#everything else is from the past 2 months
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Fic Series Idea: Jason and Dick both get de-aged permanently in public at Damian's 13th birthday gala.
They both get de-aged to their 13th birthdays and have their memories from then. Both Zatana and Constantine confirm it's permanent but they also say there's something weird with the spell, it's not a simple de-aging spell but they can't figure out what the difference does.
Exactly a month after they get de-aged they find out. All the memories of the month after their 13th birthdays floods into their mind and the scars and muscle memory appears on/in their bodies.
The 2 Robins think it's cool but are secretly kinda scared because by the time they get to their original ages they'll be completely different people from both who they are now and who they became because sure they'll have their memories and bodies and muscle memory but they'll also have the memories of growing up again.
The rest of the batfam is horrified because this means Jason is going to have to re-experience dying and the pit and everything else and Dick going to have to re-experience all the shit that's happened to him. Being the "completely emotionally competent" people they are they sorta just decide to ignore that and resolve themselves to be better this time round (for Bruce and Alfred) and be good big-little siblings (for the rest).
Damian is also 13 and while it's a little hard to get past the fact that his Akhi and Richard are now the same age as him they become a terrifying trio especially since they can now teach each other a lot easier since they're the same age. Dick teaches them acrobatics and gymnastics and Jason and Damian are having a much easier time picking them up than when older Dick taught them. Jason teaches them how to interact with the people of the alley, victims, etc. and the dirty tricks he'd pull when in a bind as well as general street smarts like places to sleep and how to spot safe and dangerous people etc. which allows Dick and Damian to become a lot closer to the people of Gotham than they were before. Damian teaches them a bunch of stuff from the LoA so Jason and Dick become more effective fighters sooner.
At the beginning of every month Dick and Jason sit down with Alfred for tea and talk about the memories and scars they got the previous night while Alfred reminisces about that time. Sometimes the others join but not often, the most likely to join are Damian or Duke with Steph second most likely.
Obviously they can't go out as Robin so they pick new identities. Jason starts as Flamebird and then changes to Phoenix when he remembers he died. Damian gives Robin back to Dick and changes his name to Shadow.
They also get some new teachers since all of B's training will eventually come back to them. Cass teaches the 3 stealth at Damian's request. Tim and Cass somehow rope in both Lady Shiva and Richard Dragon. Jason finds out about the All-Blades because he accidentally summons them when looking for a knife to cut some bread and his memories of the All-Caste come flooding back and then he begs Bruce to get them magic teachers and Damian and Dick join him, Bruce eventually caves and the 3 become the apprentices of the whole of Justice League Dark.
Also the All-Caste isn't destroyed in this timeline and Jason brings Dick and Damian to it. Essence may or may not literally pass out because of how adorable the 3 are and they get some training there too.
By the time they're all 18 they're 3 of the strongest people on the planet. Dick is their moral compass and has basically become Nightwing but better this time. Jason is both completely different and the same, he's by far the most brutal of the 3 and isn't afraid to kill but if Dick tells him not to kill someone then he won't because Dick is the best out of the 3 of them at telling who could actually change and get help (pedos and rapists are still fair game tho). Damian is as good at stealth as Cass and has an affinity for shadow magic, Jason's penchant for theatrics also rubbed off on him, he also isn't afraid to kill but only does so in the most dire of circumstances. If the 3 show up together you know it's some really big threat but everyone also relaxes majorly.
Damian is the tallest of the 3 at 6ft 5 and has a similar build to Dick but slightly bulkier. Jason comes next at 6ft 4 (yes Damian makes fun of him for it but they both make fun of B for only being 6ft without the bat suit) and has a more similar build to Bruce but slightly stockier with larger muscles. Dick is the shortest at only 5ft 10 and has a slim yet highly muscular build.
Damian is the one that thinks and acts the most like Batman or an assassin in the field mainly using gadgets and stealth. Dick acts much more circus acrobat like by using his magic to create trapezes and whips and ropes and stuff. Jason makes heavy use of magic and is basically what if Red Hood had actual magic rather than just the All-Blades.
