#just wanted attention or something
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you'll meeeeevvaaaaa catch me in that i can fix him era ever again
#if he's mentally not okay run for your life#just because he couldn't be alone and heal from his past relationship#i got back to square one#i know that it has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with him#but i can't help thinking that it was my fault#i wasn't enough#god i really wanted him to be mine#what the fuck#but i was just a rebound he lied#how unfair#just how could anyone do this to anyone like HOW could you#he wasn't that much he just wanted to fuck#he's what “modern dating” would be if it was a person#just wanted attention or something#and i saw 3 people that looked EXACTLY like him last time i went out#and he's mean#and never cared about me#and he loves someone else#god i don't know if I'll ever get over this#I'll forget about him in 2 months but#I'll forever think about how much i tried to make you love me and failed#how unlovable do i have to be lol#I'll be okay#just let's not think about him#my nose is stuffy#can't breathe
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changes and trends in horror-genre films are linked to the anxieties of the culture in its time and place. Vampires are the manifestation of grappling with sexuality; aliens, of foreign influence. Horror from the Cold War is about apathy and annihilation; classic Japanese horror is characterised by “nature’s revenge”; psychological horror plays with anxieties that absorbed its audience, like pregnancy/abortion, mental illness, femininity. Some horror presses on the bruise of being trapped in a situation with upsetting tasks to complete, especially ones that compromise you as a person - reflecting the horrors and anxieties of capitalism etc etc etc. Cosmic horror is slightly out of fashion because our culture is more comfortable with, even wistful for, “the unknown.” Monster horror now has to be aware of itself, as a contingent of people now live in the freedom and comfort of saying “I would willingly, gladly, even preferentially fuck that monster.” But I don’t know much about films or genres: that ground has been covered by cleverer people.
I don’t actually like horror or movies. What interests me at the moment is how horror of the 2020s has an element of perception and paying attention.
Multiple movies in one year discussed monsters that killed you if you perceived them. There are monsters you can’t look at; monsters that kill you instantly if you get their attention. Monsters where you have to be silent, look down, hold still: pray that they pass over you. M Zombies have changed from a hand-waved virus that covers extras in splashy gore, to insidious spores. A disaster film is called Don’t Look Up, a horror film is called Nope. Even trashy nun horror sets up strange premises of keeping your eyes fixed on something as the devil GETS you.
No idea if this is anything. (I haven’t seen any of these things because, unfortunately, I hate them.) Someone who understands better than me could say something clever here, and I hope they do.
But the thing I’m thinking about is what this will look like to the future, as the Victorian sex vampires and Cold War anxieties look to us. I think they’ll have a little sympathy, but they probably won’t. You poor little prey animals, the kids will say, you were awfully afraid of facing up to things, weren’t you?
#this is the sort of observation I make here that people#go off and write their thesis about#so while I’m not expecting to be the first or cleverest person to say this#if you do use it as a springboard#tell me if you get a good grade ok?#I’ll be tremendously proud of you#like if you take a shitpost and use it to craft deep attentive thought on something important#I just think that’s probably the most noble use of a human brain#it makes me want to take off my hat and slam it to the ground in inexpressible emotion#it’s a cowboy hat btw#and I say something like GOLDURN IT THAT KID SURE HAS DELIVERED.#ok so don’t deny me this#especially if you correct me after a long research journey#GOLDURN IT THE KID IS RIGHT!
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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transfem john ward (joan ward) posting begins Now
#still have other ideas but its late af rn and i just wanted to get something out XP#sorry for my bad dialogue. bad everything really dont pay much attention to it#faith the unholy trinity#faith game#john ward#joan ward#lisa pearson#zoup art
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"i think he's still there… in martinaise. he's in martinaise…"
#disco elysium#jean vicquemare#disco elysium fanart#my art#i was actually drawing something else totally unrelated#but my attention span is so horrible that i spent 2hrs doing this “doodle”#and for fucking what..................#the things i do for jean.............................#anyway i just want this out of my system. ok time to. go back to my other drawing
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Source of it all
Danny and his class had gone on a trip to Gotham for a week. He wasn’t exactly happy about that since despite the lower ectoplasm levels compared to amity, there was a lot more death and he could feel them happen when nearby. It made it hard to sleep when he kept jerking awake due to it.
