#femme gel

[d3cayingdolly]

writing poetry in my hello kitty notebook

[darksapphademia]

once again, femme nails 🥀

[bi-dykes]

Hot girl bubble bath soap my gayass bought

[myceliumbutch]

Bro i HATE when dress codes are gendered like youre all trans people how do you not think that some people don't want to dress feminine.

[genderfluidgothwitch]

Can my period cramps not be worse than my back pain? Cuz literally I'll take my chronic pain over this shit

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

if it’s not too much trouble, could you share a bit about how to better support closeted/ just-cracked trans women?

Okay this is going to be a fairly long response, be warned. Its also based off personal experience (or lack of positive experience) from how I'm treated irl. also its 4 am some of this may be less coherent than I want but whatever.

The basics: name & pronouns. Ask who its safe to use these in front of!!! Dont out someone to their parents or partner or boss!! Otherwise use these as much as possible. Avoid deadnames and dead-pronouns as much as possible too - I am fine with being they/themed over he/him and prefer a nameless "later, nerd" to "bye, deadname". sometimes its unavoidable but many times its not. this is 101 stuff but I see lots of people forget it.

Going out and about: GO. WITH. HER. A LOT. She fucking needs it. Go clothes shopping together and teach her how to pick out good clothes/outfits and how to at least begin to decipher the mess that is sizing. Find her a "spinny skirt" (pleated mini skirt or skater skirt, forgot the exact one but anything similar to those) if she really wants one, I dont care how cringe you find the memes this is more important than Reddit Bad jokes. IF YOU ARE ABLE TO, TAKE HER TO THE WOMENS WASHROOM WITH YOU. yknow how girls go to the bathroom in groups for safety? yeah trans women need triple that safety and nobody provides it like ever, even other trans women. change that and be that safety. also, if youre like ordering food or at the cashier, always use the correct pronouns even if misgendering happens. if she gets a "what would you like sir" from the waiter, you are going to say something like "she would like a cheeseburger with fries and a fountain drink". this will save her ass from a lot of awkward correcting.

transitioning & hrt: if she needs a space to wear femme clothes safely, invite her over or go out together. try to avoid places where people she's not out to frequently go. for hrt, if you already accessed it HELP HER AS WELL. the amount of people who are like one step removed from pulling the ladder up behind them with regards to hrt is insane. so much "fuck you got mine" attitude in this community. anyways, DESCRIBE THE PROCESS YOU WENT THROUGH, STEP BY STEP. mention specific doctors, clinics, etc. if you do diy, mention the provider, what to look for on blood work, how to take it (injection, gel, etc) and send relevant articles/pages, about each part, not just the hrt wiki home page. if you have a prescription, mention ANY AND ALL procedures you went through to get hrt. psychologist? readiness assessment? any other screening process? DESCRIBE IN DETAIL WHAT YOU WERE ASKED AND HOW YOU ANSWERED. this can literally be a life saving thing. treat that information like the death star plans and she is the rebellion. precise motherfucking details. similar thing for any surgeries like ffs, tracheal shave, various types of bottom surgery. if you and her are going through different systems (say, you got it under 18 as a youth and she's 22 and no longer qualifies for that, or she wants diy while you have a prescription) then look up third party anecdotes as well. reddit is great for this as they often have city specific trans subreddits which lets you look at local doctors/clinics/providers & shipping. if she gets hit with dysphoria, "you are valid" CAN help new girls but as a half closeted girl for the past three years, I know I'm valid already thank you very much. dysphoria is different to each person, just be there to comfort her, help distract if nothing else. Teach her to shave if she wants, offer to do her makeup if you know how (some tutorials are made by and for trans women btw! check those out if you can). if she wants to order things online, anything from a flag to a dress to diy hrt, but can't for fear of outing, OFFER TO BE THE RECEIVING ADDRESS AND PASS IT ON IN PERSON. you can also try setting up a PO box away from home. covering some costs can potentially help lower suspicion but only do this of you have the money. in general just be a safe & informative helpful person who is willing to stand by her side.

Other general tips:

- if you are transfem yourself you will know and experience many of these things. do not withhold information like others do. did you have another trans person in your own life who helped you out when you first cracked? if yes, now its your turn. if no, then dont let her lose out on that too. actually support your sisters for once.

