#fresh start
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selfhealingmoments · 1 year ago
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positivelypositive · 1 year ago
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🌼
here to remind you...
...that starting again is a sign of strength.
a failed attempt is not a failure. every new beginning is an indication that you refuse to give up.
you're willing to start again & again. you're strong, resilient, and brave ✨
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lovegalor333 · 4 months ago
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fresh start
Lily transfers to UConn in her junior year after a turbulent time.
She needs a fresh start. She needs to move on. She needs to heal.
Lily never imagined that her fresh start would be a person. Especially not a 6’0, blue eyed basketball player.
˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .
"Looks like we both have a staring problem."
"If it gets too much...if I get too much, I'll understand."
"Hi pretty girl."
"I don't think I'll ever be OK, Paige. Every time I try, I think I'm doing good then something happens and ruins it."
"Your sister is one of a kind, you know that Drew?"
˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .
characters:
paige bueckers as herself
nessa barrett as lily
jules leblanc as kelsey
madelyn cline as hannah
madison bailey as madison
gracie abrams as emma
chris sturniolo as marcus
uconn wbb as themselves
story content warning: talks of depression, talks of self- h*rm, mentions of su*cide, panic attacks, vomit, sexual content, homophobia (each part will have its own warnings so you know specifically)
[this story contains some heavy topics. im sorry if you can relate, please reach out to me if you need to, ily + you’re not alone]
parts:
part one (chapter 1-3)
part two (chapter 4-6)
part three (chapter 7-9)
part four (chapter 10-12)
part five (chapter 13-15)
part six (chapter 16-18)
part seven (chapter 19-21)
part eight (chapter 22-24)
part nine (chapter 25)
*more to come*
˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .
my materlist!
i wrote this on wattpad but thought id bring it over here, enjoy 💋💗
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thepeacefulgarden · 2 months ago
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positivelypresent · 5 months ago
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A new week, a fresh new beginning.
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honeytonedhottie · 1 year ago
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a fresh start⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🎐
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just a reminder that ur allowed to start from scratch whenever u want and the idea of a fresh start is always appealing especially if we feel like we haven't been performing or feeling our best.
think about whats not serving you : with that think of ways to replace the bad habits with good ones
reflect on ur mistakes : and take precautions not to put urself in similar situations that u might make that mistake again
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think about whats influencing u : what kind of media that ur consuming, the kind of music ur listening to, the ppl that ur surrounding urself with etc
do things that scare u : when we get too comfortable we dont grow so get comfortable with the uncomfortable so that then growth can happen
new things : do things that ur old self was discouraged to do or didn't have the motivation to do
consistency is always key
and remember that ur allowed to change/reinvent urself as many times as u please.
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classycookiexo · 9 months ago
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life-spire · 1 year ago
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karatekels · 1 month ago
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Fresh Start February #1
BOO!
I'm back, with some ~randomly scheduled~ little snippets of soft little Fresh Start Terry and reader! I know this is shorter than what I normally post, but... I figured this way I'd actually do it, y'know?
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Reunion - Chapter 1
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Bzzzt. Bzzzt. Bzzzt.
Terry snaps to attention, snatching his phone off the desk and dismissing the alarm. He all but abandons his work on the computer without a second thought in favour of taking the familiar path from his home office to the master bedroom.
There is an extra spring to his step as he climbs the stairs to the third floor; it’s the last time this particular routine will be occupying his nights for the foreseeable future.
He has enjoyed his nightly phone calls with you for the past thirty-six nights, having adamantly refused to go a single day without hearing your voice. Not that you had needed much persuading on the matter; it was clear from the way that you fought yourself to stay awake every night that you’ve been just as desperate to talk to him. But – finally – tomorrow would come and put an end to his weeks of suffering.
Tomorrow you were coming home.
His thumb traces the familiar path across the phone screen to dial your number with the sort of tenderness he’d typically reserve for your body, lifting the phone to his ear.
“Hello?” you answer the phone, a tad breathless.
He sits at the foot of his bed, feeling the tension leaving his body at this single sound of your voice.
“Y/N,” he sighs your name into the phone by way of greeting.
“Terry!” you exclaim his name happily, your voice at a higher pitch than normal. What was going on?
“Is everything alright?” he asks hesitantly, afraid of the answer. You sound surprised by his call somehow, though you’d been a part of this routine for over a month now.
“Yes, Terry, sorry. I just lost track of time,” you apologize, and he doesn’t doubt the sincerity in your tone.
“No need to apologize, love. I’m sure you’re stressed about traveling tomorrow.”
He’s briefly distracted by a sudden incessant knocking at what he presumes is the front door, and frowns. He’d normally have received an alert that someone was being let through the gates, and at the very least one of the staff should’ve been there to address this night-time visitor.
Where the hell was everyone?
The volume of the knocking increases and he bites back a growl of frustration, rising from the bed to handle things himself. People were just asking to get fired tonight.
“I’m sorry, Y/N, what did you say?” he asks as he descends the stairs, realizing he hasn’t heard a word you’ve said in his preoccupied state.
