#ted probably viewed is a relieving thing. i have my best friend back right by my side where he belongs :)

[coachbeards]

do you guys ever stop to think about the pressures beard must've felt becoming a coach.

here he is, a recovering drug addict fresh from prison, who only got the job because his best friend vouched for him. not because of skill, necessarily, but because it was a favor. do you think about how their bosses watched beard like a hawk, monitoring both him and ted because the college can't afford to have a drug addict ex con that's on their payroll mess up. beard who became a coach not because it was his passion, but because it was an obligation. beard even said it...that ted gave him a job AND a life. coaching was a purpose, not a passion. a second chance at life, and with that comes a lot of pressure to not mess it up. especially since ted’s job and reputation were also at risk….yeah. lots of pressure.

beard putting lots of expectations on himself, because he had to prove himself to everyone around him. to himself, to ted, to their bosses, to their team, etc. beard had to prove himself. he had to put in so much work, so much effort. spending nights drawing up plans and tactics as proof that he's worthy of sticking around. researching for hours upon hours on football history and stats, because all he ever was was a backup player. and he got to a point where he felt comfortable, but that nagging feeling of needing to be good and the best is still lingering in his brain. the fear that he'll make a mistake big enough to be kicked to the curb, suddenly losing his life and purpose once more.

and i think we still see it a lot in richmond, where no doubt the fears of messing up came back to bite him in the ass. here he is, in the public eye, managing a team that (no diss at their college teams at all, but they're just different levels) actually matters. that actually has weight with the players and the people around them. see his speech in 1x09, yelling at ted because there are consequences to actions. to them getting relegated. because everything matters, of course, but to beard....it makes sense that these consequences weigh so heavily on him. beard might not have the optimism ted has, but there's reasons for it. they lose, nothing that they've done would matter. their progress is void. so they can't mess up. they can't afford to lose, because beard is physically incapable of not seeing bad things coming from miles away.

in beard after hours, we see beard blame himself for losing the man city match. his hallucinations point out his flaws, that he Should've done something else. coach beard is ted lasso's number two. he's supposed to challenge him, not just be a sniveling lackey. like....there's a lot of self worth issues that beard has had his entire life, but being a coach really does fuel it. the weight of it all, the scrambling to make right decisions, beard blaming himself for losses.........yeah.

i just think there's always been an undercurrent to how beard feels about coaching, connecting his self worth with how he performs on the pitch or in the coaching office. this isn't to say that beard doesn't love coaching, because of course he does.....but when you become a coach as a way to be rescued from drug addiction/yourself.......you'd definitely have complicated feelings towards it. having to do things right, having to be good at it, it's probably where a lot of beard's competitiveness comes from...........that nagging fear of his.

[introvertguide]

The Silence of the Lambs (1991); AFI #74

The next film we reviewed for the AFI Top 100 was was a thriller that borders on a slasher/horror movie, The Silence of the Lambs (1991). This film was one of only three movies in the history of the academy to win the “Big Five″ awards: Best Picture, Best Director (Jonathan Demme), Best Screenplay, Best Actor (Anthony Hopkins), and Best Actress (Jodie Foster). Jonathan Demme used a lot of extreme close-ups throughout the film and it really gave all of the actors a chance to shine. Knowing the ending and all of the pieces to this movie legitimately spoils it, so I want to give a brief overview that mostly stays away from these spoilers and then come back to describe some of the shots and how they ramp up the thrills:

SPOILER WARNING!!! I AM GOING TO DO MY BEST NOT TO SPOIL THE WHOLE THING BUT THERE WILL BE SOME THINGS MENTIONED IN THE OVERVIEW THAT MIGHT TAKE AWAY FROM WATCHING THE MOVIE COLD!!! IT IS QUITE THE CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE AND I HIGHLY SUGGEST WATCHING ON A LARGE SCREEN IN THE DARK AND THEN COME BACK TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THE PRODUCTION!!!

