#i didnt pity her but i did feel like i owed her something i believed so many things she told me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Really funny this white dude in my speech class group i remember he kept making eye contact with me and i was like does he like me um and turns out he did that with everybody white people weird
#cherry says#anyways fun inside GOD THAT SEMESTER WAS STICKY my mom could not take unemployment well#me i got used to the cycle of looking for jobs getting nothing then stop looking bc my mom said dont worry about it ill pay the bills#i did that over and over and with film jobs id just look at texas film commission sometimes just to look#but i myself got used to the job hunting so i felt zoned out from it yet#that area felt as much a daydream as my wanting to go make a movie i didnt think i wanted to tell myself that#especially because i still was doing acting looking for acting#but yeah there was times my mom would make violent fits she would wonder what was happening#i think those times revealed a lot of the weird complexity of our relationship after high school#i didnt pity her but i did feel like i owed her something i believed so many things she told me#i feel like she wanted me to see her work as a sacrifice so i must do this and that but it was way deeper#parental love became a fucking duty to show it that was just it i did what she said#to at the same time comfort myself when i had no job and maybe even to comfort myself for being scared#i think tbh i need to face that past action that i was scared i was scared of reality even if it was a reality she talked of#i was scared of growing up and didnt wanna think about it i was scared of the future in 2 months when class ended#so maybe my mom with no job suddenly presented the risks we were all taking#maybe it made me more scared of what was to be on the outside#somebody who put fear in my head who said dont worry u study i work and that was gone#perhaps i shouldve taken that opportunity to realize NOTHING LASTS.#YOUR MOTHER WHO ALWAYS MADE IT SOUND LIKE THE WORLD WAS CONTROLLED AND PREDICTED BY HER IS AS VULNERABLE AS YOU NOTHING LASTS#but i didnt i instead became the punching bag again the quiet good girl and kept on thats a lot to swallow even more
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Great! I asked because if you didnt take prompts I wanted to be respectful of it, also okay if you dont feel like doing it or if you take your time, I admire and appreciate all your work. It's an angsty one😅 after the supergirl reveal, all the events and their drifting apart, Kara and Lena are rekindling their friendship, kara tells lena she's in love with her, lena confesses her feelings too but tells kara that after everything they cant be more than friends, angst here, then a happy ending 😁
“You’re my Lois,” she said softly, almost to herself.
(It had been on her mind for days and weeks and months now, words she was afraid to fully verbalize, thoughts and feelings she wasn’t sure she quite wanted to string into something coherent.
But now, in the silence, in their solitude, the words slipped out as easy as breathing, slipped out without her consent, her knowledge, her desire.)
Lena didn’t turn towards her, just wrapped her arms tighter around herself to stave off the chilly bite of the air. “I don’t know what that means,” she finally offered, voice terribly soft, eyes still focused on the city lights below them.
(National City was beautiful in the fall. Parks turned orange and yellow and red, pumpkins and cartoon turkeys and the strong scent of cinnamon could be found on every street corner. Jackets got dusted off and pulled on, scarves wound their way around people’s necks, the smell of hot chocolate seemed to permeate the air.
And Lena looked at home in the fall. Her hair was down more often than not, gentle curls framing her face. She was wrapped in soft sweaters and warm colors, looking gentler, calmer, more at ease.
And she was, in every way, Kara’s Lois.) “It’s...I—well.” Explaining was harder than she thought. Giving meaning to what she said was harder than she expected. “You’re the one I’d spin the world the opposite direction for, you know?” “Don’t be ridiculous, Kara,” Lena scoffed, turning away from the city and meeting Kara’s eyes briefly before walking through the sliding glass doors and back into her apartment. Kara followed sullenly behind. “What good would that even do?” “Turns back time,” Kara joked softly, watching Lena pour herself a glass of wine. Once maybe, days and weeks and months ago, she would have offered Kara a glass as well. Now she just set the bottle aside and sipped slowly, as if daring Kara to comment. “Why would you want to turn back time for me? And what does this have to do with Lois?” She seemed genuinely confused, and Kara realized she needed to be more direct.
