#fair warning I don’t read a lot of comics and the ones I do are mostly about dick Grayson so I haven’t actually read Wally west comics

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

So like just out of curiosity, cause this is (hopefully) getting written regardless of interest or not, would anyone actually be interested in a hadestown/Orpheus and Eurydice inspired renegade arc au where Wally and Dick were gonna get married but Wally got sucked into the speed force either just before or right after and Slade being Slade manipulated Dick into becoming renegade again and then things happen. Also there’s gonna be some dubcon sladick in there but main pairing is birdflash

[catladyoftheyr]

Muscle Memory

Pt 2

Miguel O’Hara x reader

Summary: you left town for your career, but you and Miguel always end up hooking up whenever you come back home.

Warnings/ Authors note: I was listening to Muscle Memory by Kelsea Ballerini and I had a vision and had to write it down.

Warnings and other things to be aware of : SMUT (FILTHY 18+ I’m so serious), alcohol, but neither character becomes inebriated, rough sex, unprotected p in v, light choking, filming of sex, oral sex for both parties, lots of dirty talk, creampie, facial, semi public sex/exhibitionism. You’re fucking against his car in a back alley parking lot.

Word count: 2.7k

Special tag for @lazyjellyfish300 I know you wanna read it bb 🕷️🪼

You haven't been home in months, but as you walked through the entryway of the local dive, you saw that your favorite spot on the end of the bar was still open. You slid onto the stool and ordered a margarita on the rocks. You sipped your drink quietly and pulled out your phone to check your email. You moved to a larger city after college for your career, but now it felt like work followed you everywhere you went, even off the clock. You were so absorbed in work that you didn’t notice that someone had taken the seat next to you at the bar: at least until you heard a familiar voice.

“Every time I see you you’re on that damn phone”

“Some of us have jobs, Miguel.”

“I have a job, thank you very much. It’s my bar you’re sitting in if I recall.” He smirked as he said the last sentence.

“Don’t you have work to do then? Besides terrorizing paying customers?” You couldn’t help but crack a smile. Miguel might be annoying, but he was still the closest friend you had back home. He’d never resented you for leaving town, even if he’d wanted you to stay.

“You know your drinks are on the house when you come here, cariño”. He made his accent heavy when he used the pet name. He knew you had a soft spot when he spoke Spanish. Miguel motioned to the bartender and ordered you another margarita

“It seems like bad business practice to give free drinks to any beautiful woman that walks through your door. O’haras is gonna close if you keep it up” you joked, sliding your phone back in your pocket.

“Aye, only for you. How long are you staying this time?” He replied. He slid your drink in front of you, toying with the straw. The glass looked comically small next to Miguel’s large hands. Your mind drifted to the nights where his hands had been tangled in your hair, palming your breasts, and inside your-

You came back to reality when you felt Miguel playing with your bra strap under your sleeve. The song had changed to something country, and Miguel was humming in your ear. “You know what they say, tequila makes her clothes fall off” he whispered as he slid your strap further down your shoulder.

You slid your strap back in place and moved Miguel’s hand back to the bar. “You’re gonna have to do better than if you want to get in my pants tonight, Mig.” You wanted him just as badly, but weren’t ready to give in just yet. You wanted to make him work for it. “I bet you can’t beat me at pool”

Miguel let out a loud laugh and threw back his head. “That’s not even a fair fight. I’d feel terrible seeing you lose.”

“Aww is Miggy scared to lose to a girl? Sounds like you’re a chicken” you replied, knowing exactly how to rile him up. You got a thrill out of agitating Miguel, the way his forehead creased, his mouth curling downward.

“I’m telling you right now that I’m gonna wipe the floor with you,” he shot back, clearly holding back a smile. “Don’t expect me to hold back just because you suck” he chuckled.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less than the best from Miguel O’Hara.” You walked over to the pool table, sensing Miguel’s eyes trained on your ass as he ordered another round of drinks. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s not polite to stare?” You called after him.

“I’m just admiring the view, baby”

If he wanted a show, you’d be sure to give him one. You made sure to raise your arms as high as you could when you reached for the pool sticks. You made sure that your shirt rode up, exposing a strip of skin above the waistband of your shorts. You handed one of the sticks to Miguel with a smug grin on your face. He bit his lip as he watched you arrange the balls in the rack; he ogled you as you deliberately arched your back bending over the table. “You can break,” you said flirtatiously.

Miguel took on a look of intense focus. You could see the way he calculated the best angle to shoot from. His t-shirt came untucked from his jeans when he moved around the table. You took in the view of his tanned skin, and the way his immense frame loomed over everything. Miguel had sunk three balls in quick succession before missing his next shot. He swore under his breath and turned to face you. “Your turn, sweetheart.”

“Come on, Mig. At least give me a chance to play before you sink everything.”

“No way! I told you I wasn’t going to go easy on you.”

You knew you didn’t stand a chance at winning; but you weren’t giving up without a fight. There weren’t any rules about distracting your opponent. You gave your shorts a gentle tug to emphasize your figure before analyzing which ball to aim for. You picked your target and leaned forward, moving your hips from side to side knowing Miguel was watching you. You took your shot slowly and watched with disappointment as the cue ball sank into a hole. “Fuck”

“Woof, a scratch on your first turn? You’re making this too easy” Miguel taunted you with a smirk. He grabbed two bottles of beer off a table and tore off the caps with his teeth, spitting them into his open palm before shoving them in his pocket. It was his favorite party trick, and he knew it turned you on. He turned back to the pool table. “Watch and learn, nena. This is how a pro does it.” He sunk two more stripes and missed the third.

That made five balls to your whopping total of zero. Time to ramp up your distraction strategy. “If you’re so good, then why don’t you help with this next shot?” You tried to sound as innocent as possible.

Miguel obliged and stood behind you, his frame towering over you. He placed his arms on yours and the heat of his body sent shockwaves down your spine. You bent together in perfect sync as Miguel showed you where to aim, saying something about keeping an eye on the ball and how to line up your shot. You weren’t listening, instead pressing your hips against his. You moved slowly and deliberately, grinding against his crotch. The friction was driving you both crazy, but neither of you wanted to be the first to admit it. Miguel stifled a moan and pressed into you even harder. Neither of you cared about pool anymore. He nipped at your ear and you tried not to squeak. The pool sticks fell to the tabletop and Miguel leaned to whisper in you ear.

“Follow me.” Miguel grabbed your hand and you both stumbled out the back door of the bar into the parking lot. Immediately he had you pressed against the brick wall of the building. His lips crashed into yours, desperate and frenzied. You kissed back and grabbed his hair in an effort to pull him even closer. His tongue found its way into mouth while you moaned into the kiss. Miguel broke the kiss only to move his lips to your neck. “You’re such a fucking tease.” His eyes bored into yours. “Every time you come home you come into my bar, practically fucking begging to end up underneath me.”

“And you it up, Miggy.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and hoisted yourself up to cross your legs behind his back. “You want me so bad; you’d do anything for this pussy.” Miguel’s hands cupped your ass, sliding under the hem of your shorts. You moaned as he kneaded your flesh expertly. He carried you over to his car while you were still wrapped around him. Miguel let you down and leaned against the hood of his car, his cock clearly straining against the denim of his jeans.

“This is what you do to me, baby. You drive me so fucking crazy.” He groaned. You rubbed his cock through the fabric, relishing the noise he made as you teased him. You unbuckled his belt and tugged down his pants and boxers. Miguel’s cock sprang free and you could barely wrap your hand around his thick girth. You were no stranger to his body but could swear he seemed bigger than you remembered. Miguel moaned loudly as you slowly your hand up and down his shaft, taking care to rub your thumb over his sensitive tip.

Whenever you and Miguel hooked up it felt natural. You’d done this so many times you both knew exactly what the other liked. Every nook and cranny, every secret spot. You knew exactly which buttons to press to drive each other wild. You picked up the pace of your strokes before kneeling to take him in your mouth. “Please baby. I need more. Need you to suck my cock.” Miguel’s voice was desperate and pleading. You licked from base to tip, tasting the salt of the precum he was leaking like a faucet. You bobbed your head up and down, struggling with his size. Miguel bucked his hips in response and you made it halfway down the length of his cock.

You came up for air and spit in your palm and began stroking the base while you sucked. Miguel groaned and you felt him wrap a hand in your hair, pushing your mouth down further. “Come on baby, I know you can take me.” Your hands fell to your sides and Miguel’s hands guided you up and down his shaft. “You’re so fucking pretty with your lips wrapped around my cock.” His pace quickened and he began to fuck your face, thrusting down your throat. He pulled out of your mouth and started stroking himself. “Fuckkk I’m gonna cum. Open your mouth for me, baby.” You closed your eyes and stuck out your tongue, feeling ropes of semen hit your face and tongue. You licked your lips, tasting the salt and sweat. You opened your eyes to see Miguel had his phone out. “Smile for me, hermosa. You look so pretty with my cum on your face I want to remember this” he cooed while snapping pictures.

Miguel helped you up off your knees and swiped his fingers softly across your face before popping them into his mouth to clean them. He kissed you again before pressing you face down against the hood of his car. You felt his large hand palming against your pussy through your shorts. “Mmmplease, Mig. Don’t tease me like this.” He kept rubbing, pressing the fabric into your folds.

“You’ve been teasing me all night, baby. Paybacks a bitch.” Miguel crouched down and kissed your pussy through your denim shorts; You felt him massage your ass while he pressed his mouth against you. He pressed down firmly as you squirmed under his touch, desperately trying to increase the friction. “Stop fucking wiggling.” He yanked your shorts down so the only thing between him and your cunt was the thin fabric of your thong. He rubbed your clit through your panties and you gasped.

“Please, baby. I need more” you moaned breathlessly. He picked up the pace, making quick circles around your bud with his large fingers. You felt the pleasure building steadily as Miguel worked his magic. “Ah! I’m almost there. Keep going, Miggy!” Just as the words left your mouth he stopped, leaving you hanging on the edge of your orgasm. “What the fuck was that for?!” You turned to face him and saw a shit eating grin on his face. “It’s not fucking funny, Mig” you groaned.

“I told you, payback is a bitch. You don’t get to cum until I say you can, baby.” You sighed and Miguel pressed you against the car hood again with one hand, using the other to push your panties to the side. He slid one thick finger into you and moved it slowly in and out. “You’re so fucking wet for me baby. And so tight. I’m gonna stretch this pussy out” he cooed, adding a second finger. “That’s it, baby.” He knelt down again and you felt him trade his fingers for his tongue. He darted in and out of your entrance, and you flooded with wetness. “You taste so fucking good”. Miguel continued licking, kissing, and sucking every fold of your slit. The pleasure building up was starting to become unbearable; you had no idea how you were going to be able to hold back. Then Miguel said the magic words: “Cum for me, cariño” he purred, sucking on your clit as if his life depended on it.

You let yourself fall over the edge and you gasped as your orgasm overtook you. Waves of pleasure racked your body and you found yourself speechless. You were coming down from the rush when you felt the tip of Miguel’s cock poking at your entrance. “It’s too big” you moaned, already feeling the stretch from just the tip.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’ve done this before. You’re so good at taking me, baby.” Miguel replied, pressing in another inch of his girth. He grunted as he felt you stretching around him. “Your pussy is so good. You make me feel so good.” Miguel wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you up to his chest, pushing his cock in further. He grabbed your hair and turned your face toward him to kiss you again. The kiss deepened and became frenzied as you felt him going deeper and deeper until he finally bottomed out inside of you. You felt so full you couldn’t believe he fit inside of you.

“Your cock is so fucking big, Miggy. I need you to fuck me.” You moaned, not caring if anyone else was around. Miguel took your words to heart and immediately started pumping in and out, your wetness running down your thighs. He kept a steady pace, hitting the sweet spot inside of you with every thrust. “Fuck me harder” you cried, cockdrunk.

Miguel pulled out and flipped you over, dragging you both to the side of his car. He pulled out his phone again and pressed record before reentering you. “Put on a show for me baby, show the camera how good I make you feel.” You moaned louder, happy to show off for him. Miguel pushed up your shirt to expose your tits and palmed them roughly with one hand. He groped and squeezed, pinching and rolling your nipples between his digits.

“Fuck, Miggy. You feel so good. Keep going”

“You’re taking this cock so well, baby. The camera loves you. You’re such a little slut for me I love it.” He pumped harder, hitting your cervix with his tip. His spare hand moved from your chest to your throat and he squeezed lightly. You let out a moan and felt pleasure start to build in your core again. You used one hand to start rubbing circles on your clit while Miguel was thrusting. “That’s it, baby. Rub it out for me. You’re taking my cock so well.”

“M-mig I’m close. I’m gonna cum” you squeaked out, the circles on your clit becoming more frantic.

“Go on, nena. Cum on my cock. Show me how pretty you look when you’re cumming for me.” Miguel’s encouragement pushed you over the edge and your second orgasm ripped through your body. You felt yourself clench tighter around his cock and he thrusted harder, taking his hand off your throat and using it to steady you against the side of the car. “I’m gonna cum, baby. I’m gonna put a baby in you, then you can’t leave me again.” Miguel gave one final thrust before you felt him release, spilling his seed inside of you. He grunted before pulling out slowly.

“That was so good, mig. I remember why I come back to this place when I’m in town now” you joked, pulling your clothes back into place. Miguel finished redressing himself and planted a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Yeah? Well maybe you should come home more often then.”

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you know if Riddle, or Tray, ever stands up to his mother? I think i saw it in a Pinterest post once of teen Riddle being slapped by his mom and Tray taking him away.

His background is sadder than Shoto Todoroki from BNHA

We don’t really get to hear about how things are going back home with Mrs. Rosehearts outside of one brief instance. In 4-3, Riddle is leaving for winter break and mentions he intends on speaking with his mother, though he isn’t optimistic about her listening.

Trey states in the same part of the story that he isn’t allowed at Riddle’s house (because Mrs. Rosehearts has banned him). However, Riddle is still invited to visit him and Chenya at the Clover family bakery (though it’s very unlikely Riddle would be able to, since he hasn’t canonically seen Chenya again since the unbirthday party of book 1).

We never get a follow-up on how the conversation between Riddle and his mother went. It’s never touched upon again, and his mom isn’t really brought up beyond this case. (I did happen to write a short piece about Trey, Riddle, and Mrs. Rosehearts interacting though, if you were interested in seeing my own interpretation of this idea.)

Riddle spends most of his time at NRC since it’s a boarding school, meaning there are few opportunities for him to directly interact with his mother. Even if Mrs. Rosehearts were readily accessible to him, I highly doubt we would get to witness Riddle or Trey doing much to talk back to her. As we see in book 4, Riddle is still quite meek and uncertain when it comes to speaking with his mom. Trey, meanwhile, is generally very non-confrontational and may still be dealing with his own complicated feelings about interfering with what are family matters. (Recall that the last time he encouraged Riddle to be adventurous, it resulted in his friend being severely punished and Trey may harbor guilt over this occurrence.) I feel that neither of them would realistically develop the courage to talk back to Mrs. Rosehearts when only like half a year has passed since Riddle’s OB incident as opposed to like seventeen years of Riddle living under her rules.

***CONTENT WARNING: I will be discussing abuse at length under the cut, so please be advised to avoid reading further if the topic makes you uncomfortable.***

Regarding the comic you saw on Pinterest, it is fan art. That is in no way canonical; Mrs. Rosehearts may be very stern and have a temper, but she has never slapped or otherwise put a hand on Riddle. The closest thing we get to a slap is this panel from the manga adaptation, which isn’t even a slap. You can tell from the movement lines and the FWP sfx that Mrs. Rosehearts is just quickly pulling her arm away since Riddle is trying to latch onto it in an attempt to get her to listen to his protests. There is also no mark on Riddle or harsh slap sfx to indicate contact was made.

Now then 💦 There's something very serious and relevant to this ask I'd actually like to discuss, so I hope you'll stick around to hear me out on this.

I know none of us really like Mrs. Rosehearts (which is fair, she has done a lot of terrible things to her son). However, I think it's dangerous for us to speak about her as though she's a total monster and nothing more than a monster. I'm NOT going to stand here and advocate that she has done nothing wrong (she definitely has committed many wrongs). What I'm saying is that I don't agree with her being treated like "just" an abuser.

Let's say we do demonize Mrs. Rosehearts. We see only her negative traits and allow those to define her entire character. This creates a scenario in which she is alienated and dehumanized, left as a caricature of a woman that is solely known for hurting her child. But the thing is, this ISN’T how abuse really works. Few abusers are completely wicked people through and through. Part of the reason why it is so difficult for victims to leave their abusers is because abusers almost never start off abusive. They usually act totally normal, and the abuse often doesn’t come until later or specific situations arise. It creeps up on you in an almost insidious manner, and you don’t expect it coming. I’d also like to mention that abusers often don’t act with the intentional thought of, “Yeah, what I’m doing/saying is abusive”. Abusers typically justify their actions or convince themselves they are acting out of goodness. They don’t do bad things “because they’re bad people”, they do bad things because they think they’re GOOD people. Some abusers may even be victims themselves.

