#easy: ableism

[degrassi-fandom-confessions]

How does Connor have haters? I know every character has haters but seriously what is there to dislike about Connor?

[frobby]

Yukio doesn't realize rin was lonely because he was key contributor to said loneliness

[star-anise]

So, Easy Beauty by Chloé Cooper-Jones is not by any means a straightforward tale of the specific traumas and experiences of being a disabled woman. In many ways, it's an examination of how holding onto those traumas too tightly can keep you not just from positive chances for connection and experience, but understanding when your choices and behaviours are hurting other people.

But. It does talk about the trauma. And specifically, this splinter I've spent months now slowly drawing out of my soul, because this never happened to me except for the version of it that did happen to me. In her case, it was a conversation with a friend in high school:

I approached him in the library of our school. He was studying for a geometry test. He saw me, closed his notebook, and smiled. “I feel like,” he said, teasing me, “there might be something you want to talk to me about.” I told him yes, there was, and I said that I wanted to go to the homecoming dance with him and would he take me. “Of course,” he said. Relief flooded through me so quickly it turned my stomach. “But,” he continued, “there’s something very important I need to talk to you about first.” He proceeded to tell me that our female friends had been pressuring him for weeks to ask me to the dance, not wanting me to feel left out. “They love you,” he said, “but they pity you and their pity won't help you in the world.” I can, to this day, recall the exact even tone in his voice, his smile. He reached across the table and took my hand. “I want to tell you something as your friend,” he said. “I want to protect you. When you ask a man like me on a date, you put us in a bad position.” He was still smiling; I was having a cute delusion and was in need of his loving, if uncomfortable, correction. “It’s just the truth,” Jim said. “No man will want to date you unless he, too, is desperate or ugly.”

What I've felt, since I was very young, was this sense not just that no one would ever love me, but that I was so pitiful, so unlovable, such a complete failure of femininity, that expressing interest in another person was tantamount to forcing them to pity-fuck me. And how could I do something that horrible to them?

Well, at least in the years since then, I've learned that actually people feel no compunction about rejecting me!

I have almost always felt like such a complete failure at femininity, to the point that discussions about the female experience feel hypnotically surreal, because these things never happen to me. Y'all get catcalled and hit on? I'm struggling to dredge up memories of experiencing that firsthand. I grew up with grownups always warning me about men who'd want me for sex but didn't actually love me, and now I'm like... being wanted for sex? What's that like? I have literally ten seconds of experience of my desire for someone else being something that excited and interested them.

This is my own personal neurosis, not a prescription for widespread behaviour. But I've always kind of hated when people talk about slowburn romances and stories with pining as "two idiots in love" because on a visceral level, it doesn't feel stupid to me to believe you're repulsive and nobody will ever want you. It has always felt like the natural and obvious conclusion to enter adulthood with.

Up until two weeks ago I've always been very careful to describe my feelings about my body as part of me being crazy--I hate the way I look, I don't like seeing or hearing recordings of myself, I think I'm not pretty. Because obviously that means I'm actively working to rid myself of those emotions and attitudes! I've got it handled! I've admitted that I have a problem!

And that's because I always had it locked away in my heart that if I tried to make a factual claim about being ugly, people would say "No you're not!" just to make me feel better, and then I would never ever know if anyone who found me attractive really meant it, or if they were just doing it out of pity.

That is crazy. That's holding onto the lesson of that fucking shitbag who found Chloé attractive and fuckable two months fucking later once he got over himself. That's sitting around waiting for someone to come climb up into my unfuckable tower and do all the work of establishing a relationship themselves. That's lesbian sheep behaviour.

It's only just begun to feel possible that I could begin to take steps to seek people out and express interest in them, instead of holding perfectly still and making someone else do all the heavy lifting to get to me, when I haven't even made it known I wanted them to.

But this doesn't get talked about as part of "the female experience". When men talk about women's experiences in the dating market, they absolutely never mean women like me. Why bother with the experiences of women they wouldn't want to fuck anyway? It's not like we're people or some shit like that.

[aroaceleovaldez]

Mark Oshiro confuses me a little bit not going to lie. In the press tour for the first book all they ever talked about was how Nico is their son and Will is fine I guess. Then they said like 2 weeks before TSATS came out that they didn't understand Will's character at all and it's one of the main reasons why Will has so little POV.

Possibly unpopular opinion but I don't think it's a good, encouraging sign when the writer admits to not really caring about the deuteragonist or not even having a sense of how to write them...