“Please don’t be upset with me, Terry,” you beg. “I know I should’ve told you before canceling my flight.”
“What?!” he asks in shock, his voice nearly cracking. You had canceled your flight? You weren’t coming?
The incessant knocking reaches a fever pitch and he lets out a snarl before realizing how it may come across to you.
“Give me just a moment please, Y/N, and then we can talk about this,” he pleads with you. He couldn’t have you getting cold feet now, not after this, not after everything.
He wrenches the door open, fully prepared to lay into whoever was on the other side for their interruption. Someone had better be dying…
“I couldn’t wait,” you inform him, your voice echoing as he hears it from both his phone and your mouth from where you stand on his front doorstep.
---
It takes everything within you to keep from launching yourself at Terry the moment he opens the door. You manage to hang up the phone and drop it somewhat carelessly into the tote bag slung over your shoulder, your eyes never leaving his face. Terry is speechless, looking down at you with clear surprise. You bite your bottom lip, both to conceal your amusement at his shocked expression and your own anxieties. He wouldn’t be offended by you showing up unannounced, would he? Especially after weeks of conversations that revealed just how badly you were missing one another…
Between one blink and the next Terry has snatched you up, tugging you covetously across the threshold and into his arms, and you let out a sigh of relief against his shirt before greedily breathing him in. The shirt he had lent you had long since lost his scent, and you realize how much you’ve come to crave the presence of his cologne in the air.
“Y/N,” he breathes your name into your hair quietly, arms squeezing you so desperately it feels like he’s trying to force your body inside his own, and it only makes you feel like you’re home.
“I guess this means you aren’t bothered by me showing up a day early?” you ask jokingly, your voice muffled as you speak against his chest. You hear him exhale through his nose, exasperated by your mouth as always, before he relaxes his grip enough for you to peel your head away to look up at him.
“Never,” he answers fiercely, his blue eyes roaming every inch of you like he was trying to recommit you to memory. You understand the feeling, your hands moving almost of their own accord up his back before sliding down his arms to take his hands in your own, trying to relearn the feel of him.
“How did you get here?”
“I flew, then took an Uber,” you say, shrugging nonchalantly. “Economy class, too,” you chirp, grinning up at him as his nose wrinkles in distaste. He rolls his eyes at your attempts to goad him.
“I meant past the gates. Did you scale the walls, you little beast?”
“Of course not. I had someone on the inside,” you inform him with a conspiratorial wink. “Thanks, Victor!” you call out, waving at one of the security cameras.
The lens pointedly moves away from the two of you – whether to dismiss you or to avoid looking at your reunion any further, you aren’t sure. Terry turns from looking at the camera to gaze down at you with suspicion.
“How have you been contacting Victor?” he demands.
“I have my ways, Mr. Silver,” you offer mysteriously, biting back a giggle. You’re quite enjoying this moment of having taken Terry by surprise.
“Is that how you’ve been spending your time away? Turning my own men against me?”
“Do you really want to spend all night talking about Victor?” you tease, batting your eyelashes up at him. “I, for one, would appreciate a shower.”
Terry hisses, his gaze darkening as he tightens his grip on you. Well, it was good to know that his attraction to you hadn’t abated in your absence…
“I missed you, Terry. So much,” you confess, your heart physically aching as you think back to these past weeks without him.
And it’s that declaration, rather than your sudden appearance or flirty invitation to share his shower that has Terry scooping you up into his arms and pressing you back against the wall next to the front door, his mouth seeking out your own to capture your lips in a kiss that sets your whole body on fire. You do your best to cling to him, locking your hands together behind his neck while your legs fight against your weak knees to wrap around him, your heart fluttering like a hummingbird’s in your chest.
“Y/N,” he sighs your name into your mouth, “My Y/N.”
Terry’s entire being seems to relax now that he’s got you in his clutches, even as he continues to hold you up against him, your lips never parting. You squeeze yourself around his massive form as best you can, needing to be closer to him and feeling him clinging to you just as desperately, his grip on you teetering on the edge of being painful in the best way.
“Let’s see about getting you cleaned up,” he murmurs softly before whisking you away, still in his embrace.
---
“I had plans for tomorrow, you know,” Terry informs you breathlessly between kisses.
“I’m sure,” you hum in appeasement, your fingers joining the steamy spray of water in its path down Terry’s firm chest. You resist the urge to lap up the droplets clinging to his skin.
“Flowers when I met you at the airport, champagne on the plane,” he offers, his large hands running up and down your sides firmly but gently as he traces your curves with reverence.
Your feet hadn’t touched the floor of the house until he’d set you down in the shower.
“Sounds lovely,” you sigh, half at the thoughtfulness of these gestures and half in exasperation. Terry didn’t truly think you needed any of that, did he?
“A limo to pick us up from the airport, and a romantic candlelit dinner here.”
“There’s always tomorrow,” you remind him, your hands sliding down and around his body to give his ass a firm squeeze. You need him here with you now, not dwelling on what could have been.
“Everyone was meant to be gone when you got here.”
That has you pausing in your ogling of Terry’s body. The ever-present staff had been the subject of lighthearted debates between the two of you during your time apart, with Terry ultimately concluding that you were just self-conscious about others hearing the noises that he intended to pull out of you.
