#everything that kills me makes me feel alive

[froggerland]

Finally tackling the requests (feel free to send more btw i will do them eventually i swear)

This basically turned into a mutineers doodle sheet bc i cannot and will not stop incorporating Tozer into everything ever

Left to right:

- Billy at the start of the expedition when he still looked somewhat alive (no shade to the actor absolutely terrific casting he does look like a dying victorian dude)

- Tozer and Armitage (trying to draw more fullbodies)

- Billy looking not so alive anymore

- Hickey ans Billy (I dont really ship them bc hickey is a twisted little fuck BUT i firmly believe he actually loved Billy (in his weird way but nonetheless) case and point the mercy kill scene (aka he stabs billy before he gets too sick) (i could write a whole ass essay about this))

- 2x Tommy Armitage

- Hickey trying to seduce Tozer (its up to you to decide what his other hand is doing)

- Tozer (my favorite shaggy cattle dog you will always be famous to me)

- Armitage trying on Tozers uniform bc that one footnote that said Tommy wanted to be a marine but wasnt allowed to bc hes partially deaf is so important to me (its the only thing that makes Armitage interesting to me (im sorry i really dont care about armitage or gibson or any of the mutineers except for tozer all that much agdghshs but i do see the appeal i see the vision you guys have))

Bonus!! Give it up for the worlds worst fucking polycule

[sidemari]

• No other choice •

A Dead by Daylight NSFW One-Shot.

Character included: Danny Johnson (Ghostface) x Fem!Reader

TW: Coercion, fingering (female receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, dirtytalk, swearing, stalking behavior, unhealthy relationship, reader's distorted feelings, death mentions, violence.

Mari's notes: This is a dark content post. Do not read it if you're uncomfortable with those kinds of works. Only 18+ people can interact.

You were so close.

The five generators already built, the exit gate almost completely open.

That was when the game really started.

He decided he was tired of being merciful to his stupid prey.

In a few minutes, the other three survivors had their lives taken, right in front of you, in an obscene and twisted way enough to make you nauseous.

You ran as fast as you could, searching for the hatch somewhere on the map, trying desperately to save your life.

After what seemed like decades, you finally found the hatch, along with a Ghostface already surrounding it.

He had closed the hatch before you could reach it.

The exit gates were not an option, he would easily catch up with you.

All that was left for you was to try to find some key left in a chest by the Entity.

You ran away again, trying to come up with a plan in your mind.

"I'm fucked." You whispered to yourself as you ran. Your legs were exhausted from the excessive effort, your speed decreasing steadily as the trial went on.

Reaching the main building on the map, you looked back for the first time since your sprint. He was on your heels.

"Damn you." you said harshly, preparing to run through a series of windows, thinking that this would give you some advantage in your escape.

"It's useless." He laughed. "You're just postponing your destiny." He followed you through the interior of the building, hunting you like prey, his determination to catch you stronger than ever. "Hey, bunny... You played well, but not well enough to escape."

"Son of a bitch." You cursed, losing speed as you jumped window by window.

"Ouch, that hurt." He pretended to be hurt by your words. "Oh, bunny... When I catch up with you..." He sighed, imagining everything he could do to you.

It was the last window.

And you were exhausted.

"Shit!" Your vision blurred and dizziness took over you. Stepping wrong, you twisted your foot in an extremely painful way, causing a scream of discomfort.

The shock paralyzed you for a few seconds and those seconds were enough for him to reach you.

Your eyes widened and you limped towards the window, but it was in vain. The pain was excruciating and you wouldn't be able to jump to the floor below as easily as you wanted.

"Gotcha!"

Ah, the fear.

The most primal instinct for survival.

The despair and hopelessness.

He could feel these feelings exuding from your exhausted body.

His hands gripped your waist tightly, stopping your ridiculous idea of ​​jumping through the last window towards the floor below as your last available resort.

"I told you it was useless." He grunted, pulling your body closer. "Look at you... You only hurt yourself." His head tilted to the side in false concern. "You're the last survivor of the trial, you should cooperate with me if you want to get out of here alive."

"Please..." You whimpered. "Let me go! You've already killed all three of them..."

"And you think you're more deserving of staying alive than they were, love?" You cringed at the pet name.

"No... It's just..." Tears formed in the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. "We were so close..."

You wiped your tears away furiously, cursing yourself internally for showing weakness in front of a killer.

"Oh, bunny, I don't want to see you cry." He squeezed your waist with his hands as a vile way of reassuring you. "Not because you were unlucky, at least."

You accepted that there was no way out. Would he use his Memento Mori on you? Or would he let you bleed on the hook until the Entity took your soul?

Your gaze was lost.

Completely empty, lifeless.

The adrenaline already absent made you wish it would end as soon as possible.

"Kill me already." You whispered. "Please." Your tone of voice made his heart flutter in pleasure.

"No, bunny, you misunderstood. If you cooperate with me, I'll let you go. All you have to do is tell me whether or not you accept this proposal."

"What do you want from me?"

"I don't want something from you, I want you. All of you." He whispered against your ear, pulling your body impossibly close to his so you could feel his erection poking at your back.