#batman#batfam#jason todd#damian wayne#dick grayson#magic#dc comics#cassandra cain#red hood#nightwing#dc robin#de-aged robins#magical robins#justice league dark#All-Caste#all blades#damian al ghul
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Backlog of stuff I have lying around cause school’s got me busy
#the Grusha one is the newest#everything else is from the past 2 months#also there’s my Pokésona at the bottom#idk much what I’m doing with him yet#this is gonna be fun to tag#BUT THE GAY POKÉMON SHIPS ARE THERE#team rainbow rocket#lusamine pokemon#ghetsis pokemon#cyrus pokemon#giovanni pokemon#lysandre pokemon#professor sycamore#perfectworldshipping#elite four hassel#brassius#I’m not gonna tag empherealartshipping cause it’s only one drawing#but know it is implied#they’re my comfort ship so I have to#doodles#grusha pokemon#malva pokemon#love all these stupid guys#most of the traditional ones I wanna redraw but know I probably never will :’-]#Pokémon brainrot is so bad but like it’s fineeee#rainbowpufflez art tag
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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#I’m so fucking burnt out#I have -300 spoons right now#and I have no fucking clue how to get out of the negatives#going from thanksgiving to a family trip (driving 24 hours both ways and spending a week…. took everything out of me) to Christmas#to new years to family birthdays#and I live with my parents so I’ve been helping them with stuff nonstop for the past month#I’m exhausted and so so so fucking hopeless#feel like the only way for me to be happy or work on my happiness again is if I move#but that’s so fucking unlikely#and I don’t even want to think about how much housing is going to change after the presidents change#I’m so scared#I can’t live here anymore#but I have no where else to go#and I don’t want anyone to get me wrong - I know I’m so lucky to have a roof over my head#but being this unhappy every single day for the past 2 years is really getting to me#I cant live like this anymore I just can’t#it’s not living it’s not even fucking surviving I’m just here#I’ve been working so damn hard went to 2 different mental health programs been seeing a therapist every week#seeing a psychiatrist a lot to figure out my meds#but I’m still like this and I just don’t know anymore#I’m so tired#sorry ignore me#shut up rosie
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my mother, ever trying to invent drama and catastrophe and get me over to her house so she can argue with me, has informed me today, the first time she's talked to me since the last ~catastrophe~ she overreacted to and fought with me, that there is 'water on the side of the house'
outside? yes.
it's been raining on and off here for a while. it is winter. the water is outside. in the yard. I was like. ok.............. it's outside. it's raining. this..... isn't a problem?
this was an offensive answer
#this woman has had all month to do SO MUCH STUFF#I mean this in the idk most nonjudgemental way possible but she literally has NOTHING to do all day. she does not have a job she works#outside the home. or even in the home#she is still able bodied and capable in regards to every day tasks like. sweeping. cooking basic meals. laundry. the essentials.#she REFUSES to do these things cause in the past if she didn't do them#I would cause I was living there and I hated living in mess#she does not dust her house AT ALL anymore. she has not dusted ONCE in the almost 10 years she's been back in the house#the 'flooding' incident of last week was minor and fixed the VERY NEXT DAY#she is still like omg I still have towels to wash from that and I'm getting everything back together#like.... she had to move a small rolling cart that slides between the sink and the washer#back into the laundry room. and do like idk 2-3 loads of towels tops.#she had 4 whole days to do all of this by now. none of it is done#'I have all these christmas presents to wrap' like.....#the last decade or so she has asked me for lists of stuff to get everyone#then *I* wrap all the gifts she buys for everyone else#she does NOTHING. she wants everyone to do everything for her#and then she wants to complain about her family being 'controlling' and not 'respecting' her#like bro everyone in this family has jumped through HOOPS to make sure she has had a place to live#working heat and AC food like I am not joking our family has gone to LENGTHS to ensure all this#and then she wants ppl to clean her house for her and wrap her presents and she's like#NONE OF YOU CARE ABOUT ME#she is the most selfish person I've ever met. in my whole life. and I know my dad.#I don't know HOW she ended up like this. her parents were even like WTF man?#I'm venting I had to vent I'm sorry#delete later
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OK here is all I could find........ I turn to dust.....
#some of these are like. Old LMAO#The hellpoint-ified mindscape gang image is going to be 2 years old in a few days....................#The soliton & lavender image is Over 2 years old OOPS#I thought I had posted them before....#Everything else is still kind of relatively recent#(being within the past year-few months#or so)#the daisy one is from today though!#and the other hp doodles are from this week :)#ocs#soda scrombles#oh god time to tag it all#Minecraft#Atlas#Soliton#Lavender#Daisy#Hellpoint#Amelia Lynch#Owen Porter#Cecelia Voss#Winona Carrol#Naomi Goodwin#Rory Cooper#Julian Thorne#Melinda Turner#<-fun fact. Melinda was Supposed to be Matildas name back when I first designed her. I just ended up typing it wrong LOL#It all works out though!#Revenant#Norman Addams
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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about ready to jump off the walls for this purchase
i have bought. the full trimax set.
