#fanfic wishlist
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shaylogic · 6 months ago
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SIR I NEED to know the story behind this!
When and how did you learn this? With WHOM?
I know comic Charles gets a crush on like every girl he and Edwin meet, so I imagine early in their cases, Charles experimented with flings with people and figured it out?
Honestly need a flashback in an ep of season 2 where Charles goes on his first Ghost/Human Date
Bonus points if it was with a guy!!
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toxintouch · 7 months ago
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TOUCHSTARVED WISH LIST:
Leander kills one of his Bloodhounds for you.
One of Leander’s Bloodhounds is affected by your (the MC's) curse, and Leander has to kill them to protect you. He is strangely unaffected by this. All of his attention is on you and your wellbeing. He’ll give you an emotional reaction to his Bloodhound’s death if prompted - if he thinks you need to see that from him. But, at least while it's just the two of you, he seems much more invested in reassuring you:
It wasn't your fault.
Bonus points:
Leander purposely exposes one of his Bloodhounds to your curse… Not to exploit the power of your curse like others have, but to save you.
Maybe one day, Lowtown floods. You scramble to save yourself, find yourself hanging precariously onto higher ground, clinging desperately to the awning of a building as the torrent of water rushing below you threatens to wash you away with the tide.
The Bloodhounds respond immediately, working to save those they can. Leander finds you quickly–too quickly to be coincidence?–
You can see that Leander's face is set in determination, so different from the blushing man who holds your hands and whispers sweet words to you. You hear him calling out to the Bloodhound group closest to you, instructing one of them in particular to help you up.
Leander has seen that your safeguards (bandages, etc.) have been thrown into disarray, the bite of the stone building having ripped through any fabric previously covering your hands.
The Bloodhound, too, sees your cursed flesh. They can extrapolate that touching your hand will be as good as a death sentence, but still���
The Bloodhound doesn't even hesitate.
– (You do, though. You try and dodge the hand reaching out for you without losing your hold completely, but regardless of your struggle you find yourself hoisted up, a strong grip wrapped firmly around you, the Bloodhound's own hands tensing, gripping you tighter and tighter and tighter as you barely manage to get your knees under you, find the solid ground now below you, prepare to) –
Leander doesn't hesitate either.
Does not even wait to verify your curse has taken effect.
The magic he uses is swift, death instantaneous. The Bloodhound's dead body drops before you, a macabre tribute, a morbid testimony of Leander's affection.
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wordsformurder · 9 days ago
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Wishlist
Hi guys, after some fretting, I have news. This is going to be the last wishlist.
I've been doing this since my early twenties and am now in my late thirties. A lot has changed and the wishlist no longer really fits into things. It's been slowly getting less and less every year anyway, and today I caught myself putting wishlist writing on my chore list.
Writing should never be a chore.
So this is it. I'll finish this year and do my best not to half ass it, and then I'll be done.
Thank you to all of you who have stuck with me for years and given me countless brilliant fun ideas. It's been glorious.
I hope you understand and still drop by sometimes to talk about story ideas.
Thank you!
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hyunjinx42 · 3 months ago
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fuck a heart, I wanna get lost in someone’s soul
in a soul, not a heart
the heart is an organ
the soul is where our dreams, desires and hopes truly stem from
I believe your soul is your truest form
it’s fucked up
it’s unique
it’s human
I wanna get lost in someone’s soul
I wanna see every side of them and accept them
And if they let me see their soul
I wanna call it the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
I wanna love someone’s soul
🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑
behold! my 3am thoughts!
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the-femslash-wishlist · 1 year ago
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Ever wished your fave femslash fic would be made into a movie or a series?
What if there were so many of us wishing for the same thing?
What if we formed an online community where we could share the plot of our fave femslash fics and upvote the ones we really liked?
What if the community became huge, with a multitude of members, enticing filmmakers (from film students to pros) to adapt the fics (or chapters or sequences or scenes of fics) into (short) films because there was a built-in audience for them?
What if the website was called the femslash wishlist?