- if you are having sex, she may want to be submissive and/or bottom more as these are often "forbidden" when youre male. if thats compatible with you then try to accommodate that, and throw in some gender affirming stuff like a "good girl". praise kink often works well here, but always ask first. teach her how to bottom if she wants. AFTERCARE holy shit aftercare. yeah that should also be at least skmewhat gender affirming. dont skip out.

- the self doubt spiral: "you are valid" are the three words that get way more use than they really should. "valid" is so vague that its near useless. if you can, find the specific root (e.g. "I feel like a pervert cuz I get euphoria boners when I wear a sexy dress") and respond with counter examples that tell her she belongs, she is a woman, e.g. "youre not a pervert, plenty of cis women feel similar and enjoy dressing sexy as well". this is mainly for self doubt not other types of dyphoria.

- she will probably be really fucking depressed and possibly even suicidal at some point. usually close to egg crack or after a shitty experience. personally, I have a lot of passive suicidal thoughts where I dont wnat to make any attempts but wouldn't mind if I vanished, if it weren't for a few things. try to be there as a rock in the stream for her to hold onto during depression. it is fucking rough and in the words of bill withers, we all need somebody to lean on. eventually we will all stand tall together.

I am sure there's more but I think I covered most of the points I wanna make.

[darksapphademia]

more nail posts bc i got a new set for spring 😌

[demilypyro]

shaving my legs detangling my hair getting out my nice dress buying that shower gel that smells like strawberries rubbing in skin cream I GOT A DATE WITH A HOT CHICK WE GOTTA FEMME IT UP. WORK BITCH

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: A Beginner's Guide To Embracing Your Sexuality

A high-level guide for women/vulva owners reclaiming their bodies from patriarchy and/or purity culture and any AMAB individuals who want to learn more about how to support/pleasure their AFAB partners. Hope this helps xx

Let go of any shame: Desiring sexual pleasure and gratification is a primal urge. It's part of human biology (for most of us, at least), so begin deconstructing this shame/validating your needs. Mental blocks are going to be the number one thing that stops you from enjoying yourself or "getting there" once you figure out the basics for your body

Get a mirror and learn about your own anatomy: A roadmap is always helpful for directions – for yourself or to help guide/instruct a partner

Give yourself alone time to explore and experiment: See what feels good, even better, and not so much. Be patient and realize you deserve this indulgence. It is a private, not a shameful, practice

Introduce toys and sensory enhancers, if desired: Vibrators, CBD, arousal gels, sensual music/films, etc.

Read and learn more about female sexuality: I highly recommend Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and She Comes First by Ian Kerner (also give them to a partner if you have one currently or in the future to read, honestly). Jessica Valenti's books are also incredible to help understand the social constructions surrounding female sexuality and owning it as a woman in a patriarchal society. Indulge in spicy books and ethically-made porn for some more steamy ideas/fantasies to explore

Communicate openly with any (prospective) partners about sex and your sexual boundaries: Share about your comfortability, preferences, things you want to try, etc. Don't be shy to speak up or help redirect. Being kind doesn't mean having to be a doormat. Consider all partnered sexual experiences as an act of sharing and exchanging pleasure, not as a means of control or coercion

For my in-depth guide/tons of recommendations, check out How To Embrace Your Sexuality Playbook in the hyperlink (Post+).

[t4tstarrailing]

honkai star rail stone top headcanons

dividers by @/cafekitsune

what is a stone top? a stone top is someone who only strictly gives in sex. they will never bottom for someone and, depending on the person, will never receive oral or handjobs. each stone top will have different limitations and boundaries for their bodies, which i'll be aiming to highlight in this post. you can be a stone top for any reason, be it a result from past sexual trauma or gender dysphoria or literally anything. you can also be a sub stone top if you want to introduce power dynamics into your relationship. remember, top =/= dom and bottom =/= sub.

stone top does not apply to cishet dynamics. as such, even if gender isn't explicitly mentioned in the post, please recognize that does not automatically make it a cishet dynamic. i write mostly t4t content, and everything i write tends to have an undertone of queerness, even if it's a gender neutral reader.

post contains: blade (t4t mlm), luka (trans masc), pre-bottom surgery jing yuan (trans man), gallagher (trans masc bear butch), sugilite (still figuring out gender), sunday (trans fem soft butch), robin (trans fem high femme), ruan mei

as this is nsfw content, minors dni. if you think stone tops are weird or hate the headcanons i have for characters, go argue with a wall, i really do not care.

blade

blade... bladie, bladie, bladie. honestly my favorite character in hsr, but i just don't write him frequently due to reasons.