Yeah, no. If you have no interest in 1/2 of the POV characters of your book, you REALLY shouldn't be writing it (or at least, not have that be a main character). Especially when the main way TSATS could have been improved is if it was primarily Will-centric instead of Nico-centric. Will basically had next to no established character prior to TSATS! He was practically a blank slate! But all the new stuff we got for Will in TSATS was so clearly disinterested and had no regard for his previously established traits (or the established timeline/canon). Which is annoying because fleshing out Will would have been the PERFECT opportunity to actually incorporate a lot of the topics that Mark Oshiro specializes in as a sensitivity reader, which was the ENTIRE REASON THEY WERE BROUGHT ON AS A CO-AUTHOR!!!!

As TSATS stands, there is no reason for Mark Oshiro specifically to have been the co-author instead of someone else. It's so clearly just a PR move from RR following the huge backlash Rick received due to his response to criticism on how he wrote Piper and Samirah (and Reyna and etc etc). This was immediately following Rick saying he wasn't going to write what would become TSATS because "it [wasn't his] place to." Most of the topics that Mark Oshiro specializes in either weren't relevant at all to TSATS or written very poorly (to downright offensively) in TSATS, so either Mark Oshiro wasn't doing their job or was not able to do their job for some reason, but either way it basically makes the theoretical justification for Mark Oshiro being the co-author/sensitivity reader irrelevant.

With Will, it was HUGE fanon back in the day for him to be trans. Trans!Will and photokinesis!Will were basically the two biggest headcanons for him (both largely popularized by Cherryandsisters). We know Rick is aware of this old fanon because he canonized photokinesis!Will. If we had gotten trans!Will, that would have been great! And then made sense why we specifically got a trans co-author! (Instead, if anything, TSATS canonized Will being cis.) If we had gotten Will being latino, that would have been amazing!!!! And also then made sense as to why they chose Mark Oshiro for the job as a latinx author/sensitivity-reader, versus potentially choosing an Italian co-author since Nico being Italian/Venetian was emphasized so much in the book (and done poorly! Yknow what they could have done to fix that? GOTTEN A SENSITIVITY READER FOR IT)! Based on the themes and focuses actually present in the book, it would have been most logical to get a queer, neurodivergent, Italian co-author or sensitivity reader who specializes in those three topics at least. But we didn't! So why was Mark Oshiro chosen instead when they only specialize in one of those topics? PR reasons. It's blatantly entirely PR reasons and no actual thought or care was put into this book (or, likely, TSATS 2 either).

It doesn't help that we're also actively being told that the published version of TSATS was a rough draft. Or that their editor blatantly isn't doing her job. Or that "The Sun And The Star" was the working title that they just kept cause they didn't bother to make an actual title. And that the final version is full of explicitly last-minute scenes that weren't checked over at all (the final Bianca scene, for one). Or the ACTIVELY ADMITTING TO SOURCING IDEAS AND INFORMATION FROM FANS! That last one is kind of important because at this level of publishing that is a HUGE no-no for legal reasons. You can get into a lot of trouble for that and there is a reason why it is Ye Olde Fandom Law to never try to pitch your ideas or headcanons to the source creator(s) and keep fandom separate from the creators. There is a REASON why Rick Riordan is so distant from the community these days and it's for PROTECTION AGAINST LEGAL REPERCUSSION. Mark Oshiro being the exact opposite while also ACTIVELY ACKNOWLEDGING sourcing concepts from fans does not bode well! It has to do with copyright stuff.

It's just. So. Sighhhhhhhh >->o <- me lying on the floor about all of this. It's sad being able to see the glimmer of what could have been at the very least a decent book underneath all this. If anyone involved in the process had actually cared just the tiniest amount.

[infiniteorangethethird]

I really wish ppl stopped using "lack of critical reading skills" as an insult like babygirl some of us are neurodivergent and we don't exactly choose our inability to (easily) comprehend more complex concepts or double meanings nor our inability to read between the lines

[exactly103]

i know there is so much to grieve & think about right now but please please please don't forget your disabled friends during this time. i am so scared that i might have to watch my community struggle more and more as they lose healthcare access that they desperately need. please tell them that you love them. please remind them that they matter. it really means so much.

[fenrichaita]

Thinking about how like in so many discussions about how psychiatric diagnoses are understood by literal mental health professionals, you hear how so many of them are working from outdated ideas about "X'. And X is just, like, almost every mental health diagnosis.

