#esther the bad witch

[shipspainfulships]

I can't imagine anyone NOT liking dead boy detectives...

Like what? You have a problem with a slightly autistic Edwardian gay ghost making heart eyes at his best mate, and his best mate being an oblivious bisexual mess? Or do you have a problem with a strong female psychic who had a terrible past or the whimsical fangirl who spreads love everywhere she goes? Or the goth butcher lesbian who is a father figure to them all? Or the very adorable crow that was forced to become a human OR the cat king or the female antagonist who is actually a badass but her revenge plans always fail..

Are you allergic to fun? Pfft

[incorrect-ninokuni]

Esther: If you took a shot for every bad decision you've made, how drunk would you be?

Oliver: Maybe a little tipsy.

Drippy: Drunk.

Swaine: Wasted.

Marcassin: Dead.

[viikingwitch]

between being forcefully carried away at 5 ( plus told her mother didn't want her ), raised in total isolation aside from dahlia and then living for a year out of every century ( which would fuck up any chance of her meaningfully interacting with the world once again ) i say it's a miracle freya is as functional as she is tbh

[nenukoone]

its me, the ceo of giving esther an unnecessary amount of trauma because level 5 didnt

[aphroditelovesu]

Yandere Mikaelson Family Headcanons (Platonic)

❝ 🧛 — lady l: I finally finished the hcs of our beloved vampires as platonic yandere! It was fun writing this and I hope you enjoy it too! Forgive me any mistakes and good reading!! ❤️🖤

❝tw: yandere, obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of death and murder, transformation into a vampire, jealousy and unhealthy platonic relationships.

❝🧛pairing: yandere platonic!mikaelson family x gender neutral!reader.

The stories about your appearance in the lives of the originals vampires are much discussed and contextualized. Some said you were a human who was kidnapped by them and forced to become part of their family. Others say they went mad and brought you into the vampire life as a way of redeeming the human lives taken. None of this is true, however. The true story is dated back to when they were still human and you were a close friend of the family and witnessed all the tragedies over a thousand years ago.

You, like them, were human. It was Rebekah, your closest friend at the time, who introduced you to the family and it didn't take long for you to become very close to her brothers, especially Henrik and Klaus. They have come to love you and treat you like part of the family. It didn't matter if you already had a family or not, you became part of theirs and they will not allow that to be changed.

You were very close to everyone, but you still didn't know their parents and that was on purpose. Klaus and Elijah in particular didn't want you to get close to his parents at all. They tried at all costs to keep you all to themselves, to the sibilings, but they couldn't hide you forever. In one night, you met Mikael and Esther Mikaelson.

It was a cold and restless night, you couldn't sleep and you left the ''room'' you shared with them. Since you didn't want to wake any of them, you got up carefully and left the small family hut. When you thought about it, you could still feel the freezing cold on your skin and the jump you gave when you heard the voice of a man very similar to your friends approaching you. It took a few seconds, but you recognized him as the Mikaelson patriarch.

Your heart leapt knowing who the man was and you didn't know what to do. You had already heard stories about him, how strict he was with his children, especially Niklaus. To your surprise, the man, Mikael, had been kind to you. A kindness you had never expected from someone like him and, feeling more at ease, you let your guard down and started talking to him. It didn't take long for him to introduce you to his wife, Esther, and they started to consider you their child and love you as their children loved you.

Everything was going well until tragedy struck the family and changed everything. When Klaus arrived with Henrik, dead, in his arms all chaos ensued. Your heart ached to see your friend, your brother, lifeless and Klaus in tears screaming for help. Everything changed the moment Mikael forced Esther to turn all of they children, including you, into something that couldn't be killed. And that's when everything fell apart, you were turned into an original vampire, unable to be killed in the traditional way. All of this was when the first vampires in history were created. Your family of overly overprotective, murderous vampires.

Mikael and Esther were the most dangerous and murderous about you. The family patriarchs are protective and demanding. Mikael is calculating and strict, but is shown to be caring and kind to you even after the transformation. There is no doubt who his favorite child is. Although he is proud, Mikael is devoted to you and is quite close, even if he can act aloof and mean. Esther is very loving to you and has come to adore you like her child, although she is a bad woman at times and a powerful witch, Esther used to be a present mother to you.

Niklaus is considered the worst of the sibilings, although there is some doubt about this. He is cruel, insensitive to the pain of others and considered a sociopath. And maybe all of that is true, but you never knew him that way. You've always known Klaus as a protective and caring brother, and even after Henrik's death, his discovery of being a hybrid, and everything that followed for centuries, he remained the same for you. Others saw the change in him and how possessive he became about you, but it didn't matter to you. He is cruel to everyone else but you. You are the only one besides him who has never had a dagger stuck in your chest and confined in a coffin for decades. Klaus enjoys your company immensely and is the most possessive of them all.

Elijah is the quietest of his siblings in his obsession with you, usually being portrayed as calm and methodical. He is very polite and formal and he usually expects the same from his family. Elijah is very soft for you and a true gentleman, he has made a promise to himself to care for and protect you since he met you and he does his best to honor that promise after centuries of existence. Being very overprotective, Elijah is almost always seen in your company accompanying you somewhere and throwing distinct looks at anyone who approaches you more than they should. Although he is very calm, Elijah is dangerous to anyone who threatens his family and ripping out hearts will be an act of mercy.

Kol is the most spoiled of the family and the most troubled of all. He likes to drag you into his messes and carnage, even if you don't like it, he'll make sure you learn to like it. Kol is unpredictable and a bombshell, ready to unleash his murderous fury on anyone who crosses him, who crosses you. He loves to spoil you and take you with him, if he can and has the chance, he will convince you to run away with him.

Rebekah is your best friend, your favorite sister, well, that's her delusion and what she likes to believe. Rebekah is problematic but not as much as her brother, she is romantic and is always by your side at parties or family gatherings. She loves to take you shopping with her and take you out for drinks. Rebekah is very needy for your attention, for your love, and will sulk if you don't give what she wants from you. She is kind and loving, always looking out for you and doing her best to please you, but she has an unbridled rage and jealousy inside her that will become easily visible if you don't spend time with her.

Freya is the most reliable of the entire family and the most selfless of all. She always puts you above all her petty and selfish desires, genuinely caring and loving you as she feels she should. She is very responsible and a great listener, and has a habit of scolding her siblings when they get too annoying. Her obsession is strong but controlled and Freya never shows her possessiveness, usually she handles these kind of feelings as calmly as possible. She doesn't want to scare you and secretly wants to be her favorite.

Finn is the least close to you, though not by choice. He's never had much of a chance to stay by his side, not with the other brothers doing their best to get him as far away from you as possible. Finn is subtle in his obsession and prefers to watch from afar and protect you like that, but given the chance, he will physically approach you.

