#fanfiction isn’t even safe anymore

[soulless-bex]

the world is going to shit and i hate it

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[pullupinarari]

Who I am away from the lights [LH]

author’s note: this season was hell, but this is just a little something about the end of an era. I keep crying like a bitch so don't mind me, just wanted to write a little something about today.

‼️ disclaimer: this is a work of FANFICTION, I don't mean, by any way, to try and describe Lewis how he might or might not be in real life. 90% of what you are about to read is a product of my imagination. This isn't an essay, I'm not stating facts, I am just writing what comes to my mind without the intention of causing any harm. All the descriptions that you're about to read were just made up by me!

• masterlist

wc: 4646 - english is not my first language! feedback is always appreciated

Lately, Lewis’ mind has been working as an album made of memories. Every single movement makes his brain search for a reminder of every thing that he has lived for the past years of his career. 

Feeling more thoughtful now than ever, he finds the need to be alone for a minute, away from all the noise, from all the eyes. 

Lewis knows he isn’t the same person today that he was when he first got to F1. As the years pass by, the man finds himself continuously growing, in a never ending learning experience through life. 

Nowadays, the man often finds himself remembering the bold Lewis from 2007, who got his chance in Formula 1 to prove his worth. The adrenaline rushing through his veins would fuel his brain during every race, almost in a reckless way, making him show everyone how hungry he was for that opportunity. 

Walking around his trophy room, each award triggering a memory - and when his eyes land on his first World Drivers’ Championship trophy, a soft smile plays in his features. Winning his first championship in his second season in F1 really must mean something, no?

Looking back on 2013, the 28 year-old who moved from McLaren to Mercedes only had one purpose: to follow his heart, to be part of something that had the ability to grow and become special.

He knew he had it in him to make a change, to help create something bigger, something historical. And no words can describe the feeling of pride, joy, and even melancholy spreading through his chest when he looks at everything he conquered at Mercedes. Six world championships for his personal account, eight constructor’s championships for the team - alongside an uncountable number of pole positions, podiums, and victories. The move that everyone considered to be crazy, a take so risky into the unknown, became something historical. 

Apart from all the trophies, the numerous champagne celebrations, the glory, there’s something bigger that was built over time: the sense of being surrounded by a newfound family. 

Eleven years ago, Lewis felt like he had found his place, the team he would retire with. And, until recently, it would have never even crossed his mind that he would be getting ready to say goodbye to Mercedes - bidding them farewell, only to meet them on track, while wearing a different color, driving a different car. 

The truth is, as years went by, Lewis grew up and developed who he is while inside this sport. Today, he is not as bold as the 22 year-old Lewis was - he makes sure to make more thoughtful decisions, to try and manage his own feelings in a much wiser way - even if, sometimes, that feels impossible to him.

He needs to remind himself that his decisions don’t just influence his own life anymore. Now, he has you - to be accurate, you have been a part of his life for eight years now. And a love as strong as yours couldn’t fit just inside your hearts, creating the most important piece of your lives: your three year-old daughter Grace, who is now the reason for every single one of Lewis’ decisions. 

Lewis is absolutely devoted to his family, finding his safe haven in your arms, in Grace’s laughs. 22 year-old Lewis would find it hard to deal with all the problems and anger that would burst into his veins after a bad day. The 39 year-old Lewis feels eager to get home after a bad day, so he can smell his daughter’s hair, watching the way she smiles while he hugs her tight - only to end up cuddled in bed with his wife, the one who makes life seem so much easier when he is next to you, surrounded by a comfortable silence, just allowing himself to melt at your caring touch. 

The driver finds in his family the protective bubble to wrap himself in when things get tough. It has always been like this: you are the shoulder he cries on, you are the one who makes him laugh, caring for each other like your lives depend on it. 

To tell the truth, the last few seasons have been rough: on the team, on Lewis, and on your family. 

Ever since that fateful end of the 2021 season in Abu Dhabi, it feels like things just started crumbling down, piece by piece. The next few seasons seemed like nothing was working out, none of the solutions were making sense. 

But still, Lewis - the devoted man, the devoted driver, was dedicated to work alongside the team, firmly believing that Mercedes would be able to overcome the surfacing problems. 

There’s only so much one can take, though. Weekend after weekend, first a terrible qualification, then a bad race, Lewis would have to pretend like everything was fine, forcing himself to lie to journalists, doing his part until the front door of your house closes. 

It’s only in the safety of your arms that your husband lets his cover down, allowing the biggest of sighs to leave his body, letting all of his anger, guilt, doubts out of his frame, watching them hover in the air, almost creating a cloud on the ceiling of your bedroom, that seemed to chase him everywhere he went. 

Every weekend it’s the exact same: Lewis tries his best to put his feelings to the side, focusing on pretending that everything is okay, playing his part in this theater act that he is a part of now, feeling like a puppet in the other's hands. 

Apparently, he is very good at seeming that way, since everyone appears to buy every one of his words. However, the man can’t stop feeling like everything he does is a lie. 

Who is he, when he is away from the lights? He is a caring husband, a dedicated father, and he wishes he could have more time for you and Grace - and no other weight leans as heavily on his shoulders as the guilt of constantly being away from his family, losing so many important moments of his baby growing up.

Lewis keeps fighting a silent battle with himself: whether he should keep racing or retire - dedicating himself more to his family and his other projects, or whether he should take the offer he has on the table or stick with Mercedes. 

He knows your opinion about it - it’s his decision, and whatever he thinks is best for him, you will always be by his side to support him. You can’t deny that you would love for Lewis to finally slow down, to spend more time at home, just so you could stop holding your heart in your hands every time you watch him hopping into a race car. 

But you know he won’t do it just yet. He still has it in himself, and you see it every time you look into his eyes: the fire that keeps glistening inside of him, that passion that drives him to keep going, the wish to fight for an eighth title. You are just patiently waiting for him to understand that, deep down in himself. 

Even if he has been acting like he is fine, he allows his real feelings to show when his head is hidden in the crook of your neck, the vulnerability pouring from his form while you hold him close, hearing the small whimpers leaving his body as he sniffles quietly. His mind has become a whirlwind of thoughts, questions, doubts, insecurities, not knowing what to do anymore - his real state contrasting so heavily with the unbreakable persona that talks to the cameras. 

Tired of feeling like he keeps falling even further behind, your husband uses the silence to do some introspection. Sitting down in his home office, he rubs his hands together soothingly, as his eyes travel across some of his prizes, pictures, memories of his career so far.  

The realization of everything that has been happening from the past few seasons kills him: seeing the team that he helped put on top, not making it; seeing the struggles, the miscommunication, the never-ending problems that don’t stop piling up.

As much as he tries, Lewis feels like it’s not enough: he can’t take the weight of everything that happens on his shoulders, it’s not fair. He shouldn’t be the one trying to come up with answers about all the problems surrounding an entire team when he is just a piece of the puzzle. 

He shouldn’t feel like he is on the edge of a knife every time something goes wrong - as he should definitely not be the only one giving his chest to the bullets, getting little to no support from his own team, nowadays. This is the reason why he believes that, the longer he stays, the further his salvation slips away.

Over the years, he has met the conception of a family in Mercedes. And it hurts to find himself analyzing the possibilities of going to different teams. But sometimes, we need to let go of what’s holding us back, give a step back to be able to move forwards. 

Lewis understands that, there’s moments in life when we have to be selfish and put ourselves first, before anyone else. And that’s what he keeps in mind while making his decision: he can’t continue putting a team first that hasn’t been able to give back to him, lately. 

On the other hand, the man knows that he won’t be driving for much longer. He is nearly 40 now, and still holds an uncountable list of dreams yet to fulfill, outside of F1. He wants to be a more present father, he wants to have more babies with you, he wants to develop more projects with the ideas that keep swirling around his brain at night. 

Your husband wants nothing more than to continue opening the way to people that hold a story similar to his own, he wants to make a difference. But, inside the sport, he still has one childhood dream to complete: driving in Ferrari red. 

Spending most of his time trying to make a decision, deep down, Lewis knows what he has to do. Even if everyone doubts his move, even if everyone wants to give their opinion: this is his decision and no one else's.

