#dont exactly know what it means or if it actually is anything specific. its vague i was just sorta going for a feeling

[silverislander]

working here is making me a little bit nuts abt antibullying again <3

[cannibalistic-suggestions]

Rotting, festering on an operating table, under sunlight and moonlight. Exposed.

Lying for days, as flesh begins to pucker and flies gather curiously, kissing muscle tissue and sipping oils from cross-sectional glands. 

Are they opportunistic? Feeding on what’s been left behind? Or did they really care and consume small bits of me out of pity, to show someone is still there, in spite of it all.

I know I’ve done wrong. I almost don’t blame you for wanting vengeance, so you tore out all the terrible things that lied inside for the world to see, to cry out in disgust and leave, leave, leave. Nobody wants anything to do with something like that. Doesn’t matter if we all have the same organs in our uniform human bodies; you DARED put that on display? Your vulnerability is shameful. Revolting.

You want me to repent? I would’ve wanted you to finish mutilating me right there and then, maybe it would’ve sped up my thought process. You said I hurt others, hurt you, so why don’t I deserve to hurt in return? Why didn’t you break my bones in, snap them and shatter them, crush my miserable flesh and skin into a soupy pulp? It’s what I deserve. But after it all, you still had the audacity to say “even those like you should get a second chance.”

I’ve been rendered an open pit of blood: some parts still warm and half-clotted, but others dried to a crispy rust that flakes off pathetically from bumpy scabs. I almost don’t want to be alive anymore, and I hate that you said you’re “above” killing, all of you turning your noses up at the tainted mess I am from the moral high ground you all rent out a place in.

Why couldn’t you have just let me die? For as much as you denounce the actions my hands took, you once had kissed my fingers so gently and admired what I had made. Aren’t you tempted to destroy these tools of evil? Sever my arm and peel off every dermal layer, cut it up into pieces with your incisors and bite into flesh so deeply it splits and frays my veins. Mark me up and make me gone, wouldn’t it be the ultimate punishment?

But you’re not like that. You instead opted to leave me out here to thaw and decay, to succumb to the torturous things I ponder about while I bleed out.

Until scraps of me fall like rotten fruit, and until mold decides to grow over and cover my indecency in a soft coat so everyone forgets, I’ll ferment while I reflect.

Decomposing, because it’s all caught up to me, yet I don’t think I had a stable composition to begin with.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

hi!!!! kicks my feet id like to see ur wiwi first death thoughts pls

- @suckinitup

MY BELOVED MUTUAL SUCKINITUP HOW ARE YOU. HEAD IN HANDS. I LOVE WILLIAM WISP. FUCK. i think abt him constantly but i almost never write down my thoughts because if i think abt him for too long i make myself sick. like fr. i love him too much. ouuguhghhg going to just straight copy paste this under a cut because it is SO LONG sorry for any typos or sentences that sound weird out of context bc these were originally discord messages:

ohhhhhhh wiwi first death. god . i have so many fucking emotions about wiwi first death. before i get into this im going to say fork found in kitchen to myself because so much of how i view wiwi comes from a VERY SPECIFIC type of dp fanon that it would take me 12 years to actually explain in detail so im gonna say just trust me and understand that william wisp is literally just a fuckign. walmart rebrand of a type of danny characterization i really wish people would just oc-ify (thank you charlie slimecicle for doing this for me)

okayyyyyy okay okay okay. i love there being like. a STARK fucking difference between william before the fall and william after the fall. william before the fall was so much... brighter. in every sense of the word. he looks ALIVE because he is! hes just a . regular fuckign 16 yr old boy. that weird kid in your math class. and yeah he has . suuuuper undiagnosed untreated depression but like its a small rural town thats normal i think. hes got his little group of friends to spend hours with going on cool hikes and reading about the paranormal at the library and sitting in circles talking about conspiracy theories and things. i think UPP is. awesome. i hesitate to get too attached to them in headcanon world just because i dont want bizly to then introduce us to them in s3 and i have to reframe my whole mindset . whatever. i have vague ideas of who they are but the important bit is like. i just think theyre really good friends. and they spend a lot of time together. and william is kind of their defacto leader because... he is the only one of them who actually has truesight. they all believe in ghosts and monsters and stuff but william is the only one who can actually SEE THEM. like. constantly. and thats a lot. and even though they believe him they dont really like.... understand. which kind of makes william feel disconnected from basically everyone around him at all times. i dont think truesight is probably a well-known thing?? so when he was little and started crying to his parents about monsters they thought he just had bad night terrors and then he just................. hes 16 now and still talks about it (less so now, hes learned the horrors of middle- and hihg-school Shame and not to be Super Weird All The Time) so its more like. hmm theres something Wrong here but we dont know what and we dont know how to help. other people (you included ros) have said this better than me but goddddd you knowww the dynamic btwn william and his parents is rough. they love him! so much! and they want to support him! and william loves them too! but they dont GET IT they dont UNDERSTAND and its like. you know what i mean. when you get a mental health diagnosis and suddently everyone is treating you like youre made of glass and nobody really knows what to say around you anymore or whatever. you know what i mean. that.

ANYWAY ALL THIS IS FUCKING. PREAMBLE. GOD. the fall. man. i think there is a STRICT UPP rule of "dont go into the whispering woods alone" and thats the case for the ENTIRETY of their friendship. DONT go into the woods alone. william knows exactly what kind of shit lives in the woods and he knows hes the only one that can reliably see them and he doesnt want anyone to get hurt. MINIMUM of two members for whispering woods investigations. (this is not a town rule or anything. i think the adults of deadwood are aware that its a weird place but it all gets brushed off like . aha everywhere has quirks! and the UPP are like. the conspiracy kids that know the Real Stuff going on. very..... house of anubis is the closest Real Media vibe i can think of rn. UPP pre-fall is like the closest u will get to . scooby doo style monster of the week shenanigans that arent really super serious because theyre safe as they can be about it! bunch of kids doing a ouija board. you know how it is)

uhhhhhhh and then william starts acting weird! i think all of them are on a whispering woods investigation together and theyre all walking together and then william starts lagging behind, staring out at something none of them can see, kind of like. zoned out. tranfixed. and when theyre like "will what do you see?" he shakes his head and snaps out of it like. huh? what? nothing lets keep walking. (it was a wisp btw. obviously) and there are a couple more incidents of him doing this same thing on that one hike until eventually they decide to call it because theyre not finding anything else and tbh william youre kind of freaking us out here. will you be okay? and hes like yeah of course i will guys its nothing i swear. and then they all go home.

and thennnn without telling anyone a couple days later, william goes on a walk in the woods alone. he broke his OWN rule . on that hike he saw wisps and they were just too far away to see clearly off in the distance between the trees but he just Kept Seeing Them and the curiosity was just nagging and nagging away in his brain so much he had to know what they were (thats wisp magic babyyyy you know the mythology around them i dont need to explain that to you) . (and also there is a fair amount of. lack of self preservation because of the previously mentioned untreated unmanaged depression but if i start talking about that in detail i will overshare and also be soooooo emo forreal. know that that is an EXTREMELY important part of this decision but im also going with a little more of the teen mystery angle with this rn. bloody gory mental illness is for after he falls) so he packed his monster investigation backpack and he just. left. didnt even tell his parents he was going he just walked out of the house after school and went into the woods. and he saw the wisps again, but now that he was alone they were Closer and Brighter and they would move whenever he got close and then there was a trail of them ! like they were Leading him somewhere