The Mikaelson family has its many problems and divisions, which have only been made worse after meeting you, but one thing they all agree on is that you are their top priority and that you must be protected at all costs. Any love interests will be quickly and effectively killed, and friends who are not approved by them will be far from your life. You don't need anyone but your loving family, don't you agree?

They would hate to put you to sleep for a while, but they will if they feel it necessary. They all can disagree and fight, especially Klaus and Kol, but once you enter the story is when they unite and will do their best to keep you just theirs. You took a vow, remember? Always and forever. And they will make sure you fulfill the vow you made.

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: Fuck

Overview:

Fuck was said a total of 90 times, in all 8 episodes and by 15 different characters.

Uses Per Episode:

Fuck is said in all 8 episodes of the show, one of only 4 words to do so.

Episode 1: 7

Episode 2: 5

Episode 3: 13

Episode 4: 5

Episode 5: 8

Episode 6: 13

Episode 7: 16

Episode 8: 23

Uses Per Character:

Fuck is said by 15 different characters, more than any other word.

Edwin: 2

Charles: 5

Crystal: 20

Jenny: 18

David: 12

Esther: 6

The Cat King: 6

Tabby Cat: 2

Calico Cat: 1

Litty: 8

Kingham: 5

Brad: 2

Hunter: 1

Twitchy Richie: 1

Girl in Crystal’s Memory 2 (Club Fight): 1

Percent of Total:

Fuck is used 90 times, which is 27.9% of cursing in the show.

Variations:

There are 7 variations of the word used in the show, with the most popular being Fuck, which was used 42 times.

Fuck: 42

Fucking: 37

Fucked-up: 7

Fucked: 1

Fucker: 1

Fuckboy: 1

Mindfuck: 1

Rankings:

Total Uses: Fuck comes in first for total uses, being said 90 times.

Number of Episodes: Fuck is one of only four curse words that is said in all 8 episodes- the others are Shit, Ass, and God.

Most Uses of a Word in a Single Episide: Fuck holds 5 of the top 11 spots.

Most Uses of a Word by a Single Character in One Episode: Fuck took the title here as well, being said 10 times by Jenny in episode 8.

Total Characters: Fuck comes in first for number of characters to say it, with 15 using it throughout the show.

It is one of only two words said by the main trio of Edwin, Charles, and Crystal, the other being Damn.

It is one of only four words said by both Edwin and Charles—the others being Damn, Bloody, and Bloody Hell.

Favorite Word: Fuck is the favorite word of 7 different characters: Jenny (18), David (12), Litty (8), The Cat King (6), Kingham (5), Tabby Cat (2), and Brad (2).

Curse Word Variations: It comes in first for most variations, with 7.

Lines:

Episode 1:

Charles: Edwin, hurry the fuck up!

David: I'll fucking gut you! (x2 while possessing Crystal)

Crystal: It's just a stupid fucking name.

Tabby Cat: Fuck you. I'm not telling you nothing about that house or the witch inside.

Crystal: So maybe he's our fucking demon now!

Edwin: Police don't know what to do with a fucking witch!

Episode 2:

Litty: Little ghost fucker!

Litty: I'm gonna tell you something, because I think you really need to hear it, okay? You should go fuck yourself.

Litty: You know what? You can take that sweater and you can shove it up your ass. Do you have any clue how powerful we are? We are fucking gods!

Kingham: You better hope we never get out of here or we are going to fuck you up, like 'brass knuckles and mace' fuck you up!

Episode 3:

Jenny: It's a super fucked-up story so I'm gonna need some coffee

Crystal: What the actual fuck?

Calico Cat: At least we don't have to go inside. This house is fucked up.

Crystal: Just what the fuck is it?

Litty: Looks like they left you behind because you fucking suck.

Litty: They're all gonna fucking die.

Litty: We were fucking kidding, can't you take a fucking joke?

Litty: Stupid fucking bitch!

Charles: I'm just sick of watching this asshole kill his family a million times for no fucking reason. Tried it your way, and it did nothing. Sod it. Let's try mine. (x2 due to time loop)

Charles: His dad was bad, Edwin. Royally fucked-up bad.

Crystal: I am done wasting my energy on your fuckboy bullshit.

Episode 4:

Jenny: Ok, so you're what? You're just, you're not gonna leave until I explain this even though it's private and go the fuck away?

Tabby Cat: Fuck off. The kid had a sardine.

Crystal: You fucked with my head, I'm gonna fuck with yours.

Charles: Every day, I'm fucking smiling.

Episode 5:

Twitchy Richie: The fuck is this?

Jenny: Oh my fuck.

Crystal: You walk around acting like the sun always shines, and then you lost your shit while beating the Night Nurse. Edwin and I are walking on eggshells around you instead of just saying 'what the actual fuck?'

Jenny: What the fuck, Maxine?

Hunter: Oh, fuck that, you whiny little bitch.

Brad: It's a fucking tragedy that we died, okay?

Brad: What the fuck does that mean?

David: I'm a demon! And I always get what I fucking want!

Episode 6:

Crystal: I want to keep this demon the fuck out.

Jenny: Just like whatever the fuck I am doing is none of yours.

Crystal: It's like he's fucking haunting me.

David: Oh no, I'm so fucking scared.

Charles: Don't listen to him Crystal, it's just some sort of a mindfuck, innit?

David: Why the fuck do you smell so weak?

David: What the fuck did you do?

Crystal: I gave up my powers, OK? I got you out of my fucking head.

David: Now, she's just another fucking terrified lump of human flesh!

Crystal: I am nothing special, So why don't you just leave me the fuck alone?

David: Did you really think that you could beat me with a fucking cricket bat?

The Cat King: Do you hear me? I will stop fucking playing nice!

Esther: Teeth Face, what the fuck?

Episode 7:

The Cat King: Why the fuck are you here?

Esther: I know you blew up Monty's spot, you little fucking snitch.

The Cat King: I don't give a fuck, OK? End of audience.

The Cat King: That was my third life, you bitch. I only get nine. Would you fuck off? Fuck!

Crystal: Fucking bullshit, like I can't help.

Crystal: God, that's fucking insane.

Jenny: Fucking kid.

Jenny: What the fuck?

David: Why the fuck would you even want that?

David: What the fuck did you do? Where are we?

David: Maybe I was just fucking with you.

David: Fuck! Fine, you got your memories back.

Jenny: What the fuck was that?

Esther: You, you.. you think that you're the only one who's ever been screwed over? You're not. I fucking deserve this!

Edwin: That is so fucking stupid, It's unbelievable!

Episode 8:

Girl in Crystal’s Memory 2 (Club Fight): Get your fucking hands off my boyfriend, you slut!

Crystal: Oh, my God. Oh, I'm a fucking awful person. Oh, God, I'm the worst.

