#I think the art world has a lot of envy and competitiveness that no one really talks about

[i-really-like-phrogs]

When someone else’s art is so good you physically can’t look at it because of artistic jealousy

[yandere-daze]

(❄️/yuki) I’VE BEEN SITTING IN A CAR FOR 5 HRS i’m going crazy please send help luckily my brain did a funny and went “haha enstars”

say…what if you get isekai’d to enstars AND you actually found a way out? did everyone work together to try to keep you from leaving? would the characters try to bring you back? or would they try to come back with us?

YES REALITY DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY…BUT WHAT IF…

i think funky stuff would happen if at least one of them found the way out and left with us…firstly they would know what we look and sound like without a screen separating us and them or a vtuberish default look to blend in with their art style…OTHER FUNKY THING IS THAT THEY COULD SEE HOW POPULAR THEY REALLY ARE…heck they can find out that i bought 4 body pillo— the player bought body pillows or perfumes of theirs! physical proof of how much we love them unlike just random words said during gacha that we may not mean <33 IDK JXJSKKSKX

5 hours??? Man I don´t envy you at all, that sounds awful! I´m actually kind of fond of car rides when they take around 1 hour and you can just sit in the back and look out the window and be lost in your own thoughts with nothing else you need to do, but at some point it just gets too much. Only very rarely have I been in a car forthat long and it definitely wasn´t a pleasant experience either kdjnfldknf so you have my condolences, ❄️ anon!

gn reader

tw yandere

Is the player able to leave the Ensemble Stars world? And what if one of the characters found a way to return to their world with them?

I´ve actually tried to think about how it would be possible for the player to go back to their original world but I haven´t really come up with anything that makes sense. Usually in these isekai stories where you get pulled into a game or anime or novel, there´s a singular goal that needs to be achieved to end the story and allow the isekaied person to return to their world. In an rpg it could be to defeat the final boss of a dungeon or in a dating sim it could be to have your happily ever after with one of the love interests. So there´s always kind of a clear goal to work towards.

But nothing conclusive comes up in ensemble stars, I don´t think. I mean first of all it´s a mobile game that keeps getting updated so there´s no “end” to the story that the player could reach. I´ve been thinking that maybe if it´s idol!player it could be to become the most popular idol group in the game? But then again, I really don´t know

So let´s skip that part of trying to make sense of it and instead just assume that it is possible to return somehow. Well, I think at first it´s very likely that everyone would try to work together to prevent you from leaving. They´re all desperate and don´t know what else to do. It´s the only chance to make you stay with them. It´s surely quite chaotic and there will be a lot of tension among everyone but they all realize that they have a common goal and need to work together.

But when one of them happens to find a way for them to leave the game with you and return to your world? Well, they´re obviously not going to share that secret with the others. The character in question is probably beyond excited because they can live together with you and none of the others will be competition because they´re in a completely different world altogether!

So yeah, they´re just going to leave everyone behind, no questions asked. There are only some exceptions to this, I feel like Mika would probably take Shu with him. I feel like even if he wants you for himself he still wouldn´t abandon the one person that has been with him all this time.

Now that you mention it, I guess you would look different to match the art style in the game while you´re there 🤔 

They´re definitely surprised to see how popular they are in your world but your opinion is the only one that actually matters to them. If you have any of their merch then they demand you to show it to them because it would make them super happy ( also it might inflate the ego of some of them lsdnfsl)

[strooples]

Skip to Loafer, chapter 45 analysis

So I wanted to do an Ujiie analysis from chapter 45. Why? Because lately, this scene…

…has been on my mind a lot! *Lowkey since the job market is hell in my home country, and I’m starting to really relate with the panel above and the feelings of distress lol.

And I think the insight into Ujiie’s insecurities are something very valuable the author has managed to provide us in just a simple chapter. Especially since a lot of the things he struggles with are stuff that a lot of people are starting to feel too. So even beforehand, we’ve been established a few core details anout Ujiie! Like how he’s studious and very reclusive/unwilling to respond to those around him. And now, we have some new information to build upon the core traits we know of. Namely:

How he’s been bullied before by other people around him. Ones he describes as more popular, sociable, and good-looking. Likely people he feels are able to fit in much better. As a result of being rejected by so many people, his exact thoughts are to turn down others when invited out. ‘Reject before you can be rejected’ is the logic of his rationale. Even when others are kind to him, he tells himself people only want to befriend him to be polite. Whether they’re genuine or not, the author doesn’t show us the people who invite him out are malicious. But we do see how distorted his thinking is — in that he can’t imagine anyone would WANT to be friends with him.

Self-rejection. It’s obvious here with the little arrows that say “Aiming for medical school” and “Wants to be a TV announcer,” he envies both his classmates’ good looks and aspirations.

His overconfidence is actually a facade for how unhappy he is with himself. We can see it in how he judges other people around him harshly. When in retrospect, he constantly tells himself that if he doesn’t have the appealing traits others have, perhaps he can one-up people with his academic capabilities — which falls apart when confronted with placement in an ultra-competitive & prestigious school where the best students of the entire country cluster in. It’s a realization Mitsumi had herself in the beginning too — where she found that being the best student in her small village doesn’t necessarily mean you are special when pitted against a school filled with incredibly smart and talented people.

So in a sense, he’s somewhat of a ‘gifted child finds out they aren’t special and now has a crisis’ situation where they have to cope, readjust, and find some form of acceptance. It’s a situation that happens to a lot of intelligent or talented people in real life, who’ve built their lives around being smart, or perhaps good in certain skills (art for example is one it happens a lot in). But once they leave their former environments and head towards a new one (perhaps upper education or a career involving a lot of equally-skilled and passionate people), they gain new perspective that others can also excel even better. Leading many to wonder where they place in the world lies, or how the identity or self-esteem they’ve built crumbles around them.

Gifted child crisis moment.

What does that lead to? How Ujiie genuinely feels so insecure that he stakes his entire self-esteem on academic performance and the abilities to get a good career. I think this one is especially depressing because in our high-pressure world, this ‘I’m worth nothing if I can’t achieve or accomplish’ sentiment is becoming more common. Ofc the schooling system in Japan with its brutal drill of exams, the equally-brutal job market, and the heavy social & familial pressures all contribute to Japan-specific cases — like the citations of many teens and young adults under the Japanese structure. But this problem has always been present with young people globally to an extent, where people are made to feel worthless if they can’t build up an image of accomplishment. It’s why you often get people who feel guilt when they can’t work when their health is down, or if they can’t finish schooling by a certain age. It’s why people often overwork themselves, neglect their own mental + psychological needs, or feel like their life is hopeless without the perfect career. It’s why most people often feel there’s this looming time limit to reach the metrics of life in regards to education, career, and family — or else they feel like a failure.

Which brings me to my last point: That Ujiie deep down is sad that he can’t not only make a friend, but that he doesn’t deserve a friend. I think a lot of his monologue indicate that he doesn’t feel he deserves a friend. He feels worthless, indistinguishable, and unable to connect with others. He can be judgmental, harsh, and very blunt (looking at the way he refers to Mitsumi). It’s partially why he values and prides himself with his schoolwork so much; it’s a way for him to feel there’s something good about himself. So removing the one trait of esteem he has — built on a very fragile backing — leads him to have nothing to fall back on. And where does that need to be special come from? From wanting to connect with others. From wanting a friend (like the idea of appealing to an employer by seeming exceptional is, in a sense, linked to the idea of envying those special ‘stand-out’ traits in many of the people he’s met that allowed them to have so many friends). That desire to shut people out? It’s actually because deep down, he already rejects himself and believes everyone will too.

In a way, this made his admission to Mitsumi of how he judges her as an admission to his own misjudgment, facade of arrogance, and how she has things he desires too despite being in a situation he was initially in. It seems harsh, blunt — in the typical Ujiie style we’ve been introduced to. But it’s a moment of humility, a show of vulnerability, an acknowledgment that deep down, he seeks to be the same: Someone who is cheerful, kind, and has friends who genuinely accept them for who they are.

Ujiie’s conclusions.

So really, he has this moment of vulnerability where he finally admits to himself that he WANTS to change. He wants to be able to open up, to be accepted. He doesn’t want to push away people out of fear that he’ll be rejected anymore.

That significant moment he has the revelation.

But something happens here that’s interesting, because he’s understimated one more thing.

With our knowledge of Mitsumi as the main character, we know that unlike some of the people who have bullied Ujiie before, she didn’t initially have it easy. She struggled too in the same ways as Ujiie was, in terms of fitting in with her new academic environment & Tokyo. She’s struggled with losing her sense of self worth, in the sole thing that she’s staked such a big part of herself and her feelings of pride & accomplishment in. She seems to be adapting well, because outwardly she reacts a LOT different than Ujiie. But similarly to him — despite being such different people — she’s bottled up her own feelings too.

Mitsumi’s moment.

It’s so interesting to see how empathetically this scene was handled, because the issues in it aren’t unique per say but important nonetheless. We see a lot of people on a daily basis who probably feel the same way both Ujiie and Mitsumi do deep down. And it’s a crushing feeling, one that’s terribly common in our world.

So the author has managed to hit the mark on a lot of points: Our global achievement-oriented cultural pressures, self-esteem, the gifted child trope, envy, misjudgment (like how Ujiie failed to see that it wasn’t easy for everyone else either), pushing others away, how bullying effects you in the long-term, and a desire for friendships and understanding — to be seen and accepted. All very complex topics, strung together with sensitivity and a resolution in mutual understanding between the characters.

< But yeah!! I just really wanted to pick apart this chapter and overthink about what I could find, ahah. >

[shealwaysreads]

Just dropping in to say I hope you realise how fucking talented you are. Your writing is just beautiful and I am envious and bitter and completely addicted. It should be illegal for you to be such a wonderful person and that fantastic an author ♥️

Hey anon!

First off, I want to thank you for your beautiful compliments on my writing—I put a lot of love into it so it always means the world when someone lets me know they enjoyed it. I pour a lot of precious time and energy into my writing, and everything I’ve created and shared has come from the heart—I write it from myself and for myself primarily, but I share it purposefully and the joy I get from hearing that other people have connected with it really is immense ❤️

But I also want to talk a little bit about the idea that my writing makes you feel envious/bitter—which might have been a completely off-hand comment without any deep intention, but it really caught my attention and gutted me a little bit, because I can empathise with that. I go through phases of feeling like I’ll never be skilled or talented enough to write the way I want to, and it’s become part of my creative process to encounter and then deal with that feeling when I’m in the midst of a project. There was also this post  (particularly @pineau-noir’s brilliant addition) circulating on my dash which has provoked a lot of discussion amongst me and my friends, and I wanted to bring a little of that out here, so forgive me for highjacking your ask.

Envy/jealousy is something that all of us feel, at one point or another. Whether it's looking at how many followers/subscribers/kudos a creator has, or the perfect turn of phrase or clever plot device that just makes you wish you’d thought of it! And jealousy is uncomfortable, we all know it’s not a nice emotion, and I think part of what makes it difficult to process is that it can feel like something that we need to keep secret. It isn’t a pretty emotion to feel, even less to admit to publicly, so it’s an emotion that can fester if left unchecked. It’s when this happens that resentment/bitterness can set in, and once those feelings get their feet under the table it’s hard to get rid of them and find your equilibrium again.

But if we accept that we probably all feel envy at some stage, then perhaps we can be a little kinder to ourselves and each other about it instead of letting it become something that settles into a stone around our feet that stops us from taking joy in our own work and in the work that other people share with us. We can accept that an emotional response (feeling like we’re not as good, or as experienced, or just plain less-than) is a natural thing, but we can also acknowledge that our first initial emotional response isn’t the be-all and end-all—we can choose how we express and respond to that instinctual kick of emotion.