blade is a non-op trans masc, meaning he hasn't had top or bottom surgery, and has no plans to get either. high testosterone dosage and hairy as fuck. he is also t4t mlm, so all content i write for him is t4t mlm.

he's a fairly strict stone top. he refers to his strap as his strap and, if it's ever referenced, refers to his bottom growth as a tdick. he distinguishes between them and doesn't see his strap as his dick.

in terms of giving, he is happy to give his partner head (favorite), fingering, hand jobs, and penetrative sex. due to his chronic pain and shaky hands, he frequently uses a finger vibrator to avoid cramping and help with his tremors.

in terms of receiving, he typically doesn't receive anything from his partner. if he wants to get off, he'll do it with his own vibrator when he's alone. he really doesn't want to be touched in any way, and isn't comfortable with his strap being serviced orally or with a handjob. kissing him is fine (he loves hard and heavy makeout sessions), and the only touch he's comfortable with is slight hair pulling.

in terms of clothing, i think he wears a light compression top and wears his boxer briefs under his harness.

luka

luka is trans masc non-op, but frequently binds his chest with athletic tape. low dose testosterone, has a fear of needles and uses gel.

i can't really see him leaning one way or another in terms of gender preference, so i usually write him with a gender neutral reader. i do, however, think he would make a nice butch lesbian.

i can see him wanting to get bottom surgery in the future, but not a full phalloplasty. i'm thinking moreso a metoidioplasty, or a "meta" dick.

he's also a fairly strict stone top, similar to blade. he refers to his strap as his dick/cock, and sees it as an extension of his bottom growth. to make it feel like he's getting the stimulation his cock is getting, he frequently uses grinders (x, x, x [leads to literal sex toys, not sponsored or affiliated]) to get himself off while pleasing his partner.

in terms of giving, he isn't really a big fan of giving head and prefers to using his fingers and hands to please his partners. he tends to "babble", he explains to his partner, and likes to walk them through their highs, making sure he can get feedback as needed. of course, he is always down for topping if his partner wants it.

in terms of receiving, he kinda loves it when his partner sucks his strap or giving him a hand job. the visual for it absolutely drives him wild. but, until he has bottom surgery, he's only having his strap touched.

during sex, he typically wears either a sports bra or binding tape, as well as wearing boxers under his strap to keep his grinder in place.

pre-bottom surgery jing yuan

... this is such a weirdly specific headcanon i have for jing yuan. he is only a stone top before his bottom surgery (full phalloplasty), but not after his bottom surgery. after his bottom surgery, i think he tends to lean towards being a pillow prince and wanting to bottom without doing the work.

he doesn't have a real gender preference, and he also doesn't lean towards being t4t. he just dates/fucks whoever he dates/fucks.

he refers to his strap as his dick/cock and absolutely nothing else. he wears a packer most days to lessen his bottom dysphoria.

in terms of giving, he's happy to give anything. oral, fingering, hand jobs, penetrative sex. he's happy to have a power bottom partner, a pillowy bottom, whatever they want to be for him. for this reason, he does border on being a service top.

receiving anything is an absolute no-go for him pre-bottom surgery. he does not want anything to be touched. the only touch that he's happy to receive is his partners gripping his waist to hold onto him.

during sex, he always wears boxers and a top of some sort, no questions asked. it isn't until he is post top and bottom surgery that he has sex fully unclothed.

... post retirement jing yuan becomes a shameless bear and an even more shameless flirt.

gallagher

gallagher is a trans masc butch? bear? butch-bear? idk, i just know he's hairy and fat. he's another t4t guy, dating and fucking only other trans people.

top surgery only and hairy as fuck from high testosterone dosages. he's also bearish, so he's fat and loves when his partners grab onto his love handles.

he refers to his strap as his dick/cock/strap, really whatever he feels like referring to it as at that moment. he does get bottom surgery but not a full phalloplasty like jing yuan, more than likely a metoidioplasty. despite his bottom surgery, he still uses his strap to please his partner.

in terms of giving, i can't really see him being into head. he's got thick fingers that he'd prefer to use on his partner while cooing out praises to them. he verges on a service top as well, but more of like a "playful, teasing" service top that likes to give his bottom a bit of lip service about how needy they are.

