#emotional pain and past trauma

[aventurineswife]

TYYY, im the anon who requested avgin reader <33

i was thinking maybe part 2, where aventurine remembers that he promised to marry reader (an aventurine fan being delusional in its finest after some lovely angst), he would remember the promise because his past self told him that he would marry reader when he's older, and maybe he tries to find us but we already leave penacony

he looks for us for a while, but doesn't find us, until he comes across us again, but we have different colored eyes (contacts(im imagining every avgin has their own very unique eyes)). he tells us that he is sorry, but he had to leave kakavasha behind in order to become aventurine, AND WE MAKE OUT

jkjk

but he wants us to starts over and be friends again, and then eventually we start dating

i love being delusional over fictional men (especially aventurine)

End of Beginning | Part 2

Summary: Driven by a forgotten promise he made to you in your youth, Aventurine searches for you, only to discover you have also changed.

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Slow Burn, Second Chance Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Reunited Lovers, Childhood Friends to Strangers to Lovers, Emotional Repression, Confession in the Rain, Friends to Lovers.

Warnings: Emotional Pain and Past Trauma, Identity Struggles, Themes of Loss and Separation, Mild Language.

A/N: OMG HIII!! 🤭I LOVED YOUR PREVIOUS REQ AND YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THAT LMAOO!! ANYWAYS, I HOPE YOU LOVE THIS ONE 🫶💖🥰

(Part 1)

The rain came down like a forgotten melody, blurring the neon lights of Penacony's streets into hazy streaks of color. Aventurine stood beneath an awning, absentmindedly watching the downpour, his hand resting in his pocket, fingers brushing against a small object: a chipped, red gemstone you’d given him back on Sigonia-IV, long before everything had changed.

It had started with a memory—half-formed, distant but persistent. "When I’m older," his voice from another time had echoed faintly, "I’ll marry you." He hadn’t thought of that promise in years, but it lingered now, blooming in the spaces between his fabricated smiles and rehearsed confidence. In the midst of high-stakes deals and risky wagers, a part of him had begun yearning for something more honest, something only you could have given him.

And so, he had started looking. But you had already left Penacony, slipping away just as he arrived at places where he was certain he’d find you. Weeks turned into months, yet his search continued, propelled by a restless ache he couldn’t deny. Each dead-end only amplified the memory of you—your laughter, the way you’d said his real name, Kakavasha, as if it held his entire world within it.

Finally, he found himself in a quiet place far from the bustling cities, the perfect setting for chance reunions. He spotted you standing beneath a flickering streetlight, your silhouette softened by the drizzle. But when you turned to face him, he froze, heart hammering as he took in your unfamiliar gaze—your eyes were different, colored lenses casting your unique Avgin irises into another shade.

Still, he could tell it was you. He took a step forward, and you blinked in recognition, guarded but unable to disguise the glint of emotion in your expression.

“Kakavasha...” you murmured, almost like a question, but he could hear the hope hidden in your voice.

He clenched his jaw, glancing down as he felt the weight of that name settle into him. “I... I’m sorry,” he began, voice barely rising above the rainfall. “I had to leave Kakavasha behind to become Aventurine.”

The words hung between you both, fragile but resolute. You studied him, looking for a hint of the boy you once knew, the one who had promised forever. He took another step, so close now that he could see the light rain gathering in your hair, feel the warmth of your presence. “I remember... that I once told you I’d marry you one day,” he confessed softly, almost afraid to voice it aloud. “That’s why I’ve been looking for you.”

“Why didn’t you stay?” The hurt in your voice was undeniable, woven with both sorrow and defiance. “Why did you let go of everything we had?”

Aventurine closed his eyes, breathing through the ache. “I had to,” he said quietly, “to survive, to become someone who could protect you, in a way I couldn’t before.” He looked up at you, eyes revealing the struggle beneath his poised exterior. “But I want to try again, to be... someone you can trust. Let’s start over. As friends, if that’s what you want.”

The words opened a wound, yet there was something in his gaze—vulnerable and raw—that made you want to believe him. The rain picked up, pouring harder now, drenching you both in a cloak of silver. He lifted his hand, hesitated, then let it fall, as if afraid he no longer had the right to reach for you.

And then, standing under the rain, words escaped you, unbidden but true. “Then let’s start over.” Your voice was a whisper, but it was enough.

Aventurine’s eyes softened, a flicker of hope sparking within them. He stepped back, nodded, and offered a small smile that, for the first time in years, felt genuine. Neither of you moved to leave; instead, you lingered, drenched and laughing softly under the storm, sharing a tentative glance that promised more than any words could convey.

