Namjoon's gaze. The way he looked at you sent shivers down your spine, it was dangerous and alluring.

"I see. Tell me, Y/N, when you read this book who do you think of?"

"W-What?" you shutter, you feel the room get hotter as it became harder to breathe, Namjoon sat in front of you his brow quirked he repeated the question. "When you read this book, who do you think of? There must be someone you want to do these things with?" His voice is like silk, you could just listen to him speak for hours on end.

"I don't- why are you asking me this!?" You squeal your face flushed red you recall all the nights you had spent awake thinking about the contexts of the book but instead of the main characters- it was you and him.

"Hey c'mon, why are you getting so angsty? If you tell me you want, I'll tell you who I want." Namjoon shifts in his seat, he leans back on the sofa his arms crossed over his chest. The smirk still played on his lips and the look in his eyes was coy. You clear your throat and answer,

"Jimin, I like him." You lie.

You did like Jimin but, it was nowhere close to how you felt about Namjoon.

your hands fidget , and He observes with a raised eyebrow.

"Jimin?" He questions, he is aware that you're lying but he decides to play along.

His eyebrows knit together and he sighs, "Well that's a shame. You want to know who I want?" you nod.

"You."

His lips curl as he looks down at you. Your eyes are wide open as you try to process his words. You try to come ready with a response but he beats you to it. "You know you're a bad liar? I know you want me too. Come here."

"Sir,- We're not supposed to," you being but he simply smirks, arms crossed on his chest. "Well, who's going to stop us?"

holding your hips down to keep you positioned securely on his lap

your body jolts against his, a pleased smile spreads across his face, his breath fanned across your neck as he pulled you closer.

"Sir, I-.." you begin, but your voice betraying you and leaving you speechless as his lips continue to trail over your neck, kissing along your jawline and to your chest and collarbones, placing wet kisses on every inch. Your head automatically tilt backs, your body reacting to his sinful touch and allowing him better access. His lips were so warm, You melted into his touch and felt your heart start to beat faster. A soft moan escapes your lips, his ministrations making you slightly dizzy and lightheaded.

"Tell me Y/N, what do you want?" the words almost tickle against your skin, a mix of fear and excitement dances in your eyes, your stomach flips in giddy anticipation. He can't help the small dimpled smile tugging on the corners of his lips. His lips move to the crook of your neck, the eagerness growing as his lips suck and nibble on your skin to leave a mark behind, letting his tongue lick the sore areas afterward.

You let your hands run along his chest, a thin layer of sweat had formed on his chest. His shirt clings to his skin, grabbing around it, and while pulling his shirt over his head, your palms pressed against his broad pectorals, completely lost in the curves of his body.

You felt dirty, but you'd be lying if you didn't crave more. 

His hot breaths blew across your neck, making him shiver, his presence clouding your senses. Your lips hovering over his. 

"Sir, please kiss me," you whine. He looks down at you which his hand strokes your thigh. "Sir? It's Namjoon baby. Ask again." His hot breath falls on your lips and you beg again.

 "Please, Namjoon, kiss me." 

He complies and crashes his lips onto yours when you feel his warm lips on yours, your entire mind fogs up. Everything's a blur as you move your lips against each other, his hand slides slowly along your thigh and tracing the patterns of your leggings with his fingers. 

The kiss is intimate and rough, filled with passion. Your lips parted as his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss. Your body melting against him as his tongue tempted and teased yours, dominating your mouth. Your hands move to his hair, tugging at his hair making him moan into your mouth.

His hands rest on either side of your hips, thumbs rubbing slow circles on them, you could feel him growing hard under you, the feeling of his hardening bulge poking you was overwhelming. You held onto his shoulders and ground yourself against him, your hips moving against his. He was grinding with you at the same pace, lips still on yours as he let out low groans of satisfaction

he pulls away from you, your lips chasing after his.

"I want you on your knees, baby." He demands. Smirking down at you as you get down on your knees. He runs his tongue over his teeth, unzipping his pants and pushing them down to free his cock.

his dick lays against his stomach. He strokes himself, eyes boring into you as you crouch below him, eyes fixated on his length marveling at the sight

"I'll show you a new world, Y/N. Come here" he orders, motioning toward his bulge. "(c’mon baby, shoe me wat doze handz do lmao )"

Riding on the confidence from before, you reached out and gently gripped him at the base, pressing your thumb along the vein on the underside and relishing in the noises it draws out. You angle your wrist slightly so you can continue stroking the spot, while mentally making a note to yourself to remember it for future reference. You feet his hand in your hair, stroking, gripping ever so carefully.

His hand moved to cover yours, and he assists you in stroking your hand steadily pumping along his length. 

"Like this, start slow." Your eyes widen in fascination, finding it impossible to form proper words, mouth watering the sight in front of you. Eyes trailing at the pre-cum leaking from the tip and licking it eagerly. Namjoon's strangled moan was all the encouragement you needed. You run your mouth around his dick while gazing up at his face-

"Fuck," swears escapes his plum lips, sending shivers down your spine. Gently letting go of your wrists as his eyes flutter close.

Namjoon's chest heaves as his breath quickens, eyes boring into you as your tongue darts out of your mouth, licking up from the base towards the tip getting his dick wet. You take him into your mouth and hollow your cheeks around him, tongue lapping around whatever it could reach. He starts thrusting forward, right down your throat, You immediately start to gag and place your hands on thighs to keep you steady. A thin glistening layer of sweat forms against his forehead. His breath was heavy and ragged, his chest huffing

you moaned around his cock, jaw aching, knees in agonizing pain, his hand gripping harder at your hair. "Fuck yeah baby, your mouth feels so fucking good," he pants.

 You take him further and further into your mouth, his groans get louder and more frequent. Your grip tightens around his strong thigh, nails digging into his muscle enjoying watching the pleasure wash over his face.

"Fuck," Namjoon growls through gritted teeth, and rolls his hips up into your throat, thrusting his hips with horny, reckless abandon.— which makes his thigh muscles tense.

Namjoon pulls out deliberately. His heavy pants accompanied a silent cry as he cums hard onto your face, stifled breaths cut short with a deep moan calling out your name. Gripping your jaw still in one strong hand his cock twitching before thick strings of cum spurting out and splashing across your face. Dripping over your swollen lips and dribbling down your neck, decorating the blossoming bruises painted on the expanse of your chest.

"you look so fucking sexy with my cum on your face, baby,"

"Such a dirty little rebel," He says in a breathy voice that sent shivers down your spine.

you fell back on your heels, feeling exhausted. You went to wipe your face, but he stopped you. Namjoon dragged his thumb through the mess on your cheek, collecting his release and bringing it to your lips, you eagerly sucked and swallowed at the cum-slicked fingers, moaning for more.

"You want more? Such a greedy little thing," He teases,

your quivering hand reaches out to gently push a strand of damp hair away from his forehead. His half-lidded eyes study your entire face before slowly dipping down to connect his lips with yours in a kiss.

Namjoon kisses your lips a little softer this time. You sighed into the kiss, relaxing a bit. His thumb drew small circles against your cheek as a way of comforting you and telling you that you've done a good job.

bonus-

[a/n: listening to blood,sweat and tears and house of cards while writig do be hittin different]

let us know if u want more bangtan content here

[ricksbowen]

simply, utterly | pt. 6

IN WHICH: the truth comes out and doubts start to appear.

INSPIRATION: 18 — one direction, july — noah cyrus

pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, pt. 5, pt. 6, pt. 7

“What?”

The break in your voice made Ricky turn away as quick as he could. If he saw how broken his words made you, he knew he’d break the act.

“I don’t feel the same—“

“I know what you said.” You spat, poison and disbelief poignant on your tongue. “I— You—“ You couldn’t even get a sentence out, the want to yell and cry too much to bear.

But why would you? You were never together in the first place.

“I thought that we had something,” you said, almost laughing at how pathetic you sounded. How could you think of such a thing? This was real life, not the movies and T.V shows about high school where everyone is happy. “Did you,” you swallowed dejectedly, “Never feel the same? Even after homecoming?” It was your last attempt, your last try for a reason for why he was acting like this.

Ricky didn’t want to answer that question. He chose to look down at his sneakers instead, and that act alone as enough of an answer.

You let out a breath, grabbing your things quickly. Ricky turned around hesitantly, the silence that followed your voice almost deafening. The only sound now was the small, angry sniffs you made and the rummaging of your backpack as you stuffed everything inside.

“Y/N,” Ricky mumbled, your name serving as a small plea for you to stop and stay with him. But with what he had said, Ricky knew it was too late.

“Don’t,” you said, forcing a tight-lipped smile. Your eyes were shiny with tears, lip quivering as if you were ready to cry at any given moment. “It’s fine. It’s nothing.” Your voice broke again. You pushed past him, reaching up to your face to angrily wipe away your tears.

You hated crying.

Ricky watched you leave hastily, moving past Big Red, who was coming into the dressing room to find Ricky. His head turned after you, a frown engraving his face that he pointed towards Ricky almost immediately.

“What happened?”

—

You slammed the car door as you climbed out of Ej’s car and walked up to your driveway.

The front door slammed loudly behind you, the yells of surprise from your parents only being white noise as you trudged up your stairs. You didn’t know how to feel.

You felt disappointed that he didn’t feel the same.

You felt angry because you thought he felt the same way.

You felt stupid that you thought that he felt the same way.

You locked your door behind you, throwing your backpack onto the floor and jumping onto your bed. You didn’t want to feel like this. You felt pathetic, wanting to cry over a guy that you had despised since kindergarten.

But you did. You sniffed into your pillow, clutching it close to your chest. Sometimes you forgot that you were still a teen. This was normal.

You were thankful the weekend was here. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this. You continued to stay in bed, getting up only to eat, use the bathroom, and shower. Other than that, you spent your time in bed, watching movies and ignoring the world.

You didn’t get up from your bed, even after Ej knocked on your door to check up on you on Saturday.

“Y/N, I know you’re in there!” Ej spoke loudly, leaning against the door and looking through his phone. “Ashlyn’s coming over today, remember?” Ej said, his voice muffled from the other side of your door.

No response. You had been blocking him out for the past 30 minutes now. You had heard your mom scold him for yelling and yet he still had the audacity to stay outside your door.

“I’m gonna make sandwiches downstairs if you want some,” Ej paused for a response. Nothing. “If you want it,” he muttered under his breath. feeling a slight sense of guilt pitting at the bottom of his stomach. But his actions were for the best— right?

You heard his footsteps become fainter and fainter as he walked away from your door. You let out a relieved sigh, turning over in your bed to reach for your phone.

8:34 PM. Ashlyn’s parents must’ve had a date or odd festival if they were dropping her off with you and Ej at this time.

You forced yourself up, running your hand through your hair.

Usually you were the one telling someone else to not dwell over a guy. Yet here you were, your mind focused on nothing but Ricky. His words seemed to echo in your head like a mantra, like a sick taunting joke.

I don’t like you in the way you like me.

You climbed out of bed, walking to your mirror and looking at yourself. You looked like a mess: mascara smudged under your eyes beyond belief and your hair a crazed mess. You rubbed under your eyes, trying to wipe away the makeup and groaning immediately when you saw that it made it worse.

Why couldn’t you stop thinking of him?

You put your face in your hands, letting out a loud groan just for the hell of it.

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” Ashlyn announced the moment Ej let her in and shut the door behind her. “I’ve been talking to Big Red—“

“Since when have you been talking to Big Red?” Ej interrupted, raising his brows.

“Not the point,” Ashlyn glared at him. Ej swore that he’d never seen her so annoyed. “I saw you homecoming night, Ej,” she crossed her arms over her chest. “You were talking to Ricky.”

“Okay, and?”

“You never talk to Ricky!” Ashlyn moved past Ej, making her way to the living room and sitting down on the sofa. She eyed Ej as he sat next to her, her suspicions growing by the second. “Big Red told me what Ricky did.”

“Oh?” That sparked his interest, making Ej sat up at the mention of Ricky. “What’d he do?”

“I know that Ricky and Y/N spent the whole homecoming night together,” she explained, ignoring Ej’s question completely. “Big Red told me. But he also told me that Ricky called him all disappointed.” She gauged his reaction, and while he put on an act of apathy, Ashlyn Caswell knew her cousin more than that. “Ricky mentioned you,” she continued, eyes never leaving Ej’s face as she observed him.

“Odd.” Ej stood up abruptly, trying to shove off the feeling of Ashlyn’s eyes burning holes in his head. “Why would he? I just came over to the car to tell Y/N to go home.”

“And she did. Pissed off and cursing at you— I was there, Ej.” Ashlyn followed him into the kitchen, feeling like a sleuth as she kept her interrogating tone to a lower level. She leaned against the countertop, watching at Ej nonchalantly took things out to make sandwiches. “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ll tell Y/N if you don’t tell me.”

Ej froze, eyes widening and brain racing. If Ashlyn told you, you’d start suspecting him in a heartbeat. He couldn’t have that happen, but he couldn’t tell Ashlyn either. She’d tell you. “You wouldn’t,” he decided, returning to making his sandwich.

