#sorry for my bad dialogue. bad everything really dont pay much attention to it

[zzoupz]

transfem john ward (joan ward) posting begins Now

[kasaneteto]

sorry i simply must complain for a moment

ive been complaining about my roommate too much on instagram so im doing it here instead 🖕 fuck you

MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!! tell me why this man is turning 26 NEXT WEEK and can’t remember to pay me back for the bills. won’t do any chores unless he’s asked to or HE has friends coming over. i literally feel like im living with a teenager.

i’ve recently realized just how much ive coddled him and made excuses for him because of his mental health struggles and the way his parents treated him his whole life. ive also realized that its entirely up to him to recognize that his mental health struggles & trauma are HIS problems to deal with and i shouldnt have to temper my expectations because of that. i can only tell him he needs therapy so many times before it’ll just go in one ear and out the other like every other thing i say to him. he is so incapable of any kind of self-reflection or self-awareness, has no concept of how his actions might affect others, can’t make any compromises without throwing a fucking tantrum about it. it’s exhausting. he requires so much attention and validation in order to be happy. being in the same room is like an invitation to talk to him. AND HE SAYS THE SAME SHIT. its like ive exhausted all dialogue options. he always makes the same stupid jokes that are just *goofy or purposefully obnoxious comment about what im doing* and i DONT have the energy to entertain that shit every day. but it RUINS his mood if you dont partake in his humor and then he just sulks. he cannot be serious. everything is jokey goofy fun time. when finn and i told him she’s trans & that we broke up his response was just to stare at us like a deer in headlights and go “oh. okay. sorry thats just a lot to process” which is like. just such a perfect prime example of how he cannot handle anything serious or heavy. when he got cheated on he was inconsolable and would not leave finn and i alone (and we wanted to help!!! we care about him!!!) he literally would follow us to our room and we would have to ask him for alone time!!!! he’s like a baby!!!! he’s so deadset on finding a new partner and i just wanna scream in his face NO RELATIONSHIP YOURE IN WILL EVER WORK IUT UNTIL YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND UNPACK YOUR TRAUMA!!!!!!

he always uses money as an excuse like “ohhh i cant afford it” motherfucker. you can’t afford anything that isnt something you want. so you cant afford to pay me bills on time but you can afford a new monitor for cyber monday? you can’t afford therapy but you can afford to get a shitty fake christmas tree because THATS what’s important to you? he lives so fucking hedonistically and acts like he lives paycheck to paycheck when he makes 22 DOLLARS AN HOUR. MOTHERFUCKER YOU MAKE MORE THAN ME. YOU CAN FUCKING AFFORD IT YOU JUST DONT BUDGET OR SAVE AT ALL.

ok sorry i had to get that shit out because im so frustrated with him. i had a party the other night and he just sulked around until his friends came, hung out with them and only them the whole time, then continued to sulk and complain once they left. then sat around scrolling on his phone while my friends helped me clean everything up. my friends who actually are responsible and arent just in their own world with no consideration for others.

its not like he’s a bad person or even a bad friend because he truly isn’t. he’s just so emotionally immature and does not have the strength to look inward & realize that he is the source of most of his unhappiness in his life currently. its really hard to live around given the stage of my life im currently in.

i wish i could tell him all of this to be honest but hes so fucking sensitive. i HAVE tried to talk to him about a lot of these issues too (him needing to he asked to do chores, not paying me back etc) and its always the same thing. he gets better for a couple months but it quickly goes back to how it was before. im just like so done acting like his problems are mine. done asking him for favors. i hate that living with him has made me lose so much respect for him (he has no moral backbone) because like. i can see that he wants to be better. he just isnt strong enough to admit that hes the problem in his life right now. anyways. thanks for reading this if you did lol

[muwur]

snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up” 

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc. 

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ “how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧  “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧  “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧  “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today” 

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[creacherkeeper]

@astrophysiciann asked for some tips on a specific writing thing and i got kind of carried away because OH BOY DO I HAVE TIPS so it’s getting its own post 

i have taken a buttload of writing classes, got accepted onto the creative writing track at the best writing school in the US, ran a writing blog, finished an english degree, read writing books ...

do you know what has taught me more about writing than anything else?

WRITING THINGS AND PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW IM WRITING IT

im serious. nothing is going to teach you how to write except writing. want to write a good novel? WRITE A LOT OF NOVELS. HOWEVER, i have picked up on things over the years that i am very frustrated dont really get taught in writing classes. writing classes are a bunch of “here go write this and i’ll give you a grade” but like. there ARE things you can do to be a better writer

vary sentence length. absolutely important. a lot of one length is going to start to sound boring to the readers internal voice. if you cant do this naturally, take note of how many words are in each sentence as youre writing. each paragraph should have a little variety, and your paragraphs should have different numbers of sentences in them. if youre writing an action scene, trend towards shorter sentences. in my writing i tend to do a lot of “medium length. long length. long length. very short”

finish on the important information. put the important word at the end of the sentence. it keeps the reader engaged because they want to know WHATS happening and why its important. leave it for the end (this is especially true for comedy) 

adverbs aren’t bad but they really are easy to overuse. ask yourself each time “is there a better way to phrase this, and if not, does the adverb really add meaning to the sentence”. sometimes it absolutely does and thats great! a lot of times you can go without them. warning: taking the -ly off an adverb and just using the base word is valid! but your reader might interpret the speaker as uneducated and masculine, because that’s who typically does that verbally! (aka i took a linguistics & gender class and found out that i talk like an uneducated man!) 

are you starting a bunch of sentences with the same word? that sounds repetitive. major problem of mine. challenge yourself not to use the same sentence starter in each paragraph, or start the paragraphs with the same word. vary it! its harder than it looks, but you can practice

try to pepper in repetition with motifs! in my last fic i used the phrases “in the early days” and “as was mentioned” a few times each. it just helps the reader feel like they’re reading a cohesive work. one of my FAVORITE literary things is when a line comes back and means something different with repeated uses. LITERATURE!

rhythm is important. read your writing out loud and pay attention to how the sentence flows. things i use a lot to establish a beat: anaphora (repeated phrases: he thought blank1. he thought blank2. he thought blank3), syndeton (using multiple conjunctions: blank and blank and blank), and asyndeton (no conjunctions: blank, blank, blank.)

dialogue tags are your friend. the reader should know who’s speaking. when we go a long time with no dialogue tags it’s easy to get confused. HOWEVER. some tips. “said” is your friend. said becomes invisible. they’re going to see their name and that’s it and that’s fine. if you use something else, it should be justified. ‘“i love you,” he said’ is neutral. ‘“i love you,” he growled’ VERY DIFFERENT. if youre using a different tag, it should be because it adds meaning to the sentence. NO WORD WASTED! 

vary sentence structure. this includes dialogue! 

“blank” he said 

“blank” she said 

“blank” he said 

no!! boring! 

“blank” he said 

she did blank. “blank” 

“blank,” he started. he did blank. “blank” 

much more visually and audibly interesting! also - use actions with your dialogue! people move when they talk. a scratch on the neck might mean someone is embarrassed. your character might be nervous and fidgety. let people have body language!! and let them interact with their environment! 

AS FOR LARGER PROJECTS

i personally LOVE using the three act structure! if you’re not familiar, it goes like this:

ACT 1 

beginning (this is life in the BEFORE THE PLOT times)

INCITING INCIDENT (the plot is happening now! CALL TO ACTION)

door 1 (also called a “door of no return”. this is what pushes us into act 2 - what is this event that means the protagonist can never mentally or physically go back to how things were before?)

ACT 2 

midpoint (this should be the characters LOWEST POINT. they might not succeed!! how terrifying & engaging!) 

rising action! (stuffs afoot! the plot is gaining speed!) 

door 2 (oh no! they can never go back again!) 