and i think with some of the monsters he sees he can feel whetehr or not theyre out to hurt him . and the wisps dont feel like that. they feel... well. cold,becaue theyre ghosts, but also warm at the same time? inviting. they dont want to hurt him (they do) they just want to show him something and william "too curious for his own good" wisp wants to know what that thing is! i think he knows the woods really really well because he spends a lot of time out there. so somewhere far away in the back of his mind he kind of knows what theyre leading him toward. but he still jsut Has To Know, so he keeps jogging, keeps hopping over fallen logs and around low branches and theres always a little blue flame juuuuust out of reach so he keeps going . and then he gets to the cliff. its like a full on. burst out of the trees there is a wisp juuuust on the edge where the ground falls away. i think he trips on a root and falls flat on his stomach before he can completely just run off. it gives him a second to catch his breath, to look out and See where he is. for things to kind of come crashing down on him. if he hadnt tripped he wouldve run right off the edge and fallen and it was close enough of a near death experience for it to scare him. but the wisp is still there, and its the biggest brightest one hes seen yet and if he looks around he would see it looks like the entire forest behind him is glowing with tiny blue fires like theyre all watching him. i dont think hes really. thinking coherent thoughts at this point he just kind of. realizes now that hes out here he doesnt really want to go home. he doesnt want to go back to school, doesnt want to eat lunch in the bathroom and think about his brothers empty bedroom across the hall and have his parents look at him with such a weird mix of love and awkward pity and he knows his friends say they believe him but he can see it in their eyes sometimes that the things he says scares them and he really just has been a freak his whole life.... and he realizes as hes thinking all of this he's gotten to his feet and walked toward the wisp on the edge of the cliff. and hes just standing there feet on the very edge staring at it. its floated away now, hanging over the drop at eye level with him but its probably still close enough he could just... reach out.... and try to grab it...... and his feet slip on the rocks and JUST as he closes his hand around the wisp it almost feels like something pushes him (probably just the wind.. right?) and he falls.

he does Not remember hitting the bottom thank god. he remembers falling, and falling, and in the fall he realized he was still holding the wisp he grabbed in his hand and so he pulled it close to his chest as he fell and it almost felt like it was burning him but it was *cold* and .. then he woke up! he woke up in a misty foggy field in what looked to be the middle of the night but if he looks at the sky too long it looks *weird* its just black and empty and there are weird bluish swirls in it that could be clouds but look different, and there are trees in the distance but whenever he tries to walk toward them it feels like theyre moving the same distance away so it never really feels like hes getting anywhere.. and he trips over what he thinks is a rock and lands in the foggy grass and looks behind him and realizes *oh my god thats a gravestone-* and then he wakes up again, for real this time !!! (<< that scene is like. thats His Island. thats his lair or whatever. remember when mal first took him to the spirit world and they were in the graveyard and mal told him that was his. im going with dp style spirit world lairs and this one is williams. hear me out)

aaand. when he wakes up for real. he is at. the bottom of the cliff. EVERYTHING hurts. everything hurts so fucking badly but also everything is like... weirdly numb? and he doesnt really remember that weird dream with the fog and the trees and the grave its all kind of fading as he wakes up more and more and ... his hands are empty hes not holding the wisp anymore. he doesnt know how much time has passed. was any of that even real or did he just have some kind of nervous breakdown and jump off a fuckign cliff? i think he fucking sits there and cries about it for a loooooong time. and everythihng hurts but its gonna start getting dark soon he NEEDS to go home before it gets dark, his parents will start to worry about him and he doesnt want to do that to them. also he might need to get to a hospital or something but hey! he can move! he can stand up and walk! so he must not have any broken bones or anything he just. is bruised and sore probably. and so he. sooooo slowly. so slowly. makes his way back up the cliff (theres. a path. he doesnt have to climb i promise) and back home. alone. no wisps or anything, just william alone with his thoughts. which is . goddd its bad. thats why it takes him so long. ohhh my god what am i even gonna fucking say when i get there. hi mom and dad sorry i needed to clear my head and follow some weird ghosts and in the process i tried to kill myself and it didnt work? fuck?

so by the time he gets home... huh. the door is locked thats weird. its not fully dark yet and his parents know he stays out late with his friends a lot of the time so they usually leave the door unlocked for him. so he knocks. and his mom answers the door and takes one look at him and just fucking breaks down into tears. and so his dad comes in from around the corner to see whats going on and he starts crying too. and william is so. freaked out by this. guys whats wrong what happened. turns out he has been missing for. two weeks. nobody knew where he was or what happened and the woods are alive and weird and anyone who went out in a search part just ended up getting lost themselves and came back like an hour later with nothing. they thought he was dead. (which. i mean. he was. but like. not in the way they thought). so theres this big huge emotional family group hug or whatever with william all dirty with leaves and twigs in his hair and torn clothes and mud on his hands and feet and his mom and dad are just like oh thank god youre alive thank god youre home what happened to you and... man. euguhhhhahghhhh. emo. sorry. god. head in hands .

i thiiink. he kind of ends up telling them what happened. he leaves out the wisps though. his watered down version is.. i just needed to clear my head, i went out into the woods, i got lost, i tripped and fell. (remember how william downplays it for dakota when he asks. i tripped and fell) he doesnt tell them about the wisps but like. that almost makes it worse becuase they KNOW about his bad mental health even if they dont fully understand it and.... this version makes it sound suspiciously way more like it was just a direct suicide attempt. which. william IMMEDIATELY regrets as soon as it leaves his mouth. but thats his story now. so everything kind of... goes back to normal? normal ish??? as nrmal as they can i fucking guess?? for a couple days and he has to go back to school and. god it fucking sucks. gossip . you know how it is. hey that kid tried to kill himself and got lost in the woods for two weeks what a weirdo he freaks everyone out . that kind of stuff. so hes more isolated than EVER and even his friends wont really talk to him although theyre more... sad. than anything else. they just dont really know what to say. theyre teenagers. idk. uhhhhhh then one day he reallyreallly REALLY doesnt want to be somewhere so he hides in the bathroom and.. doesnt realize it at first but he goes invisible. and its not until a couple other kids come in and leave and dont acknowledge him at all that he notices something is weird (he feels bone chillignly cold but like. its a shitty old school building in the very beginnings of winter of course its gonna be cold) and he looks in the mirror and realizes he cant see himself. and after that more and more of his powers kind of. slowly manifest? and he is VERY bad at controlling them and he plans not to tell anyone at first (hes already enough of a freak) until one day his dad finds him like. halfway through the floor in his bedroom and its this . kind of funny ridicuous but also really scary moment. and william has a realization at some point like. oh. i think i *died*. and auughhghg. i think thats all i ahve for now. but . man. when i tell you i think about this soo fucking much man.

[no-more-rqs]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I'm actually radqueer myself. Uh but I just have some genuine questions for you? I'm not looking to fight, I just find your account super super interesting.

