#doing a lot of introspection

[arsnof]

I've got, like, five posts in drafts. Who am I? Aren't I just a spam-reblogger, an integral part of the Tumblr ecosystem? Since when do I express opinions?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!

[eshithepetty]

"Haha Dream BBQ is so random and incomprehensible" "did they take drugs to make this lol" "you're actually not meant to understand anything in this series it's ok" "Joel G just makes up stuff on the spot based on what would be funny" "it's just random for random's sake" "is this AI" "stop theorising, it's not that deep" SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP

[star-struck09]

I’m so fucking tired of everything.

[jannacalendar]

Sleater-Kinney || Jenny

Do you wanna forget? Live in the dark Was she just too close To everything? Didn't we almost have it almost have it almost have it almost....

[mymarifae]

i'm in tears. do you know how beautiful this subversion of expectations irt death is to me. do you even understand how important it is. she's all warmth and love, always surrounded by vibrant displays of life - rather than the expected wither and decay. because death is not the antithesis to life: it is life. they are a part of each other. saying goodbye is always hard, but you have to let everything go, eventually. it's okay, it's not a punishment, it's not scary, it's not lonely - it's one last well-earned rest. releasing your borrowed energy back unto the universe so it can feed a new budding life, starting the cycle anew. and she's here to hold and cradle you until you're ready to go. you lived well. you were loved. sweet dreams, okay?

[javierduffy]

i wanted to try a digital study

[recent-rose]

intrigued by the idea that jayce dooms viktor to become the herald because he loves viktor too much to let him die. but mage!viktor could also choose not to save jayce from the storm in order to save himself from that fate, and yet he too loves too much to let go of jayce. endless cycle only broken by their choice to go together.

[zinniapetals]

my fave chengxian reconciliation scenario is wei wuxian slowly realizing that the life of a wanderer isn’t actually what he wants and lotus pier is his home and more clearly, living in a world with jiang cheng but not actually being something to jiang cheng isn’t what he wants either

[musicalmoritz]

I was skimming through my old Soukoku fics and LMAO Chuuya chill out

[sunnemona]

☆i have lately been feeling pretty anxious with myself about the pace at which i create. it is difficult to feel like i am doing enough when my peers are doing more, difficult to balance my constant need for attention and admiration with how much "content" i can realistically create at any time, difficult not to be upset when my peers who create more often than i do receive more of the attention i crave than i do - it feels like i have missed a train and i am running to catch up with it. i am not burnt out, far from it, but i fear my light is not bright enough to reach others, i fear i am not doing enough to make it bright enough. does that make sense?

☆in case anyone needs to hear this, though i know this is likely a sentiment expressed many times before by people more eloquent than me, it is okay to not create all the time. it is okay to only create when you feel like it, to be unable to create on a schedule or to meet a self imposed deadline, to be unavailable to create because of obstacles like school or work or home management or disability, to be in a mental valley and be too tired or hurt or in pain to create. it is okay. you are not worth any less because of it. the world is not moving on without you, you will not become irrelevant because you have not posted in a week or cannot find it in yourself to draw something every day. creation is meant to bring joy, not stress, this is not a job, you are allowed to work at your own pace. there are no consequences to suffer for it. no matter what there will always be someone out there who will enjoy it, wholeheartedly. no matter how long it takes for you to create something or if you think you've been forgotten. you are allowed to want your creations to be loved by another. and they will be. rest if you need it

[murdockhawkeye]

this is *maybe* a bit of a stretch but i still find interesting to think about? don't know if i have everything right

but

i feel like with the elemental opposite duos - emma & rikki, cleo & bella - you could reasonably say their arcs'd mirror each other in a way

like

emma and rikki have issues with responsibility/expectations but on opposite ends of the spectrum

emma was a gifted child, everyone had high expectations for her and she tried to meet those expectations the best she could. she’s responsible emma, who makes sure everyone is looked after, and everyone “knew” was going to become a top athlete, because look at all those trophies on her shelf

and then rikki on the other hand, was alone for “her own good.” she admitted to elliot that no one really liked her growing up, so when somebody did, it made her feel weird and she pushed them away. she stayed away from other people, made sure they never had any expectations of her

they both avoided disappointing others, by going to opposite extreme lengths

and then they overcame these issues, with emma facing a sudden change in her life (becoming a mermaid) that meant she had to give up her swimming dreams and disappoint the people in her life (that had to suck for her, honestly.) she had to come to terms with that - but then, she also found a whole new world that she’d never have been a part of, if things had gone the way she planned

and as for rikki - her biggest change wasn't the tail, but becoming friends with emma and cleo. had she'd her way and zane’d never gotten cleo stuck on that boat, she’d never become friends with them. rikki had to learn the hurdles of friendship and of keeping them, like when she mistook the different kinds of fish, when cleo and emma didn't support her relationship with zane, etc. they had their issues - but in the end, they were there for rikki, and rikki was there for them back. she'd have never gotten that kind of solidarity, had things gone the way she thought it would

and then there’s cleo and bella

bella - unfortunately, didn’t have much in terms of development, since the writers prioritized will’s relationship with her over expanding her character background+ for some reason ??

