#everything else? dismissed
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Embracing my hater energy: the show is awful, this writing is worse than my very first fanfiction and the whole "be open to changes in canon" thing was wrong. We should have bullied them. We should have bullied them and hated them and been mean to them to the point they would have to cave and make things right.
I don't care how it sounds, I stand by this. Big corporations that suck the soul out of your favourite things deserve bullying. Big bosses of big corporations who are underpaying proper writers and production deserve bullying. People who get creative control to reenact their own vision of canon [which makes it fanon] and their delusional view to be canon deserve the backlash.
Spectacular actors. Wonderful job on that. Everyone else is awful tho. Love to see them, hate to see everything else.
#this is my house and in my house this is the only acceptable opinion#moots. you are the real ones and your takes are all i care about#everything else? dismissed#if the show production treats the viewer like a morron who will not understand big themes therefore makes everything simplified#the show production is lazy and uninspiring and blatantly disrespectful. thats all
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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i think a really great aspect of oofuri is how much it gets mihashi's ass for being overly timid and dependent. it would be really easy to write off the way he and abe interact as being abe's fault because he is overbearing, and a lot of people do, but it has some really great moments of going "hey, you cannot hide behind abe or depend on him to make every decision. it's not good for you, or him, or the team."
#oofuri#yeah abe is a little overbearing but it is often because mihashi does not make decisions on his own so abe is just filling in the gaps#because he really and truly cannot make a good guess about what mihashi wants#because mihashi has never said anything about what he wants#but any time mihashi has ever voiced a complaint or suggestion abe takes it into account#he is not dismissive#he just doesn't think to ask because 1. mihashi has never given abe a straight answer to anything 2. abe is not very good at being social!!#autistic teen boy who needs things said simply to him paired up with autistic teen boy who thinks saying things simply will get him killed#abe should ask more but mihashi also needs to say more. abe can't read his mind and he shouldn't have to that's not how relationships work#i get a little irritated at the perception that abe is treating mihashi poorly#what is he meant to do when mihashi doesn't talk to him#i am thinking about the scene where tajima gets mad at mihashi#and tells him 'you can't play baseball with just abe'#because mihashi being incapable of speaking his mind and acting on his own isn't good for the team#and abe will pick up the slack but that isn't how things should be#i did not like the bijou game but i really liked it showcasing the strain it put on abe to make all of the calls#and there is a lot there to be said about how his willingness to do everything but actually pitch for mihashi#stems from how bad catching for haruna was for him#because he felt alone at the catcher's plate the same way mihashi did on the mound#and that. fucking scene of abe begging haruna to pitch. augh. he'll do the rest please just pitch#abe can do everything else as long as mihashi stays on the mound#obsessed with mihashi and abe mutually being so worried that the other person will not be there
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its so funny that all minute—the guy who once upon a time hoped to redeem zam—'s team has accomplished is getting him to consider giving up his remaining honor in order to match the level they're playing on ?
#m#lifesteal#i can't stop thinking about minute&co dismissing the argument about how they've encouraged players#to ban themselves and thus contradicted their own stated goal#the way 'peaceful ending' warped into 'it doesn't matter what we do so long as we can flip a switch at the end' but what the fuck happens#in a scenario where you unban everyone who you've pissed off ? are they happy? is that peace? and you won't even defend the choice!#what the fuck is happening here!#you laugh at zam for saying he's won but you won't have the argument that you know you'd lose ^_^#none of this is angry in tone i'm having fun. thisis my bread and butter. i'm happy lifesteal is weird and tense again#enjoying that it's looped this far around into the ACTIVE dismissal of rp-logic where zam&co are having to say 'okay then#we'll win This game too!'#them acting dismayed that mapicc wouldn't walk into that obsidian box. like oh my god#and it's so different from the weird tenseness of s4 it's something different entirely. new meta conflicts just for me !????#we'll see how it all ends.... they might make me mad again but we'll cross that bridge#it's so different from the Vitalasy Incident even though both involve people functioning in opposition to lifesteal's 'storytelling rules'#for vi it was because of his emotional investment. it manifested in nothing but endless 'character-level' debate in the lead up and#plenty of emotional roleplay from vitalasy in the aftermath#vi's primary effect on season 4 through the wormhole was to render lifesteal's gameplay obsolete#pb&j's primary effect is instead to focus intently on Winning that game while everything else falls by the wayside
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who loves the antichrist
Olivie - His Lover
I remember his heart in my heart.