Jenny: What the actual fuck?

Jenny: And why the ever-loving fuck is my hair braided?

Jenny: Fuck that! That is bullshit!

Jenny: No fucking way.

Kingham: "No fucking way" to you. "No fucking way" to that side braid. What the fuck is that?

Jenny: Fucking fuck!

Jenny: Screw it. I'd rather know my own life, no matter how fucked-up.

Jenny: Jesus, fuck!

Crystal: Fuck! (Esther has the boys)

Jenny: I figure a meat cleaver can cut up a witch, but what the fuck do I know anymore?

Crystal: Because whatever fucked-up little thing you have going on with Edwin, you must care about him a little.

The Cat King: Fuck me. Did you even listen to my story?

Esther: Oh my God, my own sacrificial knife? I'm impressed. But I'm not fucking around that you're also gonna patch that wall before you die too.

Esther: Who the fuck are you?

Esther: What the fuck? Hey hey hey no! What did you just do?

Jenny: God, that sounds so fucking procedural.

Crystal: I don't have to give up my new fucked-up life while I'm trying to sort out my old fucked-up life.

Notes:

Not included:

In episode 1, Crystal flips off Edwin in the malt shop.

In episode 2, Litty flips off Charles, Edwin, and Crystal with both hands, and then later Kingham and Litty both flip off Edwin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[unreal-unearthing]

Lot of thoughts about how interesting the ‘big bads’ of Dead Boy Detectives were.

One is a demon where possession is a metaphor for an abusive relationship (as well as him being her actual abusive ex). By possessing her he took over her life and isolated her from her loved ones and at the end she’s left grappling with her guilt (did I ask for it?) and her self-worth (maybe I deserved it?) which is just so interesting thematically. The way she combats this by finding meaningful friendships with other kids her own age (relatively speaking, given that two of them are ghosts) and through building a connection with her ancestors and finding her roots.

And the other is like… the concept of a bureaucratic machine that dehumanizes children because of a commitment to the technicalities of the rules. It’s about the lack of empathy for the unique circumstances of these kids and the blind faith in the system. The way the existence of one minor error in her file leads Night Nurse to reconsider her whole worldview. It clearly shakes her to her core that there’s even a possibility the system may be flawed.

And then there’s Esther who is literally just a classic evil witch archetype.

Anyway much to think about. (I haven’t finished the series yet so if I’m off about some of this 🤷‍♀️).

[barblaz-arts]

How much time passed between Wednesday and Enid meeting and Wednesday's trial? Was Vega created as a baby and she grew up? Or was she created at that age? Did no one wonder how Wednesday just suddenly had a child?

Also how did Esther know she was created using Enid's blood?

I absolutely adore all of your AUs and thus one is so much fun.

I've already answered the first few questions

The community near her cottage are too scared to ask about Vega, so rumors go around. Some think Vega was kidnapped, some think she was sold, some think Wednesday finally asked for someone's first born child as the price for her magical deals. Which is... kind of right? Like, she kind of took Enid's firstborn didn't she 🫤

Vega seemed pretty happy and safe with Wednesday tho so despite her sus origins people didn't do anything about it. Wednesday seemed nicer after Vega came around anyway so nobody was gonna complain about that.

Vega was captured after an incident made her wolf out. Such a young werewolf wolfing out is extremely rare, so it got people's attention. When Esther saw her, she was able to sense their blood relation due to being the big bad Alpha of the packs. It's more like instinct shit tho, so they had witches confirm it as stated in the comic

[butterflywithsass]

Watched Dead Boy Detectives last night and I’m obsessed. If you like the queerness of good omens, but with more gore, and in the same universe as the Sandman (death and despair both show up) if you like dark academia gay boys, if you like ghosts, or paranormal stuff, or demons, if you like cats — lemme tell you this show is for you.

So, like, there’s these two ghost boys who are best friends but also gay for each other but also a secret third thing and their names are Edwin and Charles.

Edwin Payne was a demonic sacrifice in 1916 and as spend literal decades in hell but escaped. He’s a repressed Victorian gay who has zero charisma but every single man he meets becomes obsessed with him and wants to sleep with him except the boy he actually likes which is his best friend Charles. His entire character arc is about gay panic and getting over his internalized homophobia — he wears bow ties!!!! He doesn’t know what a hand job is. He’s literally the perfect tumblr blorbo. His superpower is getting tortured. He’s so sassy! His sexual awakening comes at the hands of a cat king and his first kiss is with a crow.

Charles died in like the 90s or something I’m not sure. He’s so optimistic and sunshine but also so full of rage. He’s the most supportive guy 100/10 would trust him with anything. He doesn’t like to talk about his issues. When confronted with the inexorable monsters of hell he solved the problem with a Molotov cocktail. I love him and his single earring he’s a golden retriever who would rather stay on earth with best friend than move on to a peaceful afterlife. His jawline is impeccable he can’t not press a big red button when he sees it.

Crystal Palace I wasn’t sold on because I thought she’d get between my boys but she actually so cool and I developed a bit of a crush let’s be honest I have a thing for curly haired witchy girls, she’s a physic with amnesia and a demon stalker ex boyfriend people stare at her when she hangs out with the boys cause it looks like she’s talking to herself. Everyone she knows thinks she’s insane. She’s a reformed mean girl.

Niko Sisaki I was a little iffy about because it felt like they were gonna go with the bimbo anime Asian girl but turns out she just had a parasite that made pink hearts float around her. She’s so weird she tries to help Edwin with his gay problem by introducing him to explicit gay fan fiction, she tries to get her landlord to date, she likes cool rocks. She has two tiny people trapped in a jar in her room. Her friendship with Edwin is everything. She’s ghosting her mom.

Jenny. I love her so much, she feels so safe which is weird because she chops meat and all her clothes are covered in blood. Everything about just screams big sister and her character arc is learning to embrace that. She goes on one date and almost gets murdered.

Monty. He’s literally a crow turned into a boy. He’s down bad for Edwin. He’s a secret honeypot agent for an evil witch. He has the most adorable smile, the whole time I was expecting him to be an agent of Morpheus. He’s obsessed with astrology.

The Night nurse originally annoyed me a bit (in a good way) I just wanted to get rid of her. When Charles punted her into a giant sea monster I clapped. Then it just got weird and I love it.

The cat king. He’s such a creep, but honestly, I love that for him. He has some of the best lines and he just exudes cat. He’s a classic fairy tale trickster, he a nuisance for the whole season, he’s central to the plot, he’s constantly hitting on Edwin.

Esther. She’s a archetypal evil witch. She gives off mystic trash vibes. She’s obsessed with beauty and revenge. She’s shamelessly horrible. She feeds kids to her giant snake. She literally can’t die.

All in all, I think I’m gonna have brain rot over this for the next year, go and watch it.