After putting Grace to bed, you and Lewis meet amongst your bed sheets, your limbs intertwining as you have the night time just for yourselves. Lying your head on his chest, his fingers play with your hair as he kisses your forehead softly. 

You usually use this moment to talk about your daughter, about your days, and even about the future. But tonight, you can see it in your husband’s eyes, in his body language, that he has something to say. His muscles feel tense, his breathing is deep, his replies to you sound shallow, like his mind is somewhere else. 

- What’s wrong, Lew? Come on, spit it out. - you encourage him, dedicating your entire attention to what he has to say. 

Taking a deep breath, he finally speaks up.

- I have made my decision, love. - he quietly says, his hand still caressing your scalp. 

Nodding your head, you signal for him to continue his train of thought. 

- I’ve decided to go red. It’s a dream that I’ve always had, and now I have a chance to go for it. I know you want me to stop, but I need to write this page in my book, love. I know I still got it, and I know this opportunity didn’t reach my hands in vain. - his eyes examine your features, searching for a reaction from you. 

Lewis was anxious to tell you, afraid that you might be hurt by his decision - putting the sport in front of everything else, once again. But instead, he is met with a loving smile on your lips. 

- I knew it, baby. I knew from the beginning that you were going to choose Ferrari. I know it was a tough decision to make, but honestly, I think it’s the best one for you now. You deserve another chance, my love, and I’m glad you finally realize that inside of yourself. It was only a matter of time. - your lips connect with his in a kiss of security, protectiveness, shushing away all his fears. - And even if things don’t go as planned, you know you will never be alone. You have your two biggest supporters right here. Plus, I look better in red anyways. - Lewis giggles at your words, hugging you closer as your hand caresses his features. 

There’s a feeling of comfort in your heart, knowing that your husband has made the decision that he finds best for his future, but it’s also a weird sensation. Looking back, ever since you started dating Lewis, he was already at Mercedes - so, in a way, Mercedes has been your family for the past eight years as well. 

They were there when you and Lewis got married, they were there when Grace was born - they’re still there when you take her to some of the races, playing with your toddler, showing her around, teaching her everything about the racing world. So, even if you act like it’s not, it will be hard for you to let go of every moment you have shared with the group as well.

Saying goodbye to a team that has been his family for over a decade will definitely not be easy, but tonight, under the light of your bedside lamp that gently illuminates your bodies, Lewis knows that he will be alright. 

And as the season comes to an end, reality starts hitting him: it is really coming to an end, and he will really have to say goodbye to the team that he considers his family, to the garage that he considers his home. In just a few months, everything will be completely different. 

The last few weeks have been emotional for Lewis - he doesn’t regret the choice he made, but there’s a bitter feeling in saying goodbye to Mercedes, after conquering so much together. 

So, when the driver sits next to his daughter, he takes a look at what she is drawing. 

- Daddy, look! That’s me, mummy, you and Roscoe! - the toddler says, her tiny fingers fidgeting with the pencils in front of her as she points to every member of your family. 

Lewis takes a moment to inspect the drawing, noticing how the little girl even tried to draw him wearing his racing suit, the purple and yellow over his head signaling that he had his helmet on.

- That’s so beautiful, princess! You are such a talented artist. - a genuine smile plays on Lewis’ lips, his arm easily wrapping around the girl’s small figure, hugging her as he leaves a kiss on her cheek. 

Grace giggles at the compliment, giving her daddy a kiss back, before a frown appears on her face.

- I was trying to draw your car, but I can’t, daddy. Can you help me? - the three year-old shyly asks, earning another kiss from her daddy as he scoots closer to the table, grabbing a pencil as well.  - Do you want to draw daddy’s racing car? - he confirms, getting a nod from his baby. 

Handing her the pencil, his hand holds her little one, helping her trace the lines of something similar to a racing car. These are the moments that he cherishes, that he yearns to have more and more of as he senses time ticking by. 

He looks at Grace, and he notices how fast she is growing, developing her personality and interests in front of him, and he just prays that he won’t miss much of her life while he is away. He hopes that, somehow, she can wait for him to grow, so Lewis can be the father that he always dreamed of being, being faithfully by his girl’s side.

- Are you excited to go to daddy’s last race before Christmas? Yeah? - he asks, smiling as his princess excitedly nods her head. She hasn’t been to many races yet, but she seems to love the paddock, the garage, and everything surrounding the races. - Is this the one when we are saying goodbye, daddy? - the girl absently asks, leaning her head on her dad’s chest, her big eyes looking up at him. 

After a second of silence, Lewis replies. 

- Yes. Yes it is, love. - he kisses his daughter’s forehead, reality hitting him. This is it. - Can we still be friends with everybody? I like them, daddy - the kid innocently says, making Lewis’ heart feel tight in his chest. - Of course, my love. We will always be friends. - with another kiss to her hair, the driver feels how the toddler’s words sink in his chest.

And after a brief moment, an idea pops in his mind. 

- How about we write a message to Mercedes on your drawing, baby? Do you think that would be a good idea? - he suggests. - Would they see my drawing, daddy? - the girl curiously asks, and Lewis nods at her words. He will personally make sure that everyone will get to see it. 

Grace chooses a pink pencil, and while Lewis holds her hand again, they carefully write each letter together: ‘Thank you, Mercedes’.

In that moment, Lewis realizes that this won’t take a toll only on him. It will also affect his family, his close ones that were used to meeting him at the same garage for the past eleven years.  

When the final weekend of the season arrives, it takes a lot of emotional strength for everyone to stay in the right frame of mind, to deal with the suffocating emotions that hover in the air. 

Lewis makes sure to be as present as he possibly can, wanting to enjoy each moment, each person to the fullest, experiencing every detail of this team for the last time.

He wants to do everything he can to enjoy his time. That’s why he takes every single person from his team on a hot lap, sharing one final moment with each face that he grew so familiar with for the past years. 

After the entire group had their portion of hot laps, your husband stops the car next to you and Grace, signaling for you two to enter. Sitting your daughter safely in your lap, locking the seat belt around her body, you and Lewis share a smile - one of love and companionship: in the end, you are his team, the one he keeps running to in the good and the bad. And you know what this weekend means to him and to you as a family.

- Are you driving, daddy? - Grace nudges his arm with the tip of her finger, making Lewis’ eyes focus on his mini-version. - You want to go for a lap, love? - he giggles as the girl chants ‘YES!!!’, nodding and clapping at her dad’s offer. 

Starting the car, Lewis starts driving around the track with the utmost caution, barely pressing the throttle of the vehicle, just so his daughter could have a look at the views her daddy has when driving around the track, while the sun is slowly hiding in the horizon.

The little girl doesn’t look impressed at all, and Lewis continues to study her facial expressions. 

- Aren’t you enjoying the drive, baby? - he asks. - The car seems to move a lot faster on the telly - she explains, looking almost disappointed by how slow the car is actually moving.

You and your husband laugh in unison at her complaint. 

- It’s camera magic that makes us look faster, baby. - he gently explains with a wide smile, amused by his daughter’s reactions. - How dangerous was it if daddy was driving around super fast? We can’t do that, love. - he tries to reason with her now, while the girl has no idea of speed. 

The toddler just wraps her small arms in front of her chest, patiently waiting for the ride to come to an end, as her big, curious eyes still look around the track, memorizing every detail. 

Holding Grace safely in his arms, he brings you into the garage after the hot laps, gathering his team to show everyone his new helmet for the last race with Mercedes. Uncovering it, the helmet shows his daughter’s drawing of little Grace, Roscoe and you cheering on Lewis - who’s ready to race with his car beside him. Under the drawing, the words ‘Thank You, Mercedes’ that Lewis had helped his little one writing, stand. Holding it in his hands, he proudly shows it to the group, a joyful smile splattered on the driver’s face. 

The toddler’s eyes wide immediately, her mouth agape as she covers it with her small hand - surprised to see the figures that she drew, on her dad’s helmet. In fact, he wasn’t kidding when he said he would make sure that everyone would get to see it.

- That’s my drawing! I did that! - the girl points out, repeating the words more than once, so everybody can know that she is, indeed, the artist of that masterpiece.  - You were the one drawing this amazing helmet, Gracie? - Bono asks, nudging the kid while smiling. - Yes! - the girl nods. - My daddy isn’t a good artist. Daddy helped me draw the car, but I don’t think it looks like the real one - the entire group laughs at her words, while Lewis puts a hand over his heart, pretending to be hurt by his child’s words, playfully. 