Ashlyn narrowed her eyes at him, annoyance and the want to know what he told Ricky growing. “Watch me,” she challenged.

A minute passed. Then two, then three. It felt like years, the only sound being Ej and his sandwiches until the silence became too much for him.

“I told him to back off. That he didn’t deserve Y/N.”

There it was. Ashlyn didn’t know what she was expecting when Ej confessed, but it certainly wasn’t that.

“What?” she forced out, Ej shaking his head to himself as he placed the plate of sandwiches on the table.

“Y/N already been through too much with him,” Ej muttered, avoiding Ashlyn’s eyes. He felt guilty, sure, but he knew it was for the best. “Don’t tell me you forgot about 5th grade—“

“5th grade was ages ago.” Ashlyn put her hands on her face, letting them slowly slide down. She had been by her cousin’s side through thick and thin, but she knew how carried away he got. He cared too deeply about things, and when you were introduced to the family, she knew how attached he got. He had always wanted a little sister.

“But it never stopped, Ash,” Ej rubbed his temples, shutting his eyes for just a moment before opening them again. “It’s bad enough that she has to play Gabriella with him as Troy. She just,” he exhaled heavily, too caught up in his own thoughts to see Ashlyn’s eyes widen at something behind him. “Deserves someone better.”

“That’s not your choice to make.”

Your voice made him jump, and he whipped around to see you, standing with your jacket thrown over your shoulders. You were planning on telling Ej that you were going out on a late-night walk; now you had more of a reason to go. You were looking at him with betrayal, almost disbelief that your own brother told someone you began to care about to back off.

“He would’ve hurt you again. It was for your own good,” Ej forced out, taking a step towards you. Immediately, you took a step back.

“It was never your choice to make,” you hissed, anger coursing through your veins as you spat your words out. Your eyes went between Ej’s guilt-ridden face and Ashlyn’s sympathetic one, and you cleared your throat to get rid of the lump that threatened to grow.

“Y/N—“

“I’m going out.” You turned away from him, blocking his words away by putting your earphones into your ears. You slammed the door behind you, walking out onto your driveway with smoke practically coming out of your ears. You looked ahead of you, anger slipping away for just a moment.

When he saw you, he began to understand what people meant when they said that ‘time stopped and everything was just her.’

You were staring back, eyes wide before you abruptly turned, making your way down your street.

“Hey— Wait!” Ricky ran back to his house, opening the door and yelling that he was going out fo his dad before shutting it and running after you.

Why? He didn’t know. He was trying to avoid you, trying to shut you out of his life for his own good, yet here he was: running up to you as you pretended to be unaware of his presence.

You gave up, pulling your earphones out and glancing at him. “What do you want?” Your voice didn’t hold the same kind of anger it did when you confronted him. You sounded tired, exhausted even.

“It’s too late for you to be walking alone,” Ricky said, breathless from catching up to you. “What happened?”

“Why do you think something happened?”

“Because you’re answering all my questions with more questions.” Ricky looked at you, seeing you purse your lips and let out an exasperated sigh. He won that round. “So?”

Your teeth caught your bottom lip and you stayed silent. The walk continued on like that: awkwardly silent.

You ended up leading him to the park, the lack of light not even making you wince as you continued down the path between the grass. Almost everyone who went to East had gone to this park when they were younger. It was the park where people started making memories with people that weren’t their family, where they began friendships that either died out or stayed strong.

“I go here when I need an escape,” you explained quietly, walking up to the playground and stepping in. You heard the little pebbles under your feet as you walked, Ricky still following you as you walked to one of the smaller, wooden playgrounds. You sat down, and Ricky did the same “It brings me comfort or something. I don’t know.” Your voice trailed off.

Ricky sat to the one next to yours, and you continued keeping your eyes on anything that wasn’t him. He was listening to you, looking ahead at the empty and dark playground that brought back memories he never remembered.

“Did you really believe everything that Ej told you?”

Ricky paused, looking at you and seeing you looking back at him with a slight frown. “What?” Did you know? How did you find out?

“I heard him.” You chuckled humorlessly, shaking your head in disbelief as you looked up at the sky. “He said you didn’t deserve me. That you’d hurt me again.”

You turned to Ricky, his eyes downcast and guilt building in his stomach. “Did you believe him?” The question rang in the air like a bell, and seconds ticked by before Ricky slowly nodded his head.

“He said that it wasn’t going to work out,” Ricky mumbled. “That I’d just leave you broken. He had a point, you know. I mean,” he ran a hand through his hair, shutting his eyes tightly before opening them again. “We’ve hated each other for all of our lives, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t his place to say whether or not we’d work out,” you retorted, turning your body to him. “I’m pissed at him. I’m mad that he intervened, that he made you think that we’d never work out when I thought that we’d be great together, and—“ you stopped your rant, turning your head away from him. “I thought we’d be great,” you repeated softly, mostly to yourself.

“We’d still be, you know,” Ricky murmured, nudging you softly with his shoulder. You didn’t look at him.

“We can’t work if you have doubts, Ricky. You said it yourself,” you let out an exhale, your breath white in the cold air. “We’ve hated each other for all our lives. I don’t know what to think anymore.”

Ricky swore his heart dropped when you uttered those words.

“Do you,” he swallowed. “Do you hate me, Y/N?”

No response. You stayed quiet, staring at the dark playground and the faint bits of moonlight that hit the pebbled ground. Each second that passed was like a year. You looked at him, offering a close-lipped smile that spoke a million words.

“I don’t think I ever did.”

—

A/N: wow my love for cliches are coming out the more i write this. thank you all for the love <3

TAGS:  @softpeteparker, @jointherebellion215, @l-tt-e, @broken-from-fandoms, @uwupxterparker, @room-3o4​, @eternaleviee​, @hobistigma​, @fangeekkk​, @wcnderwoo​, @myrandom-fandomlife​, @multifangorl​, @tomshufflepuff, @ggclarissa​, @decaffeinated-fangirl​, @religious-pizza-roll​, @rororo06​, @svelby-g​, @sarcarstic-space-weirdo​, @whoseblogsthis​, @hxney-bunches-x, @whimsical-fantasies​, @shawnnyyyboiii​, @captainlarsonn​, @herondalescecilys​, @yamisaloser​, @17ves​, @lovelydnbrough, @ceilingtittty​, @savedbystark​, @stitch-flo​, @shawnandconnor, @whoseblogsthis​

[mysterioh]

little things | b.b.

Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Weddings bring people together. It brought Bucky back to you. Problem is, you don’t want to see him.  

Requested by @anjali750​ !! Thank you so much for requesting and I hope that you like it!! I feel like I could’ve made this better but I didn’t want it to be too long. 

W/C: ~4080  

Prompt: “I was doing fine, really, and then you waltz back in like you didn’t break my heart.”

It’s funny how the little things about a person, things you once adored, turn into the things you now despise. 

When Bucky Barnes sauntered into the room, fashionably dressed in his absolute best, it was the little things about him that made you hate him. 

The smooth swipe of his fingers through his hair. The way his words danced with a chuckle when someone teased him. How his eyes twinkled under the light despite their cool visage. 

The little things you once loved about him were now something you looked on with contempt. 

How dare he show himself after so long? 

You had to admit. It wasn't really his fault. He was brought here into this room just as you were. 

In celebration of the engagement of the future Mr. and Mrs. Wilson. 

---

"I swear you're out to get me," you complained, slouching into the rattan chair in Natasha's apartment. "You hate me, don't you?" 

"I do not hate you," Natasha sighed, flipping through a magazine of wedding venues. "I wouldn't make you maid of honor at my wedding if I hated you." 

"But you just had to pick him, didn't you?" You sat straight up. 

"It's not my choice to make, Y/N," she replied, eyes still scanning her magazine. "It's Sam's and he chose Bucky. There's nothing I can do about that." 

“What about Steve?” you counter, “he exists!” 

“Steve just had a baby,” Nat retorted, turning the page. “Well not Steve but Sharon. Sam would’ve asked him but he felt like Steve’s busy with the baby. Bucky is his best friend too y’know.” 

“Likely story,” you grunt, turning your head away from her. “You’re all scheming against me.” 

“Oh for God’s sake, Y/N!” Nat drops the magazine onto her lap. “Would you stop being so cynical? Not everyone is out to get you,” she states. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll actually enjoy it..”

“Aha!” you point an accusatory finger at her. “I see what you’re trying to do here!” 

Nat groans audibly. “What? What am I trying to do?” she questions irritatedly. 

“You’re trying to get us both back together!” you exclaim. “Too bad sis! It ain’t gonna happen!” 

“You’ve gone mad,” she sighs, shaking her head. Nat stands up and walks around the coffee table and towards the hall. “Believe what you want. You’re my maid of honor. He’s the best man. Deal with it.” 

You grumble, sinking deeper into your chair. “If I see his ass anywhere near me, I’m drop kicking him,” you stated. 

“You will do no such thing!” 

---

Bucky tries his best to keep his focus on the conversation at hand, but his thoughts keep wandering, taking his eyes along with them to the opposite end of the room. 

You stood by the bar with a glass of alcohol as your only companion. Your form was turned slightly away from him, leaving the curve of bare back in perfect view for him to see. 

He watches shamelessly, his eyes drink you in, despite the fact that he thinks he’s ogling you—which he is. 

He shouldn’t be. He didn’t deserve to. 

But could he blame himself?

You look gorgeous. 

Your dress is a heavenly creamy off white, bejeweled with gold embroidery around the chest and hips. His eyes follow the long slit that runs along the side of your leg, trailing along the path of skin likened to smooth caramel, until cold blue clashes with warm hazel. 

Crap.

You freeze when your eyes lock with his. He’s halfway across the room and you still managed to gain his attention. You avert your gaze and place your glass on the counter gently before disappearing into the crowd. 

Bucky sulks when he sees you leave. 

You hate him. 

He knows that. 

But even so, he wishes he’d get a chance to make it alright. 

“Nat,” you tap on her shoulder from behind. 

The redhead turns from the guest she’s speaking with to find you agitated. Red cheeked and lip biting. 

“Everything alright?” 

“Uh, I think I’m going to call it a night,” you reply. 

“Already?” Nat asks. You nodded quickly. “Is this about—”

“Don’t,” you stop her. “Just let me go?” you ask softly. 

“Fine,” she sighs with a frown. She gives you a hug goodbye. “I’ll call you later, alright?” 

You nodded with a smile and made your way out the door. You fumble with your clutch to take out your keys. Not watching where you were going, you bump into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry—” you pause, when your eyes meet his again. 

“Right now would be a good time for that dropkick,” The Jiminy Cricket in your head spoke.

“Hey, Y/N,” he smiles, voice lilting with his words like he’s happy to see you. 

“Oh, uh, hi, Bucky,” you stutter nervously.

“How have you been?” he asks.

No, don’t start a conversation with me. 

“I’ve been good,” you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, diverting your gaze to the right. You always did when you were nervous. “You?” 

“Great,” he replies, “it’s good to be back home.” 

Your eyes finally fall on him. He’s still the same old Bucky. That same sweet smile. The familiar scent of brisk cologne. Still the prettiest blue eyes you’ve ever seen. 

Stop staring, dumbass. 

“It’s been a while?” he breaks the awkward silence. 

Yeah, four years is quite a while. 

“Yeah, it has been,” you smiled softly, “back for the wedding?” 

Of course, he’s back for the wedding, moron. Stop acting so stupid. 

“No, for good.” 

What? No. No. No. No.  

“Wow! Really?” you asked with a nervous chuckle. “Finally got bored of travelling?” you blurted with a sharp twinge. 

That wasn’t supposed to come out the way it did. 

“Uh, yeah,” he chuckles in reply. “I guess I did." There's a bit of disappointment in his eyes. 

Good. 

"You’re leaving?” 

“Yeah, I’m going home,” you nodded. 

"Here, let me–" 

"No, it's fine," you interrupted. "I can walk by myself," you gave him an awkward smile, taking a few steps backward. "Besides I think Steve was looking for you." 

"Oh," he whispers disappointed. "I'll go see him then. It was nice seeing you again," he smiles warmly while turning. 

Shut the fuck up. 

"Good night," he wishes. 

"Yeah, you too," you said, before quickly turning and dashing out the door. 

Bucky sighs deeply. He knew you were lying. 

You always played with a strand of your hair when you lied. 

A little thing you thought he had forgotten. 

Months had passed since the engagement and life was thrown back into its normal routine. 

The awkward meeting with Bucky became one of those horrible memories that came up at three in the morning when sleep wouldn’t come. But other than that, he didn’t phase your thoughts. 

Four years ago, you loved Bucky. Enough for you to say you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. 

But Bucky had other plans. He wanted to see the world. Places you’ve only seen on screensavers. He was ambitious and adventurous. An extrovert with a passion for the unknown. You were the opposite. An introvert cooped up in her room writing those very adventures he dreamed of. 