ACT 3 

climax! (everything is coming to fruition!! everything has been leading to this!) 

falling action (this is our new world order) 

there are variations on this, but this is the basic gist. if you’re struggling with the middle of your book, which a lot of writers do, think of the midpoint. think of your protagonist. what’s the worst thing that could happen to them? whats something they would never want? how are all their plans going to fail? 

another thing you can do with your midpoint, or just your characters in general, is this: 

what is one thing they would never do, and how are you going to justify making them do it? 

this pretty much guarantees you a dynamic character, which i think is a trap beginning novelists (like myself, back in the day) can fall in to. your character needs to change--sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. if your character would swear up and down they’d never do one thing, OR if the reader THOUGHT they would never do one thing, what would that be? why are they now going to have to do it? 

another tip for big projects - figure out what kind of writer you are. do you write for the big stuff or the small stuff? 

some people are like “oh! i can’t wait for this big plot twist in act 2!” great! write everything to lead up to that plot twist 

i personally am more of a “oh i want to include this one specific line of dialogue/this one emotional beat/this one piece of imagery somewhere but x y and z would have to happen in order to make it make sense” and then i write in x y and z! 

basically, what are you EXCITED about in your story? write only for that 

another thing is wasted space. you might think writing four scenes of worldbuilding is a good idea, but aside for those worldbuilding nerd junkies out there, it probably isnt. every scene should move along the plot or develop your character. preferably both at the same time! i know everyone loves to be like “WE WERE ROBBED” about cut scenes, but like. a lot of the time those scenes were cut because they weren’t moving things along, and it was RIGHT for those scenes to be cut. sorry guys. pacing and development is important 

as far as motivation goes, find a HYPE MAN. or, even better, someone who is going to critically engage with your work. some people dont like to share their work until a full draft is written, but i need feedback as i go. find someone who’s going to tell you what they liked about it and what doesnt make sense in draft 1. these people are very important. too much criticism can kill a novel in the early stages. you need HYPE and a plot hole finder 

okay!! it’s getting late and i have work in the morning so that is all my Hot Takes for now thank you for listening 

[seraph-novak]

Are you taking prompts for Tyrus? If so, could you do one where TJ helps Cyrus to rehearse for a play? thanks, have a lovely day.

All feedback is very much appreciated, but comments and reblogs really make all the difference. Thank you!

Also available on AO3 ♥

~~~~~

Cyrus is quickly losing his patience. On the opposite end of the Kippens’ couch, Amber is grinning down at her phone, a strand of golden hair twisted around her finger as she giggles at something on the screen – no doubt another text from her ‘mystery’ admirer. Cyrus simply sits there and waits, passively fiddling with the corner of his script as he waits for his friend to snap out of her crush-induced daze.

Without thinking, he lets his eyes drift to the corner of the room, settling on the older boy sitting quietly in a well-worn chair, his nose buried in a book. His hair is a shade darker than Amber’s, but his eyes are the same sea-foam green, with a touch of grey softening the bright hue. He’s never really spoken to Amber’s brother before, apart from a few pleasantries exchanged in passing, but there’s something about TJ Kippen that has always intrigued him…

Just then, the other boy lifts his head, as if sensing Cyrus’ curious eyes. A blush warms Cyrus’ cheeks as he quickly returns his attention to the script in his hands, but not quick enough to miss the hint of a smirk playing on TJ’s lips.

“Are you almost done?” he asks Amber, his words sounding sharper than intended. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees TJ go back to reading his book, and his shoulders slump in relief. “Sorry, I just… I’ve only got a few more days to rehearse, remember? The nerves are starting to kick in.”

Amber glances up from her phone, a sliver of guilt fracturing her lovesick smile. “Sorry, Cy. Just gimme a sec.”

It takes closer to a minute than a second for Amber to finally put her phone down, but Cyrus lets it slide. At least he now has a distraction from the indecipherable looks TJ keeps sneaking him, scorching his skin and quickening his heartbeat. 

As they return to the play, Cyrus can’t ignore the longing glances Amber keeps flicking at her phone. With every new text, her concentration wanes even more, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she visibly fights the urge to throw the script across the room and pick up her phone instead. She’s practically vibrating with the effort to focus, her face pinching tighter and tighter as the incoming texts start to slow down.  

“Amber,” Cyrus says, nudging her leg with his foot. “It’s your line.”

She tears her eyes away from the phone, now blessedly silent, and shakes her head. “Sorry… Where are we?”

“Page 14. Line 38.”

“Oh, right.” She slides a finger down the script, her brow furrowed as she searches for the right line. A few seconds later, she clears her throat and falls back into character. “Thomas,” she says, her voice slightly higher than usual. “I thought you’d never –”

“Nope,” Cyrus cuts her off. “Wrong line.”

“Are you sure?”

Cyrus smooths his face and lifts an eyebrow, his breath catching on the edge of a sigh. “Unless we skipped ahead to the final scene without me realising, I’m pretty sure it’s the wrong line.”

Across the room, TJ snorts, an amused smile nicking the corner of his mouth as he meets Cyrus’ eyes. For a brief moment, something warm and sweet blossoms in his chest, but it’s quickly cooled by the sudden ringing of Amber’s phone. He shoots a glare at his friend, silently warning her not to pick it up, but it’s no use.

“I’m so sorry,” Amber says, shrugging helplessly. “It’s Andi. I have to answer!” Before Cyrus can protest, she throws her script at TJ and picks up her phone, already halfway up the stairs. “Run lines with Cyrus until I’m back, okay?”

TJ frowns. “But –”

“Thank you!”

A flirtatious giggle floats down the stairs in her wake, followed by the sound of her bedroom door closing. Once she’s gone, an awkward silence settles over the room. Cyrus looks over at TJ, his stomach churning as the older boy studies the script now lying in his lap, and forces a smile.

“You don’t really have to run lines with me,” he says, twisting his hands together. “I’ll just wait until she’s back.”

TJ scoffs. “That could be a while.”

“Yeah.” He huffs a laugh, then sighs. “Maybe I should just go…”

“I thought you said you only had a few days to rehearse?”

“I do,” Cyrus says, his heart skipping at the notion of TJ paying attention to what he was saying. “But I can do that by myself. Or I’ll ask my mom to help.” He winces, realising too late how lame that must sound. “Or one of my many friends.”

TJ chuckles, and the sound sends a pleasant shiver down his spine, soothing the aching burn of his cheeks.

“Let me help.”

“I… You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

“But –”

“Scooch over,” TJ says, gently slapping Cyrus’ outstretched legs with his script as he sits down on the couch. When he’s comfortable, he licks his finger and flips through the pages. “Page 14, right?”

Cyrus swallows thickly. “Um… Yeah.”

“You’re Thomas?”

“Yeah.”

“So, I guess I’m… Alice?”

A nervous laugh bubbles in his chest. “You really don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t mind,” TJ insists.

“Are you sure?”

“100%.”

Cyrus hesitates, then breathes a sigh as he settles down and reopens his script. “Okay then… I’ll start from the top.” He coughs to clear his throat, flicking an anxious glance at TJ, and starts to read. “I think we need to talk, Alice.”

“About what?” TJ says, a feminine twinge to his voice.

Cyrus fights back a smile and keeps reading.

They run through the scene fluidly, only stopping to turn pages and share secret smiles over the tops of their scripts. As Thomas confesses his undying love for Alice, and the tone of the play takes a turn into sappy territory, Cyrus feels himself flushing darkly, his voice turning tight and raspy as the two characters begin tossing flirtatious comments at each other.

“Who wrote this play?” TJ asks on the cusp of a laugh, his own cheeks turning pink. “It’s very, uh…”

“Terrible?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say it that bluntly, but yeah.”

Cyrus snorts. “A few of the girls in my group are Jane Austen wannabes.”

“Yikes.”

“Yep.” Cyrus scratches the back of his head, the smile slowly dying on his lips as he skims through the upcoming pages of groan-worthy dialogue. “We can stop if you want.”

TJ snaps his head up. “What? No! It’s just starting to get juicy.”

“I thought you said it was terrible?”

“It is, but…”

Across the room, the discarded book lying on the chair TJ was previously sitting in catches his eye, and a teasing grin spreads across his face. There’s a cheesy stock photo of two women in old-fashioned dresses strolling through a park on the cover, with tiny umbrellas held above their bonneted heads.

“Oh,” he says, folding his arms with a quirk of an eyebrow. “I see… You’re a Jane Austen wannabe, too.”

TJ blushes. “It’s my mom’s!”

“Sure.”

“Shut up…”

“Hey, I’m not judging!”

When TJ sees him smirking, he breaks into a smile of his own, playfully kicking Cyrus in the shin as readjusts himself on the couch. “Let’s get back to it.”

“Eager, aren’t we?”

“Ha-ha.”

Cyrus wipes the grin off his face, despite the butterflies still fluttering in his stomach, and tries to focus on the poorly-written script in his hands. They dive back into flirty banter – Austen style – all the while stealing glances at each other, their lips twitching with barely supressed laughter. It’s only when the scene shifts from light to serious that Cyrus feels his palms beginning to sweat.

“You look beautiful in the moonlight,” he says, his voice trembling. Even though the words aren’t directed at TJ, he can still hear his heart pounding against his ribcage as he risks a glance at the other boy, trying to gauge his reaction. “You look beautiful in all lights, of course, but this is different.”

TJ licks his lips. “Different how?”

“Your hair shines,” Cyrus says, his voice a whisper. “Your eyes twinkle like starlight. Your skin glows.” He lifts his head, eyes drifting to TJ’s face once again. His gaze is fixed resolutely on his script, but Cyrus can see the blush creeping up his neck, the ripple of his throat as he swallows, the slight furrow between his brows, the silent murmur of his lips as he follows Cyrus’ lines on the page… “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

TJ freezes, his mouth falling open, and Cyrus realises his mistake: that line isn’t in the script.

“I…” The words die in his throat. He gulps back his embarrassment and tries again, his face starting to burn. “I’m sorry, I just… I-I don’t know where that came from.”

“It’s okay –”

“I got a little carried away, you know?” Cyrus closes his script and gets to his feet, desperately searching for his bag beneath the coffee table. “I think I should go now. Thanks for helping me and everything… I really appreciate it.”

TJ reaches for his arm, but Cyrus shakes him off.

“I’m sorry for making things weird,” he says, tears of humiliation stinging the backs of his eyes. “I don’t know if Amber told you, but I’m gay. Not that you care.” He laughs, completely mortified. “Wow. I just came out to a guy I barely know. This is just getting better and better, isn’t it?”

When TJ reaches for him a second time, he doesn’t miss. His fingers are gentle, but his grip is firm, and he doesn’t take his eyes off Cyrus’ face as he slowly lowers him back onto the couch.

“Calm down,” he says, giving his arm a quick squeeze before letting go. A blinding smile breaks across his face when Cyrus finally meets his eyes. “If you think I’m mad at you for calling me gorgeous, then I must be worse at this than I thought.”

Cyrus frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been flirting with you for the past half an hour, you idiot.”

“What?”

“Okay… I guess I really am bad at this.”

Cyrus shakes his head, trying to steady his racing thoughts. “Are you saying you like me?”

“I have for a while,” TJ admits, shrugging bashfully. “I know we’ve never really talked, but… I’ve seen you around. And you hang out with my sister a lot.” He huffs, one side of his mouth lifting in a crooked smile. “Why do you think I always stay downstairs when you come over? I like being around you.”

“Oh,” Cyrus says, a touch breathless.   

The tension in TJ’s shoulders melts away as Cyrus returns a tentative smile of his own. For a moment, they just sit there, smiling shyly at each on the middle of the couch, their knees deliberately brushing against each other.

“So,” TJ says after a while, his fingers nervously drumming the cool leather between them. “I was thinking… Maybe we could –”

“I’m back!” Amber announces as she bounces down the stairs, her cheeks rosy from her conversation with Andi. When she notices TJ and Cyrus sitting so close, she stalls on the bottom step, her smile morphing into a scowl as she narrows her eyes.  “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing!” Cyrus squeaks, accidentally throwing his script in the air and hitting TJ on the head. He cringes, hiding his face in his hands, and splutters an apology. “Oh no! I’m so sorry, TJ! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

TJ rubs the back of his head and chuckles. “I think I’ll live.”

“Maybe you should go upstairs now,” Amber says, glaring pointedly at her brother. “We have work to do.”

“Right.” TJ rolls his eyes and gets to his feet, shoving his script into Amber’s hands. He picks up his cheesy Victorian novel and heads towards the stairs, only stopping to cast a gentle smile over his shoulder at Cyrus. “Good luck with the play,” he says, ignoring the daggers Amber is shooting at the side of his head. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Cyrus chews his lip and shrugs. “You could come, you know? The tickets are all sold out, but I could sneak you in.” He blushes, immediately doubting himself. “Only if you want to, of course. I mean, the script is pretty terrible, and I’m not exactly the greatest actor in the world, so you really don’t have to –”

“I’m there,” TJ cuts in with another smile, offering him a wink before turning around and disappearing up the stairs.

As soon as he’s gone, Amber throws herself onto the couch and punches Cyrus in the arm. “You’re not allowed to have a crush on my brother, okay? That goes against the rules of friendship!”

“You have way too many rules,” Cyrus says. “And, besides… You’ve been flirting with my best friend all afternoon, so I’d say we’re even.”

Amber opens her mouth to protest, then freezes, a groan escaping her lips. “Okay, that’s fair.”

“Thank you.”

“But you do admit you have a crush on him?”

Cyrus glances at the staircase, the frantic beating of his heart still echoing in his ears as a nervous grin tugs at his lips. “Yeah… I think I do.”

The End.