#speculation nation#LSKDJFLSDKFJSLDKFJ i bought a print from them already (currently my only trigun merch that has arrived yet)#and so i got a 10% off coupon for orders from their shop#which OBVIOUSLY means me buying a full trimax charms set AND a sketch zine#i love this person's art style and i LOVE these charms#last time i looked at them i wasnt done with trimax yet so i was a bit more ambivalent about it#hadnt officially met livio yet. now i love him. he is everything to me.#ANDDDDDDDDDDDD my dear trimax wolfwood and vash. much more in my heart than tristamp ones. Yeah.#theyre both preorders so im not getting these until august (AGHHH) but it's ok. it's worth it. im willing to wait.#still better than waiting until DECEMBERRRRRR for the trigun manga reprint lol.#yes i only got into this shit not even 2 months ago no it doesnt MATTERR#i can TELL it's gonna b a long haul interest bc a: it's all ive been able to think about for the past few months#and b: it got me to change my icon from orcelito for the first time in 7 years. that's a Big Deal.#anhways yea. excited.#i loooooove having some free money again. i love making objectively kind of stupid purchases.#just with the stipulation that im not supposed to buy anything else frivolous until my next paycheck lol#... i also did buy two stuffed turtles and also a tshirt from the zoo i went to yesterday. lol.#i need to post pics of them soon. ive just kinda kept them in my bag lol bc i was tired last night.#ooo i should post pics of the animals too. i got a sunburn. nice time outside !!
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you'll meeeeevvaaaaa catch me in that i can fix him era ever again
#if he's mentally not okay run for your life#just because he couldn't be alone and heal from his past relationship#i got back to square one#i know that it has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with him#but i can't help thinking that it was my fault#i wasn't enough#god i really wanted him to be mine#what the fuck#but i was just a rebound he lied#how unfair#just how could anyone do this to anyone like HOW could you#he wasn't that much he just wanted to fuck#he's what “modern dating” would be if it was a person#just wanted attention or something#and i saw 3 people that looked EXACTLY like him last time i went out#and he's mean#and never cared about me#and he loves someone else#god i don't know if I'll ever get over this#I'll forget about him in 2 months but#I'll forever think about how much i tried to make you love me and failed#how unlovable do i have to be lol#I'll be okay#just let's not think about him#my nose is stuffy#can't breathe
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I talked to my professor yesterday and I have some thoughts but it's too exhausting to rant rn. But there will be. Ranting.
#nice guy#in general#but bro my friend my dude#i know it's MY fault i didn't get my shit together earlier. could have done that 2 years ago. my bad. BUT#in this particular situation HE is at least 50% to blame for this mess#because i asked him SIX months ago if he could supervise me and told him i had a lot of time pressure#and he insisted i take his stupid seminar#i told him essentially Every week i had time pressure and would like to finish my thesis asap#but i couldn't start working until i had the presentation and that was too late and then fell together with everything else#so now I'm here having EXISTENTIAL DREAD and YES I'M BLAMING YOU MY FRIEND! Like. at least 50%#agreed. it is my fault i didn't do it WAYYYY earlier#but it's not like i didn't tell him for the past 6 months what my deadline was#anyway#i talked about me getting unenrolled from my masters program and i mentioned that'd I'd have to drop out of university#if i couldn't do next semester and i think that made him take me seriously lol#because he went 'ok. i don't think this'll work out in February so let's see if i find a second examiner who'd be willing to do ot#in 6 weeks instead of 8 so you'd have until mid march'#so nice enough#but he said twice something along the lines 'you're putting us in a difficult situation'#BITCH *YOU* PUT *ME* IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION#I'm not putting you anywhere#i didn't even ask for him to do it faster#i really just explained the stakes here. it's not like i force him to correct my shit with 2 weeks less time#and both times he said it i had to literally hold myself back from saying something like 'yeah I mean it's not like i told you MONTHS ago#and i would have loved to do it last semester break but you forced me to take your seminar so idk what you want from me bro'#again. TOTALLY my fault for letting it get this far in the first place but absolutely at least half his fault for it to get this far#in that particular situation#again. it's nice enough he considered doing it in 6 weeks and asking his colleague to be the second examiner#(my boss. from the German department. i cry lmao)#(now i ended up ranting anyway. and hit tag limit. whoops.)
