#does this count as trauma?

[allykatsart]

The Fall of Joy

Masterpost

An idea that I pray does not happen. I stg Emily better be safe and happy these next two episodes-

Hypothetical Fallen Angel Emily! Because this angst would not leave my brain. It hurts to leave heaven, but she won't be alone. If Emily was cast from heaven, I think the hotel would welcome her with open arms...

Commission me

[naes-dairy]

I think the thing that affected me the most as a kid (and considering that I'm still a kid.. I think this sounds bad) is the fact that my parents wouldn't believe me whenever I cried.

I have to think about this.. I don't really want to specify anything like who or why, but...

since they were 'crocodile tears' and I wasn't pouring my eyes out I was obviously faking it.

It just hurt me so much.. and still hurts.

I think it's the reason why I get so scared when someone thinks I'm lying when I'm telling the truth. Mainly a close person too.

I just feel... I don't know. It just hurts so much and j don't know how to make it stop.

What's worse is that my behaviour is just self destructive so I end up proving everyone else right... I wish I could just do better.

be better.

but now, that's just wishful thinking..

[explodingquails]

Sooo I heard there was some demand for more shartwolf

[moeblob]

Look, I rewatched all of Bravern to try and make more sense of it now that I know plot twists and stuff and honestly how does Lewis never ask anything about the cockpit that he was in for four seconds. I think he should mention it. I think he's allowed to talk about it.

[alfazoings]

little doodles i drew after listening to the new ep to keep myself from biting into cement and then flopping around the floor like a fish

[secretwellkept]

I’m bored so here are some hypothetical titles for my hypothetical autobiography.

In Hindsight it Was Obviously Autism

The First Eight Years Are Fine but it All Goes Downhill From Here

Mummy Issues! How the Fuck Did I Manage to Go Through those Twice?

One Shouldn’t Go Through Fifteen Different Labels in Half as Many Years

Is it a Crush or Just an Hyperfixation? An Autobiography

Do I Want To Date or Am I Just Touch Starved? The Thrilling Sequel

The Fuck Do You Mean I’m Aroace and Can Still Have Crushes? I Did Not Sign Up For This

Eldest Daughter Syndrome (Can’t Escape it Even if You Are Trans)

Reading a Lot at a Young Age Was Not Actually a Good Sign

Panic Attack or Autistic Meltdown? Who Knows? Certainly not Me

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

That one trend but it’s one increment at a time bc rejection sensitivity dysmorphia has me scared of looking like an idiot with 4 notes ahaha

50 notes & I will

drink more water (easy since I drink like none ever)

regularly post lil hydration reminders

set a new goal

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Feel like making people miserable today. Anyways, here's Gon experiencing like. Textbook symptoms of trauma in the CAA, in case there was any lingering doubt about this or anything:

Initial denial that the experience happened or was traumatic

[ID: A screenshot from episode 85 of HxH 2011. Gon, eyes bright and with a smile, says "Kite is alive!" End ID.]

Flashbacks

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 95, and a third from episode 110. In the first, Kite's arm is shown in the foreground, bleeding and blurred. In the second, a close of Pitou's wide eyes, looking animalistic. In the last, puppet Kite's mangled and scarred face stares emptily ahead - the scene is greyed out. End ID.]

Intense distress at real or symbolic reminders of the trauma

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 116. In the first, Gon's fist can be seen in the foreground, with Pitou shielding an unconscious Komugi just barely seen. The narrator says "The girl lying before them brought back". In the second, Komugi has a medical respirator on. The narrator continues "images of a broken Kite to Gon's mind". End ID.]

Physical sensations such as pain, sweating, nausea or trembling

[ID: A screenshot from episode 116. Gon's fists slam into the ground as he says "That isn't fair...". Sweat drips down his arms. End ID.]

Extreme alertness/hypervigilance

[ID: A screenshot from episode 116. Part of Pitou can be seen in the foreground as Gon stares at them intensely, crouched on the ground with his arm resting on his knee, obscuring his lower face. End ID.]