Your eyebrows furrowed in disgust.

"No... I... I've never done that." You mumbled, shaking your head no.

"You'd rather bleed to death, I see." The sharp blade of his knife scraped against the skin of your neck, causing a small cut yet deep enough to bleed. "What a shame. You were a fun survivor to chase." He was about to plunge the blade into your neck when you whimpered an extremely pathetic "Wait."

"Hmm?" He chuckled. "What's wrong, bunny? Changed your mind?"

You examined his mask before whispering that you were willing to cooperate with him.

"Good choice, bunny. You're smarter than you look." He pulled you into one of the rooms in the building, causing you to hiss in discomfort due to your foot.

It was a bedroom.

Ruined, but it was a bedroom.

A working generator caused a constant noise in the ambience.

You looked at it sadly.

All that effort... And for what?

"Take off your clothes." He ordered, swinging the knife in his hand.

You stood still, not having the courage to start undressing.

"Did you fucking hear me?" He growled, venom dripping from his words.

Your trembling hands went towards the buttons of your shirt, unbuttoning them one by one with difficulty. You weren't wearing a bra underneath, so with the last button undone, the shirt slid to the floor, exposing your breasts to him.

Underneath the mask, his pupils dilated with lust. He was so ready to fuck you right there, but he waited patiently for you to undo your pants and boots.

"Your panties come off too." He murmured with pleasure when you hesitated, stepping closer.

You removed the last piece of clothing, a sinister shiver running down your spine.

"What are you going to do to me?" You asked him, anxiety written all over your voice.

His hands pulled your body against his, making your breasts press against his torso and you whimpered at the sensation.

"Oh, my little bunny..." He breathed against your ear. "I'm going to fuck you so hard... I'm going to fuck you until you lose all your remaining strength." You shivered in anticipation.

"Lay down." He gestured to the king-sized bed behind you and you obeyed him without resistance.

He removed the glove from his dominant hand, using his thumb to tease your clit before his middle and ring fingers collected the essence dripping from your sex.

"Fuck, you're so wet." He sneered. "You were fighting for your life just now and you're this wet? What a slut"

"Ghostface..." You whispered.

"Danny. Call me Danny"

"Danny..."

He removed his characteristic mask, revealing an extremely handsome face underneath it. You became absorbed in him, your gaze getting lost in his dark brown eyes. How could such a handsome man be so vile?

His fingers penetrated you, stretching you and preparing you to receive him soon. You could barely stand him masturbating you with both fingers, the burning sensation was present and very real.

"It hurts..." You whimpered, trying to close your legs only to have them forcefully opened.

"You're so tight, bunny... Fuck, I wonder how you'll be able to handle me fucking you good" His movements became faster and your thoughts more confused.

"Danny..." You whispered, catching the man's attention.

"Yes, my love?" Again, that pet name.

"Fuck me already"

How those two little words had unleashed something dark inside him.

You, a naively pure survivor, asking a guy like him to fuck you?

"Hmm, I don't think I heard you right." He pulled his fingers from your sex, licking them to taste you. "Fuck, you taste so good." He practically whimpered, before pulling you into a kiss, allowing you to taste a trace of your own essence on his tongue. He then sucked your tongue with his lips before moving his kiss down to your neck.

"Even after a trial, you still smell so good..." His tongue abused the sensitive spot below your ear, marking the skin with a painful hickey. "Repeat what you said moments ago, bunny." He kissed your breasts before sucking them urgently.

"I asked you to fuck me." You whispered, your hands caressing his dark hair as he busied himself with your breasts. "I want to feel you inside me, marking me as yours, making others know that I belong to you."

"Fuck, bunny... I didn't know you were that dirty." He laughed. "Asking to be fucked by a serial killer? That's sexy as hell. But if this is just manipulation, ah... I'll make you bitterly regret deceiving me." He threatened, his hand now squeezing your neck strong enough to make you loose your breath for some seconds.

It wasn't manipulation.

You just had no other choice.

Either you got into his twisted ideas and tried to take advantage of that bizarre and disgusting situation so you could save your life or you would just wait for it all to end miserably.

His teeth bit your nipple gently, making your body shudder beneath him and moans of pleasure leave your mouth.

"Ready?" He asked, tilting his head to the side in curiosity. You hummed, watching him remove his tunic, his cock freeing itself from the prison of fabrics. You nodded, allowing him to crawl between your legs, his cock lining up with the entrance of your vagina.

He penetrated you in one go, reaching as deep inside you as he could.

You whimpered, your legs wrapping around his waist instinctively and your nails digging into the skin of his back, scratching him so deliciously that he almost came on the spot.

A few tears of discomfort wet your cheeks, but he wiped them away carefully, reassuring you.

"Hey, it's okay... You did it." Your eyebrows furrowed in pain and your breathing was labored.

"Danny..." You were feeling so sensory overloaded that it hurt. "It hurts so much..."

"Shh... I know, my bunny, I know." He kissed your lips gently. "Still, I'm going to start moving." And with that, the thrusts began. During the very first moments they were slow, but then they became violent.