We’re in the position to cultivate a sense of self-awareness and catch ourselves when we feel that envy creeping in, and we can challenge it, and manage it. Sometimes that’s going to mean taking a break, sometimes it’s venting to a friend, sometimes it’s actually facing ourselves down and recognising that the negative self-talk is coming from inside and we need to rewrite that narrative for ourselves.

For me it’s about looking at what I love about someone else’s creativity and appreciating it—it’s a gift they’ve given, and focusing on the pleasure I can take in their talent and skills, and remembering that they probably feel like I do when they see their own favourite creator means that I can tune in and remember that we’re all in the same boat, and there’s a lot of comfort in that.

Making fandom friends is something that makes a huge difference—when you can look at someone you love, creating work that you love, it becomes easy and habitual to take joy in their victories, and then you can look at every other fandom creator in that way. Because fandom is a community; to survive it needs all of us to participate. It needs every writer, and every artist. It needs every podficcer, every reccer and beta-reader, every gif-maker, every graphic maker, and every editor. It needs every fanvid creator, and every reader, commenter, and enthusiastic tumblr-tagger. It’s a community that lives and breathes on creation, interpretation, re-interpretation, celebration, sharing, the interlinked inspiration of headcanons and tropes and subversion and elevation of every iteration on character and plot.

Fandom exists because we’re all here. Including you.

I’ve got some links here, of posts that helped me and inspired me, including the tag I use on my blog to collect all the quotes and advice that keep me on track with remembering that my writing is mine, and it’s okay, and it’s worth creating.

Writing advice

@ruinsplume’s beautiful advice here

This art

Advice on competition

[felipeandletizia]

Change of pace in the Queen's closet: why Letizia is now betting on small Spanish brands

During the summer the national firms blessed by the 'Letizia effect' have multiplied. Having her approval gives them a global impact, in addition to being able to sell out everything that she puts on. Why have she decided to show her support now?

During the summer the national firms blessed by the 'Letizia effect' have multiplied. Having her approval gives them a global impact, in addition to being able to sell out everything that she puts on. Why have she decided to show her support now?

Small, young, niche, of medium price and of Spanish production. The firms that have appeared in Queen Letizia's looks this summer share attributes that are increasingly valued by the fashion consumer but which, until now, had appeared discreetly and timely in the royal wardrobe. Except for some concessions – such as a dress by the Sevillian guest brand Cherubina that she wore a couple of years ago –, never before had Doña Letizia given such prominence to small Made in Spain brands. Although she has long since left the 'Varelismo' in the background and began to open up to new names in national and international fashion, including large chains such as Uterqüe or Massimo Dutti, the recent and repeated choice of labels such as María de la Orden, Galcon, Dear Prudence, Lola Li, On Atlas or Macarena Shoes marks a turning point. And it comes at a time when it can be interpreted as a message of support for a national fashion industry hit by the pandemic.  

This is how Sara Escudero, an expert in analyzing her looks and founder of the successful Instagram account Letizia, de princesa a reina, considers it. "Her style is adapting to current times and circumstances," she explains to S Moda. "Before it was quite usual to see her with the same firms, all led by the Puig group [Carolina Herrera is one of her recurring labels], but now she is betting on Spanish brands to defend our industry. It is also a way of transmitting greater closeness and reaching more people, since the prices of most of the outfits she wears are very competitive ”, adds the analyst. In this way, the result is very positive for both parties: the Queen builds a slightly more earthly wardrobe while supporting a sector that represents 2.8 of the Spanish economy and, brands, many of them unknown to the large public, gain international visibility, increase their prestige and skyrocket their sales, sometimes selling out the specific outfits chosen by Doña Letizia.

This was what happened, for example, with the white blouse and pants set that she wore a few weeks ago during the opening ceremony of the Arco art fair. “It sold out very quickly, that same day. We immediately got to work to replace it and thanks to the fact that the entire production process takes place within a radius of less than 25 km from our studio, it was available again after three days", they detail from On Atlas, a responsible sustainable Galician brand design. The story repeats itself in the rest of the labels blessed by the 'Letizia effect'. The young designer María de la Orden confirms by email that the Capri model, a blue and white striped dress that Her Majesty wore in Mallora, "is practically sold out" and for Galcon, a fashion firm that opened its doors this year , the navy blue skirt and blouse set that Letizia wore has already become their best seller. “We cannot imagine a better showcase for our designs. We must bear in mind that we went on the market very recently and this has put us on the map," says Pilar González Alcón, designer and co-founder of the brand.

The person responsible for all these choices is her stylist, Eva Fernández. "She's the one who acts as a filter between the Queen and the fashion brands. She is in charge of choosing the outfits that she considers that Doña Letizia may like, although then it is the Queen herself who makes the final decision and combines them with the rest of the accessories,” says Escudero. Eva, who was part of the team of stylists of Cosmopolitan magazine before meeting Letizia and starting to work for her, remains in contact with national brands, visits the showrooms and attends the events that communication agencies carry out to present the collections to the press. It is there that she records many of the outfits that the Queen later wears. "It was her stylist through our communication agency who chose the two models of espadrilles that she has worn this summer", confirm from the artisan footwear brand Macarena Shoes. On other occasions, Fernández buys online the designs that she considers appropriate for each occasion. "It was very exciting to receive an order like this," Galcon says.

As an anonymous source who works in a well-known fashion communication agency told S Moda, sometimes it is Eva Fernández who contacts them to request a piece that the Queen may like. Others are the brands who try their luck by sending her their creations. "One day we sent her a leather bag from a national firm and she liked it so much that she put it on. Again, however, we did the same with a clutch from another brand and she returned it to us making it clear that she thought it was beautiful, but she was not going to be able to put it on for protocol reasons. I also know that the Queen does not accept gifts and she always insists on paying,” explained the source.

On certain occasions, brands even design special models for her. This is the case of Lola Li's wrap dress that she wore in 2019 and that she repeated a few days ago. "We were commissioned by her stylist and for us it was an incredible surprise because we are quite a different pattern from the ones she usually wears," they detail from the brand. The appearance of the outfit, they assure, gave them great repercussion and visibility both inside and outside our borders. "Her style followed all over the world and, in our case, her choice marked a before and after, for which we are enormously grateful. When she put it on, we reached saturation levels on the web that we had never reached before. The white model was made exclusively for her so it could not be bought, but it sold very well in other colors," they say.

In the same way that Michelle Obama broke a spear in favor of small American firms demonstrating that the work of a first lady is also to support the national fashion industry, Doña Letizia now begins a new era in her wardrobe that promises to do the same. "She is the best ambassador we have and what's really important about her wearing one of our designs is not the economic repercussion or immediate popularity, but the fact that she endorses our brand and likes our style", affirms María de la Orden. From On Atlas they agree: "She is a very important support. Suddenly the same product, with the same effort, dedication and work, is discovered by many people who until then did not know it".

For Escudero, the landing in the royal closet of brands 100% Made in Spain, far from being anecdotal, has come to stay. “I don't think the labels she usually wears will disappear, such as Carolina Herrera or Hugo Boss, but in day-to-day or less formal events it is very likely that these new national incorporations will help her renew her wardrobe and transmit that support to the Spanish industry”, she points out. She also underlies a message of commitment to the environment, sustainability and crafts. Investigating the philosophy of all these labels, it is easy to conclude that their choice is not accidental or due solely to aesthetic criteria.

María García Alonso-Lamberti, founder of On Atlas, highlights the use of 100% natural, recycled or ecological fabrics of European origin in all her creations. “We avoid the use of polyester and plastic even on buttons, zippers, shoulder pads and trimmings in general. This makes the process much slower and more complicated, but essential in our approach”. Some values ​​that, added to the limited and close production and competitive prices (none of the outfits chosen by the Queen exceeds 200 euros), are similar and extensible to the rest of the brands recently incorporated into her wardrobe. You could even say that they share a taste for timeless Mediterranean-inspired creations. "In Spain we have a lot of national talent, artisans who have worked for several generations and, of course, top quality raw material. Spanish brands still have a lot to say and Doña Letizia makes it clear that we have nothing to envy the fashion of other places", they conclude from Macarena Shoes.

Source

[pacific-rimbaud]

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Tagging @dreamsofdramione @scullymurphy @feelingofthesea @heyjude19-writing @niffizzle @ms-merlinblack @anneamm @frumpologist @raven-m-3 @ravenslightwrites and anyone else who would like to do this!

(I made a separate post, the other one has grown vry lorge)

Les Pèlerins

Draco x Hermione, Rated M, 10k words complete one-shot

I still cannot believe I was asked to write for D/Hr Advent. Thank you again to anyone who put my name in that hat. 🤯 I had a few ideas for Advent (Mall AU where Draco and Hermione are elves at the North Pole, Bletchley Park codebreakers AU) but really wanted to do an urban walking-and-talking piece just to see if I could write something that was actually readable. I particularly love what you don’t see: a broken Draco sitting in churches contemplating redemption, trying to glue himself back together and discovering his shape has changed, Hermione trying to make life and love work through sheer force of will and then learning to ease her grip, what it looks like for D&H that morning, the rest of the winter, in the spring.

Bright Objects

Pansy x Neville, Rated E, 17.5k words complete multi-chapter

This is less about the piece itself and more about the process of creating it with @grangerdangerfics @scullymurphy and @provocative-envy​ I am SO proud of what the four of us built as a whole, and our time working on it was one of the very best parts of a really terrible year. 25/10, would die for this crew and also for this soft soft Neville and this vulnerable, relatable bébé Pansy having a watershed WTF moment at the threshold of adulthood.

The Secretary

Pansy x Percy, Rated E, 45.9k complete multi-chapter

This was my second completed short multi-chapter after A Dress with Pockets, and it was a total pleasure to write. I have a lot of feels for these two. I loved this office AU so much I wrote in it again. Also I sometimes think about how smutty this is and want to hide my face, WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Notes on the Temptation of Peter and Heloise

Pansy x Percy, Rated T, 3k complete one-shot

This was exceptionally satisfying to write. I don’t know about anyone else but I loved watching this Pansy Parkinson lose her goddamned mind over this Percy Weasley. The absolute ache of these two. This is tied with Field Guide to North American Dragons for my favorite of the pieces I wrote in Death by Quill 2020. I grew tremendously over that competition and am deeply grateful for that experience.

One and Done

Draco x Hermione, Rated E, 35k complete multi-chapter

I know this is just a small slice of zesty Hermaco cheesecake, but it’s also probably the most Me thing I’ve written. My soul looks like this fic. Gawain Robards: a self-insert. This is my very, very favorite Draco (although he is very much adjacent to Draco from Love and Other Historical Accidents). I LOVE HIM. I love how much he loves her. I LOVE PANSY in this, I love that Pansy “Dislocated Cunt” Parkinson is the woman who loses her shit for Percy “Keep Calm and Carry On” Weasley in this AU, and for all its frivolity and spice, the scene where Pansy narrates Draco’s fantasy is structurally one of the more elegant things I’ve ever written.

Also, I’m not burning down the fandom art world, but I am SO proud of the art that sparked One and Done. I drew this from absolute scratch (this is a very art-nerdy thing to be excited about!) including that lace, and FUNNY STORY: to make it look right I had to draw and shade her bare breasts and then add the lace over her skin as a separate layer, which was a much, much spicier place than I was ever planning to go with fan art.

