#his fight with himself with Gallifrey with a world that doesn’t get his pain – it’s a cry of despair straight from his soul

[fluffylord]

Look how far I went, for fear of losing you.

[mophobia]

Imagine 11’s potential.

10 has just lost/said goodbye to everybody he had in his life: his entire family, his true love, his best friend, everyone. He’s just had to make the horrible choice to send his own people back to Hell along with the Master who he only wanted to help and save and be close with. All this causes 11 to be born out loneliness and despair. It’s not the same as 9 being born out of war and bloodshed, but 11 is clearly darker than 10 (who was born out of love).

As a result we see 11 struggle, but he doesn’t want to admit it to himself or anyone else. He isn’t pompous and rude and idolizing himself. Why would he be like that when everything he has done has resulted in failure in his eyes? Rather, he’s scared and untrusting. He isn’t demeaning and horrible to people, he’s just avoiding creating close attachements to protect himself and others. He isn’t carefree and shortsighted and ignorant. He obsesses over every decision he makes and just pretends like he’s always living on a whim so people don’t think he’s in pain (hence the childish persona he builds). He still cares, but it’s also so hard for him to decipher between what’s right and wrong now when it seems like doing the “right” thing only ever leaves himself and those he cares about in pain. He doesn’t know how to trust anything anymore. Even the closest person he has at this point (River) only pops in and out of his life and he still barely knows her, so how can he be trusting when he doesn’t have anyone/anything to count on.

He meets Amy Pond (who doesnt have a crush on him, who was never obsessed over him her entire life, who is quite lonely and untrusting herself after losing her own family, who loves Rory with all her heart but is so scared they will lose each other that she’s looking for a way to sabatoge their wedding-think Amy in Sondheim’s musical Company). But the Doctor struggles to let her in because how can he trust the universe to not hurt her therefore hurting him? He still invites her to join him though because all they both want is run away. They are lonely and hurt and understand each other’s pain. And thus the building blocks behind their faith in humanity may start to be restored.

Amy is able to transform into a more open person as she travels with the Doctor and so eventually Rory joins them and they all become more of a family unit. The Doctor is slower to change, though. He can’t trust that there’ll always be there because he knows something Has to happen to them (that’s just how it goes), but he loves them and loves being a part of their family as much as he doesn’t want to. He isn’t careless with their lives, but when he’s able he tries to leave them out to protect them. It isn’t that he doesn’t believe in their abilities and can’t trust them so much as he doesn’t believe in or trust himself/the world. They don’t let him push them out of the way though, and slowly, we start to see him trust more and more. He isn’t scared to have them on board as much as he was, and rather than just acknowledging their family-type relationship, he leans into it. He’s not alone.

Then that family is threatened from him and he stoops down to a low point in his life (close to 10s timelord victorious) where he’s willing to do anything he can to save them and prove that humanity is on his side. The audience doesn’t praise him for committing genocide or blowing up a spaceship to get a piece of information, but sees that he is dissenting into madness. He rescues the Ponds, but he’s never quite the same and they know that too. Still, they stay with him because he is part of their family and they know he needs their help. As audience members, we only pray he can pull himself out of this horrible place he’s found himself in.

Eventually, he loses Amy and Rory like he’s lost everyone else in his life. He chooses to continue alone (because he’s not just going to mope about for hundreds of years in a cloud cuz that’s not who the doctor is). But he’s alone for so long that he starts to lose whatever perspective he had left before losing the Ponds. He flat out refuses to work as a team with anyone anymore no matter who they are because somehow he needs to prove to himself that he’s worthy and he just can’t trust them. He keeps imagining (if not physically seeing) those he knew before- Rose, Jack, Mickey, Jackie, Sarah Jane, Martha, Donna, WILFRED, Amy, Rory, River. He can see their faces and see the pain in what he’s become in their eyes but he chooses to ignore it. Because maybe if he had taken his place of power seriously like this before, maybe he would still have them so who were they to judge. That dissent into madness is wreaking havoc on his life even more now. But he’ll be damned if more good/deserving people are lost because of his foolishness, even if it means killing off entire races and planets and galaxies in the process. None of this is ever used for laughs, or to show how “good and strong and god-like” the Doctor is, it’s taken just as seriously and scarily and gut wrenching as it’s meant to be.

Eventually he meets Clara (who isn’t just a mystery wrapped in an enigma in a tight skirt, who is a very loving and protective and smart person in her own right, who’s willing to go to hell and back if it means helping and saving the people she loves because she couldn’t help her own mom and feels guilty for it) and after seeing the pain in his eyes she flat out refuses to leave his side. He almost begrudgingly takes her along because she literally just won’t budge out of the TARDIS without being physically thrown out. But deep in his heart he knows he’s tired of being alone and does enjoy her presence.

Clara never gives up on the Doctor, but she damn well points out when he’s losing his mind and doing the wrong thing. She doesn’t let him stoop to his lowest points and she��s always there for him, always fighting right alongside him to do what’s right. Again, he starts to trust, he starts to see what he’s become. They go somewhere that reminds him of who he was as 9 (NOT GALLIFREY BECAUSE GALLIFREY IS GONE) and how he had to heal from that time and move foward and with his FRIEND Clara by his side supporting him he knows it’s possible again. He knows he can be the Doctor again.

In the end there’s a big battle standing between life and death, not only for him but for humanity. He’s taken all of these lessons away and when it matters he decides to choose life. He’s so tired of killing out of the “sake of goodness” so tired of lying to himself, and he decides to take a stand and do the right thing. If he can do just one right thing in his entire life as this man, that would be enough.

Everyone else survives, but he doesn’t make it. His last act as the man he is is life, and he’s more proud of it than anything else in maybe all his regenerations. But it wasn’t enough for him to survive. And maybe that’s okay with him because maybe it’s time to move on from being this inherently lonely and mad man and become someone better.

He regenerates and recognizes his new face, the face that proves he was right. The face that represents that even if he can’t stop the rest of the world from going into flames, if all he can do is save just one family, do one right thing, then he will be okay. That he can be the man he once was. That even through loss and pain, he is never alone.

He starts to pick up the pieces.

[embarrassingresultofmyfreetime]

2020 Masterlist

Here’s a list of all the fics I’ve posted this year! (Listed by category, then chronologically:)

Link to my ao3 where you can read all of these: embarrassingresultofmyfreetime

~

Currents wips:

And They Were Quarantine Mates

An old disease has resurfaced on Earth- one which most humans recover from but is permanently lethal to Time Lords.

Because of this, the Doctor stays on Earth to make sure her humans make it through okay.

And because of the Doctor, the Master- against his better judgement- also chooses to stay.

Reluctant to leave the safety of the Doctor's Tardis, the Doctor and the Master find plenty of ways to pass the time but it can be difficult to enjoy each other's company with so many things left unsaid.

Good thing they have plenty of time in isolation to work it out.

Word Count: Currently 88,172

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Spyfall: Battle For Humanity

This is a little number I like to call: Roleswap AU with Dhawan!Doctor and Whittaker!Master

It's sort of a rewrite of Spyfall p2 but it's better.

Word Count: Currently 5,688 (will be about 12k when finished)

~~~

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Main fics (completed):

Please Tell Me Why Do We Worry

Summary: After learning about the final loss of Gallifrey, the Doctor takes some time to grieve and finds herself with surprisingly mixed feelings about the whole ordeal.

To her surprise, a knock at her Tardis door soon reveals the Master not only alive, but in uncontrollable mental agony as he reveals that the Doctor's suffering has been amplifying his own emotions via their telepathic bond.

Note: (After so many kind and positive comments on this fic, I finally gained the confidence to start posting more! A huge thank you to so many people it means so, so much to me!)

Word Count: 5,068

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Second Chances

When Graham finds a teleportation cube offering an all-expenses-paid vacation, he, Ryan, and Yaz take up the offer and give the seemingly-distant Doctor some time to herself.

After the events of Skyfall 1&2, the trust between the trio and a certain timelord is shaken. However, when their vacation quickly becomes a nightmare, it's up to the Doctor to bring about peace on an upsettingly familiar planet.

Note: (A rewrite/fix it of S11 episode Orphan 55)

Word Count: 7,130

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All’s Fair In Love And War

Having escaped alive and alone, the Master dwells on his failure and uncertainty at what to do next.

Purely by accident, he runs into a version of the Doctor he's never met before and she gives him a much needed perspective on their relationship.

Word Count: 4,653

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Truth and Reconciliation

“I... I destroyed a lot of things, but not this... trove of secrets. This is what started it all.”

Missing Scene where the Master goes to Gallifrey and discovers the truth of the timeless child for the first time + alternate ending to The Timeless Children episode

Word Count: 7,563

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The Doctor Finally Gets Some Rest

(Ch2 update Missy pov)

The Doctor promised to guard Missy for 1000 years, but Missy doesn't mind returning the favor.

Word Count: 5,671

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I Wouldn’t Wish It On My Best Enemy

"Just deserts appeared to finally be served for the Doctor. All her running had come to an end, all the lives she's taken or caused had finally been assigned a numerical value, and all the morals she had once believed in seemed to crumble to dust right before her eyes.

A life sentence.

She had JUST BEEN TOLD she would never die, and the first thing the universe does is give her a life sentence.

What kind of cruel joke is that?"

Basically: The Doctor reflects on herself while in prison, the Master rescues the Doctor and actually helps her, and idk read the tags

Word Count: 4,629

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Brand New Reality

In an alternate timeline: The Master is killed in the Time War but the Doctor finds a way to salvage his oldest friend's mind by binding it to his Tardis and building him an android vessel as a way to interact with the physical world.

The Doctor also manages to save the Time Lords from their war- but he is still a renegade in their eyes. As punishment, the High Council uses the Doctor- and by extension the Master- as their personal diplomats/field agents.

The Master isn't too happy about being trapped on the Doctor's Tardis, the Doctor is fed up with being the equivalent of a dog on a leash to the Time Lords, so in a moment of anger and also pure luck- they break out from their world and end up on a parallel one with a very different version of their universe and very different versions of themselves.

(Shalka!Universe Doctor and Master meet their modern counterparts- the Thirteenth Doctor and Dhawan!Master)

Word Count: 10,148

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The Imposter(s) Among Us

The Doctor has been searching the universe for the Master, but it's only when she takes a break to help a damaged space vessel that she runs directly into him!

The Doctor has a hundred and one things to ask him, but there's no time for any of that now. The ship is barely functional and if the mysterious murderer doesn't get to the Doctor first, then the trigger-happy crewmates might throw her out the airlock before the killer gets a chance.

Word Count: 12,655

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My Dear, Doctor…

The Doctor investigates an anomaly to find that her previous self has stood up their oldest friend for the umpteenth time.

Confused as to why the Doctor can't recall ever receiving Missy's invitation in the first place, the Doctor goes searching for answers and ends up finding far more letters than just one…

Word Count: 6,657

~~~

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Series:

And They Were Happy Au Parts 1-4:

Part 1: Dinner and a Show

All his lives, the Master had always believed that he and the Doctor could hold on for about the same amount of time. He always imagined that when they reached their last lives, they would both give all this up and spend their retirement years bickering and raising bees or whatever. The Master didn't particularly like bees, but he had always imagined that the Doctor did and as long as they were together, that was enough to satisfy him.

What he had discovered in the Matrix had proved his ideal endgame impossible.

The revelation that the Doctor was The Timeless Child meant that the Doctor would always live on. They would always evolve and survive no matter what happened. The Doctor would always race to people in need; and now, they would never have any reason to stop.

(AU where the reason the Master wanted the Doctor to kill them both in The Timeless Child is bc he's on his last life)

Word Count: 5,120

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Part 2: Dinner and a Show One-Offs

"The Doctor did her best to space out her visits with O. For every couple adventures she had with her 'fam', she would stop by his home once or so. Sometimes she let months slip by, because she knew that the longer she waited, the less of O's limited time she used up.

She felt guilty to calculate it, but if O was already in his mid-thirties and he lived a full human life...

Suffice it to say, she wanted it to last for as long as possible. She had never had a situation as stable nor as safe as she now had with O. After everything they had both been through to get to this point, she refused to jeopardize a single moment.

For all the pain the Master had caused her, O was well worth the wait."

(By popular demand, a continuation of 'Dinner and a Show')

Word Count: 10,926

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Part 3: Unjustifiable

O- having no recollection of his actions as 'The Master'- returns to being Earth's Horizon Watcher.

O is proud of his work and he cherishes the Doctor's frequent visits, but it's becoming increasingly apparent that she's been keeping more secrets about his past than he had theorized.

