#do not envy me either
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"still havent slept yet but thats alright thats for another day!" the man says about to fall off his feet from sleep deprivation
folks this is what peak tboy swag is you may run from it you may hide from it you may even scream but thems the breaks
the tuck, swipe and the readjust hes preforming at a level quite frankly unheard of. fear him.
WPLG Local 10 | 6.25.24 (x)
#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#return of visual ccs because there isnt an obnoxious banner obscuring the bottom that makes it hard to read 🫡#you know i cant say matthew tkachuk causing me gender envy is a thing i could have forseen and yet#happy pride month?#yeah i dont know either i cant control the gender it does what it wants to do#and if that means whatever the hell is on my screen then yeah it tracks#anyways calling south florida home OH GOD#WELLED UP THE TEARS IN ME
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talking about The Wisdom Saga with my mother : so, Antinous is a ‘bad’ guy, one of the suitors. he’ll try to hurt Penelope and Telemachus. however, he’s also hot. and I wish I could steal his voice
(after ranting about Zeus’ and Athena’s characterizations for half an hour)
#i can either think of all the things i dislike OR put little wolf on repeat#i choose to put little wolf on repeat#and ignore all the weird choices#watcha gonna do about it champ?#my mother somehow had to understand that me being a lesbian won’t stop me from finding guys sexy#though i think it’s more similar to gender envy#-#epic the musical#epic the wisdom saga#the wisdom saga#antinous#epic antinous
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I'm rewatching all the Marvel Defenders shows on Netflix and as much as I mock the MCU now, I need non-Marvel fans to understand that I was and still am a fan of "Daredevil fighting the gentrifying assshole who bought out the police force because ACAB both as a lawyer and vigilante of the community" and "Jessica Jones fighting the man who mind controlled her into doing unspeakable things and forming a community of fellow survivors and allies while dealing with PTSD in a range of both healthy and unhealthy ways" Marvel. God I love these idiots they carried so hard
#vio.txt#mcu#marvel#jessica jones#daredevil#also the two of them induced so much bi panic in me. also gender envy. jessica jones is one of the few women i get gender envy fron#the iron fist and luke cage shows were...more mid but still leagues above current marvel shows#like. yes be anti-mcu but these were masterpieces#and yes this is why i was so pissed about them putting daredevil in she hulk and trying to make him iron man 2.0#like! yes hes suave and charming but thats bc its his lawyer job!! he works in a law firm he and his friends started to serve his community#he is NOT 'i am rich and better than u' charming. he is 'i learned how to talk fancy for my degree and i have empathy' charming#and not bringing the other guys over either???? bruhhh#marvel really cancelled the best things they did on the screen#matt murdock my original red and black round glasses wearing sadboy what did they do to you#also!! can i mention that these shows had such better representation than nowadays marvel#murdock's actor doing extensive research on blind motility for the role#jessica and trish's friendship and how trish immediately believes jess about kilgrave#the whole!!! unique community feel of harlem and in luke's bar#hogarth whos both jessica's employer and foggy's boss in later seasons being a lesbian and having Real Marriage Issues#and also being a conplex and kinda shitty person#iron fist was....eh but that's why it was the worst one lmao#OH YEAH HOW COULD I FORGET MY GIRL KAREN#karen page getting a whole storyline in s1 about her dealing w ptsd and then getting fleshed out backstory and her own adventures#like ok it was kinda weird in daredevil that she dated like every guy bc she was the female lead 💀#but even then foggy and matt and her figuring their shit out like adults. like they shot their shots and it didnt pan out. still besties th#disney would never allow such good writing in current times#but a boy can wish
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When someone else’s art is so good you physically can’t look at it because of artistic jealousy
#Y’all do this to me on a daily basis I swear#I literally can’t follow some people because their stuff is so good it breaks my heart#I think the art world has a lot of envy and competitiveness that no one really talks about#Sure we’re all for self expression but so many of us are so used to being “the art kid” that anyone else taking or sharing that spot feels#like losing a peice of your identity.#I’ve had some artist friends who dealt with their jealousy by tearing others down or justifying their art by going#”Well you’re bad at ____ but I’m better at ____”#Or they would give unsolicited critique that was more like gently worded criticism than friendly advice to help someone reach their goals#And because of those experiences… I never want to become that person#I definitely get the surges of jealousy… But I very much try to remind myself that fellow artists are my friends-not my rivals#The people I feel the most envy for are often the people I hype up the most#And beyond that- nobody in the art community is trying to gatekeep information from you.#If you want to learn skills from other people- don’t hesitate to ask them. Most artists happily spill their brains for you in a conversatio#(Foolish artist… they don’t even know how many brain juices of theirs I’m absorbing-MWAHAHAHA)#(I’m gonna come come back stronger as an artist… And then I can learn and grow EVEN MORE BWAHAHAHA)#So anyway… Jealousy is a valid and very real thing… but what you choose to do about it can either hinder or help you.#That’s all folks#art meme#art