I was scrolling through it, expecting you to be vocally anti para/transid like most anti accounts, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that it seems like you're the complete opposite. You're passionately pro para, and also seemingly (from what I can tell) pro transid? Though anti transition in specific circumstances, and anti using the prefix "trans" outside of transgender related contexts So, how exactly are you anti radqueer? Because it seems like we share most beliefs /genq

to clarify: im not against using the prefix "trans" outside of "transgender", im against it when the term shouldnt be pro-transitioning at all (like with transharmful or transracial). "trans" literally means "to go across", so if itd be harmful to transition to something, it shouldnt use the prefix "trans" (i genuinely could not care less about the "its comparing the experience to being trans" argument literally who the hell cares + L + ratio + you sound like a transmed /not at anon)

im anti-radqueer because im against the community itself, not the beliefs inherent to it. the radqueer community heavily leans pro-contact (even if you dont see many open pro-cs on tumblr, many many people who claim to be anti-c are secretly pro-c but just dont tell anyone outside of private discord servers and disguise their actual beliefs behind being "pro-consensual contact" and the classic "what if an 18 year old dates a 17 year old, wouldnt that be fine? is it illegal to hug your pets?" arguments). i know this firsthand from being in radqueer discord servers and finding 100+ pro-cs who all pretended to be anti-c in public but, in private, admitted to stalking, rape/assault (of children as young as four and animals), grooming, and abuse. this is because "radical acceptance of everyone, including people who everyone hates because no matter what people are just uneducated" is really not a good ideology to have. its the paradox of tolerance - if you accept everyone, you accept people who will hurt others, such as abusers, rapists, and nazis (which, yes, there are legitimate pro-transitioning transharmfuls in the radqueer community, they arent all "just trolls" like a lot of people say). you have to draw the line somewhere, and the radqueer community doesnt.

the radqueer community also isolates people from support systems irl. i dont know how common it is for people who are exclusively on tumblr, but on discord, i was told to cut everyone off and never tell anyone about myself and only engage in the radqueer community "for my safety". people tell you to never listen to anyone who tells you youre wrong, never listen to any arguments or read any articles, never even think about leaving the community because its the Only Morally Correct Ideology (no ideology is morally correct. anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. every ideology has biases and problems and flaws)

yes i do sort of agree with the basis of radqueer beliefs (pro-para and pro-transid) but the community itself and the fact that those beliefs are extremely vague and could encompass literally anything (i knew one person who was completely anti-contact, anti-proud paraphiles, anti-MUD, anti-transid transitioning, and anti-incest and another person who was grooming their six year old sibling and "dating" their pet bird and attempting to have sex with both of them who was also radqueer. neither of these people are excluded from the radqueer label and both fully identified as radqueer) is a huge problem. i personally think more specific blankqueers are better, except pretty much all of them are either 100% anti-everything or 100% pro-everything (the "idcqueer" labels and similar are ESPECIALLY stupid as fuck. "idc" "im too tired for this" "i go outside actually idc" *proceeds to explain every single belief and stance it has*) and there are a billion of them and no one can keep track of the definitions and flags for all of them

[mbat]

yknow, its easy to look at the owl houses shortening and be like 'oh they had to have done that cause its gay' and thats a really easy answer to give that can feel right because things arent as shiny and perfect as people pretend, not to mention disneys own actions and views about queer people

but sitting here rewatching the show now, i think its more the theme of the show, the way that it references and alludes to religion, specifically cults and even christianity, and the way that it criticizes these things and stuff like that. its no surprise to me that that would be the actual reason, and no one in charge exactly wants to say 'we cancelled this because it criticized religion' because like, duh

obviously i dont agree with it for several reasons, its no secret that i criticize religion a lot, even when i maybe should rather keep my mouth shut. not to mention the way that the show moreso is criticizing cults, and that it is NEVER a bad thing that kids know more than ever to question what theyre told, especially by people who claim power, or to be the ONLY ones who can do something special like how belos does with 'hearing the titan'

and really... i think thats why it happened, or that thats at least one of the reasons. ive never been satisfied with the vague answer of 'it just didnt fit our brand' because like... thats fucking stupid. that doesnt mean anything! i would not be surprised if the people who made the choice to shorten it were people who felt somehow attacked by the very messages and themes of the show, even though that would be so ironic imo.

i will forever wish this show got to have the full length it more than deserved. i still wish we could somehow get the extra content that there was meant to be in another form, like comics! but its not as simple as that, sadly.

[dateamonster]

what’s powering this whole Angel/demon system? Are humans a part of it? Is god harvesting humans for sin and regret?

tbh i prefer to leave the more like blatantly theological aspects a lil ambiguous for funsies and to leave things open to interpretation but the gist is that, regardless of what the objective Truth may be, angels are beings who believe themselves to be the messengers, architects, and when necessary, soldiers of capital g god.

but new orders havent been coming in for a looong time, so angels, being sort of singleminded beings by nature, have just sort of been retreading the same ground over and over since bible times. studying the scripture, spreading messages of love and light, polishing up the ol holy swords in preparation for the day they are called to use them at last, etc etc etccc. its like if you combined a nun with a doomsday prepper. theres also the matter of the angel hierarchy that dictates who exactly does what to keep celestial society running on like an internal level but thats the basic vibe.

angels mostly exist within the celestial realm but they have outposts in the mortal realm as well (because demons started setting up shop there and they didnt want to be shown up). while angels are only supposed to go to earth for business purposes, theres not always a whole lot of oversight on their activities and in modern times there are plenty who are just kinda. living normal lives amongst humankind.

and in the other corner, demons. contrary to common belief, they are not all or even mostly fallen angels. theyre their own thing, occupants of the infernal realm and dealers in human misery and avarice. back in ye olde days it was just you know every once in a while one of these funney little guys with pop in the mortal realm to fuck with humans or trick them into selling their soul for a piddling bit of magic or whatever, but over time they industrialized and now hell is a massive sprawling enterprise with a highly competitive and highly confusing economic system and no clear idea who is at the top.

its an mlm. its just literally a really big slightly more evil than normal mlm scheme.

angels and demons have had beef from the very beginning, not least of all because team infernal keeps bringing those angels who cant stay the path over to their side, but also just about every non-infernal beastie in existence thinks devils are kind of a bunch of little yuppie shits. actually, neither side is particularly well liked by the rest of creature-kind come to think of it.

btw shouldve mentioned earlier but humanity in this world is like. vaguely aware of the paranormal and such. angels are more of a rarity because one of the many many rules they abide by forbids them from doing anything that could bring harm to humans (gods specialest little guys) which over time, following several Incidents, has been expanded to mean "dont reveal yourself to humans or ideally even interact with them unless absolutely necessary", meanwhile demons whole deal kind of requires direct interaction. they might keep the horns under wraps until theyve got your signature for obvious reasons, but at this point everyones got a cousins best friends uncle who did some shady shit at a crossroads and came back with a crazy story and a blurry photo of some cloven hooves or smth.

tldr god is not rly a factor here. demons deal in mortal souls for power and promotions back in hell and angels intervene wherever they can. otherwise everyones just kinda doing their own thing. its more in line with like the pop culture tradition of angels and demons as fantasy creatures of a kind more than anything specifically religious, though i think its sort of impossible and tbh kind of boring to try and avoid all the source mythology.

anyway this whole post is barely legible sry lol ill try and make a more coherent lore post on this someday

[ashyslashyy]

alright ive mentioned these headcanons before but since it is currently autism acceptance month and this show is my special interest i wanna go more in depth on my autism headcanons for the gravity falls characters!!!

dipper: obviously his interest in the supernatural can be considered a special interest, and he also tends to be very organized and gets upset when things dont go how he planned (best example of this is in double dipper). he also has trouble a lot in social situations and a lot of his behavior is stimming (like chewing on/clicking pens, chewing on his shirt, pacing, etc). also gf is a cartoon so its not too weird that he wears the same outfit every day but i am choosing to believe its because thats his routine.

mabel: very creative and eccentric i love her. she also stims a lot and tends to miss social cues, but unlike dipper she doesnt get nervous, she just tends to be a bit sillier and more outgoing in situations where it may not be appropriate. shes also pretty high empathy; she cares a lot about people and objects and in the hand that rocks the mabel its shown she has a hard time saying no because she doesnt want other people to be upset. she also wears the same outfit everyday (not Exactly the same but shes always wearing a headband, sweater, skirt, and the same socks and shoes).

ford: like dipper, ford also seems to have a special interest in the supernatural, as shown by the journals. ford is also a bit socially awkward and tends to only keep a few people close. he also gets stressed when things dont turn out the way he planned. ford is also shown to have trouble with empathy and understanding others, especially stan. he doesnt understand why he does what he does, and its hard for him to grasp decisions that arent logical.