To make matters worse, the arrival of an advanced species of aliens on his doorstep brings with it a whole new plethora of problems. Something terrifying resurfaces when O hears they're searching for a Tardis and things go terribly wrong.

Word Count: 23,870

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Part 4: Found Family

The Master finally gets around to seeing the universe in a more peaceful way and runs into a young woman looking for her father.

Word Count: 3,663 (Will possibly be updated at a later date, but complete for now)

~~~

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Oneshots Inspired by others (specific inspiration in the beginning notes of each):

All Alone In The Dark

While heading back to Earth, the Doctor hears someone calling for her help.

She tracks it back to the Master- injured yet alive- and finds him trapped in his own head, reliving his last confrontation with The Time Lord Council before the destruction of Gallifrey.

Word Count: 1,926

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You Again

The 10th Doctor and Missy each escape their last canon appearances believing that the other is dead for good.

So imagine their surprise when they run into each other at a party in the 1920's.

Word Count: 6,943

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Sick Day

The Master has everything set up for his latest evil scheme but when he tracks down the Doctor, he realizes his best enemy is in no condition to fight. So the Master does what any good nemesis does and takes care of him.

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

Word Count: 2,807

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Prompt: "Right now, I don't know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge!" "Can I pick?"

The Master’s Tardis had traced the call seven minutes in advance to this exact time and location. He pushed open his Tardis door to find himself in front of some no name bar with graffiti scrawled on the side, situated in front of an empty ravine. He was on Earth, and there was probably a similarly ramshackled city around him, but he didn’t so much as spare it a glance.

The Master’s steps were determined, his jaw clenched, and his hands shaking despite his signature device in hand.

He had been on the other side of the universe, licking his wounds like any old villain would when disappointed by their latest nemesis showdown. It all made his blood boil to have caved so soon. To come back and HELP the Doctor.

The Doctor still had O’s number and her call was scheduled to be made in exactly seven minutes. A hysterical, agonizing call that begged the Master to intervene. He wasn’t sure what was worse, hearing the Doctor in so much despair, or the disappointment that hearing her in such agony somehow didn’t lessen his own.

Word Count: 2,410

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The Beginning and The End

Prompt: First Doctor, Dhawan!Master, Gallifrey, and the dialogue: "I know my words mean close to nothing for you. But I do, in fact, love you very much."

Basically Theta (Academy Era Doctor) accidentally runs into the Master on a burning Gallifrey

Word Count: 4,499

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Kisses Like That

The Doctor's never understood why humans enjoy kissing so much- but a certain, somewhat familiar woman piques his interest.

(Missy goes back in time to give 10 a lil kiss)

Word Count: 1,885

Spyvember 2020

Collection of short fics I did inspired by Spyvember prompts (from Tumblr)

Word Count: 15,506 (6 separate chapters)

~~~

Thank you to everyone who has inspired me, commented on my work, read any of my writing, and overall has just supported me in any way this year!! Thank you for keeping me motivated and helping me improve as a writer!

My best wishes to you in the new year! <3

[nicollekidman]

abby can you talk on how deancas and tenrose are the same?

okay so i need to preface this with the usual…. cannot believe i am enlightened enough to be seriously discussing this in the year 2020, but i’m happy for my teen self. also there is about to be a lot of unhinged earnestness to follow, so if you’re easily succebtable to cringe… don’t read on. ALSO RIP I WROTE 1800 WORDS about just the most general and nonspecific concepts…… brb k wording myself 

first off i think it’s so funny that i just went back and looked and i typed cas/ten as a one and dean/rose as a six completely independently so… that’s where my head is at. 

i think the meat of the issue is the way that tenrose and deancas function both in relation to the overall narrative and each other. there are many differences of course, but at the end of the day, both relationships are positioned as the ultimate working example of what their shows are trying to be About. 

i could write an entirely separate essay on the intersections between cas and the doctor, but essentially…… these are figures introduced to the audience as Beyond Human Understanding. they exist as celestial beings unconstrained by the rules of space and time, more closely connected to god than humanity. we meet the doctor farther along in his journey than castiel, but both of their character arcs are rooted in a Godlike Creature observing humanity and becoming enamored with it/driven to protect and care for it. by the time the doctor meets rose, it is well established that he has a soft spot for humanity, she’s not the one who teaches him that. but she is the one he reaches out to and leans on for support and healing post-time war, and she is the one who influences ten’s regeneration so deeply that he is made in her image/for her. castiel rebuilds dean atom by atom is hell, and upon rescuing him from the pit, finds himself similarly irrevocably altered. it is revealed to us that castiel also has had a long affection for humanity, but nothing swayed him from his ultimate duty before he met dean. and just as the doctor finds himself with a family for the first time after gallifrey with rose and her mother on the estate, castiel finds himself cut off from his family/realm, but with a new family, team free will. they lose everything, their attachment to the heavens, and find a new family and a new reason to continue, in these humans. 

dean and rose also are the ultimate Human Credentials. we all know this term to be indicative of someone who confers humanity onto the other, someone who, by mere accompaniment, allows their beloved to more safely/easily navigate life. and it’s true in this sense. rose is constantly reminding ten how to Be Human (”am i being rude?”) in both big and small ways, just as dean more or less badgers castiel in the same way ( “dude. we talked about this”). neither cas nor ten would be as intimately connected with their “human sides” with their partners. but dean and rose are also Human Credentials in a broader sense, in that….. they act as character references for the rest of humanity, and by virtue of their own selves/their partner’s attachment to them, guarantee investment in the rest of the human race. castiel is more-or-less content to watch from heaven and take orders until he rescues dean and becomes involved with his life (”the moment castiel laid a hand on you in hell he was lost”). his love and affection for dean and his willingness to bend everything to keep him safe means that castiel learns to defy heaven for the good of humanity. ten has always loved humans, but he loves rose a little differently. The Doctor Needs Someone, and we see rose’s power as his human credential most strongly when she’s gone. Without rose, ten is more willing to put himself/others in danger, to make choices that will result in death, to be callous and reckless and thoughtless. rose’s presence is a constant reminder that humanity is Worth the Trouble, that he’s never met anyone who wasn’t important. 

for rose and dean…. these are two, completely Normal, Average People. or so they think anyways. the burdens they carry and their inner lives are very different, but in very simple ways, they both would’ve continued their lives believing there was nothing special about them, getting up to Do Their Duty, never asking for anything special. both view themselves are caretakers, although this manifests differently bc rose is a bratty 19 year old and dean never got the opportunity to be a teenager. but both Feel Deeply in ways/levels that others don’t. each has an extremely open heart and a need to protect/provide for the little people. what ten and cas give them is an entirely new perspective, whereupon it starts to be possible to believe that even the smallest person can affect the world for better, and that they, specifically Deserve More. 

THEN we have the ideas of religion/free will/fate that intertwine both shows. rtd’s doctor who was explicitly and obviously written with the intent to show an atheist universe where the human spirit and mind are enough on their own to be holy, to determine right and wrong, and to decide the events of the universe. obviously ten is often situated in christ-like positions, but he learns from humanity as much as they teach him. supernatural is a little more complicated, with an alternate vision of accepted figures of christianity, but both shows heavily emphasize the power of human kindness, passion, empathy, and individual choice. ten may not live within the confines of space and time, but apocalypses in doctor who often hinge on one small person doing The Next Right Thing, just as supernatural’s base credo is We’re Writing a New Chapter. castiel bursts onto the scene and is literally taught the importance of free will by dean, and perhaps even the importance of his own desires/needs by dean. both core relationships exemplify what it means to make choices outside the realm of fate (even whilst allowing for the existence of soulmates). yes, castiel was ordered to raise dean from perdition, but their human connection is what allows the winchesters to subvert God and move outside the printed narrative - love for a human is what makes an angel CHOOSE to fall from heaven. and ten…. well ten knows that rose is going to die. ten understands from the moment he allows himself to care for her above all others, that he is dooming himself to pain and regret and loss. but he decides to do it anyways, because isn’t the best thing an otherwordly being in love with humanity can do is to eperience love and loss on a human level? both cas and ten understand that there is no love without pain, that they will be the ones to watch their beloveds leave them, but that the Choice to love out of free will is worth it. 

there’s also the element of Expression/Repression. here is where the underlying emotion remains similar but the freedom of how exactly to illustrate these feelings could not be more different. tenrose is a heterosexual relationship at the end of the day, and their storylines require them to be alone in each other’s presence nearly 100% of the time. thus, we get LOTS of familiar touching, lots of body language and casual intimacy and teasing. dean and cas…. lol. not so much. instead of physicality, we get looks, both because of dean’s own upbringing/sexuality and because they exist on the show that they do. deancas deals in the unspoken - the acts of service, the grace healings, the tense moments of battle, the lack of personal space. the expression is different, but the emotion is the same. ten and dean hold themselves back from the more Obvious open-book partners, for their own personal reasons. the end effect being that everyone on screen understands/insinuates what’s happening, and their relationship is so thick with subtext its a wonder no one suffocates. Words are seen as the ultimate step, once which cannot be overcome in normal life. both pairs use death/separation as the final step towards full transparency, but even then we are never granted the ultimate catharsis of an I Love You. castiel couches his confessions in generalizations towards groups, and dean swallows his truth even in prayer. rose says the words through a veil of uncrossable distance, but she doesn’t get to hear them back. they can Know, and we can Understand, but we cannot hear it. 

lastly (for now)…. and perhaps as an ultimate summation…….. death and parallel universes and fate cannot stop them, those who are drawn to each other through heaven and hell, through time and realities. it is to be understood that will all four individuals fight to ensure that each human being is safe, protected, and able to make their own choices they are soulmates. they are soulmates who are bound to each other to be sure, but they’re not Fated in a way that takes away their free will. they’re fated by the series of choices they make, over and over again, to prioritize each other, to traverse time and space and dimension and hell to get back to one another. god cannot see castiel in his plans for the world, and yet castiel has evaded death again and again, to give dean a win. nothing could tear rose away from her doctor, and even while trapped in another dimmension, she hears his voice, she runs to him, and she finds a way to get back to him. each and every choice they make brings them back to one another, regardless of the ultimate ending. we don’t know yet if we will ever hear castiel and dean get their doomsday moment, but we do know that in order for castiel to leave dean’s side, an entirely new dimmension (the empty) will have to be in play to keep them apart. 

ultimately, castiel and ten are both celestial beings with self-worth issues but a burning and true desire to see humanity thrive, directly and indirectly because of their attachment to dean and rose. dean and rose make castiel and ten more human, all while exemplifying why human is a good thing to be. dean and rose become more themselves under cas and ten’s influence, both are given more opportunity to bloom into who they are meant to be. all four become More in the presence of each other, and save the world while doing it. ultimately there is a heavy dose of tragedy in both - whether or not dean and cas get their moment is yet to be seen, but these are still Soulmates with differing relationships to mortality. but is there anything sweeter than defying god’s and fate and our own doubts to grab love with both hands, even when we know there will be pain? 

[thelittlesttimelord]

The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 15

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 15 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 15/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N - I thought I’d be nice and give you another chapter for being so nice and understanding.]

“Please don’t do this,” Elise begged the Doctor.

“She's right. You don't have to be in there. We can do this remotely,” Kate told him.

“Remotely isn't my style. See you after.” He kissed his hand and hit Amy on the head.

Elise grabbed onto his jacket and silently begged him with her eyes not to do this. He took her hand in his and gave it a light squeeze before letting go.

He went inside the room as the number went down to two. He sat down and spun the cube. It went down to one and finally hit zero.

It switched off and opened up.

“What's happening?” Kate asked.

The Doctor peered inside the cube.

“Well? What's in there?” Amy asked.

“There is nothing in here,” the Doctor said.

“Er, well, that's good. It's not, it's not bombs, it's not aliens.”

“Why? Why is there nothing inside? Why? It doesn't make any sense.” The Doctor came out of the small room and walked over to the researcher at the computer bay. “Glasses, is it the same? Is it the same all around the world?”

“They're empty,” Kate said, “We're safe, right?”

“Ah, no, no, no, we are very far from safe. All along, every action has been deliberate. Why draw attention to the cubes if they don't contain anything?”

“Doctor, look,” Amy said, looking at one of the screens.

People walking down the street grabbed their chests as they came near the cubes.

“They're CCTV feeds from across the world. They're showing the same,” the researcher said.

Elise covered her mouth in horror as she watched the people die.

“People are dying,” Kate said, shocked.

“What? They can't be dying. How? How are they dying?” the Doctor asked.