[klausysworld]

Hi hi!! I was wondering if you could write a Daddy Klaus fluff where the little reader has a really bad issue with her heart (prone to heart failure and has a defib implant like me) and when she's having a bad anxiety attack he helps calm her down, makes sure her heart is beating okay, etc???

His Sweet Little Heart

Klaus had noticed something off with Y/n's heart since day one when Marcel begrudgingly introduced them. Apparently she was one of Marcels only human friends, and he made it very clear that she wasn’t for Klaus to play with.

“Leave her be, Klaus” he muttered, not a hint of anything other than seriousness as Y/n approached them with a smile.

It only took one incident, Klaus had grabbed the poor girl, threatened her and pushed her into a panic. Marcel quite literally threw Klaus off her and was stroking her hair. After he took Y/n home and came back to yell at the hybrid, he spat out that Y/n had a heart condition and that he wouldn’t allow Klaus or anyone to risk her life.

Klaus didn’t really understand how Marcel and Y/n had become friends, perhaps through Davina who Y/n was also close with as it turned out.

She never spent too much time with Klaus to begin with but once everything happened with the baby, and she was under the impression that he had lost his child to witches, she tried to be as kind as possible to him. Klaus latched onto that kindness quickly.

He fed on it, he needed it. And she was so willing to give in. She’d talk with him for hours, sit and watch him paint and listen to him explain what the paint strokes meant. She would ask if he liked human foods, he said he liked beignets and she offered to go get some but he shook his head. “You do enough sweetheart, I’ll get them for us” he smiled and she softened, nodding and sitting back in the round snuggle chair he had bought for her.

Everything was quite sweet for a while, the Mikaelsons rarely went out and Klaus spent all his time with Y/n.

But then Hope turned out to be alive and suddenly the world was chaos again. Esther, Mikael, Dahlia, and anyone else was at the doorstep. Suddenly Y/n had a target over her head due to her relationship with Klaus and she couldn’t handle that well at all.

Far too often she would be wheezing for air, her heart failing to keep up with her breaths. Klaus would find her just in time, worry spread across his face as he wrapped his arms around her and held her in his lap. “It’s okay” he whispered “it’s okay, I’m sorry” he repeated, stroking her hair. His attention would be solely focused on her heart, waiting for it to beat correctly. There were few occasions when the fear settled in and he would pick her up, promising it was okay and speeding her to a hospital to make sure she was actually alright.

They always said to keep away from stressful situations.

Klaus never knew how to respond to that.

Often he would suggest she stay indoors, in his room preferably but that upset her. She wasn’t incapable and he knew that but he didn’t know how else to keep her safe.

Sometimes she would get herself so worked up about not being able to help that she’d push herself into a panic or anxiety attack. The first time it happened, Klaus had thought someone hurt her and was desperately trying to find a wound on her but after they kept happening and she refused to talk about it, he knew what was happening. And it scared him as much as it did her.

He would sit and listen to her heart weakly patter in her chest, the irregular pattern became familiar to him and alarm bells rang as soon as it went away from its peculiar rhythm.

On instinct he would scoop her into his lap, hips lips would find her face and soft words would be whispered into her ear. Gently he would caress his hand over the spot where her heart lay, waiting for it to calm down. “It’s alright my sweet little heart, let Daddy hold you” He would soothe quietly, his face nuzzling into her neck.

He sighs a sigh of relief when she snuggles back against him, her heart stabilising and her breaths coming out slower. “Mm sorry daddy” she would whisper but Klaus would always shake his head

“Don’t be sorry for something that’s not your fault” he would tell her with a loving smile and a soft kiss. Her head would rest against his chest and he would hum softly while picking her up and carrying her to their bed or the sofa so that they could be together and bask in the warmth of the other.

(It’s short but it’s something 😄 Once again struggling to write. That’s a lie, I’m struggling to write on here, Im actually trying to plan out a proper book that I wanna write one day. Probably won’t happen but it’s nice to have goals?)

[shipspainfulships]

[hyperactivewhore]

I get being upset about Bonnie not being invited to the Mikaelson ball, but here you go once again, blaming Caroline for a choice the writer's made, something she had no part of. People are getting weird AF with their anti Caroline stance and it's getting ridiculous.

Here you go once again, putting words I didn't say in my mouth.

Does it upset me that Bonnie wasn't invited to the ball? Yes. Does Caroline being there make me mad? No. Do I think she shouldn't have come? Yes, I certainly think so.

I complained about Caroline and Matt being there because plot wise it was absolutely stupid and it made no sense. They didn't add absolutely nothing to the events developing there, and their presence was completely unneeded: Caroline and Matt were there solely because of Klaus and Rebekah/delena. This was the moment the showrunners decided to start writing klaroline, exclusively and only because the fans liked their first scene together, so they decided to have her going to the ball just to have their "romance" developing, which made no sense for her at all;

Klaus literally tried to kill her a few episodes prior, he had Tyler bite her on her birthday leaving her on the brink of death and then he showed up to heal her. Where is her self-preservation? Wasn't she scared of him at all?

It's funny to me that she only accepted to go because of Rebekah inviting Matt. Did she thought he was in potential danger? Did she decide to go to try to protect him? I get she was worried about her friend, but this is slightly strange.

Matt was just there for Rebekah and to make Damon and Elena fight because of his altercation with Kol, nothing else, and his presence and the issue he caused wasn't that serious because they made up an episode later. Why would he go? He was a human on a house full of the oldest vampires to ever live, and he was aware of this. I'm aware Matt isn't the brightest person to walk the earth, but everybody knows a human shouldn't be around bloodthirsty vampires.

Again, just stupid. Caroline and Matt shouldn't have been at the ball, that's all. Elena and the Salvatore going made sense: she was the doppelgänger, Stefan had story with them and Damon wouldn't allow her to go anywhere without any of them.

Bonnie, however, had every single reason to be there:

She was Ayana's descendant.

Esther would want to meet a Bennett witch, seeing she was best friends with one once and she knew they were powerful allies.

She had been more close than anyone to killing Klaus: the fact that he didn't try to seduce her or try to kill her was ooc, especially because he befriended witches before klaroline came in.

Kol loved witches and this bitch knows everything about everyone. It surprises me that he didn't try to get her on his side or at least use her to try to take down any member of his family.

The Bennett bloodline is far more powerful in magic terms than any other family could ever be, their blood was needed for like half of the most powerful spells and the fact that not a single person thought about getting on Bonnie's good side is completely stupid.

What is ridiculous is that people dickride 3x14 to hell because of the fanservice. I love this episode, but calling out it's flaws it's not a bad thing.

[perseidlion]

I completely understand why people give The Cat King a grandiose background in fic or in headcanons. I personally prefer to write him as kind of pathetic.