I remember his weakness, his follies, his flaws.
I remember that he can be hurt, and put my hand over his wounds.
When you stand upon the burning hill;
When you huddle in the dark;
Do not forget that I alone remember your heart.
Volo - His Knight
My lord burns me, spends me, restores me.
My lord's hand is my hand: my lord's will is my will.
My lord aims his sword at heaven, and I am his sword.
I tremble; I shiver. I stand before a greater light.
Have mercy upon me, my lord.
My anguish is complete, and my soul is yours.
Bellefleur - His Queen
I will make him for my hand.
I will make him for my enemies.
I will make him what he wants to be made.
He is great, and I will make him greater.
Look neither to the left nor right. Trust my hand upon your back.
A sword exists for a purpose.
#every one of bastian's primary ships makes me want to bite through plywood#Bastian has intermittently become aware that his wife might be manipulating him#but he always forgets it; always just goes away#until Olivie finally grabbed him by his shoulders and shouted OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES#he's still not sure how much he blames on Bellefleur but he might actually have wrapped his hands around the idea for good this time#that as she sharpens him and sharpens him he might be losing other parts of himself#Olivie raised the idea that Bellefleur might have deliberately gotten one of Bastian's allies killed because that ally didn't trust her#and Bastian couldn't dismiss it#Bastian loves Bellefleur for being the kind of woman who'd do all this shit but that doesn't mean he wants it done to HIM#and then there's Volo#which is how everyone talks about it: 'and then there's Volo'#the exception the special case in everything in every situation#everyone acknowledges that there is something sacred and strange between the two of them#something that admits no one else and acts as the keystone for Bastian's soul#a woman a disciple and...whatever Bellefleur is#or imagines herself to be#heretic#dice matters
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...y'all are aware that the Winged Lion only liked Laios b/c it thought that he'd be extremely easy to manipulate and that Laios' desires could be its best bet to leave the dungeon as its own master, right?
That it wasn't actually right about Laios, right? That it purposefully picked at a violent childhood fantasy that Laios was embarrassed and ashamed about as part of its efforts to push Laios mentally where it wanted him, right?
That it doesn't really care about the difference between what its masters actually want, fleeting urges, and subconscious thoughts and fears? That it will use whatever is there to manipulate its master b/c it doesn't actually give any fucks about the people it intends to violate and eat, right? That it is blatantly a manipulative bastard who doesn't respect any of its masters as people?
That it lost because it deeply underestimated Laios and ignored everything that Laios actually said and didn't believe that Laios could be any kind of a threat to it? That it misunderstood him, much like all of Laios' comrades did and *continue* to do, to the point that its curse isn't something that even actually hurts him on a deep level?
#spoilers#nix meows#dungeon meshi#if you share the WL's perception of Laios you don't actually know or respect Laios as a character#' 'Laios is a himbo that cares about monsters more than anything else' ' is exactly a surface level take that ignores a lot of Laios'#character and is very dismissive of everything else that's been shown about him
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y'all with autoimmune diseases ever worry you'd miss something serious like cancer because your symptoms would mask it
#like oh no I have permanently swollen lymph nodes a fever and fatigue among other symptoms#is it the lupus (something I know I have) or Hodgkins lymphoma????#and its just like this with so much because lupus is the great imitator#it looks like everything#so if I had something serious it would probably be dismissed by me and everyone else as lupus
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height chart/character sheet for all of the main tma cast feat. my headcanons (and misconceptions about canon desc. O_O) of them
and an extra georgie <3
#if you havent seen my melanie post i was for some reason convinced that melanie was a canonical black woman#and that she was described as a ''shorter black woman with short curly hair'' which is smth that never happened lol#so thats the misconception that influenced melanie's design#but also i like how her being a black woman adds to her whole character of ''someone passed over and dismissed and met with hostility-#-before she can even show others what kind of person she is''#anyways heights bc thats why i made this:#daisy and tim: around 5'8#jon and melanie: around 5'1#martin: around 6'#basira and georgie: around 5'11#martin: 6'#sasha and elias: around 6'5#im not v good with heights bc i myself and very small.... but i tried to make it make sense#i love georgie she is literally everything to me <3#everyone else is in everyday attire and georgies just chilling in her pyjamas. im in love with her#i wanted to put gertrude and helen on here too but i didnt have time :(#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#timothy stoker#sasha james#elias bouchard#melanie king#basira hussain#daisy tonner#🤢 sorry i dont like her#georgie barker#my art
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why did agatha tell lilia the truth about her only being able to steal powers if she’s blasted first if her entire plan was to get them to blast her so she could steal their powers??
