#dont u got class to go to??
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i am only one mans girl and his name is Jesus Christ
#HI HO HECK NO CO ED DANCE HAS GOTTA GO#ok max. ok max. we get it youre a weirdo creep monster.#dont u got class to go to??#spooky liveblogs (kind of)#this is politics stephanie learn to multitask 🙄#mariah and corey father daughter duo is all i live for
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letting all the people know that when i think about a dps college au my todd always is out here majoring in classics
#dead poets society#todd anderson#its cause i pretend to be him when im in my classic civilizations class#todd special interest in mythology they can never take u from me#hes still a poet i mean come on you cant have a todd that doesnt write poetry its his beiing#hes got the fun facts about athens and sparta#anderperry#cause theres nothing more gay than classics#todd would be like you dont really wanna hear about this do you?#and neil would be like YES TELL ME !!!!#one time todd is like “the spartan agoge-”#and charlie goes “ah go GAY!”#and then todd is like “well yes!”#nerd todd u will always be famous#more classics todd to come i have a feeling im not done cooking here
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i shouldve been an art history major.........
#whayever whatever my school doesmt even have an art history bachelors i couldnt have anyway. but ough#literally u cannot listen to me when i talk abt wanting to have a different major not bc it isnt true but bc i have too many interests and#even if i had a different major id still be lusting after different fields of study and also just bc i might professionally only be able#to go into one doesnt mean i cant keep them as hobbies#that being said i wish my school had an art history bachelors program bc i wish there were more art hist classes bc art history#makes me feel fucking out of my mind /pos/pos and i wish i got to learn more abt shit we dont even have a modern art class#fucked upppp. at least our art hist profs got to do their very specific interest classes but i wanna study rothko!!!!#and that means i gotta do it on my own..... much less fun than having someone who's slightly unhinged abt art teach it to u#whatever. i can be unhinged abt it to myself. kicks a rock and turns away dejectedly.
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how has your world been in the past months?
weird and lowkey lonely! not ina terrible way. im just tryna be an adult, ? im sure you get it. its like im growing up too slow and same time too fast. like im not on the same timeline as most people ive been isolating myself too much and then feeling sorry for myself about it. as if it isnt my own choice! so i want to start making better choices for myself. what im learning is that almost no ones gonna chase after you, not in the good or bad way. ive been so used to thinking the whole world revolved around me. that was once a way of thinking that kept me defensive and protected but now i think there are better ways to be.
#also im using a different online name did u notice its halima#now we both have different names from when we first met. its so weird using the same one online and in person#it feels nice to use a name online thats arabish. well i know more desi halimas than arab ones but you know.#i feel so weird. i wanna be a good muslim. i wanna be a nicer person. im just in this state thats simultaneously static and moving so fast#i cant think!#in less vague terms:#no one goes to school anymore#when i get to class and i see more than two people there im like wow what a turnout#so i go to school and kind of sit around doing nothinig#pretty much all my friends graduated last year (or before) or stopped going to school#and my grades are droppinggg more than they ever have before#have you graduated yet?#so i have all this time to myself.. and im just squandering it ><#ive got toooo much learned helplessness. i need to take control of my life#its just ugh#school is staring to feel#as they say#mad optional!#i actually dont know where my time goes#do u do the same thing of... whenever youre real stressed you delve super deep into some random new terrible interest and dont do anything#and just cope#i need to start doing that in a way that works out for me better#this is what homestuck was for me 2021#eep that was a massive thoughtdump and i dont know if it answers your question well
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kon on the practive whiteboard,,,,,save me save me pls
#im tryig 2 shake the ick i got from using this off so badly#wasnt even using my mouse..........#whihc is a bad sign#im still going 2 take the test & b unnecessarily dramatic about it im just complaining#bc i h8 it#i can hear ur lazy thoughts from here its awfullll NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#“ur complaining jsut 2 complain” I CAN HEAR IT FROM HERE#its the fact that im saying it 1st ow uhhhhhhhhhh#how does 1 “stop complaining & just do it”?#some1 pls advice omg i#IKAHSFkJAHFA#LIIKE#I CANT JUST NOT DO IT??? I CANT EXPLAIN THIS#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#IF I DO#I WILL B SITTING THERE#4 7 FUCKING HOURS & END UP FAILING ANYWAYS#LIKE#not even joshing#theres a reason y i failed school mannnnnnnnnnnnn#iq fucking means nothing if ur dumb as hell like me#honors classes mean NOTHING IF UR STUPID#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#the goddamn WHIPLASH i get from getting called smart 2 getting called dumb is annoying#ur so smart ur so smart but u failed the smart test???? hmmmm its ok just try again & repeatedly fail :D#even my fucking father didnt FAIL SCHOOL AS HARD AS I DID IM SO UPSET#this is actualyl going 2 cause me sm emotional distress & i havent even signed up yet KJASHFJKSAF#& I CANT EXPLAIN THIS 2 ANY OF THEM BC THEY NEVER GET IT#i dont like school :(
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I admit I still kind of am in survival mode from yesterday. Like I was the "this is fine" dog with a metaphorical house on fire around me. And By God I sure fuckin managed it. In that last hour, as time crept up and I started panicking a bit, I just kept muttering to myself about how "it's fine, I'll be fine. I'm so Fucking good at finishing things." And ykno what? I Did It!!!
