#i dont think i can hold in any more information in my head but man i hope i will

[tchaikovskym]

I've had lazy autumn just to jump in ITS THE SECOND WEEK OF THE YEAR YOU HAVE TO DO 186469 THINGS FOR WORK AND 789 THINGS FOR SCHOOL AND 4 THINGS FOR ENSURING A NICE WEEKEND TRIP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[maezysworld]

test subject x the ghoul pt 1

Pairing: cooper howard x fem! cat mutant & sniper reader (thats a mouth full lol)

I've never really written stories like this but i think this is a fun idea so ill try my best anyways please please please msg me if you have ideas and or suggestions (i am sensitive please be nice LMAO)

Warnings: slow burn, writer is dyslexic, might be slightly out of character, a whole lot of guns, not proof read

context: you are part cat due to being experimented on you have the cat ears and eyes along with all there senses (i do plan on making a full backstory)

your on the search for a doctor who has a large sum of caps over his head, you could care less about the caps you don't have a lot to do in this world so you take any opportunity you can to have some fun no matter how risky it could be. considering the amount of caps, you already know it will be quite the task but you don't mind playing with your food.

you've asked around the wasteland a little (not that a lot of people really said anything useful) but any information you got led you to a town called filly. you entered filly walking in trying your best not to draw more attention to yourself, the gasmask your wearing doesn't really help with that but you don't really need people knowing you have animal ears and eyes. you take in your surroundings as you walk with a crowd looking for the highest most excluded building you could see when a ghoul catches your eyes, you walk a bit slower admiring him for a moment watching him roll a vile in between his fingers before snapping out of your trans and picking up you pace again.

you get to the top of the building staying low to the ground making sure no one sees you up here before laying on your stomach and pulling out your sniper riffle. you sit and watch everything for about 7 minutes until a familiar doctor falls into you glance. you don't even bother lining up your scope to his head, you don't feel the need to someone else is bound to get him after you shoot him regardless but that's more then okay with you, you don't mind playing a waiting game.

you see him talking to a vault dweller just before an older woman who seems to run a shop approach them, you try you best to listen in but all you can seem to make out is the shop owner saying something about getting out of here. "this gasmask is fucking me over" you whisper with a sigh readjusting your arm a bit to be more comfortable.

suddenly the ghoul stands up, along with a few people just now noticing there's a ghoul in the town as they cautiously speed walk away from the area. the ghoul shouts something about this doctor having a hefty price over his head as almost everyone moves away from the man. a sly smile grows on your face now knowing hes involved with this bounty as well. the shop owner says something and before she can even finish her sentence the ghoul shoots the mans foot off, the poor vault dweller just stands there in fear and confusion, a wave of sympathy overcomes you knowing you were just like her you almost wish you still were.

the old woman shouts "i gotta 1000 bottle caps for who ever kills that fucker!!... but you dont get SHIT if i kill em first!". your not to sure why but after hearing that you start to focus your scope on anyone who starts to even look at him. the ghoul holds his gun out gun on the trigger ready to shoot just waiting for someone to make the first move as he looks around in a circle. a man in a black hat and googles pulls out his gun but before he can even pull the trigger the ghoul shoots him in the chest, his bullet exploding on impact. immediately after more people start shooting at him, he turns in a circle again shooting anyone who try's to get near him as you shoot the people from a distance. in all honesty you know he probably doesn't need your help but still you continue with out a reason to be doing so. you see someone trying to come at him with a knife from behind and just as the ghoul turns around to attack you shoot the man with the knife and the glare of your scope hits the ghouls eye and he looks up as you give a slight wave right before pointing to signal behind him as a brother a steel knight shows up.

you see the old woman and the vault dweller go run and hide into the shop bringing the doctor with him. you know you wont to much to the walking tin man so you decide to go down and listen in. you try your best to sneak in with out anyone seeing you but as the ghoul is on some broken steps you look over at him and with out a doubt he was looking dead at you before getting right back into combat. you ignore it and continue to snoop in on the others.

you keep your back pressed tightly agents the wall. hear the woman convince the vault dweller to take the doctor to moldaver, you've heard of the woman but have never had any encounters with her based off the things you've heard you know this will be a good time (you would have never found anything about this situation fun before the war). you start making your way out of the building after hearing that its plenty for you to go off along with now having both the doctor and the vault dwellers sent. you decide to hide in a ally and wait for things to die down before leaving.

after about 9 minutest you don't hear metal clacking or guns shooting you start to leave filly. you didnt get to far outside of the town before you hear a gun cock behind you "aint you a little over prepared?" you hear a mans voice with a southern accent referring to your gas mask. you turn to face the voice seeing the ghoul you've been eyeing this whole trip "doesn't effect you now does it? is the gun really nectary after i helped you?" you scoff offended but knowing youd do the same "now i aint ask you to do that for me, did i?" he says finger on the trigger. you think for a moment 'rude ass' you think to yourself "i guess not, but a thank you would be nice" you say with sarcasm in your voice. The Ghoul keeps his eyes upon you as you speak, the gun never moving. He lets out a short laugh at your attempt to engage. "You want a thank you for a job half done? bailed in the middle of a fight.. not that id thank you anyways i didnt need your help smooth skin. what's you goal here you tryn to steal my bounty" he says sounding more relaxed than he should be. "not necessarily, i don't want the caps if that's what your worried about." the gun never wavers even as you speak. "so just what do you want then?". "entertainment, not much to do in this world." you say with a smile on your face, not that he can see it. The Ghoul is surprised by your answer. He lowers his gun slightly, looking you up and down, but still doesn't trust you. "You ain't got better things to do with your time? Like finding food, or water, or caps?". those things are all fairly easy to come across for you, your sneaky and when you want something you take it. "lets say that all comes easy" Something you said intrigues him, and his gaze lingers on you a little longer. He shifts his weight to his left foot, and holsters his gun. "You saying food, water, caps just comes to you?". you relax abit more now that his guns down "i never said that, its just easy to get. now i have some information that may be of use to you, and im more then happy to give it under one condition" The Ghoul's interest is piqued. His curiosity getting the better of him, he nods his head. He wants to see if what you're peddling is actually worth something. "And what would that condition be?". you feel excited, youve never traveld with someone much less had company in years and the though of him agreeing (even if its not very friendly) makes you happy "i come with you on your bounty." He considers it, still not fully trusting you, but also intrigued by your offer. "And why the Hell would I want you along for a bounty hunt? Why should I trust you? What's to stop you from just turning on me? "he responds "you interest me, my weapons aren't out now are they? if i wanted to kill you i would have done it while i was on the roof" you say slightly muffled from your gas mask. He looks at you for a moment, thinking it over. He didn't like the idea of traveling with someone he didn't know, but he wouldnt mind the help from someone who knows how use to use a gun(not that he'd ever admit that). "Fine, we'll go after the bounty. But the second I even get a hint you're planning something, I'll kill you where you stand. We clear?". "understood." you say trying your hardest not to sound excited. He nods, then turns and begins walking away the dog standing behind him following. He calls over his shoulder to you.

please let me know what you guys think of this and im open to any suggestions and ideas ( i would also love name ideas for this) :)

notes: @s-lock-doctordonna I LOVED YOUR IDEAS AND I WILL BE USEING THANK YOU <3

[lincolndjarin]

Every Now and Then - ch. two

[ And if You Only Hold Me Tight ]

pairing : joel miller x f!reader, platonicsoulmate!tommy & f!reader

word count : 9.3k

summary : you spend some time tommy, you spent some time with joel.

tags/warnings : 18+ mdni, angst, canon typical violence, language, panic attacks, violence, injury, wounds, possessive behavior, toxic relationships, animal death, i probs missed some i never know how to tag so lmk if i misses anything !!

a/n : this took so long and i dont even know it its good so i'm deeply sorry about that.

ao3 .𖥔 ݁ ˖ series masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ main masterlist .𖥔 ݁ ˖ kofi

Now - JACKSON, WYOMING : 2023

“It’s nice to meet you Ellie.” You hold your hand out across the table to her, offering your own name up in the process, noticing an incredulous look in her eyes as you say it. Of course she doesn’t shake it, you’ve worked with enough survivors her age to know how they think. 

She doesn’t trust any of this, and you can’t blame her. Every single thing she’s seen since arriving here is too good to be true, she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. That’s okay, you can be patient. She just needs to learn how to be a kid again. When she makes no attempt to move you pull your hand back, your smile never wavering. You’ve met kids in much worse condition than this, you can work with this. 

“Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself, Ellie.” You set the notebook you’d been writing in back down onto the table, you don’t want this to feel like an interrogation for her, it needs to be a conversation or you won’t get any of the information you need.

“Like what?” She’s slouched down into the chair, her arms crossed across her chest. She has her defenses up, she has spent her entire life protecting herself, she isn’t going to stop just because a stranger offered her a mug of tea. A mug of tea that she has notably not touched. 

“Anything you want to, or I could ask some specifics if you’d like.” You take a sip of your own tea, hoping it might show her it’s safe. She only hums in response, you decide it might be for the best if you just ask her what you need to know. “Let’s start with a few easy ones, how old are you?” 

“Why do you need to know?” 

“We need to assess your health, what classes you’ll be put in, if you’ll be needing any feminine products. I promise, anything I ask is for your own good.” Seeing kids like Ellie is a painful reminder of just how lucky your own little ones are, it’s a wonder she made it this far. You can’t hold her skepticism against her, her distrust is why she’s still alive. “Would it help if we brought your father in? He’s just down the hall with Maria.” You aren’t sure why, you typically handle every stray but she had insisted on helping you out today. She’d spewed some sort of excuse about how Ellie might need some special attention but as far as you can tell she’s in the same state that most kids are in when they arrive. 

“He’s not my dad.” She’s quick to say it, as if it’s a sore subject. 

“May I ask his relation to you then?” Maria had told you she arrived with her father, you were told to expect one teenage girl and one man in his fifties.

“He’s… my friend?” She sounds unsure, unsure enough to ring alarm bells in your head. 

“Honey, are you in a safe situation? We can help you if you need-” She doesn’t even let you finish your question before sitting up straighter.

“No, no, no, gross, it’s not like that, he’s not like that.” The look of disgust on her face brings you immense relief, this world is full of enough horrors for a young woman to face. 

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.” Even if she hasn’t been through that, she hasn’t had it easy, no one has. But there’s something distinct in her eyes. Loss. She’s seen more than enough of it, more than anyone her age should. Her eyes keep darting to the door, her head tilts in that direction every time someone walks by. She’s worried about her companion. She doesn’t want to lose him too. “I know none of this makes sense, and you have no reason to trust me but I need you to try Ellie. And if I ask you anything you aren’t comfortable with then you don’t have to answer but I need you to try, please. The faster we finish up here, the faster you can get back to your friend.” 

She takes a moment, you’re practically holding your breath when she finally nods.

Perfect, you can work with a nod. You love a nod, a nod is all you need to help this girl.

“Let’s start with your age again.” 

“Fourteen.” You’ll have to have a menstruation kit sent to whatever house they put her in, most people’s cycles start being regular once after a few months in Jackson.

“Thank you.” All you get is another nod yet you can’t help but smile. “Do you know where you were born?”

“No.” Her eyes are trained on your shoes, occasionally darting around the room but staying low for the most part. 

“Where did you grow up?” 

“The QZ.” The thought makes you sick for several reasons. The last place a child should grow up is the streets of a quarantine zone, even if she was in the FEDRA program it wouldn’t have been easy. The thought of any QZ still makes you queasy, even after this long. 

“Which one?” Anywhere but Boston. 

“Boston.” Of course. With your luck she would be. Someone’s far from home.  

“FEDRA program?” As terrible as they are, they always keep the kids' vaccinations up to date, one less thing for you to worry about. 

“Mhmm.” 

“How old were you when you left?”

“Fourteen.” How the hell did she make it to Jackson all the way from Boston in such a short period of time? Why come to Jackson at all? There’s certainly other QZ’s between here and there, there’s probably other settlements too. 

“Can I ask why you left?” It’s not a question you need to ask but your stomach is in knots at the mention of the Boston QZ and you can’t help yourself. 

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Something flashes across her face, she isn’t trying to be rude, she simply doesn’t want to talk about it. 

“That’s fine.” You don’t need to worry about it. She doesn’t know him. There’s no reason for her to know him. QZ’s house hundreds, if not thousands, of people. There’s no reason to spiral over nothing. “Do you have any allergies that you’re aware of?”

“Nope.” She makes a popping sound on the “P” as she leans back in the chair, trying to look relaxed despite how on edge she still is. You decide not to put anymore pressure on her, it won’t do you any good. 

“How are you feeling physically? Any symptoms of illness?”

“Like infection?” You have to stifle a laugh, if she was infected the two of you certainly wouldn’t be sitting here right now. 

“I’m not worried about that, I mean something more like a runny nose or a cough.”

“Oh. No.” 

“Any skills in particular you’d like to learn? Our school system is a little less traditional than what you probably had with FEDRA.”

“I like science.” She sits up a bit, good, you’ve found something that piques her interest. 

“Then I will make sure you’re enrolled in some science classes. But I meant skills like agriculture, construction, or veterinary care. Something you could learn about that interests you. You won’t be asked to help out around town until you’re sixteen but we like to let you explore different things to see what you like-”

“Could I learn how to shoot a gun?” She leans forward before you can finish your thought. 

“You could apprentice some of the hunters, we could also have you trained for patrol and scavenging which involves gun safety and training courses. You’re a bit young for those but I’m sure I could ”

“Really?” You can tell by the inflection in her voice that she still doesn’t trust you entirely, even if she’s excited.

“Of course, you’ll probably be the youngest student in the training class but I’m sure you can handle it.” She needs something good in her life. You want to protect everyone who finds their way to Jackson but this girl makes your heart ache. Most adults you’ve worked with aren’t able to hold themselves together this long, putting on a brave face despite everything. 

“Do you like burgers?” You almost cringe as you say it, hoping she’s had food outside of the synthetic shit FEDRA produces.

“I guess?”

“I’m having a little cookout tomorrow evening once everyone’s finished their work, it’ll be small, just me and some family but you’re welcome to join. You can bring your friend, I have two little ones you can play with. They might be a little younger than your usual friends but I promise they’re great company.” You swear she almost smiles, and suddenly you just want to make this poor kid smile. “You know, I’ve got a telescope in my garage, so if you stop by it’s all yours.”

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely, I’ve never even touched the thing so maybe you can put it to good use. Let me write down the house description for you, it isn’t too far from this building, you can stop in whenever you want tomorrow. There’s an empty house across the street as well, maybe I could show it to you, see if you like it.” You pencil it down, tearing the paper and handing it to her. This isn’t something you’d typically do but you can’t resist an opportunity to help her feel more at home here. 

“Yeah, I mean that would be great.”

“Perfect.” You lean back in your chair. “What sort of hobbies interest you?” You’ll be in charge of putting together a welcome basket for her since Maria has marked her down as a permanent occupant.