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Yknow, I love Orufrey and if their relationship develops into an undeniably romantic one, I’ll be the first to be on board, but I also really really enjoy reading their relationship and feelings for each other as completely platonic because as an aroace person… they kinda have what I want tbh (minus, yknow, the angst elephant that’s ch 40)
#can I get a hell yeah from the crowd for queer platonic partnerships#anyways idk if it’s been said yet but by god I’ll say it just in case#seriously though when I read their relationship as platonic it gives me envy like that’s what I want dude#I wanna live a comfortable life with a friend (or two) and if they want to adopt a gaggle of children#well then guess we’re co-parenting besties now let’s do it#anyways love qpp Orufrey but I also will keep reblogging ship art them so yknow#either way it’s a win😎#orufrey#wha#witch hat atelier#tbna#by yours truly the omelette of cheese#I’d still like a formal acknowledgement of just how close their relationship is at some point#yknow?#like obviously we know but I still want to KNOW know yknow?
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Always that one person who makes ur day better
I love my pookie
#He is genuinely the best thing that happened to me last year#tbh I don’t even remember when or how we met (they dont either) but I always have such nice memories of that mf#Genuinely brightens my day I love him Sm y’all idk what id do without him#Y’all should follow him in twt btw his art is so good#it’s @/zxxphyrr#He aint rlly active but trust me he is alive!! His dark Choco’s is one of the best I’ve seen and gives me massive gender envy
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May 27 2023
Okay, you know what: I am low key angry about all the buzz that Käärijä is getting for having a normal body. People call him ‘fat’ and having to ‘lose weight’ but to me, he looks muscular and healthy. And it is not just online since I first encountered it irl with two girls calling him ‘Winnie the Pooh’. Do you know how much I’d give to have his body? To have his confidence? He is out there proudly showing his surgical scars and his tummy, and all people can see is that he is not model thin.
#this turned out to be more about jere/käärijä than my own gender identity so I'll elaborate a bit here#when people go after käärijä like this it hurts me and probably other like me since I do really wish I looked like jere#my gender envy tells me that this is the ideal to go for#I have actually never really felt drawn to the hollywood thin men and scrawny boys makes me anxious that I'll break them by touching them#and I know I'll never be thin#so people going after jere feels like an attack because if he is not good enough for you guys I'd never be good enough either#I have a strongly feminine coded body and I hate it even if people compliments it#so if let's say I actually ended up looking like jere then how would people even see me? these people's action tells me that they'd scorn me#scorn me for looking like my ideal self#for looking freaking normal#think about all the people looking like jere right - you are putting them down as well#by commenting negatively on one person's body you do not only hurt the person themselves but everybody with the same body type#or idiots like me having this bodytype as their ideal#micah out#käärijä#jere pöyhönen#esc#esc2023#transgender#nonbinary#transmasc#gender envy#late entry#entry#findingmicah#also sorry for the rant
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every time i am around older queer people the more i am convinced i was meant to be an older queer person. not bc i have this fantasy of living in decades past that were much worse but bc i get along with and agree w them so much better. so much of modern queer discourse is painfully white, binary, and completely regressive while painting itself as revolutionary and i just want to crack jokes w some cool older butch lesbians every time i encounter discourse that makes me want to bash my head into the wall
#my professor in this one class is a lesbian in her 60s#and so many times she will say things that immediately either piss off or confuse the very lgbtqia+ alphabet mafia crowd in the class#while im sitting there like no no let her speak shes literally correct#and do not mistake me i am accepting of my lot in life as a 24 year old dyke okay i know the community i am going to be in and around#and love them all dearly and will stick up to their right to exist#but i will say. some of them annoy the living fuck out of me and we cannot have productive conversations#bc i always end up feeling like i need to take a walk to calm myself lmfaoooooo#AND ANOTHER CLARIFICATION BC WE NEED 20 CAVEATS ON TUMBLR.COM#this is not abt r//adical feminism im not talking abt transgender ppl existing as smth that annoys me abt the modern community#i just think older queer people actually have their heads screwed on and don't get as caught up in The Bullshit as we do#and i envy them for it