Angry outbursts or other extreme behaviour

[ID: Two screenshots, one from episode 116, and the other from episode 127. In the first, Gon shouts "Is something wrong with you?!" as his face contorts with rage. His aura floats black around him. In the second, Gon, his face shadowed eerily with thin lines, says "The next time you try to delay me, I'll kill her." End ID.]

Feeling like you have to keep busy

[ID: A screenshot from episode 94. A close up of Gon's face from the side as he says "I want to focus on my training." End ID.]

Doing things that are reckless and self-destructive

[ID: Three screenshots, one from episode 95 and the other two from episode 131. The first is stylized as a black outline of Gon's figure over a background like parchment or a projector - he's been hit in the face and sent to the right from the force of the blow. The second is a close up of Gon's face, almost completely shadowed, with intense and vacant eyes - he says "I don't care". The third continues with a close up of his eye filling with darkness - "if this is the end..." End ID.]

Feeling like nobody understands ("since it means nothing to you")

[ID: A screenshot from episode 116. In a whitish-room with a crack on the wall between them, Gon stands ahead of Killua, facing away from him. They are both in shadow. End ID.]

Ignoring offers of help and shutting out loved ones... poor Killua :(

[ID: A screenshot from episode 136. A spotlight on both Killua, in the foreground, and Gon, walking away from him in the background. Killua thinks "I wanted you to ask for my help in defeating Pitou!" End ID.]

Self-loathing, self-punishment, and lack of self regard

[ID: Three screenshots, two from episode 110 and the third from episode 131. The first is a close up of Gon's face over Morel asking "When would you try to hurt yourself?" The second is a continuation. Morel looks down at Gon who is facing away from the camera as Gon replies "When I couldn't forgive myself." In the last, adult Gon, staring ahead, is animated in black and white with the only colour being the blood from the stump of his right arm. His left hand grips his shoulder. End ID.]

Blaming yourself for what happened

[ID: Two screenshots, one from episode 95 and the other from episode 130. In the first, Gon hugs puppet Kite around his waist. In the second, Gon stares blankly ahead with tears streaming down his face as he thinks "I killed Kite." End ID.]

Overwhelming feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, and shame

[crimeronan]

I know you said it felt too depressing, but that Luz school post was actually a lovely breakdown of how school can hurt neurodivergent kids even when their peers and surrounding adults do everything "right." So, thank you.

the post in question

well, thank you for this ask! i was able to go into such detail about luz's accommodations and the administrative help because it was semi-autobiographical. there were several ways my own school admin & some teachers failed me that i'm not gonna give her because it would make me Too Fucking Sad, but there were also a lot of adults who genuinely wanted to help. and kids who would ask me to sit with them at lunch without it feeling like a pity thing. and written plans of Support.

having school admins who are willing to follow a 504 plan and a mother who's willing to threaten legal action if you don't get accommodations is an Enormous privilege. plenty of kids don't have that. but i want luz to have that! and given the sheer level of trauma she's experienced, she's definitely in a position to have adults be kind to her. a lot kinder than they were to her canon self! she has Good Reasons to be weird and maladjusted. you know, not just a dead dad she should be over by now :/

even with people giving me the benefit of the doubt, though, i was A Problem Student. i stayed home when i could and whenever i HAD to go to school, i'd skip class to sit in the bathrooms. i'd have very public sobbing panic attacks in the hallways. i remember at one point i went to math class and one of my peers was like, "whoa, hey!! i thought you dropped out!!" because it had been That Long since i'd actually set foot in the classroom. i never did my homework and i never took good notes. my biggest memory of actually being in high school classrooms is just a loud buzzing whine covering up everything the teacher was saying while i stared at the clock tapping my pencil and counting down the minutes until i could bolt.