in terms of receiving, he doesn't really want his hole or dick touched. i'd imagine he'd let his partner give him head or a handjob or a rimjob, but he wouldn't really be a fan of it. it's moreso to let his partner explore their own preferences, what they like, etc. and it's only with partners he's especially close with and after his bottom surgery.

in terms of clothes, i don't think he's really picky. with newer partners, he'd prefer to keep his boxers on. but after a few fucks, he'd be happy to take his boxers off.

sugilite

.... he has a funky gender but idk what it is. i think he'd make a pretty and/or handsome stud.

we don't know much about him ofc, so i'm keeping it vague. but i'm thinking about making him one of the strictest stone tops that i write.

that being said, he is completely clothed during sex (pants, shirts, everything), does not let his partner touch him anywhere, and does not let his partner kiss him anywhere. any physical touch is initiated by him, even outside the bedroom.

i'd imagine that he'd like to see his partner thigh rid him with a thigh harness, just so he can have easy access to his partner's collar bones and/or chest if they allow him.

with long term partners, i'd imagine that he's more comfortable wearing only like a tank top or boxers/shorts around them. he's a bit more lenient with touch, but he's still strict about being the only one initiating kisses.

once again, reminder that being a stone top does not automatically make them a daddy dom or aggressive/assertive. i recognize that sugilite is one of our first non-white characters in the series, and i want to establish that fact. i already know some folks are gonna be real weird about him when we get to know more about him.

sunday

sunday... sunday is a trans fem soft butch, butch4butch to me. and i love her for that. i also write her as intersex with klinefelter syndrome. she hasn't had top or bottom surgery, but has been on estrogen for a while. so she's grown to be about c-cup in terms of breast growth.

her strap is her strap. nothing else. she doesn't use the term dick/cock or anything similar to refer to her anatomy or her strap. in fact, that is a quick way for her to never speak to you again.

in terms of giving, i think she enjoys giving head, fingering, handjobs, and penetrative sex ofc. verges on service top, but not always.

in terms of receiving, she enjoys being eaten out by her partner. however, she never wants to be penetrated with fingers or tongue, just rimming. she will also never use her birth anatomy to fuck her partner, only her strap.

i'd imagine when fucking her partner, she'd enjoy possible some toy usage. maybe a vibrator against her hole but not inside, or pressed against her perineum. because of this, she usually wears panties when fucking her partner to keep them in place.

if she trusts her partner enough, she'll give them the remote for the vibrator. but she's usually the one in control of it.

robin

... you know the chappell roan song "red wine supernova" and the whole "i heard you like magic, i've got a wand and a rabbit" line? yeah, that's robin to me.

stone high femme, post top and bottom surgery. no dating preferences, but she does tend to lean more towards femme and likes to flirt with soft butches (aka sunday's friend group) to make them nervous and sweat a bit.

robin is one of my strictest stone tops. in that, she doesn't use a strap or a harness at all. in fact, she only strictly uses toys and her fingers on her partner. her favorite toys to use are a wand, a rabbit extension, dildos, suction toys, and sleeves. really, anything her partner wants, she's happy to give. but the only part of her body she will ever use are her fingers, usually gloved as well since she has a bit of a glove kink.

she receives absolutely nothing from her partners and, honestly, she doesn't really feel the need to get herself off. she gets all of pleasure from watching her partner fall apart on her fingers and/or toys.

she also stays fully clothed during sex, frequently wearing whatever outfit she was performing in that day. she loves a quick fuck session after her performance to get the rest of her energy out, channeling it into her partner until they're a bumbling, overstimulated and exhausted mess.

ruan mei

this is honestly a bit of a new headcanon for me, so it definitely isn't as well developed as other headcanons. this is mostly just the bare bones of what i've got atm.

she feels more comfortable being a stone top because, in her mind, it helps her feel more detached from her partner. she feels if she bottoms, she will develop feelings for her partner too easily and wants to avoid doing that.

while she's willing to use a strap to please her partner, she'd much rather use her fingers or a vibrator on her partner. she doesn't do oral.

she does not cum when her partner is around. if she needs to cum, she does it when she's alone and her partner is nowhere around.