“I want information on how people are being affected.”

“The cubes brought people close together. They opened and then…” The Doctor cried out in pain and grabbed his chest.

“Dad!” Elise said, rushing to his side.

“Doctor, what's the matter?” Amy asked.

The monitor started beeping.

“I don't know!”

“Hospitals are logging a global surge in heart failures. Cardiac arrests,” the researcher explained.

“That's it.” The Doctor cried out in pain, hitting himself on the chest. “Only one heart. Other one's not working.”

“Okay, I'm going to get you to the hospital!” Amy yelled.

“Oh, no, no, no, no. Just a short circuit. Tell me, show me. Ten seconds after the cubes opened, show me the patterns in their electrical currents.”

A heartbeat signature appeared on the screen.

“See?” the Doctor asked, “The power cut. They zapped the power and then…” The Doctor cried out in pain again. “They're signal boxes. People leaning in, wham. Pure electrical surge out of the cube targeted at the nearest human heart. The heart, an organ powered by electrical currents, short-circuited. How to destroy a human? Go for the heart. Ow. Crikey Moses.”

“Doctor, the scan you set running. The transmitter locations. It's found them,” Kate told him.

“And look at them all, pulsing bold as brass. Seven of them, all across the world.” The Doctor hit himself on the chest again. “Seven stations, seven minutes. Why is that important?” The Doctor cried out in pain, grabbing his chest.

Elise wished she could help him.

“How do you people manage? One heart, it is pitiful,” the Doctor snapped, “A wormhole, bridging two dimensions. Seven of them hitched onto this planet, but where's the closest one? Glasses, zoom in.”

The program zoomed in before stopping.

“It's the hospital where Rory works,” Amy said.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Doctor lumbered down the hallway, leaning on Elise for support. “How many deaths have been recorded?” he asked Kate.

“We don't know. We think it could be a third of the population.”

“Kate, I have to find the wormhole, but the attacks could still happen. Tell the world. Tell them how to deal with this. The world needs your leadership right now.”

“I'll do my best.”

“Of course you will. Good luck, Kate.” The Doctor cried out in pain and stagger over to the wall to hold himself up.

“Okay, how long are you going to last with only one heart?” Amy asked.

“Not much longer. I need to locate the wormhole portal.”

Elise pulled out her sonic screwdriver, scanning the area.

They walked past a little girl, who was throwing off odd signals. The girl’s face glowed blue.

“Oh, my God,” Amy said.

“Outlier droid, monitoring everything. If we shut her down, we can…”

Elise soniced her neck area and the girl went down.

The Doctor caught her and lowered her onto the ground. “It's all right, it's all right.” The Doctor collapsed. “I can't, Amy. I can't do it. I need both hearts!”

Amy grabbed a defibrillator. “All right. Desperate measures.”

“What? No. No, no, no. That won't work. I'm a Time Lord!”

Amy opened the Doctor’s shirt and charged the defibrillator. “All right, clear!” She shocked the Doctor and he shot up.

He jumped to his feet. “Welcome back, lefty! Whoa-ho! Two hearts! Woo! Back in the game.” He grabbed Amy’s face and kissed her head. “Never do that to me again.”

Elise and Amy followed him to a lift.

“Ah, portal to another dimension in a goods lift?” Amy asked.

“The energy signals converge here. Does seem a bit cramped, though.”

They entered the lift, Elise unsure about the whole thing. After all, she didn’t have good experiences with lifts.

The wall shifted in front of their eyes.

Amy smiled at the Doctor.

“Through the looking glass, Amelia? Elise?” he whispered.

Amy took one hand and Elise took the other.

They stepped out into a spaceship.

“Where are we?” Amy asked.

“We're in orbit. One dimension to the left,” the Doctor told them.

“Rory!” Amy ran over to him. He was laying on a slab next to Brian.

Elise was having “black spot” flashbacks. She wondered how Captain Avery and his son Toby were doing.

The Doctor pulled out a small vial from his jacket. “Soborian smelling salts. Outlawed in seven galaxies.”

Amy waved it under Rory’s nose and he shot up.

Someone started shooting at them. Go figure.

“What kind of a welcome do you call that? Get them out of here. You too. Now!” the Doctor yelled.

“What are you going to do?” Amy asked.

“Absolutely no idea. Get him to the portal. Elise go with them.”

“No. I’m not leaving you.”

The Doctor stared at her for a moment before snapping, “Fine!”

Brian started to wake as Amy and Rory started to move him.

The alien shot at them again. “So many of them crawling the planet, seeping into every corner.”

Amy, Rory, and Brian managed to get away now that the alien’s attention was on the Doctor and Elise.

The alien disappeared and reappeared in front of a bunch of monitors.

The Doctor and Elise stepped in front of them on the other side.

“It's not possible. I thought the Shakri were a myth. A myth to keep the young of Gallifrey in their place,” the Doctor said.

“Who?” Elise asked.

He looked at her. “Didn’t your parents ever…? Nevermind.” Although the Doctor didn’t know much about her biological family, it didn’t seem like they ever cared for the small Timelord.

“The Shakri exist in all of time, and none. We travel alone and together. The Seven,” the alien told them.

“The Shakri craft, connected to Earth, through seven portals and seven minutes. Ah, but why?”

“Serving the word of the Tally.”

“Why the cubes? Why Earth?”

“Not Earth, humanity. The Shakri will halt the human plague before the spread.”

“Erase humanity before it colonizes space. We thought the cubes were an invasion. The start of war.”

“The human contagion only must be eliminated.”

“Who are you calling a contagion?” Amy asked, appearing behind the two Timelords with Rory.

“Oi! Didn't I tell you two to go?” the Doctor said.

“You should have learned by now,” Rory told him.

“Yeah, and what is this Tally anyway?” Amy asked.

“Some people call it Judgment Day, or the Reckoning,” the Doctor explained.

“Don't you know?”

“I've never wanted to find out.”

“Before the Closure, there is the Tally. The Shakri serves the Tally,” the alien said.

“The pest controllers of the universe, that's how the tales went, isn't it?”

“Wow. That's some seriously weird bedtime story,” Amy commented.

“You can talk. Wolf in your grandmother's nightdress?” The Doctor clapped his hands and approached the alien.

“So, here you are, depositing slug pellets all over the Earth, made attractive so humans will collect them, hoping to find something beautiful inside. Because that's what they are. Not pests or plague, creatures of hope, forever building and reaching. Making mistakes, of course, every life form does. But, but they learn. And they strive for greater, and they achieve it. You want a tally. Put their achievements against their failings through the whole of time, I will back humanity against the Shakri every time.”

The alien chuckled. “The Tally must be met. The second wave will be released.”

“What does that mean?” Amy asked.

“It's going to release more cubes to kill more people,” the Doctor said.

“The human plague breeding and fighting. And when cornered, their rage to destroy. You're too late, Doctor. The Tally shall be met,” the alien said, before vanishing.

“He's gone?” Amy asked.

“He was never really here. Just the ship's automated interface, like a talking propaganda poster,” the Doctor said. He ran over to the computers and started sonicing them. “I can stop the second wave. I can disconnect all the Shakri craft from their portals, leave them drifting in the darkspace. Ah, but all those people who were near the cubes, so many of them will have died.”

“I restarted one of your hearts,” Amy reminded him.

“You'd need mass defibrillation,” Rory said.

“Of course. Ah, beautiful. But, Ponds, Ponds. We are going to go one better than that. The Shakri used the cubes to turn people's hearts off,” the Doctor told them, “Bingo! We're going to use them to turn them back on again.”

“Will that work?” Amy asked.

“Well, creatures of hope. Has to.” He soniced the alien computer. “Thirty seconds. Don't let me down, cubes, you're working for me now.”

The ship started shaking.

“Oh dear. All these cubes. There's going to be a terrible wave of energy ricocheting around here any second. Run.”

They took off running and just managed to go back through the portal before the spaceship blew up.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After saying goodbye to Kate and UNIT, they met back up with Amy, Rory, and Brian for dinner.

It was getting late and the Doctor checked his watch. “Dear me. I'd better get going. Things to do, worlds to save, swings to swing on.”

Elise and the Doctor got up and started to walk towards the TARDIS.

The Doctor turned around and walked back towards Amy and Rory, throwing his arms around their shoulders. “Look, I know, you both have lives here. Beautiful, messy lives. That is what makes you so fabulously human. You don't want to give them up. I understand.”

“Actually, it's you they can't give up, Doctor. You and your wonderful daughter. And I don't think they should,” Brian said.

Amy and Rory looked at Brian.

“Go with him. Go save every world you can find. Who else has that chance? Life will still be here.”

“You could come, Brian.”

“Somebody's got to water the plants. Just bring them back safe.”

Amy and Rory changed, said goodbye to Brian, and they were off again.

[shawtygonemad]

What Is This Feeling: Chapter 6

Fem!9th Doctor x Male!Rose Tyler

WITF Masterlist

WARNING: The end of this chapter does contain some blood. It's not gruesomely detailed, but it is mentioned.

When the Doctor opened her eyes she was in a horrifyingly familiar place. The sky was a mixture of reds, oranges, and yellows. The clouds overcastting were a deep purple.

She quickly sat up. She was sitting in a meadow full of grasses and flowers. She looked to her left and saw the two suns setting in the distance behind the mountains. But that's not what made her breath catch, oh no. It was the sight of the Capital.

The Time Lord closed her eyes, and rubbed the palms of her hands into her eyes. Her head pounded. Something wasn't right. Didn't something horrible happen to Gallifrey? She couldn't quite remember. Every time she tried to recall her head would explode with pain. It was like her brain was fighting back against something.

"Theta?" she heard a voice ask.

She opened her eyes to see Ross crouching in front of her. Her eyes widened.

"Ross! What the hell are you doing here?" the Doctor quickly got to her feet, and began to take in the situation.

"Don't be so dim. You asked me to meet you here. We were going to have a picnic."

So many things were running through her head. She was getting light headed.

"What?"

"Theta, are you alright," Ross grabbed her waist as if to steady her. "Let me help you."

Once her mind began to clear, she pushed the boy away.

"What did you just call me?"

"Theta. That's your name," Ross spoke, confused.

Her hearts stopped. "How did you know that," she asked, quietly.

Ross wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her close.

"You told me," he informed her while brushing a piece of hair out of her face.

The Doctor was almost mesmerized by the action. He's never acted like this with her before. It was nice. If only this could happen more often.

Suddenly another wave of intense pain washed over her head. The jabs of pain increased. Something started to happen. Gallifrey and Ross disappeared. She was left in darkness. Then, as if she swam to the surface of a pool, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

Instantly, everything came back to her. She was lying on an examination table with a metal device strapped to her head. She was still in the lab.

"The female has awoken," a voice was heard off to her left.

Two creatures came into view. They were both yellow with green and white scaled patterns all over their bodies. The patterns seemed to be ones similar to a Monarch butterfly. The front of their face looked human, but slowly morphed back into fish fins. If they didn't seem a bit intimidating before, then their long sharp claws did it for you.

"Fairfreights," the Doctor grinned. "Fantastic! But aren't you-"

"Endangered. Yes," the female Fairfreight finished.

"What are you doing here? And why are you doing this?"

"Humans have a faster reproductive system then our species," She informed the Doctor.

"That doesn't mean you can go stealing humans and erasing their memories," the Doctor frowned. "Now release me."

"You of all people should know what it's like to be the last of your kind. We can make that pain go away. Did you not enjoy the dream we gave you?"

"Is that what you do? Violate someone's mind and create a dreamlike state to soothe and distract the brain while you drain their body of memories? Then you download yourself in their place?" Disgust dripped from her voice.

The Doctor slowly attempted to reach for her sonic in her pocket.

"A few humans are worth restoring our race."

She had to keep them talking while she attempted to grab her sonic.

"The children would be half human. You'll never have a pure bred race again after this," she pointed out.

"Soon after birth the children would be injected with a Fairfreight vaccination that'll rewrite their human genes to make them pure," the yellow alien informed her.

'Gotcha,' She thought as she grabbed her sonic.

The Doctor took out her sonic and released her restraints and head gear. She rolled off the table and pointed her screwdriver at the pair. They slowly started to back up.

"I don't think you'll be doing any of that. As of now, this project is cancelled."

"You can't do this! Our race will go extinct," they cried.

"Oh don't be so dramatic! You'll just have to take the slower route of reproducing. It's not the end of the world."

She continued to step forward, causing the yellow creatures to step back until they were in one of the few holding pods. The Time Lord soniced the door shut and locked it. Now they couldn't get in her way.

