#everyone i've ever loved has hurt me i'm destined for this

[sovaghoul]

.

[amomentwiser]

"Why don't you spend time with us?" they say, "Keep your phone away at the table."

Parents say they want to talk — until it's about anything real.

They don't want to know about how their plans for your future make you feel.

They don't want to know your fears, hopes or dreams.

The things you're interested in — your favourite music, games and movies;

Or the things you've come to believe.

Sometimes it feels like parents don't want to get to know you as a person. They only see you in relation to themselves.

Or sometimes they do talk about music and games and movies, and it's even worse — because the conversations you want to have are serious.

And it's worse because it becomes very clear, that they don't want to have conversations that matter. That, god forbid, make them feel.

They want to avoid talking about all the times they yelled at you. No apology, no acknowledgement. Just glaze over those parts and pretend everything's normal. Neither guilt nor remorse.

And you're left wondering whether this thing you have a memory of actually happened, because everyone is acting like it didn't. And whether your anger is warranted, because everyone is acting like it isn't.

An unspoken decision: "Yes, we were harsh earlier, but we felt bad and are being nice now"

The implied demand: "...so be grateful,"

The undercurrent of a threat: "...or I'll get angry again."

And a push to move on: "Why do you bear grudges? Leave the past in the past."

All these little clues, that you learn to read in their body language and their eyes and their vibe.

And then they balk when you don't call them. Or jump at the chance to spend time with them — or even have a relationship.

It's weird, loving people you don't like. That you'd never choose of your own volition; that you'd never be friends had you met in the real world. People you're indebted to anyway, because they took care of you your whole life and changed your diapers and drove you to school, and what friend would ever do that?

Had they been overly abusive I would've cut them off without guilt; if I didn't know that despite it all, they really did love me, I wouldn't have cared about hurting their feelings.

Some people... you love them only because they are family. If they were a boyfriend, I would've broken up with them; if they were a spouse I would've divorced them. Alas, they are my parents, and I'm destined to love them. To give up a kidney for them if need be, but not any days out of my workweek.

I don't have these conversations with my family because I've come to realise that this is something they're not emotionally equipped to handle. Too much self-awareness would bring out memories not only of the mistakes they made with me, but also all the times adults in their childhood failed them; of all the ways they themselves were wronged; all the years they wasted because of choices they didn't know they had; and all the things they wish they'd done differently. So I understand; the flood of anger and regrets it brings to the surface must be draining.

But that also means that I'll distance myself from them, because for me, their misunderstood love is draining. And because this has to stop somewhere; someone has to start choosing differently — and I've decided it'll be me.

[kasagia]

Bring me a dream pt. 1

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/general Kirigan x fem! sun summoner! reader Summary: Everyone has their soulmate—someone they are meant for. This was due to Sankta Maradaia, who decided to connect two souls destined for each other during their sleep to show them their other half, Sankta also sent them a tattoo of their loved one name, so that souls thirsting for each other can finally be united. Aleksander never had even one, short dream about his soulmate. Just a tattoo that has taunted him for ages. The Darkling believes this is his punishment for creating the fold, another privilege of being condemned. To never know his soulmate. But one day, a dream about a sun summoner comes to him. Someone equal to him. Someone meant for him. And he promises himself to find you at all costs. Not just because of your powers. Nonsense from me: This is an request from @morrigan-crowmwell I hope you like it! 💙🖤 P.S. I know it took me soooo looong again and I'm so sorry. I'm trying to fight my writer's block. 😅 I used a quote from Taylor Swift's Blank Space. Inspired by the song Mr. Sandman - SYML Wairning(s): mentions of blood, abuse, fighting, violence Word count: 6,7k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @morrigan-crowmwell ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

I've been waiting a long time to meet you in my dreams…

"My soulmate is great! I've seen her fight with a REAL sword! Can you imagine that, guys?! My father still teaches me on that wooden. Ugh! I envy her so much."

"Mine swims faster than either of you! Of course, he's not as good as me, but I've seen him shoot a bow. What I'd give to join him on a hunt!"

"And you, sahdow-boy? You sit more quietly than usual, don't be shy! Show off what she or he is like."

Aleksander tensed up, feeling the other boys' eyes on him. The young shadow summoner felt a blush of shame appear on his face. He hated such conversations. He already couldn't fit in with a group of other kids, and he was constantly reminded that he was different. Weirdo. Proteus.

"I… I haven't dreamed of her yet. But I know her name!" he tried to reply in a tone of voice that mimicked their enthusiasm. He couldn't show them that he was weak. That the fact that he had never seen his soulmate before hurt him. That he was a changeling again.

"My father also started dreaming about my mother late. Maybe she just wasn't born yet?" his only friend put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. He thanked the saints for Ivan. He was a light in his darkness for now. And heartrender wasn't talking about his shadows at all...

"Did you hear, guys?! Shadow-boy will be dating a baby!"

Aleksander was furious. He felt anger rise up in him as the other children laughed at his soulmate. Without knowing when, he summoned his shadows and plunged the clearing into darkness, stopping the laughter of the other children.

"Hey, take it easy, shadow-weirdo! We're just kidding!"

"The freak, as usual, can't control himself."

Voices came out of the darkness, and the footsteps of children receding were all Aleksander could hear before he was alone with his shadows again.

Even Ivan's hand disappeared from his shoulder as shadows blanketed the area.

He was utterly alone. And he hated it.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, smiling.

18 birthday. Your big day.

You adjusted the necklace your grandmother had given you around your neck, proudly displaying the amulet with your birthstone. Your mother's earrings hang proudly from your ears. Nostalgia is starting to get to you. You so wish she were here.

"I've lived in this world for so long that, for ages, I've felt that time moves infuriatingly slowly. But ever since you came into the world, I've felt it slip through my fingers. You've grown up so fast... you look like your mother." the woman sighs as she stands behind you in the mirror and looks at you tenderly, fixing your braid.

"I wish a madraya was here." you say sad. Grandma puts a hand on your shoulder and turns you around to look her in the eye.

"She is here, my sun. In our hearts and memories. As long as you can picture her before your eyes, she will always be with you. Watching you from heaven." you both stand in silence, remembering your recently deceased mother.

"I have something for you." the woman speaks as she pulls a beautiful gold bracelet engraved with your family symbol from her sleeve.

"Oh, grandma, you didn't have to… it's beautiful."

"And practical. Materialnik made it specially for me. Thanks to this, no one will see THAT on your wrist."

"Why should I hide it?" you ask, confused, when she helps you fasten the bracelet on your wrist where was your soulmate's name on it.

"I want you to be careful."

"Careful of what?"

"Powerful men." she replies seriously, stroking your cheek tenderly. "There is nothing worse in the world than the greed of men. Than their excessive ambition. We are the sun summoners, honey. You are my blood, my pride, and my only solace in this world. The love of men is fatal. You don't need it, and trust me, you don't want it. Promise me for your dead mother and my daughter..." your grandmother grabbed your wrist, turning it so you both could see that the black ink, that showed up this morning, disappeared. Aleksander Morozova. "Do not seek him. Avoid him. Treat him like the plague. Do not repeat the fate of your poor mother. I couldn't stand losing you because of another man's lust for power."

"I promise you, babushka. I will not share my mother's fate." you promise with tears in your eyes. Your mother trusted the wrong person... you were not going to repeat her fate.

"And you will always wear a bracelet and necklace from me?"

"Yes. I promise." you solemnly promise, while looking into her eyes. You two were one of a kind. Summoners of the sun. Long-lived. Powerful. You have to stick together if you want to survive in this cruel for Grishas world. "Can I go now and enjoy the summer solstice festival?"

"Yes. Have fun, sunshine. And return home no more than two hours after dark!" she screams after you as you run to get some freedom... to forget who you are for a while.

"That boy keeps staring at you!" your friend shouts through the crowd of people having fun and nods her head at the boy by the fire.

You glanced at the side she indicated. She is right. A handsome brunette with dark eyes looks straight at you. He looks away when he sees you noticing him and pretends to be talking to the boy next to him. You roll your eyes at your friend's behaviour and continue drinking your beer.

"And what do you think I'm supposed to do about it?"

"Go and have fun!" she says, offended that you don't know. "I've known you since you came here. You haven't had a single boyfriend, you're shooing all the suitors away. You're 18. Go and flirt with him, or I'll take care of this handsome one."

You are laughing at her words. You look at the boy again, and you can't deny that you feel a strange pull… a bond that wants you to come to him. But you don't listen to it.

"So take him. I'm going home," you say as night falls completely. The flame of the torch and bonfire is the only source of light.

"Really? Will you waste an opportunity like this?" you just laugh with a shrug at her words and make your way to the path through the woods leading to your house, pushing your way through the crowd of people.

You leave the clearing where the festival is taking place and enter the forest. You sigh with relief to be alone, away from people's voices. You walk confidently into the darkness without being afraid of it as you watch the stars above you.

You are walking down a familiar path when suddenly you hear the crunch of leaves and branches behind you. You turn slowly with your hand close to the hidden dagger at your hip.

You see in front of you the same boy who was staring at you by the fire. You watch him warily, waiting for his move.

He takes one slow step towards you, his dark eyes never leaving yours. Without knowing why, you stare spellbound into his eyes again, unable to utter a word. It's only when he crosses halfway between you that common sense returns to you and you raise a dagger in his direction.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt you." he says, stopping and staring at the blade glistening in the moonlight. "Of course, only if you don't hurt me either."

"Why are you following me?" you ask without lowering your weapon, still holding it as a warning between you two.

He frowns, looking from the dagger to you. "I have no bad intentions. I saw you going this way and this forest… is not the safest place."

"I know. Nowhere is safe." you reply coldly, eyeing him carefully. "Which doesn't answer my question. Why did you follow me in here?"

"I wanted to make sure you made it through safely." you snort, amused, not for a moment believing the stranger's concern for you. He stays where he is, not moving for a moment, undaunted by your reaction. If anything, curiosity only grows in his eyes. "You haven't experienced much kindness from others, have you?"

"I'm not going to answer a stranger's question like that. You do not know anything about me."

"I can see you're too distrustful, and if the lack of trembling in your dagger hand tells me something, it is that you've threatened someone more than once."

"That's right… shouldn't you run as far away from me as possible, then?" you ask, raising an eyebrow at him as you watch his impassive reaction…but you certainly didn't expect him to raise the corners of his… pretty mouth in response.

"I'd rather walk you out and make sure you're okay... or anyone who dares stand in your way." you bite your lip, holding back a smile so you don't react to his teasing.

"I doubt you'd be able to do anything."

"I'm tougher than you think." he says, answering your challenge with a mischievous smirk. The sparkles in his dark eyes shine in the moonlight… and you involuntarily agree with your friend. He was handsome… and dangerous.

"I don't need a man to play my prince on a white horse. I can be my own knight."

"Well, if you want my opinion…" you cut him off before he could finish.

"No, thank you. I have my own." he laughs at your words, shaking his head in amusement as he licks his lips.

He stares at you intensely, and you know that if you were anyone else, you would have pounced on him by the campfire. But you were a sun summoner. You couldn't trust someone like that. Even if you wanted to...

"Very well then... but, I'd feel better walking you through the woods at least. May I?" he asks, extending his hand towards you. "Or are you too afraid that you will enjoy my company?"

You snort, placing your hand in the crook of his arm. You could have let him. Clearly, he has had no ill intentions so far. You glare at him defiantly as you see a spark of amusement in his eyes and a wild smile on his lips.

"What?" you ask dryly.

"Nothing. I just thought you couldn't look prettier… you seem to glow even more when you prove people wrong."

"I'm too smart to be seduced by you." you warn him, looking at him carefully as he tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. You feel your cheeks blush slightly.

"Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to you?" he asks, whispering, staring into your eyes.

You're drowning in the moment. His smell, the depth of his dark eyes… and without knowing why, the feeling is… actually the opposite of what you felt when others tried to flirt with you.

"Careful... you've stared into my eyes for too long to say you don't care." he says, sparks of malice appearing in his eyes. You snort and are about to respond to his taunt when his expression suddenly cools and he pulls you into his chest.

You're about to yell at him and attack him when suddenly an arrow flies right over where you used to stand. You recognise its distinctive arrowhead. "Drüskelle." you whisper.

You don't waste time. You back away from him and grab your daggers. You can't show the world what power you wield, so you limit yourself to melee combat. You're also not sure if your companion is Grisha.

You kill the first of them, and next to you, you hear the sounds of your companion's fight. He's doing fine. You deal with most of the Drüskelle pretty quickly when suddenly one of them comes up behind you. Before you can engage, your companion pulls you back to his chest. You see nothing. He makes sure of it when you hear Drüskelle's desperate cry from behind you, who wanted to kill you as well as the others who managed to stay alive. Suddenly it's quiet again... but it's darker around you than before.