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speaking of that reblog, my god i really need to start driving
#i have had a driving license for at least five years and i still panic at the idea of driving#i avoid it and dread it so much#i know i need to get into it because it keeps limiting me and the places i can go to#it's not that i hate public transport (i don't love it either)#but there are a certain comfort and independence that come with driving to places#i really hope this can change in 2024 because i can no longer rely on others to drive me to places#i don't mean to shame myself and i would probably not drive my entire life#but i don't feel like i have a choice#at some point i need to do it#it's also hard because i don't have my own car so i don't get to practice#so i envy my neighbour's daughter because she has one and she's always driving around#ahh anyways ok that's it#didi rambles
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#gifted kid burnout is so brutal and I don’t think enough people talk about it#knowing if life would have turned out differently I could have been great#I wasn’t a prodigy by any means#and I don’t mean to sound conceited or anything#but I was pretty talented#when I was in high school - think junior year? I was in a college age opera and I was the only one who wasn’t in college in the whole thing#I was so excited to be an adult and for my dreams to become reality#and then life actually happens#and you’re already burnt out#and now I’m looking at all these younger people that are talented and I just feel envy bubbling up inside me#I wish so so so badly that was me#just graduating high school#with so much freedom ahead of me#but then I literally blinked my eyes and now I’m 25#no clue what the fuck to do with my life#working with a bunch of young girls doesn’t help either tbh#I remember when I was the baby in most situations and now I’m older than most of them#and I’m just :(((#idk idk idk I’m just being dumb right now#wish I could go back in time#redo everything#shut up rosie
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…wHY do y’all feel the need to mention where someone’s at when they’re not around! Sure I have a crush on that idiot but I’m never going to admit to it, and actively avoid bringing them up myself ‘cause it’d feel like a freudian slip and it’s not my business anyway.
How often do I even come up in y’all’s home conversation. Is it out of pity? Or is this idiot just as insufferable as I am to my friends who are WELL AWAY from this and therefore Safe to repeatedly try spring-cleaning my demiromantic acengst with.
Are y’all pressuring them about me, too, or has that FINALLY, finally eased off.
(And what value can I possibly have, anyway. I’m unemployed and just shy of a shutin from severe anxiety/moderate depression and cptsd, adhd, and a smorgasbord of muscular-skeletal issues that just keep creeping up and staying and moving the goalpost to even TRY getting a job. The idiot has other friends when they have time to spend on them. All I am is stubborn enough to stick around and wait if I’m not actively being chased off IF the other party seems to really want that connection.)
#tiger’s roar#i am pathetic#and it’s hard to feel Good about being moved out#when I CAN’T work/keep a job. and how many credits I have to take to keep my scholarship makes trying to get a part time job Impossible Too#I’m doing this on student debt#and my parents won’t just Stop calling me spoiled apparently out of envy#that they’re able to spot my deposits and rent for the 2 months before reimbursement#and cover getting things like cooking utensils and used furniture and cleaning supplies#even though 2/3rds of what I have I either bought/kept myself OR are things they don’t want anymore#if anything. it should be a victory that they CAN provide this for me#where their parents’ couldn’t or wouldn’t#sure I got to move out whereas they immediately married ‘cause a kid was in the oven and the judgement that came with that#but they also weren’t chronically ill to the point of disability#and the chances of me marrying? almost zero. because I’m asexual and kiss repulsed and demiromantic#…sure I’m pretty sure my crush likes me back. and despite what happened last year their family really seems to like me#but even if they felt they did have the time and energy to just. ask me out? or hang out like we both seem to want?#I don’t think I’d ever accept that I wouldn’t just. drag them down with my stupid health#and even WORSE: make them feel sensually neglected ‘cause I can’t even think about kissing without basically gaslighting myself.#…friends can be supportive and physically intimate with hugs and whatnot#but me as a girlfriend? HA. I can’t give someone ‘enough’ without making myself feel utterly awful#and yeah. there’s a grief with that.#I’ll…try to let it be someone else’s Choice. not make someone else’s decisions for them#…but.
