#endee

[suppuration]

just autistic things: thinking, man, my phone screen is too bright, and then trying to adjust it with the volume buttons because bright = loud

[suppuration]

a very similar thing happened to me. each grade had the same number of questions per subject, so they all used the same answer sheet. for whatever reason, each subject had every grade in it. i was not told which part to take. fifth grade was the first section and i was testing for third.

the school i was applying for was concerned how badly i did. they told my mom i couldn't even be in their delayed development classes. when it was discovered that i had taken the wrong section, they didn't want to know whether those answers were correct for the section i was taking instead of the section i was supposed to--and they were explicit that they wouldn't investigate on the grounds that if i can't "follow simple directions" then that wasn't any better. i reiterate: the instructor never told us what section to take, and they weren't labeled

in adulthood i am almost positive i am neurodivergent. i was tested for adhd in middle school bc my grandmother was adamant i would benefit being treated for it. (this was of course during the ritalin craze, but she knew. if medication could help me, she wanted me to have it.) the dr she took me to told us "girls don't get that" (not a girl, also very untrue of course) and wouldn't do more than ask about my socializing capacity. we just accepted it and i just kept getting worse at keeping up with anything

i was never *taught* structure in grade school. i was just expected to take directions, and understand what was expected of me. which, early education years, yeah, you can totally skate by understanding subjects without necessarily being able to test well. until the passion for learning gets wrung out of you. until the curriculum structure requires that you navigate and climb it in order to merely reach the assignments. the older i got, the more obvious it was that i wasn't equipped the same way the other kids were. if i couldn't do a task correctly the first time--like writing a paper--then i simply decided i couldn't do it at all, and stopped trying

i know a ton of that mentality can be traced back to that one standardized placement test experience. i've since taught myself to the best of my abilities, but it's about twenty years too late for it to make an impact how society valuates my ability to contribute

i knew in the 2nd grade that standardized testing was bullshit. harry potter book 4 had just come out and i was at a good part. harry had just put his name into the goblet of fire.

during the standardized test, we were allowed to keep a post-test book on our desk. i diligently got started on part 1: english. at the time, all of the answers went on the same sheet, but all of the questions were in different booklets. so i finish all my english questions, read in my extra time, and then it’s part 2: math.

i realize i have answered all of my english questions on the math portion of the answer sheet. at first, annoyed but undeterred, i’m like. okay great i gotta erase every bubble. but i get bored around question 5 of doing this because… like… harry potter is sitting on my desk and i could just give them the wrong answers. so i answer maybe 10 whole questions in the math portion, copy the english answers over to where they actually belong, and then crack open the book and call it a day.

i obviously failed. this is the real life, not a movie. my parents were called in. i had scored in the lowest percentile. i was bad at math. i was concerningly bad at math. i could have done better just guessing than how i did with the english answers. 

if this was just a funny story, someone would ask me “why did you do so badly when you usually get fairly average grades” and i would have said “i wanted to read harry potter, not take this stupid test.” but it’s the real life, and nobody asked. instead, i was branded stupid and bad at math. i got placed in a lower math than i needed to be in; got bored, stopped paying attention. knew i was in the “worst at math” group, started saying “i’m bad at math” and 100% stopped trying because the further i fell behind, the worse i got. through the rest of my academic career - until senior year in high school, i never got above a c on a math test, because i was “just bad” at math.

i had undiagnosed adhd. the only reason i know now i have adhd is because at 22 years old, i finally went to a therapist, who effectively said, “are you kidding me you have the most obvious case of attention deficit i’ve ever seen.”

but nobody had been looking. my one test grade had given teachers permission to not look, because, obviously, i was bad at math. the one time i got 100% on a math test - that one time in senior year - i remember my math teacher looking at it and saying “it’s clear that if you just focused, you could do the work.”

in college i’d take a math class and i actually “just focused” for the first time in my life - meaning i treated math as a challenge, but one i could overcome with the skills i’d learned all on my own, through constant work and practice. i got the highest grade in my class. i still think i’m bad at math. 

which makes me wonder: how many people got fucked over because of something stupid like “i was too preoccupied with harry potter”. who had nobody looking out for them. who slipped under the radar because - come on, aren’t some people just bad at things?