By painting abusers (even fictional ones) as cartoonishly evil, irredeemable, or always cruel, it makes it harder for us to believe the very real danger that we, whom we see as “good” people, could become “bad” ourselves. It makes it harder to believe victims when they report abuse because “oh, the abuse isn’t THAT bad”. It erases the idea that abusers are also human, and that humans have the capacity to be awful sometimes or to perpetuate hurt. It makes it so much harder to identify abuse because we’d only be looking for the most extreme examples of it rather than noticing the small, subtle signs. By “othering” abusers, it’s inadvertently denying so many nuances of abuse... which ultimately is counterproductive.

I would like to point out that even in the example provided of another abusive parent, Endeavor is portrayed with some nuance. He physically and verbally abused his wife, neglected the children he deemed worthless, and pushed the child he deemed to be his successor to the brink. However, Endeavor is also shown to remember a detail as small as his (arranged) wife’s favorite flower when she only told him about it once. He is notably much more lenient when training his first son, who didn’t have the ideal Quirk he sought. Endeavor at one point even confesses to pursuing being a hero in order to avoid the demands of fatherhood, which demonstrates a realistic insecurity and vulnerability… his humanity.

The same could be true for Mrs. Rosehearts. We only assume he is “just an abuser” because we see her in such a limited scope. There are valid reasons to believe why she is a “good” person outside of how we see her acting in Riddle’s recollections, and this may help to explain why Riddle feels so hesitant to “stand up” to her. I would really recommend reading this post, which goes a lot more in-depth about the complications surrounding Riddle’s relationship with his mother. Again, I am in NO WAY defending Mrs. Rosehearts; I am only pointing out that abusers—no matter how horrible their actions—have identities beyond the label of “abuser” that should be acknowledged.

[literaryavenger]

So I read somewhere that if the word ‘Sputnik’ is said to Bucky it knocks him out. Like it was a way for HYDRA to temporarily incapacitate him until they could control him better if he got out of hand. I’d love to see if you could write about how the reader and the team would deal with this situation. Maybe incorporate the satellite, as we know how much Bucky loves space. 💙✨ Maybe an established relationship? Again don’t need to do this, but I thought you’d appreciate a little help to get out of this writers block :)

Sputnik

Summary: Bucky's fascinacion with Space gives the team an interesting, emotional week.

Pairing: Boyfriend!Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!BlackWidow!Reader, Platonic!Bucky Barnes x Various!Avengers

Warnings: Language. Established relationship. Mentions of Bucky's past and trauma. So much angst, but tons of fluff too. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 6.4K. This one got away from me, lol.

A/N: Okay, so I heard about this too and did some research and found out it is a thing that the Red Skull uses against Bucky in one of the many universes of the comics, but it can only be used once. What I couldn’t find is how to wake him up, so that part is made up by me lol. Anyway, I hope this satisfies you, Anon, and to everyone that’s sent me requests already, I promise I plan on working on all of them, even if it takes me a little time. But keep ‘em coming! Also, I put a lot of MCU references and lines, so have fun finding them all, lol.

Masterlist

Life isn’t always fair.

That’s something most people can agree on. But it’s especially never been fair for one Bucky Barnes.

Bucky has been an Avenger for years now, and sometimes he still feels like he’s made little to no progress. Other times even he can’t deny how far he’s come.

Like right now, he’s sitting on the couch with you, his girlfriend, sitting next to him with your legs over his as he strokes your thigh absentmindedly while he’s engrossed in a conversation with Peter about astrology.

That’s something that Bucky has always found interesting, and the young genius has been filling Bucky in on everything he’s missed on the subject since the 40s.

Most of the Avengers are away on missions and the rest of the team that’s at the Compound (Tony, Steve, Peter, Wanda, Sam, Natasha, Bucky and you) are all hanging out in the common room, the fading colors of the sundown coming through the window making for a nice setting.

Tony, Steve and Sam are talking about Formula One, Peter and Bucky are in their own little nerd world and you are talking with Natasha and Wanda about the latest tv show you’ve all been binging together.

Your attention is brought on Bucky when he taps on your leg gently to signal you to get them off of him so he can get up, never breaking his conversation with Peter.

“What’s a satellite?” Bucky asks with furrowed eyebrows as he gets up from the couch.

“It’s an artificial body placed in orbit around the earth, or moon or another planet, in order to collect information or for communication.” Peter explains like the cute little geek he is while Bucky goes to the kitchen to get another beer, still concentrating on their conversation.

“You know,” Tony interjects, the whole team’s attention now on their exchange. “The first artificial Earth satellite launched in 1957, it was called Sputnik and it was-”

“Bucky?” You interrupt Tony in the middle of his fun fact when you see your boyfriend freezing as he’s about to sit on the couch where he was a minute ago.

He doesn’t say anything but you can see his eyes rolling back into his head and then he falls to the ground unconscious.

“Bucky!” You yell as you kneel beside him, everyone else rushing to his side, just as worried as you.

You grab him by his shoulders and shake him a little, but the man doesn’t move a muscle. You look around at the team, but everyone is equally as clueless about what’s happening as you are.

“Should we try slapping him?” Sam offers, earning a glare from both you and Steve and a slap on the back of his head by Natasha.

You look back at Bucky, but you can’t think of anything to do to help him, your mind completely blank. You feel a hand on your shoulder but you pay it no mind, your eyes focused on Bucky.

“We could try the book…” Steve’s voice is quiet but to your ears those words feel like a scream and your eyes snap up to his just to find him already looking at you.

You know what book he’s talking about, of course you know. The Winter Soldier’s red book, the one Bucky gave you to keep safe because he trusts you with his life.

You’re the only one that has access to it, but you’ve never even opened it because Bucky trusted you not to unless it was necessary. He chose not to destroy it for this exact reason, in case something inexplicable happened to him. 

He himself has never opened the book, so it stands to reason that there are a lot of things he doesn’t know about the Winter Soldier’s programming.

You promised him you’d keep it safe and that’s what you’ve done so far, but you also promised yourself you’d never open it and see the horrors even Bucky doesn’t know they did to him. You certainly never thought it would be necessary, that’s why you agreed to it.

But right now, as much as you hate to admit it, it’s your best option. 

You leave Bucky in Steve’s care and go to your and Bucky’s room. You go into the closet and remove the hardwood plank in the far corner and reach into it to take out a small safe.

It’s Stark Technology, even Bucky wouldn’t be able to get into it, if he even knew it was there. But he doesn’t, he was very insistent on you being the only person that knew the book’s hiding place.

You scan your thumbprint, then your retina and lastly say the voice command ‘Jamie’ and the light turns green. The safe opens and you reach into it, moving away the files about yourself you recovered from the Red Room after you and Natasha escaped, then the Hydra file Natasha found on Bucky and some other documents you have there before spotting the red leather at the bottom of the safe. You pull it out and hesitate before sighing. 

This is necessary. 

That’s what you keep telling yourself over and over as you open it and start looking through the pages for anything about Bucky passing out.

Thankfully it doesn’t take long for you to find it, and you’re careful to put everything away the way it was before going back to Bucky.

While you were looking for an explanation, Steve and Sam moved Bucky to the medbay where Tony hooked up some machines to him to make sure he was still healthy, even if he’s unconscious.

You enter the room and hesitate before walking up to the bed. You can tell everyone’s worried, most likely because even the shuffle of bringing him here didn’t wake him up.

“Please tell me nobody slapped him.” you say quietly, half joking and half actually worried someone tried to slap him awake. When Steve shakes his head no, you let out a relieved breath and cross your arms in front of your chest. “I think I know what happened.”

“You do? What is it?” Steve asks hopefully, although the tone in your voice doesn’t prompt anything good.

“Apparently, Hydra planted a failsafe in Bucky’s subconscious.” Everyone’s attention is on you, and you look at everything but Bucky. “It was made in case the Winter Soldier rebelled and they needed a quick way to shut him down.”

“I don’t get it, why didn’t Shuri take it out with his trigger words?” Sam asks with a frown.

“She didn’t know about it.” You answer simply. “Bucky didn’t even know about it…”

“If she didn’t know it existed, she didn’t know to look for it…” Tony elaborates and Sam nods.

“Does it say what the word is?” Steve asks you.

“The word is ‘Sputnik’.” You say while looking at Tony with a tight-lipped smile. You know it’s not his fault, he obviously didn’t do it on purpose and you know he understands you don’t blame him, and neither would Bucky. “Good news is, the failsafe can only be used once.” Everyone relaxes a little, at least there’s the bright side that this won’t ever happen again.

“And the bad news is…?” Natasha prompts while raising her eyebrow, making everyone tense again. You sigh, damn her for knowing you so well.

“Since it’s never been used, there’s no saying what will happen to him, how long it’ll last or how to wake him up…” You trail off, looking down at your feet while biting your lip before finishing your sentence. “If he even wakes up.”

You hear Wanda gasp at your words and the room goes silent. You don’t have the courage of looking anybody in the eye at the moment, so you just keep looking down.

“What do you mean, if he even wakes up?” Peter is the one that asks the question, his voice quiet and a little unsteady.

“It’s Hydra we’re talking about, I doubt they cared about the consequences their actions would bring on Bucky’s psyche…” You say bitterly, wishing you had any Hydra agent at hand so you could snap their neck. “That trigger word could’ve done anything to him.”

“T-there has to be something else, maybe you missed something.” Steve mutters and it takes everything in you not to roll your eyes. You know this is coming from a good place, he’s worried for his best friend, but it’s still annoying that he’s doubting you.

“All it says in the book is that it’s supposed to knock him out long enough to provide an opportunity to move him somewhere where he can’t do any damage or even put him back into Cryo if necessary.” You recall word for word what you read in the book, making it clear that there’s nothing else to be done. “All we can do is wait it out…”

You glance at Bucky and something inside you snaps. You know you can’t look at his still, angelic face any longer or you’ll lose it, so you turn around and walk out of the room, leaving everybody perplexed at the wake of your actions.

“Wait!” Steve says from behind you, but you don’t turn around until you’re at the elevators.

“We can keep watch on him one at a time until he wakes up.” That’s all you say while entering the elevator, giving him no chance to say anything back.

He understands this is a lot for you, so he decides not to push it. Instead he sighs and turns around, walking back to the rest of the team to tell them your, admittedly simple, plan.

Day 1

Steve volunteers to be the first one to watch over Bucky, hoping that he’ll wake up within a day and then everything will go back to normal.

“Hey, Buck.”  He says quietly as he sits down on the chair next to Bucky’s bed. 

“This is weird…” He says more to himself while studying Bucky’s face. “Should I talk to you? What should I even say to you? I don’t know, man…”

Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You’ve known me my whole life. My entire, overextended life… Is there really anything you don’t know about me yet? Well, maybe…” 

Steve knows there’s something he hasn’t told Bucky. It’s something he hasn’t told anyone, really. But he needs to get it off his chest, so he takes a deep breath and decides to go for it.

“It’s hard, Buck… This whole hero thing.” He says quietly while looking at his lap. “I got into this life to help people, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, but… I never thought it’d be this hard.”

Steve plays with his fingers as he talks. He knows Bucky probably can’t hear him, he can’t even see him at the moment, but he still feels guilty about what he’s saying. 

“Remember during the war, how we used to think about going home after it was all over and find a nice gal, settle down, have a family…” Steve can’t help but smile at the memory of all the times they spent in bars between fights with the Howling Commandos, just fantasizing about what their lives would be like after the war was over. “I know what I have with Natasha is real, and I love her, and you got pretty lucky too.” He smirks at Bucky while thinking about his relationship with you. 

“But this isn’t really the life we imagined, is it?” His smile falls. He can’t help but feel like saying these things out loud make him look selfish. But who better to understand him than his best friend, who went through something very similar? So he keeps going.

“This job, man… People depend on us to keep them safe, and that’s a lot of responsibility on its own, but being Captain America…” Steve scoffs, just the title he was given all those years ago now carries a weight he can’t escape. “It’s exhausting.” 

Steve finally looks up at Bucky, half expecting him to be looking at him with an irritated expression, but Bucky’s still unconscious, his face still and peaceful, almost as if he’s merely sleeping.

“I try to be perfect all the time, but, outside this team, no one wants me to be myself… They want me to be the version of myself that they like. The version that serves them better.” Steve leans in, resting his elbows on his knees, his eyes focused on Bucky’s face. “But I’ve always known I could be myself with you. ‘That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight’, right?” 

Steve laughs. That’s how Bucky described him. Even after the serum, that’s how Bucky always saw him.

“That’s me… You’ve always seen me for who I was, not who you needed me to be…” He takes Bucky’s hand in his. “Even when I had nothing, I had you… And I know what you’d tell me if you were awake,” 

Steve chuckles, knowing his stubborn best friend would insist Steve would be fine even without him. “I have the Avengers, I found myself a family, I’ll be okay…” He pauses thinking about the team, but then he gets to you and his smile falls again. “But her.” 

He knows he doesn’t have to say anything more. If Bucky were awake, he would immediately understand Steve’s talking about you. “For her it’s different.” Steve says quietly. Everybody knows how much Bucky means to you. “You’re everything to her, Bucky.”

Day 2

Bucky still hasn’t woken up, but you can’t bring yourself to watch over him and Natasha can see it on your face when Steve suggested you’d be the next one on Bucky watch, so she offers to go instead of you like the good big sister she is.

“Hi, Barnes.” She says when she sits down on the same chair Steve spent the day on yesterday. “I think we both know I’m only here for your little doll.” Natasha teases with a small smirk before she gets more serious.

“She can’t face this yet…” Natasha says quietly, thinking about your face just moments ago. “She doesn’t believe she’s as strong as we both know she is.”

Natasha knows you haven’t slept much, the darkening circles under your eyes give you away.

“But I get it,” she sighs “you mean so much to her.” She’s never seen you as happy as you are since you started dating Bucky, and she knows you’d do anything to protect that. Hell, Natasha herself would do anything to protect something as pure as your relationship with Bucky.

“Our whole lives, all she wanted was what she has with you now.” Natasha smiles sadly at Bucky. “And now that she’s found it, it’s hard for her to face reality and admit to herself that she might lose it…” 

Natasha sighs and shakes her head, thinking about everything organizations like Hydra and the Red Room took from all of them, and how they’re still managing to hurt them even after all these years.

“You know,” She says after a moment of silence “I’ve never been homesick. Because there was no place I belonged to.”

She knows Bucky felt the same way for the longest time, and she wants to give him the same hope she had. “And then I got this, this job… This family. And you’re part of that family too, Bucky.”

She leans in and scans Bucky’s face, looking for any signs that he might be conscious, but she finds nothing. 

“None of us are ready to lose that. To lose you.” She tries to drive home the point by taking his hand. “You have a family again, a family that cares for you.” 

“And you can’t do this to her… You know you can’t.” She adds after another moment of silence. “All our lives, she’s been looking for a home… You are her home, Bucky.”

Day 3

“Hey, man.” Sam sits down on the chair next to Bucky’s bed. 

“I know, I know, I’m probably the last person you want here…” Sam chuckles. “But that’s too damn bad for you, because I’m gonna be here anyway.”

Sam looks at Bucky, it feels kind of weird for him to see him without the scowl that’s usually directed at him. “Oh, how I wish I could know what’s going on in that big cyborg brain of yours…” Sam says with a small grin. 

“If you were awake you’d be glaring at me. Is it weird that I kind of miss it?” He wonders out loud. “Two days without your annoying staring problem is two days too long…” 

Sam chuckles again. He knows Bucky would be threatening his life at this point if he were awake. Not that he’d ever follow through with his threats, though. Sam sighs.

“I know you don’t want me getting all sappy on you, but… I never did tell you why I tease you so much, did I?” Sam says quietly as he sits back on his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “You’ve asked me repeatedly why, but you don’t really expect an answer when you do…”

A lot of the conversations between them end with Bucky asking Sam why he’s such a pain in his ass while Sam, and anyone else witnessing the exchange for that matter, just laugh. Even you.

“But here I am, giving you one anyway.” Sam says with a grin. At this point he’s almost hoping that if he annoys Bucky enough, he’ll wake up just to kick his ass. 

“You know how they say ‘we accept the love we think we deserve’? Well, I know how little love you truly believe you deserve.” Sam has never said these things out loud, especially not to Bucky because he knows that wouldn’t end up well for anybody. But now he feels like he has to.

“Thing is…” Sam says quietly, taking the rare moment where Bucky is not rolling his eyes or glaring at him to be honest. “You deserve so much more than you care to admit, Bucky.” 

He looks out the window for a moment before looking back at Bucky.

“And I’m gonna mess with you, and make fun of you, and tease you like friends do.” He says defiantly, almost challenging Bucky to stop him. “Because, whether you like it or not, I am your friend.”

Sam grins at Bucky, wishing he was awake just so Sam could see Bucky’s face as he annoys him. “You have people that care about you, Bucky. You have a whole team that does.” 