*membership fees would give you exclusive access to discussions with filmmakers or exclusive content like bts footage or deleted scenes
Click on this link for Frequently Asked Questions.
This is for a postgraduate Entrepreneurship class assignment. Please reblog so that it would reach more femslash fic or f/f fic readers and writers. It would greatly help the assignment, which could change from being fictional to real if there was enough interest.
Thanks so much for participating!
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vspin · 1 year ago
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I wish we had just a couple of race-specific lines for the romances from the love interests. Kinda like how Lae'Zel has the straight-up hots for Dragonborn MCs and makes a comment.
Just one line here or there:
LI's addressing MC's who come from "despised" races like a Githyanki, Half-Orc, Drow, and Tieflings. Like in a loving/protective way.
Cute comment about short races' height (lol)
Wyll talking to Tiefling Tav about horns and the "bumps" in places
Poking fun at some of the longer-lived races if there is an age difference
I could make a whole post on the Drow, but at least for Shadowheart, Halsin, and Astarion there should have been a quick 1-2 lines about a Drow MC. Elf/Drow pairing is kinda taboo.
Astarion and Underdark races. Spawn Astarion may never see the sun again but there are full cities down there where he can thrive.
What other ideas? Idk much about Dwarves, Gnomes, and Halflings lol
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gingergofastboatsmojito · 3 months ago
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The Marcusgate
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It all started on a lazy Sunday, which was now Carmy's favorite day of the week, and with Syd and Carmy binge-watching Netflix's Blue Ribbon Baking Championship and remembering that Sandra Lee was a regular Bear's customer whenever she was in Chicago, so they pinged Richie to get her number and congratulate her for the show that Sydney was crazy about.
Syd maniacally took notes on all the recipes on the show and came up with variations of each that she planned to run by Marcus the next day. She was overjoyed when one of the bakers used lemon-macerated Concord grapes in his cake, and that excitement was quickly replaced by disappointment when that same baker was the first to leave the competition. And when she saw Sandra Lee in tears over a cheesecake, she knew she had to ask Marcus to add that cheesecake recipe to The Bear's menu as soon as possible, so she asked Carmy to contact Sandra and try to get all the intel.
In time, this led to all four of them starting a Blue Ribbon group chat that included Syd, Carmy, Sandra, and Marcus. They exchanged recipes and talked specifically about logistics to ensure plagiarism wasn't one of the ingredients when Marcus made The Bear's version of those desserts. Not only to avoid any potential legal complications that could affect the restaurant's or Marcus' reputation, but also because both Syd and Carmy knew that plagiarism was the fetish of those who can't, the lowest of crimes that only mediocre criminals commit, and they were way above that, as naturally so was Marcus. They also greeted each other on their respective birthdays and, of course, invited each other to dinner whenever that could be arranged.
One day, over one of those dinners that took place at Casa Sydcarmy, on a Sunday night when Sandra happened to be in town, she pitched an idea to the Michelin Star award-winning chefs: "What do you guys think of joining me as Executive Producers on my next project: Cordon Blue Ribbon?"
"Cordon Blue Ribbon?" Marcus was intrigued.
"You mean the Cordon Bleu version of your show?" Syd quipped.
"Exactly, and only Michelin Star award winner pastry chefs could compete on it and the prize would be a million dollars, instead of just $100K." Sandra's eyes met Marcus and stayed laser-focused on him.
Carmy was still silent and in disbelief when he looked at Marcus with a mix of curiosity and shock on his face, to know what he had to say to that.
"Sounds interesting..." Marcus added as he popped a mini cinnamon churro in his mouth, courtesy of Sandra who knew better than to show up empty-handed to a dinner party thrown by 2 Michelin Star award chefs.
"That's what I told my manager! When she came up with the idea, I was super interested right off the bat. You'll see, I have a 3-year contract with Netflix, and making another Pie Blue Ribbon cooking show wasn't going to cut it. It was more of the same, and innovation is a must in television if you want to stay relevant."