stan: honestly i dont have too much to say about stan, hes a bit stubborn but beyond that i dont think theres too much explicit evidence from what i can remember. this one is less about actual traits and more just about vibes.

soos: hes interested in a lot of tv shows and games and has a somewhat unique sense of humor. he also has trouble in social situations, the best examples being in soos and the real girl. he also has interests in things that may be considered childish, which isnt an autistic trait in and of itself, but it is common. also soos is just awesome

wendy: once again this one is more about vibes. shes just really cool

fiddleford: i have less to go on for him, but theres still a lot. fiddleford very obviously has an interest in mechanics and technology; this strikes me as especially important as a special interest because even after losing his memory he still retains lots of mechanical knowledge and skill. hes also shown both in the show and the book to be stimming a lot, specifically bouncing his leg. he also gets overwhelmed easily, which is shown a lot more in the journal.

bill: HOOO BOY now this is where it gets rambley bc bills my personal favorite and we have quite a bit in common so i'll be listing off more stuff here. obviously bill cant really be judged by human standards because hes. not one. but personally i think he has a lot of autistic traits. number one his low empathy swag. bill is like ford and has difficulty understanding others and why they do things. he also gets thrown off when things dont go his way. his dialogue also tends to be pretty blunt (hes good at being vague about his intentions but in general he doesnt really use idioms and if hes not trying to hide anything he'll usually say what he means). his speech is also relatively flat; hes basically always yelling but beyond that he isnt super expressive with how he talks, at least not in comparison to some other characters. he also does a lot of stuff that can be considered stimming, which you can see a lot in sock opera (like ive picked up several stims from stuff he does in that episode). also, weirdmageddon is just what happens when you get understimulated. You know how it is

obviously these arent the only characters who i think are autistic, but these are some of the main characters that i have a decent amount of evidence for.

[mega-taiga]

ok so here are my thoughts about this years minecraft live.

overall it was .... okay. i felt like there was a lot more padding than usual, like we only got small bits of information with large amounts of exposition in between. that could be from the whole "learning from last year in promising too much and delivering too little", so who knows.

minecraft legends looks fun. i like that the world is randomly generated each time so everyone will get a unique experience. the mechanics look interesting and seem to fit together nicely. the design of the mobs and plants and environments are really nice. im interested to see just how much of the game there is, the replayability, the longevity of the game, but overall looks like a solid game. ill probably buy it when it releases

the update reveal.... well, they gave us virtually nothing so i cant really comment on it. as previously stated idk why theyre only just learning how to properly do gameplay reveals, but im glad they took the criticism from the fiasco that was 1.19 and are actually listening. maybe listening a bit too much? we literally have no clue what this updates theme is. like last year they revealed to much so now theyre going the polar opposite direction and revealing nothing. ppl in my discord server were saying maybe a building update considering the new blocks and new default skins which ties into the whole "self expression" shit, so we'll see.

a quick aside, i gotta mention how absolutely vague the update description agnes gave was. "this year we want self expression and representation. we want identity and to unite all players together. and this year we did just that, with this update, that will connect players and identity, and representation". she spoke around what the actual theme was then said they want to make minecraft "minecraftier". what the fuck does that mean. anyway.

hanging signs are cool, they were frequently requested so im glad theyre finally being implemented, and in varying shapes and positions. no complaints there.

the chiseled bookshelf is... cool... but its functionality literally couldve been implemented into the normal bookshelf. plus, the chiseled ones just look better imo. so kinda confused there but oh well.

the new bamboo wood is alright, it looks a little ugly to me. i like the mosaic variety. the bamboo raft confuses me as it functions exactly like a normal boat, so im not sure the need to differentiate.

the camels are the BEST part of this livestream. they seem super dope and well designed with interesting and fun mechanics. anything that adds to the barren deserts is a godsend. 2 player rideable mob with a dash move? sign me up. my only concern is... theyre so intricate it makes classic mobs look so boring. the camels have a specific getting up and laying down animation complete with ear twitch animations and dashes while the cow just. stands there. so not super great in that department

and finally, the mob vote. SNIFFER SWEEP. i dont have much to say about this bc obviously the sniffer would win. it was the most interesting out of all of them. i had no doubts but the confirmation is exciting.

its 2am as i write this and im tired so thats all im gonna say for now. i probably forgot stuff and ill probably remember stuff later so ill probably more than likely make more rants tomorrow

[botanyshitposts]

is that why you think mammals have more than two sexes

idk if this was supposed to be like, a bizarre transphobic jab, but partially, actually. in biology very, very few things actually occur in binary groups; i prefer to imagine biological sex, as well as gender, by imagining two overlapping bell curves. there’s an average that we expect from gender and sex matching up at birth because most people will fall within the first quartile of the curves where all the most average genes were turned on and all the non-genetic factors surrounding that turn out in an average expected way, and there are more people who still are just as male or female but have different genes turned on and off or whatnot and wouldnt check every single box if like, The Chromosome Police showed up and made them do a cheek swab or whatever, and there are people who are intersex, which covers a wide range of different expressions of the genome.

but! we don’t have The Chromosome Police and we don’t need them, because we have gender to do this for us, which is something that has much more to do with a mix of genetic and sociological factors. in my opinion, gender makes it so that even if you’re a cis man who doesnt have like, idk penis gene #435 on the Y chromosome, youre still a man, and even if youre a woman who doesnt have vagina gene #874 turned on, youre still a woman. hell, some people go their entire lives without knowing that they have full extra chromosomes. it just....it just doesnt matter.

to expand on this, my theory is that gender serves the function of convenience more than like, a law or whatever; we have a system where there are usually a small set of things that happen as a result of a wide range of thousands of different things that turn off and on during development, and a lot of different moving parts are going on in that department that help mitigate disaster if one deletes itself or whatever, and not all those things are guaranteed to turn on or off, and as a result we’ve developed a system where regardless of whats in your pants- because anything could be there, honestly, evolution works in systems and as a result doesnt know or care- there’s a social thing that functions differently on another level thats more elastic, so no matter if you’re a woman who was born with one singular penis gene turned on or a woman who had a lot of them turn on, you both can kind of be in the same clump of ‘people who are this’. not ‘people who look like this’ or ‘people who do this thing’ or ‘people who have x combinations of chromosomes’, but ‘people who, for whatever multitude of reasons and results or relationships with themselves, are this way or another way or are existing successfully in some distant combination of ways’, and having those people around- if we follow this theory- apparently was not at all disastrous enough for evolution to pump the breaks and start killing people who never activated Penis And Vagina Gene #1456. in fact, trans people have been around as long as humans have, and that includes nonbinary people, intersex people, and cis people with different gender expressions. ancient societies had us around, there are just as many of us now as there always was, and biology just. it does not care.

think of all the things that go into a person. there is a whole lot of stuff that we do not understand. there are so many things that could change, or differ from individual to individual, and having a lot of moving parts like this with millions of different viable combinations of biological and environmental things works, because it means that the entire system doesnt break like a fucking twig if both a penis and a vagina gene turn on at the same time, or if little grog in the forest grows up hunting mammoths with his 8 moms and no dads in a nomadic tribe in prehistoric france. it also means that even if someone ends up as another combination, they dont immediately collapse into a heap of dust! great system, for the most part.

now, this is all contentious. first of all, this is my own set of theories on why this exists, and second of all i have complex feelings about the science surrounding this itself; as a biologist im fascinated, but as a trans queer person it’s terrifying. the reason this is is because there are two groups of people who want to learn things like this: people who actually want to study the details of human sex and gender, and people who want to find The Ultimate Queer Gene to ‘fix’ us forever, which like. as ive covered before. egregious moral, ethical, and basic human rights reasons aside. not something that actually would improve us as a species even if we did go to the farthest ends of the bell curves i mentioned and manage to transform the entire human race into two massive homogeneous supermale and superfemale groups with only the the most Epic And Extreme big dick and boob genes selected for (or, if were going off TERF logic, femurs of a bizarrely specific length or like, a skull shape or smth, you can see where this goes very quickly).

