#everything feels a bit meh
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how to feel excited about my own projects again
#writeblr#i need more passion more passion more energy more energy#no but fr#i'm motivated for half an hour every three months#and then i fall back into this passionless state#it's been three years like at some point creativity and motivation have to return?#why not now?#i have four more weeks of no uni#but i'd rather scroll through instagram reels than write?#(i tried the no social media route it didn't help)#it's just with 5 senses i have no clue what should happen in that fourth arc#taoki is too difficult to write#itlot feels meh#and project 4 is nice but also a bit meh#everything feels a bit meh#then i think maybe i am not made for big projects#maybe reading and writing defined a big part of my life but the phase has ended#maybe it will return when i am sixty#and i should try a different hobby then#and sure i can go 'but every word is progress' but that's just fucking exhausting#i could write 5k a day some years ago and feel good about it and now every sentence feels like i am sacrificing my liver#and that's not a fun feeling#and if writing is supposed to be a fun hobby but writing feels like a god's punishment then why am i even doing it you know#maybe i just miss community and stuff. maybe i just need some positive social reinforcement#but guess what i need to do to get that#exactly.#rant#rie rambles#or smth
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one thing that i did consistently love about doom patrol seasons one and two was rita and vic's friendship and the way they constantly alternated between pushing each other to greater heights and defending each other. and the finale Did continue to honor that. which i really liked.
#as meh as i may feel on everything else. there were some very good bits in this episode#and april bowlby is STILL so so fucking good#doom patrol#dcutv#doom patrol spoilers
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Amphibiuary Day 20 - Famous
Kermit, but the “Once in a Lifetime” version
#amphibiuary2023#BIG mood#sorry Kermit I'm afraid I made you look a bit unnerving :/#I love everything about this video#the song. the kermit. the oversized suit. the cinematography.#really just captures that. you know. existential 'what the hell is happening' type feeling#me on a weekend where I have lots of time: meh I don't feel like drawing#me on a night when I have to get up at 2am: let's do 3 at once!!!
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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ngl y'all the demons got me i fear
#been feeling very *gestures around* you know??#been hating everything i've been writing and drawing and everything else .. everything is just overall meh#but i miss yall and the eepies i'll be back properly at some point#and i'll answer everyone it'll just take a bit im sorry D:#our RTO shit starts this week too so that's an additional layer of annoyance and exhaustion uGH anyway i hope you've all been well#veep token
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What if i went insane what if i exploded what if i
#this is in relation to the new story quest so don't read the tags there's spoilers#THOUGHTS- getting my nagging out of the way first. not super satisfied with how it ended#it was a GREAT cliffhanger but like#just. dumping us on cape sorrow??#with no answer as to what happened to Alex n Maya??#i feel like it would've been better to have like#the hightowers rescue us from the cape#we go back to valedale#maya's healing from her injuries#alex and mc have this Foreboding Talk about what happened#or maybe MC's still too much in shock to describe everything properly#i dunno#BUT ANYWAYS#the Alex cradling Maya like that what if i smashed my head into the wall#im pretty meh about Elissa herself BUT HER RACE WAS FUN#and fucking. FUCKIGN.#DO NOT. DO NOT GET ME STARTED#DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON DARKO I AM FILLED WITH VIOLENT THOUGHTS#/pos im glad his death by elizabeth wasn't just a cheap way to write him out#BUT OUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH. HOUUUUUUUUGHHHHH#BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BIT#the no. 1 Darko hater RISES AGAIN
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y'all, most of my tumblr is a time capsule from 2016 and earlier. A lot's happened since then. Changed continents, changed careers, got psychotherapy and then physical therapy. My corner of fandom was pretty much exclusively on Plurk, and not even consistently
then the OPLA happened, and it got me in a chokehold. I'd been back on my OP bullshit for over a couple years now, so it was kind of inevitable
But now I crave discussions and community and gushing over faves 💔 at the same time, fan communities feel so fragmented in the post-LJ era. it's hard to find like-minded people, but I'm doin' my best!!