But now I still feel that feeling of impending doom. Like there is something I need to do Right Now and if I don't I am going to be Severely Fucked. Trying to get myself to relax some bc while there *is* stuff I need to do today, it's nowhere near as pressing or as monumental a task as yesterday's thing. And no one can go at full throttle all of the time!!!! Gotta chill out for a bit. Watch some anime. Build some Legos. You know.
#speculation nation#got bowling today. we r starting this uhhh. tournament thing. fun fun!!#we r going on teams and we r gonna be matched up to the other teams for the rest of the semester. one per day#and for things to be fair we are starting using the handicap system. where there's extra padding depending on what ur average is#to make things more even across different skill levels. u just gotta bowl better than your average & then u have a shot at winning#which makes all that time i spent sucking shit quite beneficial honestly. ive got like a 90 pin handicap now#as in i add 90 pins to whatever my score is. monday i bowled a 130 (highest ive done on a graded game!) & so with handicap it was a 190#which i LOVE to see. wait not 190. 220. i can definitely do math.#but yeah so that's fun. and then it's web class and working on my presentation for tomorrow. shouldnt be hard tho.#i REALLYYYY need to do my dishes too. if i have the energy for it i should do that Today. bc. good god they are building up.#and i need to work on my next web lab tomorrow. wow it's only wednesday? it feels like thursday. like tomorrow should be friday.#anyways i dont have many more late hours so i wanna finish my lab early if i can. NO more procrastinating for me.#yesterday sucked so bad that i am like. nuh uh. im working on everything ahead of time. i am. i am. i swear.#but yeah . life . im managing. need to chill out some tho. gonna build some legos
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everything sucks but at least my hair looks banger today
#sometimes i regret hiding my identity here because i just wanna share selfies#even though some of u do know what i look like#i got under a heavy rain yesterday returning from class and came home like i just stepped out of the shower. but in clothes#so yesterday was overall a shitty day#today is a bit better because at least i dont have to go to class#also the prof for one of the classes i thoroughly ignored the entire semester send out grades and im afraid to look at mine 😬#arnold’s laments
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SOME DUMBASS HAD OPENED MY BACKPACK ON THE TRAM AND I DIDNT NOTICE IT THE WHOLE WAY HOME ARE YOU KIDDING ME
#cupid.exe#i did feel something but i thought that they had pulled a strand of hair#they were laughing at something at the guy behind me and i tried to ignore it as mich as possible#i probably have more fear of people stealing ny stuff then the average person (thanks mom) ehich is probably a good thing#so to see this happen is like nightmare level 20000 for me rn i might actually sob#thankfully i dont think anyone has actually taken anything but its still so werid#they pulled down the zipper with my pokemon keychain which is circual and thin and it probably got in the way#im tired of this school .. but i know that assholes are everywhere so id rather just be alone forever but i wont get some stupid diploma#if i go to individual classes... would save me aton of stress maybe but not worth it in the end#'u cant go without human interaction' too bad for me i guess
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#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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hey i’m a mutual who dropped out in 7th grade and i just want u to know that things will be ok. i’m going back to school this year and like you can just stop either temporarily or permanently. i promise u it will be ok
:((( thank u so much this means a lot to hear . my plan has been to drop out for like two years at this point but i never really expected it to feel this much like a huge change even though it was always going to be. and my mother asked me if i just wanted to drop out when i told her i didn't want to go in today and it's sent me on a downward spiral. sorry for putting this on your dash board whoever is online and whoever saw it.