AU luz would not skip class. because AU luz is trying to Endure It (TM) for camila's sake. and she thinks there's something wrong with her that's making her bad at everything. surely the classroom environment itself is not torture!

anyway. it was good for me to skip my classes and good for me to make life a Fucking Nightmare for my parents and good for me to drop out and good for me to finish online with a much easier curriculum. there was never any scenario in which Sitting In A Classroom was EVER going to be okay for me, let alone actually HELP me learn.

the self-advocacy got me in a lot of trouble and got me pretty badly hurt, since it's legal to do basically whatever to minors who don't Cooperate (TM). and it made life difficult for other people, too. but it also did ultimately protect me.

sometimes school just sucks. and it can be pretty isolating to constantly hear from people for whom classrooms are Not physical torture, so. i try to be open about my Feelings. fjsjdj

[straight-to-the-pain]

I don't know if anyone else in the whump community has read 'A Constellation of Vital Phenomena' by Anthony Marra but it is genuinely a really good book and also has some of the best depictions of torture and its aftermath that I have read in fiction.

I wanted to share some of my favourite quotes, hopefully without too many spoilers as it is out of context, but maybe skip this post if you don't want to know anything at all going in.

To give a brief summary, the book centres around the lives of people in Chechnya during the first and second war between the Russian government (Feds) and the separatist rebels. The main story focuses on a man (Akhmed) who is trying to save his neighbour's daughter from being killed by the Feds after her father is taken away in the middle of the night. He does this by taking her to a hospital where he then volunteers. One of the people in his village (Ramzan) becomes an informer for the Feds after being tortured, and this is explored in the excerpts below.

‘Information the Feds would torture them for was written here on the walls for all to see. It was well understood among the men that the Feds had as much sense as two bricks smashed together. It was also understood that pain, rather than information, was the true purpose of interrogation.'

'During his first detention in the landfill, in 1995, in the first war, he had refused to inform. They had wrestled down his trousers, shown him the bolt cutters, and still he had said no. Screaming, thrashing, with his manhood half severed, he had said no. He had done that, and now he was ready to start saying yes.'

'He would have confessed everything, but they didn't ask, weren't interested, threatened to cut out his tongue and put pliers to his teeth if he spoke one more fucking word. Electric wires were wound around his fingers. A car battery was drained into his bones. God might have been watching, but it wasn't God's finger on the battery switch. The interrogating officers didn't speak. Instead he was an instrument they played, performing a duet, and in their own way they conversed through his sobs. They both wore very shiny shoes. That was all he would remember.'

'He had trouble walking, He had forgotten torture could be so exhausting. The new interrogator, the one with less shiny shoes, held him upright, using his whole body as a crutch, and helped him walk. He carefully wiped Ramzan's forehead with a handkerchief before opening the door to the next room.'

'The interrogator with less shiny shoes crouched behind him. His hands were wet. Ramzan promised everything, and the interrogator, like the parent of a child too old to believe in ghosts, watched him with disappointment, his clear eyes saddened by Ramzan's sincerity. The interrogator took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves, laid the live wires on Ramzan's chest and mapped the border of their shared humanity. Ramzan offered his soul. He begged to be enslaved. The known universe contracted to the limits of the cement floor, and on it, the interrogator was both man and deity, prophet and god. By ten o'clock the interrogator with less shiny shoes asked his first question. By eleven the electrical wires were unwound from Ramzan's fingers. By noon he was allowed to dress. By one he was on the FSB payroll. He kept thanking the interrogator with less shiny shoes.'

‘Greed didn’t motivate his informing, at least not primarily; primarily he informed by necessity, to survive, for his love and hate and above all awe of the power wielded by the interrogating officer with less shiny shoes.'