[dragonstailbutch]

hey yall. i need you to sit down with me real quick. its not anything awful, im just disappointed i guess.

i started forcemasc, force trans masculinization, with the intent on making it positive and mostly for myself cause my relationship with my body and gender is complicated.

i knew that force masc has generally speaking before i made the kink as it is now, to be mostly aimed at misgendering and detransitioning trans women. A awful thing and in most cases unkind. so when i started the tag and made this space (and i DID make this space, you cantvlie or gaslight me, I've got the paper trail) i wantef to make it positive for transmasc people and people like me, who dont get to feel the positivity of being trans and wanna be handsome instead of femme or hairy or what have you

so im really disappointed in transmen whove decided that not only is it about becoming a man, its about forcing other people into being men, which could be ok in certain contexts, cnc is a thing and im a fan of some of the stuff i see there from yall occasionally.

but yall, i need you to understand that i, a trans butch, started this tag, not a trans man. i need you to understand that being awful to other trans women and similarly other people in our community just makes it easier for terfs and rads and others to target transwomen

i need you to understand that androphilia, autoandrophilia is not a tag to be used for anything, i need you to understand our history, trans mens AND transwomens, that transandrophobia is a thing primarily used to excuse transmisogyny against trans women, not a real attack on trans men.

i need you to understand that forcemasc is about helping someone with their t-shots, putting gel on their chests, helping them feel handsome, sittong with them andbeing there to listen, and not all of those at once. its not just anout trans dudes

and YES i do get to have a say in this tag, i literally made it, its my child, i still care about it, I care about YOU and our community

if you dont understand why transwomen dont wanna talk to you this is why, you purposely misgender us cause you want to feel special, you purposely call us dude or bro or guy when we tell you jot to, when in any other case youd stop, because you think we're dumb or stupid or because youve fallen for the lies of terfs and awful people

[honeytonedhottie]

honey's diary series EP : 1⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍨💕

so i released a poll not too long ago cuz i was curious if you guys would be interested in more personal/about me stuff on the blog and you guys said yes! so im starting a series where i'll be giving journal/diary entry ideas while also sharing about myself so that then u guys can start ur diary journey.

so basically how its gonna work is i'll provide a prompt that u can draw inspiration from for ur own journal. feel free to reblog with ur own replies to take part in the diary series, todays prompt is "favorite things"…💬🎀

♡ money

♡ girl blogging

♡ everything pink and girly and femme

♡ body products such as cremes, lotions, body gels, fragrances, body nectars ALL OF IT

♡ music

♡ journalling

♡ bubble gum (the hubba bubba one)

♡ the feeling of having glossy lips

♡ charmy kitty (such an underrated sanrio character)

♡ SHOPPING

♡ sweet treats like cupcakes and milkshakes

♡ true crime podcasts (I LOVE ROTTEN MANGO)

[lesb0]

as a makeup femme it's so crazy to see anti makeup "feminists" on tumblr going after women and calling them all desperate dick sluts for wearing fake eyelashes and gel nails.

you think women are doing this:

for MENS attraction??? For dick???

You think THIS is what desperation for male approval looks like???

[archangeldyke-all]

Hey!

I was wondering if you could do something with an afab reader starting t? Maybe sevika helping them with injections or the gel. I think she'd be so sweet pointing out changes etc.

(Love your works, they're all so awesome I can't even say, hope you have a great day!)

-🌱

of course!!

quick disclaimer! i'm cis so please lmk if there's any mistakes and i'll fix them asap!!

men and minors dni

"what're you doing?" sevika asks as she watches you blow on a shiny patch of skin on your stomach.

"waiting for my t-gel to dry so i can put my jammies on." you explain between long blows of air. sevika chuckles.

"you decided to go with the gel?" she asks. you shrug.

"doctor said it was the easier option."

"doctor didn't tell me it'd put a dent in our cuddle time." sevika pouts. you snort at your girlfriend. "y'know, you're looking more masc already." she says.

you laugh. "it's my first application!"

"i know, but i swear your voice is deeper than usual."

"you're full of shit." you cackle. sevika just smiles up at you.

"what're you most excited for?" she asks. "the facial hair? the voice change?"

you consider it for a second, trying to nail down which physical change you're looking forward to most. eventually, you shrug. "i guess i'm just excited to feel like myself. on the inside, y'know?" you ask. sevika nods. "what about you, what're you looking forward to most?"

"i dunno. i can't wait to see all the new ways i can make you squirm once your t-dick grows up."

"i shoulda never taught you that word." you chuckle as you roll your eyes.

"and it'll be cool to see how your body changes. it'll be way easier for you to gain muscle."

"i was wondering if you'd help me with that..." you ask. sevika grins.