Amongst the laughs and smiles, some warm tears appear on the corners of your eyes. There’s a mix of different emotions diving inside of your chest: it’s sad to leave the group who knows you so well behind, but it’s also exciting to know that your family will enter a new, important phase soon. 

And there’s a feeling of familiarity here, at this moment: it’s your family, thanking the group that took you in, that supported your husband and nestled him so many times before - the family that you found in F1. 

After another disappointing qualification, Lewis was still trying to keep his spirit high, just wanting to enjoy his last time with the car. You spent the entire weekend feeling emotional, always on the verge of tears as things started to feel more and more real. It’s sunday, now. This is it, this is the moment when one of the most historical partnerships in Formula 1 would come to an end.

Your husband reaches for you and Grace, the traditional ‘good luck’ kiss shared between you two as Lewis hugs his princess, who also wishes him a good race. Seeing your other half climbing, for the last time, into a Mercedes car, is enough for the burning sensation in your eyes to come back - your mind reminding you of all the races, all the stress, the victories, the chants, all the stories and memories that you have in this team’s garage. 

Even if the last few seasons haven’t been good for your husband, both of you decided to leave with a feeling of gratitude, knowing that a part of yourselves will always belong in this group, after sharing such a huge chapter of your lives with all these people. 

Picking on the skin on your lips, on your nails, trying to find ways to relieve the usual stress that creeps through your body while you watch Lewis racing, you feel like every sensation is heightened by how fast your heart beats in your chest today.

Lewis is starting from p16, and your hands shake slightly as you try to hold Grace close to you, almost unable to contain the anxiety running through you now - analyzing the chaotic start, your heart sinking for some of your dear friends that didn’t get to finish their last race before leaving F1 - and, looking at the leaderboard on the side of the screen in front of you, a warm smile spreads across your features when you see Lewis’ performance. From p16 to p4 with a passion and talent that he, undoubtedly, still has in himself. 

From the donuts, to the crowd chanting his name, the team radios, to the way he stays inside the car a minute longer to try and calm down his cries - to say that you are a mess now, would be an understatement. 

Immediately running to hug you, the man hides his face in between you and your daughter’s figures, merging himself in the most healing, safe hug that he has ever known. 

Lewis feels the love - emanating from his body, receiving it back from everyone around him, the fans, the team, and he knows that everything that he conquered with Mercedes was real, it was the result of a true, mutual partnership. 

But Lewis can’t keep setting fire to his soul to warm up the team, so the group won’t burn alone. He gave his soul, sweat, blood and tears to Mercedes - and he doesn’t regret it, because he also got a lot back from them. However, the only person Lewis would burn his entire self for, is his daughter.

Savouring every moment, your husband makes sure to speak to every single person in the crew, having a proper farewell from the ones who helped him the most when he was on track for so many years. Pictures, hugs, some tears, this is a moment that will forever be engraved in his mind.

- We dreamed alone, but together we believed. - your husband confesses, breathing as he tries to wrap his own brain around what this moment means.

It’s the end of an era, a door that closes but that, in reality, will always have a crack open - due to everything that ties Lewis and Mercedes together, a duo that will never be forgotten. 

It’s with pride in his heart and a light spirit that he leaves the silver arrows family now, knowing for sure that he leaves a significant part of his legacy connected to the team - whether it’s titles, or changes within the sport that he managed to draw attention to. 

Thanking Mercedes “for all the courage, determination, the passion - for seeing him and supporting him”, Lewis is, more than ever, ready to hold your hand as he takes another challenging step into the future, into a new era of his career: Hamilton in red.

Now, it’s time to stop pretending. It’s time to embrace a new phase that will test him even further, to delve into a new team, surrounding yourselves with different people, with a glimpse of hope for what the future holds for you and your family. 

It will definitely feel strange to hear his next team radios without having Bono guiding him, without hearing the iconic “Lewis, it’s hammertime”, it will definitely feel weird to see him in the same context, but with a whole new crew beside him. But that’s what you’re here for. 

Because, just like your husband said: 

- What started out as a leap of faith, turned into a journey into the history books. 

And that will never, ever be forgotten. 

Kissing Grace on the cheek, holding her close to his heart as his fingers intertwined with yours, Lewis is ready to move forward with the most important piece of his entire life: his family. 

With the legacy he keeps building, he thinks about the 2007 Lewis when he first got to Formula 1, the 2013 driver who tried his luck at Mercedes and succeeded. He couldn’t be prouder of himself, and it’s a feeling that you two share. 

For 2025, the future is bright, brighter than he thinks, as a new team is ready to welcome him with open arms, ready to continue writing his name in history, while a new baby Hamilton will be born in this upcoming, Ferrari era - he just doesn’t know about it yet. 

[sufferu]

You mentioned that one of your favorite elements in BTZ is that things can always get better, and it's never too late to make things right. Do you think the cast has a chance to fix any of the IF story Subarus, assuming they see those IF stories?

Please have Pridebaru as the comic relief no one takes seriously, and Slothbaru trying to help in between showing everyone pictures of his kids for the 15th time today

I’m gonna assume that these IF!Barus got sent back in time with all their. Issues.

Ayamatsu: They’ve kinda got to take him seriously enough to make sure that he doesn’t Do That again, and it’s not really comic relief anymore if he’s Right There and not just something out of a bad fanfiction. But — yeah, they might be able to. They’ve just got to get it through his thick skull that the world he is in is real and populated by real people whom he should be treating with respect. This isn’t something that would happen immediately, and they’d probably need to keep him under lock and key, but they might be able to figure it out eventually.

Oboreru: They capture him and release him into a maximum-security cell decorated with a large bed, plenty of blankets and pillows, and an army of soldiers right outside the door. If they can make Subaru feel that this room is safe and secure, then they can eventually use it as an anchor from which he can be escorted out and slowly readjust to the world around him. Wrath!Baru main problem is that he is this paranoid mess of a man that is constantly afraid of being betrayed, and his main threat to them is his Pleiades organization. If they can put him in a position where he can’t leverage his criminal organization against them (because it doesn’t exist), then they don’t have to worry about him killing them and can focus on helping him recover. And if they can construct an environment that is quiet, secure, and predictable, then recovery may indeed be possible.

Sloth:IF: Honestly Sloth!Baru never even really did anything wrong, his only real sin was that he could never come to terms with what happened that day he left. Even if he had never gone back in time they could help him: just get him in therapy to confront his inner demons and realize that 1) the Witch Cult was not his fault and 2) him running to the other side of the world to live a long, safe, and happy life with Rem is EXACTLY what Emilia would have wanted him to do, and he doesn’t have to feel guilty about keeping himself safe. The main issue is honestly that if he goes back in time he loses his wife and kids and — the grief from that would legitimately break him.

Kasaneru: I actually think that things can still be fixed in canon!Kasaneru. Nobody is dead, and so things can still be fixed, because healing is always possible so long as you’re not dead yet. I actually really like the idea of Greed!Emilia learning about RBD and — instead of letting it break her further — finally finding the strength to grow and break free of her chains on her own, leading everyone against Subaru so that he can finally be forcibly resigned and put to rest. In a time-travel scenario, meanwhile, their main issue is keeping Greed!Baru away from anything he can use to kill himself and making sure someone is watching him at all times as they force-feed him therapy about the value of his life. Constant surveillance and plenty of security measures and they indeed might manage to pull it off. —And also they’d need to destroy his connection with Echidna, if possible.

Tsugihagu: If they had the proper context as to why the fuck Subaru is like this, then they’d probably be able to solve it just by having a conversation with him about who he is to them, why they like him, and how any Subaru is a good Subaru, memories or not. The main issue would be the Books of the Dead and how he now has schizophrenia and also an unnerving amount of knowledge about half the cast, which. They could probably deal with that with time but it’s kind of unnerving at the moment.

[cawyden-gaming]

Christopher Tester (Heinrix VA) voice acting a part of my fanfiction Immortalium.