[gusu-emilu]

mdzs/untamed figure skating AU where the names of their signature skating programs are the names of their weapons.

wei wuxian names his performance ‘suibian’ (’whatever’) and maximizes points with dangerous stunts that push as close to breaking the rules as possible. he skates with wild, unconventional style that is bursting with raw energy and is exhilarating to watch, making him an audience favorite. he is the highest scoring competitive skater in the country, but his arrogance and tomfoolery rouse the ire of both his peers, who admire and envy him, and his coaches, who implore him to take a step back before he hurts himself.

lan wangji names his program ‘bichen’ (’to avoid worldly matters,’ literally ‘to avoid dust’) and focuses on clean, graceful, steady movements to the sound of the guqin. his bright bluish-silver costume with perfectly matching skates is instantly recognizable. in ‘bichen,’ he illustrates the concept of achieving strength and power through tranquility. as a critics’ darling with impeccable form, lwj is second only to wwx. their rivalry is milked by the media and is a staple of the figure skating scene by now, although the other skaters would tell you that despite their radically different ideas and frequent bickering, they are always in each other’s company at competitions.

jiang cheng performs a thrilling routine called ‘zidian’ (’purple lightning’). its concept is the search for one’s soul. the gentle, stately first half of the routine explodes into a fast-paced, technically challenging performance with an astounding number of spins. jc is known for his unique style of dancelike arm movements between jumps. jc and wwx are like brothers. since they were toddlers, jc and wwx have been coached together on the yunmeng team by skating power couple jiang fengmian and yu ziyuan. however, rumor has it that the coaches shamelessly play favorites among their students, with the most prominent example being jfm’s subtle bias toward wwx and yzy’s outspoken preference for jc, resulting in an unhealthy amount of pressure on the two young men.

jiang yanli skates to the program ‘lianhua’ (’lotus flower’) because yes, lotus pork rib soup is her canon weapon. if yuri katsuki could be a pork cutlet bowl that ensnares men, jyl can be powerful too. anyway. the theme for ‘lianhua’ is eternal consolation and comfort, and her skating style is choreographed with sweeping motions to radiate warmth onto the skating rink. according to the wishes of her coach, jyl is thinking about switching to a pair skating routine with jin zixuan (more on him later). wwx and her brother jc are currently begging jyl to continue her solo career instead. at the same time, the two are investigating, interrogating, and intimidating jin zixuan in case the partnership does happen.

known as the venerated traid, lan xichen, nie mingjue, and jin guangyao all came from the same skating school but ended up on different teams. still, they remained best friends and help with each other’s training, although the relationship between nmj and jgy has become a bit strained. famously, the venerated triad designed their routines to have complementary themes (explained below).

lan xichen’s program is named ‘liebing’ (’cracked ice’). it portrays the restoration of harmony to a world that is falling apart. lxc skates to a piece of music with a prominent flute part. his style is similar to lwj’s but gentler. together, lxc and lwj are known as the ‘twin jades’ of the skating world, both coached on the gusu team by the notoriously strict lan qiren.

nie mingjue performs ‘baxia,’ named after a mythological dragon with the shell of a turtle. the program’s theme is carrying the weight of the world. many criticize nmj for his choppy form, but it is inevitable with his routine being one of the most physically demanding in figure skating history. when he is not training, he drops in as a qinghe assistant coach to his younger brother nie huaisang, who scrapes by at the very bottom of the professional skating scene with lackluster bird-themed routines, more well known for his aviary, art collection, and party attendance than for his skills. although he doesn’t seem to care much about his own skating career, nhs is undeniably nmj’s biggest fan.

jin guangyao names his program ‘hensheng’ (’hating to be born’ or ‘hatred of life’). its theme is survival when the world turns against oneself. in this performance full of angst, jgy’s skating style emphasizes physical flexibility and emotional expression over power. although jgy used to be unknown and does not score very high, his popularity skyrocketed after he exposed the doping scandal of his own team, led by wen ruohan. in a viral interview, he told the story of how he was bullied while on the qishan team. once he became so popular, the lanling team snatched him into their ranks.

jin zixuan calls his routine ‘suihua’ (’the passage of time’). this ambitious program is divided into eight equal-length sections, each representing a different generation of his family, telling a story of wealth and success. his performance, albeit gaudy, is high scoring. along with jgy, he is from the lanling team, which is lavishly funded and grants him access to the best resources. one of his coaches, madam jin, is enthusiastic about planning his partnership with jyl. in fact, she is already working on the choreography. however, jzx is hesitant to give up his solo career, especially as his scores begin to approach wwx and lwj.

[little plot idea]: after a nearly-fatal injury caused by his reckless techniques, wwx must spend a year in recovery. when he is cleared to skate again, he is warned that he cannot attempt his old style of skating without exacerbating the injury. with the help of lwj, wwx readapts his style and returns to the ice with a new program called ‘chenqing’ (’setting forth one’s thoughts,’ ‘explaining one’s actions’). it is about finding beauty in darkness. his movements are aggressive yet elegant, chaotic yet balanced. he seems to have finally found a way to calm his style while maintaining his characteristic edge.

i don’t know how or when to work it in, but because it’s so beautiful and needs to be included, later in their careers wwx and lwj perform a pair skate called ‘wangxian’ (’forgetting envies’). credit to @wackopig​ for this stunning idea.

(after i finished writing this post i got curious and found wip figure skating AU fics that i haven’t read but now NEED to, one by @zizzani​ who has a figure skating fic on AO3, and Rinnoa’s fic on AO3. kudos to y’all doing the lord’s work)

i don’t have the discipline to write a full-on fic and I know nothing about figure skating lol. but i want to do a post for fun with plot ideas later. wen ning and wen qing show up as owners of a small skating rink and hot spring while raising a-yuan, in the way that @wackopig​ made up that i love so much. i think it would be interesting if wn and wq are disgraced members of wen ruohan’s team who got banned from skating due to the doping scandal, but they were forced into taking the drugs against their will and never got their names cleared. also there’s likely a lot of jin ling because i want him to perform his late father’s routine. wwx and lwj coach both lan sizhui and jin ling. also thinking about how to get the yi city folks in here too, because who doesn’t want to see a songxiao pair skate and xue yang doing a murder-themed performance called ‘to cause disaster’? anyway if you have any ideas for plot hmu!

[mudwingpropaganda]

(Princess) Kinkajou of the RainWings

I want to believe that Kinkajou is actually a biological descendant of Grandeur, but it doesn’t truly matter because she was supporting Glory for the throne and heritage does not equal merit. Kinkajou is fascinating character who took so many punches yet shes never properly thanked or appreciated for them? I think Kinkajou ought to be more painfully optimistic. As a partial foil to Sunny. She’s not optimistic because she NEEDS to be the one keeping the group optimistic. Kinkajou remains happy because of somewhat emotionally stunting double standards in the RainWing queendom and the act that tears only get you so far. Confidence and energy is what people respond to.

Kinkajou deserves so much more than what canon gave her. Tui might have said “her story is over,” but I seriously disagree. Let’s open her book in the first place.

Design headcanons

I may have leaned a tad far into the idea of her design being physically representational of my ideas for her, but let’s just say these are her comfort colors. The default! They spontaneously flicker with pink and yellow patterns but her default is a banana yellow and bright pink combination, with intruding grey scales on the edge of her torso. (I imagine her underbelly is also similarly melting into pink colors, as her wings are. I just didn’t have the foresight while drawing this.)

I referenced a kinkajou in designing Kinkajou! As a result, her paws seem a little too big for her and she has little ears as opposed to Glory’s more serpentine/bird appearance. Kinkajou’s frill is an example of a feathered RainWing that have plumage similar to a bird of paradise that is also susceptible to the color changing pigmentation.

Her eyes are a striking jungle green, the most natural color on her.

I believe that her time under the NightWing’s grasp definitely should have a more visual representation on her. It may be exaggerated but... art is such. She retains indents where cuffs and chains essentially squeezed on her scales and snout. Her scales tend to dull and turn grey if she is not consciously keeping control over these body parts, yet she has more trouble changing the color of her afflicted indents. 

Her wing is illustrated with the venom wound she suffered from the accident she had in the Queen competition. Her wings struggled to fold back into her sides after the event and regardless if she had these scars removed or not through “magic,” she finds it awkward trying to put her wings back.

I imagine she had more of a full mane of plumage in store, but due to the stress on the island, they struggle to grow healthily behind her ears. 

A personal headcanon of mine is the most noticable circular scales on a RainWing is the clearest indicator of their current emotions. Glory’s was an angry red-orange. Kinkajou’s tends to default, like her indents, to a grey if she doesn’t pay attention. A numbness.

Miscellaneous thoughts

Kinkajou could have been a fascinating case study about the flaws of the RainWings’ lifestyle. Rather than their flaws being a foolish, uneducated, lazy tribe, the RainWings could have been at fault for putting too much trust in their young, making subjects feel obligated to put on a happy face, and their violently isolationist tendencies. Dragonets may be obligated to reach out to adults for help if they need it, not the other way around. That’s why she self isolated to personally focus on her venom practice lest infuriate Bromeliad further. It’s why she maintains a bright yellow and pink coloration rather than subject other dragons to her emotions. It’s why Kinkajou never quite thought she would be able to escape the NightWing island. 

When she was young, Queen Grandeur also realized that Kinkajou was one of her own descendants, making Kinkajou a princess. Grandeur may have been the only one concerned catching wind that Kinkajou went missing, but her perception of RainWings as lazy beings was a personal bias that took away any sympathy she had for her offspring, assuming the dismissals were true that she simply went lost in the woods.

Kinkajou’s upbringing really affected her! She begins dropping her ideals of being an ideal RainWing due to her trauma chipping away at her. Especially the fact that she now realizes the extents of what the Queen, her friend, Glory, goals mean when it comes to a symbiotic shared queendom between the RainWings and those who experimented on her for months, or maybe even longer, until Glory finally took action. 

Kinkajou retains scars from the NightWing island, both physical and mentally. Scars from her bonds and greying scales from a jarring transfer from a flourishing environment to something significantly harmful for her body and color shifting scales. And aside from that, she developed PTSD from the events on the island. Between nightmares, the occasional flashback if someone jostles her... she herself has compartmentalized the experience so she herself doesn’t fully remember the events of the island. But she remembers things at extremely inconvenient times. Especially around NightWings.

Her friendship with Moonwatcher was initially based on the mental note she makes that Moonwatcher isn’t a “real NightWing.” Originally, Queen Glory asked that Kinkajou, as her friend, made the effort to connect with NightWings attending the school, which panicked her. But Moonwatcher didn’t have anything to do with it. In fact, she spent as much time and she did in the rainforest! If not, more. And there’s an envy that Moon never faced any of the ugliness of the NightWings! But a disconnect that maintains their friendship. It isn’t until they begin to bond on their across the world adventure that they begin to trust each other outside of the fact that they were supposed to. It’s difficult! Of course! Especially when Chameleon (another great victim of the RainWing culture), taking the form of Shapeshifter to incapacitate her. Yet it was Moon’s face that greeted her when she woke from her coma. Who had been by her side intent on her recovery. 

A lot of what Kinkajou does is to try and reinstate normality and an environment she finally feels comfortable in, essentially! She feels out of touch with other RainWing dragonets, not enough to be around them, and inevitably confides her self worth mostly to the Jade Winglet, as they don’t know what a RainWing is supposed to be like. She assigns a crush to Winter to make her childhood feel more normal, even if she doesn’t really feel it. 

Kinkajou has internalized a LOT of the shit that was thrown at her. To the point where she doesn’t consciously recognize that she’s been putting on a happy face for so long, aside when she needs to put her scales back in their classic pink and yellow. Even when Moon sees her mind, she struggles to recognize if those thoughts really belong to her or not, assuming the ash and glow of lava is that of a NightWings’, not hers. 

Queen Glory is the main dragon that teaches her how to read. Her and Moonwatcher were both somewhat or basically illiterate when they started their educations. But are both are passionate about literature. Where Kinkajou becomes an avid writer and attempts to to become a journalist for kingdom specific and international news for the continent! She assists Starflight in the library of Jade Mountain occasionally. But she also helps establish libraries and such in the Rain Forest! She helps Glory develop an education system that doesn’t sacrifice culture for secular curriculum.

LGBT+ headcanons

I would say that Kinkajou is a questioning genderqueer individual and still uses she/her pronouns but is growing partial to neutral they/them and doesn’t object to other terms used to address her. She is generally flexible with how she is perceived as long as she is perceived respectfully.

