#everything feels a bit meh
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how to feel excited about my own projects again
#writeblr#i need more passion more passion more energy more energy#no but fr#i'm motivated for half an hour every three months#and then i fall back into this passionless state#it's been three years like at some point creativity and motivation have to return?#why not now?#i have four more weeks of no uni#but i'd rather scroll through instagram reels than write?#(i tried the no social media route it didn't help)#it's just with 5 senses i have no clue what should happen in that fourth arc#taoki is too difficult to write#itlot feels meh#and project 4 is nice but also a bit meh#everything feels a bit meh#then i think maybe i am not made for big projects#maybe reading and writing defined a big part of my life but the phase has ended#maybe it will return when i am sixty#and i should try a different hobby then#and sure i can go 'but every word is progress' but that's just fucking exhausting#i could write 5k a day some years ago and feel good about it and now every sentence feels like i am sacrificing my liver#and that's not a fun feeling#and if writing is supposed to be a fun hobby but writing feels like a god's punishment then why am i even doing it you know#maybe i just miss community and stuff. maybe i just need some positive social reinforcement#but guess what i need to do to get that#exactly.#rant#rie rambles#or smth
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i do love how when the kids and a bunch of rich folks are about to be killed by a ghost, at the same time stan's about to rob a shit ton of nuclear waste
#as much as i'm meh about that ep i do like the whole '.....this is the only ep where stan literally does not show up--#oh shit everything is happening tomorrow'#wait that makes the 3ds game even more silly cos it takes place after nw manor but before nwhs which is impossible lmao#at least im pretty sure that's the case cos i remember getting annoyed at a d/ipcifica bit lmaoooo#then again thats like. most of gf supplementary material and it all blurs together into a general loathing of the series' ships#i'll give a reluctant pass to melody being just a love interest but she's an exception + its a fate i want everyone else to avoid#(....still kinda furious that robbie felt like he had more of a presence than wendy in s1 because of that)#im pretty sure the cya book had a bit about dipper being interested in a princess wendy and i shrieked 'ENOUGH'#i'm inflicted with shipbrain half the time so i served my time i'm allowed to be the biggest ship hater rn ahskdjhsakd#the commentaries mentioning how one of the biggest goals of s2 was 'kill that ship!!!' and frankly i feel like#this energy should be embraced more its novel!!!#neno blabs about ships
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jacob?? jacob no!! but also....jacob yes. we love to see him unglued.
#I'd gone to see howl's moving castle on friday and tumblr kept trying to show me posts about the episode but FINALLY#I can look at them all now (btw did you guys know that hmc—a movie that's widely known and loved—is an amazing movie. did you know)#they SOLD del's HORSE??#evelyn is so annoying but she's so so fascinating I want to study her under a microscope#tbh max and alice are the only ship I'm really invested in rn feeling very meh over elliot and kat#loved that whole scene with del and jacob but. but the torch. they forgor the torch#NO NOT THE CAMERA AUGHHHDHSHFAKSDJHF#oh man I hope danny won't get in trouble since he gave jacob the code#thomas....? returns....?#yeah I don't have much to say (help im so tired) but good episode. can't wait to see the finale#a little bit worried how they'll tie everything up especially as there's no confirmed season 4#the way home hallmark#earl crow ramblings
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So, there is word that tumblr will shut down. And I feel this time it might be more than some rumors. Should I drop my discord? Where will you all migrate when this happens? I have to save my muses bios before that happens. And carrd I think will not be able to support all the info. ( the process is tiring honestly ). Anyway, I am here. But dunno if I will write anything. I’m very confused as to how I should proceed? Im in a weird mood tbh. ( maybe I will focus on the driving license theory that I have the exam for on Tuesday.. )
#( mun )#( feel bery meh about everything atm. i feel the blog is a mess. i owe a million things and peeps wait for starters from me and i am just#not feeling it. you feel me? 😋 )#( jokes aside I am a bit tired of trying to create meaningful threads. )#( hop and down the hole I go. )
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Day 1 down!
