#make no mistake this is not at all a diss on everyone else!!! it’s just something I noticed

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that small moment in “Air Turtle” where immediately after the Daves lose yet another game, Leo says how sorry he is and how he’s doing his best as the mascot. This moment is so short but it’s honestly jam-packed with a whole heap of characterization.

His need to apologize for things clearly not his fault - especially when it feels like he messes up the job he was given despite doing the best he can (the phrase “it’s not about you” takes a new meaning when this is one of the lessons to be learned from that - that he is not always solely responsible for things going wrong), his need to save face and make a connection with an older adult man in his life (something he consistently does throughout the series - he’s got a few daddy issues, always collecting potential father figures, it’s no wonder he jumps at the bit to keep rapport), and the way he sounds and looks and the words he chooses really pushes how he is just a kid (“Mr. the Dunk, I’m so sorry”).

Like I know it’s a one off moment that doesn’t truly mean much, but when put against the rest of the series it works really well with the rest of Leo’s established character and helps in solidifying later concepts as well.

[anxious-witch]

Okay, absolutely not a diss at the original post about Edwin's attraction to men being treated as punishment because all the men that have feelings for him hurt him and Charles, who he loves not feeling the same. It's a valid analysis and I absolutely see what op meant but but I wanted to expand on it in a more hopeful way, because I do feel like the show is, at it's core, a hopeful one, but I also didn't wanna like. Derail the post with this in a reblog so here is a separate one.

Yes, Simon sacrified him to a demon, the Cat King trapped him and consequently left him vulnerable to danger there and Monty betrayed him, but have they not also helped him face who he is? Regardless of if you think of them as villians or not, they showed him things he wanted. If Edwin left Port Townsend as soon as they were done with the case, he would have remained more or less unchanged, but would that truly have left him better off?

Moreso, Edwin changed them. Cat King realized at the end that he cannot keep Edwin unless Edwin wants to stay. That loneliness is not cured by forcing one to stay by your side, but rather by sharing a companionship. Monty realized that even if Edwin did not love him the same way, he cared for him and if circumstances were different, their friendship could have blossomed into something else too. He showed Monty that he can have thoughts and feelings outside of Esther. Hell, even if the Cat King didn't show up, it seemed like Monty was going to give up his plan to betray Edwin. Because he loved him, in the best way he knew how, in that moment. Simon by forgiving him, and letting him finally accept himself so he can move on, and Edwin realized being gay doesn't have to be a punishment. He said so himself. That the one thing that keeps them in hell, in true hell is them thinking it's a punishment.

And Charles? Charles who went to Hell for Edwin, who defied the story so ancient and powerful and got Edwin out of Hell? No matter if they end up as endgame or not, have they not already proven this is not a tragedy? This is not a punishment? If he didn't love Edwin, he would have never turned back, but he did. If it was a punishment, Edwin would have been taken again. But instead, they got out and they stayed together.

What I am trying to say is, yes, there is pain and there is hurt, but which relationship doesn't have that? Who didn't have a friend, a lover, a parent, hurt them in one way or another? That doesn't mean there was no love there, simply that that love needs more adjusting. And they all changed and began adjusting to fit a new situations and relationships they found themselves in. And I feel like, if this was a straight story, it would be exactly that.

Yes, Edwin still has a long way to go and I sincerely hope he gets his happy ending, whichever love interest he ends up choosing, but I don't think even know, this is the story of someone being tortured for being queer. It's a story of a bunch of people learning how to be who they truly are, and making mistakes all the while. But that's okay. Because they grow from it. And isn't that beautiful, in it's own way?

Simon, the bully who actually fancies the MC, Cat King, an older, more experienced guy who sees something special in the MC for the first time, Monty, the first, sweet romance that everyone wants but that doesn't end the way you expected. And of course, the best friend that has been "the one" this whol time. Those are all pretty common romance trope. We just rarely see them all together, and with some tweaking, but I'd say they make them more hopeful because that.

That's why I don't see "Love is a punishment for not having been strong enough to remain alone." as true for this particular media. Because it isn't-it's a learning experience that changes you. Perhaps not always pleasant, but we all must grow. Not even ghosts can stay unchanged.

[sirhamburrger]

theatre kids oikawa x gn!reader (wc: 511) -> based on oikawa's part of this headcanon post

a/n: can't stop thinking about theatre kid oikawa man... i had heathers veronica and jd in mind when writing this (dead girl walking scene man I'M dead and he’s gonna be as red as a tomato by the end of it) but i kind of deviated from there so this is just any generic musical ig

theatre kid tooru oikawa who has beef with you over an incident from your first year in theatre club together, and disses you whenever he gets the chance

theatre kid tooru oikawa who smirks at you from up on stage after he's just completed the best audition of his life (he already knows he's getting the part of male lead)

theatre kid tooru oikawa whose jaw drops in dismay as you step up to give an equally amazing performance, and groans audibly in front of everyone else when it's announced that you're his co-star for the club's next production

theatre kid tooru oikawa who makes rehearsals a living hell for you. trips you over during choreo practice, sings over you in duets, not-so-subtly pokes fun at you when you make any kind of mistake

theatre kid tooru oikawa who's rather amused when he overhears you telling his annoying fangirls to scram and not disrupt rehearsals. he taunts you about being jealous, but is secretly thankful

theatre kid tooru oikawa who slowly finds you're actually a really good performer. you can do it all, really - dancing, singing, acting - he starts to be a little more civil towards you from then on, respecting the hard work you put in

theatre kid tooru oikawa who surprisingly jumps to your defense when your own understudy starts to badmouth you, saying she could do a lot better than you ever can, and has better chemistry with him than you do

“if you think you can measure up to them, you're sorely mistaken.” (she runs away with tears in her eyes) “defending me, huh?” (you, pleased) “don't get the wrong idea, i just wanted to get her off my back!”

theatre kid tooru oikawa who pretends to be utterly disgusted when he realises he has to kiss you onstage during a particular scene, but to his own horror is actually… not that averse to it??

theatre kid tooru oikawa who starts catching you when you fall, harmonising beautifully with you, corrects your mistakes and even lets you correct his

theatre kid tooru oikawa who starts hanging out with you outside of rehearsals, buying you your favourite drinks at the local café and seeing his favourite musicals live with you

theatre kid tooru oikawa who squeezes your hand in encouragement before you walk on stage on the big day

“we can do this together, okay?”

theatre kid tooru oikawa who actually cries a little during one of your duets because he's positive he's never heard a voice as angelic as yours before (he doesn't let you see it, though)

theatre kid tooru oikawa who kisses you a little too sweetly, lets his lips linger on yours for a little too long. the two of you are both blushing as he pulls away, both from the whoops and cheers of his friends seated in the front row, and the realisation that something has shifted between you

theatre kid tooru oikawa who, while backstage during the pre-finale break, makes up his mind to finally ask you out after tonight's show

haikyuu masterlist || general masterlist

© sirhamburrger 2024

[coachbeards]

do you guys ever stop to think about the pressures beard must've felt becoming a coach.

here he is, a recovering drug addict fresh from prison, who only got the job because his best friend vouched for him. not because of skill, necessarily, but because it was a favor. do you think about how their bosses watched beard like a hawk, monitoring both him and ted because the college can't afford to have a drug addict ex con that's on their payroll mess up. beard who became a coach not because it was his passion, but because it was an obligation. beard even said it...that ted gave him a job AND a life. coaching was a purpose, not a passion. a second chance at life, and with that comes a lot of pressure to not mess it up. especially since ted’s job and reputation were also at risk….yeah. lots of pressure.

beard putting lots of expectations on himself, because he had to prove himself to everyone around him. to himself, to ted, to their bosses, to their team, etc. beard had to prove himself. he had to put in so much work, so much effort. spending nights drawing up plans and tactics as proof that he's worthy of sticking around. researching for hours upon hours on football history and stats, because all he ever was was a backup player. and he got to a point where he felt comfortable, but that nagging feeling of needing to be good and the best is still lingering in his brain. the fear that he'll make a mistake big enough to be kicked to the curb, suddenly losing his life and purpose once more.

and i think we still see it a lot in richmond, where no doubt the fears of messing up came back to bite him in the ass. here he is, in the public eye, managing a team that (no diss at their college teams at all, but they're just different levels) actually matters. that actually has weight with the players and the people around them. see his speech in 1x09, yelling at ted because there are consequences to actions. to them getting relegated. because everything matters, of course, but to beard....it makes sense that these consequences weigh so heavily on him. beard might not have the optimism ted has, but there's reasons for it. they lose, nothing that they've done would matter. their progress is void. so they can't mess up. they can't afford to lose, because beard is physically incapable of not seeing bad things coming from miles away.

in beard after hours, we see beard blame himself for losing the man city match. his hallucinations point out his flaws, that he Should've done something else. coach beard is ted lasso's number two. he's supposed to challenge him, not just be a sniveling lackey. like....there's a lot of self worth issues that beard has had his entire life, but being a coach really does fuel it. the weight of it all, the scrambling to make right decisions, beard blaming himself for losses.........yeah.

i just think there's always been an undercurrent to how beard feels about coaching, connecting his self worth with how he performs on the pitch or in the coaching office. this isn't to say that beard doesn't love coaching, because of course he does.....but when you become a coach as a way to be rescued from drug addiction/yourself.......you'd definitely have complicated feelings towards it. having to do things right, having to be good at it, it's probably where a lot of beard's competitiveness comes from...........that nagging fear of his.

[khloeblair]

Reflection:

A few days ago, I was into rap.

Then I hurt my own feelings by sympathizing with the pain of others.

Rap definitely got me fired.

But it might also have gotten me hired in the first place, I don’t know.

I don’t know how to be who I was.

It seems the only way to get a job is to create things that threaten others.

I guess that means code, but I’ve nearly died too many times to let that be a motivator.

I feel myself holding myself back.

And I blame everyone else a lot, don’t I?

Is a job ever synonymous with integrity?

I only ever get attacked at work because I do my job correctly.

Looking back, that was always true.

I do not know how to slack off.

It directly conflicts with my ethics.

So what if I had a job?

People would get bored and ask me to leave anyway.

I was so determined to keep my last job, then I got distracted by wanting to be good at it.

Underperformance seems to be the unspoken rule.

Like, pretend to underperform, pretend to make mistakes, pretend to feel shame for the fabricated mistakes.

Sorry if I’ve got that wrong, it’s just a hypothesis.

That sounds very human.

I could also maintain the not making mistakes approach.

Or…well, there are many things about me I consider blessings that I could easily translate to “faults” in the eyes of humans.

I distinctly recall a former coworker lowering her head in shame about something, but I can’t act.

I’m bad at lying.

I have compromised my appearance of well-being by making good choices.

Good meaning morally sound.

I have the freedom to be a dynamic creature.

But why would I bother pursuing money when I was doing a great job and they abandoned me?

I was a big money poster child and they let their subordinates fire me.

So it wasn’t in their control.

And the subordinates act like they want me to hate big money—they trash it all day—but they actually just want me to respect them more than I respect big money.

I have a lot of friends.

Latto and City Girls have gotten me through some of the toughest moments of my life.

They’re not the only ones, but they do have that rapport with me.

Nothing can change that.

Ariana was with me through the fakest romance of my life, and so was Avril.

Selena and Demi got me through terrible heart break, and Lana was depressed with me.

How could any supervisor, any human in their right mind, ask me to turn my back on friends like that?

When I walked to my car at night after work, who protected me? Supervisor, or rap music?

Now I get it.

My former supervisor felt like she was better than my friends.

I’m not against war, I promise.

But I can’t figure out how to keep anger active without suffering more than normal.

I think it’s wrong that my supervisor dissed my friends like that.

My heart broke in half every time they criticized someone at work.

How do I navigate to where my friends are if I cannot see a clear path?

I know I’ve got friends on both sides, and I know I can find protection everywhere, but I don’t know where to go in life.

People are going to love and hate me equally no matter what I do.

Latto, I don’t know how to get a job while I’m at war. I can’t figure it out.

Rappers are famous for rebel culture.

Would celebrities tell me if they missed my books?

[angstandhappiness]

DUDE, THIS SMACKS

@furornocturna THANK YOU @allforafro: Thx 😭

@hekcle #actually thank you for the comment conversation YXDYDH#I've been trying to learn about jttw and even read it but i struggle to read novels so its been kinda ass#i still am gonna try and read it btw but now i have more lil informations in my brains rn

@checkeredbat #you are so real for this#like honestly I’m not going to take any wukong slander until we get his side of the story#because we have next to nothing from his point of view#so far the least unbiased thing we’ve seen are the scroll memories#and even then we don’t have any insight into their personal thoughts and feelings#everything else we know about the past comes from biased sources#for example azure making it look like wukong gladly accepted the fillet when it was initially forced upon him#or I guess sound like but you get my point#I’m really hoping in season five we’ll finally get wukongs point of view on everything#because lord knows we need it

@nightmarebunnyking Thank you (from a swk stan) the bisa in this fandom is unbelievable

@imbeccablee #yeah exactly#like someone can make mistakes and still be a good person#thats literally the point of the journey; bettering yourself

@seaweedoverlord #i agree sm#the amount of wukong dissing i saw after specials on twitter is insane#it's not really a joke people really do like macaque more jn this fandom#and i get wanting to make ur fave go through the absolute WORST to excuse their actions#but like#it doesnt really excuse it anyway djedjej#though i think it's also cuz its just fun when ur fav character is so misunderstood#*vaguely gestures towards wukong* mine is a bit too literaly#anyway what makes me love their relationship is that they both are at fault#it just makes it more realistic cuz thats how irl is. people make bad mistakes and get better ykno#to think a friccin lego show with 10 fuckin mins can pull this#anyway i love this show and i love wukong <3#OP is so right. thank god some people are doing god's work with talks like thede cuz i am do bad wjth words

@ritz-writes #yes yes yes yes#yeah he fucked up#but he also learned#mac fucked up#and he is now learning#they are both at fault#but neither should be punished for old actions#when they r both showing they want to change#esp wukong#he literally said 'making regrettable life choices'#he doesnt like the things he did#and hes trying to be different

@lagt-duck #kissing op platonically#you get it!!!#he is so flawed thry are both awful to each othe#just because you like one is not an excuse to ruin the other#man i love this stupid monkey