#probably better to have more channels than none. but everything feels so curated; so you can easily end up in an echo chamber you know??#when tumblr launched in 2007...pretty sure I made a diff account and then promptly forgot about it#now that username is lost to time#it just felt too much like shouting into into the wind#instead of having a conversation with someone#which just felt more lonely and disconnected in my mind#plus I'm pretty “meh” toward social media in general#because stuff like infinite scrolling and For You sections are designed to hold your attention for longer than is healthy :(#but now I'm kinda out of the loop for social media ettiquette#and it feels a bit like learning to read social cues in a foreign country lol#ah well! here i am :>
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I'm lee for my friends but not in a fun 'aaaah nooo help I lee' way more in a 'tword me so I know you definitely love me' way
#he speaks#kinda a vent post#like im not depressed depressed or anything#just a bit unsure of where i stand with any of my friends#birthday time tends to do that to me lol#little before#little after#cause I'm hanging with people over the weekend as like a late bday thing#but i dont want it to be a forced thing you know#idk i just feel like i cant trust that my friends actually really like me rather than just eh yeah he's ok to hang with#anyone else get that?#like its almost worse if someone is indifferent or just is kind of meh about you#rather than likes you a lot or really doesnt like you a lot#idk man i just want twords to be like everythings ok#especially from a few specific friends that im seeing soon#the ones i feel im closest with#but idk if they feel the same way back
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ive been tryin to read spider-man and is it just me or is there like. a massive spike in quality starting from issue #50
#like i like the older stories#but i was getting kinda... meh on them#reading (skimming) a little faster than i shouldve#whats probably happening is just that the foundation is laid already so everything just happens now#the drama of peter's life is constantly being brought up every chapter and so every issue feels more involved i guess?#vs hey heres kraven hes gonna hunt spider-man a little bit#hey heres rhino he's gray#not that theres anythin wrong with that. ofc#but idk. im IN#i am for sure IN#so its all just inherently interesting now
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#okay rant time lol. spoilers for 6x18#i think i will have to say that this may have been my least favourite of all 6b episodes#haha ik i should probably give myself time to process the episode but idk i'd rather just write everything out#i just. just yesterday i was complaining about some people treating 911 like it's the buck show and today... it was the buck show?#and like! an episode being extra focused on one character is absolutely fine!! great even!! i really enjoyed 6x11!!#but in the season finale you expect each character to get a more equitable amount of focus right?#and like. even 4x14 which had a significantly less focus on eddie than one might expect had the will scene#and maddie had a bit less focus in that episode too but even she quit her job and it was obvious she was Going Through Stuff#and these slightly restricted screentimes gave jumping off points for their respective very spectacular s5 arcs#but this episode? like it wasn't that it didn't focus on other characters but it was mostly buck#and... idk man it does make sense given that he had the longest running plotlines this season but also#i just wish we had focused more on other characters as well#and like? as for buck? the couch?#i'll be honest i'm disappointed they introduced romance this season for buck at all when the season began with him choosing to be single#i really thought he wouldn't date at all for this one season at least yk?#and yeah ik we live in an amatonormative world but cmooon a guy can have his happy ending without getting together with someone#also bucktalia feels a little odd to me rn especially given the number of false starts they had#if they'd done this exact same storyline but at the beginning of next season i'd probably love it... right now tho i'm very meh over it#as in there is potential but it's like... idk mannnn why do we need him to end up with someone at allllll... i'm too aro for this shit#starting something new this close to the end of the season instead of tying off the two arcs that were already ongoing for him#was certainly a choice#aah well. at least natalia seems good for him. she came back which is the most important thing buck would want in a partner right?#still tho. i really wish we'd gotten to know more about the new henren baby than we did#i wish we'd gotten to see madney discussing plans instead of just the exact moment where they decide they want to marry on the patio#i wish we'd gotten the entire conversation that lead up to chris hyping (or snarking at) eddie to call marisol#i wish we'd gotten bathena hurriedly packing for their trip and may making fun of them as she helps#i just wish we'd gotten more of others!!#oh well. at least we still got chimney time and captain hen and cheddie working together and hen and eddie leaning on each other#you win some you lose some i guess#anyways if you actually read all the way til down here thank you for your time hehe
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Even though a lot of us dislike Abe, I think we should give Jamie a little bit of love because I honestly couldn't see anyone else playing Abe. Even though it was mostly his characterization and actions that made people dislike him in the fandom, Jamie was able to convince us with his acting to dislike his character (or whatever opinion one may have of Abe). When I think of Abe, I always think of Jamie, and I think that's neat.