"oh, fuck yeah babe. i'll take you to the gym and kick your ass-- get you looking buff as fuck. but-- not too buff. i'm not letting you get stronger than me." she says. you burst into giggles. "...but mostly, yeah, the same thing you said. i'm just lookin' forward to watchin' you love yourself the way you deserve."

you gulp, your heart surging as you reach out and take sevika's hand again. "i love you." you say softly.

sevika smiles. "i love you too, baby." she says. "is that shit dry yet? i need my cuddles."

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen

@mirconreadzztuff22

[fizzigigsimmer]

This is my contribution to the Harringrove Relay Race

There's no following @bigdumbbambieyes but take this humble offering.

The Best You (Never) Had

written for @harringrove-relay-race

Rating: M

Pairing: Steve x Billy with a heavy dose of angst.

I was charmed and instantly driven insane by the absolutely bomb Harringrove playboy bunnies drawn by @adelacreations, and it inspired me to wonder about a trans femme Billy, running into her past at a strip club.

Enjoy the adventures of Bunny Hargrove.

And stay on the look out for what @robthegoodfellow has coming up!

When Billie left Hawkins she hadn’t looked to her future and seen herself working at a strip club. She certainly hadn’t foreseen the possibility of having to serve her high-school bully cheap food and lousy drinks in one once she’d made it back to Cali. But that’s exactly what seems to be in store for her – fuck her life.  

Five men occupy the half moon booth and table reserved mostly for bachelor parties and the occasional VIP. Billie’s coworker Amanda has been serving them food and drinks while they enjoy the sets of dancers on stage, but her wait shift is ending and Billie’s prepping to take over – tuning out the other woman as she complains about one of the men grabbing at her ass and being a poor tipper. 

It seems impossible, but somehow it’s happening. Steve Harrington is sitting right there, watching Lacey wiggle her ass in red spandex to a Katy Perry song.   

It’s been going on fifteen years, but Billie would recognize him anywhere. Same slouch to the shoulders and dreamy eyed stare – neither Lacey’s wild gyrations nor the conversation of the group he’s with enough to hold his full attention. Same stupid hair, although he’s changed the shape since high school. Now it’s held securely to one side by too much gel, and she just wants to break it up with her fingers. His laugh still doesn’t reach his eyes, and it probably says a lot about Billie, that some part of her is relieved to see that.  

Her rent might be too high, her boss might be a creep, and her ex is still full of shit, but Steve Harrington is still hanging around with guys like Tommy and faking a smile, so it balances the scales. 

He’s still gorgeous too, fuck him. Billie swallows and forces herself to look away, and not run away like the frantic beating of her heart suggests that she should. She’s got nothing to hide, and she’s not ashamed.  

There’s no reason at all she shouldn’t saunter right over to the table with the bachelor party Amanda was gracious enough to split with her (knowing all about her rent worries) and flirt her way to another month of financial security; except for the fact that even in this day and age, certain people still get funny about people like her and Billie knows these guys. 

Or rather, they knew her before – before she got out of Neil’s house, before freedom, before Billie. 

There’s no reason at all she shouldn’t go over there and take that table full of drunk losers, eager to blow their cash on the club's cheap booze and dancing girls, for all that they’re worth. Nothing besides fear. 

Fuck that. 

The group is laughing loudly about something as Billie saunters up, one last swarm of butterflies taking flight in her belly as Hagen turns his neck to squint blearily at her.  

God, that stupid smirk hasn’t changed a bit – wide and dopey like the dog he is, and mean in the eyes.  Those beetle browns look her over just like they did on her first day in Hawkins, assessing for strengths and weaknesses to exploit; and for a moment she remembers the terror of being under that gaze and all the others like it. The fear of being caught out consuming her, choking her, day after day. 

Sorry kid. Billie thinks to herself with a sway of her hips, right before parking herself up against the arm of the leather couch, warm skin brushing the sleeve on Tommy’s shoulder. The way that his lips part unconsciously as he gawks at her doesn’t make up for the past, but it still feels damn good. She’s a bad bitch and she knows it. Knew it back then but now she can show it and will kick ass if Tommy or any of his buddies decide they have a problem with it. 

But it’s not recognition of any kind on any of their faces, it’s lust. They leer at the shiny shorts that hug her thighs and the plunging neckline of her tiny top – her employer's idea of a uniform. Whatever vindication she feels on behalf of her pitiful high school self, she doesn’t actually care anymore what Tommy and the clones think. 

Billie finds her eyes going to Steve like they’re magnetized.  