So when he got the chance to travel the world as a photographer, you didn’t stop him. You knew just how much it meant to him. It was his dream. But it hurt how his one dream never had a picture of you in it. 

He never asked if you wanted to come with him. Instead he wanted to break it off. 

It became clear to you that the three years you spent together meant nothing to him. Three years worth of fights and reconciliation, of understanding and appreciation, of promises professed as whispers underneath a glassed moonlit sky, meant nothing to him. 

You learned the minute he walked out the door, ticket in one hand and suitcase in the other, that sometimes a love given in full was not one fully returned. 

It took time, but you got over him. With tubs of ice cream and supportive friends, you made it through and came out stronger than ever. You earned yourself a great book deal with a well-known publisher, and were even lauded as a rising star in literary circles across the nation. You were set on a path to succeed, to live the life you dreamed for yourself. And there was no sight of Bucky Barnes in that dream at all. 

Until you stepped foot onto the ancient cobblestone paths of the island of Crete. The shore was a graceful arc of sand, glittering under the July sun, a perfect place for a placid ocean to lap. The waves rolled in a soothing sound, the salty waters a brief flurry of sand. 

The warm caress of an afternoon breeze from the briny waves of the Aegean Sea felt like heaven against your skin. Even with the sun burning onto the bare skin not hidden by your sundress, you can’t help but absorb the serenity that radiates from the shore of Elafonisi. 

“Y/N!” Nat’s voice pierces through the sweet silence as her head sticks out of the car. Red hair flowing in the wind wildly just like the hand that’s waving to you. 

You smile sheepishly, waving at her from your spot in front of the airport. She jumps out of the car the minute it stops and hugs you. “You made it!” she exclaims. 

“Of course I’d make it,” you reply with a laugh. “Why wouldn’t I?” 

“Nat started freaking out when you said your flight got delayed,” Sam replied, walking up to you and giving you a hug. 

“I was not!” she retorts. “I was completely calm.” 

“You and calm are two things that could never be put together,” a voice comes from behind and it makes you want to scream. Bucky walks up to the crowd of three and Nat hits him on the shoulder, earning a chuckle from him. 

“Hey, Y/N,” he greets with a smile. 

“Hi, Bucky,” your voice is plain. 

“Had a nice flight?” 

“Yeah.” 

You glare at Natasha but she pretends as if you aren’t. 

“Here let me take your bags,” Bucky offers, reaching forward. 

“No, that’s fine,” you replied, but he doesn’t have it and takes them anyway. 

“Hey, Sammy, unlock the trunk for me, will ya?” Bucky asks, walking to the back of the car. 

Sam nods, walking around to him. 

You take Nat’s hand by the wrist and squeeze tightly, making her look directly at you. 

“Why did you bring him?” you whisper harshly. 

“He wanted to come,” she replies in the same manner. “I couldn’t say no.” 

“You could have.” 

“Why don’t you give the guy a chance?” 

“How about no?” 

Nat rolls her eyes. “Do what you want,” she walks away, you pull her back. 

“You’re sitting in the back with me,” you ordered. 

“You have got to be kidding me,” she groans, placing her hand on her hip. 

“Do I look like I am?” 

She yanks her hand from yours. “Fine,” she sighs, opening the door to the car. 

---

Bucky looks at you from the corner of his eye. You leaned against the car door, arm propped up to hold your chin, sun hat resting on your lap. As you watched the passing scenery, the wind from the opened window blew through your hair. 

It’s a bit shorter this time. 

It looks nice. 

Your lips are pulled down into a disgruntled expression as Nat rambles on about the wedding schedule. 

You’re not listening, completely submerged into your thoughts. 

Bucky chuckles quietly to himself. 

Always the daydreamer. 

“Y/N, are you even listening?” Natasha asks. 

“Hmm?” you turn towards her.

“You’ve bored her to death, Nat,” Bucky replies for you, turning his back so he could get a real look at you. “She likes adventure novels.” 

“Actually I was listening,” you retorted sharply. “She said we have practice at the church at ten tomorrow. Don’t be late, Barnes.” You turn back to your window gazing, leaving the three completely silent. 

Sam snorts, unable to keep his amusement inside. Bucky slaps him on the arm then turns back into his seat with a loud thud. A smirk creeps its way onto your face. 

Home : 1

Guest: 0

“Good Morning, Y/N,” Bucky greets cheerfully. 

Suddenly, your orange juice tastes sour in your mouth. You turn towards him with a horribly forced, sweet smile. 

“Good Morning, Bucky.” 

“It’s 9:58,” he points to his watch, “so that means I’m not late.” 

You look at him blankly, tired of hiding your distaste of him. “Congratulations, I could honestly care less.” 

“You should care,” he points with a mock frown like he’s teasing you. 

I’m about to start swinging. 

“Where there’s no you, there’s no me. Where there’s no me, there’s no you.” 

How fucking poetic. 

“We’re an integral part of this wedding, L/N,” he chuckles. 

“I see your horrible sense of humor hasn’t changed,” you bite. 

“And you still have that snarky twist to yours,” he retorts, leaning against the wall of the church hall, eyes straight on you. 

Stop admiring her, dumbass. 

You cross your arms and divert your gaze from him as if you’re ashamed. 

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” he quickly corrects himself, standing straight. “It’s a good thing, I’ve missed it,” he confesses. 

Your head whips towards him, shocked eyes meeting his. A scarlet red scatters on your cheeks the same way they do on his. 

The tips of his ears burn the brightest hue of red that only happened when he was extremely nervous or embarrassed. 

A little piece of information your brain cared to remember. 

“Uhm, uh, what I meant was—” he starts to stutter. 

You look away again, not wanting to hear another word. You catch Yelena walking by with a few baskets of decorations in her hands. You quickly walk towards her, leaving Bucky in the dust. 

“Here, Yelena, let me help you,” you place your hands on the baskets she was holding. 

“Oh, it’s okay, Y/N, I can handle—”

“No,” you tug on the basket. “please let me help,” you strained through gritted teeth. Yelena raises a brow and looks over your shoulder to see an awkwardly placed Bucky standing behind you. 

“Oh! Yes, please help me!” she yells handing you a basket. “These are oh so heavy!” she laughs. 

Taking the basket from her, you follow here out of the hall and into the sanctuary. 

All Bucky wishes is that you’d look back at him one time. Just once. 

But why would you?

He never turned back when he left. Not even once. 

---

“The Best Man and the Maid of Honor will come out together,” the coordinator stated. 

You grumble quietly, giving a glance in Bucky’s direction. He catches you looking and gives you a wink paired with a smile. You turn away quickly and keep your eyes strictly on the coordinator as she verbally listed the instructions of the procession. 

After a painstaking thirty minutes of instructions and tips, the wedding party lined up in order of entrance. Bucky and you were placed right before the flower girl and the ring bearer and after the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Allowing Bucky to make trivial conversation. You were literally linked with him with your arm hooked in his. 

He rambles on about something stupid. Or at least you think it’s something stupid. You’re not really listening so you couldn’t really tell. 

“You know I’ve read your book,” he states. 

“What?” 

“There you go daydreaming again,” he shakes his head with a chuckle, taking a step forward. 

You huff at him. “I was not.” 

“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said in the past ten minutes.” 

“Not my fault you’re boring,” you hurl at him, taking another step forward, coming closer to your turn. 

Bucky frowns playfully. “Ouch, so mean,” he whines. 

The couple in front of you begins to walk down the aisle, leaving Bucky and you at the doors. 

“Good luck, guys!” Nat cheers from the back. 

You turn with the biggest scowl on your face which she received with a wide smile and thumbs up.

The two of you get the signal to walk and proceed with even steps. 

“I said that I read your book,” Bucky recalls. 

You turn your head to look up at him. “You—you did?” you stuttered. 

He nodded with a smile. “Yeah, I got stuck at the airport in Berlin cause of a delay and saw your book in the window of a bookstore, so I bought it. I read it in one sitting.”

Your heart beats wildly and palms grow wet. “Um thank you,” you whisper sheepishly. 

“No, thank you,” he chuckles. “I enjoyed it very much. You did an amazing job.” 

You smile small in appreciation of his words, but quickly harden your heart. “You don’t have to be so nice,” you reply, letting go of his arm just as you reach the end of the aisle. 

Bucky couldn’t tell what made chills run down his spine. The cold tone of your voice or the way you let go of him so easily.

“Who’s the cutest baby in the world?” Steve cooes. The little girl in his hands giggles at her father’s words. “You are! You’re the cutest baby in the world. Ah, look at those eyes,” he fawns, “just as pretty as mama’s.” 

Bucky groans loudly, slouching into the chair in the hotel room. 

“What’s with you?” Steve diverts his attention to Bucky. 

“Nothing,” he mumbles. 

“It’s Y/N, isn’t it?” he drops it on him like a bomb. 

An embarrassingly red blush creeps on his cheeks. “I never said that!” 

“I don’t know who you’re trying to fool, but it’s not working,” Steve retorts, bouncing the baby on his knee. 

“I just—I don’t know why she hates me,” Bucky says. 

Steve gives him a look as if he’s in The Office. “You don’t know why she hates you?” he asks incredulously. 

“No,” he shakes his head. “I know why she hates me,” he sighs. “I just don’t know how to make it up to her. I want to fix things, but what’s the point if she won’t even give me a chance to speak two words to her.” 

Steve covers his little girl’s ears. “How about you stop being a whiny bitch and stop beating around the bush? Stop the whole nice guy act and just come clean to her. Give her the raw feelings and not this flowery, teasing bullshit you’ve got going on. You’re a fucking adult for crying out loud. Start acting like one.” 

Bucky opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn’t have any words. Steve had a point, but he didn’t have to say it the way he did. 

“I’m telling Sharon you said that in front of Sarah.” 

“You tell her anything and you’re gonna be walking down the aisle with a missing tooth.” 

Elafonisi was just as beautiful at night as it was in the day. The waters danced underneath the moonlight. The stars sparkled in the sky. You marvelled in the simplicity of the beach. No towering skyscrapers and bustling crowds. No flashing screens and odd smells. 

It’s like paradise. 

A cool ocean breeze brushes against your skin like kisses from the divine. The air was thick with a cacophony of aroma. Pungents smells of rosemary, thyme, and lemon trees mix with the faint smell of slowly roasted meat coming from inside the hotel. 

It’s been a long day of practice and preparation. You’ve been around way too many people than you normally enjoyed and decided to take a break from it all. And you couldn’t find a better place than being hidden on the canopied balcony that jutted out of the building. 

Peace and quiet. Just the way you liked it. 

“I thought I’d find you out here.” Bucky approaches you on the balcony. 

Of fucking course. 

“I wish you didn’t,” you murmured. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing.” 

Bucky comes to stand next to you, he rests his forearms on the stone fence. “It’s nice here,” he says, “I came here about two years ago, but it feels like the first. Crete is a beauty.”

“I’ve seen the pictures.” 

“Hmm?” 

“The pictures you took,” you explained. “I’ve seen them all.” 

Bucky’s heart flips at your words. A lazy smile tugs at his lips as he turns towards you. “Have you been stalking my Instagram?” 

“No! Nat showed me.” you yell at him, hoping he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks. Anger rushes through your veins. “You’re so full of yourself,” you snarl, turning on your heel you walk away only for him to catch you by the wrist. 

“Y/N, I was just joking,” he said, pulling you closer.

You tug your arm out of his grasp. “Stop joking with me,” you hiss. “Stop pretending to be my friend. Stop acting like everything’s completely fine between us when it’s not!”

“Y/N, let me explain,” he pleads.

“No,” you deny. “I don’t want your explanation. It’s too late for that now. I’ve spent four years without a good one and I don’t need one now. I was doing fine, really, and then you waltz back in like you didn’t break my heart,” you choke out. 

Tears brim at the corner of your eyes, threatening to fall if you said another word. You’re not going to cry in front of him. You didn’t back then and you sure as hell weren’t going to now. 

“Just please do me a favor and leave me alone?” you ask quietly. 

“I can’t,” he shakes his head. “I can’t leave you alone. I did that once before and it was the biggest mistake of my life,” he confesses. “I was young. I was foolish and I thought what I wanted was out there somewhere but in reality it was always right next to me. It was always just you.” 

His eyes tell the truth and that was what truly angered you. Even after four years, he still had a way of breaking through your hard exterior.

“Then why didn’t you come back?” you asked, voice straining, eyes holding back the tears. 

Bucky looks down at his feet. The crash of the ocean waves in distance calms him, letting the feelings he harbored for so many years flow out of his mouth. 

“Because I was ashamed. Because I felt like you wouldn’t want me back after how much I’ve hurt you,” he looks up nervously. 

“When I saw you at the engagement party I knew I had to at least try to get you back,” he says, hoarsely.  “You know I suck at confrontation, it freaks me out,” he chuckles awkwardly, keeping his own tears at bay. He swallows deep then sniffles. “But I’m here now and all I’m asking for is one chance? One chance to make it alright?” 