Kinkajou is also panromantic but also on the aro and ace spectrums! She muses the idea of finding a partner eventually, but finds platonic relationships easier to establish and grow than the prospect of a romantic one. Like how she simply plays with the idea of Winter being her crush for the sake of personal normalcy in her childhood and, honestly, Anemone’s little innocent emotional manipulation spell? Yeah. That never happened. Kinkajou’s oblivious to Turtle’s feelings. Attractions fly RIGHT over her head, from others or her own self. She also may have queer platonic partners perhaps? I don’t make the rules. Love is love! uwu

[mangadumpingground]

Now some background information on our two favorite girls:

Kurosawa Yurine

In the same class as Ayaka, she is a "genius" in a nutshell. Nobody can beat her and she usually spends her time sleeping. Yet one day, after Ayaka has helped her open herself a tiny bit, she falls in love and becomes obsessed with her, thinking she has found the one person who can best her.

The Ace: She is good at everything she does, be it in studies, sports, or even art. But since she succeeds at everything without even trying, she can't get invested in anything.

Animal Motifs: During her more excitable moments, she's drawn with dog ears.

Asleep in Class: Her default mode. If she's ever seen awake during class, it's because the teacher woke her up.

Caring Gardener: Her increasingly genuine interest in gardening parallels her growing sociability as the series progresses. She starts as an isolated girl who joined the gardening club more or less out of obligation, to a caring senpai who's willing to make friends and tries to make the gardening club prosper again. By the end of the series, she decides that she wants to become a florist.

Character Development: She has gained quite a few social skill points since the beginning of the series, and has become slightly less fixated on Ayaka alone (although she's still her main motivation). She even decides to join a club eventually. Chapter 22-23 is an important step, as for the first time, Yurine tries to interact with Ayaka not as a "rival" or a one-sided crush, but as someone she genuinely cares and worries for, giving her words of comfort that would have been unthinkable at the start of the series. Volume 7, being mostly from her point of view, emphasizes how much more fulfilling her life has become since she met Ayaka… and how much Ayaka, on the other hand, is still stuck in a state of mind not unlike that of the early Yurine.

Cool Big Sis: Sumire sees her as this, and well, she has reasons to.

Covert Pervert: She may not show it all the time, but in addition to their competition, she's also definitely curious of Ayaka's body.

Deuteragonist: She's as much of a protagonist as Ayaka, as a good chunk of the chapters about their relationship are from her own point of view. Her Character Development is also somewhat more noticeable than Ayaka's.

Ditzy Genius: Sure she can ace any test and learn at the speed of light, but that doesn't prevent her from occasionally being strangely clueless or taking odd actions − like trying to catch a paper stuck in a tree, even though it's obviously out of her reach and she's sitting on the second floor window.

Friendless Background: According to herself. In the first chapter, Chiharu notes that her excess of ability makes her hard to approach, and she is pretty distant herself. Though meeting Ayaka, Mizuki and Ai helped her open up it seems.

Green-Eyed Monster: Downplayed but clearly played straight. Yurine envies/admires Ayaka because she has a "role" in their school (see I Just Want to Have Friends below), and participates in life to a degree that Yurine can't.

Heavy Sleeper: Because she feels like she has nothing better to do than sleep, as she considers herself a bother for other people.

I Just Want to Be Normal: She's sick of people praising, relying on or being jealous of her because of her talent. All she wants is to find someone who will make her feel like an ordinary girl, and Ayaka is that person.

I Just Want to Have Friends: Played with. She wants to belong somewhere, but is too dismissive of (or possibly disillusioned from past experiences with) people to engage with them.

Innocently Insensitive: She's so apathetic about talking to anyone, for any reason, that she comes off as rude. By the end of volume 7, she has thankfully improved quite a bit in this department.

Insufferable Genius: Has shades of this when she rubs Ayaka's "no.2" ranking in her face just to piss her off.

Lonely at the Top: And one reason she falls in love with Ayaka is that, finally, someone seems to be able to (eventually) best her.

Luminescent Blush: In chapter 35, she sports this when Ayaka holds her hand (because Yurine forgot her gloves); and later, for the first time her teasing backfires as Ayaka's (supposedly reluctant) kiss completely makes her lose her composure.

Mood-Swinger: Usually aloof and bored, but whenever she is with Ayaka, she can go from euphoric to teasing to pouty to Cloud Cuckoolander, all in an instant. In any case, she is clearly in heaven just by being with her.

No Social Skills: Generally ignores people, doesn't censor her speech, often intrudes on Ayaka's personal space, etc. As of chapter 22, she's improved with regard to the latter.

Photographic Memory: Implied, as she can memorize an entire textbook page with one casual reading.

Too Much Information: She ogles Ayaka. We know this because she tells her.

The Gadfly: An expert at rubbing Ayaka the wrong way.

The Tease: She takes an intense delight in playing with Ayaka, often physically. It can go quite far, yet the latter shows surprisingly little resistance to it.

Single-Target Sexuality: She has eyes only for Ayaka and only seems to feel any kind of satisfaction when she is at her side. Though chapter 11 subverts this when Ayaka tells her that in the end, she would just love anyone who can beat her. Yurine's answer is that it might be true, to Ayaka's shock. Afterwards she herself starts to worry that her feelings for Ayaka may not go further than that.

"Shut Up" Kiss: Gives one to Ayaka in chapter 12, when the latter warns her that her club activities might detract her from the tests.

Supreme Chef: Par for the course. So supreme that she can cook while sleeping.

Took a Level in Kindness: Through her interactions with Ayaka, Ai, and the gardening club, she becomes considerably less of a jerk over time, although she still has her occasional bouts of teasing.

Shiramine Ayaka

A self-proclaimed "model student", she is obsessed with being the first at everything and thus sees her world turned upside-down when Yurine appears in high school.

Aggressive Submissive: Kind of. For all her defiance, Yurine can play her like a harp when she's in a flirtatious mood.

Armor-Piercing Question: She gives one to Yurine in chapter 11, but she's the one hit hard by Yurine's laconic answer.Ayaka: You say I'm special to you but… in the end, you would like anyone able to beat you, wouldn't you?" Yurine: *Beat*… You may be right.

Belligerent Sexual Tension: Not belligerent on Yurine's side, but on hers, definitely.

Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Subverted. When she's alone with people close to her like Mizuki or (though she hates to admit it) Yurine, she's quite aggressive and stubborn. But that doesn't mean the kindness and helpfulness she shows towards her classmates isn't genuine. The few times she has a supporting role in another girl's arc (mostly in volume 8 with Hikari and 9 with Mikaze), she appears much friendlier than when she's the focus.

Character Development: Chapter 15 shows that she has largely gotten used to Yurine's presence and has become somewhat more conscious and accepting of her sweet side. In any case she doesn't reject her as strongly as early on. Continued in chapter 23 where she lets Yurine spend the night with her on the beach, whispering what seems to be a "thank you" and kissing her forehead. At that point, while she still wants to defeat her, she no longer shows any desperation or anger about it. By chapter 40, her motivation has shifted from wanting to defeat Yurine so that she can forget about her to wanting to defeat her so that she can admit her own feelings to her.

Class Representative: Unsurprisingly, she seems to be this (at least in role).

Determinator: She will not give up until she has gotten her first place back from Yurine, and won't allow Yurine to give up either. By chapter 35 it actually has become a double-edge sword in their relationship: she refuses to bond with Yurine further as long as she hasn't defeated her, but at the same time she won't acknowledge any bond with her beyond their competition (despite obviously showing that she cares for her). This is the opposite situation from chapter 11 mentioned above, in a way.

Expressive Hair: Mostly in the early chapters, where they tended to float around a lot. It became more straight and static as the art got somewhat cleaner around volume 5.

Go-Getter Girl: Ayaka sees it as absolutely imperative to be the best at absolutely everything.

Good Angel, Bad Angel: Subverted, as their roles are reversed. The good angel tells her to focus on being the best and reject Yurine at all costs; the bad angel tells her that Yurine isn't a bad person and that there's nothing wrong with being friends with her.

Hidden Buxom: She turns out to be far more busty than she seems in her uniform. She's apparently a D-cup according to Yurine.

Not So Different: It's not as immediately obvious as with Yurine, being the School Idol and helping various people around at school, but as we go on it's increasingly clear that she doesn't have any actual friends either. Mizuki even sarcastically points it out in chapter 18.In another sense, during Ayaka's Heroic BSoD she acts antisocial and listless, much like Yurine's default state. Again, this is pointed out by Yurine herself (who had some Character Development in the meantime) in chapter 35.

Out of Focus: Despite technically being a protagonist, there are actually very few chapters from her point of view (if you don't count the extras). Chapter 1 and 2, chapter 11, half of chapter 15, chapter 22-23, chapter 40 and that's pretty much it; in other chapters she only appears for a few pages, if at all, and volume 7 is primarily centered on Yurine with Ayaka in a supporting role. It doesn't help that, rather ironically, Ayaka almost only interacts with Yurine (and sometimes Mizuki) while Yurine herself intervenes in other characters' arcs. This only changes in the last two volumes, where she briefly gives advice to Mikaze in volume 9 and finally gets full focus in volume 10.

School Idol: And that's her pride, even if Yurine is no.1 in grades.

Second Place Is for Losers: She does not take losing to Yurine by three points lightly.Mizuki: Why does it bother you so much to be second? It's awesome. Ayaka: Yeah, for someone like you who is around the 150th place, being first or second probably doesn't make much of a difference!

Smart People Wear Glasses: She occasionally sports these when studying.

Tareme Eyes: Art Evolution made her distinctively drooping eyes more prominent, making her look somewhat less aggressive in later volumes. It might also serve to outline her bad eyesight.

Tsundere: While she usually shows an admirable façade at school, she shows a more aggressive side when alone with Mizuki, and completely loses her composure when it comes to Yurine. She can admit she is awesome and can't help but look at her constantly, but refuses to acknowledge that she's attracted to her. Made more amusing by the fact that even Yurine herself can see it. Interestingly though, that dynamic starts to be reversed in volume 7-8, where Yurine is now the one losing her composure while Ayaka calmly listens to her worries.

Well Done Daughter Girl: Implied in a flash-back, where her mother scolds her because she got "only" 95/100 at a test, while Mizuki's mother praises her for getting an 88. And confirmed in chapter 22 where Ayaka breaks down under the pressure and decides to say "screw that, I no longer care if I'm not the best".

Workaholic: She will study to death and work harder than any student, but she admits than she doesn't really have a precise goal beyond "being no. 1". This seems to come at least partly from her mother's overly high expectations.

[frankincenseisnotamonster]

The Finish Line

EXPECT IT! 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

DEETS:  

Today is the day we put things to rest. 

Let the old demons die,

Let sleeping dogs lie.

So this is it. We did. Come hell or high water. And we really have been experiencing hellfire haven’t we all. Literal fires, and figurative fires. Its not easy to walk through flame, it is harder still to walk through flames and not be burned. Let us bask in knowing that if we are here, we are whole.

I had my last guitar battle on Saturday, the day before my birthday amongst friends who have been there for all the guitar battles and all the personal battles before that. Even in smoke, even in fire, my friends and loved ones, present and virtual came to gather round in our world now made camp fire.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I won. But what really is “winning” anyway. Is winning feeling better than someone else? Is winning learning a cool new lick on guitar? Is winning everyone voting for you? Is winning doing your best? Is winning just showing up?

Now at the end, after all the shenanigans, all the smiles, all the plotting, all the practicing and ruminating, I wonder, was it even a competition? And who really wins?

Winning is cool, and winning is good for me to work toward, but I didn’t do the battles to win.

I did the battles to battle myself and all the ways I had twisted up in self-sabotage and betrayal, setting myself up to fail constantly, and its not so much that I did fail but that I always “thought” I was.