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The movie starts out with Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) running an obstacle course for the FBI. She is called in to talk to Jack Crawford (Scott Glenn), who is part of the Behavioral Science Unit. Starling is assigned to interview a cannibalistic serial killer named Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), a former psychiatrist that is currently in custody and might have information about a killer at large nicknamed “Buffalo Bill.” The name was given due to the killer’s consistent removal of his victim’s skin. 

Starling goes to a hospital for the criminally insane in Baltimore where Dr. Chilton seems to be toying with Lecter, making the inmate unwilling to give any information. Starling is a small, pretty woman and it becomes apparent that Crawford thinks Lecter will take interest and talk to her. She gets information out of Lecter because one of the other inmates does something nasty to her (watch the movie, it’s gross) and is told to go to a locker. She finds a severed head which Lecter admits he did not do, but suspects that it was done by Buffalo Bill. Another victim is found and Crawford takes Starling along to examine the body. They find a very rare moth in the mouth of the new body which gives them some possible leads.

We see Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine) abduct a new victim who turns out to be the daughter of a US Senator. With this ticking clock aspect, Starling is authorized to offer Lecter a fake deal for information about Buffalo Bill. Lecter instead asks personal questions of Starling (probably the best aspect of the film) and she explains the death of her father and her life on a farm with foster parents. Lecter reveals information that Dr. Chilton records and the warden exposes the ruse offering his own deal so he can get the credit. Lecter is taken to see the Senator in the famous wire face mask and he gives her information about a man named Louis Friend. 

Lecter is moved to a giant bird cage on the 5th floor of a Tennessee courthouse where Starling visits him once more to note that Louis Friend is a trick. To find the real information, Starling reveals why she left the farm house, but is unable to figure out the clues from Lecter. Shortly after she leaves, Lecter is able to escape and does terrible things to his guards (it is a real mess).

Starling does not seem to be worried that Lecter will come after her because she says “it would be rude.” She does go over the notes that Lecter had made and, while reviewing the case file for Buffalo Bill, Starling is able to figure out what the killer is trying to accomplish based on what skin is being cut from the bodies. She calls Crawford to inform him, but he says they were able to trace the purchase of the rare moth to his residence. Starling is relieved and she is assigned to follow up with the families of the previous victims. While investigating the first victim killed, she goes to interview a person that knew the victim.

Here is some spoiler territory so go back now if you haven’t seen the film...

The FBI go to the wrong house and Buffalo Bill moved into the home of the woman that Starling is going to see. She quickly realizes who she is talking to and finds that the victim is still alive and in the house. So begins the most intense house search that pits Starling vs. Buffalo Bill. I won’t say exactly what happens but Starling is able to survive.

The film flashes forward to Starling’s graduation from the FBI Academy when she gets a call at the after party. It is Lecter calling from a pay phone. He offers his congratulations and says that he won’t come after her, but he is shown hanging up and following Dr. Chilton through a crowd outside an airport with his last line being “I am having an old friend for dinner.” 

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Throughout the film, Director Demme uses distance from the actor’s face to show how close they are to making a revelation. There are a couple of moments, especially when Starling and Lecter are talking, where we get a shot/reverse shot in extreme close up. We get closer and closer to the eyes. A clever use of the bullet resistant plexiglass walls to Lecter’s cell allowed for Lecter’s reflection to appear right next to Starling, almost like a thought bubble (exampled in the top picture above). He is literally in her head. 

This is not the type of movie that the Academy generally favors, so it really speaks to the quality of the story and the acting that they did so well. Anthony Hopkins was only on screen for 24 minutes and 5 seconds, the second shortest “lead acting” role to win Best Actor. It was especially interesting since there were many other actors with close to that much time in the same film, yet no other male actor from the film was nominated for Best Actor or Best Supporting Actor. 

There were a couple of laughable moments that involved the amount of police used when attempting to move Hannibal Lecter. They use something like 20 armed guards in half a dozen cars with a SWAT truck in tow. Also, Lecter is strapped to a dolly and shackled with a straight jacket and full head restraint. If he was actually that dangerous, they would have never moved him. But I must admit, it made for a pretty cool show of force. 