You wished he would be more gentle since it was your first time, but you could barely say anything other than his name, much less formulate a sentence about how all of this was too much for you to handle.

"Fuck, squeeze me with your pussy, go on." He grunted between the thrusts, your cunt involuntarily contracting around him hard enough to make him see heaven. "That's it, just like that... You're so good for me, bunny." He groaned, his thumb stimulating your clit with just the right amount of pressure to make you melt beneath him.

"Danny!" You moaned as he stimulated that exact sensitive spot inside you in the most delicious way yet. "Fuck, that feels so good..."

"Oh really? My bunny likes to be fucked by her owner?" His hands gripped your hips hard enough to leave marks. "Tell me, bunny, you've always wanted someone to fuck you as good as I do, haven't you?" He teased you, a cruelly malicious smile plastered on his face.

"Yes, it's t-true." You whimpered, your orgasm so close it hurt. "Faster." You begged, your nails leaving marks on his broad back. He obeyed your request, the pace of his thrusts getting viciously faster, fast enough to bring you both absurdly close to your climax.

"You're so fucking hot" He sighed, his hips moving erratically. "Fuck, I'm gonna cum."

"Me too..." Yaou cried back.

"Cum with me, bunny. Cum good around my cock like the good little slut you are." Your vision blurred as the first wave of pleasure hit you. After that, many more came, your walls contracting around his cock in a wonderful way.

You felt something warm invade your insides without warning, earning a sigh from your lips. Your hands held his face gently, your eyes meeting his.

He smiled at you before pulling you into a tender kiss, unlike the previous ones that were full of need and lust. He ended the kiss with a few pecks, his hand tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"You were so good, my bunny." He pulled out of you, making you mewl at his absence. He closed your legs gently, not wanting a single drop of his cum to go to waste. "I should have proposed this silly game sooner, shouldn't I? I've had my eye on you for quite some time now."

"Danny..." You murmured, your hand caressing his cheek, soon combing his brown hair with your fingers in devotion.

Why were you feeling so complete?

This guy is a serial killer and yet you had never felt so safe and so... Desired?

"Here, a morning-after pill." He offered you the medicine that was inside the pocket of his tunic. "You're in your fertile period, as far as I remember. We can't risk having a child now, can we?"

"H-How do you know?"

"I know a lot about you, bunny. Unimaginable things."

You shivered.

Why did his obsession in you feel terrifying yet so oddly interesting?

"Get dressed, I'll guide you to the hatch. There was a key in a chest that a survivor left open on the map." He rummaged through the same pocket he had gotten the medicine. "Think fast!" He said before throwing the key in your direction, which you caught easily, looking at it as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

"Really?" You asked uncertainly. "I thought you were going to get rid of me right after we had sex."

"I made a deal with you, remember? I said that if you cooperated, you would get out of here alive. And besides, I'm not going to get rid of you so soon, not after I marked you as mine."

You got dressed at the same time as his words repeating in your mind. The mask was back on, but he didn't look as scary as before.

"Come on, the hatch is to the south. Lean on me so you don't put too much strain on your twisted foot."

How thoughtful.

Once there, you used the key to open your way out of that trial.

"Thanks, Danny." You whispered.

"Always, bunny." He squeezed your hand one last time. "See you next time."

[mihachansstuff]

So I finished reading a danmei novel for the very first time (it's SVSSS)

Spoiler Alert

(And incoming rant...)

So I just finished reeading the volume 4 of SVSSS, and even before i finished it i knew i have to talk about it and let my thoughts out somehow and here we are. My danmei journey started not too long ago with MDZS donghua before i found myself buying physical copies of SVSSS. Although my first novel was 2ha but I read till volume 6 to keep it on hold and finished this one instead.

Now that i am done, before i make it too long i will just leave some snippets of audacious thoughts here which may or may not be agreed upon -

I really wanted to like LBH, but in the end I just couldn't, some parts and traits of his character just don't sit well with me. I mainly hate his manipulative part, and I just don't understand why someone like Shen Yuan/SQQ falls for it again and again.

Zhuzhi lang is indeed a lovable character, but I just can't forgive him for killing Gongyi Xiao. The only time I shed tears while reading this novel was when we hear about his death and how SQQ was then remembering how GYX told him he would visit his peak after everything is over. (I was still holding on to that hope that he will be miraculously alive *sob*)

I found Tianlang-Jun to be a decent character, even more decent than his own son. I mean, yeah LBH went through traumatic periods but TLJ also went through miserable times while sealed. But in the end he just let all of it go while his son kept getting jealous and vicious towards every human being close to SQQ.

SQH and MBJ is a good ship. I would love to know more about them I need more Moshang content (this everyone will agree i know)

In that one interview chapter at volume 4 SQH's comment about Bingqiu being the kindergartner and his teacher, I can't agree more. Also his comment about how dating LBH must be exhausting and annoying was so true that I just don't understand why SQQ accepts all this 😭😭

I wish I could learn more about Liu Mingyan's thought process while writing Regrets of Chunshan.

I saw a Youtube comment that said - "In SVSSS, almost every character can be shipped with SQQ" and I couldn't agree more! SQQxYQY, SQQxLQG and etc. all are good ship material.