like. this shit is complicated. it is. sometimes, things in biology- especially when it comes to real people of our own species- are best left as enigmas, you know what im saying. but in the meantime, we can take estimates, we can say ‘we can make an educated guess about the biological sex of a skeleton by looking at their pelvis’, but we cant say ‘all cis women have femurs of exactly x cm, which is absolutely a normal and not creepy thing to obsess over’, and we cant say ‘all human beings are either male or female and that looks one of two ways’, because as we know from intersex people and all the other caveats in this subject, this is not true.

we can say with confidence that most human beings have a gender that matches what is average for their biological sex (which doesnt always define itself as the exact same set of characteristics to begin with) but not always, and most human beings have have a gender which falls vaguely under the umbrella of two vaguely defined existences, but not always, and most women have a femur length between x and x cm long, but women come in all shapes and sizes and therefore it isnt a good way to define what being a living breathing person of a particular circumstance means or looks like, holy shit, etc, and we can use this knowledge to make educated guesses about the world, but we can also use knowledge of what isn’t the majority of people to make educated guesses about what those guesses mean, and what roles they play (and hopefully will get some more rights in the meantime).

so yeah like. most people are one of two biological sexes, but its more complicated than ‘peepis or vagornio’, you feel.

[karamazovdmitri]

What Russian movies would you recommend?

oh my god where to even start!! i really love soviet cinema so this is most of what i will suggest probably (im kind of meh on most recent mainstream russian cinema, even tho it has great pieces of guilty pleasure movies lmao) alright so settle in well okay lets start with the classics: andrei tarkovsky is my favorite filmmaker, literally anything and everything by him (just dont watch nostalghia first, but i highly recommend the mirror, stalker, solaris if you like SF, or hell even andrei rublev if thats your jam bc personally it is and i LOVED), very contemplative and slow movies though, like. you will need patience to get through his stuff, but personally i always say it feels like someone recorded a dream and you're watching that. it feels really oniric and its like you dont exactly grasp it all and when you try to explain it you cant really but good god its good

then! i will recommend one of my all-time favorite movies, and i mean it, of ALL times, the ascent by larisa shepitko. its about two soldiers during wwii who are sent off to find food, and its one of those war movies that arent really war movies you know but they are about it, and moreso, they're about like Humanity™? anyway one of the most haunting, beautiful and devastating movies i've seen ever. just beautiful in the cinematography, in the acting, in just everything honestly, its raw and profoundly human and also if youre like me and youre all about that religious symbolism? youre in for a... sad sad treat, but a treat nonetheless. it really like. got me deep like i didnt know what to do with myself after watching it but its a masterpiece 10000% (also while im there... also watch larisa sheptiko's other movie, wings)

now another classic is of course the cranes are flying, everyone knows but i need to reiterate it really lives up to the hype... just. some of the most beautiful cinnamon tography ive seen ever. like ill be honest even if i love cinematography in general i rarely go look up a cinematographer specifically but for this movie i HAD to bc some camera shots are INSANE. just one of the most gorgeous movies ive seen ever

if we're still going about aesthetic bc why not... if you liked hamlet by shakespeare, you HAVE to see the 1964 Hamlet movie its sooo gorgeous and such a good adaptation in my opinion like i just think this movie understands EVERYTHING about the essence of the play

now the next one i wouldnt necessarily put on the same scale as the others but good god is it a good watch, and its ballad of a soldier yes its another classic idc the soviet classics arent classics for nothing. this one is a really nice watch. just felt..... really nice and once again war movie thats not really showing you the war itself, i dig this hardcore

okay also ! not soviet lmfao but HUGE mention to alexander sokurov, you probably know of russian ark, if you dont, its not only a fucking prowess of cinematography, its basically one single continous shot for the entire movie and not like. a fake one like 1917 -tho dont get me wrong, loved what 1917 did-, like its deadass. press record, do the entire fucking movie, press stop. its INSANE and its BEAUTIFUL and im in love with sokurov's style, not as well known but i also loved francofonia, tho its a lot more experimental imo and is more documentary than movie, but also not documentary per se, i guess an essay of sorts, kind of confusing but i enjoyed it

i could not do this without of course mentioning one of my comfort movies™, which is я шагаю по мосве (translated as different things, like walking the streets of moscow or i walk around moscow) just a short and really sweet and light movie about . life i guess. LMAO its vague but theres really no real plot in there just a good time and very genuine and also has one of my favorite final scenes ever quick special mentions: courier, which was not my favorite but a really good movie still and it gets me bc its 1980s russia aka my jam, crime and punishment 1970 IF youve read C&P bc umm its an entire vibe, and remember when i said modern russian cinema guilty pleasure? okay well i rewatched движение вверх recently and like. it still slaps. if youre wondering (???) i need you to know i havent watched a zvyaginstev movie since i was like 16 so i dont have a concrete opinion on his stuff lmao)

sorry i wrote like SO fucking much but jaksfbajfbajsfh i hope this can provide you with some stuff of interests and btw a lot of these movies can be found with russian film hub, which basically like searches youtube and whatnot for you since mosfilm are actually pretty cool and do put their movies online

[jaekaicx]

so ive had this idea for an amphibia fangame for a lil while now-

(LONG post)

its based around the idea that sometime after anne got sent back to earth, she decides to sneak out one night to visit sasha and marcys bedrooms and poke through their stuff. this causes a bunch of memories to come back to anne through flashbacks while she tries to process everything thats happened and her feelings abt their friendship.

i was thinking itd be mostly a visual novel type thing. maybe with a few small choices, but the story would be mostly linear. thered be around 3 main story beats: a prologue bit w/ anne sneaking out of her house, marcys bedroom, and sashas bedroom. also one of the main mechanics would be looking at one of their bedrooms and clicking on random objects of importance and triggering a flashback sequence.

it came from the idea that anne will probably try to just shove all her emotions down and try to ignore her feelings abt true colors and everything that went down then. especially with what we saw in the sneak peek, anne will probably try to hide her emotions and bottle them up, which is obviously not healthy. so eventually shes gonna have to work through her emptional baggage and try to process everything.

i havent thought through EVERYTHING just yet, just some more major plot points and maybe one or two ideas for flashbacks. nothing too solid yet. but heres a bit more detailed runthrough of the plot

summary - prologue

so it would start off with anne at home. she and her mom are talking outside annes room. her moms concerned abt how annes been handling everything that happened in amphibia but anne keeps brushing everything off. her mom tries to get her to open up, but she keeps dismissing her and eventually shuts herself in her room. after taking a bit to cool off and think anne decides that shes gonna take the night to just ride off her emotions and stop repressing them for once. she also makes an impulsive decision to sneak out and check out marcy and sashas rooms.

anne goes to gather her stuff in her room, and just as shes about to climb out the window, sprig walks in to check on her. hes still rly concerned abt his big sis but he knows he cant stop her. he tries to go with anne, but she tells him she needs to do this on her own. so, sprig lets her go and tries to cover for her while shes gone.

so at this point i’ll probably give the player the choice of whose house to visit first. it doesnt rly impact the story or whatever, but i guess it might have a small emotional impact depending on whose house u choose to go to first??