~~~~~

You can find the rest of my Tyrus fics on Tumblr or AO3! Thanks for reading ♥

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

demigirl claire (but prefers they/them pronouns) if you want!

(note: there’ll be a pronoun switch from she/her to they/them in the narrative, exactly when Claire decides to use they/them pronouns.)

(also a part of the story is in texting dialogue)

Friends In Unexpected Places

Claire never really felt girlish, but she never felt not girlish either.  It wasn’t hard for her to be a girl.  She did like girly things, like makeup and magazines.  On occasion.  When she hung out with Mary and Darci.

But sometimes?

Claire watched Mary and Darci when they hung out.  There would be these little things.  Things they said.  Things they did.  Things Claire never really considered.  Never realized.

There were times when Claire wondered.

She wasn’t a trans guy.  She’d researched that.  And she just wasn’t.  Her lack of femininity sometimes wasn’t the presence of masculinity.  Claire wondered if she were nonbinary too, but using that as a label didn’t fit quite right either.

The label she identified with the longest during this period of her life was agender.  She liked its definition of lacking a gender.  Not any of them.  Nothing.  She was just herself.  Nothing else.  No gender to worry about.

It did fit, to an extent.  At first.  But then it stopped.  Claire still felt a connection to femininity, even if it didn’t pop up all that often and fluctuated like crazy, which was very frustrating, if she was going to be completely honest.  Like if she wasn’t going to be something, she’d prefer to completely not be that something.  Otherwise, it was confusing and made her feel conflicted more often than not.  And she had enough to worry about already between grades, Romeo and Juliet, the frequency which her parents asked her to care for her little brother, and her growing crush-thing on Jim Lake Jr. (she liked him, but she wasn’t sure she like liked him).

Anyway, the agender label stopped feeling comfortable.  Eventually Claire stopped identifying with it.  Though not before she’d adopted they/them pronouns and started using them regularly.  Claire soon realized that, even though the label didn’t fit, the pronouns still did.

Thus, Claire continued to use they/them to refer to themself.  At least between themself and their friends.  The idea of coming out on a bigger scale was tricky given that Claire didn’t know what they would come out as.

At this point, they knew they was definitely still something.  They just hadn’t figured out the right label to identify what that was yet.

Claire walked out of school almost an hour after the final class of the day had let out.  Their conversation with Ms. Janeth about their troubles in getting boys to audition for Romeo and Juliet had been productive in making them feel slightly better about the situation but not in finding a solution.  Seriously, it was so freaking ridiculous.  Being in the school play wouldn’t destroy their masculinity, but try to get a bunch of high school guys (who weren’t Eli Pepperjack) to believe that?  Yeah, Claire had a better chance of learning ancient dark magics before that happened.

Claire didn’t realize there was someone in their way before they ran into him and papers went flying everywhere.

“Oh!  Sorry!”  Claire scrambled to get back up.  They grabbed as many as the fliers as were near them.  “Here you go.”  They handed the fliers back to…Jim?

“Thanks.”  The boy they sort of had a crush on took the fliers back.  “Uhhh you should watch where you’re going.  I don’t mean that in a mean way.  Just in a ‘be careful’ kind of way.  Uh, yeah.  Sorry.  I’m, I’m going to go now.”  Jim spun on his heel and marched away.