The weather was gorgeous and we got to enjoy the sunlight for a good bit in the park, and I snagged myself some goodies:
(shoutout to @estramor for spotting the Mordor bag... I tried walking away and I couldn't XD Definitely will be the bag I use whenever I cosplay Mairon). And our kitchen is slowly morphing into having soot sprites everywhere -- soot sprite oven mitts, soot sprite apron, soot sprite bookends for the cook books XDD We've been meaning to get a kitchen towel, and this was just too perfect.
Also, after cosplaying for almost ten years, I have finally figured out a way to make raised hairstyles on non-lace front wigs work for me: BALD CAPS! I can't believe I didn't try this sooner, I would have saved myself so much grief (and money lmao). Still not as good as a lace front, obviously, but when the color you need is impossible to find on a lace front, this is a decent alternative. First time I'm actually happy with raised bangs on a blunt hairline wig!
I didn't take photos of the application process but, just for fun, I'm including photos of the removal process under the cut ^^
#all in all a good day#even if the state of this convention depresses me more and more each year#it was never well-organized and there have always been issues with the people who staff it but at least it was#very very fun to be at even if you went alone#it used to be super alive and just activity everywhere and really good energy from everyone#but ever since the pandemic it's just. very meh.#still fun to go shopping and walk around and see people i only ever see at cosplay events#but if enjoyment used to be a 10/10 it is currently at like. a 5 or 6.#which is very disappointing since a big part of the reason this is happening is because of how the con is run#ever since our con center got two buildings they've insisted on splitting it between both. and they're not adjacent.#you have to walk across the freeway to go between them.#so everyone and everything is super scattered. no one knows where anything is. staff are clueless.#add to that the increasing influx of western media/influence into anime spaces and how generic the official merch has become#and it's really just not the same con anymore :/#like half the vendor's floor is d&d stuff. like why?#don't get me wrong i like leather journals and dice and tea blends as much as anyone but like.#i want to go to comic con for that. why is it at the anime con?#it just feels like each year anime fandoms/merch are getting increasingly pushed out of the way#some things have always been present there like at//la and tolk//ien and drag//on age which is fine#but it's to the point where there was a booth today full of bleach stuff and like a good 15 of us were just standing there staring at it#going 'woah look it's bleach'#at an anime con. like. come on.#tl;dr i'm a bitter fandom ancient but still had fun and it was nice to not real life for a bit ^^#tomorrow is just chilling out with a bunch of homunculi during the day and final fantasy concert at night#sunday idk; the plan was to wear akura and just hang out in the park but we'll see how i feel#i didn't have enough vacation time to take monday off like i usually do so i might just skip sunday lmao#withoutwords
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the gatling gun pervert has logged on
#after the gats in armort core 6 were meh and the uhmg vulcan in phantom brigade was one of the most pointless weapons in the game#it feels so good to hop on metal bringer and just annihilate everything in the world with a hail of piercing ricocheting exploding bullets#10/10 game. Highly recommend.#it is funny to me that less than 6% of players have gotten past the third zone. you step in there for the first time#and suddenly you're in the middle of a ufckin war. extremely comedic difficulty spike.#reached the first ending so i think i can take a bit of a break for now and focus more on drawing for a little while
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one thing that i did consistently love about doom patrol seasons one and two was rita and vic's friendship and the way they constantly alternated between pushing each other to greater heights and defending each other. and the finale Did continue to honor that. which i really liked.
#as meh as i may feel on everything else. there were some very good bits in this episode#and april bowlby is STILL so so fucking good#doom patrol#dcutv#doom patrol spoilers
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What if i went insane what if i exploded what if i
#this is in relation to the new story quest so don't read the tags there's spoilers#THOUGHTS- getting my nagging out of the way first. not super satisfied with how it ended#it was a GREAT cliffhanger but like#just. dumping us on cape sorrow??#with no answer as to what happened to Alex n Maya??#i feel like it would've been better to have like#the hightowers rescue us from the cape#we go back to valedale#maya's healing from her injuries#alex and mc have this Foreboding Talk about what happened#or maybe MC's still too much in shock to describe everything properly#i dunno#BUT ANYWAYS#the Alex cradling Maya like that what if i smashed my head into the wall#im pretty meh about Elissa herself BUT HER RACE WAS FUN#and fucking. FUCKIGN.#DO NOT. DO NOT GET ME STARTED#DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON DARKO I AM FILLED WITH VIOLENT THOUGHTS#/pos im glad his death by elizabeth wasn't just a cheap way to write him out#BUT OUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH. HOUUUUUUUUGHHHHH#BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BITE BIT#the no. 1 Darko hater RISES AGAIN
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y'all, most of my tumblr is a time capsule from 2016 and earlier. A lot's happened since then. Changed continents, changed careers, got psychotherapy and then physical therapy. My corner of fandom was pretty much exclusively on Plurk, and not even consistently
then the OPLA happened, and it got me in a chokehold. I'd been back on my OP bullshit for over a couple years now, so it was kind of inevitable
But now I crave discussions and community and gushing over faves 💔 at the same time, fan communities feel so fragmented in the post-LJ era. it's hard to find like-minded people, but I'm doin' my best!!
