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I wish there was a way to like temporarily transfer what I'm feeling to other people in my life so they can fully experience what my body is feeling. Because unfortunately despite my best efforts I feel like the people closest to me still don't fully grasp how difficult it is to just exist sometimes

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Pms is absolutely bullshit. Being of the female sex is kinda fucking bullshit.

I am so sick and fucking tired of my body. And I am even more sick and tired of people of the male sex - particularly cis men - weighing in on how annoying women are during their shark weeks. FIGHT ME.

Large hormonal fluctuations are usually a symbol of an issue and cause severe body changes and discomfort. Having a body literally destroy a part of you and throwing it out of you will result in inflammation and pain EVERYWHERE.

IN ANY OTHER CASE THESE WOULD ALL BE LARGE SIGNS OF AN ILLNESS. BUT BCS MOST OF MY SEX DOES IT IT APPARENTLY JUST STOPS BEING HARD TO MANAGE. IT ALSO APPARENTLY STOPS HAVING A SCALE OF DIFFICULTY LIKE WE ARE ALL BLEEDING IN THE SAME BOAT.

LISTEN, Chad or whatever; the next time you lie there bleeding, or sick and suffering; I will call you "annoying". I will call you whiny. I will scoff at how embarrassing you are for having a hard time. And I will try to use it to prove you are worthless and shouldn't have rights. Bcs everyone gets a little sick. Everyone gets a little hurt. In fact it's more common than starting your period with an average of 10 injuries per month. That's normal. There isn't a scale of difficulty, its' common and therefore no longer difficult, right?? It never changes and is harder or easier or a warning sign of suffering to come. It doesn't actually make your life any harder.

Now, pick your finger up off the floor and go make us some dinner. Little cuts happen to everyone. no need to make a big deal out of nothing, you 'silly, little, annoying Brat'.

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I always wonder how the people who read my blog see me.

Am I just nuts? I come across as just nuts don't I. I never know how I come across to people in general.

I don't think i'll ever come across as having it all together though.

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Y'all I fucked up.

Just kill the house spider if you don't want it in your home. Outside is worse. Much worse. Just being mean. And if they do OK then you fuck with the local ecosystem.

I didn't know that and some poor huge bastard has just been sent away from his birth place probably. Bro didn't know what was going on and I was out here thinking I did him a kindness by not killing him. (even though i was freaking out at how much he was freaking out. never seen one that big was kinda proud of myself. Still am for my bravery but also mad at myself for not googling sooner)

Everything is so complicated.

Especially as on the other hand my mother always says "Spiders know their way back thats why you either throw them to the neighbours or get a boot"

So maybe the shit will be back in here tomorrow.

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I want to shine a light on something that I feel is addressed rarely:

The perceived digestibility of individuals speaking their second language. And the romanticisation of their reduced ability to fully express themselves and the infantilisation of imperfect dialects.

I had a lot of international friends in high-school who complained often about this issue. People (including teachers) found them demur and soft-spoken and easily digestible when they only where that way bcs they didn't know how to stand up for themselves or boldly express themselves in english.

This meant some of the meanest girls got overlooked as kind and some of the most creative girls lost their fire. It also meant that they really struggled to communicate anything to a teacher without someone pointing out how funny/cute what they said was. This was especially an issue with the japanese students who even found that people would HUG THEM in a gesture of "you're so cute" as they tried to communicate how they felt/what they needed.

At one point a friend sat with we crying bcs she felt really incapable. In her own language she could quickly crack a joke, always got the best roles in theatre and was a ball of energy and opinion. She was working so hard to learn this language and was conversational, could write essays but couldn't pronounce or do the back and fourth banter like a fluent person. It does not help that we had a big Weeb problem and no one seemed to care beyond the fact that she was Japanese anyway.

Her treatment was cruel. And it was hard enough beyond the social difficulties. But they took away her humanity. And they justified it bcs she couldn't express herself further. Especially when she was upset. Anyone who has learned a language knows that once you are upset its incredibly hard to translate words in your head to communicate. And being stuck with just "I am so mad" can be extremely frustrating.

I had a very similar experiences speaking german.

Don't forget that just bcs someone does not say much does not mean they don't have more to say. And do not allow yourself or the people around you to infantalise and romanticise that infantilisation.

And this applies to all genders and sexes and sexualities. I used my friends experiences as examples. The simplification and romanticisation of foreign men has ALWAYS been an issue.

And I don't just mean for romantic or gross purposes. Don't do this as someones relative, friend, colleague or to an influencer.

thank you.

I think we as disabled people would probably understand this and relate a lot. So I feel we have a position to be a part of improving that communication where we can.

If you want to know more about the experiences of people like this all you have to do is look, ask, read. It's not hidden. It's just not usually brought to the forefront. Which is why I simply wanted to speak on it.

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"and why are you in hell?"

I kept accidentally hanging calls up too early.

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for some reason this conversation is surfacing again so I need to:

"You where born with talent. I will never draw well enough so I should be allowed to use AI"

I will not say this nicely - if this offends you then its time for a damn reality check.

OK FIRST OF ALL "talent" usually is just a byproduct of early interest. So it usually is a result of early practice, trial and error. Some of us started the hard work early you didn't; get over it. If you want a skill you have to earn it like playing the piano, cooking, researching and writing. Those aren't "Talents" they're by-products of hard work, passion and love. If you don't care about what you make it will suck no matter the technical skill. So do the hard work and stop complaining that others did it before you. You don't get born playing the piano and cooking a perfect risotto why do you feel entitled to a skill without applying effort.

That being said...