Why? Well, it's just more interesting to me because Cat not being some all-powerful being who is apart and above the boys makes things more equal. It's especially good fuel as a Catwin writer. It also avoids the trope of the worldly and morally gray immortal seducing a naive hero.

I also think it has basis in canon. Cat implies that he's 'hundreds of years older' than Edwin, which means he's probably not an ancient being. He's also not fully immortal. He has nine lives but presumably at the end of those, he'll die.

Then there's the fact that his 'kingdom' is Port Townsend, a tiny tourist town on the Pacific Northwest. Not exactly the king of a very large hill. I mean, his throne is a stack of palettes and his castle is an old cannery.

Then there's his actual power level. Esther is a very powerful witch, but she bests him without the use of magic. Cat has no defense against a woman with a cane. His magic doesn't seem to be especially powerful, either. His power is flashy and mysterious, but we never really see him defend himself or attack with it. The most impressive thing he does is make the bracelet, which is probably not unique magic.

The other thing that takes his power away is that he's down so bad for Edwin from the second they meet. All his machinations are to get Edwin to pay attention to him. He even acknowledges how pathetic that makes him, even if he says that's down to him being 'a romantic.'

This to me is all much more interesting than if he's a more typical Sandman-esque powerful and mysterious elemental being. It puts him on more equal footing with Edwin, who is accomplished and capable in his own right. No one knows who The Cat King is, but the second the ghosts of Port Townsend hear the Dead Boy Detectives are in town, there's a line around the block. That implies the boys are very well-known with a stellar reputation.

That's also why I don't like the idea that The Cat King is a Child of Desire. I get the connection between them, certainly, and why people like that idea. But making him a Child of the Endless gives him too much importance. Plus, as we saw from The Sandman, that would mean the other Endless couldn't mess with him, which I think would be a missed opportunity.

Maybe they will go that way in Season 2! It would certainly be a treat to see Lukas and Mason play off each other. And I'm sure I'd enjoy it.

But for now I'm enjoying writing Cat as a fifth-rate animal spirit from a tiny town who talks a big game and falls hard for an Edwardian ghost.

I wrote my version of The Cat King's background in my fic Cat and Ghost in case my analysis tickles your fancy.

[lesbicosmos]

day 5 of @painlandweek !!

day 5 prompt: canon divergence

summary:

what if, while esther was torturing edwin with her machine in episode 8, he screamed out specifically for charles? well, charles simply wouldn't be able to handle that without doing something about it.

notes:

title from i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie (one of the most payneland songs ever idc)

also on ao3!!

fear is the heart of love

Charles gasped awake, only to find himself in a vaguely familiar kitchen, with the face of Esther Finch staring back at him, a smirk on her face.

What had even happened? They’d said goodbye to Crystal, and then the next thing he knew, the butcher shop blew up and he and Edwin were trapped in a tiny cage in their most basic forms – tiny spheres of densely packed spectral energy. He didn’t remember anything else after that until right now, with the witch’s face only inches from his.

“Oh…there he is…” Esther said condescendingly. “Pow! Bam! Fire, burning! Remember that?” she teased, laughing. “I’m feeling bad that I trapped you in that little glass box, but…you teens, you’re just so hard to pin down.”

Charles was so angry. He wanted to say something, to scream, but couldn’t bring himself to. He had no idea where Edwin was, and that terrified him. For fuck’s sake, they’d only just escaped Hell! Could they not have had a little more time to recover from what happened before they were kidnapped by an immortal vengeful witch?

“And, if I’m being honest, I didn’t want you to ruin my plan and try to rescue your pal.”

At the mere mention of Edwin, Charles went to move, to grab her, to do anything to attack, but barely moved before finding himself in intense pain. Shit. Chares groaned, breathing heavily as he tried to move into a position where the collar that held him wasn’t touching his neck.

“Oh! Nasty sting. The choker’s iron,” Esther said, proudly.

“Where is Edwin?” Charles demanded. “Don’t you dare-”

“Where is Edwin? Where is he, mate? Oh!” Esther mocked, with a terrible impression of Charles’s accent. She laughed. “Honey, don’t be jealous. Once I get him up and screaming, I’ll come back and play with you, yeah?” The playful tone to her voice made Charles wish he had his cricket bat. “Just you wait,” she added, more severely.

Charles’s face contorted into an angry snarl.

“Boop!” she said, high pitched playfulness back in her voice as she tapped Charles’s nose, stood up and walked right past him, out of the kitchen.

Charles struggled, desperate to do something, anything, trying to move without hitting the iron circle around his neck. Monty cawed in his cage behind him.

From the other room, he could vaguely hear what Esther was saying over the music she was blasting throughout the house.

“Charles says hi,” she said.

Right, okay. At least Edwin was only in the next room. He wasn’t too far.

“Charles!” he heard Edwin yell. He sounded panicked, but not in pain. Not yet, at least.

Charles looked around desperately, trying to think of anything he could possibly use to escape. He really didn’t want to have to break out with his bare hands, but he hadn’t entirely dismissed the idea.

Esther’s voice had trailed off and he wasn’t able to make out what she was saying, but then he heard a mechanical whirring echoing through the house. What was she doing to him?

“This is amazing,” he finally heard her say after a few minutes. “I know it hurts, but you’re taking it like such a champ,” she said, presumably to Edwin. “Such a good boy. Don’t worry, it’s gonna get a lot worse.”

She was cackling. Charles wanted to strangle her.

Not too long later, the screaming started. Charles’s unbeating heart sank in his chest at the sound. Edwin was in there, suffering, and he was stuck in the fucking kitchen, chained to the counter with nothing but the repetitive cawing of a traitorous crow in his ear.

Edwin’s screams were horrifying, visceral. It made Charles’s blood boil at the thought. What was she doing to him for this to make him scream like that, after everything he had been through in Hell? And why couldn’t he do anything about it? Bloody hell, he was supposed to be Edwin’s protector! He was always meant to be there to step in between Edwin and whatever it was trying to hurt him. He’d already failed him once, already just watched in shock as the doll-head-spider-demon snatched him from right beside him, forcing him to re-live the worst things imaginable over and over again. But Charles had saved him then, marched right down there and got him back, so why couldn’t he save him now?

Charles weighed up his options, trying to think clearly despite the heart-wrenching echoes and the fact he was trying his hardest not to start crying. There were things around the room that he could probably use, if only he could reach them.

Monty cawed again, and Charles groaned in frustration.

“If you’re not gonna be helpful, could you please just shut up!” he yelled, turning to face the bird. His cage was open, almost tauntingly. The crow was free while he was imprisoned, chained in an iron collar.

Without making another sound, Monty flew out of the cage and out of the open window on the other side of the room.

“Fucking crow,” Charles muttered.