“Wait!  You forgot the rest of your fliers!”  Claire grabbed the rest of the papers off the floor and ran after him.  “What are these, anyway?”  They looked down at them, but they didn’t have enough time to read what was on the fliers before Jim grabbed them away.

“Uh nothing.  Nothing important.”

“They look important.”

Jim stared at them.  Then, “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”  He paused.  “Ok, you can tell people.  That was sort of the point.”  He glanced around, but there was no one else left at school this late in the day.

“Sure, ok.  But it’s not like a…”  Claire peered at the fliers, trying to read the top one.  They didn’t think Jim was the type of person to be into shady things, but one never really knew someone.  Anyway, the fliers didn’t look bad.  They were for a support group at a local clinic?

Jim took a deep breath.  “There’s this group.  A support group.  Thursday evenings.  At my mom’s clinic.  For, um, for, you know…” He ran his hand through his hair.  “Trans and queer people.  How to get resources and stuff.  Like for transitioning, name changes, advice on coming out, that kind of thing.”  Jim paused to look at them a long moment.  “Anyway, they’ve also set up a partner support group for teens and I was, um, yeah, gonna go give these to Coach Lawrence to give to anyone who’s looking for that sort of thing.”  He shrugged.  “Yeah, I’m, I’m gonna go now.  See ya.”

“No, wait!”  Claire grabbed his arm.  “That’s really cool.  That you’re doing that.”  They sighed.  “Actually, actually I’m kinda interested.  I’m…”  Their brain realized that they didn’t really want to come out to him and they didn’t know (at the moment) what to come out as.  “I’m, um, interested.  So, um, can I have a flier?”

“Suuuure.”  Jim took one out of the stack.  “But if you’re messing with me, I have a friend who is literally a giant troll.  He’ll—”

“No.  No, nothing like that.”  Claire reassured him.  They gulped.  “I’m—I use they/them pronouns.  I just—I’m not messing with you, ok?”

“Ok.  I believe you.”  Jim smiled at them before giving them the flier.  “But I have to be careful, you know?”

“Yeah.  So, um, are you…?”  Claire winced.  “Sorry, that’s a really personal question.  Forget I said that.  Never mind.”

Jim looked around again, but they were still alone in the hallway.  “I’m trans.  You aren’t alone at Arcadia High.”  He took a deep breath.  “Give me your phone, I’ll give you my number, we can talk about it and stuff some time.”  Jim paused.  “Just don’t go around asking people like that.”

“I won’t.  Again, sorry.  Sorry.”

“It’s cool.  You’re learning.”  He handed them back their phone.  “See you around.”  He went to leave again and this time Claire let him.

They stared at their phone a long time after torn on whether to be happy that they had someone to talk to about not being cisgender or happy because that person was also their longtime crush.

8:45 PM

Me: hi

Jim?

sorry

can I ask you some stuff?

personal stuff

you dont have to reply if you dont wanna

no biggie

8:49 PM

Jim: sure

I got like 20min before

8:52 PM

Jim: my uncle will notice I’m not paying attention to his lecture

so go 4 it

8:54 PM

Me: ur uncle lectures u at night?

8:55 PM

Jim: more like a really close family friend

he teaches me cool stuff

like how to kick trolls made of living rock in the nuts

8:56 PM

Me: lmao what ur joking

8:59 PM

Jim: yup ;)

Jim: yeah so questions?

about trans stuff?

9:02 PM

Me: ok um

how did you know?

like is there a certain feeling?

sorry nvm

9:05 PM

Jim: its ok

i told you u could ask

dont worry

it took me a while to figure out

u will :)

9:10 PM

Jim: also here’s a link to the clinic’s resource page

its got a list of identities and stuff that may help

gotta go now

blink noticed

and he’s kinda mad bout it

Me: thank you

for everything

Claire put down their phone, but didn’t go back to doing homework.  They couldn’t.  Not yet.  The fact that there was a webpage they could go to for new info was far too distracting.  So, they closed their textbook with a soft thud, grabbed their laptop, woke it up, and plugged in their headphones.  Then they opened their web browser, got some music going, and went to the link Jim had texted them.

Most of the labels on the page, Claire recognized as ones they’d seen before, but there were still a few new ones.

Demigirl.

It took three songs worth of time of staring for Claire to finally realize something had clicked into place in such a way that nothing had before when they saw that specific one.

They had found themself.

It was a label that meant partially a girl and partially not, or partially a girl and another gender altogether.  It was a label that fit the hard to describe feeling of not quite being a girl but not quite not being a girl.  It was a label Claire knew belonged to them.

“Why didn’t you tell us you got Jim Lake’s number?”  Mary asked.  “You can’t just keep these things from us, Claire.  We’re you’re bffs.”

Because that would mean explaining how I got it, Claire replied internally.  They and Jim had been talking more frequently (he’d been the first person they’d told about being demigirl), because it felt nice to have someone to be open with about their gender identity who they didn’t have to explain as much to.

Mary had found out they had Jim’s number because she’d seen his name on a new text on Claire’s phone.  Claire had so far kept the origin of their friendship a secret.  They let Darci respond to Mary first.

“Mary, focus.  Claire said they had something super important to tell us.”  Darci turned to them.  “Unless that was The Thing.”

“No.”  Claire exhaled.  “You know how I’ve been trying to figure out an identity that fits me?”  They smiled.  “I think I found one.  It’s called demigirl.  I’m a demigirl.”  They glanced between their two friends.

It felt very nice to say that out loud.

“Oh, Claire!”  Darci clasped her hands together.  “I’m so excited for you!”

“This calls for a hug.  Bring it in, you two.”  Mary opened up her arms to them.  Once they were in a group hug, her eyes widened.  “Wait, so are you still using they/them pronouns or do we need to learn a new set?”

“Still using they/them pronouns.”  Claire grinned.

“Thanks for helping out.  You have no idea how much I appreciate it.”  Jim’s mom, Barbara, closed the trunk to her car and picked up the snacks weren’t already carrying.  “I swear we need more and more every Thursday.”  She adjusted her grip on the boxes.  “But that’s a good thing!  As long as we’re helping you guys get support.”

Claire offered a tentative smile back.  They still weren’t sure they belonged in the support group, but both Jim and and his mom had been super welcoming so they supposed it was alright that they were there.  And it felt nice to be there too.

“Oh, hey, that reminds me.”  Barbara spoke up again when they’d reached the mini kitchen and started putting chips and pretzels in bowls.  She stopped what she was doing and walked over to a shelf and picked a book up off it.  “This is a fiction anthology written by some of our regulars a few years back.  It has stories about all sorts of gender identities.  I’ve marked the demigirl ones with post-its for you.”

Claire hesitated.  They were interested in the book, but, “I can’t take this.  Someone might need it more than me.  I’m not…” not enough.  I shouldn’t be here.  I’m taking up space that someone else could really need.  I…

“Someone who I think would really love reading the stories in this book.”  Barbara approached them.  “But if you’re not comfortable taking it permanently, how about borrowing it for a bit?  We have about twenty minutes left before everyone’s going to arrive for the meeting.  I can take care of everything else in here, go find a seat and read.”

Claire bit their lip.  “Ok, but just for a bit.”

“Sure, now go on.  Go.”  Barbara shooed them out of the mini kitchen.  “Oh, and Claire?”

“Yes.”

“You belong here.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Thanks, Dr. L.”

In the end, Claire found they did really enjoy the book, especially because there was one short story in a play format in it.  Some time later, when they’d met more demigender people, Claire would become a leading force in putting together a small stage production based on it with their new friends.

[tinygaysheep-blog]

THIS MIGHT BE A REACH BUT I THINK I’M ONTO SOMETHING HERE.

OKAY OKAY SO LISTEN  There’s a lot of discorse about the new season and that’s understandable BUT I want you guys to look at something with me for a second. 

 I wanna talk about Keith and Lance. We all know Keith’s going through a lot, the blade of marmora is convincing him his own life matters less than the mission, that if he died it would just be for the greater good of the cause. So he’s pulling away, trying to make it so that Voltron doesn’t need him so that he could be... disposable. 