“Reading, I like comics. And I used to draw a lot in the QZ.” Perfect, books are easy to find since Jackson was built around a small library.

“Okay then, I think that’s all I need from you for now but I’ll be around soon once you get housing settled. You can go join Maria and your friend if you’d like, I have to figure out what house we’re going to put you two in but I’ll be stopping by later with a few things for you.” That actually isn’t all you need from her, there are more questions on your mind, one specific question. Ask her what his name is. 

“Thanks.” She stands, quickly heading towards the exit as you grab your notebook, you need to make a list of everything they’ll be needing. 

You shouldn’t. If by some stroke of misfortune you’re right this question will only serve to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to push away. You shouldn’t.

But you do. 

Before she’s out the door you call out her name, you don’t want to know, but you have to.

“Ellie, what’s your friend's name?”

You found the treehouse two months after you found Jackson. 

With tears streaming down your face you had dropped the twins off at Maria’s, mumbling apologies before going to the edge of town, a large amount of Jackson was empty, and still is. They’re planning for the future. Someday, generations from now, the town will grow and they’ll use these houses to accommodate families. But for now it’s just an empty town, one that you realized had a treehouse. You had hidden yourself away there, curling up into a ball to become as small as possible.

Tommy had found you hours later, shivering, with no more tears left to cry. And he hadn’t chastised you or asked you why you’d done it, he’d just taken your hand and walked you home. It doesn’t take him hours this time, only about thirty minutes according to your watch. You hear the crunch of his boots, the walking pattern you recognize as his, and the creak of the boards as he pushes the hatch open before sliding up into the small space with you. 

Before he speaks you’re already reaching for him, desperate to cling to some kind of familiar safety. 

“Hey darlin’.” It’s a dance you two do, fluid and instinctual as he pulls you into his arms, you slot yourself between his bent legs as he wraps himself around you. You used to sit like this when you couldn’t find shelter on snowy nights, one of the many habits you had trouble breaking when you found Jackson. Maria would never ask you to change your relationship with him, it was a decision you had made with Tommy when he told you he wanted to marry her. A part of you just sort of knew she didn’t like it, so you stopped. And you’d never hold that against her, if the roles were reversed you certainly wouldn’t be as kind as she’s been. That’s why you’ve always loved Maria, since the first day you met her she has been like a sister, patient but blunt with you. 

Except in this one instance. 

She withheld some particularly important information.

“The twins?” You lay back against him as you mumble.

“Maria’s watching them. They’re helping her make dinner, you shoulda’ seen them in the kitchen. I swear she’s the only person they listen…” His voice trails off when he feels you tensing up all over again as you go back to fighting off tears.

A silence falls between you, familiar and reminiscent of your first few days together out in the woods. And just like back then, you’re the one to break it. 

“Have you seen him yet?” The words feel small and hoarse in your throat.

“No. Couldn’t bring myself to.” He rests his chin on your shoulder, you wish you could find comfort in any of this but there’s just too much dread. Too much unease fills your stomach to relax. 

“Does he know you’re here?” You wish your voice didn’t tremble so much.

“Maria didn’t tell him.” 

“Are we sure it’s even him?” 

“Not a lot of Joel Millers walking around during the apocalypse.” It’s like he can sense your skepticism as he quickly continues. “She said he looked like a Miller.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Like me but grayer.” Fair enough.

“Does he know I’m here?” There’s no way. He couldn’t. 

“No.” 

“Good.” 

“Can’t stay that way forever.” You know that. But you don’t have anything to say about it so you move on, and redirect the anger that mixes with your confusion and fear.

“Why didn’t she tell us?” He can’t take your side in this, as much as you want him to, he has to take her side because her’s is the rational one. Do you have a side? Can you be mad at her for this? Are there even sides?

“Probably because she knew we’d react like this.” His head tilts a bit to rest against your own. You’re thankful for this position so you don’t have to look him in the eye.

“She should have told us.” You’re trying to remain calm but your voice is pitching up higher by the minute. 

“She was going to, she just didn’t know how. She thought she had more time” 

You need to relax. It feels like your heart is going to burst from your chest and you’re certain Tommy feels it too. 

“How did he find us?” He wouldn’t have been looking for you specifically, unless he had a death wish. 

“On accident, I think. Maria said he was looking for me when they found him.” That makes sense. It’s just a coincidence that you’re also here. He has no way of knowing that you even know Tommy. How he managed to locate him is another matter. 

“We’re two thousand miles away from the QZ, how the fuck did he find you?”

“He always gets what he wants.” 

You can’t argue with that. Plain and simple, you don’t need much more than that. 

“I don’t want to see him.” An impossible request, but you make it anyway. 

“We both know that isn’t possible.” 

“Tell her to send him away.” Also unlikely. 

“You know she can’t do that, we don’t turn folks away from Jackson.” 

“Then I’ll leave.”

“Like hell you will.” There is no fight in his voice, just certainty as he holds you a little tighter. Not without me. The silent promise that lingers under his words, but it’s more complicated than that now, you have two toddlers and he has a wife, there is no running away from this. No running away from him

He’s inevitable. 

It doesn’t matter if the world ends, and you run halfway across the country, Joel Miller is inevitable.

“He’s got a kid.” You mumble as you reach for his hand, entwining your fingers with his. You hadn’t realized how cold you were until you felt the warmth of his skin against yours. 

He scoffs. “He’s got two.”

“Another kid, some girl. He brought her here all the way from Boston.”

He shifts a bit, clearly confused. “Why?”

“I was hoping you’d know, it isn’t exactly in his nature to help the needy.” 

He pauses for a moment. “Well, I mean, how old is she?”

“Fourteen.” 

“Well there’s your reason, Sarah was fourteen.”

Sarah.

A girl you know very little about other than the fact that she’s your daughter's namesake. Sarah Ruth Miller. It had been Tommy’s idea, you had only picked out a name for a boy and you owed Tommy everything for keeping you alive that long, so when he asked if he could pick his niece's middle name you’d been more than happy to oblige. 

It hadn’t been Joel who told you about Sarah, he never even told you he had a kid. 

Tommy had told you about it just before the twins were born. You’d been snowed into a cabin and he’d just returned from hunting with a grin on his face as he told you he had a surprise. You couldn’t sleep, between the cold and the pain in your lower back you were just too uncomfortable most nights. Tommy always insisted on staying up to keep you company even if he ended up falling asleep most of the time. 

That night he told you about how he lost his niece on outbreak day as he skinned the fox he’d caught in one of his traps as you sat beside him in front of the crumbling fireplace. When he finished the story he held up the pelt and told you he was going to make your babies first blanket with it. 

Of course at the time neither of you knew that he would have to make a second blanket, or that he would need to do it a month sooner than either of you had planned. 

“I invited him to dinner tomorrow.” No sense in hiding the fact from him, he’ll find out either way. 

“What?” His hand tightens around yours and it’s your turn to comfort him as your thumb rubs circles against the tense skin.

“Ellie- the kid, I invited her before I knew about Joel. Even told her she could bring him.” You almost laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds now. Of course you invited him to dinner completely by accident, sounds like something you would do. 

“Then why don’t we just get it over with?” Or you could leave, brave the Wyoming wilderness with your kids and his wife and make a run for it, far, far, away from Joel Miller. 

But you can’t do that. 

So you might as well get it over with. 

“Together?” You bring his hand up to your face to warm the icy skin of your cheek.

“Together.” 

He means it. He stays with you until the next day, walking you back into town and bringing you to his house. Maria starts apologizing the second the two of you walk through the door but you just hug her. She doesn’t owe you anything, any anger you thought you felt towards her was misplaced. 

And you all settle in for the night. 

On particularly bad nights you’ll spend the night at their house. It’s been happening less and less these last few months but it’s an unspoken decision tonight as Maria brings down sleeping bags from the attic for the kids. 

You tuck the kids in by the fireplace, hoping that they don’t catch the vacant look in your eyes as you kiss their foreheads. Thankfully they both seem to be too excited about having a living room campout to notice. You hear hushed whispers from the kitchen, it sounds like an argument so you just sit on the couch, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you stare out the window facing the street. 

What house did she put them in? There are a few options for temporary housing, but he could be anywhere. The thought makes you nauseous. Thankfully you’re distracted when you eventually hear Maria stomping up the stairs followed by a sigh from the kitchen before Tommy joins you on the couch. 

“Everything all right?” You mumble, hoping to not wake the kids as you offer up some of the blanket to him. 

“It will be.”

God you hope so.

“How do you wanna do this?” 

Good question. 

Preferably you wouldn’t be doing this at all, instead you would be enjoying what might be the last nice day before autumn sets in entirely. You, Arthur, Ruth, Tommy, and Maria. You’d still be happy if Ellie came over by herself but that’s so unlikely you don’t even consider it an option. Joel’s too protective and you confirmed with Maria that Ellie would be coming. He won’t let her go alone, you know that better than anyone. 

You rub the back of your neck with your freehand. “The kids stay inside with Maria.” Ruth is already there, helping her aunt with the salad as Arthur sits in your lap, playing with a few stones he’s set up on the picnic table. 

“Okay.” Tommy’s biting his nails, you’d spent weeks reprimanding him about that until he broke the habit.  

Your knee starts bouncing, a nervous habit of your own that you’ve had for as long you can remember. Thankfully Arthur simply hums to himself as you bounce him. As far as you can tell neither one of the twins knows something is wrong, you can only hope it stays that way. 

“We can wait for them out here, I can ask Ellie to go in and help Maria with the kids.”

“And then?”

You frown in contemplation. “I haven’t planned that far ahead.”

“So you didn’t plan for the most important part?”

“Did you?” 

His teeth shift when you ask, biting down hard enough to split his nail lower than he intended. You watch as blood blooms there while he curses under his breath.   

“Shit, go inside and grab a bandage, they’re in the cabinet above the sink.” He stands as you wave him towards the house, he brings his thumb to his mouth, his brow furrowed. “And bring Maria and Ruth out with you when you come back so we can go over everything with her.” He nods, humming in response before he disappears behind the screen door.

“Is Uncle Tommy okay?” When you look down you’re met with a worried look plastered on your son's face. You instinctively cup his face with your hand, using your thumb to smooth out the wrinkle between his brows. He looks too much like his father when he does that. 

“He’s okay, love. He’s just gotta go get your Aunt and Ruth.” You lean down, kissing his forehead before turning to set him down next to you. 

“Okay, Mama.” He seems satisfied with your response as he gives your leg a little pat before running off towards the edge of the yard. You’ve got a patch of rocks and gravel the kids like to dig through. You turn to watch him, with your back now leaning against the picnic table as he crouches down, examining the ground before finding a suitable stone. Clutching it in his hand he rushes back to you, holding it up for your approval.

“Very pretty, thank you.” You take it from him with a smile, setting it behind you on the table with the rest of them. He repeats the process several times, staring down at the ground, scrutinizing each rock before bringing the ones he deems good enough over to you. You give appropriate oo’s and ah’s to each one, grateful for the brief peace your son is able to give you. He carries on with this for sometime, until you have a sizable pile of rocks beside you. 

He leaves, and he returns, dozens of times until he decides not to return to the patch of gravel. 

You thank him for the speckled stone he hands you now but instead of running back across the yard he squints, staring up at your expression. 

“What’s wrong?” He hops up onto the bench next to you, grabbing the sleeve of your shirt and bunching it up in his little fist as you give him a soft smile.

“Nothing’s wrong, hon.” You ruffle his hair a bit but he doesn’t seem convinced. 

“Why’d you make a mad face then? Uncle Tommy too.” 

So much for the kids being clueless, they’ve always been too smart for their own good. 

Shit.

You sigh, looking up at the clouds briefly before looking back down at him.

No sense in lying to him. “You know how Uncle Tommy has a brother?” You wrap an arm around him, pulling him close.

His face scrunches up a bit as he thinks. “Yeah…” He doesn’t sound entirely convinced as you give him a reassuring smile. 

“Well, we don’t really- we don’t always get along with Uncle Tommy’s brother, and he’s gonna be visiting us soon.” 

“Why?” 

“He’s in Jackson for a little bit, and he came a long way to get here-”

“No Mama, why don’t you like him?”

This is a conversation you had hoped to have with your children when they’re older. Preferably it would be one you wouldn’t have to have at all, but it’s just another unavoidable part of Joel. They’re already old enough to ask questions, it started when kids in their class began asking if Tommy was their dad. Which of course led to the twins asking you one night just before bed the same question. 

“No love, he’s your uncle, who told you that?” You don’t want that rumor going around, people already talk about it, it doesn’t help that they both bear a resemblance to him.

“No one, Annie asked us.” Your daughter answers as you brush some of her hair behind her ear.  You recognize the name, it’s a girl in their daycare class. 

“And what did you tell her?”

“That we just got a mom.” Ruth answers but Arthur picks up the second she’s finished speaking. 

“Do we have a dad?” He tilts his head to the side as you swallow loudly. 

“Yes, you do.”

“Where?” Ruth asks. 

Last you’d heard he was in Boston. 

“I’m not sure.” They turn and look at each other before turning in unison towards you, you should have known they wouldn’t take that answer. “We lived together for a little while, in New York, and then we got separated.” None of that means anything to either of them but it’s an answer, which is better than nothing.

Arthurs tiny hand squeezes yours, pulling you back into reality. You often wonder if they know when you’re lost in a memory, he looks up at you curiously. What did you do to deserve such a patient child? 

You take a moment to think of a way to phrase it. “We… got into a fight. A long time ago.”

“About what?”

“Grown up stuff.” Your heartbeat quickens, you don’t want him to know about all that, he’s too little, you need to end this conversation.

“What kin-“ When he starts another line of questioning you poke at his sides, sliding him off the bench in a fit of giggles. 

“Time to go inside, nosy little man.” You follow after him as he rushes away, brown hair that’s just starting to curl at the ends falling into his eyes as he runs away from the house.

You catch up to him within a few steps, scooping him up and cradling him like a baby. He lets out a high pitched shriek until you squish your face into his cheek, kissing the rosy skin until he quiets down to a few small giggles. 

“Your aunt needs some help in the kitchen, you’re gonna go play with her and your sister now.” He nods as he squirms in your arms until he’s more comfortable, wrapping his arms around your neck and resting his chin on your shoulder as you walk him back towards the house. 

He’s gonna need a nap soon, which means Ruth is gonna need a nap soon. Maybe you should try and get them both down before everything else happens. 

Right on cue, Tommy pushes open the door with Ruth on his hip, Maria not far behind him. Based on the smiles they’re both sporting you can assume they’ve made up. They always do. 

“I think it might be time for these two to head inside.” Tommy gives you a soft smile and for a single second you get to pretend that everything’s fine. Maria takes a lighter towards the grill, trying to light it as you go to stand next to Tommy, the twins both grinning at each other. 

In your own little bubble, everything is completely fine, and you’re with your family. 

And at the end of your single perfect second the bubble is popped. It all happens before you’re ready, although you doubt you could ever really be ready for this. 