#ugh whatever sorry these tags r going to be so whiny don't look at them if u dont want to see that.#UGHHHEH its just so much. because at least having the option to have somewhere to go every day even if i never take it has been like.#almost some sort of comfort to me. because i don't want to sit around every day if it's not my choice to be doing so.#but i've never had a job. i don't know how to write a resume i don't know how to answer interview questions i don't know anywhere that#would take me that i can get to on my own since i can't drive. but if i don't get a job. i'll be sitting around broke and miserable until#applications for the course i want open up. and i don't know how to do that. the more i think abt it today the more dropping out feels#like the best option but it doesn't make it feel less like the huge step i know it'll be. i don't have a life without school. it's the only#place i ever see my few irls. it's my one source of human interaction every week. what do i do if it's not there for the next#half a year. assuming i passed the test i needed to pass and also get into the course i want. i don't know.#and everythings in my favour!! everything is going for me!! i have it easier than so many kids at my school!#my mother is a teacher and she gets me so many of the things i need because she knows the system. literally two weeks ago she got it set up#so that i don't have to go to one of my classes because it was making me miserable and i was complaining abt it constantly.#and i just feel bad that all of her effort will have gone to waste? i know she's done everything she can but it still hasn't fixed my#hatred for the school system and i feel so bad. I DONT KNWO WAHT TO DO!!! IM GOING TO KILL MY SELF!!!#whatever what ever. i;m overreacting it's what ever
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has someone made gifs of the two times luigi has ripped his shirt off yet
#im gonna draw more repo stuff real soon btw!!! i just dont have ideas LOL#maybe image redraws but what images have i not redrawn yet ❤️#also unrelated note but when i met bill moseley twice halloween weekend he had like#SOOO many repo prints u could ask him to sign but i only went with choptop bc i didnt wanna seem weird for getting more than 1 autograph#is it weird to get more than one????#he has a luigi print on his table that i was eyeing real bad#but if i got more than one my dad would chokeslam me onto the floor for that#when i finish retaking all my classes i WILL get a job. this postgraduate shit is not for the weak guys 😭#also i think i should’ve asked for a selfie instead i dont fucking kbow i was really awkward talking with him and was on the verge of going#nonverbal 😭😭IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING HE ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO HIM TO SIGN AND I DEADASS JUST SHRUGGED#he was very nice though he reenacted a bunch of choptop lines for me to choose for him to sign LOL#im rambling in tags again sorry
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wtf is going on between dream and quackity??? I looked it up but I'm seeing so many different opinions from people 😓 what's going on and will I have to pick sides? I'm just so confused by this whole thing 😭
oh anon what rock have you been living under (and can you take me there)
this got kind of long bc a lot has happened and it's been kind of slowly building up over a month, and i kind of used this as an excuse to do something i've been wanting to do and make a rough timeline of events, so hope you don't mind the incredibly long post. it has certainly been An April (/neg) around here.