(quick note: after this bit, there arent too many specific details for the plot and stuff like that. its largely just an overall idea of how the plot is gonna go. and even then, there isnt much to it. i didnt think that far ahead yet, which is why there isnt as much refinement yet. so far i just have general ideas for how annes gonna get to the bedrooms, with a couple of vague flashback ideas. just keep that in mind; this whole thing is still being thought over and planned as im typing this out)

summary - sasha

with sasha, annes still rly conflicted abt how she feels abt her. of course shes still rly hurt by being backstabbed by her twice and swordfighting her as many times. but as much as she hates sasha she cant bring herself to fully give up on sash. she hates her guts but deep down shes still willing to give sash another chance.

there may or may not be a small sequence where anne has to sneak into sashas house, but eventually she works her way into sashas room. im not entirely sure abt the details of sashas house n her family yet. im probably gonna wait for info from s3 until i solidify anything, but for now i do know that sashas family has a big house n theyre probably rich.

so anne goes into sashas room and its been left pretty much untouched ever since annes birthday, save for the few times someone came in to dust things off. again, dont rly have all the details for sashas room, but it kind of has a vibe of controlled chaos, with organized clutter and a bit of a touch of a rebellious teen girl. one detail i do want to have is a calendar opened up to the month the trio disappeared, with annes birthday circled and highlighted so much that its impossible to miss.

the calendar itself might include a flashback. im thinking of also having a varsity jacket and some old stuffed animal be different “artifacts” that trigger their own memories. there’ll be a bunch more, but those are the only ideas i have so far fjsbndnd

summary - marcy

ok so i want to be rly mean about marcys segment: this is going off the theory that marcys parents moved away while the trio was in amphibia.

anne doesnt know this yet tho, so shes in for quite a surprise when she turns onto marcys street to find a realtor sign on the front lawn. the clues are all there: an empty driveway, sign on the lawn, an overall empty vibe coming from the house. but it doesnt completely register at first. its not til anne actually comes up close does she notice the sign.

anne tries to deny it, and decides to prove to herself that “no marcys parents wouldnt do this. theyre not that cruel. im just gonna check marcys room myself.” the front doors locked, so she just goes over to marcys window and climbs in.

but its completely empty.

ok not totally empty, but a lot of marcys furniture and stuff is gone, except for a few stray toys and other “junk.” the home guys (idk what theyre called????) are still kind of in the process of cleaning everything out, so theres still some stuff left here and there around the house. but its still way too empty. and its yet another gut punch for anne.

anne searches the rest of the house a bit more, hoping that shes just hallucinating. but no, marcys parents are really gone. she tried to deny it before, but now she has more of an idea of how shitty the wu parents are. so anne decides to just mope around in marcys old room, checking out the stuff their parents left behind.

maybe she finds an old blanket marcy liked when he was rly young. or an old rubiks cube from marcys vast collection. a cnc figurine, some cards, a pride flag, and old diary? a couple of other old toys, an old report card or two, or maybe even some stray clothes. whatever anne finds, its all thats left of marcy, at least in LA.

it really doesnt leave anne in that much of a better emotional position. she already felt conflicted enough about what happened in true colors and what she found out abt marcy. but seeing even a small glimpse of what marcy was dealing with, it just makes her more confused. marcy was such a sweet kid! theres no way they couldve done anything wrong. yet here anne was, betrayed by both of her childhood friends.

only now is anne really taking the time to process the fact that marcy essentially kidnapped her and sasha with the calamity box. he didnt mean to do it, and theres no way they couldve known the box would actually work, but it doesnt completely excuse marcy. his actions still hurt anne and sash, and while they meant the best of intentions, it didnt rly come through that way.

and now marcy was dead. stabbed in the back by the newt king.

and now annes curled up in an empty bedroom, wrapped up in one of marcys old blankets, trying to wrap her head around her feelings about marcy while reminiscing in the past.

summary - extras/epilogue??

i kind of like the idea that anne ends up drifting off in which ever bedroom ended up being the second one she visited. she slowly comes back to consciousness, with her surroundings feeling somewhat familiar, only to wake up in horror bc “OH SHIT I FORGOT TO GO BACK HOME” im not completely sold on the idea tho bc it feels a bit abrupt and like too much of a tone shift?? idk it doesnt feel exactly right

but anyways, im also playing around with the idea of a small epilogue scene with the calamity trio hanging out in annes room, a good amount of time after amphibia ended. dont know what theyre doing in there, but theyre just chilling and feeling a bit nostalgic i guess.

but uh yeah thats pretty much what ive got for the overall idea. it doesnt feel too out of reach, but somethjng like this would definitely be ambitious. i could mayyyybe handle writing out the vn and drawing the character sprites, but i have no idea how to code a vn or draw detailed backgrounds, both of which would be pretty important to this fangame fjsndj. so i might consider having help with this.

THIS ISNT ANY SORT OF PROMISE OR WHATEVER. id rly love to follow through and make this fangame a thing, but im not making any guarantees. i have no idea if i’ll actually follow through, but i would definitely love to.

who knows. maybe in like a couple years this might actually become a thing. but for now i have no idea

[mediocrebnhablog]

Kiribaku+ bakusquad hcs

Getting together

This is a long one and if I had the talent I'd just make it a fic

They liked eachother for a long time before finally getting together but didnt wanna ruin their friendship and thought the other was way too good for them.

They each talked to the squad about their crush but they told different people. So it wasn't a Person C looks on in exasperation situation.

Sero was the first to notice something off and asked kirishima about it. Kiri tried to reassure him it was nothing but after a couple weeks of sero gently reminding him he was there to listen kiri finally told him he might have a crush on bakugo. Hes just coming around to understanding and accepting this himself so that's why he didnt come to sero before. Every once in a while sero will get a text saying how manly bakugo is but other than that it stays quiet.

Mina is next to notice. She thought kiri had a thing for bakugo for a while and hes only been getting more blushy. So she confronts him to make sure shes right. She may be the gossip queen but she makes sure the rumors have some hard facts behind em. Kiri gets really akward and tries to laugh it off but the blush definitely says otherwise. Shes a good friend though so she pretends to believe him and tells no one.

In second year when kiris crush gets bad and he decides he wants to win bakugo over. Sero tries to help but hes not very good at this stuff so he suggests mina. Kiris hesitant at first but realizes shed definitely be the best person to help. She pretends to be shocked and agrees to help him. After a week or so though she lets something slip and when kiri asks her about it she admits she knew about his crush for months.

Kaminari doesnt know about kiris crush but he did notice bakugo being alot more snappy and growly when people would flirt with kirishima. He makes a joke about bakugo being jealous and he gets yelled at. Most people would think this was all bakugo being bakugo. Hes always growly and when is he not yelling?? But kami knows somethings different. Hes surprisingly observant. When they're alone he tells him its totally ok to crush on kiri and he could talk to him about it if he wanted. Bakugo obviously yells at him and denies it but kami just laughs it off and tells him again he can come talk whenever.

Because kaminari fears no God when he and bakugo are out of ear shot he'll tease him about kiri. This goes on for a few weeks but then bakugou mellows out a bit and usually just mumbles and pouts after his usual threats (that are definitely for show). When they're completely alone with no chance of anyone hearing bakugo scream he starts casually talking about kiri and the rest of the squad. He doesnt mention the crush and when he notices bakugo is actually listening he talks more and more about kiri specifically. Eventually he sees that bakugo has a soft look on his face and a small blush and that's when he brings up the crush.

Bakugou looks like he wants to yell at him but it comes out really soft when he says "shut up why should I care about that?" Kaminari laughs and tells him his secret is safe and that bakugo should totally go for it. He even says he'll help bakugo "get over his emotional constipation." At that point bakugou does try to blow him up but he accepts the help none the less.

So for many more months kiri and bakugo are flirting with eachother more trying to win the other over while they get flustered at any attempts the other makes. So when bakugo invites kiri somewhere kiri asks if the rest of the squad is going. Or when kiri flirts the way mina taught him to bakugo gets really flustered and yells stfu. Because bakugo gets red when hes angry (seperate hc) kiri doesnt think it's a blush and thinks he doesnt like the flirting.