#probably better to have more channels than none. but everything feels so curated; so you can easily end up in an echo chamber you know??#when tumblr launched in 2007...pretty sure I made a diff account and then promptly forgot about it#now that username is lost to time#it just felt too much like shouting into into the wind#instead of having a conversation with someone#which just felt more lonely and disconnected in my mind#plus I'm pretty “meh” toward social media in general#because stuff like infinite scrolling and For You sections are designed to hold your attention for longer than is healthy :(#but now I'm kinda out of the loop for social media ettiquette#and it feels a bit like learning to read social cues in a foreign country lol#ah well! here i am :>
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ive been tryin to read spider-man and is it just me or is there like. a massive spike in quality starting from issue #50
#like i like the older stories#but i was getting kinda... meh on them#reading (skimming) a little faster than i shouldve#whats probably happening is just that the foundation is laid already so everything just happens now#the drama of peter's life is constantly being brought up every chapter and so every issue feels more involved i guess?#vs hey heres kraven hes gonna hunt spider-man a little bit#hey heres rhino he's gray#not that theres anythin wrong with that. ofc#but idk. im IN#i am for sure IN#so its all just inherently interesting now
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🌺.
#i went pottery class with the irish hozier fan yesterday#it was the second date and it felt weird#yall i dont even know why#i told her she was being very quiet and she said she was sorry she was just tired#but like she went radiosilent for like 3 days before yesterday#no message no nothing and I just texted her on monday as a reminder of our appointment#and i dont know i also texted her yesterday when I got home#i said it took me ages to drive back because there was a lot of fog and everything but i had a nice night and i like to meet her again#and she never texted back💔#im not really used to this but like?? this is a bit telling isnt it#i dont know if you know more please come to me#kinda feel she doesn’t like me or want to hang out anymore#so like my strategy right now is#basically just leave things as they are right now#right? after all I said Id like to go out soon again and yeah#she was very fucking quiet yesterday tho#idk if it’s just shyness or something else#but like I asked a lot of questions cause silence makes me uncomfortable when i am around people I dont know#and yeah idk it feels a little meh right now hah
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I'm gonna curl up in bed and snack on something sweet and watch a horror movie and think about NOTHING.
#i was gonna get tested for covid today but im gonna do it tomorrow#I do feel kinda meh and bit feverish#but hopefully it's not covid :(#I have stuff to do on the weekend for once#FUCK everything rn I just want a small fucking break#huge tag void
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Usually when I’m in my nothing interests me in this world anymore slump i eventually a tiny bit get out of it only momentarily but I fear this time it won’t be the case 🧎♀️
#dora daily#aaaaaaaaah#everything is just meh nothing evokes as horrid of an emotion in me even though it should#like even if I’m supposed to feel bad about things logically speaking I just recognise said thing is bad from an intellectual perspective#but do I feel a thing? not at all. similarly good things I liked a lot eg most media idk !!! it’s so dull rn ? there’s nothing too WOW about#it#I remember fifty yrs ago I told virtue about this and she said it’ll pass#it never really passed though …#it’s been years#sure I get momentary once in a blue moon euphoria that is just a distraction and I’m not actually happy though#but even that distraction is so brief it’s practically non existent#so I suppose she was wrong#despite everything she was kind of nice to speak to though cause#despite me acting as her mother most of the time (which I truthfully don’t mind but it just sounds odd to say is all)#she was nice to me and took a bit of time out of her day to talk to me which I appreciate even though dahlia says she#was never my friend and she didn’t really like me#so 🧎♀️#I don’t really care because as I just said I truly feel meh about all things#but yeah some thoughts
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Lol so the owner of the company that I currently work for called me out I think today
Like he said that there are some people on the call that haven't made one sale yet in the 4 months that they have been with the company
And that's fine that he said that but then he went on to say that those people automatically failed and will NOT succeed in this company
And like sure, I guess I messed up for the past 5 months not selling anything and just hiding away in my room
But I am destined for success.