You gently pull away from him as he releases his strong grip on your hair. You look around, seeing Drüskelle's bodies as if they were… cut.

"I… how?" you ask, dumbfounded, not believing what you see. You turn your gaze back to him. "Are you a Grisha? Heartrender maybe?"

"It's... a little more complicated." he says, looking down at your hands and bloody daggers.

"I'm guessing you're not a Grisha, then?"

"It's a little more complicated." you say, repeating his words. He looks up and stares into your eyes again. Without knowing why, you both giggle. "I... thank you. I wouldn't handle them all alone."

"No problem." He says, still staring at you. Without knowing why, you lean towards him.

You swallow, smelling his scent again, involuntarily remembering the warmth and safety his arms gave you. You shouldn't feel that way about a stranger. And yet...

"I… I should probably go now."

"Me too." he whispers back, but you're both too hypnotised to move. Not thinking much about the bodies around you or the blood on your clothes.

For some strange reason, the eyes of the other and this closeness seem much more interesting to you both than the world around you.

He leans towards you too. A short distance separates you as you both stare at each other in silent anticipation and excitement. However, that moment is effectively cut short as you hear another movement around you.

You both draw your daggers and aim at where you heard the movement. There is a woman behind you. Her dark eyes are remarkably similar to those of your companion. You are surprised to see how his irises have already been etched into your memory.

"You find yourself a friend?" the woman asks him mockingly, staring at the two of you.

"I'm going, mother." he says, obviously waiting for her to leave. But she stands there, watching you curiously. He sighs in annoyance and turns to you. "See you soon." he whispers, placing his dagger in your hand.

You shiver at the skin of his hand on yours as unimaginable power rushes through you. But that's not what keeps you staring at him speechless… and you think you both know it as he gives you a wistful, longing look before turning away.

You can only stay there and stare at the receding silhouettes of the two of them. Then you are all alone again. You turn around and continue on your way home. With a small smile, you tighten your hand around the black dagger.

You were coming home to your grandmother. It was winter, and it was getting harder and harder to drive through the snow from town to your house. But someone had to do the shopping.

As you walked, you heard the sounds of a struggle. Interested, you veered off the path to the house and walked slowly through the snow, trying not to alert anyone to your presence.

You froze as you saw a group of teenagers fighting the same boy who gave you the dagger and helped kill Drüskelle.

The rational part of you told you to get out of there and not deal with this stranger. And you almost did, but then you saw one of the girls stab him in the back and shove him into the ice hole.

You threw the wicker basket with your groceries in the snow and ran towards them. You used your light and stunned them all into unconsciousness. Not enough to kill them, but enough to make their heads hurt for days and some of them lose their eyesight.

With your light, you melted the ice in the river and pulled the mysterious boy out of it by his shoulders.

You held him close as he coughed, spitting water into the snow. You only let him go when he's back to normal.

"Do you attract trouble, or do you just like getting into it?" you ask him with a laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere. You take off his soaked coat and cover him with one of yours.

"Both, I'm guessing." he says, still shivering. You don't know if it's from the cold or from the attack.

"Get up. We need to keep you warm." you speak and help him stand on two legs.

If he notices the bodies of his unconscious tormentors, he decides not to say anything or ask how you did it. You pick up the basket you dropped earlier and guide both of you to your house.

Surprisingly, he doesn't protest when you enter the house, and luckily for you, your grandmother hasn't come back yet.

"Stay here for a while. I'll go get some dry clothes for you." I speak as I disappear into the other room for a moment.

"How did you overpower them?" you hear his question. You swallow and try to think of an answer as you walk back to the main room.

"It's... complicated." you reply, handing him the clothes. "You can go there and change. I'll put some water on for tea."

He nods and takes the clothes from you. He wants to say something, but instead he sighs and goes to the next room.

You place the kettle over the hearth and wait for the water to boil for tea for the two of you.

"Do you often save people from trouble?" he asks jokingly as he joins you. You smile when you see that he's feeling a little better. He still has a red nose, though. And you're pretty sure if you took his hand, he'd be icy.

"Selected only. Feel honoured." you snort, amused. His laugh makes you shiver. A strange warmth begins to spread from your chest.

"I am." he replies, looking deep into your eyes. He leans closer to you, examining you intently, searching for any reaction from me that would indicate that you are uncomfortable with him.

He finds nothing.

So he leans in a little more. Your noses brush against each other as he waits, giving you the option to either kiss him or pull away from him.

You feel your heart beating fast... you know that if he was a heartrender he would have leaned forward and kissed you a long time ago. You also know you should back off, he was a stranger, a man, you shouldn't trust him.

But after the look he gives you and a glance at his enticing pink lips, you lean forward and press your lips uncertainly to his.

His cold lips warmed up.

You close your eyes as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer with one hand on your waist and the other in your hair. You sigh, feeling how wonderful it feels, how proper it is to kiss him even though you don't even know his name. What's undeniable, however, is how great you feel around him.

But you feel something else… like an unimaginable amount of power flows into you with his touch. How your light calls for release. And for a moment, you feel like you're going to lose control if you keep kissing him.

Fortunately, before you stupidly reveal your powers, you pull away from each other, startled by the sound of a whistling kettle.

You both laugh, resting your foreheads against each other. You eventually pull away from him, take the kettle off the hearth, and shift your gaze to it. He's warmer from your kiss than from the fire.

You shift your gaze towards him. And experimentally, you take his hands in yours. You feel the surge of power buzzing through your veins again. Your gaze returns from his warming hands in yours to his irises, and you get lost in his dark eyes again.

"You... are the amplifier." you whisper as you look at him. "That's why they wanted to kill you... they wanted your bones."

He swallows, moves his gaze from your eyes to your joined hands. He doesn't take them out of your warm embrace as he nods, trembling without looking at your face.

"What are you going to do about it?" he asks, realizing full well that you must be Grisha to sense his ability.

The very idea that you, the only person who has shown him any kindness (not knowing him at all) will suddenly want to hurt him after what happened between you two a moment ago makes him sick.

But Aleksander has been through it more than once. Last an hour ago. Despite everything, he still holds a strong grip on your hands, trembling unconsciously.

Your response is to pull him close to you in a tender embrace.

"You're safe." you say simply, and from the way he holds his breath before burying his head in your neck after a few seconds of complete shock, you know that you must be the first person in a very long time to show him such affection.

And you're realizing that you don't need to know his name to know that it's good to hold him in your arms.

And Aleksander feels warm for the first time in a long time. He feels like he's holding the sun. But the most striking thought for him is that he is no longer alone...

"Is that all, General?" Ivan's question pulled Aleksander out of his thoughts. He stopped stroking the tattoo with his soulmate's name hidden under his kefta and glanced at the heartrender.

"Yes, you can go." he sighs, shifting in his chair and rubbing his eyes with his hand.

Ivan looks like he wants to say something but changes his mind at the last moment and leaves the war room, closing the door softly behind him.

Aleksander sighed, staring at the map in front of him. The king was going to bring down Ravka. Only his Grishas were able to hold Ravka's borders. He shuddered, thinking of all the good soldiers the Fjerdans, Drüskelle and others had taken from him. He felt powerless. And if he knew anything in his centuries-old life, it was that he hated that feeling.

He ran a hand through his hair, glancing at his watch on the wall. It was long after midnight. He sighed as he got up from his chair and walked towards his bedroom. He won't help his army if he's barely conscious. He took off his kefta and pushed the books to one side of the bed. He lay down in the free space and fell asleep as soon as his head rested on the pillow.

Something was different… otherwise, Aleksander could sense it the moment his dream began.

There was a strange feeling in his bones; his heart was beating much faster, excited, as if it couldn't wait for what was about to happen.

He was alone again in the deep black shadows. He took a step, and suddenly the shadows parted. He looked up and gasped as he saw a figure in a black-golden kefta in the distance.

He'd had that dream many times before… especially when he was a little boy. That he was irretrievably lost in the darkness.

He had never met anyone in the depths of his shadows before. He took another hesitant step towards the mysterious figure, not taking his eyes off it, afraid that it would disappear at any moment.

But it's not.

A figure in a gold-black kefta stood with its back to him.

Aleksander is afraid. He's afraid that it's just another trick of his mind, that as soon as he utters the name that has haunted him both asleep and awake for hundreds of years, you'll disappear, leaving him utterly alone in the darkness of his shadows again.

But Aleksander had been patient enough for a long time... maybe he could finally give in to what he most wanted, what he missed most, what he craved for like a foolish boy.

He came over to you. Hesitantly and slowly. As if he could spook you at any moment. He raised his hand, but instead of touching your arm, he met air as you took a step away from him and slowly turned to face him.

He held his breath in anticipation, waiting for you to pull down your gold-black hood to reveal your face to him. He watched in fascination as golden threads of light slowly began to flow from your hands.

He had been accustomed to the darkness for centuries. But he couldn't take his eyes off you as your threads of light slowly grew stronger. He watched in utter awe as your light changed from gold to pure white after dispelling the shadows around you two.

His eyes widened as your hood fell back to reveal your familiar, beautiful face. He sighed, letting out a long-held, shaky breath.

And when you took his hand, which he still held out to you, and ran your thumb over his palm? He completely lost himself in your irises, feeling your light grow stronger through its amplifying powers, enclosing the two of you in a silver and gold orb.

But before he gets a chance to reach out to you and caress your cheek tenderly, to feel again that warmth he always felt from you and which turned out to be your light, you suddenly disappear. And with you, your warm light.

His cold shadows enveloped him again…

He wakes up and finds himself in his bed, in his chambers. But for the first time in a long time, instead of being disappointed that he didn't dream of his soul mate this time, he's relieved. And happiness. Excitement. And something he's clung to so desperately all these centuries, much to his mother's taunt... he feels hope.

He doesn't know what has changed. Why suddenly did the saints decide to reveal your face to him after you had met so many centuries ago? For a moment, the bitter thought crosses his mind that he could have had you by his side much sooner. That together you could carry the weight of eternity... but he shakes his head.

He had a chance to implement all his plans now... and to meet his soulmate, whom he had missed for so many centuries. All he had to do was track you down.

And he's not going to lose.

"I'll find you... moya solnishko." he whispers to himself, fondly stroking the tattoo on his wrist. "And when I do, I'll make sure you'll never hide from me again." he promises, placing his lips on the tattoo on his wrist.

He would do anything to finally have someone to call his own…

"I was hoping to find you here." Aleksander turns around in surprise when he sees you standing behind him.

"How did you know?" he asks, putting the book back on the shelf. You see the title out of the corner of your eye.

The Lives of Saints

"I know many things." you say, leaning against the shelf. "But honestly? I didn't take you for someone who prays to saints. Or maybe your ego and ambition are so big that you want to become one of them?" you say teasingly, smirking at him. He rolls his eyes and takes your hand, leading you out of the library. You let him lead the two of you into the woods.

"You must have wanted something if you took your precious time to find me." he starts when you both walk a familiar path. This is where your strange "friendship" began, if you could call those stolen moments, kisses, and nights between you two like that… how poetic that it will end here as well.

"I am leaving." you speak briefly without looking at him.

You feel him tense up. It was probably not the answer he ever expected. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him swallow.

He clears his throat, trying to look composed. However, his dark eyes, as always, reveal his true feelings to you. You wonder if you're the only one who can read him like that. "Why?" he whispers.

"Apparently my warning was… not strong enough. One of the people who tried to kill you complained to my grandmother. I have to leave."

"I can talk to her…"

"No!" you cut him off quickly, letting go of his hand and standing in front of him. The last thing you need is his intercession with your grandmother. "I know you mean well, but it's the final decision."

"I see." he says coldly, looking away from you. "Is there anything else you wanted?"

"Yes." you say, pulling his dagger out of your sleeve, handing it to him. "I wanted to give it back to you."

"It's a gift. I'm not in the habit of taking back what I've given someone." he snorts, offended, at which you giggle, amused. He turns his gaze back to you, raising an eyebrow.

"I knew you'd say something like that. That's why…" you pull out a second, identical dagger to the one he gave you. The only difference is that the dagger's handle is decorated with a sun… an eclipsed sun. "I did it." you say, handing it to him.

He takes the dagger from you and examines the engraving. "Why it?" he asks curiously. "Why the eclipsed sun?" his gaze is burning, inquisitive. You know there's no turning back now. You take a step back, his dark irises following your every move.

You shrug. "Guess, shadow summoner."

He stares at you in shock. A thought… a ridiculous and beautiful thought crosses his mind. He knows there's no point in chasing after you. You'll run away from him anyway. But he can't help but scream after your receding silhouette. "What's your name?!"