So Keith talks to Shiro and tries to get him to go back to being the black paladin. And *cough cough* fake *cough* Shiro tells him to buckle the heck up and stop whining and just be the black paladin. He doesn’t see, in that moment just what Keith is trying to do. So he gets mad. 

This is a face of pure dissapointment in Shiro. And Keith sees it. He really sees it, and feels it too. But he doesnt know what to do about it.

He’s the lone wolf, right? He doesn’t know how to function in a team properly. In the B.O.M he’s much more independant. Yes, he gets orders and people he goes on with missions but if you really watch most of those missions involve very little teamwork. 

So Keith is pulling away, but at the same time he’s getting the rejection from everyone in the team that’s pushing him away. When he shows up late in the begining of episode one Hunk, Pidge and Lance are super pissed at him, right? 

Right? 

No, go back and look at Lance. He’s not angry. He’s worried. 

Yeah, he says “Are you even taking this seriously?” But think about it. Keith is someone who throws himself into missions. He takes everything he does seriously and he puts a 100% of himself into what he does. He doesn’t half ass things, and it pays off. He gets results. 

Lance is used to seeing Keith do well. At the Garrison he was top of the class, when he was still with Voltron he usually spent his free time training. And now, all of a sudden he’s late to missions, falling behind while he’s the leader. 

Not only that but remember this scene? 

 Again,everyone looks super pissed right? No look at Lance. 

And remember the dialogue?  Allura:You keep saying you’re sorry but your actions say otherwise. Do you realise that your actions put the entire team in jeoprady?  Lance: And not Just the team but the refugees too. 

and again, look at his face as he says it. 

He’s not angry. He’s confused there. Think about it. What did Keith tell Pidge when she tried to leave? That other people’s lives were at stake if she left. Keith cares about the people he’s out there protecting. Lance understands that this is not how Keith normally is. 

We know that they got closer in season 3 with Lance opening up to Keith and all and you might even call them friends. Sure he’s not as close as (the real) Shiro is to Keith, but he’s close enough to see Keith isn’t himself. 

But what if... what if Keith did open up. 

I get that this might be somewhat of a reach BUT if you watch Keith’s vlog, it’s very likely he wasn’t alone when he filmed it (he looks like he’s talking to someone off camera. but also tells them to get them out of there. Not only that but the camera turns off and from how emotional he got and the way he was walking its unlikely he turned it off and if you watch Allura’s vlog, she definitely gets closer to turn it off). Now my first thought would be that seeming it’s tech related it would be likely that Pidge would be with him. 

But it doesn’t seem like something that Pidge would be into. Sitting and making vlogs with the paladins. Not her style. 

Okay so maybe Coran? He was the first to upload a vlog, and the camera might be some castle gear? Sounds reasonable enough. But why only be there for Keith’s vlog? Allura was definitely alone during her’s. Also, I dont see them having the kind of bond where Keith would say any of that to Coran. No offense Space unc, we love you. 

OKAY so not Coran or Pidge... so maybe Allura? 

No, the bond isn’t strong enough. As someone who is pretty similar to Keith in defense mechanisms, I don’t see him trusting her to a point where he’s this open with her especially after what happened the last time he opened up about his Galra identity. 

(We all know where I’m going with this, but for argument’s sake; I will keep going. Feel free to skip ahead.) 

Okay so Hunk maybe? He has the tech know-how and stood up for Keith during the whole Galra thing. Even if he did tease him a little... Okay but even then they haven’t really had much bonding since then. I suppose it’s possible if Keith was feeling particularly vulnerable and whatever. But... Would Hunk really bother Keith to make a vlog? and would Keith ask Hunk to help with a vlog? 

It doesn’t really seem in character. Yes, they’re closer but still... not close enough. 

So that leaves Shiro and Lance. First, lets look at why I don’t think it’s Shiro. 

As we know Shiro is someone Keith looks up to. He’s always extremely respectful towards him and it shows in his facial expressions and way of speaking. 

but then look at this; 

Thats not a face Keith would make at Shiro.

You know who he does make faces like that at? 

L A N C E 

So lets think about this. Does Lance have the tech know how? Well he’s always stealing Pidge’s shit so I’mma go ahead and say, yeah to that one. Allura seems equally technically inclined as Lance, so seeming she has no trouble with it that makes sense. 

And even if Keith didn’t ask Lance to help him with his vlog, you know what does seem Lance like? Suggesting Keith makes a vlog. 

So lets asume here, for a moment that Lance knows about Keith’s abandonment issues. That would explain why he looks so worried in the screenshot from before, right? He knows Keith is feeling rejected by his team and he knows that Keith’s behaviour has changed since he started working more with the blade. 

But while they got closer in season 3, and Lance has a better understanding of Keith now, I also think Keith was eager to put some distance between them after that outburst. So he starts working with the blade a lot, right? Meaning Lance hardly sees him. 

So they take a few steps back in their friendship.

And then Kolivan calls Keith to a mission that they all know will be dangerous and look at Lance’s face. 

Yes, you could read it as Lance not wanting his spotlight gone BUT remember that Lance isn’t as shallow as he seems at first glance. He’s not the loverboy he pretends to be and few realise it, but he masks a lot of his emotions. 

Yes, Lance thrives on attention. But do you really think that he would prioritise a show over a mission that could give them a great boost in power? No, this isn’t about the show, this goes deeper. He’s worried. He’s worried about Keith. 

He doesn’t want him to go. He needs him around. But he cant tell him that. Especially not in front of everyone. 

So what does Lance do? 

He makes a stupid argument, its not much, but it’s all he’s got. “We can’t razzle dazzle the crowd with four lions.”  We need you, I need you. Thats what he’s trying to say. 

And Keith refuses. 

So Lance has that same expression. He’s looking at Shiro in dissbelief this time because he can’t believe he’s letting him go. 

So what we’ve established thus far is the following; 

-Lance definitely feels closer to Keith than he used to.  -Lance was probably there during Keith’s vlog. -Lance isn’t as straight forward as people think he is.  -There’s probably some distance between them right now.  -Lance has noticed Keith’s change in behaviour. 

So with all that in mind, do you really think Lance doesn’t see that Keith is in a bad place. He knows something is up. He can feel Keith pulling and he’s trying to tell him that they need him around but he doesn’t know how to say it. And then... then Keith tells them he’s leaving. 

yeah, everyone looks sad, but look at Lance. He looks deep in thought. What do you think he’s thinking? He just realised he lost Keith. And he gets it. Suddenly it all makes sense. Keith more or less reforced the bond between Black and Shiro and he was acting strange, showing up late. This is what’s been up with Keith and Lance finally figure out that this whole time, he was losing Keith. 

But he gives it one last try. 

Who am I going to make fun of? 

It’s so much more than a playfull jab. Think about it. Really think about it. 

“Who am I going to make fun of?”

Who am I gonna talk to? 

Don’t go. 

[meggannn]

i finished my shenko playthrough...... and it made me sad bc i liked so much of it, there were so much good kaidan dialogue in me3 that i found really touching, and then i remembered that kaidan is dead in my canon :( i feel like i appreciate him more but i also just...... ashley is my girl........ i love her so much

anyway thoughts/notes/liveblogging 2 months late is all behind the cut

me1

the beginning of the renegade playthrough is p much just shepard throwing a tantrum going "i dont wanna" and anderson going "YOU'RE GOING TO ANYWAY"

Shepard: *murders everyone in the compound* Kyle: I respect that you have come under a banner of peace,

why do sniper rifles move when you zoom in tho like what's the fucking point lmao. is garrus considered an expert sniper just cause he can fuckin shoot anything at all

“I understand the discomfort she feels. The threat is very real.” so it’s canon Garrus has first response victim shock training

Baynham: here take these gas grenades that will knock ppl out instead of killing them Kaidan: I can hook them up to our launchers no problem Garrus: Why don't we use them Commander? Shepard: We're not doing that. Wipe everything out.

