#endo sucks

[msgexymunson]

Do y'all ever get stuck in your smut? Like, tonight it just isn't flowing. I'm totally blaming my period, it's hard to feel sexy and be in this much pain.

Each sentence is like pulling teeth, which is ironic since this is my dentist fic lol

[rockstarlwt28]

I'm getting so tired of these continuous #endoflares. Feels like the flu, can barely walk, or sit properly. But here I am trying to carry on with the entirety of my day. 😭

[royalmeatsuithostage]

This Endo flare has me ready to crawl out of my skin. It's only day one and I don't know how I'm not going to spend the next 4 days hysterically crying from pain

[interstellarsystem]

I think we've talked about dysphoria from not having your abilities/powers that you remember having/should have, but I don't think we've talked about fear relating to it.

I mean, a normal human body is weak and hardly has any defense compared to what I could do. It would be like taking the hard scales and spikes from a dragon--you feel exposed, you're missing a part of you that kept you safe.

But.. we're disabled, on top of that. Not only am I weaker than I was before, but my body can't hold up to a lot of those around me who would otherwise be on similar levels. I can't stand for long. If I walk too much in a day my knees try to give out, and hurt for a week after. I can't throw a good punch. I can hardly even balance without a cane half the time. You've taken that metaphorical dragon, removed his spikes, teeth, claws, scales, wings and fire, and now he is soft. He's only skin and brittle bone. Now he is unsafe around other dragons--he wouldn't be able to win if some fight were to break out. He wouldn't be able to save himself.

It's that feeling of wrongness, of exposure, of knowing that so many things are threats now that weren't before. There's so much more that can get you. It's worse than the dysphoria itself. I would care less about losing what I had if I knew I could defend my system in this body, but I can't.

It's horrible.

[shitty-proendo-blackout-posts]

Miku says endosys are real and amazing! <3

[pluralhottakes]

Love this blog already!

Anyways hot take, just because someone used something to hurt you, or someone of a group hurt you, doesn't mean that thing isn't necessarily real

A endogenic system hurt you? Well shit! That sucks i'm so sorry! You... Suddenly decided that whole group of people isn't real because of that?.... that ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE aren't real cause YOU were hurt by a SINGLE one of them (or a singular system)

We aren't a hivemind, i cant stop whoever from hurting you???

Same goes for other things! Like Tulpas! And System Travel!!!

It just gives the same vibes as when i was a edgy 12 year old and decided i hate EVERYONE because a few people were shitty to me

.

[wishuponroses]

Me: *reading chapter 101*

Some dude: You're Martha, right? I'm Paul!

Me: Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Is this the man that Martha will marry after she finds out about Henry's arranged marriage???

Paul: Hey, how about we get married???

Martha: *spittakes*

Me: IT IS!!! NO WAY! :D AWW!!!

Paul: *immediately dies like a page later*

Me:

[desirdaejunker]

DesirCanadian

a desirdae term for those that desire/yearn/want to be Canadian in some way.

Reasons might include :

Having a Canadian family, but growing up outside Canada

Being a headmate who's Canadian

Atypical dysphoria

this term is strictly anti-rq and supports ethical transition

requested by anon ! — @desirdae-archive

[syscoarse]

just learned abt transDID……..

[many-but-one]

I didn’t want to derail your post, @the-alarm-system because I felt that your post is important and should stand on its own, but I also wanted to address that you screenshotted my tags here:

I want to explain what I meant by my tags, as I feel like you may have misunderstood what I was saying. l am supportive of endos existing. I've made that clear on more than one occasion on my blog! I meant I don’t like the phrase “the future is plural” because of the ambiguity of it and the fact that it’s been so misconstrued by so many. I feel like a better phrase that is less likely to be misunderstood would benefit the plural community but I’m not sure what that could be.

