#experience old age or something
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the literary hub article about how many books you'll read in your lifetime is some of the worst existential crisis-inducing bullshit I've ever seen.
#at this rate i'll end up as those two characters in el amor en los tiempos del cólera who committed suicide because they didn't wanna#experience old age or something
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crusty kid
#baby lloyd would totally be all over capitalistic free to play hiearchal roleplay simulation websites#ninjago#lloyd garmadon#ninjago lloyd#dude i LOVED animal jam it was my life#i rmb the day i got membership the world was revolutionary… then i stopped playing#now im old enough to pay for my own membership#but being a senior high student also means i cant play animal jam#it’s so weird to think im now the age of all the ytbers i used to watch#animal jam drama was truly something else#anyways i love this little shitbaby lloyd#hes so stupid i love him#cant wait for him to experience the horrors#when i first watched ninjago i was confused why lloyd was a baby bc i thought that lloyd was everyone’s fav prettyboy#i initially thought lloyd was totally loyal to evilman garmadon and started off as an actual formidable enemy#though now i want to make an au like that#aphid’s ninjashits
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I forgot!!! about how when dan tossed the fake grindr profile card it actually yeeted directly into phil and landed in his lap. and for some reason that felt so hilariously symbolic. that even fake horny san diego dan ends up hurtling into and quickly lands on top of phil fitting, no?
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#honestly blacked out my entire preshow experience like instantaneously#watching this video is like revisiting an age old memory lost to the fog of time#rather than something I experienced less than 48 hrs ago#dan and phil#tit yaps#tit tysons
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TG: do you think former president ronald reagan smacks rats
EB: sssmacks…rats?
TG: yah do you reckon he smacks rats
EB: oh yeah he TOTALLY smacks rodents—what in GOD’S NAME are we talking about
#submission#homestuck#incorrect homestuck quotes#dave strider#john egbert#mod terezi#i'm with john here but i totally agree that reagan smacks rats#but only if that is meant as an insult#anyways i'm bopping to rush rn i kinda wish music on the radio wasn't so regimented#sometimes i wanna go from ajr's karma to rush's freewill to heart's barracuda and back to lil nas x's old town road#the media could stand to be a little more eclectic and delineated is all i'm saying#it's not gonna kill anyone if we have some fucking variety that makes no sense to the advertisers#but exposes people to enriching experiences that they may not have experienced otherwise#like a while ago i was talking with mod kanaya and they've never heard of blue oyster cult before#and i was like wtf you need to listen to it#if only the once for no other reason than just for something you've never heard before#maybe i should start a vinyl collection and do amateur djing out of my room#anyways if you're following us and are under the age of twenty go listen to blue oyster cult right fucking meow#this is my one command to you
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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#my poetry#Horuspoetry#This one’s never gonna get professionally published so here it is#I usually hate writing lowercase poetry but I thought the unfinished look it gives#poems worked with the subject matter#I also wanted to work in a space detailing the experience of growing up neurodivergent#where you are functionally gendered as a failure#A lot of the details (the burying or the hands-to-eyes) are based on my own life. As is like. The general feeling. Which was basically my#standard from ages 3-9. the description of things outside is based on the memories I have of my old backyard when I was really little#And of the park I used to go to#I have a lot of memories of thinking of myself as basically already dead but also not really *understanding* the difference between being#dead and alive?#Idk. I think the perspective I am writing from is that of the child#but also in some ways I’ve noticed the way I behave towards my memories of my past self resembles the ableist way adults treated me when I#was a kid#As if somehow#There was something just… wrong with me and me only and so I deserved it#So this was also an attempt to show compassion to that child and break from that belief. To say ‘this was fucked up’#And that I don’t believe that there was something wrong with me after all and even if there HAD been I wouldn’t have deserved that treatmen#No one does
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I propose this idea: both Ritsu and Yuri make the mc do domestic/motherly things but for different reasons. Ritsu wants to see how his crush would be if they had children (he will need an heir to the legacy in some years!) (and to a certain point he wants to be cared for like when he was younger but it isn't his first reason shhh) on the other hand Yuri is stepping the line between wanting a mom and wanting to be babied and fed his favorite food and wanting a girlfriend and dealing with his romantic feelings like an adult (plus when jiro joins the mothering and mothered dynamic he acts like a child getting a sibling he didn't want for a little bit)
lmaooo i love that.
Ritsu frames it as little assistant work at first--he pays them for it, unlike everyone else who asks for their help cleaning their office and organizing things, so they're a little happier to do it. They've been working for Jin and Romeo so their cleaning skills are very good. Perhaps a little too good. They haven't been cleaning up crimes, have they?