“How come every time there’s a problem you come running to me?” okay first off it’s hilarious that shepard talks to hackett like that, and secondly he resonds with: “Shepard you’re a Spectre” which is interesting. it’s not like he can assign her missions as a Spectre. it’s prob just abt prowess? or he uses her position for alliance gain

Shepard: Are you telling me this VI is thinking on its own? Hackett: We're not stupid, Shepard. Shepard:

(pulling a gun on the staff of Noveria) Garrus: Citadel authority supersedes yours. // you know he was thrilled to say that lmfaooo

“If by ‘secure the situation’ you mean ‘shoot every monster on sight,’ then sure.” good god

shepard, with spectre class gear, cleaning out this dude’s stock just to convert it all to omnigel: show me what you got

(to sovereign) Garrus: “The protheans vanished 50k years ago! You couldn’t have been there! It’s impossible!” Garrus sounds like an annoying kid in class lmfao

“Organic life was a mistake” this is why I don’t trust the fucking Reapers or starchild to give it to me straight. REAPERS ARE HALF ORGANIC!!!

Kirrahe: You have my respect, Commander. Shepard: I’d rather have Williams back than your respect. // jlSKJFLDSK

every time I destroy a colossus in the Mako now I’m reminded when shepard fights one of these fuckin things ON FOOT

“Cut me a little slack, Shepard. It’s not like you’re easy to read.”

vigil is still one of my favorite scenes in the entire series. i think i figured out why, it's the first time shepard (and at large, this cycle) realizes she has allies. more than she knows. every race that's been exterminated wants to see the reapers dead. every single one is supporting shepard the protheans weren't just wiped out. they didn't just fight till the bitter end. they made contingency plans. their last messages were also ones of hope. and they succeeded. shepard's gonna have to do most of the work on her own; of course she is. and she knows most history is lost. but all of that work has added up and will add up, and she realizes here she's gotta make all that work worth something. she can't leave it for the next cycle to clean up. like vigil’s talk is essentially: "aliens of the future, we are a dead race. we can't fight with you anymore. but we can be there to make sure you win. do not make our sacrifice in vain. we, and every race that came before us, the millions of us, deserve the chance." AND OH LOOK WHAT THAT REMINDS ME OF

vigil talks abt how the last ilios scientists (abt a dozen) took a one-way trip to the citadel after the reapers had left their cycle, and spent their remaining years severing the connection btw the keepers' automatic trigger function to activate the citadel relay and that the scientists probably died cold miserable and hungry bc the citadel was like, not exactly equipped for life anymore, and it was just a handful of people, so they wouldnt have gotten even a wing up and running. what's the bet that these scientists were also the leading engineers on the crucible, and they divided their time btw these two projects? the keepers succeeded, the engineers did everything they could to do more, add more ideas to this project, before they expired and they made the pods they were buried in biodegradable? or something? so that keepers would be able to dispose of them and their bodies couldn't be used for future experiments/slave labor if reapers or indoctrinated forces/collectors came back

this is my first time getting the apartment on intai’sei and THERE ISN’T EVEN A BATHROOM.

me2

just sharing this mod from someone who made “play as every character except shepard” mods. you can ask jacob what the hell a collector is WHILE DRESSED AS A COLLECTOR

“This pistol doesnt have a thermal clip” SHEPARD IS THAT REALLY THE FIRST THING YOU WANT TO SAY AFTER AWAKING FROM A COMA. I love that not only is the first thing shep does on awakening is complain abt the state of her gun, but also that she wakes in full armor

ive been wondering if miranda planned the attack on lazarus station. she knows shepard is a woman of action. her trust in people comes from knowing they'll weather the storm with her. maybe this attack on the station was all to get her to trust jacob, or at least, not attack miranda on sight? if she woke up in a lab or hospital with cerberus logos leaning over her? uhhhh yeah, she's getting the hell out of here. if her first xp is fighting through fire w a few of them first? uh...... i'll hear you out at the VERY least, but i wont like you. that's what miranda wants

miranda seems to like renegade shep. she like respects the no bullshitting around i guess, cut from the same cloth?

twenty four permanent crew onboard the Normandy. jotting that down

Donnelly: Want to play some Skyllian Five with us later? Shepard: This isn’t a casino. Get back to work.

grunt says "arm one hand, offer the other. wise, shepard." that's one of my favorite lines descripting shepard, it fits mine perfectly

Shep: They offered me Spectrehood and I told them where to shove it. Udina: Are you trying to start a war? What the hell is wrong with you?

when you buy upgrades at the citadel stores, one tech damage purchase description describes the rls btw tools and neural connectors, so it’s canon omnitools are hooked up to neural implants. *scribbles that down for later* I’m not sure if that’s the right term but we know at least it’s connected in some way so that tools are individualized to their user

the turian hunting supplies guy is still one of my favorite minor npcs

on shepard’s likeness being used in the media: “The colony of Mindoir has won the right to use Shepard’s likeness on its seal.” okay this is interesting but also confusing because i figured since shepard is military, and now a public figure/no longer a private citizen, there was no need for people to ask to use her likeness. but there was a company that requested her permission in the armax arena to use her footage for a video. maybe for things like charity etc it’s necessary?

there are only five wards. somehow I never caught that that wards = arms of the Citadel. wtf. this changes everything

jacob: “you were the alliance poster child for like six months. then they replaced it with some composite image. guess you didn't field test right. perfect example of humanity, and they still dump you." // so it's canon the alliance whitewashes shepard, right? lol

shepard: i'm glad you're enjoying it here miranda. just remember who's in charge. miranda: i know exactly who's in charge. i report to him regularly. OUCH LMAO

one of the fuckin funniest things i experienced in this playthrough was: Shepard: I didn't let you look at those (cerberus datapads). Jack: I get impatient. Shepard: (close up on fist and angry red eyes) DO NOT violate the integrity of my ship again. Jack: (not paying attention) Yeah, ok.

Thane: I have a son. Shepard: All right, you spawned. Organic species tend to do that. Is that all?

more shepard being an asshole to thane: “just give it to me straight. i’m not interested in your philosophical BS.” GOD SHEPARD

asari are canonically into egyptology, cool

IF YOU FEED THE VARREN ON TUCHANKA IT’LL FOLLOW YOU AROUND, HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS TILL NOW

playing a complete asshole on garrus’s eye for an eye just reminds me how much i hate his loyalty lmao. i hate it on paragon, i hate it on renegade. if you agree w him on everything re revenge, beating harkin up, he’s like “i knew you’d understand” and “somehow I didn’t think you would (have a problem with what I’m planning to do)”. it’s just like. sad. idk. I hate this quest so much but I also hate people who play renegade shepard/garrus completely without criticism. it’s also why i hate those “garrus and shepard as gang bosses au” aesthetic shit. this kind of rls is not healthy. not that paragon is strictly the way to go, cause paragon can be self-righteous and preachy, esp in this mission, which bothers me too.

Bailey: You’re trying to save your son. Of course I’ll help. Thane, staring at him unblinkingly, with deep black eyes: He faces a dark path. Bailey:

weirdly this was the renegade option that made me feel really fuckin bad: Shepard: I didn’t want to do that. We don’t have much time. Mouse: Just go away, man. Thane: I’m sorry too, Mouse. Mouse: Just… go.

legion: windows are structural weaknesses. geth do not use them. heretic station: *is filled with fuckin windows*

Shepard: What’s your assurance worth? Your loyalty switches with quantum bits. EDI: Loyalty is based on mutual respect, common experience, and common cause. We share two of those. // HOT DAMN

have i mentioned that i fuckin hate how the varren, husks, and abominations are all armored on insanity

saving the collector base feels more like a bitter/unnerving victory instead of a triumphant/defiant one. more like "i hope i didnt just make a huge mistake handing that collector base to a terrorist group" lol

possibly one of my top favorite lines in the entire fucking series now which i have never heard before because i never picked the renegade options w him, thane: Just don't make the mistake I did. There's always another mission. None of them are an excuse to make yourself an island.

EVEN MIRANDA DOESNT APPROVE OF SAVING THE BASE "Before I started this mission, I never would've questioned our goals... I hope whatever Cerberus finds at that base is worth it."