'That was his greatest fear. Could he stay silent? Could he withstand what awaited him? He told himself that his love for the girl should fortify him against any torture, but this, like so much of what he told himself, was a lie. After all, he was squeamish at the sight of blood, what would he say when lying in a puddle of his own? But he saw no other way. He would pray for the strength to stay silent, for a quick heart attack, and leave the rest to God.' (This is Akhmed POV)

'When they threatened to beat me, I said nothing, Akhmed. When they threatened to beat me, I said nothing. When they threatened to electrocute me, I said nothing. When they threatened to castrate me, I said nothing. I said nothing, Akhmed. Whatever you think of me, you remember that once I said nothing when a wiser man would have sung. And the interrogators, they couldn't believe it. They called in others to examine me. I was there on the floor, and above their faces were dark ovals silhouetted by the ceiling lights. They had beaten me hard and I couldn't hear right, but I kept saying no, with every breath I had. The main reason they let me go, the only reason they didn't shoot me right there was out of perverse respect, some sort of professional courtesy. But I wish they had shot me, Akhmed, because the good part of me died there, and all this, everything since, has been an afterlife I'm trying to escape.'

‘I knew what was coming. I knew it never stops. They put a shame inside you that goes on like a bridge with no end, the humiliation, the fucking humiliation of knowing that you are not a human being but a bundle of screaming nerve endings, that the torture goes on even when the physical hurt quietens. People treated me differently when I came back the first time.'

[annaofaza]

Does anyone know how Wolfwood's backstory (killing his abusive dad and then presumably getting adopted by Chapel right after) from the 98 anime came about? It's not in the manga, but I was wondering if Nightow had any input, if it was an old idea of his that got dropped, if it was completely made up by the 98 writers, etc.

[basicallyjaywalker]

Wanna ramble about a moment/character in ninjago you think people need to talk about more?

I don't know who you are anon, but I'm glad you asked!

I am desperate for people to character-analyze Wu. I'm desperate for a lot of character analysis including Nya but since I got a lot of my Nya feelings out with some lovely folks the other night (edit: the other night was a month ago dw about it. this took a minute) I'm going with Wu this time

Master Wu to me is such an interesting case of a character who it is so easy to ignore the bits of the show that hint at his wider issues and traumas. He is a man defined heavily by his family and by his past. A lot of criticism he gets, I think, is due in part to that.

I've mentioned before that I've been rewatching S1 with a friend of mine and intermittently pausing to infodump on them about interesting character things I notice from that season. A lot of that has been Wu-focused because despite having seen RotS dozens of times throughout my life (watching it on CN, watching it on Netflix when only it and Legacy were around, rewatching it with friends) I have only just started noticing the seeds of character written in.

I might also just be reading too much into things, but hear me out

In S1 (and by extension, the pilots), Wu is characterized as your typical old wise teacher. In the first few minutes of EP1: Rise of the Snakes, he is chewing out the Ninja for playing video games instead of training. The line he uses? "Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today."

It's a line that gets repeated throughout the series. In fact, it gets repeated that very episode when the ninja go (pun not intended) to fight the Hypnobrai and a literal pre-teen. At first, it seems to just be a piece of wisdom. Some old proverb Wu's picked up over the years, possibly one he even coined himself. However, in EP7: Tick Tock, Wu tells the story of who, possibly, first told him this.

(Source: Tick Tock/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added.)

It was Garmadon. Now, I'm not gonna dwell too long on Garmadon, if you spend five minutes talking to me you'll learn he was the first character whose story I obsessed over and I want this essay to be about Wu, but I think he plays a role in Wu's overall story, as does Wu's family as a whole.

Prior to this, Wu and Garmadon's relationship has been more of a sibling rivalry taken to a good vs. evil extreme. We didn't know why Garmadon was evil and we didn't know about Wu and his relationship as kids. However, this scene establishes the backstory. They were, as Wu puts it, "the best of friends." That is, until Garmadon gets bit by the Devourer going to get the katana Wu lost.

Now, I know the Devourer bite was destined to happen because of the Overlord or some shit, but Wu doesn't. As far as he's concerned, Garmadon getting bit was a direct consequence of both his mistake and his cowardice. He lost the katana. He was too scared to get it. Garmadon went over instead. Garmadon got bit.