I felt like there were more background plots that could be explored (like what happened to Huan Hua Palace after, or how TLJ was doing, or some more info and background about certain characters etc). In this way I feel like Shen Yuan, heh

The novel art is pretty, but the way LBH was described about his looks and beauty, I somehow didn't feel it through the art. My fav character ranking according to art would be Tianlang Jun→Mobei Jun→SQQ, even though I really like curly hair.

At this point people might think I am a LBH hater, but really I am not, or at least I don't want to be. But I just really think SQQ deserved a better peaceful life at CQ Mountain, around his disciples and sect brothers that really adore him like a family. I really hated the ending in Vol 3 where SQQ left the mountain with LBH in this respect. Well at least in vol 4 it said that the two come to the mountain from time to time so I guess I can calm down a bit.

I really, really like Shen Qingqiu. He's a diva. But I just don't understand...some of his choices. But I guess I will just leave it at that.

This is my first time finishing a danmei novel as I mentioned already, so please go easy on me, even though I may have said things that might spark an argument. Overall I think it was a good experience and I'm looking forward to reading more novels. Feel free to give me some recommendations!

[bibibbon]

Now it's not about one of my wips. So ...I stumble a post here talking how Dabi was this close to became a Nomu, how dabi knows what Nomu are (maybe he is not well versed but it's not out of pocket he would know what is a Nomu) and ...how he may know how afo doesn't give a shit about shig(the last one is just common sense) and it makes me think...

Dabi has so many reasons to hate shig. Shig who gives nomus uncaring and willy nilly and use them as a weapon ...could make dabi think of endy (oooh no one would ever think that, but think this way Toya is a toy/project Endy created and tossed aside...shig does the same with the nomus)

I love them as frenemies....but Dabi has legit reasons to not like Shig...and I dont even think, in shipping sense, a hate sex situation would cut out.

If dabi wasn't suicidal...I think he could steal shig's position, kick him to the curb and...maybe killing the remain nomus as a mercy killing ( the last one is just an idea. Dabi is a villain, but before hori made him "the lil devil" to justify Endy...I think it was possible for him...to do that)

So ...imagine an au where Dabi does that. Shiga lost everything, and Dabi wins bc he is smarter.

This is not motivated by any bashing feelings. I like shig but possum doesn't give a shit to nomus, Kuro or anything else...he is a npc ...so maybe if he had to struggle and pull himself on his feet, without any plot device ...maybe the character could grow.

Hi @mikeellee 👋

It is true that dabi was incredibly close to becoming a nomu, considering that AFO literally retrieved his dying body and put him in one of the controlled hospitals where they kept kids there to turn them into another shigaraki puppet or a nomu.

From what we get in chapter 350 from Dr garaki, I don't think Dabi fully knew the inner workings of how Nomu's are made but I do think that he knew that Nomu's were once humans that were experimented on. Personally, I believe that the first time Dabi heard about Nomu's was probably rumours from the street of people commenting on how the ruler of the underground has created living puppets.

Dr garaki admits that Dabi by the time he left the hospital knew more than he let on, he knew what the hospital was for, knew what the hospital meant what they were selling to him, what they wanted to make him become and he rejected that. I believe that a part of him rejected that because he wanted to go back, he wanted to prove that touya is indeed alive, he wanted to reach for his family's embrace, to apologise to his mother, to earn validation from his father yet all of that crumbles the minute he sees what enji is doing to shoto. Touya dies, and dabi is born living only through sheer hate and determination for revenge.

Ultimately, I believe that the moment dabi meets Dr. garaki a second time, he is now fully aware of the origins of the nomu and has completely understood and solved the hospital case. He realises that everything is connected and he hates it.

By extension, he would hate shigaraki or completely dislike him for his ignorance. After a while he would also figure out that shigaraki is just a pawn in the grand scheme of things and I think (due to dabi's already toxic beliefs like victim blaming) he would grow to hate shigaraki even more. However, I do imagine that other emotions would grow something akin to pity as he sees shigaraki trying to break out of the mould just to fully fall into AFO's trap. Maybe dabi grows to hold a tiny ounce of care, trying to indirectly deter shigaraki from doom, but again, that's neither here nor there.

Also, I agree heavily with you that if Dabi wasn't suicidal then he would probably rebel on a larger scale, taking over and becoming a new leader. However, dabi is a man full of hate. That's the only reason he is alive. He is a man out of time, a man who is slowly dying with one goal in mind : revenge.