She shouldn’t care what Harrington thinks either, and yet, there’s a stupid flutter in her chest (damn it) when Steve looks her over, eyes lingering just a hair too long on her chest to be anything other than interested, before he meets her eye. 

“Hey beautiful.” He leans forward a little, totally present now like he wasn’t before dripping charm he obviously learned in some board room working for daddy. And yet, there’s still some part of Billie that expects to wake up in bed back in the house on Cherry Street.  

“What’s your name?” Steve Harrington is definitely asking, her, like it’s just a pre-courser to getting her naked, and Billie shivers. Fuck is she doing this? 

“Hi Bambi, I’m Bunny.” She teases. Sees the line in the sand and walks right over it. Tommy howls like some chick likening his buddy to a baby deer is the most hilarious shit, and it sets the others off, oohing and ahhing and generally acting like fools as they rib Harrington. 

But Steve ignores them, and the way he jolts a little when he hears that name, eyes narrowing on her in wary confusion, goes straight to her clit. Shit. One of these days her hard on for danger is gonna get her killed. But today it’s got her heart thumping and her pussy dripping as she clenches around nothing, like he’s already sliding inside where she obviously still wants him. She needs better taste in men. She’s sure her mama would have said she gets her poor taste from her if she’d stuck around long enough while Billie was growing up. 

“I’m a sucker for big pretty brown eyes.” She winks at him, sugar sweet and he seems to settle a little. “Can I get you another round of drinks, or are you in the mood for something better?” 

“Bunny.” He ignores the question to turn her show name over on his tongue, slow and curious like he’s tasting it. “Are you on tonight?” He asks, gaze twitching toward the stage and back. 

“You calling me a stripper Bambi?” 

“It is a strip club, and with a name like Bunny.” 

Billie laughs and Steve’s mouth slides into a satisfied smirk, like that was always the end goal. Tommy rolls his eyes and pouts like an overgrown toddler, “Didn’t you date a chick named Trixie?” 

“Yeah. So?” Steve drawls in reply, his focus momentarily shifting from Billie and back to Tommy, which if Billie’s memory serves, is exactly how Tommy likes it. 

This is a bad idea. Such a bad idea. God, Hagen really hasn’t changed, but neither has Steve. Those dry little dig and the arch of his eyebrows are so familiar she feels a strange sort of relief. Like there was something inside her that had been counting down since the last time she saw him, afraid that he’d change and become lost to memory. 

Fuck. That sounds – it’s not, what it sounds. 

“So, you can’t tell a stripper by their name is all I’m saying.” 

“Dude, are you serious? I met Trixie because you paid for her to show up at my apartment dressed like a police officer and give me a lap dance on my birthday.” 

Now there’s an idea, Billie thinks as Tommy, remembering the incident, smiles sheepishly.  

“I’m not dancing tonight, no.” Billie finally answers his question, pulling Steve’s attention back and a shiver goes down her spine when his eyes snap to her. “But I wouldn’t say no to tying you up and having my way with you, Pretty Boy.” 

She doesn’t have to wonder if Steve remembers her the way she remembers him. If the words Billie had said and the insults, she’d flung had burrowed under his skin to live with him the same way Billie lives with his.  

Steve flinches, his eyes narrowing sharply on her, and it’s barely perceptible but she catches it before he’s being nudged at and jostled from both sides by his buddies as they hoot and holler about how he’s been chosen.  

He never stops looking at her. 

The only one who doesn’t seem absolutely thrilled for him to get picked up by some babe in a seedy strip club in Santa Monica is Tommy, who grumbles something about the attention being wasted on Steve. 

For the first time Billie wonders if he might be the bachelor about to get hitched – and she’s the one to flinch this time, as her eyes dart down to his hand. The ring finger is empty, which doesn’t really prove anything, but the pale strip of skin she finds there tells its own story.  

Divorced? Long engagement? Married already perhaps and out to prove the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Fuck she hopes it’s not the last one. Not because it would change anything for her. Maybe it would, if she were a nicer person, but she’s not the married one, and if she started splitting hairs about fooling around with married men her tip jar would be a whole lot emptier each month. 

No. She just plain doesn’t want him to be attached. The thought makes her chest twist up inside and the bottom of her stomach feel like it’s going to fall right out her ass – the same fucked up emotional constipation she’d felt watching him run through the female population of Hawkins High like he was trying to make them all forget they’d watched Nancy Wheeler take his balls and then make an absolute fool of him.  