The scene goes on to show the FSM tending to Garmadon in the aftermath. Wu is watching from behind the door, likely told to stay back, but concerned. And in his POV, we get this intense moment, where Garmadon turns, looks directly at him (his eyes turning bright red for the first time), and says "It's all Wu's fault!"

(This clip should begin at the start of Wu eavesdropping. If it doesn't, skip to 0:58. I highly recommend also paying attention to Wu's body language during this scene.)

The camerawork does a great job of showing how this probably felt for Wu. It zooms in, Garmadon's voice echoes, and the background blurs. We see in the flashback that this is a moment Wu has etched into his memory. Not to mention, he was likely a very young child when this happened. LEGO characters' ages are weird, but Wu in this scene has the Big Eyes, which always seem to be used for characters under 12. We don't know exactly how much older Garmadon is to my knowledge, but he doesn't have the Big Eyes, so he's probably closer to 12 and a few years older than Wu for sure.

Imagine that. Being in elementary school and your older siblings gets hurt. They're acting strange. They're lashing out at your father. Then, they blame it all on you. They're hurt because of you. Wouldn't you internalize that?

I could go on about Wu's relationship with Garmadon, but again, I think I've spent enough time on it and I don't want to only focus on that. It's an important part, but there are others.

Let's talk about Wu's relationship with his dad.

Now, I have not yet read the Spinjitzu Brothers series. I cannot speak to any development of Wu and the FSM's relationship in there. I have, however, read The Book of Spinjitzu and blogged some of my thoughts on it here, including some of what it says about Wu.

For those who haven't read it, first, there is a Google Drive folder floating around with all of the canon spinoff books/graphic novels in it. Here's the link if you wanna read them!

The FSM is an... intriguing figure. I mean, in the series he's basically god? He made the entire world. That's already a very high bar to live up to. Then, in Book of Spinjitzu, there's a few specific parts that, when I read them, signaled that Wu internalized a specific message when he was young.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 3).

Wu does not want to disappoint his father. It is up to him (and Garmadon until he turns evil) to "uphold the legacy of Spinjitzu" and, by extension, his family. He says he was "very young" when this was explained to him. Considering he seems to already be training at an elementary age, "very young" means VERY young.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 16).

Here, we again see Wu being very aware that he has some large burden to carry. Something else interesting here is that the thought of the Green Ninja Prophecy is already weighing on him too. His considering if he might be the Green Ninja is of extra interest because of how the Green Ninja Prophecy and the--I wouldn't call it obsession, possibly fixation?--with who it is factors into his later actions, but we'll get to that later.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 19).

This one in particular gets me because it comes after Wu mentions Garmadon becoming more evil. It is a statement of power. Wu knows that the legacy of Spinjitzu now rests in his hands alone. He cannot let himself fall the way Garmadon did. He cannot disappoint his father. Whether or not the FSM intended it, Wu always knew the fate of the world rested, at least in part, upon his shoulder. He knew this from the time he was a young boy and it remains in his mind to this day.

Now, these quotes are indirect, but they all point to one clear idea: As a child, Wu internalized the idea that he alone is responsible for keeping Ninjago safe. He will play a pivotal role in its history.

There's not evidence in this book that the FSM's was a bad father, per se. However, just because one doesn't set out to harm their children, doesn't mean they won't. I often say Wu has an "Atlas complex," which I have no idea if it is an actual concept but use it to refer to this idea. Wu feels as though he is responsible for holding up the world, much like Atlas. He must keep the balance, he must solve the Green Ninja prophecy, he must make his father proud.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 61).

I'm going to get further into what this means for Wu as a teacher to the current Ninja Team, but for now let's look at Wu's first foray into teaching.

Morro. Wu's Biggest Mistake.

That might seem like an overstatement, but it's not.

(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)

Okay he says regret, not mistake, but I was paraphrasing.

Let's turn back to his quote about his destiny. Wu writes, "Is my life's mission to be the Green Ninja? Or maybe it will be to find the Green Ninja and protect him (or her)??"