Sam says sincerely with an easy smile, but then he sighs. He knows, if Bucky could reply, he wouldn’t want to believe what Sam’s saying. Ever the stubborn one, that man.

“Look Bucky, I know you believe you’re hard to love…” Sam says quietly, thinking about his next words carefully with you in mind. “But she loves you like it’s breathing, man.”

Day 4 

“Good morning, Bucky.” Wanda says as she enters Bucky’s room in the medbay. “How are you feeling?”

She sits down and sighs. “Yeah, I know, I could easily just look into your mind and see for myself, like Tony has been bugging me to do since all this started, but…” She pauses and smiles softly at Bucky. “I made you a promise.”

Bucky didn’t trust Wanda when he first met her. He knew she had ties to Hydra, he knew she could control his mind and he had enough of that for a lifetime.

“I’ve never entered one of our friend’s minds on principle, but I know how important it was to you that I willingly promised you outright.” She says softly while remembering the look on his face when she seeked him out to relieve his worries. “It didn’t take a mind reader to see the weight being lifted off your shoulders when I actually said the words…” 

After that Bucky seemed less guarded around her, they even had some conversations about their experiences with Hydra, and Bucky came to understand where Wanda was coming from.

“And I get it, you’ve had no control over your own mind for the longest time, you don’t want anyone else in there.” Wanda says quietly “You trust me not to, and I’d never betray that trust.” 

She’s proud that she was able to gain Bucky’s trust, and she’d never do anything to lose that.

“You and I both know what it’s like to have nothing,” She sits back on her chair, her eyes on the window. “and we both value trust above all else, having had no one to trust for the longest time.” 

“After I got these… These powers…” She looked at the red energy coming out her fingers while they played with it. “I knew people saw me differently. I knew they feared me…”

Her Sokovian accent comes out more as she gets emotional, her eyes leaving her hand as she looks back at Bucky. “And Hydra conditioned you to expect people to fear you, too.” She says sadly. “But we can’t control other people’s fears. Only our own.”

That’s a lesson that took her a while to learn, but it’s an important one for both of them.

“We’re not monsters.” She says with conviction, like she’s trying to convince him more than just remind him, before adding. “We are all born so beautiful… The greatest tragedy is being convinced we’re not.”

Wanda smiles, that’s another lesson that was hard to learn, but luckily for them they had someone to help them believe it.

“You know who taught us that, who helped us really believe it…” Wanda chuckles softly, thinking about how you went above and beyond for both her and Bucky. Even before you started dating him, you wanted to make him see himself the way you saw, and still see him. 

“She believes wholeheartedly that you’re beautiful. I don’t need to use my powers to see the way her eyes, her face, her whole soul lights up when she looks at you…” Wanda feels like he needs to remind Bucky what he has. If he’s fighting, he needs to know what he’s fighting for. “You’re her hope, and her peace… You’re her whole world, Bucky.”

Day 5 

“Hello, Mr. Barnes, sir.” Peter says shyly as he hesitantly sits down on the chair, almost expecting Bucky to look at him and tell him not to do that because Bucky always insists Peter call him by his nickname like everybody, but Peter never does.

“I’m sorry, I know you hate it when I do that.” Peter scratches the back of his neck nervously. “You always say ‘just because I have a few decades on you, it doesn’t mean you have to call me sir’.”

Peter chuckles. “I know that, but I can’t help it… It’s not because you’re older,” Peter quickly reassures him. “It’s because I respect you. I admire you, really…” Peter blushes a little at the admission, but after all Bucky is a war hero and a role model.

“Everything you went through, even before Hydra…” He trails off, glancing at Bucky with a pained expression before continuing. “It made you stronger. You’ve always been able to help people, even without being a supersoldier.” 

Peter remembers the conversations he had with Bucky, after the man got used to the 16-year-old’s enthusiasm and energy, where Peter’s curiosity and genuine interest of what he had to say brought them hours of Bucky recalling what it was like to live in the 40s and through a war.

“You had a duty back then… To protect your country, your family and your friends… It was a responsibility, albeit a terrible one at that.” Peter says admiringly, recalling how shocked he had been when Bucky told him he got drafted and didn’t enlist like it says in his exhibit at the Smithsonian. “But you know what it’s like, to do what you have to do because it’s the right thing…” 

“I know you look at me and see a younger version of Mr. Rogers… Young and small and in need of help…” Peter says after a moment of silence, chuckling at the similarities he felt he shared with the pre-serum version of Steve before Peter got his powers. “And I get it, I spent my whole life like that… And then I got this opportunity.”

Peter looks at his hands, knowing what he can do with them alone is extraordinary. But he didn’t feel like he deserved it when it first happened.

“It was an accident. A fluke, a mistake…” He said quietly, words he’d never said out loud but he’s said to himself countless times. “But it gave me a chance to help people.” He says, now very proud of the opportunity he’s been given.

“When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t… And then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.” He says while smiling at the memory of telling Tony that when he first recruited him. “And I know fighting is the right thing to do, but it’s also a lot for me to take on…” His voice gets quieter.

“And it took me a while to get the hang of it. I still struggle with it sometimes…” He admits sheepishly. 

“But, ‘just because you took longer than others, doesn't mean you failed.’” He says before smiling at Bucky. “Remember that, kid.’” he says imitating Bucky’s deep voice with a chuckle.

“You told me that, sir. And I always remember that.” He says, proud of himself. “I’m doing my best, and that’s what matters…” His smile falters when he then sees you pass Bucky’s medbay room, like you do a few times a day even if you still can’t bring yourself to enter it.

“She’s doing her best too, Mr. Barnes.” Peter says quietly, looking worriedly at you. “To keep herself together, to not break down… To not lose hope.” 

Peter looks back at Bucky and leans in, like he’s telling him a secret. “But I can tell it’s getting harder. She can’t sleep, or eat, she can’t stop thinking about you but she can’t bear to see you like this…” 

Peter almost hoped that telling him this would be enough to make Bucky wake up, but he understands that it’s more complicated than just willpower. Peter sighs and leans back in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed with worry as he looks at Bucky. “You have to come back to her, Bucky.”

Day 6 

You almost shove Tony into Bucky’s room. Everybody else is busy, most of the team being out on missions, and you still can’t bring yourself to see him.

“Hey, Terminator, how’s the coma going?” You groan loudly enough for him to hear while yelling ‘Tony!’ from outside and he chuckles. “Kidding, kidding…” 

Tony reluctantly sits down on the chair next to Bucky’s bed. It’s not like he hates him, they have slowly developed a relationship. It’s not quite enough to call it a true friendship, but it’s enough for them to get along when they’re in a group setting, they just don’t spend any time just the two of them. 

“Fine, let’s level, Barnes.” Tony says with a sigh after several minutes of silence. “I know we’ve had a rocky relationship from the start, but you have to see where I’m coming from.” 

Tony thinks back at what happened in Siberia. He feels guilty about it now, but in the moment he was in the eye of the tornado. He couldn’t see a way out.

“Seeing you do those things on camera… It did something to me. And then that’s all I could see, your hand around my mom’s throat…” He trails off, swallowing hard as the memory comes rushing back. “But that wasn’t your fault.” He concedes after another moment of silence. 

“You know how they say that villains deserve to have their stories told from their own point of view?” He asks rhetorically, knowing Bucky can’t answer. “I never believed that. I thought it was just an excuse for bad people to justify their actions… A ‘you don’t know what drove me here, so you can’t judge my actions, as bad as they may seem to you’ type of thing.”

He glances down before looking back at Bucky with a small smile. “And then I met you. And I tried to kill you…” He chuckles awkwardly, then sighs. “But I’m glad I didn’t succeed. I’d never been able to get to know you, to understand your side of things… You’re a pretty badass dude.”

Tony smiles at Bucky. Even he has to admit that Bucky has made so much progress. He’s opened up more than anyone would’ve expected, he cares about the team, he laughs and jokes around with everybody. He’s not as guarded as he used to be, he’s truly a part of their evergrowing, eccentric family.

“I know I should’ve told you this a long time ago. It’s always been kind of implied, but…” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t blame you for what happened to my parents. Not anymore.” 

He pauses, he’s never actually said the words out loud, but right now he needs to.

“But I will blame you if you leave her like this…” He says playfully before adding more seriously. “She needs you, Bucky. More than you know, maybe even more than you need her.”

He’s never actually called him by his name, but he knows this is important and doesn’t find it in himself to come up with some funny nickname.

“Everybody wants a happy ending, and you’re hers.” He adds after another second. “And I know, part of the journey is the end, but… It’s not time for your end yet. Don’t leave her like this.” 

Day 7 

You can’t put it off any longer.

The team is out on various missions, you’re the only one in the compound along with a still unconscious Bucky. You take a deep, shaky breath and enter his room.

For a moment you stand in the doorway, tempted to run out as far and fast as you can. But you need to do this.

You walk to his bedside and bite your lip as you look at his peaceful face. Steve was right, he looks like he’s just sleeping. But you know better.

“Hi, baby…” You say quietly as you run your fingers through his hair softly. “I know, I’m sorry I haven’t… I haven’t been here.”

You feel guilty that you haven’t been taking care of him like you should. “But seeing you like this… It just hurts so bad.” You know it’s selfish. He’s the one that you should be caring for, but all you can preoccupy yourself with is your own feelings. “I want to be strong for you and I’m sorry I can’t…” 

You sit down on the chair next to his bed, gently taking his flesh hand in yours, and it’s as warm as it’s always been. For a few moments you do nothing more than just look at him, the beeping of the machines becoming background noise. You almost hope he’ll wake up out of sheer willpower, but you know it won’t happen.

“I need you to wake up, Bucky. Please…” You say quietly, almost pleading with him as tears start to come to your eyes, but you try your best to hold them back. “I need to see your smile, and your beautiful blue eyes, even if they are rolling in annoyance at some stupid pun I made.” 

You chuckle at the thought of all those times that he rolled his eyes at you when you made bad puns and dad jokes, only to laugh a second later. 

Not even because he found them funny, but because of the look you’d give him. Like you were doing everything you could not to laugh, because to you those silly jokes were the funniest thing ever, and he loved how much joy they brought you. 

And that was nothing compared to the way your eyes would light up when he’d laugh, like your greatest accomplishment in life was bringing him joy, even when both of you were entirely aware that it’s not the jokes that he enjoys. 

It’s you.

“I need to hear your voice and feel your touch… You’re everything to me, baby… Everything I need, everything I love…” You pause and bite your lip.

Love. That’s a word you two haven’t said yet. You feel it, you show it, you both know it. But you don’t say it.

Is this the best moment to say it for the first time? Probably not, but, with some hesitation, you say it anyway.

“You are love. When I think of love, when I hear it, when I say it… It’s you, just you, filling my head.” You reach out to caress his cheek. “It’s just you. I love you, Bucky. I’m sorry I’m telling you like this, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner… But I need you to wake up  so I can tell you. I need you to hear it, I… I need you, Bucky.” Your tears start to fall without you even noticing. 

“I can’t lose you… I’m not ready… No one ever is, but I can’t…” Your voice breaks and you try to stifle a sob but fail miserably. “I can’t do this without you, Jamie... Just please wake up...” 

You wrap your arm around Bucky's, your other hand holding onto his like it's the only thing keeping him, and you, alive. Like you almost expect to hear the monitors flatlining if you were to let go. 

So you don't, you lay your head on his arm and allow yourself to break for the first time all week and your voice becomes a whisper. “Please…”

Day 8 

Somehow you managed to fall asleep, the first time you’ve slept in a week, still holding onto Bucky’s arm. 

When you wake up the next morning there’s a few moments where you forget everything that happened. You try to get up from the bed, but feel a weight on your stomach and when you look down you see Bucky’s arm holding onto you. 

Suddenly everything that happened in the past week comes rushing back and, at the same time, you realize you’re no longer in the medbay but instead you’re laying on the bed of yours and Bucky’s shared bedroom.

Confused as to how you ended up here and still a little sleepy, you look up with a frown to see Bucky already looking down at you with a goofy grin.

“Bucky!” You all but yell while throwing yourself at him, pushing him onto his back and straddling him. You hug him tightly as he chuckles at your more than enthusiastic reaction.

You feel his arms wrapping around you as he hugs you back. You want to look at him, but part of you is terrified that if you were to let go he'd disappear. You'd wake up and realize this was just a dream and Bucky is still unconscious.

“Doll,” That simple word, his deep voice was all you needed to confirm this is indeed real and he's awake “you're kind of crushing me here, sweetheart.” Bucky teases you playfully, but he doesn't mean it and you both know it. 

Even though you are clinging to him like a koala bear, it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He just wants you to look at him.

You reluctantly pull away from Bucky’s neck just enough to look into his eyes. He brings his hand up to stroke your cheek softly and you instinctively lean into his touch. 

You close your eyes for a second before they snap open again as you realize there’s something you need to tell him.

“I love you.” You take his face in your hands. “I love you so fucking much. And I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I ju-”

Bucky interrupts what he’s sure it’s gonna be a long rant that ends with you unnecessarily apologizing a bunch of times by placing his hands on yours on his face and squeezing them softly, bringing you back to the present.

“I know, doll.” he says simply and you frown a little.

Sure, you’ve both always known you had deep feelings for each other, but he seems pretty sure when you have never actually said the words.

Bucky can see the wheels turning in your head and, chuckling, he decides to solve the mystery for you. “I heard you. I could hear everything while I was unconscious.” 

“You could?” you ask, blushing a little now that you know he heard you breaking down. You’re glad he now knows the depth of your feelings for him, but it’s still a little embarrassing.

“I could,” he says with a smirk. “It's gonna make for a lot of interesting conversations with the team.”

You can’t help but laugh, you’re not sure what the rest of the team talked to him about, but if they were all as emotional as you then Bucky’s gonna have a field day discussing all of that with equally embarrassed Avengers.

Suddenly, Bucky brings your face down to his and kisses you. You make no attempt to resist and actually whine a little when he pulls away, which makes him chuckle at your antics.

“I love you too, baby.” He says softly while stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re everything to me. My best friend, the love of my life, my very reason to live.”

You feel your tears starting to gather again but, even if this time they’re of joy, you still don’t let them fall.

Before you can say anything though, the door of our room slams open and you can barely understand what’s happening before Steve, Wanda, Peter, Natasha, Sam and Tony throw themselves on the bed, crushing you while they all yell at the same time, the chorus of joy being along the lines of ‘Bucky’s alive’.

Bucky’s arms around you tighten while he tries to protect you from the team’s attack as best as he can while the two of you laugh at your friend’s antics.

You may have had the worst week of your life, but it’s over now. And while you’re looking forward to having some time alone with Bucky, right now you’re happy to be squished under a pile of shouting Avengers.

This just feels right. As weird as your life, and your family is, you wouldn’t want it any other way.

[lewkwoodnco]

Can I make you a request about Anthony Lockwood based on the song “So American” by Olivia Rodrigo🥺😭

so american! - Lockwood x Reader

when he laughs at all my jokes and he says I’m so american oh god it’s just not fair of him to make me feel this much I’d go anywhere he goes when he says I’m so american oh god I’m gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up i might just be in la la la la la la la la la love

a/n: this fic has been rattling around in my head for a couple of weeks now and I was soooo double minded abt writing it so THANK YOU for the ask!!!!!! might not have written it otherwise heheh also I’m sooo proud of how my gifs turned out it was so fun to colour them all guts themed 😍😍 I hope you enjoy!! <333 also im having issues w the keep reading button AGAIN so sorry :(((

warnings/tropes: lockwood and reader are already in an established relationship, fluffy fluff, veeerrry small sprinkling of angst but happy ending! domestic sweetness

word count: 3.3k!

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST

“Ready?”

Lockwood ducked into the car's passenger seat, grinning at the sight of her comically desperate expression. George and Lucy were fussing in the backseat, mainly because of Lucy’s seatbelt, or lack thereof, and they didn't seem to notice his arrival.

“Just wear the fucking seatbelt.”

"I'll be fine, George."

"She got her license at 16. 16! They just let anyone drive all willy-nilly up and down the roads in America."

Lucy gave him a look. He finally gave up and tugged at his own seatbelt sceptically, muttering darkly under his breath.

Lockwood & Co. was much more than a psychical investigation agency. Outside of their working hours, each member liked to work on some kind of passion project. After not having driven for over a year since she got her driving license in the States, she had decided to apply for one in London. Luckily, her employer had gallantly offered to provide her with the lessons she badly needed, having been the first of the three to earn his license. Well, employer and boyfriend. 

Her mother could hardly believe the news and, frankly, so could she. In a lot of ways, having an English boyfriend was vastly different from having an American one. First, there was a slight communication barrier, given how terrible she was with accents. Then there were the differing preferences - Lockwood seemed forever ready for a cuppa at any time of day, whereas the only kind of tea she really enjoyed was iced tea. Still, these differences left gaps for lingering gazes and silences that stretched on a little too much, and somewhere in between she slipped her hand into his, and the rest was history. 

Lockwood turned away to buckle his seatbelt.