I hope if folks look closely, or even look at all, they see what I see and know what I know,  I did the battles, every guitar battle as an expression of pure self-love and healing, an unabashed (although I can be very abashed) display of what I thought, who I am and what I was, and most important who I could be. I won for myself, a vision of me being something else than what I thought I was.

I think I win, but not because of “winning the guitar battles”. All that I won was myself, the harder battle and the real one underneath, of learning to love and like myself.

I haven’t become amazing at guitar, or done a lot of cool shows were I stage dive into the audience, but I’ve met new people and been able to tell I resonate with them. I’ve reconnected with people from the past and realized there not for me. I’ve been hurt and hurt others. Similar to this new anime I adore, called K-ON, that is about a club that meets after school to eat and be in a band; I spent most of my time dreaming, and eating treats and snoozing probably a good deal more than I spent playing guitar.

The thing I love the most about picking up guitar and doing this strange and silly performance ritual has been all new fun memories with my friends I’ve made.  And if I am being deeply honest, thats probably what I wanted most. I saw these other guys, something outside myself bringing folks together through music. I caught that love, and then I caught something more, or found something more in me, which was the dark, the envy the shadow.

The shadow is a special part. Its the part that made me keep practicing even if I thought it was a lost cause. Its the part that kept me feisty and petty with my rivals, I hope just enough to make it fun! Its the part that needed answers, needed to be seen, needed to be liked. But there was only one person that  could really give love to my shadow and that was me. I had some pain inside me and I couldn’t even really say truly where it came from. What I found healing was acknowledging it existed, that even with my love of psychology and astrology, I still found it hard to give myself grace, to say its okay to make mistakes, its okay to be selfish sometimes, its okay to be wrong, its okay to be bad, its okay to just be.

So many times I have let things change me and sometimes there’s just no stopping that. But when I play guitar or make art, I’m shaping my own change. Octavia Butler says, god is change, but also we can also shape change. We can future cast, and we have to.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was listening to a podcast recently  with Amanda Seals and Sonya Renee Taylor and they noted something so beautiful to me, “compassion and kindness can exist in the same space as honesty and truth”. I love this so deeply, through out my whole body. Truth doesn’t have to hurt and honestly doesn’t have to wound you. The guitar battles were my way of telling the truth in the most compassionate way that I could tell it, especially to myself.

They were a manifestation of what I believe, which is that fighting the power can be fun, saying hard things can happen with whimsy and joy, and you can do little things all the time to shape change and embody the love you want to see for everyone, by loving yourself, and the ladies of you know I had to add that in lol! ^,^

I haven’t always follow my own rules, or stuck to how I intended to do this whole thing, but thank you thank you to my lovely folks, my friends, my family, my bandmate, and my community thank you thank you (deep bows) for your ear, your time, checking in, looking out for me, hosting my battles, sharing my struggles, adjusting cameras and filming, contributing, joking and laughing, celebrating and being thank you thank you.

Through this whole process, I wanted to change and now in some ways I have. Its not my business what people think of me, but it is my business what I think of myself. I don’t need to be the protagonist of my story.

I hope there will be more challenges more strange adventure to go on. Sometimes I almost love the adventure itself, more than anything else. All I ask is that I have a fun story, and maybe one with a little adventure, a little whimsy, and atonement mixed in.

3 times over 3 times under I release my old stories. I love them for what they made me, And now may I let in something new.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

UPDATES

Im done play with the big boys now! To all my rivals I’ll catch you on the flip side.

I learned enter the sandman or some of it and it may not seem like a big deal, but y’all when I feel the power when I play it I gotta say!  So today I make a promise and I don’t always like promises, as they are hard to keep.  But if I cold promise anything ever, I would promise this:

Even if it takes everything in me, until my very last breath, I am going to shred so hard FOR THE LADIES. HUZZAH!

[holy-lancer]

Out of context Len headcanons :)) very little... but it’ll be nice!!

Punkish

Handsome, gets what he wants, not used to being told no for anything.

Jersey

Very upset all the time. Piss poor at English class. Middle sibling of Cheerful candy and colourful gumdrop. Parents hate him!

Asymmetric

Star gazer, owns a telescope? I think I made a joke once about him being a distant Relative of Radical

School Outfit

Bookworm, no social skills, a bit envious about how well Jersey gets along with people.

Blue moon

Mixologist! He loves his job! Has a soft spot for Disney movies and grew up really close to Black Star.

Indigo/Aitetsu

None. Who need him.

Kotetsu

Shape shifter who just wants to be all people. Doesn’t get social ques or how to /really/ talk to people. Has paws on his feet.

Strange Dark

I like to think of him as a clone, but nobody knows of who. He carries around a feeder fish in a tiny bowl and “loves” it.

Nameless number 7

Requiem’s favourite :) super quiet. Strong man, good with his hands.

Starmine

Here’s a fun fact: he’s my second fave and I love him. Ok. For real. Loves the kitchen, if you don’t know where he is, he’s cooking for everyone.

Receiver

First model robot made to gives answers to questions people had. Ended up getting a /little/ too emotional. Was friends with Jersey and Lancer in grade school.

Phoenix Moon

I STAN. The first Len rp he was one of the mains rped by my then Gf. He gives me lots of smiles :). Positive Len module for me. But..... let me think... oh! He collects expensive soaps and his parents own a bank.

Crane

None. I hate him as a Len module. F tier.

Bad boy

Starmine’s future husband. Easyly peer pressured and a spiky exterior. He’s like a sea Urchin!! My favourite animal...

Yukata style

None.

Stylish Energy

His parents wanted the best for him, so he just got pushed around to do things he had no passion for. All sports, and art, and he had no personality and interests. Jersey helped. 

Student council

Green with envy :). He wishes Jersey liked him as much and he liked Stylish.

Polar bear in love

Groupie. That’s what they’re called right? You know how sweaty neck beards act around cosplayers? Yeaaaah.. that.

Thorned rose

None. I love him. Gorgeous Len. I think a relative of Phoenix.

Ciel

Cultist. Wants to get his sun back.

Eraser

None

White edge

None

Cheerful Len

He’s the one that found Dark! He’s tryino to help him open up to people and really loves him

Ice fog

It’s a long story. I have an au where he ran away with Punkish. But that’s not normal world. Hmmmm. His great great great grandfather got cursed to be made a ice. But it had been slowly bred out of his family, he’s got some limited Icy powers.

Bashful parka yellow

Related to Polar Bear. He’s the youngest of their family. He loves problematic media, has trouble making friends because of his brothers

Trickster

Evil dumbass and chaotic. “I did it because I could” kind of person.

Ni no sakura fan dance

Shut in, writes in a little diary about how all the people he loves love someone else and how he’ll be alone forever.

Christmas

None? He used to be a friend of Ice Fog. But I think it’s scrapped now.

Bebop knave

None in the regular. But... that’s a whole can of worms.

Adolescent knight

“””hell fucker””” longest and most detailed headcanon.

Alparka

Trickster son. Rude and snooty.

Conductor vermillion

“That ones going in the vault :)” kinda person. Oops! No memory.

Pyjama party

Sleepy. I have none.

Holy Lancer

Haha. Aaa haha. You’d think I’d have more compared to some others but I don’t. He does drawing streams with Ultimate and they shitpost online together. His sona is a big tiddie anime girl.

Patisserie Hansel

He has none. But I always liked to think of him as a Starmine rival when he got introduced:). Everyone loves friendly competition

Underhanded Yellow

None

Ultimate Len

Haha haha. Twitter furry

Radical Star

Hahah. Also a main character. But with my roommate instead of GF at the time. He’s a model and popular in the east :). Fans... kinda suck.

Lightning stone

Mechanic!

Brave Butterfly

He’s a mythical creature hunter. He doesn’t like that things can be above him.

Ivy Tomcat

Aaaaand. Hmm... you’d think I’d have something to say for the LAST Len on the list. Dating Ultimate??

[eldritchsurveys]

614.

1. Do you have any sort of “secret” goals or dreams, where you think about doing something a lot, but haven’t told anyone about it or actually made steps to achieve it? Maybe something you aren’t quite serious about, but still like to consider? >> No, I don’t think so. 

2. Does your town/area have a farmer’s market? Do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store? >> There are a lot of farmers’ markets nearby, because there are a lot of farms. There’s a farm market a 10-minute walk away from me, in fact. But my favourite one is the Fulton Street farmers’ market, which is open a few days a week for most of the year and has a lot of awesome sellers. I do prefer to buy produce from local growers since the amount of local food is the one thing I do like about this area (and it always tastes better than the other stuff), but it’s not always possible.

3. Has anyone ever “ruined” anything for you (for example: your partner says, “oh, this song always reminds me of my ex” and you never want to listen to it again, or your friend is so obsessed with a movie that you start to resent the film)? >> I’ve had that experience, but I’m not going to say that that person “ruined” it for me. They didn’t do anything. I ruined it for myself by letting that association override any I’d make on my own.

4. If you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it? >> I mean, if I kissed a celebrity it wouldn’t be a breach of the relationship contract. But I still don’t think I’d do it because I’m just not interested in kissing some rando from the movies or whatever.

5. If you still live with your parents, is it scary for you to imagine living away from them when you move out on your own? If you live on your own, how did you cope with moving away from your family for the first time? >> I coped as well as I could, I guess. A lot of fucked up things happened to me after I left home, but I never regretted leaving. Living with my father was intolerable for me. I needed to experience the world, anyway.

6. Do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you? >> I am most often interested in people who are just similar enough to me that we have common ground to bond over, and just different enough from me that I don’t feel like I’m just talking to a clone. Similarities are how we connect originally, but I feel like the differences are what really make the relationship flourish. (As long as those differences aren’t irreconcilable, of course.)

7. If you could choose your dream cast for a movie, name 3-4 actors you’d choose to be in it. >> That would depend on the movie itself. I like certain actors in certain kinds of roles, you can’t just throw any actor into any script. (I mean, you could, but the result is often... variable.)

8. Is there something that people complain about that just makes you roll your eyes because you think is not a big deal and you would gladly trade your own issues for it? >> Yeah, but I try not to, like, express that outwardly. Because it’s fucking rude.

9. Does it bother you when you find out that your friends have hung out without inviting you? >> ---

10. Have you discovered or learned anything that’s excited you, lately? If not, do you ever actually feel excitement when learning about something new? >> I’ve started learning knitting, and I really like the... rhythm of it, I guess. It’s one of those rare activities where I actually understand that concept of the action being more important than the result. Maybe one day I’ll learn to make cool shit, but really, it’s not a priority. I just like the act of doing it.

11. What is a talent that a lot of other people desire or value but you really don’t care to have (e.g., singing, etc.)? >> I don’t really care about being good at singing or dancing. I love to sing and I love to dance, and that’s it. Skill is irrelevant for me. I do those things out of the sheer joy of doing it. (I guess it’s kind of like the knitting thing, huh.)

12. Do you remember the first time you consciously took a stand for your own rights (e.g., walking out of class while offended)? If you don’t remember the first time, can you explain one time when you’ve done this? >> No, I don’t remember the first time. I do know that it took a long time for me to even realise that I could. I can’t think of an instance right now, though.

13. Is there something that you would claim as the best purchase you ever made? >> No. 14. Have you ever received an unwanted gift from someone trying to woo you? Did you accept it or reject it? >> I’m sure I have, but I can’t remember an exact time.

15. Do you find that you compare yourself to others often? What sort of things do you find you compare most? >> Not often, but there are a few people in particular who activate my envy radar pretty easily. Usually it’s because I feel like they have a connection to something that I can’t access, and I’m frustrated and sad that I can’t access that thing.

16. Do you ever do something in public and then worry that you might have embarrassed the people you were with? >> It’s happened, but that’s not a frequent occurrence for me.