@generouskittentidalwave FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT As someone who has done research on JTTW I can tell you Wukong was HELLA justified in killing Macaque, actually him doing so was a goal of the story. After Wukong had an argument with the monk which caused the two to separate, Wukong was upset and at his lowest point during that time *If typos mess with his name one more time I swear But Macaque after that shapeshifted into Wukong and attacked his friends and stole from them, invaded his home and made the monkeys think he is their king so he stole his army, and made everyone think Wukong was doing these bad things when he wasn't. Wukong found out and fought against him down to the underworld and up to the heavens while no one could tell who was who despite their efforts. They ended up at Thunderclap mountain where the Buddha was and got his help. Buddha then revealed that it was the six earred Macaque and Wukong, out of anger, killed him. The point for killing him was to show that Wukong finally purged himself from his negativites for good, as Macaque represents all of Wukong's negativites. Everything that Wukong could be but shouldn't be, and Wukong killing him was him beating his darkside, finally accepting the path of self betterment. That is their duality, their allegory. The darkness to the light, the darkness being destroyed so the light can fully shine through. The sun to the moon and the moon to the sun. Wukong got better and Macaque didn't, and that was the point. Also the things Wukong did before he got trapped in the mountain weren't evil or bad like people think they are. Honestly his mistakes were really silly mistakes that posed no threat to others other than being an annoyance.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave yeah exactly! (So excited to read that part of the story in full omg.) Obviously we don’t know the events leading up to his death in LMK, so I’m super curious about it there, too! Nothing much to add, just that I agree :D

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen I don't think they'll change it seeing as they seem to respect the original work very well and keeping it canon to the story, but I feel like they might add onto it more and explain things better. But yeah Wukong really was not a bad guy, he never was, he was just a wild monkey given too much power and needed to learn how to control it to actually help others.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave oops I replied too early! But I do disagree when you say his actions “posed no threat”. Possibly in LMK, but in JTTW he straight-up killed people (sometimes quite brutally) just because they annoyed him. I recall him killing the death collectors, and the translation I saw described it as “mince meat”. The issue with JTTW is that it’s written by hundreds of people, so getting a grasp on these characters can be a little difficult! But it’s fun to try

@generouskittentidalwave He did kill a lot of people on their journey but I see no one fault him for that and I don't either because he is literally a wild monkey. He has the dog eat dog world of nature mindset that he grew up with and if something provokes or upsets a wild monkey most of the time they are very quick to attack. That's how monkeys are and why he needed to learn and grow to understand things and be better.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave that’s a really good point! I didn’t think of it that way :D

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen It's okay I can't tell who's typing so I sorry if I post too early as well XD That's a good point and a very huge reason why I said before he got trapped in the mountain and not after. After the bro was a literal menace, his first instinct was to kill. But as I described before you can't really put those morals on a creature who was raised as a wild monkey, they don't have those thoughts and mindsets. People forget that because they place these moral standards on someone they see as human because he simply acts like one even though he isn't. He is a monkey that learned human traits, and was sent on the journey so he can learn more about human moral standards and put them into proper actions, to learn how to use his powers responsibly instead of like the wild animal he was raised to be. After all, animals want more and more, they strive to get stronger and stronger. That's how they learn to survive and was the mindset he lived off of.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave thanks! <3 Also, I definitely see that. But I still think it’s fair to say Wukongs actions were selfish, impulsive and harmful. Sure he was an annoyance, but he was also a threat. Unnecessarily so in some cases. Him being a monkey doesn’t really excuse that because he did insert himself into the human world. HOWEVER! It certainly does explain it! And it was a really cool take I hadn’t really thought of before

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen Oh no I'm not denying that is actions weren't good, I mean if a tiger mauled a person that wouldn't be seen as being a good action regardless of if they are an animal or not XD. However, it's important to keep in mind that Wukong unknowingly inserted himself into the human world out of curiosity. He wasn't expecting that the human world would be so different to that of a life with natural laws, but he stayed because he found it fun.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave yeah of course! :D Sorry i didn’t mean to come off as accusatory LMAO I tend to just hook onto one point and run with it sometimes!

@generouskittentidalwave What made it worse was that Wukong also was never taught the differences between the right and wrong of people, he was only given power, more and more power, which eventually led to him going out of control. They knew that and sent him on a journey to actually teach him how to be better instead of teaching him powerful abilities, but he was still in that mindset on the journey hence why he would always attack people on instinct. He even gave the monk the head of one of the thieves he killed the same way that a cat would give you a mouse, just- "look at me, I did good! :D" even though the monk definitely did not see it that way XD. Wukong never killed to be mean or ruthless or evil, he killed because he did not know any better, and needed to be taught to be better. That was the point of the journey. It was the people who taught him and gave him all these things that caused him to go out of control because he was never taught anything else, and sending him on a journey to learn to be better was their way of making this mistake right and teaching Wukong not to make any further mistakes.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave omg omg omg YES to all of this I thought that exact thing when I was watching OSP’s JTTW summary series LMAO. Really showed how animalistic he was! This book/series is so cool,, I wish I could add more but my poor brain is just like “tehe wukong is so silly look at him go” Wukong, threatening to “test” his new weapon on the Dragon of the East: (I think it was east, adhd brain lmao) I’m honestly shocked the patriarchy didn’t teach him anything about. You know. Morals…? He just saw this monkey guy and decided “yep, I can just teach this guy the most insane abilities ever”

@generouskittentidalwave And he did become better after learning and understanding the world and the people around him, so much so that the Buddha made Wukong a Buddha himself, with him becoming the victorious fighting Buddha. He accomplished and did so much and became the good person that he could be because of everyone's help and patience and most importantly himself. Meanwhile Macaque didn't do sh^t bro spent all his time plotting for revenge and died for it and that was just about it so XDD @teddy-bear-queen And your right it was East XD ALSO YEAH I WAS LIKE- SHOULDN'T YOU TEACH HIM THAT FIRST???? Morals are, you know, VERY IMPORTANT

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave CAN I JUST SAY I FIND IT SOFUNNY HOW PPL ARE LIKE. Macaque is so edgy and mysterious��. But the guy literally passive-aggressively trauma dumped to MK on his second appearance LMAO

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen "Awh Macaque is so misunderstood he wants to see Mk improve and has helped him so much in a better way than Wukong did!" MF HE MANIPULATED, TRAUMATIZED HIM, AND TRIED TO KILL HIM MULTIPLE TIMES Like bro are we watching the same show here? Where are people getting this from? LMAOO ALSO HE HASN'T ONCE APOLOGIZED FOR IT. Wukong apologizes to Mk and owns up to the fact that his past mistakes affected Mk and even said he knows nothing could make up for it MEANWHILE MACAQUE DIDN'T SAY SHIT, LIKE BRO COME ON PEOPLE *On They got me so upset they affected my own spelling XD

@birbs-n-cats Also, wukong can definitely subdued ppl w/o killing them but chose not to bc he doesn’t want to show mercy to them. Hes knows he very strong and can take it but disregard that fact can be the same for ordinary human. Bc while patriarch puti was his teachers, swk left and went on to be a warlord.

@angstandhappiness @teddy-bear-queen hey op I think you meant to use the pic of Wukong stuck in the mountain, not the one where MK and Macaque found him in the memory scroll

@teddy-bear-queen @angstandhappiness oh no that was in reference to him being so defeated that he had no reason to lie when he says “I just wanted to protect the people I cared about, but I guess I lost sight of why I was doing any of it” (or smth like that, don’t remember the exact quote)

Bro I have to say this I swear-

I see people trying everything to make it seem like Wukong is a lot worse then he is. I understand you like Macaque, I do too! But the entire point of their relationship is that they’re both in the wrong. The difference is, Wukong got, well, character development. It just feels super annoying to discredit Wukongs hard work in JTTW because of things he did prior.

I’m not saying Wukong is some saint, or an amazing person even while the story is taking place, but he is NOT as bad as some of the people in the LMK fandom make him out to be. I assume it’s because Macaque is the goth shy boy (/hj? /lh), but Macaque literally comes out just to manipulate MK and steal his powers. He’s making the exact same mistakes Wukong did, fighting for power so that he can protect himself. Get stronger. Etc.

Season 4 Special Spoilers:

I don’t think Wukong was ignorant in saying that Macaque doesn’t come to help him. I mean, he got beaten by the Jade Emperor and presumably everyone just left him there and ran off. I’d be pretty mad too. Of course, Macaque was hesitant to begin with, and that’s fair. But he was already there, he could’ve tried. But Macaque has a habit of shying away from fights, only really fighting others to settle a score (S1 E9) or if he has to (LBD arc - both working for and against her, but the S1 E9 relates here, too.) I’m not saying this as an insult, more of an observation. He’s not a coward by any means, a coward would be Peng, who leaves mid-battle in fear of being hurt or losing. Macaque finishes his fights (still knowing when it’s reasonable to retreat), but more often then not prefers to prevent them in the first place. (WHICH IS WHY THE DIVORCE SCENE HITS SO HARD, you know he’s been bottling that up ;v;)

ANYWAY back on topic. I definitely think everything Wukong said there was true. I don’t think he was trying to lie or manipulate Macaque by saying “everything I did was for us”. This is further confirmed when we see him later, tired and completely defeated.

He has nothing to hide here. He’s at his lowest point, stuck in a mountain, tensions high from being abandoned by his sworn brothers, being abandoned by people he held dear. Macaque was trying to be nice, but if I were stuck in a mountain and offered food from someone who left me in such a vulnerable state? I probably wouldn’t take the it either. ALSO. We still have NOT seen these things from Wukongs perspective! Every single time something is revealed from his past, it’s narrated by Tang, Azure, Macaque, etc. Wukong has never (from my memory) spoken about his trials first-hand. This is why I love the guy so much!! What’s going on in his head? How does he feel about these things?

These are such complex characters who have been through so much, so it really bothers me when people look at Sun Wukong and decide to demonise him because of the past which, not only has he moved on from, but we have never even seen his side of the story on. Why did he kill Macaque? Did he kill Macaque? (I’ve seen theories he didn’t, we don’t know rn tho)

Wukong went through a lot of pain to change. Wukong is haunted by his past and in genuine distress over it. You can’t tell me this isn’t a man filled with deep remorse for his actions.

He’s not perfect, but he’s a hell of a lot better. It just really frustrates me that people disregard and discredit the work he put in to get to this point.

THATS IT THATS THE POST

This is really disorganised I’m sorry, I just keep seeing people act like Wukong is the scum of the earth and I honestly just do not get it.

Please don’t send asks about this post, just reblog or comment.

I don’t want to deal with passive aggressive (or just straight up aggressive) people.

As a final note: No, Wukong is not perfect. He’s still a deeply flawed character even with his development. No, Macaque isn’t the scum of the earth. They both have their own problems and they both fucked up. They both did something wrong. That’s the point.

[mercurytrinemoon]

Another post on Moon signs you can drag me for

Before we get into the actual thing, I'd like to say this post initially started as something else but ultimately, what I tried to put across is, sometimes Moon signs aren’t that easy to decipher. It’s easy to grasp overall characteristics of the signs and then learn how to identify their specific traits. But what people seem to forget it that Moon represents the deepest side of us & our inner world - it’s uncommon to really see someone’s side of it unless you really pay attention. Sometimes I’m surprised to see what someone’s Moon sign is even if I know this person well. Meaning, people usually hide that part of them - or they just simply process it internally and others can’t see their emotional reactions. It’s also uncommon for folks these days to fully express their emotional needs so it gets even trickier to pin-point their Moon characteristics. I don't think I have to mention this but, of course, your entire chart should be taken into account, as well as house placement, aspects. Personally, I like to also look at Moon's dispositor.

Let’s start from my friends, Gemini Moons, who, I feel, get a bad rep for not showing their feelings and scanning every emotion like an AI. Nah-ah. I know this one Gemini Moon whose immediate emotional reactions aren’t very cerebral in the sense of processing everything in the mind and intellectualizing it aka, what people like to label as being un-emotional. Instead her reactions are often fast (air energy) but physically expressed through Mercury (Gemini Moon’s dispositor) and Sun (overall identity) – she has them both in Aries. She’s a crybaby who can burst into tears in a matter of seconds. So she’s not something that would stereotypically be assigned to a Gemini Moon. But what I did notice is that all Gemini Moons tend to have this weird look on their face when they’re processing stuff. As if they were about to have a brain malfunction; they stop and have that specific worried look. They also like to either gossip or tell stories (either real or made up lol); they’re great with words - they can talk for hours if they feel comfortable with you. They just crave interaction and mental stimulation. Their quick reactions tend to make them effortlessly witty. Even if they’re a withdrawn Gemini type, they make up for it through social media and technology or just a quiet exploration. My shy Cancer pal with Moon in Gemini is now a brand/website designer and an instagram queen who travels the world. This is great energy for content creators in general. And don’t forget that Geminis need to have their fingers in many pies. It’s because they always have a backup plan… and they get bored easily so they need that chaos around them to feel at home. They like to have options in everything, which is kind of funny cause it’s hard for them to make up their minds and actually choose something. And they store a lot of information in their brains… I feel like it must be exhausting, no? 

On the other side of the axis, whenever I see someone with a Sagittarius Moon, I can immediately say “yup, a Sag Moon indeed” (probably thanks to my Sag stellium), meaning, they all seem the same to me. Sag Moons often find comfort in exploration - best if it’s literal travel. They always seem to need to free themselves from their surroundings, family, roots or their own culture to discover something new and exciting, even if it’s only in the imaginary words - through books, movies and other medias. Their happiness always lies somewhere else from where they currently are. Like, I think all Sagittarius Moons that I know have left their parents and went their own paths early on. And they have this yolo attitude. Just like Sagittarius Suns, they’re massive dorks, probably also obnoxious… sometimes in a REALLY annoying way. They’re either a) very wise and curious b) lil preachy and stuck up c) just plain dumb clowns with no filter. But they’re all funny. And they take things lightly, with a natural ease. This means sometimes they may offend other people just because they assume everyone’s as chill as they are; „relax! I was just kidding!” - that’s a phrase you’ll hear from them often… I mean, unless you’re a jokester yourself and you’re unmoved by their sarcastic or teasing words. They have somewhat spiritual or philosophical nature so besides making you laugh, be prepared for deep monologues. They want to believe everything will eventually fall into place. It’s also hard to bring them down - or I should say, it’s hard to make them acknowledge that they're feeling down - they always try to distract or cover it up with a joke, usually a self-depricating one. If Sagittarius Moon (or Sagittarius in general tbh) is telling you that they’re unhappy, then it’s serious.

I’ve noticed there comes a point in life for a Libra Moon where they just have enough. They’re too nice for everyone and one day they wake up and yell about how they have to do everything for everyone and everyone wants something from them and bLah bLah. Makes me think of when Bieber was this overly nice kid and then he was like “I’M NOT TAKING PICTURES WITH FANS ANYMOREEEE AAGhJFJFUWIUq”. Yup, a Libra Moon, everyone. They know how to charm and appeal to people, I think overall they’re easily liked by others. Sometimes it’s simply because they like to kiss people’s ass just to avoid being rejected. That’d be a Libra Moon’s nightmare. They like other people’s company too much. And they thrive in relationships and in a big circle of friends. What they hate is confrontations (like every other Libra placement omg). They may be good mediators when it comes to other people but if they’re involved in an argument they get sooooo passive aggressive. They just don’t know how to handle conflicts - it’s as if their nervous system wasn’t designed for emotional outbursts (because, you know, everything needs to be peaceful and harmonious Venus-style). A fussy or angry Libra Moon will suddenly get loud as they blame someone for something… and then they’ll leave the room cause they’re scared to even hear the other side of the argument. Or, alternatively, they’ll make a doormat out of themselves just to stay quiet and avoid causing any rift. And making decisions? I think it’s common for them to have two different romantic interests and feeling so dramatically torned between them *Alexa play Agony from Into the Woods*. Then when they decide, they have problems breaking the bad news to one of them.