"You should know... having an Emmy under your belt, right?" Syd fangirl had entered the chat.
Sandra laughed and graciously accepted the compliment, meanwhile, Carmy had no idea what the ladies were talking about because he had never watched one of her shows before Syd came into his life, let alone a daytime Emmy award show.
Sandra went on and kept focusing on Marcus.
"So we decided to bring in more award-winning chefs and raise the stakes for this next project. That was the only way we could get the million-dollar prize approved. So... what do you think Marcus? Would you be on board? Would you be interested in competing for a million dollars?"
Marcus looked at Syd and Carmy, like asking for their greenlight and they both smiled and silently agreed.
So it was settled and when the show happened, he was going to be there, front and center. Sandra assured him.
Fast forward 6 months and the pre-production of the contest was being kick-started in Los Angeles.
Syd and Carmy declined the offer Sandra made them to be Associate Executive producers of the show so that Marcus could be a participant and no conflict of interests compromised him. Marcus, in exchange, offered them a cut of the prize if he won and Syd and Carmy agreed to only take credit on social media about being his sponsors and mentors but vehemently declined every penny he offered.
"You owe us nothing, Marcus, this is all you," Syd said.
"What are you talking about? Carmy believed in me when all I knew how to barely make were buns and you pushed me to be better, Sydney, to push myself. I wouldn't have gone to Copenhagen if it weren't for you, guys..."
"But because of your amazing work we also got a Michelin Star, Marcus. That star was a team effort, you're one of us. That's more than enough payback if you ask me." Carmy clarified with a: "Period" tone.
Marcus heard the subtext and was quick to be on the same page "Heard, chef."
Shortly after Marcus was wowing the judges with his creations, all 100% by Marcus Brooks. He took no inspo from the recipes he got from the chat he shared with Sandra, Syd, and Carmy. His only inspiration came from his loved ones, his affections, and people that he had met along the way and that had had a true impact on his life. Including Luca and Michael.
Marcus slayed the competition one killer dessert at a time.
There were 9 rounds and the grand finale. The level of complexity was evergrowing.
Marcus was a serene force of nature on that set.
He bagged the first round with a peach pie served in a sundae dish with a scoop of lemon buttermilk gelato at the base topped with balsamic caramel sauce and a half-moon shaped, fresh peach hand pie. The hand pie was hot, just out of the oven so the contrast between that and the ice cream was what really got the judges. They were amazed by Marcus' talent, from day one and knew he was final-round material from the get-go. There was no doubt about it in their minds because he was not only incredibly skilled but also calm and focused. He didn't falter under pressure.
The second round was also in Marcus' pocket when he served a petite croissant over a brass cooling rack dotted with Pearl sugar and honey filled with a gooey Délice de Bourgogne cheese and finished at the table with black truffle, inspired by Chicago's Kasama. The judges' feedback was amazing. They said it was exquisitely clever to use this as a cheese course. "The technique and execution were exemplary," they assured.
Then it was the turn of the most luxurious and rarest ingredient of them all: Criollo.
For those viewers at home who may have not been too familiar with this ingredient, Sandra gave a brief presentation:
"Criollo is a very rare and precious variety of cacao that was at risk of extinction for many years. It is the cacao of the Mayas and the Aztecs, the cultivation of which has been progressively abandoned owing to its low yield. It is a delicate cacao and makes up just 0.01% of global cacao production. Tonight, our chefs will use it as the primary ingredient to bring us the Wow factor we are looking for and that will earn them immunity in the next round. Let the Criollo games begin!"
With that, Sandra dismissed the participants and allowed them to go to their stations to start working their magic. They only had 50 minutes to make it happen and make it count.
Marcus decided to go with something a little bit different. He crafted his chocolate pyramid with a creamy ball of guava sorbet and a tasty coconut foam. He also crowned it with a thin sugar collar sprinkled with sesame seeds, flecks of red chili, and a little black garlic, providing complementary flavors and a subtle warmth too.
Immunity was his bitch.
