#especially since no one actually acknowledges this officially

[crossdressingdeath]

Ah, I think what we're getting into here is the difference between Andrastianism and the Chantry. There were a lot of different Andrastian sects(? Cults? Not entirely sure what the right word is, but I'm gonna go with sects) when the Chantry was first founded; most of them aren't around anymore (at least some of them gone because of the Chantry and its habit of wiping out every other religious group it can, see the codex entry on the Daughters of Song for an example; that one's especially nasty since they were pacifists and the Chantry steamrolled over them anyway), but even in the games' time period there's still a couple, most notably Chantry Andrastianism and Tevinter Andrastianism. Orlais chose a very warlike sect to follow right from the start, which might just have been because that's how Orlesians are but it's still a thing to keep in mind: the sect the Chantry came out of was already one that glorified war above most other things. How convenient for an expansionist empire! The Chantry itself was absolutely created from that initial sect with propping Orlais up in mind, and it has stuck to that mandate pretty consistently throughout Thedas's history (even up to the occupation of Ferelden, the Orlesian king put in charge had a Chantry advisor; as far as I'm aware there was no significant Chantry presence among the rebels, at least not in any official capacity). It's also important to me to keep in mind that in the games there is a vague acknowledgement of how Andrastians don't necessarily follow the Chantry and many don't agree with it; Anders is a devout Andrastian, and he understandably despises the organization. Varric is Andrastian, and Cassandra comments he wouldn't be caught dead in a Chantry. Basically the Chantry as an institution and Andrastianism as a religion are not the same thing, the Chantry was created with a specific goal that Andrastianism did not share, and after a point they have to be discussed as separate entities.

I sort of agree with the "institutions are at their heart the people" thing? But also that only goes so far when we're talking about an institution that is fundamentally not in it to do good, or at least not for anyone who isn't already wealthy and in a position of power. I think the best example is Mother Giselle; she was working in Jader during a famine, and she demanded the Chantry step up and offer aid to the people who were starving. She's the epitome of someone determined to do good within the Chantry and fulfill their supposed mandate of charity. And... the Chantry refused to help. Just straight up refused to send aid no matter how many times she entreated them to help these desperate people. Eventually Mother Giselle fell back on a hunger strike, and that worked (although the Chantry insisted she feed herself and her fellow sisters first, which they merrily refused to do; I have issues with Mother Giselle but this is very good, gotta respect the determination). But the Chantry was so furious with her for "shaming" them and forcing their hand that by breaking that famine she ensured she would never be able to move any higher in the institution than she was already. Mother Giselle was fighting the Chantry the whole way and was punished for succeeding. That's kind of the running theme in the Chantry; there are a lot of genuinely good people who are genuinely determined to help! But outside of the individual level they consistently find themselves stymied and slapped down by the organization they serve, because the Chantry does not actually exist to help and does not actually want to. There comes a point where you can't take the intentions of people who join up as the true purpose of the institution, because the institution absolutely does not agree with those intentions and will do everything in its power to shut them down. (Also I mean there comes a point where it's like... hey if you people are in this to help people why aren't you quitting when it becomes clear the organization is going to demand you hurt people at every turn, Keran DA2 you will always be famous to me.)

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT. Thank you Dorian for being the best once again and pointing out that hey maybe if the Chantry didn't treat their mages like shit and traumatize all of them they'd get possessed less often.

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

[sreegs]

I reblogged it earlier but I'm glad the Something Awful Forums 9/11 thread was archived because it's an incredibly important slice of internet history. For the record I think 9/11 was thousands of personal tragedies for the direct victims of the attacks but one big national farce that led to America's ongoing slide into fascism, and the nationalism and remembrance around it is a joke especially in the wake of the same amount of deaths every fucking day in the US during the height of coronavirus.

Nevertheless I think it's important that if you do not remember because you were too young or just didn't exist on Sept 11, 2001 to read the Something Awful 9/11 forums to get an idea of what the internet was like at the moment when America changed to 24 hour news cycles and renewed hyper-nationalism not seen since WWII.

This all happened before Twitter, Facebook, before Discord. Before smart phones. Before most people had cell phones. When a lot of people still had dial-up internet, even. Some people in the thread were relying on radio because internet and TV weren't keeping up.

It was a live event of internet denizens reacting to the biggest national event (and among the biggest international events) of the past 25 years. It was also a slice of what the internet was like at the turn of the millennium. Not only that, but people accurately calling out who was responsible, and what would result before the attacks even finished.

Keep in mind that the links that follow contain images of the event, lots of Islamophobia, people calling for the Middle East to be nuked, people blaming Palestine, casual racist and homophobic language (this was Something Awful after all), etc etc. They preserved the first 17 pages which spanned about 24 hours during the events. It's the origin of the "WATCH BUSH START A FUCKING WAR" screenshot.

Links under the fold. I've also annotated the pages with notes regarding the timeline and any posts of interest. Note the thread was preserved in Pacific Time even though the page says times are Eastern. That's incorrect. Post timestamps are 3 hours behind Eastern Time, which is the time zone where the attacks occurred:

Page 1 - Note the first post was edited to include images of the second attack. The thread started after the first plane hit. Second plane hitting the WTC happens here too.

Page 2 - Poster accurately calling out Bin Laden was responsible at 9:14 AM EST

Page 3 - "WATCH BUSH START A FUCKING WAR"

Page 4

Page 5 - First official acknowledgement it was a terrorist attack.

Page 6 - Pentagon hit

Page 7

Page 8

Page 9 - Commercial flights grounded by FAA (Federal Aviation Administration)

Page 10 - First mention of towers collapsing at end of page

Page 11 - More reactions to collapse of first tower. People thinking it was a bomb or yet another plane. Rumors about a fourth plane just missing the White House (these are false and predate the actual 4th plane crash by minutes)

Page 12

Page 13 - By this point there's just rampant speculation about more bombs at the WTC, the US Capitol building being hit, etc (all false). Remember this is all just people reacting to TV news and radio and the rumor mill via phone, AIM, IRC, and maybe text messages.

Page 14 - By this point internet news sites are overwhelmed

Page 15 - Second tower collapses. First acknowledgement of the fourth plane that crashed in PA.

Page 16 - There's an abrupt time jump in the threads, I think it was the result of admins pruning the activity or the SA forums going down. This page starts on 9/12 even though it is page 16. American flag signatures and ribbons start appearing.

Page 17

[hikari-m]

{I forgot to show this... Way back in 2k21, when the Digi-Partners site was asking about "Favorite"{s}... I left a Koushiro-positive comment (about enjoying Koushiro's {full} character + story) And I logged in again today And apparently they saw and "Like"'d it} :')

(Even if it may have been automatic, it makes me happy.)

[pinkrangerv]

I'm not sure this is totally a joke?

We don't have good healthcare, but Ibuprofen or Tylonol are 2 bucks a bottle, with 100 or so tablets a bottle, caffeine is a national staple, and if you know where to go you can lay hands on herbs that--when you cross-check historic records--are actually decent over-the-counter medication for a lot of conditions, although they're not formally studied. Plus booze is really easy to get.

All these things have medicinal uses. Functionally, most people can go to the doctor, but only for severe illnesses. If you just have a cold, or even pneumonia, you're on your own.

If we didn't have anything to treat it with, that would very likely start a civil war. Historically, people dying presentably is a very reliable cause of shooting wars\stabbing leaders\pitchforks and torches.

But if you have DayQuil, you're going to feel well enough to put in your shift at work. So you still have money in the bank, and while the long-term effect is that anyone doing this dies young, you can half-ass enough medical care on your own to die in retirement instead of ending up jobless because you could barely move.

This is part of why the fight to legalize weed revolves heavily around medical use. We don't have health care, so CBD and THC are extremely heavy hitters for what we can get our hands on--they're painkillers on the level of opioids without the addictive properties, they can function as treatments for anxiety and mood disorders, they can be sleep aids that are, again, non-addictive, and that's the stuff we know (by checking against historic records and collecting people's stories, as well as a couple actual scientific studies) right now.

So yeah, these lax regulations are probably somewhat intentional. The FDA and some people in the government are aware that shooting wars are bad, so while both groups are pushing for universal health care (and guess what a long-term Dem goal is?), they're providing enough escape valves to stop anyone shooting in the meantime.

[vanishingstarrs]

twenty something ( k. bakugo x reader, established relationship, just soft and pure vibes, down bad bakugo ) ( it was my bday on friday and i wanted to write something short and sweet, self indulgent for sure )

You didn’t care for birthdays.

You had never made a huge fuss over your own, anyway.

The last birthday party you remember having was back when you were still obsessed with fairy princesses and only spoke in broken sentences, likely only five.

Since then, it had really only ever been small dinners and hardly any presents. Your family never really had the means to do anything huge and you told yourself you never minded, that all you ever cared for was the acknowledgment of the day. And that was never skipped or glanced over, there was never a lack of love and you always felt grateful for another year.

It was true, you did feel that way and after the war those feelings only grew. You were more appreciative than ever, even more so for all the new friends and loved ones in your life.

Your boyfriend, Katsuki, especially.

And though you weren’t expecting anything, your boyfriend had other ideas. He’d come over the night before to make you dinner and give you a few gifts he’d gotten you. You swooned over his attention to detail, he cooked your favorite meal and got you things he knew you’d love.

“Katsuki…”

“I know.” He sighed,“You might not wanna accept it, I know how you are, you think it’s too much, but I’m not returning it.”

He stood up, walking behind you and pulling the intricately detailed locket from the box you had just opened, he unclasped it and moved your hair aside to secure it onto your neck,“Open it.”

You listened, opening the locket and feeling your heart swell.

Your boyfriend had not only gone through the trouble to get both your initials engraved on the back of the necklace, but he’d already gone ahead and selected two of your favorite pictures. One was just your favorite photo of him and the second was one of you two together from the first date you’d gone on together. It’d taken you so long to convince him to take that picture with you and as a result was now one of your favorites.

“Thank you, my love.” You looked up and kissed his cheek,“I love it very much.”

“Just thought you should have something, just in case…”

You gave him a look,“We don’t think like that, love, but I appreciate the sentiment you were going for and I’ll cherish it, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, baby.” He gave you a small smile,“Alright, you can open the rest, this was the only major one, don’t worry.”

You smiled and shared another kiss before proceeding to go through the rest of the gifts he’d gotten you. You worked in the hospital and he’d gotten a few things that would be useful; a few cute pens, a new pair of comfy shoes you’d been wanting to try out since your feet were always killing you, and a brand new water bottle (your last one got crushed after you accidentally ran it over with your car) and with it he’d also gotten tons of adorable stickers to decorate it.

You smiled big when you pulled a Hello Kitty plush out of the next bag and he rolled his eyes like he hadn’t been the one to purchase it.

“Don’t think I’m feeding your addiction to that weird ass cat.” He scoffed,“Just thought this one was actually kind of cool.”

Cool was an understatement.

Hello Kitty was known for lots of collabs with many of your favorite shows and characters, but this one? This plush was dressed in your boyfriend’s hero costume and the tag on it had his hero agency’s name on it so it was definitely official and not just some knock off.

“Didn’t even know they made these.” He explained,“Don’t remember approving that shit.”

You blushed,“I might’ve seen the papers on your desk one day and signed for you…”

“What?!” He stood up, shocked.

You shrugged,“I didn’t know they were actually going to go through with it, Sanrio teases lots of collabs so when I never saw it in stores I just guessed they went a different route.”

“When were you even in my office?” He asked, curious instead of upset.

“About a month ago, baby, remember? You were asked to patrol last minute because Eijiro’s wife went into labor and we had planned to have lunch together so I ended up dropping off food just in case you got a chance to stop and eat. I think your assistant, what’s his name, dropped off the papers and since I saw the logo on it… and well, I couldn’t help peeking.” You told him the story, feeling slightly guilty.

He rolled his eyes,“You’re lucky I don’t give a shit about that kinda stuff, otherwise I’d—”

You gasped suddenly,“Oh. My. God! Baby, what if they ask you to do a photo shoot with Hello Kitty, herself?! Wouldn’t that be amazing?”

Your boyfriend couldn’t help chuckle at your excitement,“I suppose it would be, a little bit, and I promise if that happens you’ll be on set with me that day, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, sweetie.” You gave him a big kiss and he handed you one final bag.

“Last one.” He said.

You rose an eyebrow at him as you peeked inside,“A dress? Do we have an occasion?”

“Only the best day of the year.” Katsuki took your hand and pulled you up to give you a hug,“I wanted to celebrate with you today because I’m a selfish bastard and I like having you to myself.” You felt him check his watch,“It’s officially midnight and officially your birthday.”

He pulled away slightly, holding your waist with one arm and placing his other hand on your cheek, making you immediately lean into the warmth of his touch. The kiss he gave you was gentle and full of so much love, you already knew this was your favorite of all birthdays just for the fact that you were spending it with him.

You opened your eyes and his gaze gave you butterflies, you felt like you did on your first date.

“Happy birthday, my love.”

“Thank you, Katsuki.” Your cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling so much.

“And I lied.” He said,“I do have one more thing for you, but it won’t be until later. We’ll sleep soon, and I’ll have a few more things to take care of before it, but I’d like you to take my card—”

“Baby, no…” You began to deny, he’d already gotten you enough.

“Yes.” He insisted,“You have a dress, all you need to do is find some accessories. Get some shoes, buy a new purse, hell buy yourself the whole store, baby, go fucking crazy. I’m asking nicely, and I’ll make sure you get something, trust me. And I want you ready by three, got it?”

You knew arguing with your boyfriend was pointless, that was one bad thing about the both of you, you were equally stubborn and fighting only ended when you got tired of it.

“Fine.” You relented.

True to his word, you went to bed soon after the gifts. Your boyfriend brought an overnight bag and you were happy to have him hold you in bed. When you woke up, however, his side of the bed was empty and in its place lay a birthday card.

You picked it up, smiling at the design he’d gone with and pictured him standing in front of the display for a long time before deciding. You opened it and out fell your boyfriend’s credit card, you rolled your eyes and set it aside to read the contents of the note.

Happy birthday, my pretty girl. I know you’re new to celebrating, but I plan to change that soon. You deserve the world and more, I’ll do my best to make sure you get it.

P.S. Please enjoy this breakfast (see nightstand) and be dressed by 9. Mina will be stopping by to ensure you shop for all your needs.

P.P.S. I love you.

You quickly turned and found the aforementioned breakfast, a cup of hot coffee, and a beautiful bouquet of tulips decorated your nightstand. You smiled and snapped a photo, sending it to your boyfriend along with a thank you.

He must’ve just left to take care of whatever he was planning.

You tried not to think about it or your nerves and overthinking would definitely kick in. You ate your food and sipped your coffee in bed while checking and responding to any birthday messages, picking up immediately when you saw your parents calling. You almost teared up when they started singing happy birthday and laughed along with them, asking if you’ll see them later in the week for your annual dinner. They agreed and you finished the call with ‘I love you’s’.

By the time nine rolled around, you were ready and right on time was Mina’s knocking on your door. You opened it and got greeted with a hug.

“I heard free shopping trip and here I am!” She cheered,“Ready to do some damage?”

“Not quite.” You blushed,“What do you know about his plans?”

She shrugged,“Sworn to secrecy, dude, sorry.”

You scoffed and laughed as you said,“Whatever happened to chicks before dicks?”

You’d met Mina as a result of dating Katsuki and ever since then you’d hit it off with her as much as you had your boyfriend, you never really had too many close girlfriends and she was a very welcome surprise into your life.

“Doing this for my chick.” She elbowed you teasingly,“So grab ya bag, girl, we have places to be and money to spend!”

You listened, grabbing your purse and reluctantly taking your boyfriend’s card as per his request.