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ok. i guess
#i'm willing to forgive the acting lmao i'm biased & i've grown attached to these characters anyway#& i love that they gave these actors the exposure so. honestly idc. even if this seems rushed#yea they could've cleaned the script but. the substance. the depth they're giving the backstory...ok. go off. scream that shit#i mean ya the class inequality had been set in the beginning & in fairness is a theme they didn't forget no matter how tiring the plot had-#gotten#[i think it's a shame how the extension rlly brought down the quality. these past few months had been honestly unbearable & tiring so i-#understand the frustration & disappointment from the others & i can't blame them for setting their expectations high.#me tho. marupok. <3 willing to settle for less. <3 jk]#& i know it's predictable from inigo & juliet. but i was thinking they might go the unpredictable route & introduce the other k1ller/s-#as someone rich & powerful & was just petty enough to fuck over their lives. for vengeance yes but not rooted in injustice but just dirty-#politics#like the Barbara route#but. this is good at least#i wish they didn't give away much on those previews tbh the surprise is ruined :/#but whatever we're here now. *sigh* 2 days left......what else do u have in store another wasted-potential-show :')#widows' war#now i'm wondering like. did the writers & production team got fucked over bc i really refuse to believe this is what they would settle for-#if this show was managed correctly#like who decided for the extension exactly. was it offered & they accepted or were they pressured to agree & extend idk how gma is so awful#@ handling this shit bc it happens to a looot of their shows.#stop wasting. literally everything. to ur scummy corporate business-oriented operation fkn. whatever stop whatever u're doing right now#sooo tacky. omg#s-z-t-e d0c i understand she's. in a league of her own. (a shitty one). but i refuse to believe the other writers r this incompetent...#can we re-do the show :( ye all of it :( & just follow what the writers & production team wanted for it originally :( that'd be great ty#edit: episode 143 finally utilizing their flashbacks correctly everyone clap & scream /j#edit: jericho...idk. idk about this one.#like it makes sense. he's a palacios. he's embittered by what happened to him & his mother. but to reveal it this way....idk. off.
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I'm taking my first week off from exercise (excluding my recovery from surgery and bizarre two month illness), and it's because of an injury lmfao. Does this count as a week off or is it mandatory rest?
#NOTE: i do a deload week starting from right before until right after my period#so it's not like i dont work in rest#i also have 2 rest days every week (nonconsecutive) and two half days due to my residual fatigue#(which may be from the illness but who fucking knows. i need to see an endocrinologist bc no one else has been able to help me yet)#(i would say that it could be poor nutrition but my blood tests have all been fine aside from my wbc#which was always a little high. probably bc of my allergies but apparently it could also be due to the tooth that i need#a crown on lmfao#might have to get it removeeeedddddd!! <<this all happened bc of covid. a filling from my dogshit old dentist popped out right#before everything closed#and none of the dentists around me were taking new patients#then after i finally got a root canal i couldnt get a crown bc of reasons im not getting into so i dont accidentally doxx myself lol#and now another fillung from my old dogshit dentist popped out and i had to wait 2 years to get it filled#and a third filling from my dogshit dentist popped out and i had to wait a year to get it filled#so i might have to get ANOTHER root canal -_-#this is what i get for not taking care of myself due to 10 years of horrible depression#but im getting my teeth fixed and a cleaning#so i should get a nice reset!#i wont be able to.fix the damage done to my gums already but ive been diligent in brushing and flossing for the past 2 years#and i started showering regularly since last summer!! and even more often during summer months!!!!! so I'm doing great :D)
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aww its kinda cute finding me complaining abt my dads whole lisa thing from 2017. honestly so overshadowed by everything else and also i was so annoying when i was 12 aw .
