#doctors can’t help me
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After promising the doctor that I would have not supplied myself with further dope, as soon as I would have finished the amount I currently have, guess what I did? I bought 5g of heroin.
There’s something deeply wrong in my head. I’m hopeless…
𝘐'𝘮 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦
𝘈𝘴𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘺, 𝘸𝘩𝘺, 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘐'𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴
𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴
𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴
#addiction#life is hard when you’re a junkie#ask me why I’m like this#problems of a heroin addict#personal#the dope duchess#broken promises#something is wrong with me#dope#hopeless#lana del rey#a&w#doctors can’t help me#recovery#failure#nodsquad#a battle I cannot win#methadone#too much junkie business#oxycontin 80mg#opioids#od#golden brown#maybe I’m just kinda like this#maybe this time the package will never arrive
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i really do think the desire to paint ten as unambiguously The Worst™️ when it comes to his relationship with martha is out of this desire to uncomplicate their relationship. to decouple them as friends and people who profoundly impacted each other’s lives. it’s just an easier narrative to swallow: that ten was Awful to her and then martha kicked him to the curb when she realized she was too good for him. easier, maybe, then dealing with the troubles of unrequited affection don’t have to be anyone’s fault, or that ten shut martha out in a lot of ways but let her in in others that he wouldn’t let any other companion near, or that they were still friends, they still wanted to see each other and be around each other, even though it was messy and sometimes hurt. you know?
#sometimes the doctor is shitty. this is not news we know this. this is part of the package. its what makes their relationships with their#companions so interesting so important.#like. how do i put this. i see posts sometimes about how ten was ‘leading martha on’ implying that he was taking advantage of her feelings#to keep her around. and. okay. so. putting aside how that’s a weird thing to say about anyone period.#its also just. from my viewing experience. not true?#the doctor is just sort of Like That. he’s too intense he’s too quick to grasp for emotional intimacy he’s too messy.#but he’s not leading her on. he really is just Like That.#like i feel by getting caught up in the fact that martha is hurt by being compared to rose and is hurt by the fact that the doctor can’t or#won’t return her feelings. and like. yeah. of course that hurts.#but in being caught up in that. i think what im saying is that it feels like people sometimes forget that he’s. not required to do that.#like just because she has feelings for him doesn’t mean he needs to get over himself and return them or else he’s using her. that’s. that’s#not how relationships work. people can have romantic feelings and still be friends and not have anything come of it and that’s not a#terrible outcome. thats just how friendships are sometimes.#thats the core of it to me. they’re friends. the way people post about ten & martha sometimes i wonder if everyone’s forgotten that they#are friends. that they last parted as friends. that martha doesn’t hate him or secretely resent him for how he treated her.#like. she’s got complicated feelings about the whole thing. but they didn’t stop being friends.#i tell you what: if the doctor was in trouble and called for help. you could be damn certain that martha jones would be one of the first#people to answer. that’s what i know.#doctor who#the doctor#tenth doctor#martha jones
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#sorry to all my friends who have already had to deal with me sending this exact combo of images to them#I can’t help it I’m going insane over this picture of him#dan aykroyd#Doctor Detroit#gr00vyashley
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i literally have the bestest friends ever. like of all time
#i don’t have a single right to feel lonely having such an amazing core unit of friends around me. i am surrounded w so much love#got this text while sitting on the ground w my textbooks sprawled around me alternating between 8227 different subjects#reaching a fucking CEILING#then i read this. and my heart is full and i got this#life is GOOD i am good i am happy and one day i will be a doctor helping people and i can’t wait#she’s in med school/was pre-med w me but there’s literally no competition bw us. no toxic pre-med culture#we push each other to grow and are proud of each other’s accomplishments and tell each other so much#insane how we met through my ex of all people. the main reason i dont regret meeting him#literally cannot wait to see her this weekend i’ve missed her sm#i’m so blessed. that’s all#p
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I think what makes rogue work so well is that 15 is so established as a heart on his sleeve kind of character by now that that of course he can fall in love with the grumpy nerdy bounty hunter in just one night
#not to get personal here but as an aro person I’ve always like my aro/ace spec doctor headcannon#but I’m not immune to hopeless romantic 15 okay#even if he hesitates and has reservations and doesn’t want to get hurt#there’s an impulsivity to 15#not just with rogue but even the way he runs off with ruby and gives her a key after just one proper adventure#it’s always been a doctor-y thing but this ep just solidified it as a 15 thing for me#he can’t help but flirt and tease and ask him to run away with him#he fell in love with the handsome bounty hunter and god I hope he sees him again#Doctor who#spoilers#ramble
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No but seriously, Doctor Who in a nutshell goes like “we’re gonna make you adore this idiot in his blue box and his (girl)friend and we’re going to give you mutual pining and existential longing and just enough fluff to keep you hooked but we’re gonna keep upping the trauma ante as the episodes progress until we get to the finale and then BANG we’re gonna traumatize you so bad you’ll rethink all your life decisions but we’ll keep you hooked to the show regardless and then do exactly the same thing to you in the next season.”