On the other end we have Aries Moons. *deep breath* Listen, I think I’ve said enough about having Moon in Aries (or rather purely dissing it) but last time it made a bit of controversy so why not wreak even more havoc. I have a good description for this one: I will punch you but be gentle with me cause it’s easy to break my fragile heart. So basically, imagine putting Buttercup and Bubbles into one person. And honestly, I need to say this, women with this placement are just hot badasses, look at friggin Angelina Jolie. The queen of badass. The queen of hot. People say because Aries folks move quickly (literally and figuratively lol), they often get bored with whatever got them excited last week... or yesterday. Ha, yeah, right. You get their heart to open up and they’re going to have their eyes for you ONLY, like a lil puppy. Give us treats and we’ll build our world around you. But NOT in a clingy way by any means, we need our space and independence after all. My lil niece is an Aries Moon and ever since I started playing guitar with her, she became my #1 fan or something. That’s the energy. But we get easily bored with day-to-day stuff so yeah, there’s that. Innocent and clumsy yet raw in their emotions - so there’s potential to make mistakes sometimes (or a lot of times) or having this tunnel vision, like „I want this and I don’t care about anything else!”. And then excusing it with some „but the heart wants what it wants” crap (looking @ ya, Selena Gomez). They experience constant inner movement and turbulence that needs a physical outlet in order to feel satisfied. WE NEED PASSION IN OUR LIVES, OKAY?!?!?? now leave me alone

Aquarius Moons aren’t as cold as you might think. People like to describe them as if their Moons actually disappeared from their charts: dEtaCheD, uNeMotiOnaL, tHey fEeL nOtHinG. It’s just they don’t sit and dwell on things, they find solutions to the problems. If something doesn’t make them feel right, they just leave that situation. They do care about other people’s well-being, they’re very sensitive in that regard, they’re humanitarians after all. Yeah, they detach, but from their own emotions - in order to make sense of them. They may seem like snow queens sometimes (and this comes from an Aqua rising) but they’re really friendly and if you pique Aqua Moon’s interest, they’re going to be curious about you. They like new exciting things so if you’re cool enough, you have their attention. Usually they’re pretty progressive as well and can’t stand injustice. That’s why you’ll see them standing up for those who are in need. Uranian energy gives them a specific type of sharp intuition and wit. Idk they’re just cute in a quirky way. But this buzzing, fast energy is a great recipe for anxiety, over-thinking and frequent changes of heart. Similarly to Sadges, they need constant exploration and stimuli. Intelligent, people-oriented (but not people-pleasing! Look to Libras for that), individualistic. They definitely need their own space and independence. Their decision-making is fast and it’s easy for them to just say „screw it, I’m doing this”. My Aquarius Moon friend just casually decided that she’s moving to Turkey cause nothing in our city (or even country) seems interesting or helping her expand… So she was like, see ya suckers, I’m leaving.

Leo Moons shine from within. You’ll spot them from a mile away even if they’re on the shyer side. They’re all lil stars no matter their profession. Very expressive people & easily excitable. Art galleries, live shows, theater - they love a creative environment even if they don’t pursue that lifestyle themselves... One of my Leo Moon friends is an art junkie – suggest taking her to an obscure play at the local bar, a music festival, a weird museum – she’ll say yes in the blink of an eye. And she loves discussing these things. A Leo Moon may not see themselves as artistically inclined, but usually sooner or later they at least try dipping their toes in music, arts, acting, dancing... you name it. They’ll learn a simple 3-chord song on a ukulele and then play it to you in excitement. Imagine a lil kid making you a puff piece and being super proud of it. Sometimes they just need some encouragement. Remember, Leos feed off of praise, that’s their fuel. Doesn’t mean they’re all proud, egotistical people but what it does mean is that they need a lil assurance to gain their self-confidence. I lived with a Leo Sun/Moon for almost 15 years (who’s a musician btw so yeah, a classic creative Leo type) - he did have some issues lol but ego wasn’t one of them. Drama followed him everywhere but I’m pretty sure he disliked it himself. BUT, with that being said, I feel like Leo Moons tend to dramatize themselves internally. People say it’s something Virgos or Geminis would do - because of their tendency to overthink, but Leos can just go straight to a worst-case scenario in their heads simply because they exaggerate everything. So don’t be surprised to see a Leo Moon feeling down and anxious. On the bright side, be their cheerleader and they’ll give that to you in return. They need sparks and dullness kills their upbeat spirit. They need to feel their own heartbeat so the feeling of excitement is crucial for their well-being. Romantic, giving and kind. They’re fixed fire so once they’re set on something or someone, they give their all and are rather loyal.

I feel like my chart low-key tells me I should dislike Taurus Moons but I just want to melt in their arms and just stay there? Like, forever? Low maintenance but a bit slow-moving and stubborn. They won’t settle easily, at least not officially, so you need to have a lot of patience with them. They need 3 things to feel secure and at peace: physical stimuli, time and a stable place they know they can always come back to. And it’s not like all of them are total lazy homebodies, they may be active spirits & travellers but they are going to have a reallyyyyy nice cosy flat somewhere near their childhood place (gotta be be close to their moms, you know). Not necessary materialistic but they may have one thing that they collect throughout their entire life and they won’t. ever. get. rid. of. it. There needs to be at least one constant in their life - like you know when Elton John decided to go to therapy but one thing he stuck to was shopaholism? Very Taurus Moon of him. Also, they’re very affectionate. In fact, may have issues differentiating between affection and passion - this is actually something Taurus Moon and Aries Moon have in common. Pro tip - and this is in regard to all Taurus placements - don’t smell bad when you’re around them (I mean, don't smell bad in general, no one likes stinky people lol). They have a sensitive smell. Doesn’t help that they like to smell everything. EVERYTHING. I swear, Taurus, stop sticking your nose in every single thing!!! You don't need to know how that piece of utensil smells like. Jeez.

Scorpio Moon (shoutout to those who remember me accidentally calling them sporpio last time I made a post on Moons lol). I honestly don’t know what to tell you... I feel like all you hear about Scorpio Moon is 100% true, there’s nothing to debunk here. It’s the Moon of extremes. Prone to jealousy and surpressing emotions; severe trust issues; they’re instigators. I was low-key bullied by a few Scorpio Moons when I was in school so there’s that. Very secretive and private. Scorpio Moon will be like “I’m in control of the situation!!!!” and you’ll just look at them and think, yeah, right, looks like the situation is controlling you. But keep being in denial, sure. Like, don’t get me wrong, Scorpios in general can be TOTAL SWEETHEARTS OMG but ya’ll have issues. Even celebrities who have this placements... Think Beyonce or Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus... I feel like they have issues lol, especially with control and the need for everything to be perfectly the way they want it to be. To be fair, that’s probably why they’re all so influential and high status: it’s either their way or highway. They need constant reinvention; they’re the ones to wake up one day and decide they’re going through a spiritual awakening blah blah. They also like to talk about dark and shocking topics while having casual lunch with you... So like, be warned that you may end up with a depressed mood after talking to them for 10 minutes. And their mood swings... don’t even get me started on that.

I don't know where to start with Virgo Moons... I feel like they're very calculated and nit-picky but they're a lot warmer than Virgo Suns. I think I called them softies in my last Moon post. Very sweet people but prone to anxiety. You gotta experience seeing them having a heart attack over someone mixing bananas with milk or messing with their stuff that’s been put in a perfect arrangement. I saw a Virgo Moon once literally squealing shouting "YOU'RE GONNA RUIN YOUR LAPTOP WITH THAT SUPERGLUE!!!" Highly entertaining to watch, not gonna lie. Gordon Ramsay has his Moon in Virgo - it’s conjunct Uranus and Pluto so that’s an extreme but I think him being fed up with people over small inconsistencies in their food prep is a perfect example of this energy (btw his chart is hilarious, it literally explains EVERYTHING). They're VERY picky with their food as well, just as Virgo Suns tend to be. Like, they’ll only have a specific type of single origin coffee or they’ll be vegan or something. Self-critical over their work, which is a plus... except for when finishing a simple task takes them a few hours because they want to make it perfect. They take everything seriously. This of course doesn't mean they're total bores - on the contrary, Mercurial energy gives them witty approach and a talent for choosing the right words at the right time. Tho they can be a bit awkward or shy with it. Can be as bubbly as Gemini but the grounded earthy energy gives them more practical and almost nurturing nature - earth signs are providers after all and Virgo is the sign of service - helping others is like their second nature. I’ve noticed they often find comfort in devoting themselves to a choosen task - this is why if they pursue something, they’re really good at it. They’re also very likely to dissect their emotions.

I’m not a fan of water Moons in general but Pisces Moon is the best water Moon in my opinion. Maybe because I like Pisces overall. I think it’s like a tweaked Sagittarius Moon - just more internalized, withdrawn & gloomy. But unlike Sag, who has a tendency to be an adventurous optimist, Pisces likes to focus on the negatives instead. Obviously, they can be very upbeat, they’re Jupiter-ruled after all, but there’s somehing whiny about them lol. Just like Sadges, they dream big and have their standards put up sooo high but if there's not much active energy in their charts, they’re often too passive to actually fullfill any of that - or I should say, they’re stuck daydreaming about it, believing it’ll just magically manifest for them... OR they do everything with an apathetic approach. What I do like about them is that they’re funny. And really chill - sometimes to the point of coming off as confused or hazy. I feel like a lot of them would just love to sleep all day... or sit by the lake and just think about the world. Most of them are also compassionate folks - again, maybe a bit too much. Hey Pisces, you don’t have to take everything to heart, it’s okay. On the bright side, they have big imagination and the ability to disconnect and just create. I have a few Pisces Moons in the family: one’s that sleepy artistic type with grand visions, one is an asshole-ish but funny entrepreneur with a questionable work ethic and one is a witty IT guy who’s actually a workaholic and likes to shut in his own world of computers and numbers or whatever he does there... So there’s this factor of tunnel vision, escapism and, on the more negative side, being kinda iffy and almost addicted to the way they want things to be. Once they set their eyes on something it’s done deal…

My issue with Capricorn Moons is that they're often trying to be sooooo mature omg, like, loosen up a bit. It usually starts when they're in their later teens... They can be the most rebellious kid that likes to have fun and suddenly they'll be like "I'm too old for this ugh grow up" *judgmental stare*. My 18-year old niece once literally roasted my sister that she's in her 30s and still doesn't have her own place (well so do I so I guess she also indirectly roasted me as well???). And she was SO deadpan with it. Because she herself wants to be independent and start a family before turning 25. This is classic Capricorn Moon energy. They suck out joy out of everything lol. Of course, OF COURSE, it depends on the whole chart but I feel like worst-case scenario is that at one point in their life (or maybe even a few times throughout it) they go through a massive shake-up that makes them change their attitude and re-evaluate their structures. There's this multi-instrumentalist Yvette Young - she's a sweet, funny Cancer/Leo mix but her Moon is in Capricorn. She used to be a competitive pianist but the pressure that was put on her has led her to severe health issues. Like yes, she’s now an extremely talented musician - thanks to family’s expectations & a rigid schooling system (Saturn) but it did cost her a lot. She has recovered since then but I think it's a perfect example of this energy. It’s very ambitious and hardworking but emotionally demanding in the sense that you have to actually put your emotions aside in order to deal with the rest. Another thing, because Moon can be associated with family, there's often a weird dynamic surrounding this topic. I don't think I've met a Capricorn Moon that had a completely healthy and happy relationship with their fam or one of the family members. Or, alternatively, there can be a strong bond between one of them but usually created in the atmosphere of hardships.

Last but not least, Cancer Moons. I had three school friends with this placement and all of them made this sad, whiny face as they said „oh I don’t knoooow anymoreee”  when they were feeling torned or frustrated. To be fair, two of them are water Suns so for them, it added to the mushyness. All Cancer Moons I know are family people or better yet, baby people. One of those school friends is now a guidance counsellor, working with kids; the other turned her instagram into a gallery of her own child after she gave birth. So much kid content, omg. There’s also something very indecisive about them… or I should say, hesitant. They’re not very fast at making decisions. Also, what’s interesting, they’re kind of like walking libraries, they remember a lot – so they store a lot of information in their brains just like air signs but they process it in a completely different way – emotional, obviously. I think this also makes them hold grudges a lot. For them it’s more of a question of „how does it make me feel?” rather than „how valid is it?”. There’s certain stubborness in them in that regard because they don’t keep their minds open. It’s also hard for them to walk away from people and situations, like a crab pinching you with its claws – it won’t let go. Sensitive but not easy to open up; very protective of themselves and their loved ones & they tend to shut down in their crab shells. But they may crave connection and the feeling of belonging. Also very caring and with a big imagination. They’re very receptive of their environment so mood swings are a thing for them.

[wutheringmights]

Can I be greedy and ask for all of the boys ? And any characters you have strong opinions on? Pretty please? With lots of cherries and chocolate on top? ( for the ask meme ofc)

Anon, I'll finish up all of the boys in the Chain just for you. And trust me, I have an Infinite Amount of Strong Opinions. You have no idea how Opinionated I Am.

If anyone is coming in late to this, here are the boys I have done already and a short summary of my thoughts (click the hyperlinks to get the full Opinion):

Warriors: he's best when he's the trashy anti-Link, and I like him so much

Twilight: kind of boring, but I have a soft spot for him anyway because you never forget your first

Wind: should have been aged up a little so that he can have that identity crisis I'm craving

This... gets long. Really long. 3-hours-of-work-long. Before you read, please note that even when I speak negatively about something, it’s not to diss anyone who does like the thing. I’m not vague posting or being passive aggressive. This is all written in good humor and good faith. 

That being said, let’s a-go!

-Sky-

What I love about them: He has one of the best character arcs of all the Links. I love that he starts off being lazy and kind of a jerk, but grows as a person because he wants to save his friend. And I love that he's truly the most courageous Link. He has no other successful hero of past or legacy to lean back upon to reassure him. He walked into that fight with Demise with no assurance from anyone that he would succeed. Yet, he does it anyway. Because he's a true hero and someone had to be one. And he's rewarded with a curse that he does not initially take seriously. He thinks he's saved everyone, yet he's cursed his spirit, possibly his bloodline, and his entire legacy of the kingdom of Hyrule into a doomed cycle of destruction. All because he dared to face evil incarnate. I love him.

What I hate about them: You know how I called Twilight boring? I should have saved that critique for Sky. LU Sky is actually the most boring interpretation of his character. All of his negative traits? Gone. All of his positives? Also gone. He's the blandest version of himself, and like Twilight, I now feel like I gotta add some spice to him to make him more interesting while still keeping him recognizable. Even so, he's still one of my favorite Links.