[autotrails]

American Auto Trail-Ozark Trail/Route 66 (Glenrio to San Jon NM)

American Auto Trail-Ozark Trail/Route 66 (Glenrio to San Jon NM) https://youtu.be/3bEWgVZsRPw This travel route explores the old route of U.S. Highway 66 and the designation’s predecessor, the Ozark Trails auto trail.

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Just had the most stressful job interview ever. I feel like I need to go into hiding for 10 days at least

[wazohoo]

yall im tired of this summer shit. give me the apple cinnamon candles. give me the halloween movies. give me a hot spiced drink. give me fall decor, specifically that brand of southern home decor with the turkeys and fall leaves. or give me death, i am OVER IT

[muttsona]

phone calls laced with memories of what will never be

[hyper-pixels]

Nocturn: The files on Mitchell- Sidestep, who is named Mitchell:

[featherglum]

*shows you my ocs for the 1985 droids cartoon**shows you my ocs for the 1985 droids cartoon**shows you my ocs for the 1985 droids cartoon**shows you my ocs for the 1985 droids cartoon**shows you my ocs for the 1985 droids cartoon**shows you-

So yeah. We have a Jawa who couldn't keep selling droids because she started getting overly attached to them... And the droid she built before she realised that, mostly to help her carry more scrap faster and talk to customers because Melba is uh. Not really good at social interactions.

Also in case anyone's curious: Endee's memory was wiped so often in such a short period of time because she was one of Melba's more ambitious projects. So Melba was like "I need to get a good grade in first impressions, something that is both possible and normal to want" and would do a memory wipe anytime she stuttered, told a joke that didn't land, etc.

[transingthoseformers]

Forced Redemption Arc au: I wonder if any canon character would be suitable to be the kid who dies, or if they should be an OC.

(If an OC, i'm for some reason seeing an army tan Ravage redeco)

— 🌟 anon

Mmmn sounds like you've got an idea right there for an oc, and that's the best idea we got

[ell0ra-br3kk3r]

we hit 450!! thank you guys so much<333

[suppuration]

brain stuck on something wrt my psychiatrist

the longer i stay on track with my HRT, the more comfortable i've been finding myself in certain aspects of genderfluidity

i have a physical ideal in mind that i'm working toward, but the way that i present my gender to others fluctuates wildly. my gender doesn't fluctuate, but my presentation does, if that makes sense?

i suspect it may be tied into my bipolar-adhd diagnosis, but at the same time, i'm largely at peace with it? i've gone back and forth for twenty years of my life whether my gender identity exhibits enough fluidity to be considered as such, but with time, i've only been feeling more like it's a solid descriptor for me

which, the whole point of this ramble, is that my gender presentation fluctuations in the past year have increasingly included physiological variation. binder, no binder, prosthetic bust... my concept of whether my gender dysphoria and manifestation of gender identity might be disordered isn't that it causes me specific, constant distress. but i also don't know whether it should be considered classically disordered because it is likely to cause significant social disturbances, were i to exhibit this level of "shapeshifting" on a daily basis while employed

basically. i don't know just to what degree i need to commit to bringing only a single "concept" of myself to my psych appointments, or whether to let it all hang out, as it were, and let them make the call. on the one hand, i do need help reconciling with the notion that society probably requires me to pick a single public version of myself in order to let me function within it. but on the other, my case manager and psychiatrist are probably not LGBT-trained and i may get my genderfluidity treated as something that it very much isn't

the average person is probably not psychosocially equipped to encounter an individual who looks like a goth twink one day, then the very next day they are unironically serving a dolly parton grade hourglass figure, all the while not signaling that they wish to be treated or referred to any differently

i know that whole "the version of me you've created in your head isn't my responsibility" thing

but i also very much have a thin skin for bigotry, and would very much like to avoid overt being the subject of hate crimes. and the last thing i want is for the only psychiatrist i can afford to treat my gender identity of all things as yet another entry on my laundry list of diagnoses, especially now that i'm finally really starting to feel like myself

[gu6chan]

I FORGOT TODAY WAS THE 11TH NOOOOOOOOOO

Please take this little group photo i scribbled down in two seconds 😭 I dunno if I can do a better doodle by the end of the day, but better something than nothing!!! I hope it's enjoyable lol

[kalopsic-lagomorph]

need to start swearing less so that when i do its more impactful

[number-one-hog-hater]

What happened to tumblr mobile??? I go outside and touch grass (read sand) ONE TIME and it's CHANGED?!??!