For the next round, seeing as he was untouchable he decided to go rogue, he had the liberty to make whatever he wanted so he decided to make what he called: "Dreaming of Lod Chong". The judges were blown away when he served his creation in a small bowl that displayed this square of pandan parfait in a sauce of salted coconut cream. Marcus added specially treated crushed ice as a final flourish, too. Those little ice pieces looked exactly like diamonds. It was an unexpected success, expertly balancing sweet and salty notes. "The ice also added great texture. It was a solid finish.” That was what the judges had to say about it. Again, Marcus blew them away.
He kept advancing to the next rounds till he got to the semi-finals and the judges put the chefs through the wringer like never before.
The assignment was to make the outside of the dessert look like the main ingredient on the inside. The goal was not to sacrifice flavor to achieve uncanny and realistic resemblance, plus never losing sight of creativity and originality.
Most contestants failed the test because they presented obvious desserts that anyone could find in any respected bakery.
But Marcus, Marcus Brooks told a different sweet story with his dessert. And it wasn't even that sweet. It was acid and sweet and perfect.
Mojito Pie.
This was a memorable pie, the judges said. It had a buttery graham cracker crust topped by a very light lime and mint mousse that was dusted in lime powder to resemble an actual lime. This was served with a lime sorbet and spritzed with rum.
"It was adorable to look at and even better to eat," Sandra concluded.
That pie granted him a spot in the final.
Marcus was tense for the first time ever in the competition. He hadn't been that nervous in a long time. It was unlike him to be so high-strung.
Two days later, when the final episode of the show was being shot, Syd and Carmy surprised Marcus and showed up at the studio, along with Chester, for emotional support. The Bear was closed, Marcus was that important to them. The only other time when the restaurant was closed was on the occasion of Ever's funeral service.
Now it was Marcus' turn to be blown away. He was over the moon. And Carmy tried to give him some sort of pep talk but all he managed to say was: "You're already a winner, Marcus, just don't fuck it up and you'll be fine."
Syd dramatically rolled her eyes at Carmy's words and added: "Marcus, don't think about the prize ahead, think about what you've accomplished so far. You got this. And we got you."
Marcus smiled at her kind words and then the little moment Syd and him were having was interrupted by Chester's heavy palm on his back that sounded like a slap but was meant to be supportive and encouraging.
"My man! The million-dollar chef!"
"Not yet, Chester. Not yet!"
"What are you talking about?! That big fat check is yours, Marcus. What show have you been watching? They freaking love you, man. This finale is just paperwork, go get 'em!"
Marcus couldn't help but snort and nod. "Will do, Chest, will do, thanks, man!"
So, when the judges announced it was showtime, Marcus' entire life as a baker flashed before his eyes.
The final assignment was a triple one: They had to come up with a 3 step-sweet menu inspired by their past, present, and future as pastry chefs. And there was a catch: The future had to be a sweet version of a savory dish and look on the outside like its original savory version. They only had 3 hours to complete all 3.
Marcus knew he could pull a trifecta off, but he was afraid that pulling it in only 3 hours was pushing his boundaries as a baker a bit too far.
He went for it anyway.
For the past version of himself as a pastry chef, he decided to make "The Sydney's Donut", which was nothing but a Copenhagen-inspired and elevated version of the donut that Carmy had destroyed like a little bitch. That one was easy but he elevated it by presenting it on an edible marshmallow carved bowl.
Marcus' present at The Bear after winning a Michelin star was far more fancy, so he served the judges a "Turkish Delight, Almond, Manjari, Chocolate, and Rose." This chocolate bar hid a light, creamy chocolate center with a lovely layer of almond panna cotta. Arranged on top were Turkish delights, almonds, crystallized rose petals, and a quenelle of silky smooth almond ice cream. This dessert was currently part of The Bear's menu and it was the most popular choice among its customers with a sophisticated sweet tooth.