“I can’t,” you shake your head and it makes his heart fall. “I don’t think I’m ready.” 

“We don’t have to start where we left off,” he quickly replies, pleading for his case. “We can start over if that’s what you want. We can take it slow.” 

You look at him, quietly thinking about his proposition. He’s willing to fix things. Even if it meant starting over from scratch so he could rebuild the foundation of trust he had foolishly destroyed. He’s willing to put in the extra hours. So who were you to say no?

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about being with him again. 

Bucky was still the one you wanted to spend your life with. He always was and always will be. 

“Baby steps?” you whisper.

Bucky’s lips curve into a half smile. A small chuckle escapes them. “Yeah, anything you want sweetheart.” 

Your lips follow his. “I want to start again.” 

Bucky smiles, brighter than the moon. He takes your hand gently in his and kisses the back of it with a nod. 

It was the little things about him. The little things you wanted to believe you hated. The feel of his lips against your skin. The warmth in his eyes that he only showed you. 

The little things you once loved about him and continued to, even after so long, gave you the surety that a love given in full can be given fully in return. Sometimes it just takes a little time. 

FIN

[sepublic]

Belos the Cabinet Man!

           MAJOR kudos to @funnyfany for introducing me to Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon, because as they said… This song is PERFECT for someone like Emperor Belos, and just in general slaps! Like, it honestly really describes my read on him? In fact, why don’t I peel and dissect the lyrics to see how they could easily apply to him;

The day they found me, I hadn’t yet been played

Inside my workshop behind my old arcade

Electric desires had unraveled all my wires

Now I’m in the box for safekeeping

           These lyrics allude to Belos’ obvious motifs of technology, as well as him having a ‘workshop’, which ties to his work on the portal! But there’s also the concept of him being rather ancient, as well as needing to be protected because he’s vulnerable in the end; Such as by metal armor, instead of a box?

The news reporters reported that I died

But all my organs were living on inside

Circuit board to brain with two lungs collecting change

One big human heart gently beeping

           The first line immediately makes me think of Perry Porter, but it also makes me think about what the ‘Unauthorized Author’ had to say, about Belos retreating into his castle, and people speculating that he had big plans while he let Kikimora and others be his public face. Again, there’s more machine-flesh imagery, as well as the obvious allusion to a giant beating heart. Two lungs collecting change can allude to Belos and his greedy hunger for power and bile.

You can’t win me, I can’t be beat

I won’t hurt you, unless you cheat

You can’t see me behind the screen

I’m half human and half machine

           We’ve got Belos boasting how invincible he is, but it can also refer to how the Coven System is a lose-lose situation, that either you go off and be alone and persecuted as an individual, OR you conform and became safe, but lose your identity in the process!

          We have Belos alluding to how he can be a merciful dude unless you really piss him off; And that line about cheating reminds me of how the Coven System seeks out only the most ‘worthy’ of people, and how this mentality has affected characters like Amity, who by consequence despise cheating!

          Or how Boscha’s bullying is mostly rude remarks… Until she feels like her attention is being ‘stolen’ by others, then she resorts to some brutal and even dangerous tactics in retaliation! To Belos, he just wants people to fit into their little spots, he’s offering them a nice little role and function in society, an actual place, he’s not a bad and malicious dude! Just a messenger… 

         Similarly, ‘cheating’ could be seen as doing magic the ‘wrong way’, because otherwise, competition to join the Emperor’s Coven and be the best is encouraged, so long as you engage with the system properly and play by its rules! You’re just not supposed to do Wild Magic, mix tracks, that sort of thing; Otherwise you WILL be persecuted by Belos!

          Then there’s the idea of Belos being hidden behind his mask, or just hidden in general (like when he spies on Luz, Willow, and Gus in his castle), and again, the biomechanical imagery! I can’t say for sure if he WAS human or not, because Belos definitely isn’t NOW, to say the least!

Thank God for business, they let me take the floor

I stood so proudly, like I was going to war

Players soon appeared and I quickly was revered

This must be what love would have felt like

           The Titan is responsible for Belos’ power (allegedly), as he claims to enforce its will. Belos’ art depicts him as standing above the rest, and him being VERY tall definitely helps… Then you have him going on a crusade against wild witches, being worshipped by many others, and POSSIBLY a connection to my speculation on him being a lonely individual who was never properly loved in the past, and is confusing this with distant worship…

          And really this just makes me think of other analyses of the Coven System as creating codependent relationships and hollow images to love VS that people actually are! Regardless, it also reminds me of Belos’ parasitic motifs, that last line, so you know!

Such dedication, they came from miles away

With eyes so piercing, they’d wait their turn to play

In perfect patient lines because I was in their minds

I could do whatever I felt like (Whatever I felt like)

           Students from Hexside literally travel miles to Belos’ castle on a field trip, and we have Eda mentioning how Lilith was so excited to meet him as children! Kids looking up to Belos, seeing him as someone to adulate, a role model even (with Lilith invoking him in her motives for the curse)… People literally dedicating their entire lives (and even those of their children) to Belos and his Coven! And of course, we have Belos having the power to do as he pleases, be it going back on his promise to Lilith, letting Luz rescue her friends because he has the portal anyway, etc.; It’s an almost nonchalant disregard of others for what matters to BELOS in the end…

I’m happy for years and years

And only eating the occasional maintenance man

Only driving a few kids to madness

Maybe they were predisposed to madness, who knows?

           Skipping over some repeat lines, we have Belos being at the top for a while, and of course, draining palismans for their bile to restore his health! Kids going mad easily describes people like Lilith, Boscha, or Amity, who base their entire self-worth on joining the Emperor’s Coven, being at the top, and/or fitting in, to the point where Lilith even curses her own sister, Boscha brutally bullies those she sees as a threat to her popularity, while people like the Blight Parents abuse and indoctrinate their kids for social status!

          But then Belos speculates that, hey… HE didn’t make them do this! His system encouraged and enabled them, sure… But in the end it was their actions, which brings to mind how while influenced, none of these characters are entirely faultless either for their actions. Not only that, but it makes me think about how some people seem predisposed and outright embracing of what Belos has to say, as if even without his Coven System they would always be this kind of awful… Such as Warden Wrath, or again, the Blight Parents!

          That last line really makes me think about how different characters coped differently with the pressure, with some remaining good people, while others enabled themselves to do terrible things. Perhaps Belos merely revealed what was already there? Because it still says a lot about other people that they chose to believe and follow in him when others made the decision notto.

I only want to have fun

But now they’re telling me my days here are done

‘Cause there’s a little tiny box they make in Japan

And pretty soon it’s gonna fit in your hand

           Belos just wants to be at the top, he’s ‘just a humble messenger for the Titan’, and maybe like Luz in Episode 2 he just wanted to be special… But he’s also clearly past his expiration date and dying, too. Not only that, but we have a rival… Someone smaller than Belos both literally and in the metaphorical, underdog sense;

          A foreigner from a different land, one who can teach others to cast magic within their hands through Glyphs! There’s Belos, an Old Soul, being made obsolete and redundant by Luz and her Glyphs, which potentially function as a work-around to his coven bindings and draining of bile! Not to mention how her ideals also make Belos’ seem rather antiquated, don’t they? Not to mention the idea of power and control being in the hands of the people, not dependent upon a singular source like Belos…

          His short-lived reign is being actively threatened by Luz’s presence, which Belos acknowledges as having changed everything… And really, it just reminds me of how characters like Boscha enjoyed being at the top as a result of Belos’ influence, only to feel threatened when others come along and ‘steal’ that glory!

It’s getting lonely, it’s getting hard to breathe

The arcade’s empty, I think it’s Christmas Eve

Someone’s broken in, now they’re painting on my skin

Breaking me and taking my quarters

Bashing in my face with a crowbar

Kicking me and pushing me over

Now they see my blood on their sneakers

           Literally the first thing we see of Belos is him having labored breathing… And again, there’s this idea that he’s being left behind as obsolete, he’s reclusive and retreated into his castle and doesn’t let others near him; He’s at the top, and it’s a lonely place! It’s the Eve of Christmas, Christmas is right around the corner, just as the Day of Unity is approaching, when;

          The next few lines invoke the image of Luz breaking into Belos’ castle/the conformatorium… And if you go by the idea that the Castle is a part of Belos, Luz and co. vandalizing the treasury as akin to vandalizing Belos’ own body! Not to mention the three stealing Belos’ relics… And of course, Luz ‘bashing in’ Belos’ face/mask with an ice spike! Only to realize that there’s clearly a LOT more body horror to Belos than she anticipated…! Realizing that Belos is linked to the very ground and earth she stands upon, and boy can he manipulate it!

           After that, the song ends with some repeat lyrics; But all-in-all, I would LOVE to see, someday, someone else (or maybe even myself) do an AMV of Emperor Belos, but with Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon! Compiled entirely of various clips that allude to the lyrics I mentioned earlier, that’d be a lot of fun and if I knew how to do video edits I could do it myself one day!

[ace-trainer-risu]

omg i would like to know the hated author...

OH thank you for asking I was. of course secretly deeply hoping someone would ask so I would have an excuse to go off. 

The author [dramatic pause] is VE Schwab!

Now I will pause (again) to say that I just spent like two hours writing a six page long essay on exactly why I dislike her as an author (I don’t know anything about her as a person so no feelings there) but then when I reread it I started to feel worried that it might hurt someone’s feelings who really likes her as an author, so this is a slightly redacted version.

But basically there are three things I hold against her.

For context, I’ve only actually read one book by her, A Darker Shade of Magic. But it’s not just that I didn’t like it. It’s that it left me angry. I read it a year ago and I still get furious when I think about it. It is, in my opinion, a profoundly toxic and hateful book. 

While at the same time also being a very boring and bland book.

So that’s point one) I just don’t get the hype. I read ADSM b/c I saw it recommended everywhere, but I really don’t get why? It’s not very well-written. Purely on a technical level her writing isn’t bad, but it’s not good either, its very...okay. The world building was really disappointing (it’s about four alternate worlds but they’re all almost. exactly the same. which was super disappointing. and also she seems to be under the illusion that london is like the most important place in the world?) The characters are bare minimum sketches, they basically feel like she came up with an initial concept and then never went any further. The characters aren’t particularly likeable or compelling, either, except for one character who...I felt like you weren’t actually supposed to like, lol. The pacing was actively bad. The plot doesn’t really start till around halfway through the book. I actually started ASDM twice and gave up on it the first time b/c it was boring. when I tried again the second time, I thought I had only read maybe the first quarter of it on the first try b/c I couldn’t remember anything happening, but it turned out I had actually read about half, its just that nothing happens in the first half. 

to be fair, I have read reviews of a different book she wrote which specifically praised the writing, so maybe she just did a shitty job on this book and she writes better in her other work?

point two) if you only pay attention to the text of the story, it’s fine! again, its not particularly compelling but its fine. but if you pay any attention to the subtext, its...really misogynistic and queerphobic. its incredibly pervasive through the whole text. 

for one thing, the female protagonist is introduced and is immediately like “Oh. I hate all other women.” (No one asked!) which is not necessarily bad in and of itself, except that...not only is her sexism never called out or contradicted, its actually actively supported by the text. there’s only one other important female character, and she’s Evil(TM), and also gets killed. the very few other female side characters are either someone’s mom or are portrayed as being extremely shallow and vapid and silly. they act exactly how the female protag despises women for acting. so...I don’t think its intentional but you’re left with this weird impression that the female protag is completely justified in her internalized misogyny b/c apparently all other women ARE bad. also, the female protag likes wearing boy’s clothes, which is great, but there’s this weird vibe that girls who don’t wear boy’s clothes are like, dumb and bad and sexist. I think the author is trying to critique repressive female clothing in the past (female character is from regency era england) but she does it really badly and instead accidentally(?) implies that girls who wear skirts are like. dumb sluts. a very weirdly sexist take. like it literally feels like this book hates women and specifically hates them for wearing “women’s” clothes.  *also not the point but it’s really funny that of all the time periods to critique for restrictive clothes, she picked regency england. ah yes, the torturous constraints of...empire waisted dresses and minimal or no corsets. dastardly! 

for another thing, the queer rep is just...so so bad. there’s one explicitly multisexual person (bi or pan isn’t specified but something along those lines) who gets tricked by a manipulative man older than himself heavily implied to be gay (bad) and gets horribly injured and almost dies (bad) basically just so the straight male protag can have angst (bad!). 

the manipulative guy implied to be gay is in turn being magically controlled by...a different! manipulative older man (bad) and is strongly implied to be sexually abused by that man (bad) and the straight main character literally never tries to help him in any way (bad) and ultimately kills(ish) him (bad) but it’s revealed that he basically chose to die (bad) because it was like, the only way he could ever escape his suffering (very bad!!) and the main character then! uses! his dying body! in a spell! to save his own fucking life! and basically disposes of his still alive! body into hell like he’s garbage (so bad I’m literally still fuming of it over a year later)

and then there’s the guy who is manipulating that guy, who is an older man heavily implied to serially abuse and assault teenage boys and young men (bad!!). he also dies too which is fine and good in and of itself...*

except for the fact that of our three queer-adjacent characters, two die and one is horribly injured and almost dies. two are abused and one is an abuser. two are used as angst-fodder for straight characters and one is literally sacrificed, coldly and selfishly and without his consent, to save a straight character’s life. they’re all closely associated with injury and death and trauma and abuse and it’s suggested that death is the only escape. 

subtextually speaking, this book hates queer men and punishes them for existing. 