It wasn’t an entirely inaccurate conclusion, but it is one you’ve been trying to mentally prepare for during your time apart.
“I appreciate the thought, Terry,” you offer sincerely, smiling up at him before allowing your lips to twist into a far more mischievous grin.
“I suppose we’ll just have to give them a reminder as to why we’re going to be sending them away.”
Rather than being stunned speechless the way that you’d anticipated, all Terry does it let out a low, sinful chuckle.
“You, Madam,” he murmurs, staring down at you like you were something to eat, “have just ensured a long night for yourself.”
He abruptly leaves the shower without another word, sealing you back inside and leaving you to watch him towel off through the foggy glass panes.
“Terry? Where are you going?” you call, already feeling the loss of his presence.
“Relax, sweet thing. Take your time. I just have to get a few things ready for you…”
---
You force yourself to stay under the hot spray of the shower, trying to relax your tense muscles. You aren’t sure what exactly Terry is planning, but you imagine it’s going to take him a few minutes. Finally, you can’t bring yourself to draw things out anymore, needing to seek out Terry’s embrace once more.
Upon toweling off, you realize he has taken your clothes with him, leaving you with nothing to change into. Your lips quirk into a smile at his antics, and you secure the towel around yourself, moving to leave the bathroom.
The door is locked.
You try the knob again, pushing and pulling the door to no avail. You call for Terry but hear nothing on the other side of the door except for what you suspect is a low, muffled chuckle. Scowling, you snatch your phone off the bathroom counter:
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You scowl, grumpy that your plan to surprise Terry and take control of the evening had been so easily usurped. Huffing, you reply, your thumbs tapping the screen with more force than necessary:
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You frown down at your phone, feeling butterflies in your stomach despite yourself. Put what on?
You quickly retrieve a sleek black and pink box from beneath the sink, lifting the lid with anticipation, your fingers trembling as you brush the tissue paper aside. As soon as you see the contents of the box, you yank your hands away, leaving the box on the counter. Utterly frazzled, you frantically unlock your phone again.
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---
Brad Pitt voice: WHAT'S IN THE BOX??
Updates to the story: Chapter 2!
Fresh Start... starts here! Other chapters, sequels, and stories linked on my Masterlist!
Support my unhinged smut here!
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motivexesmotivational · 16 days ago
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"Success Is Never an Accident: Intentional Choices Taking You Closer to Your Dreams | Motivational Quotes & Mindset"
Success is never an accident—it’s a series of intentional choices, each one taking you one step closer to your dreams. Every decision shapes your future and builds a resilient mindset fueled by motivation and inspiration. Embrace the power of deliberate action and let each choice pave your unique path to success. 
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selfhealingmoments · 2 years ago
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daizyblood · 2 months ago
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(4/4)
Apologies for how lazy the final frame is-
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I cannot express enough how long this took, my back is killing meeeeeee
Previous
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lovegalor333 · 4 months ago
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fresh start
part one (chapters 1-3) story info • next part
word count: 6.1k
content warnings: mentions of homophobia and depression
Lily
Transferring to University of Connecticut in my junior year was my final lifeline.
No one has actually verbalised that but it was an unspoken understanding.
Everyone in my life, back home in Boston knew that coming to UConn was a fresh start for me and a second opportunity at life.
I started my college career at UMass in my home state of Massachusetts. Going to college was just another thing on my list to tick off to pacify my family. Unlike my high school peers, I never aspired to go to college, in fact I didn't think I'd be alive by the time it came around.
"You must be Lily!" A sweet voice pulled me from my inner monologue as I stood in my new bedroom, boxes surrounding me.
"Yes!" I spun around to see a brown haired, brown eyed girl stood in my doorway. I flashed her my biggest, bravest smile.
Fake it till you make it.
"I'm Kelsey." She introduced herself coming closer.
Being a junior, I opted to live in an apartment for my time here at UConn. Four people, four bedrooms. That way I had my own space but still the option to mingle in our shared living room and kitchen. I knew I was sharing with three other girls as there was a paper with all our names listed on the table when I entered the apartment a few hours ago.
Kelsey
Madison
Hannah
and me, Lily.
"Nice to meet you." I say and Kelsey hugs me tight, its a warm hug and I can tell its not just a pleasantry, Kelsey feels kind and that relaxes me immediately.
"Looks like we're the first to arrive, how long have you been here?" She asks looking around at the numerous open boxes with my possessions spilling out of them.
"A few hours - how about you?" I bounce the question back to my new roommate.
"Oh I got here last night. Just took a walk around to familiarise myself. I lived on the complete other-side of campus last year but wanted to upgrade for my junior and senior year." She explained.
"I expect a tour at some point then." I joke but Kelsey nods enthusiastically, "Of course! Did you live off campus last year?"
"No. Well, yes - I lived in a whole different state. I just transferred from UMass." I tell her.
I decide to keep my explanation of why I transferred clean and concise.
Massachusetts was not for me.