It didn’t take long for Mina to decide which stores you should head into. It did, however, take more than a few for you to actually want to buy anything. It wasn’t that you didn’t see things you liked, but it was hard for you to accept your boyfriend was paying for you.

You’d been brought up to be independent and though you knew the importance of being taken care of, it was hard not being the giver for once.

A pair of shoes eventually caught your eye and Mina caught on quick, calling over an associate with a mischievous smile,“My friend would love to see these in a size seven, please.”

“Right away, miss.”

The woman left to find them and you sighed,“I don’t know, Mina.”

“Girl, please, your man literally is begging you to spend some of his money and you’re hesitating? These shoes are to die for and he explicitly stated you should get some to match your dress. We already got a few cute pieces of jewelry, I think these would match perfectly to those.”

In the end, Mina convinced you. Or the saleswoman did, when she revealed the shoes you were trying on would actually go on sale next week and that she’d be happy to adjust the price for your special occasion.

For once, you’d been happy to reveal it was your birthday and you walked away even happier with your bargain made.

“That was so nice of her.” You beamed as you followed Mina around a purse store she liked.

You definitely didn’t need one of those, but your eyes wandered aimlessly to pass the time.

“Mhm.” She agreed before holding up a bag,“And how hot is this bag?! C’mon, Bakugo would want you to have this.”

You regretted turning around as you actually really liked the one she’d been trying to show you,“Nope, got a bag, but thanks.”

“And you have shoes and jewelry, babe, the whole point of this trip was to treat yourself.” Your friend countered. She was right and you hated it.

You sighed,“I know, but I bought stuff already…”

“A few inexpensive sterling silver rings off that lady’s booth outside and a pair of shoes marked way down from the original price, this would be an actual treat.”

“Yes, but… I mean he already got me this nice necklace and the dress and all the other little things, plus he’s planning who knows what, I don’t think I need a new purse, mine may not be designer but it’s held up and it’ll be fine for a while longer.” You explained.

“He has the means to,” Mina walked up to you and pulled your current bag off your shoulder to replace with the one she was trying to convince you on,“Plus no one ever needs a new purse, it’s a want and it’s okay to have those, you know.”

You remembered the birthday card. You deserve the world and more…

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you sighed. Mina walked up behind you and wrapped her arms around you, smiling and raising her eyebrows,“So…? Whatcha gonna do?”

She drove a hard bargain.

“You need to consider you might be in the wrong field.” You pushed her playfully as she looped her arm through yours and led the way to the cash register. Your heart might have actually broken while swiping your boyfriend’s card across and your fingers were definitely shaking as you typed in the pin for it.

You knew your boyfriend received alerts for any purchases, especially big ones, and you were just about ready to turn back around when you heard your phone ping, assuming the worst. He had to be pissed at that one.

k (ृ ु*`ω´)ु: Glad to see Mina’s doing her job, don’t you dare feel guilty. You deserve this and more. 🧡

You looked up to find Mina glancing at you and smiling,“Told ya.”

The last purchase you made was with your own money as you’d run out of your favorite blush and needed to replace it. You enjoyed lunch with your friend and she drove you back home where she proceeded to stake claim on your bedroom floor to get herself ready with you.

“You’re really not gonna tell me?” You asked your friend as you applied a light layer of foundation.

“I’m sure you could guess…” Mina shrugged as she curled her eyelashes,“But I really can’t say, all he told me was to take you shopping and keep you busy until three. He’s having a car pick us up.”

“You don’t even know?!” You turned around, shock written all over your face.

Mina snorted,“No, I’m trolling you, I totally know.”

“Ugh.”

You got ready in silence, save for some music Mina decided to play from a small portable speaker she brought with her.

Once the clock hit three, you were officially an anxious wreck. Your phone pinged.

k (ृ ु*`ω´)ु: Your carriage awaits.

You made sure Mina was ready and that you weren’t forgetting anything before heading out, finding your “carriage” was your boyfriend’s car and he stood by the passenger door, holding the door open for you with a lazy smile. He was wearing nice clothes too and your eyes stuck to him like glue,“Wow.”

“Wow yourself.” He gave you a quick kiss, careful not to smudge your lipstick.

Mina fake gagged,“You two are disgusting.”

“Shut up and get in.” Katsuki told her before turning back to you, eyes soft,“You ready?”

You released a deep breath,“I guess so… I mean what am I even ready for?”

He smiled,“Don’t stress, just go with it. You’re about to find out anyway.”

It was hard not to, and you were sure your palms were sweating more than his as Katsuki always held your hand while driving.

You were quick to recognize the drive back to his house and relaxed a little bit, deciding he was right. Enough was enough, why not just go with it? You had amazing friends and an even better boyfriend, you deserved to get treated nicely. And he would never plan anything you weren’t ready for or wouldn’t like, as proven by the night before and the morning of shopping.

You didn’t see any cars or anything parked outside his house and you narrowed your eyes at him,“What’s going on? Seriously.”

He said nothing as he got out and opened your door for you, extending a hand out and helping you out of the car in your fancy new clothes and accessories. “Close your eyes.”

“For?”

“Please.”

Mina nudged you from behind and you obliged quickly.

He held your hand and led you with one hand on your lower back as you dutifully kept your eyes closed, you heard the jingling of keys and figured Mina must be unlocking the door for you.

“Watch your step.” Katsuki warned you and you felt him help you regardless as you stepped into his house.

Not one second of warning was given before it happened.

“Surprise!”

You opened your eyes immediately, hands going up to your mouth as you found your entire group of friends in your boyfriend’s living room, wearing party hats and blowing noisemakers. Streamers and balloons littered the room and a cake with your name on it sat on a designated dessert table. You almost cried when you spotted your parents and two brothers in one section.

“Happy birthday, baby.” Katsuki whispered in your ear before you were tackled by your family first, then your friends, and even some of your work family had shown up to wish you another happy year.

You felt a little overwhelmed at first, but slowly you relaxed. It hit you how happy you were, how much joy had been brought on by everything your boyfriend had done. You hadn’t experienced this type of celebration in a long time and it was nice to be seen by those who you held dear. Your boyfriend hardly left your side as you spoke and got around to saying hi to everyone. “Don’t let him go.” Your mother even whispered into your hair as she hugged you tight and gave you kisses,“Good ones are hard to come by.”

“He’s the best.” You agreed with a huge smile.

You eventually split up as you spoke with a few of your friends and even some of his, happy to catch up with Kirishima’s wife.

You held her son and spouted baby nonsense to him as she spoke your ear off about how her husband and Katsuki had been thick as thieves planning the day months in advance, and how she’d even been roped into calling people and checking on their availability. You thanked her for being part of it and looked up to where the two men now stood away, somehow still looking mischievous. You didn’t doubt they might even already be planning the next thing.

The night went by in the blink of an eye.

You saw friends you hadn’t seen in a while, learned the hard truth of standing awkwardly in front of a cake while everyone sang happy birthday to you, ate amazing food and cake, had a couple drinks, and lastly opened a few more gifts from those who had brought one. (You may or may not have received a few more Dynamite x Hello Kitty collab items).

Katsuki held you from behind as you watched your and his friends mingle together,“Did I do a good job?”

“I don’t know how I’ll top it for yours.” You said back, turning around in his arms, placing yours around his neck,“You did amazingly, I never thought I would have this one day.”

“For the rest of your life, I promise you will.”

You didn’t know why, but it felt much heavier when he said that. Like he wasn’t just promising you a lifetime of birthday parties, but like he was promising something else. You thought back to the way he smirked at you across the room when you saw him talking to Kirishima and your heart skipped again. There was no way. You’d only been together for a little over a year…

And yet…

Nah.

You pushed those thoughts away and allowed yourself to be happy in the now.

In his arms.

You kissed him,“I love you.”

You really couldn’t have asked for a better day, surrounded by the people who loved you— or for a better boyfriend, who made you feel seen in both little and big ways. Who went out of his way to ensure you were always happy and loved. You might just have a new favorite day of the year and it was all thanks to him.

“Happy birthday, gorgeous.”

Yup, you officially loved birthdays.

[lukolabrainrot]

Toronto and Ireland (Part 1)

I observed a shift in L/N's behavior and non-verbal cues by the time they got to Toronto. Their non-verbal cues signaled to me that there was a since of ease and confidence with them BTS. However, I think that looked very different in both locations. Refer to my timeline theories here on my thoughts on what was going on between L/N before Toronto. Below are my thoughts.

Toronto

Let's first address the fact that there was a break between Brazil and Toronto. It was ~2 weeks from what I remember. During the break the following happened:

L went back and liked all of A's posts back to July 2023. Previously, he had only liked her posts up to October/November 2023.

A chopped her hair off

I believe the DM likes from A's mom occurred around this point as well (or during Brazil)

There were some SoHo Farmhouse pics posted by A (I believe?), but no one could confirm if those were current or old photos (as A has a history of posting old photos to insinuate she is with L in real time when she isn't)

There was nothing else though to publicly link L/A during this break (from my understanding, correct me if I am wrong?)

This break is also when the rumored Spain trip between L/N occurred (but there is no evidence this actually occurred)

N was publicly seen at the Mighty Hoopla music festival with her friends the weekend before Toronto

N and L appear to fly into Toronto on separate flights

Alright I am going to throw out something that is purely a theory, regarding A, at that point in time, and now. I've kind of avoided directly talking about my theories on A because I just don't have enough information to confidently analyze what is going on. But with everything that has come out recently, and especially this week, I feel more and more confident on this theory (but again, it's just a theory):

As I mentioned, I firmly believe L/N physically acted on their feelings at points on the tour, and by Brazil, A was FLIPPING OUT because I think she sensed L pulling away. A had been around for a while, and I don't believe there were any firm boundaries/labels set on their relationship, but A had her sights set on riding his coattails and trying to get fame/attention from being in his orbit. She is also DEEPLY insecure and envious of N. Lastly, she is a WILD CARD and had been publicly known about in the fandom for a while. I think there was some overlap between N and A, and L did not want A leaking that s**t. Whyy... because he LOVES N. This is also his bed he made, and he needed to lie in it and clean up his mess. The optics of all of this do not look good for L & N if all of this information got released to the public. I also think that's why the DM comments got scrubbed on the site (which doesn't just happen out of thin air). He needed to start cleaning s**t up if he and N ever want to go public someday.

Therefore, he went back during the break to make up with A and reassure A he wasn't just going to drop her from his orbit (hence things like liking more of her posts so people took notice, and it made it seem they were more serious than previously thought). Tbh, I don't think it was very hard for him to keep her appeased because I honestly don't think this relationship goes any deeper than casual and transactional.

Then L/N became even more obvious about their feelings during Toronto and Ireland imo, and then all hell broke loose at the premiere (because a certain 🐜 was PISSED and getting revenge).

My whole point with all this is this. L was NEVER going to be able to unravel from A during the PR tour because it had already become public that she was connected to L (even if he was already checked out at this point). He was always going to have to officially acknowledge A to the public, let people get use to them as a "unit", and then slowly unravel over a couple of months in a way that satisfied A and didn't encourage her to go rogue (because I think we are getting more and more proof that she DOES go rogue). This included what we have seen between them since the premiere. I firmly believe that A has some information that would eff up L&N being able to confidently go public at some point if they want to without this really messy public narrative (because if L/N ARE indeed working on their relationship, it is probably going to be a little messy no matter what when/if they go public). L is letting A therefore get the attention she wants rn, and trying to stay as publicly unconnected to N as possible. I think he severely underestimated the impact this was all going to have on his career though (at least in the short-term). Do I think this also probably put somewhat of a strain on his relationship with N? Most likely, yes. However, they have known each other for many years, and have gone through a lot together. I don't think N sees A as a threat to her and L in any way, and I think L/N are figuring things out in private. And do I think just because A is still in L's orbit that that means they are super happy and madly in love? Absolutely not. The optics of everything we have seen around L/A since the premiere speak VOLUMES, and that is all I will say on that.

I was fired up about all of this because of the events this week, so I needed to get this off my chest 😅 I think though that everything we have seen between L/A since after Brazil is just another indicator that L/N are serious about each other (if that makes sense). THIS IS JUST A THEORY THOUGH.

And does this all seem messy? Yes. Because the short answer is that it is. Human beings though are messy, and I think unfortunately a lot of this played out on a very public stage, so everyone is trying to figure out what to do now.

Alright, back to Toronto. A lot of people thought the vibes seemed off between L/N, but I disagree. This was the part of the tour where I started coming to the conclusion that there was something BIG going on between L/N BTS (in a good way), that went deeper than just wild sexual chemistry/attraction. Here are my thoughts:

I personally think L/N took time during the break to have some big conversations in private about their future together, in a "normal" setting outside of the tour. I think they came to a conclusion that their feelings were larger than just the show and tour, and that this was going to be one of those BIG relationships for both of them. I think they also had conversations about how A was going to tie into the public narrative after the tour (but I think A hijacked that narrative). But I think L/N were very much on the same page going into Toronto.

I also get this sense that by this point in Toronto, it was getting harder for them to hide what was going on because things were getting more serious, and they were ALL LOVEY DOVEY AND HAPPY BTS. Although I am going to be honest, I don't think they ever hid their feelings for each other very well on the tour (especially L). And this was all kind of new as well. Therefore, I think that's where some of the "awkward" vibes were coming from, but their nonverbal cues didn't read as disconnect to me (like the beginning of Italy did).

I also have a feeling they were EXHAUSTED by this point, and probably so tired of answering the same questions (I swear, I bet they never want to talk about the carriage scene again 😂). I also heard that they might have been sick in Toronto, so all of this might have also played into the shift in energy.

However, a lot of key things happened in Toronto that signaled to me there had been a positive emotional shift between them. I really started to notice the "couple" eyes between them, and N's walls really dropped and the heart eyes were in full force. Toronto had my favorite interview of them during the tour, which I posted here. We got the the thigh rub from N, the beginning of the Ryan Gosling jealousy from L (I believe), L beginning to get more comfortable and silly on interviews (he seemed VERY happy, and a lot more confident by this point, which I found very interesting 🤔), a few instances where L/N would get lost in a moment with each other and forget they were on an interview, N reassuring L that he was her "favorite", and photos and video of L meeting some of N's extended family (and he looked very happy in the video). Also N didn't end up posting a "bf" pic of L (even though she did for Italy, Brazil, and Ireland). Now it could mean nothing (and it's probably just a coincidence), but I just find it interesting (in a good way 🤔). Yes, a lot of this could be chalked up to PR, and some of it probably was. However, most of this just DID NOT read as professional PR to me. It just wasn't.

Lastly, we got THIS pic of them below in Toronto 👀:

I am going to post an article below about body language between couples in photos. I don't agree with all of the article, but it does have some interesting facts/comments. I would highly recommend looking over the article a little, and looking back at the video that had the compilation of them posing at the different tour stops. I know that this was 100% cutesy PR (and I am not trying to imply they were necessarily an "official couple"), but I found it very telling about HOW they chose to pose at each stop. I feel like it spoke VOLUMES about what was going on between them at each stop. I do want to say that we can't 100% know what was going on for them emotionally BTS at each stop, but I do think it gives us a glimpse. Which is why I found this picture PARTICULARLY interesting. It just screams comfort and security (even with the weird lighting lol).

My point with all this is that I think we caught L/N at a big turning point in their relationship at Toronto, which led to some of the awkward energy at times, but not because they were beefing. I think BTS they were really happy, but they knew they had to not let the WHOLE cat out of the bag, so they were trying to kind of put up a little distance. However, they slipped up constantly, and then everything came to a peak, and that's why we got the magic that was the Ireland stops. I'll talk about my thoughts on Ireland in my Part 2 post, because there is a LOT to talk about. 😅

[runaeveena]

Your dashboard if you were in a d&d fantasy world still involved in fictional erotica discourse part 2

⛰️ berenicesblade Follow

now that the new Mountain Angel volume has come out can we please tag spoilers, some of us are still waiting for our pigeon mail

🦚 faeynadaughter Follow

you can access the volume in full on TomePlane!