[wutheringvibe]

I dream of butterflies, black wings wide and gleaming, shimmering like dark silk under moonlight, delicate and terrifying, their fragile bodies clinging to me like they’ve known me forever, like they’ve decided I’m theirs. In my dream, I see her latched to my palm, her weight too heavy for something so fragile, and yet she didn’t feel like fragility, she felt like fury, like love sharpened into a blade. I crush her, half a wing bent and broken, black and big and beautiful. Her body doesn’t snap like I expect; it melts, smears, dragging a wet line of ichor down my skin, thick and dark and alive. She didn’t die. She didn’t even falter. She held on. Her legs were needles, her touch unbearable, a slow, creeping pain that spread like ink in water, curling into every corner of me. She burrowed into my flesh, hooked and unrelenting, puncturing the meat of my hand like needles dipped in venom. I could feel her drinking me, draining me. She didn’t just pierce, she carved, carving herself into me with a desperation that felt uncomfortably familiar, carving herself into me like a lover who cannot stand to be forgotten. It wasn’t the feeble flutter of an insect it was the deliberate grip of something wild, something enraged, something that knew how to hurt. She etched her existence into my palm with the precision of something that had been here a thousand times before. I tried to shake her off, but she only dug deeper, like those red ants that cling to your skin and refuse to let go, biting and biting until you bleed, leaving venom in their wake.

I think she hated me. I think she loved me. I think she wanted me dead. Her body stretched, her wings beat against my wrist, leaving trails of venom that bloomed into scars. She dragged herself through the blood pooling in my palm, smearing it in streaks like an artist signing her masterpiece. She wasn’t trying to fly away she was trying to make me stay, trying to force me to feel the weight of her. I wonder if it’s just love. Sick love. The kind that clings to you even when you know it’s going to kill you. She was hungry, or maybe just angry. Maybe hurt. I think she questioned why I hurt her. She wouldn’t let go. No matter how hard I tried, she held on. Persistent. Relentless. It made me think of all the times I have loved this desperately, violently, clinging to people with the same unrelenting grip, needing to mark them, needing to be remembered even if it meant leaving scars. How I fed on the people I claimed to love, draining them of everything until there was nothing left but the hollow echo of my presence. She wouldn’t let go, wouldn’t free me. She wanted me to feel every second of her existence, to understand her rage, her hunger, her need to hurt me as much as I had hurt her. She looked at me, black eyes unblinking, and dared me to destroy it. She let her venom flow, as if to say, this is what love feels like. This is what you’ve always done. I thought, This is it. This is the end. This is the poison that will kill me. She marked me with purpose, leaving behind the length of her body burned into my skin, a perfect, grotesque imprint, as if she had crawled into my skin and made a home there. As if she whispered, You will never forget this. I’m a figment of your imagination, but you’ll never forgive me. i won't let you. You will carry me with you always.

I don’t know how long I fought her. Long enough to bleed, long enough to cry, long enough to see the lines of my palm dissolve into the raw, red mess she left behind. She caged me. She was vicious. She was powerful. As I finally tore her from my palm, she left behind a sting so deep it felt like a wound in my soul, a burning that would never heal. I cried, not just from the pain but from the terrible knowledge she left behind.

I wake up thinking about love, about how it always feels soft and sharp, beautiful and bruising, something you can’t shake even when you want to. I think of wings folding into themselves, paper-thin, weightless, but carrying the entire world. Love is violent in its quiet way. Like a blade hidden in silk, slicing before you feel it, leaving you staring at the blood and wondering how it got there. I think of holding hands too tightly, of nails digging into skin until the mark stays, until the hurt lingers long after the touch is gone. I think of the kind of love that wraps itself around your throat, not enough to choke but enough to remind you it’s there, that it owns you, that you’ll never escape. I think of my need to carve words into flesh. Words like “mine” and “stay” and “don’t go.” I think of hands that love too hard, that hold on too long, that don’t know how to let go without breaking. I think of lovers who leave, their voices soft but their exits louder than the thunderstorm you didn’t expect, louder than the sound of your own heart cracking. There’s a violence to love that no one talks about, a hunger that gnaws at your ribs, that makes you forget how to breathe. It isn’t soft. It isn’t kind. It’s the butterfly that bites, the knife that cuts, the sun that burns even as it warms. It’s the wings leaving marks on your skin, a brand you’ll carry forever. I don’t know how to love gently. I don’t know how to touch without leaving bruises. I don’t know how to hold someone without wanting to consume them, to pull them into me so deeply that they’ll never find their way out. This is what my love does. This is what I do. I don’t know how to love without destroying. I know not how to love without violence. I don’t know softness. I only know to mark them so deeply they’ll never forget me even if they want to. She did to me what I do to others. I am terrified of her. Terrified of myself. This love, this venom, it flows through me like a curse. I sting without mercy. It’s only a matter of time before someone crushes me in their palm.

[wilhelminyard]

compilation of nice/sweet things the foxes said to neil because even though they're a bunch of assholes who insult anyone in their vicinity they all just love him so damn much - except aaron - (part 3) :

ANDREW :

"I said I would keep you alive this year. you make it infinitely more difficult for me when you actively try to get yourself killed."

"the next time someone comes from you, stand down and let me deal with it. do you understand?"

"you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs" "I'm not a hallucination" "you are a pipe dream."

"what would you give me?" "don't ask questions you already know the answer to"

"this isn't yes. this is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don't. I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be."

"I've never understood why he likes knives" "he will lose his taste when he has one in his gut"

"kevin is a fool whose style is numbers and angles. formulas and statistics, trial and error, repetition and insanity. all he cares about is finding the perfect game. a junkie like you can't be that cold."