[illgiveyouahint]

also apparently there is a movie screening once in a while and all the employees are choosing what they want to watch out of like 6 options and I'm judging haaaard some of these options

second day at work and my boss is already on home office and everyone else is on vacation or also on home office so I'm here completely alone

[nothingsure127]

🍃Unplanned Journey🍃

Pairing: Park Sunghoon. as father, fluff🍬 _________________________________

-🍼

chap: 02🎐

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

🌄-

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

The next morning, sunlight streamed through the windows, illuminating his messy apartment.

The sun crept through the curtains, signaling the start of a new day. & the sound of his alarm clock ringged, He groaned and reached over to turn it off,

waking Sunghoon from a restless night. He slowly opened his eye,

As he sat up, wincing from the pain in his back.

He looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was already 7:30 o'clock in the morning. He had slept for 6 hours straight, a rare luxury in his life lately ,the longest and most restful sleep he had gotten in days.

He sat up probably protesting the movment on the couch his body stiff and sore from sleeping in an uncomfortable position all night.

still holding his son in his arms.

He looked down in his arms the baby sleeping peacefully.

The baby was sleeping soundly in his arms, drool dribbling down his chin.

A warm fatherly smile tugged at the corner of his mouth even in spite of his discomfort, feeling a sense of love and pride swell in his chest.

Sunghoon looked around the apartment and groaned. It was a mess, and he knew he needed to clean it up. But first, he needed to take care of the baby.

He carefully extricated himself from the baby's grip and set him down in his bassinet.

The baby stirred but didn't wake up. Sunghoon stumbled to the kitchen, his mind foggy from lack of sleep.

He made himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter, sipping the hot liquid.

As he stood there, the events of the previous night came rushing back to him. His anger at the baby's crying, his guilt and regret for his outburst, and his determination to make things work. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

he winced as he remembered yelling at the baby. He had been so frustrated and exhausted, but that was no excuse.

He should have never taken his anger out on the innocent baby.

He still felt guilty for yelling, but he also felt frustrated and overwhelmed.

Taking care of a child on his own was harder than he had ever imagined.

As he sipped his coffee again, he looked around the apartment, taking in the mess Laundry was piled up in the corner,

take-out containers were scattered on the coffee table, the floors were all messed up, and the sink was filled with dirty dishes,

in this past 1 week after the baby's birth he did no house choreos, he get no time for himself either,

rushing to hospital to store, his saving was endeed already, He thought about his job, wondering if he should call in sick again. He already had taken so much time off to take care of the baby

In this past 1 week from his work,He needed to clean the apartment,

grocery shopping, and figure out how to balance his job with taking care of his child.

He had no idea when the last he had a proper meal was, He felt overwhelmed just thinking about it all He knew it was going to be a long and exhausting day.

He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "One thing at a time," he muttered to himself. He needed to take better care of himself, not just the baby, if he wanted to make it through this.

He took another sip of coffee and let out a deep sigh. "Okay," and set his coffee mug down on the counter.

"I'll start with the most important things and work my way down the list."

He also realized that he had run out of formula, and he needed to buy more. He also needed diapers and baby food. He made a mental list of all the things he had to do,

He found a notepad and started making a list of things to do. First, he needed to figure out how to feed himself and the baby. He opened the fridge, but it was empty except for some old takeout containers and a few condiment packets.

He picked up the baby's & his dirty clothes from the floor and headed to the bathroom He loaded the machine with the clothes and some detergent, then started the wash cycle.

As he waited for the load to finish, he began to clean up around the apartment.