It is a scene that isn’t posted yet that follows the game event in act 4 where the Rogue Trader can disappear again on a companion quest (spoiler for the companion below and in the video).

While sadly not in the game, I think we can imagine the emotions Heinrix must be going through at this moment:

He is angry with himself, that he wasn't able to prevent this from happening, angry with whoever is responsible for the Rogue Trader to disappear

He is emotionally hurt and in great pain as he just lost the woman (again), that he fell in love with

The sheer helplessness that he can't do anything to help her come back

There are moments where he clinges on hope and where he tries to keep control over his emotions, to distance himself from the pain like he always does

He is remorseful over things he said and did that hurt her, and the missed opportunities to make it right (this is specific for my fanfic)

The voiced scene is Heinrix trying to write a letter to his beloved Rogue Trader, even if his words might never reach her. While writing, he voices his thoughts about the whole ordeal.

I hope you enjoy Christophers very emotional performance as much as I did:

The whole text (as I mentioned, this is while he is trying to write a letter):

“Dear… no.”

“Lord Captain...”

“I... I lost you.”

“And now we are dragged against our will along the unpredictable currents of the warp, unable to steer a path of our own, to break away into realspace once again, a plaything of volatile forces. But we shouldn't even be here, it wasn't planned and the usual protocols and rituals were not done. What were you and Lady Cassia doing in the sanctum? Why was no one else informed? What were you hiding? Would you have told me if things had been different between us?”

“No. No! Right on this ship, right under my nose ... what am I not seeing?”

“Gone. How many hours have I spent in front of this accursed painting, looking for a sign, a trace, wondering if something would drag me through it like it did with you? Granting me relief by uniting me with you or a slow death of agony in the horrors of the warp.”

“Nothing. Despite everything I tried, everything I did, all the investigations, interrogations...can you believe that I even asked Idira for help, to listen to the voices in the warp against my better knowledge and judgement, still leaving me with nothing that brings me closer to you, to help you return.”

“What good is the authority of my position, years of experience that refined my skills and abilities, all my collected knowledge, even my sorcery, if it can't help me protect or save the one who matters most to me?”

“Trap after trap after trap we went through - with open eyes. Even the one I knew was coming. Whatever happened now, took me by complete surprise. It shouldn't have.”

“I can't sleep and I am too tired to think clearly anymore. I am at a loss.”

“No. Focus, van Calox. I won't give up - there must be an explanation, a solution, a better way than just waiting for another miracle to happen. I have to do something, anything to bring you back. It can't end like this.”

“Every day can be the last … I learned this lesson far too well – why didn't I act like it? Letting valuable time run through my fingers as if we had eternity to spend. As if there was for sure a tomorrow to tell you what I need you to know, to make things right, to get another chance to hold you, to be with you.”

“I only ever wanted to protect you. I failed. Again. Trying to keep you safe but all I accomplished was to push you away and to hurt your feelings in the process. I was blinded by revenge against the Xenos, for all the pain and suffering they had inflicted upon us. By my concern and fear it could happen again. If I had done things differently maybe... but now it's too late.”

“Hope. How often is it used as a tool, perverted in a cruel attempt to increase the pain of suffering? I have seen it countless times. Did it myself. And yet, it is all I have left. I hope for your safe return. For another chance for both of us, one I would dare not waste again.”

“Commoragh. We returned, against all odds. Maybe we were just pawns in a game of gods. I like to believe the Emperor watched over us in this forsaken place. I hope he still watches over you and helps you return once more, wherever you are. Because I, apparently, can't.”

“Please come back to me.”

[noxcheshire]

Deathstroke kept working at the lock on the upstairs window while talking to him, calling him "Nightwings secret son" in the creepiest voice Danny has ever heard as Danny watched him from the computer monitor. This guy had been trying to break in and kidnap Danny for days but the house keeps fighting him off and Danny was on his very first stay-cation away from ghosts. He wasn't going to deal with this wierdo if he could avoid it.

He had put a lot of work into setting this up. He and Jazz had convinced thier parents to go to a two week occult conference in Fawcett City and leave Danny home alone while Jazz was off taking collage classes in Central City in hopes that it will help her get into her dream collage when she turns 18. Danny even sent Vlad on a while goose chase that sent him into the path of that trench coat guy people kept warning him about before shutting down the portals.

Danny refuses to let all of his effort go to waste and the house is pretty well defended so he decided to just use this as entertainment as he munches on dry cereal.

They didn't have any popcorn in the house and he's not leaving with captain crazy still out there.

Eventually Danny gets bored and @s Nightwing on Chirper simply telling him that Deathstroke was trying to kidnap him and it has something to do with Nightwing. He sends him a fail compilation video of all the times Deathstroke failed to get into the house and getting progressively more angry. The last video showed Deathstroke absolutely enraged.

Danny thought that Nightwing probably had a similar situation with Deathstroke that Danny himself have with Vlad and that he'd laugh and show it to all his superhero friends and they'd mock him together.

He was not expecting half of the batclan in Amity Park 3 hours later. Nor was he expecting to get kidnapped by the bats the moment he was out of the house.

He was most upset by everyone calling him a dick though. Was what he did really that bad? Talking back to adults usually didn't get him anywhere so he just kept quiet and went with them, expecting to have to give testimony to the police or something.

[jikookficsdiarry]

I’ve been in the jkk space for the past 7 years and one creative aspect of the fandom that I love and cherish is the fanfic aspect of it!

I’ve been an avid reader of jkk fanfics and witnessed eras and waves of popular authors come and go. I feel like recently, fanfic isn’t given enough love and (idk maybe it’s just my perspective) but I feel like the jkk writing community has diminished over the years. This is most definitely because of the amount of hate and harassment authors receive. The amount of authors I follow on Twitter who have completely stopped writing for jkk or even left the fandom breaks my heart.

So, thank you for sharing these stories so we’re exposed to all these wonderful creators! Accounts like yours are so important for maintaining creative spaces within fandoms!

Your account and recommendations have actually helped me through the reading slump I’ve been in so, thank you again! <333

Honestly! I can't thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and your words are greatly appreciated!! Thank youu🥹🤍

I completely agree with you. There are so many authors and stories that do not get the recognition and the love they deserve. I am grateful for the writers, for always comforting us with their stories. I had to leave twitter too because of the toxic environment pertaining to fanfiction and so many authors who were my friends and some still were harassed. A lot of fan fic rec accounts were harassed too when i left twitter in 2022. I have writer friends who have left twitter because of the constant bullying and similar experiences, and it hurts me that they will never feel safe on that app anymore. So many authors have deleted their stories because of the harassement, and it is so disheartening. I somehow managed to gain courage to open a twitter account but deep down I am still afraid. This is the main reason I don't post on my Twitter account. I was so afraid to begin this account, but jikookficsdiarry has become my safe place🤍🥹

I really wanted a platform where I could still express my love for writers and fanfiction and jikook without being afraid. I am so greatful to have finally found it. Never in a million years I thought I would be able to help people in some kind of way through this account, and I am so so happy that I could🥹🤍 thank you so much for sharing your thoughts🤍 and im sending you the biggest hug🤍

To all the fic readers, all I am saying is to be kind and respect writers and their stories if you can. They deserve the love and appreciation when they write beautiful stories that don't hurt anyone and just bring you happiness. If you don't want to read them, then that's definitely your choice, but instead of hating on them and their creative work, maybe just not say anything and move on. Choose kindness everyday🤍.

~Nel

[squid-socks]

Things I do for my mental health that has helped a lot:

General:

A “makes me happy” list on my phone I frequently read and add to. The rule is that I have to be SUPER specific on each point. I can’t just put “the rain” bcs then I’d just write that 100 times🥹

I make sure to delete unhelpful apps. Tt hasn’t been on my phone in years. And red note is on its last warning before it’s gone too.

I do my best to keep an easy to clean space. So I have all the things that make me happy visually available BUT not to such an extent i can’t wipe down a counter. Cleanliness keeps my brain from shattering😅

All my favourite creative projects or favourite successes are visually available. None that are triggering! Especially post cards of good memories with family. I want to have more family photos this year but we have tension so I find looking at their faces triggering right now. Hopefully with a few more years that feeling will fade❤️

I go outside every day - even if it’s just in my backyard or something.