(In and of itself, it was a scary thought. She didn’t want to confess her feelings and be rebuffed. She didn’t want to tell the truth and leave herself open to...what, pain? A lack of reciprocation? Laughter at her expense?
And yet, and yet...Lena was her Lois, and she was worth it all the same.)
“What I’m trying to say,” Kara tried again, biting on her lip as she attempted to find the right words, beginning to think there were only three, not quite sure how to gather the courage to say them. “Remember Mon-El?” she said, switching tactics.
“Vaguely,” Lena responded, amused. She walked over to her kitchen, pulled out a kettle, a mug, and a packet of hot chocolate mix (an item she only kept at her place because she knew about Kara’s preference for it over tea). “What about him?” she asked as she put the water to boil, raising her eyebrow and looking at Kara expectantly.
“When I sent him away, chose to save everyone over keeping him, Clark told me he could never do that,” Kara explained, that moment etched into her memory, inescapable and dare she say profound in the absence of feeling. “He said if it came down to keeping Lois or the world...well, he wouldn’t know what to do.”
Lena looked down, focusing on pouring the boiling water into the mug and adding the hot cocoa mix, stirring it in slowly. “Oh,” she whispered finally, pushing the mug towards Kara, “that’s what you mean about my being your Lois.”
“Lena, I—”
“—to be honest, though,” Lena interrupted, frowning, “I don’t think you have a Lois.”
(Well, if anything could make those three words Kara wanted to say shrink back into their shell, it was that.
And for it to be said so casually, so abruptly, so utterly convincingly, as though there wasn’t any doubt in Lena’s mind. Well. That more than hurt, that felt vaguely offensive.)
“That’s so—”
“—you’re too,” Lena waved her hands, struggling with finding a word, “honorable,” she finally settled on. “You believe in duty, in sacrifice, in putting everyone before you.” She smiled, looking inexplicably proud, and picked up her wine glass, taking a small sip. “You’re too selfless. If it came down to it, Kara, you’d break your own heart a thousand times over for the world.”
Kara blinked, wondering how Lena misinterpreted her. “No, Lena, I’m saying—”
“—no, I know,” Lena interrupted, setting her wine aside and walking over to stand in front of Kara, so close that Kara could practically smell the alcohol on Lena’s breath. Rather than meet Lena’s eyes, Kara kept her gaze on the ceiling. “And I love you, too. But we’re not Clark and Lois.”
(And oh, Lena got it. She got it and she was braver than Kara, laying the words out there, giving the feelings between them a name, finally, finally, calling it what it was.
Love. She loved Lena.)
“I don’t pull off the suit as well as he does, I know,” Kara joked sadly, eyes still on the ceiling, knowing where Lena was going with this.
(It was too soon. It was too much. It was too hard.)
“Kara,” Lena admonished, forcing Kara to meet her gaze. Kara’s vision was a little blurred, so she wasn’t quite sure if those were tears in Lena’s eyes or if her allergies were just working up again. “We can’t,” Lena told her, voice trembling.
“Right. No. Of course.”
“Kara, after everything, being friends is hard enough, do you really—”
“—I said I got it,” Kara interrupted, blinking, horrified when her vision cleared and she felt something wet roll down her cheeks. She was crying. Crying. How utterly embarrassing.
(She looked away again, unwilling to see pity in Lena’s expression, unwilling to confirm for herself that what was welling up in Lena’s eyes was indeed allergies.
She looked away again, because she was willing to break her heart a thousand times over for the world, but she didn’t know how to cope with her breaking heart now.)
“I’m just.” She stopped, heaved a breath, and nodded curtly. “Just friends sounds good. But I’m going to go now.” She stepped back from Lena, practically power-walked towards the balcony door, stopping only when she felt something tug on her cape.