Some of the possible slasher aspects of the movie were replaced with good cinematography. There is no “killer eye view” and there are no gratuitous murder shots. The director wants you to understand the killer so as to know what he will do next, not fear his random hatred and be disgusted. In fact, I would say that Hannibal Lecter is the ultimate anti-hero: a serial killer that is a dangerous killer that part of you is rooting for. It is an amazing story telling feat that is complimented by superb acting. 

It is weird to think that Jodie Foster would be able to keep up with Anthony Hopkins (at least I thought it was weird) because he is a seasoned actor and 25 years her senior. She was barely 30 when she filmed the role. Yet, it shouldn’t have been surprising since Foster starting acting at 8-years-old, giving her over 20 years of acting experience by the time she took the role and it was actually her second trophy for Best Actress. Agent Starling was a lovely, youthful spark in a world of dank death and decay. Her name is fitting, then, since a starling is a small, almost shiny bird that seems to be able to survive in just about any environment. 

So does this movie belong on the AFI Top 100? Yes. Although I must admit that there really isn’t anything deeply “American” about this film besides the location. It is still a fabulous film made in the states that Americans can be proud of. It is a quality film in a rarely recognized genre featuring two of the most stand-out acting performances of the last 30 years. Fantastic film. Would I recommend it? Definitely for adults. There were some things that scared me and some things that I did not understand when I first saw it around age 15. If you are not overly sensitive to violence and/or suffering, then I highly encourage experiencing this film...because it is quite the amazing experience.

[thathpheadcanongirl]

Tonks didn’t pine after Remus, okay?

Pic found: https://trustahope.deviantart.com/art/i-waited-for-you-to-speak-88221062

So, I’ve been reading up on a lot of Remadora lately (one of my OTPs) for possible fanfics. And what I can’t stand is when people think that Tonks just pined after Remus like a lost puppy for months after Sirius’s death. No, my dudes, they were much more than that, and I’ll tell you how and why...

(Lots of Remadora Head Canon below)

I don’t believe Remus or any of the Marauders met Tonks when she was a baby (Andromeda and Ted were in hiding for their own safety during the first war, and they were not canonically part of the Order at that time.) Therefore, this made their first meeting pretty mundane, nothing worth mentioning. It was most likely an Order meeting where they first met, and Tonks probably thought Remus looked super bad ass with scars on his face. I see her being into “misfit” type people, so Remus’s appearance peaked her interest. Remus probably thought she was too young to be part of the Order, but was impressed with her morphing ability and how both Moody and Kingsley talk her up as this amazing Auror protégée.

Honestly, I don’t think they’d pair off without a little help from Sirius. Alone and shut up in his old home, Sirius invites people to stay after Order meetings. Remus basically lives there, so Sirius always has at least Remus. Tonks refuses the first few times he’s asked (because just a few months back, she was still hunting him down). She needed time to adjust to him actually being innocent. Eventually, she warms up to him and agrees to stay for a few drinks. This is how Sirius unintentionally brought his friend and his cousin together. Although their personalities were different, Sirius oddly saw how much they had in common. Tonks was a refreshing face to their lives. It’s what Sirius and Remus both needed.

Because Sirius was not allowed to go out on missions, Remus and Tonks would pair up, bonding even more. They’d talk and flirt pretty much the whole of their missions. At this point, she had to have known he was a werewolf. Maybe they didn’t discuss it at length, but she’s a smart cookie. And it wasn’t really a secret either; the Order made him Wolfsbane and Sirius accompanied him in one of the rooms in Grimmauld Place during his transformations. Despite this knowledge, Remus’s condition did not bother Tonks. On the contrary, she found it quite relatable to her ability. She never looked at him any differently or made him feel inferior because he wasn’t all human. In her mind, that was okay.