Maria pockets her lighter, mumbling something about going inside to look for matches after a few unsuccessful attempts. You set Arthur down, nudging him in her direction, he quickly runs towards her, taking her hand as she begins to make her way back towards the house. Tommy wraps his free hand around your shoulder. Giving you a reassuring squeeze as you rest your head against him to stare at your little girl. 

“We’ve got this.” He gives you another squeeze but you’re struggling to find safety in it. He’s always been the strong one, the confrontational one. He’s got this. You don’t. You tilt your head to stare at him when Ruth’s gaze goes from your face to his but your head snaps to the side when you hear your name called. 

Everyone looks up. The twins, Maria, Tommy, and you, as Ellie walks around the side of the house and waves at you. The sound of your name makes the man walking behind her look as well, his all too familiar scowl scanning the yard, softening into a look of disbelief when his eyes settle on you.

Then - NEW YORK CITY, QUARANTINE ZONE : 2019

“I don’t like havin’ you out there on your own. I worry too much.” He mumbles the words against the back of your neck as he tightens his hold around your waist. At some point the two of you had stopped pretending you’d wake up any other way and just went to bed like this. “Stay here, angel.” 

You’re so comfortable you almost consider it, but you ran out of cards last week and you’re cleared for work as of today. “I have to go if I want to sign up for any of the well paying shifts, Joel.” You peel his arms off of you, sitting up as he matches your movements. 

“Don’t sign up for that shit, it’s always somethin’ stupid or dangerous.” His voice is low and thick with sleep as he wraps his arms back around you. “If you need somethin’ I’ll get it for you.” He hasn’t shaved in a few weeks, his coarse facial hair rubs against your shoulder as he murmurs. 

Who knew big, scary Joel Miller could be so clingy. 

The most surprising part of your relationship, if you could even call it that, with Joel is just how needy he is. You don’t have any problems with it, it’s just a bit of a shock. Although maybe needy isn’t the right word. 

Protective. 

You’ve left the apartment two times in total since moving in with Joel, both times you insisted on needing air much to his dismay. He accompanied you around the block without a word the first time. The second time was the same, the only difference was that you stopped to buy a small bag of buttons, Joel had frowned as you made small talk with the older man sitting behind the table before rushing you home. 

“You could have just told me you needed buttons.” He grumbles as he holds the door open for you as you make your way to the kitchen table, taking a seat as you take his flannel off of you, the sight of your tattered sports bra serves as a reminder of how badly you need to get back to work once you’re cleared. 

“I don’t need buttons, you do. Every shirt you own is missing at least one.” You laid the shirt down on the table, pointing to the drawer next to the sink. “Get me the sewing kit.” His frown deepens but he does as you say before sitting down across from you.

Reaching across the table he sets the box down beside you, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Still, you should have just asked me.” 

You open the small tin, unspooling a bit of thread. “I needed to go outside for a few minutes, it’s stuffy in here.” 

“We could have opened a window.” He grumbles under his breath as you grin, holding the thread between your teeth while sliding the other end through the needle.

“It’s not the same and you know it.” You mumble through your teeth before releasing the thread and setting the needle down. You pour the buttons out onto the table, searching for one that best matches the beige of the buttons on the flannel. Eventually his hand encompasses your own as he guides you to one that’s a slightly different shape but matches the color perfectly. “Thank you.” You give him a teasing smile as you place it over the frayed threads where its predecessor once was. 

That was a week ago and you haven’t been outside since but when Joel went to get the mail from downstairs he brought you a notice from the doctor that you were cleared to return to work today. Despite his protests you start to push the blanket off of you but he’s quick to pull it right back up into place.

“Stay, please.” He continues to hum against your skin. 

“I need the money, Joel.” You turn to look at him, his usual morning sulky look seems doubled today.

“How much do you need?” He raises an eyebrow at you as he lets his face fall forward, his forehead resting on yours. 

“It’s not like that.” You swear, if you asked him to, he'd find a way to give you the moon and stars, but you hate relying on him for everything, especially after such a long time of being dependent on him. “I just need to work.”

“You don’t need to. You want to.” His breath still smells like whiskey from last night as he gives you an exasperated glare. 

“Fine, I want to work. My leg’s fine now, you can barely tell anything was wrong with it. I’ll be okay.” You lean just a bit more towards him, kissing his cheek before sliding out of bed. 

You aren’t exactly dating Joel. 

Dating seems so trivial during an apocalypse, and you haven’t had any conversations about it. It just sort of happened. You woke up one day and neither one of you wanted to pull away from the other, and it progressed from there. He came home from a job one night and climbed into bed next to you, wrapping himself around you and he kissed your forehead before falling asleep. You still don’t know if he knew you were awake. The next night you’d taken his face in your hands and kissed him, just to see what he’d do, thankfully after a moment of shock he’d kissed you back. And it just became another unspoken part of your life with Joel. He kissed you goodbye when he left to go do the things he refused to tell you about in any detail, and you always greeted him with a kiss when he returned. 

But you don’t have sex. 

You want to ask him why but you hold your tongue, it’s possible you’re just being impatient or maybe he just wants to wait. So you don’t push it or bring it up because you like how things are with him. 

The word boyfriend is not a word that suits Joel. 

He isn’t your boyfriend, he’s just sort of, yours. 

“Angel, please.” He continues his griping as he pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“Joel, please.” You repeat back at him, trying to mimic his low tone.  

“I’m bein’ serious. Things have gotten bad out there recently, too much FEDRA bullshit.” 

“It’s always been bad and I’ve always managed, I’ll be fine.” You pull one of his shirts out of the closet, slipping it on, starting to button it as he makes his way to the end of the bed. 

“Can we at least talk about this?” He rests his elbows on his knees as he hunches over. The morning haze on his face is gone and is replaced by the stern scowl you’re used to. 

“There isn’t anything to talk about. I’ll be careful, there’s nothing to worry about, I’ll see you tonight.” After digging through the dresser drawers you eventually find your only pair of jeans. Once your boots are laced you walk back over to him, standing between his legs and taking his face in your hands. 

Staring down into his surprisingly gentle eyes, so dark that in the dim morning light they look pitch black. 

God he’s pretty. 

Even with that stupid pout of his. 

“I’ll see you tonight.” You lean down, placing a kiss on his forehead before pulling away only to be stopped when his grip on your waist tightens. 

“Just- wait.” You’re about to push him away with a laugh but his voice cracks just enough to make your smile drop. 

You start to speak in a soft tone but you only get one word out. “Joel…” 

“Please- I just- I can’t let you go out there and sign up for that shit. There’s jobs that aren’t dangerous, simple stuff.”

“Those jobs pay a few cards at best, hon. I can’t wear your clothes forever, I need new underwear, socks, all sorts of things. And I want to contribute around here, I’ll be okay, I promise.” You push the mess of hair falling across his forehead back as you stare down at him. 

He looks so genuinely upset already and you haven’t even left yet, he’s making this far more difficult than you thought it’d be. “I won’t be able to do anything if I don’t know you’re safe. It’s dangerous for both of us, I can’t be distracted like that.” You sigh, long and loud as you drop your hands to your sides. 

The more you think about it the more it makes sense. He really does worry too much, and even if you don’t know exactly what he does for work, you know it’s dangerous. 

Maybe it won’t be so bad. 

“Okay.” You groan. 

“You’ll stay?” The corners of his mouth start to raise a bit. 

“I’ll do the safer jobs.” The hint of a smile that had been on his face dissipates. “It’s a compromise. You can’t always get everything you want.” 

“Fine, come right home after.”

“I will.” With one more kiss he finally lets you go. 

So, at Joel’s request, you sign up for the easy jobs. 

They’re boring, and generally sort of terrible, and they pay the least, but Joel doesn’t make any further arguments about it. So you keep signing up for them. Typically it’s childcare, or filing documents for FEDRA, or working in the entry level food processing jobs. 

Boring, boring, jobs that involve standing around and doing nothing or wrangling kids who don’t deserve to grow up in a place like this. You hate the look on their little faces, they always look too grown up for their ages. 

But you put up with it, because at the end of the day you get to go home to Joel, Joel who seems to be in significantly higher spirits ever since you’ve agreed to those specific jobs. So you make it work. He makes it worth the banality of it all, at the end of your first week back to work he surprised you with a large paper bag, grinning like you’d never seen him before. When you unfolded the crumpled bag you were greeted with a mess of fabric, different colors and textures. You poured the contents onto the bed and immediately realized what he’d gotten you. Bras, panties, socks, and two pairs of jeans. It must’ve cost him a fortune and your eyes began to water immediately. You had wrapped your arms around him, barely letting go of him for the rest of the night. 

After that it got even easier, eventually you got used to it. 

You learned to live with the terrible jobs, and if you wanted anything you couldn’t afford with your meager savings Joel always managed to get it for you, even if you hadn’t told him you’d wanted it in the first place. 

You probably would have stayed like that forever if you hadn’t started taking the long way home. Weeks had passed before it happened, you had grown comfortable, vulnerable. Joel always made sure you felt safe and you let your guard down just long enough for something to happen. 

Joel had left early that morning, telling you that he was gonna be late, before he kissed you, he was out the door before the sun came up. 

Whenever Joel told you he would be late you took the long way home. Winding back alleys that were mostly empty that always led back to the apartment building. It was just a treat for yourself, something to do to fill time that would be spent at home, waiting for him. 

You never had any issues or alterations. 

Until that afternoon. 

Joel will be late. 

So the second your shift is over you take the handful of cards and make your way through the city. And just like you’ve done every other time, you look behind you every once and a while but not nearly as much as you should. Because of this, you don’t see him until it’s too late. 

It’s a younger man, probably a year or two older than you at most peering around the last corner you turned. Once he knows he’s been seen his pace quickens and instinctively you do the same. 

“On the ground!” The second you hear it you pray it’s for someone else, it has to be, you’ve done nothing wrong. You walk faster, hoping to avoid what could be a messy confrontation when the sound of boots slamming on the pavement rushes towards you and you’re forced up against the wall of the alley. 

In your peripheral you catch the white text against the black of his uniform. 

FEDRA. 

Your knees are kicked from under you as he pins your arms behind your back, the force at which your head hits the stone has you dizzy as you try to catch your breath. Too much is happening too quickly, when you finally feel like you can use your voice the wind is knocked out of you as you feel him hit you in the side, hard enough to have you wondering if he broke a rib. The force of the hit makes your knees crumble completely as the officer lets you fall, only giving you enough time to get to your hands and knees before his boot slams into your stomach knocking you onto your side. 

Finally, when you roll over onto your back you get a clear look at him. He looks like your average FEDRA officer, the only thing out of place is the unsure look on his face. Your ears are ringing so you barely make out what he says, all you catch is something about thinking you were someone else, before he turns and leaves as if it never happened.

Leaving you alone to clutch your stomach and wonder what just happened, and what you did to deserve that. 

You’d never heard of random attacks from FEDRA before. Maybe in other zones, but the city has always been calm as far as that goes. Maybe things really did get worse while your leg was healing. 

Joel was right. 

That’s all you can think about as you stumble to get to your feet, everything hurts but now is not the time to assess your wounds, you need to get home before something else happens. You manage to hobble up the stairs of the building, nearly collapsing by the time you opened the door. 

You feel so stupid. 

Joel was right. 

It isn’t safe out there, at least not for you. No one fucks with Joel, no one attacks him on the street because they’re afraid of him. No ones afraid of you. 

It’s a long couple of hours after that. 

Mostly a lot of berating yourself as you try to take in the extent of the damage. 

Surprisingly it seems to mostly be surface level. Sure, you’re going to bruise pretty bad and your face got scraped up on the stones but nothing permanent seems to have been inflicted. 

Once you’ve showered and slipped into an old shirt of his and a pair of panties you climb into bed, wanting this day to just be over, but you know it isn’t. Right on schedule you hear the lock click as Joel steps through the front door, you hide your face in your pillow. 

“What are you still doin’ up? It’s almost midnight.” His voice is a low whisper as you hear the familiar sounds of him kicking off his boots and setting down his things. You hear the outer layer of his clothing hit the floor, you told him a while ago you thought it was gross that he slept in the clothes he wore all day. He started sleeping in his undershirt and boxers after that. “You okay, Darlin’?” The bed shifts as he sits beside you and the second you turn and look at him his jaw twitches. “Christ… what the hell happened? Who did this to you?” He’s managing to stay mostly calm but you’re already worried he’s going to blow. 

“It’s nothing, I just had an issue with an officer on my way-“

“This is not nothing.” He’s already fussing with your face as you take his hands and move them away from you. 

“Joel-“

“Tell me what happened.” It’s a command and you’re too tired to fabricate something, and for the first time in a while, you’re afraid. 

So you tell him exactly how it happened. And before you realize it’s happening you’re sniffling, a part of you feels like you’re about to be scolded for this but he only nods, never interrupting you until you’ve finished. 

Your vision’s blurry with tears when you look up at him, the weight of being attacked starts to weigh heavy as you realize just how lucky you were that that was all that happened. And then you say the words he’s been waiting to hear.

“You were right, Joel.” 

“I’m sorry, angel. I should have been there to protect you.” He holds his arms open and you don’t hesitate as you lean forward into him. You do your best to hold it together as he lays you down before clicking off the lamp and pulling you back against him. He softly scratches your back, kissing the top of your head as he does. It’s silent for a few more minutes until he suddenly whispers into the darkness. “Tell me you’ll stay here from now on.”

“Joel, I-“

“No more going out there without me. You’ll stay safe right here, no one can hurt you here, not while I’m around.” You open your mouth to argue again but stop yourself. 

He’s right. 

Now that you’ve calmed down you know that you’re lucky to even be alive. You don’t know why you were attacked but you know it could happen again, and there are worse things than being beaten. 

No one would hurt you here, not with Joel around. 

“Stay here, angel.” He murmurs, softer this time. 

Joel is right.

“Okay.”

He isn’t beside you when you wake up, your hands searching through the cold sheets seeking his warmth. He had mentioned something as you were falling asleep about an early morning supply run but you had hoped to say goodbye before he left, you wanted to make him breakfast. As you get ready to roll back over and sleep a bit more you’re startled into an upright position. 

“You should watch where you’re flying, angel.” You bite back a shriek as Tess’s voice comes from the direction of the kitchen. 

“Christ, you scared the hell out of me!” Your heart skips a beat as you reach over to the nightstand, pulling on the little chain that turns the lamp on. “Joel’s not even here, what are you doing?” You don’t like the idea of being alone with her, she doesn’t come around much anymore, you used to see her in the hall on her way here constantly, but after you moved in she stopped. 

You do your best not to flinch as she makes her way over to you, standing at the foot of the bed.

“I’m not here to hurt you, there’s no need for theatrics.” You hadn’t realized you were shaking so badly until she said it, it takes a conscious effort but you manage to stop it for the most part. “I’m just here to talk.”

“About what?” 

“About you and Joel.”