"Okay, your seatbelt on?"

"Yes."

"Ready to go?"

"Hang on," came George's peeved voice from behind them, "you're not going to brief her first?" The two of them stared at each other blankly. 

"Uh, Y/N, do you remember how to drive?"

"Sure." It was one of those things you never forget, like riding a bicycle. Sure, it had been a while, but how hard could it truly be?

"Brilliant. Now-"

George pulled himself forward between the two front seats, straining against his seatbelt. “We don’t drive on the right side here. We drive on the left side of the road. Left. Left.”

She glanced at her rearview mirror which outlined the line of cars behind them parked on the left side of the street.

“No. You don’t say.”

Lockwood coughed, poorly concealing his laugh as he craned his neck towards the backseat windows. "Right, all clear. I think we can move of-"

"Parking brake."

"Er, right, what George said. Disable the parking brake first."

“I’ve never driven with a parking brake before.”

“So you push in this metal bit, like so,” said Lockwood, gently manoeuvring her fingers into the right grip, “and then pull it up a little, and then bring it all the way down.”

She tugged at it in frustration. “I -it’s not working.”

“Lockwood, did you tell her to step on the “

“Step-on-the-brake-while-doing-that-yes I was just about to say, George. I think I know how to teach someone how to drive. Unless you’d like to take over?”

"Oh, please. You couldn't pay me to sit in the front seat with that maniac driving."

She got her parking brake down, checked her mirrors, and they were off. For a minute there it was quite enjoyable, trundling through the mostly empty backstreets of London. Lockwood even tried to prop his feet on the dashboard before getting badly told off by George. He was forever propping his feet up at the slightest chance - at the Archives, at home, and now here. Maybe it was all part of some innate desire to be a wheelbarrow.

And so, things were going perfectly rosy, until she faced her first real challenge - oncoming traffic. As soon as the car heading towards them came into plain enough view, the four of them went into hysterics. The road was just narrow enough to make overtaking a little too tricky for her abilities at the moment.

“What do I do? WHY isn’t he slowing down?”

“Don’t panic, it’s alright. Stop a little to the side.”

She cursed, fumbling for the brake pedal her foot had carelessly slipped off of. Lockwood was nervously watching the car get closer and closer to them.

“Now would be a good time to stop, Y/N. Brake! BRAKE!”

They shot ahead sharply, swerving right sharply, narrowly missing the car passing them. Lucy swore loudly and George gripped the car grab handle above him as he started scolding no one in particular. 

"NOT THE BRAKE!”

Lockwood gripped the steering wheel over her hands, frantically trying to steer them to safety. With some difficulty, she shifted her foot back to the right pedal and slammed the brakes. There was a bit of a scuffle in the backseat, including George going off on Lucy in a very ‘I-told-you-so’ tone.

At the front of the car, Lockwood and she were still frozen, reeling from the past very exciting 30 seconds. Her eyes settled to where his hands were still resting on hers, tightly pinning her fingers to the steering wheel.

“Your hands are so warm.”

He peeled them off almost instantly, and she was sorry she brought it up in the first place. “Yeah, well, they’re panicking, just like the rest of me. What the bloody hell was that? I thought you said you knew how to drive!”

“I do know how to drive.” She bit back a smile at the sight of her 180 cm tall boyfriend trying to catch his breath with his hand dramatically splayed across his chest, muttering something about Americans handing out licenses to just about anyone.

The drive back to the rental car agency was much less eventful. After returning the car, they trudged back up the road to Portland Row. As they hung their coats up, she met his thoughtful gaze.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He drew in a breath and hesitated. “You look nice.”

“Is this some convoluted way of patting yourself on the back for your fashion choices?”

“So you agree? You think you look nice?”

She groaned. She should have known no good was going to come from showing Lockwood Mean Girls. Still, it was hard to stay mad for long at a face like that. "You’re such a nuisance. A…delightful one, arguably, but still a nuisance.”

"You find me delightful?"

"That's your takeaway?”

"Next thing I know you’ll be saying you fancy me.”

“I’m literally wearing your shirt right now.”

“Luce!” He turned and started down the hallway. “Y/N says I’m delightful!”

As usual, the four of them reconvened in the kitchen a little after lunch for a tea break. Well, the four of them minus Lockwood, who had been bullied into fixing a plumbing issue in the basement. They sipped their tea and chewed their biscuits in silence. She wished she could bring down a little for Lockwood.

“Maybe I should go see if he needs some help.”

“No!” George nearly upset his tea, which made Lucy choke on her biscuit. “ Don’t go down there. You’ll distract him, he won’t get shit done, and that’ll be one more week without hot water for me.”

So she sat back down sulkily, brooding over her tea, until another topic of conversation struck her.

“Speaking of Lockwood -“

“- no one’s mentioned Lockwood-“

“-did you guys see the socks he was wearing today?”

Lucy and George didn’t even try to muffle their groans.

“They were very nice socks! They had the most precious pattern of baby ducks against a darling blue backgr-“

She stopped short as Lucy reached across the table to grip her hand.

“Y/N, I say this with love, but if I have to hear one more word about Lockwood, or his stupid bloody socks, I am going to ram a fork into my eye.”

She blinked, confused, and scoffed. “Gosh, you guys are so overdramatic. I don’t talk about him that much.”

George and Lucy exchanged a look.

“Okay, so maybe I like my boyfriend and I enjoy talking about him. Is that really so bad?”

Lockwood rescued all of them from the siege of George’s response by walking in right then, holding a wrench and looking a little worse for wear, but appeared very pleased with himself.

“Fixed!”

“Finally.”

Lucy frowned at the clock above the stove. “Isn’t that client meeting at Tooting today?”

Lockwood’s smile slipped right off as he glanced at his watch and rushed out of the kitchen, muttering furiously. His simple black leather watch which complemented his wrist so perfectly-

“Y/N! Time to leave!”

Maybe George and Lucy had a point.

Once their client meeting had finished, she and Lockwood stood on the pavement outside the house, looking for cabs to flag down. It was a balmy evening, and a cloudless sky meant they could enjoy the warmth of the setting sun beating down on them. She squinted down the road while Lockwood pulled something out from his coat pocket.

“For a job well done this morning and at the meeting…” he revealed two pieces of tightly wrapped square candies sitting on his palm. “A little treat.”

She stared at the candy for a moment, thinking hard.

“Caramel! I just remembered.”

“…what?”

“That’s what we call it in the States. A caramel.”

“It’s made of caramel, sure-“

“Plural is caramels.”

He made a strangled sound from the back of his throat. “Changing an uncountable noun into a countable one? That’s just lazy.”

“Fine. What do you call it?”

“Toffee.” The vowels rolled off his tongue like silk in that English accent that had made it difficult to fully concentrate from day one. Standing next to him, watching him gently and methodically unfolding the golden wrapper, shining and glinting like a beacon of light…maybe this was all she needed to be happy.

“Taw-fee?”

He pulled a face at her exaggerated American drawl, and she leaned her head on his shoulder as he pried apart the stuck halves of the toffee. She watched him visibly relax as the first tangy notes hit his tongue, her own half close to melting in her palm under the brunt of the setting sun. He met her gaze and gave a faint smile, almost reflexively covering her hand with his own.

“God, you’re so American. So, which is it? Toffee or caramel?”

She bites into what's left of the soft treat she's scraped off her palm. It's warm and comforting and she instantly feels a little more happy. Maybe it's the candy, or maybe it's the boy whose side is pressed into hers. Love, she decides. It's love.

“How many cups of tea have you had today?”

As idyllic as the weekend had been, they were back to their usual busy routine which meant that their evening tea break was the first time they’d see each other since breakfast. She had just walked into the kitchen where Lockwood was seated at the kitchen table, pouring over a mess of papers with a cup of tea to the side. One of the first things she had learnt about Lockwood was his near-debilitating addiction to tea. Now, he silently took a sip from his mug and she gave an exaggerated sigh, settling into the opposite end of the table.

“You really drink too much caffeine.”

He quirked his lips into a lopsided half-smile -/ he peered at the papers she had spilled onto the table. “What’s all…” he gestured to her papers with his mug, “…that?”

“The Rotwell agents give me hell for my American accent when they’re on duty at DEPRAC.” She held up her list of words dolefully. “‘Least I can do is pronounce things right.”

He slid into the chair next to her, taking a look at the list. “Which one are you at?”

“Pri-vacy. Pri...vacy. Nope, can't do it.”

“Of course it sounds weird when you say it like that. Try using it in a sentence.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Fine. If I have to say ‘pri-vacy’ one more time, I’m running you through with my rapier."

Lockwood choked on his tea.

"...or, you know...'pry-vacy' sounds perfectly fine."

She gave him a brief smile. “Anyway, I’ve got to do a Satchell’s run now. Lucy says we’re out of flares. Don’t wait up for me.”

It took her a decent amount of time to collect all the supplies they were out of stock on, yet when she returned Lockwood was still sitting in that same chair, staring at the same papers with worn-out eyes, distractedly tugging at his hair. He barely looked up when she walked in, mystified.

“You’re still up?”

He rubbed his face firmly. “I can’t…I can’t figure this out.” She took a closer look at the papers. There were reports dating back two centuries on the house of one of their upcoming cases.

“The investigation is tomorrow and I have no idea what or where the Source could be.”

“Well…maybe George’s figured it out.”

“If he did, he’d be home by now.” He hunched over the papers once again, his head swaying dangerously close to the table, and she was instantly reminded of how exhausted Lockwood had looked that morning. As if he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. She started stacking some papers together.

“It’s getting late. We should head to bed.”

“But I’m not done yet.”

“You can continue in the morning, but right now, you need to rest.”

His features hardened like he was ready to start a fight, but it lasted all of half a second before they caved to exhaustion. He looked like a drenched cat left out in the rain, with his hair messed up and in disarray.

“George is still at the Archives. What kind of a boss would I be to go to bed now? What kind of a…friend?”

Lockwood leaned back in his chair, briefly pressing a hand to his eyes and then his forehead, his forearm trembling ever so slightly. In the dim light of the kitchen, he seemed more skeleton than Man with his malnourished pallor and the scar on his lip being carefully outlined by a shadow. She ran a hand through his hair, down his neck, all the way to his shoulder.

“Hey. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re human, too.”

He gave a deep sigh. “Fine. I’ll come in a while.”

“Promise?”

He gave a jerky nod. The tea in his mug had gone stone cold by then, and so she brewed him a fresh cup. He looked up, confused, as she placed it next to his papers.

“What about the caffeine?”

She bit the inside of her cheek and combed down the hair sticking up all haywire, as if she hadn’t heard him. “What about it?”

He smiled faintly and gave the hand on his shoulder a light squeeze, and returned to his work with his eyes humming with a little more energy.

Later that night, she dreamt that he was falling, and she was losing her mind trying to save him.

She should have known nothing was going to right in the job from the very beginning. None of them had been able to find much information on the house, and they were running late, so tempers were running very high. Even during the case itself, they were forced to split up and fumble through improvised plans. That was until she had stumbled onto Lockwood frozen at the basement door, looking down into the darkness in a strange way. 

Go back, he had said. I don’t know what any of us can expect in this place. So I’ll come with you, she had replied. Or let’s wait for George or Lucy. I can’t. Why not? It’s different. I don’t have the time to explain it. Different how?

You’re more important.

The look on his face was more foreign than the house itself.

Now they were home, back at Portland Row. Lucy and George had sensed something was off and retired to their rooms. Lockwood headed towards the kitchen, and she followed him. He hadn’t spoken a word since her face had blanched at the sight of him poised at the basement’s entrance. She tugged at the ends of her hair. She could feel an argument brewing and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Are you okay?”

Lockwood continued rummaging through the refrigerator for his routine drink of orange juice, taking his time to reply. “Don’t I look okay?”

“Yes. No.” He was terribly confusing. “Why did you say you weren’t important?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You said you were less important.”

He finally twisted the cap off the carton with his trembling fingers. The case had shaken all of them up, but for some reason, he was trying to hide it.

“Well…it’s not not true.”

“No it isn’t.”

“I’m a figurehead, Y/N. I represent the agency, that’s my name on the plaque out there, but that’s about it. You, Lucy, George…you’re the soul of the agency.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If…heaven forbid, something were to happen to one of us…”

Oh, he was so aggravating. She massaged her temples. She was going to punch him soon if she wasn’t careful.

“…the lot of you’d be better off without me than anyone else, and-“

"Oh god, shut up already!"

Lockwood abandoned the carton and straightened, and they glared at each other from opposite ends of the kitchen. “Or what? You'll shoot me?"

His expression softened only marginally when he saw how close she was to tears. She shook her head.

"If you pull another stunt like this...I might just have to marry you.”

“I’d have to marry you so that you can look down at your bloody hand and remember that there are people out there who would be nothing without you.”

“Y/-“

“Shame on you, Anthony J. Lockwood. Do you think George wouldn’t care about losing his best friend? Or Lucy? Or me? Hm?”

The tears had started to trickle down her face, and he walked towards her with a sympathetic expression, any and all rage long forgotten, and offered her his handkerchief. She could barely manage a weak glare before caving and accepting it, wiping away at her face. As soon as she was done, she wrapped her arms around him, and he enveloped her in a warm hug that smelled faintly of vanilla.

“That was a…a terrible thing to say, Anthony.”

“I know. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Well, you’re doing a pretty shitty job then. I’m worried about you every day.”

She felt rather than saw his smile, though he could perfectly picture it in her mind - uneven and tipped to the right, but perfectly sincere.

"Also, I'm pretty sure that shooting remark counts as xenophobia."

"Yes, I'm hugging you very xenophobically now."

She buried her face into his chest and scrunched her nose hard. It was moments like these that only cemented her faith that she was never going to find somebody who made her feel the way Lockwood did. Seeing him standing outside the basement, she didn’t even need to think about what to do next. It had become incredibly instinctual - her readiness to take his hand and hurtle into the latest oblivion, blind as a bat. It didn’t get more simple than this: she just wanted to be wherever he was. 

It was him and her, and her and him - Portland Row’s cripplingly disaster couple, Mr A.J. Lockwood and Miss Americana.

TAGLIST: @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @snoopyluver20 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @avdiobliss @mitskiswift99 @ahead-fullofdreams @neewtmas @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

[ectonuritez]

Part 2 of my work for @edgeofhopezine! This comic was intended to be longer, but due to time constraints on my end had to be cut short. I hope to someday have the time to sit down and give it the ending it deserves! Script by caitlinscomics (IG) and @waylaed

ID: Two comic pages, in muted yellow and blue tones. The first page has 7 panels. P1: A younger Hermann Gottlieb walks across the J-tech floor, carrying a stack of papers. Captions in Newt's handwriting read: "Herms, (you will allow me one ‘Herms’ today. I guess two) I’ve finally got my assignment today. Kodiak Island, of course, where else? The best part, they moved my ship out up a month! Fair warning, I’m a hugger. Just thought you should know." P2: A younger Newt Geizsler in his mostly packed-up apartment, tying his boots as he sits on his stripped bed. Captions in Hermann's handwriting read: "Newton, Please refrain from future uses of that ‘nickname.’ They make every recruit do sparring exercises. Of which I have a year’s worth more experience than you. Another asinine rule. Waving a stick around has nothing to do with plotting the topography of the Breach. I appreciate the warning. I’ll keep it in mind." P3: Newton is standing at a boarding gate, looking up at the news broadcasting Knifehead's fight with Lady Danger. Hermann's writing reads: "... It’s a challenge at first, gaining your bearings, learning how to operate in such a bizarre setting, but I promise you it’s all very worthwhile. If we’re going to do anything about this crisis, it starts here. I eagerly await your arrival." P4: Hermann is hunched over his dormitory desk late at night, tiredly reading Newt's latest letter. It reads: "I’m about to take off. For the first flight. Of three. Then there’s a boat ride. And another one. You said it’s going to be hard to get used to the way things are up there. Good. I don’t intend to get comfortable. We’re going to do what we said we’re going to do. Change the world, change the system, show them what they’re doing wrong, how to fix it." P5: Newt stands alone at Kodiak's dock, alone. His writing reads: "If we’re going to survive this, we’re going to have to change. Change starts there. And it’s us who are going to do it. One way or another." P6/7: Lots of officers are gathered in a different part of the Proving Grounds, watching a simulated battle. Hermann is among them, looking up anticipatorily and almost hopeful at the training sequence. The second page has 7 panels. P1: Newt is alone in the mess hall, pouring over files and papers with intense focus. P2: POV of the battle simulation. The Jaeger pilots sling a mean left hook at a simulated Axehead, victorious in the training exercise. Text reads: SIMULATION SUCCESSFUL. P3: The simulation room erupts into cheers, Hermann among those celebrating. P4: Newt is arguing with a superior officer, a stern-looking woman in a crisp PPDC uniform. He holds a folder in his left hand. NEWT: --If we intercept the kaiju far enough away from populated areas, there’s no reason why we need to beat them to a pulp, or leave them there to pollute the area... SUPERIOR: While I appreciate your suggestion-- NEWT: You could do a lot more than appreciate it, sir. SUPERIOR: --That’s not the way we do things here, Officer Geiszler. If you don’t like it, leave. P5: Newt walks through the mess hall, clutching the folder and angrily muttering to himself. NEWT: Good for nothing-- Fascist... Wouldn't know a scientific breakthrough if it bit her on the-- P6: Hermann enters the mess hall with a bunch of the other officers and cadets who were viewing the simulation. They're all talking and laughing with one another, including Hermann. P7: Two silhouettes of Newt and Hermann stand at opposite ends of the panel, staring at each other as they meet face-to-face for the first time. A sine wave moves between them. Text between them reads: "Constructive Interference. Noun. When two waves of equal frequency and phase are combined, the resultant wave is bigger than either of the two original." End ID.