“Kara,” Lena began, but Kara didn’t turn. Couldn’t turn. Whatever courage Lena had been on when she’d managed to say the words Kara couldn’t seemed to fade, however, and she released her grip on Kara’s cape and pulled back. “You pull the suit off way better than him, don’t sell yourself short.”
(It wasn’t what Lena wanted to say, Kara didn’t need the uptick of Lena’s heartbeat or the soft, regretful sigh she released a moment after the words escaped her lips.
It wasn’t what Lena wanted to say, but it was what she did say, and Kara managed nothing more than a strangled laugh in response, taking off into the night and leaving Lena and a mug of hot chocolate untouched behind her.)
xxx
The next time she saw Lena was at game night.
(This was not for a lack of trying on Lena’s part. She’d invited Kara to lunch, to coffee, to a variety of science-related events—even Lena’s TED Talk—but Kara had declined them all, citing work or Supergirl-catastrophes.
Finally, Lena had sent a text reading just hmph, and Kara had spent the rest of the afternoon asking Nia if it was a good or bad hmph.)
Game night, however, Kara couldn’t avoid. Namely, because it was at her own apartment. She had managed to avoid directly inviting Lena, resorting instead to a group chat message, something that had Nia shaking her head and muttering “children.”
(And rationally, Kara knew better. She knew that she was supposed to be a better friend, that they were working on repairing their tattered and bruised friendship, that they needed to reestablish all those lines of communication and trust that had been burned to the ground.
She knew, but she struggled. She struggled with the thought of looking at Lena and not thinking about how much she loved her, not thinking that Lena felt the same way, not thinking that had she been better—a better friend, a more honest friend, a kinder friend—then there would have been nothing in the way of her reaching out to take Lena by the hand, tug her forward, chase her lip, and—
Well. All those were things she was determinedly not trying to think of.)
She was a bit of a mess by the time Lena arrived, looking as beautiful and breathtaking as ever, a bag of takeout in her hand, an unsure smile on her lips.
“Are you sure?” Lena whispered, not entering Kara’s apartment. “If this is too much—”
“—I want you here,” Kara cut in, not really embarrassed by how desperate she sounded. Because now that she was looking at Lena, she forgot why she had wanted to maintain distance in the first place. Self-preservation no longer seemed very important to her. “I always want you with me.”
“As a friend,” Lena added, cheeks flushed, suddenly very interested in her shoes, her heart pounding away, teeth digging into her bottom lip.
Kara wasn’t sure what it all meant. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. So instead, she responded with the honesty she should’ve afforded Lena sooner—the honesty her best friend was owed. “In any capacity you’ll have me,” she said.
Lena didn’t respond, but as she walked by to enter Kara’s apartment, the fingers of her free hand ran over the inside of Kara’s hand, barely brushing over Kara’s palm, really, and it was like an electric shock, leaving Kara paralyzed to the spot until Alex took pity on her and unrooted her—physically dragging her over to the food and games.
(And the entire night, as Kara flexed the hand Lena touched repeatedly, she noticed that every time she looked over at Lena, Lena was already looking at her.
And the entire night, as Nia muttered “children” under her breath, Kara began to hope.)
xxx
As the weeks dragged on and Lena showed no signs of wanting anything to evolve between them, much of that hope evaporated. She was only holding onto the last tendrils when she had to show up at L-Corp (again) to stop some madman’s mad henchmen from trying to kill Lena (again).
When the men were appropriately stopped and detained, Kara found herself on the balcony with Lena (again), staring out at the city (this too, again). Lena wasn’t drinking anything, and she wasn’t dressed in her soft sweaters. Instead, she was wearing a navy suit, hair pulled tightly back, hands in her pockets as she leaned against the balustrade, eyes on Kara.
“You took awhile to get here,” Lena finally said, and Kara turned to her, a little offended.