For the future, Marcus took inspiration from Syd and Carmy as a whole, and their collective impact on his life. Their love inspired him and so did the invisible string that seemed to connect them long before they met. When Marcus heard the whole story about Sydney's favorite meal and saw the pictures she had taken, he was deeply moved by it because it looked like Carmy had literally put his heart on the plate for her and it was exactly the kind of story that his mom used to love and cherish. So in honor of Syd and Carmy's love story and of his late mom, to whom he was going to dedicate the victory if he took the prize home, Marcus decided to make a fake heart-shaped Paupiette of hamachi with blood orange sauce. For the Paupiette of hamachi, he used molded white chocolate that he wrapped in a fine vanilla crepe and carefully colored with some cinnamon powder for it to look precisely like the original fish. The blood orange sauce was based on its original recipe minus the garlic and the chili flakes and he elegantly topped all that with a thin sweet potato chip sprinkled with sweet chili flakes to replicate the exact aesthetic of the fateful dish that proved to be Sydney's favorite.
The alchemic reaction was epic when the judges tasted that masterpiece. There was no more contest and the other two chefs knew it even before the unanimous verdict was announced.
All 3 of Marcus' works were mindblowing but the Paupiette of hamachi with blood orange sauce was not only flawless, but its appearance was exactly the same as Carmy's dish. There was no way to tell them apart.
To wrap up the award ceremony and his acceptance speech Marcus was asked to say a few words about each dessert on his menu and go over the reason behind each choice. When the time came to explain why he had chosen to make his own version of Paupiette of hamachi with orange sauce he said that Sydney, his mentor, and friend, had confided in him a long time ago that the best meal she had ever had was that dish, by Carmen Berzatto, back in NYC when he was the best CDC in the world and they hadn't even met yet. Marcus went on to mention that Carmy, or "Bear," as he called him, was also his friend and mentor and that without them, he probably wouldn't be there. And that he was forever thankful to both.
Carmy was saucer-eyed, he had no idea that he had made the best meal she had ever had. A dish he instinctively made for her, breaking all the rules and defying his boss' direct orders.
Syd looked at Carmy with that intense yet sweet but never condescending look she reserved for him only and took his hand as she smiled at him and tightened her grip.
Carmy smiled back and then re-directed his attention to Marcus when he elaborated on the background story of his winning dessert when Sandra said: "Wow! That is unbelievable and disarmingly sweet! You're telling me he made the best meal she ever had before they met and now they are husband and wife?!"
"Yes." Marcus smiled and looked at them.
Sandra was beside herself and declared: "That's the most romantic story I ever heard! Did Sydney just tell you one day: 'Oh by the way, Paupiette of Hamachi with blood red orange sauce is my favest and Carmy made it for me before we met in New York when he was the best CDC in the world?' Just like that? Is that a story she just tells everybody to, I don't know, break the ice?"
Marcus was finally loosening up and laughing out loud and he casually said: "No, no, we were having dinner at her place and..."
Carmy didn't hear what Marcus said next, he just looked at Syd as if he had just been shot and was bleeding to death right before her eyes and went: "WAIT, WHAT?!!?"
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A/N: This fic was inspired by that Netflix baking show that I just binged entirely in 2 days over the weekend and Marcus' recipes come straight from the Michelin Guide because I can't even make French toast... My meta on the dish is embedded in the first mention of it.
Enjoy! 💋
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lilliankoo · 1 year ago
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i wanna bite his back so bad its not even a joke rn like i just wanna take a big bite and just hold it there for good minutes. there is not a single workout where he needa remove his shirt & all that 👩🏻‍🦲
MEN AND THEIR $LUTTY WAISTS 😒😒😒😒
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hprarepairshorts · 2 months ago
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Summer RPS Wishlists 2024 Masterlist
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Thank you to everyone who participated! Below is our masterlist for the event.
Cailleach by Squibstress (Sirius Black/Minerva McGonagall) Sirius Black gets under her skin.
Don't Hold Back by maraudersaffair (Severus Snape/Teddy Lupin) “You’re too young for me, Ted. And I’m too old for games," Snape said. Teddy leaned in. “Are you too old to get your dick sucked?”