"Ross," she yelled as she ran over to his holding pod.

'Good. His memory is still intact then,' she internally gave a sigh of relief.

She opened the pod, and quickly eased Ross's limp body to the ground. She gently patted his cheeks.

"Wakey, wakey," she called to him.

He gave a soft groan as his eyes fluttered open.

"Doctor? What happened," he asked groggy.

The Doctor quickly got up from her crouched position and headed over to one of the computers.

"The human race getting manipulated by another species, and I had to once again save them," she told him.

In the computer, she began to set the ship's autopilot system for its return trip. Once it was set, she turned back to her companion.

"Right then, now we have to figure out how to return all of these memories."

"What about this button that says 'reverse'," Ross suggested with a grin.

She grinned back, "Fantastic!"

Once the button was pressed the blue liquid was released into the air. It gave off a beautiful light that illuminated the room. It quickly shot out of the ship, and returned it their original bodies.

The Doctor frowned when she noticed Jay's memories were still in its crystal container.

"Lift off in ninety second," the computer warned.

"I'll have to manually return his memories," she noted.

She quickly detached the ball and headed into the transmatt with Ross. They beamed back into the mansion with no problems. The hidden door silently slid open, and they stepped out. Everything was quiet, which was odd.

"Doctor, how long have we been gone," Ross asked when he looked out the window.

"Probably all night."

"The leaves wouldn't start to change colors over night," he commented.

"What," she looked out the window to see that Ross was right. "But how?"

Suddenly a gunshot could be heard in the distance, causing both of them to jump. Moments later a second gunshot was heard. They both looked at one another before running towards the pool area. The Doctor's hearts were racing fast.

She ran ahead of Ross. She burst through the back door and ran ahead. She must have been going too fast because she slipped on something and fell forward. The ball fell from her hand, cracked, and rolled into the pool. The pool that was slowly being tainted red.

She heard Ross give a gasp behind her. She looked down to see what she slipped on.

'Oh, god'

Blood. Some man shot himself in the head, and she slipped-

Ross was covered his mouth and turned away. The Doctor carefully got up, and took in the situation. This man must have shot whoever was in the pool, and then shot himself. She slowly walked over to the pool to see who the victim was.

'No.'

Even with the water turning red from the blood, she knew who it was.

"Jay," she said quietly.

She stepped away from the pool when she heard the sirens in the distance. The Doctor stepped over to Ross, took his hand, and led him back to the TARDIS. Once inside, they both remained quiet as they went off to get cleaned up. The Doctor's stomach churned when she had to wipe the blood off her legs.

She was greeted with a sad human sitting in his usual spot on the jump seat in the console room. He looked at the Doctor as she walked in.

"Gatsby got his memories back, even if he was dying," Ross said grimly.

The Doctor walked over and gave her pink and yellow human a hug. Ross thought the Doctor was trying to comfort him, when in reality; she was seeking comfort from him.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she apologized quietly.

Death was truly her constant companion.

[ad1thi]

life, the wrong way round

- or, my doctor who au

/

you don’t need more than a passing knowledge of doctor who to understand this, but if you haven’t ever watched the show here’s what you need to know - (1) “the doctor” has given up his birth name and goes by the doctor as a way to remind himself to dedicate the rest of his near immortal life to helping people, (2) it is very hard to kill the doctor as he tends to rebuild a new body for himself, (3) river song is the great love of his life and they deserved a lot of more screentime together, (4) river song is the first living creature to know the doctor’s name in almost 1000 years, (5)the doctor and river both time travel, which means they never meet in the same order. this means that everytime they meet, either river knows something about the doctor’s future that hasn’t happened for him yet, or the doctor knows something about river’s future that she hasn’t experienced yet, (6) this story - as in the show, is told from the doctor’s perspective

/

doctor! tony stark x river song! james rhodes, doctor who au, fem!james rhodes, major character death (but its not that important), 1.8k

//

The first time they meet is the day she dies.

Well, thats not strictly accurate.

The first time the Doctor meets Professor Rhodes is the day she dies, but it isn’t the first time that Professor Rhodes has met the Doctor.

“Timey wimey is what you call it,” she says with a smile, but there’s something forced about it that irks at him, “we keep meeting in the wrong order.”

“So let me get this straight,” He asks, but it bears repeating, “you know who I am - but I don’t know who you are?”

“Oh for fuck’s -” she leans in, so that her lips are close enough to press against the shell of his ear, “your Gallifrey name is Anthony.”

He stops asking questions after that - which he regrets when he wakes up handcuffed to a railing and she’s strapped to a machine.

“You know my name!” he calls out desperately, “There’s only one reason I would give someone my name.”

“I know,” Rhodey says, eyes unbearably soft even though she’s strapping herself in for certain death, “but I can’t risk you not meeting me again.”

“Time can be rewritten!” he begs, because he’s a Time Lord, he knows this stuff.

“Not our time,” she says firmly, “not a single second of it.”

He watches as the countdown goes 3, 2, 1 and his future wife dies, because he refuses to look away as his actions kill the only person who ever knew his name.

“She knew my name,” he tells Pepper, when they’re back on the TARDIS “thats why I trusted her. She knew my name and I had no idea who she was.”

He turns to her, unable to comprehend Rhodey’s actions, “she died so I wouldn’t have to - because she couldn’t stand the thought that we would never meet. I don’t know if I’m worth that kind of dedication.”

“You’re not,” Pepper says, because Pepper never really holds back, “but now you have the rest of your life to make sure you are.”

/

Their first kiss is in his new body, once he drops her back in prison after trying (and failing) to save a little girl from a space suit.

They’re fighting an alien race that they can’t remember exists, Peter might be pregnant (which is all sorts of confusing given his anatomy) and he can’t stop drawing all over his face.

“They’re called the Silence,” he tells FBI Agent Hill, “and the minute you stop looking at them, you can’t remember they exist. Now if you’ll excuse me - I have someone to pick up.”

Peter opens up the door to the swimming pool, Rhodey falls into it in a terribly dramatic fashion - and her clothes are sticking to her in uncomfortably attractive places.

“Thank you sweetie,” she croons, drying her hair with a towel, “so delightful of you to pick me up.”

He wants to know why the little girl is so important to the silence, but they refuse to tell him - so he settles for Rhodey’s Plan B - killing them all.

Then, he has to return Rhodey back to prison.

“Are you going to tell me why they’ve got you locked up in the Byzantium?” He asks, “or better yet - why you stay when you can so easily walk away?”

you can travel with me instead, he doesn’t say, let me find out why you know my name - but Rhodey’s eyes soften and her lips pull into a familiar smile, like she’s heard him say it anyway.

“I made a promise,” she says, before fisting her hands into his shirt and pulling him in, “but I won’t say no to a proper goodbye.”

Her lips are on his before he has anytime to react, and his hands flail about before carefully cupping her cheek and tilting her face for better access.

If this is my first kiss with my future wife, he thinks dimly, its going to be a good one.

He’s rather dazed when they pull apart, which is why she asks, “what’s wrong why are you acting like thats the first time we’ve ever done that?”

He blinks at her, “because it is,” and watches how he breaks her heart all over again.

“But! First time for everything right?” He says because he barely knows her, but he already knows that he can’t bear to see her upset - and he pretends like he doesn’t hear Rhodey whisper back “or a last,” choosing instead to hole away in the TARDIS.

/

He sees her sometimes, the Rhodey that he first met.

Rhodey’s future self - the version he plugged into the database of the biggest library in the world because he couldn’t bear to let her die.

He sees her in the corner of his eye, making fun and whispering and quite honestly in very good spirits for someone who’s talking to him.

But he only ever talks to her once, at Trenzalore.

She yells and screams and begs for the Great Intelligence to leave his time-stream alone, but its nothing compared to the noise she makes when she realises that he intends to enter it as well.

“You simply cannot!” Rhodey yells out, “please, I am begging you - you can’t enter your own time stream it will kill you.” 

Rhodey moves then, towards him as if to slap him out of her actions - but he catches her hand before it makes contact.

“I can’t very well leave Riri in there alone can I?” he says back, and there’s visible shock on her face when she realises that he’s been listening, “I have to go in and save her.”

“This entire time,” She whispers, “This entire time you knew I was here?”

“Rhodey,” he croons back, “when will you realise that you are always with me? I never answered because I thought it would hurt too much.”

“I could’ve taken it.”

“No,” his face shutters for a second, “I meant it would hurt me too much.”

He kisses her, bolder and braver than their first kiss, because he’s starting to understand what she means to him, how much she means to him.

“You never said goodbye,” there’s a hint of hurt in her voice, and he shrugs plaintively, “I didn’t know how.”

There’s tears in Rhodey’s eyes, but yet she smiles at him, “you don’t like endings. If you ever loved me, then there’s only one sort of goodbye I could ever accept - the kind that promises you’ll return again.”

He steps out of her embrace, suddenly aware that there’s people in the room that can’t see Rhodey, “Until next time Professor Jamie Rhodes.”

He watches her fade away for the second time, “goodbye sweetie.”

/

“When I first met the Doctor—a long long time ago—he knew all about me,” Rhodey had said to Harley once ,  “Think about that. Impressionable young girl and suddenly this man just drops out of the sky. He’s clever and mad and wonderful and… and knows every last thing about her. Imagine what that does to a girl.”

He’d always wondered what she meant by that - but staring down the barrel of a gun that she’s pointing at him - he no longer has to.

“Jamies Rhodes” he calls out, unable to keep the joy out of his voice, “this is a pleasant surprise.”

“Hello Doctor,” she says back, “its time for you to die.”

He gets it now, he thinks - as he evades her with just enough energy to make Rhodey think she’s working for it, but not enough to actually make her fail.

This is going to be her first ever memory of him after all, it deserves to be a good one.

She kills him eventually, shooting him in the chest - but she also uses the last of her regeneration energy to bring him back to him.

He’d like to say that this was the first and last time that Jamie Rhodes killed him, but then he’d be lying.

She was after all, stolen from her parents at birth and groomed for the specific purpose of killing him.

/

He had always assumed that the hardest day of his life, had been the day he lost Rhodey.

After all, he watched her die not really knowing what she was to him, and he spent every day since falling for a woman he knew was doomed to die.

It happens though, that The Doctor is occasionally wrong.

This instance - where he’s in a body that is so close to his first ever face that she barely recognises him, and listening to Rhodey talk about how he doesn’t love her back - this is an instance where he’s wrong.

"You don't expect a sunset to admire you back. When you love the Doctor, it's like loving the stars themselves," she yells out at Flemming - and he thinks that this might just be the thing that kills him after all.

“Hello sweetie,” he whispers when the penny drops for Rhodey, because otherwise he might be compelled to ask her something stupid like do you truly believe, after all these years, that I don’t love you?

The ship crashes, Rhodey remarks that she hasn’t had a chance to take his new body out on a test run - and he plugs in the co-ordinates to Darillium, because try as he might - he cannot delay the inevitable.

"Times end Rhodey,” he says, unbearably soft, “because they have to. Because there’s no such thing as happily ever after.”

There’s pain shining through every crevice of her eyes, and yet he can’t do a single thing to take it away.

The last living Time Lord, most revered and powerful living creature in all the worlds - and he can’t do this simple thing for the woman he loves.

“No Doctor you’re wrong,” she says back - fierce till the end, “happily ever after doesn’t mean forever. It just means time, a little time - but thats not the sort of thing you could ever understand is it?”

He talks about the Towers - because he’s never been good at silences, and he’s never been good at goodbyes.

but for once, Rhodey doesn’t take the bait.

“So,” there’s a shudder in her voice, “assuming tonight is all we have left, how long is a night on Darillium?”

“24 years,” he whispers, because he cannot save her life, he cannot give her more time, he cannot change the course of her ending - but he can give her this.

She leans in all at once, kissing him like its the very last time she’ll last him against her lips.

“I hate you,” Rhodey murmers against his lips.

“No you don’t” he murmers back - because it would all be much simpler if she did.

Fin

//

tagging mutuals who like rhodeytony: @lovelyirony, @omg-just-peachy, @theavengays, @frostysunflowers, @littlemissstark, @imposter-human, @rocknrollonthat45

[blueboxesandtrafficcones]

Queen of Hearts - Chapter 14

Thirty-year-old Rose Tyler’s matchmaking business is doing very well indeed, bringing her clients such as celebrities, athletes, and the now-happily-married son of the mayor.  All of which brings her to her newest client - one whose royal rank is a far cry above her own title as Queen of Hearts.