As the rain poured down, you both knew this was only the beginning—of something fragile, yet unbreakable.

[seventeendeer]

ppl are too quick to point to laios' disability as the reason his friends think he's a freak sometimes. so many instances of laios getting yelled at are, in my eyes, a case of "this guy had to emotionally mature very early in order to be there for his little sister" combined with "much older friends who never had to learn to manage their own emotions to the same degree"

a lot of the time he's right about needing to be more direct/deal with things in a way that may seem scary/needing to put your gut reaction aside. he tries not to make his friends uncomfortable and he puts up with a lot because he's trying to keep the peace, but he also pushes the others out of their comfort zones purposefully to try to get them to think more constructively. everyone else in the party is prone to acting on their gut instincts and avoiding uncomfortable situations even when facing them head-on is very much necessary. part of what makes laios such a great leader is the fact that he knows from experience how to put his own feelings aside to help someone else grow.

yes, he does make a lot of social blunders by accident and he does struggle to connect with others, but not all of his positive influence on others is accidental or "despite" making people uncomfortable. a lot of the time, I think it's clear he knows exactly what he's doing and he's trying to help the people around him process emotions in a healthy way as they all go through some truly harrowing shit. all the main characters support each other as well as they can with their unique emotional skillsets. laios' skillset just happens to be "gently talk child into eating her vegetables"

[thepeacefulgarden]

[whumpypepsigal]

Whumptober 2023 | No. 29

Troubled Past Resurfacing

Prodigal Son s01e12: “What were you so desperate to forget?”

@whumptober @whumptober-archive

[lostmf]

I wish I could meet you in the street

Maybe one of us will be lost and would stop the other to ask for directions

We will share a laugh on how we are the worst people to ask for directions

You would feel comfortable enough to have coffee with me

I would remind you of your daughter that looks like me

Maybe you would say some kind words about her

Maybe you would ask me for advice on being a better mother

Maybe if I met you as a woman and not a mother we would like each other

I pray that you never know how much you hurt me

I hope you never realize how you tortured and broke me every day

It would kill you mother

I hope you never know

[alicewritingstories]

Whumptober 2024 Fills Part 3: Aftermath

AO3

Fandom: Legend of Zelda (Breath of the Wild)

Central Character(s): Link and Zelda

No.8: SLEEP DEPRIVATION | Isolation Chamber | Forced to Stay Awake | "Leave the lights on." (Coldplay, Midnight)

No.12: STARVATION | Underground Caverns | Cannibalism | "Just a little more."

No.15: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA | Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?"

No.18: REVENGE | Unreliable Narrator | Loss of Identity | “I see what's mine and take it.” (Panic! at the Disco, Emperor's New Clothes)

No.20: EMOTIONAL ANGST | Shoulder to Cry On | Giving Permission to Die | "It's not your fault."

No.27: VOICELESS | Laboratory | Muzzled | “I have no mouth and I must scream.”

No.29: FATIGUE | Labyrinth | Burnout | "Who said you could rest?"

No.31: ASKING FOR HELP | Therapy | Making Amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well." (Elliot Lee, Alive, Not Well.)

Warnings: Past emotional abuse, brief (non-graphic) mention of injury

Also a sequel to Febuwhump 2024 Day 29

---

Link was trembling in Zelda's arms, not sure what to do, not sure how to stop the tears pouring down his cheeks, not sure what she even wanted of him now. He didn't remember anyone ever touching him like this. It… was almost painful in a way that wasn't due at all to pressure on his injuries or the ache of hunger in his belly or the thumping headache caused by trying to replace sleep with stamina elixirs.

"Princess," he slurred out through a tight throat. He'd called her Zelda before and he wasn't sure that was right.

He wasn't sure about anything any more. Since he'd woken up in the Shrine of Resurrection and heard her voice he'd had one purpose: save the princess. Kill the Calamity and save the princess.

He'd done that.

Now what?

Did he go back to being her dutiful knight? Was that what she wanted of him? He didn't think he knew how to do that any more. He wasn't who she remembered. He didn't think he ever could be again.

Trembling himself, he slowly put his arms around her. She squeezed him a little tighter and a shiver went though him, warm and cold all at once.

He wasn't used to hugs. Since he'd woken up nobody had hugged him.

It… it felt strange. Good, but strange.

She snuggled impossibly closer, still crying into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled. "I… I'm sorry, I…"

He shook his head. He was the one who had failed. He coughed to clear his throat and struggled to get the words out, hating how difficult it was to be articulate. He hoped the sound of his voice wouldn't disappoint her.