A Tale of 2 Bathrooms by vitruvian8008��(Rose Weasley/Blaise Zabini) Rose Weasley and Blaise Zabini catch the other by surprise in 2 separate bathrooms.
Let Me Help You by maraudersaffair (Severus Snape/Kingsley Shacklebolt) Voldemort is closing in on Lily and Severus can't handle it. Kingsley wants to help him.
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laceratedlamiaceae · 2 years ago
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actually I want Jim and Oluwande to get matelotaged first and make Lucius, Pete, Ed, and Stede jealous. I imagine Lucius acting supportive while passive-aggressively trying to get Pete to propose while Pete is completely oblivious and waiting for Lucius to do the same. And then Ed and Stede are actively trying to sabotage the wedding because it, like everything else, is supposed to be about the two of them, damn it!
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shaylogic · 6 months ago
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Edwin: Honestly, Charles, sometimes I wish you would cease your nonsense. . .
Charles: Why don't you cease my nonsense for me?
Edwin: What?
Charles:
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Edwin:
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toxintouch · 8 months ago
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Love the thought of Mhin’s monster being terrifying; a true threat to your (the MC’s) safety, an insurmountable burden that has destroyed Mhin’s life and that’s why they are so desperate for a cure.
But also…
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Thinking about Androcles removing the thorn from the lion’s paw…
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The thought that maybe if the monster doesn’t successfully kill you the first time, it will recognize you the second.
That transformation looks like it hurts.  Before, after, during.
The idea that it will be a slow process, a dangerous one, but if you can survive, if you can calm it down–
Preening broken feathers.  A slow and methodical process, but your heart beats like you’re running for your life.  You keep retreating, feather by feather, because you’re not sure how stable this moment of calm is, how long you have before it will try to kill you again. 
You gain Mhin’s trust the same way.  Slow and methodical.  Showing your hands at all times.  No sudden movements.
Mhin knows you ran into their Monster–knows that you know.  They hate the thought of putting this much faith in another person but they hate the thought that the monster might get out and harm people even more.  You could be an ally in this too, they suppose…
They hand over a key to their safe house, show you how to use the security measures they have in place for when they transform.  They explain to you how to safely lock them inside–it can be done from either side effectively but Mhin never gives any thought to which side of the door you’d choose to be on…
You start asking Kuras for medical supplies, unable to give any information regarding why you need them.  You see someone selling hunting birds and carrier pigeons in the market so you ply them for information, paying them back by shelling out a ridiculous amount of money on whatever care products look like they might be moderately useful.
More preening broken feathers.  It seems to–they–seem to understand that you mean to help, now.  The process becomes easier.  You start carefully removing bits of broken glass you find embedded into them–you’re not sure how it got there, if the glass is something mystical or if they went on a little rampage before you were able to lead them into the safe house.  Maybe they’re just like a regular bird and they ran into something by accident.  Maybe it’s been there for years because no one’s been around (or able to) take it out.  
Does it hurt Mhin, too?
You’re even more determined with that thought, though you have to be so-very-careful because if you startle or hurt them, they become agitated.  You’re not sure if they would hurt you on purpose anymore, but they sure as hell could kill you by accident.
It burns your heart to leave some pieces in before Mhin changes back, but you know you have to.  You can’t help if you don’t stay safe. And Mhin always makes you promise to look after yourself when they can't.
Mhin transforms back and realizes that it didn’t take so much from them this time, that the usual pain is a little lesser, that they still ache but it isn’t debilitating.  They write it off at first but the thought sits at the back of their mind. Filling them with unrest. A thorn in their side that they cannot quite reach...
They go to their safe house to check how the locks are holding up and they notice some things.  A large basin for water. Your supplies.  A music box, of all things.
Needless to say, they’re horrified.  They demand to know what you’re doing.  Are you trying to get yourself killed?
“I knew you had no sense but–”
You assure them that you’re taking every precaution.
Besides, aren’t you doing the right thing?  It’s totally logical that they (–it , Mhin insists) can get thirsty, of course Mhin is feeling better when they aren’t being locked in an empty room deprived of water half the time.