From a very young age, Wu was not only aware of the Green Ninja but prophecy but also thinking about his place in it. We see this again when he takes Morro in and trains him.

(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added)

A big thing Wu is criticized for here is making Morro believe he is meant to be more. That he is the Chosen One. And Morro, being a young homeless orphan just now given some semblance of power and protection, latches onto that. And I can see it, but when you take into account the above that he was trained from (likely) a younger age than Morro and given a similar level of responsibility, it becomes more understandable. Wu is just doing what he was taught. He doesn't believe that he is harming Morro until it is too late.

This is the entire story, but I'm specifically going to be discussing 1:36 onwards here. I also wanted to add that rewatching this scene made me lay down on the floor! What the fuck! But I digress.

There's a lot going on in this scene. For one, Wu washing his hands of Morro in some ways, but not others. He turns his back on Morro when he tells him that destiny has decided, but looks at him again when Morro storms out. He goes to save Morro from the Grundal, but decides that he cannot "teach those who would not listen." Most importantly, when Morro leaves to go find the Tomb of the FSM, Wu leaves the door open. He waits for Morro to return, but never goes after him. And Morro never comes back.

Wu gives Morro's fate a dismissive response at the end of his ghost story ("I am saddened he was banished to the Cursed Realm") but it's clear he still cares deeply about him in the finale of the season.

Wu's VA in this is phenomenal btw. That "Please Morro!" and "MORRO!" make my heart ache.

Morro believed Wu stopped caring, but he didn't. Even after all he's done, even after trying to destroy all of Ninjago--destroying what Wu had spent his life trying to protect--Wu tries to save him. He begs for Morro to come with him. Morro refuses, Wu watches him perish.

Someone else Wu is close to is gone. Wu again considers himself responsible. Everything is his fault.

And finally, we reach Wu today. A cautious, secretive man. He loves his students, this much is clear. Even as early as the pilots, he drops his wise teacher persona to joke around with them.

As with Morro, he trains them like his father did him. He even uses the same methods his father used when he trains them.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 32)

While he is hard on the Ninja, wanting them to succeed and training them to help defend the Realm, he lets his guard down more than it seems he did with Morro. He also learned a valuable message from his experience with Morro when he hides the Green Ninja Prophecy from the Ninja, getting angry when they start to push themselves in the same way Morro did upon learning about it. It's clear he doesn't want a repeat.

Now, I can't speak for later seasons (I will eventually) but this fear of repeats, his students going down a dark path because they're tempted by power or greatness, losing someone else, likely drives Wu not telling them other important information. That is just a passing thought though.

Final notes:

I'm currently in the process of rewatching S7: Hands of Time. I actually got this ask right after finishing EP68: Scavengers, which opens with Wu having a nightmare. In it, he and Misako are walking outside of Yang's temple. While walking, Misako delivers this line in response to Wu reminiscing about the time they've spent together:

(Source: Scavengers/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)

This line, to me, is Wu's subconscious trying to tell him something he needs to hear. It's hinting at what might be his greatest flaw. Wu is haunted by his past, by his mistakes. He finds it difficult to tell others because of both his guilt and his desire to not put that worry upon them. In this very season, he makes the mistake of trying to face his past on his own, and he nearly dies for it.

In the same episode, you see Wu trying to make sure Lloyd doesn't make the same mistakes.

(Source: Prev)

Wu stresses the important of the team. It's as if he sees Lloyd blaming himself for what happened to Wu, sees him doing the same thing Wu has, and is trying to prevent him from doing the same thing. This is further emphasized when, after Wu falls asleep (well, fakes falling asleep), Lloyd says "Wu's mistake was going in alone. So was mine."

Master Wu is, like many characters in this show, someone who is more complex than meets the eye. He is not just a wise, old teacher. He is a man who, throughout his life, has made mistakes and carries the weight of each of them on his shoulders. He is a man who tasks himself with making up for those every day. He is a man who wants better for his students, his family.

