#not in a bitchy way in a like. i literally questioned if i was aroace the entire time we were dating | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

itsalwaysdark · 1 month ago

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aww its kinda cute finding me complaining abt my dads whole lisa thing from 2017. honestly so overshadowed by everything else and also i was so annoying when i was 12 aw .

#did not realize how many of my journal posts r just vents and it all looks so silly now RJRBJFBFNG aw hun. its so funny that i was #complaining abt my mom treating me like a therapist in 2017. <- his ass did notttt know. its like watching a guy standing on the train #tracks and complaining about a car driving past.#sry . i ended up on quotev just 2 look. ive never actually looked at my like activity feed very much whenever i go back but its funny bc it #rly is a more accurate glimpse into whateve was going on for miss kami (my quotev nickname).... like yasss. you hate your dads girlfriend #and her kids that is a nice problem to have #its also embarassing bc like my ex gf is just all around in here . i made a vent post like I get it im not enough and i dont matter and im #just a tool for you to use 😡😡😡 and she commented “yesss tell the world”. SO FUNNY?#and i found her being excited abt our 5 month anniversary #delightfully 12 year old activity. i do not like her very much at all and idt i ever actualy loved her #not in a bitchy way in a like. i literally questioned if i was aroace the entire time we were dating #she asked me out with a little note passed in class like circle y/n and i literally thought to myself Hm well i guess i dont have anything #going on. and circled yes. which is so funny. hun?#anyways. that all imploded bc we were 11 its whatever.#sigh. its just nice to remember the little problems i had. like obviously all this is after my dad choked me out in public and threw my dog #and etc but its still technically the beforetimes. yk. and ik the zoo isnt rly the most pressing of my things that have happened to me #anymore but its still like. Big. yk. even if i mostly just have to Be fine about it now or else everyone will think im being an awful piec #of shit asshole for still being upset. Ok sorry #also when i call my 12 yesr old self snnoying i mean it in an loving way like. its only right to be kind of annoying when youre 12 yk...#and also 12 year old kamille is Not here rn so i can be a little playfully mean to her. bc shes such a 12 year old #idk i just struggle a lot bc i am so like. far removed from everything that happened atp were on like 4th or 5th generation post that #and i struggle to put myself in That kamilles shoes and remember she was a kid yk. like obviously ik i was a kid ik i didnt deserve that #but when i try to like. put myself back in the situation and try to force myself to remember that exact day (dont do this btw . it does not #go well LOL) but i always like. i try to rebuild the events from the ground up but im not Kamille age 12 im me. witnessing everything #i wont ever be able to remember it How it acrually was i couldnt even fully remember it like a week after the fact yk. itis what itis #sorry i should prolly tag this i rambleddddd #a2t #child abuse #implied but we #animal abuse

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