🎭 bardcampistrash Follow

until TomePlane acknowledges that its interplanar storage is made possible by binding aboleths to the plane and killing them then we are going to continue not using that platform, thanks

🦚 faeynadaughter Follow

aboleths killed my cousin who was a royal cleric. ill never understand why theres a whole movement to protect abyssal creatures when theyve caused so much damage to our kingdoms. and disliking a pocket dimension which provides thousands of people access to books? your attitude reeks of anti literaturism and mal-aligned virtue signaling and im not sure which is worse

🫒 tenthday237 Follow

Aliizya gets pregnant on page 62

⛰️ berenicesblade Follow

banished

620 Notes

🏰 finchtruther Follow

okay but the way that faelor finch writes every song that perfectly fits pennbiel liiike its giving closet fangirl

🧭 waywardwarlock

seriouslyy!! like what else is "give me your unmarked hand / in the shadowfell we won't be a secret" supposed to be about if not pennipher and corabiel

16 Notes

🌫️ cloudgiant-snailboy Follow

yall please dont fill up the unseen servant tag with your super fucking weird smut posts im just looking for tips on how to find my unseen servant

🪡 scç-writer

the search function on tomeblr does need to be updated but we dont have to kinkshame :)

🌫️ cloudgiant-snailboy Follow

the site is being overrun by virgin degenerates

🍯 treebarkhookhandwagondoor

sounds like you need Wilam the Wizard with Wandering Hands to help you summon the unseen stick in your ass

290 Notes

🗝️ crypt-princess Follow

so whose going to be the first to commission a painting of that scene with Aliizya and the beholder 👀

🍎 bloodmaledickening Follow

i already asked my local artisan he said he's gotten two other commissions for the same scene lmao

🐁 softbarbarian

girl i commissioned a tapestry

45 Notes

🕯️ andersfirelight Follow

friendly reminder that devil deals are a real thing that a lot of people fall victim too and that demons are malicious and do destroy peoples lives if theyre not careful so please be careful when consuming works like Hellionfinity which romanticizes devil deals and fiendish soul contracts

🌾entangled-farmer Follow

imo any work of fiction that involves a romance between any type of fiend is not just problematic but harmful

🕯️ andersfirelight Follow

i used to be indifferent to books that had devil romance interests because like thats their whole thing theyre seducing people to get their souls and the mc overcomes it, but reading through the replies i see that Hellionfinity actually ends with the devil character as the main romantic lead which is super problematic in terms of power imbalance and the fact that he has a redemption arc is so out of touch especially since our military is finally recovering from the azgurian assault

🧚🏻‍♂️arms-of-faelor

helliofinity also has a scene where the main character uses a soul coin that an imprisoned mortal gave him and he uses it to bring the devil out of avernus so he doesnt fully die and no one in the book mentions it or talks about how messed up it is to use soul coins and we never see the now bound to hell prisoner ever again

🕯️ andersfirelight Follow

hellionfinity officially cancelled on my end!

88 Notes

☘️ celest-ial Follow

moment of silence for all the customers waiting on drink orders while the tavern wench gets her back blown out by a new guy every night ✊😔

🦁 king-killa Follow

the gods work hard but Girthy Gladys gets worked harder

57,022 Notes

🎲 beholdersbeholdingme

paladin and warlock romances are OUT! cleric and necromancer romances are IN!

🪭 royalcoinpurse Follow

the only thing a cleric should do to a necromancer is beat him to death so she can revive him and kill him again

🎲 beholdersbeholdingme

❇️ arch-dryad Follow

i think we need to analyze why we're so quick to place women in categories of devious seductress or healer in romance novels as if that hasnt been the pervasive trope that holds magic-touched women back in our actual society

🍯 treebarkhookhandwagondoor

why do you assume these fictional tropes are mf couples only? can a gay cleric not beat his gay necromancer boyfriend to death?

🎲 beholdersbeholdingme

and off! beat him off cmon guys

5,275 Notes

🧀 weremouse Follow

yall ever be talking or whatnot and feel like no one understands you

🪨 sebrenenogdon Follow

ᛄᚠ ᛡᚢ ᚳᚪᚾ ᚱᛁᛞ ᚦᛄᛋ ᛡᚢ ᚺᚪᚠ ᛏᚢ ᚱᛁᛒᛚᚪᚷ ᚦᛄᛋ

🧀 weremouse Follow

say that shit fr (<- looking around clueless)

🪨 sebrenenogdon Follow

ᛋᛁᚱᛁᚪᛋᛚᛁ

60 Notes

🌠 crownofstars

remember when that person made a call out post for the author of ilairepeler for using a ghost writer and it turned out the author was an actual ghost. writing. like a literal ghost writer. like.

🍄gnomestool Follow

arent you the dwarf that fucked a slaad

🌠 crownofstars

how would you like to become a ghost so you can write more witty comments like this for eternity

301 Notes

[hippopotamusdreamer]

The 8 Times Stray Kids Protected/Cared for You

genre. A (semi-heavy), F , C

warnings. death threat (?), mention of you should die, loneliness, allergic reactions, stalking, being followed, belittling, skin picking, feeling like you don't belong

additional notes. Female! Reader | You/Your pronouns, reader is aged between Hyunjin and Han, includes all members of Stray Kids, Reader is allergic, Lee Know as Minho in some parts

pairing. OT8 x 9th member

w.c. 13.4K

synopsis. A few separate instances that Y/N remembers within her time with Stray Kids

Kpop Masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

This in no way reflects the actual persons involved/based in this fic, nor their actual character. This is purely fiction.

Chan had always been very particular with how his members were treated. Whether it be by the staff or by fans. He’d always kept an eye out for them. A protector of the highest caliber. Always keeping his children in line and away from harm to the best of his abilities.

Of course, when you joined Stray Kids, at the behest of one Park Jin Young, it was a little rocky to say the least. He was kind to you, they all were, but there was that underlying unease when it came to having a new FEMALE member. Not like you faulted them for it either.

On the contrary, you understood completely why they kept their distance for a while after officially meeting you. There were still some hardcore stans out there that always had that weird stigma with their idols and how they interacted with the opposite sex.

You just hoped your group could get passed that speedbump. To some degree, anyways.

Going public with everyone was a hard thing for your group to do at the beginning of your personal debut. Especially since it came months and months after the whole group was already established.

The backlash was insane.

You knew it was going to be a bad situation regardless. You weren’t stupid enough to believe it wouldn’t be. Even KARD went through something similar and they started off as a co-ed group. Message trucks were sent to JYPE and around Seoul calling for your departure from Stray Kids. Flower arrangements were placed at the front of the building itself with hurtful messages on each one.

There were even a few comments on SNS and other media outlets that still stuck with you to this day years down the line.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It came to a head at the first fan meet and greet after the company stated that the group was now officially OT9. This was maybe 3 months in as a whole group, so everyone was pretty cordial with you. Still keeping a distance but at least they would acknowledge you even at the extent of a superficial conversation…

Being a girl, you obviously wouldn’t be able to get dressed and ready with the guys so there now had to be a designated dressing room solely for you. Your stylist and makeup artist had already finished your touch ups and so had left you to your own devices as they went to check on the others in the room next door.

It was lonely.

From your seat, you could hear the ruckus coming from the other room where the members were. The high-pitched giggles of Changbin, the yelling voices of both I.N and Felix. You could even hear the dulcet tones of Hyunjin getting onto someone.

It just made the silence in your room more poignant.

You wanted to join them, but you were scared of overstepping their boundaries. You could just feel their disdain for you whenever you stood near them. And you couldn’t help but emphasize that you GET. IT.

You did!

You weren’t there at the beginning of it all. You didn’t share in the hardships that they went through. Of when Felix and Minho were eliminated on Stray Kids Survival only for Chan to bring them back. You weren’t handpicked by the leader of the group. You don’t have that BOND.

But God did you wish you did. Instead you were chosen by the one guy that they like least of all. You were the pimple on an otherwise blemish free face.

So you sat, picking at your nails as your phone lit up on the counter in front of you. Grabbing the phone, you read the notifications that pop up on the screen.

@/LEEbitsgranma: Y/N should jst leave the grp alrdy, they don’t need her!!

@/LvrGirlSkZie: it’s all just for clout right?? Y/N is just using the boys when will JYP take action??

@/HyunsBbygrillll: I’m not saying Y/N should just d**, but,,,¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Your phone was getting hounded with notifications like these daily since, basically, the beginning of your introduction. You never replied to anything that was said and you never mentioned anything to the boys. Of course they had to have seen the signs in front of the building, but they never said anything to you. You didn’t want to cause them additional stress with your problems so you just endured it yourself.

Looking around you, you could just get a sense of loneliness inside your dressing room. Everything was still neat and in its designated place. There was a single standing rack with not even a third used for your clothes for the day. There were no pile of jackets and shoes in a corner, no trash from empty wrappers or drinks. No commotion as you just sat there in your chair quietly. It didn’t have that feeling that someone’s been there, it all just felt cold to you.

With a sigh, you closed your eyes and you tossed your phone back on to the counter to step out of the room. As you closed the door, you turn and made eye contact with I.N as he was about to step into his own dressing room, arms loaded with snacks. You go to greet him and possibly help him out with the door when he hurriedly continued on his way inside. He cried out in pain as his shoulder checked the frame.

The heavy door closed in your face.

You’re left to stand in the empty hallway, mouth frozen with a greeting stuck in your throat.

You pick at your nails unconsciously as you stood there, not sure where to look. You could feel the inside of your chest hurting at the blatant rejection from the youngest member of the group. Your mental health had really declined since this all started. And there were times when you’d just second guess yourself and thought about if this was the right thing to be a part of or not. But the legal fees alone would be a nightmare to deal with if you so much as tried to break your contract.

An unknown amount of time had passed since you stepped out of your room. The hallway empty in all that time you were out there, one of your fingers stung from how long you picked at the skin around your nail. Your dissociative state being disrupted as the same door I.N walked in through had Chan stepping out of it instead.

“Oh, Y/N, ” he greeted. “I was just coming to get you. Are you alright?”

“Huh?”

He just points at your hand. Seemed you picked yourself enough to make the skin around your nail to bleed a bit.

“Oh! Um…,” you hid your hand behind your back. “Yeah, I just came out to find a Band-Aid.”

“The stylists usually have some in their box for emergencies. The guys are all done changing so you can come get one from them.”

He turned to have you follow him but you shout to stop him.

‘THIS IS A BOUNDARY.’

Your mind yelled at you. You could not step into their space no matter what. You will not bother them in their safe space.

“It’s fine. It- um, I don’t even need one really, see?” you made a show of wiping the few drops of blood on your dark pants, willing no more blood to appear. When none did, you wiggled your fingers at him, forced smile on your face to urge him to believe you. “Look see, all better.”

He glanced at your hand before looking up at your face. He stared few minutes longer before slowly nodding his head in acceptance.

“Ok. I came out to come get you anyways.”

“Me?” You swear if you had any type of animal ears, they would have perked up at being looked for.

“Yeah, the meet and greet is about to begin. We’re about to start heading down to the area right now.”

“…Oh, right. Ok.” If Chan saw the disappointment on your face, he didn’t say anything about it.

At that, the boys started filing out of the room from behind him.

“Let’s go best leader!” I.N said, trying his best to speak in English. The coos following from every one of the guys was immediate. You smile at how well they were with each other, the pang in your heart slight at their connection.

You go to follow when you pat down your pants looking for the missing weight of your phone. Quickly, you remembered that you had left it in your room. Spinning around, you almost collided with Chan as he was following right behind everyone.

“What’s wrong?” He asks looking over you to make sure you were ok.

“I left my phone on the counter, I was gonna go grab it.”

“I got it,” he waved you off. “Go on with the others, I’ll be right behind you.”

“…You sure?”

He just nodded and gently motioned for you to go on. After a few seconds of hesitation on your part, you thanked him and trail after the boys who were way ahead of the two of you.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

You were standing off to the side of everyone as you all waited for the go ahead from the staff members in charge. It was a small location, probably 350 people max allowed inside. They had decided to downscale this fan meeting “just in case”.

They never out right stated what the “in case” part was but everyone knew.

Chan came back not long after, face unreadable as he handed you your phone back. Thanking him again, you tucked it into your back pocket, not waiting to see what other messages you could have gotten while it was out of your sight. He goes off to talk to one of the managers and you’re left alone again, the boys interacting within themselves.

You begin to pick at your skin again.

“Y/N-ah,” Chan called out to you as he went back to your group by the door. Turning to him you give him a questioning look.

“You’re going to sit next to me today ok?”

Normally for fan meetings, idols were placed however they wanted. Since you were new, typically you had been at the end of the line as to not break apart any STAYs’ member pairings. A majority may not have liked you right now, but a few of them weren’t so bad so you hadn’t wanted to get on their bad side. You were told before that Chan was going to be at the edge this time around so it wasn’t really much of a difference to you.

Nodding, you both heard STAYS beginning to yell as someone on the microphone was heard introducing Stray Kids. The doors open and you fix a smile on your face as you all make your way out waving hello to the STAYs waiting.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

You don’t know what you had expected as you sat there staring down at the table before you. Chan had decided that the both of you were going to sit in the middle, him to your left and Minho to your right. On one hand, what surprised you was having your very own fan cam. It was kind of fun to see it following you like a little puppy. On the other hand, the amount of times, people just straight up skipped you in line was both humiliating and disheartening.

You’d tried to sit on your hands to keep from picking at them but subconsciously it just happened after the 5th time being skipped over. In your own little mental bubble, you didn’t notice the worried glances the older members shot each other when they noticed what was going on the first time.

A few STAYs did stop at you though. It wasn’t all rough. The first STAY you met that day would always be a fond memory for you.

“Hi, Y/N, nice to meet you!”

“Hi! Nice to meet you, too,” You, and everyone else around you, could feel yourself brighten up at the STAY in front of you as you gave them a tender smile.

“I’m nervous,” she goes on to say. “This is my first fan sign.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” You say as you scoot a little closer in your seat. She leans in a little closer. “It’s my first fan sign, too.”

The both of you giggle at each other’s nervousness. The ice broken now that someone was willing to actually sit with you.

“I brought you a gift, it’s not much since I couldn’t afford anything after buying the ticket to come here. I just wanted to say that you’re doing an amazing job! Don’t listen to what people are saying online. They’re not real fans, I hope everything goes well for you this comeback and the ones after ok?”

You tried not to cry at the heartfelt words of the fan in front of you as she pulled out a little teddy bear from her bag. It was decorated with a little t-shirt that said “Bear-y Cool” on it. It had you immediately on your feet and leaning over the table to give her a hug.

The bear stayed with you throughout the rest of the meet and greet. Even when the staff would occasionally come by to clear the table of gifts that other STAYs had given the members, your bear was with you the entire time.

As time flew by it was now the ending lament and Chan didn’t hesitate to take the microphone.

“Hey guys,” his happy leader mode present as usual when sending STAY off.

“First of I just wanted to say that I’m so happy to have been able to meet and talk to so many of our fans today.” Everyone cheered and clapped, the flashing of cameras going off every now and then. “We had a great time with you all. This is the first time that we’re out meeting fans together as nine members. I do have to say though,”

The tension in the room shifted as Chan stared out into the audience. Him turning serious, watching the switch up was crazy from how happy-go-lucky he was a few seconds ago.

“I’m disappointed at how some STAYs having been acting online. What I saw today too, it really hurts my heart,” he said while grabbing at his chest. “Do you know what I hate the most? When people think that they’re trying to help but they’re actually not.