You're smiling. But you don't turn around to look at him one last time, to steal one last look at his dark, piercing eyes, to get one more moment... Instead, you scream over your shoulder: "Call me sunshine!"

You disappear from his sight. Deep down, you know you'll meet again… But you weren't going to share your mother's fate… even for such mesmerising, dark eyes as his.

After hundreds of years, you've become accustomed to dreamless sleep.

It was your conscious choice. A promise to grandma, mother, and you. You didn't pray to the saints to bring you a dream about your soulmate. You didn't want him... even though his name on your wrist, hidden by your grandmother's bracelet, had tormented you for hundreds of years.

That's why, when your first dream started, you knew it was something bad. You knew your grandmother's necklace had somehow fallen off your neck. And so, you were dreaming. You dreamed about him... and he probably dreamed about you.

You galloped on a horse. It was early morning. The clearing where you galloped was shrouded in mist. The cool wind hit your skin, and your cloak billowed behind you as you tried to lose the black rider following you.

People usually run to their soulmates. They wanted to meet them at all costs. Not you. But the saints have never been merciful to you… maybe because you never prayed to any of them.

Or have they stopped letting you prolong the inevitable.

That's why the black rider soon caught up with you. He rode by your side for a moment, then shot forward. You knew he was trying to block your way, so you sped up and managed to catch up with him for a moment. You rode side by side for a while, but you didn't dare look and atface.

But your wishes no longer mattered.

He sped up ahead of you and stepped sideways, causing your horse to stop and stand on two legs. You held on tight to keep from falling. It wasn't until your horse had calmed down and stood on all four hooves that you loosened your grip on the reins.

"Moya solnishka..." his whisper made you shiver. You lifted your head and looked into those familiar, damned dark eyes that were the cause of all your troubles.

You sat still as he rode his horse closer to yours so he could touch your cheek with his hand. His thumb caressed your skin gently. "I've been waiting a long time for you."

You shivered, hypnotised, as you watched him lean closer to you. A familiar warmth spread through your body as you felt him amplify your powers. But his lips were too close for you to notice anything else than him; his touch and dark eyes, which were looking only at you...

You wake up suddenly. Your hand goes to your neck. Panicked, you discover that your grandmother's necklace is not there… you must have lost it in a fold.

"Fuck." you whisper, running your hand through your hair. The only defence against dreaming about your soul mate is gone. And now he knew who you really were... just as your fears were confirmed.

He was your soulmate. General Kirigan, Darkling, Black Heretic, the boy who was your first kiss hundreds of years ago…

The monster who created the fold…

And as it turned out… Aleksander Morozova.

You look around the room, realizing you're in a tent. And the red keftats of bustling healers confirm your worst fears.

During your journey through the fold, the ship was attacked by volcra. And you, obviously not wanting to die or let other people die, decided to use your power. You've done it hundreds of times before. Only much more discreetly… and you've never fainted from using so much of your power.

Your grandmother must be cursing you from the grave. She warned you a thousand times not to go near Ravka or the fold… and even after her death, you didn't listen to her. Now you have to sneak out of here somehow before word about the sun summoner spreads around the world. Hundreds of years of hiding will be wasted just because you weren't careful enough…

He was excited. He couldn't stand still.

His soulmate, his sun summoner, the solution to all his problems, his little sunshine was here.

He had been waiting for this moment for centuries. He had imagined it thousands of times. However, he never thought that his soulmate would be brought to him by his heartrender after they captured her after rescuing a ship full of people from the fold.

He dismisses everyone from the tent. Only he and she remain.

"It's been a long time, solnishko." he speaks softly. He is prepared for her silence and gives her a moment to process the situation. But he hoped to see a little more enthusiasm from her...

So he takes the time to look at her. On noting all the changes he might notice in her… her cool, indifferent look in those eyes that captivated him so much is one of the worst changes.

He clears his throat. You are still silent. You still ignore him. And Aleksander can't stand it.

"I had an interesting dream recently…" he begins, but you don't pick up on it. You don't really take your eyes off the floor… he's starting to get annoyed.

"You won't look at me?" he asks, waiting for your reaction. However, he finds nothing. Just a blank stare at the symbol he has chosen over the course of several hundred years. Eclipsed sun.

"You won't even comment on that? What a pity. I've always liked your sharp tongue." he says, taking a step towards you. You watched him carefully. He's a little triumphant to see that he's managed to catch your eye. Saints… he missed those damn eyes. "The cat stole your tongue? Or did they finally cut your tongue out for your insolence?"

"I thought you liked my sharp tongue." you snort sarcastically, avoiding his gaze as you realize he won't come any closer.

"She can talk!" he says, clapping his hands. "I was afraid something had happened to you, sunshine." you flinch at his words.

"Don't call me like that." you growl angrily, turning your stern gaze on him.

"You told me to call you that yourself. Don't you remember?"

"And now I take away your right to do so, Black Heretic. Or maybe you prefer a Starless Saint? I think I remember that you wanted to become one; what a pity people didn't even try to remember your name." you taunt him, and for a moment you see that he is offended, even hurt by your words, but his eyes quickly become blank, unmoved by your words.

As if he had heard them hundreds of times before and gotten used to them…

"I don't remember you being so… hostile to me before. What has changed?" he asks instead, watching you carefully and looking for answers in your eyes. But after all these years, you too know how to hide your emotions behind a stony mask of cold indifference.

"Maybe you didn't know me at all?" the question hangs between you for a while. You see for a moment that he hesitates with his answer, but his indecision is quickly replaced by a mocking, derisive smirk.

"When I heard about the mysterious Grisha, who can summon light and was stupid enough to throw herself into battle against hundreds of volcra, I immediately thought of you. And guess what…"

"At least one of the two of us should be concerned about Grishas' welfare. Why am I not surprised it's me and only me?" you see him clench his fists in rage when you insinuate that he's selfish, that he doesn't care about his people.

"Or maybe you don't know me at all?"

"I know men like you."

"There are no men like me. There are no others like us. And there will never be. I thought you had enough time to accept and understand it." he says bitterly, staring at you, disappointed. "Anyway, I have to go through the formalities. Your sleeve, please."

You stand still, too stubborn and angry to cooperate with him. He snorts, expecting your reaction, and takes two steps over the distance between you. You lift your head slightly, giving him a defiant look. He just gives you that irritating, confident smirk and grabs your hand gently, rolling up your sleeve himself. His dark eyes never leave yours. Even when his ring pierces the skin of your forearm.

You're so intent on each other that there might as well not have been that beam of light between you that shot the moment he made a small cut on your arm. It's just you and him. And from the unreadable smirk on his face, you might as well expect anything.

If you used to do it easily, now you can't read his eyes anymore. A skill he had to acquire over time. Hiding true emotions.

You both have changed. Each in its own way. He was no longer the nameless boy you met. And you weren't the mystery girl he used to know. He became the darkness he so often summoned... and you became the light you were meant to carry. If you once had anything in common, now you are completely strangers. Time heals wounds... or deepens them, but it always and undeniably changes people.

But neither of you could deny the connection between you. Even after all this time and even after what happened. It was a bound that was pulling you both towards each other…

"You and I are going to change the world, Y/N." you shivered hearing your real name for the first time come out of his mouth as lightly as if he had always called you that. Like he's always known you by that name deep in his heart.

Even if you didn't agree with him, you have to admit that he was right...

It's gonna be forver or it's gonna go down in flames...

[mod2amaryllis]

i hope this isn't rude or weird bc i genuinely mean it in a complimentary manner, but growing up i was always so scared of pregnancy as it was treated as something inevitable for me and what i was destined to do. my life was already tied and anchored to something that would grow inside me and who i was didn't matter. and while those feelings of fear still remain in me as a nonbinary adult and i know it won't be a path for me, seeing you post about your pregnancy (your toaster strudel comic made me bark out a laugh) is showing such a loving, casual touch to it i haven't ever really encountered. from one nonbinary person to another, thank you for sharing your pregnancy journey with us and making it so personable. like, you're still you. and you'll still be you after your baby is here

from all my years of following you and the personality you've shown to us, you're going to be an amazing parent, mod. (also i hope your kid gets into fish husbandry too!! start em young!!!)

this almost made me cry, not rude at all it's super flattering n touching n thank you. they WILL be a fish freak. 🫡

I'm struggling not to be "weird" back atcha because I've put a lot of thought into all of this. as in it's all i think about. lol. the truth is I'm just insanely lucky to be surrounded by people who haven't reduced me to an incubator, even though the world has certainly tried! in fact i haven't had much pressure to be anything in particular. which has made me, at 31, just be myself. and myself wanted to be pregnant. it's made this whole experience really fun.

but even though I'm bada baba loving it what i push against at every chance is the notion that this is INHERENTLY fun. or necessary. or magical. or inevitable for someone with our parts. it's just like. an option. i have mad respect for your fears. and for everyone's right to not enjoy this shit, whether they go through pregnancy or not. and maaad annoyance (burning, seething , hateful annoyance) at the "destiny" aspect that's always been attached to it.

it comes back to body neutrality for me. like.. I'm certainly not a sacred vessel. I'm a brain and a body going through something biologically normal. I've even been surprised to find so much comfort in the biology of it, cuz it progresses regardless of societal expectation; it's my physical experience alone. my perception, my sensations, all very insular. so if i think there's a funny little wojack in there busting it down sensitive style whose greatest joy is making my back and hips hurt so so so so so so so so bad then that's exactly what's happening.

[bredforloyalty]

alright now that i've watched it again, about fear no mort: how fascinating that most of morty's fear hole journey revolved around rick, so much so that an extended part of it was just a scenario in which rick's dead wife climbs to the top of his list of favorite people/reasons to live for and not only does he abandon morty but endangers the both of them. wild! morty third wheeling grumpily is wild (although i don't at all care about diane so that part of the episode was kind of soiled on first watch by me going "oh ://".. to be entirely honest. and i'm so mortypilled that if i could tweak the episode i would've put less grandpa in it lol and played it a bit more straight with focusing on morty but then again that's me and that would be a very different episode)

so, morty's afraid of rick not choosing him but also not choosing life, he's afraid of not being able to save rick and be someone he can depend on. it's an awful lot to take on, being the companion of someone who historically has not given much of a shit about himself and ended up hurting everyone around him with his callousness. it's a certain kind of selfishness, when you hate yourself and the world enough to turn inward and forget you have a responsibility to the people around you, and you forget there is a way out and forget the world does not abandon you, ever, only you can abandon yourself. and rick's only recently made some changes, it's a lot to look out for and care for someone (regardless if you intend to care or it was never a choice. and it wasn't) when they've been exceptionally cruel to you, when they don't think of you as capable of that or themselves as in need of that. morty's afraid of the very fact that he's committed, that he's got a mixture of affection and resentment and fear and a bunch of other things swirling inside him and it's all related to one man. he's terrified of what will happen if rick ever starts needing him and he's just not enough. fuck i loved that and thought it was delicious. eating the episode like an animal and licking all ten of my fingers after...

morty's also afraid of becoming his dad, who spent the majority of the previous seasons as a kind of doormat, who let his wife and father-in-law walk all over him, who didn't appreciate beth, who abandoned the family. maybeee even.. who didn't stick up for morty when a certain old man was taking advantage of him and breaking him down systematically. he fears humiliation and ostracism (typical teenage things, i was like that too and yet. not everyone is like that so it matters to me that i was very much like that too).. he's got so much shame, and although the settings are the school and the wider public for some of the fears, rick's role isn't exactly incidental in how morty functions outside of their relationship and who he's become. who has made him feel small and weak and stupid and who isolated him and prevented him from having the normal experiences all those other normal kids have? like sure it's not all rick but considering that by the end the fear is all about him, i feel like i can emphasize this. and sure rick's also the one who toughened him up (nothing scares him anymore, the school had to alert homeland security once, etc) but that's part of his fear too: rick's got his handprints all over him, he's everything, while rick's everything is not morty ((according to morty of course. little does he know.......))