Favorite Moment/Quote: When he kicks Twilight's ass at sword fighting. That's stuff is *chef's kiss*

What I would like to see more focus on: You would think that there would be more angst out there about him realizing that he's actually been cursed, but it's still kind of hard to find. He's the Cursed Knight! The beginning of a terrible legacy! Imagine meeting a bunch of heroes for the first time, and instead of being relieved at having someone who understands your experiences, you're filled with horror at realizing that your victory was a false one. You didn't win. Your spirit will never be at rest. Imagine dealing with that realization for the rest of your life. You could never be at peace.

What I would like to see less focus on: I love that he loves his wife, but he's more just the fact that he's married, y'know? I would like to see a little less blind devotion to Hylia and Zelda, and more complicated feelings about being manipulated into being the hero.

Favorite pairing with: Sun/Link/Groose OT3! I have no reasoning behind this other than I like Groose and Groose definitely had a crush on SkSw Link.

Favorite friendship: I won't answer Groose again even if I want to, so I'll say Warriors. I cannot begin to describe how elite this friendship would be if you gave it a chance. They're just two boys dealing with unique positions of leadership and responsibility. They would probably even bond over being shitheads at different ends of the shithead spectrum. It's so good, okay?

NOTP: Ghirahim. I'm not too adverse to this one, but the ship hinges on whether you can redeem Ghirahim or not. In my opinion, Ghirahim is awesome because he's such a fun villain. Redeeming him ruins the fun.

Favorite headcanon: I have a whole life story planned out for Sky. Basically, he lives to be close to 500 years old by the power of the Triforce. He is the Link throughout the Era of Chaos who banishes the Dark Interlopers to the Twilight Realm and seals the Triforce in the Sacred Realm. He actually seals himself in the Sacred Realm as well to keep the Triforce safe, and he fought Ganondorf in when he broke in. Sky, like Time and Wind, does not get a happy ending.

-Four-

What I love about them: Four is origin of the heroes of Hyrule being known for being children. What a legacy to leave behind. He's such an interesting case of an incarnation of the Hero's Spirit, too. He fought Vaati, and he did his job so well that Demise's next incarnation had to be Ganondorf. Four did his job the best out of everyone, and it came at the cost of creating a magic sword that changed him permanently. I like to think that the Four Sword was not meant to split him, that it was a mistake he made with the design. And it's sad, isn't it? You made a defective sword, and like any good sword, it has a symbolic double edge. It gifted you with so much, and yet he can never be the same again. And his story is never well-remembered because it is overshadowed by the Links who fought the King of Evil. He's does so much, yet his legacy is underappreciated.

What I hate about them: I want to prepare you for this Opinion, because I know it's unpopular. Are you ready? Okay. I don't like the Colors. I'm sorry. I want to like them, but they don't interest me at all. Because they are parts of Four’s personality, they have to be one-note archetypes which does not make for exciting storytelling. I also haven't found a fic yet that has been from Four's POV that did the internal monologue of the Colors in a way that wasn't a pain in the ass to read. Maybe if someone can figure out how to do the Colors in a way that doesn't feel like a drag, I would like them more. But in the end, I think Four himself is more interesting than the Colors.

Favorite Moment/Quote: The fact that he didn't want to touch the Master Sword because he doesn't trust magic swords. That is every I need to know about his opinion on his own adventures.

What I would like to see more focus on: I want more of Four as Four. It's getting harder to find content of Four being his own person first and the Colors second.

What I would like to see less focus on: Four being the Colors first and his own person second. There is something about viewing Four as this cover identity for the Colors that doesn't feel right. There's a balance that needs to be strike between his ability to split, how that affects his every day life, and his own identity of being Four. I think I may have read one fic that hit that sweet spot for me, but still.

Favorite pairing with: Shadow. I'm such a sucker for befriending and falling for the enemy. That is all.

Favorite friendship: Dot! Their friendship is super cute. I like the idea of them being super close when they were younger and struggling to keep the friendship going as they age due to how much their paths in life diverge.

NOTP: This isn't necessarily a Four or an LU problem, but people who ship the Colors together? Bro. C'mon.

Favorite headcanon: I'm torn between two different Four and the Master Sword headcanons. On one hand, Four thinking that the Master Sword is just legend until he meets Sky and everyone else is just a fun idea. He sees the legendary sword for the first time and his mind is blown. On the other hand, I also like my Four with a side of hubris. What if he had the option on his quest to draw the Master Sword himself? What if he could tell that if he did that, the consequences would be terrible. He's not sure what would happen, but he knows it would be terrible. So he decided to make his own sword instead to disastrous results. Wouldn't that be tragic or what?

-Time-

What I love about them: Last winter, I did a two hour powerpoint for my friends about the Legend of Zelda timeline. During that powerpoint, I was rating every iteration of Link. What I said about the Hero of Time then holds true to my thoughts of LU Time now. Time is the original Link, more so than Sky in the lore and Legend/Hyrule in real life. Every other hero is a reflection of him. So the fact that his story is about the loss of childhood and the tragedy of that is incredible, and you can see those themes reflected in every other game. Moreso, he’s the only Link with a confirmed tragic ending. Not only does he end his life unsatisfied, but his adventure is failure on every timeline. In the adult timeline, Hyrule is swallowed by the sea. In the child one, Ganondorf returns again. In the fallen timeline, Hyrule fell. I like the idea since that the games themselves are the legends that are past down about each hero, Hylians have also remembered Time as a tragic figure. Yet, they also remember that the happy moments for his life come from small acts of kindness. Even someone as sad as him finds joy in helping others, even if it’s just to small deeds that will not be heralded as grand heroic quests. It’s beautiful.

What I hate about them: This is more about Mask than Time, but Mask is not an adult in a child’s body. He did not rewind time in Termina enough to be considered mentally an adult. He’s a young teenager at best, and that’s me being generous. He is a child who was forced to be an adult and despite the gods being done with him, he cannot conceive of ever having a childhood again. So he can say all he wants that he’s an adult, but he is not. That’s just what he thinks he is.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Anytime we get a flashback to him being a younger adult is great. I want to see more of his in this his early adulthood.

What I would like to see more focus on: I think I just want more of Time being... not a bad leader, but being an imperfect one. I honestly think he’s only the leader because he’s the oldest and enough of the heroes recognize the title of Hero of Time. But he is not the leader type, and he is struggling to keep it together and has to defer to Twilight and Warriors for help a lot. 

What I would like to see less focus on: I’m not the biggest fan of Dad!Time for any of the Links. He’s not emotionally ready for it. And I think he defaults to treating the boys like adults because that’s how he wanted to be treated when he was their age. 

Favorite pairing with: Malon. He has this great partnership of equal respect with her and it’s just. So good.

Favorite friendship: Linebeck. I know. This exists only in my head. But if these two ever meet, you cannot convince me that they would not get along swimmingly. It would be so good (once Linebeck gets over his crush on Time and stops hitting on him, of course).

NOTP: Child Timeline Zelda. Let me explain: I fully believe in Bi Time supremacy, and when in OoT, he definitely had a crush on Sheik. However, one of the worst parts of rewinding time and being in the child timeline is that Zelda is a completely different person now. They may have been friends in the other timeline, but her life experiences are completely different now. She is not the same person as he once knew. And it’s tragic to know someone as who they could have been, not as they are.

Favorite headcanon: After Termina, Time spent a lot of time with the Nabooru because out of everyone he knew, she’s the only who took him seriously even as a child. She has big older sister energy, and he considers her a part of his family. However, being treated as such made it easier for him to ignore his issues and put off his healing process by a few years.

-Legend-

What I love about them: Veteran of Heroes! What a freaking title. I love that he keeps on finding adventures, and that he keeps hustling. Even if he complains about never getting a break, you can tell that he loves helping others. He loves being on the road, never settling down, and finding adventure after adventure. Honestly, if any of the Links had a calling to be a hero, it’s him. Is he tired? Sure. Is he a little jaded after having saved Hyrule and a bunch of other kingdoms multiple times? Yes. But at the end of the day, he likes being a hero. This is who he is. His complaining is not genuine; he just plays the martyr because, at this point, he’s earned the right to.

What I hate about them: If you can’t tell by now, I have a, uh, different interpretation of Legend from popular canon. Fandom Legend is not right to me. He is unrecognizable. It is hard to write him because I feel like I have to balance what other people think Legend should be versus how I think he is. The people who are big Legend enjoyers probably feel the same way about my version of Warriors, and that’s fine. I’m not going to gel with every character and I don’t expect everyone to gel with how I see characters either. It’s goes both ways, y’know.

Favorite Moment/Quote: I like how subtly he tried to approach the Wolfie problem at first, trying to ask questions and get more proof before confronting Twilight. It’s a good touch.

What I would like to see more focus on: If I had to choose one thing, it’s this one throw away line about him never wanting to settle down. I’m telling you, folks! He likes his lifestyle! And did you see him when he does presenting the origins of the hero? He’s not bitter about being a hero! Legend is moody, but he is not angsty about the whole hero thing. Have fun with him please!

What I would like to see less focus on: If you can’t tell by now, Legend is my least favorite Link. There is a lot I want to see less of, but just to name one thing, it’s the headcanon that Fable is his sister. I live and die by common born Link, and whether he’s a legitimate heir or the royal bastard, I am more than bored with the persistent Prince!Legend content.

Favorite pairing with: Marin. It’s a good tragic story and I like it well enough. She’s cute, and he’s cute with her.

Favorite friendship: Warriors. I’m with everyone else on these two have peak sibling energy. They tease and pick on each other, but only they are allowed to mess with each other. They’re each other’s bully, and it’s always good to see.

NOTP: I do not have enough energy to have a lot of strong opinions about Legend’s romantic relationships, but I will mentioned that I have lost a lot of love for Ravio recently and am liking seeing him with Legend less and less. I have no better reason for this than the fact that I finally played ALBW and hate how many of my hard earned rupees he’s taken from me by withholding important, lifesaving items. Rat bastard.

Favorite headcanon: Remember my headcanon about him being the coolest bad boy folk hero on the block because everyone thinks he kidnapped Zelda? Yeah, I still stand by that one. I did good there.

-Hyrule-

What I love about them: If there is any Link that I would call a gutter rat, it is this one. I struggle a bit to talk about Hyrule since his games gives us so little, but in the end, I always fall back on him being a hero of the people. He is the one who has nothing and relates the best to people who are at their lowest. Yet, he is still a hero. He earns the right to be a hero because he helped Impa in her time of need. He’s selfless and competent. Even if he never got a traditional education, I bet he’s wicked smart too. He is the Link that symbolizes all of the parts of the Triforce the most. And, god. I cannot talk about him without mentioning the blood sacrifice part of LA. It’s such a cool concept, and I cannot imagine what it must be like to go from being the rough and tumble, win-at-all-costs fighting to protecting yourself first because if you don’t, the consequences are disastrous. It’s paradoxical, and it must be such a different mindset to fall into. But it must also be a blessing in disguise since now he has a reason to finally care about himself.

What I hate about them: Who started the Hyrule is innocent headcanon? Come over here because we need to exchange some words. If there is anyone who would be a realist and know how the world works, it’s this guy. And while we’re here, who came up with the Hryule is always lost headcanon? I also have some words for you. And you know what? WHILE WE’RE HERE, who let him be named Hyrule? I’m have more than choice words for you. His name scheme is the bane of my existence and the express reason why I don’t write him more. God.

Favorite Moment/Quote: That one panel where he takes utter delight in Warriors hiding from his scorned lovers? That is a central pillar in my understanding of Hyrule.

What I would like to see more focus on: Again, his relationship with other people. Even if his games are lacking in NPCs, we know from lore that he’s a good guy who will jump in to help others. He must know plenty of people, and I want to see who exists in his world with him. 

What I would like to see less focus on: I have an on-going joke with my brother that certain characters are Catholic, even if Catholicism does not exist in the world of the thing we’re watching or playing. Of course, we’re not being serious. we’re just joshing around. So imagine the gut punch I feel whenever I see people say Hyrule is Christian and realize that they’re being serious. I just can’t take it seriously.

Favorite pairing with: Aurora. It’s cute and I’m a sucker for that hero and royalty dynamic, especially when the hero is a peasant. It’s so cheesy, but I love it.

Favorite friendship: Legend. But not the way everyone else pairs them up as the grumpy one and the sunshine one. I think of it more as them being the pinnacle of boys being boys. They’re shitheads. They do stupid shit together. They both have a dark sense of humor. They joke that they’re practically the same person sometimes.

NOTP: uhhhhhhhhh.... Is he paired with anyone else?

Favorite headcanon: I love the idea that he just likes his way of life and refuses to accept anyone saying otherwise. Legend wants to teach him to read? Sorry, but he’s never had to read before in his life so he’s pretty sure he’ll never need it anyway. Want to participate in the treasured Hylian tradition of piercing your ears when you come of age? Why would he ever do that when a monster could rip those earrings off? He’s stuck in his ways and it frustrates everyone else to no end, but he has no interest in ever changing.

-Wild-

What I love about them: When I was 9, I spent my time online on Legend of Zelda forums. I remember one of my forum friends saying that they wanted a Legend of Zelda game where Link lost. And I think of that friend whenever I think about Wild. BOTW Link is the best Link that has ever been. He is the epitome of every trait we associate with any Link. He’s smart and sassy. He’s hard working and kind. But underlining all of that is the fact that he’s still the one who failed. If Demise’s Curse in SkSw is the set-up, the Great Calamity is the payoff. And I haven’t even talked about how confirming him as being non-verbal before the Calamity does so much for his characterization. I don’t even know where to start or how to articulate it. By game storyline alone, Wild is one of my favorites.

What I hate about them: You guys knew this one was coming, but I’m going to have to say it anyway. Fandom Wild.... not good. I’ve said it for half of these boys so far, but god is it true. I have a way I see Wild that is rarely done in the fandom. Fandom Wild has a lot of the traits I also see in Wild, but to all of the extremes. I will mention one thing in particular as being a pet peeve, and it’s how some people headcanon him as always being nonverbal. I know what they’re trying to do, and I think they’re on to something, but they’re also missing the point of what BOTW Link’s character arc is. I just wish more people would forget fandom and work more off of the games for how to characterize him.

Favorite Moment/Quote: Weirdly enough, my favorite moment is when he got mad at everyone for making fun of his Gerudo outfit, so he dumped Goron Spice in his cooking. It’s encapsulates a part of his character I think a lot of people forget about.

What I would like to see more focus on: I think he has a really complicated relationship with his past. He said himself that his old self felt like a different person, and I think that should be explored a lot more. That idea actually fascinates me so much that instead of CTB, I almost wrote a character study fic about Wild. His emotions are not as simple as feeling guilty about letting his friends die and not preventing the Calamity. His emotions would be so complicated and because I don’t have the time to explore it, someone else needs to do it for me.