I know there are diehard fans out there that will say Stray Kids is eight members, but we’re nine now. And as long as Y/N-ah is here, we will always be nine. I know you guys are concerned about us, I understand that and we’re so grateful to you all, but you have to believe in us and what we’re doing. There’s no need to complain to the company or online, there’s no need to hate anyone for that matter. Stray Kids is nine members.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

News of Chan defending you spread quickly the days following the meet and greet. The online bullying dropped significantly as a result. Trucks and flowers trickled until eventually they stopped showing up altogether. A few online messages still made it through but other fans quickly put a stop to it. And an official company statement was made addressing all the atrocious behaviors done to your person and the legal actions that would proceed going forward should more were happen.

Your nailbeds were looking a lot healthier nowadays, too.

Yes, Chan was definitely protective of his members. No matter who it was that was targeting them, he would stick up for them in a heartbeat. And if you or anyone else ever noticed that he usually called you Y/N-ah now, well no one’s going to bat an eye about it.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

I.N was a verbal protector. Fierce in his own right, especially for being the youngest of the group.

Months following The Fan Meeting™, as everyone now called it, the boys really tried to open up to you more and vice versa. You’d learned that I.N wasn’t disregarding you on purpose that day, he was just nervous to have a one-on-one conversation with you. With you being half foreigner, he wasn’t all that confident in speaking with you yet even though you told him you could understand Korean. Not well but certainly enough to get by. Then you had brought up the fact that both Chan and Felix were also foreigners.

He apologized promptly afterwards.

After that conversation, the maknae decided to have mini studying sessions when the both of you weren’t busy with practice or recording vocals. To help you understand the language better and for him to get better at speaking English in general. The two of you would sit near the corner of the practice room and just have a notebooks and flashcards spread out all on the floor. A few of the members would also stop by to check on you two as well.

“아침은 뭐 먹었어요?” you said as you practice your pronunciation. I.N would then correct your infliction at the end. You would repeat it three times to get it down before redoing your sentence. Him nodding as you did it right.

“Morning what I eat?” I.N in turn, to practice, his English.

Smiling slightly, you lightly shook your head no. “Very close, English and Korean switch subject, verbs, and objects around. Try it again.”

He paused to let the information sink into his brain. He concentrated for a few seconds before saying, “What did I eat for breakfast?”

You clap and grin brightly at him and as he got it down quickly. He reflected your smile as you praise him. “Yes! That was perfect!”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It would continue like that until everyone was called back to continue practicing or it was time to leave. For weeks this went on, and the both of you got better with speaking and with each other. You still weren’t comfortable with interviews and usually you could get by without speaking too much.

It was about a month after the fan meet event when it all happened. There was this one interviewer who was just so invasive with his questions that he had directed towards you.

“Y/N-ssi,” you did not like the gleam in his eyes the entire time you all were there. Since the beginning of the interview, he just gave you a bad feeling. You were grateful you were sat in the second row behind I.N and Channie.

“Yes?”

“You’re from America, yes?” The interviewer started.

“That’s correct.”

“Are both your parents Korean?”

“…No, they’re not. My dad is though.” You were unsure where he was going with this. It wasn’t part of the usual line of questions interviewers would ask and guessing by the slightly confused faces of everyone in the room, they most likely weren’t vetted to be asked that day either.

“Ah, what a shame. Maybe that’s why you’re not as popular as your other members.”

That one took you aback. Processing was a hassle since he started to talk faster. As if making sure to trip you up.

“Uh—.”

He cuts you off.

“Does it make you angry? 당신은 STAYs에게 더 많은 attention 원합니까? Do you 그들을 원망합니까?”

He was speaking too fast for you to process his sentences at once. Though you knew enough to know he was basically talking down to you. All you could do was flounder in your seat as you had trouble mentally translating everything this man was saying to you. Basically spit firing everything so you couldn’t even get a word in even if you wanted to.

It was I.N who grabbed the microphone from Chan before the leader could step in on your behalf.

“Interviewer-nim, those are questions that are neither appreciated nor appropriate at any time. Your actions regarding one of my members is really disgraceful and rude. This is something that our managers will talk to your higher ups about. ”

“That’s—” Just as he did to you, I.N cuts him off mid-sentence.

“We expect an apology from you and your company for my noona within the next few days. This interview is now over.”

And with that he dropped the microphone onto the floor before grabbing your hand and walking out. Chan nodded his head in agreement, angry tick in his jaw, as the others follow behind the two of you, also voicing their grievances with the interviewer.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Back in your designated dressing room, I.N was pacing back and forth fuming. You sat there, waiting for him to calm down on his own.

“He had no right to talk to you that way noona! He was being rude and hurtful and for what!?”

You couldn’t help but give a small smile at his little tirade. This was now the second time he’s called you noona and you won’t lie, it kind of makes you giddy for being honored in such a way by the maknae.

“He was,” you agreed from your seat on the couch. “And he most likely won’t be the last one to be rude to me or any of the others.”

He pulled a disgruntled face because he knew you were right.

“But,” you continued, I.N finally plopping down on the seat next to you. “I’m glad we’ll always have you there to have our backs like that. I deeply appreciate you standing up for me.”

You hesitated for a split second before you brought your hand up to pat his head softly. Delighted when he didn’t push you off.

There was a knock on your door before Chan popped his head in. Seeing both you and I.N inside, he fully stepped in.

“Hey, just wanted to check on the two of you.”

Looking at Chan then back to I.N you respond, “We’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, after he apologizes,” I.N grumbled as he crossed his arms across his chest, managing to make both you and Chan chuckle at him.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Suffice it to say, that interview never saw the light of day. You and your team also never worked with that interviewer afterwards either. And just as I.N wanted; an official letter of apology was sent to the company addressed to “Y/L/N Y/N of Stray Kids”. It sat framed in the dorm room to this day.

I.N being the one that had picked out the frame. It was there as a constant reminder of not letting anyone try to belittle you and continued to be with you for every moving day you’d had to make since then.

Yeah, you felt it in your entire being that I.N was fiercely protective of his members. And as his noona, you were just as fiercely protective of him too.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

If I.N was fierce, Changbin was silently reliable as a protector. For how loud he could be, he also knew when to just be there for you.

Though it was becoming less and less rocky with the group as time went on, you still felt like you could be in the way at times. Nothing crazy, but you did decide that to give them some space away from you at the dorm, you would either stay late in the practice room or go to the gym at night. It wasn’t for a long time, just an hour or two of extra time for yourself and that way the guys could have space to be “men” without the fear of you walking around.

It was going fine for the most part. You could arrange a Kakao taxi to drop you off at the apartment from the JYPE building if you stayed later than everyone. Or, if you happened to be at the gym you frequented, it was essentially located about 20 minutes from the shared dorm by walking.

You just had to count it as an extra form of cardio for your workout.

Chan and I.N would do a check-in if they felt you were out later than usual and you would respond back quickly as to not let them worry. Then you’d pack it up and head home.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Y/N-ah, are you gonna be in the practice room tonight?” Chan asked, everyone else wrapping things up for the night. He was sat in his studio chair, mixer spread behind him, lights flashing every now and then. You had no idea what any of them did.

“Not tonight Channie, it’s leg day. Gonna head for the gym.”

He nodded and told you to be careful before turning back to his abundance of buttons and dials. He was also staying late tonight.

You managed to make it outside when you got a text form I.N.

Little Maknae <3: u sure u don’t want to join gamerz night with me n Felix?

Smiling down at the screen you respond with an emoji declining his offer and told him good luck on their games.

Little Maknae <3: Noona, I’m playing w/Felix, I  need all the help I can get ㅋㅋㅋ

You rolled your eyes with a fond smile before sticking your phone away in your pocket. A sense of unease happened to wash over you though and you couldn’t help but look around to see if you spotted anything out of the ordinary. The sun was already starting to set on the day and the area looked clear for the most part.

Looking around one more time you brushed it off as your taxi arrived in front of you. Hopping inside you greeted the driver before confirming your location drop off. You hoped the feeling disappeared as he took off from the building.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

You were an hour and half into your set and that weird feeling just would not go away. The feeling in your gut caused you to bite at your lip in worry as you decided that you were done for the day. Calling it a night, you were mid-packing of your stuff when a guy you’ve never met before came up to you from seemingly out of nowhere.

Startled, you almost dropped your water bottle. An alarm bell began ringing in your head as you blinked at him. Something was not right and your instincts were screaming at you to get out of there.

“Hi,” he started, giving you a onceover. You were thankful that the leg press was between the both of you. “I’m not sure if you noticed but I’ve been working out next to you a couple of times now and I just wanna say you have such a good form.”

Sirens? Blaring. Heart? Pumping. And it wasn’t not due to the endorphins of a good workout.

“You’re so flexible when you stretch, too. I always tried to go as low as you do but I just can’t seem to manage. You make it look so easy.”

“Thank…you?” You’re not sure what to do. You know you should tell the staff about this dude’s creepy behavior but as of right now they were on the first floor and you were currently on the second. There was no one else around so you had to be even more careful because who knew just what he was capable of. You were both the same height but that could only take you so far.

“Um…well I have to go now,” reaching down to grab your bag, he put his hand over yours to stop you. Boy do you stop, practically frozen in your spot.

“Wait, you’re going now? Your sets usually last for a little bit longer don’t they?”

“Yeah but uh, I…have an early day tomorrow so I have to leave,” managing to pry yourself away from him, you took a step back.

He stared at you without blinking before he broke out into a smile. “Right, you’re probably busy tomorrow. It was so great to finally talk to you. I remember when you first started to come here, you had no idea what you were doing.” He laughed as if you two were just the best of friends sharing an inside joke. “Alright well I’ll let you head out, I’ll catch you in two days for your next session, ok?”

Before you can respond, he left with a wave and you’re finally alone. Hastily, you head downstairs to talk to one of the staff members in charge. The guy was already gone by the time you had made it to the front desk. They couldn’t do much since the guy didn’t actually assault you but they took down your statement and his description to warn the other team members to keep an eye out for him.

You didn’t feel comfortable leaving the gym immediately only because you weren’t sure if he was waiting outside for you or not. Instead, you stayed in the locker room for an extra 35 minutes, procrastinating with the sauna and a shower. Anything to keep you inside for a bit longer.

You’d tried calling Chan and I.N yet neither picked up. You knew it was a long shot with both of them being busy tonight, but you had to try either way.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

By the time you felt okay enough to leave the safety of the building, it was nearing 11 pm and you were hungry. There was a CU that you would pass by somewhere along the halfway point when you walked home, you would probably stop there for a snack to go. Surely, the guy wouldn’t still be hanging around right?

You didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary like earlier so you went on with your routinely walk home. The familiar purple and green lights of the convenience store came into your view and you released a breath you weren’t aware of holding. Heading inside, the bell alerted anyone inside that someone came into the store. Greeting the tired looking university girl behind the counter, you head to the back towards the refrigerator section that had all the kimbap varieties.

You were stuck choosing between a tuna bacon mayo and a spicy pork one when the overhead bell dinged again and that uneasy feeling came back to you with a vengeance. Slowly, you glanced to the corner security mirror and in the reflection you could make out the same guy from the gym was now there. Your hands shook as you placed both snacks back down.

The guy headed down into the next aisle over from you and you swiftly walked to the clerk up at the front. You could only hope that what you were about to do worked because your options were already slim. Taking out your phone, you typed a message and presented it to the girl while asking her a question.

“Excuse me, is there a restroom that I can use here?”

There is a man following me, could you hide me somewhere?

She looked as if to deny you before looking confused after reading the message on your phone. The desperation in your face probably helped convince her that you needed help because she started nodding and motioning for you to come behind the counter. All the while keeping an eye out for the man in case he turned the corner.

“Yes, you can come this way.”

You sent her a thankful look as you followed her. She told you to remain in there and she’d let you know if he left or not.

You took out your phone again and clicked on a random name in your contact list. Hoping beyond hope that someone would pick up this late. It rang three times before someone answers.

“Hello?”

Seo Changbin.

Finally allowing yourself to be scared, your voice was quiet and shaky as you addressed him, “C-Changbin?”

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” His concern is palpable even through the receiver.

“There’s a creepy guy that followed me from the gym. I tried calling Chan and Innie but they weren’t answering their phones. A-and I didn’t know what to do or who else to call…”

He cursed quietly and then you heard the rustling of keys on his end. “Where are you? Are you safe? Share your location with me and I’ll be there soon alright.”

“I’m safe for now, I’m in the employee office of the CU that’s 13 minutes from the dorm,” you do as he says and shared your location with him.

“Good, don’t move from there until I get you ok? I’m on my way.”

“Binnie…I’m scared…”

He was silent for a moment before his serious and reassuring tone could be heard over the line, “I know you are, but I promise he’s not going to do a thing to you you hear me?”

You nodded into your phone and waited for him to come to you. He didn’t allow you to hang up, wanting to be in constant contact with you while he shortened the distance between you two.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Just as he promised, Changbin made it to your location in record time. By the time he arrived the guy had already left when he realized you weren’t in the store anymore. From what the worker explained to the both of you, the guy had come up to her asking if she had seen his girlfriend, aka you.

That made you visibly uncomfortable and Changbin put his arm around you in comfort. Changbin made sure to get the worker’s information and a recording from the store’s CCTV of when you entered the CU to when the guy left sent to his manager’s email. Then he reached out to your gym to get their CCTV recording, as well as a copy of your written statement against the man. He was going to make sure that this guy would not be allowed anywhere near you.

On the short drive home, he kept looking over at you to make sure you were ok.

“Why do you go to the gym so far from the dorm? The one I go to is a lot closer.”

“…I didn’t want to invade into your space.”

“My…? Huh!? Y/N-ah, from now on just come to the gym with me ok. It’s better than going at night by yourself. Safer too.”

“But—”

“Y/N-ah, you don’t know how worried I was when you called me. I don’t ever want to feel like that if I can help it. I never liked the fact that you went out at night but I wanted you to have time for yourself too. So, if that means I can now take you with me in the mornings, I’m all for it, this way I know for sure that you’re safe.”

All you can do is give a watery smile, his words making you feel warm inside after the mess of the night had been. You agreed, not because he didn’t give you much of a choice, but because the sincerity of his words really hit home.

“Also, I want to enroll you in some self-defense classes. As long as I’m around, I’ll have your back but this is for just in case purposes ok?”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Chan and I.N managed to call you back soon after arriving back at the dorm with Changbin. Both nearly had a heart attack when he explained what had happened to you. They both calmed down slightly when Changbin explained all that he was planning to do with the information he received.

He immediately made a note to cancel your gym membership and put you on his gym family plan in the morning. He doesn’t force you to go with him but you can tell he would get excited when you do decide to join him. He always asked how your class were as he would usually be waiting outside the door for you when you get done, not wanting to interrupt your session. You never did see that guy again after that, you just hoped he wasn’t doing the same thing to some other poor girl.

Changbin also started taking up the habit of walking with you after that incident, that way you never had to do it alone. Even if it was just a quick trip to the convenience store, he would be the first to get up to go with you. And you never once stopped sharing your locations with each other after that night.

Of course, that’s just how reliably protective your Changbinnie was.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Seungmin was one of the more quieter members of the group. Not in the bad why mind you, he just brought a sort of calm to the family function that you really enjoyed. He was also the more silent of the group when it came to protecting the others. Caring in the way that he observed rather than spoke. He was subtle in his actions. Didn’t outright say anything.

Just like everyone else, you came to learn that acts of service was definitely one of his love languages. The amount of times you’d caught him being kind to the members really made your heart melt. For all that he portrayed that he didn’t get along with the members of Stray Kids, you knew it was the complete opposite.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It was awkward at first, as you sat across from Seungmin on the little couch that the staff provided. Both of you were shooting ‘Two Kids Room’. Neither of you were used to being the only two filmed together and not with the whole group. Yet, always the gentleman, as soon as you had sat down, Seungmin handed you a pillow for your lap and a blanket for your legs since you had been wearing shorts.