anyway, the tragedy is that his worst fear does become reality, is his reality: rick didn't jump in after him. it's tragic because he perceives rick as someone who would never go as far for him as he would for rick, who could replace him, and by the end he accepts that. the fear is gone because being together is inevitable, there's nothing else to do but accept how they are and how vulnerable he is to rick. don't fear what you're destined to suffer!!! he's a loyal little dog! rick will never change and he's okay with that now. that's devotion, it's veiled by sci-fi bullshit and goofy jokes (and that terrible naked rap number that had me cringing uncontrollably hxsgvy) but it's devotion! except, to add to the tragedy while not really making it,, heavier, it's straight up untrue that rick could or would replace him. not jumping in the fear hole wasn't real evidence of how he feels, to morty it was just a representation of what he thinks is the worst of their relationship (the worst for him). we've been watching rick try and try and seeing the evidence of how he's changed all season, i think that makes it sadder that he's still not reassured the kid, that he still can't be honest or open enough to untangle the knot at the center of morty. that he tied

and yet, if i wasn't already reassured that rick's also committed, if not to morty personally then to the family and to making a continuous effort to improve, i would be reasured by how he didn't jump in at the end and instead took a picture of his grandson out of his wallet and pinned it to the 'went in the hole' board (lol). he had a picture in his wallet, god. he finally listened, he listened to morty who said it's not worth it, not even if diane is there, he chose not to immerse himself in his fears, his past and his wounds, and i would even say he chose not to go where morty couldn't follow. he chose his current reality and admitted morty is braver than him by pinning the picture, he wasn't condescending about morty running and jumping by himself. and most importantly, most cuckoo bananas of all, most 'kata is not going to be feeling well for a while' about the episode, when morty hugged him, he, for the first time!!, timidly started hugging back. and then morty immediately let go and pushed him away because he can't imagine a rick that hugs back, that loves him like he loves rick, he's so scared of the part of himself that wants to believe in that level of respect and care and reciprocation, the part that craves that. what the fuuuuck

rick's only recently started loosening his claws and thinking of how he could do right by his grandson and by others in general, it hasn't caught up with him yet that while morty does see him and does assess him accurately, he's not a mind reader and he's got insecurities and rick's at the center of them and well, you could say, you could say he should take responsibility for what he's done ('take responsibility' NOT in a canceling rick sanchez on twitter unless he repents for his grooming crimes way but in a waggling my eyebrows way forever and ever). ngl i wasn't super satisfied by the rest of the season as it was coming out but i'm excited to see where they take this, how these characters will develop further. and i was very happy to see an episode just about morty's side of the equation, i've been fed <3

[gobbluthofficial]

I genuinely think the most upsetting thing about Umbrella Academy season 4 is how it treats Klaus' addiction and sobriety.

Klaus FINALLY gets sober and has a support system that actually cares about him. But this support system treats him like a burden. The only things Claire and Allison say about Klaus after he's sober and living with them is to talk about how much of a burden he is. I understand that supporting someone who's been an addict their entire life is hard. And I understand that it can be frustrating when they consistently deny help or relapse and always hurt you in the process. But they don't seem to be happy that he's gotten better! At all! Every time we see Allison or Claire interacting with or talking about Klaus, they're talking about how much they resent having him in their life. Allison is annoyed that he's living with them and bubble wrapping their whole house. Claire tells Allison that she needs to stop helping Klaus because every time she tries to help him, he just drags him down with her. When Klaus relapses, he snaps at Claire and it really upsets her.

And I understand these are real feelings and conversations people around addicts have! I have had these exact conversations in my real life! But this is fiction! And it is a story that has been building up season upon season of "The bad things that happen to you aren't your fault" and "Your family will always be there to support you"!

The only thing people are going to take away from this is "I shouldn't help the people I love when they're at their lowest because it will inconvenience me" or "I shouldn't ask for help when I'm at my lowest because it will inconvenience everyone around me."

And on top of that, the show equates his powers with his addiction. Believe me, I understand that having to hear dead people and have them follow you around all the time would make anyone want to start taking substances to get their mind off of it. I think it makes for an interesting and complex character! But it's an entirely different thing for Klaus to get his powers back and immediately fall back into addiction and drugs without seeing any sort of build up to it!

It just comes off as equating the way you were born with being destined to be an addict forever and there's no hope for you to ever get better. One could argue the Hargeeves' abilities work as stand ins for things like disability, mental illnesses, etc. but whether you look at it that way or not, the text is saying "Because of the way Klaus was born, he will forever be an addict and there is nothing anyone can do to help him because he is just destined to be this way." And then he dies! He dies because everything bad that has ever happened to him was his fault!

I've been around addicts all my life. They've hurt me and they've refused help and they've been hard to deal with, but I have also seen them get better! I've seen the most desperate and upsetting of situations get turned around and these people get back on their feet with the right support networks. And it really pisses me off that a huge show by one of the biggest names in entertainment can just show that these people are beyond saving and don't deserve help.

[mcflymemes]

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the 2012 film

i know things have been difficult lately, and i'm sorry about that.

don't make promises you can't keep.

i thought it was great what you did out there. stupid, but great.

if you can do good things for other people, you have a moral obligation to do those things.

is that a knife? is that a real knife?

anyone has a problem with that can talk to me.

everyone was there but you.

something is very wrong.

this is my responsibility. i have to fix it.

i think i know what you're feeling.

you know, in the future, if you're going to steal cars, don't dress like a car thief.

i can't do this. i can't do this...

my weakness. small knives. anything but knives.

you leave right now. that is an order.

you should see the other guy.

i feel kinda pukey and... just emotional. i keep crying. it's brutal.

you seriously think i'm a cop?

oh come on, how dare you?

no one seems to grasp the concept of the mask.

it won't happen again, i promise.

let me ask you a question.

where do you go? who does this to you?

you've been living with so many unresolved things.

if anyone's destined for greatness, it's you.

i can't sleep.

you're my hero... and i love you.

i can't see you anymore.

i think most people would say he was providing a public service.

did you get expelled?

why didn't you tell me you didn't like my meat loaf?

we all have secrets: the ones we keep, and the ones that are kept from us.

i just did 80% of your job. and that's how you repay me?

where have you been?

you have to get out of there right now.

i was wrong about you. this city needs you.

oh, i'm in trouble.

people are gonna die!

what did you call me?

you are a lot like your father.

you're gonna make enemies. people will get hurt. sometimes the people closest to you.

did you ask her out?

secrets have a cost. they're not free. not now, not ever.

you think we're just sitting around eating donuts with our thumbs planted firmly up our asses?

i've been bitten.

don't make me have to hurt you.

oh. you saw a video on the internet? well, then the case is closed.

don't you ever think about leaving that filthy box in my kitchen.

where are you headed?

i can save them. i can cure them.

[freakcliff]

good ace attorney fanfics.

according to me. im the worlds pickiest fanfic reader tho so if i say its good its good. mainline series; here's good dgs fics

Trilogy centric:

and we'll toast these stunning ruins by ohallows [~9k; oneshot]

He pulls the door open and all his thoughts grind to a halt. Miles Edgeworth is standing there, dripping with rain and looking a bit like a drowned cat. If Phoenix was being honest, he’d almost forgotten about him being back amidst the chaos of the day and the conversation with Maya. It’s a novel experience, actually; he can’t remember a time when Edgeworth wasn’t hovering, wanted or not, near the forefront of his mind. But he’s here - he’s real, standing on Phoenix’s doorstep in his dingy hallway in an apartment complex that probably costs less than Edgeworth’s entire salary, looking awkward as all hell.

[wonderful expansion on the whole Thing Phoenix & Edgeworth have going on during Farewell my Turnabout. its so messy i love them. General stamp of approval also on everything this author writes.]

Marriage, Magic, Misunderstandings by theacegrace [~20k; oneshot]

When Mr. Nick gets disbarred, Pearl decides there is no better opportunity than this for him to finally move to Kurain Village so he can be with Mystic Maya. With the help of Mr. Nick’s new daughter, she decides to plan the perfect wedding for the two of them, and won’t let anything get in her way. After all, Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya are in love… aren’t they? (AKA: Pearl and Trucy plan a wedding, and neither parties involved want it.)

[Love how this one takes a joke from the games that is stupid and often uncomfortable and gives it such depth and weaves a beautiful story out of that. Shoutout to ao3 user theacegrace everything they write is a banger.]

A False Start by theacegrace [~50k; 5 chapters]

Twenty-one year old Miles Edgeworth finds himself reconsidering his perceptions of State vs Fawles after running into an old friend at a train station, carrying a suspicious necklace and in a relationship with a suspicious woman. And perhaps he could ignore it, except it’s a little hard for him to ignore a particularly clingy, emotionally volatile Phoenix Wright. AU. Miles and Phoenix meet while Phoenix is still in college. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Apollo Justice (game) centric:

Alternative Dispute Resolution by FaustianAspirant [~19k; 5 chapters]

In a fit of impulsiveness, Klavier asks Apollo on a date. Unexpectedly, Apollo accepts, but under one condition: in the interests of avoiding further awkwardness, Klavier must resolve his remaining differences with Phoenix Wright. What follows is excruciating for everyone involved.

[This is my favorite Klavier fic. It has everything a girl could want: exploration of the small glimpses we got of whatever the hell is going on with Klavier Gavin (& his brother) in aa4, resolution on Klav and Phoenix's relationship, and the best fake Gavinners song & album titles I've ever had the pleasure to read. If nothing else, read this one for this line:

How fitting, though, that he is destined to be a martyr for love! It’s just like in that track on the Gavinners’ third album, ‘I Would Do Anything for Judicial Impartiality (And Also Love)’, or that other track on the Gavinners’ third album, ‘Stop in The Name of The Legal Authority I Legitimately Wield (And Also Love)’.

Also like, the rest of it. Perhaps the best thing about this fic is how it manages to weave absolutely insane ace attorney bullshit like the Gavinners song titles with such depth of characters and emotions.]

Fuel for the Funeral Pyre by MoominQuartz [~7k; oneshot]

Kristoph Gavin wants him dead? That’s fine. Phoenix Wright wants him dead a thousand times more. If he expects Phoenix to lie down and let the snake bite him, that just means he won’t be looking for the trap lying in wait. A look into Phoenix's head during the seven-year gap

Everything Good (Eventually Hurts) by Wildfey [~10k, oneshot]

Phoenix: I'm talking about evidence that shouldn't have existed. A naughty magician's trick...

The second time that Trucy's life falls completely, irrevocably off its rails, it’s a Friday, and she doesn’t even notice. A story about what Trucy was doing during the events of Turnabout Trump.

[everything by this author is also good 👍]

The Phoenix, and Other Early Birdsby Wildfey [~100k; 16 chapters]

Wright grimaces. “Sorry to tell you this, but as of six hours ago, I’m officially a stay-at-home dad rather than a lawyer. I might be able to recommend you someone else if-” “That’s why I’m here!” Apollo half-yells, and then feels the tips of his ears flush because he just shouted over Phoenix Wright. “I know we’ve never met before, Mr Wright, but I think you’re being framed, and I want to help you clear your name!” ~*~ In which Apollo is 15, Trucy is 8, and Phoenix is very confused as to where all these children keep coming from. (Also known as the 'Apollo goes to the Enigmar trial AU')

Wrong from Right (Wright from Wrong) by Wildfey [~9k; oneshot]

“I’m not sure what exactly you want, Herr Wright,” he says instead, flattens his voice down so neither anger nor tears leak through, and tries not to wince at the fact it defaults to friendly but distant charm instead. Like Wright’s an overenthusiastic fan who’s caught him while he’s busy and won’t take a hint. Wright knocks a fist against the doorframe, somewhat absent-mindedly. “I want lunch,” he says, finally. “The bus takes forever, give me a lift back into the city, will you?” In which Klavier and Phoenix are smart enough to finally have that conversation about the past, and dumb enough to do it in two parking lots and a burger barn drive-thru. There's no accounting for taste.

disillusioned twenty-something(s) by kitelines [~2k; oneshot]

She’s known him only a week, but it’s already clear to her that Klavier Gavin has high expectations of the world around him. And Ema hates people who have high expectations. It’s unrealistic. It’s blind naïvety. You have high expectations, and you set yourself up to fail. It’s something she’s seen time and time again. And it’s a lesson Gavin needs to learn, starting off small—because it’s 8AM at a murder scene in a 7/11 and he’s already dipped his hand into her bag of Snackoos that she’d taken the only one grieving. (Post AA4, Klavier-centric, not shippy.)

The Devil's Brother by ItsyRoyal [~6k; oneshot]

When Vera is lost in grief and afraid to face the empty studio where her father should be, Klavier offers her a place to stay. She quickly realizes she's not the only one grieving. (Post AA4, Klavier-centric, not shippy.)

In Better Light by cosmogyral & sunsmasher [~60k; 7 chapters]

Apollo’s been stationed at the Los Angeles Shatterdome for just over a week before a young woman his exact height pops out of a basement stairwell and says, “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

* AA4/Pacific Rim fusion. Apollo and Trucy save the world. Phoenix and Edgeworth help.

[I think about this AU every fucking day. there's goddamn themes and narratives in here; this is the absolute pinnacle of what fanfic aus can do. someday in the distant future i hope to be able to create something half as incredible as this. also; both of the authors generally have good works]

forty years in the wilderness (and the following holiday weekend) by sunsmasher [9k; oneshot]

Miles Edgeworth comes home five weeks after Phoenix finishes rebuilding the jury trial system with his own two fucking hands.