“There was a fire, Lena. I had to make sure it was out before—”
“—but I thought I was your Lois?” she interrupted, with more than a little snark. Kara straightened, standing at her full height as she approached Lena.
“First of all, low blow. Secondly, you said it yourself, I don’t have a Lois. Maybe you need to find a less honorable friend,” Kara told her, eyes narrowed.
Lena didn’t look sorry. If anything, she seemed...content. “I’ve been thinking about it, you know?” She tugged her hands out of her pockets, and Kara thought her heart slammed to a halt when Lena reached out and placed her hands on Kara’s shoulders, drawing her in. “I think the truth is,” she continued, hands sliding across Kara’s shoulders, interlocking behind Kara’s neck, “you’re my Lois. Because there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you, even give up a chance at something more, something I really want, because I was scared it wouldn’t work and I’d lose you completely.”
“Something you really want, huh?” Kara said, her heart jumpstarting at the feeling of Lena’s fingers against her neck, at the way Lena’s thumbs rubbed gently against the base of her skull, at the way Lena leaned up, pressing their foreheads together. “Are you still scared?”
“Terrified,” Lena breathed. “But I figure I could be a little more like you, potential heartbreak and all.”
Kara tried to nod, managing nothing more than gently head-butting Lena and making her laugh. “We probably need to figure out a better way to describe how we feel about each other, I think my cousin and Lois may get concerned—”
“—Kara?” Lena interrupted, pulling away just a bit.
“Yeah?”
“We can definitely talk about this if you want. Or you could just kiss me. Whichever you prefer.”
(In the end, it was an easy choice.
And judging from the way Lena sighed into her mouth, she felt the same way.)
755 notes
·
View notes
Note
If anything Infinity Train fans stanning Amelia, a rich white adult woman who knowingly committed atrocities for thirty years shows Simon would get stanned regardless of gender.
Mmmmm I disagree. In fact I made a post comparing Amelia and Simon since many people would say that they’re basically the same, since they’ve both killed someone. HOWEVER, their biggest difference is the fact that Amelia regrets her actions and was willing to change, committing horrible acts becuz she was clouded by grief. While Simon has never showed a single sign of remorse, and does his actions to get a power trip.
The reason I dislike many Simon fans (even though I also like him as a character) is becuz many people sound like they’re excusing his behavior becuz he’s mentally ill. People make him out that he’s better than he actually is, saying he “wasn’t given a chance to redeem himself” and will even go as far to blame Grace for some of his actions, removing all accountability from him. I don’t nearly see that enough with Amelia. Amelia at this point, has taken full accountability for her actions and is currently trying to correct them. Both Simon and Amelia have been through horrible things, and done horrible things, but I can’t compare them in this sense when they’ve handled their situations completely different. Amelia is getting better, Simon got so bad he attempted another murder and died.
I also think the “regardless of gender” part is also kinda of... tone deaf? In fandom spaces, it’s very very often that the villainous white boy will always be pitied more than a woman. A lot of people turning on the woman and blaming her instead of a man for his own actions. In a lot of cases, a woman is villainized for the same actions of a man. People will always look for an excuse for why a pure little white boy isn’t actually that bad of a guy and use mental illness as an excuse. A lot of people, like I’ve mentioned, turned on Grace and blamed her for not “helping Simon” despite her saying herself that she did not owe Simon anything, and fans ignoring the trauma he has caused Grace herself.
I DO think gender is an important factor with how people interact with characters and isn’t just something that should be brushed off as “regardless of gender”. I think in this case, Amelia gets more EARNED sympathy due to the fact that she feels regrets for her actions, and trying to make up for all the harm that she’s done. The amount of pity that Simon gets, I personally do not believe is earned. You can sympathize with him, and his troubles to an extent, but he made his own bed and lied in it. He caused destruction and harm to everyone around him and nearly got Grace killed. I can’t show a lot of compassion for someone who can’t even show remorse for their own actions, unlike I can with Amelia. Not to mention, Amelia’s motivation is something I can sympathize more as a viewer. Her motivation is as grief, Simon’s was power, and hate, to feel and be stronger.