march 10th- quackity announces the big project he’s been teasing, the qsmp, a minecraft server with both spanish and english creators. dream puts out a priv tweet the same day saying he’s been working on something similar to collaborate with worldwide creators and he’s mentioning it bc he doesn’t want people to be worried about copying once it’s announced (this is foreshadowing)
april 2nd- dream announces the united smp and its accompanying live translation mod with a video and a tweet. small note here that the video was originally supposed to be an april fools video at first, which is why the international creators are skinned as the different manhunt members, but was delayed by a day bc editing took longer than expected. discourse starts near immediately as drantis are quick to accuse dream of copying q's idea of a multi language server
april 3rd- quackity announces that a new live translation mod is being implemented in the qsmp. copying accusations are now coming from both sides. note that it has been 1 day since the usmp announcement, so the chance that q actually developed a mod in that time is basically zero. also note that dream said he’d been working on the usmp prior to knowledge of qsmp’s mod being public. this is confirmed by snapchats dream posted later this month of camera roll screenshots of photos of a whiteboard with brainstorming for the usmp with the date march 8th visible, which is prior to the qsmp announcement. the point i’m trying to make here is that the most likely explanation is that it's a big damn coincidence
on this day there was also a brief copypasta started by george and sapnap joking about the similarities between the two servers (the first multilingual smp with live translation). george goes live with the smp from his copypasta tweet (slutsmp) and several ccs join throughout (during the stream its implied he basically @/everyone-ed the entire dsmp discord). he makes several shady comments but at this point its unclear if hes memeing quackity, the fans making drama out of the situation, or both
kind of skipping over a few weeks here bc its a lot of the same Nothingness but basically: discourse continues to spiral, egged on by the fact that dream has continued interacting with/mentioning quackity but is met with radio silence from the other side. there are a few clarifications from dream on twitter during this period that the qsmp and usmp are separate concepts and that he does not hold any ill will towards q
april 24th- while already somewhat assumed after quackity announced the qsmp's translation mod, quackity officially announces that the qsmp will be adding worldwide creators
april 27th- dream drops this thread which i highly recommend reading for yourself bc it gives a lot of context. tldr: quackity hasn't responded to dream despite multiple attempts to reach out, from both dream and other mutual friends. dream doesn't know what's going on with him but doesn't want any more hate to build between their two fanbases. he is explaining this because he feels he should explain his motives/give context as hate has built up to the point of irl threats to himself and his family's safety. he says that he is changing the concept of usmp slightly so there is less competition between the 2 servers and reiterates that he doesn't want any hate sent to quackity and that he's proud of all he's done
radio silence from quackity for this whole day, and then:
april 28th- quackity goes live on twitch. he says nothing about it and announces the new brazilian creators for the qsmp
and that's... kind of where we're at? q has continued being active on qsmp and social media and has said nothing, mutual friends are continuing to interact with quackity, and we've kind of reached a weird stalemate.
there's also some small bits of context that are more on the fandom side of things as to why a lot of ppl aren't supporting quackity anymore, so i'll (semi-briefly) try to explain those here:
during all this a mod on the qsmp was (rightfully) called out for including a mob that portrayed incredibly racist stereotypes of indigenous people. q did eventually remove the mod after public pressure but his apology/explanation of the situation was incredibly lackluster, and he didn't address any of the server members who made racist comments about the mob or after the mod's removal. this soured a lot of people's opinion of quackity/the qsmp in general.
second thing is just general vitriol between the two fandoms. qsmp fans/quackity solos were already being nasty at the start of the month, and that only built as the month continued. i saw at least one instance of a fan supposedly being doxxed and having someone show up to their house over the drama, and heard of ppl having gore/photos of self harm sent to their dms (so y'know. classic toxic twitter fandom bullshit). i will say that the toxicity has recently somewhat risen on the dteam side of things as well, with people being a lot quicker to hate on ccs still interacting with quackity and generally being super neg abt q (tho i can't act like some of that anger isn't slightly warranted. hell, i've been super angry over this and i used to be a super big fan of quackity). a lot of people are disappointed in q's silence over this whole issue and believe that it is quackity's responsibility to at least publicly denounce the doxxing/threats being made by fans in defense of him, especially as it's something that dream has already done, both prior to this situation and during.
as far as "picking sides" goes... a lot of ppl here on dtblr have been doomposting for a while, and at this point quackity is basically in no one's good books. at the same time, most of the rational people i follow have been acknowledging the nuance of the situation, and that a lot of mutual friends may be caught in the middle right now (shit dude, you're talking to a foolish main and that dude's still on quackity's damn server). there's also the matter of dream basically asking people to stop fighting, which at this point i am very inclined to agree with due to the levels of discourse and toxicity that we've already gone through, plus i think it's a better alternative than the community self-cannibalizing any time someone mentions quackity
ultimately it's up to you to decide what you want to do with this info and how much you want to remove yourself/unstan ccs, but know you aren't alone if you're sad/disappointed about how this whole thing has panned out 🫂 it has certainly been quite the Month around here
#sorry this took so long to get to. i had class for 5 hrs and then when i got back i was tired & didnt wanna think abt discourse for a bit#i could go back and add links to tweets and such if anyone wants but i think this is mostly accurate#feel free to add on if there's anything you think i missed or could be helpful#and anon i hope ur doing well. also sorry for making u read all that <3#asks#anon#discourse#long post#its under a readmore but still. fair warning. long post#ALSO this is all shit we already know if this starts up arguing again im gonna explode into a million pieces no one start shit#i dont think anyone will but i just get nervous whenever i discourse post bc im v nonconfrontational and dont wanna start more arguments#everyone b niceys okay....