I was born and raised there and needed something new. I'm not ashamed of my life and what has happened, I'm just very aware that not everyone needs to know everything about me.
Not yet anyway.
And besides, this is supposed to be a fresh start and how can there be any truth in that if I spend my time talking about the past.
Kelsey stayed in my room for the next few hours and helped me unpack the majority of my stuff. Things were starting to look normal rather than like a bomb had just exploded, I was thankful for the help.
I learned a lot about Kelsey in the time we spent filling my wardrobe and organising my dresser. She was studying Education as she wanted to be a preschool teacher. She was also from New England - New Hampshire to be precise (East Coast girlies unite). She was a party girl and insisted on showing me the bars near-by. She was newly single and was making it her junior year goal to stay that way.
Me too. But I didn't mention that.
Her favourite colour was red which looking at her now, was obvious. She sported a red baby tee and had her nails painted the exact same shade. She couldn't function without a morning coffee.
Me too. I did mention that.
I liked Kelsey a lot.
"So Kinesiology..." She started mentioning my choice of major.
"Yes - it was kind of a last minute decision. I love sport, especially soccer and I knew I needed to study something that I could relate to a hobby or I would have lost interest." I laughed.
"Do you play soccer?" I shook my head immediately, "God no. I have absolutely no athletic ability I just love watching it." I say as we sit on my bed side by side, backs against the wall.
Watching soccer, whether it be on TV or in real life was the only time my brain truly shut off. I was too focused on where the ball was, who it was being passed to, how well the pass was being executed and if the net would ripple at the end of a well thought out play to focus on anything else.
"I suppose ninety minutes of tight kits and sweaty bodies isn't a bad view." Kelsey giggled and I couldn't argue.
"Do you watch or play any sports?" I turn my body to Kelsey slightly giving her my attention, I preferred talking about others.
"Definitely don't play. As for watching, I make myself present if theres a big tournament on, usually at the bar mind you." She points a finger at me matter of factly.
"But enough about me. I feel like I've told you my life story and all I know about you is you're a Bostonian who loves soccer. Tell me something fun! Are you dating anyone? What's your type?" She asks eyebrows wiggling at me.
I contemplate my answer carefully not knowing how to broach the subject. Kelsey makes me feel like I can trust her but in reality I've known her less than 12 hours so don't actually know her. I remind myself why I'm here: to start afresh. I decide to be honest, I spent way too long hiding who I really was.
"I'm not dating anyone." I confess, the words feeling foreign even though its the truth. "My last relationship didn't end so well. In fact, it almost ended me." I quip making light of a not so light time in my life not so long ago. "Oh no, I'm sorry Lily. I'll kill the guy if I ever meet him." She says seriously, hands balled into fist as if she's a boxer preparing to go into the ring.
Here goes nothing.
"The girl." I say correcting her. "You'll kill the girl if you ever meet her." I stay silent trying to read Kelseys reaction to the fact that I'm gay. Living in America you never know what to expect when you reveal something like that, I just hoped mine and Kelseys newfound friendship wasn't about to come to a premature end.
"I have no problem beating a bitch up." The brunette says flicking her hair off her shoulder. I breathe a sigh of relief, the revelation doesn't seem to have bothered her in the slightest. "My sisters lesbian and I've heard enough stories to know girls are just as bad a guys. Maybe you should join the sisterhood of single juniors." She says, raising an eyebrow putting her hand between us for me to place mine on top and join the unofficial club. I hesitate because deep down I'm a lover girl and despite my heart being in a million pieces right now I know I want to love again.
"Hey, there's no contract. You can leave at anytime and theres no rules that say we can't have fun." Kelsey playfully reassures sensing my hesitation so I place my hand on top of hers, "Single sisters!" We both giggle, Kelsey leaning her body into mine so our shoulders are touching.
This feels like the perfect start to my life in Connecticut.
I left Boston broken. Brokenhearted and mentally in pieces.
My once big friendship group had dwindled down to one best friend. My ever growing confidence had come to a halt and years of therapy was thrown down the drain.
My Sophomore year was turbulent at best, coming to terms with my sexuality was a journey and then being outed was crushing and too much for me to handle. Managing my emotions has always been a problem of mine, I feel everything or I feel nothing. Both ends of the spectrum can be scary and dangerous and I did stupid things and made an almost irreversible decision.
UConn and Kelsey feels like the light at the end of the tunnel.
Madison and Hannah showed up at some point that evening. The girls had been roommates their Freshman and Sophomore year so already knew each other well. Kelsey and I introduced ourselves and we decided as a group, pizza for dinner was the best way to spend our first night together. We spoke and ate in the living area of our apartment until tiredness took over us one by one.
As I lay in my new bed in my new room I think of the days and weeks to come. I want to start off the best I can, give myself the best opportunity to love life again. Starting tomorrow, my goal was to find a student job on campus. Classes would take up most of my time but I needed pretty much all of my time filled, that way my mind wouldn't stray. I also wanted to scope out the sports. UConn was known for their amazing athletics program and I couldn't wait to be watching games again.
Oh and of course Kelsey wants to go to a bar tomorrow night, Hannah and Madison too so I close my eyes preparing for a busy day ahead, the melatonin I'd taken kicking in.
˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .
My first day in Storrs as a student at UConn was going better than expected.
Kelsey had showed me her favourite coffee place and it had lived up to her hype. I got my usual order of an iced caramel latte with soya milk. I had unintentionally made myself lactose intolerant after being vegan for a few years. I was no longer vegan but dairy refused to be introduced back into my diet. While we sipped our drinks she gave me the grand tour of campus and then Downtown Storrs. It reminded me a lot of Boston which was bittersweet but I focused on the sweet.
"And that," She says pointing to one of the buildings with a huge Huskies sign, "is the infamous Huskies! The best bar around...well, the only bar around but never-mind. That's where we're going tonight." My roommate tells me and does a little dance which makes me laugh.
We finished our coffees on the walk back to campus and Kelsey dropped me off at the Athletics building where I was going to enquire about a student job. I had checked online and there were a few available, I just had to apply. I figured showing my face would make me stand out compared to the many applicants I'm sure admissions would have to choose from. It also gave me an opportunity to check the team rosters and schedule. I became friends with a lot of the student athletes at UMass because I went to so many games, it made me wonder if that would be the case here at UConn.
Walking into the building, it was obvious there was a gym inside I could hear what I assumed to be people working out. Music blasted through speakers though it was muffled by the closed doors and the clanging of weights dropping further verified my assumption.
The doors were closed as I walked passed what I now know is the weight room from the sign outside. My curiosity tempted me to peek inside the room as I heard a cacophony of voices, girls voices for sure.
I was stopped in my tracks, "Hi, can I help you?" The voice came from an older woman, I looked to her and smiled, "Yes please. I'm looking for the main office, here to enquire about a student job this semester." I explained.
"Oh wonderful - follow me, I'm Janet. Head of admissions for the Athletic Department."
I followed Janet down a few corridors and up a set of stairs before reaching the office. The walls along the way all adorned with various UConn teams holding trophies and medals covered in confetti. It was clear they were no strangers to winning here.
"So we have a few positions on offer is semester. I suppose it depends on what kind of role you're looking for." Janet says sitting behind her desk and inviting me to sit facing her.
"I'm studying Kinesiology so I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to work within the Athletics department at all. I'd be happy with anything." I say and truly mean it.
"What is your schedule like?" Janet asks.
"My classes are most days until 4 or 5pm. Wednesday's are completely free as are evenings and weekends." I tell her.
"Hm OK, we have a position here for a Communications Intern. You'll be assisting with post and pre game press conferences and social media posts. You'll be at most home games on the sidelines, taking notes for our journalists to write in articles and pictures to post on our socials - nothing professional of course, we have photographers for that but the fans like to see some behind the scenes on game days." Janet reads off her screen before looking up at me with a raised brow, "How does that sound?"
"That sounds great!" I replied enthusiastically, "As a fan of sports myself, hopefully I can show game days from a new angle."
"Amazing! Our womens teams are gaining a lot more traction, not just on campus so I'm positive fans who can't make it to games in person will be grateful." Janet smiles, typing a few words then standing from her desk. "I've put your name down - at the top of the list in bold - it's always nice when applicants come and see us face to face." I smile to myself knowing that would be the case.
"Thank you for making time to see me." I say to Janet, shaking her extended hand before she leads me out of the office. "My pleasure."
Outside of Janets office is a huge ceiling to floor window with a perfect overview of the gym below. I was correct earlier, there are people working out and it is girls. I stop momentarily to take in the view below me, my mind automatically goes to my major and I wonder what paths these girls are on. Are any of them injured or coming back from injury? I'm immediately intrigued as I watch them perform different exercises.
"Those are our basketball girls." Janet breaks my daydream. "I suspect you'll be working with them a lot this semester."
I turn to her my eyes slightly widened, does that mean I've secured the job?
"If your application is successful of course." She smirks but its a knowing smirk that puts me at ease.
"Oh, and thats Kayla." She points out a specific girl in the gym, dressed differently from the others and considerably shorter so I immediately assume she's not on the team. "She works here in the main office with me. She's a great girl to know, I'll introduce you."
I follow Janet back down the stairs and through the same corridors we took less than thirty minutes ago. This time I take more care as I look at the pictures on the walls, the basketball team seem to take up the majority. I spot names like Sue Bird and Diana Taurasi which I am familiar with but not too much, in all honesty I've never watched a full game of basketball in my life. As we get closer to the end of the corridor where the pictures get more recent I notice one girl in particular, a blonde, she seems to always be in the middle of group photos, her teammates looking at her with admiration. Her smile contagious, making me smile as if I'm in the picture myself.
"Prepare yourself." Janet laughs as we approach the weight room door. "What for?" I ask now not so curious about going inside as I was earlier. "They're a lively lot." Is all she says before pushing open the door.
I take a sharp inhale, anxiety creeping in as I follow Janet into the room of athletes.