Ian, King of Gallifrey, calls off his wedding four weeks before the happy day as he realizes he can’t spend another minute of his life with his betrothed.  The catch - he must take a wife before his Coronation, only a month away.  In desperation, his sister and aunt conspire to find him is happy ever after - and it’s going to take a master matchmaker to do it.

-

Based on the Hallmark Movie ‘Royal Matchmaker’.  Chapters will be posted every Sunday.

As always, beta’d by the wonderful @stupidsatsuma​!  @doctorroseprompts

Masterlist  |  AO3

---

Wednesday, April 24th

Wednesday dawned bright and early, and once again, Ian watched from his desk chair.

In just under twelve hours now, he would be introducing Gallifrey to Reinette, introducing her as their soon-to-be queen.

The very idea made him heartsick, but he was determined to put it behind him – except his mind refused to yield.

It drifted, giving him unwelcome visions of an impossible future with Rose.  A kiss, in front of the Archbishop and the national telly station, presenting to his subjects their new Queen.  Being coronated together, taking nearly the same vows they’d just made to each other and making them, together, to his people.  A newborn cradled in her arms, more gorgeous than ever despite her pain and exhaustion, how he’d never known it was possible to love someone so much, so immediately.  A lifetime of happiness, service to his country that didn’t feel like a sacrifice, not with her at his side, in his heart, in his bed.

There’s me, she’d promised him so earnestly.  She’d had a caveat, ‘until you find the one’, neither of them knowing at the time that she was that one.

Please don’t make me go through with this, he begged the fading stars.  Please don’t show her to me then take her away.

He received no response.

-

Rose lay curled up in her bed, crying softly as she buried her face in one of the extra pillows.  The King would announce his engagement that night, and she didn’t know if she had the heart to be there.

Mel called her name from the other room but she ignored her, not wanting her friend to see her in such a state.

You are a professional, Rose lectured herself, blowing her nose into a tissue clutched tightly in her hand.  Act like it!

“Oh, Rose,” Mel’s sympathetic voice came from near the door, only bringing more tears to Rose’s eyes as she sank further into her cocoon.

“I caught something,” Rose sniffled, adding in a cough for effect, not sure Mel would buy it but needing to try for dignity’s sake.

Her friend perched on the side of the bed, clucking sympathetically.  “I know.”  Her kind smile said she knew exactly what Rose had ‘caught’, which only served to make Rose whine and pull the covers over her head.

“He’s in love with Reinette,” she mumbled, voice further muffled by the relative safety of her cocoon.

“No, he’s not.”

“Yes, he is!  And he should be, they had a ninety-five on the index.”  Rose freed her face.  “What do you mean he’s not?”

Mel shrugged.  “I’ve seen him out the window a few times, usually walking alone.  Doesn’t look like he’s on top of the world.”

“Don’t do that.”  Rose shook her head.  “Don’t give me hope.  Oh, God, do you think he knows?!”

“What, that you’re in love with him?”

Rose flinched, the question a truth far more honest than she was ready to handle.  “I don’t know.  I do know that you’re in love with each other.  But… it’s not your fault.”

Rose sat up at that, brow furrowing.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Mel gave a sheepish smile.  “I… ran you through the program.  Ninety-eight point five.  And honestly, I think that is just because of your background.”

“What do I do?  What- what am I supposed to do?”

“Tell him?”

Rose let out a scream of frustration, pulling a pillow over her face.  “I can’t do that,” she wailed.  “It has to- it has to come from him.  I can’t.”

“Okay,” her friend said soothingly, tugging the pillow away from Rose’s face, “but… can you live with him marrying her instead?”

Rose had no answer for that one.

-

After a tasteless lunch he shared with Reinette, who spent the entire time chattering on about her plans as queen and didn’t seem to notice his lack of interest or response, he went for another walk through the Palace.

He found himself back in the guest wing, rapping on the door of the mystery woman Jackie.

“Yes?” she threw open the door, eyes going wide at the sight of him.  “You’re the King!”

“I am.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, before she suddenly dipped into a curtsey.  “Um, can I help you?” she asked, uncertain, and Ian shook his head.

“No, I… I don’t know why I came here.  Sorry to disturb you,” he turned to go, when she stopped him.

“Now, hang on,” she touched his arm before quickly pulling back.  “Sorry, but… clearly you came here for a reason.  Cuppa tea?”

He let the woman pull him into the room, guide him to the chair next to the sofa and began preparing him tea.

“I hear you’re to be married,” Jackie started, handing him a teacup and settling on the couch.  Today she was dressed in a tracksuit, bright pink, making herself right at home.

“Saturday.  We announce the engagement tonight.”  He stared down into his mug, wishing he had his flask and could add something to it.

“You don’t look too happy about that.”

Not meeting her eye, he admitted, “She’s not the one I want.”

“Why not?  Why don’t you marry the one you do?”

“She’s engaged to someone else.”

Jackie snorted.  “So?  You’re a bleeding king.  Pardon my language, but that’s hard to beat.”

“She doesn’t care about that sort of thing.  She’s not… she’s not like that.”  Ian sighed.  “Besides, if she’s happy, who am I to interfere?  Maybe I’ll learn to love Reinette.  Anyway, I’m sure my family considers her to be much more suitable than… than the woman I want.”

“D’you want to know what I think?”  She didn’t wait for him to respond.  “I think life’s too short for that.  You know, you meet someone, you think you’ve got the rest of your lives to spend together… but you don’t.  I lost my Pete when our daughter was just a baby.  It’s been her and me for thirty years ‘cause I knew I’d never love no one like I did him.  And as for what your family wants… so what?  My daughter, she’s got this old boyfriend who I love to pieces.  He’s family, the three of us are really all we’ve got.  If they got married, it’d make my day, right?  Only she won’t have him, and he went off and found someone else and now they’re getting married.  And Martha’s a lovely young woman, they do seem happy, but… I always imagined Mickey’d be my son-in-law someday.  But I’ve got to let that go, and let my girl find someone else.  She spends too much time setting up other people- oh.  Well, point is, you’ve got to fight for the love you want.”

Ian’s head jerked up, mouth falling open as he studied the woman.  “You’re Rose’s mother.”  It made sense, from the vague familiarity to the strong resemblance.  Plus, the pink tracksuit closely matched the scarf Rose had been looking at when they met at the festival.

Jackie’s eyes went wide, a guilty expression flashing across her face and confirming it even as she tried to stutter, “Oh, no, I don’t think-”

“You are!”  He stood, mind racing as he tried to process what she had said.  “D’you mean- Rose- she’s not getting married?  To Mickey?”

“Really, you seem to be misunderstanding-”

“Please!” Ian shouted, voice lowering to a rough tone as he repeated, “Please.  Is Rose involved with someone?”

Still looking terribly guilty, Jackie slowly shook her head.

“Thank you.”  On impulse, he darted forward and kissed the woman’s head.  If all went well, she’d be his mother-in-law by Monday.  “Oh, thank you.”

And he ran out of the room.

-

It took time, but eventually Mel was able to cajole Rose out of bed, into casual clothes, and out onto the couch.  She was still teary-eyed, but she’d been fed and was now no longer crying, though tears occasionally leaked out.

A banging on the door jerked Rose out of her half-asleep state, as she exchanged worried looks with Mel.

“Rose!”  The King’s shout echoed through the thick doors.  “Rose, I need to talk to you!”

“What do you want me to do?” Mel asked, as Rose scrambled up and towards her bedroom.

“I’m not here, or I’m sleeping, I don’t know,” she hissed over her shoulder.  “Make something up!”

Shutting her door almost all the way, she peered out as Mel let the King into their suite.

“Good afternoon, Your Majesty.”

“Yeah, is Rose here?  I need to speak to her at once.”

Mel’s glance darted towards Rose’s bedroom, and she shut the door a little more to keep from being spotted.  “No, Sir.  She… I believe she said she was going for a walk.”

“A walk?  Where?  Please, this is important.”

“I don’t know, Sir.  She mentioned the lake, but also Arcadia… She might have walked into town again.  Can I take a message?”

He nodded sharply.  “Tell her I must speak to her at once.  Before the ball.  It is critically important.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Message given he practically sprinted from the room, and Rose gave him a minute to be sure he was really gone before creeping back out.  “What was that about?”

“He wants to talk to you.”  Mel shrugged, crossing her arms.  “I think you should.”

“No.”  Rose shook her head, sighing softly.  “No.  I… I bought a ticket home.  The train leaves at eight.  I need you to cover for me.”

“Rose-”

“Please,” she spoke over her.  “I don’t want to hear it.  Just… please.”  Returning to her room, she shut the door.

-

Ian stopped every servant he saw and ordered them to give Rose the same message, running his fingers through his hair anxiously as he stood in the hallway, uncertain of where to search first.

“Your Majesty?  What is going on?”

He turned to find Reinette behind him, peering out from her suite.  After Monday afternoon’s proposal she’d been checked out of her hotel and moved into the Palace in preparation for the announcement.

“Nothing.”

Her expression was soft, and she let out a little sigh.  “Perhaps we should speak, non?”

Reluctantly Ian followed her into the room, settling on the couch beside her.  “Is something wrong?”

The French beauty tilted her head, watching him carefully.  “You are in love with her.”

“Her who?” he responded automatically, even as he wondered if he was really that obvious.  How can everyone but Rose know I’m in love with her?  And so easily?

“Your Majesty…” Reinette placed her hand over his own, squeezing gently.  “We cannot go through with this.  You are too in love with another woman.  And… and I deserve someone as in love with me as you are with her.  I have faith it will work out.”  And she pulled the ring off her finger, offering it out to him.

Ian’s shoulders slumped, unable to fight for something he didn’t even want.  Especially with what he did want so close to coming true.  “I’m sorry.”

“I know, cher, but we could never truly make each other happy.  I hope we may remain friends, but that, I think, is all we are destined to be.”

“Yeah.”  Taking the ring, he ran his other hand over his face and sighed.  “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.  I will make my arrangements, and leave in the morning.  Bonne chance, et felicitations.”

Ian climbed to his feet, pocketing the ring and giving her a hug.  “And you.”

Returning to the hallway, his spirits brightened at realizing no impediment existed now to keep him from Rose.  For her mother to be in the Palace, Sarah and Donna must have invited her – and they would have no reason to do that if they didn’t know where his heart stood, and support it.

Rose is going to be my queen!  Now, I just have to find her.

[gawayne]

uhhhh Narvin/Leela with prompt 17 sounds good and soft (We always need more Gallifrey content and you’re doing god’s work)

17 - your bed after travelling. This ended up a lil bit angstier than intended lmao but hope you enjoy! Set after season 6. 

---------------

“It does not smell right anymore.”

Leela’s hushed voice rouses him from his thoughts, and he opens his eyes slowly, unobtrusively; after so much of the opposite he’s loath to disturb the delicate quietude they’ve found, even cold and barren as it may feel. She’s already watching him---has been for a while, he figures. He can just pick out her features, silhouetted as she is by the rusty light, pouring in from the window at her back. Though she retains the look of subtle vigilance that he’s come to expect from her, she looks as dead-tired as he feels. 

“You’ve grown unaccustomed to it,” he says, low and quiet. It seems wrong to speak, even dangerous, as though all of Gallifrey is waiting on tenterhooks and only by remaining still and silent can he avoid tipping the balance back into chaos. “It’s been a long time.”

Leela’s eyes flick around his room, as much of it as she can see without moving. Her body is tense, the fingers of one hand curled into the blankets; he’s never been a natural when it comes to instinct, but he’s certain that for once she shares his awareness of the cosmic knife’s edge they stand on. He wonders what would happen, if one of them were to take the leap and shatter the silence. Would the mechanical screeches stop echoing in his mind? Or would he only feel guilty for absolving himself of his vigil? 

“The air is stale,” she murmurs. “I did not notice, at the time, but the false Capitol did not smell stale. It smelled of the dust blown in from the ruins, and the mountains beyond, and... and energy.”

“Ozone,” he supplies. “Formed with the energy thrown off by the conflicting temporal elements.”

A tiny smile tugs at the corner of her lips, the look she gets when he starts off on a tangent that’s a bit too technical for her to follow. He still hasn’t decided whether it’s mocking or fond. Somewhat to his disappointment, it fades quickly, and she glances around his quarters again. 