[trashsouppossum]

Intro and Comic!

hello!!! Welcome to the trash pile, aka, my blog!!

Soooo introduction to me!!

I’m into a lot of different animes, my favorites being Saiki k, Oran host high school, MHA, and Komi cant communicate. I also enjoy cartoons like Craig of the creek, Hilda, She-ra, and TMNT rise. My favorite webcomics are Idiots don’t catch colds, Heartstopper, Jackson’s diary, and Not so shoujo love story. •I’m genderfluid and pan

•I love to cosplay

•I’m a sucker for romance! My blog consists of my art, my photography, reblogs and some poet trying!

FAIR WARNING! Some of my poetry verses or random posts have to do with venting about sensitive topics and things I struggle with or make me feel negatively. I do a lot of late night posting which is normally when I vent, but only some nights. Don’t worry, I try my best to be a family friendly blog, so you’ll mainly see the art or reblogs :)

COMIC!! Allegations⭐️

here is my comic so far, including cover art for season one! I’ll be finishing it up soon, since I have to digitally redraw everything, but I’ll start reupdating and giving y’all sneaks of the second season!!

(Click and zoom to read, it’s kinda hard to find the right reading order, but you’ll get it :)

[shiningshenanigans]

When Sacrifice No Longer Feels Loving: Raw, Messy, Emotional Thoughts on Loki Season 2

It’s been a little over two weeks since the season 2 finale of Loki came out, and although it’s been pretty much all I’ve been able to think about lately, I haven’t really been able to put my thoughts into words. And I have a lot of thoughts. I need to get them out of my system, and I’ve tried to write them down on multiple occasions, but every time I do, they keep getting stuck on the way out.   

So, I’ve decided to do something different. Rather than trying to analyze the series critically, I’m going to just start writing about how it made me feel, and see where it takes me. I’m not really sure what’s going on in my heart and mind as I reflect on this story, but I have a vague idea of the truth that it’s tapping into. Fair warning: these thoughts are going to get very Christian-y and preachy, so if the gospel is not your thing, I don’t know how much sense this post will make. But, if you’ve been having a similar experience with the season and care to read, I hope that you find some encouragement and truth in these messy, emotionally honest thoughts!

When I try to sum up how I feel about season 2 as a whole, the only word that really comes to mind is “upset.” I’m just upset about it. The morning after the finale aired, I woke up with a deep, hollow pit of sadness in my stomach. I broke down crying a couple of times over the next few days just thinking about certain scenes in episodes 5 and 6, and I couldn’t rewatch the finale for almost a week. 

Is it weird to feel this kind of grief over something as simple as a TV show? Yeah, probably. But I think that’s kind of the point. I’d been looking forward to the release of this season for two years. Without getting too personal, I’ve recently been through one of the hardest years of my life. Just this year, I’ve gone to two funerals for people that I grew up with, been in a car crash, faced rejection in a relationship that I had grown emotionally attached to, and mourned with my community as we experienced one of the most tragic shootings in our country's history. The release of Loki season 2 had become a little bright spot in my 2023; something to look forward to in all the madness. 

When the first season came out, I remember being overcome by how good it was. It was wacky, and sweet, and funny, and sad, and redemptive all at once. Even in its darkest moments, there seemed to be a thread of hope that ran through the series from beginning to end. Over the years it had become a comfort show, a beautiful piece of art that offered me encouragement when I needed a pick-me-up. Because if a comic book super villain with a long history of screwing his life up can change his ways, make new friends, fall in love, find meaningful work, stand up to his oppressors, and ultimately write his own destiny, then gosh darnit, so can I. 

My roommate and I invited our friends over, every Thursday night for six weeks, to watch the new episodes as they premiered. Our watch parties started off full of excitement and anticipation. I even made key lime pie for us the first couple of times, which was a big hit. But as the weeks wore on, and the episodes started to spiral deeper into tragedy, our post-watch conversations became more full of questions and complaints than anything. When the credits rolled on the finale, we sat in an almost mournful silence, watching the screen, waiting with baited breath to see if there would be a post-credits scene. There wasn’t one. You could almost feel a sense of dread fall over the room. That’s it. That’s all they’re going to give us. That’s how they’ve decided to end the story. 

I think the first words that were uttered when the Disney Plus screen finally popped up were, “I hate Marvel,” before we all began to voice how we felt.  

I can honestly say this has been one of the weirdest, strongest emotional reactions to a piece of media that I’ve ever had. It’s genuinely felt like I’ve been going through the five stages of grief over this show, but the grief isn’t just stemming from the inherent sadness of the story. I’m also grieving the show itself; what it’s become, how it was handled by the people it was entrusted to, and the knowledge that there will likely not be another season to redeem it. I feel angry, unseen and unloved by the writers who set up everything over the course of six episodes to ensure that the finale was as heartbreaking as possible. 

At the same time, however, I can’t say that I hated it. A part of me knows that the reason it’s affecting me so deeply is because it’s so well-made. Art doesn’t grip you this much unless it’s objectively good. There are legitimate critiques of the story/filmmaking that I could make and a lot of people already have. The temptation to scoff and say “Michael Waldron wouldn’t have done it this way” and turn all my excitement towards Secret Wars is very strong, but that just seems like misplacing my hope. Underneath all the sadness and the frustration, there’s also a layer of confusion. Am I supposed to be feeling this way? Is this what the writers of this show wanted me to feel all along? And if so, why? What are they trying to say through this story?  

I don’t normally mind stories with tragic endings, so long as I can understand the purpose behind them. I remember feeling similarly unsettled when I finished the first season of Arcane, wondering what the point of it all was. But after a little bit of analysis and reflection, I could see how the tragedy was fitting; how the characters choices had led to the ending and the cautionary tale it was trying to tell me. Even in the tragedy, it was still good. I’ve also learned to love the grief that comes with watching a character make a heroic sacrifice for those he loves. I think of Tony Stark in Avengers: Endgame, Janner in The Wingfeather Saga, or Stoick in How To Train Your Dragon 2. All these deaths are heartbreaking and painful to watch, but there’s a certain beauty to them too, and you can feel the goodness and love in their sacrifices.

This one is different, though. Something about this one feels wrong. Something about this one feels deeply, inherently, not good. And analysis is only making it worse. 

I’m having a really hard time seeing the beauty in the sacrifice that Loki makes at the end of season 2. This story wasn’t supposed to end in tragedy. It was supposed to be a reversal of tragedy. A second chance for a beloved character (one who has already sacrificed himself for love on multiple occasions) to finally receive some kind of reward instead of punishment.

To end the series the way the writers did feels almost like a stab in the back, a betrayal if you will, of all the hope and joy and restoration that the first season promised. I guess adopted children who are abandoned at birth really are destined to be alone forever, no matter how much love they have to give. I guess villains can’t find redemption, and even if they do, they will not escape eternal punishment for their sins. I guess quarrels between brothers (or lovers) can’t be resolved, and every relationship we cherish is doomed to fall apart eventually. I guess young women like me, who are strong and independent because we’ve had to be, are not worth pursuing, and we should be content with our middle-management jobs and casual friendships as if that is the peak of human existence. I guess we should embrace isolation and selfishness after all. I guess true love doesn’t really exist, and we should walk away from any semblance of it before it makes us bleed.

Bummer. 

The night after we watched the finale, I drove a couple of my friends home. On the drive back, I could feel the sadness of the story aching in my gut. I thought specifically about Sylvie, and how unsatisfied I felt with where the story left her. I’ve always connected with her as a character, and I hated the way she had been sidelined throughout the season. Every week, I had tuned in hoping I would see some kind of reconciliation between her and Loki. I just wanted some kind assurance that she loved him back, that they would somehow end up together in the end. One kiss, one hug, just… one conversation, for heaven’s sake. One apology from either side. One confession of love. But six episodes and it never came. Their relationship wasn’t even addressed. It was reduced to subtext, as if it wasn’t the back bone that Michael Waldron built his original pitch off of back before 2021.  

I thought about the way she shrugged and smiled when Mobius asked her what she was going to do next, and it just irked me. Why didn’t they tell us what her plans were? Why didn’t they give us some kind of clue? It seemed so obvious to me what she should do. She should make good use of her Tempad and go be with Loki. How could she just walk away, knowing everything he just sacrificed for her? Do people really think she could just… go back to her life after that, with so many things left unsaid between them? If she really does love him, how could she? How could she go through life, knowing that the truest love she’s ever experienced is lightyears away, always watching, always with her, but unable to be physically present with her in a mortal, tangible way? It sounded like such a sad, lonely fate and my heart broke for both Sylvie and Loki as I thought about it.  

But then it dawned on me: wait a second… isn’t that what it’s like to be a Christian? Isn’t that the reality I’m living every day, as Christ’s bride? The weight of that realization was so heavy I almost had to pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t breath. My savior loves me more than anything. He gave up everything for me, just like Loki did for Sylvie. I don’t even know how many rounds he went with the enemy on that cross, just to bargain for my soul. And what do I do about it? I shrug it off with a smile. I forget about it until it’s convenient. I go back to my job, my house, my car, my record store, as if every second of my life hasn’t been paid for by the blood, sweat, and tears of a God who just wants me to be ok. As if I could ever fool myself into believing a life without Him is enough for me. 

As if I shouldn’t be fighting like hell to get back to Him. As if love so amazing, so divine, doesn’t demand my life, my soul, my all. Just so you know, I teared up again writing that last paragraph.

A lot of people have pointed out the parallels that can be made between Loki and Sylvie and Adam and Eve. The comparison really does work in a lot of ways. A perfect likeness, a counterpart created for a lonely man because “it is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). One flesh, two halves of a whole. Equals, balancing and complementing each other perfectly. A couple chosen by a higher power to rule the universe with authority. There’s something edenic about that scene where they snuggle in the grass under that blanket together: a man and a woman, wrapped up in a garden of green, completely unguarded and vulnerable with each other. The man promises the woman his protection, and the woman shyly offers him her trust and thanks in return. 

When they make it to the Citadel at the End of Time, their parting echoes deeply of the fall. The serpent (He Who Remains) sows seeds of distrust between them, knowing full-well that they are stronger together and could easily overpower him if they remain united. The two halves are torn apart and turn on one another. The woman, in her thirst for freedom, takes control of the situation, and the man fails in his duty to stop her. Free will is unleashed into the world, and with it comes consequence and chaos and danger.         

If season 1 can be read as the journey from the garden to the fall, season 2 reads more like the journey from the fall to the cross. Chaos and confusion, spiraling slowly towards death and destruction. Constant distrust between the man and the woman, between God and his bride. An inability to reconcile, to fix what’s been broken. The citadel goes from being Eden to being Gethsemane. When every other option has been tried and all hope is lost, Loki returns to the moment of the fall and pleads with his love, over and over again, to make a different choice. But she will not stop rebelling, even though it leads to her death every time. 

Unable to reason with her, Loki confronts He Who Remains to bargain for her life. But there’s no option that doesn’t end in bloodshed. Loki must either kill Sylvie, the woman he loves, and go on committing genocide in HWR’s place. Or, he must break the temporal loom and let the chaos that ensues destroy all of reality. These, according to He Who Remains, are the only two choices. So Loki makes a third choice. Instead of sacrificing others for the multiverse, he makes a total sacrifice of himself. I think you can see where I’m going with this. 

It’s not lost on me how weird it is to compare Loki, a marvel super villain based off of a pagan norse god, to Jesus. But the crucifixion/ascension parallels here aren’t exactly subtle. Loki puts on a heavy crown, carries a great burden up a hill, and “dies” on a tree of all things, to save both the woman he loves and the group of friends he’s grown close with during his time at the TVA. His last words to his loved ones before he ascends are, “I know what kind of God I need to be, for you, for all of us.” When I think about the story in these parabolic terms, I’m almost overwhelmed by how much truth is woven into this mythology.  And yet, something about it still feels deeply unsettling to me. There’s still a piece missing that makes it feel more like a Greek tragedy than a Jewish parable. 

As they are, Loki Seasons 1 and 2 show me a reflection of the fall, the cross, and in some ways, the ascension of Jesus Christ. What they don’t show me is a picture of the resurrection. And any christian will tell you that the resurrection is the most vital part of the story (1 Corinthians 15:16-20). The series shows me sin and what it costs. They show me what is lost in sacrifice, but they don’t show me what is gained. The hero meets a fate worse then death, and is forced to remain there, alone, for all eternity. There are no tearful reunions at the tomb, no assurance that death has been defeated, no eucatastrophe. No curse reversed. God and man are forever separated, and for some reason that’s supposed to be beautiful, according to Marvel. It’s not. It’s a question mark, a gaping wound at the end of the story that offers no comfort. To live in that tension, that separation, in those three days between Christ’s death and his resurrection, is literally the most painful, most hopeless place for the human heart to dwell. But, maybe it’s a tension that we should sit in more often, so that we can appreciate the weight of what Christ did for us. 

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t really hate season 2 of Loki. It’s a beautifully crafted piece of art, well-written (sort of) and well-acted, with gorgeous production design and a deep, meaningful story at its core. What I hate, with every fiber of my being, is the thought that that is where the story ends. That it’s supposed to end there. That this ending is good. As a Christian, I almost can’t accept it. Everything in me screams that there has to be more resolution beyond the credits of the finale. 

That, I think, is where all the pain swirling in my heart around this story is really coming from. And whether they know it or not, I think that’s where a lot of the Loki fandom’s pain is coming from right now. The gospel is so written into our DNA that it pours itself out into every mythology we try to create. We are so desperate for the reassurance that the resurrection is true, that when we get even the slightest hint that it might not be, it triggers our deepest, darkest anxieties. Nothing scares me more than the thought of being alone, separated from God, for all eternity. Not even death is scarier, or more tragic, than that. It is, by definition, hell. 

So yeah. Curse you, Marvel. Curse you for telling me a story that hurts like hell, and expecting me to just be ok with it. For giving me an ending that could never, in any reality, be satisfying or conclusive, and then trying to gaslight me into believing that it is. For ensuring that I will probably end up buying a ticket for both Secret Wars and Kang Dynasty (even though I’m really tired of superhero movies) just so that I can see if I’m right, that love really does win in the end. I don’t really have any kind of expectation that the next two Avengers movies are going to give me the closure I’m looking for. But I think I know where I can find it.  

As grieved as I am by the way Marvel handled this story, I’m also kind of amazed by the way its incompleteness is revealing to me the total, satisfying completeness of the gospel. Marvel can’t promise me that, at the end of time, the God of Stories will be reunited with his warring bride and live happily ever after in the presence of his inner circle. But the gospel does. And the hope that I find there is immeasurable.

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Season 2 Wishlist

I've been creating a wishlist for what I want to see in Loki season 2, which premieres October 6.... [pause for long-suffering sigh because I’m so tired] I’m very annoyed that it’s not coming out until October (if it’s genuinely because of the strike(s), I’m not annoyed with the writers/actors but with the studios for not meeting demands so we can move on with our lives, but I’m pretty damn sure the strike is a scapegoat). I’m not surprised they keep moving it back, because they also kept pushing back season one! (I wish this format was audio so you could hear my indignation, haha.) But I wish it was still coming out in the summer like it was supposed to. Anyway, let’s jump into it. (Fair warning, a little bit of ranting incoming.)

First things first, Lokius: This ship has grown on me. I was resisting for a very long time, and I think it took until about episode four or five before I was like, “Okay, fine, you can date Owen Wilson.” And then I was all on board, and at this point I’ve written I think three Lokius fics on AO3 (link in the blog description). So, yeah. @ MCU, if you need some ideas, agree to the writers’ and actors’ demands and then hire me. I’m a lot of things but I’m not a scab. Okay, anyway. 