#burnout has been kicking my ass#most days I don't even feel like moving#or being on earth in general#and I think there something that needs to be said about this#not everyone can work 24/7 just to keep up#i wish i could ignore everything about it in me#but i can't#i also wish that i had of just waited a bit before trying to#find a job#but you know how people are#work work work#for me#but when it comes to my#sanity#my wellbeing#its like fuck all that for her#oh well#meh
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I've been waiting for Caleb's tome for like 3 years now and I wish I was more excited about it, but knowing that I probably won't be able to play the game so I can get his outfit and charms is killing a lot of my excitement over it. My living situation for the past year has made it difficult to play any online games and I've been hoping things would be fixed by now but they aren't. I know it's literally just a game but I've been looking forward for this for so long and I'm probably gonna miss out on most of it.
#my friend has my ps account on her ps5 and she said she's gonna try to play for me when she can#and I'm grateful for that but it's not gonna be the same as earning it myself#and like i don't feel upset over this it's more of that feeling of “meh”#but it's the fact that my reaction is completely different from the joy i imagined I'd get out of the news that's messing with me ig#especially since it's coming out so close to my birthday#i always joked to my friend that getting a caleb and zarina tome in January would be the best birthday gift ever#the internet where we're at rn is shitty but maybe with the money I've been saving i can get a decent plan for a bit#but i don't think drawing money for this is really worth it with everything else I've got going on#but at least I'll still get to read his tome when it gets posted#maybe it won't suck#bhvr PLEASE don't fuck this up
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I've had lazy autumn just to jump in ITS THE SECOND WEEK OF THE YEAR YOU HAVE TO DO 186469 THINGS FOR WORK AND 789 THINGS FOR SCHOOL AND 4 THINGS FOR ENSURING A NICE WEEKEND TRIP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#how is your 2024 im suddently overwhelmed with tasks which makes me feel kind of powerful ngl#im like. barely managing everything. but im managing!#i have an exam on wednesday. i havent covered all the exam questions yet but its like. ethics. meh.#but i have to do my best. and its a bit much.#considering i will work until wee hours of the night tomorrow#okay technically im working until 9pm but i feel like ill be done at like 20pm. or maybe 20:30#and i have so many events tomorrow.#there are new girls to help but they are. new girls. they have to be supervised and trained#and i start at 8 am tomorrow ;(#and the day after that#and on friday too#but on thursday i have to be at uni at 9am#to learn the last of methods i dont know abt yet#i dont think i can hold in any more information in my head but man i hope i will#also my cat has been acting weird. she gets into sleeping position and hisses. my hypothesis is that its bc of the spicy calamari that were#left in the open on the table for a long time and my mom saw how she ate a rather large bit#so i just hope shes suffering from spicy tummy and nothig more#moreover i just recruited two of my coworkers to do research with me#which lead to a problem: how am i supposed to draw blood three times in a span of 4 hours#obviously cathether would be the best option#however my supervisor told me that in previous experiments it kind of got crumpled after use#and it was more painful to insert a new cathether than to just puncture veins multiple times#but i think thats messed up. so i want to do a pvc#my solution was like aha maybe a butterfly needle - it wont crumple!#but then the guy was like girl it will only stay in if the participant is not moving.#and i was like yeah no prob but like nope actually. the participants have to eat and stand and i have to let them go to the bathroom#so im trying to find a middle ground here and maybe inserting a regular cannula but getting the blood with a regular syringe would do it#bc like syringe is slower than vacutainer and maybe it wont crumple the cathether#but like no one does it with a syringe#although i did find some articles abt using that method when patients have problems
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