"last summer you made me a promise. I'm asking you to break it." "no." "you said you'd stick with me if I kept kevin south, but kevin doesn't need me anymore. he chose us over the ravens because as a whole we're finally worth his time. there's nothing else I can give you in exchange for your protection." "I will think of something."

"spring break's coming. we could go someplace" "where and why?" "anywhere. anywhere at least three hours from campus. there's no point in going someplace closer than that. it won't feel like a vacation. the only trick is figuring out how to pry kevin away from the court" "I have knives"

"no one's said a word to them since they said we couldn't see you"

"if you tell me to leave I'll go" "you aren't going anywhere"

"I have to go. I don't trust them to give you back."

"ready?" "waiting on you"

"can I really be neil again?" "I told neil to stay. leave nathaniel buried in baltimore with his father."

"andrew could break our deal and let me go or break things off with neil" "he chose neil over you?"

"your close calls are getting old. I thought you knew how to run" "I thought you told me to stop running" "survival tip: no one likes a smart mouth" "except you"

WYMACK :

"I can't believe you trusted david to patch you up" "I was careful with him"

"you're a hundred times better now than you were in may. don't sell yourself short."

"go easy for a few days, would you?"

"are you okay?"

"neil asked us to leave the authorities out of this. I respect him enough to allow that"

"didn't I tell you not to worry about it?"

"I'm making you vice-captain next year"

"didn't you notice? they're uniting around and behind you. that's something special. you're something special."

"look me in the eye and tell me if you think I care who you used to be. hm? I care about who you are right now and who you can be going forward. I'm not asking you to forget your past, but I am telling you to overcome it."

"neil. talk to me. what do you want?"

"giving up on neil now goes against everything we are."

"I'm sorry. I should've told you but I couldn't" "don't worry about that right now."

"we'll wait for you, all right? as long as it takes, neil"

"I should be thanking you. you told us last night you intended to end the year dead or in federal custody. you could have shut everyone and everything out and worried about yourself this year. instead you agreed to help dan fix this team. you're saving the two I thought we couldn't reach, and you're a living example for kevin to follow. he never used to watch you but he's had eyes on you since december trying to figure out how you stand your ground."

"they told me to call them as soon as you returned. have you returned?"

"neil is a critical member of my team. you can ask any person on my line-up and they will all agree : we would not be where we are today if he wasn't here with us."

MATT :

"I want to break his face in six places. if he ever comes within a thousand yards of you again-"

"you okay?" "I'm fine" "for the record, I don't believe you"

"neil? we're here when you want to talk about it"

"neil? you good?"

"we're all legal adults here. we've made our decision. unless he wants to stay with you, you'd better bring neil back to us when you're done with all your questions

"hey, coach made us promise to leave you alone but are you okay?"

"they will get rid of me" "you're not serious"

"things could have gone much worse. I'm glad they didn't. you want anything, you need anything, you let us know. okay?" "okay" "I mean it" "I know. I'm done lying to you, matt. I promise."

"did andrew really choke kevin?" "took three of us to pull him off"

"we can't replace you"

DAN :

"neil? if you want to talk about any of it, or anything, or... you know we're here for you, right? whatever you need."

"kevin knew about this didn't he? he knew what riko was going to do to you and he let you go anyway. the next time I see him-"

"don't do this to us. don't sit here and lie to our faces. we're your friends. we deserve better than that."

"you told the truth. it's not your fault they don't like it."

"are you sure you're okay, neil?"

"go. but come back to us as soon as they're done with you, okay? we'll figure this out as a team."

"you're not playing. you think coach will let you on the court when you look like that? I'll sub in for you, neil. renee can help allison out one more time, right? trust us to hold the line. you focus on healing so we can use you in semifinals."

KEVIN :

"kevin called me yesterday morning when he couldn't get a hold of you. he wanted to make sure you were okay."

NICKY :

"don't you dare tell me you're fine. I can't hear that from you today, okay?"

"you can't have neil. he belongs with us"

"neil isn't a real person. it's just a cover that let nathaniel evade authorities. it's past time to let him go." "neil or nathaniel or whoever. he's ours, and we're not letting him go. you want us to vote on it or something? bet you it'll be unanimous."

"don't worry. andrew will protect you."

"hey, you good?"

ALLISON :

"it would have neen better if you'd come to the store with us. it doesn't matter. I bought out the entire row."

"I'm sorry" "shut up. no you're not. you're not. have you forgotten who has to paint you back together every morning? if you'd let them steamroll you yesterday after all this I would hate you"

"it is not safe for [neil] here anymore and it sure as hell isn't safe for you. it is better for everyone if he disappears." "what part of 'go to hell' do you need us to explain to you?"

RENEE :

"so those knives he brings everywhere are yours?" "were mine. he was right; I don't need them anymore. if you need them, he will give them to you, and I will teach you how to use them"

"if you want to talk more later, you know where to find me"

"will you be all right here?"

"kevin is very analytical whereas you're passionate."

"what do you need from us, neil?"

"I can do it." "I know you can. but perhaps it's easier if someone helps you."