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shout out to my fourth and fifth grade teachers . i had genuinely lifechanging experiences with both of them
#text#i told my fourth grade teacher this bc my sister was in her class and i was like. Hey can u deliver a letter for me#cuz she was the person who inspired me to start writing#waughghh. man.#and my fifth grade teacher was i think literally the only person to realize i was definitely going thru something way more stressful#than a fifth grader should have to endure on their own And he couldnt fix it especially bc he didnt know what was going on but he let#me choose my seat on the assigned seating chart even though no one else got to choose. And i needed that at the time it was sort of#like being revived from the brink of death in terms of lifechanging events at the time#anyway i dont know whyi amsharming this. been really into anecdotes recently i guess
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#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
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fuck i might be on the au/dhd spectrum
rant in tags ok!!!!!!!!
#crazy revelation!!!!!#undiagnosed but its all there my god#what do j do.#i cant fkn say it irl bc 1. parents... scary will judge me and 2. friends.... idiots will judge me#magbe they wont. but the fact that i am seen as the academically gifted#'better than average' student does Not help#but i coild be wrong yk#i just dont want to go into a space i dont deserve to be in#i feel like an impostor the hell#there was a girl in my class last year that everyone said definitely had adhd (she also agreed) bc she was just. stereotypical adhd yk?#struggled in school#hyper#terrible at focusing#rambled so much#etc etc which all makes sense#but when i tried to say that 'oh i have adhd too!' i got shut down SO quick#my friends all went like 'lmfao no way youre the smartest kid in class without even trying#n youre not even hyper and energetic??? u also hate talking too like??? no way u have adhd'#so i was justlike oh........okay 🙁#and GGGGGGOODDDDDDD#fuxking hell#whatever#i hate this shit#text#rant#vent#delete later
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Really funny this white dude in my speech class group i remember he kept making eye contact with me and i was like does he like me um and turns out he did that with everybody white people weird
#cherry says#anyways fun inside GOD THAT SEMESTER WAS STICKY my mom could not take unemployment well#me i got used to the cycle of looking for jobs getting nothing then stop looking bc my mom said dont worry about it ill pay the bills#i did that over and over and with film jobs id just look at texas film commission sometimes just to look#but i myself got used to the job hunting so i felt zoned out from it yet#that area felt as much a daydream as my wanting to go make a movie i didnt think i wanted to tell myself that#especially because i still was doing acting looking for acting#but yeah there was times my mom would make violent fits she would wonder what was happening#i think those times revealed a lot of the weird complexity of our relationship after high school#i didnt pity her but i did feel like i owed her something i believed so many things she told me#i feel like she wanted me to see her work as a sacrifice so i must do this and that but it was way deeper#parental love became a fucking duty to show it that was just it i did what she said#to at the same time comfort myself when i had no job and maybe even to comfort myself for being scared#i think tbh i need to face that past action that i was scared i was scared of reality even if it was a reality she talked of#i was scared of growing up and didnt wanna think about it i was scared of the future in 2 months when class ended#so maybe my mom with no job suddenly presented the risks we were all taking#maybe it made me more scared of what was to be on the outside#somebody who put fear in my head who said dont worry u study i work and that was gone#perhaps i shouldve taken that opportunity to realize NOTHING LASTS.#YOUR MOTHER WHO ALWAYS MADE IT SOUND LIKE THE WORLD WAS CONTROLLED AND PREDICTED BY HER IS AS VULNERABLE AS YOU NOTHING LASTS#but i didnt i instead became the punching bag again the quiet good girl and kept on thats a lot to swallow even more
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