The staff had provided a few tubes of pringles to snack on and he read the tube and then immediately offered you the first chip of his newly opened can. Most likely checking if your allergen was present in the food.

As you kindly accepted his offer, it caused you to smile.

“Did you know I was scared of you all when I first joined,” you started out, popping the whole chip into your mouth.

“Oh, yeah?” he smiled as he ate one and then gave you another, probably thinking you were joking. Taking the snack, you nodded your head yes.

“Yeah, I felt like I was overstepping a lot by coming into the group so late.”

“Do you still feel like that?” A cute look of concern passed over his face, realizing this was something you were serious about. Subconsciously though, he continued to give you chips alternating with himself as he took one after you.

“Mmm, not as much as I used to,” you relay, nodding to yourself as you tried to get your thoughts in order. He waited patiently for you to continue speaking, not wanting to interrupt you.

“You actually helped me feel better about being here.”

“Huh, me?” He questioned surprisingly. You couldn’t help but giggle at his stunned face. The cuteness aggression he brought out of you was so real.

“How do I put this?” you pursed your lips in thought. “Your actions speak louder than words Seungminnie. Though you may not have realized it, they really do matter to us.”

His face flushed slightly at being addressed endearingly as such.

“Do you remember mmm,” you continued on, not acknowledging his reddened face lest he get more embarrassed. “I forgot what it was for, but we had to film all day while walking around Seoul. So we were constantly on the sidewalks when they weren’t driving us to the different locations.”

He made a noise of affirmation, still handing you food.

“Of course, you know there were times when I would be walking with someone else that day, but there were also a lot of times when I would be walking next to you. You always made sure that I was walking on the opposite side of where the road was. No matter what, it was like clockwork, if I had somehow found my way next to the busy road and you were nearby; you made sure to move me to the other side of you and away from traffic.”

“Really?” He said, surprised to hear what he did.

“Yeah, and you still do it to this day,” this particular chip being extra crunchy made the end of your sentence more prominent. You couldn’t help but giggle out the next sentence to see the reaction of your second youngest member. “I always thought that that was very manly of you.”

“Noona!”

That got a laugh out of you as he scoffed in embarrassment, pouting.

“I’m serious though,” you said, once again turning thoughtful. “You take care of us in quiet ways, Seungminnie.

It’s like when we get together to eat and somehow Channie always ends up cooking at some point or another? You always make sure him and I eat a few pieces first before eating yourself because you know that we would let the others eat before we do. Which, again, stemmed from me not feeling like I fit in with the group and is just so leader of one certain Bang Chan but ugghh,” you couldn’t help as your eyes got glossy at the memories that came to mind of how Kim Seungmin took care of you all silently. “It can be so frustrating because we want Chan to take care of himself, but he’s so steadfast in putting others before himself. Which isn’t a bad thing at all!

But you make sure to look out for Channie and every one of us all the time. Just like today, you made sure that I was comfortable before we even started filming this. You even gave me the first bite of your snacks. The amount of times you’ve made sure I wouldn’t fall when I had to wear new heels for a stage, I have no words to describe how that makes me feel. All I can say is thank you Seungmin, from the bottom of my heart, for taking care of us in the way you do. I see you; we see you. And we treasure you for everything you’ve done, what you haven’t done and for what you continue to do.”

By this point he was avoiding eye contact with you and staring up at the ceiling. He was quiet for a moment before he blew air out of his mouth, taking the occasional deep breath to calm himself.

Clearing his throat twice before starting his sentence, “I think about that kind of thought always, am I doing enough for my members? Am I helpful enough. All my members are precious to me, so I want to do well for you all. I’m always…,”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as he began to cry. You brought him in for a hug and pat his head lovingly as you rocked the both of you from side to side.

“You will always be enough for Stray Kids, Seungminnie. And for Stays, too, understand?”

“You too, noona. You’re enough for Stray Kids and Stays too,” he got out around a sniffle.

You hugged him tighter after that.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

When your episode of ‘Two Kids Room’ dropped, it had become one of the most watched episodes of the entire season. The other members immediately ganging up on the two of you with hugs that you each tried to run from. There was definitely a shift for the better in the group after that.

Since then, Seungmin had made an effort to seek you out when in a group setting. Making sure you were comfortable, safe, and not alone (unless you wanted to be). His subtle ways of protecting you and the others not changing but you wouldn’t want him to be any other way but himself.

It was like that one saying went.

If Kim Seungmin had a million fans, then you were one of them. If Kim Seungmin had ten fans, then you were one of them. If Kim Seungmin had only one fan then that was you. If Kim Seungmin had no fans, then that meant you were no longer on earth. If the world was against Kim Seungmin, then you were against the world.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Just like Seungmin, Minho was an observer. He paid attention to everyone in his little makeshift family. What they liked and what they didn’t. He was member who you would categorize as a combination of subtle and dramatic when taking care of others.

He was the type to pick something up and lock it away mentally until it was time to use that information again. You weren’t sure if that was just the dance leader in him or if he was just Like That™. Most likely both if you were being honest.

It was surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, him who looked out for you first when you joined. It wasn’t how most would think either. It honestly took you off guard when it happened.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

All throughout your life you had been allergic to peanuts and walnuts. It wasn’t that much of a problem since you would simply avoid them whenever possible. Like those with a severe allergy, your skin would break out into hives and your throat would tighten up. If left untreated you could go into anaphylaxis shock and die.

Thankfully, after you first encounter as a child, you and your family were pretty vigilant about what contained the little devil nuts and what didn’t.

It was pretty traumatic for your parents when it had first happened. Imagine, little Y/N bumbling into the kitchen for a snack of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A brand new treat for you to try, except the peanut butter tried to exact some kind of unknown revenge and kill you right after the first couple of bites?? Rude.

Suffice it to say, that new jar of peanut butter was thrown out as soon as you all made it home from the hospital.

It wasn’t something you advertised, just made sure restaurants understood whenever you went to eat somewhere new. You had your main spots you frequented so much, so they were already aware of your allergies. Those were your safe restaurants to eat back home in America.

But when you had left your home country to live with your grandparents and then moved to Seoul to pursue your dream career, it was a little touch and go in the new cities. Korea didn’t take nut allergies as seriously as they should since it wasn’t as common as it was in the west.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

The first thing JYPE did when you joined was take you to meet your new group who were all out for a meal that the company had set up. You had thought that when you accepted a position as a new vocal, you’d be put into an up-and-coming girl group. When you arrived at the restaurant though, only to see an established boy group, you hadn’t known what to think. The silence in the air was deafening in the loud restaurant.

“Introduce yourself,” your personal manager, Heejin, prompted.

“Yes, hello, I’m Y/L/N Y/N, 00’ line. I’m a vocal singer, nice to meet you,” you started partly in English with a bow. The managers had wanted you to sit in the middle of the table to break the ice, but you insisted that you were fine sitting at the end. When none of the guys had made a move to introduce themselves back, the managers did it for them. As one could imagine, it was awkward at best and unbearable at worst. The food hadn’t even arrived yet as you sat and fiddled with the chopsticks for your designated seat.

You were sat next to Minho and across from Seungmin, the quieter end of the table. Not that the rest was any better with no one knowing what to say. Most avoided looking at you, more than likely pissed at your presence altogether.

‘And with good reason,’ you thought to yourself.

While staring down at your hands to avoid their possible angry gazes, you noticed a hangnail on your index finger and you begin to pick at it. You jumped as a waitress began to place the side dishes on the table. The table thanked her and this caused everyone to finally stir slightly, now having small conversations with each other.

“We don’t mean to be rude Y/N-ssi. We just didn’t expect the company to pull this kind of thing on us,” Bang Chan said from his position at the other end of the table. The first to actually talk to you.

“Oh no, it’s ok. I understand, I didn’t know it was going to be like this either...”

Kimchi and myeolchi bokkeum were placed in front of you and you had to do a double take at the stir-fried anchovy and peanut dish. You could just feel your throat wanting to close by just looking at it. Subtly, you tried to push the dish away from you as far as possible without alerting anyone.

Minho must have noticed at one point because he moved the little side dish to his right and replaced it with the gaji-namul. Egg plant was a far better dish than peanuts. The meat finally came and everyone became livelier. Once ready, you waited for the others to get their pieces of meat first, not wanting to fight them for a portion immediately after being introduced. If you were back home, nothing would have stopped you from being one of the first to reach in that grill.

You sat picking at your rice bowl and sides as you watch Seungmin take a piece from your side of the grill to Bang Chan to try. Smiling at the sweet gesture, you couldn’t help but feel guilty by watching the tender moment between members. As if it was something you weren’t supposed to see. When Seungmin returned, most of the meat on your grill was gone and you decided to wait for the next round instead. You were picking up a piece of eggplant when a piece of meat was placed on your plate, looking up at Seungmin, he didn’t make eye contact as he continued to make a ssam for himself.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

That same night, after dinner, the group decided they wanted dessert and that a food truck was the best place to get it since it was already mid-November. You kept to yourself as you followed behind them. Upon arriving at the desired destination, you noticed that there were two vendors side by side. One was selling a few items such as eomuk tang, the delicious little fish cake soup, and hotteok. The other was just selling bungeo-ppang, your favorite little fish bread with no fish inside.

The smell alone at the first stall was enough to cause an irritant in your throat, one you tried to clear quietly. Moving upwind from the smoke, you waited patently as the others began to tell Changbin what they wanted. Him yelling back how they only liked him for his money.

You smiled at the scene once more from your little corner, happy that they could still goof around with each other with you around. Jeongin came up to you then and placed a cup containing a hotteok in your hands.

“You, eat,” he said in broken English, gesturing you to eat up before turning around to the others again. The warmth is great for your fingers but the walnut powder they used for this dessert would surely kill you. You had your epi-pen with you always but you didn’t want to use it if you could help it. You were unsure of what to do as you bit your lip in contemplation. There was a trash can next to the stall but everyone was around it and you didn’t want to be outright rude.

You were brought out of your thoughts when Minho cleared his throat next to you. “You want switchie? This choux cream.”

He held out the fresh fish bread to you. Smiling brightly, you thanked him as you nod vigorously and switch your cup with his wrapper. You munched happily on the little fish-pastry as he looked at you for a second longer than normal, just observing, though you put it out of your mind rather quickly.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

There were more instances like that as time went on yet somehow Minho was always there to help you out. No one else being none the wiser. Until he eventually came to talk to you about it and made it 100% clear how bad it could be if you were to consume peanut/walnut based dishes. You also explained how you didn’t mind not telling anyone about it, Lee Know just nodded, patted you on the head and walked away.

But maybe you should have.

A week later, at the dorm was when everything snowballed. It was slightly awkward, just like everything else at first, when you all had found out that you were moving in. Someone even had to switch rooms so that you could have a room to yourself.

Of course, you felt bad for that happening.

So there you were, in the kitchen with Lee Know and Felix, sitting at the table as they were preparing lunch. Lee Know was stirring something on the stove when Felix stopped chopping vegetables to open a small yellow sleeve of an unknown treat.

“Y/N-ssi, do you want to try a kook hee biscuit?”

“Cookie biscuit?”

“Yeah a kook hee buscuit,” he pulled out a little a little sandwich cookie for you try. As you reached for it, Lee Know appeared from where he once was and snatched it from Felix’s open palm only to then shove it into his mouth. The two of you looking at him perplexed at his actions.

“Hyung…?”

He didn’t say anything as he stared the both of you down. Stared you down. But you didn’t understand. Felix went to give you another one when Lee Know smacked that one on to the floor instead.

“What are you doing?” Felix says, getting a little fed up. He tossed another one to you only for Lee Know to miss catching it in air. You cheered as you grabbed it midair and shoved it into your mouth. You chewed the cookie in your mouth as Lee Know began to panic, he gestured for you to spit it out but you and Felix looked at him in confusion.

And then you realized your mistake as your mouth started to tingle. Lee Know grabbed the yellow wrapper from Felix and thrusted it in your face. It was enough for you to read that it was a peanut cookie. You sat shell shocked; your breathing coming out faster until Lee Know took your face in his hand and squeezed your cheeks for you to spit it out into his other hand. You do as he instructed but you could already feel your skin becoming itchy and your throat constricting.

“119,” you manage out.

“Huh?” Felix said now starting to worry at the scene before him.

“Call 119!” Lee Know yelled, following behind you as you ran to your room. You slip and stumbled into the living room catching the attention of Han and Jeongin, as they were the only two inside the apartment besides the three of you. Both of them looked confused as they saw you and Lee Know running, shortly followed by Felix who was on the phone. It took them a split second to decide to go after you all.

You were wheezing and coughing as time went on. You had kept your epi-pen safely secured in your bag in case of emergencies. Shaky were your hands as you took out the familiar yellow tube. Lee Know saw and took it from you as you laid against the bed, you could just vaguely hear Felix and Han on the phone with the paramedics as Lee Know and Jeongin struggled to read the pen.

You grabbed Lee Know’s hand and mimed a stabbing motion into your leg, he noticed how weak your grasp was. Understanding, yet horrified, he took the cap off and immediately stabbed the orange side down into your thigh through the pajama pants you had on. The click and instant relief in your throat letting you know it worked.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Lee Know stayed with you in the hospital after the paramedics arrived to take you there. The other members found out from a freaked out Felix, Han and Innie and immediately tried to visit you. Lee Know stopped them from coming, wanting you to rest and not be bombarded with everyone at once. He knew it wasn’t possible but he always double checked that the food the hospital nurses brought in for you contained no traces of peanuts or walnuts.

It would be years later during a random SKZ CODE involving food that Lee Know would go ballistic because a staff member would fill the snack table with Gilim brand honey butter peanut snacks. You hadn’t even checked yet what was available to eat when he stormed onto the set and took all the snacks out of the room and into the men’s restroom to throw away just to make sure you wouldn’t go anywhere near them.

Yes, Lee Know was quiet when he wanted to be, but when he was making sure you were safe and alive, he could get fiercely protective.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

One would think Han would be loud with his actions when it came to caring for others. Probably yelling or laughing in some shape or form. But that’s not usually the case, he was more quiet in a sense.

Jisung was not one to draw attention to himself, his anxiety didn’t allow him to do that. Not one to take credit where credit was due for those instances. Slyly as he did it, like it was just second nature for him to do.

Knowing him, it probably was, too.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

You first found out about one of the little habits the young rapper had when at a different fan sign than your first. This time you were seated at the front of the line, the first to greet STAYs and Han happily sat between you and Chan.

You’d been fiddling with a sharpie in your hand from the nerves, since they never really went away no matter how many times you’d done this, so much that it had ended up slipping from your grasp and dropping onto the floor. When you had bent down to get it and back up, the crowd of fans were awing loudly. Turning to Han to figure out what had happened, you found he was in a deep conversation with Channie.

The fan meet started soon after that so you never had the opportunity to ask what happened.

When the fan cams got uploaded later on that night, it was then when you remembered what you had wanted to ask. Pulling up the feed, you quickly found the reason why STAYs were going crazy. You couldn’t help but smile at the scene on the screen.

While mid conversation with Channie, Jisung had reached over to your corner of the table and blocked the edge for you to not hit yourself. Only to then remove it as soon as the top of your head cleared the table.

Never once did he look in your direction. Just naturally moved his hand in place and back out again. It made you giddy enough to rewatch it three times afterwards.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

The next time his protective/gentlemanly nature popped out was after a MAMA performance. The stylists had decided to put you in a skirt with new heels to dance in which made you uncomfortable to do the choreography in. Somehow though, you’d managed to give a decent performance and as you were coming down from the stage, flashes from a variety of media outlets were going off everywhere.