Remus thought that her view on his condition shouldn’t be treated like a gift. He was dangerous. He was known as werewolf first, human second, if at all. He thought it was odd that she was okay with going on missions with him, and he mentally beat himself up every day for falling for such a beautiful, whole, and talented girl.

In some ways, Sirius and Remus were both jealous of each other when it came to Tonks. When Sirius realized the connection Remus and Tonks shared in and outside their friend group, he started to worry about them leaving him. Just like James and Lily did. If he had it his way, the three of them would remain friends, drinking in his kitchen until the day he’s considered a free man. Tonks cares for Sirius’s wellbeing in that she always makes sure he feels included, even if it means talking up non-existent encounters she and Remus had on their missions or pulling pranks on the older Order members. It brightened his spirits, and made him hopeful, even if it was just for a moment.

Remus was jealous of all the attention Tonks gives Sirius, but he made it seem like he didn’t like when she fed him lies and gave into his fancies. Tonks was just doing her thing; making other feel better was her specialty! She had romantic feelings for Remus, unlike what she felt for Sirius. She didn’t know how to go about telling such a melancholy (and quite selfish) person, so she’d tell him through her actions. And he wasn’t stupid either, he knew what she was doing, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself. Who could ever love something like me? (<- Something Remus would probably say to himself every time he thought he could make a move on Tonks.)

It wasn’t until Remus brought up Sirius did Tonks finally confess her true feelings for him.

“He’s still handsome, isn’t he, even after Azkaban?”

“I suppose you’ve fallen for him then? He always got the women.”

“You’d know perfectly well who I’ve fallen for, if you weren’t too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice!”

After that, he gave into his urges to kiss her and hold her and be with her. I like to think they were together for a big portion of OOTP, where Sirius was still quite jealous of their relationship but did everything to keep it from falling apart. He knew Remus would find a way to sabotage it with just a thought. And there wasn’t much else going on to keep Sirius occupied. What Sirius didn’t know was that Remus and Tonks were actually falling in love. The feeling was new for all involved. Remus broke it off with Tonks (by not telling her directly, of course, and choosing different missions or not showing up for meetings as consistently anymore). And when Sirius asked Tonks where Remus was, she’s always like, “I don’t know, you tell me.” Because he just… vanished for a while.

He came back eventually, and any time Tonks would get near him or try to talk to him, he’d walk away or ignore her. She honest to God it was something she did to hurt him. She wanted to apologize, but she needed to know what she did. The only thing she could think of was maybe he was still jealous of her relationship with Sirius. She tried to catch him after every Order meeting, but he kept avoiding her. She got so fed up with it that she started avoiding him and being the first to leave.

Sirius confronted Remus like a big brother protecting his sister. “Why are you doing this, you prick? She obviously wants to help!”

“I’m falling for her, Pads!” It was the first time he admitted it out loud. Sirius was just as surprised as Remus. “And I can’t help it.”

This sends Sirius back to when James confessed how much he loved Lily, and he had to watch his best mate leave him right before his eyes. (Don’t get me wrong, Sirius loved Lily… he just didn’t want to lose Remus and Tonks the way he lost James and Lily. He wanted to protect them, to make up for not protecting his friends before. And romantic love just makes things complicated, in Sirius’s opinion.) Even though he’d rather help Remus get away from these feelings, Sirius recognized Remus’s anguish and longing. His brotherly duties outweighed his personal agenda (old habits die hard). He couldn’t help but ask through gritted teeth, “Then why aren’t you with her?”

Remus shook his head. “You know I can’t. You, of all people, should be on my side. She deserves someone young and… just look at me! I’m a mess.”

“We’re all a mess in this crazy world. What’s life without a little risk?”

And Sirius pretty much made Remus talk to Tonks about this. She was honestly relieved it was nothing serious, but Remus thought the contrary. They fought about this for a while, probably all night. But they finally came to the consensus that life was too short to worry. Tonks didn’t care about Remus being a werewolf, she knew how to help, and she was a master at concealing things, so the Ministry wouldn’t catch on. I mean, they hadn’t for about a year, so forever shouldn’t be too hard, right?