Being a Doctor Who fan is great.
#I just finished series 8 for context#man I love 12 and Clara but DAMN have that pair put me through some stuff#and 12 is ABSOLUTELY and idiot and I love him to bits and Clara is so real in her relationship with him I love her too#poor stupid idiots (12 & Clara) can’t talk to each other and say exactly what they mean#like your whole relationship could just be THAT much less complicated if you said you liked each other you doofuses#someone help me#doctor who#12 and Clara#12th doctor#clara oswald
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chronic pain vent in tags feel free 2 ignore
#EVERY time i flare up#i go down a rabbit hole of fibro comorbidities and remember i have literally all of them#almost every single tender point and textbook symptom#per the american college of rheumatology or whatever#panic disorder and migraine and mdd and a cocktail of other shit#every single one#can’t afford a doctor#anyone in a financial position to help me get a diagnosis/treatment doesn’t gaf#mom thinks all my problems are because i’m lazy unmotivated on my phone etc etc#i get treated like a dumb kid whining for attention anytime i mention my chronic pain#i’m so miserable#and then what do i do because im in pain! i relapse 🥰#i relapse over and over and over again 🥰🥰🥰#this shit is so stupid it’s almost funny#it hurts to breathe it hurts to move it hurts to lay down#gary i need a salary#tw vent#tw chronic pain#tw relaspe
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#oh nothing#just an extremely sexy snake hipped man eating cereal#i’m fine#I know he’s fucking sexy#but I was not expecting this shot#the belt#the legs for days#the haaaaaair#i want to run my fingers through his hair#ughhhhhh#god help me#what we did on our holiday#notching up my viewing of DT with his own accent#and it is feeding and watering me and my crops are bountiful#sexy scottish serpent#other than the doctor my fave it when he gets to use his own accent#dt being scottish#it just does things to me#I just love a regional accent#his voice is so delightful#I’m a sucker for an accent with a hard ‘r’#also#he kinda reminds me of jarvis#here in particular#the tallness#and the tightness of his clothes#but look how sluttily he’s standing#he can’t help himself#natural flirt#david tennant
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Right so obviously that was great and that find me and everything. But the dance scene and the emotion and everything just had so many « Captain Jack Harkness » vibes like sorry ? The dance the doom the separation ??? Now I wanna watch Torchwood all over again omg
#the emotion of the kiss#omg I can’t#help me breathe#also that find me like excuse me#nothing sexier has EVER been done in the history of television#just kissing your fiancé that you met two hours ago#then saving some girl you don’t even know#captain jack harkness#sacrificing yourself#does he really hope to be found ?#Will the doctor try ?#well we know he won’t he wasn’t blonde#but COME ON#FIND HIM#anyway gonna rewatch Torchwood#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dw#dw spoilers#rogue#rogue spoilers#ncuti gatwa#torchwood
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#ㅤꢾ꣒ kkamiyaps#is it obvious I can’t do physchem#pls send help#I don’t want to calculate the value of escape velocity for a satellite because it helps me in no way to become a future doctor#IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR#physics hate#even chem is bearable#but PHYSICS????? fuck no
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funny story today i couldn’t work (im a complaint specialist) bcs the complaint they gave me i recognised the address (not uncommon for people to live in our area as we are north based) and then i clocked the name. the complainant is my doctor 🧍
#HELP#so funny i had to call my manager like haha hey. can’t do it. that’s my doctor#and he was like “what are the odds” and i was like “TAKE ME OFF THE CASE”#so now i know more about that woman than i ever needed too. sawry#anyway. writing tomorrow#if not i’ll uhhhhh kms. fitting for a dazai blog#anyway. mwah have good mondays
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in the amelia pond au, amelia’s aunt does still send her to therapy between doctor adventures, but since amelia is now secure in the fact that he’s Definitely Real since both rory and mels have also met him and because she lost a tooth last week from tripping on the stairs of the tardis, she doesn’t bite any therapists this time around. and besides, her therapist is a very funny lady. she reminds amelia of her doctor, with how her voice will flip and jump in volume and accent and tone on a whim, with how she’ll talk to amelia like they’re conspiring together. she keeps the pictures amelia draws of the doctor and their adventures for her, even hangs one or two on the walls. she listens very intently to every detail, which no adults in amelia’s life do save the doctor himself and river song, whenever she’s around. and best of all, whenever she tells amelia’s aunt that amelia is doing just fine, don’t you worry, she’ll grow out of this, she winks at amelia so that amelia will know her therapist is only playing along to wave away her aunt’s suspicion.