ABBY :

"sometimes I think this job is going to kill me. seeing what people have done, what people continue to do, to my foxes. I wish I could protect you but I'm always too late. all I can do is patch you up afterward and hope for the best. I'm sorry, neil. we should have been there for you"

"let me take a look at you"

"it's over. it's over. you're going to be okay. we've got you."

"I dropped my gear in new york" "andrew found it while he was looking for you"

[moregraceful]

made it one (1) cookie into christmas day cookie baking without a standmixer before i went this cannot stand, and now i have had my finger on the launch button of my shopping cart on the kitchenaid website for 45 minutes. an interesting thing about me is i will buy a customized jersey for $250+ without thinking twice, but then i look at a kitchenaid stand mixer and i'm like no i couldn't POSSIBLY...it is EXTRAVAGANT... even though a stand mixer will easily get more use on a consistent basis than um. z.ach h.yman leafs jersey. &tc

livejournal posting on the microblogging website

having a very nice christmas so far. i am spending it alone and earlier this week i spent about 10 minutes feeling sorry for myself about it, and then said WHAT the fuck am i doing. to wake up on christmas morning and not want to kill myself is going to be the greatest gift. and made a plan to make cookies and a sheet pan dinner that my family hates but that i love. and you know what, i did not wake up and feel like ending it all, and even though i am having immense cookie struggles, i feel better than i have in years. i like building traditions. it's fun.

talked to my sister and her husband this morning and while i always feel better about everything after talking to them, today was especially nice because her husband got on the phone whipped the fuck about their neighbor's kid or kids hiding musical instruments on their property. he was like you've worked extensively with teenagers, PLEASE explain why a teenager would do something this bizarre. and it's nice when i can be of help to them these days bc they spent so much of winter and spring trying to convince me not to gaslight myself into thinking any of it was normal or survivable. it's nice to be like, ok now i am in a safe space so i can offer my infinite wisdom. also very funny to be the teenager whisperer of the family. the three of us worked through the issue and landed on a solution that didn't involve my sister's husband narcing on the kid to their very strict and religious parents about instrument-playing lol. and that made me feel good bc we are several thousand miles away from each other but we're still very present in each other's lives.

i don't know it's being christian or if it's just spending a lot of years way too drunk on new year's eve to hashtag cope and waking up on jan 1 hungover as hell like goddammit not this shit (being alive) again. but this year christmas day feels like more of the start of a new year. i think about goal-setting and trying new things to inhabit my life more vividly and today feels like more of a place to start. like the light is here and i am too etc. this is a long-winded way saying that my 2025 goal is to take more pictures bc while i do love to live in the moment, i DON'T love that i have next to no pictures of the people i love or the things that i have enjoyed seeing or the creations i have made. not to be a Instagram Poster, but it's like i would love to remember what my internet friends' faces look like. or that cool rock i saw in someone's yard... i don't have to always live in the moment about rocks and friends it's ok to be like, i am enjoying this moment and i want simple proof that it existed beyond my memory.

and i have just tried both cookies i made and they are both very strange experiences that did not really spark joy so i am going to stare intently at the kitchenaid site for another hour

[tackykachowch]

Silco: you took everything from me, Vander! My community, my reputation, my legacy! The river toxins will eat my body away for the rest of my life, everyday I need to eject a dangerous chemical into my eye just to stay alive. You scarred me, both in body and soul, killed me in every way that matters.

Vander: if it makes you feel any better, I've never forgiven myself for this:( you were my brother:(

[dreams-of-beloveds]

HORIKOSHI WHEN I CATCH YOU HORIKOSHI

why in the fuck were we left on cliffhanger for the end of season 7. i’m so- i don’t even know how to feel right now, because i wasn’t even expecting us to be left on cliffhanger, and THE NEXT SEASON DOESNT EVEN COME UNTIL AUTUMN R U KIDDING ME how am i supposed to cope?!?? sure i still have the ova’s and the films left to watch bUT STILL MAN I FEEL SO EMPTY RIGHT NOW DAMMIT

god i have so much to say about season 7—not only was watching the todoroki family the most devastating thing ive ever witnessed—their family history is so intricately tangled and i really wonder if touya is still alive (i haven’t read the manga, i hope he is, and i don’t wanna read it online dammit) i want to see them come to a proper closure so bad i need them to be okay with each other even if endeavor isn’t forgiven (which is honestly valid) i want this family-against-touya-to-protect-everyone-else situation to bring them together in some way dammit!