The screaming stopped, along with the whirring. He heard Esther’s voice, saying something indistinguishable. Maybe she’d given up? Stopped torturing Edwin and decided it was Charles’s turn now? Charles didn’t care. He hoped that was the case. He wished it was him in whatever machine she had created rather than Edwin.

Of course, this was Esther Finch he was talking about. She wasn’t that reasonable. She was just taunting him. The whirring kicked back in, louder this time, drowning out her wicked laugh. And the screams started again, only this time they were different. This time, Edwin was screaming out for Charles.

Hearing his own name in Edwin’s hoarse and wounded voice, paired with his strangled sobs of pain, broke something within Charles that wasn’t just his heart. Something in his mind snapped, like a call to action. He had to do something. No matter the consequence. He had to get him out of there. The mere thought of losing Edwin now, after everything; the mere thought of losing him at all just wasn’t a thought that made any semblance of sense in Charles’s mind. He could not accept it.

Which was why, holding his breath in anticipation of the pain, Charles moved onto his knees and spun around, facing the counter. He only hissed slightly at the pain as the choker grazed his neck. He reached into the pockets of his trousers, praying his gloves were in there to form any protection they could – they weren’t, of course. They were in the pockets of his jacket, which he assumed Esther had flung somewhere in the kitchen out of his reach just to taunt him.

“Right. Okay,” he whispered to himself, preparing for what he knew he had to do.

He reached out, wrapping both hands around the very end of the chain, right where it joined the edge of the counter. He grunted in pain, but pushed it away, the sounds of Edwin still screaming and crying out for him drowning out any feelings he might have had about his own situation. Ignoring the smoke beginning to rise from where the iron met his hands, ignoring the burning sensation eating away at him, Charles pulled on the chain. He pulled as hard as he could, hoping Esther hadn’t put some sort of enchantment on it.

Charles bit down on the inside of his cheek so hard that it would have bled if he were alive in an attempt to stay quiet. He couldn’t have Esther hearing his escape attempt. Sure, it might draw her away from Edwin temporarily, but she would only put Charles in an even worse situation, one he might not physically be able to escape, leaving Edwin abandoned in his torture.

Charles thought about Edwin as he desperately tried to break off the chain. He thought about his dry sarcastic humour and his lack of understanding of some of the modern world. He thought about how at peace he looked while reading a book about some new magic he was practising and how relaxed he seemed when it was just the two of them at the office. He thought about how immensely kind he was at heart, beneath the stern studious guise; about how that first night the two of them met, despite having just escaped Hell itself, he had sat and talked to a cold dying stranger, read to him as he slipped away. He thought about everything he had been through, being sucked back into Hell for a second time and torn apart over and over again; thought about how broken and vulnerable and impossibly brave he had been on that staircase, pouring his heart out to the boy he loved, the boy who loved him so much in return. He thought about how he couldn’t conceivably lose him, about how there was no Charles Rowland without Edwin Payne, not anymore.

All of that, along with the sound of Charles’s name being cried throughout the house, gave Charles enough willpower, enough anger- and love-fuelled strength, to break the chain from the side of the counter, launching himself backwards against the opposite wall. He winced as the collar hit the front of his neck on the rebound, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Iron burns were temporary and would fade in a few hours. What really mattered was that he was free, he could save Edwin.

He scrambled to his feet, holding his head up in a way that attempted to avoid touching the scorching iron. He left the kitchen and could see through into the other room. He couldn’t see Esther herself, could only hear her laughter, but he could see Edwin. He was strapped to a table, several metal rods all pointed down and prodding at him, either forcing some sort of energy into him or, the more likely option, drawing it out. He was glowing somehow, his body barely even corporeal, and his eyes were screwed tightly shut.

It was even worse than Charles anticipated. There was no way he could possibly fight Esther on his own, not when she was this powerful and had full control over whatever this device was that she was using to torture Edwin. He had to weaken her somehow, make her more vulnerable. He had to kill the snake that was keeping her young.

As though sensing Charles’s presence close by, Edwin looked over, and exhausted green eyes met determined brown ones.

“I’m going to save you,” Charles mouthed, hoping Edwin could read his lips. If he couldn’t, he at least hoped Edwin knew him well enough to assume. “I promise.”

As difficult as it was to turn his back, to look away from Edwin when he was in such a situation, Charles knew he would only be there suffering for longer if he didn’t get a move on.

He raced back into the kitchen, crouching down next to the cupboard that hid the entrance to the snake’s underground lair. In his haste, he’d forgotten about the band of iron still locked around his neck, and cursed as it touched his skin. He spotted his jacket thrown across the stove as predicted, and rummaged through the pockets. He put his gloves on and took out the lockpicking kit he kept in there for emergencies. Despite his hands shaking in the hurry, he expertly unpicked the lock on the collar, catching it in his hands before it could clatter to the ground and alert Esther to his freedom. He gently placed it down on the counter, before rushing back to the cupboard and unlocking the door. He pulled the cord inside, revealing the gaping hole that led straight downwards into the snake’s basement.

Ah. He realised he didn’t have his rope. Or anything to attack the snake with once he was down there. Everything was in his stupid infinite backpack, which was still at the fucking butcher’s shop. Trying to best a serpent that big with his bare hands was going to be a ghostly suicide mission, and would do nothing to help save Edwin.

Just as he was about to scream out in frustration, the sound of flapping wings caught his attention. He turned around to see Monty flying back in through the window. Clasped tightly in his beak was the handle of Charles’s backpack. He swooped down, dropping the backpack on the ground before the ghost, standing beside it proudly.

“Where’d you find this?” Charles asked in disbelief.

Monty cawed.

“Redemption arc, eh?”

Charles reached into the bag, taking out the rope Edwin had previously used to climb down into the depths of the house. He tied one end of the rope to the metal stovetop, hoping it would be strong enough to withstand his weight. Then, he grabbed the backpack, took hold of the rope, and jumped down.

It seemed like pure darkness down there, as though the place was just a void with hundreds upon thousands of bones and half-disintegrated clothes and toys forming a sort of nightmarish carpet. Charles knew the snake was down there though, hiding in the shadows.

He reached into the bag once again. He knew his trusted cricket bat just wouldn’t cut it this time, not against something as huge and powerful as that snake. And there wasn’t time to try. This called for a different weapon.

“I know I left one in here somewhere,” he muttered, rummaging around until he found what he was looking for. “Aha.” He pulled out a long, slightly curved sword, immediately brandishing it and standing his ground.

He could hear the beast close by, lurking, preparing to attack. What the snake didn’t know was Charles was prepared too.

At least, he thought he was. The thing came out of the shadows from behind, knocking him down and sending the sword flying across the floor. Charles groaned, standing up immediately and retrieving his weapon. It was only then he had realised he had actually felt the attack, and stumbled forwards slightly. Magic snake, magic wounds. This might be harder than he thought.