Animal treats✨ I keep sugar water for bees, nuts for squirrels, oats for ducks, and seeds for birds in my bag and at my windowsills. The squirrels often come knocking at my door for a treat. It makes the days I’m stuck inside less painful. And it’s always nice to know you are helping.

3 drinks. One for hydration, one for energy and one for health✨ (my energy one is usually my fun drink✨✨)

I have a “shut up brain” time that I’m trying my best to implement. Any thought after like 9 is mid and any after 11 is worthless😅 then it’s a race to fall asleep before 3 or I’m in hell✨✨

I always have peppermint and roasted rice tea in my cupboard. Roasted barley tends to work better for indigestion but I can’t really drink it anymore😑 but all are so easy to make ❤️ just buy some of the cheap dried bags and toast them on a stove. Then soak them in hot water till they mostly sink and the Color darkens✨

I write FanFiction or short stories. ✨✨ it’s how I process my own crap without having to journal and feel so raw. 😀

A collection of calming videos album on my phone✨✨

TW. A “don’t jump” playlist✨😅 and a “don’t jump” plan of action. Plus things I’m not allowed to do when I feel like that. One of the reasons I’m mostly sober😅😌🫶

Supplements: (I’m not a doctor please make sure if you want to try these they are safe to take with your medications. Or if you commonly take pain meds - make sure there isn’t a risk for you)

Ashwaganda - numbs you out - you still freak out but it’s far away. I only use it during a bad spell to avoid taking my panic medication🌝 (don’t do what I do) My mom uses it to help her sleep✨

Lions mane - you need to make sure the brand you use is good! But it’s helping my brain heal so much. That depression damage is no joke! I don’t realise it’s helping till I either do a complex task surprisingly quickly or I forget to take it a few days.

Turmeric - this is a blood thinner so I wouldn’t recommend it with ibuprofen. But helps a lot with my inflammation.

Vegetarian omega 3 or from small fish. Bcs I have a bad heart and blood - this is what my dad has taken for years to help his so I’m copying as I assume genetics?

Gingko - one my dad takes again for his vitiligo. I don’t have it anywhere but maybe my eyes - unsure as it’s fairly faint and I’m very pale😅. But vitiligo increases during bodily stress so if gingko is lessening that condition then maybe it helps with stress? (I copy what my dad takes as genetically we have a very close profile and he’s been chronically ill and neurodivergent his whole life without even seeming really to know or accept it. That man just fucking makes do even if it kills him.👀 he worries me…😅😅)

[bloodibambiidoll]

You know all I’ve ever wanted to do was to create a space where not just everyone but the especially weirdos felt safe. And seen. Because I hardly ever see representation for people like me in fanfiction and I figured you know what? Maybe there’s somebody out there that feels the same way as me, and maybe I can make them feel included too.

But I just feel like I’ve been made to not feel safe in the safe space that I’ve created over and over again. I’ve never attacked anyone. Or bullied anyone. The only thing I’ve ever done is stand up for my friends when they were wronged. It genuinely just hurts my fucking feelings that people just hate me to hate me. I wish we could all just be nicer to each other. It’s really unfortunate that we treat each other this way.

It honestly breaks my heart because sometimes I just feel like I’m back in school, and I’m the weird girl that nobody likes just because of the way she is. I’ve been called names I haven’t been called since I was that age on this app. I’ll truly never understand this behavior. I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt anyone’s feelings, or rubbed them the wrong way, I promise I never did it intentionally. But even if I did upset you, I don’t think I deserve to be attacked for it. If you’re upset with someone you can either keep scrolling and let it go or talk to them like a mature adult.

I’ve honestly lost hope at this point that it will be better. I took a break from Stranger Things and I came back in hope that maybe I could feel happy participating in it again but I’ve just been made to feel unsafe and scared of my inbox, yet again. I’ve found my peace on this app. It’s been truly fun for me again. And completely drama free. It’s been very eye opening to see that not every fandom is this way. That there’s still community and kindness. It just really fucking sucks that the one that means so much to me isn’t a space I feel safe in anymore. I’m thankful to each and every person that’s ever been kind to me, read my works, been my friend, accepted me or just supported me in any way. You’re all wonderful.

[bloodblanks]

pumpkin head [ticci toby x reader] — prologue.

Life wasn’t always easy. But when it got hard, Y/N had a solution: take a hollow plastic pumpkin and put it over her head. No, seriously. It helped. It’s a valid coping mechanism, goddammit. But then Toby Rogers, a homeschooled outcast who might be even more of a freak than she is develops a morbid interest—or what normal people call a crush—on her. And she’s also getting stalked by a mysterious entity called the Operator. All of a sudden, Y/N’s plastic pumpkin isn’t enough to shield her away from the world and keep her safe anymore. No, she wasn’t going to take it off, but somehow, Toby was still interested in her even with it on.

co-written with @spookyravioli, please check her out! ♡

author's note: this fanfiction will contain mildly dark content, including abuse, alcoholism, mental health issues, unhealthy relationship dynamics, and similar themes.

please read at your own discretion.

“If I can’t have you, no one can.”

Time seemed to stop. At first, it was in slow motion, the way his fingers, caked in coagulating crimson, took hold of the box of matches, the way he slid the case open, the way he reached inside, taking out a singular matchstick, the once pale and thin wood now also tainted red. It was still in slow motion, time appearing to stretch out endlessly as he brought the match to the rough brick-coloured sides of the box, swiping it across and striking a newborn flame, birthed from the friction.

But then he raised his hand out, fingers loosening their grip on the frail matchstick, and it was right then and there that time came to a startling halt.

The scene before her played out like a video that had just been put on pause. And she, too, was paralyzed, staring in horror at the sight before her, unable to move a muscle. In this frozen space of time, it was just the two of them—her, standing still, eyes wide in terror, and him, eyes downcast, the slightest hint of tears still visible, running along his waterline.

The match fell.

Dropped from his fingers and hitting the floor, the room was set ablaze in a matter of seconds, fire bursting from the kerosene that he had drenched the room with, fire licking at the carpet, eating up the furniture, devouring the walls.

Everything was suddenly illuminated with an amber glow, the colour of the flames reflecting perfectly in his eyes as he finally raised them, staring straight into her.

It was like they had just met all over again, the sweet amber hue of his irises captivating her own; she found fatal attraction in them like a moth would a flame. And burn she did indeed, as all the sweetness left his eyes, the hue replaced by the fire that burst out before her, the fire that sent her body harshly colliding against the hard tiled floor, fully engulfing her unprotected form like vines entangling themselves around her limbs, dragging her down into a world of blazing, scorching pain.

She didn’t even have time to scream; instead, violent coughs erupted from her throat as she curled up into herself, back hunched over and knees brought up to her chest, miserably trying to prop herself up on her elbows.

The air was stolen from her lungs, replaced with the thick, heavy coat of smoke that was slowly descending upon her, clogging up her airway and causing her eyes to sting in irritation. Her esophagus felt as if acid had been poured down her vocal cords, searing and burning through her flesh.

She made another effort to try to get up, weakly pushing herself up on all fours. Still, she barely crawled a few steps away before the agony of the flames devouring her skin and the pulsating pain of the smoke sending sharp icepicks inside her brain became all too much to bear for her, and she’d collapse back down.

She came to the conclusion, then, that this was it. This was the end for her.

She was going to die.

She was going to die, in the kitchen of the boy she thought she loved, the boy she thought she could trust, the boy she thought truly understood her in a world where she had been isolated for so long, up until the very second they met.

And then he had become the boy who she had become mesmerized with the very moment their eyes met, the boy who she had opened up to and seen as her very first friend, the boy who she allowed herself to be vulnerable with, trusting him with both her body and heart, believing that he wouldn’t break it.

Because if there was one person in the world that she could rely on to be there for her even if no one else was, it would be him.

But now here she was, alone, with no one by her side, not even him. Here she was, alone.

Dying.

She had given him all of herself, entrusted everything to be in his hands. Entrusted herself to be in his hands. And he had held it, treating it with care, treating it as something so delicate, so fragile—only to allow it to shatter.

As he loosened his hold on the tiny little matchstick, as his fingers splayed out, letting it fall to the ground, he had let her go as well.