"It… 's not… your f…fault," he managed at last. "You t-t-ried… so hard."

She sat back on her heels, sniffling and wiping fruitlessly at her eyes.

"You… fought all alone… so long," he said slowly, the words coming out so rusty and awkward. "I… I'm sorry. Should… should've… protected you. Took… too long. Sorry…" His breath caught and he swallowed, trying to sniff back his own tears, trying to yet again put aside the hunger and pain and exhaustion. He didn't know who he was any more, but he could try to go back to being her knight. He could try.

"No," she said. "No, don't… don't apologize. I… I don't even have… the right to ask for help… when… it's all my fault. All of it." Her voice cracked into a wail and she buried her face in her hands again.

"No!" he rasped out.

"My father… he always said… I could… if I really wanted… And he… he was right," she said between sobs. "If… If I'd just…"

Tentatively, he put his arms around her again and guided her head back onto his shoulder. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to somehow express that her father's words had been cruel and unfair. That he knew she'd tried as hard as she could. That he had no explanation for why she had finally found her power when she had. He wanted to tell her about the memories of her he had clawed back together and what he'd seen of her pain and her longing, but the words slipped off his tongue and out of his mind as they always did.

At last, as she got too tired to keep crying and her sobs began to ease, he managed, "I remember… the Spring of P-Power. You… really wanted… t-tried so hard… I… believe in you. Did your b-best."

"No." She hiccupped. "No… I was capable of… of using that power… so the… the fact it didn't work… means I wasn't doing my best…"

For a moment a memory sparkled up out of the darkness in Link's mind: listening in helpless silence as King Rhoam berated Zelda yet again.

Father, I'm doing my best! I really am and you said that was all anyone could do!

If you were doing your best, you would have unlocked your power by now.

He blinked and was back in Hyrule Field again.

"Link?" Zelda had pulled back again and was looking at him in confusion.

He shook his head and swallowed hard. "M-Memory," he said. He swallowed hard and scrambled over words for a moment, once again struggling to articulate what he wanted to say.

To his relief, she just laid her head on his shoulder again and said softly, "Take your time, it's OK."

"I… remembered… your father telling… you th-that. That thing you j-just said. And… he was wrong. You always… did your b-best. D-dont rem… remember much, b-but I remember th… that."

There was a long pause, during which she didn't move from leaning against him. At last, she said, "You really think so?"

He nodded. "Did good."

She laughed, though it turned halfway into another sob. "I did good?"

He laughed too. "You did good."

And suddenly they were laughing together instead of crying, though he wasn't even sure what they were laughing about. He was so tired and he guessed she was too. He didn't know who he was any more or what he was supposed to do now, and as he remembered how driven she had been to unlock her power and how much she had been forced towards that as the only purpose of her life, he guessed she felt much the same. There was really nothing to laugh at, but still they laughed and cried all mixed up together until they were worn out, leaning on each other. Link's head and stomach and throat all ached. He felt a little dizzy as the last of the adrenaline faded from his system.

"What shall we do now?" asked Zelda, sounding as lost as he felt.

"Eat?" he murmured without thinking.

She laughed again. "Oh, Link… I… I am hungry, actually. Oh, I'm hungry." Another hysterical laugh. "A hundred years and I wasn't… but I didn't need to eat." Her breath caught. "I'm going to… I'm going to need so much help getting used to… being alive again."

He pulled back and dug in his pouch to pull out a perfect egg tart that he'd made at the last stable when he was preparing to make this final approach to the castle. He'd thought at the time it was probably a waste of space that he should use for another elixir - and he could have done with another mighty elixir in the battle - but had made this instead, with some premonition that he'd want it. And now he knew what he wanted it for.

"Oh!" she exclaimed as he handed it to her. "For… for me? These are my favorite!" She looked up, eyes shining. "Did you… remember?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't want to lie to her. "Not… really? Thought… might want… something." He could feel himself blushing. "And thought of… this. It's for you." Maybe he had remembered, even if he didn't know it.

Her eyes were still bright as she took a bite, but then she closed them with a long sigh. "Oh… Link, thank you so much," she said.

He smiled back, his heart full despite his exhaustion and hunger and the pain of his injuries.

He'd done it. He'd fulfilled the oath his former self had made. He'd saved the princess. He'd defeated the Calamity.

He didn't know what to do now, but for the moment it was enough.