[bookmarker's note: augh, yeah.]

no feeling (is final) by zombiekittiez [5k; oneshot]

Mr. Wright marks the date on their official wall calendar, a freebie from the grocery store that features seasonal produce. “Not every day you get to see a murderer marry the guy she framed for it,” he quips. ~~ Alita Tiala serves three years in the state penitentiary; Wocky Kitaki marries her anyway.

[bookmarker's note:👍👍👍]

Misc:

selected conversations from the magisteel discord server by liilllyyyy [~30k; oneshot]

A comedy of errors, ft. Discord shenanigans, friendship, gay pining and more!! aka. Miles Edgeworth and Maya Fey co-run a Steel Samurai/Evil Magistrate discord server; neither knows who the other is. What happens next will shock you

[This is the only chatfic ever. no chatfic will ever be this.]

The Catch-Up Game by theacegrace [~60k; 9 chapters]

With his daughter away for the year on a magic show tour, Phoenix’s life is upended enough as it is. The realization that his childhood best friend and courtroom rival may be in love with him, and the complicated feelings that come with that, are the last things he needs. Written for narumitsu week 2020, each chapter loosely based around the prompts: family, marriage, free day, pining, opposites, AU, hurt/comfort, and future.

[I've read this one multiple times, and it's still the Definitive Phoenix Fic in my head. This is the culmination of his development throughout the games that I had wanted so badly, and for that it has the absolute highest honors a fanfic can get in my head. 10000/10]

pressure (pushing down on me) by ApprenticeofDoyle [~130k; 7 chapters]

Dahlia Hawthorne is going to prison, and Phoenix Wright is a free man. Mia Fey takes one look at the glassy-eyed teenager collapsed on her couch and thinks, by the Mother, this kid needs therapy. Luckily, she knows somebody. (Or: Six times that Phoenix Wright needs help, and one time he gets it, without even having to ask.)

The Art of Personal Transfiguration by estelraca [~9k; oneshot]

Athena convinces Simon to stay at her place for a few days while he's getting his feet under him after his release from prison, and the two of them spend some time trying to get to know each other and themselves again. Post-Dual Destinies.

Of Haircuts, Pocketwatch Chains, Other Uninteresting and Undesireable Things, and Generic Wholecloth Christmas Magic by ribbontype [~9k; oneshot]

Phoenix finds an old gift lying around that he had meant to give to Edgeworth years ago, and Edgeworth finds himself obligated to return the favor. Meanwhile, Phoenix continues to live his life. Neither of these things are particularly easy. They are also not as hard as Phoenix and Edgeworth are making them.

[bookmarker's note: this guy fucking gets it]

The Turnabout Job by ribbontype [~15k; 2/6 chapters finished]

“Please, Mr. Edgeworth! Please! You know how the police in this country are - how our laws are. You’ve seen the way people are rewarded when they try to do the right thing the right way,” In a kinder world he could have disagreed with her, but they’re not in a kinder world, they’re in Los Angeles. “I don’t need the police. I need a good man who wants to help.”

Edgeworth makes a mistake that has him straying farther from the path of the courts than he ever has and, even worse, it could mean other people are going to go down with him. After seven long years abroad, his ill-advised stint back in Los Angeles forces a reunion of allies who had long since gone their separate ways. It'll take one last big turnabout to right the wrongs they've done. Just one big job, then everything can go back to normal

[grabs you. ace attorney leverage au]

i havent written anything ace attorney really but i've been your host ao3 user kaetor if you want to see. idk my other bookmarks

[qarn]

I think I'm finally healing from my trauma

Ive made breakthrough after breakthrough lately in my healing journey & i truly feel & believe that i am healing. i feel it somatically in my body even. i feel calmer. my body feels lighter, less tense, less uptight. still working on that though, not 100% there.

i spent my entire life running from what happened to me when I was a child, and I have finally learned to face and it and deal with it in a really profound way. I felt it. I let myself feel the emotions, the fear, the panic, the pain, the heartbreak, the disappointment, the ANGER, God only know's I have had enough anger for a lifetime. I let myself feel it all, and I still am, I don't feel 100% healed or finished in my journey (its likely lifelong), but I truly broke down a wall that I had kept inside of myself, between myself, for the first time in 24 years. I see myself, my inner child, and we have grieved, God we have grieved, and I have nurtured her, and I am nurturing her, and giving her everything that my caregivers could not give me. Safety, consistency, unconditional love, patience, empathy, space, time, compassion, understanding, respect, and equality. She deserves that more than ever, and I am truly giving that to myself now, and she is so thankful.

Internal Family Systems - (IFS) - The therapy technique that has helped me heal & feel & move on

I have 2 primary family members (parts) of myself inside who include my 4-5 year old, and my 7-8-9-10 year old. There are other parts of me / my internal family system as well, but others are less burdened and less traumatized than these two tough ones. I've had to reparent them in ways that I wasn't & it's been profoundly difficult but cathartic & beautiful. My 4-5 year old self so badly needed to have a secret taken off of her chest and to be seen and heard and to be told that she is safe now SO badly. I cannot believe how long that little baby girl was sitting inside of me, terrified, alone, confused, sad, heartbroken & abandoned. She is so happy to be seen and heard now, and I feel the tension and fear in my body starting to dissipate. I can protect myself now, and I will, for the rest of my life I will, & my inner child truly knows and believes and trusts me to do that. She trusts me, which, was something very difficult for her to do after our big trauma (she couldn't trust anyone fully). But here we are, learning how to find safety & trust & respect in ourselves/myself. It is possible. Healing is possible.

My next big mountain within myself to heal & unburden my 7-10 year old self. She is PISSED yall, but, not as much as she used to be, because she is also starting to feel less burdened by having to be the only one who could protect herself/us, the only one who had boundaries that she profoundly and courageously defended against her mother & everyone around her, on a daily basis. We have a lot of talking to do her and I. But I see her, and she knows I do, and I'm ready to feel the pain/hurt/anger/disappointment/confusion/etc of that time in my life too, to move on and heal, and become the beautiful fully integrated whole woman that I am destined to become.

One day at a time

sept 28, 2024

[archivalofsins]

I slept and eaten something. I've also digested all my feelings on Cat after some talks with people. I think until people swallow some hard truths about being a man, the discussions around Kazui will always feel stilted to me. This includes me-

Admittedly due to my upbringing leaning more towards traditionally masculine I can't really relate to Mahiru's situation like that.

My upbringing wasn't really focused on honestly displaying my emotions but doing what was necessary in the moment despite them. The first thing I learned when young was regardless of my personal feelings on a matter I had and always should act in the best interest of those around me.

So, lines like

"My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!"

Were always going to ring low to me in comparison to,

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade. Since when have I ignored my feelings? It’s better to be a let down, than to be let down yourself."

Simply because the second is just truer to me. Because I understand what it feels like to think it's better to do something correctly in a dishonest way than put all your hopes into something and build up the courage to be candid just to still fail. When I was young and did that, regardless of the situation the repeated pattern would be,

"I'm going to ignore you said that and come back later. Hopefully when I do, you're in a better mood."

Or,

"Actually, I liked you better when you were lying for my benefit. I don't think I want to be around you now that you've said those things."

Q.08 Which do you prioritise between logic and feelings?

Kazui: I put my feelings first and it ended badly. So, I don’t want to act just based on feelings again.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Kazui: They won’t see me anymore.

A lot of friendships I've had have ended because I said something in favor of myself over the wants of that individual. Simply because when one keeps putting up an act, people love the performance more than the person.

The biggest kicker here is I'm afab, yet because of my upbringing, I have traits that would usually be viewed as toxically masculine. I should, on some level, be able to relate to Mahiru wanting to be able to openly express her feelings, have them viewed, and accepted regardless of how she comes off. However, I can't for the life of me wrap my mind around why someone would ever behave in that way outside of just going well that's how she is. Something that I can quite easily accept as a reasonable answer without needing further explanation because if being that way makes her happy and she's not hurting anyone, it doesn't need to make sense to me.

At the same time, I recognize not everyone has the luxury of behaving the way she does. Just going my feelings are inconvenient I don't care this is how I am whenever they feel like it. Some people are taught to bottle that shit up and start acting correctly. Some people are told that they can't control the actions of others, but they can control how they react, and if they can't control that, then the fool is them.

Some people are shown time after time that it doesn't matter what others do, it's their responsibility as the bigger person to be reasonable. That's what being an adult is, so you better learn it early.

Q.06 What would you say is the difference between adults and children?

Kazui: Responsibility. Adults can’t just do whatever they want.

I literally went to my Grandad's wake last month and when I went to the restroom with my grandma I honestly said yeah I just came in here to cry really, I don't gotta use it. She bluntly told me to do that at home like she did not in public near these people. My ass just laughed it off and went yeah, you're right and switched gears harder than someone who just passed their destination.

You're right I lost myself for a minute there. I mean even contemplating crying in a bathroom at a wake for my grandad, who just died of cancer on Father's Day, that I hadn't seen in years until today silly me displays such as that are better left for the privacy of one's own home. Whelp, back to being the emotional rock of this family. How are you handling things? How have you been?

This may sound abnormal to some, but it isn't in my family. Hell, my grandad was pretty much the same. I remember asking him on one I think it was Christmas at his house but know I was around six or seven something along the lines of hey you know my mother (his daughter) like whoops me and my older sister sometimes for no reason for hours on end what's up with that? The dude flat out told me stop doing shit to get beat or don't get caught doing stuff that would illicit that reaction.

He pulled the equivalent of skill issue and kid me has been lying ever since. Constantly everywhere in friendships, professional environments, with my family. Few people recognize that for some people lying can become so commonplace whether it be out of necessity or habit that being honest about anything turns into a struggle.

I even just lie to myself sometimes for fun just to see if I catch myself doing it- Which one would rightfully think you must know it's a lie and oh I do. Yet, I also know if I keep behaving in a certain way it will become the truth to someone. This lie could be someone else's reality if I commit hard enough. People don't really want to see the truth anyway, some will deny it regardless of how clearly it's stated. Because everyone has a lie, they would rather accept more than the truth of the matter.

No one is above wanting to see whatever they enjoy over and over again. Or to put it a different way,

"Make a favorite shape and love it."

I sincerely know if I'm jovial enough and don't cause trouble no one will ever ask what's going on. Because most people despite what they say don't really care about me as a person or my thoughts on matters concerning my life they just want to hear themselves talk about what I should be doing, about how my life is/was, if my experiences were good or bad from their perspective.

Hell, Yuno is an example of this-

Umblical

"Just the two of us. I finally found it. The lies are endless."

Trial 1 Voice Drama

"That’s right- You know those sorts of people who just want to convince themselves; so, they stick their nose into the affairs of others knowing it’s not their place? I despise those sorts of people the most. They’re only getting involved to make themselves feel better, right? In the end they never actually accomplish anything."

“Yuno…”

“No matter how many chilling memories I had to endure, those people never gave me any warmth. He-he I ended up going off topic there! Um, what did I wanna say again?”

-273.15°C Second Voice Drama

"Hurry up and extract the song or whatever. And then! Why don't you randomly decide what is and isn't true, to come to whatever arbitrary decision you'll make next!"

Later

"Kotoko is someone I would never be friends with. She's the type to pick her conclusion from the start without actually talking to anyone."

Q.12 What do you want from the guard?

Yuno: I’d like it if you stopped trying to force some kind of reason on everything.

Tear Drop

“I’m the one who chose, let you and you and you all in. Happy or sad? Why decide? Where’d you get your half-baked sense of justice? So, nauseating…so creepy…will you please disappear “Phew. Anyway!”.”

"If you want “me”, come marco, I’ll polo."

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade."

We're really following the leader on this one.

At this point, I severely doubt most know what it's like for a person to have to constantly keep themselves in check at all times. Never having the satisfaction of being able to say what's true or having others see them for who they really are instead of who that other person would like to see. The ideal that they've created on top of them or the lie the other has presented.

This person recognizing the truth is an inconvenience, they know good and well what happens when they open up, and that they'll only have themselves to blame if things go poorly.

"Am I a bad girl? Please don’t answer. What do you want to do? Please tell me." - "Let’s just do it, please smile?"

"Please tell me what I should do, feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear." - "The beating of this heart... see... it’s no longer about good and bad... it isn’t I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream."

"The fading warmth makes me anxious again." - "This feeling, it’s yearning to be satisfied."

Gender, sexuality, romantic orientation none of that matters anyone can get caught up in lies piling on and on. To the point of feeling crushed.

Q.18 Do you regret your “murder”?

Kazui: I regret it. I wish I could’ve just kept lying.