#did not realize how many of my journal posts r just vents and it all looks so silly now RJRBJFBFNG aw hun. its so funny that i was#complaining abt my mom treating me like a therapist in 2017. <- his ass did notttt know. its like watching a guy standing on the train#tracks and complaining about a car driving past.#sry . i ended up on quotev just 2 look. ive never actually looked at my like activity feed very much whenever i go back but its funny bc it#rly is a more accurate glimpse into whateve was going on for miss kami (my quotev nickname).... like yasss. you hate your dads girlfriend#and her kids that is a nice problem to have#its also embarassing bc like my ex gf is just all around in here . i made a vent post like I get it im not enough and i dont matter and im#just a tool for you to use 😡😡😡 and she commented “yesss tell the world”. SO FUNNY?#and i found her being excited abt our 5 month anniversary#delightfully 12 year old activity. i do not like her very much at all and idt i ever actualy loved her#not in a bitchy way in a like. i literally questioned if i was aroace the entire time we were dating#she asked me out with a little note passed in class like circle y/n and i literally thought to myself Hm well i guess i dont have anything#going on. and circled yes. which is so funny. hun?#anyways. that all imploded bc we were 11 its whatever.#sigh. its just nice to remember the little problems i had. like obviously all this is after my dad choked me out in public and threw my dog#and etc but its still technically the beforetimes. yk. and ik the zoo isnt rly the most pressing of my things that have happened to me#anymore but its still like. Big. yk. even if i mostly just have to Be fine about it now or else everyone will think im being an awful piec#of shit asshole for still being upset. Ok sorry#also when i call my 12 yesr old self snnoying i mean it in an loving way like. its only right to be kind of annoying when youre 12 yk...#and also 12 year old kamille is Not here rn so i can be a little playfully mean to her. bc shes such a 12 year old#idk i just struggle a lot bc i am so like. far removed from everything that happened atp were on like 4th or 5th generation post that#and i struggle to put myself in That kamilles shoes and remember she was a kid yk. like obviously ik i was a kid ik i didnt deserve that#but when i try to like. put myself back in the situation and try to force myself to remember that exact day (dont do this btw . it does not#go well LOL) but i always like. i try to rebuild the events from the ground up but im not Kamille age 12 im me. witnessing everything#i wont ever be able to remember it How it acrually was i couldnt even fully remember it like a week after the fact yk. itis what itis#sorry i should prolly tag this i rambleddddd#a2t#child abuse#implied but we#animal abuse
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If I find out that an entire month+ of my migraine meds went bad because I forgot to grab them when packing before leaving my currently-not-climate-controlled house I'm going to cry actually
#orion rambles#they're a controlled substance so idk if I'll even be able to get a refill early :(#i brought 6 days of meds (weekly pill organizer) with me but i forgot to grab the bottle or my unopened daily inhaler#i was packing in the dark & just stuffing things in bags. but it's still so upsetting to realize i could've fucked myself over for the next#month (or two even. I honestly don't remember how many i had left)#yaay vestibular migraines for the rest of july and august ✨✨#:[#orion rants#I'm like 3 hours away from home because we bailed because with the power out it's too hot for our cat and all the close places with power#filled up so we're staying with my aunt in the middle of nowhere central texas#(we're technically ~45 mins from a city so not like *actually* middle of nowhere but we're past a lot of private property & steep roads 😅)#and i only have like 2 more changes of clothes so I'm stressed about that too on top of everything else#I'll be fine i just didn't sleep at all last night so everything seems harder to deal with than it would've otherwise#at least we have wifi (& and data working) again finally. we were in a dead zone almost all day yesterday#i'm just tired#and whining. ignore me
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You know what hits me hard? When 5 to 6 year old children, all the way in Southeast Asia, knows about what's happening in Palestine right now. That children their age is getting bombed, that they're starving to death, that they're getting shot at, and sniped in the head. Because, just this past 2 or so months, I heard some of the little ones in the Kindergarten classes I'm TAing in as an Intern talk about it. Hell, one of the little boys downright said he didn't like Israel, because Israel is bad, because they do scary things. Another was questioning whether Palestine was bad too, because, "why else would they shooting at them?". A little girl in one of my classes doesn't want to finish her food at all, because she wants to save at least half her meat and rice for kids in Palestine, because she heard that, they don't have food. And that's just the ones I remember. Namely the inciting cases before their classmates slowly follow suit. The littles are fricking SCARED. We had to sit these kids down, and tell them that the topic is too mature for them at the moment, that they shouldn't even be concerned because they're KINDERGARTNERS, they're not even old enough to properly understand. The one teacher I was TAing for had to make a class announcement saying that. What gets me is, these are 5 to 6 year olds, the youngest I've worked with in this specific age group is 4. 5 years old on average, and they've already been exposed to the worst horrors genocide has to offer through the news and snippets of conversation among adults and hell, considering how many of them say they like to play games on Mama's phone, or their IPad, even from fricking social media. And the fact that, these literal babies, from all the way in Cambodia, has more empathy in their entire body and soul, than full grown fricking adults have in the nail of their pinky finger, gets me. FFS we as adults could LEARN from them I feel sometimes. I honestly don't know what to feel about it anymore. On the one hand, this is the next generation I'm working with. And if the next generation's default response to a tragedy such as Palestine, is what I've seen come up on occasion so far? Perhaps there's some bloody hope for this world after all. At least in this country. Especially since a majority of them already come from families who survived a genocide. These are the 3rd - 4th generation descendants of those who survived the Khmer Rouge. They've got grandparents at home, who no doubt are more than intimately familiar with what Palestine is going through right now. And it shows.