From the lens of endogenic plurality flourishing + plurality acceptance and education, I don't mind the phrase "the future is plural." I know plenty of endo systems and they are fine people who deserve to exist how they like! The only reason I don’t like that phrase is the ambiguity and how misunderstood it tends to be, and like I said, I think a phrase that is still concise but less likely to be misunderstood would be useful. I just, again, don’t know what that would be. I truthfully think it tends to be misunderstood because traumagenic systems are applying it to their own experiences (it’s what I did and why I was not liking the phrase at first, not realizing it was referring to endo plurals) and so of course we wouldn’t want the future to be plural because that means kids are being traumatized. However, from an endogenic system’s perspective and them applying it to their own experience with plurality, I can definitely see why they coined the phrase and mean it in the “I want more systems to exist” because a majority of endogenic plurals don’t see their systems as having come from trauma, which means endo plurality increasing =/= children being traumatized in order to exist as plural.

As an aside, I needed to update my “lean toward anti endos” verbiage anyway. I wrote that like…a year ago, maybe more, when I was still on the fence about the whole thing. At this point I’m pretty sure most anti endos aren’t a fan of my stance and so wouldn’t want me associating with them anyway. I say syscourse neutral because I don’t take sides in syscourse and typically don’t engage with it as much as possible for my own sake. Syscourse feels like a toxic minefield more often than not and I don’t like participating. I’m chronically terrible at updating my socials, so than a recent deletion of all of our alter info on our pinned post + an updated DNI, I don’t think we’ve updated that top portion in ages. So, thanks for pointing that out so I can change that as I didn’t realize that was still there.

Normally l'd ignore your reblog/tag screenshot but I just want it to be clear where I stand on the subject and don't want people who don't follow me to see my tags and see me as an endo-unsafe person. I am syscourse neutral in that I don't take sides, but I support endos existing. I used to be firmly anti-endo but l've changed my stance and am trying to be a better and less hateful person. I’ve said some hateful things about endos in the past and I want it to be made aware that I’m not the same person I was a few years ago (literally and figuratively, lol, I was very bitter, angry, and hateful toward MY OWN existence as a system, but with a lot of healing and acceptance of MYSELF I have also realized I needed to be more accepting of others too, even if I don’t fully understand them) so I wanted to nip your assumption in the bud and take a moment to explain my stance a bit more so my endo followers know I’m not against their existence. /gen /nm /just trying to explain myself more than tags would allow LOL

[angelboyviv]

I know this probably isn't a very new take at all, but endo systems make it harder for actual systems and I wish I saw more posts talking about it.

All these terms and all these choices make it so much harder for newer and questioning systems and it can feel pretty overwhelming. It's already overwhelming enough to know that you're a system, but pluralpedia and all these communities/servers/pages that support endos do nothing but minimize these peoples symptoms and make them choose what type of system they supposedly are. It can be a very harsh and pressure-filled experience. New systems are more prone to minimizing themselves and thinking their trauma either isn't real or isn't that serious.

Endo systems being mixed with DID/OSDD systems can be confusing too. You pretty much get wrapped up in a whole world of misinformation and all that endo info and traumagenic info mixed together can be confusing too. Bring mixed in with endo systems can make you feel like you don't fit it and that you're not like other systems and like you're not valid. It can feel like you HAVE to be endo and like you have to fit in some kind of box created for you by your peers.

A lot of endos and endo supporters highly discourage actual, legitimate, research which is also harmful. They pump you full of carrds and wikis and things like that but never give you actual scientific documents and because newer systems don't really know what's going on, they tend to just go with what the people closest to them are saying all because they trust their friends and believe their friends would never give them any misinformation.

Plus, I don't think a lot of people realize systems are extremely vulnerable and susceptible. Mentally ill people as a whole are and can be. It can be a lot easier to get pulled into this stuff and believe misinformation if you're in a vulnerable headspace. We're talking about people that have been through extensive trauma, people who are probably manic and experience psychosis, people who have literally been BROKEN since birth. I personally view some of it as taking advantage of vulnerable people. Telling lonely people they can just "create" a system and have friends in their head and telling heavily traumatized people that their systems can have other origins is wrong and is fucking up people with legitimate DID/OSDD/UDD.

I'm not saying that endogenic systems aren't legitimate systems. I believe a lot of them are legitimate systems that are just in a vulnerable headspace and caught up in an almost inescapable web of misinformation that pushes them deeper into denying they have trauma.