He picked up trash and put it in the bin, swept the floors, and He wiped down the counters and scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors. The whole apartment soon looked much tidier than it had before.

After an half hour later when he was hanging the washed clothes on balcony to get dry, he folded it carefully and put it away in the baby's drawers.

He then realized that he hadn't eaten anything for breakfast yet. His stomach growled loudly, reminding him of the fact

Sunghoon looked around the apartment, feeling a sense of accomplishment.

He had accomplished a lot more than he thought he would, and the apartment was starting to look like a real home.

He looked in the fridge but found it mostly empty.

All he had was some leftover pizza from a few days ago. He grabbed a slice and began to eat it cold, thought that he would need to go grocery shopping soon.

Sunghoon finished his slice of pizza and headed to the bathroom for a shower. The hot water felt refreshing on his skin, and he closed his eyes, letting the water wash over him, he started to relax, he didn't hear any cries coming from the baby. He assumed the baby was still asleep,

and he let himself relax under the hot water, enjoying the rare moment of peace and quiet.

After a few minutes, he finished his shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked out of the bathroom, feeling refreshed, but still tired from lack of sleep.

He stood infornt the mirror in bedroom, d was drying his hair with towel when his mind drift to something.

He was lost in thought, his mind wandering to all the tasks that still needed to be done.

He didn't realize that the baby hadn't cried at all, and he didn't hear the soft sucking noise coming from the baby's crib.

However, the baby had been awake for quite some time already. He was lying in his crib, suckling his thumb, He was probably thirsty & hungry, He just watched the sunlight streaming in through the window birds flying.

The baby's stomach growled softly, hungry for some food. His diaper was now quite full wet, but he still didn't let out a sound.

He just lay there quietly, As the minutes passed, the baby started to get more and more restless. His face twisted in discomfort, and he squirmed in his crib, trying to find a more comfortable position.

Finally, the baby let out a small whimper, his hunger and discomfort becoming too much to bear. He sucked harder on his thumb, tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes.

He was done drying his hair with a towel after his shower. He was whistling a tune, feeling refreshed and slightly more energic than he had in days. As he looked himself at mirror all refreshed cool.

He stopped whistling, as he heard a small sound coming from the crib - the soft, whimpering sound of a baby in distress., and his heart sank as he remembered that he hadn't checked on his son since he woke up.

"fuck hoon!" he cursed himself & dropped the towel and rushed toward the crib in living room he saw the baby in his crib, tears streaming down his face, suckling on his thumb desperately.

"Oh, oh no," he said, He picked up the baby, feeling the wet and sticky diaper. "I'm so sorry, little one. I forgot,"

The baby whimpered and snuggled closer to Sunghoon, seeking comfort.

"Shh, shh," Sunghoon said gently, cradling the baby in his arms. "I've got you. Let's get you cleaned up and fed, okay?"

Sunghoon carried the baby to the bathroom and began to prepare a bath for him. He filled the bath tub with warm water and added some baby wash, making sure the water wasn't too hot or cold.

"It's okay," he murmured to the baby as he lowered him into the water. "We're going to get you all cleaned up, and then we'll feed you. Sunghoon sat on tool baby in his arms

Sunghoon gently washed him, being extra careful with his sensitive skin. He poured water over the baby's body, washing away the dried spit-ups and caked-on drool.

The baby looked up at him with large, trusting eyes as Sunghoon gently washed his body, being careful around his sensitive areas. The baby seemed to relax slightly, enjoying the warm water and the soothing sound of his father's voice.

Sunghoon kept talking to the baby as he worked, trying to keep him calm and comfortable.

"You're a good boy," he whispered.

"You didn't cry out, even though you were hungry. Are you still upset with papa? For yelling last night? Is that why you didnt cry? Hm?"

"Papa is sorry little one pls don't do that again.. you're such a strong boy you know?"

The baby seemed to understand the tone of his father's voice, and he cooed softly, reaching out to touch Sunghoon's face. Sunghoon smiled at him, feeling a wave of tenderness wash over him.