I can compare their actions, but their motivations and how they dealt with the chance of redemption are completely different. Amelia took the act of change where Simon didnt. This isn’t any excuse for her actions, of course, and people who try to excuse her actions with the fact she’s trying to change are wrong for doing so, but I would say she is lightyears further in progress than Simon ever got. Simon died a bad person but Amelia doesn’t have to.
15 notes
·
View notes
Note
Top 10 favorite TG/RE characters? I dont think ive seen a sorta list other than really liking Suzuya. haha.
I’ve actually done a top 20 one for Tokyo ghoul before! However...It changes all the time so its probably a good thing you’re asking me this! Chances are if I get asked this question again in the next month it will all be changed around lol.
Also I love explaining why I love characters and stuff so Im actually happy to be doing this.
Heres some honorable mentions because there is a chance that if theirs a next time for this-They will be in it because I love them that much:
(Some one I previously didnt care for but now after rereading it like)Furuta-
Ui-
Rize:
Tsukiyama-
Kaneki-
Uta-
Eto Yoshimura(Oof I love her why isnt she in the top 10 wtf me-):
Now onto the list!!
10. Karren von Rosewald
I really...really feel for this character. I dont think shes trans-So I will be using female pronouns and her real name. Karren is someone that I at first had a hard time liking-She was hurting another character I liked after all-But as her arc went on and her character got more fleshed out-I started to like her more and more. Her desire to be loved and just seen by Tsukiyama pulled at my heartstrings and made but just want to hug her. I will forever wish we saw more of her.
9. Hairu Ihei
I really liked her-Even in the very beginning. She was cute and had a funny personality that meshed well with Ui. And then the more intriguing side came out of her-The sorta sadistic and badass side. Hairu was fun to watch fight and I really loved her quinque. And her want to be seen by Arima-It was very similar to Karrens want to be loved-Although not as fleshed out. Over all I wish I had seen her more, especially with Ui because that would have been great and she would probably be higher!
8. Amon Koutarou
Amons someone weve seen since the beginning. He was someone who was really into justice and killing ghouls because that was justice was to him. However after he was taken and turnt into something he hated most his veiws changed and with that my feelings did-I’ll be honest he was sorta...boring at first. I laughed at his ‘push ups for the dirty minded’ and I also rooted for him and Akira-However there was just something...Missing. And then his return came and that something that was missing was put their. An extra layer and a change of heart! And because of this and his actions in Re: He made it on this list.
7. Kurona Yasuhisa
I have a soft spot for twins in general-So me loving her was almost decided right off the bat. Her stone cold sass and love she carried for her sister-It made me love her a lot in the first series. And in the second when shes driven by revenge and anger I still loved her and continued to do so. I think her little relationship with Kaneki, Seidou, and Ayato was really cute to! I would have loved to see more as it was both really amusing to watch as well as fun to see the fight scenes with them. Her sass carried onto her later form-maybe to a even greater extent tbh however her character grew to move passed vengeance and even admit jealousy. I just grew to love her even more as time went on.
6. Seidou Takizawa
I wasnt fond of him at first. He was mean to Akira, Annoying to Juuzou, and just overall...bland. So normal and trying to one up other characters then getting bitter because he couldnt. But you see...After rereading the story I realized that he was supposed to be normal. A completely normal guy who never did anything he wasnt supposed to. And thats why when he got taken with Amon and he broke and turned into something completely different it made such a huge impact on the viewers. It was because of how normal he was that his return was so...great. And after that I really, really loved him. Everytime he was on screen and grew I craved for more. And his relationship with Akira and Amon, as well as later on with Kaneki and his little group that teamed up was so interesting and fun to watch. Although it could be just as heartbreaking as fun when it comes to Akira and Amon.