Then he offhandedly asks if they know how to cook. They admit they haven't really cooked since they got to DW and mostly ate at the cafeteria or ate things others cooked for them or ate out. Ritsu chides them for their lack of self-sufficiency and reminds them they can use the kitchens at DW. He wanted to investigate something for a client, so it would be a good opportunity to try out cooking. You want to make sure you know where your nutrition is coming from! Their cooking is satisfactory, but it's definitely not a mother's level yet. They have time to improve. They don't really understand why he's being so critical about it, but they apologize anyway, wondering if maybe Sho or one of Jin's cooks could teach them a thing or two. It would be nice to be able to make food for their friends.
Then he asks about their work at Jabberwock, dealing with anomalous animals. They admit it's tough, but some of them are nice! They mention taking care of some of the younger animals after making sure the parents knew they meant no harm. So far nothing more than minor injuries! He nods in approval as they explain bottle feeding Peekaboo, and how cute it is when it's enjoying its food. Haru said they're a natural--Peekaboo didn't even throw up or bite them when they fed it for the first time! The younger anomalous animals seem to like them a lot!
Ritsu can't help but smile at that they seem to take well to caring for children. That's the most important thing. In the three years his firstborn son will have before he becomes a slave to the judicial system, he wants him to be loved and cared for by someone who will be able to give him the kind of love his mother gave him.
(Of course he would never force them to have a child. That would be against some law I'm sure, I'm not exactly up to date with the Japanese Penal Code. However, he wouldn't stay with them if they couldn't have children--he needs to have an heir, it's expected of him, so even if he wouldn't be happy with the result he would have to find someone else.)
(In the meantime though, he might indulge a little in being offered to try food as it gets closer and closer to tasting like what a mother's cooking should taste like. Even if he refuses, he still feels something like motherly love when they worry over him seeming to 'work too hard'. Being shown things he's not familiar with feels like motherly love, because he spent so much time with his mother seeing the wonders of the world. Perhaps the things they show him aren't as glamorous, but they still give a similar feeling of sharing a world outside of his own.)
Yuri, in stark contrast, is just a spoiled child about it sometimes. Although he tries not to be overt about it.
He finally decides he can go to sleep now after staying up like a week and a half researching, so "Come here. Your heartrate and breathing patterns are optimal for helping me sleep more quickly, so lie down with me for a little while. It--it's just so I can sleep and wake more efficiently! Do not question my methods, worm!" and then they have a grown ass man curled up against their chest(arms around their waist, it's not entirely childish--) and they aren't allowed to move until he's had his nap. He may or may not want a lullaby or bedtime story, but counting their heartrate is enough.
They decide to bring Jiro and Yuri something to eat and Yuri pouts and huffs over it not being their cooking. He still eats it though, because he's happy they brought him food. It's still a motherly gesture. Why'd they bring some for Jiro too though Jiro can't even eat solids what do you mean you had to make Jiro's nutrition shake yourself why didn't they hand make his food he is their--significant other! . . .Yes, Jiro is also their significant other, but that is besides the point!
(Jiro is quietly enjoying his meal in his shaker bottle. They're reminded of a child with a sippy cup with Yuri huffing next to him. He does not want to share his mama.)
Yes he is a mature adult but he's not good at addressing his feelings at all. When he does he does it awkwardly and accidentally, through freuden slips and things he wanted to keep to himself until he didn't feel like he was too busy for such concerns. N-not that he cares if they think it's strange he wants to call them 'mama' while clearly maintaining romantic (and professionally possessive) feelings! He's not worried about them finding this offputting at all!!! He knows they're honored to be his partner and. . .occasional source of maternal comforts and outlet regrets! Anyway he's going to hold their hand everywhere they go--because he is leading them where they need to go like a good researcher does, not because it fulfills his romantic and juvenile needs--
When he succeeds at something he wants to show them so they smile and tell him what a good job he is and how proud they are and how impressive he is. . .like his mother used to. Not that it's entirely that--of course he wants to impress his partner too, but. . .the projection is embarrassing, but comforting.