Like. Do you think there may be a pattern here

[freakinator]

yknow i really do wish the lsers would evaluate their ableism/sanism problem at some point but i doubt thats ever gonna happen considering that shits normal in society and barely seen as a problem even in leftist spaces

[sirenium]

stop calling people's triggers stupid. I don't care if someone is triggered by a fucking cloud with a smiley face, you do not get to determine whether or not to respect someone's triggers just because YOU find it silly. fuck off.

[creepy-scrawl]

A couple days ago I had an "incident" w my mother... I was crying all day bc of this... And gf was trying to calm me down ... It is strange how much we bond through our mommy issues...

Today gf had and "incident" w her mother and she's been sad all day bc of that simple thing and I'm trying to calm her down and she is just so sad we have to go through this spiral of maternal rejection...

Well uh....am I wrong in the head bc I think is hot when she is having turmoil w her mother??? Like obviously I don't like it when my mother in law is so mean or at the very least condescending w her feelings, specially bc she is very sensitive... But like.. uh I think is hot when she tell me she is having mommy issues 😫😫😫😫

[axolotlclown]

Well, I was hoping enough time had passed, but I guess Dream is still having his episode. There doesn't really seem to be a good time. I have something to say, though.

EDIT: I did not clarify something in this post that needs to be clarified. Dream is being irresponsible by not seeking help. However, anyone would be resistant to seek help for this because of social stigma. The notes on this post are proving my point. Every behavior has a cause. Abuse is a circle that takes effort to break. That is the point of this post. No one is "just a bad person." That mentality literally kills people.

I maintain the belief that Dream has Narcissist Personality Disorder. Beneath the cut is the diagnostic outline from the DSM-5 so that you can draw your own conclusions. To be clear, I am not yet a licensed psychologist, so this is just my opinion.

Dream seems to be declining help, or he is under the belief that he does not need help. Personality disorders can be debilitating; they affect your relationships, work ethic, and ability to cope with basic life stressors. He needs to see a cognitive-behavioral therapist so that he can begin to learn coping strategies.

Moreso, however, I wanted to talk about self-diagnosis. I do not believe that Dream has autism. I can make a separate post with the Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis if people are interested. (I do have a physical copy of the DSM-5 because I need it for school, but the full PDF is also available online if you're interested in looking through it.) I do not believe that Dream was professionally diagnosed. This is because psychologists no longer diagnose autism based on how much your symptoms align with the definition, but rather how much support you need in your everyday life. For example, I would never personally diagnose somebody with ASD unless they were seeking work or school accommodations.

Diagnosing yourself can be challenging if you do not have a broad understanding of other disorders. Just because you struggle to socialize with others does not mean you have autism. There are a myriad of other disorders it could be, and the correct diagnosis is crucial. This also goes for diagnoses such as depression or anxiety, as they could be symptoms of something else.

Another thing I want to point out is that Dream last saw a psychiatrist to be diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 12—if I remember correctly. However, our brains are constantly developing throughout life. Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be accurately diagnosed in teenagers. (Is this teenager a narcissist or are they just experiencing personal fable, something completely normal and expected at this age?) I point this out because it's important for everyone with a brain to understand that you can progressively develop a mental illness without even realizing it. You don't particularly notice that you have a personality disorder—or most disorders that aren't depression or anxiety. Bipolar Disorder on average develops around the age of 16. Schizophrenia develops on average around the ages of 18-25. (Childhood Schizophrenia does exist, however it is so rare that it has really only been observed in case studies.)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not a diagnosis you can medicate—or any personality disorder, at that. One would need to take several years to learn coping strategies that may involve things as simple as app timers to as complex as perspective-taking strategies. However, this is one of the more difficult personality disorders to cope with, and certainly not one you would want to manage alone. Dream sincerely needs help.

Even if Dream does get help, it is important to know that the people he has hurt have no obligation to come back into his life, nor do they have an obligation to help him when they do not have any education or training in the field. I need those you have someone in their lives who may be struggling with this diagnosis to understand that. You do not owe anyone anything. You are not responsible for anyone, because you lack the training and education to do it. I am spending 10 years of my life in college right now trying to learn how to help these people. Please understand that it is okay to step away without guilt.

Anyway, I said my piece. Please stop calling people narcissists like it's a slur. There are real people that have this disorder that are trying to cope and maintain healthy relationships. It is possible. These people are not doomed. However, it is heartbreaking to watch someone who clearly needs help and guidance but refuses to seek it.