5. Saiko Yonebayashi
Saiko wasnt someone I liked at first tbh. She was kinda annoying and I wondered why she was their in the first place but then...She developed and got so, so much better. And before I even knew it I realized I was falling in love with her throughout the whole series. Her compassion and want to do the right thing, the actual right thing, made me love her so much. And her love for Urie and Mutsuki-Ow my heart. She was funny and loving and made me smile almost everytime I saw her. And her backstory, although definitely not the saddest in the series, was still enough to make me understand her and pity her. And Something else I loved about her was the fact that it didnt define her. A lot of the other characters got stuck in the past-She didnt. She moved on. And I loved that about her so much.
4. Akira Mado
Akira~Oh geez do I love her. Someone who, in my opinion, is very underrated in the fandom. Shes so wonderfully written as a dominate female character in the show. She is feminine looking wearing skirts, dresses, heels, and having long hair and unlike most shows this doesnt stop her. She is one of the best investigators, rising in rank above a lot of the male ones. Akira has a sharp tongue when need be as well and doesnt take anyones shit. But despite this she inst just strong. Her emotional side is very vulnerable. She cries and makes choices that make her second guess herself. And her journy to forgive Touka and starting to care about Ghouls and their safty-It all made me love her even more. And thats not even getting to the topic of her relationships with Amon, Haise and Seido haha
3. Touka Kirishima
Touka is a wonderfully done character. Her development from a girl who was very angry and hurt to a woman who was understanding but still willing to fight for the people she loves was done great in my opinion. She had to grow into something else then a hateful ghoul and she did. I always loved her. I thought she was a very strong woman that still had depth to her. Her relationship with Ayato and Hinami being the first things that I started to love about her. And when everything started to crumbling for her she mourned but then she got right back up again. She started another Cafe and then she met Haise and got her life on track again. She fought when she had to and protected who she needed to. And overall my love for her grew more and more powerful as the manga went on.
2. Mutsuki Tooru
Now, Once again, I know this character is hated. Like excessively. However I...always loved him. Yes him. Unlike Karren I believe Mutsuki is trans so I will be using male pronouns. Mutsuki in the beginning was just so damn relatable to me. Having Anxiety, being more on the shy side but wanting to do the best you can. That was just...me. I really loved him for that reason and with that came the cuteness he brought. I thought he was really adorable. But then he changed. And the broken parts came out. I...felt so, so bad for him. And Mutsuki is also one of the most interesting characters to me. For me to analyze and watch his actions. And I understood why Mutsuki is the way he is. He was abandoned and hurt, Confused and broken. I felt things for Mutsuki on a different level then I did for almost any other character in the show. And thats why I love him so much.
1. Juuzou Suzuya
Is it really a surprise who my top spot is? Juuzou, My boy. My love. My hope. He is...My favorite character, maybe of all time, for so many reasons. Hes smart, and strong, and so very interesting. His growth into someone who is more intuned to others emotions was so very great to see. He has a squad now and some of my favorite things about him was his relationship with them and their respect and love for him. And juuzou is just so very cute but is also a complete badass. Something I love about him as well is his ability to say such...profound things in such a abstract way. And his love for Shinohara...now dont get me started. I could go on, and on about why I love him. But I’ll save you the trouble haha.
And there you have it!! My New Top 10! It was super fun doing this btw so thanks for that. ^^
Now Im going to go cry over how much I love these characters T.T
#juuzou#juuzou suzuya#tg#tg re#tokyo ghoul#tokyo ghoul re#mutsuki tooru#mutsuki#kurona#kurona yasuhisa#touka#touka kirishima#akira#akira mado#saiko#saiko yonebayashi#amon#amon koutarou#hairu#hairu ihei#kanae von rosewald#kanae#karren von rosewald#karren#seidou#seidou takizawa#eto#eto yoshimura#ui#ui koori
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
flipped. | tom holland (pt.2)
pairing: Tom Holland x reader
y/n pov
I feel a hand placed on my shoulder and look up to see Alexis giving me a sympathetic look. I force my watery eyes to not look at the scene literally right in front of me.