Q.10 If you could turn back time, would you commit the same “murder”?

Yuno: It’d be nice if I made it so I didn’t have to.

"Don’t weigh me, measure me against your morality. Just shut it, will you? You know it all." - "So, it’s wrong? Oh, shove that!"

[memorydragon]

So I thought I was going to take a day off from ranting about how mental I am because of these gay cops, but nope. Normal levels have not receded.

First of all, I really do adore Bu Chonghua. He's a condescending prick at times, but I love him and I love how Huai Shang lets him be so very wrong at times.

Even when that wrong hurts like fuck.

There's this moment when they're both out of town-ish to interrogate someone and they stay in the same room because it's too late to go back. That morning, Bu Chonghua sees Wu Yu walking around, half asleep and shirtless and completely relaxed, and he realized that at some point, Wu Yu has marked him as 'safe'. And yes, I'm normal about that, but the point is, when exactly did Wu Yu mark him as such?

I made that post about misunderstandings being well done in this plot, but I need to clarify that there are sometimes Bu Chonghua is a condescending prick and Wu Yu is very correct when he's calling acab. The first time I read through it, I was like, yeaaaaaah, Hua-ge, I love you, but you're really being a condescending prick. And Wu Yu was well deserved in bitching him out.

The second time I read through it, it hurt like a fucking truck. Putting aside my personal flashbacks of being othered by someone who thinks you're part of 'them' while being completely and totally dismissive of my identity, when Bu Chonghua tries to draw the line between criminal scum and say they don't change, he was off. He was so off by miles and Wu Yu sneers and says he'll never become like Bu Chonghua because he really, really fucked that one up.

Which is why not even half an hour later when Wu Yu gets triggered so badly he's throwing up his stomach lining (onto Bu Chonghua's shirt XD), it had to be so jarring. Because Bu Chonghua correctly assesses his ptsd (which he knows, because he's been living that same empty life and have I mentioned I'm Normal about these trauma kittens?) then says 'I want to pull you back from that.'

If you saw my post from yesterday, yes I've been thinking about this all day to the point I can't even keep reading because massive fucking ow. Now, if you've been following me for a decent length of time, you're probably aware how I feel about spoilers. Namely, I don't care a wit about them. You can spoil me anytime and I won't care. Honestly, I prefer spoilers on some things (not to be hipster, but I was into tgcf before any of my friends and I would have really liked a spoiler about certain things but had no one to give them to me) and my enjoyment always comes from the journey rather than the destination in most cases. My spoiler tag is a polite accommodation for everyone else, which I sometimes completely forget to do, but I do try to keep up with it. (On that note, I'm so sorry, tgcf donghua second season was completely untagged for that. I completely forgot. -_-;;; ) That said, what I'm about to discuss is one of the few times I've actually danced around a major spoiler, because this one is quite big. I've avoided mentioning it explicitly in my previous posts about Tun Hai, but I'm about to mention details. So this is your warning, I'm about to talk about a spoiler that even I consider to be a significant one. If you don't want spoilers, scroll past and don't click the read more.

Because the only two people in his life who have ever genuinely cared about him and not who they thought he was wanted to take him out of that hell. Because his aunt gave him a name he can no longer use, because Xie Xing came back just for that promise. Because he's been forced to live someone else's life, the life of the only person who gave a damn, because he wants so badly to escape to a place where poppies aren't grown and he can't do that as himself. Because he's carrying Xie Xing's wish that he lives on for the both of them. And just fucking ow, little fish, please stop breaking my heart.

And this is where Bu Chonghua is marked safe, even so close after he fucked up so badly, because that's the one thing he's been promised by people who actually see him, that they're going to take him out of that hell and into the light. And Bu Chonghua just casually says this, not understanding why Wu Yu is stunned by something that to him is just normal amount of caring. Because two people died before they could make good on that promise, despite how hard they both tried, and how hard Wu Yu knew they both tried and died in their attempts. And I'm so fucking unhinged by this.

Because when before Bu Chonghua has even realized it, he's put himself along side what only two people have ever tried in in Wu Yu's life. All of that night, when Wu Yu shows him his favorite 'movie' (this little fish, Wu Yu, baby, why are you like this XD), when he follows Bu Chonghua out, when he watches Bu Chonghua basically take on a whole street gang while venting, only stepping in when Bu Chonghua was actually in danger, when Bu Chonghua is sitting there thinking by himself that Wu Yu deserves so much better, and when he realizes that Wu Yu can occasionally stick his head out of his shell and look around if someone is patient enough to wait (Abso-fucking-lutely feral). All of that time, Wu Yu has marked him as safe and I'm so Normal about Them.

[holocene-sims]

15 oc questions!

i was tagged by @stargazer-sims - thank you so much!! ❤️ i've never done one of these tags in a character's voice, so it's fun to get extra practice writing as them 😊

i'll tag:

@dandylion240 @bl-sims-anime @idyllicephemera @elderwisp @nectar-cellar @minty-plumbob @crazykissim @mangosimoothie & anyone else who wants to do it!

ANYWAY i'm doing this for grant! idc if y'all have heard enough about grant, the honor goes to him

are you named after anybody?

my actual legal first name is joseph, which is my grandfather's name! so, uh, somehow yes, i am named after somebody! but i'm 99.9% sure it was out of laziness and not out of love. well, no, i'm 100% sure of that. it's not like my mom has ever respected her parents...but that's a whole different thing, we're not going there.

when was the last time you cried?

i'm a crybaby, come on! i'm known for being very emotional. i mean, sad animal commercials make me weepy. externally weepy. like tears running down my cheeks weepy. but the actual last time i cried? hmm, maybe like a week ago? i don't know if i could tell you why, though. i probably blocked it out of my memory! i'm great at that.

do you have kids?

do, uh, do cats count? because i do have a cat who i love and put sweaters on. sweaters! and he loves it.

do you use sarcasm?

it depends? sarcasm usually feels mean-spirited to me, so i'm not super into it, but then again, that's half the conversations i have with my family. i know in that case, though, that it's all bullshit humor and not serious. anyway, i think what i'm saying in a roundabout way is it depends a lot on context and audience. i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or be a dick. i like being nice.

what's the first thing you notice about people?

okay, listen, in the most normal and not at all weird way possible, people's hairlines are always what i see first. i've been the first witness to so, so many fake blondes accidentally showing their dark roots or to dudes going bald. i'm sorry! i'm just freakishly tall! i can't not look down at all your heads unless i'm kneeling down on the ground. i'm not trying to spy on or judge the state of your hair, i promise.

what's your eye color?

brown! justice for brown eyes, the best eye color. i love being able to go out in the sun and not have my eyeballs bleached by the light. also, there's really not that many brown eyes in my family, so that's kind of fun. i'm a special boy.

scary movies or happy endings?

why not both? i love a good blair witch project, final destination moment. i also love a nice mushy gushy romantic movie with a happy ending. hell, i'd watch both in the same evening. start off with a fucked up horror movie and end it with pride and prejudice. sounds like a perfect night to me.

any special talents?

probably not anything relevant? i mean, i've played skyrim on survival mode without dying before. oh, and i guess back when i was still playing hockey, uh, a decade ago, i could score with the michigan goal pretty easily, which isn't all that common. in high school, i got my school the state championship win with that skill. but meh, i don't know how many people in the world know enough about hockey to care about that.

where were you born?

michigan! the part everyone forgets about, aka the upper peninsula, aka diet canada.

what are your hobbies?

i like to think i'm a well rounded person. i enjoy the super basic stuff like listening to music, but i'm also into into video games and tabletop RPGs like d&d. cooking and baking are fun for me, too. i did get into art semi-recently as well. i kind of had to have something i could do while laying down, like, 24/7 after i had spinal surgery.

if you're ever bored, just go fuck up your spine. you'll have SO much time on your hands to get new hobbies. actually, don't. please don't. i've been suffering for years and will continue to. i'm dying. don't be me. pretty please. pinky promise.

oh, duh, i also forgot that i'm into astronomy and um, planes. look, i'm not a car guy, i'm a plane guy. that's more fun, right?

have you any pets?

he's a cat named turtle, so, like, you know, the best cat in the world. sometimes i think about getting him a cat friend to hang out with but then i worry he'd get jealous, so i haven't done it. who am i to say whether or not he wants to live with a friend? or a sibling? being alone is so valid. i respect that.

what sports do you play/have you played?

oh, well, like i said, i played hockey for a really long time, like from, hmm, i think kindergarten and on! i even got a scholarship in college to play hockey. i'm glad to be done, though. some things ruined it for me. long story. but these days, uhh, i don't play any real sports anymore. i like hiking, you know, and i do work out at least every other day because it makes me feel better in a lot of ways, but that's kind of it. my sports days are over. i don't even skateboard anymore and i used to do that all the time.

how tall are you?

like 6'7" - though, i am rounding down a little bit. yes, down. not up. also, don't ask me how i ended up that tall. i have exactly one relative who is also tall. hi, chelsea! anyway, i am an accident or one hell of a joke. i'm laughing, i swear. it's very funny.

favorite subject in school?

i was overall a good student because i studied pretty hard but i was for sure a science and math kid. i loved physics in high school. and then in college, i got some way more fun science and math classes. just so you know, i am really holding back right now from rambling like a total nerd loser about my college classes...

but i mean, if you wanna learn about, i don't know, quantum mechanics or flight control systems, hit me up.

dream job?

that's such an easy question! when i was really, really young, i wanted to be a weather man, but then i changed my mind and wanted to be a pilot because, i don't know, i hit that time in every child's life where they have to become obsessed with a form of transportation. but then i never let that obsession go. my parents wanted me to be a doctor the whole time, though, but eww, no, i'm good. anyway, the dream of flying planes never died and somehow it worked out. now if i could just, uh, you know, go back to that job soon, that'd be sick.

[querren]

I found this on another blog a month or so ago and knew I wanted to save it for today. I'm reposting it as my own so that the poor blog I found it on doesn't suffer this long confession/ramble/whatever-this-is being attached to a reblog. Even though I already reblog a lot of sappy/romantic crap on this page, this is highly personal, so I'm a bit hesitant to post it but I really want to say it somewhere. So, here goes.

Today used to be the day I'd look forward to most every year. A year ago today, you said "Yes" when I asked you to marry me. I drove past the cabins a few hours ago and couldn't help but think of that morning, the bitter cold and the beautiful skies. I never once thought that I would ever dread this day. I have been stressing about today for months, and now it's here.

It's been more than a month since I said goodbye to you, and at this point I have spent the better part of this year (a terrible way to describe a unit of time in this instance) separate from you. I thought that it's what I needed in order to heal, but so often I'm afraid I've made a mistake. I thought it was the right call; professionals said it was; those closest to me said it was. But I don't feel any better than I did a month ago; I often feel worse. And sometimes it feels like I never even said goodbye at all, because you haunt me every night when I go to sleep. Whether the space has helped at all or not, I genuinely can't say, but I think my heart would say that it hasn't. I want to come back so badly, but I'm terrified, and I don't know what decision is the right one. I keep hoping that I'll wake up one day and see that you've reached out, but I know that that's not going to happen.

I still very much believe that this poem describes us. Seven months since we separated and, despite everything you've said, everything you've insisted, I still believe this. I don't know if that's because I'm still in denial (which I know I am), or if it's because of all of the things that you've said during this process that changed down the line—it's likely some combination of the two—but I still believe this poem describes us.

I decided that today, I'm wearing my ring.

I'm still angry. I'm still so angry, but more than anything else I feel alone. Because at the end of it all, there's nothing you could ever say or do—nothing that could ever happen between the two of us—that would take away how much I love you. Even if I do one day move on, as you may have, I know I'm destined to search for you in everyone I meet in the future.

I still don't fully believe you, that you've moved on. That you're okay with this. It's not that I think you lied to me, not intentionally, rather that I think you still don't know for yourself how you feel; that you feel some passing certainties in the moment that fade when one instant turns into the next. That you're just afraid of the possibility of getting hurt again and having to experience all of this pain anew, which I understand. And maybe that's simply me projecting (I know it is to some degree). Maybe it's just my denial. But... part of me believes that you believe this, too. That our souls can't part.

It's as you yourself said on the night I said goodbye: "We're not most people." We never have been. For seven years, we always beat the odds; what's stopping us from doing it this time, too?

Or maybe I'm just insane. Maybe I'm still clinging to a fantasy that doesn't exist anymore. But for now, I will continue to believe that it's true, because it's the only thing that I can do. It's the only thing keeping me going.

I'm almost certain that you'll never read this, which is part of the reason I have the courage to send this out into the ether at all, but if you do see this: I hope that you're okay. I hope you've made the most of the time you've had since we parted, that you're not just surviving but thriving. I hope you've created wonderful memories and that you continue to do so, and I can't wait to hear about them some day.