17. What was the last thing to make you really inspired to write or create art? If you don’t remember the last thing, do you ever find yourself struck by sudden inspiration? >> I don’t remember, and that disappoints me so much. Being struck by sudden inspiration used to happen to me a lot, and I got used to that, and now I don’t know how else to create. So, it’s been tough.

18. Are you excited at all about the upcoming The Perks of Being a Wallflower movie? >> I don’t even remember when it came out.

19. Would you say that you have a competitive streak when it comes to certain things? Which situations bring out the competitor in you? >> No, I really don’t. Competitions frustrate and annoy me.

20. Have you ever boycotted a product or corporation? How come? >> No.

21. Are there any people whom you aspire to be like? Which traits do you find in those people that you wish to emulate? >> I don’t think so. 

22. Are you a registered bone-marrow donor? If not, would you be interested in registering (bethematch.org) or is there something that turns you away from it? >> No. I think Sparrow is registered, but I heard it’s painful as shit and I’m just not into that.

23. If someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth? >> I’m mostly honest, but I try to say it in a way that lets them know that I appreciate the offer because I’d like to have those offers extended to me in the future.

24. Do you think it should be illegal for gas stations to sell synthetic drugs (like K2 and Bath Salts) under the guise of them being “potpourri,” or do you think it’s not the gas stations’ fault for trying to make a penny, it’s the user’s fault for abusing the potpourri? >> Yeah, I think it should be illegal. I understand the gas stations want to turn a profit, and I think there are so many other ways they can do that. But K2 and bathsalts and all of that caused real harm to people on a level that you wouldn’t expect from some shit sold at a gas station, and I’d like the people who marketed it and sold it to understand the responsibility they bear for putting it out there in the first place.

25. Have you heard of or even read the novel, “50 Shades of Grey”? If so, what’s your opinion about it? >> I tried to read it but I didn’t finish it. I did watch the movie, though, and I feel like that pretty much covers it. I didn’t find the story interesting, and that’s all.

[crowkingwrites]

Battle of the Bands (Ch.13)

Pairing: Robb Stark x Reader, Jon Snow x Reader, Viserys Targaryen x Reader, Ramsay Bolton X Reader

Summary: You just moved into the city for the first tie all by yourself. After you get your dream summer job working for a small magazine, you find yourself in the middle of the city’s rock festival: Battle of the Bands. Local rock bands throughout the city compete to win a record deal that could change their lives. Your job? Get close to them and write about them online.A single girl in the city surrounded by rocker boys during the summertime. What could possibly go wrong?

Words: 2077 // AO3 Link

Chapter One // Chapter Two // Chapter Three // Chapter Four // Chapter Five // Chapter Six // Chapter Seven // Chapter Eight // Chapter Nine // Chapter Ten // Chapter Eleven // Chapter Twelve

Ramsay Bolton and Viserys Targaryen grew up in similar circumstances. Both of them had been the undesired sons in the family. While Domeric Bolton graduated with top honors and went on to become an advocate for incarcerated fathers, Ramsay lit up his first blunt in his dad’s basement. While Rhaegar became wildly popular and successful in the arts world, Viserys struggled to write his first song because it wouldn’t be good enough.

Both had wealth and power, and they used it to their own advantages. Viserys used every girlfriend he had growing up for his own selfish purposes. What did it matter? He was Viserys Fucking Targaryen. Girls threw themselves to be with him for status. He even remembered a time where Cersei was extremely nice to him to get close to his older brother.

Ramsay did it the obvious way. He bullied and punched anyone who had words for him. His bloody bastard group had known the inside of the principal’s office all too well. Once, Ramsay saw the paint color swatches and told the principal his opinion.

“If you paint these walls green, it’s going to remind everyone of the lunchroom. It’s gross.”

Both had a certain fear of their fathers. Both knew how bad they were and liked themselves that way. Why would they change if everything was working out for them so far? That is, until Ramsay walked into his father’s private office to see Viz and his entire band behind them. One girl was about to ruin everything for one of them.

“Ramsay! He knows who this bitch is! Tell him!” Viz yelled out loud. Roose turned to his son. Ramsay wore a perfectly fitting suit. It covered all his tattoos. Ramsay was clean-shaven. For once, he looked like the perfect child.

“Mr. Targaryen claims you know who the author of the slandering article is,” Roose’s eyes flickered back to Viz before returning to Ramsay’s. “Do you know her?”

Ramsay shrugged. “I can’t say I do. I have done an interview with her once when my band was still in the battle, but she didn’t write anything terrible about my band. After that, I can’t say we have spoken again.”

“You’re fucking lying,” Viz seethed.

“I do apologize, Mr. Targaryen. This must be a difficult time for you.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You fucked her! You literally had sex with her!”

Ramsay took a step back and faced his father. “Father, I don’t mean to sound unprofessional, but I think Viserys may be on drugs, You know these rockstars. They don’t lead a sober lifestyle. It says so in the article. We may not want to be associated with people like them.” Roose nodded and took a step towards the band manager.

Ramsay smirked.

Robb stood still inside Jon’s apartment.

You rushed past him and he felt his stomach turning. He could smell your perfume on you. The floral scent rushed into his nose before he could protest. He didn’t mind smelling you. He minded smelling you here in his little brother’s apartment. A slow anger took over his mind while Jon walked up to him, explaining things at a rapid pace.

“It’s not what it looks like. I promise you. I can explain everything, Robb. I really can. I need you to listen and—

“And what, Jon?” Robb’s eyes flickered to his brother. “Are you going to give me a shitty excuse? ‘She had something on her face’, right?”

“Alright! I’m sorry. We-I—I didn’t mean—

“You didn’t mean to? I saw it. You weren’t kissing her on accident,” Robb snapped.

“I wasn’t going to say that! I was just going to say—

“Oh, now you’re going to tell me you’ve had feelings for her all this time?”

“Shut the fuck up, Robb.” Jon rolled his eyes. “Let me explain it before you piss me off.”

“Piss you off? You’re concerned about me pissing you off?!”

“You knew I liked her. You knew all this time, Robb. You introduced her to me knowing how pretty she was. Knowing I wanted a girl like that for a long time.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“Really?” Jon scoffed. “Do you just live and breathe in the same selfish world you built for yourself? Do you think every girl you talk to is going to date you? You’re so fucking blind.”

Robb stepped into Jon’s space more. “You knew I liked her too. I told you that. Remember? After I saw her with Ramsay? At the Blackfyre concert? You’re not the only on she’s been with. It’s a problem.”

“And you thought a great solution to the problem was to fire her from her dream job.”

“I gave her that job and this is how she treats me,” Robb spat. Jon pushed his brother away from him.

“Get the fuck out of here with that,” Jon said. “You can’t stand not being the center of attention in a pretty girl’s eyes. She doesn’t belong to you. She never has.”

“Oh, and she belongs to you?” Robb smirked. “Are you her boyfriend?”

“Shut up, Robb.” “No. Really. Are you? Because if you were, wouldn’t you think it’s so fucking weird that she spends a lot of time with other guys?”

“I think it’s fucking weird that you’re obsessed with her,” Jon muttered. Robb pushed Jon harder. When Jon pushed back, Robb grabbed his brother by his arms. He hesitated throwing him into his couch. His fingers itched to do it, but his eyes locked with his brother. Those same big, brown eyes looked up at him.

He threw down Jon’s arms, and opened his mouth. “You know, you’re not really my brother. You’re just flesh proof of why Dad couldn’t keep it in his pants. You’re not human. You’re a mistake.”

Two brothers envied one another.

Viserys Targaryen envied Ramsay in a lot of ways. He hated how Ramsay had a better hold on you than he did. Viserys was used to female attention. At first, he laughed it off, thinking it was a sick joke you kept doing. No, you were more attracted to him than Ramsay. You just felt bad for the guy.

Until the concert. Viserys watched you and Ramsay getting cozier without him around. He watched you kiss Ramsay like you were drowning in him. He never had that fucking chance with you. Why? It angered him. Even in bed, you chose that fucking psycho every time and he let it happen.

Viserys had everything handed and given to him without question. No one ever told him no. Until you came along. You treated him like he was a real being, not some king to bow down to. You made him feel normal. Like he was his own person without his name or title or wealth or anything. But, you chose Ramsay over him every time. And Viz let that happen.

Viz watched Ramsay smirk and leave his father’s office. Viserys knew of Ramsay growing up. He watched that boy enter and leave a principal’s office several times without facing any real consequences. Just like now. He was lying about being with you.

You. The Girl who finally conquered The Dragon.

No, he wasn’t going to let him get away with this bullshit. Viz pushed past a bodyguard and ran in pursuit of Ramsay. Momentum built up inside of him in every step he took towards that fucking bastard. Ramsay quickly turned down a hallway and when Viz reached that same point, Ramsay grabbed him and pushed him against the wall.

“Why did you follow me?” Ramsay simply asked.

“Why did you lie?” Viserys spat in his face. “What the fuck are you doing? She screwed you over too.”

“She had nothing to do with my band getting kicked out. Someone else did. So, she didn’t screw me. Well, she technically did. She did get in between us that one night. She was all over me while you just sat like a puppy and watched. Right? I don’t know what’s sadder. Watching the world’s greatest rockstar get rejected or watching your worst enemy take the only girl you cared about.”

Viserys’ fist connected to Ramsay’s nose within seconds. The punch sent Ramsay backwards and onto the floor, laughing. Viserys lunged again, but this time, his manager caught him. Viserys struggled against his manager as Ramsay mocked him.

“Oh! Look at you! Poor baby needs to be disciplined,” Ramsay laughed.

“I’m coming for you, Bolton,” Viserys warned.

“Oh I know.”

“You know?” Viserys cocked his eyebrow and smiled. “Your arrogant ass is going to kill you one day.”

“How did you know to come here? You don’t really need to interact with lawyers. Your manager does. So how did now to come to my dad? Unless you’ve been here before?” Ramsay watched Viserys’ eyes go wide. Ramsay stood up slowly and closed the space between them. A tension settled between the two young men.

“I knew it wasn’t Renly like you told me. You came here and had my father shut down my band because you know I’m better than you.”

Viserys’ face stayed in shock as his band manager pulled him out of there. Ramsay watched happily as the entire Blackfyre team was escorted out of the law firm. He ducked into his father’s office once more. If he could take down Viserys, he could take down the Starks too.

Ramsay Bolton wasn’t kidding when he told you he liked competition.

Competition was the only thing Jon knew with Robb. Jon always competed against him in everything. Grades. Father’s love. Girls. Sports. Music. Everything. When Jon met you, he felt a spark that he never knew before. For once, you didn’t compare him to Robb. You spent more of your free time with him than with Robb.

Maybe Jon was being delusional. Maybe it was the weed. When Jon’s fist connected with Robb’s cheek, the only thing he could think of was you. Robb thought everyone loved him. It was time that Jon proved him wrong.

Robb held his face for a minute and then left without another word. Jon let out a heavy breath after his door closed. He ran his fingers through his hair and watched Robb walk away from his apartment building. Jon collapsed on his couch and took out his phone.

Jon to You: [I just punched my brother for you. So wherever that puts us…

Jon pressed the back button until all of his message was gone. He sat up and tried again.

Jon to You: [This is all getting out of hand. Maybe we should…

“No, no, no. You stupid idiot.” Jon said to himself. “This is bad. This is really bad. Fuck.” Jon turned over his phone in his hands repeatedly. Jon’s phone played a tone and he saw a message from you.

You: [That article about Viserys. He saw it and he’s gonna try to take me and The Scene to court. What do I do?] You: [Ramsay told me. How do we tell your brother? This is bad. I’m panicking] You: [Never mind. He’s here at the office. He knows. I think he’s going to fire me.]

Jon groaned out loud. He looked over at a Gryffindor poster he had on his wall. The same lion looked back at him.

“Why couldn’t I be a coward? Wouldn’t life be easier if I was a coward? Damn you, Potter.” Jon got up, grabbed his keys, and left his apartment. There was only one person who could possibly understand what he was going through.