“I’d love to go see a movie with you this weekend tom.” Her too perky voice rings in my ears.
I can’t make out his reply, I assume it was just as excited. At least he’s happy.
I don’t even realize tears are streaming down my face before tom turns around to look at me, but I’ve already ran off, feriously wiping at my tears and feeling so incredibly stupid.
tom pov
Turning around, I see y/n running off. Maybe I’ve finally done it. Has she been driven away?
I turn back around to see Kelsey back on her phone and picking at her nails. She rolls her eyes at something and then looks back up at me and gives me a smile. I didn’t realize someone could look so annoyed and happy so fast? Was she faking it? It wasn’t a genuine smile… like..
“Tom!” Kelsey snaps me out of my thoughts.
I quickly give my full attention towards her. “Huh? Did you say something?”
“Uh, yeah, I was just about to say that Alexis looks beyond awful today. Like what even is that? Why wear a sweatshirt and leggings everyday?”
I feel a twinge of anger towards her. Alexis has never done anything to her, she’s quite shy just like y/n. Both of them have never done anything to her actually.
“And don’t even get me started on y/n…”
Now I’m just mad. Why do I feel very defensive? Y/n is just annoying, that’s all. Was she really though? Has she ever been annoying? She just wants to talk to m-
“Oh my god! Say something!”
I don’t know why I say it, but I do. And I instantly regret it.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
I don’t think she is right. She has no right to say those things about y/n. Regardless of how uncomfortable I feel around her.
y/n pov
It feels like I’ve been dabbing at my eyes with a paper towel in the girl’s bathroom for hours, when in reality it’s been five minutes.
Alexis came in to comfort me, but I really just wanted to be left alone. It’s kind of ironic how I wanted to be alone, when that’s the feeling I’ve been afraid of all my life.
I take a look at myself in the mirror, I feel a pang of hurt in my chest. I look so sad, why am I backtracking? I was doing so well. I don’t want to go back to that place ever again. I just shrug it of, pick up my backpack and place it on my shoulder.
As I walk out, I collide with a chest.
“Ouch.” I mumble
“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry!”
I look up to see harry, Tom’s younger brother looking down at me with concern filled eyes.
I give a small smile, “it’s no problem, Harry. I should of been looking at where I was going. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“Love don’t apologize, really.”
I blush a little at the pet name. I had never really talked to Harry. He seemed nice enough at our neighborhood dinners, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with him.
“Are you okay? You look as if you’ve been crying.”
I look up at him and laugh nervously, “oh, um, actually…no I’m not okay. Plus, my older sister had to borrow my car so I’m left with no choice but to walk home.”
I don’t know why I’m opening up to him, but I am. He gives me another stare full of pity.
“Would you like to sit with me at lunch? I could try to get your mind off of whatever is bothering you? And then after school I could ask my older brother to give you a ride with us.”
I’m about to accept his offer when he mentions tom. I don’t feel like being in his car, I don’t feel like being around him at all. I can’t make it seem like I’m hurt. I can’t be obvious.
“I’d love that.”
tom pov
I make my way towards my first class when I see harry come around the corner. There’s someone a little bit behind him, but they make their way next to him and laugh at what he said. Their laugh sounds beautiful I must say. Then I see who it is…y/n? Harry and y/n. When I said to talk to her I didnt mean it literally.
Then they walk right past me, y/n doesn’t look at me once. What was that all about? I feel my stomach drop to the floor. Why is this bothering me so much.
By the time lunch rolls around, I sit next to my best mate Harrison. He says something to me but I am too distracted by my thoughts to anknowlege him. I feel a smack upside my head and jump out of my seat. “Ow what the actual fuck is wrong with you harrison?” I growl.
“What’s wrong with me? What about you mate?”
“It’s nothing, I swear.”