Kaminari doesnt know about kirishimas crush on bakugo and mina and sero dont know about bakugous crush on kirishima cause they're all great friends who would take this secret to their grave if need be. So after every attempt to flirt with each other the squad is just in the background being supportive. Like "nice try man we'll get him next time" :D trying to reassure them "no, no he totally likes you back! Did you see that blush?"

The reveal happens cause bakugo caught sero and mina setting something up for him and kiri. Bakugo catches them and when he asks about it they get all jumpy. He threatens them but even then they wont say so he tells them if it's a prank it better not affect him. They swear it's not a prank so bakugo leaves it at that.

Later when kiri asks him to hang out later he brings him to the same spot. Bakugo obviously recognizes it but doesnt say anything. Kiri doesnt seem to find the different look of the place surprising so obviously he knew about it and theres no way kiri would do something weird. They're just hanging out but bakugo quickly realizes how romantic the atmosphere is compared to the last time they visited. He gets all shy thinking "wait does this mean he actually likes me back?"

Kirishima and the rest of the squad who were totally not spying see how bkg is acting and are excited cause this means their plans are finally working :D

Mina and kami get excited and accidentally make a noise. Bakugo and kiri dont notice thankfully but the other 3 do and they see eachother. [Insert spiderman meme] It turns into a "what are you doing here" "what are you guys doing here?" "I asked you first"

They try to be casual and keep it secret but they're bad at it and realize kiribaku like eachother cause why else would they other be there unless they were also totally not spying on the not yet couple.

They accidentally make another noise and this time they're caught. Kiri and bakugo are confused why the part of the squad that doesnt know about their crush is there but they forget about it when they realized they were being spied on. Mood ruined so they head back to the dorms.

For the next week the squad is trying to keep the fact that they like eachother back a secret cause they're not supposed to know while also being "dude trust me on this he like you back!"

After that week they're studying in one of their rooms and the tension is so thick kiri could cut through it without his quirk. They're both thinking about the Not Date but bakugo is thinking more about kami telling him he knows kiri likes him back.

After a couple hours of silence (not even kirishima asking for help) bakugo snaps. He demands to know what's up. Kiri laughs and tries to brush it off but bakugo calls bullshit. He brings up the Not Date and ask what exactly that was. Kirishima is stammering to the point bakugo cant make out any words and bakugo cuts him off asking if he likes him. Kiri tries to say yeah and imply that he likes him as a friend. Bakugo thinks the answer is too vague and makes him specify how exactly kirishima likes him. Kirishima thinks about lying but after hearing mina and sero tell him for a week that bakugo definitely likes him back he tells the truth.

After realizing what he said he gets nervous and starts rambling. He tells him why he likes him and the more he talks the more scared he gets. He tries saying how it's not that big a deal and it doesnt change anything and he totally understands if bakugo doesnt like him back.

Half way through bakugo comes out of his shock that kiri likes him back and grabs kiri by the front of his shirt. Kiri doesnt know what's happening and doesnt realize hes being pulled in until a second after bakugo starts kissing him. When he does register what going on he immediately kisses back. When they finally pull back bakugo whispers "shut up shitty hair. I like you too." This time kiris the one who pulls him in. He practically jumps on bakugo like an excited puppy as he throws his arms around him neck.

They could keep going but they have homework and bakugo knows kiri must have gotten alot wrong if he got anything done at all cause he didnt ask for help once in 2 hours.

When the bakusquad sees them the next day they're holding hands and bakugo yells at them to shut up multiple times before giving up. Not once does he let go of kirishima though.

[red-dyed-sarumane]

An entire novel in one song!!! I remember you mentioning how some Hiiragi Magnetite fans are just there for the music and not the story…I completely understand the annoyance. This is a lot of work and dedication to ignore wtff.

Btw is there an actual order in a timeline? Or is there mostly snippets of specific events…does anyone remember anything when the world ends or are these people just dead now? (Literally or figuratively?) They’re all different people now? I can understand the concept of time overlapping and repeating but it does bring up a lot of questions. (Swampman is funny eheh) aND whats the deal with miss angel from oumen mokushiroku? You draw her often! I could keep going with the Q’s but I’ll stop there…actually I already asked a lot I am sorry asgkdgkdj _(:3 」∠)_

i love all hiiragi magnetite fans but im extending friendship to anyone who cares about plot bc those are kind of few even on the jpn side of things

in terms of timeline the one thing i can say for sure is kyuuyaku hankagai is the furthest is the past, though i dont think it's the start of everything. the rest of the timeline im not quite sure about and its not posted in time order.

aru sekai shoushitsu is more of an objective overview im not sure i'd put it on the timeline or if i did it'd be near the end since they know of everything that's happened. so we'll start with kyuuyaku as the oldest. the next place could go either shuuen touhikou since i dont think the chara's clothes or the fact katanas are mentioned so often are exactly modern, though they also have technology so it's not too ancient OR kugutsu ashura since they seem to be so heavily implied to be related. everything else seems to be more in present day so to speak. i think i'd say marshall maximizer → oumen mokushiroku → canon → unplanned apoptosis is the most likely order, but they're all from different chara's perspectives so its a little hard to say for sure since theyre all in different scenarios. these all seem to be in the same instance of the world too for the most part.

im not sure how much they remember between repeats. it hasnt been shown off much that i've noticed. there is a line in the text of aru sekai that's like "she closed her eyes, and i softly opened mine, that world had disappeared" so i think that means they're pretty aware of what's happening & they remember what they've tried before in order to tweak it and try again. i think they're at least vaguely aware that they died & i guess in a way theyre all the swampman in that sense.

there's actually nothing special about the angel in oumen mokushiroku i just think she's neat. she wants to help but due to things (whatever happened in canon i think) she cant actually reach out and do anything about it so she's just as distraught as everyone else. she's not even the one we have a possible clue on her name (a friend and i think the kyuuyaku girl might be named layla possibly even layla kyuuyaku bc kyuuyaku is in fact a valid last name & we cant figure out any other meaning for レイラ in the aru sekai lyrics for kyuu) as of right now all the names are secret as said by hiiragi magnetite themself though. she's got a lot of symbolism in just her art alone though with the whole broken umbrella and everything. like she's supposed to be everyone's protection and she cant even do that one thing. i just like her

u can absolutely keep asking questions i love this series theres so much going on its fun to try explaining

[beetleboo]

long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked. 

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

[mbti-notes]

Im ISTP dude and I like this INFJ girl. Shes my friend but I like her more than that. I told her already and asked her out. She didn't reject me but thing is her answer is vague as hell. First she asked why I like her and I told her honestly that shes pretty and smart but she didnt react more than a nod. Then when I ask if she wanna be my girlfriend she said 'okay but can it be a trial period first'. I assumed its a yes so we started going out but its very weird. (1)

[con’t: It gets even more difficult to understand her and shes start asking me questions about my perspective on love and start warning me about her loving differently than other people and I might not like it and stuff like that. She also seems to be assessing me somehow? I dont know. Like shes trying to judge something about me. I dont think shes playing me or anything cause we always do things fair. She insists we split the bills on everything when we go out and she never demand anything so thats cool. We also spend time together like before. Its just very weird cause she seems more guarded around me and more jumpy and colder than usual even though shes still nice to me and all. Is this normal for INFJs? Maybe she doesnt actually like me? But then why did she agree? I mean we have same interests and we seem to have fun together so I dont understand whats wrong. Should I continue this or just go back to being friends? I like her a lot but I dont wanna waste time on relationship that goes nowhere.]