Jon arrived at a studio apartment in an artistic corner of the city. He knocked on the door lightly before he opened it. Two pizza boxes were stacked on the stove. Along the wall stood a mismatched shelving system of records. On the far wall, Jon could spot a skinny little nobody on his couch, strumming away at a guitar.

“Theon,” Jon sighed in relief.

“Oh, now you come back?” Theon shook his head. “I was beginning to wonder if you were coming back for Alys or not.” Theon gestured to the guitar in his lap.

“I’m—I’m in some deep shit, Theon,” Jon collapsed into a beanbag.

“Yeah? You need our friend, Jack?” Theon passed the whisky bottle to him. Jon shook his head and looked up to the ceiling.

“It’s complicated.”

“It’s about a girl isn’t it?” Theon asked. When Jon nodded, Theon reacted. “Oh shit.”

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[tomasorban]

THE ZODIAC: LEO THE LION

Date of Rulership: 24th July-23rd August; Polarity: Positive, male; Quality: Fixed; Ruling planet: Sun; Element: Fire; Body part: Heart and back; Colour: Gold; Gemstone: Ruby; Metal: Gold.

We have thus far discerned that the dissimilar archetypes stretching from Aries to Cancer contribute vital components to the anatomy of one’s Self. These lay the foundations for a an ego successfully purged of carnal qualities like evil and envy and now confident enough in its spiritual and psychic grounding to begin a lifelong ascent along the socio-political tiers of culture. Unlike the cardinal sign of Aries, in which the mediating element of fire was unrestrained and potentially self-destructive, the steadier and constant fixed flames associated with Leo facilitate temperatures that enable the inner being to commune freely with its external environment and to attain recognition without ever suffering comprehensive changes to its inner hardware.

As an astrological sign, Leo is unique in that it is the only one ruled by the vivifying stellar body of entire solar system, the sun. When we think of the sun we think of heat, light, and flame, the protagonists of the evolution of life on earth, but we also think of intangible characteristics qualitatively connected to it–brilliance, radiance, endurance, self-assurance, self-adulation, nobility, youthful vivacity, and cheerfulness. Individuals who incarnate under the stellar arrangement of this sign are often unified by these as well as an uninhibited sense of freedom, the feeling that the world is their personal fiefdom and that all other beings in it are merely co-conspirators in an inevitable cosmic situation where Leo the Lion reigns supreme. The psyche of Leo resembles that of its totemic animal in many respects. Lions are communal creatures that live in groups called prides and adhere strictly to a hierarchical system where the leader and “king” is almost always the strongest male. Similarly, all Leos encompass an innate inclination towards socialization, community, and relating to others in the context of an imposed pecking order. Unlike buffaloes, gazelles, and the more placid and peace-loving herbivores of the vast savannah, lions are authoritative carnivores that are acutely aware of their own herculean strength and acumen when it comes to hunting. This is why lions are ambitious aggressors, actively chasing down and tackling prey substantially larger than they. The Leo functions in more or less the same manner; it will often tackle complex problems and issues that are seemingly beyond human comprehension and gamble on dreams and aspirations that exceed all its wildest expectations. If it meets with success, the Lion’s already established sense of inner pride and dignity are strengthened tenfold; alternatively, an unfavourable result usually dampens its self-confidence and may spur a personal crisis involving retrograde steps like introversion and burnout.

For time immemorial, we have perceived courage, impetuosity, and strong-will to be indigenous to their mode of being; these qualities also define the archetype of Leo. In the polar realm of cat and mouse, the lion’s strong sense of anticipation determines the rate of its success. The soul of Leo works on much the same premises; it has already formulated a detailed plan on how it will ascend the pecking order long before the optimistic fires of ambition have begun to warm and feed its own heart. As the top dog of the animal kingdom, Lions are rarely, if ever harassed by other creatures, and bide much their time outwardly expressing the many benefits of their privileged rank. One might catch sight of a pride of lions either wallowing in the dirt, tussling about with other members playfully, or undertaking hedonistic deeds like sun basking, daydreaming and oversleeping. Leos mimic their totemic counterparts and usually reflect these in their own behavioural patterns and habits. Despite their grace of movement and overall nobility, lions do exhibit some unflattering traits; they often quarrel with one another for the most scrumptious part of a kill, food scraps and breeding rights. Male lions who have just taken over a pride will put to practice their narcissistic sense of self-adoration by actively hunting out and killing cubs fathered by other males. Many afflicted Leos will often express the exact same sentiment via more socially conventional and acceptable means by unconsciously grovelling in pools of arrogance or using their privileged rank to belittle or demote others. In such instances, the larger-than-life persona that Leo usually emanates inverts and becomes a stereotypical self-loving and egotistical one in which its own little world is far more profound and significant than the majesty that is the greater cosmos and the Godhead itself. When mountains of first-rate arrogance and fanaticism like these prop up, the other archetypes of the zodiac battle fiercely to raze them to the ground and knock some humility back into the Lion.

“Ready or not, here I come,” roars the laughter-loving lion from the den. “The best way to live your life folks is by retaining your childhood vitality and following your heart, and what more could any heart want than raw adventure, pleasure, love, and an occasional stroke of the ego! We’re all born into a world that teaches us about fatalism and free will. I’m a firm believer in the notion of free will. A smart man or woman won’t wait for serendipity to come knocking on the door, but will walk right through it into the greater world and clear a paved road amongst the overwhelming chaotic vibrations and the cosmic noise. I’m a firm advocate of that book by Rhonda Byrne, The Secret. Optimistic and enthusiastic thoughts and actions result in fortuitous conditions that will serve as stepping stones to the mount of the heavens, to the highest strata of society, and even to a winning ticket for next week’s Tatts Lotto draw.  It’s all about self-empowerment, self-respect, and fashioning a genuine personality with which to confront the world guys and girls. I’m definitely an idealist, and a bit of a control-freak too. Know who you are, what you are, and what you want; be sure of yourself, your own footing, and don’t let anyone or anything deter or dissuade you from pursuing your long-term goals and ambitions.

Remember to laugh and crack a few jokes along the way as well. We need to able to laugh at ourselves, at our misfortunes, at our problems and miseries, otherwise we become too entrenched in the lamentable fate of the human condition. Some say that I’m full of myself and that the only thing that concerns me is self-love and personal satisfaction. While it is true that I like to stand out and do at times appropriate others for my own visibility and self-promotion, nobody should ever dare to call me heartless or selfish; I do, contrary to what others believe about me, let others bask in their moment of glory and give my all for those who steal my heart. Reputation is of upmost importance; for me, there is no value in a privileged rank if it is attained through dishonest or questionable means and plagued by infamy. Know for a fact that I’m fiercely competitive and ambitious, and will use all the resources that become available to me, my intuition, and my talents to attain exactly what I want.”

People born under this sign are usually animated, extroverted types that enjoy writing and composing a show, along with being the star of that show. All of us carry an inherent need for validation in a world which is moving at a million miles per minute and eternally threatening to leave us behind, but this need appears to be a lot more prevalent and obvious in the composition of Leo. Leos want to be looked at, admired, worshipped, loved, liked, and accepted by others, and will do everything in their power to ensure this comes to pass. Leos are exactly like their mediating celestial constituent when it comes to making a statement; the higher up along the ladder of success they go, the more translucent they become. Leo types are also highly inventive and imaginative and must seek out appropriate outlets for their creative urges. The occupations that best enable unrestricted expression of its principal traits belong to the sphere of the performing arts–film, theatre, dance, circus acts, and so forth. Hence Leo is best at home on the stage and silver screen, eliciting waves of emotion and veneration from audiences that are attentive and receptive to their projects. Its sense of individuality is unshakable and indestructible; those born beneath the aegis of Leo remain true to views and values integral to its integrity, self-worth, pride and deference, and will never compromise them for the sake of fitting into society.      

There are two symbols associated with Leo the Lion. The first is the animal totem, the lion, which has been used to represent the zodiacal constellation from the earliest of times. In Babylonian tradition, the lion was called “Urgula” and perceived to be feminine. One of its many epithets was “Great Light”, an allusion to its subordination to the ethereal powers of that great light in our heavens, the sun. In ancient Egypt, the constellation was called “Horakthiis”. In the northern hemisphere, the stars of Leo rise heliacally over the horizon during the pinnacle of summer. This is why the frontispiece of innumerable fountains in Egypt and in southern Europe were carved to look like lions. People made an unconscious connection between the wheel of heaven and the deluge of waters connected with great rivers like the Nile which seemed to reach a crescendo when the former turned to reveal the stars of Leo along the horizon. As symbols of strength, leadership, and power, the iconography was soon adopted by emperors, kings, and other people in privileged positions of authority as symbolic inferences of the aforementioned qualities. The Tarot also assimilated this zodiacal sign into its hidden knowledge system under the tutelage of the Strength card, borrowing the image of a woman taming a lion directly from the Denderah Zodiac. Perhaps the most famous depiction of Leo in the Western world was championed by the Venetians, who used the image as part of a winged insignia (the Lion of St. Mark) that graces countless castles, fortresses, and statues commissioned during the High Middle Ages.

The second symbol, an astrological shorthand for the zodiacal sign, encompasses only the curved tail of the totemic animal. This may symbolise the lion’s mane, a physical characteristic that evokes regal qualities like strength, heroism, and governance. On the other hand it may be a stand in for the heart, a body part over which the sign rules. Most of us will be familiar with the notion that the human heart is a synonym for courage, truth, and unconditional love. From this esoteric perspective, the abbreviated glyph might also be interpreted as a pictogram expressing only these specific aspects of the archetype.

[kingofthewilderwest]

Yo dude your fma liveblogs are entertaining as hell and your analysis posts are👌👌👌 I love both versions of fma. However, I watched ‘03 first, so it holds a special place in my heart. I appreciate you for not bashing it and for giving it a chance. You bring up many good points in regards to both series and their flaws. I respect that. Hope your cosplay turned out great/turns out great! I haven’t finished reading your liveblogs, so I’m not sure if you’ve finished it yet. Goodnight!

Ahhhh yay thanks!!!

Sadly, despite the fact that I watched and finished 2003 / COS about 7 months ago, I still haven’t completed that Envy cosplay I was working on. Isn’t that pathetic??? I need to finish that thing. A friend of mine who was also working on an FMAB cosplay just wore the finished product New Year’s Eve. So since he got HIS end of the deal done, I need to… get my buttocks onto finishing my project. Haha whoops.

I am thankful and honestly sort of relieved to hear you appreciate my thoughts on the 2003. Thanks for telling me and sending me this encouraging message (and connecting with me over FMA!!!!) I know that, unlike many people, I’m not coming into 2003 with the same nostalgia they feel. It’s very different watching a show as it’s premiering, and before another anime is created following the manga timeline… than it is watching a show 15 years after it debuted, and with the foreknowledge/experience of the full manga/later show.

Honestly, I was worried I would sound too unintentionally irreverent or something. Truth is I adore the experiences large franchises bring. It’s FUN to get infinitely more characters, more story, more adventures, more memories, more media. We can choose how we participate in large franchises - we can stick with main materials, or, if we want, we have the opportunity to excitedly fish through EVERYTHING we can find. And I’m a fisher! I want all the factoids, all the amusing moments, all the incidences, in the fictional worlds I love. For me, it’s far more enjoyable to be able to appreciate the good in all and ANY part of a franchise… looking for tidbits to enjoy and supplementing my love of the world… never entering anything with unrealistic expectations… and not getting caught up in negative stigma.

And even if I do end up feeling negative about something in a franchise, for whatever reason… ngl I keep that to myself in main public circles. Occasionally I’ll post constructive criticism from a more objective analytical light, but I hate the idea of me being negative on main. I really avoid posting negativity publicly online because I don’t like the idea of contributing negatively to a community that’s here to have fun about fiction. I’m not perfect. I’m a sucky fallible human. I’ve broken my own rule. Heh. But I truly prefer my experiences in fandom to be connecting with positive things. So I wouldn’t want to enter a culture of talking negatively about ANYTHING.