it is a little odd, though, that she insists on only being called Missy. but amelia is quite used to odd by now.
#not the point of this post but. please do imagine amelia and rory and mels and the doctor all having escaped from Real Actual Danger#rory has the energy of a cat with its fur all puffed up and looks like he’s either going to start crying or yelling at the doctor#mels is standing on the box the doctor got her so she could see the tardis console better and studying the way he flies it very intently#and amelia is still full of energy and adrenaline and can’t stop racing around the tardis like a hyperactive gerbil. because if she stops#she might have to be scared instead but if she can run long enough she’ll forget to be scared at all and when she collapses exhausted all#she’ll have left are the exciting happy memories#and then she misteps racing up the stairs. shouts! the doctor and mels and rory are all at attention immediately. mels moves first but rory#is closer and helps amelia back up. and then the doctor is crouching down in front of her. ‘let me see. oh that’s a lot of blood. that’s.#how much blood are you able to lose again? its more than this. probably.’ amelia’s whole face hurts. but the doctor’s rambling is familiar.#it helps. and he’s only so talkative when he’s sure he has a solution. besides. rory’s head’s nestled on her shoulder and mel’s got her#hands. the doctor wipes blood off her nose and her chin. tilts her head up and goes ‘aaa’ sticking his tongue out until she does it too.#and he tells her to feel her upper row of teeth with her tongue. she does until she finds the gap.#it still hurts. hurts more when she nudges it with her tongue all bleeding and raw. but she just lost a tooth! and you know what that means.#they have to find it. or else how will the tooth fairy leave her any money?#(the doctor hears her say that to mels as they search. and he glances off to the side and makes a note to go back and make sure it *was* her#aunt leaving her those coins. and not something else. which he does. and finds out her aunt wasn’t leaving her any coins at all.#he can’t just let that stand! so the doctor becomes amy’s tooth fairy as well.)#and that is how amelia loses a tooth on the tardis.#amelia pond au
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Wow I love having random pain all around my body and in my legs to the point where I wanna cut my foot off im so sawpilled lawrencecore chainshippingcel fag what
#gay#sawposting#why can’t doctors help me#saw 2004#saw movies#lawrence saw#lawrence gordon#sawtism#saw franchise#saw#chainshipping
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Amusing myself thinking about the doctor responding to a distress call only to show up and find the master in the middle of having dealt with it out of sheer annoyance
#to ME he landed his tardis and she immediately fucked off for whatever reason#and he had to take some normal transport to get to where she’d gone to and it got hijacked or something#the doctor: HELLO I AM HERe to help..?#the master (disheveled and visibly annoyed holding someone by the collar): oh great now I can’t even kill him without someone pitching a fit#the doctor: ??????#zap.txt#simm!master#ten
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Do you ever see something so good You want to like it? but also you don’t want to like it because fuck you.
#it’s like#stop being better than me#ya know#text post#idk what else to tag#my doctors appointment can’t come fast enough. I need those mads.#send help
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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