*note: I want to specifically say that “enjoying abusing teen boys” does not automatically make a person gay or queer. that’s not what being gay/queer means. HOWEVER, there is a long and ugly history of gay men being portrayed as predators who deliberately prey on and abuse younger men, and this character plays directly into that stereotype, and that is why I included him. not b/c he’s positive queer rep but exactly because he isn’t

thirdly) about a year ago there was a bit of buzz about ve schwab writing a book with a canon asexual character...except I looked into it and a) it’s not actually canon at all; the book only says he’s disinterested in sex, which is by NO MEANS the same and it’s shitty to conflate the two when there’s a vast spectrum of asexual experiences (to be clear, it would be one thing if the text said he was asexual AND disinterested in sex. to say he’s disinterested in sex and that equals asexuality is a whole other thing, and is wrong), and schwab then confirmed on her twitter that he’s meant to be asexual. That’s not the same its not the same and we all know its not the same. b) this character is in fact a villain, which is frustrating when asexuality is FREQUENTLY and harmfully associated with people being heartless and unfeeling and evil and like, literal serial killers; to be fair, as I understand it the majority (all?) of the characters in these books are villains, so that’s less bad, but to be fair again, apparently this specific character is also portrayed as being, like “a sociopath” which is ableist AND goes back to all the stuff I said above. and c) what really annoys me is that in her tweets at the time she was very smug about this and fully patted herself on the back. she did half-assed, unresearched “rep” which wasn’t even actually canon and then acted like she was doing ace ppl a favor. excuse me, I didn’t actually ask to be represented by you. 

SO YEAH that’s not the...medium and short of it. the long and short is reserved for a Cursed(TM) google doc filled with my rage. but the tl;dr is that I think she’s an overhyped writer who wrote a profoundly misogynistic, homophobic book and trumps herself up over rep she didn’t actually do a good job of providing. and I would definitely never read another one of her books. The End!

[itssolonelyhere]

Like your fics! Question i came for joker and wonder why sakura? i dont get the buzz for her. shes a obsessed sasuke fangirl so she wouldnt chose joker of him right? and i watched ns and she's not at all that. idt he would go for her either. there's harley that fits better. please dont take this offensively im just curious

This has been sitting in my ask box for a bit (I’m lazy... sorry!) and wasn’t sure how to answer it. So, first... Thank you for liking my stories! Second... @radita328 reminded me of all the reasons I like Sakura so much and chose her as my lead female character in all my stories. I try not to take anything offensively and have been asked this multiple times since I started writing for this ship. 

This might be a good way to explain it... And if I get questions like this again (which I undoubtedly will), it’s already been thoroughly answered. 

Sakura was quite insecure as a child, and the other brats often bullied her. For a while, she silently endured it and tried to ignore the comments on her appearance. It wasn’t until her friendship with Ino and crush on Sasuke that she really started to bloom and find her confidence. Sometimes we need an outside source to see ourselves in a different light or find what’s inside. I’ve debated whether it’s okay for a person to try improving for themselves or someone else. To me, it doesn’t matter. The results and finding that inner-strength is important. Sometimes it takes an outside influence or another perspective to bring out the best version of a person, and that’s the case with Sakura and myself. Those with a self-deprecating mindset rarely see what others do. 

Sakura’s infatuation with Sasuke temporarily ruined her relationship with Ino (we all make mistakes) and she became obsessed with perfecting her appearance based on rumors of what girls think he likes. Extreme dieting (even at the expense of her training), growing her hair out, fussing with everything. This is something many do in hopes of attracting their crush, especially teenage girls. During the Chunin Exams, she realized that spending so much time on her looks instead of training was a waste The boy she wanted to impress couldn’t care less about it and she put her teammates in danger by not focusing on what’s important. This arc shows the beginning of her character development. To save Naruto and Sasuke, she used her body as a shield and cut off her ‘beloved’ hair. After being beaten to a pulp, she still refused to give up, knowing it might end in death. 

Later on, Team 7 is split up as her teammates are taken to be trained, leaving her behind. Kakashi took Sasuke and Jiraiya with Naruto. Her own sensei and everyone else walked away, despite being in charge of helping her improve. Sakura took it on herself to go up to one of the Legendary Sannin and most feared woman to ask for training. She spent years studying, being pummeled by Tsunade, and honing her skill-set to the point of eventually surpassing her shishou, which is not an easy feat. The Strength of a Hundred Seal that took her three years of storing up chakra to create is a Jutsu very few are able to complete. 

Sakura went from a small girl that was extremely self-conscious, to a top kunoichi within a few years. People doubted, overlooked, and underestimated her from the beginning, using gender and appearance as an excuse. She smashed through all those barriers (literally). People often despise her for the loyalty she’s shown to Sasuke, who doesn’t deserve it—whatsoever—and blame everything going wrong on her. There are so many instances that plenty of characters (especially in the war) would’ve died without her power, it’s not even funny, yet those facts get tossed aside carelessly. She’s had amazing character development, overcame diversity and bullying, improved herself as a person, and became one of the strongest shinobi through sheer determination. 

As a woman who’s been teased for her appearance and underestimated, I resonate with her the most. Being half-Asian in a predominately white area as a teenager when my family moved came with its own trials and tribulations. Seeing a minority character grow and develop into a strong woman is very inspiring and why I chose her. I don’t blame Sakura for what the male creator of the series decided to do with her after building up so much potential. 

Canonically, Joker and Sakura would probably kill each other, but that’s one of the points that I enjoy. He thinks everyone’s beneath him and has zero empathy, while she has an enormous heart and tries to improve to feel worthy of standing beside her comrades. They’re very different, but their strange appearance, penchant for violence (in various forms), and fanatical drive towards their goals is where they meet halfway. I’m a fan of the whole ‘enemies to lovers’ and ‘bad guy/small woman’ trope. Canon relationships are irrelevant in AU’s and fiction, in general. That’s the entire point of fanfiction, crack pairings and crossovers. 

Harley Quinn makes appearances throughout most of my stories, but we’ve all seen how her relationship with Joker plays out. It revolves around abuse, manipulation, and abandonment. Not that my ship doesn’t at all, I’m just saying... They’re unhealthy relationship goals if that’s what you’re looking for. Personally, I like Harley better with Poison Ivy compared to J. Pam has been a big part of the healing process after Harley had enough of his shit. Saying she fits better includes keeping a woman in a toxic environment where she’s never respected or appreciated and constantly hurt without a single care. 

I like to think that J has a good-eye for talent and would see that Sakura is brimming with it, even if it’s to use her as a weapon. He’s intelligent, cunning, resourceful, with ingenuity in spades. The freedom from the restraints that society puts on everyone that comes with J is very liberating, and I enjoy putting Sakura in that kind of atmosphere where she has no limits holding her back, like the Narutoverse does. Her appearance, race, gender... None of that matters in Gotham where it’s all about survival and playing the game. Him pushing Sakura beyond her limits and rattling the cage is what I’m totally living for.

Thanks for the ask and hopefully my incessant rambling answers this question now and moving forward. I get it often and not really sure why, considering all the crack pairings I’ve seen over the years, especially with Sakura. 

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

There’s More to Her #4

Previous Chapter

All Chapters

Birds of Feather

A cup of tea could bridge distances, build friendships and arrange marriages. Khushi hoped for all of those to happen over the cup of tea she shared with Akash.

"I am sorry," Akash was startled, that was the last thing he expected from Khushi, "I know how my sister is and instead of helping you I misguided you to this filmy plan." Akash shook his head, it was not her fault.

Especially when Payal had refused his first proposal. Her fears and reasons had been valid and he made no attempts to confront the situation. In fact, if Payal had not told him about what happened on the night of her wedding, he would not have known.

"I wouldn't push Bhai to know the truth." Akash confessed.

"Even back then, during your stint at office, everything you faced - scheming coworkers, false media, mundane tasks, humiliation - they have been a part of Bhai's life for years before he became the Arnav Singh Raizada. So I thought Bhai knew what he was doing. I just didn't know that in this process he'll hurt you... and Payal ji." he said.

It was a good thing Khushi loved Payal as much as Akash loved Arnav. For anyone else, Akash would seem like a weak man with a terrible excuse. Khushi could not accuse Akash of illogical reasoning when she often had little wisdom in hers.

"But everyone has a family. The same amount of self respect and personal life, irrespective of their monetary status." One stormy night she had flung these words to Arnav, today she simply shared her thoughts with Akash.

"So you must try to understand her, to see if you can bring the change you need to bring her in your life." Khushi proposed.

"Change? But... Payal does not want to marry me." Akash asked. Khushi rolled her eyes, why were men so difficult? Either too persistent or too reluctant.

"Akash ji, do you not love my sister?" Akash stood up and glared at Khushi's accusation. Khushi, too used to glares, only smiled at his anger. Sometimes anger answered the most difficult questions.

"Good, so would you not make a single effort to make your home a more loving environment when it is literally the only thing coming between you and her?" As much as gusto Akash had in standing up to declare his love for Payal, he did not have the same sentiment while going back to his chair.

"Once upon a time, a cat burned its tongue on hot milk and gave up on drinking milk," Khushi narrated, heedless to Akash's frown, "And here my sister's pride, self respect and dignity got burned to ashes."

She took her own moment to look at him right in the eye, "It's natural that she wants - no - she deserves a good man to love her and a set of in-laws to not measure her with her wealth or family name." Akash looked away. He heard what Khushi had not said. His mother's treatment of Payal was fresh in their minds.

"I am so sorry her marriage broke, because of my brother."

"I am not. It was a blessing in disguise."

---

"If you think I am remotely thankful for your interference in breaking my awful marriage, let me tell you that gratitude is the last emotion I have for you." Payal clarified as she placed a bottle of mineral water on the dusty table. Arnav acknowledged her sentiment with a nod.

He sat, after dusting the chair with his kerchief, by Happy's garage while Payal chose to remain standing. He barely touched the teacups and jugs of water. It said enough about what his choice of drink would be.

"Pay-"

"Let's get a few things straight." Payal interrupted, choosing to ignore Arnav's round eyes and flaring nostrils. Just as expected, the man was not used to interruption. It was always a good time to start a habit.

"It's about Khushi." The effect was instant. Arnav softened. His eyes grew warm, but he schooled his expression the moment Payal noted the change. He continued with the jaw clenching.

"My sister, truly, does not know the ways of the world. She is childish, an unreliable narrator, self sacrificing and believes in goodness far too much for her own good." Payal began, "But I know that even if people are flawed, they cannot be excused for their actions."

Arnav looked away. He knew what Payal meant, he only wished he could disagree with her but he couldn't. He shared an equally harsh judgement of the world.

"So I lie to her when it's necessary. That I'm fine. I'm not in love. Akash does not mean the world to me. I don't want to marry him." Here Payal's resolve broke. Her words quivered as Arnav looked at her, taken aback by how struck she was. She did love Akash.

"That Abhishek did not arrive at the wedding and knew about the dowry," Payal fisted her hands, the tears spilling down her cheeks.

"He was not a bad man. He had no idea. He was appalled, shocked. He was still in love with me. He did nothing."

"Then what went wrong." Arnav asked.

"That he did nothing." Payal wiped a tear.

That night Abhishek had arrived, her hopes soared but his smiles dimmed as his mother heaped one demand after the other in front of a hassled Shashi Gupta. She clung to the window, wishing to catch his eye.

His hands trembling as the dreams that he and Payal had built be torn apart, brick by brick. Apart from a feeble plead to stop his parents he stood rooted to his ground.

Payal's hope died along with her dignity as she watched her mother and father beg Abhishek to say something in the matter. He said nothing, except holding tears in his eyes as his family dragged him away post their demands were unmet.

"Khushi would have seen his tears and told me to understand that he had no option. That I should be with him." Arnav scoffed, it was typical Khushi to believe in the romantic love that did not exist.

"-kya kare," Payal continued, "she only sees the best in the worst of people." Arnav swallowed, guilt overshadowing his thoughts. That summarised their relationship in more ways than one.

"But I saw the silence. The silence which would remain if his family pressurised mine for more dowry even after our marriage. If they mistreated me. If they..." Payal sighed, suddenly weary. She grabbed a chair and sat down, her heart breaking all over again.

"And I'm afraid I see the same silence in Akash-"

"Payal, Akash would defend against everybody-" Arnav interrupted, enraged that she would compare the spineless Abhishek to his noble brother.

"-except his family." Payal pointed out.

"You are forgetting we are the Raizadas, we would never do that." Arnav bit back on his anger.