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Very dumb how you can't out-logic mental illness because it always seems to have something factually true to throw at you when you go "this breakdown is all stupid and made up."
#many things in my life would be better with stable irl connections but at this point it's hard to believe it's possible#especially if you don't want to go on dates.#and I am finding that more and more I don't trust myself to make any connections I won't inevitably burn to the ground#either of my own volition or during a breakdown#everything is unbalanced but what can you do? not much#drown yourself in fiction and hope it all disappears#I don't like being the creature that I am.#venting#if I could at least go through life without envy. but it's not possible. the feeling is there to remind me of what I lack#and I can try to shove down the feeling but I can't fill the hole#sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if people just pretended I didn't exist#I feel like I'm always being teased by the joke my company might be worthwhile and then feeling it yanked away. idk why I fall for it
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you know i really dont envy the judges of this event; theres so many junior handlers and a lot of them are of equal skill... how do you narrow it down?
#crufts24#i dont envy the handlers either lol i started showing young enough to do the junior handler thing#i didnt because it was way too much Anxiety for me
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Why do my mom always purposefully cook shit that i purposefully and actively say i fucking hate and make me pukes, then come at me and say im a fucking picky eater and the most ungrateful human being ever. Is it so fucking hard to not cook a literal specific food that is literally fucking hard to make and forcing me to fucking like it, i literally am not that fucking picky i just hate eating fucking liver and that stupid broth that makes me pukes
#ignorelist#im just gonna eat fucking candy#dont care that im gonna starve myself cause seemed like no one gave a shit abt that anyway#she cooks food filled with liver and broth that i fucking hate#btw#which i have stated many times again im going to kms if i eat one of those#and i’ve proven many times that if i eat that i will literally fucking puke#and yet she still fucking made it on behalf of me#literally what does she think of me a fucking torture subject that needs fucking torture?#fucking asshole literally what the fuck did i do to her#she is always like this if bad things happenned to her im telling you#she always take out on me and my sister and started degrading us weaponising her fucking religion and saying how much she’s more superior in#that field than us#and how much god must fucking hate us this is why i dont have faith in god anymore btw and then she started becoming much aggressive and jus#t went to verbal attack either body shaming or subtly insulting us#its all fucking subtle and maybe she started using her mom card make us do shit that we dont even usually do#which i have to say is fucking insulting because those are basic chores#which you care to give us when you’re mad#is that the length you need to give a shit abt ur kid and gave them great scheduling activity?#sorry i actually envy people who has parents that cared enough and gave their kids meaningful chores to do like maybe buying food or other#also since like im islam totally i gotta do fasting m shit lately been wanting to faint#hastags so cool right#i have a sliver of chance pf maybe fainting in the pavement and someone fucking car crash in front of me#sliver of hope of dying yippee!#what the fuck is wrong with me
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youtube
tbt - the gazette - bath room // i wish i were a hot goth doctor
#i am once again wishing i were ruki from the gazette#pensive face emoji#the lesbian envy i feel for this guy is unreal#if i were ruki from the gazette women would be all over me like i'm exo#i'm not exo either women aren't all over me#envying men hasn't really worked out yet. hm#i've been listening to a lot of the gazette lately tho they really are killin the aesthetics#they and alice nine have always been groups im ecstatic for bc they have a lot of really cool music that i like#while they also have some stuff that im just not into either but ive always known a9 a lot better so this is nice#the gazette best not go on indefinite hiatus#i can't believe these bands are not even related to one another i have such a strong association between the two#nothing they actually do has anything to do with one another wow#have a good week everybody stay dry#(its raining)#the gazette#nil#tbt#song rec#j rock#visual kei#2000s#shut up kaily#q'd 6/17/2023#Youtube
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Feelin' hot as fuck today
#All you bitches either wanna be me or fuck me 😘#I can do one of those~#envy's thoughts#envy the jealous#envy
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