My eyes search for someone who I never thought I would be searching for, y/n. Where is she? She usually is sat down at her table by now.
My thoughts are interrupted and my heart pangs one million times in my chest as I see her walk through the cafeteria doors with not only Alexis by her side, but harry. Of fucking course.
They both sit at his table and I furrow my eyebrows. What the fuck?
“Tom, what the fuck are you staring at?”
I ignore harrison, just keep my gaze set on my younger brother chatting up y/n.
“Are you jealous that y/n has found another holland to admire, eh?” His voice rings through my ears
Harrison is right. I am. I’m jealous. All of her attention used to be directed towards me and now that she hasn’t given me one glance, I feel sad. betrayed. I always wanted her to lay off all the staring and admiring, but now that she actually is, it feels almost wrong.
“Leave me alone.” I whisper. My soft response surprises my best mate.
“Sorry, tom, I didn’t realize you liked her that much. I thought you hated her.”
Taking a breath, “I don’t, I do, uh fuck, help me what is wrong with me?”
My eyes peel away from y/n laughing at something Harry said. The bloke isn’t the least bit funny, what if she is pretending to find what he said funny? Isn’t that what girls do when they fancy someone. Does she fancy him?
Harrison’s eyes soften once he realizes how much this is taking a toll on me.
“I think you may like her more than you think mate.”
“But, why? This morning I was so dead set on getting her to leave me alone, but now that she kind of is, I don’t like it. I’d rather her keep admiring me than acting as if I was never there. What is this?”
“As I said mate, you like her. Now just take a look at her.”
I hesitate to turn back towards her, scared of what I might see. But, I do it anyway and she’s surprisingly staring down at her food.
“Now, tell me. Do you think she’s beautiful?”
As I watch her poke at her food with a fork, I look at her hands. They seem so small and dainty, but hands that would of held only the best things. Caring hands. If only my hands were holding hers. They would be a perfect fit. I then look at the outfit she is wearing. A maroon sweater that suits her well. Her hair, h/c, it flows down one side of her shoulder and the rest is tucked behind her ear. A piece falls out from behind her ear and I feel an urge to take it and place it in its rightful position. She turns to harry again and smiles at him. That damn smile. It reaches her eyes and it’s genuine, not like Kelsey’s. Hers was fake beyond belief. But, this one is real and beautiful. As I look at her, I realize she is beautiful. I never took a good look at her. I didn’t appreciate her beauty until now, and I feel like a right idiot for taking so long.
“Yes. She is.” I smile a little as I watch her. I probably look like such a goof with doe eyes the size of planets.
“Well, took you long enough.”
I chuckle at that. The bell rings and I watch y/n stand up and walk out of the cafeteria with Alexis, saying something to my younger brother. Harry is still in the cafe, so I make my way over to him.
“Well bye to you too!” Harrison yells over at me, but I merely send a side wave of my hand.
Harry is about to leave when I catch his arm. He turns around and jumps back a little, ready to defend himself, but relaxes once he sees its me.
“Oh, god, tom don’t scare me like-“
“Why was y/n sitting with you?” I can’t help the words falling from my mouth.
He looks taken back, furrowing his eyebrows and emits a light chuckle, “why do you care, you hate-“
“Don’t say that.” I say with a tone of anger in my voice. It kills me how rude I’ve been towards her. If someone mentions it one more time, I could explode of guilt.
“Well she looked pretty upset today and came out of the restroom crying, so I comforted her.”
I furrow my eyebrows and I feel a deep pain in the pit of my stomach. She was crying. Whoever made her feel that way is going to get a nice punch in the face from me. I can’t believe-
“And I offered to give her a ride after school. So if you don’t mind, you will be bringing her home with us.”
I let go of his arm and my eyes lighten. This could be my chance to get to talk to her. Actually talk to her.
“Really? I, uh, I mean sure I would be happy to give her a ride.”
“Sweet mate. You really will love her, I already do.”
0 notes