Hyunjin had made sure to hold your hand and arm for stability when coming down the glossy steps. Jisung was very cool as he took off his coat and stepped down in front of the two of you. In one smooth motion, he turned around and opened the cloth to block the view of your legs from the cameras gazes. It was only a few steps downward but it meant a lot. Even when on floor level, he made sure to wrap his jack around you, not that it would fit completely, Mr. 70 cm waist and all, but it was the thought that counted.

“Thank you Ji,” you chuckle out.

But as always, he didn’t say anything about his actions, just smiled brightly, eyes disappearing behind his cheeks, and continued on to your table where Seungmin stood waiting for you to give you a blanket he acquired from somewhere.

Jisung insisted you keep his coat for the remainder of the night if you happened to feel cold at some point. You never did with the blanket on your lap, but you still kept it close by.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It was on a trip to an early morning location shoot that something happened again. Instead of separate vehicles, everyone had been piled into a big van together. You had the fortune to sit by the window with Jisung to your left by the aisle.

As you were dozing in and out of consciousness, a few of the others were talking quietly amongst themselves. You had tried to join them at one point mid-conversation but your words were slurred and they giggled at your groggy state, urging you to go back to sleep.

You were the process of shifting in your seat to lay your head on Jisung’s shoulder when the driver called back to the group. Your auditory processors were not working well to understand what was being said since you were so out of it, but in the next moment Jisung had thrown his arm over your chest to prevent you from going forward as the van came to quick halt.

You jolted awake as you all pitched forward in your seats. Stopping only because of the seatbelts.

“Ji?” you cried out, scared at the sudden disruption to your less than perfect slumber. Grabbing ahold of his arm in a panic, he quickly turned to calm you down.

“No, it’s ok, you’re ok.”

“Is everyone else ok?”

“Yeah, everyone’s fine, you’re fine.”

Obviously, you couldn’t go back to sleep after that, no matter how much Jisung tried to reassure you. Stopping like that would happen one more time on that trip, something to do with bad breaks, you weren’t too sure. It may not have been as rough as the first time, but Jisung made sure to hold you back with his arm once again.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Han Jisung was the type of man to block the sharp corner of the cabinet so you wouldn’t bump your head and act like he didn’t do it. The type of man to use his jacket to block your lower body when in a dress at an award show. And the type of man that, if you were sitting next to him in a car, he’d stick his arm out in front of you to protect you.

Jisung was the type of protector that would want no praise nor commotion for anything he’d done. Because it was just natural for him.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Hyunjin was funny in a way. For all the times he’s claimed he didn’t like skinship, mans was sure clingy. The amount of times he would pull a disgusted face whenever anyone was near him only to be all over them not even ten minutes later was hilarious to you.

Yet there were times, though, when he needed to grab on to you, not for skinship, but to make sure you were in his line of sight at all times. Even surrounded by bodyguards it wasn’t as safe as you thought it could be.

An incident in the past had led Hyunjin to be more aware of where you were in an airport, wanting to be on the more cautious side than anything. Hyunjin became your official unofficial airport buddy after that.

And he took his new role in your life very seriously.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

When you and the boys arrived back in Korea from visiting Chan and Felix’s families in Australia, the crowd that awaited you was not something the group was prepared for.

Later on you would all learn that someone had leaked your flight information online. Which in itself was already a scary thing to think about, but the amount of people that had been waiting for you all had just been overwhelming.

By this point in time, you had grown closer to them all, a far cry from how it was when you had first joined that was for sure. Enough to be able to fight them for a piece of meat on the first round.

Typically, when arriving at Incheon airport, you’d end up walking in the back with Chan and Hyunjin. That was just how it naturally occurred. Yet with the amount of people surrounding you, you had lost sight of them easily. You could vaguely spot the blond hair that belonged to Felix but he was too far away to reach, and no amount of yelling would do you any good since the crowd had that covered.

Looking back and forth, you were on the verge of panicking since you didn’t even see your own guard near you, another casualty to the swarm of people. When a sudden tug on your hoodie pulled at you to the right. Scared, you were about to fight for your life. Your arm was already pulled back, ready to swing at whoever tried to grab at you. Those self-defense classes Binnie had you in was about to come out. Cause baby, you were not the one.

Only, you noticed Hyunjin’s shaggy hair just in time.

He stared at you for a second, eyes going wide above the face mask that he wore, at what you were about to do.

“…Come on, let’s go,” he said eventually, incredulously shaking his head at you. You tried not to giggle at his reaction but it was just so hard not to. “Everyone’s already ahead of us.”

“Really?” you asked, now worried about what could have happened as you lagged behind. Agreeing quickly, you took a step forward until he tugged you back again. With a questioning look, you turned back to him.

“It’s this way pabo,” the amusement in his voice was clear throughout all the yelling in the area. He threw his arm over your head in a headlock and dragged you toward the direction you needed to go.

“Hyunjinnie~,” you groaned out, your head tilted at an awkward angle.

“This is for your own protection. We don’t need you getting lost right now.”

“I get lost at an airport one (1) time and everyone holds it over my head for the rest of my life.”

All he could do is cackle.

Eventually he did let go of your head once the both of you made it back with the group. The guards finally doing their job in securing a circle around you all.

“Did she go and get lost again?” Seungmin joked while trying to hide a smile.

“She was about to,” Hyun replied, making sure he still held onto a part of your hoodie.

“I was not,” you said while giving Hyunjin his own signature look of disgust.

“Aigoo, if you keep making that face, it’s gonna get stuck like that,” he teased while pinching your cheek. You swatted his hand away from your face, soothing over where he pinched, him and Seungmin laughed in response.

Following along with everyone, you could still feel his light grip on your clothing. As if he was afraid that you’d somehow disappear if he were to let go. In all honesty, his actions did bring you some form of comfort while in the throng of people. Like your own personal grounding anchor.

He continued to hold onto you until you made it out of the airport. With all the media around, you all were forced to do an impromptu press conference welcoming you back in the parking lot. Hyunjin made sure that you were next to him and that your clothes weren’t a total mess after the long ten hour flight.

“STEP OUT! ANNYEONGHASEYO STRAY KIDS-IMNIDA!,” you all shouted out and bowed to the crowd before you. The fans behind the paparazzies went wild. You all did the appropriate amount of waving and smiling but you just wanted to go home and collapse into bed already.

When a tug on your sleeve caught your attention, Hyunjin gestured that it was time to go once again. He’d pulled his face mask down to take pictures so you could tell he was really smiling this time. Pulling you along, he was sure to put you in the middle of the group so that there was no possible way of you getting lost.

And if he still felt he needed to be connected to you in some way, well who were you to deny the ferret? He was just looking out for his member, that was all. They were prone to getting lost, it had happened before, he just didn’t want to deal with the aftermath like that again.

It wasn’t good for his heart. Don’t do it again, please.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Yeah, you just didn’t understand how people could say that Hyun liked skinship and physical touch. He’s just not that type of person and there have surely been no instances whatsoever in your life as an idol where he had proved you wrong about it.

Absolutely none, and whoever said so was indeed a liar.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Being around Felix was very easy. When it was just the two of you it was a nice and cozy feeling. Nothing ever felt rushed or like you had to try too hard to be near each other, maybe it was because you were both foreigners experiencing the idol life together.

Who knows.

But when you threw in your other members, all the cozy feelings went out of the window and it was like a chaotic mess was left in its place.

And when he had to essentially play a modified version of keep away with you as the main item, well then of course all hell would break loose.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Noona, we have to run!” Felix yelled as he ran back towards you, giant grin on his face. You could just make out his cameraman behind him trying to catch up with the energetic sunshine boy and behind him your other members chased Felix down.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Just like BTS did, Lotte Duty Free allowed Stray Kids to use a floor for the location of the next SKZ CODE. The premise was that while all nine of you were there, only the boys were supposed to find various items that were hidden around the entire floor to recreate the names of their songs.

Once it got presented to the manager-nim in charge of the game or specific staff members, the others could no longer use that same item. You, on the other hand, were supposed to be Ghost, a wild card that made up one song entirely. Technically you could be whatever song you wanted but the points were just doubled if they had you on their roster at the end of the 3 hour mark. Just like the staff members playing, you also were to run around except your goal was to not get caught. Because of that, you had to be turned in last.

Each guy had been given specific color cloths to tie around your wrist to “claim” you as their point. Only one person could claim you at a time and stealing items from each other had been allowed. So, say you got caught by someone with a black cloth, if you had a green one on when they did, they could remove it and put their color on instead. The only rule to claim you as a point was that you had to be brought to the main manager at the end when time was called to count.

Each of your cameramen had been given a walkie-talkie so that everyone could know if and when their cloths were removed or the time remaining. You had been given a 15 minute head start to run around and hide, your own cameraman following behind you.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Time had been close to being called, about ten minutes left you had heard on the radio. You’d been caught a few times only to be able to escape not long afterwards. Changbin had found you first, securing a cute pink cloth around your wrist. Lee Know found you afterwards, purple cloth replacing the pink. It would be a long time until Innie’s white cloth replaced Lee Know’s.

Hyunjin and Chan had found you together but you managed to escape both of them before either could swap your color out. While running from them, you had made eye contact with Seungmin but were able to evade him when you ran into a darkened area. That was where you subsequently ran into Felix and scared the absolute shit out of each other.

Now the two of you listened on as your cameraman, Seoyul, announced that you now adorned the yellow team cloth. All four of you walked calmly to where the manager-nim was.

“I’m getting nervous Lix,” you said, trying to contain your energy, adrenaline kicked in your system as the game was coming to an end.

“Why?” the same giddy energy flowed out of him since he was close to winning.

“It’s quiet, too quiet. You don’t think something could go wrong?”

“Why would you jinx it!?” he shouted in exasperation, not realizing how loud he actually was. All of you paused in motion, listening to figure out if any of the others heard you. Your eyes the only thing rapidly moving to scan your surroundings as the both of you stood frozen. When nothing happened, you two continued on until you reached where the manager was supposed to be waiting.

But if video games had taught either of you a thing or two, it was what a trap would feel like.

“Ok, you wait here, and I’m gonna go check if the coast is clear. I promise, I won’t let them come near you got it?,” he whispered as you nod along to what he said.

He snuck on ahead, his cameraman trailing behind him as you stood there, waiting for his return. Not even five seconds later he came bounding round the corner at full speed, laughing maniacally.

“Noona, we have to run!” Felix yelled as he ran back towards you, giant grin on his face. You could just make out his cameraman behind him trying to catch up with the energetic boy and behind him your other members chased Felix down.

He didn’t stop as he grabbed your hand in his and took off in the opposite direction. You could just make out the others yelling for the both of you over yours and Felix’s laughter.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Felix had made sure that he kept a steady grip on your hand while running away. Never once pulling you too hard or running too fast for you to keep up. If both of you were hiding, he’d urge you forward first gently and then covered you so you couldn’t be seen.

“Noona, get down here,” he said as he made his way to hide in a department store behind a rack of clothing near the entrance. Huddling close, he gestured with his finger to keep quiet. You do as he said, grin still in place as you looked at each other, the pounding footsteps of the others not that far behind.

“They turned in here,” I.N could be heard saying close to where you were hidden.

“No, they went this way,” Changbin argued a distance away.

“I think Innie is right,” Seungmin put his two cents in.

“Let’s just split up,” Chan butted in democratically. “Half go in here with I.N and the others can follow Binnie. We don’t have a lot of time left.”

Miraculously, they all agreed and you could hear them split off.

“You sure they went this way?” you heard Chan ask.

“Like 75%...?” I.N responded.

“75%??” Seungmin shouted in response.

Felix grabbed your attention by taking a hold of your hand and gestured with his head to follow him. Quietly, the two of you scooted around the rack just as the group of boys walked by. When it seemed like the right time, you and Felix took off, his foot kicking something and alerted the others of your fleeing forms.

“Let’s go, Noona!”

“There they go!”

“After them!”

“See, I told you they came in here!”

The excitement and elation was clear in their tone of voice. You and Felix ran and screamed hand in hand to the safe zone. At one point, he had to let go to let you run by yourself so he could distract the others. Just as you made it, out of breath, Felix toppled in and crashed into you. Stummbling forward into the room, Felix could be heard yelling loudly, “I did it! I brought her in! I win!”

Groans from behind you was the response. You couldn’t help the cheesy grin on your face or the boisterous laugh that escaped you.

⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

It’s true being with Felix was easy.

But when he’s trying to protect you from the others he’s lively and was contagious for everyone involved. That’s just how your little jellybean was.

a/n. © hippopotamusdreamer, est 2024. all rights reserved.

Tag list:

@elizalabs3

[spockandawe]

Double edit: actually, that's enough of that.

Edit: I was expecting maybe thirty notes tops. This is a surprise, and one that doesn't delight me. If I hear about any harassment stemming from this post, I'll be more pissed at the harasser than the person this is about.

God. Dammit.

I hate this, let's just out that out there! I'm unhappy that I'm talking about any of this, I'm unhappy there's an issue that's come up at the intersection of media preservation, respecting authors, and one of my favorite book series. And I'm unhappy that I've censored the names in the screenshots I'm about ti post! I'm not happy that I'm helping to slide consequences away from someone who thought this was an acceptable thing to do to a modern working author. But I'm even less happy this is something that happened in the first place, and I'm VERY unhappy the original post has been deleted without a whisper of accountability or apology.

And here's a partial screenshot of the IA page, which has since been removed. I get the excitement to share something you love with a new audience. This isn't the right way to go about it.

First, if Martha Wells' patreon is still in place, I encourage everyone in the strongest possible terms to go sign up for it. It'll charge you one dollar. I've been a member since probably 2018, and I mistakenly believed it was locked to new members (it's labeled 'Currently Closed To New Patrons') until I had reason to look it up last night, when I tripped across this reddit post from earlier this year.

Now. I was looking it up because of this sudden patreon message:

Even if the patreon goes away, I still recommend that people sign up. Explore the stories! They're very fun! Even though the patreon has been dormant for years, I've loved having that repository in place.

In fact, in the interest of full disclosure, what kept me from immediately reblogging last night is that I've felt the same archival urges! I bound a hard copy of these stories earlier this year, and let me quote my own words from that post:

I live in a state of perpetual low key stress over the impermanence of digital media and that goes extra for sites that aren’t designed to work well as archives. I hope, desperately, that someday Martha Wells publishes more raksura, maybe even including these stories! I will buy it immediately. No thoughts, wallet empty. I own all her other raksura books in literally three formats, fingers crossed that by printing this, I can actualize a formal official printing of these stories by the author 😂

So. Archiving, yes. But especially with a living, working author, I would never DREAM of posting a public free-for-all with IA and mediafire links. My most charitable interpretation is that OP thought it was fine since the stories were "free," even though the writeups acknowledge that access costs a dollar. Ao3 is also free. Reposting someone else's fic is still understood to be a dick move.

Last night i was left kind of stunned, and I was hoping to see some kind of response from op this morning taking responsibility, and was... disappointed to see that the post was just deleted. The IA listing was deleted too, and I hadn't actually looked up the mediafire post yet but I'm guessing it's also been nuked. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see if there was anything more in the comments, so I found a surviving reblog. And there was!

So I'm writing this post because I'm... frustrated. Taking down the files is a good step. Posting them publicly was a worse step, but hey. I still more than understand if Martha Wells still deletes her patreon. I don't understand what sending her files of her own stories is meant to accomplish, but whatever. Ascribing a profit-driven motive is driving me up a wall, though. She's financially stable. I read her email, and what i see is frustration that even though it only cost a dollar to access 62k of her work through her own chosen location, control of her writing is being forcibly removed from her. I'm sure that seeing copies sold by third parties wouldn't help, but I don't think that's the root issue.