#( ooc )#( a bit somber tonight but meh )#( just wanted to add some weird twisted positivity to abe )#( sorry for the excess ooc posts I'll try to cut down on those once my schedule is less busy after next month )#( just have really no energy for writing during the week )#( so feel free to block my ooc tag since I always use it for these posts )#( correction: maybe not somber more like emotional in a weird way sappy and everything lmao )#( I should be in bed already so hence the mistake )
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#i want to subscribe to some patreons#but i can't really justify it rn#maybe if i did some commissions#but that would require ppl to be interested in commissioning me#and also energy#i wish i could do pretty sketches#then i could offer something cheap#and it would be quick and simple#whatever#maybe next weekend i can get away from this place for a bit#been feeling very meh about everything and have not done anything fun for weeks
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youtube
#If this loses as transformative this can do just as much damage to artists and art as if it wins#it's very interesting#will the copyright laws have to go under reform of what transformative qualifies as and specifically exclude ai generated imagery?#but how can that even be upheld?#still don't think everything throwing hissy fits like they were and clogging up feeds with banners does shit besides be annoying#and i doubt those people have thought once about the law around copyright that currently protects them#very interesting#guess we'll see how this all plays out#either way ai is still done and here#and it could still be a very good thing for a pipeline#but yeah#it really does feel like it's a matter of the lesser evil#in case of this lawsuit#either win is still a bit of a loss and a risk to open up doors on either side#i remain neutral#the nerd in me thinks it's cool as shit that they got it to do guesswork so well with the noise#and the artist in me appreciates good art#so meh#the driving point in my own art has always been to learn#not to make money anyway#not like my finances will change either way#or my desire to make art#or learn it#but it is absolutely fascinating from a legal standpoint#and oh so tricky
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Usually when I’m in my nothing interests me in this world anymore slump i eventually a tiny bit get out of it only momentarily but I fear this time it won’t be the case 🧎♀️
#dora daily#aaaaaaaaah#everything is just meh nothing evokes as horrid of an emotion in me even though it should#like even if I’m supposed to feel bad about things logically speaking I just recognise said thing is bad from an intellectual perspective#but do I feel a thing? not at all. similarly good things I liked a lot eg most media idk !!! it’s so dull rn ? there’s nothing too WOW about#it#I remember fifty yrs ago I told virtue about this and she said it’ll pass#it never really passed though …#it’s been years#sure I get momentary once in a blue moon euphoria that is just a distraction and I’m not actually happy though#but even that distraction is so brief it’s practically non existent#so I suppose she was wrong#despite everything she was kind of nice to speak to though cause#despite me acting as her mother most of the time (which I truthfully don’t mind but it just sounds odd to say is all)#she was nice to me and took a bit of time out of her day to talk to me which I appreciate even though dahlia says she#was never my friend and she didn’t really like me#so 🧎♀️#I don’t really care because as I just said I truly feel meh about all things#but yeah some thoughts
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i hate hazbin because the writing is all over the place and the fact they market what it is as a queer and progressive show pisses me off, you hate it because the art style has angles and that one guy has animal ears. we are not the same
#there are some design features i dislike but the preexisting art style they chose is fairly well executed#and the fact they chose that art style is admirable. its just that there are a few problems with that style but they work around it#however im not sure the same can be said about the writing#i think it doesnt fit the art style and what its supposed to represent. they gentrified the art style into being less queer#for a lack of better terms. you can tell im not a writer bc of how shitty i am at describing this#and theres a sliver of my soul that worries the writing is also some avant garde stuff only advanced writers get but.. im not sure#in any case i personally dont like it that much except for sir pentious and that one angel dust comic from years back#everything else is just messed up. unexplained and convoluted and doesnt feel like its building to anything#but seriously i was just at the pride parade trying to talk to literally anyone since 90% of my friends are online#after one of my groups went home early bc their heads started hurting from the music (and i didnt text that one other person bc i got shy)-#i had only one choice: the guy i met on lesbo night that seemed to know everybody and he introduced me to his friend whos into hazbin hellu#we both saw the show but when the friend left we were like yeah meh. but HE was like yeah i dont like how angular it is and i dislike horro#therefore: hazbin is cringe AND I WAS LIKE HUH#and then he added yea some people say those furries are cringe but not me haha. MY GUY hazbin.. is too queer for you?#bro you carried the transmasc bear flag for your queer only sports team and you know 99% of the cool hair people in the bar we went to#and hazbin is too queer for you. please. please.#i hope he doesnt use his tumblr anymore or at least wont tumblr search hazbin XDDD if u do sorry for dragging u a bit and also ur cute
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Lol so the owner of the company that I currently work for called me out I think today
Like he said that there are some people on the call that haven't made one sale yet in the 4 months that they have been with the company
And that's fine that he said that but then he went on to say that those people automatically failed and will NOT succeed in this company
And like sure, I guess I messed up for the past 5 months not selling anything and just hiding away in my room
But I am destined for success.
#burnout has been kicking my ass#most days I don't even feel like moving#or being on earth in general#and I think there something that needs to be said about this#not everyone can work 24/7 just to keep up#i wish i could ignore everything about it in me#but i can't#i also wish that i had of just waited a bit before trying to#find a job#but you know how people are#work work work#for me#but when it comes to my#sanity#my wellbeing#its like fuck all that for her#oh well#meh
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