Genderfluid Loki: I’m genderfluid myself, and the “representation” included in the show was nonexistent. First of all, fluid is not a sex. Sex is assigned to you at birth, on Earth, and it corresponds to your genitalia. You are usually assigned male or female. There may be some places now where you can get Intersex put onto your birth certificate, if that qualifies, but until very recently, most intersex babies ended up undergoing surgery to change their bodies to fit better with one sex assignment or the other. Therefore, fluid cannot be considered a sex, at least in terms of on Earth. Perhaps it could be on other planets, but the people watching this show (as Twitter has been so helpfully pointing out recently) are on Earth, so no, wrong, Loki’s genderfluidity is gender-based not sex-based. I don’t know why they didn’t just put gender on the file, they should have. And that was the only time they included it, and I think that they put it there (aside from being like “ooh look at us we’re so progressive!”) as foreshadowing that Sylvie was going to be a girl. Which is bullshit, because that’s not what genderfluid means, either! Genderfluid means that you, yourself, change genders. And we never, in the show or the MCU in general, see Loki explicitly present or identify himself as anything other than a man. And furthermore, Sylvie isn’t genderfluid either, because she never states that she’s anything other than a woman. Nor do either of them ever request people refer to them using any other pronouns. On top of that, Sylvie is a trans woman, you cannot convince me otherwise, and you will pry that conviction out of my cold, dead, genderfluid hands. (I’m very incensed about this entire thing, I apologize. This is why I inserted the read more and the warning above.) So I’d like to see more of genderfluid Loki (not Sylvie; she’s made it clear that she is a (trans) woman, and I’m respecting that she’s got one gender). I don’t necessarily need to see him shapeshift into a woman, like into a different actor or Tom Hiddleston in make-up or something, because as much as I would love to shapeshift, I can’t, and I don’t think he needs to shapeshift to be his most authentic, genderfluid self (because then what does that say about irl genderfluid people? rant for another time, though, sorry). So I just want a little more justice to be paid to that, and maybe let him change up his pronouns sometimes. All right, moving on, before I get really worked up. 

Verity: I love Loki: Agent of Asgard. Al Ewing is my favorite comic writer for this reason (and not because he’s also bi; I just found that out 24 hours ago). Agent of Asgard is, in my opinion, the best version of Loki ever to hit the comics. It is the best version of genderfluid Loki, the best version of redemption arc Loki, the best version of Loki as a character in general. And his best friend is Verity Willis, ace icon Verity Willis. (I don’t make the rules, she’s ace; have you seen her character design? Have you heard her say that she’s not interested in romance? She’s ace!) I want her, some how, some way, in Loki. This is a little bit more of a stretch, because I don’t know how she can be put in, so this is a little bit more of a pipe-dream of a wish. But I want. her. in. Loki. So bad. 

Theo Bell: I also really like Mackenzi Lee’s Loki: Where Mischief Lies. (It’s a great book; you should definitely read it if you haven’t.) In it, Theo is Loki’s love interest-slash-coworkerish-slash-partner in crime. This story is set in Victorian England. Theo Bell is gay and walks with a cane. It’s been awhile since I read it so I may be taking this theory from a fanfic I wrote, but I’m pretty sure it’s canon that he became disabled as a result of a homophobic attack. (So trigger warning for that, but if it’s canon it’s only mentioned) He’s a great character; he’s funny, he’s snarky, he doesn’t put up with any of Loki’s shit, and he can also (and this might also be me adding to the character but I’m pretty sure I’m right) see through Loki’s lies pretty quickly at some points. So I would really like to see Theo in the MCU. I also have some theories about Theo versus Mobius (shameless plug for one of my fics, Choose Me, which utilizes my theory about them), so I would like for Theo to show up in the way that proves my theory right.

Agent of Asgard Loki: At the very least, I just really want that coat, that coat is so cool. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google Loki: Agent of Asgard. The coat that he wears throughout the comic is kick-ass.) I want that coat somewhere in the show, I do not care who’s wearing it. That being said, I really want Agent of Asgard Loki to make an appearance in the MCU at some point. Somehow. I already have some theories about where I think we can go with AoA Loki in the MCU (which I’ll probably post about later). Like I said, I really love that version of Loki, I really love that comic arc, and I want him somehow paid tribute to somewhere in the show. Actually, though, I did just reread the entire comic run, and I noticed that towards the end in the final climax of his redemption arc, there’s a lot of similarities between that and the last couple episodes of season one. So they already seem to be drawing on AoA, so maybe they won’t be able to include the actual characterization of Loki from AoA. But it’s still on my list.

Let Loki do more magic, goddammit!: He does very little magic in season one. Although he’s not able to do magic in the TVA (which was very annoying for the fic I was trying to write the other day), but as far as I can tell, he only does magic like four or five times in the rest of the show. Classic Loki literally says (and I looked up the exact quote because I’m a NERD, can you tell?) “Blades are worthless in the face of a Loki’s sorcery.” And then Loki proceeds to do NO MAGIC for most of the show! So I want him to do more magic, especially shapeshifting. And at one point I think he mentions that he likes doing his duplicity thing, so I think he should do more of that, too. (Which I think based on the only trailer-like thing we’ve gotten so far, it seems like he’s going to do. And maybe I’m stealing this from that trailer, but I think it would be really funny if he did the duplicity thing and then Mobius automatically knows which one is the real Loki, which is hilarious, because Thor doesn’t usually know.)

Give my girl Sylvie a girlfriend: While I do like the idea of her with B-15, I feel like the reason why we’re shipping her with B-15 for the most part is because there are basically no other girls in this show. C-20 is dead, Renslayer is a dick, and we just really don’t want her to be with Loki (you saw my first entry on this list, you know where I stand). I’m counting Loki on this list since he’s genderfluid even though it’s not being portrayed very well. So her with B-15 is fine, I do kind of like it, but I don’t know enough about B-15, I don’t know enough about their relationship. I don’t think they even have enough of a relationship yet for me to really feel like I super ship it. But I just want somebody for her, preferably a girlfriend, because I think that’d be cute. I’m genderfluid, personally, but I’m available. ;-)

Thor: I! Want! Thor! I know we got Frog Thor, but I want actual Thor! I want Thor to give all of the Lokis a hug, in particular Kid Loki (and I have some theories about why he killed Thor, or why he said he killed Thor), Classic Loki, Sylvie, and also our regular Loki. Because I think they need a hug from their big brother (I know they were raised as twins, but I like saying he’s their big brother, I don’t care). 

Classic Loki in Valhalla: Pretty straight forward (and you can read After on AO3, because I wrote this). I need Classic Loki to see Thor and I need Classic Loki to be in Valhalla, because I think he deserves it. (If he’s actually dead.)

Mobius’s backstory: I want to know where Mobius came from; I want to know how he got to the TVA. I want to know if he had a jet ski or if my theory is correct (per Choose Me). 

Why Sylvie was taken by the TVA: There are some great theories about why Sylvie was taken by the TVA, one of which I subscribe to the most as of late (as included in Nothing Matters at the End of the World. I’m pretty sure this is my last plug on this post, I’m so sorry). But I am not convinced that she was taken in because she’s a girl. I think that’s transphobic and misogynistic and nonsense. And I say transphobic because Sylvie’s a transwoman, and I will not be taking criticism on this. I don’t care that that line “born the goddess of mischief” was probably meant to discourage trans headcanons, and I encourage the writers to respectfully get their heads out of their asses and consider that “born this way” is not just a Lady Gaga song (but the song is also relevant in this case). So I think it’s pretty damn transphobic to say that she isn’t allowed to exist because she’s a woman. And it’s misogynist and transmisogynist to claim that the rest of what the timeline demands of her cannot be accomplished if she isn’t a cis man or genderfluid or whatever a “right” Loki is. So I want to know why she was actually taken in. There are a lot of theories online about why she was arrested, and I like a lot of them. And on top of that, she doesn’t know! She told Loki that it’s because she’s a girl, but then when she gets in front of Renslayer, she’s like, “What was my nexus event?” Which implies that she does not actually know. And maybe it’s just bad writing or a plot hole, and that’s very possible. It’s the MCU, and writers make mistakes (I know I sure do, though I don’t have a team of people checking my work). But I’m choosing to go with she doesn’t actually know. She was like six years old, she was a kid, she assumed something. And why would you assume that, if you’re six? Unless you’ve been told something else your whole life. So there are two possibilities for why she assumed this. Either, yes, she’s a cis woman, and spent her entire life until that point being told-- presumably by Odin--that because she’s a girl she’s not gonna rule. Which would suck, but checks out for Odin, because he’s a dick. Or she spent most of her life being told she’s a boy and having to tell everybody that she’s a girl. And even if she isn’t faced with any transphobia on Asgard (as Where Mischief Lies would have us believe), that’s hard for a six year old, and when she’s told that she’s in trouble for doing nothing, she’s gonna make some assumptions, and maybe she landed on that. But I don’t think she actually knows why and I want to know why. And I think she deserves to know why.

Reunite Sylvie with Thor: I either want Sylvie to reunite with her Thor or be sibling-adopted by Loki’s Thor (bonus points if Loki gets jealous and Thor has to be like “Give me a break. I love you, too, idiot.”). I want Sylvie to somehow get her brother back, whether it’s the one she lost or the Thor we know. I think she needs somebody, and I think Thor is a great person for that. Because I think Thor will immediately be like “You’re great. I love you. You’re wonderful, just because you’re my sister, and you’re the best.” Even after just meeting her, because Thor is such a wonderful little golden retriever puppy, and also, he loves Loki so much. And he continues to, even after everything that happened in the MCU! And that’s lovely, and I think Sylvie deserves someone like that.

And finally, I need Loki, somehow, in some way, to be able to lift Mjolnir by the end of season 2: I think he’s moving, very swiftly, towards being worthy of lifting Mjolnir, and I want him to be able to do that. I think that will show him, personally, that he is better and has changed. And I think he needs that physical validation and confirmation that he’s changed. I think that people (Mobius) can tell him until they’re blue in the face that he’s a good person, that he can be good, and that he can do what’s right and be a hero, but until he can lift Mjolnir (the way his brother can, because he’s been told by everyone his whole life that his brother is the best), I don’t think that he’ll believe that he is worthy of anything. And I want Thor and Mobius to see it, and I want them to lose their goddamn minds. Because I certainly will. 

[water-god19]

So this is it…we’ve finished x-force. All issues done. All story lines done and all interest done. So why do I still feel like nothing happen? Was time wasted? Was it really all for nothing…

Fair warning I do ramble on for quite a long time, but it’s for good reason! Anyways…let’s begin.

Chapter 1: A Promising Start/ First Impressions

When I first stumbled into the new era of the X-men I was originally very skeptical. For someone who doesn’t have any comic book knowledge outside of a few DC and Spider man comics from the early 2000s I was expected to be lost. But then after reading a little of the new era, made by Johnathan Hickman, I was truly intrigued in what I was seeing. Sure I had questions…many of which I wouldn’t get the answers to unless I read spin off comics of the new era. Despite that I was beyond HOOKED!

When I first saw this I immediately thought back to deadpool 2 and what they did with X-Force. Now not everything as memorable in that incarnation of the team you still had colossus, deadpool, and domino. 2 of which was seen here and the last one would come a little later. Outside of that I knew a lot of these characters already:

Beast

Wolverine

Colossus

Jean Grey

Deadpool

Domino

I’ve seen all this characters at some point in my life to give the X-force branding of comics a try, and thankfully I did. Sure, I didn’t understand a lot of the context behind why certain characters acted a certain ways but I could appreciate how rare those moments were. Most of the time if I just kept reading the issues I’d understand what was going on, especially in relation to the newer characters.

Kid Omega

Omega Red

Sage

X-23

Black Tom (I think that’s his name).

The dialogue between both the old and newer characters, to me, really sold me on this new era. It got me invested with what could happen to these characters. On the side note, I don’t really see many people talking about this, but the art style of these characters are VERY COOL!!! It looked fun and expressive! I’ll show examples of why I love the art so much throughout this. It really says a lot about what your gonna read, for better or for worse.

If it wasn’t obvious at this point, I clearly haven’t read comics or even x-men comics for years. So when you hear my opinions just remember that my knowledge on certain things are fairly limited in most aspects. I. Don’t. Know. Everything. Yet I’m still enjoying what I’m reading so far, with or without connections to the past. To me that only enriched everything, not the pinnacle of my interest in this initially. Anyway…let’s continue

Chapter 2: Enjoying the concept material

In my opinion, the first couple of arcs with x-force seemed like they had promise. They had a lot of interesting stuff going on. Take this for example.

Colossus, a mutant that everyone has heard of and it known for his heroism snaps the neck of this random mutant…THAT RAISES HUGE FRICKING QUESTIONS OF YOU ASK ME! Like why is he killing people? What’s the importance of this character to him? Based on how this is drawn it looks as if he struggled to kill her even though his face doesn’t portray that, the veins on his muscles do. Speaking of the art colossus looks more cold and distant being in his metal form…and every time I saw him before he never gave me that impression. It was always more light hearted rage fulled or disappointed dad (thanks Deadpool 2), but never cold murder. a more underrated question, HOW OLD IS COLOSSUS?! I mean he has a fricken beard now…didn’t know he could grow one.

Or…what about this!

Why does Jean look so…classic and basic in her design? Compared to Wolverine and Hank she doesn’t look like she belongs there. Even though she’s going through Omega Red’s mind she seems to be the odd one out. Speak of designs why does Hank got mad scientist energy now? Wolverine…more understandable since I’m pretty sure this guys a villain. Although this looks more painful than any super hero interrogation I’ve ever seen before. This doesn’t even look like interrogation, this looks like torture.

What really caught my eye in all this was the moral ambiguity at play here. Reading early x-force a lot of that was present, and as some one who loves seeing situations within the grey area this satisfied me greatly. Look at this conversation between beast and Jean.

Now I’ll address this later, but look at the points they make. Normally the X-Men are depicted as people who want coexistence between humans and mutants, yet here Jean weights the two evils and says lying is for humans not mutants. She views that as the bones honest path for x-force than what beast did.

Although beast, surpassingly, does have a point. A lie would only suffocate the process needed to save their nation. They already have enemies who would want nothing more than to harm them, so what’s the point in letting them strategize when he can just kill then now? Why should let billions die in the future when we can kill one person now and save billions?

Do the end’s justify the means…that’s for you to decide.

As for me though I’m picking up so many mixed signals here from beast on this one. Look his eyes, their blackened, this is mostly for evil, corrupted, shady, malevolent intent. Yet there’s a sense of honesty when beast confesses his mindset here. It’s almost as if he himself doesn’t enjoy the ruthless calculus of war at affect here. He hates himself for it. He wishes he could be on Jean side and yet after experiencing so much pain and damage he doesn’t see the point in being hesitant with those who want to hurt you. For him the line was drawn when they even had a thought of hurting Krakoa. Even Jean, who has her back turned towards him, seems to be getting what he’s saying. In some way she gets it. But she doesn’t want to get it, she doesn’t want to understand his reasoning but she does.

First time I read this I was stunned! Like all this was just one panel?! Wow! I really hope this continues onward. I would love to see every character get this much depth in them!

I could go on here for ages about this stuff, but if you really read x-force this is kinda what it’s about. At least until we get towards the end…which is where I started to realize the issues in all this beauty.

Chapter 3: Problems in paradise

Remember when I talk about how much I adored the concepts of what I was seeing? How much I loved what the art brought to the table so subtlety? Well…look at this.

Do you see anything wrong with it? Probably not. And honestly I didn’t either when first viewing this.

Just colossus suspiciously murdering someone. Initially I didn’t think much of this because I thought, “hasn’t he killed before? Why put such emphasis on this one?” But look back x-men history the writers and artist always illustrate the emotional distress of colossus murdering any one. He has never taken any pleasure in doing it, and he hardly does it. So when he does do it you gotta ask, “what did that person do to deserve that response from him?”

Anyway we’re getting side tracked here. Next photo.

Do you see a problem here? Again probably nothing. Art looks great, nothing outstanding but nothing terrible either.

On to the last photo.

Did you spot the issue? No? Well, just look at the number on the top left and right side of the photos. Do you see it now? I’ll explain. The first time we see colossus arc really begin is in the 24 issue of the comic. The next time we see it is in issue number 39. The very end of the arc is issue number 46. You could argue that his arc spanned several issues in between them…I wished it played out like that. The reason why I chose these 3 photos is due to them being the only time we see the colossus arc take center stage. Now you probably asking, ‘okay so if his arc wasn’t taking center stage then what was?’

This is what was taking place:

Change in X-Force leadership

The quiet council putting colossus as a member.

Beast going rogue and wolverine in pursuit of him

Kid omega disappearing in a fight after a corrupted Cerebro goes on the loose.

Kid Omega coming back, not really a kid anymore, but he has x-force follow to the future to deal with beast.

Beast and wolverine have a massive fight.

The build up to the Fall of Next before it was officially dubbed so. And so much more.

All of this was happening alongside the colossus subplot, it’s a boring waiting game. For someone reading this for the first time it felt like watching an amazing episode air for the first time only to wait a week or two later for the next episode. (Disney plus)…

But it wasn’t a week or two long it was YEARS! Years for a plot that could have being unraveled by some common sense by professor x only for it to never happen, despite them being in the same room with each other so many times! You literally see him on the quiet council every single day and get you don’t ask how he’s doing? Especially after seeing his behavior towards his own teammates?!

To his lover at one point?!