#ritsu shinjo#yuri isami#danie yells at tokyo debunker#danie yells with anons#danie yells answers#every day we get closer and closer to giving yuri an age regression thing and i need to reel it in lmaooooo#I PROMISE THE THING THAT APPEALS TO ME MOST ABOUT YURI IS THAT HE IS AN INETHICAL DOCTOR AND EXPERIMENTS ON PEOPLE#BUT ALSO THE WHOLE 'MAMA' THING SEEMS CUTE THE WAY WE'VE BUILT ASSUMPTIONS AROUND IT#i'm really looking forward to whatever is actually going on with it in canon like. what happened to this man's mother. is she gonna be okay#what exactly is causing him to relate the pc to her. is she also cursed is she also dying did she die to the same curse or something#is yuri actually super old and his mom died the day the pc was born and he thinks she's reincarnated into them#because he reads too many isekai light novels
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something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle
#thank you this has been the laziest media analysis post of my career#dbtag#media analysis#something something a game to goku is a threat to vegeta etc#there's a pinned thought here about how Vegeta also didn't learn about the dragon balls until he was ?? 30?? and so all loss is permanent#and goku has been familiar since he was ~12 and hasn't faced a permanent consequence since he was 10 years old and even then he got closure#sometimes I think about how Vegeta saw Trunks die and how Krillin was mad at him for reacting since they could fix it with the dragon balls#but Vegeta has very limited experience with the dragon so to him in that moment that was permanent and Trunks was Dead. Forever.#And we talked before in a 2am post about Vegeta having never experienced grief born of love and I stand by it because his feelings then wer#still very new and very odd and not something he'd accepted until that moment so it was raw power but not as powerful as it could've been#all this to say in my heart of hearts I think Vegeta deserves to retire at the end of super (if super continues) -- not as a warrior#but as an infantryman. he's a prince and now he's got his domain and his family and his planet to look after and I think he deserves#to go home and stay home and help piccolo bully gohan into training more often when goku inevitably leaves to hop the multiverse#geets wanted to take a sabbatical when Bulla was born but didn't get the chance because Freeza coming back freaked him out too much#but whether freeza gets a redemption arc or gets defeated -- Granolah's arc seemed to shift his perspective on being the strongest#and I just grips fist I just think it would be a really nice full circle for Vegeta to inherit his throne in a way he never expected and#finally get his kingdom to look after and protect in the way that he was looking forward to being king of his own planet all those years ag#Goku's got Broly and Jiren and Hit and all the others to keep him busy and happy now -- and if Freeza gets a redemption arc he'll probably#continue playing slap-ass with Goku for the rest of his life -- and Vegeta's got Gohan and Piccolo and Goten and Trunks#I just think them getting a nice bittersweet 'This is where we part ways' would be really nice for both of them because !!#They couldn't have done this without each other. They couldn't have known this kind of life was possible without each other.#So they swap lots and live happier than they ever imagined they could be#especially since Vegeta has proved to himself that he can close any gap Goku creates in progress that's not a concern anymore#And obvs the door's always open!! There's no point closing it Vegeta's tried the locks they don't work on Goku#anyway here's me putting the whole essay in the tags again#this isn't an essay as much as it is stream of consciousness tag blogging#anyway i'm too lazy to write fic or draw comics so we get ramblings instead
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I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions
(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)
#see also: george falling in love with his wife and paul routinely telling him he was easily replaceable#and yet ringo has nothing but warmth for either of these men#and of course I'm not saying we shouldn't appreciate how much patience and kindness that takes!#but also i guess it takes a certain lack of assertiveness or the ability to see/value your own emotions#and that's also something interesting to think about#speaking from experience here a lot of alcoholics want to be numb more than they want to be alive#and if ringo couldnt access his emotions it makes sense his only recourse would be to erase them#but i think for him it comes from isolation at a young age and a lack of emotional support#you need your caregivers to teach you what 'sad' is so you can then teach yourself what to do about it#or you may start to cope with that constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction (that you can never quite grasp) in destructive ways#also his mom started getting him falling down drunk when he was not even twelve years old so tbh the alcoholism was probably inevitable#anyways all this is just to say that the fact that he could absorb pretty much infinite distress CAN definitely be construed as a virtue#but tbh it might also be symptomatic of some painful shit that he needed/deserved help with#ringo starr#longer rambles
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i think that the greatest thing about heimerdinger's characterization is that even though people irl aren't going to work with actual immortals... we do deal with people who are way older and out of touch with how the world looks now. and they DO have some wisdom and they DO care. but by god they just don't know how to connect to you, person who doesn't have an entire lifetime of knowledge and experience to draw from and who knows that your life will be and is currently and has been different than theirs.
#i try so hard to remember that my students don't experience time the same as i do#because it HAS slowed down for me#and nothing feels as urgent as it did when i was 11#but for 11-14 year olds everything feels urgent#and that IS their reality you know?#the same way that middle aged people think they know exactly what I a twenty something needs and how to fix my problems#but they don't
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Got to stolen century in my relisten and started tearing up at work because of magnus carving the duck. Just me in the back room, crying over the dish sink for normal reasons.