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#the more i think about these episodes the more it’s just like… why?#all the components were there for a really amazing ending but it’s just not and that’s so annoying#fucking marvel#and i want to make it clear that my issue isn’t about agatha x rio#because so many people are making it just only about that and so many others are dismissing anyone else’s low opinions on the ending cause#they think they’re only upset about that as well#but like no! there were actual issues#some of them Do have to do with agatha x rio but not all or even most of them do#like episode 6 had people complaining because of agatha x rio despite how well-executed/written it was#but that’s not what’s happening this time?? (okay for some people it is but not anywhere near all of them because there were glaring issues#in these last two eps)#like I don’t think a backstory or anything was actually necessary. I think they could have kept the same amount of agatha x rio scenes and#even kept them the same length and still been able to pull off something so much more satisfying instead of what they gave us#I think that about so much of these episodes too#like they could have done so much better with what time they were given and made everything so much more impactful and meaningful but#instead soooo much of it just feels so lackluster and husk-like#like the body’s there but there’s no soul to it#which honestly is par the course for marvel but this show had done such a good job of distancing itself from them and being its own thing#that I really thought it could be more#idk. I’m just disappointed ig#txt
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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Janet complaining about modern phones is the first okay boomer moment so far. I mean, is it really that important? For the phones to have little buttons
I hope you know I’m circling this and booing you out loud.
You’re right that it isn’t that important, but a woman should be allowed to have petty complaints when her entire life has turned upside down.
Also I’m a millennial, you filthy scrub. <3
#ah it’s good to see that people still dismiss women’s opinions even now in 2024#and also how DARE you insult my need for pushing buttons#click#clickity#clack#yes I’m picking this hill to die on#again#ooc: anon pls don’t be mad i just thought this is a funny thing for her to actually get mad at opposed to literally everything else lmho#tim drake#batman#dc red robin#dc robin#janet drake#batman and robin#dc rp#tim drake wayne#dc comics#dcu#Jan chats#homebound arc
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this being the first theory battler has lampshaded and discarded as a joke is making me extremely 👁
#umineko liveblog#like. everything else has been taken seriously even when it's stupid#but this is outright dismissed the second it's mentioned. surely not..........#ough but wait. the possibility of the captive beatrice falling pregnant is rather high#and there are several plausible scenarios with which a hidden child could work#i mean if we go full cliche then the answer here is that nanjo somehow helped beatrice hide the child#making him like double compromised with kinzo. almost like a moral stalemate even#also given the date the mansion was built we can assume this kid would be in their early/mid 30s present day#only known candidate on rokkenjima who fits the criteria would be rosa but that doesn't really makes sense#either that or gohda is a good 10-15 years younger than you'd think he is#but then i'm thinking about the ushiromiya shannon stuff and wondering if there isn't an orphanage link#not that shannon's the beatrice child because she's 15 years too young for that#but perhaps the kid was concealed in the orphanage and this is where the furniture stuff comes in?#every single servant kid is less than human unless they prove themselves to be a worthy substitute for the lost child#and the abuse comes from the fact that they also bear the brunt of kinzo's rage at this kid for having slipped out of his grasp#and of course none of the servant children can ever compare to kinzo's ideal so the cycle perpetuates forever#furniture in that they're being punished for not innately being an ushiromiya successor#this also feeds into the beatrice/kinzo becoming stuff too at a slightly different angle#the children are brought on expected to carry fragments of both beatrice and kinzo and tormented when they fail to do so#meanwhile i genuinely think if a beatrice kid existed they would presently be extremely far removed from rokkenjima#like some random well adjusted adult who knows very little of their origins#meaning that even if kinzo ever found this person they too would not be a fitting ushiromiya successor#yeah i think there might be some potential for this kind of theory
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why did my teachers think it was okay to give us like one single weekend to finish all of our midterm projects and study for our tests.