and then we had the togachako moment. oh lord. oh lord i love them, they’re so—yeah sure i see them as a queer ship, but god fucking dammit after hikimo finally came to accepting her smile and her way of showing love being “normal” because of ochaco’s words and coming to the conclusion that all she ever needed was to “give blood like how she wanted to have someone else’s” HIMIKO BETTER NOT BE DEAD DAMMIT DONT TELL ME THAT CONFESSION MIDAIR AND THE SHARING HIMIKO’S BLOOD TO KEEP OCHACO ALIVE WAS ALL FOR NOTHING

oh god and fucking hawks. oh jesus. i wasn’t expecting his quirk to be taken completely. i honestly have no idea what his ending holds, but god dammit i hope he’s alive, i know his worst fear was getting his quirk taken when that’s what made him “the best” in the first place because he was literally groomed to become a hero due to his quirk despite growing up around villains, i can’t imagine how he’d be feeling—but fuck, fuck the burden he must’ve carried for having to kill bubaigawara even though he didn’t want to, he just found a genuine friend when working undercover and yet, he almost had to face the wrath of the sad man’s death legion through himiko oh man i couldn’t stand seeing him just,, fall, after everything

all might, oh, all might. this man is in his 50s and yet still can’t let his work go can he? this damn workaholic. but seeing him with his support items all including his students quirks 🥹💔 this man adores his students so much, if he doesn’t fucking stay alive after defeating afo i’m gonna fucking riot, RIOT I TELL YOU i sure fucking hope this isn’t the ending nighteye had foreseen about all might’s death because i swear to god, hell i fucking know nighteye would’ve been so mad seeing all might go into that war against afo quirkless with only support items he would’ve been MAD AND YK WHAT SO AM I BITCH SO HE BETTER COME OUTTA THIS ALIVE

and hell we don’t even know what the situation with aizawa, present mic and kurogiri is??? WHAT HAPPENS I NEED TO KNOW I NEED THEM ALIVE i don’t fucking know if shirakumo ever comes back, he was dead to begin with, i don’t think he’s gonna but damn can aizawa and hizashi get the closure they deserve? thats all i want for them, for them to be able to work alongside shirakumo’s “soul” one last time and have some form of closure dammit

and well, i left bakugo katsuki at the end of this fucking rant because i need him alive. i remember seeing so many damn parallels of kudo—and how his expression in afo’s hands looked so defeated, as if he was ready to die for yoichi, meanwhile katsuki, fucking bakugo katsuki, he’s not ready to die, yes he fucking moved through that pain to blast one last move in shigaraki’s face knowing there was a possibility of not making it but GOD DAMMIT I DOUBT HE WANTS TO LEAVE IZUKU BEHIND NOT YET and him fucking talking to all might’s vestige. god i genuinely was bawling so much. the voice, the expression, god just looked so, so vulnerably soft which he’s never let himself before, except for when he apologises to izuku to bring him back to UA. but god fuck, how- what- HOW DO I COPE Y’ALL HELP ME SOMEONE TALK TO ME IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

there’s so much fucking more i could yap about right now but it’s 1:15 am, my hands are hurting, my eyes are burning from crying so much after it ended, and my brain is dead. i can’t do this man

P.S. as someone who holds too much emotional intelligence and is studying psych, you can never make me hate any villain because i will always understand their pain too well, even if i don’t justify certain actions

[fandomkingdom18]

I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re fucking happy. I hope you’re happy that you burned out my passion. I hope youre happy that you made the last few months of my life hell. I hope you’re happy that you let me be alone. I hope you’re happy that you made me feel so bad about myself. I hope you’re happy that you led me to the edge and convinced me to jump. You better be happy.

I went through with it, not that you care. I bet you wanted me gone. Even after all these years I’ve known you, you still know nothing about me. I’ll never be talented. I’ll never be someone you rely on. We will never be close. You will never believe in me. You will never care. I’ll always be that extra wheel. You don’t care what happens. You won’t miss me. And I wish that didn’t fucking hurt. I hope you know that I cared, I wanted to be close, I wanted to be reliable, I wanted to be known. I wanted to be someone.

I had such bigger plans. I had goals. And now because of you I’ll never get to check them off of my bucket list. Maybe I’ll find people that care like that someday but I’ll always think about how it could’ve been you. I’ll always think of what could’ve been. I hope I made the right decision but it’s not like you’ll try to persuade me to stay. You couldn’t even see anything in me that was worth anything. And you were so so mean for no reason. When all I wanted was to not be left out. Sticking out like a sore thumb all the time.

How crazy it is for something to make you wish for the bare minimum of happiness. And I hope you’re fucking happy. Cause then, at least one of us is.

Sincerely,

the girl you’ve hurt time and time again

[xianhuashi-second-blog]

I swear trying to avoid spoilers for inside out 2 is like trying not to step on land mines during war!!!!

It’s everywhere!!!

The “joy’s delusional” scene is one I can’t escape. I can’t go to theaters but it isn’t on Disney+ yet. AAJSJKSMSKS I HATE THIS GUYS

It’s on YouTube, TikTok, instagram, tumblr, I thought at least tumblr would be safe due to the fact I sort via tags, BUT IT SLIPS THROUGH MY TAGS WTF HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?????!?!?!!!!!??!!?

[lotus-pear]

never forgiving bones for fucking up this scene

[autisticandroids]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.

[youtube with closed captions]

a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.

[maulfucker]

So fucked up that obimaul is a rarepair. What do you mean not everyone is obsessed with enemies to lovers with a Force connection, where one side is completely obsessed with the other who barely acknowledges him (but is just as affected)

[threepoint14art]

redraw of the crane wives' album "the fool in her wedding gown" cover art with owynn,,,,

He has Tongues & Teeth in his playlist and I like to kill him

[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.