"Except call a woman a 'bloody leg'."

"That's just Mami, and we all despise the nicknames she has given to you and Khushi."

"Oh, that's why you all did nothing about it?" Payal retorted.

"Payal, I-" Arnav was lost for words.

"She gave me that name because my foot was bleeding in front of her. Imagine if anyone of us nicknamed Anjali ji because of her handicap-"

"That's enough! You have got your point across." Arnav thumped his fist on the table. Payal apologised. She did not mean to cross the line but it felt like none of the Raizadas understood her point until they were in her shoes. And clearly, she wore uncomfortable shoes.

They were quiet for a moment. Arnav balled his fists, willing to calm down for the sake of his cousin. Payal regarded his effort.

"I didn't mean to drag Anjali ji in all of this. I know you're protective about her," Payal smiled as Arnav finally relented, "I know, I understand. Often, we are more afraid for our sisters. We don't want them to be hurt, nor want their views of the world to change. We want to face all the troubles for them." And in that Arnav knew he wouldn't be forgiven for his actions.

Because he wouldn't have forgiven anyone if they had behaved half of what he was to Khushi to Anjali. He hated to be accountable to someone who demanded answers for his actions. Any explanation of his deeds would only expose his vulnerability and he was not willing to make that sacrifice.

Fortunately, Payal did not delve into the topic. Instead, she considered his silence and leaned back into her chair to take a sip of her cup of masala tea.

"You know Arnav ji, until the day of my wedding I had certain perimeters of getting hurt. If Abhishek adheres to his family rules of women not working in his family, it's manageable. If a man eve teases me, a glare is enough - nothing more. But now, things have changed." She shared.

"Now, disrespect is disrespect. Be it measuring me for my dowry, or calling me a bloody leg." She stopped him from interrupting her.

"There can be varying degrees for everything. Not for insult. I have learned this the hard way. And when a person changes due to tragedy, to finally find safety, then trust me - the person hates the first thing who threatens that peace." Payal spoke more to herself, and Arnav feared she had delved into his mind instead of hers.

"He is quiet because he respects his family. But trust me, if it is beyond a certain point he will defend you. He was upset with Di today - no I'm not telling you to change your opinion - but you should know. You're right. Akash is silent, but if he were in Abhishek's shoes - he wouldn't have left you at the altar." Payal tried to refuse the hope that bloomed in her heart.

What if it was the adrenaline that pushed Akash to act the way she wanted?

"You cannot avoid change." Arnav advised, measuring his words with caution, "You can teach each other. Akash can show resilience and diplomacy, you can give him strength and the ability to be straight forward." Payal clenched her dupatta. His words were too good to be true.

Arnav stood up, fisting his hands in his pockets.

"Don't be afraid. You'll be surprised by yourself. When you are with her, you'll remember the good things that you had forgotten - like laughing - or learn new skills that you need - like learning to apologize. She might teach you to be compassionate and generous, you might teach her to tackle judgements and make new friends. You'll feel unsettled because it's new territory, but it will bring out the best and the worst in you. It's a partnership for a reason." He murmured.

Payal looked at him in disbelief. Khushi had been right, people were rarely what they seem in their first impressions. It forced her to reflect on her decision about Akash. No part of her thought about the chance if they attempted to make a difference, together.

Either they were compatible, or they were not. Yet, love was never supposed to be dealt in absolutes.

Arnav looked at the Gupta's courtyard. One of Khushi's dupatta was fluttering in the evening wind. It was the white and pink one she wore on Teej. There was still a faint stain of sindoor. She never seemed to have worn that outfit again.

"You really love her." Arnav turned in a flash and colored violently at Payal's observation. A sharp refusal formed on his lips but he was tongue tied. His throat dried and words clogged up. He wanted to deny it, but he couldn't. He wanted to accept but he wouldn't.

Payal smiled, stood up and walked up to him, "It shows on your face."

What? Arnav only stared, his worst fears and biggest dream coming true at once.

"That you love Lavanya," The glimmer faded from his eyes.

Payal did not wait to see his reaction and turned around to get herself another cup of tea.

It was an unfortunate moment because it was the only time anyone would have seen Arnav's truest, raw feelings. His face had drained all color. He walked back to his chair, his knees buckled as he slumped into the seat.

"Arnav ji, oh my God are you alright?" Payal and Happy surrounded him.

"Nothing, diabetes. Low sugar..." He lied. Heartache hurt more.

"Oh no, Happy ji, can you please get a jalebi-"

"No!" Arnav protested. Not a jalebi, not now. He turned to look at Happy, "Ha-hha-" why was his name happy?

"Ok I'll get something from home. Khushi had cooked something-"

"No!" Arnav objected, Payal and Happy frowned at him.

"Bua ji." Payal nodded. Right, it would be difficult to explain a plateful of food and between all the 'Hai Re Nandkishores' Arnav might as well end up in hospital.

"Payal didi, I'll go and get some kachoris," Happy paused, remembering the man he was getting the said kachoris for wore a suit that would cost a car or two of his garage.

"It's fine. I like kachoris Ha-ha... humein kachori pasand hai." Arnav rested his hand on his head. Shit. Humein? What the fuck?

"We can speak later, if you wish to go home-" Payal offered but Arnav refused. Happy arrived at the precise moment with two plates of kachoris and declined the money from Payal and Arnav.

"Thank you so much Happy ji, Khushi has kept a bowl of gajar ka halwa for you too." Payal smiled, touched by Happy's gesture of an extra plate of kachoris for her.

"Thanks Hah-hari." Smooth Arnav, smooth.

Payal kept her kachori aside and pointed out, "It's Happy, not Hari." For the first time in the day Arnav reconsidered the decision of bringing Payal as his sister in law.

"Yes, I meant thank you for the hari chutney. Thanks." Payal and Happy looked at each other and at him. Two thank yous? From Arnav Singh Raizada?

"It's my favorite. Because it's not sweet." For some reason Arnav thought he owed an explanation. Thankfully they bought it. Good, the attention on him was diverted.

Arnav checked out the kachori and asked Payal, "Is there a fork and knife?"

Happy dropped his gear in shock.

---

"Kachori!" Khushi exclaimed as a peon served her and Akash some snacks. For the past hour Khushi told the details of Payal's life. The death of her mother at her birth, followed by her acceptance of Khushi and the sudden role as the eldest child of the family. The wedding, the relocation and the stagnation of life as one of the girls had to stay home with Bua ji.

The hour had not been kind to Akash as he found himself falling further in love with Payal. Her refusal made complete sense and his proposal now made no sense. A woman like Payal was worth nurturing, treasuring and cherishing. Good things took time and he now wondered why he hadn't thought before of discussing with his entire family about the situation.

True, his mother would hate it - but that was a reality he had to face today or tomorrow. Escapism would not help.

He took a deep sigh and folded a napkin over his lap. Khushi tucked into the meal with gusto and Akash hid a small chuckle. She was true to her name, happiness.

He had completely planned to nurse a drink by the end of the day and declare celibacy the next day. A plate of hot kachoris, a new friend and a determination for the future was not in his mind.

"I'll order more-"

"Oh no Akash ji, these five are more than enough. Actually I haven't eaten since afternoon because of my 'great' plan hence the first kachori went down in ten seconds!" Khushi gushed, slowing down her chomping.

"Please don't be shy, we also didn't eat anything much since afternoon because-"

"What? Arnav ji didn't eat lunch?" The last time he had done that he had fallen straight on the floor, with her stuffing a jalebi into his mouth. Oh dear, Khushi, you and your stupid plans! Arnav must have been thinking about it - he was right, the plan was not intended to work. Why didn't she-

"No, of course Bhai ate. I didn't." If Akash was confused by Khushi's comment, he had the decency not to show it. Khushi rapidly shifted from concern, to relief, to embarrassment.

"Please eat as much as you want. If you want to order, feel free, think of this like your own property." Khushi smiled and paused to remember that this was indeed their property. Akash joined in her giggle and they enjoyed their brief supper.

"So obviously what I told you is Jiji's life history, but what I need to know is that you will make the changes because the changes are necessary irrespective of Jiji coming to your life or not." Khushi explained. Akash frowned, unable to understand her comment.

"I know, I am no one to say what's wrong or right, but still Mami ji should be a little more compassionate towards those who are not rich. Anjali ji shouldn't use a person's weakness against themselves. Your house should be a welcoming atmosphere for anyone - not just Jiji." Khushi explained.

"A change made for a person does not last long. A change made for the better exceeds lifetimes. Mami ji should not have to pretend or be pressured into accepting this relationship - okay, I know a little force will be there, but in the end if she has resentment for Jiji then it will become tough for both of them." Akash nodded, he was getting a hang of what she was saying.

"I know I'm focusing on your mother a lot. But if you were both to be married, and if Jiji chooses to be at home for the first few weeks, then she'll largely spend that time with Mami ji. A woman like my Jiji would want to get approval, but this effort would put a strain on your marriage life. I know that I'm thinking too far, but marriage, for me, is a one time event. So you need to think far right?" Khushi asked.

She twisted the ring on her finger. Love and marriage were a one time event. What would happen if it happened with different people? There was no escaping Shyam, and after marriage she would be bound to him for seven lifetimes, whether she liked it or not.

"Take time Akash ji, give time as well. Talk to Jiji over the weeks. Plan together, make sure you both want the same things from life. Life does not give everyone the chance to marry someone they love." Khushi looked at Arnav's cabin, it was opposite Akash's and it was empty.

Now there was a frosted glass barrier that halved the length of the windows. Good, she never understood why there were full length windows that opened to the floor from his office in the first place. Anyone could fall off, even he.

It was no surprise that the frosted glass was red. The whole office was themed white and red. He liked red, she somehow knew it before Lavanya told her. On the bottom there was a studio setup, similar to the one where she had worn the red saree.

He saw her. No, he - color suffused her cheeks. Strange, she had never seen those calendar photographs anywhere. She wanted to see how she looked. She knew she was different that night.

"Khushi?"

"Ji Ar-Akash ji." Khushi smiled, her brightest one.

"Thank you." Akash said. Khushi had no business to come up to him and give him a genuine way to be able enough to marry Payal. So far he had been advised to note Payal and bring changes in her, but this was the first time he learnt to bring changes in himself and his surroundings.

"No, thank you for listening to Jiji's no. It's my belief that you will listen to her, told me that you will be there for her when she needs to be heard." Khushi let out a deep sigh. Sometimes it was so difficult to find the one person who would listen to her.

Several would argue that her fiance was the one. But in Shyam she thought she found a friend. A friend whom she could confide her daily stress to without any repercussions. Little did she know that it would misguide her family into thinking something else.

But Akash was different. He listened to her with blind faith about Payal - whether she was narrating the suicide plan over the phone or talking about bringing positive change irrespective of Payal's decision to be in his life. His love for her neither clouded his judgement nor sensibilities.

Somehow, his love never translated for possessiveness. And the less that could be said about Shyam, the better.

"Because Khushi ji you are also like that. When you make a mistake, you try to amend it. When you don't know something, you try to learn it as much as you can." Akash brought her out of her thoughts.

"Don't change Khushi ji, and thank you for trusting me. Payal ji is worth all the effort. You are right, I will try to bring positive change in my family, even in Maa." Akash concluded.

"Exactly," Khushi was never more grateful to be out of her head, "Because your family will always want your happiness. Even if your version of happiness is different from theirs." Akash agreed with her and offered to drop her home.

---

Akash and Khushi chatted like old friends on her way back home. From their shared love of potatoes to their distaste of five star hotels overpricing basic beverages like tea.

"Exactly. And imagine this, I have five minutes to go to a meeting and you serve me tea which I have to make on my own - what's the benefit of spending over two hundred rupees for a tea then?" Akash complained.

"Hey Devi Maiya, two hundred rupees! I got my side bag for that in Sarojini Market." Khushi grumbled. Akash took a quick look at the bag where the zipper was not aligned.

"That's faulty, you shouldn't have paid a paisa above one twenty. I know fabric, this did not even cost much." Akash commented. Khushi's eyes turned round like saucers and she huffed.

"I knew it, I knew it. That shopkeeper's smile told me that he knew he was robbing me of eighty rupees. Chor!" Akash, a bargainer and appreciator of true fabric in his heart, could not agree more.

"Eighty rupees, enough to buy one of those golden diyas from the Lakshmi Nagar market." He murmured, remembering the way Payal had sweetly rejected his gift. And he ended up giving it again to her, in his proposal. Now he saw it, saw the conversation that needed to happen before he could go around buying things for her.

He had it right, the day he had helped her buy vegetables. Where he had given her space to buy hers, and added a small of his - a bag of potatoes.

Khushi allowed Akash to lose himself in his thoughts. Tears stung her eyes. She could see it, a happy future for her sister. This was a man who would value her sister. It was foolish to think everything would work out but in one corner of her heart, Devi Maiya told her that Payal found her Rajkumar and Akash found his Dream Girl.

This love story would come true, at their own pace and time.