You don’t want to talk about that with Tess. You don’t want to talk to Tess at all, she frightens you and she knows it. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid.” This time when you flinch she hesitates. For a brief moment the facade of a woman who fears nothing drops, and you swear you see sympathy in her eyes. “Joel is dangerous, you need to be careful with him or you’re going to get hurt.”

Is that why she’s here? To try and break you up? 

“He won’t hurt me, he cares about me.” You wish you sounded more sure of yourself. 

“You’re right, at least for now.” She flips her pocket knife open, ever so carefully running the blade along the underside of her nails, scraping away any dirt or grime she so happens to find, you fight the urge to flinch again. When she finally looks back up at you she takes a moment, examining your expression as if this was an interrogation. “Being loved by him is the worst thing that could possibly happen to a girl like you.”

You can’t help but scoff, now look who’s being theatrical. “A girl like me?”

“Good, too good. And fragile.” She points at you with the blade before returning to her nails. “He’ll do anything to keep you safe, even if it means breaking you into tiny little pieces, just so you’ll fit in a box he can lock.” 

You’re about to call her a liar but you hesitate. “Why are you telling me this?”

“You deserve to know.”

“Okay, but why? You don’t even like me.”

“You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like you.” 

Fair enough.

“I think you should go.” You don’t want to hear anything else. You don’t believe anything she’s saying and the entire conversation makes you feel sick. She doesn’t know anything about your relationship with him, and she clearly doesn’t know anything about Joel. He’d do anything for you, you don’t think you’ve ever been taken care of before you met him.  

“What do you know about glue traps?” She doesn’t make any effort to leave so you decide to just answer her with a sigh. 

“Like the ones you use to catch mice? I don’t know, Joel buys them sometimes.”

She points her knife in the direction of the corner of the room, it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust. Sure enough, in the corner of the room, peeking out from under his dresser, is the faint outline of something on the floor, you’d never noticed it before. 

“It’s the worst kind of way to catch a mouse.” She stands, walking across the room and peeling up the trap with the edge of her blade before snapping it shut and taking the edge of the trap between her fingers, dragging it across the floor to the middle of the room so you had a clear view of it. “They’ll do anything to get out.” The tip of her boot nudges the corner of the trap, now that it’s been dragged into the lamp light you can see exactly what she wanted to show you. Two things are in the bloody trap. A mouse, barely alive, based on the way its chest rises and falls, and something else. A caterpillar maybe? 

No. 

A leg. A bloody mouse leg, on the edge of the trap. 

“They’ll chew off their limbs, and peel off their own skin just to get out, the ones that manage to are lucky enough to bleed out somewhere else. The ones stuck in the trap though?” She nods down at the creature you now refuse to look at. “They’ve got it the worst. Suffocation, dehydration, the ones who try to peel off and can’t, bleed out, stuck in place.”   

With a sudden crunch, her boot slams down on the trap. You watch, slack jawed, as she peels it off the sole before tossing it in the bin in the corner. 

“I’d take a quick death over either of those.”

“I think you should leave. Now.” You try to sound authoritative but your voice trembles too much to sound anything but afraid. 

“I heard you got caught up in some FEDRA business yesterday.” She starts again but you’ve had enough.

“Tess.” You manage to have a bit of sterness this time in your tone but it doesn’t seem to affect her much. 

“Fine. I’ll leave. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” You catch that sympathetic look one more time before she unlocks the door chain, twisting the doorknob before speaking one last time. “I noticed some of our inventory is missing, this is the only warning you’re gonna get about that. If you want shit like that just ask, I’m sure Joel would be more than happy to have another way to control you.” She doesn’t turn around when she says it, simply slamming the door and leaving. You have no clue what she’s talking about, but that isn’t the part of the conversation that sticks with you. All you can think about is that crunching sound. 

So you avoided her after that, writing off her words as an act of jealousy. 

Joel would never do anything to hurt you.

Of course you know better now. She was just like you, she had been in the glue trap herself when she tried to keep you from joining her, but you hadn’t listened, instead you’d fallen face first into Joel. And he wouldn't let you go without keeping some of you for himself.

i don't have a taglist anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates on all fics !!

[love-lilly02]

The Challenge pt. 4

AN: This chapter was supposed to be out yesterday but I got kinda sick so I couldn't edit it, Anyways, enjoy!!

“Would you mind spotting me?” 

The question seems innocent enough, if you weren’t asking it to the scariest man on the base, much less your lieutenant.

Ghost lifted his head from where he was sitting on a bench, unwrapping his hands after his own training session. 

You quickly back tracked at his expression, rethinking your choice. “You don’t have too, I think I got this set-“

“No, no I got it.” He stood, moving behind you, standing a little too close, but you chose to ignore it. 

The set was fairly easy, and you finished quickly, thanking him quietly as you moved to put the weights back on their stand. 

“Can I ask you somethin?” Ghost questioned, and you turned to see that he was studying you intently. 

“Yeah?” You prompted, tilting your head slightly. 

“That bet… Why’d you do it?” 

You shrugged. “I was drunk, mostly. Figured there couldn’t be any harm. What’s the worst that can happen, anyways?” 

That made him chuckle. “You have no idea, do you?” 

“What do you mean?” You asked, furrowing your brow in confusion. The tall man walked closer to you, moving you slowly till your back hit the wall. 

“This ain’t just a game to those boys, it’s a challenge. Whoever wins you won’t be kind, I hope you know that.” He places an arm above your head, effectively pinning you against the wall. You can feel his breath through the mask, and the warmth against your neck sends a shiver down your spine. 

“Honestly, darlin’ You’re a right fuckin tease when you wanna be, hm? Acting all innocent, like you don’t know how much we all want to-“

“I’ve got it!!” 

Soap’s voice cut through the whole training room, as he ran in frantically waving a piece of paper in the air. “I found one! Take that bitch, I’m in the lead!” 

“Wait, what? Found what?” You and Ghost jumped apart from each other, both running over to where Johnny was doing a -frankly crude- victory dance. Your heart was absolutely pounding, heat still flying through your body at the encounter with Ghost. 

We all want to what? What do they want to do…

“You did not find it, I did.” Kyle huffed, diving for the photo in Soap’s hand. “Give it back you pathetic excuse for a-“ 

“Hey,” Price said in warning. Kyle just huffed and backed away from Soap. 

“Finders keepers,” Soap teased in a sing song voice, throwing the photo on the bench. “The first of ten. Which puts me in the lead.” 

“You aren’t in the lead if you stole a photo, that’s not how it works.” Ghost said, kneeling down to pick up the image.

“Like I said, finders keepers. S’not my fault Gaz wanted tae hoard the photos till ‘e got all ten. His loss aye?” Soap nudged you playfully on the shoulder, but you were too busy trying to see the image to acknowledge him. 

Gaz looked pathetically over to Price, opening his mouth to plead his case. Price beat him to it, however. “Soap, that’s not nice. Gaz found it, he takes the credit.”

“Awe, come off it captain, It’s just a bit of fun  huh?” 

“Johnny.”

“Yes sir.”

“Still dont think it’s fair,” Ghost threw in. 

“Whadya mean? I found the image-“ Kyle protested, turning to Ghost now. 

“Yeah but from where?” Ghost challenged, placing the photo back on the bench 

“Online? Don’t see how it matters, it’s a photo.” 

“But it’s not creditable, this could be edited-“

And so it continued. You had long since tuned out the bickering, leaning down to look at the photo. It did look like you, a smiling child holding an award for something you couldn’t really read. 

The closer you looked, however, the more you started to see the imperfections. The girl in the photo had straight hair, at that age yours was more curly. And she was holding a ball in her hands, a basketball. 

Of all the sports you played, basketball was never one of them. 

“That’s not me.”

They were still shouting, yelling over each other to be heard above the voices. Johnny was pressing Kyle for where he got the information, and Kyle was refusing to say, under the excuse it would give them a ‘better advantage’ than he had. Johnny was still trying to insist they should share the win, and Price was just yelling for everyone to calm the fuck down. 

“Hello?” You called, trying to raise your voice above all of them. “Hey, I said that isn’t me.”

But the yelling continued. It seemed to go on forever, all of them arguing over one small image. The topic slowly changed, however, till they started crossing into uncharted territory. 

“Look-“ Gaz snapped, breathing heavily. “I found the photo, just like the deal said. That makes one out of ten for me. You lot can do what you will but I’m not sharing.”

“You didn’t have a problem sharing last night, isn’t that right?” Ghost hissed, and the gym was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Your head ached trying to figure out what the boys were saying, the double meanings behind everything, but you couldn’t keep up. 

“I don’t give a fuck what I did and didn’t do last night, what’s fair is fair.” Kyle snapped, turning to grab the photo. 

“You’re just mad cause you don’t want to think about one of us fu-“ 

“That’s enough!” Now it was you who was yelling, and the boys watching you in disbelief. 

“Look, this isn’t like that, okay! I’m sick of you all objectifying me like i’m some fucking doll. I don’t know what side bets you have going on but I want out of this one. I made the deal drunk and you all watched me try to get out of it the next morning, and now you’re yelling like fucking children over a picture that doesn’t even have me in it. I never even did basketball for fucks sake! And you would know this if you acted like normal fucking human beings, much less behave like the grown men you are and ask me.” They all looked at you in absolute shame, as you threw the photo on the ground. 

“And for the record, I am not fucking one of you on a deal. I don’t work like that so get the thought out of your head.”

You shoved past the wall of muscle made up by both Price and Ghost, storming off to your room.

For the longest time, he sat there and thought about exactly what happened in the gym. 

Kyle was no fool. He understood what bringing up the photo would do, and he knew Soap would try and take the credit, as they had agreed the night before. 

He didn’t actually know why he changed his mind. Kyle had no problem sharing you with the others, they were right anyways. 

He shared all the time. 

But something about introducing you to… this… scared him. As if they could frighten you off. 

He knew that wasn’t true, so why did he think that way?

An apology message sat, typed out on his phone. He was procrastinating, heavily, on sending it, worried that it might be a little too much for you to handle. 

Was it? You had taken your the whole team so nicely, he thought you would be ready… 

 More photos of you sad scattered on his desk. A lot of them looked like what Price had found before, a bunch of family photos with you missing or images of a girl who looked exactly like you but she wasn’t you. 

Today’s events proved that. 

Anyone else might have been saddened at the revelation. Putting weeks of work into one image, just to be wrong? Enough to crush a man, if it was done correctly.  

But Kyle Gaz Garric is no ordinary man.

Before he can think about it too much, he hurriedly hits send on the message and closes his phone. 

Now, we wait.

My Masterlist

[hell-drabbles]

Ahh I have a bit of personal headcanons of Asmo, if you dont mind me sharing them.🪽

-

Honestly, I don't think he's the type to force anyone into anything they don't like. But that doesn't mean he can't be a tease in other ways:

"Quite a temper you have," he rests his chin on his knuckles. "Have you ever tried relaxing?"

He poked at their cheek. His sharp nail felt like a needle about to puncture their flesh, but he never did. "You should loosen up, be more like Raon."

He's the same level of calm as Mammon. He's aggressive when he needs to be. To me, he's bordering on motherly and fatherly:

"Ah," his head perks up when he notices the fresh scars on their flesh. "Look where your wrecklessness has brought you."

He approaches them in a manner almost similar to a saunter. The King of Lust stands before them, raising their injured arm, only a region of their injured body. The open wound heals as he places the pads of his fingertips against it, leaving only a remnant of the sanguine trail. "Careful next time. We don't want Raon to lose his little friend."

Although he might seem like he favors Raon more, I think he treats Companion and him equally. He just likes seeing Companion ticked off. He loves getting reactions out of them.

He's able to hold up a conversation with them well, though. He seems like the type to ramble on about himself considering he's a narcissist:

Although they may roll their eyes at him, he doesn't mind as long as they're listening. He'll ask about their day, too. Just to be fair.

"I'm sure your day must've been great." Asmodeus' red eyes stare at the already bitter face, their eyes somewhere else. "Especially since Raon was in it."

"Oh, the complete opposite," they look at the devil in front of them. It seems like they're engaged now.

Asmodeus snickers. It seems that he could make time for their rant.

-

I honestly think they should've made Asmodeus' hair less messy and his horn less geometrical, I guess? I hope you like my thoughts on him, though.🪽

Yeah the hair in the fancy selfie card does bother me, since Asmodeus's hair in his regular sprite doesn't look layered. It smooth, it sleek.

I very much enjoyed those headcanons, man are they fun to read. It always stirs up my brain for my own ideas!

He does seem like someone that would enjoy some good ol tea. Who doesn't enjoy gossip? I would imagine he would keep these little conversations a secret, not because out of any respect, but because it bothers my Ra-on to the nth degree. Well, perhaps a little bit of respect towards the Companion but who says he can't have a bit of a fun and tease my Ra-on about this information.

"You're not very good at hiding your desires. You can say all you want how much you don't want to hear what they've said, but I see the way you bite your lip every time I make them laugh. You want to hear what I said, and your companion said in return, don't you? Why don't you try and strike a bargain? Maybe I'll tell you, maybe I won't."

Hmm, I don't have many headcanons on him, just small plans or potential ways I could use Asmodeus.

Something something, Asmodeus representing the current future waiting for Ra-on if he continues on the path he's going, cursed to simply be an object of lust, never able to forge close bonds out of his own inability to give up on his selfishness, something something, the differences between the bonds Asmodeus and my Ra-on have with my Companion ultimately serve to further highlight Ra-on's self-destructive and avoidant nature that's deeply seeded into him, that his overly horny nature is not the true core of his problems.

Because, for all of Asmodeus's problems and how generally hated by the public he is, he can still get along with the Companion. He surpasses my Ra-on in terms of how horny he is, and can still have a civil conversation with them. Doesn't help that, Asmodeus being Asmodeus, obviously wants to fuck the Companion. And yet, there the Companion is, sitting, more than tolerating, enjoying in fact, being around him.

So it makes my Ra-on question: What wrong with me, then, that they avoid me? That they hate me if they can be around Asmodeus?

You know, fun character stuff.

You wanna know what's funny to me? I actually can't see my Ra-on enjoying being around Asmodeus, and he, at the current moment, can't articulate why. He's a beautiful devil, and by all means, he would probably be the best and most debauch fuck to have. And yet, my Ra-on wants out. Looking at him is painful. And Asmodeus scares him.

I love messing with my Ra-on.

[shadebloopnik]

Finally for the first time tryin to draw this man

Just a lil doodle while in class.

Also had the sudden inspo bc of a lil thingy(AU? Would it still be considered AU if i dont plan to expand?). Ik Angel!Alastor AUs are a thing, at least i think so, so i decided to try it out a lil bit.

So tadaaa, Angelic Alastor. I cannot draw wings to save my life, so bear with me. I based the eye shapes and over all facial expressions on how i drew the first Alastor doodle, except its a teeny bit less sharp with less bolder lines. I shaped his hair somewhat the same for the top part, except a bit slicked back with a more windswept look. I imagine his hair would be white with red tips, with an overall white, and red color scheme, with a black collar standing out. He'd have the same red eyess, tho with whites surrounding it.