Now there she was, on the ground, every inch of her ignited with sheer torment, surrounded by the flames of what she would think to be Hell if she didn’t know better, if she wasn’t so painfully alive still.

If she wasn’t so painfully alive, the events replaying over and over in her mind like a broken cassette tape. The thought of his betrayal, hot and fresh and deep, wounding her where it had hurt most on repeat. The sound of his voice, hurt and betrayed and resentful, his last words to her playing on a loop. The vision of his amber eyes, puffy and bloodshot and still harbouring the slightest hint of tears, narrowed at her in an ever-present glare, etched in her mind.

It was all that she could think of, hear, and see.

She wondered then, how did things come to this? What could she have done differently to prevent this from happening? What had she done wrong for this to happen? Where did she make a mistake?

Not that it mattered anymore, because dark spots were clouding her vision, and she could both feel and see the smoke thickening, smothering her and causing her eyelids to feel heavier with each passing second.

As her eyelids fluttered like the desperate wings of a moth trying to fan out its own flames, she could feel her body’s desperate plea for her to just close her eyes, allow the fire to consume her, consume her just like he had, with the tender touch of his fingertips and the passionate movement of his lips.

He had taken everything from her, the fire finishing up the one last thing—her life.

As her fatigued eyes opened for the final time, through the spots in her vision, the haziness of her tears, and the dancing of the flames, was the silhouette of the tall man.

The horror of the realization dawned upon her, and at that moment, she too was burning, seething in pure blazing rage.

But what hurt the most, feeling like a spear of torment piercing straight through her heart, was that before her eyelids fell to a close, finally submerging her in the reprieve of unconsciousness—

She met his eyes one last time.

His bittersweet, amber eyes.

next chapter ->

[gregoftom]

oh absolutely, i’ve unfortunately gotten a look up close and personal on the twitter space and like, i do not have the time of day to block that many people. reddit was a disappointment i should’ve expected, i really finished the show and thought time to check out some fun post series discussion and fan theories, only to see it was a cannibalistic black hole of hatred and horrible takes. let me tell you to realize your favorite character who has brought you great comfort over these past four seasons is actually despised by a loud portion of the audience when he’s hardly even the most morally bankrupt character on a show where the point is no one is a good person is certainly an.. interesting experience. i’ve found fanfiction to be the only safe space in that regard really, and links to posts on tumblr in some of them and riffling through those are how i found your blog. if you have some recs i’d appreciate that! i’m much more of a lurker and don’t really blog myself anymore but i do enjoy browsing and seeing that the fandom isn’t completely devoid of reasonable people ❤️

exactly! i’m sorry again that like, your first experience going into the fandom is so horrific and yeah sadly tumblr is the only bastion that is somewhat reasonable, lol, at least compared to other platforms. all i can say is don’t worry because a few people relate, including me like, can’t really think of another hivemind hatred of a character that has happened this badly before to the point of making ppl genuinely adverse to the fandom [obviously i could be wrong i've not seen every fandom ever lol but] apart from maybe mulder from x files? but it’s the same shit really. it suddenly started cropping up, even though he was originally a fandom favourite. i could go into more detail but the point is, you’re not alone but i am sorry and there are some greglovers around!

oh yeah fanfic is a good safe haven for that kind of thing, and a few blogs. okay let me see now, i might miss some ppl out bc there are actually quite a few i know of that are sweet ppl who like/love greg and tomgreg, but i would also hope that ppl who see this post and love tomgreg/greg would please like it/reply so that anon can follow your stuff? would be great! okay.

@gemsofthegalaxy , @racheldowneyjrr , @gregwambsganss , @fantasticskystuff , @jana-ebb , @keinbutterdieb , @purplemotif , @watchfuldeer , @100dabbo , @rebvilla , @waystartoo , @succcesssion , @trwinsome , @dogmotifgreg , @jezter911 , @laysidel-dekie , @sirnortsalot , @duelsong , @lanrre , @tommywambs , @daydreamingleaf , @mushroomheadgirl , @gregkinz , @wambs , @twinge-of-cosmicangst , @swaystar .... andddd i think that's everybody i can think of, but as i said if anyone wants to sound off to announce themselves too please do so!

good luck to you anon and welcome <3

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fic Titles That Are Questions (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

Am I Pretty? (ao3) - heymoons

Summary: Dan is an intern at the BBC who moonlights as a cam model. He’s worried about being judged for his secret, until he meets Phil and everything changes.

Can I Borrow A Kiss? (I Promise I’ll Give it Back) (ao3) - tjmcharg

Summary: Lots and lots of different kisses.

Can I Even Complicate Your Breathing? - botanistlester

Summary: Pastel!Dan lives in an apartment complex and sits on his windowsill every night and sings. Punk!Phil listens to him every night.

Can You feel The Love Tonight? - nebulous-frog

Summary: Phil sings with the door open while he’s folding laundry and Dan overhears. Phil’s completely tone deaf and doesn’t know any of the lyrics, but that won’t stop him, dammit, no matter how many times people ask him to seriously just stop. Dan thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard.

“Did you ever doubt that your dream will ever come true?” - secretlywritingstories

Summary:As Phil reads out the question, Dan’s involuntary reaction is to smile and glance towards him. He hides it pretty well during the live show but as soon as it’s over, he begins to fully appreciate that his dream did come true.

did you know penguins mate for life? (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Phil takes care of fifty penguins at work and another twenty-five at home, though the latter wasn’t exactly his choice.

Do You Believe In Magaic? (ao3) - darkesthorizon

Summary: Dan discovers a meadow of flowers where fairies made of flowers can grant you one wish. But there’s a catch: your wish has to be pure. What does that even mean?

do you feel it too? (ao3) - heartsopenminds

Summary: A bad break-up has left Phil scared of getting his heart broken again. He’s not ready to date, but he’s missing the easy affection of a long-term relationship.

Cuddle therapy might be the perfect way to get what he needs, with no strings attached. But what happens when that’s no longer enough?

Do You Sleep Anymore? -  botanistlester

Summary: Phil has insomnia and Dan has bruises on his knuckles.

Ever Wonder What Stars Taste Like? (ao3) - ncirpng

Summary: au where Phil runs a successful café in Paris and Dan is a shy fashion designer. Their paths cross, which leads to an unhealthy amount of awkwardness and a lot of weird sentences (mostly from Phil).

Ghost, Or Spirit Satyr? (ao3) - cuddlepuss

Summary: Phil moves into a new flat, but is haunted by a young male poltergeist that he finds both amusing and attractive.

Have You Read the One Where I Have a Vibrator? (ao3) - Ironicallyiron

Summary: Dan reads Phil a fanfiction.

How Did We End Up Like This? - xinyanhowell

Summary: They knew falling in love isn’t a choice - but staying in love, working out your problems and inconstancies, that’s the most powerful choice you have.

How Do Flowers Grow? - writeroflies

Summary: Dan knows he is that single annoying cloud in an otherwise clear sky and Phil is the sun, happy, bright and warm. He wants to know why Phil is letting him stay in the sky beside him.

Is Our Love Valid? (wattpad) - phanetexplorer

Summary: dan is alone. he always has been. he would spend day in and day out on multiple chat websites hoping one day he indeed will find a friend.that is, until a certain boy named phil lester sends a chat request to him, and he flips his shit. some one had finally wanted to be his friend, but maybe he gets more than he had originally bargained for.

Isn’t He Pretty? Isn’t He Insane? - daeguk

Summary: in a world where a person’s soulmate has an identical birthmark, police intern phil lester is completely alone; that is, until he starts receiving cruel gifts from a psychotic serial killer. seeking out the comfort of a boy on the phone, dan howell, while desperately trying to figure out the killer’s messages, time is running out by each fractured second.

Is Our Secret Safe Tonight? (ao3) - resurrectdead

Summary: That time I fell in love with the semi-realistic idea of Dan as an anonymous camboy and then I made Phil walk in on him mid-show.

is that as good as it gets? (ao3) - dvp_95

Summary: Having Dan around makes it all so much easier that Phil can’t imagine a life without him now. He fits into the places where the rest of Phil should be, allows Phil to settle into shape around him.