And with Edwin up there suffering as long as this thing was still alive, that just wouldn’t do. Charles stood up straight, holding the sword ready to attack. He knew where it was now, could hear it edging towards him, hissing. It was right behind him, closing in. When it was close enough, Charles leapt upwards, utilising his ghostly ability of not fully adhering to the laws of gravity, flipping backwards in mid-air and bringing the sword down on the snake’s neck as it moved to attack the spot he had been standing in moments prior.

With a wave of magical flames, the snake was gone. Not just dead, but properly gone, leaving no trace.

Right, Charles thought. Now he just had to get back up there and deal with whatever was left of that witch. He had no idea how old she was, but he was hoping to find a fragile shell of a being where the powerful, deranged Esther Finch once stood. He climbed back up the rope, thankful that it seemed sturdy enough under his weight, and collapsed on the kitchen floor.

As he was catching his breath, he heard the front door open. He sat up to find Crystal and Niko sneaking through the house towards him.

“Crystal!” Charles hissed.

“Charles? Oh my god, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, it’s Edwin we need to worry about. I’ve killed the snake, she should have aged by now.”

“How? Your bag- we were gonna bring it but then that fucking crow came-”

“He brought the bag to me, it’s fine, now let’s go.”

Charles got up to move, but Crystal stopped him.

“Hey, wait. We came up with a plan.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Well, you’ve done half of it, but I’ve got Esther covered. You two go in there and get Edwin out of that machine.”

Charles and Niko nodded, crawling through the hallway to the other room while Crystal walked around to where Esther was. As it turned out, they hadn’t needed to sneak. Esther was in a heap on the ground, looking so wrinkled and fragile it was barely even a fight anymore. Crystal stepped over to her, crouching down by her side. She tried to hiss something at her, but Crystal just grabbed her wrist, her head tipping back and her eyes going white as she slipped into Esther’s memories. While she did that, Charles and Niko darted over to Edwin.

The machine had turned itself off, seemingly connected to Esther’s life force, and Edwin was panting, stilly lying flat on the table.

“Hey,” Charles said, standing beside the table and placing his hands either side of Edwin’s face. “We’ve got you. You’re alright.”

“Charles…” Edwin said weakly.

Gently, the two of them pulled Edwin up into a sitting position, and he peered down at where Crystal was kneeling beside Esther.

“Come on, mate, let’s get you out of here.”

Charles wrapped one of Edwin’s arms around his shoulders and lifted him off the table, as gently as he could. He had no idea what kind of pain he was in, and the last thing he wanted was to make any of it worse.

“Charles…your hands,” Edwin said, weakly lifting a hand to point at the burns on Charles’s palms.

“They’ll heal, Edwin, it’s you I’m worried about.”

Carefully, they carried Edwin out into the hall and towards the front door, but before they could open it, it opened on its own. There was a woman stood there, tall and dripping water from a source none of them could identify.

“No!” they heard the body that was barely Esther cry out. “No! Please!”

The strange woman in the door silently stepped in, grabbing Esther by the ankles as she screamed out. She dragged her out of the door, slamming it behind her.

Crystal, out of breath, must have seen the confused shock on all three of their faces and simply explained, “Lilith.”

When they got back to the Tongue and Tail – or what was left of it at least – Charles immediately took Edwin back to the office through the closest mirror, moving him to sit on the sofa. He was still shaken up by everything, so let Charles guide him. Charles knelt on the ground in front of him, seemingly checking him over for any injuries.

“Charles. What happened to your hands?” Edwin asked, worriedly.

“Mate, don’t worry about me, honestly,” Charles insisted.

“Charles.”

Charles sighed, knowing Edwin wasn’t going to give this up.

“Look,” he said, offering his hands out to him. “They’re fine. We’re ghosts, iron burns heal quick.”

Charles was right. Where the burns had originally been intense, reddened, like any burn on a living person, now they had already become less inflamed, and had even begun to scar over.

Edwin’s hand reached for Charles’s jaw, cupping his face and his fingers gently brushed over the similar marks on his neck.

“What did she do to you?”

“I really think you’re focusing on the wrong person here.”

Edwin moved his hands, instead taking Charles’s in his own. He hesitated for a moment before bringing Charles’s hands up to his face and gently pressing a kiss to his palm.

Charles froze up. He didn’t know how to respond to that, to a touch so gentle from his best friend, from the boy who had suffered so much. He’d just been tortured, had the energy of his own trauma sucked out of him by a witch for nearly two hours, all only a couple of days after escaping Hell for a second time, and here he was holding Charles’s hands so gently, kissing the scars that had formed. Charles thought his iron burns were nothing compared to what Edwin was going through, yet Edwin only seemed worried about him.

Edwin must have felt Charles freeze up because he let go of his hands, moving away from him slightly.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Hey, don’t apologise.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You wouldn’t, okay?”

“But now you know how I feel-”

Charles took Edwin’s face in his hands, gently stroking his cheek with his thumb.

“I know. And…” he took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about that, actually. When you were in Hell, then when Esther had you, it made me realise… I really couldn’t go on without you. You’re…alright, I might not be sure if I’m in love with you, but I think I could be. The only reason I don’t know is because I’ve got nothing to compare it to, I don’t really know what it feels like. But yeah, I could be. I want to be. You’re the only person I could ever imagine loving this much.”

There had been tears welling up in Edwin’s eyes ever since Charles had seen him strapped to that table, but they only appeared to be threatening to spill now.

“Charles, please do not say these things to make me happy.”

“I’m not,” Charles shook his head. “I mean it. God, Edwin, you’re everything to me.”

“And you are everything to me,” Edwin said austerely. “Which means you cannot go throwing yourself into danger or pain for me as often as you do.”

“I couldn’t let that witch keep using you as a battery! Hearing you screaming, I…” Charles trailed off, now holding back tears of his own at the memory of that sound, of Edwin suffering and Charles feeling so powerless to stop it. “I can’t lose you, okay?”

“Charles…the feeling is mutual.”

Charles acted on an impulse. It was what he always did, and it had a tendency to end poorly for them, but this time it felt right. It was simply an instinct to lean forwards slightly, closing the gap between his lips and Edwin’s. He kissed him softly, gently, and Edwin gasped before kissing back. When they parted, Charles’s hands still on Edwin’s cheeks, he leaned back in only to rest their foreheads together. If any breath actually escaped their lungs when they breathed, they would have been able to feel the warmth on each other’s faces.

“I will always protect you,” Charles whispered. “You can’t stop me.”

Edwin sighed, his eyes falling closed.

“Well, I suppose we just have to try and avoid any existence-threatening situations as much as we can.”

“I highly doubt there’s gonna be another Esther Finch around,” Charles shuddered slightly at the thought.