I'm sorry that I've been gone, sorry that we ended up here at all. I miss you more than you will ever know or understand. I hope you've remembered to give Alec a hug whenever you've missed me, too.

To Charon and back. Happy anniversary, love.

[charlescoded]

Two things a day should be enough, I can't believe today I have three things … 😭

1. I love the idea of charles showing everyone that although he's an omega, he isn't here to be their pretty little thing if he doesn't want to (but if it's with max then he wants to) and also the idea of 'i'm not a virgin. I've slept with other omegas— ah" max will definitely show him that he's still very much a virgin and be so proud that his knot is charles' first <3

2. I like the second wolf (max is the first knot of alpha charles and after that he's turned into an omega) better. I think it's because it shows that charles is destined to be omega— max's omega — after all. Maybe i'm a bit too possessive just like max haha.

3. If omega charles in bridgerton au is accidentally pregnant and has to lie about the father because he doesn't want to hurt anyone, max will be the one who goes feral. He definitely knows that's his baby. Charles is his omega and he won't settle for other things. Now. If another alpha arrives to the scene telling charles that he doesn't care who is the real father because he's just want to be with charles and he's happy to take care of the baby. So charles secretly meets max somewhere telling him that he doesn't have to worry anymore and could marry arthur because "someone is happy to take me, the bad omega with a baby." 😵‍💫 (this idea is great although I can't imagine max being with other Leclercs than charles. Like, come on, this dutch boy has been head over heels for charles since forever i mean karting track)

That's all from ducky today ❤️

- 🦆

he's an omega, the only one on the grid, but he's also determined to win at least 8 championships... no one, absolutely no one, is ever going to get in the way of what he wants. he can be sweet if you treat him with respect, but he'll bare his teeth when you anger him 😘 so it's a good thing that max angers him and respects him lmao, he likes charles' passion~

no no i get that! unfortunately both doesn't completely work, otherwise that would be ideal, but. max is possessive too 😇 he'll happily be charles' alpha, especially because both of them sorta got charles into this situation together lmao

charles could lie about who the baby's father is, but everyone will know either way as soon as they're born 😅 the verstappen genes are simply too strong, he won't be able to hide it... max will be sure about it either way tho, yeah, he knows charles hasn't been sleeping around with others alphas so charles could lie and say he has been, but no shot is max ever going to believe him..! depending on how you look at it, (un)fortunately, i don't think charles will accept someone else, he'd rather be a single parent than bind himself to some alpha he doesn't love (otherwise he would have done that before), and he has the means to take care of the baby, so they'll be fine <3 he'll still tell max to move on and get with arthur tho, who will absolutely refuse when it's possible that charles is pregnant with his baby... which he is soooo

[fangirlandtheories]

for the top five game: ships, songs you listened to this past week, accessories, dream vacation destinations, fics you've read lately, food stuff you don't get to have often, comfort films

Thank you my love <3

Ships:

Steddie Obviously

Stobin FRIENDSHIP

Fruity Four Friendship/ Steve Harrington and The Party

Jopper

Lumax

Honorable mention: The friendship between Murray and Joyce *chefs kiss*

Songs:

Chiquitita - ABBA

Sunny - Boney M

Take On Me (Symphonic Version) - Aha

Say You Love Me - Fleetwood Mac

Hammer To Fall - Queen

Accessories:

Claddagh Ring from my late grandmother

Nose Ring that looks like this

Necklace, again from my late grandmother, that looks like this

This pride anklet

Clip on earrings, mostly from Claire's, these or these in particular

Dream Vacations: (doing this one in black so it's more visible)

Ireland or England. I am actually planning a trip to Ireland, England. and Scotland so I'm definitely made this the top of my list.

The Island of Tonga. This one is tricky because it's not a very feasible dream tbh. Tonga is very far from me but also this is a very environmentally selfish trip. The reason I want to go is because that is where Humpback Whales tend to migrate. I love whales and I would love to see them in the place where they are happiest and free.

Disney. I went when I was little and now I have 3 young nieces and I want to go with them because the magic of it would still exist for them and thus make it more magical for me.

The West Coast. For those that don't know, I am from Pennsylvania and the furthest west I have been is Wisconsin. I wanna see the other half the country on a big road trip.

Maine. I have spent about a week in Maine and it was my favorite place, to the point that I eventually want to move there. I wanna spend as much time as possible there.

Fics:

If you hold me without hurting me (you'll be the first who ever did) by charlies_ginger This one ripped me apart and is my NUMBER ONE favorite thing I've been reading lately.

2. Where the 20 Chain Links Lead by agentM40

Clearly I like to see Steve feeling insecure about his intelligence. This is my favorite trope right now and so far this one has ticked all the right box.

3. exeunt ; enter stage by stardustcoral

Vecna'd Steve is always a goldmine of angst and this one really focuses on the idea of Steve believing that he's hated by everyone before he can figure out that it's Vecna. A must read.

4. with no cross to bear (these words just come out) by hitlikehammers

Protective Steve is so incredible because that is his wheelhouse and he loves to show his love by protecting others HOWEVER protective Eddie is my jam. Eddie who will put everyone in their place and clear a path for his love is just simply too sweet and I adore it.

5. At Below Zero by StrangerSteddie

I am a whump girl through and through so give me all the Steve whump if you wanna see me happy. Truly if anyone ever wants to send me whump recommendations I'll read every single one. This is a prime example of well written whump.

Food I Don't Have Often:

Salmon, ironic because I am having it for dinner tonight

Oxtail. My mom made it once and it was soft and rich and so fucking delicious.

I call them Beef Rollatinis, it's been the birthday meal for the past few years. It's skirt steak rolled up with bell peppers, onions, and carrots with a balsamic glaze. It's the best.

Kentucky Butter Cake. It's so yummy and a pain in the ass to make.

Low Country Boil. It's a big pot of seafood all boiled together. We usually do clams, muscles, and shrimp, and then add in sausage, potatoes, and corn on the cob. It's expensive and kind of work heavy but it's so gooood.

Comfort Films:

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (Mamma Mia 2) WHEN CHER CAME OUT I SOBBED AND SCREAMED

Night At The Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian. I fucking love every NATM movie but this one in particular is the best fucking one. I am a history nerd and this one just settles so nicely in my soul.

The Wizard of Oz. Surprise! Me making Steve love Wizard of Oz is a reflection of it being one of my favorite movies from when I was little.

The Muppets Christmas Carol. IN THIS FAMILY WE LOVE THIS MOVIE. Michael Caine ate. By far the best Christmas movie ever written and nothing compares. I've watched it every year since I was 8.

Life is Beautiful. This movie comforts me but it also hurts me more than any other movie. It's tragic and painful yet goofy and loving and it makes me swoon every time but I have to insist that you watch it in the original Italian as Roberto Benigni intended.

Thank you so much love, this was a lot of fun!!!!

[theangrypokemaniac]

Part Two

Best enjoyed with a cup of tea and some biscuits.

What I've explained so far is merely the intellectual portion of my hatred.

I don't think it's too much to ask for something to make sense and respect the history and laws of its own universe.

I haven't even started talking about my emotional reaction, which is somehow even more volcanic.

Little T.A.P. had what's known euphemistically as 'the artistic temperament' (nutter) and as such, was the most hardline, take-no-prisoners Rocketshipping extremist you'd ever have the misfortune to meet.

Worse than everyone on Tumblr, combined.

If anyone reading this considers themselves an obsessive, then no, mate, you're not.

You ain't seen nothing compared to my psychotic prime.

Glorious, it was.

I, but a simple, unassuming child, had a clear vision in life:

I will kill anyone who comes between you.

And I wasn't one o' these wishy-washy 'Oh there's nothing there now but it has potential' dishcloths, I was the Real Deal.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! IT IS UNSPEAKABLY BEAUTIFUL TRUE LOVE OF MYTH AND POETS AND SONGS AND DREAMS!!!!!!

As far as I was concerned, it deserved to ranked alongside the great romances of history and legend.

• Romeo and Juliet

• Lancelot and Guinevere

• Anthony and Cleopatra

• Tristan and Isolde

• Victoria and Albert

• Orpheus and Eurydice

• Nicholas and Alexandra

• Hero and Leander

• Heloise and Abelard

• Pyramus and Thisbe

But, you know, without the death.

Besides which, I had no internet, and no friends who liked Pokémon, so I sincerely believed I was the only Rocketshipper in the world, and felt it more intensely on top of the rest as compensation.

And if you watch the early Indigo League in the view that Jessie and James aren't just destined to be in the future, but a fully-fledged, when-can-we-be-married legitimate couple, but it's never mentioned much because it's not relevant to the main story of Ash's quest, then it bloody works!

Suddenly you start thinking that maybe they want that one big heist so badly so they have enough to retire on and set up home together.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See talking about brings it all the bastard memories back and how they all died and led to nothing and now I want to sit in the corner and cry for the love that never lived.

Imagine me, in such a state, watching this utter abomination, matching Jessie with a man, and it's not James, and thinking I would ever take it well.

I don't understand how anyone could.

The best (THE BEST!) explanation I have is that these writers, now needing to string it out until the final moments of Johto, realized they'd taken the romance too far and wanted to hold back, but did it in the most cack-handed, clod-hopping fashion, undermining it so the whole ship collapsed about their ears, from which it's never really recovered.

This team, after all, thought Tracey was a good idea, so how much could we ever expect?

I'm not saying it died that day, as I still found things (the second film, by Shudo), but this was the first inkling I got that, well maybe it won't end happily after all.

And that hurt.

I should've seen it in Bad to the Bone, but this decision made the uneven writing far too plain, so how could I ever put my faith in it all turning out alright, if it's so dependent on an individual writer's whims?

What if the last-ever-episode was written by the wrong person, and it was left to his decision?

I dunno. Maybe the success of Pokémon went to their heads and drove 'em doolally, thinking they could coast serving up any old tripe.

Or they never wanted Rocketshipping to be so big, and deliberately set about a sabotage to put people off.

After all, the dearth of shipping content come Hoenn, the first region after Shudo left, can't really be explained otherwise.

And everything beyond that is the most paltry, blink-and-you'll-miss-it table scraps, like Jessie touches James back for half a second and the fandom flies out of its mind about it because they're so deprived of proper nourishment.

Then the supposed big stuff always comes with a catch that yet again chips away at their formerly established personalities, giving with one hand but robbing with the other.

I once heard someone defend XY063 (AND DON'T START ME ON THAT!!!) with talk of how:

For something shippy to happen, something anti-shippy needs to happen first.

We can't take one step forward before we've took a step back, so nothing ever moves.

In the present anyway. The canon gets ripped to ribbons.

Well who says it should?

'Cause I don't remember any price paid in the golden age of Rocketshipping. Back then it was just allowed to happen.

So what changed?

It can't only be they cut down on the romance to give it greater appeal to children, thus turning a bigger profit, as what do they think we were?

But here is where you start to see the almost brainless willingness to ignore all that's gone before.

Anything to keep it going, eh?

The entire reason Jessie and James was special is because it's two kids adrift from the worlds they were born into where no one understood them...until they met.

You go by the original canon, and it's them chancing upon their soulmate, realizing it, and never parting from that day.

They was only ever going to be the other in their lives, and they knew, and IT WAS SO BLOODY BEAUTIFUL!!!

The idea there's one person for everyone is the magic material woven into all the highest dreams of humanity, and it made Little T.A.P.'s tender heart sing hosannahs to its holiness.

Oh, but yer can forget that now, 'cause it's all gone to shit.

Turns out Jessie DID have one of them connections (honest!), but it was some other random knobhead named Darren who sniffs glue round the back of Netto.

Oh-ho, I bet Keats, Byron and Shelley are dusting off their immortal quills as we speak, keen as mustard to commit these wholesome snippets to paranormal paper.

Get this: she, apparently, knew Darren practically from the maternity ward, and spent her whole life with him, which is longer than her own parents lasted (supposing that bit of her past stayed the same, and I'm not sure it did, but anyway) meaning he's the biggest relationship of any kind she ever had, the one constant source of emotional support and companionship throughout her younger years, twinned with her as no one else ever could be (PFFT!!!) but he's never been bloody mentioned before!

And he's never seen again!

And he's got No Fookin' Eyes!

He's SO important, but he also doesn't matter at all, as them writers don't care no more.

James not only isn't The One, he ain't even The Two after Osstin got invented, and The Three is Darren part two, for Jessie's slummin' it for sloppy seconds.

James is well down the rankings of First Ever Love Evah in the modern configuration, which is nice.

And they just keep twisting the knife!