#the adventure zone#taz balance#taz#it gets me every time#I was anticipating that scene all shift#and wanted to leave before I got to it bc I knew I would start crying and didn't want to cry at work ahfkahfkka#unfortunately I had to stay an hour and a half late bc yayyy labor day#I also started tearing up at merle with the church of fungston. for some reason.#merle has never really made me that emotional before but I guess now in my old age I'm more struck by his love of life#i understand you better now merle. as a twenty-something I really see the appeal in being able to love life despite the hardships#(this is a joke. I am almost 24 and do not think I'm old)#(I do find merles brand of optimism very good nowadays though. I also have a zest for life and a need to complain about things)#I managed to not cry at the lup and Barry duet though which I am quite proud of#probably bc I spent like half an hour watching lup animatics last night and got my tears out then#I'm having a normal time#normal as hell#most people probably cry over podcasts at their grocery store job#I think that's a standard experience#especially when those podcasts are from 7 years ago and you're still not over them#standard#fluffle talks
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Not enough about the clones being children and adults at the same time. They're 10 years old. They're fully grown. They're still little kids. They never got to have a childhood at all. They're terrifying soldiers. They hardly know anything about the galaxy except how to fight and how to take orders.
I want clones that have this childish wonder at the world, but being terrified to show it. Clones with the sense of humor of 10 year old boys. Clones who don't really understand what death is, not really. Not until they're on a battlefield and dying in droves.
#you ever think about how small their world was on kamino?#how little they knew or experienced?#kids in bodies of adults who were made to grow up too fast in more ways than one#yeah they had the accelerated aging but they're still only 10 years old#like. kids are still fully formed people they just haven't been around long enough to experience as much or develop yet#the clones are physically adults but they've only had half as much time to grow up#i just wish it was something that was explored more
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behind every hot girl is a deep history with the horror genre
#something something the horror of girlhood#and not just the horror of navigating the world esp as a young girl but also#the horror of /being/ a girl#the horror of occupying a feminine body#or even identifying with femininity even if u don't occupy a feminine body#and then turning to horror as a genre to process ur own existence and place and experiences in this world#and finding women of all ages dominating the horror genre#from ghosts with striaght long hair and dead black eyes#to victims#to be haunted and to be haunting#and this is by no means a condemnation of girlhood#but perhaps the distorted version of life that girls are exposed to#i was less than five years old when i figured out i would be mocked for wanting toy cars#going this deep bec horror is actually my fav genre#also shoutout to all the girlies who r obsessed w true crime this is also for u
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Tuvok’s Vulcan Facebook would just be plant growth progress reports, pictures of his kids and then massively reblogged Vulcan quotes like (picture of Surakian Texts) “This book will either keep you from illogic...or illogic will keep you from this book.”
#His kids are like daaaaaad no one'seven ON Vulcan facebook anymore.........#pulling from my own experience where whenever I did something mildly impressive in high school my mom would be so excited#and say she was gonna tell all her friends! mildly embarrassing but also a warm feeling <3#Vulcan facebook is notoriously difficult to use and signing up + liking a post is actually the beginniner hacking course in most#federation (non Vulcan majority) colleges. It's very old programming and nearly incomprehensible if you're not Vulcan#if you ARE Vulcan it's just mildly cumbersome. Unless you're above a certain age and then it's no problem at all.#Tuvok being the Vulcan version of the most normal suburban dad...it treats me right -nodnod-#st voyager#Tuvok
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WEIRD OLDER QUEERS I LOVE YOUUU
#this is a general statement#but also opened up feeld after like two weeks and immediately matched with this guy* who i immediately thought just had an awesome vibe#(is it bc he reminds me of philip sallon maybe. it’s okay i know my own red flags)#i don’t actually know what pronouns he uses. something to ask tomorrow#they’re also really not that old ftr they’re in their forties it’s just the difference in experience i mean#feel sort of excited abt the idea of pursuing gay sex for the first time in ages they just SO immediately met me at my level and made me#- feel so comfortable#we’ll see what comes of it i have a good feeling but even if it doesn’t work out i feel more optimistic moving forward#just a very nice change of pace to go oh that person looks cool. oh we get to talk. oh they are cool#me & my ex are also gonna do something at some point. i know he wants to it’s just a matter of stupid scheduling#anyway. more to the point. I LOVE SEEING QUEER PEOPLE LIVING & BEING HEALTHY & THEMSELVES#ted talks
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i have had this lifelong problem where people always think i’m older than i am. this wouldnt be a problem if not for the fact that when people assume i am older than i am‚ they also assume that i have the skills and experience typical of a person of that age. and when i prove to not have those skills and experiences it would be helpful if they considered that perhaps they were wrong about my age. unfortunately they do not consider this and instead end up assuming that i am immature or perhaps stupid. many such cases
#ss original#i think i come across as offputting to some people because of this#because they expect me to have the social skills and life experience of like a typical 29 year old#and when i dont meet those expectation theyre like wow. this person is weird. something is weird about them#yes. i’m 23. thats the thing that is weird about me#but i think that i also dont really come across as 23 not only bc of the way i look but because im like not on tiktok and shit#so im not really in on a lot of the pop culture stuff that a lot of people my age are#so that doesnt help#anyways. i’m 23 and everything is strange. many such cases
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