Wait, Where Have I Seen Those Before? - poetictragediess

Summary: Phil would never admit he’d signed up for such a website as camboys, especially not to his best friend/flatmate.

What Happened Last Night? (ao3) - duskomybloom

Summary: Things get complicated when Dan wakes up in Phil’s bed after a party and he has no idea how he got there.

when i run (will you chase after me?) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan escapes from the megacorporation that he's contracted to but plans go astray and he ends up leaving his partner Phil behind, who gets tasked to catch him in his run across the solar system.

when it feels like nothing else matter, will you put your arms around me? (ao3) - commonemergency

Summary: “Sorry.” Phil says.

His father wraps his arms around him, and the embrace feels warm. It’s an embrace that he hasn’t felt in a long time. It’s like when he was a kid and something scary happened and his father just held him like nothing could ever hurt him because his father was there protecting him.

“It’s okay.” His father quietly whispers into his hairline. “It’s okay.”

He didn’t know how to tell him all the things that he wanted to say, like: I don’t know how to stop my thoughts from spiralling out of control. What if the medicine makes it worse? What do we do if things don’t get better? How do I live in a world that doesn’t have my dad in it?

“Let’s just enjoy right now.” His father says, and he doesn’t let go of him.

Wishing You Could Kiss Me (Do You Really Want To Do That?) (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: In which Phil’s childhood crush on Dan ends dramatically, and he’s living proof to not judge a book by its cover.

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: The Fine Print

Anthony Crowley sells computer systems to London businesses–and specializes in sneaking extra charges and fees into the associated contracts. It’s not his fault no one actually reads the paperwork before signing it. He thinks mild-mannered bookshop owner Aziraphale Fell will be an easy mark; surely no one that old-fashioned and dotty will spot a few carefully-worded technical clauses in his contract. And then Aziraphale comes back with some very polite, very pointed questions – and Crowley decides that maybe pulling off the sale isn’t his first priority anymore…

Length: 42,219 words

AO3 Rating: Teen and Up

Best for: Pick-me-up, Safe in Public, Comedy, Human AU

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by curtaincall

*Minor Spoilers* This one made me smile so wide after! This is a lighthearted, fun, and energetic Human AU. Crowley is a computer system sales rep with a bit more than a professional interest in his latest client. More than just a meet cute, it gives our duo a case to solve when Crowley is told to drop Aziraphale as a client. Sure, you know who the bad guy is going be since it's a fanfiction (duh), but it's still a very fun journey! Also an excellent use of flirty bastard Aziraphale. Acting all innocent and naïve when he's anything but. I love that about him. All his protesting while actually preening over being fussed over. I'm weak for it. It's silly and I love silly. Excellent fic for being out and about. Easy to follow even if you keep getting interrupted from it, and no explicit content. This is a great one to queue up for passing time in public!

Read it here, fic by curtaincall

[verysirius27]

I’m gonna rant, so TikTok is back and for not even 24 hours (mostly British part of) the Marauders fandom has started to hate on us (Americans) for doing things that everyone else in the fandoms does. Make our headcanons not use the specific slang for the Marauders because we are not British, make joke ships or just ships in general. Like you don’t have to read the head canon and you don’t have to read the fanfiction of the ship you don’t like and you can just exit out of a fic if it doesn’t have the slang you want. You are not legally obligated to read a jegulus fic or watch an edit of trans regulus or read our headcanons of plus sized lily. but fandoms are supposed to be a safe place and you are the people who’s making it not safe for people to talk about things that you’re supposed to talk about in a fandom space.

You people complain that the fandom isn’t a safe space anymore, but you are actively the one hating on people’s head cannons, ships, and much more like if you don’t like it you are not legally obligated to like it. Nobody’s going to arrest you. 

Just generally, please stop hating on people for what they head canon for things that they say if you don’t like it don’t read it that is blatantly obvious in all Fandoms and we are American. We are not British. We don’t live in the UK so sometimes we’re not gonna say your slang because we don’t know it .Same thing with the Canadians same thing with the Germans same thing with the French they don’t live in the UK, how would they know your slang or your words for things that’s right they wouldn’t because they don’t live there and we don’t live there. 

Please just keep your rude opinions to yourself and stop hating on Americans because you don’t like something they said because they liked that thought.

You have the right to say shit, but you’re just being xenophobic because you can if you don’t like something you don’t have to say something about it. We don’t know you personally we don’t, you are a stranger so you have no right to say our head-canons are stupid. 

Just fucking scroll or don’t like don’t fucking read.

The fucking marvel fandom is more civil and safe than yall are and that’s saying something.

[msnihilist]

you know about the fanfiction thing you said I remembered that I always wanted a long fic about ben which is about him disappearing and getting captured and and when while everyone think he's dead all the people who care about him come running to his rescue and kind of like help him to cure his mental or physical wounds but never really saw anyone writing it actually and I'm not that good to write something like this :( so I just wanted to know does anyone like something similar to this story lol

Well, anon, there are two sure-fire ways to get what you want: do it yourself, or pay someone else to do it. (I happen to take commissions, and I'm currently working on a Ben 10 one right now!)

I think you can do it yourself, though :) You already have an idea, and passion is the perfect starting point! Why not open a document and just write a scene that you think would be cool? You don't have to share it with anyone. Everyone starts somewhere.

I've actually got a WIP that's pretty similar to your idea that I'm about 8.5k words deep in. It's about Ben going missing and the lengths his friends go to in order to bring him home.

While I work on that, here's some already-posted Ben-whump fics to keep you busy, anon. And remember: leave comments if you want to foster a community. If you enjoy any of these fics, please let the author know!

These three are all oneshots.

Old Wounds, New Bruises by lenin_it_to_win_it

After seeing some of Ben's scars for the first time, Rook is determined to protect his partner from further injury. However, Ben's emotional wounds prove harder to manage.

Only Fools Would Love Me by Yalvaberry

"Ben, Ben, please, please, please no, I don't-" A sob.

Kevin looks back. His mind feels jumbled, split into two - Morgg is getting away! - but his feet don't want to cooperate, they seem to have a mind of their own as they carefully lead him back up the tunnel he came from.

"Ben, what do I-"

Kevin listens as he trudges back. The dirt crunches beneath his feet. Curiosity pulls at him, pushes him forward, morbid, because somehow, somewhere in his head, he thinks he already knows what he's going to see.

Set during the episode "...Nor Iron Bars a Cage" in Ultimate Alien. What if Kevin accidentally kills Ben inside the mines?

You Can Hold Him (Just Not Too Close) by MashpotatoeQueen

Ben puts the Omnitrix back on, and she stares at it in hatred- only for a moment though, just one moment- and wishes that her cousin had never found it. Because now Ben isn’t a fan of being held, not anymore, and the reason for it lies in that stupid watch.

(That stupid watch that saved the world, that makes Ben feel safe even as it puts him in danger.)

But she says nothing, nothing until late one night Ben calls her, and his voice is shaky and a little too high to be normal, breathing coming too fast and jokes falling a little flat, and she remembers the conversations at three AM in the old Rustbucket and this time she gets them for what they are.

She hums, says quietly, “Ben, you’re okay, you’re okay. You’re safe.”

And Ben laughs, except it sounds a bit like crying, and he’s murmuring about how sorry he is, about how he usually calls Grandpa Max, but that Grandpa Max is gone and he doesn’t know what to do-

“It’s fine.”

It’s not- her kid cousin being too terrified to be alone in the dark in his own room will never be okay- but she doesn’t say that. Just hums again, quietly, and says, “It’s fine, Ben,” and prays that it will be soon.

Here are some of my own fics that deal with Ben-centric hurt/comfort:

Nothing Left to Say

Gwendolyn makes the executive decision that Ben needs to be emotionally vulnerable for a day. The fastest and easiest way to achieve that is with a truth potion. It seems like a good idea on paper, but it soon becomes clear why the formula is a forbidden one.

Some things, it seems, are better left unsaid.

Meteor Shower

With the aftermath of Captian Nemesis’ escape from prison and Jennifer Nocturne’s alleged kidnapping, Kevin realized that he had some mending to do with his teammates. [Episode continuation of “Catch a Falling Star.”]

Put Your Strength Down

There's blood smeared on the doorknob when Sandra gets home. Her stomach clenches with worry, but it doesn't rattle her the way that it used to.