Thematically this works…but for the viewer this feels scattered and rushed. Hell the photo on top isn’t even from X-Force it’s from Immortal X-Men! Why is his arc being stretched like this, only to have no impact on x-force directly? I get it, if we spread out colossus influence it will show the readers how big of a problem this really is. The ripple effects of you will. But when the ripple effects don’t lead anywhere for a long time, constantly put to the sidelines by other major events, and then given a mediocre finale it doesn’t increase the impact it lessens it.

Not to mention the conclusion of this arc is simply colossus killing his brother which is earned don’t get me wrong, I loved that. His brother deserved death. But the very second we see colossus again it’s with x-force as if nothing happened. I don’t even remember if we had a conversation or a look into colossus psyche after everything happened. It’s just straight to the Fall of X which is already happening by issue number 43.

This doesn’t even stop at colossus though, domino has that same issue. Being skinned alive, tortured by an forgettable villain, and having it all be undone by a res set button called resurrection just feels wrong. Makes it seem pointless…

The true tragedy by far isn’t even those characters…it’s by the series main stars of the show.

Chapter 4: Beast Agenda Finale/Shattering my expectations

So Wolverine vs Beast. Again, another great concept from X-forces writers and editors. And another disappointment. Why? Because every time we get close to the conclusion to their huge fight beast manages to slip away. This one…this one got me the most upset. I remember waiting around for ages to see the conclusion of this arc, this cover art didn’t help.

Yet, despite the lies this cover baited you with we don’t even get close to the finale of the beast saga. He runs away, and the only thing that does die in this issue is just beast many clones. Boring, and useless.

But you want to know what really left a nasty scar on me during this arc. The characterization.

Was gonna show an example but I reached the picture limit…didn’t even know there was one.

Anyway, what I mean is characters don’t talk naturally. It’s always it either drive forward the conflict or to build up the conflict. There’s rarely any moments we’re characters just talk about what’s going on in their lives. It’s just moment to moment action. Feels lifeless.

Going back to beast, after reading what people think of this version of beast…I see where your coming from I truly do, but I love this version of beast. He’s actually the incarnation that got me interested in every other version of the character because his actions had context and if you had the context it would enrich the actions of this character. It wasn’t required but you were rewarded for doing so. Despite his very obvious flaws he has a point in a some of what he does. Or at least there’s an external reason that tragic on why he feels the need to do this. As explained with the Jean and Hank conversation I’d like to think the reason why Hank is fighting so hard for this country is because everyone saw what happened to Genosha! No one wants their homes to be destroyed by those who hate them the most. Not even that but it shows how broken Hank truly is from everything…that’s depressing yet intriguing to read.

And I wished this version of the character was treated with the same respect as the other incarnations and not given a shitty finale. A finale that completely reboots his character and pretty much states to the readers that we as the writers are done with this character and all that hyped up facade was worth nothing…no redemption and no future. It just hurts…and as I go back into the past to see better conclusions for this character I fear this version of the character could fall future and future down the rabbit hole.

This is why I hate reboots.

Last thing I want to say on this character is the art. What. The F@$&. Happened.

Beast (Prime), as he is referred to now, looks the exact same as the one in the past. For anyone thematic reason this could have, all I get from this is laziness. From an artist and thematic lens’s they should be different. If they had made them both different it would hit home how time has really change these characters. But since they look the same I guess that nuance also doesn’t mean anything. The art used to be diverse and fun while also being serious and dark. Now it’s just flare and boring not to mention lifeless. It’s just another pointless experiment for a pointless finale.

Anyway, thanks for reading this very long post, took me about 4 hours to finish this. Had a lot to say obviously 😂. Hope this gets you to understand how I feel about this whole thing, anyways thanks for reading and take care! Oh and if you want a better deep dive into the personality of both beast go to @positivelybeastly he does a wonderful job on that front.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Egg Fu

(WARNING! This analysis contains RACISM! Seriously, just look at this fucking guy, holy shit! What were they thinking?!)

People always have different answers to why people just don’t know Wonder Woman’s adversaries to the same extent that they know Batman or even Superman’s, despite her being one of the Big Three of DC. Some say it’s because Diana is all about diplomatically resolving conflict, and thus ends up befriending her foes. Others claim it’s because she kills her enemies. I’m not sure if either of these groups know what they’re talking about because I don’t read comics as extensively as some, but considering what we’re talking about here I’m guessing DC wants to keep people from knowing her enemies because if they do, they’ll find shit like Egg Fu.

Like, just look at this fucking guy. Look at him.

Like I get comics were racist back in the day, but this one takes the cake. What's even more insane is how they keep trying to revamp and revitalize the character in the modern era, from being a bad guy from Apokolips:

To... whatever the hell this is:

There's got to be reason, right? Why are writers so dead set on trying to rehabilitate the racist communist egg man?

Motivation/Goals: As a Yellow Peril villain, Egg Fu exists to show the EVILS of communism while also making sure to show Asians in the most unflattering light possible. He's not particularly good at either job to be honest, dying every time he comes across Wonder Woman and being so utterly absurd a concept it's hard to take him seriously at all. Like, he's an egg. For what reason? I mean yeah there's the pun, but why is he a fucking egg in-universe? What's the benefit of being an egg with a prehensile mustache? How exactly does it help dominate the filthy Americans (oh, I'm sorry, the Amelicans).

Final Fate: In his very first appearance, Wonder Woman does the right thing and fucking cracks this egg:

When the next Egg Fu shows up, she does more of the same:

Unfortunately, when another Egg Fu named Dr. Yes (he's a robot duplicate, because of course he is) showed up, he got away.

As for the modern Egg Fus, they're probably still kicking around. I'm not reading through fifty issues of storyline to discern the fate of some rebooted racist egg man, sorry.

Best Quote: Surely such a character as Egg Fu must have some great dialogue! Let's see, how about...

Oh. Oh dear. That's, um, not great. Uh, what about...

Oh fuck that's even worse. Er, there has to be something here...

Oh god, the only thing worse than racism is finding out a mid-tier DC movie starring Dwayne Johnson has arrived!!!!

Yeah no this guy gets no points in this category, his dialogue ranges from generic bullshit to the kind of stuff you'd hear from the City Wok guy on South Park.

Final Thoughts & Score: So a while ago I reviewed Fu Manchu, a villain that absolutely fascinates me. He is the archetypal Yellow Peril supervillain who has had an absolutely undeniable impact on popular culture, altering history by spawning legions of imitations (such as Egg Fu here) as well as doing things such as giving a name to a style of facial hair. As with all villains that have such a colossal influence, he got an 11 with an asterisk denoting how monumentally racist the character was, despite their being positive aspects to him that were fair for the time period he was created in.

Now imagine that but without any of the positive qualities. That’s Egg Fu.

This is such an absurd, baffling supervillain even for the time he was created. Like, okay, I get racial stereotypes were prevalent in a lot of comics… but a giant communist egg with a prehensile mustache?! Far be it from me to suggest writers were on drugs when coming up with their wild ideas, but you have to admit that substance abuse would go a long way towards explaining why this was allowed to happen. Simple racism can’t explain this; it’s a giant fucking egg.

I think the sheer insanity of it all is what draws me to this character. Not only is it blatantly racist, they also keep trying to bring back and reimagine him. And like, yeah, that’s kind of sick and I love when weird-ass ideas get revamped and recontextualized for the modern era… but Egg fucking Fu? It’s bad enough we had Egg Fu the Fifth and his evil clone Dr. Yes all within the span of a year before being dropped for decades, but then they decided to dust him off and try a redo? Why?

I think the appeal to try and revitalize him comes from the fact that, as far as stereotyped and racist caricature villains go, Egg Fu is so fucking bizarre. Like I can't stress enough this is a giant communist egg who speaks in broken English and has a prehensile mustache. In a sea of Yellow Peril villains he easily stands out despite being relatively obscure from the sheer fact he's not simply a racist stereotype; he's an insane racist stereotype that just boggles the mind as to what the writers and artists were actually trying to say with this.

The history of this character is just so weird, his very existence is weird… He’s the opposite extreme of Fu Manchu for me. While Fu is fascinating for his impact on culture and deserves the highest marks with that caveat that he’s also extremely problematic, Egg Fu gets a 3/10 with a similar caveat. He’s so bad it’s good, but he’s bad because he’s a racist caricature, which isn’t great. I see this like I do the movie The Conqueror, the movie where John Wayne played Genghis Khan. Yes, it’s absolutely absurd and tasteless that these white people are playing Asians, but at the same time everything about this is so absurdly racist it crosses the line twice and somehow manages to become hilarious. Like what are you even trying to do here? It’s offensive in a way where you can’t do anything but laugh at them because they genuinely thought they were on to something here.

And that’s ultimately how I feel about Egg Fu. They really thought they were cooking something with this one, but this egg didn’t poach them any new readers and he hasn’t gone over easy with modern audiences. It’s really hard not to crack up at this complete yolk of a character. So yes, Egg Fu is enjoyably bad in a “What were they even fucking trying to do here?” sort of way, and he’s definitely one of my favorite insane comic book villains that time has forgotten… but there’s no denying that this is a character who is inherently problematic.

Anyway, this review has given me excessive racism poisoning, so I think I'm going to review a comic villain who isn't horribly offensive next time.

COMING SOON! PSYCHO-ANALYSIS: HEMO-GOBLIN!

The South African white supremacist vampire who gives people AIDS!

(Just kidding, I'm reviewing Snowflame).

[applesandbannas747]

hi there ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

I've been getting into fence recently, and got given the novels for my birthday today, and I was wondering...where do they fit into the canon of the comics, and the reading order?

also, follow up....are they going to ruin the comics for me, because I've read a lot about mischaracterisation, ableism, racism and worse in them recently?

Hey friend! Welcome to Fence!! And of course happy birthday—I hope it’s been a great one! 💜

So the novels exist in a weird pseudo-canon black hole. I honestly believe they were supposed to be more canon than they ended up being but either Pacat realized that he let the author of the novels, Sarah Rees Brennan, get ahead of the story in his excitement OR because of fan reaction/further consideration after Disarmed came out, Pacat ended up backtracking. The novels are meant to take place after RIVALS (volume 4) and before RISE (volume 5) and cover a couple of weeks in that stretch of time. However, RISE picked up right after RIVALS with no hint of any adventures having happened. The novels are not referenced at all—the biggest nod to it is Seiji wearing a watch. That’s the only acknowledgment of it at all, which is strange because some pretty substantial developments happen in the duology that could not be ignored. That is to say, RISE continues to develop something the novels conclusively resolved with no explanation other than the events of the novels simply never happened. Pacat has said that the novels are 80% canon, but the events clearly aren’t included in that 80%—the characterization from the novels does carry over to the comics, so if you notice a difference between volume 3 and RIVALS (volume 4), that’s where that came from. (Striking Distance was written before and during RIVALS (volume 4), despite being published after it.)

The novels are completely unnecessary to read and irrelevant to the plot. So if you read the novels, it’s for your own enjoyment. You probably came to them the same way most Fence comic fans did—through a love of the story and the characters and a desire to spend more time with them. Some people loved the novels, finding them fun and easy read. Some people love what SRB did with the characters. That’s cool for them, but fair warning that the characters are one dimensional caricatures of what they were in the comic and are painfully stupid. Like they are emotionally and cognitively at the level I’d expect to see in 8 year olds. The way Nick is treated by the narrative is incredibly belittling of poor people, treating them like idiots who don’t know anything and are unable to solve their own problems—but good thing the rich people are there to take care of him! Seiji’s obviously written as autistic in the worst way. As someone that’s autistic, I cannot articulate in a way allistic people can understand how much it hurts to have your special interest betray and mock you/what you are. Seiji is like is Sheldon Cooper and Miranda Sings had a child. And the narrative thinks it’s god’s gift to autistic people for it. His entire personality is stripped away and replaced with the author’s idea of autism and it sucks. SRB knows so little about the characters that she looked at Eugene, saw a brown kid, and labeled him Mexican through implication—also had him not understand racism against Asian people despite being Asian too. She implied that Nick’s gay as well rather than his canonical bisexual. Aiden’s honestly bordering on abusive toward Harvard during Striking Distance, and Williams has a really fucked up interaction with some of the boys that’s literally sexual harassment even though it wasn’t framed that way by the narrative. Beyond that, in my opinion, SRB doesn’t know how to write chemistry and in fact turned me heavily off Aiden and Harvard as characters as a ship. She also dented Nichoji’s appeal for me when I consider her characterization. So you’re not even getting any good moments there for the trouble imo.

If I were you, I’d skip the novels. They don’t add anything to canon and you’re not missing any context by ditching them. And you’d be saving yourself a lot of cringing, discomfort, and anger of varying degrees depending on where you fall on things. If you want specifics, please feel free to message me on or off anon! I tried to be as spoiler free as possible here haha

If you want to explore more on your own, you can check out some other asks/thoughts! (These all contain novel spoilers)

My full review of Disarmed

Autism representation in Seiji

Seiji in general

Eugene

Eugesse as a concept in Disarmed

Eugesse interactions in Disarmed

Nick's bisexuality

Coach Williams and sexual harassment

I also found an ask from someone saying they regret reading the novels while going through my posts to compile this list, which I thought was too hilariously on-topic to omit

(PS a birthday song for you to enjoy uwu)

[nickmaghighlights]

NMH Side Issues - Cartoon Network Magazine

Time for a change of pace, don’t you agree? Let’s take a short break from the world of Nickelodeon to tackle the magazine offered by their long-time competitor, Cartoon Network!

First off, I’d like to apologize for the slight delay in posting. I’m sure you know how life is. Besides, don’t think of it as me missing a week, think of it as two Nick Mag Highlights posts in one week! Be sure to check back this weekend to see if I follow through on that. Anyway, back to the topic at hand…

Now, don’t worry, I’m not changing channels on you. This bonus segment was one I had thought up as a fun way to break up the pace a bit. Nickelodeon Magazine will always be my one true calling of course, but I think it’s only fair to check out the other publications you could’ve been spending your hard-earned allowance on. 

But just what is Cartoon Network Magazine? Who made it? And how? All are deceptively simple questions, and I’m not the most certain on how to answer them myself! But here’s my best guess.

Think they had a favorite show?

From my research, Cartoon Network Magazine was published by Panini Comics, a former branch of Marvel Comics that’s now perfectly happy to work with anyone carrying the right license. Panini publishes content throughout Europe, and this ‘zine here is no exception. Indeed, eagle-eyed viewers might have already realized… This magazine is from the UK! Suppose that explains why my bright blue American eyes have never laid upon an issue of this in-person.

Cartoon Network Magazine seems to have had a pretty long lifespan, with the latest release I can find evidence for being dated to 2016! And that’s just from Panini, mind you. There’s been a few other publications bearing the Cartoon Network Magazine name, from all different countries and walks of life, but if you ask me they’re all fakers compared to what Panini’s got for us here. Why? … Well, it’s the only Cartoon Network magazine I can find on archive.org that’s not just a compilation of comics. Substance counts!

But what is all this work and no play we’ve got going on here? We’ve got a magazine to read! You can read along here.

A fairly promising start, if I do say so myself. I mean, did Nickelodeon Magazine ever have a pullout poster? Probably, but I bet it wasn’t an Ed, Edd, n Eddy poster!

Quite a lot to unpack here in the News section. Doesn’t help that it looks like Eddy rudely barged in and the magazine’s trying to squeeze in around him.

Now, I presume the idea for this page was to probably parody your average celebrity news magazine with some vapid, inconsequential gossip about the CN cast, but coming off of Nick Magazine, it’s weird to see a News section where the only tangible information is related to some long-defunct giveaways.

Speaking of which, you will quickly notice the high volume of (rather easy) trivia questions as we read on, all of which were opportunities to win some of the goodies stacked next to each question. See if you can play along, no cheating!

Also, sorry for the hold ups but I’m giving this part some special attention. This comic has simply got it all wrong. Why is Double D the one who stupidly ignored the big shark warning sign? Why is Ed written so observant and astute to the point that he’s the one delivering us the punchline? Why is he calling Double D “Edd”? Why is Eddy oinking? And why is that shark so scary!?

Coming up on our first comic, and it’s something much more on-brand than that previous shark adventure. In fact if you had told me that this comic was just an adaptation of a real episode of the show, I’d believe you! Everything from the comedy to the art is ridiculously on point and that should come as no surprise, since a quick search online reveals that much of the crew behind this comic all worked on Ed Eddy n Eddy themselves. That’s one way to keep your comic on-model.

Anyway, the plot follows the Eds playing superheroes while the usual hijinks and bickering ensue, sporting that typical Ed charm. If that sounds up your alley, give it a look! That goes for all three of the comics featured in this book (well, for the most part anyway). I haven’t got much to say about them myself, they’re just good.

Very fun section here, featuring some words of wisdom from the best Powerpuff Girls character: Mojo Jojo. Probably the best anyway, I’m not an expert. That show wasn’t really a favorite of mine. I like his signature also, the handprint is a good touch.

Jesus Christ, this game must be terrifying! What on Earth do tentacles and mustached baby heads have to do with Mario Tennis? I’m afraid to find out.