“Thanks for the offer, Bunny -” Steve starts, and she can hear the butt coming as clear as the others can if the sudden swell of groans is anything to go by. 

“Harrington! Come on man.” 

“Boo!” 

“See what I mean? That’s a fucking ten right there, and you’re going to blow it over some bitch who doesn’t even want you?!” Screeches Tommy. 

Bingo. Thank you, Tommy, with the big mouth. So, it’s divorced. Separated but still holding on to the past – just like old times. 

It makes her smile a little mean as she leans toward him, holding his gaze, purrs - “You scared, Bambi? Worried I might break you?” 

Steve clamps his mouth shut. His eyes blaze at her and her throat goes dry. 

“Oh ho! Careful now darlin, our Stevie boys got a pretty big ego. You might not want to poke that bull if you’re not ready for the ride.” One of the bros says with the kind of glint in his eye that says he lives for ‘big egos’ putting little women like her into place. Fucking prick. 

Steve seems to think so too because he mutters, “Shuttup Andy” as he reaches in his pocket for his wallet. 

“How much?” he asks her, sounding bored. It’s bullshit. Billie licks her lip in triumph. 

“Fifty for a lap dance here at the table, fifty more if you want to see some tit.”  

“How much for a private show?” 

Her breath hitches, her stomach tightening in her eagerness, but somehow, she keeps the breath out of her tone as she replies. 

“Depends on what you want to see.” She answers, and without so much as a pause Harrington smiles – challenges. 

“Everything.” 

Fuck. She’s doing this. 

She’s not delusional enough to think that fucking him is going to heal her inner child or whatever, and while she firmly believes she doesn’t owe every one night stand a complete rundown of her medical history, she’s fully aware of how this is different – of what the upstanding thing to do would be. 

But then Billie remembers the way Steve had started pushing back after their fight that strange night at the Byers house; the way he’d swooped in and pulled the rug out from under her – reclaiming his spot as top dog, just by existing. No begging. No apologies. He just opened the doors to that mansion he lived in and rang the bell, and Tommy and the rest had come looking for supper.  

She remembers the cruel things he said to her as he flaunted his big house and fancy car, rubbing in how quickly it was over once he made it a real contest; because however shiny and new Billie had been to those kids, she was still just trash under it all. Angry white trash going nowhere fast, while Steve was Mr. Somebody. Once he’d pulled his head out of Wheeler’s ass and remembered it, he’d made turning the school against Billie his new focus.  

Pushed further and further to the fringes, Billie’s only choice to keep the jackals at bay had been to fight them off until people got the message and started avoiding her altogether.  

She’s not claiming victim. She knows damn well who started the fight – that it was her own demons that drove her to lash out and try and prove her dominance over him – and that after that night at the Byers, Steve had especially no reason to take mercy on her. 

But just because she’d asked for the fight doesn’t mean taking a beating hadn’t nearly pushed her to the edge. 

Billie swallows back the taste of bitterness in her mouth, from the memory of being alone, broken and desperate, aching to be near someone who loathed her and yearning for the looks he gave so easily to other girls. 

Except now he is – King Steve – looking at Billie Hargrove like he wants her. Like he’d empty out his wallet and spend all of that nepo baby salary just for the chance to get at her; and like hell is she going to turn it away. Revenge couldn’t get sweeter than this. The only thing that could make it better is if he knew. It’s me on your mind. Me you can’t ignore. Me you can’t walk away from. 

But it’s just a fantasy. The reality him recognizing her now or later has her swinging from vicious jubilation toward mind numbing panic on a dime. 

Regardless - Steve Harrington stands up, ignoring the cheers of his drunk friends, eyes locked with hers – and Billie Hargrove makes her own choices. 

Billie is going to ride Steve until he sees God, hollowed be her name. Because she wants him (still) and he finally wants her. Just for once. That’s all she needs.  

She can worry about the aftermath after. 

[jenny-from-the-bau]

I think my fav combo is High Femme Emily X Soft Butch JJ

JJ with blood red lipstick stains on her white button downs. Emily wearing JJ's blazer over her shoulders.

The thunk of JJ's dress shoes in sync with the click of Emily's stilettos

JJ curling Emily's hair for her, then Emily runs gel-covered fingers through JJ's hair

JJ holding a compact for Emily to fix her make-up and Emily carrying a switchblade comb in her purse for JJ to fix her hair