Every time she does this, Sandra reminds herself that it could always be worse.

Choose

The timer starts at fifty-nine, and it immediately begins counting down.

Kevin only has a minute to make a choice that he'll regret for the rest of his life.

Overload

Overloading the Omnitrix should be near-impossible, but as faulty as the Ultimatrix is, Ben really shouldn’t be surprised that it blows up in his face. Literally.

01001001

The Omnitrix had long-since been, well, attached to Ben’s wrist. Unfortunately, Ben didn’t anticipate just how far it would go to always be a part of him.

The World Grows Green Again

When Ben's life is saved by a masked stranger, it offers Ben and Rook a glimpse into a horrible future.

Diamonds Are Forever

A year after Petropia’s re-creation, Ben and Rook are assigned a deceivingly simple job on the planet — overseeing an "official yearly Plumber check" to ensure that societal development and reassimilation with the galaxy is going smoothly.

With Tetrax acting as their guide, it soon becomes clear that not all is as it seems. Digging through conspiracies and figuring out who can be trusted, they find that the glittering surface of the planet is covering a horrible plot against the Petrosapiens, which may hide roots closer to home than any of them realized.

NOTE: This is definitely the fic where I hurt Ben the most! Emotionally, psychologically, and especially physically. He leaves this fic permanently disfigured. Ben gets stabbed, passes out from blood loss, watches his allies get killed in front of him, is experimented on, fed through a tube, is betrayed again and again, and much, much more.

There's also a section of this fic where Ben is kidnapped and Rook, Gwen, and Kevin must work together to rescue him.

I tagged DAF with blood and gore, body horror, major injuries, and I'm not fucking joking!!

Anyway, anon, I hope that provides some reading material/writing inspiration :) Good luck! I believe in you!!!

[depressedbagpipe]

about liam payne

let me preface this by saying i never thought i’d be writing a “statement” at the ripe age of 23. as a disclaimer, i do not condone his abusive actions and find them incredibly disgusting and immoral, but i’d also be lying if i said i don’t have conflicting emotions right now. this is me trying to explore them. 

i don’t think i’ve ever stated this before, but one direction made me the person i am today. those five lads were one of my main pillars during my adolescent life. they became my main motivation to pay attention during my english classes at school, and thanks to that i’m now building my career out of my second language. i got into fanfiction, discovering a safe space for me to destress and interact with other fans –not knowing i’d be 21 one day and writing crappy ben barnes stories that people would seemingly love, yet again motivating me to make my life-long dream of becoming an author another reality–. i logged into twitter for the first time and essentially made it my whole personality, finding a whole new world of entertainment where i could bond with anybody around the globe. but, most importantly, i met my former best friend, whom i have had the most amazing adventures with as we both grew up with the boys. 

one direction was my haven i came back to every day. i had to endure all types of comments from society, calling me crazy, obsessed, and childish. everybody made fun of directioners for being fangirls, and made fun of the guys too, as if they weren’t real musicians. i had to hide my directioner badge more than once because i knew i wouldn’t be taken seriously if i showed my true colors. experiencing those levels of misogyny at such young age would’ve been devastating had i not had them singing about how much they loved us. sure, the relationship was entirely parasocial and borderline problematic at times (remember that time some girls hacked the airport security just to see the guys through their screens?), yet, for a twelve-year-old who had no power in her own life, that was the safest net she could’ve gotten. 

their hiatus hit hard, because we weren’t ready to say goodbye yet. how do you move on from a band that has become one of your safety pins, that held you when nobody else did? deep down, i hoped they’d come back. we never got any closure, after all. one direction first cracked the day zayn left, but now, it has shattered completely. 

learning about liam’s past was tough. how could someone you admired for so long do such terrible things? i wanted to find solace in the fact that he was no longer the person he shared the stage with harry, louis, niall and zayn. i really wanted to separate the art from the artist, but i couldn’t. i even resented being a fan and supporting such a person in the past, but now, he’s officially gone. his victims won’t get any closure, and the culprits of leading such a young person towards his own hell won’t get justice either. it just isn’t fair.

grief is a funny thing, though. we’re all mourning someone he wasn’t for almost a decade. we’re grieving our childhoods and adolescence. we weep, because what once was, won’t be anymore. we lament the man he became, and all the pain he caused. yet all i can think about now is that 11-year-old who listened to ‘what makes you beautiful’ for the first time. that little girl who fought in the trenches to be heard and respected, and was instead ridiculed and shamed. she’s the one grieving. and i don’t know what to do anymore to protect her, and i wish i could.

[norbezjones]

AU-gust in September #28: Caretaker (Romance The Backrooms)

So, here’s the deal.  I couldn’t participate in my beloved AU-gust event last month, because I was busy.  So I thought, fuck it, I’ll just participate this month instead, because we as humans can do whatever we want, and screw the rules lmao!  And that’s what I’m doing.

The event is “supposed” to be for fanfiction, but I want to write AUs for my game Romance The Backrooms, a liminal space otome with 5 main love interests, so I’m gonna do that instead.  Like I said, screw the rules! X)

Since September has only 30 days, I’ll treat Day 31’s prompt as a Joker (aka a prompt I can switch out if I don’t like the day’s chosen prompt).

I wanted to use the @tropetember prompt! C: Here’s the tropetember prompts if you want to take part in that event as well!

Today’s Prompts: Caretaker, Songfic (featuring the song Coffee And Tea by SPICYSOL),

Characters: Carla, Uri

Other Info: My first songfic, omg!  The idea of this fic is that Carla & Uri are a couple, back on Earth.  They were tasked to take care of a little boy for a few days, maybe that of a relative or friend.  At the start of the fic, they’re seeing the boy off once the kid’s parent(s) arrive to pick him up.

_________

“Bye!  Drive home safe!” Uri called as the parents drove off.  Once the car was down the road, he went back into the house with Carla.

“You want to put on our playlist and relax?” Carla asked.  “I’m sure taking care of a kid was quite a different experience for you. . .”

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Uri agreed.

And so, they went to the couch, and Carla put their playlist on through the speakers in the room.  As SPICYSOL’s Coffee And Tea played, Carla put an arm around Uri and put her head on his shoulder.  “Something up?” Carla asked him.  “You got that look on your face.”

Uri shrugged.  “I don’t know, taking care of [Kid] really got me thinking,” he said.  “I’ve never thought about whether I’d be a good caretaker of a child.  It was different.  And . . . I liked it a lot more than I expected.”

“Yeah?” Carla asked.

As they were speaking, the song went onto the second verse:

~I found a love that I can finally call my home.

I feel the warmth and love all the way down to my bones.

Guided by the voices from above

Honestly, I think I’m finally free~

“Yeah,” Uri said, running a hand through his hair as he fidgeted.  “I never really took care of a little one before, and I thought I’d be horrible at it and mess things up.  But I loved it.  It got me thinking about the future, and what I want to do.”

“Like . . . being a dad?” Carla asked.

Hesitantly, Uri nodded.  Then he quickly added, “Or maybe helping care for kids in another environment, like you at the daycare, if a kid isn’t something you want.”

“Well, I’m not opposed to it,” Carla told him.  “But I want to do some more therapy work on myself before I consider it more seriously.  I want to work on myself so I can be the best mom I can be, you know?”

“That’s fair,” Uri agreed.  “I should do the same. . .”

The bridge of the song played:

~But sometimes it may get a little hazy

When it gets a bit crazy

I try to remind myself~

“I’m glad caring for [Kid] got you thinking about these things,” Carla said, kissing Uri on the cheek.  “Thanks for talking about it with me.”

“Of course,” Uri said, squeezing her hand.  “I want to be open with you.  I used to close myself off so much, not say anything to anyone.  I don’t want to do that anymore.”

Carla smiled.  “Good.”

The chorus of the song played as the two snuggled together:

~’Cause everything I want

Everything I need is already in my sight.

Just look around; you’re surrounded by the light

Even the mountains that you face

Are all blessing in disguise

We’ll get through it.

‘Cause everything I hoped

All the dreams I see I swear I’ll make it mine.

And I know it won't be easy

Won’t be easy

I'll keep running

Enjoy this life I live~