I gave him two wings, to maybe signify that he is above most angels, though below those such as the Seraphims and Archangels, at least in rank. I was a bit conflicted what to make his cane like(yea ofc im giving him a cane im not a monster). Originally i wanted to copy what his lil antlers looked like, as to be a simple staff, but ended up with that wider antler design. Idk.

Angelic Alastor wouldn't really be much different than Demon Alastor, except for the fact that he's better at hiding it all, at least he wants to. He's quite powerful amongst other angels, moreso than seraphims despite being of lower rank. Similarly to how he can melt in the shadows, as an angel, he can dissolve into the light. Haven't really cemented what exact type of angel he is, though i'd imagine he's still a bit of a recluse, preferring to go off alone to do as he wishes.

Angelic Alastor is every bit as mischievous as his demonic counterpart. He lives for the entertainment, and his humor's quite biting for a being of light. He's sharp and charming and witty, and quite rebellious as well. He's curious about different possibilities, and has never quite felt like he belonged among his "perfect" angelic peers. He knows he's imperfect, and that all those ideas would be considered blasphemous. So he remains quiet, under the radar even with his strength; all to escape the possibility of being persecuted.

Its what draws him to the Morningstar. Lucifer, the powerful archangel with a heart of gold and a mind filled with wonder. (Also to anyone who's seen my blog, yes ofc im inserting radioapple im weak) Despite their gap in rank, Lucifer never treated him any differently, and Alastor found himself treating the shorter angel as an equal. Their friendship was a bit odd perhaps for the others, considering how they'd often greet each other with playful jabs and teasing remarks, all quite informal and rather unruly. He was drawn to Lucifer's ideas, as was Luci to him, both relishing in the fact that they weren't alone, despite being different.

Lucifer had always been the louder dreamer. Though Alastor often agreed with his ideas, and sometimes egged him on, Al knew the risks and knew when to pull back. He was cautious where Lucifer took risks.

And y'all already know its Radioapple but what if we add Lilith to the mix-

Like imagine, Lucifer coming back to Alastor and gushing about the first woman, the taller man amused at his friend's lovesick expressions. Imagine him being acquainted with Lilith, and charmed as well by passion and hopes for change. He's weak for dreamers okay-

Like imagine him helping the two hide their relationship, being the most cautious of the 3. Imagine his heartbreak when the two gets sent to hell. Imagine Lilith and Lucifer holding him, stopping him from falling with them, because he cant do this without them please-

This may have gotten away from me a bit

Anyway, there's also a teeny doodle of biblically accurate Angelic Alastor(idk ehat to call them, but those forms Sera and Em have when they go 👁👁👁👁)

Idk if i'll ever do anytjing with this. I have a whole fic playing in my head but its very long with a whole lot of plot and idk if im strong enough-

[icarusredwings]

Early mornings with Retired Time Lords ❤️💙ft. Shadow the cat stuffy and KITT-E (or KIT-TEC)

"Darling, can I have my leg back?"

"Huh?"

"Sigh... I thought I told you not to stay up too late?"

"... What?"

I passed out and woke up to this being done.

I like how 14 is just 14 with braids and a robot companion and sax is bassically an oc at this point with how many head canons I've slapped onto this man (Though im sure they are definitely NOT hot takes)

For 14: <3

-Was up til 4 am. Hypocrite.

-Wears braids to bed

-Steals Shaun's fluffy robe

-striped spongebob socks

-Holding KITT-E

-Bassically has a mullet at this point

For Sax: ✨️

-Pointy ears

-Roots are showing

-Babygirl

-Sharp ass teeth

-Doesn't know where the fuck he is

-Doesn't wash off his eyeliner

-Not his hoodie (NASA hoodie is 14s)

-Worst Prime Minister

-Holding Shadow the stuffy (made by Rosie)

-Heart briefs

-Bros got arthritis so sometimes he wears a knee brace. He's holding 14 for balance and comfort.

-Teletubbie socks

-#Girlboss (Pore mask, Facial avocado mask and bonnet)

(You can tell who I favor)

And KITT-E!! (Technically its KIT-TEC but KITT-E sounds better and I dont think doc wants anything to with any "TEC" s after the Suketh nonsense.

KITT-E aka:

Kilohertz

Intercepting

Telepathic

Transmitter

Electronic- Companion!

Used to be a stuffy made by Rosie until he ripped it up and made the TARDIS a smaller physical host in order to control and mess with.

KITT-E doesn't need food, water, litter, shots, doesn't get cold, can infact overheat/freeze though. All she needs is loved (and charged sometimes) The TARDIS is connected to her like bluetooth. Her ears have recording speakers that speak directly to the TARDIS and the large ball at the end of her tail is a lightweight circulation battery. (She's also magnetic). Her whiskers are how the TARDIS tells her what to do, and her big camera eyes are how she can see.

KITT-E is NOT water proof (yet, hes working on it) and can meow, purr, hiss, growl, and if she wants too, since she's bassically just a transmitter box, The TARDIS can send telepathic information to the doctor by KITT-E (imagine a hot spot shifting Wifi from one spot to another)

KITT-E technecally is just a host, so if the TARDIS gets too upset or broken, KITT-E will simply collapse. Syliva thinks she's creepy because "It's like a ghost possessing a toy"

So far KITT-E has pawed at doors, meowed for attention, followed 14 around, meowed to be let outside, has been scolded for hissing at the Master several times (she still remembers what he did to her), and sometimes you can see her staring at the bugs in the garden.

The more information the TARDIS gets, the more the cat can do. She also likes to curl up with Sylvia, checks on Rose, follows Shaun around curiously, paws at Donna for attention, and "naps" with Wilf. Which is bassically when she purrs, so he's happy with the vibration and sound setting and goes into battery saver mode. Wilf thinks that KITT-E is absolutely the most impressive thing ever and constantly praises the Doctor for making such gagets. Wilf doesn't call her KITT-E though and will call her TARDIS.

"Here kitty.. TARDIS do you want some of my fish?"

"She can't eat dad."

"Oh. Right. Poor TARDIS. No fish for her huh? Why not?"

"Because.. She dosnt have a stomach? Or a digestive system? She doesn't even have a throat to swallow. Theres just wires and gears dad."

"Oh thats so clever. You're so clever boy."

"Really? Heh.. well...it wasnt that hard."

"Oh I mean it. Shes brilliant. TARDIS do you want to come nap with me?"

"Meow?"

Wilf just bends down to look her in the eyes like,

"A nap. With me? Would you like that?"

"Heheh, you don't have to talk slowly, dad she can understand you (oh my hearts)"

[wh0re4gambit]

Love you

Remy LeBeau x fem!Reader (sfw)

Hiding their relationship from the other X-Men

pt.1 / pt.2

————————————————

Go to the Gala, break into the security-room, locate where all the files with the needed information are, get there, get the information on the USB and act like nothing ever happened.

That was the plan the X-Men created the last few hours to get the locations of a new possible threat. The decision on who is going to do the breaking in, without getting caught, was made really quick.

No one else is as skilled and experienced in the matter of theft and breaking into things, unnoticed, as Remy LeBeau.

All of his teammates are there not because they are scared he couldn't make it, no.

Charles Xavier decided it would be well deserved for the X-Men to enjoy themselves after the mission.

»You don't get the chance to be at an gala every day« were his words.

𝟤𝟣:𝟥𝟦

Everyone was dressed real nice and they all made an expensive impression in their expensive clothes and stunning jewelry, when they arrived.

After getting themselves seen from other guests and having a quick chat with the ones they were familiar with, there was nothing in Gambits way to make his way towards the Security-Room.

Picking the lock was no match for him. But when he opened the door, was when he got suspicious.

'comment est-ce possible?' he thought.

He was expecting to knock out a security-man, but looks like someone else has already been here.

Because the the security was sitting knocked out in the chair, you could think he was sleeping, if it weren't for the head face-palming the table and the arms hanging down in such an uncomfortable way.

'Jus' ta' make sure' Remy thought to himself, while trying to find the pulse of the hopefully just unconscious man.

'Bien, pulse 's still der-'

»Are there any complications, Gambit?« he heard Jeans voice emerging in his head.

»Got in, but ders already an unconscious 'homme'«

»Well, we can't afford to lose much time, if there are not any threats; focus on the mission.« And with that the weird feeling of someone being in his head, vanished.

The X-Man does as he had been told and the rest of the plan just goes perfect.

𝟤𝟣:𝟧𝟨

»The information has been sent successfully to the school, thank you. Now, my X-Men, go enjoy the rest of the night! « The voice of the professor announced.

»Sooo...« Jubilee stretched the 'o' real long to get Gambits attention. »You done stealing stuff, for tonight? « » Well, if I don' see anyting worth stealin' , maybe.« Which Jubilee responded with a hum.

»Does this include hearts?« Ororo asked jokingly, joining the conversation.

Remy looked the ground smiling.

»Not plannin' on any time soon, for now.« he turned his head towards the weather controlling mutant who was now focusing on something behind him.

»Hold up, waddya mean be tha-« Jubilee got interrupted by the now confused man, before she could end the sentence.

»What? What are you lookin' at?« he turned around and immediately saw her.

»I guess, I found the reason for the unconscious man.« Storm stated.

Her, was no one else than Y/N Howlett, standing on the other side of the big room, being distracted with having a conversation with some politicians.

Her, also refuses to be an X-Man, but is more than willing to help them.

Why? Because she's a thief and she doesn't want to ruin neither her reputation as probably one of the best thieves there is, nor the X-Men's as heros.

There are a lot of things the X-Men dont know about her, most of them don't even know that she's the daughter of 'The Wolverine' , but what nobody knows for sure, is the romantic relationship she shares with the Cajun thief.

Both of them chose to keep it secret for the beginning. It's been about a month since they started dating.

»I still am absolutely, 100, no 200% convinced, you two would make the best couple.« Jubilee broke the silence.

»I mean, I can understand, the thought of Logan over there, being your father in-law, can be terrifying, bu'ut he'll get over it.« »Get over what?« »Ya'know, someone dating his precious daughter.«

Remy just hummed, because his main focus was on the woman, who made her way, outside, to the balcony.

»OMG« Jubilee exclaimed »A chocolate-fountain! Come on, Storm« she grabbed Storm's hand and dragged her through the crowd.

Now that Remy was alone, he could go out on the balcony, unnoticed aswell. And so he did.

»Whats a pretty lady, like you, doing here, all alone.« Remy made his presence known to the lady looking into the distance, while resting her arms on the railing.

When Y/N heard the voice of her boyfriend, she started smiling and turned around to face him.

He walked up to her and placed both his hand on each side of her hip.

»Waiting for a gentleman, like you, to show up.«

He lowered his head, pulled her closer to him and they both shared a short kiss.

After a few seconds, they broke apart.

»Missed you, cheré.«

»Missed you too, cajun.«

There was a almost uncomfortable silence.

»What is it?« Y/N asked.

»Y/N, I really don' know how long I can keep dis up. I want ta' hold your hand in public, want ta' kiss you without hiding behind corners, want ta' tell everybody that you are my petite amie. «

Before Y/N could answer, Remy went on.

»Maybe its too early or maybe ta' late, but cheré, I love you.«

No answer, just a little smile starting to form on Y/N's lips.

»Too early?« Remy questioned in a jokingly way to cover up his anxiousness.

But instead of an answer, Y/N's hand grabbed the collar of his shirt to lower his head for a kiss, which grew passionate.

Y/N's lowered her hand on Remy's chest and the other hand reached up to his hair.

Remy's hands elsewhere (places Logan would probably unalive him, if he'd see it).

They broke apart to breath in some air.

Y/N looked Remy into his beautiful black and red eyes and said the words, Remy was hoping so long to hear.

»I love you too «

[twisted-gremlin]

I feel like- TWST and pride

Heartslabuyl Pride:

- I mean, I think Riddle makes sure people in his doorm know what every day represents and do something to celebrate that in general. Informational things about whatever, haveibg them wear a colour if it involves that, haveibg a meal based on the food whatever it is. When it comes to pride, he makes sure none is gonna be an ass about it. "Its scientifically reasonable and there are studies showing that it's natural in every species to be queer, intersex, transgenderd, aromatic, and asexual." He also makes sure that those who are whatever get a chance to talk about themselves and their experiences to the first years and the first years get to too. If they want of course, he wont force them into anything. Just, dont be homophoboc or its off with your head and a shit ton of studying

- in Heartslabyl, the only student there that we are close to who probably had a bad experience is Cater. He already has had a bad home life so he has kept this extra tidbit to himself too. He let's it out more at school and is the one who keeps an eye out for those who have bad home lives or is struggling in the closet and is just kinda there for them

- Trey, he such a mom when it comes to anything, so when it comes to being gay- and you just came out. Expect a cake in the pride flag that you cane out as, but if it's unlabeled you get a rainbow. He also knows where things are for students who are transitioning, he checks in to make sure you took off your binder/boobs after 12 hours or when you're eating

- Ace probably teases you. But you get to tease him back, as the pansexual man that he is. I think he would be a big activist tough, makeing sure none gets treated poorly by anyone. And if they do, they get to deal with him, and Deuce.

- Deuce beats up homophobes with Ace. It really ticks him off when he sees that sort of thing. But he also learned from Trey where all the differnt things are for trans kids and queer kids. He needs to be a good honor student after all, so he'll be takeing over Treys work when he leaves

Savanaclaw Pride

- I feel like, Savanaclaw wouldn't do much for pride, not because they don't belive in it, because where Leona comes from, the LGBT is quite accepted. So he makes sure those who are there, know that either accept people for who they are or get the fuck out.

- Ruggie is a sly little bastard, so he keeps an ear our for any bs that happens. Reporting it to Leona quickly

- Jack, quite the gay man himself, make sure that queer students in his doorm feel accepted. If they ever ask him for help with anything, he'll be more likely to do it.

Octanavile Pride

- well- the boys are so gay- oh so very gay oh my God. They do sell pride things like pride drinks, pastries, there is little pride flags at the tables. He will hold queer date nights, drag shows(those are Year round but more often during pride, he absolutely slays in his dress). The queer students get a little revenue boost aswell, since he specifically has them working those nights

- Jade, the ever so persuasive man, makes sure that none in Octanavile is going to do harm to any of the queer students. If they do well, he and Floyd get to have some fun :>

- Floyd does drag sometimes. You can't tell me he dosent. He is so all over the place with e v e r y t h i n g (including gender, sexuality, and attraction lol) but when he does do a show he gives it his all and everyone fuckin loves it. None knows what's going to happen, but they know Floyd is gonna be awsome

Scarabia Pride

- I think, with pride being a little more quiet and underground, when either Yuu or one of the students comes out to Kalim and explains the whole thing. This man makes sure to learn everything little thing he can about it so that he can throw the most epic pride parade EVER. Jamil helps of course (a little less reluctantly because, he is so quietly gay for this man and a few others and it's nice to see Kalim in a new light)

- Jamil is alot like Trey when it comes to Trans and queer students. He has things for them if they need it, when Kalim learns about pride he shows kalim where it is and what the students would need so Kalim also has some in his room now too to help those students.