Every single one of my senses was hit walking into the weight room. The noises that were once muffled by the closed doors were now loud and clear. The room was significantly colder than the rest of the building for obvious reasons but I wrapped my arms around myself nonetheless. Thanks to my deep inhale on walking in, I was only now getting a waft of what smelt like a mix of sweat and fruit. I say a silent prayer that its the girls in here because I know for a fact it would be sweat mixed with more sweat if it was the boys. My eyes scanned the room quickly taking in what I just seen from above. I recognised some of the girls from the photos on the walls, not the blonde though. She wasn't here. Maybe she was a senior and had graduated already, a shame if that is the case.
"Hello ladies." Janet calls over the booming music. One by one the girls turn their attention to us and smile or wave and I return the pleasantries.
"A new commit?" I hear a voice behind me ask before feeling a hand press down on each of my shoulders. I unconsciously tense at the surprise contact.
"No, no. This is Lily - a junior here. She just applied for a job in the department so I'm showing her around." Janet explains and the girl that just had her hands on my shoulders walks in front of me revealing herself.
"Oh damn my bad, I got excited for a second." She laughed a little embarrassed, "I'm KK, nice to meet you." The girl introduced herself.
"Nice to meet you, KK." I smile at the basketball player and she goes to join the rest of girls who are now teasing her for basically jumping on my back. I didn't mind, it just caught me off guard. Besides, I'd rather these girls be overly friendly than cold and moody especially if I'll be working with them soon.
"I'm Paige." A slender hand extends itself to me, coming from the same direction KK came from. I take the hand in mine before looking to see who exactly 'Paige' was. "Hi-" my words get lodged in my throat.
There she was.
The girl from the photos. The blonde with the contagious smile and, I'm now realising, extremely blue eyes like the bluest eyes I've ever seen.
I compose myself quickly, "Hi Paige, I'm Lily." I manage without stuttering as I shake the girls hand before letting go, somewhat reluctantly.
Her hand was bigger than mine and it was warm pressed against my palm, my hand tingled where her touch just was.
"What's your major?" She asks and she seems genuinely interested.
"Kinesiology." I reply, turning my full attention to Paige, my back now to Janet.
"Interesting! You'll get along perfect here, lots of bad knees." She says lifting her leg showing off a nasty scar before tapping me on the shoulder and joining KK and the others.
"Lily hasn't got the job yet, Paige." Janet called after the girl who turned around, "You know what to do Jan!" She called back with a grin.
The girls giggled as she joined them and she playfully shoved one of them away. I couldn't hear their hushed words over the music but the way Paige glanced back at me, making direct eye contact, made me think it was about me or maybe I was just delusional hoping the pretty girl was in fact talking about me. I quickly averted my gaze.
The type of scar and placement on Paige's knee made me assume she had suffered an ACL tear. Tough, if I was correct. ACLs are a horrible injury to face but I can tell by the way she squats with a barbell rested on her shoulders, her form perfect, posture just right that it was healed. Suddenly my gaze was no longer diverted and I was just staring.
Janet introduced me to Kayla and we spoke for a few minutes, mainly about Kayla's role and how excited she would be if I joined the team as, and I quote, "The Athletics Department needed more girls behind the scenes."
We left the weight room together, Janet bidding us farewell at the door and Kayla and I walking to the exit of the building side by side.
"Welcome to UConn, by the way. I'm guessing you transferred here? I haven't seen you around before." Kayla says to me.
"Thank you! Yes, I just transferred from Massachusetts. So far, so good." I smile as we step outside into the warm August weather.
"It really is great here. Give me your number and we'll meet up, I know you just met Paige and KK but I'll introduce you to the others as well." She says pulling her phone from her back pocket and handing it to me.
I type my number in her phone saving my contact as Lily Kent - my full name. "That will be fun, thank you. I only know my roommates at the moment so I appreciate it." I hand Kayla back her phone.
"Thats the perks of working in sports, you make whole teams of friends." She says proudly.
"I need as many as I can get, it's kinda scary being the new girl. Maybe I'll meet some more tonight, we're going to a bar." I tell my, hopefully, new friend.
"Not the famous Huskies?" Kayla asks sending me a quizzical look. "Yes! The famous Huskies." I laugh, seems like this place has quite the reputation. "Perfect! We'll see you there then."
"We'll"? We all? As in possibly Paige? Suddenly I need to go back to the apartment take an everything shower, beat the hell out of my face and put together the best outfit I own.
˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .
I wrapped myself in my robe and stepped out of the bathroom. All three of my roommates were in the living area of our apartment. "Hey guys!" I chirped, strolling into my room.
"Hey Lils, what are you wearing tonight?" Hannah asked following me into my bedroom. I looked back at her and we both glanced around my room and laughed.
Before taking a shower I attempted to choose an outfit which had resulted in me tearing my wardrobe apart, clothes now covering the majority of my bed and floor.
"Ok girl, never fear - Hannah is here." Hannah reassured sitting slap bang in the middle of the floor reaching for random items of clothing. "It's definitely a casual vibe but also our first night out. Not all students are back on campus yet but the athletes are so arguably thats even more of a reason to look good." She side eyed me from her place on the floor.
Could Hannah read my mind?