Sometimes it's time to get over yourself and realise we don't all get to do or be whomever we want. We have to adapt to what we are good at. Where our interests lie and go from there. If you have never liked drawing but want to be a very impressive illustrator then you have a serious disconnect from reality. You have to like the work to get the result when it comes to learning something. You have to like cooking to cook really well, you have to like playing piano to practice enough to be a great pianist. IT MAY SUCK TO HEAR THIS BUT: SOMETIMES DREAMS HAVE TO CHANGE OR AT LEAST YOU NEED TO REALISE YOU WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS THAT OTHER PERSON. There will always be people who outrank you in a skill. And that can be to such an extent that you have no competitive value to use it commercially. GET OVER YOURSELF. All this mentality shows is a deep sense of entitlement and a lack of grasp on reality. No one gets to do everything they want to do. In all of life you will probably be outranked by someone in a skill. YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH THAT.

As a disabled person that has HAD to adapt and change my dreams; you will be fucking fine.

It's like walking into a room of professors all deeply versed in their field with hard work, experience, and years or practice to their names. And showing your chat gpt essay as proof you should be a professor too.

SUCK MY DICK YOU USELESS TWAT.

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Literally. The idea that id rather feel like shit all the time without a conclusive reason is madness.

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The british ice-cream truck sound always scares the shit out of me. And now with thunder and lighting crossing the sky I feel like I have entered a horror movie.

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People need to know how expensive good long-term use wheelchairs are. Bcs then they’d realise how fucking dumb it is to accuse people of faking.

Why would they buy a whole ass wheelchair to park at the front of a Sainsbury’s or something???😂

For anyone wondering; minimum 800£

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Going to an all girls catholic school meant I knew a lot of girls who got groomed. Particularly by teachers.

He's not being "kind and courteous" by waiting till you graduate. He's calculating his next move to enjoy from you what he plans to get from the next without going to prison.

reminder to all 14-19 year olds girls. that grown man does not like you. you are a victim

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Me; my adhd isn't a very prominent issue in my life.

The things i cam currently in the middle of:

Reorganising our entire movie collection - yes they are all distributed in themed piles around the living room - yes i have reorganised those piles over and over again.

A fully deconstructed hand-bag I am turning into a planner is just sat on my main kitchen table.

A ridiculous amount of sewing projects based on old items of clothing filling literal boxes not just in my room but in the shed. All started.

My room is half-way through being completely re-organised. Yes everything is everywhere.

Folding a huge pile of laundry.

Sorting through and reorganising all of my old uni and school materials. Boxes full.

Making paper out of old paper scraps I haven't thrown away - yes bags full.

Cleaning the entire house top to bottom.

A bunch of other projects (related to productivity and in place of buying things) all constantly on my mind and in the drawing phase.

No, I have not eaten. Yes, I have forgotten to drink water. Yes, I am constantly burnt out and start things completely unaware till I become overstimulated and looking at the mess makes me ill. Yes, i always go past my limits and suffer the consequences.

And yes, I completely freak out when i have accomplished a task like re-organising something bcs then its different than before and I hate different.

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This is controversial for sure but unrelated to chronic illness:

like 70% of these photographers claiming they have exceptional photos have photos that are like meh but have great subject matter. Like we can all tell that Big Ben and castles look amazing. What you did with the shot was uninspired and then edited to like old-timey browns (cinematic style). Maybe I just don’t get it. But if you’re photographing still images you have the time to be creative. Zooming in on a spire with some slightly blurred trees that don’t really complement the framing is…it’s a choice everyone has made at least once.

I’m not gonna die on this hill. But sometimes I just feel like photographers are a bunch of rich bois with expensive cameras, expensive trips but no eye. Reeks of privilege. Self-centeredly; I only care bcs my Pinterest feed related to “photography” is full of this crap. And it just bores me half to death. Feels like space is being taken away by the quick and easy. Really talented artists just slip beneath the algorithm.

bro make me feel something. Give me some fucking art.

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I think people forget - though it’s not always the case - that one’s emotions or mentalities are recognisable to others even unintentionally. That if you think cruel, condescending or perverse things it does slip through. People give their internal dialogue away in many little things. From word choice, to timing, to hand motions, to the way they stare.

If who you are on the inside is not worth befriending you probably won’t attract many friends to begin with.

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Experiencing a violent kind of pain but not being sure if it's just the chronic illness having a moment or if you're dying.

It's dangerous how common this is for me. My heart condition is rather stressful...surprising isn't it :)

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I'm sorry...SIX YEARS?????

YEARS. not weeks, not months YEARS.

SIX YEARS IS A HUGE SPAN OF TIME. THATS LIFE OR DEATH TIME EASY. ID HOPE TO GOD THEY WHERE BEATING SIX WHOLE FUCKING YEARS!!???

I mean that comparison is insane. If a condition is a accute and progressive than a few months could already kill someone, cause job loss, lasting damage and is just too long for most conditions (considering most of us aren't out here with some unknown disease from middle-earth). BUT COMPARING THAT TO 6 YEARS????

BY SIX YEARS ITS HELLA EASY TO MAKE A DIAGNOSIS BCS THE DAMN THING HAS NOW PROGRESSED TO EITHER 'CAUSE OF DEATH' OR HIGHLY IDENTIFIABLE SYMPTOMS. IF WE EVEN HAVE THE CORRECT DIAGNOSIS AT THAT POINT BCS CAUSATION AND CO-MORBIDITY. FUCK OFFFFFFFFF.

This is the worst time-line. We are in it.

"It could be worse"

It really doesn't feel that way

"At least it won't kill you"

It makes me want to die

"At least it's not cancer"

Sometimes I wish it was so I could die and actually have a diagnosis

"The average time to be diagnosed is six years so this is good that it isn't taking too long"

It felt like too long when I had been dealing with this for a month

Nothing you say will make me feel better about having a chronic illness and that is the end of it thank you