The monster looks so sad, now that they aren’t trying to hurt you.  As they became more used to you, you began to see the parts where they and Mhin overlap.  Shared habits.  The way they settle down to sleep at night is the same…
Mhin hates the monster inside of them, but you don’t.
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wordsformurder · 1 month ago
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Without much ado...
Wishlist 2024 Prompt Post
The same game since 2009: you give me prompts, twelve this year, and I write them and post them in the 24 days before Christmas.
The Rules:
- first come, first serve. You get in my askbox first, you win.
- the prompts need to be in a fandom I am in. If I don't know it, I can't write it.
- if you prompt something I cannot or will not write, your prompt is null and void.
- the more specific a prompt, the more specific a story. You give me a fandom, a pairing, and nothing else, you might get anything. Be aware.
- please give me your ao3 handle, as I post there and only link here.
I think that's it. I'll reply to any prompts received to let you know if I accept them or not.
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dollypopup · 1 year ago
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Colin Bridgerton learns early in his life not to be too loud. Too open. Learns not to give all of himself to anything, putting on a perpetual pretense. To be cheerful. Charming. Agreeable. It makes him feel useful. It makes him feel in control.
His papa dies when he is twelve. Colin is still shorter than Daphne. She laughs at him when they play games together because she can reach the taller branches on the tree. He skinned his knee last week trying to run after the family dog, Tippet, or Tippy, as he liked to call her, when she ran off with Frannie's doll. His papa dies when he is 12 and as it happened, all he could think was that Papa would get back up, soon, as he watches him laying there among the flowers, Mum in shambles and the whole family on the steps. Colin learns. He learns no one has the space for his grief in light of their own, and Anthony is the new head of the family, and Benedict is trying to take care of the siblings, and what good is Colin?
Colin can't do anything. Colin can't do anything but try to make it lighter, better, easier. Try to be useful any way he can.
So, he comes to his mum, cradled away in her dark room, the curtains perpetually closed, pale and wane and laying on the bed, always, her palms feeling at the linen on the left side that she refuses to have changed. Because he thinks he can be useful. He thinks he can be good. Make her smile. And he loves her. And he misses her. In confinement, several months pregnant, when she lays on her side, she still cannot adjust to the feeling of a flat bedspread, back perpetually turned to the door. She doesn't want to see anyone. Almost can't even bear to. But Colin sneaks in. Colin sneaks in with biscuits he foists from the kitchens, and paper flowers (like the kind she taught him to make for all those birthday hats, fingers quick and nimble, some of the only time he is ever allowed to favor his left), and flowers he picks from the gardens of Aubrey Hall. He sneaks in, calling a hesitant
Mum?
into the dust, and maybe it's only because he will be gone, soon, off to Eton, that she tolerates it. The time he has left with mum is short so yes, Colin comes into the mausoleum. As often as he can. As often as he is capable of. And he tries to make mum happy. But he can't. He can't make it better for her. He brings her treats and he holds her hand and he tends the tomb. Changes out the funeral flowers when they rot, the way the maids are never allowed to, tucks mama into bed as she blinks glassy, swallows, then turns away.
In his boyhood, he has one final, awful cry with her. The last sobs of his childhood to his mum. Comes in to try to cheer her up again, to bring levity, but today is a bad day, he feels it near instantly. There are always bad days. They aren't always, but there always will be. Mum's voice rings out, soft and disbelieving
he's gone
he's gone
he's gone
over and over as Colin eventually realizes all he can do is hug her. hug her and listen as she cries
he'll never see you grow up
my darling
my boy
he'll never see you get married
never see who you'll become
wringing dry. and Colin has never felt more tiny. He can't hold all that emotional overflow even though he tries. He hugs her and he tries. Tries not to let it get to his heart, all that she's saying. Tries to hold her together. Tries to make it better. If not better, painless. If not painless, not alone. But he just lost his father. and he's small, and he's scared and he'll be leaving, soon, everything familiar to him, all his family. Eton, so, so soon.