#slight vent#i have 3 projects and 3 tests#i’m halfway through my lit/history project and halfway through my psych project#and maybe a quarter done with my programming project#which is fucking insane btw cause how tf am i supposed to code a whole video game in like 3 days on top of everything else 😭😭😭#and some things he hasn’t taught us and just thinks that we should just be able to figure out like HELLO???/?///#I DONT HAVE TIME TO TEACH MYSELF NEW CODE#ITS THE MIDTERM/FINAL FOR THE CLASS??????#and once the weekend starts i’ll have no one to trouble shoot my stuff and fix my bugs so literally i’ll be hopeless so 😭😭😭#my calc teacher JUST finished teaching us everything we need for the midterm TODAY. THE MIDTERM IS ON WEDNESDAY. BRO.#my physics teacher doesn’t let us copy down any of our idk test questions or take our old assessments home to study#*old#so we get to look em over for like 20 mins and hand em back. which doesn’t exact fucking help me when i’m studying for the midterm.#WITH NO STUDY GUIDE.#my teachers even said that this years midterms are worse than previous years cause they’re all in a row instead of split by a weekend#we’ve had 2 delayed openings and 1 early dismissal this week which means we have less time to work on our midterm projects in class 😭😭😭😭#i’m so overwhelmed i’m gonna explode#by the time i finish these projects i’m not gonna have anymore energy/time to study for my tests. WHICH IS THE HARD SHIT BTW.
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ཻ۪۪♡.
#i want to learn how to vent healthily#bc i have this incessant pathological need to like share every thought i have#and if i dont i get this restless uneasy feeling in my chest and i get restless and worried and like wtf?#whats wrong w me? maybe it has smth to do w that during my entire life i have never been listened to or been helped#like during my life i've asked for help repeatedly but when i have i've only been dismissed or not believed etc etc#so maybe that translated into my head to just feel the need to share it in a public space.....#bc i used to write rverything in a diary but i filled them too quickly and i cant afford the money or space to do that#so i started using twitter and now tumblr... but that has only resulted in me like feeding into it?#it's not healthy to feel the need to share EVERY thought or else u feel crazy. i also shouldnt focus or dwell on thoughts sm#i do have issues bc of my disorders and anxiety. plus avpd in swedish is literally called 'anxious personality disorder' 💀#so it is in me to be anxious and worried and neurotic#but still i want to learn how to not be fixated on thoughts and feelings (also a challenge bc bpd makes feelings feel all consuming)#if i think smth - that also can be totally untrue and only based on my worries -#i can just think it and let it go. idk have to dwell on it and obsess over it. (im trying mindfulness for years lol)#bc most of my venting is like me getting stuck in feelings and idk why i feel the need to express it constantly?#it isnt worth it. bc actually it has caused rifts and missunderstandings in multiple connections i've had online...#i do feel like venting isnt smth bad.. and i think emotions are PERSONAL and like completely unrelated to truth and other ppl#but i get it.. esp when u only know eo online and dont know everything going on in eo's heads#then u only get that as a full image when it isnt the whole picture#so like idk. i WANT to be able to get a healthier outlook on it.. bc this isnt working#both bc of myself and for myself but also in relation to others#and like. why do i like never see anyone else on thmblr/twitter that post EVERY thought like me???? (i dont think its wrong to do bc *i*#have a different pov on it and idc abt other ppl's vents but .. yeah idk why do i do this but no one else does it at the level i do?#so idk i've just been thinking of this lately bc yeah.. yeah i just dont know i dont know.... :///#i actually want to be able to not ruminate and get stuck in it but idk how to break free?#plus expressing positive emotions & thoughts is terrifying to me like idk why but i cant????#why??? i feel like im undeserving of good things that i cant even express smth nice bc im like .. i dont deserve to think/feel that??
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playing rap/hip-hop for family members who like making fun of your music taste and are that "i hate rap i don't consider it real music" type really spotlights how much they do not know anything about or listen to rap and their "criticisms" for it are a bunch of garbage that they wouldn't say about any other music genre
#not jojo related#music#i remember playing a hip hop song for my dad once and he complained ''he just says the same thing over and over!!''#because the song dared to have a refrain line and chorus#like you would not be saying that about a rock song that repeats a line throughout it#you just want to frame a rap song like it's non-intellectual (music crime i guess)#especially strange because many of said family members including my dad identify as progressive and anti-racist and everything#there's a lesson in unchecked biases for you i guess#there was always strong pressure in my family to like what they considered ''good'' music like classic rock#and have strict standards for what ''good'' and ''respectable'' music is and dismiss everything else#i used to conform to it when i was 11 because i was so self conscious about my music and wanted to impress them#got a big head when i listened to pink floyd and adults told me they were surprised i could ''appreciate that kind of music''#but now that i've grown up and expanded my music taste quite a bit i've realized how garbage that attitude is#the overt racism of it all especially
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