Bring a system online is a stupid experience.

I'm also very tired and dissociated so I hope this made sense.

[sysmedsaresexist]

your (idk who I'm talking about exactly lol) post where you talk about endo research and anti-endo being a dying stance is really cool actually. also cool cat in a plastic bag image.

while we are on this topic, what does one mean by "endo-neutral"? I fail to see the gray area between being pro- and anti-endo - one either accepts that endos exist and experience plurality or refuses to accept their existence and experiences. or they don't know anything about it, which is a completely separate thing as these people haven't formed any opinions yet, therefore they are not endo-neutral.

thank you in advance for enlightening! if you ever will answer, that is.

I make the same expression as that cat every time I open the syscourse tags

(None of this is meant directly at you, I really appreciate the ask)

Endo neutral is a personal label that could mean literally anything under the sun.

I've written several times about my issues with labels. To sum it up...

CDDs are trauma-based disorders and endogenic plurality is different.

What stance is that?

An anti endo and a pro endo could have the exact same stance. They could be best friends sharing all the resources but instead they're divided by pro vs anti. Maybe it would be more appropriate if we labeled each side by whether they think shared spaces are a good thing, it would tell us just as little as pro/anti endo.

All of this applies to endo neutral, too, but endo neutral gets a few extra fun options.

So, hot take:

👏 you 👏 are 👏 allowed 👏 to 👏 be 👏 neutral 👏

An even more important hot take:

Take care of yourself FIRST, always.

Any discourse can be absolute hell on your mental health. This isn't just about syscourse.

For the longest time, the vast majority of people using endo neutral were looking to stay out of syscourse entirely because it was draining on their mental health.

Now, it seems to be more of a slightly anti leaning, I don't know enough label, but many still use it for their mental health. It's impossible to engage in system spaces without syscourse coming up. It's slowly making its way into other communities, completely unrelated to systems-- random game communities, for example.

IMO, syscourse is inescapable in all spaces. It will eventually come up in some capacity.

The neutral label, in my opinion, is the best way to shut down syscourse related topics in inappropriate spaces.

The problem boils down to...

Even that statement can be said to be anti leaning. By allowing the conversation to be shut down, I am... fuck, take your pick. Shutting down endogenic voices, not allowing misinformation to be cleared up, system-phobic. Any number of ridiculous things. There will be SOMEONE who wants to comment, "imagine saying this about trans issues 😤"

For all the talk of mental health safe spaces, we don't make the best attempts at keeping stressful discourse out of it.

Saying that doesn't negate the importance of those topics-- people are struggling daily. It's real.

But we all need downtime, too. Not all of us are capable of constant advocacy and arguments. Some of us are incredibly active in other discourse and our plates are already full.

This also means not policing the use of that label. There are some who use it for... not quite right reasons, but there are more people using it for genuine reasons, and that's more important.

That's got to be the Canadian in me. Our system is built on the premise that a small number of bad eggs misusing the system is worth it for the people who really need it.

TL;dr neutral means a lot of things, but IMO, it's mostly health related, and an important label because of that. Once again, always take care of yourself first and foremost.

[shitty-proendo-blackout-posts]

my disorder is quirky

my disorder is fun

[littleplantfreak]

It’d be pretty fucked up if Endo had hanahaki and didn’t even hide it from Chika. Endo laughing it off after he’s choked on yet another yellow bud, leaving specks of red over it and thinking it bears such a resemblance to Chika’s hair is uncannily gorgeous

[ghxst-system]

filled with rage every time i remember our singlet friend treating our sysfriend's headmate like their source

"WOAH what are your memories like (blank)?"

"hey how about when (source) did this"

wanted to rip them apart

[antiendovents]

one time a sys we are friends with made a joke like 'oh im gonna enter ur sys to pucnh __' and we laughed

but bein serious

wtf

alter trading

we aint pokemon cards.

yeah. We ain't toys, Pokémon, whatever. You can't trade or sell alters like they're some sort of OC or adopt or whatever.