Last week, all he wanted was for dad to finally take him out on a hunt, like he did with Anthony and Benedict. Every time it was a
One day, when you're older.
There would never be a one day. Last week, he was betting dad on how many ducklings would hatch from the nest, eager to win from him extra candies, which dad would always give him, anyway. Somehow, the sugar was always the more sweet when he won it from Papa. Never again. Papa won't ever see the man he'd become, and he didn't even know what that would look like. He tries to keep it in, he does, but he breaks at each whisper Mum can't help but spill, trying to assure her until his voice goes crackly and thick and his snuffles snot at the shoulder of her dirty housecoat when he wipes his face and then
he's wailing. Just a boy crying to his mum because he needs her, but it only makes Violet feel worse, cry worse, hurt worse, because she can't be needed. Not now. Can't provide him any comfort, and Colin knows. he feels it. after that moment, he knows. he knows it's agony for his mum to see him upset and he knows she can't help him. he knows she can't handle it and he knows he feels awful asking her to. so, when he leaves the room, completely wiped out, he promises himself he'll never put her through it again. and he sticks to it. because Colin's already lost his dad, he just can't bear to lose what he has left of his mum, too.
So, Colin learns to be cheerful. Is cheerful, up until the day he goes, off to learn about Greek Mythology and Abstract Mathematics, studying philosophy and religion and boxing and learning how to be a man from strangers.
but of course it aches. Colin cries alone. Curled fetal in bed in the secrecy behind a locked door. No one wants his sorrow. Or his anger. He's scrappy as a boy, angry at Eton. His father didn't go here. Nor his brothers, off at Oxford. A distinguished school for distinguished men, men of titles, men of power. For Colin, for a third son, Eton was beyond agreeable, beyond generous of his father to have set the funds aside for. And Colin appreciated Eton, yes, but it was also where he learns to lock his fury behind his sternum and even when it claws to be free, he shoves it down until he can wrap his wrists for a spar. Colin learns to hide in plain sight.
Everything, everywhere, everyone: he leaves.
Colin cultivates a talent for leaving. Until it thrums in his blood, bleeds out into the tapestry of his existence. As a boy, he sneaks snails in Benedict's bed and leaves off to hide in the linen closet from his fury. He waves goodbye to Daphne on the steps, his younger sister already looking so much older and heavier and faraway, leaning on Eloise as his carriage rolls off. His papa dies and he leaves. Each year, Eton, he leaves and finds Mama a shade more vibrant than last time. The world moves on away from him, aside from him, outside of him. Marina breaks his heart and he leaves. Lady Whistledown break his heart and he leaves. and each time he is Back, he is also in the background.
when he returns after his second tour, this time, it's Penelope who's changed. Penelope who looks at him differently. Penelope like he has never seen her. and he feels so much a stranger as he always did each time he left, but never felt with her, before. in a way, their closeness had been his sanctuary. steadfast. like a heartbeat. like a drum. when it falters, when she avoids him, and when she breaks his heart unknowing she could, and when he finds out she's Lady Whistledown, he leaves. and he hides. and he keeps it in secret.
keeps it poorly. because his mum is a smart woman and even though he's tried not to let her see it, somewhere in her, she can always know when her boy is in pain. he's of her blood, her body, a fragment of her soul. and when she comes to him, this time, when she recognizes this heartbreak and he can no longer keep it in, for the first time in a decade, Colin breaks open, and he cries to his mum
and he starts to unlearn.
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the-femslash-wishlist · 1 year ago
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spidrboots · 14 days ago
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thinking abt . . any of the vee’s seeing angel, probably though vox’s various screens & cameras, get all kinds of close & comfortable w/ the hotel ( &, particularly, one of its workers ) & the backlash that ensues for everyone involved at the hotel & outside of it. the guilt that angel feels about putting more eyes on the people he cares about — the genuine crush he’s trying to ignore — & fighting the feeling that everything he touches manages to burn, & it’s always his fault.
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