so i'm just mostly going to talk about cleo here first - but i'll get to bella in a second

cleo by s3 is a very confident and self-assured person; but she didn't start out that way. she was insecure, somewhat naive. she grew up overshadowed by her two best friends, the both of them being gifted in their own rights - emma, the young up and rising athlete, and lewis the science genius, they were sure to go places. cleo, on the other hand, was overlooked. she didn't have much going for her - except for adequate grades and a love of the marine life that was hindered by her fear of water

and then cleo became a *literal* mermaid. either she was going to avoid it or overcome it. in the end, she didn't just overcome her fear of water, but she also took a risk by taking that job at the marine park, where she'd be working right by the marine animals. she let her fear control her before, and she wasn't going to let it stop her from wanting to pursue things anymore

(funny, she started out with a fear of water, then became a mermaid. she struggled with her grades, then became a science genius)

bella, much like cleo - had her own issues when it came to the kind of attention she got, but the other way around. her first appearance, she was being catcalled. same ep, nate is drooling over her. they've made her beauty a point throughout s3. even cleo and rikki's brought it up. it. could not have been easy for her to deal with that, especially with her secret in mind

seeing that, even with the different issues when it came to attention, i think they'd still have had the same feelings about it. a younger bella, probably would've been similarly insecure/anxious as cleo had been - until she learned to be more sure about herself and grew into the bella we know and love today

(we should've gotten way more lore and background about bella, agh)

tldr; emma and rikki have same feelings but opposite reactions (people pleasing and people avoiding.) cleo and bella opposite situations but same feelings (overshadowed and center of attention)

yk, rikki was right in a way i think about the "universal law," but like, more about keeping in balance and not about trios. emma and rikki balance each other out, cleo and bella were *meant* to balance each other out. but in s2, bella wasn't there - charlotte was

do i blame the antagonizing of charlotte and cleo's out of characterness on the writers, or do i blame it on some magical semi-canon mermaid universal law about balance

blaming it on a mermaid universal law sounds more fun, and could have interesting implications. (though the writing grates me, still)

[sieglinde-freud]

i love laslow and nyx’s supports and i love how they go from trauma dump central in the b support

to making fun of their angst in the a

like theyre soooo lame and it makes me emo and every time i watch this support i kick my feet and twirl my hair theyre SOOOOOOO SICKENING. WHO WROTE THIS. WHOOOOOOO

[star-struck09]

Often, I wonder how you’re doing without me.

[spaciebabie]

see i absolutely despise jimmy (and curly) as a character(s) but as a literary freak i can appreciate the way hes used as a story device with his relationship to curly. i could type this more eloquently but currently ive had a glass of champagne and i havent drank in like 6 months so my tolerance is low so forgive my writing but. jimmy cannibalizing curly. yeah.

theres multiple messages here, theres the message that jimmy is doing what curly (assumedly) did to get into his position and, employing another metaphor, taking the "dog eat dog world" saying to heart. and literally. devouring his competition. or maybe curly didnt do that. and thats what jimmy thinks curly did and so he aims to do the same. choose whichever one you like more they're both interesting storywise.

theres the message where jimmy "consumes" curly in some twisted expression of love. devouring curly so that he remains a part of him, an expression that he is the gold star captain and something to aspire to. admiration for something he'll never be and so he chooses to consume him in order to potentially absorb some of his skill or become more like him.

and then there is curly sitting there helplessly being devoured. its something he has no say in, not something that he chose to happen to him, its something hes become swept up in. he becomes devoured by jimmy in the literal sense of cannibalism, but also in the sense that he became so absorbed in his friendship w/jimmy he ignored his wrongdoings and ultimately led to anya's assault as well as the death of the whole crew.

curly and jimmy intertwined so that one is always consumed by the other. curly in a literal sense, jimmy in a more psychological one. i mean like its really quite crazy they did the "im consumed with thoughts about this guy and want to be him so i must literally consume him" thing quite well. when examining mouthwashing's narrative you find new things to admire every time. each little story element has a place in creating a wonderfully complex and heartbreaking story. its very well done and honestly something to aspire to from the perspective of someone who enjoys studying/writing literature.

all of this is to say i think that there should be more art of jimmy covered in blood and engaging in this cannibalism like the stupid little leech he is

[guiltycorp]

did you guys see the new Dybowski allegations thing, a post from his wife detailing the abuse she faced from him? (this translation on reddit looks correct to me) sigh yeah I don't know, there is immediately a lot of people doubting the post's authenticity but at this point like let's be real! sure, before this in my mind there was some plausible deniability concerning the rumors of him harassing his female students - although knowing that particular university and what the students themselves said it seemed a little too likely anyway tbh and now there is NO doubt in my mind ...when i was googling his wife's name i realised that she had also been his student at one point, jesus christ and then that man had the audacity to feign deep hurt that his darling students could 'twist' his almost-paternal feelings towards them like that, blegh, typical i've also listened to a bunch of his interviews recently out of sincere interest in his creative process and he did mention having problems with alcohol which at the time i kind of squinted at, like yeah haha, admitting you have a problem is the first step, but like for a teacher it's a bit too yikes... anyway all this to say is that despite my previous hype and interest idk if i'm even going to play p3 now ://// it's too difficult to divorce the man from the game considering that it seems he is more heavily involved now than during p2 development, and also the whole plot is clearly him projecting his self-aggrandizing teaching experiences? from the way he talked about his new take on Daniil and Simon it truly sounded like whatever is left of his early ideas about the characters and the lore will be tainted by him doubling down on all of his personal flaws in recent years ...maybe the promised demo-version will shed some light on the kind of game it will actually be and i'd be happy to somehow get back to previous hype but mmm #doubt