No, they needed a well-earned break from creatures as intense as her.

“We can only hope.”

Charles finally removed his hands from Edwin’s face, this time snaking his arms around Edwin’s waist to pull him in for a hug. It was awkward, with Edwin being on the sofa and Charles being knelt on the ground in front of him, but they made it work. They held each other tightly.

They were safe.

They were home.

They were together.

And that was all that mattered.

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: Episode 1- The Case of Crystal Palace

Episode Overview:

29 total, 12 different words said by 9 characters.

Edwin: 1 Fuck, 1 Damn, 1 Bloody Hell

Charles: 1 Fuck, 1 Shit, 1 Bastard, 1 Piss

Crystal: 2 Fuck, 2 Shit, 1 Ass, 4 God, 3 Jesus, 2 Screw

Jenny: 1 Shit, 1 Jesus

David: 2 Fuck

Esther: 1 Jesus

Tabby: 1 Fuck

Emma: 1 Twat

Simon: 1 Prat

Curses Per Character:

Edwin: 3

Charles: 4

Crystal: 14

Jenny: 2

David: 2

Esther: 1

Tabby Cat: 1

Emma: 1

Simon: 1

Uses Per Word:

Fuck: 7

Shit: 4

Ass: 1

Damn: 1

Bloody Hell: 1

God: 4

Jesus: 5

Twat: 1

Bastard: 1

Prat: 1

Piss: 1

Screw: 2

Lines:

Edwin: Bloody Hell! (when running from the gas mask ghost on the street)

Charles: Edwin, hurry the fuck up!

Emma: Fine you twats. How much?

David: I'll fucking gut you! (x2 while possessing Crystal)

Crystal: Oh my god, why can’t I remember?

Crystal: It's just a stupid fucking name.

Edwin: I'll jot that down in my journal of opinions I do not give a damn about.

Crystal: Jesus, where did he go?

Charles: Piss off, cat.

Tabby Cat: Fuck you. I'm not telling you nothing about that house or the witch inside

Crystal: Oh, Jesus. I'm gonna wait in the bathroom until they leave.

Crystal: Holy shit, did you take some of my memories? I don’t have some screwed-up amnesia, you took them.

Crystal: God! I just need a second, okay?

Crystal: So maybe he's our fucking demon now!

Simon: Give this little prat a proper scare.

Crystal: God, I just want to take their heads and just crush them together, I am so mad!

Jenny: Maybe you catch someone on a good day and they care about you for like a minute, and then they go right back to caring about all their own bullshit.

Crystal: Jesus, I am such an idiot.

Crystal: Oh my god, I never even thought about the fact that they could still be alive.

Edwin: Police don't know what to do with a fucking witch!

Charles: The little bastards are pretty clever, and their scratches sting like fire.

Jenny: Jesus! I thought you were like a meat robber!

Crystal: Which was totally my bad and very screwed up and I should have told you everything.

Crystal: Holy shit. (Edwin tells her about girl turned into small piece of plastic)

Charles: Look Edwin, you're the smart one, and I'm the one who does shit like this.

Esther: Monty! Jesus! I'm trying to threaten some kids!

Crystal: He's still a stalker, still an asshole. But I am going to get my memories back.

Notes:

Both of David’s “I’ll fucking gut you”s are said while possessing Crystal during the subway fight. These were counted under David’s total, and not Crystal’s.

Not Included:

Crystal flips off Edwin in the malt shop

Not a curse, but…

A “Mary Ann” was slang for “an effeminate male homosexual; a young boy used as a catamite in prison.”

Edwin is called this 8 times during his sacrifice: three times by Simon, and then it is chanted an additional five times by all the boys.

Is this a curse? I dunno, I’m not British:

Charles: “Piss off, cat”

Simon: “Give this little prat a proper scare”

UPDATED:

-Updated to include the two British curses above (thanks @cheriebryantsart!) , ‘screw’, and an ‘oh my god’ from Crystal I missed- all charts and text should now be updated and accurate!

- Replaced ‘Uses Per Word’ chart with a version with better labels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by episode

Swearing by character

Swearing by word

All Swearing posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detective ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress.

[darklinaforever]

Love how the cat king says “I don’t see the harm in one little spell.” About the bracelet and then is the cause of the gang being almost killed by a witch, Charles having to relive childhood trauma, Edwin going into gay panic, Jenny being attacked by a psychopath, Charles having to literally relive his death, Edwin realizing he's in love with Charles, Monty being “killed”, the boys being almost killed by a mushroom, the boys being almost dragged to their afterlives, Edwin being dragged to hell, Crystal having to fight her abusive ex boyfriend, Edwin confessing his love to Charles, Jenny having to know about ghosts and stuff, Edwin being tortured, and Niko getting killed.

Yes of course... The Cat King is responsible for all the horrible things that happened to the group! Bad faith is powerful here.

Also, just to say...

Edwin and Charles would surely have been found whether they stayed in town or not since they had already been spotted following Charles' possession of Esther. And given the determination of the woman who wanted to find them, believe me she would have done it at one point or another. And she would have made Charles relive his death just as much probably too.

Crystal, for her part, should have fought David whether she was in Port Townsed or not ! I remember that the guy was always on her mind before she went there.

And then, what does the Cat King have to do with the fact that Jenny was almost killed by a psychopath ? This girl literally said she had to start cleaning again before she started trying to kill Jenny, implying that she must have killed other women before. So it probably would have happened to Jenny at some point, whether Niko got involved or not.

And then... Monty is not dead. He was just transformed back into a crow.

And in fact, fortunately the Cat King warned Edwin of the trap of society, so he was at least prepared.

The Cat King is not responsible for Esther's behavior. If Esther tried to kill the group it was purely her fault, that crazy person. And I remind you that the Cat King literally gave crucial information about Esther to Niko and Crystal so that they could save Edwin and Charles with a minimum of success.

The delusion of an event caused by one person who is responsible for everything that follows is a stupid reasoning.

I can do it too ! Look : If Edwin hadn't cast a spell on a cat, the Cat King wouldn't have put the bracelet on him ! So it's all Edwin's fault ! Or again : f Crystal hadn't insisted on going to resolve the case of the disappearance of the little girl kidnapped by Esther while the boys had never practiced outside of London, well none of that would have happened !

And if someone dares to tell me that, yes but Edwin and Crystal did this for good reasons, what do you think the Cat King did ? He simply temporarily punished with a spell, someone who himself cast a spell on one of his cats, one of his subjects / member of his people, by trapping him in turn. Not to mention that Edwin is quite disdainful towards the cat by validating the thought that for him, yes, cats are all alike.

Brief ! In any case, delighted to at least note that this person recognizes that without Cat King there will be no Edwin who admits to being gay and even less confesses to Charles.