Until the day he dies, he will guide and protect his students. And possibly? Even after death too.

[mildly-inconvenienced-bat]

Sometimes I think about my sexuality and the things that makes me uncomfortable, especially being raised catholic

I'm a cis, demisexual, woman.

Going to a bar and hooking up with a stranger isn't something I'd do. But I'm a cis woman raised in a catholic home, so I'm following God's will.

Up until I was 16, I was adamant I'd only have sex after I got married, "losing my virginity" with someone i didn't trust enough to marry didn't make sense to me. But again, I'm a cis woman raised in a catholic home, I'm simply following God's will.

As my faith wavered, I tried to experiment a little bit. Maybe all of this came from my religious upbringing? I barely had flings (like, 2?) during high school, and when I started dating, it took me almost a year to decide to have sex for the first time. It wasn't bad, but having him cheat on me and break up 2 weeks later didn't help. I felt like I should try again, no string attached this time.

I got on tinder and started talking to strangers. Some were very attractive, but tried to get into sexting way to fast and that irked me out. Others took things slowly so we could get to know each other before stepping up to sexting, and it was fun, but as soon as they wanted to meet up for the real thing, I got completely turned off. Yeah, we had fun, but I don't know you enough for that, I don't feel attracted enough.

My best friend set me up with another friend of hers that she thought would suit me, and we did have a lot in common, but when we met at a party and he tried to get us more privacy so we could make out, I swear I didn't feel anything. He was attractive for me, we did hit it off pretty fast, but not enought for that.

It took me a little bit more of trial and error to come to the conclusion I wasn't as allo as other people I knew, and an ace friend to come into my life and help me realize that yeah, I do like the idea of sex, and I do enjoy it on specific circumstances, but no, I'm not easily interested in it. Yes, I do experience sexual attraction, but only for people I trust enough (and parasocial relationships, where I get the false sense of knowing someone).

Church made me feel like I was exactly how God intended me to be, and I know I'm privileged enought to grow up identifying as something "acceptable". But leaving church and finding out I was seen as "prude" for being the way I was, made me feel like there was something I was missing out. Like the only reason I was like this was because I was conditioned to be this way. To the point of having friends try to fix me, because all I needed was to "loosen up"

My point is that sexuality feels like a lose-lose situation; if you have little to non interest, you're "broken", if you have circumstantial interest you're either a prude or a stuck up bitch; if you have higher interest, you still have the chance of being called a slut/fuckboy and seen as unsuitable in the long-term.

Why do we care so much about other people's privacy anyways? What does it change in my life knowing someone else's genitals and sexual life? Like, some people need to get a life, find a hobby, touch some grass and stop sticking their opinions where it doesn't concern them.

[littleplantfreak]

Okay, as a certified ume lover (you), I had this thought and decided you had to know too, imagine you end up getting pregnant and ume is like tears and shit and considering his backstory, he genuinely looks at you and loses his shit, and HE WONT EVER LET YOU GO OUT OF HIS ARMS, go everywhere with you, not a step out of the house without him, hugging you more tighter in his sleep cause he doesn't want you to fall over accidentally and end up hurting yourself, he will be there for EVERY single time you are suffering with morning sickness, and hear all the complaint on how much you are peeing and how you can't reach the floor and see your own feet and go behind and lift your belly to lessen the burden and pain on your back as you melt into him. Let's not talk about the fact the baby is born and he gets to hold them? He would melt and have a breakdown so bad that gets the nurses smiling so bad seeing such a reaction from a father, he will be hugging you and kissing you thanking him for giving him this life and OMG IMAGINE MAKING A WHOLE NURSERY ROOM WITH HIM, FILLED WITH BABY SHOES, PAINTING IT, BUILDING EVERYTHING.

Or imagine he gets so overly protective and worries fills his mind when you tell him you are pregnant, and you just sit on his lap and hold his face every so gentle and kissing him between every sentence all over his face and comforting him that it will all be alright and that you know he is gonna be the best father ever and that he doesn't have to go through this whole experience with worries eating him up considering he already experienced losing his mom, dad and his unborn sibling.

