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#I’m doing this on student debt
void-tiger · 2 months
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…wHY do y’all feel the need to mention where someone’s at when they’re not around! Sure I have a crush on that idiot but I’m never going to admit to it, and actively avoid bringing them up myself ‘cause it’d feel like a freudian slip and it’s not my business anyway.
How often do I even come up in y’all’s home conversation. Is it out of pity? Or is this idiot just as insufferable as I am to my friends who are WELL AWAY from this and therefore Safe to repeatedly try spring-cleaning my demiromantic acengst with.
Are y’all pressuring them about me, too, or has that FINALLY, finally eased off.
(And what value can I possibly have, anyway. I’m unemployed and just shy of a shutin from severe anxiety/moderate depression and cptsd, adhd, and a smorgasbord of muscular-skeletal issues that just keep creeping up and staying and moving the goalpost to even TRY getting a job. The idiot has other friends when they have time to spend on them. All I am is stubborn enough to stick around and wait if I’m not actively being chased off IF the other party seems to really want that connection.)
#tiger’s roar#i am pathetic#and it’s hard to feel Good about being moved out#when I CAN’T work/keep a job. and how many credits I have to take to keep my scholarship makes trying to get a part time job Impossible Too#I’m doing this on student debt#and my parents won’t just Stop calling me spoiled apparently out of envy#that they’re able to spot my deposits and rent for the 2 months before reimbursement#and cover getting things like cooking utensils and used furniture and cleaning supplies#even though 2/3rds of what I have I either bought/kept myself OR are things they don’t want anymore#if anything. it should be a victory that they CAN provide this for me#where their parents’ couldn’t or wouldn’t#sure I got to move out whereas they immediately married ‘cause a kid was in the oven and the judgement that came with that#but they also weren’t chronically ill to the point of disability#and the chances of me marrying? almost zero. because I’m asexual and kiss repulsed and demiromantic#…sure I’m pretty sure my crush likes me back. and despite what happened last year their family really seems to like me#but even if they felt they did have the time and energy to just. ask me out? or hang out like we both seem to want?#I don’t think I’d ever accept that I wouldn’t just. drag them down with my stupid health#and even WORSE: make them feel sensually neglected ‘cause I can’t even think about kissing without basically gaslighting myself.#…friends can be supportive and physically intimate with hugs and whatnot#but me as a girlfriend? HA. I can’t give someone ‘enough’ without making myself feel utterly awful#and yeah. there’s a grief with that.#I’ll…try to let it be someone else’s Choice. not make someone else’s decisions for them#…but.
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I cut my hair short for the first time ever and y’all. I’m in love
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forerussake · 8 months
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got rejected for the job i really wanted and now idk where to go looking next. future is looking a little bleaker today :///
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britishraptor · 4 months
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I have what you want. I have the free time, the family support and the money to do pretty much anything I want. And I can’t bring myself to do anything.
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bioswear · 11 months
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I’ll say it once: I think Israel needs to fuck off, Palestine should be free, America needs to stop sticking its dick where it doesn’t belong
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earthwalkinangel · 1 year
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Wishing the American government a big fuck you this fine morning
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nerdgirlnarrates · 1 year
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Good lord are away rotations expensive. Renting a car alone is ~$2000. I’m wondering if it would be cheaper to Uber to the hospital every day. I’m lucky that I can stay with a friend for one rotation, but I need a one month rental for the other. How on earth is this sustainable?
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birthdayplant · 2 years
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looks like i’m going back to school this fall…
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void-tiger · 8 months
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What do I want? I want to be seen as a peer.
#tiger’s roar#mental health bullshit#…and I feel further away than ever with my damn disability that I got told was psychosomatic without directly saying those words#because unstable tendons that pop grind sproing every time I really do anything#can’t Possibly be painful#or WHY my muscletone and stamina is shit#oh noooo it MUST be all in my head nevermind I CAN’T TAKE SEROTONIN. every drug with it makes me suicidal or worse#…anyway. I will be stranded as soon as I move out to attend university#which is only possible with taking out yet more student debt#and keeping a credit load far higher than I could ever do (nevermind my physical disability)#to keep my scholarship. and then Hope I still get a Pell + misc school scholarships#but there’s No Way around I Won’t be able to cope with a job with 15 credits mentally even if I could physically#…yEAH I’m Terrified. and I’m sick to death of people telling me to NOT take out loans#when this is The Only Way to pay rent and tuition to Even Attend At All#…and ALL Of This ontop of… you want to spend time with me? NOW that you’re at the end of your master’s and I’ll be getting things in order?#Do You See Me As A Creative Peer Or Someone Who Could Be One#or am I just a Pretty Gurl Who’s A Poor Lost Waif Who Sings Pretty#…you never did tell me what you thought of my script’s draft#and have been suspiciously Silent about your own art#do you REALIZE that to do ANYTHING together…you’re gonna have to drive. and I don’t want to do anything that costs money#because 1) it feels unbalanced (regardless if it’s a date or simply hanging out. but your body language screams Date?? not Hangout)#and 2) …I’ll be needing to keep a fisthold control of my finances as it’s gonna be stuck as reimbursements + debt#I…cannot see how I can mentally or physically take on a job. nevermind nobody’s wanted me to work for them for anything not janitorial#…so…yeah. how the hell can I even feel like anyone’s peer#when I’ll be at least a decade older. mentally ill. disabled. and can’t work because of it#how am I supposed to feel like anything but a porceline doll with rotting rubber joint connections + glockinspeal
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therealvalkyrie · 2 years
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I feel so normal today
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yymiya · 3 months
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why is trying to get a MINIMUM WAGE RETAIL JOB in the uk an uphill battle, im TIRED
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knees-bees · 7 months
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i miss being in school and wearing cute outfits and learning and playing music with my friends
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heartbreakfeelsogood · 8 months
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i love being in debt and not even knowing who i’m indebted to or how to pay them back
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aqpippin · 10 months
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are you a doctor?
absolutely not and i love that for me
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fakeoutbf · 10 months
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