This is a fandom-heavy website, I'm sure most of us have seen posts about not reposting art when you can share directly from the artist's blog. I've seen posts about stop copying your ao3 faves over to wattpad just because you like reading there better. At a fundamental level, I read the message from Martha Wells as a deep frustration at having no way to share her creative work without someone removing control of it from her hands. And I don't know if there's any way to really take back that damage.

[creedslove]

BABY BLISS 🍼

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Tommy's daughter was born a couple of months ago but Joel can't bring himself to be around the baby as painful memories of his late daughter continue to haunt him and you try your best to support him

(This can be read as a continuation of SLEEP BLISS 💤, SHOWER BLISS 🫧 and MOONLIGHT BLISS 🌙 or as a stand alone, it's up to you)

Warnings: established relationship, age gap, fluff, angst, hurt, anxiety attack, talks of pregnancy, as usual, out of character Joel as always lol

A/N: I LOVE JOEL MILLER 🥺😔

2k words

You thought Joel was indestructible. He was fearless, courageous, when needed, he was violent, brutal, mercilessly. You'd seen him take down men and creatures without flinching.

Nothing seemed to faze him, and you were sure he feared nothing in his life.

So watching Joel Miller being scared of a baby was actually pretty funny. At first.

Ever since Maria's and Tommy's baby was born, you'd been to their place a lot of times. You just loved helping them out with the baby, it wasn't the smartest idea to have one during the apocalypse, but then, they were married, in love, safe in a community and who were you to judge after all? Babies represented a new life, a wind of change, so when you saw that beautiful little thing for the first time, your heart melted.

She was an adorable baby, so quiet and small and you loved holding her whenever Maria would let you to.

Her sweet precious Flora smelled really good, you had heard of people talking about how babies smelled good but you didn't think it was true until you held her. You just couldn't get enough of your niece.

Niece.

That made you giggle.

You and Joel finally made things official after he took you on a date. You had been in love with each other for long, but you were both too scared to admit it.

Looking back at things now, you realized how silly it was because of how obvious your feelings for each other were, and you could swear you were the happiest woman in Jackson, as you could be with the man you loved.

But when you saw how happy Maria was with her baby, you realized maybe you were the second happiest woman in town.

The only thing that felt off was Joel's reaction. He never seemed very enthusiastic about the news his brother was going to be a dad, and when Maria finally delivered the baby, he was just in a weird mood. He kept to him, didn't say much, congratulated his brother and took him out for a drink, but he declined when Tommy offered him to hold Flora.

And since then, he kept his distance from the baby. He glanced at her from afar and that was it.

At first you didn't give it much thought, but you began finding it weird, especially after the uncomfortable silence that lingered in the room whenever Joel didn't actually acknowledge his niece.

Tommy didn't pressure him into holding Flora or anything like that, he had an idea why his brother was distant, so he'd rather not go there and make him uncomfortable.

You'd spent the whole after at Maria's while the men were out in town working and doing other tasks. Very often Tommy and Joel went back to some construction jobs, just as before everything went to shit.

He knew you'd stay at his brother's so he'd told you he'd stop by later and you two could walk home together.

Joel was hoping that you'd be good to go once he got there with Tommy, but of course you had to be inside, he sighed and looked around, trying to come up with an excuse so he wouldn't get in, but his brother was already holding the door open for him with a dumb smile and he could hear your voice inside.

The house was silent, the only thing they could hear was your voice, but you weren't speaking, you were humming.

Maria was in a comfortable slumber, she lay on the couch and ended up falling asleep once she saw her baby girl was safe in your arms. She'd spent most nights awake and it was a relief to have you around helping her. She didn't even know how to thank you, but to you, it was such a bliss to take care of Flora.

Joel stepped inside, he swallowed hard the moment he saw you holding the baby. You hummed a lullaby but she wouldn't close her little eyes. Flora was smart and curious, always looking around and cooing at people. He knew you'd already told him he should be a little warmer to her, of course she was a small baby and didn't understand things, but you reminded him maybe Tommy and Maria could be offended if he didn't show any interest in their daughter, after all, she'd been born a couple of months ago and Joel had barely looked at her.

But he didn't want to look at her, because if he did, he would recognize the features he used to love so much and he lost. He didn't want to hold her, because he knew her smell would remind him of the smell of the one he lost for good.

He couldn't do that to himself, he didn't want to live through that pain again, now he was happy and though he would never forget what happened, some days it hurt a little less, because he had you in his life and you made it all easier. But when he saw you holding Flora, he didn't feel strong enough. The way she cooed in your arms and blinked curiously and the way you pecked her forehead so gently, it gutted him.

"Hey princess, that's uncle Joel" you cooed at her and saw her fussing a little before giving him a gummy smile.

You chuckled and got closer "do you wanna hold her?" You offered gently. He saw your eyes sparkling and he wondered if you ever wanted to be a mom, you were a natural with kids, they always seemed to love you and sometimes he closed his eyes and wondered what things would be like if you ended up pregnant, but he dismissed this thought as soon as it appeared.

He could see how happy you were to be holding Flora, and how comfortable you were with a small baby in your arms.

He hadn't told you why he didn't want anything to do with the baby, he knew he was kind of a jerk, but since his brother never brought it up, then he didn't feel the need to explain it.

But when you looked at him that way, it melted his heart, he couldn't bring himself to say no to you. He heard a small coo and looked down onto your eyes, taking a deep breath and extending his.

You didn't think Joel would be willing to pick Flora up, and if he weren't you wouldn't insist it at all, but there he was, surprising you after all. Little Flora settled comfortably in her uncle's arms, her small nose nuzzled his chest as she began closing her eyes feeling sleepy. She looked curiously at him, but he was so warm she couldn't fight sleep for much longer.

Joel was in awe at his niece. She didn't even know him, and yet she trusted him enough to fall asleep, silly little princess, he thought to himself and smiled. She was so soft and small and the warmth in his arms brought him back so many memories he thought they were buried deep.

He didn't know why he was blushing, but he still avoided looking at you or Tommy, wanting to focus only on the beautiful little girl he had in his arms. He scanned her features and smiled at her, closing his eyes as he inhaled her characteristic baby scent.

His heart skipped a beat and his smile died as a lump formed in his throat. He was enjoying the moment, he really was but then everything came back, all at once and the moment he opened his eyes again he didn't see Flora anymore, all he saw was Sarah.

His sweet baby Sarah, it'd been so long and yet there she was in his arms. He felt a pang in his chest, thinking he'd gone crazy. The first time he held her in his arms, her first word which was also the first time she called him dada, the first time she scraped her knee and called for him, the movie nights they had together and finally how he held her limp body against his, the smell of her fresh blood invading his nostrils and how cold she got in his arms.

Joel let out a sob and opened his eyes again, Flora was still asleep but Tommy quickly picked her up from him "I got this" he said in a concerned way as Joel walked out the backdoor.

The lump in his throat was making it impossible for Joel to breath, he placed his hand in his chest, trying to reach for air but his heart hammered faster and faster in his chest. He looked around hoping he could find something to focus and calm down, but it seemed impossible. Tears ran down his cheek as he fought for control but felt he got to a dead end.

You ran to Joel as fast as you could, he was anxious and tense and you didn't know exactly how to help him, your eyes glistened with tears as you saw his own.

Your arms wrapped around his body.

"I'm here Joel, I'm here" you whispered to him and felt him fall onto his knees, you followed him and felt him burying his face into the crook of your neck. You pressed it, caressing his hair so gently, reminding him you were there for him.

"Breath honey, breath" you said as calmly as you could. Joel's grip was tight around your waist and you lost track of how long you stayed there.

•••

The walk home was silent, Joel didn't say anything and you didn't ask. He was embarrassed after what happened, to him it was a sign of weakness and he was sure that changed how you viewed him. He would rather be alone than be with you if you pitied him.

You, on the other hand, didn't want to leave his side at all, you didn't feel sorry for him, you felt love. You felt a burning ache, longing for him. You had seen the most human portrait of Joel someone could ever witness.

He wasn't a murderer, he wasn't cold blooded, he was a wounded man. A man who lost all but somehow made his way back to being happy with you.

Once at home, Joel went to his room and stayed there, complete silence filled the house and though you wanted to give him all the time he needed, at the same time you felt a need to be next to him.

You knocked on his door, and opened it, Joel was sitting on the bed, watching old pictures of Sarah.

You smiled sadly as he hid them quickly. They were his and he never let anyone see them, not even you. And you respected that.

You sat next to him and ran your fingers through his hair, feeling his arm pulling you by the waist as he let his heavy body lay comfortably in bed and pull you closer to him.

"We don't have to talk about what happened if you don't want to… but I want you to know I'm proud of you, proud of how strong you are, Joel" you told him and kissed his lips gently.

You wanted to tell him so many things, you wanted to tell him that you were proud he managed to hold his niece, you wanted to tell him you were sure she was as beautiful as Sarah was and you wanted to tell him if the world wasn't going to shit you would be more than glad in carry his baby, or you would never get pregnant at all, you wanted to tell him you would do anything he wanted you to, because you loved him.

So those were the only words you let it out.

"I love you, Joel"

He looked at you completely silent and pulled you even closer, kissing your forehead and closing his eyes, he wasn't there yet, he wasn't ready to tell you those three words, it could've been superstition, as he lost everyone he's ever loved, so you didn't mind, you respected his silence, because you loved enough for the two of you.

_____

A/N: I love Joel so much

[cande2oo6]

FINALE SPOILERS!!

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[I know I'm going to sound a bit fantasma ("ghostly") ("fantasma" is an Argentine expression to refer to a person or action that shows a strong egocentrism, believing themselves to be more than they are) with this but I really want to say it, sorry]

I liked the episode, although I will admit that it disappointed me a little things I didn't like very much:

- The fart jokes. Are you kidding me? I mean, I know it makes sense at least with the confetti explosion (which believe me, I like to a certain extent since it helps to highlight a serious state), but I still didn't like it very much (especially in the end, but at least they did acknowledge that)

- The anti-fairies. Is it just me or did they become dumber? Their actions in the fight disappointed and bothered me quite a bit

- Dev and Peri. I think I spoke for the majority when I said I expected a better reconciliation, I mean, they barely interacted!

- Dev and Dale. I was expecting something a little more dramatic

- Irep's "betrayal" felt half-baked. In my opinion, it was obvious that Irep wanted to betray Dev, but it never really became "official" so to speak

- Anti Wanda and Anti Cosmo didn't have much involvement, and they didn't interact with either Irep or Dev

- Jorgen and Dale weren't scolded out even a little bit. Jorgen, Dev didn't need a newbie who probably just became a godfather to carry on a legacy. And Dale, REALLY WANTED HIM TO SUFFER EVEN ONE SMALL THING BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN

- Dev's suffering is taken as a joke

- Wanda doesn't look as upset and scared as I would have expected about Peri exploding

- The "DEEP DEEP" joke. I feel like it would have been funnier (and less annoying) if Wanda had actually been actually upset in the episode (something a little more like when she met Irep again)

"Umm... I'm not sure" stuff:

- Hazel's friends and brother retain their memories. I don't know, I wasn't really convinced, but it's innovative, curious and interesting

- The fight against the anti-fairies in general

- Irep neglects Peri. And yes, it's kind of dumb, but think about it for a moment. We already know that Irep hates Peri, but in the previous series he saw and suffered the consequences of affecting Poof (sorry for this but it's canon) in "Timmy's secret wish", he KNOWS that if Peri dies he will too

- Hazel's friends and brother not being so surprised about the existence of magic. It makes some sense but still...

- Dev loses Peri. It was fair, but I wish they'd apologized to each other even though

- There was no parallel between Irep and Dev. I was hoping they'd do something about how they both feel like shadows of other, but emphasizing that Irep is genuinely bad and Dev isn't that bad at heart

Things that put me in "LET'S FUCKING GOOOO" mode:

- Anti Wanda and Anti Cosmo are part of the same idiot

- Anti Wanda isn't as dumb and nice as she seemed in the other series

- Pattypossum and Nottimmy holding hands, Crocker saying "I was right! 😃" and Jorgen erasing everyone's memories. Just little details and jokes that I like

- Dev and Hazel's conversation. I would have liked to see them interact a bit more, but I'm satisfied

- Peri being a spokesperson in the finale. Acknowledging the horrible joke and demanding a second season

But as I said, I liked it, and I look forward to a second season with other characters that were never mentioned or appeared, like the pixies, Chester, Trixie, Norm, Juandissimo, etc.

What's your opinion of the finale? :)

[cinnamonest]

I assume this is because I criticized Kamala Harris in my last post.

I want to address this because it's important to me and frustrations currently consuming my life, and I'm very emotionally unwell right now. I want to share my experiences and make a point I feel is important at this time.

Once again, this is very unfitting of the smut fanfiction blog and will be deleted later, even though I'm sure this is a huge follower-losing post, but whatever.

Forgive me for rambling so much, but I encourage you and people who think like this to read in entirety.

I realize things are tense right now in the US.

Part of the reason for my inactivity the past while (besides multiple hospitalizations) is that I'm glued to my screen every night now because I'm very scared. I've been spending all my time researching, watching videos from economists, etc.

(Preemptively, sources for everything I'm about to say: the FEMA Privacy Act Statement itself, the official CPB database, Helene People Finder, United States Council of Foreign Relations, Samaritan's Purse, NYC.gov, Starlink, Politico, ABC, CNBC, georgia.gov, nc.gov, tn.gov, my own life)

The US is an extremely high-tension, polarized political climate, largely due to the bipartisan system.

However, no one should be immune from criticism.

All politicians should be criticized when they do harm. I am allowed to criticize her, and I will.

Criticizing one candidate is not the same thing as endorsing/supporting their opposition.

3,000+ Appalachians are missing. The current death toll makes this the deadliest single event in the US since 1862. A higher death toll than Hurricane Katrina, a higher death toll than the events of 9/11/2001, a higher death toll than any mass shooting.

However, it is largely going completely ignored, and mainstream news media has barely acknowledged it, in part due to elections, but largely because the people who live in Appalachia are poor, rural people. And the harsh reality is that poor people's lives are not treated with the same value as people of higher classes.

FEMA continues to do nothing, and the feds are now threatening to take children away from homeless parents... yet they blocked donations of trailers and campers from nearby areas that would help those people to, you know, not be homeless. A kind group of Amish have come down from Pennsylvania to build shelters, and FEMA may tear them down too since they don't have "permits."

Harris had the opportunity to do something, and has the authority to order FEMA agents to act differently, but she chose to exploit the situation for publicity, then leave and otherwise ignore them. She then went on to pay Beyonce $10,000,000 to speak for 5 minutes.

That deserves to be criticized.

Her campaign continues to claim a good economy and job market, when inflation and cost of living has peaked, and just this month, their policies actually have officially led to one of the worst employment outcomes the United States has seen since the Great Depression, disproportionately affecting low-income workers.

That deserves to be criticized.

She has a bad track record during her time in the judicial system for the way her actions harshly affected underprivileged people, especially Jamal Trulove, who was terribly wronged.

That deserves to be criticized.

Furthermore, the reason FEMA/the government does not have money for Appalachia is for a few reasons, all of which were ordered, facilitated or allowed by the current administration:

1) we've sent over $100 BILLION to the IDF so they can keep blowing up hospitals and kindergartens,

2) we sent $175 BILLION to Zelensky so he can keep sending young men into violent deaths even if its against their will,

3) we just sent $100+ million to Lebanon even after the hurricane crisis, meaning the federal government explicitly chose to prioritize foreign aid over its own people,

4) money was taken directly from FEMA reserves for crises like ours, and used as part of a whopping $150,000,000,000 spent on mass migration — including free flights, a $20 million welcome center with a free-use "game room" with dozens of Xboxes plus free food/lodging, and in NY, an average of $1400 prepaid debit card per individual each month.