It pains him. After all the time and effort they’ve poured into this, all the sacrifices they’ve made to get back here and to cure their world of the Free Time virus, they should be celebrating their return. Leela should be dragging them out into the plains, making him and Romana stand in the long grass and wince away from the buzzing insects as she runs through the fields, whooping and laughing with glee. He should be thrilled as well, albeit in a quieter way; this is the world he’s fought for, the one place in all the universes he’s seen that he could possibly call home, but it evokes none of the feelings of rightness and belonging he always thought it would. Instead they’re huddled in his bed like they’re waiting for the universe to come crashing down on top of them. He doesn’t trust fate to do him any favours, but the unfairness of it still stings. 

“Narvin,” Leela says softly. She’s watching him again---watching, not just looking, her face full of quiet intent---and it strikes him that he would very much like to be in her place, to see the sinking suns paint her skin umber and light her eyes up gold. The thought comforts him; it’s more familiar to him than anything else on Gallifrey, at the moment. 

“Leela,” he says, by way of a reply. 

She regards him for a moment longer, her expression flickering subtly as if she’s debating something with herself. Then, ever so slowly, only just daring to break their prey-like stillness, she rises up on her elbows and pulls herself closer to him. Hovering over him, she rests a hand on his arm and presses a gentle, lingering kiss to his temple. His eyes flutter closed, his breath catching in his throat as she kisses his cheek, and the tip of his nose, and finally his lips, just once, before she settles down beside him with her head on his pillow. She brushes her fingers through his hair, her hand coming to cup the back of his neck, her thumb stroking his cheek. 

“Thank you,” she whispers. 

At that, he opens his eyes. He draws a sharp breath at the look on her face, open and honest and, funnily enough, afraid. 

“I didn’t do anything,” he says. “I- I shouldn’t-”

She shushes him, a hint of an amused smile on her face. “You were brave, Narvin. You saved me. You did what you thought had to be done to save Romana. And I am glad.”

He opens his mouth, desperate to tell her that she has no idea what he’s done, and nor does he, or anyone else in the universe. That he might’ve signed her death warrant, for all he knows, that he might yet break the Web of Time itself, and that bravery had never once factored into the equation. But the words won’t quite form themselves, and before he can muster a protest she’s tugging his arm over her and shifting closer still, her head tucked against his chest, and he’s clinging to her---and there, he realizes with a short, incredulous laugh, is the rightness he’s been looking for. And then he’s fighting to breathe against the lump in his throat, and wondering how he’ll ever bear it if this reclaimed world of his crumbles around him. 

At least, he supposes, as he breathes in the scent of rock dust still clinging to her and watches the sunsets turn her auburn hair to bronze, at least he can be sure now: he won’t let it go without a fight. 

[heythererosetyler-blog]

10th Doctor Novels Review from ‘oh give me a break’ to ‘more of that please!’ There are DW novels and then there are DW NOVELS and today, fellow Whovians, I will be giving you MY list of the top 5ish best and worst novels from the 10th Doctors’ run.  I think all the books in the best category could be switched around depending on what you are looking for from #10.  For instance, I like him best when he is alone so you don’t get the classic, ‘must save companion’ story and I also like the one’s where he is a hairs-breath away from being killed. It bears repeating that, except for the book at the #1 spot which no one who has read it would ever argue that it doesn’t deserve that honor, this is simply how ‘I’ would rank them.  YMMV.   Also, and this is a big one if you keep going YOU WILL SEE SPOILERS, so proceed with caution if you plan on reading any of the books on the list.  So, go on and read/listen to it…. we will wait. (Taps foot and drums fingers while whistling the DW theme.  Badly.) Welllll…I said we will wait but, welllll…. I really meant that I would wait but welllll…. nah, you had your chance so just tread lightly.  Or read with your eyes closed because, and let me repeat this…. THERE ARE SOME MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILERS!! )))))*((((( Imho and without going into too much detail, the following can be passed by without missing out on anything.   In fact, if you read any of these first you may just be turned off of DW books completely.   The Last Dodo by Jacqueline Rayner Ummm, if you are interested in trying to figure out where the Dodo went, this might appeal to you.  The only interesting feature is that where it ended up is where the Doctor might end up unless he and Martha can free the missing creatures from all across the universe from this evil zoo.  Trust me, not as exciting as it sounds but it might have been if it been written better.  And in that same vein we have…… The Doctor Trap by Simon Messingham I don’t know what it is about trying to catch the Doctor because he is the last of his kind that just cannot be written right, but here is another.  I had high hopes for this one because it starts out pretty good but after the first chapter or so you just want to scream ‘CATCH HIM ALREADY AND MAKE THE PAIN OF READING THIS STOP!!’   The Wooden Heart by Martin Day Has nothing to do with a heart that is wooden.  I am still unsure as to why it is called what it’s called.  On the ‘Goodreads’ website the description of the book states: A trip through space becomes a nightmare walk in the woods for the Doctor and Martha.  Period.  End of description.  I think the reason it ends there is because there is nothing much more to say.  I have read much better fanfic than this.   Others that I consider a touch better, with maybe a little less snore factor are…. The Slitheen Excursion by Simon Guerrier The Many Hands by Dale Smith )))))*((((( Whew, let’s all take a deep breath and get into the tasty 10 tales, shall we? The Stone Rose by Jacqueline Rayner How do you take a story about ancient Rome, a 2000 year old statue of Rose aka the goddess Fortuna found at the British Museum, a genie, fake astrologer, evil sculptor and a crazed Doctor who is panic stricken while trying to save her but gets thrown into the REAL lion’s den and forced to fight in the Colosseum, and make it all work?  Write a book like this!  If you like your books a bit timey-wimey you will eat this one up.  AND this is the only published story where I think you will ever read the lines…. “(His) arms flexed and grabbed Rose into a hug. Soft lips pressed hers with a kiss of gratitude and joy and unspeakable pleasure at being alive.” A gazillion Ten/Rose shippers just punched the air.  They also would agree with Rose when, a line or two later she says…. “I think you must be real…my imagination’s not that good.”   Neither is ours Rose, neither is ours.  A fast and :: cough:: satisfying read! In the Blood by Jenny Colgan Ok, I know that a lot of people have a problem with the fact that whoever did the proof-reading was obviously sleeping on the job, but I still think it is a great book.   And strangely enough, I really wasn’t thrilled by the premise of the story; an infection is let loose over the internet turning normally calm, everyday people into violent pressure cookers who die when their anger gets too much for their hearts to handle.   What I DO love is how much the author just ‘gets’ the Doctor and Donna and the predicaments she puts them in.  I mean she just nails them and by doing so it elevates the story into something special.  On top of that Colgan introduces a near perfect pseudo-villain named Fief.  He is a big brute of a guy from the planet Cadmia who is unpredictable and whose loyalties are to his people and to retrieving the source of the infection no matter what he has to do to get it.  He is unfeeling, totally logical and robotic (picture the Terminator and he comes pretty close) and wears an earpiece that connects him to his world who are all raised on and made of sound.  When the Doctor entrusts him to care for Donna as he believes he is going to his death, Fief obeys and holds Donna back from following him.  He seems to connect to Donna which is fascinating to read.  Meanwhile back on the train, the Doctor disconnects the engine so that the cars slow and stop but he has to get the train to jump the tracks before it barrels into the town.  The big problem is that the train is suspended over a huge viaduct located in the Brazilian rainforest and it is one hell of a long way down.  And since the engine is heavier than he is it will burst into a huge ball of flame which our hero will land in as well.  Colgan comes up with some of the most beautiful writing here as the Doctor falls…. “And, as he cut through the air, all the things that fall pulsed through his head: a glorious downed pheasant on the wing; and a windfall apple in Lincolnshire; and a golden ball in Pisa; and a hammer and a feather on the moon; and a wall in the bitter east; and every passing snowflake and lonely airman and oh so many tumbling stars…. And he felt a part of all of these things.” There are other heart stopping moments in this book that make me wish it was available on audio.  Another winner! FUN MENTION/Target Novelization of…. “The Day of the Doctor” by Moffat Since we are talking Ten, I am adding this for one reason and one reason only: The Tenth Doctor kicks the Eleventh Doctors ass.  After releasing the initial script for the ‘movie,’ the Moff rewrote it to help clarify some things and give each Doctor a bit more back story.  It explains how Ten had been put in that very same cell during his Zygon investigation that all three of them got thrown in together.  Elizabeth tosses him in there because she believes him to be a spy and yet visits him often because he makes her laugh…. even during his torture on ‘the rack.’  Pre-picnic shows how he came within seconds of being beheaded (he wonders if both his head and body would regenerate if separated) and how he wanted his final thoughts to matter…. “Realizing he was now, beyond all doubt about to die, the Doctor rose up inside himself, steadied his hearts and chose his final thought with care. The children. The children of Gallifrey.” This I think, more than any other reason explains why he was so angry when 11 didn’t remember how many children died.  In the book version he becomes so angry that he gets in his face, screams at him about not remembering then grabs his shirt and throws him across the room into the opposite wall, knocking him out.  11 wakes up to seeing 10 pacing and mumbling about how he doesn’t hit people but then says, “But 2.47 billion children!” before launching himself once more at 11 but this time gets him in a headlock shouting “How could you forget?!  HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!” I would have paid good money to have seen this instead of merely reading it.   It is for everyone who sobbed their eyes out when 10 regenerated and still to this day have a hard time revisiting it.  This is all of us saying to 11, ‘Yeah, take THAT bowtie boy!’ even though we ended up liking him eventually. 3 - Peacemaker by James Swallow Quote: “A weapon is only a tool. I’ve heard a lot of people say that over the years. But so is a hammer, and if that’s the only tool you have, pretty soon everything starts to look like a nail.” Oh, I love that!   Peacemaker is a scifi western.  No, really it is and guess what…Swallow pulls it off!   The official summary is: “The peace and quiet of a remote homestead in the 1880s American West is shattered by the arrival of two shadowy outriders searching for 'the healer'. When the farmer refuses to help them, they burn the house and the owners to the ground, using guns that shoot bolts of energy instead of bullets... In the town of Redwater, the Doctor and Martha learn of a snake-oil salesman whose patent medicines actually cure his patient. But when the Doctor and Martha investigate, they discover the truth is stranger, and far more dangerous. Caught between the law of the gun and the deadly plans of intergalactic mercenaries, the Doctor and Martha are about to discover just how wild the West can become...” Whew, a lot to take in I know but very worth it.  The badie is a good one called the Clade which exist for one thing: war, death and destruction.  They are on earth to get back a gun that belongs to them and they will stop at NOTHING to retrieve it.   Problem is one man found it and the gun did what it is meant to do which is attach itself to its host and take it over completely.  It has the ability to heal but that is not its main purpose.  The Clade are simply machines that were made on a planet which was at war and let the Clade do the battles for them.  But then there was peace and the Clade had no purpose anymore so they waited and waited and finally decided to destroy the civilization that made them and then go out into the universe to fight battles wherever they could.   I can picture the Doctor donning a cowboy hat and riding a horse.  One of the many scenes I really like is when 3 gunslingers come out of a bar and challenge the Doctor to a duel.  It goes like this…. “The Lyle Brothers were quick on the draw, and they put a fan of bullets into the air before them; but they could only be as fast as human beings.  The Doctor was a Time Lord, and he moved between the ticks of the clock.  His hand blurred towards the holster on his hip, grabbing the slender wand there and thumbing the activation switch.  The sonic screwdriver droned loudly, and the air between the gunslingers and the Doctor shimmered like heat-haze off the desert.  Three speeding dots of lead stopped dead and flattened against an invisible wall of sound, before falling harmlessly to the dirt.” The end of the book was shocking when the Doctor makes the ultimate sacrifice by allowing the gun to take him over so that he can use it to save Martha’s life.  After that it was an internal battle between the Clade gun that was trying to possess him, and the Doctors own inner struggle which was a fascinating fight.   2 – The Eyeless by Lance Parkin Quote:  “Do you know what?  In the end their sacrifice made no difference.  Because THEY survived.  Thousands of them, millions.  Just one.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the same thing. And…do you know what?... life is always better than death. Always.  Yet I want all of THEM dead.  Every single last one of them.  When did I become someone who wanted to exterminate?  When was that? When did they win?’   Take one brilliant hero, put him in a position where he must find and remove such a incredibly lethal weapon that it can destroy whole planets, then put it at the heart of a HUGE pyramid shaped fortress whose defense systems both inside and out are pin-point accurate to protect the weapon and you would have an good story.  THEN throw in an alien species called the Eyeless who are made of a glass like material and who also want the weapon and will kill the Doctor to keep him from getting it and you are probably reading a great story! THEN add in thousands of ‘ghosts’ that also inhabit the fortress and whose touch turns their victims into a ghost as well.  Even though they mean no harm, they do not understand their effect on those they touch which makes them yet another barrier for him to get by.  This up’s the entertainment factor, making it a fantastic story!  Finally throw into the mix one bully teenager who HATES the Doctor and also wants him dead, make the Doctor companionless, lonely and very introspective, have it all put together by an exceptional writer…. mix well and you have something that you lose sleep over and will reread multiple times.   The Doctor is up against an almost insurmountable goal that very nearly breaks him.  It is a breathless page-turner that is not for the faint of heart.  Parkin wrote this for a Doctor who is quick on his feet, a blazingly fast thinker who can stay one step ahead of multiple traps and enemies, one who is physically strong and extremely cunning.  In other words, Ten.  I can’t see any of the others having all those qualities in one dynamic package that Parkin could have placed center stage except him. For instance... “The Doctor had broken free of the Eyeless, but it still had a six-fingered handful of his coat and jacket lapel.  The Doctor was closed in, his arm under the Eyeless’ so that he had it in what he rather hoped was a wrestling hold…. The glass man shoved the Doctor against the back wall.  It wasn’t any stronger than a human being, although that was strong enough to push the air out of his lungs.  He recovered, twisted, managed to trip the Eyeless over and now he had it pinned, his knee in its back, although it was hard to keep hold….” And this was just one Eyeless.  At one point during the above scene Parkin describes it as almost like a waltz as the two vie for dominance over the other.  There is a lot of physical jousting and plain old hand to (glass) hand combat that I don’t think any of the others could have pulled off as well as Ten.   Where the ghosts are concerned there’s a part where he is surrounded by them as they advance. He is trying to get through to them that if they touch him, he will not become a ghost, he will just disappear.  But there is a part of him that is just so tired and feels so alone that he actually wonders if that would be a bad thing.   As they come closer you can tell that he is almost yelling at himself when he loses it, saying to them… “I’m the last one,” the Doctor said. ‘I’m it.  My people died.  All of them.  And Time Lords don’t die just the once, you know.  You have to kill us a lot more than once to make it stick.’   Still the ghosts pressed at him, some holding out their hands like beggars after a scrap of food, some shouldering towards him like they were after a fight, some apparently just wanting him to see them cry.  They kept coming, like waves to a beach.   ‘Do you know what?  In the end their sacrifice made no difference.  Because THEY survived.  Thousands of them, millions.  Just one.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the same thing.  And…do you know what?... life is always better than death.  Always.  Yet I want all of THEM dead.  Every single last one of them.  When did I become someone who wanted to exterminate?  When was that?  When did they win?’   The ghosts weren’t listening.” At times it feels like you are eavesdropping on a therapy session because we get to hear the inner workings of his mind.  It is a fascinating way to understand this Doctor’s motivations and feel his loneliness.  This story is like one big ‘Escape Room’ where you either solve it or die trying.  As the Doctor would say, ‘no second chances.’  It’s that kind of story.   1 – Prisoner of the Daleks by Trevor Baxendale Scene: “The execution squad was already moving back towards Jennifer and Kuli, taking up extermination positions again. The Doctor ran over and placed himself between the Daleks, the little girl and her mother. “If you really want to kill them then you’ll have to go through me first.” “You can be disabled" warned Dalek X "Try It” The Dalek guns twitched impatiently in their sockets.  All eyes were on the Doctor, but he met the pitiless blue stares unflinchingly. “Harm them in any way and I will not cooperate. You can disable me and torture me again or even kill me, but you will NEVER get the TARDIS!” ― Trevor Baxendale, Prisoner of the Daleks Fellow Whovians please bow down and give thanks to the man who wrote possibly the greatest DW novel of all time, certainly of the reboot…. Trevor Baxendale.  Ok, ok so I haven’t read EVERY DW book so the ‘all time’ comment can be almost ignored.  I say almost because I have read reviews by those who have been fans from Hartnell to now who have also said that this is the absolute best ever written.  Don’t believe me?  Check out YouTube where there have been a couple of attempts at recreating scenes, or the video reading of the first chapter with intro and backdrop, whole pages filled with fan art of this very book on DeviantArt etc. etc.  Hell, just look at the ratings on Amazon for it.  Even Barnes and Noble along with the BBC thought it worthy of putting it, along with “Remembrance of the Daleks” from the Classic era into their ‘bonded-leather binding, with distinctive gilt edging and an attractive silk-ribbon bookmark’.  One thing I do take issue with is where it says that on Amazon that it offers…. “…hours of pleasure to readers young and old…” Ahhh, no.  “Prisoner…” is most definitely NOT for the young reader.  It is one of the most, if not THE most adult DW book I have ever read and I have read 95% of the reboots novels.  At times it is downright brutal.  There is no other book where a scene like this is featured…. (He is dragged into a room and forced to stand against a metal wall where he is bound to it via tight clamps around his ankles and wrists.  Then something is clamped to his head with hundreds of fine needles pricked his scalp.) “I AM DALEK X’ ‘Can’t say I’m pleased to meet you, sorry’ ‘YOU ARE ATTACHED TO A DALEK MIND PROBE.  IT HAS BEEN CALIBRATED TO YOUR SPECIFIC BRAINWAVE FREQUENCY.’ ‘You won’t get anything out of me’ the Doctor blurted. ‘THAT IS NOT THE INTENTION’ replied Dalek X. ‘YET.’ ‘I INTEND TO MEASURE YOUR CAPACITY FOR PHYSICAL PAIN’ said Dalek X ‘Oh.  Why?’ ‘BECAUSE I WISH TO.’ Suffice it to say that what they do to him is written pretty graphically and is even hard to re-type.  There is one part, however, I do like which comes after the second time (in a row, btw) they torture him that I think sums up 10 pretty well, “His brain felt like it was about to burst, but when the torment ended the Doctor found himself laughing.  “That’s it, isn’t it?” he panted, his breath ragged and thin.  “Your losing!” It’s the laughter that makes the scene so surprising and makes it uniquely Ten.   There they are, my least favorite and my best.  What do you think?  Which are yours?