Everything would have been fine if during the planned events they hadn’t come within a certain distance of Arkham Asylum. Danny being a halfa gave him senses that no one else had. One minute he had been following the group and the next pure and utter terror encompassed him and he took off in a random direction to get as far away from that as possible.
When he came back to himself he was halfway across the city, utterly lost, and on the verge of a panic attack because he had never felt like that before, even when he fought Pariah Dark. Whatever was under Arkham was Bad News(TM) and he had no clue what he should do about it.
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#danny phantom#Something extremely Bad was imprisoned under Arkham#It is like a volcano getting closer to exploding due to erosion of time and effort of said Bad Thing#Danny freaking out actually caught the attention of Oracle due to the 0 to 100 terror caught on camera#When Danny finally is tracked down he is really cagey and needs help calming down#When someone from JLD comes to take a look they almost want to give Danny a kiss#If the kid hadn’t noticed they wouldn’t have the time to research how to take care of the Bad Thing and if it broke out immediately…#Well let’s just say they would have been f**ked#Bad Thing also passively affects the Rogues and that is why they don’t get better#Except Joker#He doesn’t need help being evil
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SEE YOUR LOVE (2024-2025) I EP. 13 "Don't you want to know if I like you."
#see your love#see your love the series#userrlaura#userrlana#userspicy#usertaeminie#asiandramasource#bl series#tawainese bl#jonathan x wang xinjia#lin chia yo#lin yung chieh#they serveddddd#the kiss on the cheek kinda made me lose it tho#the fucking chemistry is immaculate let's just say it#something something about wang xinjia initiating the kiss on the cheek and the first kiss#and only after that jonathan took the lead knowing with certainty that his attention is wanted#also im obsessed with jonathan helpen wang xinjia get dressed after their first night together - it's about the intimacy!!!#mywork
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I tried to draw sheep Machete and goat Vasco (but I am not good at drawing goats, at all)
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#Macsheep and Goatsco#what do you mean I LOVE goat Vasco#the ears! the hejazi goat ears!#and his expression is just *chef's kiss* perfect#really captures that ungovernable goatlike glee#I like how he retained his smooth coat and sleek and curved shapes#and Machete looks very appropriate as a sheep as well#he would have even more reason to trim his neck wool as a sheep#come to think of it would he have to keep himself sheared at all times if he wanted his clothes to fit correctly?#and just keep the head fluff#I noticed that you paid attention to their snout shapes! sheep have kind of rabbitlike nose whereas goats have a smoother upper lip#with less prominent philtrum#I thought that was such a cool detail#something I often forget myself when I'm drawing these species#thank you!#gift art#arttsuka#Machete#Vasco#it's weird how much harder their expressions are to read solely because of the horizontal pupils#they're mammalian but lack that anthropomorphic familiarity I guess
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#polls#personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention#in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying#fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations?#i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum#like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying#'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful....#but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show??#like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless#im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival#i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭#fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something!#this goes for anything. music film tv books....
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Something something every time Charlie isn’t fighting to be the center of attention, he is always looking around to others to gauge their reactions and silently observing them all something something he is searching for connection, to fit in and be loved but he doesn’t know how to ask for love so instead he gains their attention by acting out in ways he knows they’ll notice and tries to pretend their attention and love are the same thing
#Charlie knows how to push people’s buttons just right to make them pay attention to him because he’s always observing them first; like he’s#not as reckless as we all think he is; he’s fairly smart and also#like Charlie seems so emotionally intelligent in the way he can gauge most peoples reactions from observing them and I think that’s why he#liked keating because keating didn’t act the way he expected and so it was amusing and enthralling to see someone he couldn’t clock#keating would do weird things and Charlie would watch in amusement and he would try to push Keatings buttons in the ways that would make#other teachers upset but they all just slid off Keatings back without him getting upset so Charlie had to try harder but keating seemed to#praise him so Charlie actually started getting what he was craving and so he tried to do something big for keating only to be confused when#keating didn’t like what he did; but then Keating still gave that unconditional support even tho Charlie didn’t get the right action and I#think that’s at the root of their relationship like you can’t have the keating and Charlie dynamic without Charlie being smart#charlie dalton#dps#dead poets society#dps fandom#dead poets fandom#like it’s so interesting to watch him in scenes not about him cause it feels like he is such a more dynamic and complex character when you#do cause we all say he doesn’t know how to be quiet but so often he is silently in the background watch and observing like the walking#scene is a good example and idk I just feel like Charlie is silent and observing more than we think he is we just don’t realize cause he is#so loud in his other moments we take those as him#and ignore him otherwise which feels like exactly what he wants because he wants to connect with people but he wants it to be on his terms#because he spent so long manipulating people’s perception of him that to be vulnerable or not in control makes him scared and he can have#this front he puts on criticized and made fun of because it’s not the real him but if the real him was ever rejected I don’t know if he#could handle it and I think he knows that; idk I just think we need to give Charlie more credit than we are giving him cause hes so complex
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#past few days my brain lives separately from me ehehghe#this is a good feeling but your attention just don't concentrate on anything properly#you just read watch draw something in a prostration even if want to get back to things you want or need to do#pfffhghtht I hope everyone is having a wonderful week day night evening sleep or whatever you have right now#I wanna talk but I also understand I don't have powers to talk#Just wanna say that I fricking love people I hope you all get your wishes accomplished
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“So, babysitting?”