Pomfiore Pride

- Vil is already an activist for queer people. Whatever makeup he has made marketed towards queer people he makes sure is CHEAPER than regular products while keeping the quality. He has things in his room to help with trans students feel their authentic selves and will even teach them how to use them and is very strict when to use them and when not to.

- Rook knows who in the doorm is and isn't queer, and who is and isn't out. He makes sure trans students get the things that they need when their time of the month comes around, he helps queer students ask their crushes out. He is just a good support. None dares try to be homophobic, or else they face the wrath if Rook and Vil

- Epel being a Tans man that has only socially and recently started to physically transition is still quite insecure about things. But I think other trans kids would look up to him, wither amab or afab, because he has taken this chance to learn how to be a man healthily under Vil, and accept the parts of him that is feminine.

Ignahyde Pride

- first of all, the lights from the tech in thr doorm change from purely blue to one of each pride colour (some students can also select ddoffernt pride flag for it or gave a little one in the corner of their screens) Iida makes sure if you try to switch it off, it fuckin fails. He also trolls homophobes as a passtime

Diasomnia Pride

- in Briar Valley, love is such an important thing to them. It's what hatches a dragons egg after all. So, they don't discriminate on what kind of love surrounds an egg, weather it be two mothers two fathers, a mother and a father, whatever it may be. Love is important culturally. So, of Malleus hears the silly thing of someone in his doorm being discriminates against by anyone because of these trivial things. A big storm is brewing, and the one who dared to hurt thar student is going to PAY

- When it comes to Lilia, a nonbinary ✨️Icon✨️, he has adapted the most and easiest out of all those who cane from Briar Valely, so he also would have a place to store differnt things for the LGBTQ students under his care.

- Silver is very awkward and standoffish to those he dosent know well but he hopes that part of an alliance between humans and fae that the positives of both of the species rub off on eachother. He is quite supportive if someone he knows does come out to them and he makes it feel like it's just a normal thing to be and makes them feel safe to be themselves

- Sebek, is quite protective of his doorm mates and those he calls a friend. So, you better not have insulted them with no good reason behind it. Because he is LOUD.

Staff

- Crowley probably have fuck all knowledge of pride, but he may have some things for students if he knows that they are trans, just in case.

- Crewl secretly makes potions that makes his students a little more comfortable in their bodies (aka he has tans potions that gives a student the body of the opposite sex, if you want just specific things gone he would teach that student)

- Trein is a little old fashioned, but he respects his students for being who they are. He knows as much as he could about queer history that haven't been erased already and teaches what he can of it too

- Vargas is another teacher that would have access to afab products in his desk, and if you get them from him, he'll also go a little easier on you for the week

- Sam dosent do the pink tax bs at all, it'd part of why he is so popular. He knows how to market and sell to people at the best prices, no bs hideing behind the scenes or anything. He does give away pride flags or a little pride thing during pride month aswell to those he knows are supportive or queer themselves

[minghaos-girl18]

Seventeen as Renee Rapp Songs

Just because I can (I came up with this idea 2.5 seconds ago)

Seungcheol

Don't Tell My Mom- Now some of y'all gonna hate on me for that, but S.Coups has a lot on his plate and I don't think he shares most of it. And Don't Tell My Mom message is about now wanting to burden a love one with your problems, which gave leader vibes to me.

Jeonghan

World Burn- I don't have much reasoning, except I fully believe Jeonghan would rock as Regina George.

(not that I didn't adore Renee)

Joshua

Pretty Girls- God made men and then sent Joshua as an apology.

Jun

Snow Angel- Junhui is so under appreciated like this man is beautiful (I erased what I originally typed here because *minors*).

Hoshi

Poison Poison- I need Hoshi to feature in this...although it would break my sanity

dont put "what sanity?" in the comments

Wonwoo

What Can I Do- I also need Wonwoo to do a feature in this song...also this is such a sad song, but it gives Wonwoo vibes?? Kinda similar to bittersweet, What Can I Do is about having a crush on a friend.

Also do you guys know how to send I'm sorry notes to fbi agents cause mine listened to me listening to this song on repeat for like a whole day-sapphic crushes y'all 10/10 don't recommend

Woozi

23- Our dearest songwriter Jihoon:) Again I do not have much reasoning except you know...the vibes match

if ya get it ya get it if ya don't...go listen to the song??

Minghao

Not My Fault- Its the vibes y'all ...I'm kidding...well slightly...the vibes do match but also I feel like Minghao definitely would love this song and I for one know for certain that I would in fact leave with him

(again if you know, you know if you don't say it with me "Go listen to the song" good job babes :)

Seokmin

Talk Too Much- Now I know what you are thinking but you are wrong. Talk too much is about getting in your own head. I think Seokmin does that sometimes, so thus this is his allotted song.

Mingyu

Someone gets hurt- In particular, the part where Renee says "People forget I am human too." I think sometimes fans sexualize Mingyu too much. I mean like those fan calls where fans are asking to see his abs?? like that's way too far.

Seungkwan

Meet The Plastics- Still not convinced he didn't help write this song (I feel like Boo either doesn't know this song or knows every word no in between)

Vernon

I hate Boston- I need Vernon on the track. Not really for any particular reason to be honest except...you guessed it... VIBES!

(if y'all wanted actual reasons for these-my bad...contact my FBI agent...I don't have his information if you know tell me I got to send an apology letter...might just hold it up to my laptop camera ngl)

Dino

Bruises- I love Seventeen's dynamic but like sometimes I wonder if Dino gets his feelings genuinely hurt I mean less now and more like early on (like trainees/debut era). Now I don't think his feelings were hurt on purpose, but I mean being the youngest comes with being the root of jokes sometimes. And I understand being kinda upset over a joke.

There you go lovelies, I am so happy you guys decided to stay and read until the end (or maybe you skipped through and read only your biases part-you know who you are). None of these photos are mine and all of the songs are by Renee Rapp, I strongly suggest giving her a listen. Also don't forget to support Seventeen's upcoming album:)

Also, any suggestions on how I should apologize to my FBI agent will be taken with appreciation (and if you have no idea what I am talking about you are one of the lucky ones :)

Toodles.

[mattphobiia]

OPPOSITES ATTRACT 4.

chris and i have definitely done a lot of talking, and although we still have our bullying moments, we act slightly civil to each other more and i think i like it this way. no matter what i do to distract myself, i always seem to think about that one day where chris had tears in his eyes, and it broke my heart to see him so upset. i didn't even mean to, we've always been "enemies" so why would it affect him that much? i didn't have a clue what was going on so ive had conversations with matt and nick to see if they had any idea of what could've been going on, but they just about knew the same information as me. he had always hated me as much as i hated him, i think. what was different now?

in this current moment, matt and nick were chilling on instagram with some supporters while chris and i were in his room watching youtube. like last time, he still laid his head on my chest practically trying to get as close to me as he physically could. the confusing part about this situation was that i didn't even mind he was doing this, it felt strange at first but some part felt oddly comforting.

"can... we talk?" chris speaks up, lifting his head before sitting up properly while waiting for my response. i nod my head in response before i sit up. "i think i like you, i don't even know how."

"oh?"

"im sorry if this feels weird because we've hated each other for so long, but after that night we kissed i just couldn't stop thinking about how i felt in that moment."

i begin to smile as i reach out to hold his hand. "well, opposites attract you know, why not give this a go?"

"im just not sure, it just feels so strange to me and ive never felt this way before." he sighs. "-but, i would like to try this out."

"okay, well we can take things slowly, right?" i suggest, and his facial expression seems to light up at the thought.

"mhm." he murmurs tiredly before leaning closer towards me and giving me a soft kiss on my cheek, making my heart fucking leave my body.

i could've sworn that if i didn't have any self respect, i would've pounced on this man and done the most questionable things to him possible, but i try to calm myself down.

"your face is turning red, you like that?" he smirks before i hide my face into my hands trying to hide my big smile, making him laugh as he took my hands away and held my face gently. "dont get shy, its okay."

"stop, you're turning me on chris."

"how cute, are you seriously getting worked up over something so little?" he cooed, making my burn a light shade of red as i hit his arm. "well that was rude."

"don't care." i reply with no emotion, biting my cheek to stop my smile forming, until he jumped onto me and pinned my arms behind my head, his face inches away from mine.

"do you care now?" he whispers, our noses now touching together as i felt my heart pounding in my chest so much i could basically hear it.

"stop asking so many questions." i say, pressing my lips against his before feeling his warm breath on my face as he leaned into the kiss.

it felt surreal, almost euphoric. it felt like that first time you ever experienced lucid dreaming. nothing about this kiss felt real, but it felt like the best thing in my life i have ever gone through, and every part of his bullshit i had to deal with before this current moment was all worth it. it wasn't a sexual kiss like the ones you have as a build up before you have sex, but it felt sweet and genuine, almost sensual. he broke away before his face was back to being close with mine, the both of us just admiring our faces in silence before he lets out a little giggle.

"can i be your boyfriend?" he continues, one of his hands releasing his grip as it switches over to my face, his thumb resting on the bottom of my lip as he awaits for an answer.

"is the sky blue?"

"wh-"

"just answer."

"yes?"

"then there's your answer idiot, of course you can!" i squeal, pulling him back into another kiss before we swap places and i lay on top of him as he holds tightly onto my waist.

"oh, i love you so much." chris sighs, kissing me repeatedly all over my face as i try to escape from him.

"calm down chris! i love you too." i scream, holding tightly onto his face before trying to back away.

"mmh, you still smell nice. are you wearing vanilla?" he suddenly stops and questions, beginning to sniff me like a weirdo which made me giggle.

"i am! how do you recognise that?" i say, looking at him with a feeling of happiness.

"well, that day in summer when us and matt were hanging out at the beach and we ordered ice cream, i thought in my head that it smelt of you."

i stay frozen in shock, why was that actually so adorable? i felt another smile on my face, which made my cheeks begin to ache as i latched my arms tightly onto him and pulled him into a hug.

"wait chris- thats so cute... you're so cute!" i almost scream, tears forming in my eyes as i plant a big kiss onto his cheek as he smiled softly.

"well, you're cuter. but stop crying!" he whines, holding my face as he wiped away the couple tears that rolled down my cheek.

"it's happy tears, dont worry." i laugh, chris nuzzling his face into my shoulder trying to comfort me.

after all these years of resentment, we finally now got along. all of these arguments, bullying, and unnecessary comments felt so worth it. i was now in the comfort of chris' arms, with my head on his chest, and wrapped in the warmth of his embrace. it felt like all my worries just melted away, and i had nothing to worry about here.

MASTERLIST / P1 , P2 , P3

a/n: hi guyyyys😜 this is the last part since i have no ideas, BUT i am working on something new and i feel like i should have a schedule for when i post but like work is tough so i write and post whenever i can, lately ive been posting more because ive had alot of days off recently or my days have been restricted down to half🤗🤗🤗 and i just have alot of motivation rn so i need to try grow my account BUT ILY ALL SMMMMMM🤍 also lmk if i should write some smut bc my page seems a lil boring and im in one of those silly moods lol

tl: @st7rnioioss

[lolitastories]

BLACK AND BLOOD

Y/N L/N is the daughter of the Great Khal Drogo although she was raised by the king of the unknown lands. After finding out he died she travels and finds the one who caused his death. Along this adventure she meets the mother of dragons. Jon Snow. Night walkers. We will see if she really has the Dothraki blood flowing through her veins.

Chapter 8:

Once we arrive at Winterfell I start to dislike the cold again. I look back to see my people dressed up in clothing they don’t like. This is going to be eventful with them. I dismount my horse once we are inside the gates of Winterfell. People standing around watching us as we walk towards people I guess are people who Jon knows. There is a redhead girl in the middle, her stance and glare strong and tall. The dark headed boy beside her on a wheelchair. Jon goes over and hugs them. “Where's Arya?”

“Lurking somewhere.” The redhead states, no really amused

“Queen Daenerys of House Targaryen. My sister, Sansa Stark, the Lady of Winterfell.” Jon turns his attentio to Daenerys as I take a step back to stand with the Dothraki.

“Thank you for inviting us into your home, Lady Stark. The North is as beautiful as your brother claimed, as are you.” Sansa does look to convinced with that but smiles hesitantly

“Winterfell is yours, Your Grace.” The tension could be cut with a knife geeze

“This is Y/N” Damn. I walk up and stand beside Jon. “Leader of the Dothraki and Unsullied, Princes of the unknown lands” I shake my head with a smile.

“Your brother and people here like to use long names but where I come from we dont. You can call me Y/N”

“Y/N, welcome” I nod

“Thank you. And thank you for taking in my people, I know we are a few”

“They have been pulling their weight. Well” she moves her attention to us all. “Welcome. We got a few things we need to discuss” The moves out of the way as she starts to walk up the stairs. Daenerys, Jorah and the rest follow her up. I turn over to the Dothraki.

“Greyworm here will take you to the other Dothraki. Malakho is the man who will lead you.” I walk close to them all. “If there is anyone who has a problem with the rules I set in place, you still have a chance to turn around!” I walk up to Greyworm. “I would want nothing but for them to be peaceful, if you have any trouble you know what to do” Greyworm sends me a nod and turns to the Dothraki. I walk up the stairs and now stand on the balcony unaware of my direction. Stupid castles. That is until I took one step just to be pulled to a little corner.

“We have a meeting in a couple of minutes” I roll my eyes trying to push him off.

“You should be there before it starts” I looked around making sure no one could see us. The walls to the side allowed some barrer to the wind. The fur on him made a pretty good heater. He ignores my words pulling me in. I would be lying to say we didn’t practice all those nights we were on our way here. Sneaking around the others. Not sure why but it was like a compromise we made without using any words. His lips pushed for more and that's what I did. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms around my waist were tighter. Once or twice I have felt this sensation in my body. Like it was on fire and the only thing that I think would help is feeling his hands all over my skin. All those times we stopped before anything could happen, mostly because I was unsure on what to do.

“We don’t have time for this” He pulls away, almost hitting his younger brother Bran. “Everyone is waiting for us” I was holding in a laugh as I saw the expression on Jon’s face. He makes his way into the room allowing me to hold the door open. Jon takes a seat in the middle of Sansa and Daenerys. Bran is to the side of Sansa.

“The Night King has your dragon. He's one of them now. The Wall has fallen, the dead march south.” Bran says untouch with the information.”

“As soon as we heard about the Wall, I called all our banners to retreat to Winterfell. Lord Umber, when can we expect your people to arrive?” Sansa turns her head as we do all to the young boy who stands up from the side of the room.

“We need more horses and wagons, if it pleases my lady.”He turns to Jon. “And my lord.” Then to Daenerys “And my queen. Sorry.” He can’t be older than 13. This much power and responsibility can overbear someone.