As promised, here is the diagnostic outline for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

[kkujo]

the thing abt mental illness that sucks is. the stuff that people tell you makes it better doesn't actually always make it better in the moment. and it's hard when ur low energy but i think a lot of people get this idea of "it doesn't help so i'm not going to do it" but sometimes you gotta reframe it and see it as like. okay this doesn't make it better but it's also not going to make it worse. like washing your face might not make you feel better but it also won't make it worse. gentle exercise won't necessarily make you feel but it won't make you feel worse. going outside isn't going to fix anything but it also won't make it worse. trying to see them as neutral things rather than a magic cure. and the thing is over time when these things build up and it becomes routine, it DOES make it better. but it takes time and consistency. in the meantime though it won't make it worse.

[rjalker]

I'm not even in the Dungeon Meshi fandom but literally purely from osmosis, upon finding out someone is cursed to not tell if they're still hungry or not or not, why in the absolute fuck would anyone's first thought be "oh no they might get fat!!!! we gotta micromanage their diet now" instead of "oh no this is a serious problem that could get them killed because the stomach has a finite capacity and if you can't feel that you're full you could literally tear your stomach and die horribly" or conversely "oh no you might accidentally starve to death because you can't tell when you're actually hungry and when it's just the curse".

Like what the fuck. Why is the entire fandom not up in arms about the blatant fatmisia and ableism? This problem should be obvious to anyone. But everyone wants to pretend that the possibility of getting fat is the real horrible thing about it??? and pretend this isn't blatant fatmisia????

I mean, the answer is obviously that the fandom hates fat people, but god damn. What the fuck, people.

And from what I've seen of the worldbuilding for this setting, being fat should literally be looked upon positively! But no. Okay.

[orangememesicle]

coming to the conclusion that neurotypicality is as temporary and fragile as being able bodied is

[eclaire-went-bam]

helppp first i catch my mom watching ableist "narc abuse" videos and now i see her watching ableist fear mongering bpd videos like is she targetting me ....

[alicewritingstories]

Whumptober Prompt Fills Part 9: Breath

~Also on AO3~

No. 15: “I don’t need you to help me I can handle things myself.” | Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering | “I’m fine.”

No. 24: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule.” | Goodbye Note | Neglect | “I thought they were with you.”

No. 31: “I thought that I was getting better.” | Emptiness | Setbacks | “Take it easy.”

Warning: Brief mention of alcohol use, chronic cardiac and respiratory issues, internalized ableism

Central character(s): Sky, Twilight

As the stars were coming out and the last echoes of the Picori Festival's fireworks display were fading away, the Chain started to drift back together at their chosen campsite in the forest. Tomorrow they would travel on to visit Four's grandfather - Four had gone on ahead with his father to give him some time with his family before his other family descended on them - but tonight would be spent under the stars as usual.

The chatter among the little group was lively as they compared their experiences. Warriors was flushed and slightly giggly, relaxed after the entire bottle of something alcoholic that he'd drunk during the fireworks. Wind, meanwhile, couldn't stop showing off the beautifully-crafted knife he'd won, tripping over his words as he admired it and related his triumph in a quoits-throwing contest.

Twilight heard Legend drop the good-natured observation in Warriors' ear that the young hero really shouldn't have been allowed to join contests alongside ordinary children, but he agreed as Warriors said sleepily that it was good to see Wind act like a child for once.

"What did you do with Sky, Twilight?" asked Wild suddenly, looking up from where he was laying out ingredients for dinner.

Twilight looked at him in confusion. "Me?" he asked and looked over at Time, who was also looking confused.

"I thought Sky was with you, Wild," said Time. "I was about to ask you the same question."

Twilight blinked. "I thought he was with you," he said. "Didn't you go looking for souvenirs for Malon and Sun?"

Time shook his head. "I thought he was going around the food stands with Wild."

"I didn't see him after we separated," said Wild, sitting back on his heels. "I thought he went to watch the horse races with Twilight."

Out of all their Hyrules, Four's was one of the safest, but that didn't mean a missing hero was something to be ignored. Time eased back to his feet with a soft groan and started putting his just-removed armor back on, saying, "He's probably fine, but let's go and check. Wind, Twilight, and Legend, check north, south, and east respectively; I'll take the west. Return in an hour even if you haven't found anything. Hyrule and Wild, stay here and finish setting up camp."

"Shall I check the elixir supply?" asked Wild seriously.

"I hope we won't need healing, but it's worth knowing. Likewise, Warriors, I hope we won't need you to be sober." Time chuckled as Warriors shot him an unfocussed look that he probably intended to be irritated. The remark lightened the anxiety that had been starting to thread through the air, but didn't take it away entirely and as Twilight set out into the darkening forest, heading for the south side of the town, he could feel it twisting somewhere in his gut. He was sure Sky hadn't followed him when he set out through the busy streets, following the sound of hoofbeats and cheering. He really thought he'd heard the other hylian agreeing when Time had said he was going to find a gift for Malon.