Just as their relationship started to mend, the Battle of the Department of Mysteries happened. Tonks did get hurt and was knocked out cold by Bellatrix, who probably screamed something about being a traitor and mutt-lover or whatever. And Remus most likely overheard this exchange during battle and was like “Shit.” But then, Sirius went through the veil and everything stopped. Remus’s last friend in the world was gone forever. But he had to stay strong for Harry.

Remus went to St. Mungo’s to check on Tonks, but she still hasn’t woken up yet. He felt very guilty for allowing his feelings for her cloud his judgment. Being with her would never be okay because she would become an outcast, and he would never wish that upon her.

He’s not there when she comes to. She still didn’t know about Sirius’s death when she left the hospital. She had a feeling something was off when not even Remus was by her side. She went to Grimmauld Place, hoping to see the two men drinking a few Butterbeers and comparing battle scars. But she only saw Remus sitting by the fireplace with a Firewhiskey in hand and in tears. She dropped to her knees and held his hand by his side. They needed each other more than ever. They comforted each other for pretty much the entire Summer.

Then, that’s when Remus was like “I can’t do this… not again.” And Tonks pleaded for him to stay. They’ve done so much to heal; why would he just throw that away? But he does (because he’s a little shit who thinks that by steering clear from her, he’d save her from a life with him). He throws himself into recruiting werewolves from the underground, which he knows is basically a suicide mission.

Tonks did not pine. Tonks was grieving the death of her cousin and dealing with a pretty harsh breakup. The only person she felt comfortable talking about this was Molly, but she was zero help. Every time she thought Molly was giving good advice, she’d turn it around to get Tonks to start dating Bill. And Tonks is like “Um, no thanks.” (Not alternative enough, sorry Molly.)

So, this is when Harry sees Tonks all sulky and stuff, completely unaware of what’s actually going on.

Tonks was put on guard duty and she kinda hated it. It’s a lot of waiting for things to happen. And when all she read in the paper were Muggles and Wizards and Magical Creatures killing or being killed, she couldn’t help but worry for Remus’s wellbeing. She had no idea what was going on in his life, and that scared her. It also angered her knowing that the only reason he’s literally throwing himself to the wolves is so he could eventually die and she could live a life without him. She was understandably distracted, therefore did not perform as well in the Auror Department. Because of this, Kingsley gave her a small leave of absence (Maybe Kingsley and Moody thought Tonks being an Auror and going on missions for the Order was too much for her, idk). She spends that time with her family, not wanting to think about what’s happening to Remus.

No one has seen Remus in literal months at this point, but he showed up to an Order meeting right before the kids were to arrive for Christmas break. He most likely failed his mission or something, and having nowhere else to go, he resided at the Burrow. And OH MY GOD, Tonks thought Holy shit! He’s alive! It was a moment of not knowing what to expect. Did he miss her? Did he finally come to his senses and want her back? Did she even want to deal with this shit near the holidays? Just looking at him made her feel exhausted, and the feeling was definitely mutual.

LOTS of tension in the meeting, even Dumbledore felt it and dismissed them early. 11/10 they confronted each other again, and ended the same way: Remus almost letting himself be happy, but taking it away. There were many instances after that in which that happened, and frankly, Tonks was sick of it. And Fleur still wanting to marry Bill after he was attacked by Greyback was the tip of the iceberg for her, and Remus was forced to confront his own feelings for once in his life. But once he did let go, it was like a dam had broken and ALL of his feelings came out at once. It was a bit overwhelming for both of them, but Tonks was there to help him.

So yeah, there was no pining. There was just a lot of frustration, sexual tension, and time passing with no results. And it sucked for everyone involved (Yes, pretty much the whole Order had an opinion). But they made it! Tonks helped Remus mend in a way, and Remus took a while to accept that he loved her. It’s all so tragic and gross and amazing. And then they got married! But that’s a different story…