“You'll have as many as we can spare. Hurry back to Last Hearth and bring your people here.” The young boy bows and walks out the hall as around the room people starts to chatter

We need to send ravens to the Night's Watch as well. There's no sense in manning the castles anymore. We make our stand here.” Jon looks towards a man

“At once, Your Grace.” The older man nods, walking out aswell.

“Your Grace.” A young girl stands and directs her sight to Jon. “But you’re not. Are you? You left Winterfell a king and came back a- I’m not sure what you are now” if the chatter wasn’t heard before, it is now. “A lord? Nothing at all?”

“It's not important” Jon says bluntly

“Not important? We named you King in the North.” the people in the room start chatting his title.

“You did, my lady. It was the honor of my life. I’ll always be grateful for your faith. But when I left Winterfell, I told you we need allies or we will die. I have brought those allies home to fight alongside us. I had a choice, keep my crown or protect the North. I chose the North.”

“If anyone survives the war to come, we'll have Jon Snow to thank. He risked his life to show us the threat is real. Thanks to his courage, we have brought with us the greatest army the world has ever seen. We have brought two full-grown dragons. And soon, the Lannister army will ride north to join our cause.” Tyrions words didn’t sit right with this crowd “I know, I know, our people haven't been friends in the past. But we must fight together now or die.”

“May I ask, how are we meant to feed the greatest army the world has ever seen? While I ensured our stores would last through winter, I didn't account for these many soldiers and two full-grown dragons. What do dragons eat, anyway?” Sansa's stance was clear. She didn’t trust us. She was okay with our stay because they needed people to fight against the dead but nothing else. She could care less about who sits in the iron throne, as long as the north survives.

“Whatever they want.” Daenerys and Sansa stare bluntly at eachother. Thankfully the meeting subsided and ended fairly quickly after that. I took my time to make sure the Unsullied and Dothraki camp outside the wall went without a problem.

“256” Malakho said next to me. I nod. That is nothing compared to the men who crossed the sea the second time.

“I don’t blame them” I smile. “We are not going to cause any trouble. Hunt what you can and bring them into the castle.” I order before walking away back to winterfell. “Don’t touch those” I pointed out to the young girl who was running her fingers on the blade of our curved swords. Before she could point the sword towards me I disarmed her. “You’re Arya” the girl didn’t look surprised. She didn’t show any emotion at all. The face does run in the family.

“You're the girl who leads the savages and” she looks back to the unsullied.

“Those are the Dothraki, the savages you mention and those are the unsullied, not so savages” I walk past her and place the sword back.

“And what are you?” I turn with a grin

“I don’t know.” It was true. I had the Dothraki blood in me. My mother came from the slave cities the unsullied were made in. Yet I was raised by Omnis. “They are all my people.” Before she could speak we were distracted by the dragon flying above us but what really shut us up was the fact that Jon was riding one of them. Why couldn’t I smile for him? It must feel great to mount something as wonderful as a dragon. I wanted to smile but the only thing I got was a frown.

“I heard you came from across the narrow sea and even further east” I nod towards Arya.

“The unknown lands. Omnis” I look back to the young girl. “You look like you have had a long road”

“As do you” I chuckle, shaking my head.

“I wish there were stories to tell but unfortunately I have spent most of my life surrounded by four walls. Until a couple years ago I didn’t know air could feel this refreshing”

“How did a girl like you become the leader of a big army then?”

“I spent my time wisely in those four walls. I learned what I could and fought for what I believed once I was out. My people are not an army to me, they are just that, my people. People who choose to fight alongside me.”

“Will go back to Omnis when this is all over or will you stay here?” My head moves to the right a little.

“I have a duty in Omnis. Whether I take it or not doesn’t mean I won’t be back somehow.” I walk close to her. “As far as westoros goes or if you are meaning Winterfell well, there is always a chance” I smile. “Now if you excuse me, I need to do something” I walk into the gates and make my way to find a secluded place.I grab two candles and walk out the castle. Making sure no one follows me. I come to the edge of the forest. I enter it just enough to where I can still see the castle. I clear out the snow and place the two candles on the ground setting them. I watch as the wax starts melting. The little bit of warmth they radiate is enough comfort I need right now. Tears start to swell my eyes and I can’t longer feel anything other than the constant pounding in my head. The tight feeling of wanting to feel something has me wanting to punch the ground but I only let my knees hit the ground. I am not sure that the quiver in my hands is because of the cold but when I wrapped myself in my arms It was over. Just like the sun has finally gone down, so have the candles. I clean up my tears. I remove the candles out the way and dig a shallow hole enough for the candles to fit. I place the candles inside and fill them in. I covered them up and with a sigh I stood. “Fuck! You scared me” I turn around and see a figure standing there. I turn on my torch again and see him clearly.

“You don’t feel pain anymore” Bran just stares blankly at me. Like if I hadn't just seen my balling my eyes out. “Don’t worry. I didn’t see much” wow. That makes me feel better. “Why don’t you feel pain?”

“Becasue it wasn’t pain what I was feeling. It was just grief. Sadness. I am not going to see them again, sadness can be confused with pain but they are not the same”

“But you don’t feel sad anymore, how?”

“It's in me still, I just choose to ignore it”

“Why?” god this child. Am mostly a child too but still.

“Because crying for someone is not going to bring them back from the dead. Spending countless hours isn’t going to avenge them. Spending all my energy is going to do nothing for them” I turn kicking some snow ontop of the buried candles. “I have let myself mourn. They don’t need to listen to my cries any longer”

“Do you believe in that?’ I give him a questioned look when I turn around to him. “That they are able to hear and see you? People like to tell kids stories so they don’t feel sad, is that what they made you believe?” I let out a scuff of a laugh.

“Yes” I said planly “I used to hear stories, all different about what happens after death. I want to believe the one with a beautiful beginning, middle and end but I still can’t trust it too much” My mother used to tell me my favorite story of the dead. “That we die and our life rewinds infront of our eyes, of course only the happy memories. Then you see your loved ones for the last time. Then finally you rest. That is where my favorite part comes in. They say whenever you need them the most is when they actually show up, of couse not like a ghost but more like a presence”

“And that is what you think happens?”

“I think it's a beautiful bandaid”

[cre8tivereviews]

-

Tender is the Flesh review and thoughts.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was, for the most part, great. However, for me, if you take into consideration the end, then it goes from 4 stars to 3 stars really fast.

I wish they would have talked more about the animal diease, and if it actually was real, or if the government was trying to thin the population. I wish we could have been there for them, figuring out how to go from meat to actually eating humans. The book starts after it seems everything has been established. I wanted a bit more information about all that.

With that aside, I did like the main character (for the most lart). Just, I wish he wasn't refured to as HE all the time. I honeslty dont think we learn his name till acouple chaptures in. I also found it hard sometimes to figure out who the author was refureing to when a confersation between two males took place and she used he said, or things like that. It would have been nice to see Marcos said, more. It was just confusing at points, and I had to go back and reread. That could of just been me, though.

Now let's get to the main point that botherd me and made this a 3 star read for me.

**Spoilers ahead... Do not read any furthor if you dont want any. **

Let's talk about the FGP head Marcos got. At first, he doesn't want her, doesn't know what to do with her. Then, after a messed up dream and day, he rapes her.

In part two, Marcos then tries to damesticate her. He gives her a name, Jasmine. We find out that she is pregnant. Marcos could be killed for this, him, her, and the baby. Yet he keeps her in the house. Teaches her how to be a person, not a head. He keeps her calm and treats her almsot like a girlfriend it feels. Yet at the end of the fucking book, excuse my launge, but this man kills her! Uses her for a baby, so that him and his wife can have the child they lost. I did not see that coming. I thought Marcos actually cared for this women. He seemed to not like the thought of eating head, and felt bad it seemed for the people who were slaughtered. Yet at the end he kills Jasmine. I was so dumb founded. He hadn't been talking to his wife. I figured they werent going to get back together the way he ignored her. Yet here he is calling Cecila to help with the labor. She seems disguested at first, but once the child is born, things seem to change.

Jasmine reaching out her hands to hold her child, and fighting to get to it. Broke my heart. Marcos may have thought she didn't understand him, but she did. She knew he saved her from being killed, she felt safe with him. He kissed her forhead when she was scared, she slpet in his bed most nights. I think she thought she was his, and the baby was theirs. Marcos, taking that away from her, broke her. Im sure that's why he ended up taking her to the barn and kiiling her. She probably would have become hostile and a harm to herself and others.

I just didn't see it coming from his character. Maybe I misjudged him the whole time. I thought he'd have the baby. Obviously, he'd take care of it mostly, but that Jasmine would be there and be a part of it... But Nope.

I knew what the book was, I just thought Marco's character was different than the way it ended. Would I read the book again? Yes. Would I say it's the best book ever? No. Would I recommend it to others? Deending on the person and what they're looking for.

So all in all, this is why the book was a 3 star read for me because of the ending and character development at the end in Marco's case.

If you've read this book and you have another take on things, please let me know and maybe even have a discussion with me.

[maldito-arbol]

HELLO CHAPTER 7 HELLO WHAT DIE

“Run, Marcy, run, while you still can. She is not worth the risk. Strength is not worth…” (HELLO!??!?? BESTIE NO PLEASE IM GOING TO CRY)

She can only take Witney in her hands and hold her tight. (HOLD HER SO SO GENTLE PLEASE SOBBING)

A little cold, solid form presses against the side of her curled fist. 

 “Marcy,” she whispers. “Hold me?” (Hello i am a broken man now i cannot deal with this)

Witney trembles in her palms. “Marcy,” she says again, she must like saying her name now, and even that hurts. “You cared about me.” And it sounds like she’s crying too, even though she has no tears to do so. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” (Hi did you know i hate everything forever and ever now)

She holds her out to just look at her, as if to look her in the eyes despite only one existing between them.(shkfifhshdbgkjdhshd)

“You wish to protect…me?”(witney‘s fav hobby is saying the most fucked up things like they’re so so normal i think)

“It-it—has been so long. So long and hard and painful. I hadn’t had a vessel in so long, I…I almost thought, ‘it’s okay if they continue to hurt me. It’s better than being alone.’”(guys what if i just go and become a marcy kinnie instead and just hold her so so gently forever and ever and tell her i love her all the time and protect her from everything ever)

“I know you loved Heart,” she begins, nervous, careful. “But did you…ever love Strength too?”

 There’s a grunt that sounds angry. “That was one of my many, many mistakes.” (This is the one time k will accept any Strength slander. Its funny and Witney deserves it i think especially after it calls her stupid so much)

. “Lovesick little idiots, the both of us.”

 “You cannot call yourself an idiot.”

 “Sure I can—„ (so true bestie. I dont know wjat it is about this bit but. Oughhh

“Marcy, you are the greatest library I have ever had.”  (🥺)

 

And maybe being a good vessel shouldn’t be some kind of an achievement, but…right now it feels like she’s winning. (Marcy: i got a good grade in gem vessel, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)

“Why would you instigate your own death when you can just run away?”(witney: why die when you can just run to another country and change your name. Just leave. If you dont like it hit da bricks)

SO TRUE WITNEY im glad she gets to enjoy marcy shit talking barrel as well good for them both

“I think,” Marcy murmurs, hugging herself now. “The general consensus we can come to here is that nothing went our way and everything sucks.” (So so true bestie i got it down oat Everything Went So Wrong In Every Way)

If you thought Marcy’d blame herself for my injuries, imagine what’s going through her head when you say shit like whatever the fuck that sack of turds was that you just spat at me.”(That Certainly Is One Of The Explicatives Ive Ever Heard. Definitely A String Of Words Huh)

I think that witney and marcy should get to have fun and be silly. Theyre sl cute i love themmmmmmm. I swear if this goes south fucking immidiately im going to cry theyre so happy rn with their silly little library ideas,,,,,,,,,,,,

HOLY SHIT BRENTON IM SCREAMING THIS IS SO COOL

SOBBING THE BELOVEDS

WITNEY PROBOUNS WITNEY PRONOSUDBDJHSVSVDBFB

“That’s what it always seems like at first,” he snaps quickly. “You get lured in by that protectiveness, that surface-level kindness, and then when it’s done with you, it’ll drop you like dirty laundry.” His tone is devastating, but somehow, with this new information, Marcy feels even more implored to defend the pink gem. (You know what maybe i Will become a Marcy kinnie. Super nice to Witney all the time and holds him so so gently. Defends Strength. Gets headaches from a hole in her mind. Shes just like me frfr)

WOAHHHHHH the mentaö image of this library is So Cool- OH NO EVIL EYE KILL IT

“Isn’t it remarkable what you can accomplish when I bully you into it?” Brenton tells her with a smirk. 

 “You’re a dick,” she shoots back, playfully shoving him.(abkfjfhshshjdjfjd witney,,,,,,,,, i think that witney deserves to be alittle bit of a dick sometimes. Hes earned it)

So what, you just gonna keep being Brenton now?”

 He hums through more laughter. “I did miss it. I think I’d like to stay like this a little longer.” (POV ur witney and i get ur first taste of gender euphoria from a plant)

K MART SO REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salom,,,,,, that such a cute name,,,,,,,,,

“In fact it was Barrel’s fiancée who taught me how, and she taught me to read his little secret language too.” (🥺🥺🥺 THATS SO CUTE WEIF BELOVED I LOVE THEM )

“By the time I grew knowledgeable enough to comprehend the content of this book, I could no longer bring myself to read it.”(TRADGEDY STRUCK NO SAD BABY :(((((( )

He simply sighs. “Well. Me and Heart did.” And this is news to Marcy. “Before Sasha, Strength only had one vessel. And she was a frog.”

 One?

 One vessel? Witney had 58 and Strength only had one? (hmmmmmmmmmm. I may. Come back to this later. This one got me like 👀 . Im gonna be so normal about this one bestie dont WORRY about it)

“I am to blame for the way Strength lost her.”

 There’s a silence. This time, Marcy knows not to ask. She won’t make a peep. 

 “I don’t think I regret it,” he admits, shamefully. “But I also wonder sometimes if anything would have changed had I not pushed her over the edge.” (WHAT HELLO WHAT I AM 👀👀👀 IM. Bestie i am THINKING. What did you do to weif i am going to Kill you)

They meet her eye, the fire in it boring a hole into their blue oceans. “I…” they start again, dry, hesitant, terrified. “…I’m sorry.” They just barely manage to get it out. Marcy nods vigorously, a gesture to keep going. “Very. For a lot of things. And I…love…you…?”(SCREAMING CRYING GOING TO BREAK A WALL RIP EVERYTHING TO SHREADS HOLY SHIT. HEART?!!??!!! WHY IS IT A QUESTION IM GOINH TO KILL SOMEONE FUCK)

He he. Silly word association. Dont mind me having a little giggle over the fact Heart says theyre the agile one when we had Agility as a Wength kid…

“I am yours. All yours, always and forever.”

 Her head shakes. She begins weeping all over again. “You’re not.”