Pokémon Tech. is a school for Trainers, so first-year pupils must be at least ten, therefore I surmised that's how old Jessie and James were at their fateful encounter.

BUT she's evidently younger than ten here, so not only have they killed off her joint history with him, they've gotta mock it too by making out it couldn't even come close to the depth of dependency she had on ding-dong-merrily-on-high Daz, since they go way back!

As I said, Jessie's established past is oblitered by this scene, but so too is James's, and now he didn't abscond from school to join a bike gang, and I don't know where he comes from either because Holy Matrimony! is out too.

If I'm generous however, and overlook that, presuming the 'rich kid' theme still applies, there's no telling why, when or how he ran away, but I'll guess he was ten when he did, for that's the traditional age of majority here.

As the Training Daze version of events now takes precedent with everyone who isn't me, and those lauding it want to hammer yer into submission about how Duh Twenny Fyve, this makes a fifteen-year gap from James leaving home to swanning up at HQ, which is just an enormous black hole of cold emptiness.

Has there ever (EVER) been an episode dealing with what happened to him then, who he met, what jobs he had, how he survived?

NO!

With Indigo canon binned (apart from the following, apparently, which is convenient), I'm supposed to accept that James, who wasn't just a small boy, but a preened, pampered only child and precious son and heir, fêted and catered to by a household full of servants, with no life skills or survival instincts to speak of, somehow scraped by on the streets on his own FOR FIFTEEN YEARS, with no Jessie to take care of him, or Chopper, or Tyra, or any kindly biker?

As if! He'd have been dead within hours!

Of course, he caught no Pokémon during this period either (being most of his life) and consequently had no form of self-defence to hand, but this colossal plot hole doesn't seem to trouble anyone.

Who knows, maybe in this timeline he stayed home until the night before Giovanni snapped him up, which I suppose makes Jessibelle his own personal Darren in significance.

Except people never mind if, by default, every new Jessie backstory comes replete with endless gobshite wasters queueing up to give her Forgotten Major Trauma, but if James has another woman, and it's Jessibelle, there's hell to pay.

Well no wonder she's miffed, staying with him for decades only to watch him walk out the door as soon as she slipped on the veil.

I reckon it's only the good humour of Vileplume that keeps her from tipping into full Miss Havisham mode.

Whilst I'm at it, the art style of Training Daze is a bit...off, and doesn't resemble the rest of Hoenn.

I suspect it's an imitation of how they looked in their earliest scenes, in fact the above screenshot is suspiciously like this one, even if they haven't bothered fixing the colours.

See? They can draw better. They just won't.

My theory is the crew knew retconning the past was playing with fire, so deliberately designed 'em as close as they could to early Kanto, thereby easing fans into accepting it, as if now it's obvious Indigo Jessie and James really went through the prequel, and were originally invented with this past in mind.

Yeah. Not that it makes sense, for if the Kanto style was that important to anyone they'd still be going by its canon backstories come what may, and certainly wouldn't have rolled over blithely accepting the mushed-up faces on 'em recently, but then, who really cares about coherent thinking?

It's so overrated.

And I can't deny it worked. People tie themselves in all sorts of weird knots insisting Training Daze ackshully does fit with canon...if you just shut up and stop noticing.

Once that got through, in their view we'd swallow anything, so why even try making it match?

Who is this supposed to be, man? 'Cause it don't resemble any Jess I remember.

If this picture had gone round labelled as 'Young Nurse Joy' before Sinnoh, no one would've doubted it.

What's wrong with yer bloody eyes, love? They ain't even the right shape!

How can I believe a backstory that happened to someone else?

Now I, being a calm, mild-mannered sort of soul, don't ask for much in life.

But he should die.

Incidentally, years after the fact I skimmed a Cori Falls story where Darren knocked Jessie about, and although I would never once suggest that happened (but it did) I can't say I have a single ounce of sympathy for him.

I mean, if he didn't want that sort of representation, he shouldn't have bloody turned up.

Please understand, I haven't relentlessly insulted him merely from a shipping perspective (die), but also with a fine artistic sensibility.

Firstly, he has No Bloody Eyes, which, logically, constitutes some sort of Shadow Dæmon, but more importantly, and much worse, is the brown hair.

Brown hair.

You're in an anime, and yer got brown hair.

...

YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOUR IN THE WORLD AND YER PICK BROWN???!!!

Even worse ('cause it's personal now), it ain't even arranged in some ker-razy spiky display as compensation.

Oh no. He's too good for that. Instead Darren's got his barnet all nice and smooth, like a human haircut.

...

See what I'm saying?

He comes swaggering in here, throwing his weight around and upsetting everyone, and hasn't even got the decency to look the part.

Not even an inch of sideburns on this oaf.

I wouldn't mind nearly so much if we were dealing with some ultra-cool world-class titan, the sort of shining star suited to front any other anime, where you could understand Jess taking an interest, but I am not putting up with sticking this bog-standard, penny-pinching tow-rope, with his all-over even wood finish and cow lick, into her past without so much as a by-your-leave, and thereby casting aspersions on her character.

Just consider the insult:

You're telling me Jess has gone from bagging herself James, who's not only young, good-looking, carrying the classic anime style, AND actually matters in the grand scheme with a massive fan following, because he's well-designed and interesting enough to pull a crowd (plus, let's not forget, HE'S FOOKIN' LOADED, MAN!!!) to settling (and come on, it's settling) for eyeless, bland background filler, who wouldn't even pass muster as a one-time guest character?

Yer can piss off!

Indigo Jess had some flamin' standards and wasn't gonna compromise 'em, but Orange Jess apparently has no taste whatsoever, and is just bloody grateful when any old slobbering air thief shows interest.

And I'm not 'avin it!

See that's why she's on the floor. He hit 'er.

All I said about Darren being Jessie's main source of stability also applies in reverse, as she is that to him.

And still he effed off.

Arsehole. Complete arsehole.

What a classy moral-of-the-story routine this was for the romantically-inclined Little T.A.P.

'Used t'be Jessie crossed paths with her everlasting soulmate (James) and stuck it out through thick and thin.

Message: True love is real, kids!

Together forever!

No matter how long!

From now until the end of time!

Now? Oh yeah, she had a thing once, and thought it was the proper stuff, but...meh.

'Cause even after years together you just can't trust 'em not to leave.

Message: Never feel secure!

Not for one second!

You don't know what he's plotting!

Oh, kill the dream, why don't yer?

Let's not aim for something higher anymore, trying to convey the soaring ideals of love, so that, despite their misery and poverty, Jessie and James have a little beauty to cling on to through the darkness.

Nah, mate, kick 'em when they're down!

Thus Darren departs continuity, oversized coat and guide dog in hand, as Orange Jess sinks to her knees, pleading for his return.

Have some bloody self-respect, Jess!

You're so invested in a walking Cuprinol advert you're actually begging him not to go?

You like minimum-effort mediocrity THAT much?

And you're STILL sorry it didn't last?!

Fuxake, woman!

For if I accept it, I think less of her.

There once was a time when our Jess pictured herself as an earthbound goddess served devotedly by adoring slave boys.

Ooooh. Some of them lads have brown hair.

They've all got curtains, perms and mullets, man!

That's the default setting of anime!

Being mere fantasy figures, they don't really exist in this universe, and thus I'm cutting 'em some slack, given this whimsy never buggered up canon.

They know their place.

But watching her debase herself like this, crawling across the scratchy nylon carpet, clutching at the tan polyester seams of Darren's best waterproof ensemble, really got my goat, as that ain't the Jess I loved and idolised.

Old Indigo Jess wouldn't have stood for any of that nonsense, as her lovely little speech in The Ghost of Maiden's Peak makes plain.

Oooh, but she's just trying to save face because of what she did in the past.

A. You're only saying that in hindsight, wanting to believe Pokémon has a solid continuity where both Barren Darren and Austin Powers fit, even when it's impossible.

B. Where's the evidence for this in original canon?

C. There's nothing wrong with learning from others' mistakes instead of going there yourself.

D. Orange Jess evidently doesn't regret it, what with telling us all about sinking so low she's hankered after Spirits From The Nether Realm, and giving it good woe-is-me in the aftermath.

Back in the first series, all the fellas Jessie wanted waiting upon her had James's lean physique, with the majority sporting some variation on his hair colour.

Is it really just a coincidence that since then, none of her supposed beaus look remotely like him?

Each one has either brown or dark grey hair, making 'em as boring as possible:

• Darren

• Aston Villa

• Dr. Shite

• Speccy in the Lucario film.

• Him from Mewtwo Returns, whatever his name is, the sub says Penicillin.

So the art department's going out of its way to tell us:

1. James is NOT Jessie's type.

2. She has really low standards, yet he STILL doesn't meet 'em.

Now Darren doesn't really matter too much, since everyone else who hasn't been nursing a grudge for two decades forgets him.

Even I don't care until he comes up in screen shots.

Osstin however is the real shithouse.

He gets an entire bloody episode nurturing his canon balls.

See here's where the slippery slope knocks yer down:

• Make Team Rocket look Indigo for Training Daze.

Once accepted, don't bother letting Jess resemble herself in Crossing Paths!

• Introduce other men in a minor flashback.

Now the past is broken, have whole episodes pissing on its memory.

And how the quality has sunk in the meantime.

Darren, whilst a massive step down from James, is at least reasonably masculine, and probably as attractive as shape-shifters get.

Osstin meanwhile...

I'm gonna ignore the brown barnet, being a tangle of jagged edges, evidently over-compensating for what lies beneath.

'Cause he is ugly, man.

Jessie's tastes have degraded so badly they've slipped into the perverse, juvenile blood throbbing at the sight of a squeaky, short-arsed four-eyes barely bigger than herself.

Why, God? Why do you curse me?

James was a wealthy effeminate fop, in his day, Darren was a normal, middle-of-the-road incubus, in his day, both of which are a sight load better than whatever this is supposed to be.

You want me to believe Jessie's gone from either of them to a squinting, emasculated and vertically challenged dweeb, fogging up at the mere sniff of Reddit and SY-UNCE, and truly hideous to behold?

She left Darren for him, did she?

Takin' liberties here!

Remember it, tho?

Back when she was taking expensive dance classes in an unspecified region paid for by her indulgent moneybags parents with those familiar best friends of hers?

You know, that pair we keep seeing on the road.

Never not on our screens, are they?

I'm sick of hearing about 'em.

It's always Jessie getting dumped, you notice. Never her kicking the useless sod to the kerb, realizing she can do better.

Nope. Only James is low enough for that.

But do they really expect me to still love and admire Jessie, look up to her even, as I once did, when now I'm told she's so pathetic even nerds don't want her?

Bastards!

Oh, you're sorry this didn't work out, are yer Jess?

You're crying because you didn't marry the gormless incel and birth a dozen bi-focal babies?

Just look at yerself, girl!

Worse, Darren left her when they were reasonably grown-up, about the age she was in the Orange League, meaning if it happened (which it didn't) it had to be not long before Kanto began, so I might understand her still being upset over a man she'd known since childhood, supposing I did believe it.

BUT Osstin buggered off when she was at best, about bloody eleven, and so they had no romance in the first place, yet she's still moaning about The Geck That Got Away well into Sinnoh, meaning she regrets losing him more than Darren!

You're rapidly going down in my estimation, Jess!

Of course, the irony is James morphing into said revolting breed of 'male' in the later eras, so by rights Jessie ought to be on him like a pigeon on Monster Munch.

I marvel at anyone who kept their Rocketshipping hopes up this long, given just how many warning signals the writers put out over the years.

Nothing blatant, obviously. They're not stupid.

Even the quote above quietly kills off any hint of Jessie and James's then-relationship, and as usual with retcons, once said, you're expected to apply them to the past and pretend it was always this way.

No one loves Jess, kids!

And certainly not James!

All that Indigo evidence was just in your head!

There's never a positive reflection of her being glad she met James and Meowth, that these various conflicting pasts led to them, and so it all worked out in the end.

Every time she bemoans a 'lost love', it's a tacit admission she wishes she was anywhere but here, and with anyone but them.

Anyone but James, in truth.

Oh, that's cheered me right up.

How miserable she looks.

If nothing else proves Holy Matrimony! is out of continuity (barring bits of it, when useful), it's that her Orange League whining come after this scene.

And this one.

And this one...

...When she is plainly in a relationship with him.

Jessie's first action after staring into James's eyes for an unnecessarily long period of time is to move closer and wrap her arms about his neck, for one of those entirely platonic embraces, no doubt, both so captivated by the moment they've forgotten Meowth exists.

But it never happened, did it?

They've always been Just Friends, haven't they?

See when I rule the world (it won't be long now), and people ask why I did all them war crimes, I'm gonna point 'em to THIS for setting me off.

The End