As he washed the baby, Sunghoon couldn't help but feel guilty for forgetting about him.

He had been so focused on himself and his own relaxation that he hadn't heard the baby's soft, quiet cries. He vowed to be more attentive in the future and to make sure his son's needs were prioritized above his own

He finished washing the baby and lifted him out of the tub, wrapping him in a soft, warm fluffy baby towel.

The baby cuddled closer to him, letting out a soft sigh of contentment.

Sunghoon smiled down at the baby, feeling a wave of affection wash over him. He knew he had made a mistake, forgetting to check on his son earlier.

But now he felt grateful that the baby hadn't cried and had remained patient.

"That's better," Sunghoon said, gently drying the baby's body with the towel. As he sat down on couch.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Sunghoon was staning acroos the balcony holding the baby in his arms.

He held the baby close to his chest, feeling a sense of contentment wash over him as he watched the baby drink from the bottle.

He spoke softly to the baby, whispering comforting words. "There you go, little one," he said. "You're getting nice and full now. You must have been so hungry papa is sorry.."

The baby suckled eagerly at the rubber nipple of the bottle, his tiny hands grasping the fabric of Sunghoon's shirt.

He looked up at his father with wide, curious eyes, seeming to listen intently to the soothing words he was whispering.

Sunghoon smiled down at the baby, his heart swelling with affection.

Sunghoon was watching the baby closely, his heart swelling with love and tenderness.

"That's my boy," he murmured, "Drink up. You must have been so hungry, waiting for me to feed you. I'm sorry I took so long."

The baby continued to drink, his eyes never leaving his father's face.

Sunghoon couldn't help but chuckle at the serious expression on the baby's tiny face. It was as if he was trying to concentrate completely on the task at hand, making sure he didn't miss a single drop of milk.

Sunghoon continued to talk softly to him, telling him how much he loved him and how proud he was to be his father.

"You're such a good boy, So patient and strong."

The room was quiet except for the sound of the baby's suckling and Sunghoon's gentle voice.

It was a moment of pure peace and connection between father and son, a moment that Sunghoon wished could last forever.

As the baby finished drinking, he let out a soft burping sound. Sunghoon laughed quietly and gently patted the baby's back, helping him to let out the gas.

"Better?" he asked, cradling the baby against his chest again "Good job," he said, patting the baby's back softly.

"You drank that whole bottle like a champ. You're a growing boy, aren't you?"

He lifted the baby up to his shoulder and patted his back gently, waiting for another burp.

The baby snuggled closer to him, his tiny body warm and soft against Sunghoon's chest.

as he checked the time on his phone it was 9 am, his shift is in 10 he sighed heavily.

He rocked the baby gently in his arms, start speaking softly to him again.

"You're my whole world, you know that? Everyone left me.. i have no one instead of you little one."

talking about everyone tears filled corner of his eye he sobs trying to held back his tears.

"I love you so much," he whispered, running a gentle hand over the baby's soft, velvety hair.

"More than anything in the world. And I promise I'll do better from now on. I won't neglect you like I did earlier. You're my top priority from now, okay?"

"You're such a good boy," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of the baby's head. "I'm so sorry I didn't feed you as soon as you woke up. I promise I'll be better from now on. You come first, always."

The baby cuddled closer to him, seemingly satisfied and content after his meal. He held him close, feeling overcome with love and a fierce protectiveness.

The baby babbled softly, seemed to understand the words, as if he was listening intenly to every syllable. He continued look up at his father,

his small tiny hands reaching up to touch Sunghoon's cheek, as if he could understand the words being spoken to him.

Sunghoon felt a lump form in his throat at the gesture, touched by his son's innocent sweetness..

he suddenly heard door bell ring, "who could it be at this time?" he thought to himself, he didn't gave anyone his this address nor even any friend's or family.. he stepped forward to open toward door the baby was still in his arm..

°☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆°

____________TO BE CONTINUED..

(I didn't recheck so unsee my mistakes in grammar spelling I hope you guys enjoyed the first one chap look forward for more. Do note & reblog🍃 & let me know your opinion pls :' ()