OKAY FORGOT TO ADD,

Him just talking to your belly whenever you are sleeping and see it when you wake up and him telling the child to "don't bother your mom so much" while gently kissing it. I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT IT AND I, GENERALLY DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT PREGANANCY, BUT ITS SO DIFFERENT WITH UME, I AM SORRY ‼️‼️

(I didn't read the ask after typing it , so if I made any mistake, my bad bestie)

Nonnie come sit with me on the couch lets chat so much ive got snacks and blankies 😎

I do think although he’s pretty well adjusted when it comes to his past, he WOULD have a few noticeable changes because if you went through what he did who wouldn’t have some residual issues? The tension in his shoulders when you’re both walking in a city or if he hasn’t gotten a text back in more than a few hours while he’s at work? An anxious mess, Hiragi give him some medicine or something. He’s never been so stressed and ecstatic in his life its exhausting for him but he refuses to ever say the stressed part out loud you just gotta talk him through it and be stubborn about it because otherwise he’s trying to take care of you TOO much.

It’s not your pregnancy with him it’s OUR pregnancy he’ll get sympathy sick when you’re puking your guts out or cry like he’s in pain when you get IVs or shots for it (dont even get me started on the epidural i didnt know the catheter stayed IN your back when you got it wtfff till like…last year) best guy to be pregnant with though and he won’t stop talking about how brave and sweet and perfect you are or how pretty you look despite how you feel like none of those words.

He’s ALL up in the delivery room despite the horrors and he’s apologizing profusely when you’re crying that he did this to you and that hes the worst and then you’re like baby i dont really mean that but this is fucking terrible rip he knows you dont mean it and you can squeeze his hand, hit him, yell at him he doesn’t mind at all if it makes you feel even just a little bit better

He tries your weird cravings with you no matter what it is or what time it is. You wanna eat peanut butter and pickles at 3am? Lets go bby we’re taste testing.

He’s getting up in the middle of the night as much as possible when the baby’s born so that you can rest, you have to force him back to bed sometimes because he’s sleep deprived eventually.

[esouliie]

it’s so strange to me how people can actually have healthy relationships with their parents? like… you guys are really like that… you didnt grow up without a father and you didn’t grow up with a emotionally absent, unwell mother…?

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

a quick reminder to everyone

I have SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES

I am literally disabled because of my learning disabilities, I have faced literal descrimnation because of it.

everytime you call us retarded or a retard you are ACTIVLY upholding the systems in which I am trapped in.

I take more offence in being called a retard than anything due to the literal DECADES of systematic abuse and descrimnation from the medical system, every single government resource, and almost all school alternatives.

fuck you greatly if you use these words against us, I have to live in a country where they hate people like me and would rather us dead than to do literally anything to help people like us.

call us what you will, but I will never call anyone retarded because it’s a basic decency reserved for everyone.

I’m a very happy retard, fuck your ableism!

I will happily live and love and learn even if THE LITERAL GOVERNMENT doesn’t want me too.

(yeah being a mid supports autistic with other learning disabilities and disabilities in general that made me unable to attend a school just means I deserve to die. 100% legit I deal with this literally all the time always fuck the Australian government)

so again fuck you all greatly, for using a literal slur against me one that has been used against me since I was a baby.

fuck you all, genuinely.

did I forfeit my rights to be treated as a human being the moment I had a bit of trouble learning things? Because if I did I’d like to break someone’s teeth with a brick.

Edit: the language and lines between what the fuck developmental disabilities and intellectual disability are is confusing as fuck.

I have gotten very confused between the 2 because they are grouped together half the time.

My apologies to everyone for being utterly confused where I fall because it is extremely confusing to figure out, and internationally it varies wildly according to my brief reading.

I did not mean to be mean or anything I just was genuinely going off what I’ve been told most my life lol.

Shout out to my developmentally disabled brethren you are loved