Brushing back her tears, she thanked Akash once more and stepped out of the car to come face to face with Payal and Arnav. They all mirrored their shock.

"Arnav ji, aap?"

"Tum?"

"Aap?"

"Payal ji, aap?"

"Arrey Akash bhaiya, aap?!" This was definitely not Payal. It was Happy - Arnav's current bane of existence.

"How are you, actually how is your car? Does it need repair again! You should file a case against Michelin tires, they shouldn't get punctured seven times a month!" Happy yelled from his garage. Three pairs of eyes stared at Akash.

Seven times puncture? What the fu-

Hey Devi Maiya, he punctured the expensive tires-

Wait, he actually did that for me-

It was not a surprise who thought what. Akash turned a bright red, enough to rival the setting sun. And then there was a small choke-chortle. Arnav turned a similar shade of red, his lips pressed tight against his body's revolution of releasing a laugh. Khushi and Payal were in shock.

"Arrey Akash bhaiya, do you need to buy more potatoes?" Jairam, the local vegetable vendor waved at Akash. And at that moment all four of them burst into peals of laughter.

---

Next Chapter

A/N: I hope you liked this update - please share your thoughts and comments. My chapters go by scene ideas and less by word count so the chapter length varies from update to update. Thank you for every like, comment - it means a lot.

Also, please make sure you are staying home, safe, healthy and responsible during this time.

Love,

S Read it on: Wattpad

[first-living-myth]

Summer Made Children

Picture credit to @unbeknownsst

Jade hurt his ankle, and is laid up with cast and crutches. Jesse is sitting next to him, doodling heart on their cast to cheer him up.

Summer-made children, to come back to,

JESSE

"Did you fell off the tree?"

Mom indeed been working temp as a nurse (that's why she's not home every nigh; she's working in the emergency unit though the evening till early morning) not even once-- Jess ever saw someone with broken bone and casted leg in front of his eyes. He sat a little away from the bed: unnecessarily looking terrified. This is one of the weekly trip to dad's place as the adults call it, holidays. Yet if it's a holiday why Mom always looked rather sour everytime he's being picked up of the apartment? He noticed so; children always do, her tightened jaw and stifled frown and a little bid of adieu that sounded like, I want him back in Sunday before 7 pm, instead of a nice 'Have a nice weekend!'

"Did bad kids hit you?"

His eyes are all doe; the thing that would still be with him once he later grown up into a man, doe, big eyes. Although little legs just decided to took himself onto the chair right next to the older kid's study, keeping distance from the bed, afraid those little clumsy hands of his would leave the boy in pain accidentally. (he is clumsy, big one.)

"Is it broken?"

(Little gasp!)

"Do you need help!"

JADE

Jade Huang was twelve and he fell from the stairs.

The classroom is large and daunting, far too threatening for Jade's tiny brain to comprehend. He did not like it, not even the slightest. However, he dare not to refuse his mom’s will, forced him to get off to school no matter what. Typical Asian parents, he dare say. He wore plain silky white shirt, short sleeve, tapered western, baggy lightweight black pants, then also his most remarkable sceptical and somewhat supercilious, with its odd rectangular, thick dark brown glasses. It was quite unhinged actually, due to the constant damage he shoved.  He likes to throw things around when too immersed with something; bad habit never cease, just like wonder does.

Jade never once revel in commingling coeval groups, simply enough, he prefers to be alone. Hence, he wouldn’t get surprised anymore if the peers around him despise his presence; uncanny, an oddball, yet shrewd to say the least. He could never mingle well, a perfect misfit. Then, when lunch time comes, he always sits beneath the tall primeval, verdant, gigantic and gnarled, shady trees, all alone but with his fine, readable, small leather-bound books. He would read anything, from classic literature, until full-colored comics. 

Whether he will understand the contexts or not, possibly more coherent with the latter, it wouldn't be a problem. Reading was and only his solace, in amidst of boisterous cacophony.

“Oi, clotpole!”

A chubby, bald, slanted eyes, noteworthy flabby tummy, has appeared. He seems cute, yes, to others, indeed. But Jade, himself, saw the other child, named Jason, as his mortal enemy; Jason oftentimes beat Jade until he felt like his end was near, pulled childish pranks, such as stole Jade’s favorite toy and many others. As usual, he chose to be wise, at least he thought, to ignore the impudent boy. 

“I said, oi, clotplole! Didn’t you hear or are you deaf?”

“What do you want this time?” He asked, nonchalantly. 

“Buy this for me! You’re rich, aren’t you?”

Jason said with a glimmer in his eyes, playful just like a misbehaving child would, while proud, holding up a crumpled, frayed brittle, piece of paper. There was a picture of something, he was unable to limn it, because it wasn’t considered as one of his interests. One thing for certain, it was some kind of toy.

“Why?”

“Because I want to!”

“Why?”

“You’re rich?”

“Why?”

“Just buy it, motherfucker!”

“But I don’t want to, and my statement is final.” his tone surprisingly even, almost studious.

“You bloody wonker!”

The next thing Jade knows, he was at home, laid up with cast and crutches. He was unconcious for a while, and refused to talk. Even when the old fine looking aunty was talking to him, he kept his mouth shut. Albeit seen disheveled, his gaze fixated on looking at a child of eight or nine, all pale skin and thin bones and dark, tangled hair. 

Ahn Jaesuk, the name of the child. But he prefers to call him Jesse, as prolly everyone did. This is their third meeting, Jade was slightly content, thrilled yet he did want to show it. 

“Hi, Jesse.”

JESSE

"Did it hurt?"

The kid talks so much. So-fucking much, he pulls the chair closer to the bed that his curious side grows. Frown curls in response; he's so expressive in the contrary to the older boy regarding to his either reaction or feelings, big, even. He gives big reactions to almost anything.

(His expressions changes often when he's trying to read Jade's collection of books; the expression where he barely understands letters, the expressions where he found a new verb he never heard before, the expression where he  found BIG ACTIONS in the comic books! Later growing up he'll find fondness specially towards DC Comics.)

"I mean, when the bad kids hit you."

Did he come too straightforward? No means to offend, but,

"Or did you really fell off the tree!"

He's careful not to jump into the bed. Sick people needs bigger space, Mom once said. She's the nurse afterall; a pro in sick person, making them less sick, helping the doctors to help the sick. The easy way in comprehending the term in the brain of a nine year old.

"So, do you, need a help when you need to go to pee? Was it hurt when they put the cast on your feet? Mom said where the bone is broken it will be swollen and painful.

JADE

Jade is the only child and he didn't know how to deal with a little brother, the one who acted and played like so. He didn’t know how to deal with Jesse, even though he had done lots of research. By all means, reading many books that he could possibly find, few have been proven useful, but the rest look ridiculous though. A snippet from Jade’s reading material, ‘Raising A Kid’, ‘Teaching Boy About Things’, ‘Shit Brothers Said’, ‘I am A Brother’, and the list goes on. Well, what would you expect from someone mediocre, twelve years old, plain yet geeky boy? 

“Hey, do you know what word to describe someone that asks too many questions, talk too much, like you?” 

Jade asked, mimicking a wiseacre or smart aleck look alike’s expression, his brow wrinkled as he leaned in close to headboard, which was covered in white pillows, in his smaller and rather austere bedroom. 

“I read it in a book, apparently those people are called loquacious.” Jade slurs. He was slightly worried if this is the right choice or not; he was concerned, he hardly believed anything at all. One of the human nature, future is always seemed scary, because they cannot control it; predictions, however, is in another hand. Now, Jade prayed with all his might, he's able to, at least, produce a good outcome through this.  

Even so, Jade stilled in disbelief, a hefty sigh escaped successfully. It’s not like it should be a surprise, or anything, because even at the very first meeting, Jesse couldn’t shut up; a brazen young boy, inquisitive most of the time. But the child seemed fastidious about Jade’s current condition and all. Many would think Jesse was being annoying, making the whole plight vexatiously so, most certainly to a sick, helpless boy. However, Jade saw things differently, it was adorable, cute to be truth, and amusing to look at. 

He felt the sudden urge to squish, pinch those plump cheeks, when he was watching vacuously open, soft vermeil, comparatively dainty lips of Jesse’s keep moving and talking. And so, he did, unconsciously and makes wonder spread in his chest.

“It’s hurt, the pain still lingers but I guess I’m okay.” He laughed, dryly. “Someone pushed me. From the stairs. It was scary. It was high. He was bigger than you. Strange.” He said, intermittently so.

JESSE

"What?"

He sounded as chirpy, until a really, foreign word hits his ear, over a pronounciation that the little boy barely could repeat. Mouth opens; involuntarily, a gape visible, and he doesn't even know that he's making that face for that brief moment,

<: O

(That's exactly the face he is making.)

Doe-eyed, mouth-gaped, briefly silent; do all 12 years old be this cool? Or only because Jade spent more times with books instead of communicating with actual person? But Jess surely never heard that word before.

  "--Lo, locucious." Hey, he tried his best to repeat that out. Hopefully the older one still has that emphaty to correct the kid, or he will grow sticking to it until someone else is kind enough to point out. But Jess knows the word, retaliation!

Don't ask where did he learn that but Batman comics taught him so! Inclusing many scientific terms (he believed they are scientific, because, Detective Comics,) that came out of the same comic book series.

Jess also spent too much time reading colorful comics.

He gave out big reactions, remember? Again, big frown curling over his big displease of an expression in which  shifted in no time upon the progression of the story; someone pushed me, fell from the stairs, it still hurt--- he cringed a big fear, he was bigger than you; and his frown curling up into a fright. As if the older boy was telling him a horror, bed story time. (Would Jade read him bed story times?).

And he looked up the other boy with  that same fright. Is he worried? Well, look at his face right now? "....Joshua got his knee hurt too when we played football in school," Joshua, Joshua Carson, his classmate, but he didn't mention about the fact that the mentioned boy as his classmate. "He skipped school for two! Weeks! I envy!! But then I missed him so I visit him everyday after school."

Chirpy, chirpy little boy,

"Uh-oh do you want me to take your drink!!"

(The story is still in progress).

[bave-de-crapaud]

The Darkness Within...

CHAPTER TWO

Request by: The lovely @belladonnarey.  A/N: eeep here ‘tis! This is going to be a definite slow burn and I apologise for the appalling tragedy you will find below - it had to go in the story and I’m sorry.

Sirius x reader Older Sirius Sirius lives/Post Azkaban Slow burn and eventual smut

Word count: 3300+ Disclaimer: all characters are assumed 18+ Warnings: dark themes, torture, grief

-------

The front door of Grimmauld Place was as intimidating as ever as it appeared in front of you and you surged forward.

Livid, you threw open the door, steam rising from your forceful steps as your hot anger scorched the floor where you trod. Better watch that, this house looked primarily constructed of wood.

You were seething. How DARE Remus and Sirius interrupt you. You were SO close to finding out more about your past - a desire you hold in almost as high importance as to finding out what Voldemort intended of you. You were sure this was leading to another muggle attack - if only you had retrieved that package but Macnair stowed the parcel within his robes and then was writhing around in so much agony as you returned him to his home you could not take it without suspicion.

What would he tell Voldemort? You shook that thought from your mind you only had enough room in your head to be enraged at two other men at the moment and knowing these two were here, just ahead of you, sitting around a kitchen table tending to their wounds, you took the opportunity to give them a piece of your mind.

Sirius’ shirt was off and he sat hunched over his chair while Remus, behind him, administered a potion to what you assume was the aftermath of your curse and Macnair’s whip lash on his back.

“WHAT THE ABSOLUTE SODDING HELL DID YOU TWO THINK YOU WERE DOING?!” You burst through the door startling Remus enough to drop the bottle of dittany he was holding and Sirius to jolt, his wound opening again.

“How?! What?! There has been a breach, Moony, QUICK!” Sirius cried turning his wand on you and firing a spell. You easily deflected his spell and with a flick of your wand, disarmed him. He winced as he tried to catch his wand, his injury rendering his reflexes poor as it flew over his head landing on the top of the cabinet behind him.

Remus, swiping up the bottle of dittany, laid a hand on Sirius’ arm, confusing him further.

“Hold your fire Padfoot, she’s with us.”

You didn’t think Sirius’ mouth could open any further. He glared at you and you recoiled slightly from the look in his eyes.

“Moony, she’s Death Eater scum!” He spits. “Tie her up, call Moody NOW!”

“Sirius.” Only Remus addressing him by his first name served to get Sirius to look away from you and at his friend.

“She’s not a Death Eater Sirius, she is working for us. She’s a secret mole for the Order. So secret only Moody and Dumbledore know.”

Seeing that Sirius was still not convinced you decided to get on the defensive. “Look here is my wand.” You addressed Sirius. “I give it to you willingly” you rolled your wand across the table towards him and he snatched it up as you raised your hands. “Remus is correct - I am not and have never been a Death Eater, I work for you - ask Dumbledore and Moody.”

Sirius turned your wand on you, his expression unchanged from that of loathing and repulsion. He was, in his anger, a startling site and it sent a chill right through you.