What I would like to see less focus on: There is a weird fascination with Wild having memory loss and essentially being like a kid again. And this feels infantilizing to me. It honestly bugs me a lot every time I see it.

Favorite pairing with: I can’t decide between Zelda, Mipha, and Revali. They’re all different dynamics and they’re all good.

Favorite friendship: Paya. I firmly believe that Paya is Wild’s best friend. I am the only one in the world who believes this. But I am also the only one in the world who is correct. 

NOTP: Wild is good with everyone. Good for him!

Favorite headcanon: An essential scene of my Wild character study I will never write is one where his horse dies. He goes into shock and walks back to Kakariko to talk to Impa. But once he goes to her, he breaks down in tears and has an absolute melt down over the horse. And Impa sagely says, “It’s not about the horse, is it?” She’s implying that he’s actually mourning the loss of his friends, Hyrule, his life, everything-- but through his tears, he keeps tell her that she’s wrong. He barely remembers them. He doesn’t know them. He doesn’t have any feelings about them. He just really loved that horse. But Impa refuses to listen to him, just repeating over and over again: ���it’s not really about the horse.”

And that’s it! That’s all of my opinions! I know a lot of my opinions are polarizing, but everything I said is in good faith, and I am not trying to diss anyone for how they approach these characters.

I welcome you to send me your Opinions on the Links, even if it’s just to disagree with me. I’m cool with it, and I like knowing what everyone else thinks!

[miraculouscontent]

What do you think about opinions on YouTube that Marinette is a Mary sue or that Thomas favors her more that Adrien? I never understood these opinions, because Adrien is obviously a Gary Stu.

The term “Mary Sue” has been so overused when talking about Marinette (same with things like “stalker”) that it basically means nothing.

I’ve seen a few definitions going around but let’s just go with the basics: “Mary Sue is a term used to describe a fictional character, usually female, who is seen as too perfect and almost boring for lack of flaws, originally written as an idealized version of an author in fanfiction.“

(And then “Gary Stu” is the male version.)

Like--first of all, Gabriel talks about how Ladybug “doesn’t make mistakes,” yet it’s literally part of the show’s formula that Marinette constantly screws up and makes mistakes. There’s no way she’s any form of self-insert because she’s used for comic relief and the writers find her humiliation hilarious. She’s the “virtual daughter” of Astruc and his ex (girlfriend at the time), and the fact that she’s extremely flawed and is forced to embarrass herself and then learn from it is already a testament to how not perfect she is. The show is basically her screwing up while everyone else either gets away with murder or are rewarded for their screw-ups.

(the most “out of nowhere” moment of her making the charms literally gets worked around in the same season)

Adrien, meanwhile:

- has been stated as "perfect and it's the world that needs to change"

- is loved by basically all of Paris (to the point where I'm shocked they don't have one of those cliche episodes about "I found the one person in Paris who doesn't like me so I need to make them like me!")

- his screw-ups aren't really screw-ups and he's usually rewarded (see "Syren")

- is just as popular in his ""hero"" form, with Paris shipping him with his crush to further stroke his ego

- has a sad/tragic backstory to illicit sympathy from the audience

- is told how "important" and "irreplaceable" he is despite only being particularly useful in a handful of episodes (hey, remember in "Christmaster" where they claimed to "need Cataclysm" to break a snowglobe??)

You could even argue that there are parallels to Astruc's literal self-insert in "Animaestro." He's portrayed extremely sympathetically, Marinette is the one who messes things up for them and she has to fix it/make it better/stroke his ego, there are simple solutions that would solve his sad problems that he doesn't take, and his "burns" (see Chat dissing Ladybug in "Glaciator" about "not playing with people's feelings" VS Astruc's "bashing the movie before seeing it") are easily combated by arguments that aren't used (Ladybug reminding Chat that she said she had plans VS the fact that trailers are literally made so people can judge to see whether they want to watch something or not).

[grison-in-space]

Oh yeah. And I mean, the mangling is largely hidden behind closed doors, too, which lets everyone underestimate the extent of it; bad mentors can evade consequences for treating students poorly because most of the time, the badly maimed just leave and no one ever notices. Every department I've ever been in has at least one faculty member who treats students wildly differently according to gender, usually multiple, and no one ever really does anything or comments. And everything is so absurdly specific that it is hard to anonymize anything, so if you want to talk about anything you'd better be willing to sit by the consequences of your mistake. I came out of one of literally two labs in the past 40 years to work with the species I studied for my PhD, right? So when I said elsewhere in these notes that I am very conscious of the flimsy shield between my professional identity and anywhere I talk work in public, I meant it. I've been compartmentalizing so hard for so long, I just... can't do it anymore.

(COVID hit just as I was trying to get out the door and it made everything worse: funding opportunities I was setting myself up to apply for dried up overnight; everyone I'd been carefully angling for a postdoc with and vetting as a mentor just... stopped taking anyone on, because they were sheltering their current trainees; my own supervisor handled the pandemic... badly, and everything was just kind of shambling forward. I spent one month literally doing nothing but diss, showering, and sleeping; I was even working on the diss while I ate. And then I finished by my PI's insane deadline in the midst of a global disaster and he tried to impose another, less reasonable one with two weeks' notice, and I threw an enormous meltdown and won, like, a semester of reprieve.)

And then you have the increased general unpredictability of modern life, right? I had three years of climate change induced flooding and other housing instability during my PhD, on top of teaching every single long semester (so not summers but otherwise always) since my very first semester of the program. I've got the trauma left over from alt-right protests, campus violence, and state attempts to enforce wildly unpopular politics on the campus community. I have the scars from surviving the fucking sequesters of the past ten years; even here I've had to clarify several times, if we have another federal shutdown, can I as a postdoc still work or do I have to go unpaid and consider myself furloughed? Does that time apply to NIH deadlines past which I'm no longer eligible for funds to apply for? Can anyone fucking explain to me why postdoctoral fellows can't have their goddamn paychecks run through tax withholding like everyone else? And then you expect me to up and move interstate every couple of years? What is wrong with this system? What's not?

It's exhausting! I'm exhausted! And I see the people who aren't as exhausted, and by and large they are people who... well, they haven't had to survive as much, or they had crucial support to do it. Academia is so relational that managing who you know and how they feel about you is critical to career survival, which means that you have to reckon with all the potential backlashes to requesting accommodation and making a spectacle of yourself in the process. There's a reason I'm only deliberately making a positive choice about presenting myself as disabled right now, as a postdoc rather than a grad student, and bluntly it's that if my funding runs out right now I'm looking from WFH data management positions and sketching up book proposals. I don't have the resources to keep performing without letting the effort show anymore.

On top of that, I always wonder about the survivorship bias of the people who stick around. I have watched that kind of exhaustion and frustration absolutely poison people who started as people who wanted, desperately, to be better kinds of mentors. And neurodivergent burnout sure explains a lot about why mentorship can be so incredibly bad in this field: not all of it is just sheer exploitation/sexual pressure/we-eat-our-young narratives. A lot of the bizarre dynamics between students and supervisors are consequences of mentors who have survived burnout (and either have to value their careers accordingly, by sunk-cost fallacy, or are too burnt out to approach the work with interest and enthusiasm anymore) and are still expected to conduct very intensive mentorships lasting years with much younger people, no explicit training, and almost no supervision. In, let me add, a giant pressure cooker constantly simmering with the knowledge of how you have to keep winning without pausing.

Why are we surprised?

yesterday's talk to the neurodivergency activism program also included a fun "ethics in research on neurodivergence" panel conversation at the end when one person expressed this real frustration with the academy: that it's so unfriendly to neurodivergent people who can't navigate the social structures of academia, and it is so frustrating to this person to know that they want to go back to school and get the PhD but it's so unfriendly to neurodivergent people--

bear in mind, I'm the only openly neurodivergent researcher on the panel and by far the most junior (the others are all established faculty), plus I do animal research which is probably as far from the rather clinical focus of the folks in that program as humanly possible. and I've discussed openly how relational academia is, and how much it relies on the approval of your supervisors. we've even had a nice conversation about the same thing in clinical practice.

but I'm sitting here going... you know what, the interpersonal fuckery that almost ended my career actually was a result of blundering into another neurodivergent person's unacknowledged shame spiral, actually? you know that neurotypical research PIs are a distinct minority in my experience? you know that this is an incredibly dysfunctional institution, I ain't arguing that, but it's also one that has been by and large built for, by, and around neurodivergent people's needs and desires?

it's just they don't know it, so if you talk about it openly you get panic reactions. but it's so, so, so funny to see. (as I expanded on this theme the lady I liked best, a black woman working on intersections between developmental disabilities, race, and access to health care, is just grinning SO wide and almost giggling to herself.) you label yourself and people go OH NO A LABEL but if you know how to see the shape of the thing the label is supposed to describe, you can see that they oughta have a label, too.

so on the one hand, real consequences for being too open about yourself, but on the other hand, things actually have gotten so much better in the last 5-10 years. and on the gripping hand, just being in a space with only other neurodivergent people does not necessarily fix the problem of inadequate communication, hurt feelings, bad relationships with power, and weird insecurities. it just doesn't fix it. what works is understanding how to resolve conflicts, building structures that are less reliant on single dyadic relationships, and finding alternate ways to make connections with scholars in your field.

dammit, this means I should probably poke my bluesky again. fff.

[liyuesbian]

inazuma characters (+ aether, lumine, signora) and what instruments i think they'd play

part three of my genshin characters and what instruments i think they'd play series! part one / part two

notes: not sure if i've correctly characterised sayu but i tried! signora's instrument was also pretty hard to think of.. i don't rly think she would play one tbh. might make a revised edition once we get to know the inazuman characters better!

ayaka

100% plays the koto

damn she looks so pretty in a kimono while playing the instrument *heart eyes*

isn't used to compliments so will combust when you tell her how wonderful her performance was

makes other musicians resent their instrument LOL

baal

plays the cello

appears very distant and 2cool4u but will make cupcakes for each orchestra member when it's their birthday

instead of putting her instrument inside its "extremely expensive, high-tech carbon fibre case", she'll unconsciously lay it down on its side and make some complicated construct with music stands and chairs, thus blocking an exit :P

gorou

plays the bassoon

the conductor's pet, tries their hardest to impress them

sheet music is covered in written notes

goes into panic mode when he can't find his neck strap

kazuha

has mastered every kind of japanese flute

is the type to go to the park and switch between reciting poems and playing the flute to assert dominance and secrerly enjoys the stares/attention

specially chooses certain flutes depending on the weather

*flute starts playing* everyone else: "where did all these cherry blossoms come from????"

kokomi

soprano singer i.e. the one with the highest vocal range

:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

always feels the need to lead the choir through everything, even when rehearsals are over

"oh? another solo? you shouldn't have!"

sara

violinist

has perfect pitch and is just naturally good at music

can effortlessly play all paganini caprices without even looking at the sheet music

everyone thinks she's a badass when she plays her electric violin and but she prefers the acoustic bc it's her baby :')

sayu

second chair violin

some days, she looks at the first chair seat and whispers "soon"

other days, says she dgaf, brings a blanket out, and tries to fit in time in rehearsals for a li'l snooze

is normally late to everything but she has the ninja skills to sneak in and pretend she was always there (probably bc she's tiny.. and a 2nd chair jkjk)

scaramouche

the fucking organ

"there is always time for a dramatic entrance" *villain origin story*

parents make him play at church but he's secretly an atheist

and his friends tell him to play in parties which always ticks him off because they then proceed to show him to a keyboard i.e. the inferior instrument... the OPACITY

thoma

trombone

prefers playing the bass trombone because the fart sounds are super deep ;)

depending on the day, he either plays very good or very bad, no in between

sneaks vodka (and his pet dog) into rehearsals to share with childe

yae

double bass

goes with the flow most of the time

nobody knows what she's thinking during rehearsal—she's so chill that everyone in the orchestra has their own theories about what she's really like:

is she a stripper at night? maybe she does nothing and sleeps in bed all day? who really knows?

yoimiya

bibbity-bobbity-boo! i assign the drums to you!

constant head banging

once, she was drumming her fingers without much thought against the table during class and accidentally disclocated a finger

*nervous laugh* "oops!"

aether

oboeist

malding, ugly crying when a non-musician calls it a clarinet

obsessed with his reed, has probably made an instagram account just for it

made a mistake? why not blame it on the reed!

la signora

euphonium player

nobody will forget about her instrument any longer!

will diss your playing ability if you call it a tuba

is probably the most likely to quit band/orchestra after a year (bc who needs the euphonium amirite? JKJK don't kill me euphoniums) but somehow becomes the judge at your next audition >:D

lumine

flute

if she's first chair, will fight people to keep it

otherwise, plots a way to get rid of the people in the chairs above her

loves her twin but please, can he actually learn to play his instrument properly bc at this point, he's playing the reed and not the oboe

[lily-orchard-gossip-blog]

ayup new anon has appeared ! I've been catching up with the blog.

So I know this is late but with the Lumity kiss scene, Lily 100% doesn't know what she's talking about. Previous anon is going in the right direction but I wanted to just swing by and add more details as an animator myself. Ignore me if this is too off topic lol

Firstly, they got guest animator, Tom Barkel, who has worked on Rise of TMNT and Lego Monkie Kid (cartoons Lily/Mikaila has promoted on the channel btw) to do the rough animation for that scene. If Disney pay like everyone else, Tom would be paid for the amount of time he spent on the scene which due to the attention to detail probably meant he got paid more than if he were to do an average scene, so yes more of the budget would have gone into his involvement alongside clean up animation for that scene.

Secondly, the reason the animation appears better quality is simply because it is better quality. More time went into details such as different animation principles and subtle movements/expressions throughout the sequence. The scene has a lot more squash and stretch, and anticipation and follow through compared to your average TOH animation.

(This isn't a diss on other animators on the show, you produce what you're paid to produce, Tom being paid more means he has more time to add these details.)

Thirdly, to say there are less frames is just?? the complete opposite of what's happening ?? Lily is mistaking frame rate for animating on 1's/2's/3's/etc. The frame rate is still 24 fps (frames per second) but clearly Tom is using more of those 24 frames within each second. I couldn't tell you with certainty but I would guess he's animating on 1's when TOH is usually animated on 2's. Animating on 1's means that EVERY frame of the 24 frames within a single second is unique, which from experience is extremely time consuming.

Sorry for ranting but I love the animation process and it sucks seeing people like Lily just completely make up stuff and downplay all the hard work the animators put into these types of shots, especially when her fanbase is so easily swayed by her word. And I know you don't know much about animation so I apologise if a lot of what I just said isn't understandable XD

Nah, Rant away! Animation is always something I've been curious about.

And having just seen the scene in question... Yeah, no. They definitly made the animation smoother, something that can only be accomplished by using every single frame available.

It's really obvious that they did something different for that one particular scene, so I don't know what Lily is going on about.

Also, thanks for the info!

[vidalinav]

Don’t come for me...