[the-casbah-way]

some people will look at my current wip and say that malcolm running his hands through jamie's hair as he sleeps and singing him old scottish songs is out of character but to that i say a) no it's not just hear me out and b) suck my fat cock you can't stop me from making those old men experience Real Human Emotions

[romulus-tings]

alright i’m not saying this to shit on anyone’s ideas or theories because i don’t really fucking care, but me personally,,,,

I HATE THE IDEA THAT THERE IS SOME BIG THEORY OR PLAN OR SOME SHIT BEHIND AZIRAPHALES ACTIONS

LIKE… BRO THEIR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS ONE BIG RELIGIOUS TRAUMA/INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA ALLEGORY PLEASE HIW DO YOU NIT SEE THIS

like??? crowley asks too many questions, gets kicked out, realizes who he is, falls in love with the side he’s not supposed to?????? and aziraphale loves him too, but believes he has to be good for god, and he can’t bring himself to admit that he loves crowley because he is taught that it’s wrong????

WHY WOUKD YOU WANT TO PUT THIS OUT IN EXCHANGE FOR A THEORY PLEASE LET ME HAVE MY ANGST WHAT THE FUCK GUYS

i need to see my little gay beings emotionally FUCKED please leave me alone

[kotaerukoto]

I just want to say thank you to everyone who is or has interacted with Makoto in times or verses where he hasn't experienced The Horrors. I've been thinking of how irrevocably different things can get for him once things go south and MAN. There's just something about characters whose trauma happens during the story itself instead of being part of the backstory that hits different for me

edit: i love writing him going through The Horrors don't get me wrong I just also like it when he gets a break

[hel-phoenyx]

The fact that all my TTRPG characters since Myrrah have a problem with repressing their emotions and/or true self is really saying a lot about me.

[waterberry-strawmelon]

i hate feeling ashamed.

[ruminate88]

A partial breakthrough:

So I had to go to the dentist today… haven’t been since I was a child 😓 Whatever, that’s no big deal. The big deal is going somewhere by myself…. I realize for years I focused on everyone but me. I talked to emotionally unavailable men who made me feel like sh*t. Why did I talk to them??? They were lying about making me feel that way… With their words, they’re promising me Jupiter but with their actions, they’re acting like I’m a stupid idiot who doesn’t deserve to be alive. Andrew was with me during a suicide attack ensuring me that something is wrong with me… who could resort to suicide, unless something is seriously messed up with them?? LIES!!!!!!

So long I knew nothing about manipulating or emotional abuse & how worthless they are trying to make you believe you are. Make you feel like a burden when they dump alll their burdens on you and ask you to carry them!!! Cody cried to me so many times “please fix me” uggggh 😭😭😭 bro, I can’t fix myself. How can I fix you??? But with allllll the love in my heart, I tried!!!!! I was faithful to Cody and Andrew!!!! They drug my heart through the mud and I didn’t understand it…..

I already didn’t trust myself after I broke up with Andrew but I didn’t know why. THEN when I learn about emotional abuse, I realize how evil the world is. How cruel and selfish people are. I begin to make sense of all my digestive issues I’ve been having and various other problems!!!!!!!!! My body won’t ever rest and I NEVER feel confident to go out and do anything new by myself. It all makes sense now!! I’m almost nervous to go out by myself cuz in the back of my mind, what if my exes are stalking me or what if something else happens AND I don’t wanna live in fear like that 😳😳😳

Someone told me the other day, “you gotta tell your brain that you’re safe now.” Like ok, I’m trying but it stays froze up. I don’t trust anyone new and I don’t go for anything new. I watch the same sitcoms on repeat. For years: I’ve felt guilt when I buy myself something. No matter how small…. I’ve neglected myself so long. I mean, I haven’t been to the freakin dentist since I was a kid!!!!! Today was HUGE for me. (It’s not that my parents like didn’t help me growing up, they did just that at some point they depended on me to take care of grandma and help my bro out so like they passively aggressively ignored my needs to use me but they really needed me and I was a kid… I didn’t know what I was doing but I took on this “mother” role & just self abandoned so easy.)

I have been asking myself lately, why IS it so hard to take care of my own needs… why is it so scary and painful?? Why do I fear doing adult things on my own??? I mean, school labeled me with a “learning disability” I’ve battled that all my life trying to get over that label PLUS talking to emotionally unavailable men who consistently put me down… always being critical of me so I expect it now. I wait for my husband to be critical and put me down. Then if he doesn’t, I beat myself up because I know I’m comparing him to past relationships 😓 that’s not fair to him!!!! I’ve lived my marriage with one foot in and one foot ready to flee if it goes dark again… 💔💔

I feel this WALL currently in front of me and I know it’s a part of the healing journey that needs another break through. Also, I need to legit forgive my exes not just keep saying it but acting on it and I need to get over the past. Get over this “wall” I feel. This “emotional barrier” keeping me from being in the present with my family and husband. Ugh.