But on the other, it makes my heart sink because these are CHILDREN, these are LITTLE KIDS, they should be playing with their toys and watching cartoons and talking to their friends about everything from Spiderman to Speakerman to Kuromi and her friends, and be worried about whether or not they can go to playground that day, guranteed they're well behaved, or if Mama remembered to pack in their costume for swimming lessons that week. NOT JUST MY KIDS. But the little ones in Palestine too. They deserve better. They all deserve, so much better. Hell, it's come to the point that whenever I look at my kiddos right now, whether they'd be working in class, playing, doing something as mundane as eating lunch or getting ready for their nap. I think of the children their age in Palestine that didn't even get the chance to survive. I think of the ones whose memories from this age, is nothing but absolute horror and pain, rather than what has slowly become my normal, who never got to experience what my littles do on a daily basis right now.
Children shouldn't even be concerned about "War", about a Genocide. The last thing that should be on a 5 year old's mind, is pain, and suffering, and the worst horrors imaginable ever to be inflicted on a human being. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S INFLICTED, ON OTHER CHILDREN THEIR AGE. And for that alone, the world has failed them. Especially the kids in Palestine who didn't ask for any of this. They just wanted to carry on with life as kids do, the same way as my littles do on a daily basis no doubt, learning, playing, chatting with friends over their favourite cartoons and characters, worrying about whether they'd get to go to the playground or not that day.
I apologize for talking about this on this blog. I know my blog tends to be lighter in feel, a lot more unhinged and light hearted typically. I mean, I'm just a fricking nerd who likes to draw and write, and lurk about her favourite fandoms to consume and support what is shared among other nerds who also like to draw and write. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. About contemplating it, especially since I'll be back on a roll tomorrow, working with my kiddos again after not seeing them for 5 days straight because of Holidays. And, I just had to talk about it. This is something I felt I couldn't keep to myself this time, I don't think my soul'd be able to carry it. I had to talk about it.
FREE PALESTINE. Our children deserve better.
#free palestine#gaza#palestine#rafah#israel#current events#gaza strip#human rights#childrens rights#save the children#cease fire in gaza#cease fire now#cease fire permanently#palestinian genocide#support gaza#pray for palestine#ceasfire now
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I hate doing this. It feels like I’m trying to pitch a family’s lives to dispassionate, detached investors.
Today I spoke with Khaled, Ghada’s younger brother who helps her run their campaign, and as I sent him a draft he said something incredibly sobering. I had asked you to raise $500 in 2 weeks because it seemed realistic—and he said, it needs to come sooner, this isn’t urgent enough. My heart dropped when I realized what I had said. I’m tired of capitulating to the whims of reblogs, of finding the language that most appeals to your generosity.
Khaled and his family are freezing to death. His niece, Iman, has osteoporosis and needs leg braces. She is 6 years old. What more do I need to say, and how should I say it? What other pictures of these elementary school children do you need to see? Do you need to see them bleed for you to merely share the post? How much more trauma is necessary until it opens your wallet? I don’t want to shame you—I am trying to wake you up. The reality is that I could say this about any campaign from Gaza. I could say it about Fadel’s, I could say it about Ola’s, or Hanan’s.
But I have gotten to know Ghada’s family and their stories over the past month and it has become personal. When I eat, I wonder if little Amir was able to do that today. When I put on my shoes, I wonder if my sweet Iman is struggling to walk. I see elders in the street and think of Nabil and Fatima, how hard they have worked for their family’s happiness for it all to be stripped away from them. I see families laughing together and think of Ahed and Mohamed, who must witness their beautiful children shiver and cry for their old lives in the bitter cold. I see men my age and think of my dearest Khaled, who did everything right, got his degree and his job and planned his future, and still is forced to wake up at dawn every day to carry water back to his family.
Maybe that’s what you need—you need to realize that the people you see around you are the same as the people in Gaza. Maybe it is hard behind a screen. Maybe the methods we are forced to employ annoy you, or make you feel guilty. The only way to assuage the guilt is to help. If you have the money, please send it. If you can’t, please share. I don’t know how else to combine words anymore to appeal to you, without downplaying the severity and urgency of this.
€8,001/€20,000 - DONATE. JUST DONATE, PLEASE.
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