Tela Vasir: I heard you weren't reinstated. Too bad -- you did good work. // so do all spectres respect shepard or something? even the corrupt ones? lmao

honestly liara's obviously unrequited love for shepard (if you romance someone else ofc) makes me so sad. like, she cries when she gets revenge on the person who stole ur body, dresses up when she comes to visit you on the normandy, says "funny, we're in the same room for the first time in 2yrs and we talk about anything but ourselves" like..... she misses and mourned and is still clearly kind of enraptured with shepard. i find it kind of sad and wish there was some kind of closure for her in shepards that romance someone else/no one at all. i hate the thought of liara falling in love at such a young age and pining for the rest of her life after shep dies. i switch back and forth btw if she actually has feelings for shep out of a savior crush bc it explains a lot of her behavior in 2, or if it’s just a young infatuation that she gets over by me3

honestly there is no quest that makes me respect ICT training more than Arrival. over two days shepard plows through how many enemies, including several engineers and pyros and two atlases, completely alone, with NO COMPLAINTS, and only gets taken out by a REAPER WAVE

me3

DONT KAIDAN ME THIS IS BUSINESS

rejecting chakwas is so fucking difficult and hard. if you dont invite her automatically she practically begs (ok she doesnt beg, but she does ask very sincerely and openly) to come back onto the normandy and then shep just.... says no, you can do more good here... and then turns around and recruits dr michel, who has never served on a warship before and doesnt know anybody’s medical history and is not nearly as experienced a doctor, so the choice to pick michel over chakwas makes absolutely no sense. like what the fuck lmao what a dick move shepard

yes i did cave and upgraded me3 to digital deluxe just for the hoodie and dog and extra guns. and it cost me $10. fuck

edi: “I would rather risk nonfunctionality with the crew of the Normandy, than risk it alone (by joining the reapers).” :’(((((((

i keep fucking forgetting how long the omega dlc is. god i never want to look at omega again. lydia definitely nods off/passes out from exhaustion in the back seat as bray drives the shuttle back to the normandy

after miranda’s death, joker: “Mordin, Wrex, Thane, Samara, Miranda… how long before it’s just you and me against the Reapers?”

citadel bits

the clone fight on insanity as a vanguard was not nearly as hard as the clone fight on insanity as a sentinel. what the fuck. i guess it’s a trade off because the solo fight through the strip against the mercs as a vangard was a pain in the ass, and the same fight as a sentinel was a cakewalk

HOW COME THE CLONE HAS INCINERATE EVEN WHEN I DONT LMAO

traynor rattles off lists of her conditions and shepard says she “didn’t realize people still had conditions like that anymore.” traynor says “the colony where I grew up has limited resources. you only have gene therapy if you have a life-threatening condition.“ analysis:

gene therapy to remove common diseases is prevalent enough that chronic conditions like asthma/allergies appear to be eliminated, and may be near extinction with gene therapy in most areas

HOWEVER since they're naturally occurring, they can always crop up, so gene therapy will always be necessary, unless/until scientists start messing with embryo biology?

shepard isn't shocked, just kind of mildly surprised that they're "still around", which makes me feel like gene therapy probably only became WIDELY used mb within the past ~50yrs? to the point of making asthma etc so rare that most humans might now never meet someone with them. ofc i imagine eb shepard would be less surprised that old diseases are still around bc she grew up in a poor inner city and was prob exposed/developed an immunity to them?

dslkf

citadel party

with miranda, samara, and wrex dead, there’s one fewer group in the first section of the party. javik joins the gang in the kitchen, grunt the gang in the living room, and zaeed the gang in the tv area. which resulted in some interesting lines for javik lol. i imagine he joined the tali/garrus/liara/sam gang bc he didnt know anybody else

the third high energy part with the gang on the balcony is rly cute. it's like liara is... idt flirty is the right word, but first she gets all heated challenging james to a pull-up contest, and then teases him that kaidan's lapping him. i think she just has a fondness for james

paying attention to the background chatter is just as entertaining as the normal banter. i caught so many funny jack kaidan and traynor lines

javik suggests that we do this (have a party) again if we survive the war! awww

joker and edi def still have feelings for each other and dance together -- or at least joker does, and edi kind of acts coy/like she’s still interested -- even if you tell them both not to pursue it. it’s prob just because bw didn’t intend for ppl to discourage them, but still interesting

you don’t get mordin’s datapad if you killed him... keely mentioned it’s prob because the stg knew what you did and i believe that

the voice over the radio trying to save her friend’s life while the soldier walks her through it is definitely femhawke. bw probably just reuses their actors so much i can recognize them all lmao

ending

if you sabotage the genophage/kill wrex it’s major kirrahe (or a misc salarian if he died i suppose) that’s giving commands to the troops and god that is so bleak

i shot tim and got his extra dying dialogue that i haven’t ever before.... i like that writing better than when he kills himself? but they’re both sort of poetic endings...... idk which is my favorite

ive never done control before and holy shit i do not like DO NOT LIKE DO NOT WANT. synthesis really creeped me out for a number of reasons but i thought control would be better for some reason? like, a sad kind of way? instead it was just..... super super unnerving LIKE SHEPARD LITERALLY DISINTEGRATES IN FRONT OF OUR EYES and then with that ending monologue and man i am never choosing control again i guess it’s destroy 2kforever for me

first time i told jack to put her students on the front line and they all died. god

caps with makeup-less shep!

[ourfinalheaven]

I received a message from someone asking why I enjoy Cloti, but they wished to remain “anon”. 

I always feel like this question chokes me up because I’m not talented in expressing myself nor my emotions to others, but I figured I’d give it a try... 

For me, Cloud and Tifa is realistic to what couples go through where as other FF couples are, well, fantasy like. They’re easy, they’re in the “honeymoon phase” and they really don’t go through realistic to where it’s relate-able. Which don’t get me, it’s totally fine and isn’t that the point of shipping; to enjoy something you can’t really have in reality? 

Cloud’s story is such a normal one. I mean really c’mon? Young boy wants to impress the popular girl who he just so happens to have a crush on, but she’s always surrounded by boys who are more confident than he is? Then one day,he musters up some balls to call her out at night only to make an unexpected promise to help her if she’s in need? Totally relate able for a lot of guys in their early years. 

Tifa, like any girl would, reads the paper everyday to see if Cloud is in SOLDIER, and waits for his return. When word gets out there are people from SOLDIER coming to town, Tifa gets giddy to see Cloud, but only to be disappointed when he doesn’t show- or so she thinks. 

He hides his face in shame of not keeping his word and avoids her because of it. Little does Cloud know, at this point, all Tifa wants is to see Cloud. Things take turn for the worst, and a man Cloud looks up to destroys his town, kills his mother, hurts his best friend, and gravely injures the girl he likes.  All the anger Cloud felt in his childhood come rushing over him like a wave, and he himself is able to manage to take on this “great hero”, but pays a high price... he gets taken by Hojo to be a lab rat along with Zack. 

Five years later, Zack and him bust out of the Shinra Mansion basement only to lose Zack in the process, fighting the hang over of his mako poisoning he some how makes it to a train station in Midgar only to be found by Tifa. At this point, they’re both shocked they’ve crossed paths AGAIN. Talk about ironic or as some would say it was “fate”.  When Cloud is finally coherent, he asks Tifa for a job to make a living and tells her of stories that don’t quite make sense. Finally, when they reach Tifa’s bar Cloud realizes once again Tifa surrounded by men who clearly are fond of Tifa. 

For me personally, I feel like this is why Cloud is so “moody” in the beginning of the game. Once again, he has to fight for Tifa’s attention and that he doesn’t fit in with the new group she has. It’s almost like he’s resentful, which I find interesting tbh, anybody would. I’m sure we’ve all been there. We want undivided attention from our crush; anything to search for clues they just may like us back... 

Anyways,  one mission goes extremely south  and I find the dialogue between Cloud and Tifa interesting before he falls into Aerith’s church.  There’s a part of the dialogue that isn’t optional right before he falls (from my memory, been awhile since I played)

Barret It's gonna blow! Let's go, Tifa!

Tifa Barret! Can't you do something?

Barret Not a damn thing.

Tifa Cloud! Please don't die! You can't die! There's still so much I want to tell you!

Cloud ******I know, Tifa......*******

That right there signals to me there was something brewing between them that they both recognized. Cloud, not distracted by personal resentment of the past, was himself in that moment.  And like always, they’re interrupted.  Once again, something always getting in the way of them finally confessing their feelings.

When Cloud falls on Aerith’s flowerbed, there’s something I find interesting. He remembers his fall from Mt. Nibel. You know where the part he follows Tifa and the bridge snaps as a child?  That fall brings him back to that time. I mean it’s nothing to telling but it’s something I’ve made note of. 