I don’t know what’s next but I don’t believe I’m stuck. I just believe I’m learning more life lessons and help is on the way. I WILL get over this wall. I haven’t been able to legit full on cry like I use to. I wanna cry for Andrew and even Cody. I cried when we broke up but I mean, I wanna cry to where I grieve fully over Andrew and then just let him go!!!! Plz God 🙏🏻

One more thing: I’ve been tired beyond words. I have had zero energy to do anything hardly. I realize for the first time this week I HAVE TO REST!!!!!! 😝😝😝 I want to keep going and I will but I mean on top of healing the trauma and the betrayal, I’ve been healing my digestive and now needing trips to the dentist like I never dreamt all this would happen!!!!!! (Not blaming the dentist trips on the abuse, that’s just part of ignoring myself too long) I thought it was just a heart break 💔 but when it wouldn’t heal so easy, I KNEW something was more serious at play. I can’t quite explain it but wow. 🤯 it’s sooo much…..

One Freakin Day At A Time 🥴❤️‍🩹🙏🏻🥺😝

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

[subconsciousmysteries]

it pains me to announce that if you got fucked over by someone with a mental illness and now you project that mental illness onto everyone mildly strange who you come into contact with

you too are MENTALLY ILL and you need to stop scapegoating others for your problems because you are the fucking problem.

[vizthedatum]

CW: vent post that includes mention of abuse and suicidal ideation (I’m having flashbacks and nightmares)

—

I can’t sleep. The more I’m safer and the more I actually realize how much better off I am, the more my brain comes online. Which means, I can access my memories and feel them.

I’m feeling all of it lately.

My period came in earlier today, and I also had therapy.

I am full on sobbing now… again.

In the fall/winter of 2022, I was teetering between giving up everything and trying to survive.

I’m sobbing because (and some of my close friends, my last three therapists, and my psychiatrist know this) if I hadn’t left my ex-spouse when I did (reluctantly and with the help of my friends), I would have absolutely killed myself.

I thought my life was over. I tried my best, this was the best it was ever going to get, and I was going to alienate all my friends, the people I was in love with, my family, and everyone else… to try to be with them and then eventually end it all.

Sometimes I felt like that’s what they wanted.

I remember the last week I was with them - they yelled and said so many hateful things to me, almost drove me out our home by inching me towards the door… after they were done, I retreated upstairs to the bathroom while they called their mom to complain about me. They were worried I was going to abuse my medication and wanted to take it away. Their mom told me they couldn’t take away my medication.

I mean, yeah, the level of psychosis and control and insecurity has gotten out of control. I felt so unsafe all the time. I was in a complete state of dysregulation myself - pleasure seeking and holding down my emotions while trying to figure out my next steps.

My whole body had a reaction. I was in autoimmune shock most of the time.

I couldn’t function when I was with them without self-medicating and being on so many psychiatric medications.

I loved them.

I felt so selfish wanting to end it all. I had another partner!!! I loved so many other people. How could I leave when I had begged my brother for the past decade to not kill himself?! How could I dare??

They wanted me to isolate for 30 days when I was last with them. They didn’t see me as a person at that point - they hurled contradictory statements.

I tried to be considerate of their mental health but they were painting me out to be the one who needed help and intervention… when I was having a reaction to them.

I loved them with all that I had.

And I loved other people who were letting me just be me - and a part of me resented that.

I hated who I was because it felt like my very being was the thing my ex-spouse couldn’t stand.

—

I’m crying less now. After writing all that.

I don’t hate myself now, and while life is still hard… it’s not like that. I don’t have someone actively hating and demeaning me.

And I have left so many old friends and flames who even hinted at disrespecting me.

I’ve been protecting myself. Hard.

It’s just that… I’m safe now and I don’t need to protect myself that hard anymore.

I’m letting go and integrating all at the same time. It’s painful because I realize how bad it was but how good it is now and how good it can be.

But I’m still heartbroken - I always will be. I’m heartbroken because I was so close to ending it all after all that I had survived (worse things than that relationship). I’m heartbroken because I’d have left and not told the person I loved that I loved them (and I guess I never did anyway because I was immature and knew it would end our friendship).

I’m heartbroken because I lost that person… my best friend, the supposed love of my life, and spouse… to save myself.

[bluejayblueskies]

me every time i see another 'what if john is slowly stealing arthur's humanity?' theory

[ID: A cropped version of the meme where Ben Affleck is standing outside with a cigarette in hand and a pained, exhausted expression on his face. /End ID]