Symbols started to appear on your forearms, your palms, and up your neck - anywhere you weren’t shielded by clothes was now covered in black markings. Both men look astounded at you as you hurriedly replied, “this happens when I’m scared! I don’t know what they mean. Please don’t look at them!”

Remus, ever the gentleman, turned away but Sirius regarded your markings in a curious manner. He didn’t look disgusted anymore but the surprise on his face is evident. You tug at your sleeves and grasp your neck in embarrassment.

Remus cleared his throat, “perhaps we should call Moody - floo him at least - will that help you stop pointing Y/N’s wand at her like you are going to curse her?” He glanced at Sirius. “She cursed me first!” He cried indignantly. “That’s fair” you replied - hands still in the air, scared, but a now a slight smile played on your features. Catching Sirius’ eye you winked at him. “I do apologise about that, I was loathed to do it but it was the only way Macnair would have believed you weren’t there to ambush him on my behalf considering Remus chose not to hex me straight away. Macnair may look stupid but unfortunately he is highly astute. Insufferable prat.”

Sirius flashed a quick smile at that, before quickly rearranging his expression into a frown.

You couldn’t blame him, the cruciatus curse is the foulest of foul devices anyone can use. Some would say death is preferable.

Remus plucked a handful of green power from the mantle and threw it into the fire place. “Alastor Moody’s house” he called clearly as he stepped into the flames and disappeared.

There was silence as Sirius and you looked at each other.

You cleared your throat “I’m going to put my hands down now Mr Black, ok?”

He nodded tightly and gestured to a chair for you to sit.

Still frowning curiously at you he glanced down at your arms and said, “I have a similar rune to that one on my wand.” He pointed to your open forearm as he accio’d his wand to show you.

There was a line of symbols, runes as he said, one after another carved into the long line of his wand. It was rather beautiful. “I’ve never seen this pattern before, did you draw it yourself?” Sirius nodded slowly. “What does it mean?”

He considered you, his gaze less full of hatred and surprise, now of steady curiosity, similar to that of a guard dog regarding another.

“It means: ‘more or less human.’” You were surprised. Everything you have heard about this man is of cocky, arrogant surety. Not someone who would consider himself half human? You knew a bit about the Black family, that they were up there with all pure blood fascists. You thought he must be like them, he certainly looked like them. His long dark hair, chiselled cheekbones and dress was quintessential of aristocratic grace and superiority. Like it or not, he looked like everyone of the pure blood, supremacist wizards but apparently not if he is working for the Order and referred to Death Eaters as ‘scum.’ Clearly there is more to this man than meets the eye.

Sirius was still watching you, hand tensed on your wand as if he was waiting for any sudden movements. You were struck again by the alarming sight he is as he stood before you. Shirtless, sweat dripping from raised pectorals, running over taught stomach muscles. He was broad chested and decorated in tattoos. Skimming over his frame your eyes caught a marking sitting promptly above his trouser line under neath his belly button.

“I have that one too!” You exclaim, pointing at the mark. He looked down to where you are pointing and raised his eyebrows at you.

“Yes, it appears over my heart when the symbols…well I guess runes appear.”

“This one?” Sirius touched his abdomen “It means a sort of ‘new growth, new beginnings if you will.”

You had never sought what the symbols meant as when they appear you are usually in no mind for researching but also you were always afraid at what you would find. That they would revel further darkness inside of you. Slightly hopeful at finding that you might not be decorated in diabolical signs of evil you divulged further.

“Yes but it is slightly inverse of yours, like the mirror image - is that still the same? What does that mean?”

He regarded you for a moment and then answered gravely, “destruction.”

Your sharp in take of breath was masked by Remus and Moody appearing out of the fireplace.

Sirius, once again, ready for action gripped your wand but relaxed at the sight of the old auror and his friend.

“You can put that away, Sirius I have us covered.” Seeing Moody calmed you and any markings previously visible on your skin, disappeared.

Moody’s limped towards the table pulling a flask out of his robes and handed it to you. You rolled your eyes as you take it from him and administer three drops to your tongue.

How many more times will he make you take veritiserum?

He cocked an eyebrow as you grimace at the taste and uttered, “can’t be too careful, Y/N.”

You sat up and waited for Moody’s questions. He, instead, pulled out a chair next to you sat down facing Sirius and Remus holding his hands out, “ok gentlemen, ask her anything.”

Remus paused, but Sirius straight away asked: “Are you a Death Eater?” “No.” You answer confidently.

“What is your name?” “Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N”

“Who do you work for?” “Anyone from the Order of the Phoenix”

“For how long?” “Since my second year out of school”

“Why?” You stall, you have never been asked this question before. Surely the answer is obvious? Good vs Bad and you were on the side of Good - like him right? “Because the world is not made better by elitist idiots who think they are superior to everyone else, that just causes more pain than anything."

“Who recruited you?” “Professor Dumbledore.”

“How did he find you?” “He watched me at school and located me nine years ago when I was 18 trying and failing to infiltrate a Pure Blood Elitist meeting. They were still prevalent even though Voldemort was officially thought dead.  He said that he knew I despised pure blood mania but I was going to get myself killed if I did this alone or worst be used by the enemy for my ‘gifts’? You signed quotation marks with your fingers in mid air as you said the word ‘gifts’ and Sirius couldn’t miss the distain in your voice.

Sirius paused, then lowered his own voice, “what can you do?” You grimaced and slowly listed the unusual powers you have. Moody who had heard this before did not find it alarming but the two men before you could not hide their amazement.

“Have you ever hurt anyone with your gifts?” “Sirius!” Remus warned as you answer; “Yes”

“Out of anything other than defence” Remus added “No.”

Sirius continued his questions. “How does Remus know about you?”

“I saved his life from a werewolf attack two months ago. At another late night Death Eater rendezvous. I knew they were stalking Order members but I didn’t know they were going to use lethal force. It was Fenrir, he transformed during the meeting and went for Remus. I cursed him and played it off like I missed my aim at Remus, hitting Fenrir instead.

There was silence as Sirius digested this. You had again put yourself in danger of discovery, this time in front of one of the most dangerous blood lustful werewolves and took the consequences. What were the consequences of making a mistake in Voldemort’s ranks, Sirius wondered.

Remus, wondering the same thing, burst out with the question that had been plaguing him since that evening two months ago: “What did they do to you for your mistake?”

You swallowed, not able to hold the truth back, “They killed my dog!”

Tears streamed down your face, the truth potion not allowing you to remain in dignified silence, you recounted the awful punishment from Voldemort and the ‘lesson’ he said you would learn from your mistake. He believed your ‘affinity’ as he called it, to your own pet clouded your judgement and allowed you to mistake one animal from the other. That wouldn’t do and before you could react to what he was saying he flicked his wand - there was a flash of green light followed by a thud and your beloved companion was dead on the floor.

That moment caused you some of the worst pain you had ever experienced and you had a lot of pain catalogued to choose from. She was the only light in your troubling world, helping to make you feel less alone, and now she was gone. It took immense strength to not react to Voldemort then or anytime you thought about her in his presence.

The memory was overwhelming and terrified you to your bones. Scared of anything like that happening again the symbols or runes, as you now know them, reappeared.

“Why did Dumbledore ask you to pose as a Death Eater?” Sirius asked gently, distracting you from your tears. “He knew Voldemort wasn’t really dead it was only a matter if time before he resurfaced.  He thought Voldemort would be interested in me and that becoming a ‘Death Eater’ would keep me safe.”

“Safe?” Sirius questioned, confused. “Yes my abilities did not go unnoticed at Hogwarts. Dumbledore reasoned that it was only a matter of time before Voldemort came recruiting and would kill me if I said no. This way I get to help, rather than be used as a pawn.”

“Do you like your position for the order?” Moody shifted in his seat as Sirius asked this and turned to you waiting for your answer. “I hate it.” You spit, surprising even yourself.

“Why do you do it?” “I want to help and this is the only way. I was happy at having a plan finally to stop all this pure blood is greater than thou mania, excited even to be working for a group and not alone. But the more I learn about Voldemort’s ideas for a superior race and the way his followers talk and act towards anyone else disgusts me. I feel dirty having to agree with them even though I know it is a facade. It’s devastating and it gets to me the blood and torture and hurt they inflict.”

All men remain silent as you say this, watching you pull at your sleeve and steadying your anger. “I’m also scared of hurting people with my powers being used and having no control. Dumbledore has promised to…” You stalled.

“What has he promised, Y/N” Sirius asks.

You look directly into his grey eyes and state; “To take me out if it looks like they could cause me to hurt anyone.

“Take you…?!” Sirius and Remus look, appalled, Moody who’s grim but calm face gave away that he already knew of this potential eventuality.

As Sirius opened his mouth to argue, Moody held his plan up, silencing him. “Are you satisfied she is not a Death Eater now Sirius?”

Sirius nodded and Moody continued. “Right now we need to worry about a cover story for Y/N as to why her and Macnair’s meeting failed.”

“I’ve been thinking about that” you voiced. “I really think you are going to have to administer a delayed curse, one that takes its time - enough for me to get home but not be able to leave. Something that knocks me out for a few days.” Moody appraised you admiringly, however Sirius and Remus looked disgusted.

“Delayed curses are terrible Y/N.” Said Remus. “There is a reason they are delayed - to gain strength overtime and completely floor you.”

“You are not just going to get knocked out.” Added Sirius. You will experience pain to the level of a cruciatus curse but for days as you are paralysed to do anything.”

“It’s the only way.” You continued on before either man could argue again. “I get home and can stage it like I was trying to get into contact with Voldemort before succumbing to the curse. That way when they find me, it will look realistic that I was trying to contact.”

“Can’t you just summon him with your dark mark?” Remus asked quietly.

You shook your head.

“I can’t be branded. As soon as the runes you saw appear, they dissolve any artificial marking on my skin, such as tattoos.

Once again, Sirius’ mouth opened in shock.

“I know.” You said to him. “I spent so many galleons on a full sleeve tattoo trying to hide my markings only for them to dissolve that tattoo when they appeared.”

“How did Voldemort react to you not being able to carry the dark mark?” Remus asked.

“He was…” you searched your mind remembering a white hot hex on your back. “…not pleased.”

“Right then.” Moody stood up. “This has been a great chit chat but we need to get you home. I’ll administer the curse and then you get straight home you’ll only have a few minutes before it begins.”

“Can Sirius do it?” You looked at Moody before turning to Sirius. “I owe you one for my curse and I’d like to call it quits. Just in case you feel like bringing it up each time we meet - I heard you can hold a grudge.

You gave him a rueful smile and a smirk played on his lips as he gave you a curt nod.

“Remember gentlemen, no one can know that Y/N works for us - got it?” Remus and Sirius nodded. “Well as you now believe Y/N is no longer trying to breach head quarters I will take my leave.” He swiftly limped to the fire place, snatched a hand full of floor powder and disappeared into the flames.

The three of you remained seated, Remus and Sirius considering you but with very different looks on their faces. Remus looked pained and apologetic where as Sirius watched you with a contemplative glare - and was that admiration in his stare you wondered?

You stood up, took your wand from Sirius’ hand and stowed it in your robes. Facing the two men you said,  “Ok, hit me.”

Sirius raised himself up and looked at you. “Brace yourself Y/N.”

You nodded holding your arms out. Once more the runes appeared. Sirius winced slightly knowing that though you put on a cool front, you were scared. Each time the runes appeared on you that evening he felt unease and did not unwind until they began to dissolve. He didn’t realise this but he was not enjoying seeing you scared.

Sirius waved his wand through the air, closed his eyes for a moment then looked straight at you. His eyes black with anger he forcefully pointed his wand at you and you felt a cold chill wash over you entire form.

Once finished he lowered his head and drew a shaking breath. “I wager you have 20 minutes, so Y/N - lets get you home.”

As Remus and Sirius escorted you out the front door you stumbled slightly knocking a hideous trolls foot over causing a clanking sound to erupt in the hallway. At once a pair of curtains flew open revealing a woman with black hair and eyes looking down at you in indescribable rage - her face twisted with disgust as she screamed about honour and half blood filth. Her foul administrations on muggles and half breeds rang throughout the house.

You found yourself growing hot with anger, and perhaps weakened by the curse flowing through your body, you were unable to steal your emotions and calm yourself.

One hand holding the wall, the other directed at the woman in the portrait you lit her up in flames. The fire silenced her and allowed Remus and Sirius to yank the curtains shut. Shutting the woman up and putting the fires out as quickly as they had started.

Both men looked at you.

“Sorry” you beseeched. “Things burn when I get angry. Usually I can control it better. I just couldn’t stand what she was saying, whoever she is.”

“My mother.” Sirius exclaimed looking impressed.

You gave him an apologetic grimace before crossing the threshold of number 12 Grimmauld Place and apparating home in the cool night air.

Sirius, watched you go and then quietly closed the door. He looked at Remus who merely shrugged and said “Well you did say you were bored, Padfoot!”  Before turning around and walking back to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

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