Alberu follows after the delinquent. From the record the vice-principal gave him access to, Cale frequently drinks alcohol, he often gets himself into a lot of fights, and he barely passed his classes at the end of the grading period. The teachers never call on him in class, girls and boys avoid him alike, and he is- supposedly- completely intolerable.
Which is why Alberu Crossman, who’s only a little older yet infinitely more mature has been assigned by the principal (his father) to get the troublemaker under thumb. Cale's father is quite wealthy, actually, and since there isn't much known about the successor to the Henituse family... it'd be bad if he had to be expelled.
Cale scowled. “Yes, babysitting, your highness. Please, leave if you must,” He jeers at Alberu, but internally he thinks, 'No, really. Please leave.' Otherwise, he might get caught in the act.
Of not actually being Cale.
Roksu aims a sour expression at Alberu, who returns it with a more flowery one. Acting as his twin for the day had been easy enough, mainly because being trash is great!- until Alberu Crossman strolled into his lunch period and introduced himself.
He is even following him out of the school to his job. Well, this job is Roksu’s and not Cale’s, but because he can’t ditch work nor can he get glib-tongued Alberu off his tail-
Well shit.
Thankfully, the kids call him hyung. Except Raon, who calls him human. Hopefully Alberu doesn’t look into it too much. If everything goes right, Alberu Crossman will be Cale's problem to deal with tomorrow. As it should have been.
“I didn’t know you liked kids, Cale,” Alberu smiles charmingly, walking side by side with Roksu. “Can you introduce me?” Roksu struggles to not put on his own disarming smile out of spite, instead plastering on a classic Cale Sneer™. It fits on his face perfectly, like he’s playing a character in a play.
They enter the building and ‘Cale’ guides Alberu to a colorful playroom, decked out in toys and a fountain of running water as the centerpiece (A gift from his father, who is still upset that Roksu doesn't visit more often). There’s a tray of fruits and oatmeal on the small table in the corner of the room, except not a soul to be seen. Picking up a bowl of oatmeal and finding the ceramic to still be hot, Roksu almost smiles.
Alberu frowns. Where are the kids he's supposed to babysit?
Roksu tells the empty air, "Come on out."
Three children appear out of nowhere in front of them.
“Hyung!”
“Human! You’re back!”
“Hyung, nya.” On examines Alberu some more.
All of the kids had been revealed the moment that Roksu spoke, as Raon unveiled the invisibility on them.
Raon runs up and grabs Roksu’s hand, who places it on his head, rubbing the black hair comfortingly. “Mm.” Raon beams at the affection.
“Raon, On, Hong,” they each look up at him at the call of their names. “This is Alberu Crossman, he is doing a report on my trashy behavior. Don’t be rude."
All three children become hostile immediately. “He isn't trash!”
On observes Alberu with an intense glare. Raon shifts under Roksu’s hand, his deep blue eyes glinting with magic. Roksu positions him away from the older teen’s view. Raon grips onto Roksu’s pant leg with a vengeance. Hong stares openly, offensive.
Alberu smiles at them.
"I'm visiting with Cale Hyung for today, nice to meet you."
Hong gasps suddenly.