I find it interesting that even UK ads seem to make fun of haughty english-types. I guess in hindsight that’s actually a pretty obvious way to be counterculture for a UK audience.

I hate stuff like this. “Oh yeah draw a circle and a semi circle and then draw dexter”. What the hell! What’s the semi circle even for? You barely used it! Don’t really get the weird clenched fist pose either, I don’t remember Dexter being the fist pumping type.

First time I've heard of this movie. But just how could I have missed it? Seems like they were giving DVDs away by the truckload! Maybe I’ve never heard of it because that goblin is a little creepy bastard. Who knows.

These ads man. I think I might love ‘em. They’re avant garde in the best way. Nothing here tops the “mustached baby head referee” from the Mario Tennis ad, but it’s sure trying.

I’m curious though if the game would even recognize the phrase “Go left strange brown beasties”. That microphone wasn’t exactly Siri-quality.

I love a good review! And these are… well… I mean, they’re reviews of Warner Bros products and items they were giving away. These good reviews weren’t even “bought”, they were just guaranteed.

Even still, c’mon Dexter, only a “Sooper” rating for The Iron Giant!? Really putting your self-appointed title of “boy genius” into question.

Shucks fellas, we’re late. Eighteen years late! Now we’ll never have a chance at those prizes, or the complementary Cartoon Network mailing service, for that matter! Oh well, I’m not too bummed. I can’t help but feel the chances were slim anyway, what with the barrier-to-entry being questions like “What’s the name of Batman’s butler” or “What color is Mario’s hat”. 

We've made our way to comic #2 now, and it’s of the Powerpuff Girls! Again, like the previous one everything seems to be on-point, from the artstyle to the writing. This one’s doubly impressive since it seems like the staff behind this one didn’t work on the original show. So hey, kudos!

But yeah it’s your usual Powerpuff fare, stopping a robot or two from Mojo Jojo. Give it a read if you’re starved for Powerpuff Girls content I suppose, I mean the show’s only been rebooted like three or four times already.

Ah, here’s that poster! Not bad, eh? I’m sure this would look good on a wall, or any other number of flat surfaces, for that matter. Shame about the horrible staples of death waiting to rip a gash in your poster when you try to tear it out, though. Oh god, I knew this would happen… I’m already starting to get some horrible magazine-poster-related flashbacks.

Can’t believe Eddy was busting his chops all this time coming up with scams when he could’ve just charged people to use his magic floating swing set. Look at how much fun he’s having, he’d make a killing!

Nothing like a little smattering of brain teasers to get the brain back in gear after 31 consecutive pages of comics, giveaways, and other mind-altering guff. Now, these are all perfectly fine, if not a little simple, but I'd like to talk about the top right one in particular…

Am I missing something here? Both B and D look the same as the original! I thought maybe the scan quality might be obscuring a hidden detail, but I’ve messed with the colors and saturation, checking every possible angle, and I still can’t find what’s wrong!

The answer key says the right one is B, so if anyone knows what’s wrong with the illustration in D, please feel free to share. Maybe then I'll finally be able to get some sleep.

This honestly was the kind of stuff I expected out of a Cartoon Network magazine, more supplementary material and bonus content based on the currently airing shows and less piss-easy giveaways. Well, I’ll take what I can get. Kids Next Door is one of the Cartoon Network shows I look back on pretty fondly, so this was a fun trip down memory lane.

(Okay, quick little side note here, cause something just occurred to me as I was writing this segment, and how often am I going to get to talk about KND on a Nickelodeon Magazine blog?)

Has anyone else noticed that all the main characters are designed to have their eyes obscured? I know in the show itself they’d often have their eyes open or pop out from behind their eyewear, but by default they all have their pupils hidden. I don’t have a point to make here, but that’s a weird little design detail, yeah? 

Last comic of the book, and surprise surprise, it’s Dexter’s Lab! Not as sure how to feel about this one after reading the other two. For one, I just wasn’t the biggest Dexter’s Lab fan as a kid, and two, the art in this is weirdly off-model. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong about that, of course (I loved a lot of the show-based Nick Mag comics that played with bending the established artstyle around*), it’s just that after the previous two comics were a near perfect screen-to-paper transition of their original shows, this one feels like it’s breaking a precedent a bit.

*Scan from @90s-2000sgirl on Tumblr (deactivated)

Like, you see what I mean right? Not bad, it just throws me off a little.

But hey, you want to talk about off-model art…

No no, I’m not actually going to nitpick childrens’ fanart, that’s crossing a line. Especially since these are pretty good! It must have been amazing for these kids to see their drawings end up in this section. I hope they all enjoyed their awarded copies of Kangaroo Jack 2, if that insert up in the top left is to be believed.

Wow, Mac, you’ve got an interesting list of favorites. And a biased one at that, nice work putting your own show on there!

Also, cutting out the TV guide seems like a bit of an unnecessary hassle to me. Not to mention you’re less likely to lose a whole magazine than you are a single piece of messily cut paper, if you really are planning on using it.

¡Mucha Lucha! was a bit of an odd, short-lived pleasure of mine back in the day. I think it stemmed from my liking of how each character had their own personal special move they would use in-battle. Kids today have it easy, it seems like nowadays every character can have as many special moves as they want! 

Also, show of hands, who here has heard of Atomic Betty? I seriously have never heard of it until this very moment. A Google search reveals that, apparently, it aired on Cartoon Network for less than a year? Shocking if true, but I guess that would explain my total non-memory of it.

Games? Inside the TV? Not a console in sight? If you had told me back in 2005 I’d have found it preposterous, but I think Apple TV or whatever made them commonplace now. Thanks, I guess.

These things have to be lost media, right? How do you even go about archiving something like this? It doesn’t sound like you could’ve downloaded them, since they would change every week. 

I bet some poor fella is out there right now, trying to remember that odd little Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends game he played on his parents’ TV as a kid, one fleeting Summer afternoon. Sadly even if he does remember he’s probably not going to be able to track down a copy, since… there are presumably no copies!

And there you have it, folks! The first ever edition of NMH Side Issues! This was a fun little experiment, and I think I’d be up for doing it again sometime. But as always, I think more Nick Magazine is in order. I mean, it’s in the name after all! 

Still, it was fun to see an example of what else you could find hanging on the magazine rack. Well, at least in the UK, anyway. Picture it: Mom’s picked out the perfect beans on toast and has nearly made it to the check-out line. You’ve got five seconds to choose what you’re reading on the car ride home! What's it gonna be kid?

I bet you could guess my choice!

(Yeah, right!)

Hate to end the blog on a sour, serious note, but the Internet Archive recently lost a court case against some large publishers regarding the scanning and lending of e-books. They’re looking to appeal, but it’s a gloomy situation. The Internet Archive has always been a real force for good on the internet, and it makes things like Nick Mag Highlights possible in the first place, not to mention countless other archival projects spanning from out-of-print books to now-inaccessible web pages. Showing your support online for the site, or even sending a small donation would do a lot in helping to keep a great service available to all. 

Thanks as always for your time, and remember: keep reading!

[artificialcaretaker]

So I’m aware of the fact that it’s dickish to talk about why you DON’T like something under its own tag but I don’t really know how to say anything WITHOUT tagging so just as a fair warning here I’m gonna be talkin about my personal opinions on the HS Epilogues/HS2 under the cut and they’re like. Not entirely positive??

I have nothing against you if you enjoyed them, just wanna get that out of the way!! I think it’s great that you found somethin that makes you happy personally!! I’m not expecting anyone to renounce their love for some silly little comic because I personally don’t like it. Do whatever you want forever and all that!!

I also know this is a dead topic like advanced decay topic but I’m bored and I’m not sleepy and I wanna ramble. This isn’t coherent.

Ok I’m just gonna stop now.

Hi!! You’re still here!! Nice, lovely, glad to have you, etc. etc.

So here’s the thing,

I’ve seen many people say this and, if I’m remembering correctly, I’ve been told a couple times as well that like, the Epilogues and the like aren’t serious, y’know??

Like, they’re not supposed to be taken seriously. It’s advanced stages of irony only 1% of viewers can solve this riddle type stuff.

Therefore, there’s a very good chance that I sorta just. Don’t get it??

Or it’s just a different type of humor then what I personally enjoy, which, again, is perfectly fine!!

Thinking about it though, I think what makes it, like, uncomfortable to a lot of people is the fact that it’s, like.

It’s not the irony that Homestuck proper was built off of, y’know??

Again, could be reading it wrong, but to me Homestuck very much has parody elements, but it’s also very affectionate about it.

It’s like, “Hey, you don’t know your online friends irl, wouldn’t it be fuckin bonkers if they were aliens or from an apocalyptic future cuz that’s technically possible” and that’s a parody type thing, y’know??

But it’s also very clear that the friendships displayed are very genuine. Like, they literally carry the bulk of all relationships in the comic.

And it’s like, yea, when you think about it this concept in online culture is really goofy, but it’s still important!!

And that’s a pretty obvious example, but there are a lot of other parody elements in Homestuck like that.

And maybe I’m a pansy but, like. That was nice, y’know??

And I feel like the Epilogues and such were also trying to go for something like that.

Like, I don’t blame people who see any of the contents and think it’s serious, because it DOES get into some seriously heavy shit, but looking at some stuff for a while makes it, like, glaringly obvious that it was a big joke about fanfiction.

I mean the intro page is literally a mock up of the AO3 tagging system like I don’t blame people for not looking into things but it was right there, y’know??

And I mean, cool!! As someone who enjoys and writes fanfiction, I can confirm that it’s really dumb when you think about it!! It’s weird and silly and sometimes you find yourself asking “Dude why the FUCK am I doing this?!”

But unlike Homestuck proper, I feel like they sorta just. End it at that.

From the way I see it, the joke sorta ends at “Hey guys, isn’t fanfiction weird?”

But they sorta just. Kept doing that. And it was just every single punchline.

And to me that fell kinda flat, y’know??

It also just sorta feels mean after a while cuz it’s literally just “Fanfiction is weird” and no further elaboration.

I mean we KNOW, y’know??

It also almost feels a little self deprecating considering that after a while Hussie wasn’t really working on the Epilogues all that much which essentially meant the writing was technically done BY fanfiction authors.

Poking fun at yourself and your weird hobbies can be fun!! It can elicit some good laughs, especially if your audience is people with similar experiences to you!!

I feel like it’s something that has to be done in moderation, though.

And I see what the Epilogues and the like were going for, and I’m not one to say that anyone’s sense of humor is inherently wrong because comedy is subjective.

But as stated, in moderation.

To me it kinda just got old really fast and there wasn’t really any other joke besides that one.

So while I certainly understand that having disturbing and uncomfortable topics isn’t what automatically makes something bad to some people, I DO think that overuse of a punchline is a very common and very valid reason to not enjoy something.

And again, I’m not mad at you or anything if you DO like the Epilogues/HS2 or if you DO find them funny.

I just, like. Don’t.

And I feel like a lot of other people just sorta don’t find them funny and that’s their main gripe with them.

But then they don’t REALIZE that they don’t find them funny and so they scramble to find another way to explain why they don’t enjoy them and while that’s perfectly understandable it leads to an environment where complete dickheads can squeeze their way in and be complete dickheads to creators to the point where it’s NOT being a dickhead and it’s just straight up harassment and that’s how HS2 got to the situation it’s in today and that is NOT FUN!!

But yea no in conclusion I don’t find the Epilogues/HS2 funny, I find it very likely that most other people who don’t enjoy them just don’t find it funny, I’m not mad or trying to change your mind if you DO find them funny because comedy is subjective, just don’t be a fucking dickhead and that’s not even targeted at anyone just don’t be a dickhead.

Anyways I gotta go tuck Ruby Longstocking in it’s past their bedtime and we’re going to the water park tomorrow for a family fun day.

[diorgirl444]

hi, can I please get a wednesday match up? im an intp, 5w4, slytherin, true neutral, and a capricorn. I'm a cisgender girl, and bisexual with a heavier preference for guys.

I'm 5 foot 3, fair skinned, and midsized/curvy. I also have shoulder length brown curly hair and light brown eyes. I'm usually some kind of fandom tshirt, cuffed jeans, and high top converse or combat boots.

My hobbies are writing (novels and poetry), reading (books and comics), baking, watching shows and movies, drawing/painting (even though I suck at it and it makes me upset half the time) and playing piano. I love mythology and ancient history, and I'm very interested in anthropology. I want to work in a museum one day, and I also dream to be an author. my favorite genres are fantasy, sci fi, and murder mystery. My favorite movie is Dead Poets Society, and my favorite book is Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. My favorite aesthetic is green/dark academia.

My favorite music artists are half alive, the neighbourhood, twenty one pilots, owl city, and coin.

I dislike people with superiority complexes, fatshaming jokes, tight spaces, and the heat (I prefer the cold), and most outdoor roller coasters.

I struggle with social anxiety, so I can be a bit distant at first before getting closer to someone. but once i am, I talk a lot and often ramble about things I care about. I really like seemingly useless fun facts. I struggle with my emotions a bit, so I usually use humor to cope and i can be prone to letting things bottle up. I'm a very sarcastic person. even though I'm hesitant to admit it, I do think physical touch and words of affirmation are my love languages. I'm also very creative and resourceful. I pride myself on being a problem solver and giving my friends advice when they need it. I'm very loyal to my close circle of friends.

Thanks so much if you get to do mine :)

your perfect matchup is 𝐱𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐞 💌

𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐱𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 <𝟑

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝟐 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 <𝟑

as i’m not sure what outcast you would be i’m writing this as if you’re a normie.

personally i think xavier would meet you on the nevermore outreach day (not the one seen in the show) because since your dream is to work at a museum you’re starting small and working at jericho’s local museum.

you’ve been warned that some nevermore students are going to be coming in but you don’t think much of it and go back to organising displays.

xavier on the other hand is dreading it, he’s used to the normie’s being bullies and if he’s on honest he basically hates outreach day.

surprise, surprise he’s set to work with you at the museum.

the minute he sees you he forgets his hated of outreach day and all he can think is how blessed he is to be working with such a dream girl.

he spends the whole day trying to get closer to you but you don’t seem to notice and he’s heartbroken.

however just as he’s leaving you turn to him go “are you going to ask me out or not?” 

you’ve been together ever since <3

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 <𝟑

you two are literally the sweetest ever oml!!!

first of all xavier literally worships the ground, i’m not even joking he absolutely adores you. 

he’ll do whatever you ask him to he just loves you that much <3

and the pair of you are always doing the cutest things together!!

baking, reading sketching, writing you two are just the most creative couple ever.

and if there is something that you’re not super confident with like art he’ll always comfort you and tell you that he’s proud of whatever you achieve. 

for your birthday he definitely painted you but let’s be real he’s like always sketching you, his schoolbooks are filled with little drawings of you.

i feel like you and xavier would definitely have the same music taste so i can see you two on long journeys sharing headphones.

he also completely understands your social anxiety if the pair of you are ever in a crowded place he’ll always hold your hand and if you squeeze he knows your feeling overwhelmed so the two of you will head home.

basically as couples go no one is more perfect for each other than you and xavier <3

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 <𝟑

hugs and kisses, flo

[countessdragon]

Miraculous Ladybug. I’ve been in this fandom since season one, and, having weathered the various crises and wars the fandom has gone through: I will never stop being consumed by it on some level, but you’d be better off throwing yourself off a cliff than starting it. The show in and of itself is dogshit, and without the context that comes from having been here for a while, you’d be pretty much limited to understanding the last two seasons’ worth of fandom. Everything’s on fire all the time, and it’s just a matter of when we finally burn down to the ground.

FNAF. I read the game guidebook or whatever the heck that thing they used to sell at Scholastic Book Fairs was, had horrible nightmares about being murdered by my stuffed animals for a month, and I’ve been stuck in this hell ever since. DON’T DO IT.

Supernatural. Enough said.

DC comics, *especially* anything featuring Batman and Co. Everyone’s getting character assassinated basically 24/7, no one can agree on just about anything (including the writers), a lot of the fans (not the WFA people - it’s a great comic and healing for the soul, but if it’s the only Batman media you consistently consume and your only point of reference for these characters…you have no idea what kind of shitstorm you just walked into) are constantly infighting because everyone wants to make a hate sink out of someone else’s favorite character, various VERY IMPORTANT details of events float in and out of canon with little to no warning or distinction (*coughs in Batarang incident*), lots of outright horrible and fucked up pieces of canon treated like they’re objectively okay (Dick got r@ped by Catalina and it was canonically treated like he cheated on Barbara, literally everything that happens to Damian - boy literally got sent to hell after dying as Robin, again with the Batarang incident, Tim’s training, etc.) - it’s a mess. I adore it, but it’s fucking awful and anyone who either hasn’t interacted much with Batman or has only really gotten into WFA should count their blessings and savor their blissful ignorance.

BNHA. It’s complicated. No, I will not be elaborating further.

Funniest fandoms are where the fans are like, "I'm obsessed with this. I don't recommend it even slightly."