[saxons]

13

QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN, REGARDING THE MUSE.

13. WHAT ABOUT YOUR MUSE MAKES YOU SAD?

I'm so glad you asked this! I want to start by saying that I don't think that feeling empathy or sympathy for the Master absolves him of the many, many, horrific things he's done. I've literally just finished watching World Enough and Time, in which he lies to Bill for years, only to trick her into being turned into a Mondasian Cyberman, so that's just wordlessly, unspeakably, awful. But that's not technically part of my canon, so I'm going to stop rambling about it, and instead talk about what is. I have a surprising amount of things to talk about here. I could discuss the fact that the Master was resurrected specifically to take part in the Time War, because the Time Lords knew that he'd make a perfect soldier, and so he was awoken and given a whole new regeneration cycle just to fight; I could talk about the fact that he deserted and made himself human because he was afraid; I could talk about the drumming sound that only he can hear, and how it drove him insane, and emphasised his loneliness and otherness from the other Time Lords. Even among a race as callous and ruthless as the Time Lords, the Master is in a league all of his own. And that's quite a feat. But instead, I'm going to talk about The Last of the Time Lords, and one particular scene. This scene. For context, the Master has taken control of the earth, and has turned it into a planet-wide factory to make arms for a war across space. Why? Because the Time Lords were right, and he's a soldier. He doesn't know what else to do, besides create chaos and suffering, to try to spread the pain of that drumming sound. He says he wants to make a new Gallifrey, which is just tragic in itself, because he's trying to remake his home planet, and recreate the place where he was happiest as a child, even though the other Time Lords (rightfully) shunned and despised him. But it was still his home. Though the Master would be disgusted to hear it, there's something very human about wanting to recapture the past like that. On that subject -- another thing that makes me sad is the Master's total inability to see the value of the human race. He doesn't know what he's missing out on, but he can't see humans, or indeed the universe, the way the Doctor can. The Doctor wants to see the stars, the Master wants to own them, as the show has repeatedly said. And that is such a lonely, tragic, and self-destructive way to live. Because, as we see, when the Master does finally get the power he's always craved, he uses it to wage war, and hopes to remake his home. He causes untold pain and suffering to get there, but, for him, it's not personal. And that is so tragic.

[overlycaffeinatedwarmage]

RtS Ch 59

Those three little words.

Chapter 59

The Pythian power finally reacts to Ares. It pulls all the Pythias, ever, into the battle to help. Part of me thinks the power will make them forget this, just like what happened in "the Day of the Doctor " episode of Doctor who when the War Doctor, 10, and 11 all met up to save Gallifrey. All the Doctors came to help save the planet and the Time Lords, but had to forget their parts in it to preserve the Doctor's personality/character/knowledge of the event. Changing that would have changed too much and have hurt the countless other people he'd saved since then. I think the Pythias may be the same. I could be completely off base though. Cassie reminds me of the Doctor quite a bit though, might be why I relate to her so much.

 The power is sentient, after a fashion, it cares about the world it considers its own.

 Blue and Green fey (Alorestri) fight the Svarestri, Arthur too.

 Cassie surfs across land that acts like waves. In typical Cassie fashion, she needs to do shit, but is in over her head so she just doesn't think about it. She just does it. It works. I do that sometimes too. In the thick of things, the hows, the whys, and the worries don't matter anymore. Just that shit. Gets. Done. Again, I can really relate to Cassie on some level. Maybe that’s one reason I like these books so much.  

 And Jo makes her appearance. They possess bodies to fight each other. Hmm, as bodies she's possessing die Cassie is slammed back into her own body.  Cassie was unable to defeat her completely.  She’s going to come back to play at a later point.  Will she be able to manipulate time as a spirit?  Cassie can but she’s Pythia.  Jo’s pretty weak right now but she’s also crafty as shit. I’m worried about her.

 The tent!!  Cassie feels bad about messing up their clean laundry in the middle of the apocalypse.  Get your priorities straight Cassie! Ares is about half out at this point.  Rosier detonated the device, gets destroyed in the blast. Cassie sees his cloak and starts to cry.  Bet she never thought she’d have real feelings for the demon lord. They really have developed a relationship during the past two books.  So, if I hadn’t cheated and read the last chapter first (shut up I’m bad, but after a 2-year wait, or 6 years if we count since HtM, I couldn’t stand not knowing anymore) I would have been a mess here.  That jackass really grew on me.  I HATED him when he came on scene in EtN but really like him now.  He has layers.  I’m glad he finally stepped up and did something right for a change even when he thought it would cost him everything.

 Then Pritkin wakes and holds her from behind. He brings up her name again, the thing he's spent two books chasing down just as she spent the same chasing his soul. Then he tells it to her, "Your name ....is Cassie." His soul is finally in residence and Cassie thinks it's too late.  She’s spent all this time trying to find him, both because she wants him back and because she’s convinced that he’s the key to holding back Ares.  Now his soul is finally here and it’s too late.  I cannot imagine how crushing that must have felt to her own soul.  Little does she realize that Pritkin is the key to fighting Ares, just in a way she could never imagine.

 Cassie finally turns to him and tells him the most stunning words in the entire novel, "My name is Cassie Palmer. And I love you."

Holy shit.

 Cassie has never said “I love you” to anyone else. She’s mentioned loving various people, but never said the actual words.  Words have power.  This is such a powerful scene because of that alone.  Even Mircea, never gets a direct “I love you.” The best he got was in chapter 40 after he revealed his motivations for wanting a Pythia and Cassie is reeling in her pain.  She talks about her being a girl “who loves you… And I do.  Because you made sure I would. To get that yes.”   Cassie has never said it to her other friends or caregivers either. But she does with Pritkin because she finally realizes it.

 Everyone else has seen is since at least TtS, so for weeks now.  Why else would you throw yourself through time, through literal and figurative hell for someone if you didn’t love them.  Cassie convinced herself she would do this for anyone.  Maybe, she’s that kind of loyal.  But I don’t see her going to such lengths for them. Through such personal hell through such risks to herself for someone she just cared about. She jeopardized everything for him. She's been waking up to the fact that she loves Pritkin for a while but it takes the end of the world to really get it. Oh Cassie. That is so in character for you. He's not an easy man to love but he's perfect for you. You complement each other so well. I melted here.

 I wonder what his soul experienced through all this. I wonder what he's going to say about it once he's back to himself. I hope he doesn't let her run, doesn't seem like he will.  Ugh, I know the wait for the next book will likely be a long one. I also know it will be worth it.  But damn, it’s going to kill me.  Now that these two have FINALLY admitted their feelings, something I’ve been waiting years for, I just want to see what they do with it.  Sigh.  