I hadn't mentioned my interaction or reaction to Paige to any of my roommates yet. Mainly because I had made a pact with Kelsey to stay single - not that Paige was in anyway trying to make me her girlfriend but also because I knew we'd probably see her tonight and three tipsy girls around their friends crush well, it wouldn't stay a secret lets just say that.
I also deep down knew that it was probably way too soon for me to even be thinking about another relationship but I can admire from afar right?
I was with my ex-girlfriend for almost two years before it finally ended in May, three months ago. 21 out of the 22 months we dated, we kept our relationship a secret from pretty much everyone. My best friend, Emma knew but that was it. That was the way we both wanted it, neither of us were out and we enjoyed sneaking around and having a genuinely private, private life.
That was until April when I accidentally left my phone in the library and it was found by someone who I thought was my friend. I stupidly had a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing as my lock screen. My phone was returned to me and everyone acted normal, I thought they hadn't noticed. Until that night, a picture of my lock screen was posted into our group chat and all hell broke loose. I felt physically sick at the words used to describe me and my girlfriend.
I was told I was sick, I needed help, I needed to find God and repent. I was told I was better off dead. It all very quickly became too much and I removed myself from the group chat and hoped to avoid the girls that were a part of it.
Unfortunately, there was no avoiding one another when your families knew each other. My girlfriend and I were promptly outed to all of our friends and families against our wishes. It put a lot of pressure on us. I was lucky to have kept a best friend in Emma. She stood by my side when nobody else did. My family were understanding, confused for a while but they came round and accepted me for who I am.
My girlfriend wasn't as lucky and that is what ultimately broke us apart. I don't blame her, she chose a relationship with her family and not being disowned over me. I can't blame her.
I blamed myself though. Me and my stupid lock screen had ruined us. I quickly fell into a downward spiral that was impossible to save myself from. I was drowning and I didn't know how to swim. I have a history of depression and I stopped taking my medication, I had lost all will to even try and continue with life and one night I decided I was done.
Life was not worth living if it was like this.
"Ok! How about this skirt, with this top?" Hannah asked holding up a distressed mini denim skirt and black bandeau top.
I looked at the outfit in her hands seeing the vision. "Yes, but swap the top for this one." I say holding up a long sleeve black shirt instead.
"Girl, it's August and we're going to be inside. You do not need long sleeves." I swallowed, I knew this would come up sooner or later. "Yes I do." Was all I said and luckily Hannah dropped the subject and threw me my skirt.
"Get ready! I'm going to change, we're leaving in an hour." The blonde girl stood up from my bedroom floor and left me alone to get dressed.
"Here, drink up." Kelsey placed a red cup, full to the brim, on my desk as I applied my mascara, finishing off my makeup.
"What's this?" I ask not waiting for an answer before taking a swig of the unknown drink. Vodka. It was definitely vodka and something else. I winced at the intensity of the cocktail. "It's the Kelsey Special of course!" My roommate laughed taking a sip from her own cup.
"Oh close your eyes!" She said doing a little jump, "I have a surprise for you."
“A surprise? For me?” I say doing as she says.
"Ok open!" I opened my eyes to see Kelseys hand opened in front of me, a danity string bracelet laying in her palm. "What's this?" I ask taking the thread into my own hands and admiring the intricate plait it was braided into. "It's official Single Sisters merch, duh!" She exclaims taking it back from me and tying it around my left wrist, she held up her own wrist showing off her matching bracelet. "I love them Kels!" I smile as I get up and pull her into a hug, "Thank you." "You're so welcome Lils, now lets get drunk!" And with that she drags me out of my bedroom, drinks in hand, into the kitchen where Hannah and Madison are pouring shots.
By the time we reach Huskies, its safe to say I'm tipsy. I'm not sure how many shots were consumed back at the apartment but I had another cup of the Kelsey Special and my body felt tingly and almost numb, it felt nice. I wasn't new to drinking and I knew my limit so I knew I'd be fine. We each got a drink as soon as we entered the bar and headed straight for the dance floor. The bar was decently busy, I scanned the room, no sign of Kayla...or Paige.
I'm not sure how long I had been dancing with my roommates before I felt an arm drape over my shoulders, "Hey hottie!" I flicked my head round and was met with Kaylas smiling face. "Oh my god, hiii!" I exclaim pulling her in for a hug, the alcohol had definitely hit. "These are my roommates! Kelsey, Hannah and Madison." I say pointing at the three girls individually, Kayla introduced herself as I finished the remainder of my drink.
"Come meet the girls!" Kayla shouted over the loud music, ushering us through the crowd over to a table in the corner of the bar.
She went around the entire group aquainting us with each other. I was now able to put names to the faces of the girls I'd seen in the gym earlier in the day.
Ice, Nika, Aliyah, Azzi, Aubrey and Jana.
"And of course you already met KK and Paige." Kayla says pointing behind me as Paige and KK approached us, multiple drinks in each of their hands.
I'm unsure whether it was the copious amounts of alcohol in my system or the moody low lighting of the bar but Paige looked particularly majestic as she sauntered over to the group. She had this vibe that seemed to follow her. Multiple heads turned in her direction and something told me she knew how hot she was.