The FMA franchise is something I, for the most part, embrace as a whole with happiness. The ridiculousness in Prince of the Dawn and Daughter of the Dusk I find endearing. I have affection for the Live Action in all its ups and downs. The books are fun, the guidebooks are fun, the art books are fun, the OVAs are fun… and honestly, I’m sort of jealous you can enter the 2003 show with that affection, too. ^.^ It’s fun to feel that way about shows and 2003 has lots to offer.

Confession: every other part of the FMA franchise I can embrace for what it is, but 2003 trips me up because I spent almost ten years of my life hearing “2003 vs 2009″ fandom battles. I can’t experience it apart from that competitive and negatively-spun paratext. It’s ingrained now. I can’t help but feel odd thinking about the 2003 because FMAB is my dear, dear child and 2003 feels like its “competition” or “threat.” Usually that isn’t a problem and I embrace everything in a franchise… but in the world of FMA… I have difficulties emotionally accepting 2003 and it leaves me with mixed thoughts. I hope that doesn’t hurt anyone to hear I feel this way - because I would much rather not have those mixed feelings about 2003. I’d be happier without them. I’m just trying to say: I respect you for not having that baggage!

I’ve noticed that when I talk about FMA 2003 as itself, without any comparison, I have a fun time. Doesn’t matter if I talk constructive analytics or happy-go-nothings, looking at *JUST* 2003 on *ITS OWN* is fun. I’ll talk with people about the ridiculous shenanigans Team Mustang get into, the cool disguises characters wear, the emotional tragedy of Alphonse Heiderich, the deep social commentary in the Ishvalan plot arc, and how hot Roy is with an eyepatch. There’s no sense of “threat” to FMAB that way.

But as soon as I hear comparisons between the two shows, I get edgy and uncomfortable and feel weird. I know some of it is that I place FMAB on a pedestal of reverence and don’t want to hear comparisons that might not mark it “perfect.” But I know some of my discomfort with FMA 2003 vs 2009 conversations is from my experiences with fandom culture. Unfortunately I’ve run into far too many instances of 2003 lovers shitting and speaking critically of FMAB (and vice versa), and I don’t like that climate at all. I don’t want to be involved in that climate of compare, contrast, compete, and Judge (with a capital J). I don’t like people speaking ill of something I love when I’m here on tumblr to have recreation. It’s not that I can’t engage with different perspectives, but this is a place where I’m here to have fun about shows and be a fan of them - not to hear critical negativity. I don’t enjoy that part of fandom culture.

I’m sorry that you’ve probably been in experiences where you’ve seen 2003 bashed because that’s such a damper on a mood, seeing people speak poorly of a thing that’s special to your heart. I sympathize for the negativity culture you might have been exposed to, too. If you need, let’s make a happy bubble here! If you or anyone want to talk happily with me about 2003, or talk about 2003 on its own in any analytical way, I’m up for it, yo! :D Or ANY part of the FMA franchise! 

I hope that this long ramble didn’t sound too much like me talking about myself or my experiences… the point is… I love that you feel happy about the 2003 and FMAB and are a fellow FMA fan, and I’d love to experience positivity with you and others who feel that way too!

Just, all I ask, is that no one ask me to get involved in that comparison culture of “which show is better and why”! XD

Take care and have an awesome day, too!

[technicolorfamiliar]

The Artist vs Social Media

I have been sharing my feelings about art and its ever-growing relationship to social media with a number of people recently. I wrote a bit about it here some months ago, but that was primarily focused on reactions to different types of art I was posting on different platforms. Without a doubt, it’s been something that’s given me pause for a while, and I have a suspicion I can’t be the only person that feels this way.

To be clear: this is not meant to be an attack on the people who enjoy and excel at being a creative on social media. It is purely an expression of my own frustration, a cry out to others who have struggled with the same issues, because I know I’m not alone.

First of all, my personal style just doesn’t compliment a successful social media presence, I’m such a fan of the long-format, in general. I don’t want anything in my life to be bite-sized, cropped, or condensed. I struggle to convey the concepts teeming in my heart in a limited number of characters and pixels. As I am evolving as an artist, I enjoy incorporating many layers of meaning, drawing on a multitude of sources for inspiration. Social media, for the most part, wants to condense, compartmentalize, limit. It’s short-format, lacks fluidity, and promotes shorter attention spans. It feels counterintuitive to the kind of art I love and the art I want to be making.

For as streamlined and easy as social media has made sharing artwork with the great big world out there, it’s also birthed a lot of additional anxiety and despair. At least that’s been my experience. Some people have taken to social media like ducks to water, they are thriving in an endless stream of posts and pictures and stories. But this particular artmaker finds the rise of social media more like an impossible mountain, and climbing it is a requirement.

I envy the artists and makers who have figured out how to hack social media in order to promote their work and their brand. These people make it look easy, like social media integration with one’s art practice is as simple as breathing. I understand how it is crucial now as any kind of artist to have a big social media presence. But despite that understanding, I still have a lot of issues with it.

I was in art school in the still relatively early days of Instagram. Facebook and Twitter were big, but I didn’t really ever get too deeply involved in either platform. For me, Facebook was mostly for staying in touch with friends and family back home. I didn’t even have a smart phone until some time after I graduated. The school I attended encouraged us to build a website, get a business card, but there was no way to prepare us for the expansion of these apps among others that would emerge later on. This is not a sorry attempt at an excuse for my complicated relationship with social media, because there are a lot of artists in their early 30s right now who are very clearly doing well in that arena.

Circa 2009 – 2011, using social media for networking was beginning to be a real thing to consider. Having a Facebook page and separate Instagram and Twitter accounts devoted to your craft in addition to your website and blog in order to reach all possible professional connections was increasingly important. And now, they are all absolutely essential. People think you must be kidding yourself if you’re making art and don’t have a social media presence. I’ve caught myself being judgmental of young artists who aren’t on social media. But then I’m reminded of my own issues with Facebook and Instagram and all the others and I think maybe I should shut my mouth.

—

That’s the background. The real thing I’m trying to say is this:

Social media is exhausting.

I hate it.

For all the good content being generated and shared on FB, IG, etc there are a thousand mentally and emotionally draining posts being shared by people who, by and large, aren’t on social media to promote their craft. And that’s fine, people should have a place to vent their frustrations, laugh at funny or un-funny memes, share recipes and cute animal videos, get 100+ validating reactions to their photos, post thoughts/criticisms/ideas too long for Twitter but too short for a blog…

But to expect an artist generating original content to compete with everything else being blasted on every social media platform is complete and utter unrealistic nonsense.

—

My big, huge, major beef with social media is the totally insane decision to stop having posts featured in chronological order on pretty much every major platform. This really hurts creative people who are trying to get exposure, share their work to the world (or at least their friends and followers), and requires them to generate even more content, or share the same post over and over again in the hopes that their painting or photo or video somehow makes it over all the other posts from everybody else that are only just so much noise. Trying to get noticed or share your work with likeminded creatives you don’t already know is like shouting in a canyon full of other people shouting, drowned out by all the other voices and the echoes of the voices.

But that’s not the only thing about social media that keeps me up at night.

There are people on social media who have become experts in making their lives look like perfect, magical journeys of self discovery and growth and good fortune. Seeing their perfectly composed, perfectly lit photos of what is supposedly their daily lives, their brunches, their cocktails, their pets, their clothes, their travels, their significant others, and whatever else makes me want to not even try. Why should I even bother to try to compete with that? Looking at those kinds of posts immediately makes me feel inferior because 1) I’m not living that theoretically beautiful, charmed life, and 2) I’m not generating masses of content like that of my own experience. I look at my weird little life and there’s hardly anything photo- or post-worthy, at least not on a daily basis, not enough to get above everyone else’s noise. When did having a social media presence become an art form in and of itself? One of my very close friends described social media as performance art, which is probably the best description of this phenomenon I’ve ever heard. I’m not saying it’s not hard work — in order to project this perfect life, you have to be a photographer, or at least know and/or have the money to pay for one, be a master of self-marketing, and you have to set aside the time in your day to make the posts (more on that in a bit). But as someone with at least half a brain, I know that the content being gobbled up by glowing, supportive friends and followers is only a version of reality.

I know I’m not the only one who feels utterly alienated by the “perfect lives” being presented on social media, and I know that it’s not most people’s intention to alienate their friends by posting gorgeous photographs and positive affirmations of their own journeys.

And yet, even just thinking about it is exhausting. It’s a destructive and deadly combination of self-loathing and self-doubt inspired by the vast majority of what I see on Facebook and Instagram with knowing full well that those feelings are totally unfounded since the posts are not a true reflection of reality. It doesn’t motivate me, it doesn’t inspire me to follow their lead, it doesn’t get my blood pumping. It just makes me tired.

—

By my nature, I am a relatively private person. I have no real desire to share my private life with strangers, and it’s a struggle for me to open up to acquaintances. I have a hard time talking about myself, my dreams and aspirations, my needs and wants with other people. I keep to myself, I have a small circle of close friends and family with whom I share things openly.

There’s nothing like the gut-wrenching feeling you get when you’re talking passionately about your art or your interests or your hopes for the future with someone and seeing the very moment their eyes glaze over with disinterest. It’s a special kind of soul-crushing dismissal that has lead me to live an introvert’s life. Because why, after all, would I share anything with people when that’s the reaction I often got in my youth when sharing with my peers?

The whole grand purpose of social media is to share. Share everything and share often. Artists who hold regular jobs and don’t have an abundance of free time or energy to devote to generating social media content on top of the art they’re already making need to find that magical balance. The Buzzfeed article about burnout that was circulating a few months ago touches on this a bit. Work + Art + Self Promotion. That’s always been the case for artists looking to make a profit off their work, but now it’s on a whole other level and puts creatives in direct competition with social media influencers and everyone else on FB, IG, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, etc. When I say time and energy, I mean the lack of energy I personally have after a working a job that already requires me to use my creativity, strategy, and organizational skills. When I get home or when I finish a job, I want to recharge so I can have the energy and motivation to actually sit in my studio and make new art. I struggle with budgeting out my time and energy for taking photos, writing cute little descriptions, thinking up clever hashtags, and setting timers to remind me when to post in order to get the most views.

I’m over-focused right now on making the art, in finding my voice as an illustrator, in re-vamping my portfolio and considering the future of my practice. I would need a personal assistant to run my social media accounts in an effective and professional way, and I don’t understand how other artists don’t have assistants. Or maybe they do. At the very least it would require me to have my phone in my hand far more than I already do, so another reason to keep it on me, especially in my studio while I’m in the zone, working, makes me feel gross.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Emma… you took all this time to write and edit this long blog post. Surely you could have used that time to work on content for your IG or FB accounts.” And you would be right. However, I’m in a place mentally and emotionally where I see the social media game, I understand it, but I just don’t want to play it. Not the way we’re all expected to if we want to get noticed. I’m not a performance artist, I’m not extroverted enough, my process doesn’t lend itself to this new gold standard of being an artist in the 21st century. Am I making big strides to change my process? Not really, because the very nature of social media feels inauthentic to me and the work I want to be making.

—

In the end… I don’t really know how to make social media work for me and my own journey as an artist. It would be great if there was some compromise, some middle path for people like me who are rubbed the wrong way by hashtags and stories and filters. Is there even a possibility for existing any other way as an artist today? Because everyone I know who creates any kind of art seems to have accepted and figured out the key to doing well on social media. It’s almost not even worth airing my grievances since I’m not willing to completely change and conform to something that does not feel right to me.

I’ll just keep plugging along as I have been until I figure it out. Or some kind souls who have been through a similar conundrum swoop in and offer their wisdom and insight.