“He-!” On gives her brother a look, and he clamps his hands over his mouth. Alberu feels a deep curiosity, as if something isn’t quite as it seems.
Roksu sighs. It’s going to be a long hour.
At the midway point, Alberu has easily disarmed the children. They look fascinated at the magic he shows them, while Roksu can only rub a palm over Raon’s shoulder as a warning to keep his dragon magic under control. He's still just a child that wants to brag. Everything is going well.
Bang!
“Hey Roksu! How was-“ Cale bursts through the door, bright red hair equipped with a shit-eating grin, wearing clothes far less fancy than his usual. He tenses up, frozen in place when he spots Alberu on the floor, politely sitting "crisscross applesauce" with the children. Roksu narrows a withering glare at his twin.
“… Roksu?”
Alberu looks at ‘Cale,’ sitting next to him, the one he's spent the entire day with, who is trying to send what must be the real Cale into the sun with his eyes.
“Ha… ha?” Cale winces. Roksu wipes his expression from his face.
“Cale-hyung, run! That’s the human’s bad look!” Alberu’s eyes widen as he watches the confirmed real Cale bolt back into the hallway and out of the front door. Alberu whips his head back toward the stranger behind him, who is a perfect replica of the Cale who ran like Hell. Cale has an identical twin?? Since when? Why doesn't he go to school?
Roksu levels an emotionless gaze at Alberu. “Hello, your highness. Don’t mind me.”
Alberu can only watch in astonishment as this stranger walks out of the playroom, with a smooth and deadly gait as he hunts down his twin like a predator would to prey. He recalls the look 'Roksu' gave him and it sends a shiver down the principal’s son’s spine. That gaze held secrets.
Something about this stranger is even more interesting than the sudden appearance of a twin.
On walks up to him, sitting down in his lap and looking into his eyes. “Roksu-hyung will be back soon, nya!” Hong bounds over and sits next to his sister, grinning widely. Raon huffs and looks at the door. He wants his human to come back.
#Roksu is Cale's lost twin who reunited with the Henituse family at 16. he went to a charter school and speedran his education#which is why he doesn't go to high school with Cale#Roksu didn't want attention from the public so his existence is kept secret from most everyone outside of the family and tight-lipped staff#Cale wanted to skip school that day (he heard Albert would be coming to monitor) and tricked Roksu into dealing with it for him#not that Roksu didn't receive something in return for pretending to be Cale... but now he's going to 'negotiate' a better deal with his twi#anyway that's all I remember about this#hong was going to say 'He thinks Roksu hyung is Cale hyung!' but stopped himself from revealing it in time#kim rok soo#kim roksu#cale henituse#og cale henituse#lcf#lotcf#lout of the counts family#tcf#totcf#trash of the counts family#fic#ughhh I'm not as diligent with my tags as I used to be#tcf raon miru#lcf ohn#tcf hong#yayay#posting old writing so it doesn't rot in my notes app any longer#if I was smarter I would post it on ao3 but I don't really write enough words to bother doing that#not a reblog#alberu crossman#alver crossman#alcale#I put the ship tag but not because it's a ship thing. I just think the shippers would appreciate this
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this was kalim's idea
#they were NOT invited by jamil#it was ace who did#i don't think kalim was even aware of the basketball game until ace invited them#they're giving attention to the guy who doesn't want it and not to the one who DOES want it#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twisted wonderland#twst#scarabia#jamil viper#kalim al asim#twst yuu#twst yuusona#(💜) yuusha#(💜) scarashackle dish#-✦—]#this was inspired by a webtoon i was reading aajkdsdjskal#i said i was going to take a break#but the little gremlin in my brain said no and i spedrun this piece#then the battery on my stylus finally died while i was drawing and i have zero replacements atm#i think the universe was trying to tell me something#anyways every now and then i try a new style of drawing#and sometimes i'm just pleasantly surprised#like wtf i've never done this before#i love it i should do it more#sorry for rambling in the tags aldjlfjsklfd#twst is rotting my brain
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Had a friend recently tell me a funny idea for a couples’ shirt combo
#sorry i’ve been dead for three months. the past year’s been absolute hell on my cofidence and motivation as an artist#it will unfortunately happen again#also for the record i don’t think any of them are stupid. this just feels like something Johnny would do#hanzo hasashi#scorpion mk#kuai liang#sub zero#johnny cage#mortal kombat#mk11#subcagecorp#subscorp#<- fuck it this counts and i want more attention#polyamory#my art#click for better quality#please let this do well i’m so tired of sharing art making me sui/cidal
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Tetris Fanart.