As much as Feyre sometimes is a lame character (IMO) I have to admit there’s something very sad about wanting your sister’s love more than anything and never getting it, even to the point where you don’t even know how to ask for it or where to look. In the whole series, Feyre always mentions Nesta, even more so I think then Elain. There’s so many instances of Feyre yearning for Nesta’s love or having a high opinion of her even with the harshness that she shows. She tells Alis to go across the wall if need be, because her sister will put aside her prejudice and shelter them, because that’s just the person she is. She argues in favor of her with Cassian in ACOMAF, telling him hey she really loves people, she just feels too much and she’s actually very thankful for your promise to protect her people and her family. She argues with Rhys even in ACOWAR at his insulting idea of her sister being unleashed to the city like a rabid beast when at that point they are still relatively new in their relationship. She asks Amren in ACOFAS if she’s seen her sister and is upset when Nesta chooses Amren to confide in instead of her or Elain. At the end of ACOWAR, Feyre is the one who is like stay out her, join this meeting, you’re the guest of honor when Nesta just wants to leave. Feyre is the one who keeps inviting her to many things that Nesta doesn’t want to be involved in.  

This is sad in the way, that even though we know Nesta is traumatized, and we know that Feyre should probably be more understanding since she has also went through something traumatic, Feyre is still not completely loved by the one person she probably wants to be loved by the most. Let’s look at the fact that when Feyre mentions Nesta loving people, she always says that Nesta shows love to Elain, from the beginning to the end. Example in ACOFAS, “To say that to me, fine. But to Elain?” Elain is the number 1, the sister that Nesta puts above the rest. That’s the question she asks in the library in ACOWAR, “’Why do you push everyone away but Elain?’ Why have you always pushed me away?” 

So, this is why I can understand why Nesta has to be accountable for her mistakes, because she’s made some. I think that’s a big enough reason for Nesta to have to be accountable, because you should never be allowed to make someone feel unloved. The argument of letting Feyre hunt is lame to me, because we all know they were all kids, and the dad should have stepped up in some way. But the fact that Feyre questions whether she’s really loved by her sister, I think is enough to say that Nesta needs to learn something. 

Others have made mistakes, for sure, but they don’t have to be accountable for their actions, because they are not the main character of the book and the one person who is, is the one who is hurt by Nesta and not the rest of the characters. I think if they had their own story told, then for sure, accountability. But this book series, is Feyre, and now Cassian and Nesta’s story, so you see where I’m going with this. 

So at some point, I understand this idea that Feyre is wrong to send her to Illyria, to deal with Nesta’s trauma like that, to not be more compassionate, yadda yadda, and I don’t fully believe it was her own decision I feel Rhys probably had something to do with that, he was the one who was literally like “perhaps there’s some string to be pulled, webs to be weaved,” or whatever he said in ACOFAS.  And don’t get me wrong, I love Nesta more than any other character in the ACOTAR universe, I just don’t see how you can completely dismiss Nesta’s actions, but at the same time accuse Feyre of villian-y. If Feyre doesn’t have a right to take away someone’s autonomy, then Nesta doesn’t have the right to make someone feel lesser than or unloved as I said before. 

And, not to make this longer than it already is lol, in analyzing these characters and their actions, you really get to see how many people care about Nesta. The way she is for the most part. Like Cassian, you can tell he has so many feelings for her, regardless of whether he’s an a**whole sometimes, but she dissed him after they almost died together. Elain, she loves that girl, but she too is dissed. Feyre, read everything I wrote above. Even Amren, who sees her on regular occasion, even considers her a friend until that day they had an argument, which let’s be real was probably about her. And then ultimately her father, who came very late, but who showed he loved her, who said he loved her, who showed unconditional love really to Nesta who wanted to starve, and tried to starve them indirectly, and who used to put his cane far away from this disabled man because she was angry. So, I don’t buy this oh Nesta has nothing to apologize for. I hate apologies written in stories, personally, and Nesta is an action type of person anyway, but I do think that a healing arc that involves Nesta would have to have her be introspective and to really come to know that if people don’t love her, she pushed them away. People don’t have to put up with other people. Realistically, none of us can go through life as if we’ve done no wrong, otherwise there would be no growth, no maturing, no long-lasting relationships. We would suck and it wouldn’t matter if we were angry or harsh or had witty comebacks, we would suck as people because we do not show that we care about other people. So Nesta has to change, because she’s spent four books being like this. She doesn’t have to change completely; she doesn’t have to be Elain or Feyre or Mor or some other chick who’s happy-go-lucky or nice to a fault. Her personality doesn’t have to change. She can still be angry, but proper healing I think for her would mean learning that she must grow and improve, and that she has to take control of her own life, her actions, her past, that part that she played a role in, and everything else that involves her. Of course, people did her wrong, I’m sure people will still do her wrong, but at some point she needs to take back her life and open herself up to love and show people she cares. Because if her M.O. is that actions speak louder than words, her actions right now are saying she hates everyone including herself. And as we know, she’s not an island, as they say and she’s not sociopathic or a narcissist, so she can and should change for the better.  

And, I certainly don’t say this to be like “you shouldn’t hate Feyre or the inner circle or Nesta or whoever, or none of them did anything wrong/right.” Hate them if you want, it makes no difference to me. It doesn’t affect me at all. I just think that as long as were analyzing things, we should analyze from all points of view. And I certainly think that ACOFAS is looking less, to me, like a list of sins that the mains are committing against Nesta and more of a web of their own trauma, their own pov’s of the situations, and the current climate of whatever their dealing with at the time. People are messy. Book characters even more so apparently. 

[nestasgalpal]

The ball is in his court

Fixing ACOSF Part 8

Masterlist | AO3

Summary:  Cassian knows Nesta is supposed to dance with Eris and lure him into a stronger alliance with the Night Court. He knows he's been forbidden from getting close to her during the whole event. He knows she loves to dance. He knows he wants to be the one swinging with her.

A/N: angst because Cassian got very little character development in the book for someone who had that much family drama to deal with. It's not that big of a change as other chapters, but I thought it made sense to add this here with how these three acted in the ball.

Tagging: @gwynriel @zoyaslai @clolikescloquetas @amelievrstr  @t8astr8ng @wanderlustlastsforever @saltydreamcollector @lordlorcan @esrahiba @queenestarcheron  @jemstan300 @nessiantrashh @azrielsgirl @poisonus-bloom  @loveadora @frosted-crackers  @mireillemystique @pataytayo @968sunflower968 @caram267 @jainadurron @darkshadowqueensrule @amphiptree @finae-bookshelf @niytavia @brainlessfruit @dontgetsalmonella @messyhairday-me @sunsummoner  @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @wannawriteyouabook @psychoticminx @misswonderflower @drielecarla @silvernesta @k0ombayamylord @nina-zcnik​ @arinbelle​

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list in the upcoming chapters!! 

Cassian stood firmly on his feet as he made Mor spin once again. The House was playing music for them, and in some strange way, he felt it getting annoyed at how many times he had demanded to go- "Again". The waltz had just finished, and he was already positioning himself to start all over.

"Cass, you already know the moves, you've been dancing these for centuries" she laughed it off "I honestly don't think you need any more practice for tomorrow."

"Again" he insisted.

With a sigh, his friend went back to first position, seven feet away from him. The sound the House played for them was more like a trumpet with a shoe stuck in it than the beautiful harmonies they had been practicing with.

"Please, I want to make sure I get it right before we leave for the ball" Cassian gave her his best pout face, which made Mor roll her eyes.

"You are not going to dance with her, Cass. You got clear instructions from Rhys about that. I don't even know why I'm helping you with this, we both heard you are not allowed near her." The House probably felt like Mor was doing a good enough job at remprimanding him for his stubbornnes, because the melody of the waltz started playing again, and they moved to the sound of it. "Gods, you two are already making this way harder than it needs to be with your non-stop fucking" Cassian laughed, but Mor was not in the mood for joking, "This is serious. I heard Rhys complain about how long it took to hide your scent on her." With their palms in the air almost touching, they turned and gave two steps back "Behave." she reminded him of what his role was tomorrow night, and how important it was that he didn't ruin Nesta's mission by approaching her at all.

Cassian smiled again. "I'll try my best".

"Cassian" her tone made clear that she was not amused by the idea of what he may do with with all this dance practice.

"I know, I know. I'll be a good General Commander and stand by my High Lord's side the entire night, while she dances with Eris Vanserra" the lightness with which he spoke did very little to hide the feelings behind it. The jealousy.

Mor let him guide the dance, shadows in her eyes. Their imminent visit to Hewn City must be disturbing her, specially knowing both his father and Eris would be there. The stress of the negotiations with Vallahan was wearing her down as well.

"Why do you insist on going after her?" The sudden dryness she spoke with took him by surprise, and so did the question itself. Nesta and whatever the nature of his relationship with her was, wasn't a topic they ever talked about. For the last couple of years, they avoided the subject, pretending it didn't exist. That's why it felt so odd how mad she seemed to be now without any previous warning that the matter was present in her thoughts at all. That it could disturb her so much, was the most unexpected part of it.

It rubbed him the wrong way, but Cassian kept on moving, the smile in his eyes not fading one bit as he looked into hers to answer.

"Jealous that I'm spending my time with her and not you lately?"

The blonde's gaze pierced through him with a cold disdain he hadn't prepared himself for either. "Not at all. Unlike you, I understand what an order is." Ouch. "I don't blame you for following Rhys' command and babysitting her when he asked you to. She's your job, I guess."

"She is not a job"

"Cassian" His friend hardly ever called his full name. This was now the second time in a matter of minutes.

The conversation was taking a turn he didn't like as a sense of danger that made him on guard sat between them. But it was his best friend talking, his sister, so he ignored his instincts and kept moving to the rhythm. He tried to be graceful and move with precision, imagining it was Nesta's pale hand in his.

"I'm serious. You really need to come back from this recess sooner or later. Better if you choose the former, considering you have a job to do, a role to play as the rest of us do. Her included." The dance required him to spin her twice, an artificial pause in her speech as she twirled on his arms "I'm sure it was fun, but Feyre already revoked the order, so it's time you move on and take things seriously again. You have no idea how bad the treaty with Vallahan is going. We must prepare for the worse, have the armies ready".

"You think being here with her is some kind of vacation?"

The flow of her practiced movements didn't disappear for a second as she dissed Nesta, which was unsettling. Apparently, it came natural to her and putting these thoughts into words required no effort. For how long had Mor been thinking this way about his stay in the House of Wind?

"You sure smell like you are having a good time". Mor gave a step forward to the beat of the orchestra. Cassian didn't follow her movement, their bodies colliding.

It was now making him truly angry. Not just her usual dismiss of Nesta, which he had grown accustomed to, but the little care she was showing for him. He hadn't been working less on Illyria for the past months, his duty with Nesta being piled up on top of his previous responsibilities, and in addition to his new assignments as courtier to cover up her absence. He was working his ass off.

Countless, sleepless nights trying to come up with new ideas to help Nesta weren't something he had told her about, but she certainly knew about the exhaustion they put him through. The fighting, the struggle. Having to finally face how lost she was and stop pretending he had nothing to do with it had been a wake up call. Trying to put the pieces together, a painfully slow process they were still working on. They were achieving it bit by bit... and together, he wanted to think. It had been anything but a vacation.

His biggest regret, however, was printed all over her words, truth slipping through the cracks in the lie he had crafted for himself so long ago. That's why Mor's words hit him like a punch in the guts, because he had actually treated Nesta as a job in the beginning, and Nesta probably had thought the same thing -if she didn't still feel about it like that. A job. Cassian flinched. An order given to him to follow, and not his own decision to sought her and be there for her after the war.

"This is not time off for me, and, again, she is not a job."

Mor wasn't listening, "You need to be honest with yourself, Cass. You need to come to terms with whatever it is your cock feels for that female, and move on."

"You did not just say that" Cassian was speechless.

Knowing what she knows.

Cassian put distance between them and scanned the room looking for a chair, needing to sit down. There was one left alone by the wall where they had pushed it to have more space for their dancing. He sat before he felt his blood drop to his feet, his head uncomfortably light as his sight became dizzy.

Mor hadn't just said that. She would never cross him like that. Denial took over, his trustful self convincing him he just needed a moment to focus. Once he felt better, he would realize her words were only a friend worrying, not an attack on him. She was helping. Mor was always there for him when he needed a friend. She was only trying to give him some advice.

Then why did it hurt so much to hear those twisted truths from her mouth?

"Oh, come on!" she was saying behind him. Mor's words were distant and distorted, as if he were underwater. It took him a moment to understand and process them. "You saw what she became after the war just as clearly as I did. You did nothing about it, just like I did. And we were okay with that, we have our own life, Cass, and she doesn't fit in it. There is another war waiting for us in the corner that threatens to break this moment of happness we've built. For our future, you need to come back to be who you are, the Cassian I know. I miss him."

Once again, the plain truth. He had drifted away like everyone else. They had all decided that space was what she needed, and when that didn't work, it was once again them deciding what to do with the pieces that were left. He had agreed to every plan, convincing himself they knew what they were doing and they knew her better than she did. That they had any right to pick a path for her, the biggest lie of them all.

And now Mor's words were shattering the wall of self-inflicted fabrications he had slowly built while Nesta faded away from his reach. He took in his friend's words, their meaning. What she thought, and some of his friends -family- shared.

It made his heart skip a bit to realize that Nesta probably saw it like that too to this day. He had already accepted his mistakes to himself, he knew before the blonde said it what he had done wrong. Yet Cassian hadn't thought about how his actions were read from the outside. Nobody had called him out on his bullshit. Nobody had interfered -wasn't that what friends were supposed to do? So there it was, the reason why none of them had ever tried to help him smooth things between them: they didn't want him to. Stupidly and blindly trusting his friends would have the respect for him he had proven to have for them, he assumed they were just as blind as he was. Apparently, they weren't, and they had purposefully left her to rot.

Up until now, Cassian hadn't entertained the thought that she most likely didn't let him in because she also considered his presence there a task for him to handle, even if they had grown to be... friends.

That was it -a dead end for them.

No matter how hard he insisted on being there for Nesta now, he had already failed her too many times, and she simply wouldn't allow him to get closer a second time. Not the way he wanted to, at least.

His pulse was in his ears. Or maybe he was hearing again the dreadful noises the house played for them before.

Oh, Nesta.

Had she agreed to the plan because she didn't really care for him watching? Did Nesta not care because she simply didn't want to be anything else than friends in the end? Did she even trust him enough to call what they had a friendship?

A glass of red wine appeared on the table next to him and was it was in his hand a second later. Cassian swallowed its content in one sip. It was refilled instantly. Realization hit him right then and there, that he might be in time to save her, yet too late for what he wanted from her. And his ass would be the only one to blame for that. His cowardice. And how could he hope for a second chance from someone who didn't grant one to herself?

A movement in his field of vision took him out of his trance. Mor, who was carefully approaching him, gave a jump back when he got up from his chair, letting it fall back. The loud noise scared her too.