 “what—”

 “I cannot tell you that, Heart,” she fires back, a sob in her throat. “I am your love, not your king.” (SCREAMING CRYING STABBING YOU RN. I am going FREAL right now Heartney My Beloveds hnnnnnnnnnnn)

Oh hmmm i forgot about the spell pouches. I was gonna be like i wonder what thats like on the gems side but theey just kinda wake them up so they can take control dont they. Nvm.

Uhm on second thought maybe theres more to it then that what rhe Fuck just happened. Side note Anne‘s unconcious body is just In The Field now what are they planning to do to get her back to bed. Im sure this will work out perfectly

Nooo WAIT BUT IF IT GETS RID OF HEART THEN WHAT ABOUT WITNEY TOO NO WAIT BUT WITNEY BELOVED NO COME BACK

WAIT. Wait is it. Wait hold on gimmie a second o don’t remember what maddie or valeriana look like hold on. I feel like tje dots that are in my brain that im connecting right now theres a good chance im wrong but. The dots that are in my brain they are connecting.

hanjdhsgsgshshw well in glad Heart didnt Say anying about the fact its *incredibly* obvious who Sprig‘s ancestor was

“I did no such thing.”

 So this whole time they’ve been blaming Heart for the antler it��wasn’t even them at all?( hmmmmmmmmmmm iiinchressstiiiinnnhhgggggg. Also the bit about the fact Heart has claws and etc. being because of Anne… OH AND THAT WHY ANDRIAS DOESNT GUYS IM CONNECTING THE PIECES)

“Everything I had with him got in the way of what I wanted with them,” they say with venom. “I was so convinced I could only love him, I didn’t allow myself to love them. When I knew I did.” They chuckle sadly. “I want to love them so badly.” (Wow did you know il insane now im never going to be normal again ever ever again this is my life forever now)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE IS WITNEY NO WITNEY NO WJAT WAIT NO- NO WAIT STOP NO WAIT

NO U

GOOD. CRY

If I don’t make Marcy hold Witney gently very five seconds then I’m doing something wrong

See what I mean

That was the intention

I’m so funny guys. Haha. Remember how. Remember how Marcy only has one eye

It’s because he’s spent her entire life going through fucked up things and therefore doesn’t realize they’re fucked up.

You are welcome in the Marcy Kinnie Community, we have trauma here.

Witney can have a little fun at Strength’s expense, as a treat.

I’m like Marcy. I used to be so smart in school but I am such a dumb of ass when it comes to socializing and the like. And I just keep getting dumber the older I get.

THEY! ARE! SUCH! BESTIES!

Dude literally

More people should think like Witney. Just run away from all your problems.

Shit-talking Barrel is always a great activity for your mental health.

Everything went so wrong and I am so here for it. What fun would this story be if anything went right?

I was having such a hard time coming up with a good line there and I concluded that I am simply not good at it at all.

Let them be silly so true bestie

Bro you have NO idea how excited I was to include Brenton in this, or how HARD it was to keep it secret for seven months. It is truly maniacal.

AND NOW WE CAN TRULY START GENDERING WITNEY

Please come join the Marcy Kinnies. Also I love the whole “defending Strength” thing. Marcy has actually met and had important interactions with Strength, and now that she realizes that, she has her own impression of it. She can’t see how it would be capable of doing something that would spark such hatred on Witney’s part, and more than that, Witney won’t tell her what that something is. Having Marcy and Witney disagree on the matter is very important to me.

This library would be so much fun. And it’s such a perfect place to show Marcy all the different kinds of people Witney has been a part of. Hehe eyeball. You like what I did there?

I MISS Witney’s sass-mouth. Let him be a dick. She has the capability.

LITERALLY

I WILL NEVER LET GO OF K-MART

such a cute name for such an off-kilter little guy.

Dude Leif teaching Witney how to read is one of my most favorite things ever. They have so so much more to their relationship than what was shown in the Heart chap and I’m SO excited to show more of it in the upcoming gem chaps.

Poor Witney having to revisit her tragic backstory :((

ONE VESSEL ONE VESSEL. GGRRRRRR THIS ONE ALWAYS GETS ME SO BAD. If you ever wondered why Strength acts so differently as a gem and why I keep pointing it out, it’s because of THIS.

What I did to Weif? What do I always do to the pink/green relationships??? You can’t tell me you didn’t see this coming.

Oh Heart. Immediately trying and immediately failing to start things back up with Witney. At least Witney is the last person who would judge Heart.

Don’t make me think about Aggie I’ll get sad

HEARTNEY ANGST SO GOOD

Ahh the spell pouches. If you remember from way back in IBYBF 5 when we actually got to see a POV of a spell pouch doing its work,

A sudden blast of purple materializes between her and the gem, filling the water with the hue and prompting the vine to release her leg at once. 

“Aw, leaving so soon—?”

The gem disappears in the cloud, and Anne’s eyes go wide with the realization. 

One of the bundles has gone off. 

Heart quite literally disappears into the cloud of purple. Furthermore we can see with this passage from CMTO 7,

“Do not use anymore of that magic stuff on me,” they demand softly. “It hinders my connection to Anne, and she is expecting a status report. I will return to my realm peacefully. Do you have any final questions before I go?”

Essentially, the pouches work to sever the connection between vessel and gem for a brief period of time, meaning communication and possession become impossible. It muddies the dreamscapes as well, filling them with the purple void and further confusing and disorienting all parties. Now I want you to sit back and come to the understanding that Heart and Anne both spent all of that morning trapped in the void and unable to find each other until Maddie put the incense out. And have fun with that information.

Yes just as it works on Heart, it also works quite well on Witney.

DONT WORRY ABOUT VALERIANA YET

I originally didn’t have the gems react to Sprig’s likeness to Leif because I hadn’t yet fully developed the gem backstory and didn’t know what their reaction would be,, but now I just think it’s SUPER funny that they still don’t.

You’re doing great sweetie. And if you recall, Heart only starting growing the branches and that ‘rhinoceros horn’ in Andrias’s calamity form when they tried to suffocate Leif.

This is also my life forever gODAMMIT I love Heart sm

Hmmmmm where is Witney? I wonder :^)

[impernaway]

7. camouflaged

By the time the taxi finally pulls up at the rink, Caradoc has been there waiting for nearly an hour. It's a bitter winter night, the wind whipping at his hair where it's tied back and buffetting his face, and he is grateful now more than ever that he made sure to wear a thicker scarf for coming out tonight. Even with it looped firmly around his neck and the lower half of his face buried down into the wool, his eyes and cheeks are still stinging. He drinks in the detals of the car that just arrived before stepping forward to knock on the window.

"Can I get a ride to downtown by any chance? I was waiting for someone and, well," he shrugs and gestures at the empty space beside himself.

"Sure thing," the driver says, jerking his head back. "Pop in. Anywhere in particular?"

"If you can get me near the waterfront, that'd be ideal," Caradoc says, swinging the back door open and settling in. "I should be able to sort myself out from there, thank you."

He sits back, slowly looking around and taking in more information about the interior. The seat was red leather, and when he glanced down at the footwell and the ceiling he found both to be a softer shade of red as well. The seatbelt felt firm under his fingers, if slightly thicker than the norm, and there's a faint stain on one side of it. With a slight lurch, the cab pulled away and set off on it's journey.

"Mind if I put some music on, mate?" The driver asked over his shoulder.

"Go ahead," Caradoc said. "Though if you don't mind, I'll be putting my headphones in in that case? I have a voicemail," he added, holding up his mobile and wiggling it.

He's met with a grunt, so takes the chance before he's met with any real protest. He does actually have a saved message, but the only thing he intends to listen to is just a Taylor Swift album. He's not sure why his brothers had to insist he listen to this, but he isn't going to bicker with either of them.

candle cove: I'm headed your way now. candle cove: Who changed my name again? green knight: lol. lmao. cockatiel: Suffer. candle cove: I don't know what I expected. candle cove: I'll keep you posted. green knight: why dont you just share your location? green knight: cmon the button is RIGHT THERE candle cove is now sharing their location! green knight: now was that so hard, old man??

Younger brothers.

He absentmindedly increases the volume on his song as he tucks the phone away, looking out the window at the buildings they're driving past to keep himself focused. The heater has kicked in, breathing hot and humid air directly into his face, and there isn't any way of politely asking for it to be turned off without taking his headphones out. He can barely hear the singer on the speaker system over the dulcet tunes of Taylor Swift talking about bad blood.

Is Taylor Swift a vampire? God, he hopes not. Caradoc has not been paying enough attention to the song during all of this.

He takes to counting the number of windows he can see on each building to keep his brain together. It's coming up on two in the morning - whilst he can't help but resent being called "old man" all the time, he will admit that he's certainly going to be feeling this tomorrow. He's not the same person he was when he'd just turned twenty. There's only so many late nights and early mornings he can be bothered to deal with.

"I think we just missed a turn," he says, watching the turn-off go sailing past the window.

The driver says something that could be either it's a shortcut or don't give a fuck. In his ears, Miss Swift croons about how bandaids don't fix bullet holes. At least she has a rudimentary understanding of first aid.

His phone buzzes. He pulls it out, sends a one-word reply, and pockets it again.

"Pull over," he says, trying to lean forward to tap on the driver's shoulder. It doesn't work.

He catches sight of the drivers' eyes in the rear-view mirror. He's grinning back at his passenger, the cab picking up speed on the straight road.

"I said pull over."

The driver says something, making a one-handed gesture at him to take his headphones out.

Caradoc grits his teeth, reaching up and wrenching the set of bluetooth headphones and hastily pocketing them before he forgets. The song that's been playing the whole time washes over him, the words indistinct and haunting. The hooks they're trying to dig in to him don't take.

"Third time! My name is Caradoc Ashford, I've already tipped off the Charter about your little game here, and I'm telling you to PULL OVER!"

He watches as dark-brown eyes go wide, further revealing the horizontal pupil. The brakes squeel at the same that Caradoc's back unceremoniously stops sticking to the seat. He tries to lunge forward only for the seatbelt to stop him - at least THAT'S real - and scrambles to release it and tries again whilst the driver is scrambling at his own to try and make good his escape. Caradoc only manages to successfully catch one sleeve of his jacket, cursing in frustration as the man simply shucks it and scrambles out the door.

By the time he gets out, the driver is already on the floor, legs pinned together by binding spells. Behind him, the glamours on the cab start to fade. What had looked before like a perfectly ordinary black paintjob is now something closer to velvet in terms of texture. The wet air that had been contained within it is starting to smell rather distinct, even from several steps away.

His younger brother is standing over the man on the ground, slowly raising an eyebrow at him. Caradoc raises his back.

"You're sure, then?"

"I'm sure," he nods. "He tried to mesmerise me, he never actually started the clock for the journey, the taxi license on the back of the car was pretty convincing but it's a fake, and we're three minutes out from the river. And..."

"And?"

He squeezes his eyes shut, looking up at the sky for strength before carrying on. "The seatbelt has a lipstick stain on it. Jade green, the same that Tina had been wearing when she was last seen.

The two of them look down at the squirming body on the ground. Three people drowned in the last two months, all of whom had lingering traces of some kind of magic on their bodies when they'd made it to the coroner's office. The only concrete lead they'd had had been a series of panicked texts and a single photo the last victim had sent a friend. An incident involving an entropy mage on the loose had stretched the Charter thin. What had started with an agreement to take a quick look had...Spiraled, somewhat. He hadn't originally intended to play bait, but apparently he could camoeflague himself as a slightly hapless and ideal victim fairly easily.

A kelpie pretending to be a taxi driver, of all things.

"I've called it in," Rick says, reaching out and clapping a hand on his shoulder. "The Knights are on their way already. Even if it's not this guy, he still tried to get you. Go ring Gawain. Let him know you're okay."

He nods quietly. He can do that. The car Rick had been following them in has never seemed so appealing, particularly after having sat on something's tongue for the last twenty minutes.

[thestarseersystem]

8, 11, 22 for the ask game!

That's right, I was gonna do that sdjklfsdjklfkljsdf

8. Do you enjoy communicating with your parts? Would you like to share about an interaction you’ve recently had?

I don't necessarily think that communicating with my alters is all that fun or enjoyable. Its really hard to differentiate alters speaking from intrusive thoughts, as well as brain fog. So, if it happens, its rather inconsistent/rare. Some of us have an easier time communicating, but it takes effort. I don't really remember this, its vague and I can't exactly remember what we said. But, so,, I have this visual in my head that me and Raven was in this blue-dark room, where it was raining. I held him in my arms as we cried. We shared a conversation that really meant something. He is a persecutor and holds a lot of violent trauma, so this was our way of talking and opening up. He is an introject of someone close to me, mixed with experiences we had of people like the person he's a factive of. Our conversation meant a lot. And, we don't have much in the way of words, and more just sharing visuals and memories. I dont really think in words, but describing things I see in my head. So, if alters do need to speak, it definitely has to be in a private space, cause its hard to hear.

11. Is there any sort of internal organization or structure for your parts? How set-in-place is it?

There is. There are many alters that have roles or know things, and there are many different sections of the innerworld that just align to that part or that role. Like, its these twinges that I feel, that its like "This is what is right and this is what is wrong". I barely go into the innerworld, but there is a whole wealth of things in the innerworld and different realms within it. In the overworld, there is the castle, abandoned town and twisted tree forest. But there's another forest behind the castle, that connects to the mansion and to the shore. There is a pier in the abandoned town. There is realms only connected to by certain alters. So there is like, gatekeepers have information and are somewhat like, the most unhuman, like immortals or deities or something. They are the most cryptic. And then like theres people in deep dark parts in the innerworld, which have information that I am not allowed to know. And then like, Im like experiencing negative lil twinges thinkin about that. It makes me angry somehow. There is a lot of implied structure and organization, like its making me switch just thinking about it. lmaooo im dissociating hghhghfhgh ok i think thats enough ig,,, it just makes me feel things. man. Im so fucked up man

22. Do you have any parts that feel almost opposite to you?

Yeah so like. Tsuki, Yuki and Shiro are triplets. Yuki and Tsuki are often on different sides of emotions, the biggest conflicting thoughts come from them. Rai is split off from Yuki and meant to be a mirror from her, they both have the same connections to innerworld stuff. Aiko is also on a different side of emotion from Yuki, often choosing revenge and anger. Jeremy and Damien are twins, so they're often on opposing viewpoints. Jeremy is a persecutor and Damien is a protector, you can see how that goes, they fight a lot. Emiline/Gwendolyn are opposing alters in the same innerworld body. Like, theyre twins but they share a single body, Emiline is pink and feisty, Gwendolyn is worried and blue. Theyre kind of like that creepy ghost child/ren from some horror movie or game. Persecutor little too. Ashley is also a sort of "male version" of the host, even though there's like 4+ male "versions", so he's opposite in that regard. Etc etc., there's a lot of alters who are "opposites" or "mirrored" or twins. a lot of pairs or trios. (like the hosts are a trio)