Note that you can’t improve the quality of a relationship until both people are equally committed to the task. Relationships flourish through skillful communication:

1) Self-Awareness: Be fully aware of your needs, wants, and criteria for relationships. Take full responsibility for your end, so that you do everything in your power to promote relationship success, and then the rest is up to her. It’s important that you are able to communicate clearly and honestly about what’s happening with you, including what you think is going wrong for you and why. If you can’t even make your needs and problems known to your partner, then you’ll never really know each other well enough to get any needs met.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re putting the whole situation onto her shoulders, as though you have no say in the matter. Whether you stay or leave is your decision to make, based on your evaluation of the relationship and whether it’s what you really want. If a relationship makes you unhappy/dissatisfied, why stay? You’re the one feeling the problem, which means that it’s up to you to instigate a process of resolution. 

People usually stick it out through the down times in a relationship because they have a hopeful vision of what the relationship could become. You have a hopeful vision because you’re talking about how the current situation isn’t meeting your expectations. But what are your expectations? You say that you have fun together, why isn’t that enough? What’s missing for you exactly? Without enough awareness of yourself and being able to verbalize the problem that you’re experiencing, it’s hard to find a solution.

2) Intimacy: A relationship grows deeper over time through honest, attentive, and respectful communication. Talk about what you like, dislike, desire, hope for, etc, with each other, often. Gradually, you both become a better partner as you learn how to adjust your behavior to better suit the other’s needs. The process of becoming more intimately acquainted requires time and energy to learn new things and apply the ideas successfully. You have to be patient and put in the effort to have difficult conversations whenever necessary to grow your knowledge and understanding of each other.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re making assumptions rather than communicating. You’re merely guessing that she’s trying to do this or that, and you end up whipping yourself into paranoia. “Assuming”, aka trying to be a mindreader, is very destructive to relationships because it causes misunderstanding. Relationships require trust, so take people at their word, and when you can’t, talk about why you can’t and solve the problem through communication. Don’t stew in negative feelings and allow them to turn into ugly conspiracy theories.

By saying that she wants a trial period, she’s basically telling you that she’s interested but not ready for a full commitment. If you’re not happy with her position, then you have a choice to make: Either respect that her pace is slower than yours and be patient, or decide that you want something faster/different and leave for greener pastures. She’s already been honest and upfront with you, the ball is now in your court about whether you accept the terms she’s proposed. If you accept, then FULLY accept.

By asking plenty of questions about your perspective, she is making an effort to get to know you better, specifically, to understand why you want to be in the relationship and whether you two are ultimately compatible. You hardly know each other at the start of a relationship, so she is indeed trying to size you up, such that she can make a well-informed decision once the trial period ends. If you don’t like people getting to know you in depth, then you’re never going to get far in any relationship. She obviously is the kind of person that needs to prepare and study situations carefully before diving in. If you don’t like that, then you are free to choose someone who doesn’t require as much preparation and observation time (this is a common J vs P difference).

3) Collaboration: Whenever either party feels unhappy or dissatisfied with something in the relationship, it is their responsibility to bring it up with the partner. When your partner brings a problem to you, it is your responsibility to listen carefully to what it is they need from you. Only then can you resolve problems maturely, together. If it is determined that your partner is capable of better meeting your needs, then make a reasonable request of them to do so. Talk openly about what should be changed in the relationship to make it more fulfilling for both parties, and implement a plan to make those changes. Keep tabs on progress made over time.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re not being upfront about your negative experience of the relationship and what more you need from it. This means that you’re not giving her the opportunity to collaborate with you. If you don’t talk about how you feel, she’ll never know, and the change that you want won’t happen.

By talking about the way that she “loves differently”, she’s communicating something about her needs and expectations. She’s giving you an opportunity to know her better, such that you can collaborate with her to fulfill her needs. If she’s inexperienced, she may not yet know every little thing that she’s looking for in a relationship. But the most important thing is that she’s trying to communicate about it, which means it’s up to you to listen and respond appropriately. If you have no interest in getting to know her and what kind of partner she’s looking for, then there’s no reciprocity in the relationship. Are you only in it for yourself?

By asking you why you like her, she may be signalling some self-esteem issues (”I don’t know if I can do this”) and/or self-worth issues (”Maybe I don’t deserve this attention/love”). Healthy Fs are sensitive people, which means that they feel things very deeply. The deeper they feel, the more deeply they will be hurt, if things don’t work out. Therefore, it is likely that she is hesitant to dive in because she’s trying to stay in control and protect herself from getting hurt (this is typical of FJs). Forcing someone to leave their comfort zone before they are ready to is a recipe for drama and conflict. The most you can do is encourage her to open up, by providing an emotionally supportive, cooperative, and non-judgmental atmosphere to express how she really feels. Without a positive social atmosphere, FJs won’t open up. She’s moving at a pace that’s comfortable for her, which includes pulling back whenever she feels uncomfortable. Be sure to clarify whether it’s her own issue or whether you’re doing something to make her uncomfortable - don’t just assume. If you don’t like her “guarded” approach, then you are free to choose someone who is more open and carefree (you are navigating a common J vs P difference).

If you like someone a lot, it means that you’re willing to put in effort for them? You have every right to decide how much effort you’re willing to put in. The relationship is still in its early stages and you won’t lose much by ending it now. However, don’t forget that there’s a lot you can do to be better at relationships, mainly by addressing any behavior that hurts rather than helps relationships to progress.

[creacherkeeper]

i think i finally figured out why specific people are super into (pre wandavision, movies only, not accounting for comics) mcu wanda when she had never done anything for me personally (again, pre wandavision)

movies wanda is the bella swan for 20-somethings girls with Vague Trauma / Unidentified Mental Illness

before you attack me, please let me explain so you can attack me more accurately

so like my biggest problem with movies wanda is that she didnt have like ... any personality or character traits ?? which makes her very appealing for the same reasons bella swan was appealing:

~projection~

but i will argue it's a very specific type of person who's most likely to want to project on wanda. so yeah wanda is like. very bland and blank, more of a plot device than a character. the most definitive descriptor we get of her is "weird", but her personality or behavior never comes across as weird enough to be alienating. like she's Weird in the same way that a completely average 20 year old girl with A Quirk is weird. it gives the facade that shes a person some might find relatable without actually, you know, giving anything to relate to

she also has Been Through Trauma and has Been A Victim multiple times in her life, but she never like. Acts on those specific traumas in ways specific to them?? like you KNOW she's been through shit, but its way more that she has an air of Upset And Traumatized more than she like. actually responds to it at all (ex: "tony stark traumatized me!" *teams up with tony's robot* *teams up with tony* *lives in tony's house* *is trapped by him once again and does not fucking talk about it at all*). which means that like. for people who definitely feel also Vaguely Traumatized but dont necessarily have a definitive event or reason they can point to (sometimes just cause it hasnt been identified yet), or have like Unidentified Mental Illness they probably arent getting help for, well, once again just RIPE for projection

and then, the third and final point, is that she's also INCREDIBLY POWERFUL. possibly the most/one of the most powerful characters in the mcu?? we KNOW she's capable of great feats with her magic, but BOY HOWDY DO WE NOT KNOW WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE BECAUSE HER POWERS ARE LITERALLY NEVER DEFINED AT ALL. they are, like wanda, kind of just whatever they need to be scene to scene. so not only is she great for projecting on but she's also an ILL DEFINED FEMALE POWER FANTASY

all of this is to say that i finally get Why some people were so attached to movies wanda, but also that this is exactly why i think wandavision was literally the Biggest Brain thing they could've done with her character at this point. like putting this completely non-defined character in a role where she is TEXTUALLY trying to be an opposing, well-trodden trope, but things keep going wrong, is like. god. inspired