Those damned reports. He should have never agreed to that stupid idea. Nor to the plan they had for tomorrow night. Yes, she had agreed to it, but maybe if he had asked her not to... No, she would have still done it, convinced it was the only way she would not be seen as a coward.

Who gives a fuck about how anyone sees her. She certainly didn't use to. And he used to love that about her.

But now she clearly did, and was ready to do anything to change how he and his friends saw her. Even seducing Eris Vanserra right in front of him.

"Why can't you just leave her alone?" he asked, defeated at the thought that Nesta was indeed going to allow him to be by her side, but probably where he was right now was the closer he would ever get to tearing down her walls.

Mor looked back at him, marking the way his arms hung by his sides, the picture of a defeated male. She showed no compassion.

"Because I can't forget what she did to Feyre. I still remember the night she told us her story, what she went through. I see her grow every day and I'm reminded of who broke her in the first place. I can't let that slide like nothing." Cassian opened his mouth to say something, not knowing what exactly. He closed it again as Mor lifted a finger to stop whatever words he would have come up with from escaping his mouth. She was angry, "She let her 14 year old sister go wonder the woods next to the Wall all alone. Feyre was a child, Cassian. A kid who had to risk her life on a daily basis because your lover didn't want splinters in her fingernails."

Cassian sighed, tired of a conversation that kept circling back to the same point over and over again. He knew what Nesta's choices had meant to Feyre, but he had seen her regret as well, and what those same choices had done to her. Cassian had seen and heard the forgiveness coming from Feyre herself, her actions a window to what his High Lady needed: to move on. They had talked about it, his friend had opened up to him and she was obviously determined to have her sister back at any cost. And so was him. He was determined to help his friend and at the same time assist Nesta with whatever it was she needed... once she came to terms with what it was.

He had taken her to the old cabin they used to live in and had stand by her side as she scanned the place, finding only bad memories of the person she used to be. She wanted to move on as well. So if the two people involved wanted the same thing, why did their friends keep getting in the way using a wound that was already healing as an excuse.

"But you can forgive Elain?"

"Elain has at least tried to be one of us, Nesta has done nothing since she arrived but be against us."

Cassian laughed at that, a bitter, joyless laugh. "Elain is trying to be our friend, while Nesta doesn't like us. Is that it?" He chuckled again. "Are you telling me that the only reason you pick on her is that she doesn't want to be your friend and you can't just accept that? I thought it was her actions to Feyre in the past, but yes, this makes way more sense now." This time it was him stopping her from talking back, "I can see a pattern there. Isn't that the same reason you don't trust Lucien no matter how hard he works to help us? That he has his own life beyond us?" The volume of his voice went in crescendo as his anger rose to meet hers, "You can't be seriously expecting me to leave her because of a petty fight that only exists in your head."

"It's not just me, Cass. It's all of us. No one likes her, no one wants her around, and we are not having our days ruined every time she shows up so you can fuck her. You are not like this, you are not selfish like that." The indignation simmering in her brown eyes didn't make her an inch scarier to him, the childish reasons for it almost making him consider the argument over, hadn't him been so heated himself. "I want my friend back. And so does Rhys, who can't look at her -or Lucien, for that matter, without being reminded of what his mate went through before he found her."

Cassian snapped.

His siphons glowed scarlet red, goosebumps in his arms from the contained adrenaline rushing through his veins. He screamed at her in anger for the first time in... for the first time in as long as he could remember.

"Don't you dare try to make me feel like I'm a bad friend to Feyre to justify your bigotry. Don't you dare try to convince me that I'm the one hurting others, so I stay in my place while you do whatever the fuck you want and then blame the problems that surface on me. Don't you fucking dare play the victim of this when it's none of your business."

There had been genuine happiness in Feyre's eyes the night Nesta and her decided to give themselves one last chance.

Now Mor was reducing Feyre to nothing but an excuse for her own grudges. She was trying to yield her past suffering as a weapon against her sister, which would make Feyre just as furious as he was. She would never use the damage she experienced to hurt someone she loved, and that was the kind of friend he wanted in his life giving him advice. That was the kind of friend Cassian needed.

He had taken Nesta to the mountains and listened to her cry. He had heard from her mouth how she felt.

Worthless.

She had felt like she didn't deserve to be alive.

And apparently, Mor agreed.

It couldn't be wrong to have sympathy for her. It couldn't be wrong to want her. And he did want her. Cassian wanted everything with her. Was he a bad friend to Feyre for that? How, when his friend wanted the same thing?

"She saved my life twice. She was ready to die with me instead of running away. Does that mean nothing to you?" Above all, what broke Cassian's trust in her wasn't simply her disapproval of Nesta. Rather than that, what Cassian wasn't sure he could forgive was how little care she showed for him. "If you don't like her, that's fine. I don't care, and I can promise you she doesn't either. But don't you dare use Feyre or me as an excuse for it."

"I won't apologize for caring. I won't apologize for protecting my High Lady and my best friend, and the life you really want and deserve".

"At what point exactly did you decide Feyre's happiness was above Nesta's life? Was it after you met her, or had you already ranked your priorities the night Feyre told us about her sisters? Oh, sorry, our priorities, since apparently you know what I want better than I do." Cassian wasn't sure if he would have stopped his ranting right there if he had seen any regret coming from Mor, and he never got to find out. His friend's face was a mask of faked boredom as he spoke. "From all people, I would expect you guys to know what it's like to be perceived by outsiders in a way that's different from who you are as a measure of protection. You simply fail to understand that, for her, we've been the bad guys she has to be wary of since day one. And the reason is precisely that we made our minds clear about her in that fucking dinner party and refused to change it independently of what she did to be better".

He would know about it.

A blank expression was painted on her face. "You need to chill."

"Leave." he ordered. It was no up for discussion. Cassian couldn't even look at her right now. He was fuming and didn't want to say things he would later regret. As he opened the glass doors for Mor, he knew he would, unless one of them left.

"Are you seriously going to let a stupid fight about her get between us?"

It was the way she said her. Like she had said it a hundred times before, like others had pronounced as well, including him not so long ago.

Cassian turned to face the blonde, a special kind of anger glimmering in his eyes.

"Me?!" he screamed. Mor gave instinctively a step back, "Am I going to let it get between us!? You are the one who brought her up, Mor. You are the one who has a problem, and I'm the one pretending you don't trash her at every chance you get, so we can still be friends. I'm not the one letting an argument get between us, for the only thing I've been doing over five hundred years is make everything easier for you. And now, I'm done." Her eyes went wide.

But Cassian was now beyond turning. He had tried to leave and make her go to avoid exactly what was about to happen, "Are you seriously going to let a stupid sister fight only you care about at this point get between me and my happiness? You really despise her so much you would take the chance of being happy with Nesta away from me only to make her miserable?" he spat.

Cassian took a step forward and Mor gave another one back at the same time, recoiling. There was fear in her face as he made his way to her, a kind of fear he had never seen on her features whilst looking at him. "Just look at me in the eye and answer this question, Mor, and I promise there won't be more fights between us for better or worse: Would you rather have me unsatisfied for the rest of my days than have me happy, if that requires her being blissful as well? "

Her silence was too long. It was too damn long.

Cassian spread his wings, the glimmer of his siphons mirroring his anger, and went for the glass doors.

"I only want to protect you." Mor cried behind him. Cassian walked fast, but she was at his heels when he reached the banister, begging him to stop and listen.

One single tear run down her beautiful face. If any other person had made her shed a tear, he would be the first one going after them to make them suffer unimaginable pain. Mor was his best friend, had always been. Cassian thought there was nobody in the world he wouldn't at least beat up for making her sad the way she looked now. But he heard her whimper, saw the hurt, and realized it was too little compared to what she had inflicted on him. On Nesta.

She had gone too far. And at the same time, she was giving him too little.

He turned to face her, needing to make sure he wasn't making a mistake. A part of him refused to believe this was actually happening, wanted to trust in that, once he met her eyes again, he would see regret in her pupils. The hope he had learned from her ages ago making him give her one last look before he aimed for the sky.

Of course, Mor was too stubborn to show any kind of surrender. Too proud to be regretful.

"I am a 500 year old warrior. She is a 25 year old female whose family she can't talk to without pushing them away. And you think I'm the one who needs protection because she is mean to those she doesn't like."

It was not a question. Cassian wanted Mor to hear what her case sound like to him. Before he left, Cassian wanted her to know this was not going to be a short argument and they wouldn't be having lunch together next week. It was a breaking point in their friendship, and he was going to stand on this hill as long as it took, unmoving no matter how many jibes she trowed at him or how many tears wetted her face.

Mor cried in silence, and only because the winter breeze was cooling him down, he didn't get angrier at her for that, at himself, and at the world. Why did they always find a way to make things harder than they should be?

"Wait, please, don't go." The sound of his wings spreading again almost prevented him from hearing her whimper as she said, "I can still teach you one last dance," she murmured. Cassian listened carefully, she didn't dare moving, monitoring his position as if he were a wild animal and she was a rabbit trying to be discrete to not become his prey "There is one gavotte they are likely to play. She is so good at it, you would think she's known the moves for decades and not days."

A temtative hand reached for his arm and stayed there. He had never seen Mor stutter, especially when it came to him. Cassian had always been her best friend, the one who never got mad at her and she could count on. Now she was unsure if he was leaving for the day, or if he was flying away from her for Cauldron knows how long. She didn't tighten her grip on him when he didn't push her away, it remained light and unsure. "I think you already know it, but we can practice that one a couple of times. Just in case you get a chance to dance with her. You'll look great by her side... like it's meant to be".

Cassian noticed his cheeks were wet as well. His gaze burned so fiercely Mor couldn't hold his stare. With anger still painted all over his features, Cassian nodded and followed her inside again.

Mor didn't say a bad word about her for the rest of the evening, and even if he couldn't know where she went afterwards to rant about it, he appreciated her silence.

---

A couple of minutes after her orgasm, Nesta's legs were still shaking. Cassian drove his hand up and down her thighs, feeling her soft skin with the excuse of a massage to help her muscles relax.

He needed to calm down as well -it had been a particularly long day. Nesta had been happy to follow him into his room after dinner, feeling something was off. He had to restrain himself from telling her when she asked about it. First, because he didn't want her to know he was taking dance lessons with Mor. She would know the reason behind it in a second, and he didn't feel like exposing himself like that for a second time that day.

He also couldn't tell her about the argument that hours later still kept his head bussy. He didn't want her to know how frivolously she had been discussed, what both Mor and him had said about her in the same living room where their kisses after dinner had started.

Nesta's breathing was steady, tranquil. His cock was still inside her. He needed to feel her touch. She wasn't in conditions to leave his room even if he came out of her, but Cassian didn't want to give her a chance to get rid of him just yet. He needed her presence there a little longer.

Nesta's fingers tangled themselves in his hair, pressing his head to the crook of her neck. He kissed the soft skin and felt her pulse beat fast against his lips. The path of wet kisses he planted all the way up to the spot behind her ear made her moan.

Cassian felt his blood rushing back to his cock.

With his hands, he cupped her breasts. A sigh escaped her swollen lips, his own closing around a hard nipple. Cassian marked with kisses and playful bites his way down her abdomen to the apex of her thighs. Nesta's let a loud moan escape when his tongue hit with precision her bundle of nerves, drawing circles around it. Teasing her. Making her wetter if that was even possible.

Unaffected by Nesta's pleas, he enjoyed playing with her, his mouth exploring her folds as if wanting to drink her in. Cassian couldn't hear anything, the sinful sounds she let out a song his blood echoed, roaring in his ears. Her hand found his head, her hips clashing against him as she tried to ride his face. Oh, he loved it when she did that, so desperate to have him closer, for his touch to never leave her.

It was his lust what determined every movement his body made, convincing Casian he could reach heaven just by climbing up her hips. Cassian didn't stop until he felt her thighs clench the sides of his head. The hand that held him fixed between her legs became a fist in his hair, encouraging him to keep going, keep licking and keep playing with her most sensitive spot until his tongue took her over the edge one more time.

Yet he hadn't had enough of her. He needed more and more, and after each time they slept together, the urge to have her again grew stronger, as Cassian became more impatient for the next time. Nesta felt the same way, by how her hands found his wings by reaching behind his shoulders and aroused him again. A grin spread through her face when he let his lover play with him in whatever way she pleased. Whatever she wanted from him, Cassian would give.

He climaxed one more time all over her breasts, before he finally renounced to her body. He was content resting by her side, their legs tangled under the sheets.

It was now a matter of time before Nesta left his room.

Cassian's legs tangled with hers. Nesta moved idly against him, making herself comfortable. Their bodies fitted together like pieces from a jigsaw puzzle, their breaths the only sound in the room. He could tell she was cold as he once again found himself caressing her arms, pale like porcelain under the moonlight that came through the window. Cassian pulled the sheets to cover them and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Nesta had her walls down. She looked so peaceful curled up against him.

"You don't like us, do you?" even if he whispered the words, they were loud in the silence of the room.

Nesta was fighting to focus her sight, just as tired as he was. "What do you mean?" Oh Cauldron. That raspy voice of hers after sex. Too much moaning for her own good. And he hadn't even enjoyed her throat that night. He had to picture terrible things in his head so his cock would behave and not react to her "that was really great sex" voice.

"My friends and I. The Inner Circle as a whole, you could say." His hand rested in the small of Nesta's back, drawing lazy circles.

She maneuvered to get rid of his touch, sitting up on the bed. The absence of her body against him was painfully obvious. Cassian laid on his back, fighting the impulse to sit up as well. He moved his hands to his nape with faked laziness, as if the question was simple small talk. Yeah... the small talk they never had after sex. Not weird or suspicious at all.

Good job, you idiot. She's not coming to your room in weeks. He cursed himself.

He couldn't withdraw now, it was too late. Nesta's gaze was feline. On guard.

"I don't think I dislike any of you more than you dislike me."

"Hey, I don't dislike you!" he ignored the cautiosness on her tone. He would pretend everything was okay and pray Nesta somehow went with it, "I would say, in fact, that I am very fond of you. And so is Az, for what's worth."

She smiled, a cold grin that didn't seem to fit with the rest of her face, still flushed, eyes glassy and tired. "Then you don't have to worry about it." He said nothing, only kept looking at her. He had learned that, if he waited long enough, she would go on. It could be only to insult him and then leave... but she would go on.

---

Nesta sighed. Where was he going with this? What was she even supposed to respond? No, she didn't like half of them... that if she counted the ones she barely tolerated. But she could sit in the same table as them and be civil. She was even working for them, so why he would bring that up two minutes after he came all over her, was beyond Nesta.

"I thought you didn't care what your friends thought of this" she pointed between the two of them, her gesture just as calculatedly casual as his had been.

A wet washcloth appeared on his nightstand. Nesta mentally thanked the house for her timing. If she was forced to have this conversation, she would rather be clean for it. Nesta rubbed it on her chest, Cassian's gaze following and fixing on her breasts. She cleared her throat, urging him to answer.