[doctorwhonews]

The​ ​Eleventh​ ​Doctor​ ​Complete​ ​Year​ ​One

Latest Review: The Eleventh Doctor Complete Year One Writers: Al Ewing and Rob Williams Artists: Simon Fraser and Warren Pleece Publisher: Titan Comics 368pp Published: November 21, 2017 The ones we love make up our world. When time claims them, nothing makes sense. Everything around us falls to pieces. It is up to us to pick up those pieces and rebuild, move forward, create a new world to live in. That lesson can sometimes be impossible to learn. As it was for Alice Obiefune when she met The Doctor. Her mother was gone. Her job at the library was lost. Her landlord evicted her to knock down the building. Not even the thrill of time travel, the excitement of visiting alien worlds, meeting rock legends, or seeing the face of the creator could show her that the power to live, to keep going, was in her the whole time. One could easily see the first year of The Doctor’s adventures away from his friends, the Ponds, as a collection of loosely connected, fluffy, stand-alone adventures, and they’d be right. Although there is a slight serialized arc (including a fascinating character on whom the spine of the story rests, who happens to be named Arc), practically every issue has its own beginning, middle, and end. The stories are energetic, crazy, and occasionally hilarious, perfectly mirroring the Eleventh Doctor’s persona. However, themes are touched on repeatedly, evolving from trip to trip as opposed to resolving and resetting for the next story. The continuous look at these themes from various angles is what makes the first year of Titan’s ongoing Eleventh Doctor series feel so monumental and epic. Sure there’s a ravenous, and adorable, rainbow-colored dog devouring all the sadness and negativity of London. Yeah, there’s a run in with a false God wielding a black hole bomb and the Tardis continues to jump backward in time every few minutes. Sure The Eternal Dogfight shows up over Earth and someone gets a parasite by eating a space donut. All of that, plus Romans and an amusement park planet controlled by an evil organization, make for some truly dazzling spectacle, but what makes it epic are the people. The stories told by Al Ewing and Rob Williams are funny, scary, exhilarating, and devastating because The Doctor and his new Tardis crew are the focus. The dividing chasm between what they want and what they need is the real quest. Alice needs to accept that the end of her mother’s life doesn’t equal the end of hers. John Jones (a Bowie-esque glam rocker in the early days of his career) needs to be patient with his identity. Arc needs to let go of fear. The Doctor needs to forgive himself for not being able to save everyone all the time. He needs to forgive himself for Gallifrey. All the while a sinister being known only as the Talent Scout constantly tempts them with images of what they want. He can take away the pain by giving them what they think will fix them, essentially robbing them of what makes them people, taking away their stories. Artists and colorists Simon Fraser, Boo Cook, Gary Caldwell, Warren Pleece, and Hi-Fi depict giant battles, goofy slapstick, and heart-breaking sadness with equal splendor. There are times when The Eleventh Doctor could step right off the page, or pull you into his marvelous space/time machine. Where they really shine however is in the expressions. You know precisely what these people are thinking and feeling without a single line of dialogue or narration. The Eleventh Doctor Year One is one of the most moving Doctor Who stories ever told. It isn’t simply about a madman with a box who flies around fighting monsters. It is about us. We are Arks, Time Machines transporting stories. Everyone we’ve ever met, all the things we’ve done, wished we’d done, wish we’d done differently, these memories make up the story of us. Our stories inform us, define us, drive us to do better. Perhaps we don’t always get it right, but we try. Even the last surviving member of an obliterated ancient alien race with a literal time machine remembers. It keeps him going. Keeps him trying. But it never ever stops him.   Amazon Link http://reviews.doctorwhonews.net/2017/11/the_eleventh_doctor_complete_year_one.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[azems-familiar]

She Who Dreams Ch. 3

AWAKE

She is sunlight spun of gold, and for a short blessed moment she thinks of nothing at all. And then the light fades - the locket falling from nerveless fingers - and everything hits her at once. Something at the back of her head that's at once terrifyingly new and completely natural surges, trying to get the whirlwind gold in her head under control - and she’s suddenly and disconcertingly aware that she can feel her heartsbeat, could slow it down or speed it up or shut it off entirely and there’s an entire world a hundred spectrums that she shouldn’t be able to see but she can she can see Time and - not breathing how can she not be and this is silly and the War and theta and doctor and he’s dead he’s dead which morphs into they’re dead and she realizes what’s she’s missing, and that’s when the world shatters all at S I L E N C E She claps her hands over her ears and screams.  

There’s a moment there where she loses track of herself - lost in the endless terrible all-consuming nothing, the silence so loud she thinks she’s gone blind and deaf, the hole left where Gallifrey should have been - (that quiet constant hivemind-hum at the back of your head the you are not alone except you are, there is nothing there, how can there be nothing there) Her mind snaps in two. And holds. She blinks her eyes open, vision still tinged with gold, as thought-tracks divide and divide again - a gallifreyan mind is capable of holding multiple decision paths at once, one of them, one of her, part of her, supplies, and most of her is vaguely confused that it even needs to be mentioned. Somewhere she holds on to the silence - holds it back - and somewhere she chases the gold to the back of her head, and somewhere a part of her fights the what am i confusion, leaving her space to think. She takes a shaky careful breath. (Respiratory bypass clicks off easily, and she hadn’t even noticed herself activating it.) Pulls herself back upright. The room seems - smaller. It takes her a moment to figure out that this isn’t because she’s changed, but because it doesn’t quite mean anything anymore. It’s a human place, and a human planet, that she shared with a half-human - Theta. The grief hits her all over again, just as painful the second time, and she sucks in a broken breath. Theta, her Theta, dead and gone. And she never even knew she loved him - no, she loved him, but her love was small and bounded and human - or is that all wrong? No. No. Things rebuild themselves in her head, meshing back together, and even if she isn’t certain of who she is she’s certain of this. She loves the Doctor. She loved him when she was human and when he was human and she loved him when they were more than that and when they were less, and she always will love him. That much, she can always be sure of. She loves him. And she will find him. Even the silence pales a little next to that. It's only then that it occurs to her to wonder what she even is, now. She looks down quickly - she's wearing the same clothes that Rose was wearing, but they don't quite fit anymore, and the hair that drapes down over her eyes isn't blonde. The artron energy crackle in the air tells her what, she finds, she already knows; she's regenerated. (Third incarnation, and barely a few millennia old! Except of course the Doctor is on his tenth now - or eleventh, she supposes, counting her halfling Theta - or more than that, perhaps, since she's been away.) Maybe it's post-regeneration loopiness or maybe it's a coping mechanism against the silence or maybe it's simply denial, but she finds a laugh bubbling in her throat - spinning on young-again feet, watching time flow around her with Gallifreyan-again eyes. Arkytior. She is Arkytior. She's the Dreamer. And she's free. (And Rose - who is her, but not all of her, and yet more than her, and she can worry about that later - laughs too.) She runs her hands down her new body once - and then glances upward, at the other door, her mouth opening. Bathroom, which means mirror, which means reflection. Which means fun. She stares at the unfamiliar face there critically - not bad at all, really. Flaming red hair, freckles, dark green eyes, a small soft mouth with slightly crooked teeth - she runs her tongue along the contours, remembering (new teeth, that's weird) - ever so slightly taller than her last body but not as tall as the first, light-footed. She moves different now. She's regenerated once before, of course, but she wasn't really aware of it, so this feels like the first time, strange and new and glorious. She cocks her head. The girl in the mirror does the same thing, and then grins, tongue between her teeth. "So you still do that then," she starts, and - oh. That's different. She frowns, analyzing the patterns, scientific. Celtic accent. No, Irish. That's weird. Hang on, why is she even speaking English? "That's not right at all," she opinions haughtily, and this time it comes out in Gallifreyan - and that at least is proper Capitoline. Not that horrible rural Cadonin accent Theta always dragged around.  "Much better," she decides, and grins again. She wishes vaguely that she had something better to wear - but Gallifreyan robes are useless for anything but bureaucracy, and she's not going to wear the same clothes for centuries on end like he sometimes does, the adorable moron. Rose's leather jacket and black jeans will have to do, for now. Until she gets back to the TARDIS. Which is when she notices the gold. Not the regeneration-artron - that's long dissipated, and even the fragments still floating around her head are just mist. (Because she's actually regenerated the way you're supposed to do it, whereas he's a bloody idiot who gets himself killed in extraordinarily creative and traumatizing ways. What was the story Koschei (when he was in his beardless phase, with the rosette) told her, about the Doctor's eighth face, and a human hospital, and a delayed regeneration resulting in an identity collapse? And his ninth face, her first Doctor, or the human her, and the - ) There's the flicker again. She turns to look behind her, but there's nothing but tiled bathroom wall. Frowns. Sighs. It takes a bit of effort - the structure of the universe seems to have turned itself inside out since she last tried this - but she makes it; drops her mind out of conventional reality and gets a proper pandimensional look at the room, at the way its timeline intersects with the tapestry of life that's the planet at large. The gold traces back through this room, back at least fifty years, getting stronger as it goes; definitely a retroactive effect of some kind, and a scent she knows. Arkytior of the Time Lords traces it forward, to the present day, and finds the room engulfed in a bloom of gold only a few minutes into the future - timelines fuzzy with distortion - and then back a little and she - Stops. stands there in the bathroom, apparently frozen, staring. And looks down. There is gold burning in her bones. Which is when she recognizes it; the glare of a free chronoform, the tracks left by looking into the heart of a TARDIS. The Bad Wolf, hidden in her hearts. It must have been there for years, for decades, she realizes distantly. Except she was human, and she couldn't see (not see, really, it's so much more than that, it's hearfeelstasteknow) time then. Couldn't see herself. Couldn't see the way home, hidden inside her all the time. (Did the Doctor know? He must have known. He must have known she'd always find her way home, that she was still tied to the TARDIS's timeship heart.) She raises her arms, careful, grinning still - pulls at the strands of probability around her, clearing a path to the world-walls, following that invisible line to the last living timeship - And freezes. There's something she's forgotten. A moment later, she's in the bedroom again. Staring at the wall. At the note written there, in a shaky-but-familiar human hand. She doesn't really need to read it; she remembers what she wrote there, a few minutes and a lifetime ago. She does anyway. Takes it off the wall with careful delicate fingers; holds it trapped there for a long moment. And then the moment breaks, and she lets it fall. Arkytior spins in place, turning away, the paper forgotten on the floor. Finds that line again - that invisible connection, that bond - and pulls. It all hits her at once. [[[ / myheartmyThiefmyROSE foundOneSelf ((allaloneallalone) (silence)) fINd yOU ||itisreturning|| don't/let/me/fall myWolf come home {knockknockknock} needsmethetaneedsmethetaneedsme ]]] T H E T A [[[ my Wolf RISE. ]]] I am the Bad Wolf. The words are song and fire and pure artron power. I create myself, out of nothing, out of all that ever was. The gold dances in her hair and down lithe limbs and now that she is truly herself again she can see the real scope of it - pandimensional, pantemporal, endless and beginningless and perfect. Theta? she whispers, eyes wide and blank, almost vulnerable. Tracing his broken timelines back. Her mouth opens; something hardens in her eyes. Theta, I’m coming home. There's a wind rising, the light so bright even a Time Lord would find themself forced to look away, and then with snap and a jerk there is nothing at all.

[the-immortal-redshirt]

#they’re my roman empire#and hell bent isn’t just an episode it’s the breaking point the emotional explosion#It’s where everything gets flipped upside down when it comes to love sacrifice and pushing moral boundaries#It’s the Doctor at his most vulnerable and powerful like at the same time#he’s not just some space traveler anymore he’s a person torn apart by his own contradictions battling his nature his past traumas#his fight with himself with Gallifrey with a world that doesn’t get his pain – it’s a cry of despair straight from his soul#and that cry? It’s all because of her#the Doctor’s ready to go to any extreme step over all the moral lines he used to stand for#It’s about keeping her alive#It’s scary and mesmerizing at the same time#his love isn’t romantic in the normal way it’s more like a raging storm capable of anything to keep the person he loves safe from harm#It’s not a calm harbor it’s a hurricane tearing everything in its path#every move he makes every time he tries to touch her to hold her to protect Clara it’s soaked in this crazy all-consuming love#he’s almost obsessed with it like he’s ready to rewrite reality break every law possible just so she stays alive#and it’s not just about being attached it’s an addiction fueled by the pain of loss and the fear of feeling that pain again#he’s lost and found himself in that pain

Look how far I went, for fear of losing you.