I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah
#text#art#eyestrain#cw eystrain#bright colors#cw bright colors#tetris#nintendo#god i dont know what to tag this with. i dont wanna tag it with the podcasts themselves cuz that feels disingenuous. swagever#i actually started this piece a while ago. ok yeah looking at the date that was almost 3 weeks ago wow#but i finally decided to bring it back and finish it#ive been getting back into digital art and its been really nice. its nice having finished pieces.#ive been trying to get weirder with my art. like this piece was weirdly 'personal' in a sense#its been my unique experience listening to these pieces of media. the game in the bg is jsut as important to my experience as the art itsel#the looming sense of dread these podcasts give fit weirdly well with the high tension of some of these games of tetris#i wanted to have that sorta weird ominous vibe to it. have even the pieces feel loud and threatening.#and the gameplay being Past the ds itself is something i thought could be neat#ykno the tetris effect? where you play a bunch and then after you see the shapes everywhere;you play it in your mind?#that was part of what i wanted to channel there. but also like; how your attention works with this stuff#i might be looking straight at the ds but my attention is elsewhere; my brain is in another world#the game is still inescapable tho. tetris effect whatever. these stories stick in my brain just as much.#its all given me some. very very annoyingn anxiety. but i have to go back to them. like a moth to a flame etc. hince the moth climbing out#but uh yeah. that set up was my life for a few weeks whenever i had free time.#the main podcast this is about was magnus btw <- not typing full name so im not on the tag#and uh.#objectum#yeah i think. i think yeah.
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Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that small moment in “Air Turtle” where immediately after the Daves lose yet another game, Leo says how sorry he is and how he’s doing his best as the mascot. This moment is so short but it’s honestly jam-packed with a whole heap of characterization.
His need to apologize for things clearly not his fault - especially when it feels like he messes up the job he was given despite doing the best he can (the phrase “it’s not about you” takes a new meaning when this is one of the lessons to be learned from that - that he is not always solely responsible for things going wrong), his need to save face and make a connection with an older adult man in his life (something he consistently does throughout the series - he’s got a few daddy issues, always collecting potential father figures, it’s no wonder he jumps at the bit to keep rapport), and the way he sounds and looks and the words he chooses really pushes how he is just a kid (“Mr. the Dunk, I’m so sorry”).
Like I know it’s a one off moment that doesn’t truly mean much, but when put against the rest of the series it works really well with the rest of Leo’s established character and helps in solidifying later concepts as well.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rottmnt headcanons#am I looking too much into things? almost assuredly yes#I actually appreciate how tim immediately goes ‘it’s not your fault’ as well? like he could’ve just blamed this 15/16 year old but he didn’t#but yeah this moment got to me a little mainly because it made me realize that Leo…DOES take responsibility for things a lot#he messes up a ton yeah but he says sorry at a pretty consistent rate#and y’know thinking about it#THIS IS TINFOIL HAT TERRITORY BE WARNED#he’s mentioned being betrayed by his brothers before - I wonder if it was something as simple as taking the fall for like#breaking something of Splinters or whatever#point is it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to get the full blame for something only partially his fault#or not his fault at all in some cases#like in bug busters where Raph gets mad at Leo for not getting captured with them#(I understand Raph’s mindset here a ton - Raph’s the leader and he’s likely lashing out so I don’t blame the poor kid)#but this plus the moment at the beginning of the movie#where only Leo is reprimanded despite Mikey and Donnie having full autonomy to join the fun pizza stacking#make no mistake this is not at all a diss on everyone else!!! it’s just something I noticed#I think that “it’s not about you” doesn’t just pertain to being arrogant and wanting the spotlight#I think it’s also about how responsibility is meant to be shared#and like#Leo DOES mess up a lot! so he’s honestly probably used to having the blame because it is often at least somewhat warranted#he’s specifically described as being good at apologizing after all#tldr: Leo messes up a lot of the time so he is very used to blame and attention both good and bad#even when the full blame should not be solely on his shoulders
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