Once Cloud and Aerith get of her church and he brings her back home safely, he is desperate to get back to Tifa’s bar. I think it’s cute you can call Tifa your “girl...friend”, I don’t think anyone else in the game has that option, so there’s like this build up between Cloud and Tifa that makes you want to know more. 

When Cloud does finally get to meet back up with Tifa, he went through a slew of embarrassing events to dress up like a woman just to make sure she was alright. Cloud is somewhat macho, so for him to slap a dress on, makeup, and a wig with some girly panties is truly telling to how much he cares for Tifa and would do anything to make sure she is alright.  

After several events of them leaving Midgar, the end of Cloud’s story is interesting. Tifa asks Cloud how badly she was hurt, and Cloud replies with he thought Tifa was a goner, but unprovoked he mentions how he was sadden by that thought. 

Now, let me fast forward to after Aerith death and their at the Northern Crater. Cloud mentions to Tifa that he hopes she gets to meet the “real” Cloud. It’s like Nojima wanted to insinuate that this Cloud we’re seeing a fake; not real. We end up getting separated from Cloud, but we find him Mideel where Cloud’s mental state is completely broken, and Tifa decides she’s going to watch over him thus leaving the group... 

When we finally get to the lifestream, that’s where we learn Cloud did what he did for Tifa. He likes Tifa and just wanted her to notice him. Cloud then find outs Tifa read the newspaper everyday searching for his name in it. Some people may think that’s “shallow” of Tifa but I don’t think so. She was just a girl, and at that age we get caught up in things like that.   

Cloud and Tifa finally realize Cloud was there and he saved Tifa, Cloud is able to regain his trueself thanks to Tifa.  Now what is interesting is Cloud, in the true memory, says to Seph  “ Mom... Tifa...... my town... give it back...” he never said that in his flash back at Kalm.  Nojima’s writing for the script references back the “hope you get to meet the real cloud” quote and ofc when he says this is goodbye, until meet again line, “ Yeah...... Tifa...... We finally...... meet again......” This lets us know, the Cloud we knew before, wasn’t 100% Cloud which is so, idk, it’s so realistic bc people in real life will take parts of other people’s personality and morph them into one to great “their” personality. 

 Alrighty, so with the highwind scene, I find it super classic how Square did a romantic setting with Cloud and Tifa before the final battle. You know how you hear about soldiers making love to their wives before their deployed or in movies the hero makes love to his girl before he fights the villain? I feel like thats what Square did. People will fight about how this HW scene is canon, but I don’t think it matters. The Highwind scene is the Highwind scene, Cloud and Tifa spend the night together. Period. They share a kiss/have sex/ play a card game w/e you want to imagine, they spent a romantic night under the stars before the went to fight Seph. To be honest, it was the perfect night for them to come clean. What would they have to lose? They thought they were gonna die anyways.  

They beat seph, yay game over, woot now we have COT and ACC, which really gives the realness. 

I really can see how cloti struggled with their relationship because the events they went through was awful. They’re still mourning over their fallen comrade: Aerith. Cloud is feeling guilty for their deaths. In what reality would this make for the most perfect relationship? It doesn’t, but I feel given the hints and body language cloti is forming a romantic relationship, which is hard for them. You have two people who have pent up emotions from the OG events. 

They seem to be going through their pain together but dont if that makes sense? Best way I can describe it is Tifa takes Denzel coming to the bar as Aerith showing her to  move on, but Cloud takes it as Aerith showing Cloud by raising Denzel, he can make up for his mistakes. Eventually after COT, Cloud and Tifa DO end up happy together with the children. 

However, Cloud gets geostigma and he thinks this is the planet’s way of “punishing him” so he runs off, abandoning everyone at this point, and lives in hiding.   Eventually, Tifa does find where Cloud is staying at and finally getting Cloud to realize it’s time he lets go of the past. Some people will say, “Oh Tifa’s a “bitch” for doing that, but you know what? No, she’s not. You don’t coddle your partner for forever. In relationships, there’s times you have to give your partner a reality check. It’s called tough love. There’s a time where you tell your partner it’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. You also don’t let your partner cut off everyone because he/she is too scared to ask for help or see they have people who dearly love him.  

A lot of people who have never had a serious relationship do not realize that there’s times you hate your partner, you don’t know if you’re truly in love with this person anymore, you don’t open up to them, and you just think you’re better off without them. And that’s cloti in acc. They’re figuring it out. They’re pissy, they’re hurt, they’re tired, but you know what...they worked through it. They didn’t just bail and say “see ya later.”, Tifa waited for Cloud to forgive himself, and when he did look where he went? Back to tifa and the children. 

I honestly think that’s why people struggle with shipping cloti is they think or maybe don’t understand when you love someone, they annoy you, make you mad, make you cry, and sometimes don’t understand you, but it’s loving you through those bad times that make you stronger. And maybe that’s why it’s easier to ship other couples is because reality is uncomfortable and we are raised to think everything is rainbow and butterflies x.x 

Phew, this was long >.<  So yeah, TL;DR I love cloti bc they’re real and not your typical FF couple, like Cecil x Rosa or Squall x Rinoa where you don’t see the “Realness”. I feel like Cloti is that couple that isn’t on social media showing pictures of how “happy” they are when in reality they’re miserable, but the couple who keeps their relationship to themselves bc they don’t need to showcase it >.<

[babieyangs-moved]

oh i see, that's nice! i hope you like the volunteering work! i hope everything goes well with the other positions you applied for <3

it seems things are VERY different here and there tho XD here in brazil there has been..... To sim up, a Mess. and we could have had the vaccine waaay earlier because we had invitations for it, but the president just ignored it lol but anyways things are going now (slowly, but still) and i think i'll get vaccinated soon if everything goes well (not because of age because that's still going to take some time, i'll probably get vaccinated because i work with education OR because i have a psychiatric report bc of anxiety etc).

i can't believe asthma doesnt count there. i'm so sorry :( here in brazil people with asthma are already being vaccinated. that sucks. even people with some psychological conditions... guess not everything is that bad here.

i've been listening to some news from there and seems like everything was going pretty well but now some cases have been reappering? i hope everything gets better there soon :( and i hope you can get vaccinated soon, too :(

oh that's nice that you speak spanish! thats definitely a reason to watch tho xD when i was learning german i tried to watch dark..... never happened because i could only understand like 15 words lmao

hahahaha really?? i haven't watched queendom nor rtk (although i do wanna watch the last one) i'm too curious to just keep seeing things on my dash afshfkxcnjv also i enjoy watching because it made me feel vvv affectionate towards all groups, even the ones i don't know well afhcdfd

and the untamed is veeery nice!! i understand the amount of Zero things in the first 3 episodes lmao but it was worth it, it's very nice and comforting?? idk i like to watch it to get relaxed dsjfhds

and I'm okay! just a little crazy cause I'm moving back to the city I used to live before the pandemic began (I came back to live with my parents and I got stuck here ever since) so there's a lot to do! but im happy to go back ✨✨

thank you so much <3 i have an interview on tuesday for one retail position and i should be getting an email soon abt another :D and yeah i remember seeing Brazil on the news a lot at the beginning of the pandemic but glad to hear its slowly getting there <3 i hope you're able to get your vaccine soon..

i think here you can get it for psychological reasons as well.. and like most pre-existing conditions count but yeah last time i checked asthma doesnt count which is just so odd but i'll have to ask next time i see the gp just in case its changed or if theres some other way i can get it early bc i also have autoimmune issues... and yeah there's been cases on the east coast (i live on the other side of the country so im okay here for now).. but its rly just to do w the hotel quarantine system having issues here and the slow vaccination rate so i think theyre trying to make some improvements in both areas

i still watch it with subtitles bc im lazy but its good to mostly understand it bc my mom speaks spanish to me daily but also me trying to watch kdramas and then my attention span making me switch tabs and missing like 90% of the dialogue bc i dont understand without subtitles ahhah

i never watch any of these reality competition programs so i just either follow by people liveblogging on the dash/content creators.. and then i'll watch the performance videos on yt without context or compilations clips.. but yeah i felt like rtk especially made me pay attention to some new to me groups which was nice