Meanwhile, Appalachians get a one-time $750 per family, and if you have insurance to cover anything, it's a LOAN you have to pay back (many "fact-checkers" are claiming this is false when its literally in the FEMA eligibility statement). Many of the independent line workers FEMA hired for repairs are reporting they have not been paid AT ALL since starting.

In other words, the money that was specifically reserved for saving lives in times of crisis was spent on video games and free money handouts.

That, holy hell, deserves to be criticized.

Secondly, I want to address the message itself.

I realize that a lot of the american tumblr userbase is 1) people young enough that they're still partially financially dependent on parents and/or 2) are, like most of the US statistically, earning middle-class incomes, and live in fairly population-dense environments.

Most people outside the US, on the other hand, are getting their perceptions of life, politics, etc in the US from the posts/narratives of people within the aforementioned groups, popular culture, and their own local media, so their perspective is often quite limited, to no fault of their own. I'm sure my perspective of life in other countries is also very limited.

Most of you live in places other than where I live, and live very different lives from mine. As humans, we are naturally prone to subconsciously assuming the lives of others are not too different from our own, and do not naturally stop to consider how various factors might affect people's lives and decisions.

We are social beings, prone to adopting the beliefs of others who have the same experiences and thereby the same limited perspectives as us, especially in ideologically homogenous environments.

However, I have just as much of a voice as anyone else.

My hope is that I can use my words and experience to foster empathy for one another between different people in a very polarized climate at a very tense time.

I'm originally from a fairly rural community of about 8,000 people, largely low-income, low-education, evangelical blue-collar workers and farmers, in the Bible Belt.

It is well-known that this demographic overwhelmingly voted for Trump. I don't deny that. I visit home a lot, I see the yard signs everywhere, flags hanging from pickup trucks and farm fenceposts, lots of red hats.

There is a reason for that.

The administration of the past four years has utterly destroyed many rural, low-income communities.

It caused a huge spike in job layoffs, leading to homelessness, drug abuse, hunger and poverty for many already low-income people, and for select communities, violent crime.

I'm fortunate enough to have had parents better off than most of the community, but I'm self-sufficient now, and I am in the bottom 20% of incomes in the US, even with a degree. I could write endless paragraphs on how hard it is to get by, but to summarize for the sake of shortening — it's very, very rough.

Everything has become drastically more expensive, very rapidly over the course of a few years. Groceries are 3x their 2021 prices. I had to get a guarantor for a one-bedroom apartment.

Many rural families resort to drastic measures to get by. Small farmers are being financially strangled out of their way of life.

The actions of the Biden-Harris administration is the reason a huge portion of my extended family was laid off and now face total destitution, as there are simply no jobs left available.

The Biden-Harris border and crime policies are responsible for the brutal rape of a significant number of women and girls in this geographic region. Statistically, these rapes have quadrupled compared to the previous administration.

A woman was raped and stabbed to death about a mile from where I live.

Our nearby neighbor, a cow farmer back home, was attacked on his own property.

I have personally faced multiple instances of sexual harassment and aggression, some of which were very frightening. I know other girls nearby experienced the same or worse.

Alcoholism and hard drugs due to the spike in unemployment and poverty has ruined many lives, and help is often hard to access in rural regions.

A woman my mom was acquainted with ended her own life in 2023 because her children were taken from her due to her drug addiction and poverty. People I played with on the church playground as kids are now unemployed heroin addicts.

I've watched my mom driven to tears after realizing how drastically her income tax increased, and how little she has left after them despite working around the clock.

All of these can be traced back to the policies and actions of the current administration, and the current Harris-Walz platform's proposals will drastically increase it all — largely voted for by people who live in economic situations and locations as such that they are fairly unaffected by these consequences, so they may not understand how it affects these people.

I could write endless paragraphs of all the people I know who have been at best negatively affected, at worst utterly ruined, by the current administration.

Since I have the unique background of understanding these people whilst having more liberal values as an individual, with a broad range of people I interact with now, I have tried to have discussions on this over the last year or so, in real life and virtually. I believed that raising awareness would make people on the left-leaning side empathize with them, and inspire dialogue to work to implement ways to account for the concerns and needs of the rural poor, and incorporate that into their existing proposals.

I was incorrect. I've been very polite and respectful in how I address others in these discussions. In the vast majority of interactions, I was not given the same in return.

A few were receptive, which I appreciate, but in most of my experiences, the same group that is known for encouraging empathy, apparently doesn't apply that philosophy to people they dislike — no matter how I presented it, they immediately rushed to demonize, censor, humiliate, shame and gaslight me, and expressed callous apathy at best, if not active contempt, for my people.

They say "that doesn't happen," and I think they genuinely believe that due to limited perspective — but the reality is that they're simply in a position of privilege as such that it isn't happening to them.

Similarly, what you have to understand is that from the perspective of many rural people in red areas, their experience is that more privileged people inflicted this suffering on them by voting for it, then silence and shame them for speaking out about it.

Likewise, they also have a limited perspective — for them, the issue I see is that they adamantly believe the "other side" is already well-aware of the effects their choices have on others. I don't think this is true, I think many on the other end are unaware of these issues.

This dual lack of understanding creates mutual resentment and bitterness, which fuels tension.

I will say that trying to explain how girls in my community were assaulted or my own harassment, only to have it spammed with replies along the lines of "don't care" or "deserved" or calling me a liar, seeing posts mocking or wishing harm on people like my family accumulate tens of thousands of likes, having people I care about referred to as "trailer trash," passive-aggressive statements implying I'm too unattractive for a man to harass — this, along with other distasteful actions I've seen, has pushed me away from the left as a community, and I don't think that's unreasonable.

Similarly, labeling people you know nothing about as bad people, without making any effort to understand their circumstances or what they actually believe and why, will drive people away and make them resentful.

My community is multiracial, women are highly valued in southern culture for various reasons, and they themselves are marginalized and underprivileged. They're kind people who have been good to me.

I haven't really met any people who are hateful, nor is hate the reason for their votes — they're all voting as they do because they are scared, exhausted, grieving and desperate. A lot of people in the area never voted before, but are now registering to vote in droves because they feel their backs are against the wall, so to speak.

Moreover, Orange Man himself redirected $14 million dollars to Appalachia, continues to raise awareness for them in speeches, and Musk, who is associated with him, has a team working to help Appalachians. He's also the only noteworthy figure that has acknowledged certain issues affecting them.

They realize that the situation in Appalachia could just as easily be them in the future, that they'd be given the same treatment.

This has resulted in a lot of rural poor people feeling that he cares more for their lives, compared to Biden/Harris who more or less neglected them. Which, considering that, is a fairly reasonable conclusion on their end.

Finally, it is true that blue voters tend to be in favor of abolishing or ruining crucial aspects of our way of life that, I say this politely, they do not fully understand, while the people here want to preserve their way of life.

So, while I have more liberal values that differ from most people back home, I don't believe they are bad people. They are reacting very reasonably to the circumstances they're in.

All I ask of others is to consider, no matter where you are or what beliefs you align with, and no matter what happens tomorrow, that the "other side" to your own may not be the evil people you have been led to believe they are, but are humans whose lives are simply different from yours, and they are acting in accordance to their experiences, circumstances, and fears.

The growing trend of demonizing political opposition with no attempt at empathy, only creates more pain in the world. I hope this has helped to foster better understanding, and that people can be kind to one another.

That is all I wanted to say.

[dotthings]

Let me debunk a few more misinformation things about what Misha or Jensen say about Destiel. (Bolding some particularly relevant things I really want people to notice).

At Darklight Con Nov 8, 2020, Misha firmly said Cas's confession was about romantic feelings for Dean. (Notably, this is a European con, not CE in the US). Misinformation has sometimes been spread that Misha said Cas's confession wasn't romantic. Not true.

Misha then added that in his "interpretation" it was "unrequited" but continued on that "I'm speculating" and "I don't know what's in Dean's head. And Cas doesn't know." Misinformation has gotten around that Misha ever confirmed that Dean absolutely isn't in love with Cas back.

He then said the same things Jensen has said about supporting people's interpretations. They align on this viewpoint. (Antis don't want to listen, it's inconvenient for them).

He confirmed that Jensen was all in supporting Cas's confession scene. And that Jensen was told 3 months in advance. Since some have tried to claim it was sprung on Jensen at the last minute, a week before filming or something, and it was all an evol nefarious plot to lie to Jensen, trick him, and ambush him.

I mean, come tf on.

Jensen had three months to think about it.

And it's not only common practice on TV to have actors not know things too far in advance so their performances can be as spontaneous as possible, Jensen himself has said it's his own practice not to read ahead, so Dean's reactions can be as spontaneous as possible, and Jensen was in fact was given more than the usual amount of lead time about Cas's confession.

And was all in.

But especially interesting to me is how Jensen and Misha's comments mirror each other's take about the other's character.

Jensen and Misha have both told us they talked about Destiel.

Am I being clear enough here? They have talked about it. With each other. Often. They have an understanding among each other. (Yet antis seem to be in complete rampaging denial about this little fact).

And Jensen and Misha's takes often complement each other's, fit each other's on certain points, or even align via different styles and slightly different approaches and takes but actually boil down in essence to the same thing, plus both of them keep saying to fans...run with your interpretation.

It's like...both of them were trying to hand it to us, in any way they could manage, despite all those network shenanigans where it's not going to be acknowledge on any official SPN PR (like DVD set extras...and it seems like Misha kinda went, you know what if the network won't back press about this, I'll do it myself so he said things, here and there, to say what this was, dodging the CW sniper).

Misha's take: Cas has no idea what's in Dean's head and Cas doesn't know whether Dean is in love with him romantically the way Cas loves Dean or not. Jensen's take: in Dean's pov, because of Cas being an angel, assumption that his love is so cosmic and unfathomable no human can grasp it, so Dean has no clue as to the specific nature of those feelings for him. Mirroring!!!

(Side note...there's plenty of room here for an interpretation that Cas did know how loved he is at the moment The Empty took him. And I think that too...but that doesn't mean he knows Dean is romantically in love with him back, just that Dean loves him, period).

BTW, Jensen never said anything about how he played things wrt Dean's feelings for Cas, what he said was he never played Dean knowing Cas was in love with Dean (because Dean didn't know Cas was in love with him!!!!).

(And omfg I am so sick and tired of seeing Jensen misquoted about that, and it's never done with good faith motives, ever.)

It's about what Dean didn't know. It's about what Cas didn't know.

Which is the actual plot!! We watched!!! Dean and Cas not realizing the other one is in love with him is just so *chef's kiss* exactly miscommunication destihell. Was always part of the story, how many times did we talk about this ourselves?

Receipts below.

[youcouldmakealife]

PSA

The recent ask about SAIT gives me an opportunity I have been, well. Not waiting for, exactly, but preparing for, maybe?

TL;DR: Gritty's delayed indefinitely (not the 'indefinitely' that's a cowardly 'forever', the kind that actually does mean 'we don't know for how long')

More detail below.

SAIT is, at this point in time, projected to have 20-24 parts in 2024, rather than the 11-13 I was anticipating. Which is great! I'm genuinely really pleased that it's been cooperating, and I hope you all are too.

But, because those 10 extra parts had to come from somewhere, and it wasn't COTT (at least mostly), that brings us to news many of you likely figured was coming, especially as the year's gone on: Gritty (working title is actually Grit & Determination, like a very Philadelphian Pride & Prejudice) isn't going to be coming in 2024, as I'd been originally planning.

Most of the reason I've put off this Official Delay (other than garden variety procrastination, which can and does strike at will), was because I frankly don't want to delay it, and I was desperately trying to find a way to fit it in.

But SAIT has been going so well that I refuse to slow down at all, for fear I stop the momentum entirely, and I don't want to write less of COTT either. I think ongoing series should pretty much always outrank starting new projects on the whole priority list (or I will literally never finish anything ever again).

And there's another scheduling wrinkle coming, because there will be a Kickstarter coming in 2025, with all the attendant work involved. Add the fact I'm trying to figure out the writing pace that works for me without leading to burnout (and dealing with the frustration of that being slower than I'd like), and I'm hesitant to give a timeline beyond 'TBD'.

But please know that this absolutely isn't a case of 'lost inspiration/will/interest' or the like. It's more a result of me prioritizing certain things higher than I have been, and altering my projected workload to fit those priorities, the number one priority for me since I was diagnosed as a AA battery (autistic with ADHD) being to work at a pace I can sustain and maintain. Sustain and maintain meaning without missing deadlines (like every Kickstarter I have ever done), constantly shuffling projects around like they'll fit if I find the right combo, and risking my own health and happiness by refusing to acknowledge that I don't have the same energy levels as a) neurotypical people and b) myself in my 20s (who frankly didn't have the energy either, which is what led to burnout in the first place).

I'm bummed about it, and I totally understand if you are too, but it's still top of my priority list in the 'future series' category. It's just that the category itself is going to be delayed for a bit, because two series (and then two series plus a Kickstarter project) is all I can handle at the moment.

[alsfunkyalbum]

I redrew some of my old Undertale sancest Ship Children from sometime between 2018-2021

(Click Image for better quality)

!! IGNORE THE FACT THAT IT SAYS SUGAR I MEANT TO PUT CANDY !!

If you don't ship these, that's cool neither do I. If you do ship these, that's also cool, here's some kids to add to your day. When I made these a while back I basically just put a bunch of Sanses' names into a cup and pulled out two names, just to make ship kids for. However I really love them so much I wanted to give them another try at being my OC's. So here they are with much better designs and decent personalities. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

--

Old designs and Extra fun facts/info about them located below!

Old Designs (in order from right to left in the above picture):

--

They don't have much backstory or reason as to why they are alive, so if you'd like just make up how they were born. Sexualities can also be up to your interpretation, cuz I feel too lazy to give them any.

Anyways onto some fun facts (not at all sorted by the way).

Tricks has two separate ways to write his name because his name was never ever officially written down by his parents, so he fluctuates between both

Despite Fresh's dislike for curse words Ivy has the vocabulary of a sailor. He takes pride in his salty mouth

Vero is sometimes nicknamed Vamp/Vampire, not only because of his snaggle tooth but also because he dresses in dark, fancy clothing

Fable looks up to Dream and wishes to be like him someday

Contrary to Fable, Trix absolutely despises Dream for never being around when she was younger. However Trix loves his little sister and would never put her admiration against her.

Despite not at all being blood related the entire group considers each other cousins (minus the ones who are ACTUALLY "blood" related)

Ivy has a horrid fashion sense. While he doesn't understand how to make things match he does know he loves layering his clothing

Vero refers to the markings on his face as " Face Bananas"

Vero is selective mute

Tricks, despite being a skeleton, enjoys makeup and would practice either on Vero, or Fable (Ivy's always too shy to ask)

Fable likes to play pretend and play with dolls (like any kid should)

Vero enjoys crocheting

Error has a slight hatred for Ivy (Ivy and Vero don't care so much)

The majority of Ivy's closet is all clothes that he stole from his parents. It's often way too big for him to wear but that never stops him.

Trix's favorite colors are Pink and Yellow (if that wasn't obvious enough)

Ivy is a huge trouble maker and loves dragging Vero along with the trouble

Trix wears acrylic fake nails

If they were asked to choose a favorite parent the list would be: Vero-Error since he is kindest to him, and spoils him a little | Ivy-Killer since he lets him get away with most trouble making | Tricks- Lust because at least he acknowledged his existence | Fable-Dream since he was the coolest hero ever

Trix dislikes curse words, so she tries to keep Ivy's mouth clean as much as possible (especially around Fable)

Vero and Ivy adore Fable, so much so that they'd bend at her will if need be. They'd do so much for her.

And I guess that's it for now. If you have any questions about them, shoot me an ask or DM, I may or may not have an answer.