KK was quick to put down the drinks she held and embrace me, I hugged the girl back taking in her sweet scent. Paige wasn't so quick, she handed drinks to her teammates and they thanked her before she turned her attention to me and my roommates. She introduced herself to Kelsey, Hannah and Madison giving them all a quick side hug.
"Hi Lily." She says, her eyes looking directly into mine. I have to look up slightly, the girl has some inches on me, "Hello Paige!" I can't help the stupid grin that spreads across my face as she leans in to hug me, not like the other girls, I'm encapsulated by both her arms, I swear if I was a cartoon character this is the moment my eyes would turn into red love hearts. Her scent was different from KKs, more vanilla-y, musky almost, warm.
"First time in Huskies calls for one thing: INITIATION SHOTS!" Nika says pulling me from Paige and leading me to the bar, her hands on my shoulders.
Once we all have a shot in our hands, Nika looks at me, "Ok one fact about you that no one knows!" She says pursing her lips.
God, the list was endless.
"I'm allergic to nuts." That was the most mundane fact that came to my mind.
"And not just the food kind!" Kelsey exclaims making the girls laugh before we knock back our shots.
Kelseys joke seemed to either go over everyones head or life really was different here in Connecticut and no one hated me because I was gay. Either way I felt comfortable around these girls, welcomed and it was a nice feeling.
I was reaching my limit but still found myself stumbling slightly towards the bar.
"Easy there." A hand grabbed my elbow balacing me before I was able to steady myself. "Thank you." I giggled and my words came out slurred.
I had definitely reached my limit but I waved the bar man over. "Vodka cranberry please!" I ordered feeling the hand move from my elbow to my lower back.
Who the hell was this?
I turned my gaze to my left seeing a guy slightly taller than me with brown shaggy hair smirking down at me. With one hand occupied on my lower back, the other dug into his pocket and he pulled out his card, "Let me get this for you." He says as he goes to pay for my drink. "No, it's OK." I say simply, trying to shrug him off. "Let me." He insists pulling me closer to him.
I was starting to feel uncomfortable when I felt his arm get yanked off of me, "She said it's OK, bro." Paige had inserted herself between me and the creep and gave him a light shove away. "Are you OK?" She asks looking at me sincerely, brows furrowed together. I nod, "I'm fine." I say as I pay for my drink. "Are you sure?" She double checks. "I promise, Paige. I've dealt with worse than a drunk guy in a bar." I reassure her. "As long as you're OK." She says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we walk back to the table her teammates were once gathered around.
Paige sits down at the booth and I intently watch as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and reajusted her t-shirt.
"You like what you see?" Paige is smirking now and I've been caught red handed.
"I um- I-"
Pull yourself together Lily!
"I wasn't staring." I defend myself lazily. Paige laughs, "But you were staring in the gym earlier." She says matter of factly, raising her brows at me.
I feel my cheeks burn, well and truly red handed.
"What?" Is all I can manage as a response.
"The walls are mirrored babe, just because you were behind me doesn't mean I didn't see you." If it was even possible, my cheeks got hotter with embarrassment.
"Cocky much?" I taunt the basketball player before taking a long, needed sip of my drink.
"When it makes you this flustered, yes." She says reaching out for my wrist, pulling me to sit next to her.
We're so close our legs are touching and I can smell the mix of vanilla and musk again. "Tell me something about yourself Lily. Something other than your allergy to nuts...not just the food kind." Oh god.
I muster every sober fibre inside of me to think of something that doesn't qualify as a trauma dump. I look down at my hands, the bracelet Kelsey gifted me earlier poking out of the bottom of my sleeve.
"I joined a club!" I say waving my arm up showing off the bracelet.
"Oh yeah, what club?" Paige questions, head slightly tilted. "Single sisters!" I say proudly. "It's just me and Kelsey at the moment but we made a pact to stay single all of junior year." I tell Paige about mine and my roommate's promise to each other.
She hooks a finger through the bracelet, her knuckle grazing my skin softly, and tugs gently. "Hey!" I pull my arm away afraid she'll break the delicate thread. "What are you doing?" I frown. "Just checking how secure that thing is." She looks at me with that god forsaken eye contact that she's so good at. "Wouldn't want it breaking." She says eyes still locked onto mine.
"Lilyyyyy." I begrudgingly look away from Paige to see Madison practically being held up by Kelsey and Hannah.
I thought I was drunk.
"I think it's home time." Paige says into my ear, her breath hot on my neck.
"Hi Mads." I say standing up, ignoring the fact Paiges breath had spiked my heart rate. "I think we should get her home." Hannah says and I nod turning to grab my bag.
Well, well, well.
I catch Paige, staring, right at me, I smirk to myself.
One point to Lily.
I bend slightly to pick my bag up off the table, "Looks like we both have a staring problem." I say quiet enough for just Paige to hear and quickly turn on my heel following my friends out of the bar.
˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .
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thepeacefulgarden · 1 year ago
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Starting over is not a linear process. Readjust, refocus, and restart as many times as you need to.
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positivelypresent · 5 months ago
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A new season, a fresh start. 🍂
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