What if he'd been wrong and something had happened to Sky when he was separated from the group? How long had he been missing?

Twilight tried to push down the worry. If one of them was going to disappear for a few hours, this was one of the safer places for it to happen. Most likely they'd find that Sky had simply lost track of time or forgotten the rendezvous.

It wasn't like him to have forgotten, but it wasn't impossible in all the noise and excitement of the festival.

And was it more or less likely than that something had happened? There had been no sign of so much as a keese anywhere near the town, but it wouldn't be the first time a member of the Chain, taken unawares, had fallen victim to hylian enemies of one of his brothers. Four had as many enemies as any of them with the exception of Wild and Warriors, who had significantly more.

Twilight gritted his teeth. A crowded festival… someone would have noticed the fight Sky would have put up if attacked.

He was sure he'd gone alone to look at the horses.

He was sure Sky hadn't come with him.

He was sure that if something had happened it hadn't happened right behind him.

His thoughts were interrupted as he caught a familiar smell on the breeze and saw something white gleaming in the forest ahead. Perfume and a white sailcloth. With a gasp of relief, he broke into a jog, calling, "Sky!" as he saw the figure of his brother in the dim light, sitting on a tree stump, leaning his elbows on his knees.

Sky looked up and waved as Twilight heard the wheeze on his breath and realized how fast he was breathing.

"Sky," he said more seriously, crouching beside him. "Are you OK?"

Sky nodded, his hand to his chest, the wheeze more pronounced as he sat upright. "Fine. Sorry, I… know I'm… late."

He couldn't even make it through a sentence without losing breath.

"Are you hurt?"

"No. I'm fine. This happens… sometimes. The damp… makes it worse." Sky forced a grin. "And I made… the mistake… of dancing."

"I didn't know you danced," said Twilight.

"I love dancing." Sky coughed and wheezed. "Unfortunately. Used to be… easier."

Twilight nodded. He wasn't sure what was going on, but said, "Do you need anything?"

"Just to rest." Sky shook his head. Twilight thought he looked pale, but as he propped himself on his knees again his breath seemed to come a little easier.

"OK. It'll be a bit before anyone really worries, so take it easy."

Sky nodded, laying a hand on his chest and wincing. "I thought… I was handling… it. It was fun… to dance again. Even… alone."

"Hey, take it easy. You don't have to make excuses to me and you've not got the breath for much talking, so just say what you have to."

Sky nodded.

Twilight patted his shoulder. "Is this… a new problem?"

"Since… my adventure. Well… mostly."

"OK, tell me the rest later." But he couldn't help asking, "Is this why you can't run as fast or far as the rest of us?"

Sky nodded.

"Why don't you tell anyone that?"

"I'd rather be… made fun of… than treated… like I'm broken."

Twilight started to argue, but remembered he was supposed to be calming Sky down and letting him catch his breath.

Slowly, Sky's breathing steadied and quietened. He sat up and pressed two fingers to the pulse point in his own throat, then nodded.

"OK, I'm all right now," he said. "Let's go."

Still, when Twilight offered him an arm he accepted it to get up.

"You can tell them you found me asleep somewhere," he said with a small smile as they started walking.

"I'll tell them no such thing," said Twilight. "Nobody acts like Time is broken. Nobody's going to think less of you because sometimes you can't breathe right."

Sky shook his head. "I can manage. There's a reason you've not seen me that bad before. But if everyone knows my lungs are always heavy and my heart doesn't beat properly any more…"

"We already know you can't run as far or as fast. What do you think will change from knowing why?"

Sky scowled at the ground.

"If you really want, we can still tease you about being slow and sleepy, but -"

Sky jutted his chin proudly. "But you'll keep a better eye on me to make sure I'm OK? Keep a wing over me in case I fall?"

"Just like with Four when it's cold."

That hit home. Sky sighed, bowing his head. Twilight heard the last of the wheeze.

He put an arm around his shoulders. "Listen, you don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to, but I'm not lying for you and I think you should tell the truth. Nobody thinks less of you for having scars from your adventure, any more than they do of Wild or… or any of us. It doesn't matter that yours aren't on the outside. Nobody will think you're broken or useless or anything else."

Sky was silent for a long moment, then he said, "I'll think about it."

Twilight hugged him gently and they walked on.