"And I don't. I was just curious if you did."

Nesta sigh.

"You've snapped at me before for calling one of you an asshole, Cassian. Do you really expect me to go on a detailed answer on how much I value them and their opinions?" Cassian tightened his jaw, but didn't answer. He waited for her to go on, knowing his silence was pressure enough for her to give in and talk.

If she said she didn't mind what they thought of her, she would be lying. But if she told him she did care, she would be lying as well. It wasn't that simple, a "yes" or a "no".

Nesta cared and worried about their opinions, not because she valued their judgement, but because she was still afraid she didn't have enough power in that Court to face their truth with hers. She had her own thoughts about them, but they didn't have the weight on Cassian one word from any of his friends had.

Nobody ever asked her what she thought of them, because it didn't really matter. Yet everyone expected Nesta to take into consideration what they wanted -who they expected her to be. They had crossed the line in the most disgusting ways to make sure she did the right changes to fit into the mold they had created for her. And Cassian had been a part of it.

Now, from all people, Cassian was asking.

"Don't mention them when we are in bed if you want to see me here again." that was the little bargain power she was sure she had over him. The territory she could claim for herself.

Once again, it took Cassian some time to come up with his own words. Nesta's brain was going a thousand thoughts per minute, reading his face, his body, trying to anticipate where he was going to strike next. He had chosen to bring this up right after sex, when she was slower with her wit. Prick.

When Nesta thought he simply wouldn't answer, Cassian finally sat on the mattress, shoulders down, his body apparently relaxed, his muscles tense and wings tucked in "I know this is just sex, and that's enough for me. I'll take it." As he mouthed the words, Nesta came out of the mist that clouded her thoughts, ready to cover up any crack on her armor. "I just want to know if my friends have anything to do with you not wanting... more."

For that, the answer was yes. She did worry what they thought of Cassian and her being... close, only because she wasn't sure what Cassian would do if they didn't approve of them together.

Nesta didn't care, but she worried what it would mean for her if they asked him to leave. Nesta was sure she meant enough to Cassian for him to put on some resistance. But when push came to shove, if they ever asked him to choose, she doubted Cassian would put her before them.

And she wasn't ready to be broken like that.

There was one thing about Cassian she admired above anything else he had and was, and that was his loyalty. Absolutely unmoving. She saw first-hand how this male loved, so ardently, so unwavering. If Cassian was asked to choose and chose his friends, she wouldn't blame him, she would understand. She had seen him put his life on the line for them without thinking, the act natural to him.

It was knowing that Cassian wasn't the obedient dog others had claimed him to be what would be devastating for her. To be so sure that he didn't feel the need to follow his High Lord to the end of the world.

If he chose them, duty wouldn't be the reason. Cassian would do it because he literally loved them more.

It was precisely that what made her so afraid to let him in. To not know if whatever he wanted from her would ever mean to him as much as the bonds he already had. If there was a chance for him to value it even above those. Because she wouldn't take less.

Nesta couldn't tell him she didn't care what they thought, for it would be a lie. And she couldn't tell him about her reasons either without bearing her heart more than she was ready for. And every time she reminded him -or herself- that it was just sex, she remembered why she refused to give him anything else.

So yes, Nesta cared about what they thought only because she feared them in a way Cassian wouldn't understand. He had defended them against her in the past like he didn't know that side of them existed at all.

Unable to answer, Nesta nodded.

Cassian took in her gesture. At his silence, Nesta practically launched herself out of Cassian's bed, aiming for the door and grabbing her nightgown on her way.

He was there before she could grip the knob. His hand slammed the door to make sure she couldn't open it. Nesta turned on her heels to face him, angry at how aggressive his gesture was. At the audacity to behave like this after she gave him the answer he had asked for, only because he hadn't liked it.

She was trapped between his body and the wooden door, her face an inch apart from his naked chest. Because they were still naked. He banged his head against the door and closed his eyes.

"You know I would give my life for you. In a heartbeat. Without hesitation." Nesta could feel her mouth dry. She couldn't believe he was making a scene about this, considering what her mission the next day. What had happened that afternoon before she came back from the Library to shake him like this? "You know that, right?" Cassian insisted.

She nodded one more time, her forehead brushing his shoulder.

"I know you have good reasons to want them far away from you, Nes, but they are part of my life. My family. When I ask myself what I want in my future, I know I want them in it. We've been through so much together that I really can't picture my life without them at this point. To be honest, I don't want to picture it either."

Nesta's throat burned and so did her eyes, lined with tears. She wasn't ready to listen to this coming from his lips.

"But I want you too, and I don't even know if you think that's possible or if I'm making a fool of myself by trying to go after you."

She was glad Cassian had his eyes closed so he wouldn't see the mess she became as his words hit her. Nesta closed them as well, so the tears didn't come out. "We have a mission tomorrow, Cassian. I need to get some sleep and be well rested."

He didn't move.

"Let's not jeopardy the mission for a question you already know the answer for".

In a matter of hours she was going to be dancing with Eris in Hewn City trying to lure him into an alliance with his beloved friends because they had asked that from her. And she had agreed because the future of the frail political situation they were in depended on it. She needed to focus her mind back on that. She told herself that by doing so, she would forget about his confrontation, and by some miracle he wouldn't bring it up again after that.

"Why did you even accept to help with that plan, Nesta?" Cassian asked again, an angry whisper in her ear.

Because it's worse to stay in my room while you are there with them and wonder if you would vanish away once again if I don't follow all of you wherever you go.

The low light of the lamp threw shadows on Cassian's hazel eyes when he opened them to look straight into hers. They were so beautiful. He stretched his arm to cup her hand, but Nesta hid it in her lap before he could.

His arm hung there for a moment, as if not knowing what to do with it.

Don't worry, Cassian, I'm choosing this for myself. I'll do it. I want to do it.

And in return, she only asked him to keep things casual.

Nesta knew it was unfair to him. She was giving him no choice. It was selfish. But no one expected anything better from her anyway. She was self-absorbed, everyone knew that. It seemed to be her defining characteristic in their eyes from the beginning. No need to change that now. The only thing Nesta was willing to replace was her relationship with herself, with who she was. The only goal in her mind was to be as ready to fight for her life as she was to give it for others. Only then, she would be able to share her heart the way she wanted to. And if he was still around when that happened, she would gladly give him a piece. Just not yet.

It would take time, but he had promised to stay no matter how long it took. He had sworn.

Her voice was too close to cracking. "You should go get some rest as well. Don't think too much about this, Cassian. It's just sex, remember?"

"Just sex" he agreed.

Nesta moved her hands up and carefully placed them on his chest to push him away. He obediently gave a step back, freeing her. She went straight for the door knob and opened it. Nesta exited as fast as she could to turn her back on him before he saw the effect his damned questions had had on her.

"And I have no intention of changing that for my own reasons. Your friends have nothing to do with it."

It's you, she thought.

"So many things are happening to me at the same time," she said instead, "that...I don't even know how to deal with them and not have a breakdown every five minutes. I need you to be the one thing in my life that is easy. Please." there was no point in hiding her weeping anymore. "And I don't need anyone to die for me. I would hate that, actually. I want someone who is going to stay alive and by my side all the way. And that's why you need to let go." Nesta wasn't sure whose heartbeat she was hearing, but it was thundering at an alarming pace.

"I understand" he said. His voice was not her lover's caring tone, nor her friend's easy-going voice. He was putting distance between them, making it impersonal. She didn't blame him, as she did the same thing and closed the door behind her.

She went straight to her room and asked the House to warm up the cold space.

There were no dreams for her that night.

---

On the same room one floor above, Cassian stared at the ceiling for hours, unable to find sleep.

The sun came up before he got to close his eyes, still thinking about what Nesta had asked from him. What his High Lord had asked from him aligning with her request as well. What Mor thought of it all. The ball and Eris being the one to spend the entire night with Nesta Archeron.

He had a job to do, a character to play he knew too well to mess it up even if he had gotten no rest, so that part didn't worry him one bit.

Only when he finally got up with the first rays of sunshine, Cassian came to terms with what he would do that night and how far was he willing to go. If what he wanted for himself was worth risking all the good things he already had, both with his friends and with her.

Maybe it was time to stop being a coward who adapted to the group's needs. Maybe it was time he gave the first step. Or perhaps he would do better waiting, not rushing things and allowing people to come to him whenever they were ready. No. The person he had in mind the entire night and kept him from resting would never go to him, pride and uncertainty preventing her from taking risks with him. Yet one step too far could mean three steps back, and then none of it would be worth it.

Mor was right, he was not being his old self as he took a cold shower, put on his leathers, and flew to the River House to put Rhys' plan for tonight into motion. Cassian was not being the illyrian Commander they had always known when he stepped into Hewn City armed to his teeth and ready to improvise and do absolutely everything his heart asked him to do.

[hologramcowboy]

I have to say I am really sad to see how you too diss someone as an AA or an Ackles worshipper if they have some different opinion.

I have to say I'm really sad you didn't check that person's profile or history, the comments they usually make. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, still, the way they were trying to accuse everyone and twist things negatively was exactly like an AA does which was my point. Behaving like Jensen's flying monkeys. They are free to be as AA or whatethey they want but that person could have expressed their point just like everyone else with differing opinions that I did post, in a clear, respectful way. Instead they chose to attack everyone by following a supposed other Anon's example. I don't have to tollerate rudeness and it's extremely dangerous what these people are doing, always trying to start huge dramas over conversations that don't even interest them. Telling me I "diss" others with differing opinions couldn't be farther from the truth. It must be confirmation bias, because plenty of opposing opinion have been posted on this blog, most from people full on harassing me and forgive me but I am going to be painfully blunt: it's abusive that you expect me to sit there and take anything anyone throws at me without responding with boundaries and clarity. That "some different opinion" was full of vitriol, a toxic emotional rant disseminating limiting paradigms and making negative assumptions about post that did not contain the content she claimed, I am saddened you can't recognize that.

I've stated several times on this blog, I don't care what anyone ships or stans, what I care about is humanity. We can be in harmony even being very different but that requires mutual respect and healthy boundaries.

And contrary to your belief, it seems, I don't have to tollerate abuse in any way, shape or form just because my opinions are different than what someone else expects. There are plenty of people I've discussed with that disagreed with me and yet never resorted to spreading lies and accusations to start drama like that vally person did. In fact, some of my followers are completely different from me and may even hate me liking Jensen yet they are pure joy to interact with and always respectful. So it's a matter of choice, those who want to live in harmony do so without trying to limit others.

And again, if anything on my blog is not for you, feel free to unfollow, it's up to you to curate your online experience and I absolutely support that, I'm not for everyone just like not everyone is for me. I don't see why anyone should ever tollerate or expose themselves to content they dislike, it's unhealthy and stressful so I appreciate those who recognize that. Should also add that I'm human so sometimes, just like everyone else, I may make mistakes or not be on brand and that's perfectly okay, I get to grow and learn and I'm grateful for that.

It's hard to tell tone from written messages so I apologize for being brutally honest, I still reinforce what I said, no one should accept toxic behaviors because we all have the ability to interact without engaging in them.

Also, do you really mean to tell me those people don't over worship Jensen? Because that's also untrue. Balanced people don't go around starting fandom fights over their favorite because, for one, they recognize the value of differing opinions and secondly, they aren't over invested in said celebrity. What's wrong with helping people become aware they are overinvested? Or would you rather they waste their lives on worshipping Jensen and attacking everyone on their path while foregoing their personal dreams and goals? That's the saddest part of all, that people get caught up in fandom drama and wars and neglect themselves and their life over a celebrity obsession. In the process, they also destroy many others which is why I discourage anyone who exhibits that kind of behavior. There are much bigger issues in life than fandom drama so it really helps to get some perspective.

Also, I sometimes get accused of being an AA too but you don't see me going to other blogs to harass them or their posts over Jensen and then insist on how I am not one in the process. 🤣

[captnjacksparrow]

Hiii, I just wanna say even as someone who sorta liked Sakura, your posts breaking down her character are spot-on and I agree with most of it.

At first I really didn’t want to hate Sakura for being annoying/useless because it felt like a petty reason, like I really hoped to see her personal growth. Especially in the beginning of shippuden when she showed promising development as a medic nin. I held out for her for so long, but she kept disappointing... I wanted to see her become strong of her own volition and have goals that didn’t revolve around Sasuke (and wanting to f@ck him). But it never happened.

I couldn’t stand the way she acted so pathetic with Sasuke in contrast with her usual confident demeanor with everyone else. Her obsession was such a hinderance to her character, and it’s not like SNS where they actually had a bond. It was total one-sided infatuation with the IDEA of Sasuke loving her. There were sooo many chances for her to reflect and change her feelings, but nope she stayed delusional until the end. I could no longer make excuses for her and gave up on her. SS in Boruto was the nail in the coffin. Their marriage is so pathetic I really feel bad for Sasuke 🤢🤢🤢

It’s why I like reading fanfic where Sakura gets over Sasuke and focuses on her own development. It’s a glimpse of what could have been… Too bad in canon she’s totally irredeemable lmao

Thank you so much for understanding, Anon. 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩. Annoying or Useless is just the final nail in the coffin. Her attitude towards a human being is what bothered me, a lot.

If Naruto, the series, has taught me anything, I would say I learnt to see a sliver of positivity in someone and let go of my hatred even though the character has been an S-ranked bitch throughout the series.

Take Madara and Obito as examples.

Forget about their Infinite Tsukuyomi plan and all other crimes they committed for just a moment.

When Obito was 12, Rin and Kakashi and Minato were his world. If you consider youself as Rin or Kakashi, then you will like Obito so much so that you would protect that boy from getting crushed beneath those boulders. You will feel warm to have such a pure boy as your best friend.

When Madara was young, he treasured his brother Izuna very much. Plus, he loved Hashirama in a different way to the extent of awakening his Sharingan when he decided to Break Up with him. If you are Izuna or Hashi, then you are lucky to have such a loving Brother or 'Friend' like Madara.

Even with a trash like Orochimaru, you can self-insert youself as Kabuto and you'll be just fine.

Most importantly, all three of these people have a story about what made them into who they are in the later part of their life. They have a reason.

When it comes to Sakura, it's just pathetic. She is an ass to her parents, bitch towards Naruto, crassy bitch towards Sasuke, a bad friend with Ino, dissing Tsunade behind her back, left Kiba, Lee and Sai on the road without caring about their safety. If you self-insert yourself with any of the characters in Narutoverse, she looks like an unfaithful Asshole.

Unlike Obito or Madara, She was never faced with a life changing event or a personal tragedy to behave like a bitch. She was just a normal girl born to a common citizen of Konoha. Getting bullied at the young age doesn't give her a free pass to do whatever the fuck she wants with the people around her. Atleast Obito realized his mistakes and did many good things in the end.

She never asked Sorry to anyone from her heart, never understood anyone nor formed an honest friendship with anyone.

Just an absolute trash!!! 🤢🤢🤢

That's why it's just impossible for me to write anything positive about her.